The Mindset Mentor - The One Thing We Really Want in Life

Episode Date: February 21, 2020

It's not money, it's not clothes, it's not love, it's not sex, it's not even happiness. There is one thing that you truly, truly want behind all that and I am going to talk about it today!Follow me on Instagram @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, I'm going to be talking about the one thing that you truly, truly, truly want in life. Most people think it's, oh, I want love. I want happiness. I want money. I want sex. I want to be wanted.

I want to feel worthy, whatever it is. I'm going to tell you that all of those are probably things that you want, but they're not the thing that you want. I've coached tens of thousands of people. And when you boil it down, the one thing that they're truly, truly looking for is this freedom. They want to be free. And if you think about it, you know, I live in America and we say, Oh, we're the land of the free, which, you know, is, is funny because we're free. But when we also have a million different laws that you have to

follow, you know, and some of them are, you know, to keep people alive and to keep people safe. But a lot of them are just BS. Like if you ever, I've ever gone to another country, you're like, wait, they don't have this law over here. Why did that doesn't make any sense. And then you think about it. You're like, wait, why do we have this law? This law doesn't make any sense at all. And so we're very restricted in our freedom. There's another thing that's very restricted in our freedom. For a lot of people, their jobs are restrictive for them. They can't do what they want to every single day. They can't hang out with their family every single day.

I think the greatest tragedy is that people have to go to work that they hate and they don't get to spend time raising their own children. That is the greatest strategy. Like we've, how in the hell that was sold to us as a great idea. Yeah. Go to work. And it's, I'm not saying I'm not, this is not me bashing anybody who, who puts their children into daycare. Cause I completely understand it. But the, I, the idea that, that we need to work and not raise our own children is a tragedy. It's hard. It's hard for me.

I don't even have kids. It's hard for me to think of. And the reason why I say that is because the most important thing in this world is that we raise people, children, humans, little tiny humans to be better than we were, right? And so, so many people, the number one thing that I hear from people who have kids that have a job is that I just wish that I could spend more time with my children. Not more money. Obviously they want to make more money. Everybody always says that as well, but more than wanting to make more money,

they care about their family and they care about their children more. So the sad thing is they don't get to spend the time with their children that they want to. They just want the freedom to be able to spend time with their children. And then on top of that, everyone that I always talk to says, I wish that I could have the freedom to travel, but we don't have the money to do that. Or we don't have, I don't have enough time, PTO time to be able to take time off and travel with my family. My job doesn't allow that. Or I might be able to get time off, but it never works with my wife's schedule and she

can never get time off. So we're always just taking staycations. And I've come to find that the number one thing that people want is they just want to be free to do. Success is not about making money. Success is not about having cars and clothes and all of the things that you see from all of the quote unquote successful people on Instagram, which side note, you know, you could literally rent a Ferrari and a Lamborghini and you could

rent a jet for the day and make it look like those are yours and you are quote unquote successful. But success is none of those things. Do you want to know what success is? Success is being able to do what you want, when you want, with who you want, whenever you want. That's it. That's what success is, at least to me, is to be able to have the freedom to do what you want, when you want, with who you want, whenever you want. And that's what truly everybody wants. They want to be free. They want to be free from their job. Some people want to be free from a really constrictive relationship. Some people want to be free from the constrictive relationship of their parents and the construct of their family and the way that you're supposed to treat each other. And you're supposed to do

this, but you're not supposed to do this and make make sure that you don't do this and don't talk to her that way. Make sure you don't say this around grandma. And there's just no freedom in, in one of the reasons why I think people get so depressed and they have so much anxiety is because they don't, they're not able to be and do what they truly want to be and do. Like they're, they're not able to be who they want to be. They can't act a certain way. So they're So they're not free to express themselves the way that they want to. There's so many different constructs of the way that we're not supposed to express ourselves. Oh, don't say that in public. If you want to make that joke, don't say that joke. That's not correct. That's not politically correct. You're not supposed to say those things. You don't even really have the freedom all the time to say what you want to say.

You don't have the freedom to express yourself. Like there's, if you really dive into it, you start to realize that there's certain ways that, that straight men are not supposed to dance. Like that's, that's a, that's a complete construct where people, you know, if you're a guy out there and you're like, Oh, don't, Oh, that was a really gay dance. Why do you do that? And it's like, why would that even be a phrase? Why would somebody ever say something like that? And you realize that there's certain phrases that are said to you so that therefore it keeps you outside of your freedom. It doesn't give you your own sovereignty to say what you want, to dance what you want. Men aren't supposed to cry in public as well. Men aren't supposed to cry period. So you're not supposed to cry. You don't even have the freedom

to feel your own damn emotions. Okay. Women on the other side, you have other things that you have to deal with as well. Ways that you're supposed to look, you're not supposed to look, you're not supposed to dress. You're not supposed to wear that because you don't want to look slutty or whatever it is. And there's these constructs so that we don't even have our own freedom. We can't talk a certain way. We can't express ourselves a certain way. We can't dance a certain way. We can't dress a certain way. And then you realize people just want freedom. They want freedom from all of those things. They don't want to work their job. They want freedom to spend more time with their family. And there's so many areas when you really start to dive into it. And an assignment that I'm going

to give you, if you choose to accept this challenge, is to start to journal where you want to be more free. Get a pen and paper and ask yourself the question, where do I want to be more free? Where do I feel restricted? Because a human, if you think of our body and our mind and all of the freedom that we could possibly have to do what we want, when we want, with who we want, whenever we want. And then you start to think about all of the ways that you're not able to do that from your speech to the way that you move your body, to the way that you show your emotions, to the way that the clothes that you wear, to the job that you go to, to the way that you show your emotions, to the way that the clothes that you wear, to the job that you go to,

to the way that you're supposed to act around this person. And you can say this around your friends, but you can't say that around grandma. And you realize that there's so many areas of your life that you just aren't free. And it's restrictive to you and it makes you anxious or it makes you sad or it makes you pissed off, it gives you some sort of feeling of I'm not able to be who I truly want to be. I'm not able to act this way. I'm not able to travel this way because of the fact that I have to keep up the Joneses and we have to have this car and we have to have this house and we have to have this and we have to have this. And I can't, you know, not have these things or these people are all relying on me. My family's relying on me. My, you know, I have to pay for,

for my mother's stuff or I have to pay for my, help my cousin out with this. And these people always rely on me. You know, I'm not able to spend the time that I want to with my children because I've got to support so many people outside of my immediate family. So start to think about this, start to really unravel it. And it's, it's really, once you dive into it, I coach a lot of people on stuff like this is it's like an onion. And you start to realize that you're stuck in patterns and habits that you didn't even sign up for. You just are in them. You can't do anything about them. You're in this habit. You're in this pattern. You're stuck. There's nothing you can do about it. And you're like, oh my God, let me take

that back. It's not that there's nothing you can do about it. It's that you've been unaware that there's nothing that you can do about it. You can do anything that you want to about it. And you can start to unravel those things and start asking yourself, where do I want to be more free? Where do I want to express myself more? Do I want to wear these fricking clothes or do I want to be more free? Where do I want to express myself more? Do I want to wear these freaking clothes or do I want to wear something else? Is this just what's expected of me? Another place that you're restricted and you're not as free as you want to be is that people that you're in relationships with, whether that's romantic relationships with, or whether that's friendships or it's family, whatever it is, is they expect you to be who you were yesterday. whatever it is, is they expect you to be who you were yesterday.

Think about that for a second. One of the reasons why it's so hard for people to change, and I know some people listening to this are going to be like, oh my God, light bulb. This is what's been holding me back from my growth, is that people that you're in relationships and friendships with expect you to be who you were yesterday. And one of the things that's scariest to you is changing yourself because you don't know if they're going to accept you being different. Like when you enter into a marriage, a lot of marriages are built on the fact that I will love you forever if you stay exactly how you are today. Now, not all marriages are like this.

Definitely not. There's a lot of marriages that are built around growth and they push each other and they make them get better. But there's a lot of marriages as well that That's I'm going to love you as long as you stay the person that you are today. And if you change or make me feel inferior because you're changing and you're trying to grow, I don't know how I'm going to feel about that. One of the biggest things that I hear with people who are just starting to get into personal growth is that they're starting to feel like they're moving away from their partner, that

their partner is starting to reject their personal growth. They make fun of their personal growth. And the reason why is because the partner thinks that, oh my gosh, they're starting to grow so much. They're going to grow away from me and they're going to leave me. And so what do I need to do? I need to protect myself. I need to try to make fun of this book that she's reading and try to make fun of this conference that he wants to go to and try to make fun of this and this or put this down so that therefore they stop growing. Because if they go away from me, then I don't know what's going to happen. They might leave me. If they grow, they're going to outgrow me because I don't feel like growing. So I need to do whatever I can to

make the, to demonize this growth that they're going through. And because of the fact that there's that people feel restricted to even grow, to even become better. This happens as well when people go, you know, and decide, you know what, I'm going to start going to the gym and they go to the gym and they go to the gym and they start getting this new body and they start getting fit. They start eating better. They stopped drinking alcohol. And what happens to their partner, their spouse, whoever it is, starts making fun of it. Oh, you are not drinking alcohol anymore, huh? That's really cool. Oh, you're too good to have a hamburger. Oh, you're too good to eat meat. Now you're going to be a vegan. And what happens is, is people feel restricted in their own growth. There's no

freedom for them to actually grow and express themselves and to become the person they truly want to become. And so what I want you to do is I want you to think about these in different areas of your life. You know, take out a pen and paper. If you're not driving your car, you know, or you're at the gym right now, whatever it is, take out a pen and paper, take out your phone and make some notes of this and find some time today to really ask yourself, where do I want more freedom? And think about everything that you have.

Think about the way that you have. Think about the way that you talk. Think about the way that you dress. Think about the way that you dance, the way that you express yourself. Think about the job that you have. Think about your family. Think about your relationship that you're in, you know, your significant other. Think about your children. Think about your mom, your dad. Think about your, your family that you have. Think about every aspect of it. Think about, you know, who you are on Facebook, who you are on Instagram. Do you want more freedom to express and to truly, there's so many times that I know people that are just like, I wish I could just post this because this is how I truly feel,

but I don't want to be made fun of for it. Right. And then think about, you know, in your own growth, do you want more, in your own growth, do you want more freedom in your own growth? What about your bank account? What about your traveling? There's so many different aspects of your life that you probably truly want to be different in, but you've been stuck in this construct of this is who I'm supposed to be in order to be accepted or in order to be loved. Because here's the thing, you want more freedom. If you really take a step back and look at it, success, happiness, the best part of life is literally being able to do what you want, when you want, with who you want, whenever you want. And so ask yourself this question,

what is holding me back from doing what I want, when I want, with who I want, what is holding me back from it? What's holding me back from doing what I want, when I want, with who I want, all of that stuff. You have to ask yourself this question and then you start to unravel the different areas of your life where you can see that you need to change. Because ultimately, when you start working on yourself, you start growing yourself, you start creating a life that allows you to do things that you never thought possible, that allows you to maybe make the money that you ever thought possible, to leave the job, to create the life that you truly, truly want to create. And that life, I guarantee you,

has more freedom. So the question I have for you is what freedom do you want and where do you want more freedom in your life? So if you liked this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And once again, if you would go ahead and share this on your Instagram stories, on your Facebook stories, tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L, J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.