The Mindset Mentor - The Key to Kill Judgement

Episode Date: March 2, 2020

We all judge people in some way. The problem is that we don't realize how much that judgement is actually holding us back from our own desires in our lives. In this episode, I am going to teach you how to kill that judgement so that you can judge less, love more, and create the life you want.Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. Today, we're going to be talking about judging people that are different than us and just judging people in general. This is something that I know I have struggled with in the past. It's something that I've really worked on hard in myself. And from a lot of people that I coach, tens of thousands of people that I've coached over the years, I noticed that judging people is really something that holds people back. And it doesn't just hold them back from being who they want to be. It also holds them back from the life that they want.

And I'm going to dive into the reasons behind that. So if you're out there and you feel like, ah, you know, maybe I do judge some people sometimes, this episode is for you. And you're definitely going to learn about a lot about how to stop judging people and also why we judge people so that you can learn how to get past it. So first off, let's talk about how it holds you back. Okay. If you really think about this, I like to think of the world as a bunch of tuning forks. Now, if you've ever used a tuning fork before, if you've never had, it's a little fork and it's used when you, you know, are tuning an instrument. And if you were to go and hit it against the door or, you know,

something that's around you, the desk, it would go bing. And it would make that noise. And the reason why I would do that is because what's interesting, that gets really interesting about it, is that everything that happens to be in the same frequency of that tuning fork, say it's a B sharp, right? And it's a B sharp. You need to go bing and say, that's a B sharp. Everything that's in that frequency in the room will start to ring as well. And so I'm going to dive deeper into this another episode as far as how our body and our energy and everything that we do is like tuning forks. But you have to realize that if you attract things that are like you, if you are like a tuning fork, then if you're judging

people, what you're doing is you're attracting more people to judge. And that's less energy spent. That's energy that could be spent on creating the life that you want, building your business, changing your bank account, being a better mother, being a better father, being a better spouse, being a better student, son, brother, sister, whatever it happens to be, you're wasting your energy on judgment instead of actually using that energy on something else. Because everything that you do, especially thoughts, use energy. So that's the first reason why you don't want to obviously judge people. Second reason why you don't want to judge people is why would you want to judge people? What does that do for you?

Except for bring you down by bringing other people down as well. And a lot of times when we judge people, the reason why we're judging people is because we have a self-worth issue. That's the first reason why. Is because we feel so down about ourselves and maybe the way that we look, the way that we feel, how much is in our bank account, how we are as a parent, how much is in our bank account, how we are as a parent, how we are as a spouse. We feel maybe where we are in our life and how we're not as far as we want to be. We feel so down about ourselves and our own self-worth

that in our heads, we have to bring people down in order to make ourselves feel better. Does that make sense? It's the reason why people bully. The reason why bullies exist is the exact same thing. So you're, instead of bullying people to their face, you're bullying them inside of your head. It's the same thing. So judgment, even if the words never leave your lips is just as bad as bullying somebody. Think about that for a second. If you judge people a lot, and once again, I still do, and I'm trying to get past it. I used to be way, way worse than you are a bully in your own head to other people who wants to be a bully. Nobody wants to be a bully. And the reason why we

judge people, to be honest with you, besides the fact of low self-worth is we judge them because they're different. That's really the only reason why we judge them. You have to realize that we are tribal beings. Not long ago, a few thousand years ago, we were tribal beings. We lived in a small tribe, 50, 100, 150 people. And somebody that did not look like you or that did not act like you or that did not speak like you was a threat because one tribe would kill another tribe because it was survival of the fittest. So think about this for a second. One of the reasons why we judge people besides low self-worth is because we are afraid of them killing us. That's what's really crazy. Now you don't consciously think, oh, this person that's wearing those weird shoes is going to kill me. No, of course you don't.

But there's that part of your brain that goes different, threat. What can I do to bring that threat down? And obviously you're not going to go up and beat that person up because of their weird shoes. So what you do is you bring them down mentally in your own head. Think about that for a second. Does that make sense to you? The reason why you bring them down is because you're trying to make yourself seem higher than them, which makes them seem like less of a threat. We are tribal beings, even though, you know, nowadays we don't live in tribes of 100 people or 150 people.

We live in massive, you know, some of us live in massive cities, millions and millions of people for some of us. And so we obviously aren't tribal beings anymore, but that part of our brain, you have to rise, you know, the human brain is about 2 million years old. We were, we were tribal beings up until about five to 10,000 years ago, which means that the majority of the human brain was built on living in a tribal society. So that part of your brain hasn't gone away. Brains don't evolve as quickly as technology does and as quickly as society does. So when you feel that judgment, let me tell you how to get past the judgment. So now that we've identified why the judgment exists and why you want to get past the judgment,

let's talk about how to actually start to rewire your brain to stop judging people. Now, you may have heard me talk about this before, but I was in, I still remember specifically exactly where I was when this happened. But last year I was in a grocery store and there was a guy that was, you know, he was wearing kind of a goofy outfit and he had one of those long Bluetooth things in his ear where, you know, the things from like early 2000s or, you know, 2005, 2006, whereas a Bluetooth that was in his ear and he wasn't even talking to anybody. He just had it in. And, uh, and so he's sitting there and he's, uh, actually getting some, uh, fish. He was getting some fish at the grocery store from the guy behind the fish counter, the fish market. I don't know what the hell that part of this grocery store is called.

He's wearing a goofy outfit. He's got this long Bluetooth thing. And the first thought that popped in my head was, that guy looks ridiculous. And then I identified it. And you can't always control your first thought. So don't get emotional when your first thought is not the thought that you wanted, okay? You can't always control your first thought.

And so that thought came into my head. And then immediately I went, hold on. Is this the type of person that I want to be? Judging people just because they don't look like me? Like I make a podcast. Millions of people listen to my podcast. Who the hell am I to go and be like, dude, you look ridiculous in my own head.

I'm like, that's just, and you have to realize, I'm not a perfect person and I will never tell you that I'm a perfect person. I'm one of the people that will tell you like, I'm just like you. Maybe I've just been working on myself a few years longer and I've started to understand the human brain and all of these things. And I've developed some strategies. I'm no better than you. Anything that I can do, you can do better. I believe that was a song, but a little bit

different of verbiage. And so I was sitting there and I had this judgment. I'm like, really Rob? Why, why, why are you saying this about this guy? And so I had to look at him and go, okay, what are, and here's the strategy to get past this judgment. What are three things that I like about this guy? And I had to identify, okay, well, I do like his haircut. You know, he is, you know, his hair is nice. Looks like he got his hair done and all this stuff. And I don't even remember what the other things were, but it was like, you know, I do like this and he, you know, I like this and he's talking to this, this guy and he seems like he's really, really nice. Like he's treating the guy behind the counter with a lot of respect. And so you have to realize

if I'm trying to rewire my brain, I'm going to take the one thing that I don't like the judgment thought and go, okay, each time judgment comes up, I'm going to have to say three positive things about that person because why I'm trying to rewire my brain towards being loving and positive towards people versus being judgmental towards people. And so the first thing that you want to do is when you notice that thought come up in your head is go, okay, I'm not going to judge it. I'm not going to get emotional. I'm not going to get sad or pissed off about the fact that I still am this way. And I've been trying to get past this for so long because emotion makes no sense in this situation. Look at it as is and go, okay, it's an issue I want to get past. What do I need to do right now to get past it? Okay.

I need to say three things in my head about this guy. Three good things that I like about this guy. Okay. That's step number one. And step number two is this. Replace your judgment with curiosity. replace your judgment with curiosity. Replace your judgment with curiosity. And the reason why is because what you'll find out is curiosity will make you, for lack of a better words, start to fall in love with that person. And I don't mean fall in love with them like they're going to become your spouse or you're going to leave your spouse for them. I mean, fall in love with them as, as love them because they are unique because they are a human, you know, and you start saying, I want, I wonder what this turn your judgment and curiosity. I wonder what his name is. I wonder what his personality is like. I wonder if he's married. Does he ever ring? He does. Nice. I wonder, I wonder how he treats his wife. I bet he treats his wife really nicely. And you start to turn your judgment into curiosity, you know, in a,

you know, I wonder, I wonder what his wife is like. I wonder if he's got any kids. I wonder if he's a great father, you know, I wonder why he dresses like that. I wonder if there's a reason why he keeps his Bluetooth on his ear. Maybe he's a really busy guy. Maybe he makes a lot of phone calls. You know, maybe he does it for safety when he's driving. I wonder what his childhood was like. I wonder what he was like. I wonder what this, and you start diving in and your judgment turns into curiosity and slowly, but surely you start to go, man, this person's no different than me. You know what? I actually, I actually find some love in myself for this guy because I start to think about who he is,

who he is as a person, what he does for work, why he dresses like that. If he's married, if he's got kids, what his childhood was like. And you start to slowly love this person versus judge the person, because I'm going to ask you a question right now. And I want you to answer it in your head or out loud. If you're driving in your car. Would you rather judge everybody or would you rather love everybody? I hope you said love everybody because wouldn't life be so much easier if you just decided to love people, even people that were your quote unquote enemies or the ones that didn't think the same as you, or even if you're a Republican and other people are Democrats, wouldn't you just rather love the people that don't have the same view as you? Or if you're a Democrat and other people are Republicans, wouldn't you just rather

love them anyways, instead of having to find some reason to hate them? And what happens is you find a way to love somebody. You find some love in yourself for them. You know, I remember there was a time last year when we were hiking and we were hiking this place in Sedona called Devil's Bridge. And you know, Devil's Bridge is one of the most iconic photos in all of the U S and especially in Sedona. And people are sitting there and they're lining up to take their photos. And I was the very last person, like the very first, like next in line to go and get my photo up there. And out of nowhere, this guy just decides that he wants to walk through into the middle of it. He doesn't even take any pictures, just walks through, doesn't care about getting into people's photos that were in front of me and all these things. And his girlfriend, like, let me just

tell you upfront, him and his girlfriend were complete asses to everybody. They were judging people. They're like, I was like, excuse me, sir. Like there's a line right here. He didn't say anything. He turned around and gave me a bad look. His girlfriend is making fun of everybody. And she's like, it was literally like just this train of negativity poured through the 30 people that were there because these two people, and she started saying, Oh, everyone's got to get their stupid Instagram photos. Get out of the way, everybody get out. And people were taking photos. She's like, move. And she's yelling at people. He's yelling at people. I'm like, Whoa, what in the hell is going on? Like, what is, what is so bad in this world? These people have to act

one of this beautiful hike with this beautiful view view and they just have to be pissed off. And immediately what came into my mind was screw them because they don't care about other people. Why should we care about them? Right? Have you ever been in a situation where you're like, this person's an asshole. I'm going to be an asshole, right? We've, we've all been there before. We've all done this. And then I went, I turned my judgment and curiosity. I went, man, they just, they just really seem even in this beautiful place to just hate everything. And I went, man, I wonder, I wonder what their childhood was like for them to be this way as an adult. And I thought about, and I was like, I've done enough coaching. I've coached tens of thousands

of people. I know exactly what their childhood was like. I bet I could tell you about their childhood. And if they're acting that way as an adult, believe me, their childhood was not good. It wasn't. No whole well-treated child ever grows up to me an adult like that. Something happened in their past. I don't know exactly what it was, but I can give you some guesses. And I bet I'd be about 95% right from all of the people I've worked with. And I went, Oh my God, instead of me being pissed off at them and judging them for being that way and having them bring me down to that negative vibration or frequency or whatever it is that you want to call it. I was like, you know what? The best thing that they need right now is love. And I'm not going to walk up to them and be like, Hey man, I want to give you a

hug. But it's like, I'm going to turn my judgment of them for being that way into curiosity of, I wonder what their childhood was like. I wonder if things are harder for them in this world because of the way that they see it. You know, and I started turning it into curiosity and slowly, but surely these people who just brought negativity everywhere, I started finding a little bit of myself that was like, you know what? I could find love for them because more than anything else, people like that need love and they must be miserable people if they're in this beautiful hike and they're still pissed off at everybody. And so my, my judgment, I tried to replace with curiosity and try to find some sort of love for

them. And you realize once again, that these people are not different than you. Like there's been ways where I've been an ass to people for no reason. And I don't want, I don't, I'm not proud to admit it. And I'm sure you've done the same. Wish is not the right day. It's not the right time. Something happens. And I go, you know what? Yeah, I can, I can identify that in myself because everyone that you meet is fighting a battle that you know nothing about. Life is hard for everyone, guys. Life is hard for everybody. Wouldn't you just prefer to love instead of judge? I hope that you do. So let me wrap it up and tell you one more time. When you notice that judgment, you replace it with three positive things about that person. And the fourth thing you replace it with, well,

I guess that's number one with three good things. So number one, you replace that negative judgment with three good things. And number two, you replace that judgment with curiosity and start to think about them and who they are, why they are the way that they are. And you'll start to find a lot more love with them in yourself for them. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it with someone that you know and love and share this on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. I love looking at all the stuff that you guys tag me in. I appreciate you for doing it. This show, I just got to tell you something real quick before we hop off. I got off the phone with my podcast agent. Uh,

this was on Friday and I was asking, you know, I got, I got on the phone to, to talk with him and to see if he had some extra strategies of how we could grow this podcast to, you know, we're in the top 100 pretty consistently out of 700,000 in the world. And, uh, in, in, he got on the phone with me. He's like, dude, what are you doing on your podcast? I was like, what do you mean? He goes, I don't know if I've ever seen podcasts like substantial growth month after month, after month, after month, after month. I was like, really? I didn't really realize that was that big of a thing. And then I realized the reason why is because you guys share this a lot. And I greatly, greatly appreciate it. Like I've told you, we're not sponsored by big

companies or anything like that. It's me, it's a mic, it's a computer, and it's you. And we share this because we have this intimate connection that I don't edit this like crazy. I don't take out the ums and uhs and the sneezes and all of those things where I mess up. It's me and you, we're being real, we're being authentic, We're being vulnerable. And I appreciate you for loving this enough to share it with your friends. So I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission.

Make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.