The Mindset Mentor - The Secret to Stop Being a Victim

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And today we're going to talk about how to change your life simply by changing the questions that you ask yourself in the words that you use. Now, I'm just going to dive straight into it. yourself in the words that you use. Now I'm just going to dive straight into it. One of the things that I noticed with a lot of people is that they tend to ask themselves victim mindset questions. And if you ask yourself victim mindset questions, guess what you're going to get? You're going to get victim answers. And do you know what victim mindset questions usually start with? They usually start with one word. Why? Usually if you're asking yourself a why question when it's about yourself,

Starting point is 00:00:52 you're basically going to ask yourself a question that's going to put yourself into a victim type of mentality. Let me give you an example. Why am I still at the job that I hate? Okay. You're still there. Now, number one, does it really matter why you were there? Because if you're at a job that you hate, does it, does it matter why you're still there? Or does what actually matter is, is getting out of the job that you hate? Because if you ask yourself, why am I, why am I still at this job when I hate it? That's a victim mindset question. Okay. Let me give you another example why do i always screw up

Starting point is 00:01:27 relationships that's another victim mindset type question why does my mom always talk to me like that why doesn't she just finally treat me like a grown-up why why can't i ever find the right guy or girl why are men or women such players? Why do they always cheat? Because here's the thing, whatever you ask the question, whatever you ask, you will find the answer to. I always tell people in some of my courses, I go deeper into this, is you're going to find the answers because your brain is like cosmic Google. Whatever you ask it, it's going to find the answer to 100% every single time. And it's the exact same way where if you say,

Starting point is 00:02:08 why can't I find the right guy? Or why can't I find the right girl? You're going to get a massive list of the answers. Oh, this is the reason why you can't find the right guy. This is the reason why you can't find the right girl. And what happens is it perpetuates the mindset of victimhood is really what it does. So let me show you how to switch it. What you do is you take all of your whys and you switch your

Starting point is 00:02:31 whys to either how or what. So let me give you an example. Why am I still at a job that I hate? Who gives a damn why you're still there? That doesn't matter. The why doesn't matter because the why doesn't do anything for you. It doesn't actually help you take action. So instead of you asking yourself the question, why am I still the job that I hate? How about you ask yourself a what question? What do I need to do to leave this job as soon as possible? Do you see how empowering that is? Now what happens is your brain starts, instead of thinking all about the victim mindset questions, it starts finding all of the empowering things. What do I need to do to leave this as soon as possible? Hmm. Okay. Now I can start to come up with some empowering answers. And I'm going to look at these answers and go, damn, I'm starting

Starting point is 00:03:13 to come up with a plan of when I can leave this. This is actually getting me excited to leave it. Or you can ask yourself a how question. How can I leave this job within the next two months? Do you see the difference between a victim? Why am I still at this job? Who gives a damn why you're still at the job? The why doesn't do anything for you. If you're not where you want to be, I want you to take action. You want you to take action. How do you take action? Ask yourself what or how questions. Why do I always screw up relationships? Who cares? That's not necessary. You don't need to know why you always screw them up. But what if we were to change that into a what question or a how

Starting point is 00:03:52 question? How about this? How can I improve my next relationship? Think about that for a second. How can I improve my next relationship? And then what do you do? You take a pen and paper and you start writing down the answers because your brain, guess what it's going to do? It's going to start coming up with some really good answers. Okay. Why do I screw up relationships? How about what do I need to do to improve the relationship I'm currently in? That's a what question. Let's say you're not in a, you're not in a relationship. What if you ask yourself the question, what do I need to do to find the right girl? What do I need to do to find the right guy? What do I need to do to show the next person that I get into a relationship? What if you ask yourself the question, what do I need to do to find the right girl? What do I need to do to find the right guy? What do I need to do to show the next person that I get into a relationship how much I actually care for them? Because who cares why you screw

Starting point is 00:04:34 up relationships? That's a victim mindset. You're going to get a victim answer. But if you're trying to empower yourself and you're trying to become the victor, not the victim, what do you do? You ask yourself, what questions you ask yourself? Why instead of why question yourself, what questions and how questions, why does my mom always talk down to me? Okay. That's a very victim question, isn't it? How about, you know, clearly you don't want your mom to talk down to you anymore. So, and I only say this because I know there's a lot of people that I, that I speak to and that I've coached over the years where their mom, they could be 35 years old and their mom still treats them like they're seven. And it's like, oh, my mom always talks down to me. Why does my mom talk down to me? Well, instead of asking the question, why does my mom talk down to

Starting point is 00:05:17 me? Let's turn it into a what or how. Okay. What can I do to have a real adult conversation with my mom to let her know to stop treating me like a child? Boom. Starting to find some answers, aren't we? We're starting to find some answers here. Okay. That's much better. How, how can I have a calm conversation with my mom to let her know that I need her to give me space? I mean, do you see the difference between just changing your whys to your what's or hows? It's super empowering. You change your whys to your what's or hows. It's super simple. Why don't I ever get a raise? Why don't I ever get a raise? Everybody else gets a raise. Well, let's not ask that question anymore

Starting point is 00:06:06 What can I do to make sure that i'm first in line for the next promotion? Okay, let's grab a pen and paper and if you notice the secret to this And this is what I always tell people if something is in your head It's always abstract and usually the reason why people are so stressed out and they worry so much and they have so much anxiety Is because everything is running around in their brain and they never take what's going on in their brain and figure it out on a piece of paper. Like imagine if you had a builder and they were building your house and you're like, okay, you know, so here's, here's the lot that we're on. And he's like, all right, I got it. We're going to start building tomorrow. And you're

Starting point is 00:06:42 like, cool. Can I see what it looks like? And he's like, nope. Starts tapping his head. And he's like, it's all up here. You'd be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what? No, no, no, no, no. Listen, you're not going to build my house just off of what's going on in your head. No, you're going to want to see the blueprints. Why? Because when it's on paper, what can you do? You can visually see it and you can start to plan. So why is it any different between building a house and building the life that you want? It boggles my mind that so many people will not take a pen and paper and actually start to plan out their life. So when you ask yourself these questions and you switch it from a why question to a what or a how, guess what you're

Starting point is 00:07:19 going to want to do? You're going to want to grab a pen and paper and start to plan out your dream life, the life that you actually want. So when I say the question, why am I still at a job that I hate? And I change it to, what can I do to leave this job as soon as possible? Guess what I do? I get that fricking pen and paper and I just keep asking myself that question. What can I do to leave as soon as possible? What can I do to leave as soon as possible? Well, you know, I know what I could do. I could save up my paychecks. I could budget a little bit more. I could find another job where they treat me correctly. This, this, this, this, I could, you know, start driving Uber instead. And you start coming up with a plan and it's not abstract because it's not bouncing around in your head. It's on paper. And when it's on paper, it can

Starting point is 00:08:01 be planned through. You can plan through the entire thing. Okay. Instead of why am I at that, at the job that I hate, you know, another way of asking that is, you know, how can I leave this job in the next two months? And then you look at it, you go, okay, how can I leave in the next two months? Well, if we put pen to paper and we look at it, all right, well, this is how much I make per month. This is how much my, you know, my finances are. And this is all my expenses for the year or for the month. This is what it looks like. And then you look at it and you go, wow, I can actually leave my job sooner than I thought I could. All I need to do is make an extra $2,000 a month through driving Uber through delivering food or whatever it is. If it's really at the point where you want to leave so

Starting point is 00:08:38 badly, there's a ton of opportunities for you to leave if you leave as soon as possible. Why do I always screw up relationships? That's a crap question. Who cares why you always do it? The why doesn't matter. What matters is the constant never-ending self-improvement, right? There's a Japanese word that's kaizen, K-A-I-Z-E-N. K-A-I-Z-E-N, kaizen, means constant never-ending improvement. So instead of worrying about why you've screwed up relationships, you take out that pen and paper and you say, what can I do to show the person I'm in the relationship with now how much I actually care about them? Wow, that's a pretty damn empowering question, isn't it? Do you think that the person that you're in a relationship with is going to appreciate you finding the answer to that question

Starting point is 00:09:21 out? Yeah, I would assume so. Maybe you're not in a relationship. How can I make sure that the next relationship that I get into, I get into it the right person and I treat them the way that I want to treat them in the way that they deserve? You start planning it out. Do you see the empowerment behind it? If you feel like you're holding yourself back, if you feel like you're too negative, you're asking yourself why questions, if you feel like you're a victim, if you have the victim mindset of the woe is me, oh man, why doesn't life ever work out for me? If you're that type of person, you're asking yourself why questions. If you ask yourself what questions, it's empowering. You can start to make a plan. If you ask yourself how questions, you can start to make a plan. And when you put it on a piece of paper, you can start to plan out

Starting point is 00:10:10 your life because the secret to it that most people don't pay attention to is you will get answers to the questions that you ask. Your brain is like cosmic Google. It will find everything. Why is it that I always get cheated on? Well, then you're going to look back and see all of the reasons in your past why you've been cheated on. Well, I get into the wrong relationships and these people never love me and I can always tell from the beginning, but for some reason I stay in it because that's what I saw my mother do with my father and she never left him even though she should have, even though

Starting point is 00:10:41 there's an abusive relationship. And you find all of these things that are just like, it just dives into the past. And sometimes diving into the past is necessary, but most of the time, if it's holding you back, it's not necessary. So don't forget your brain is like Google. It will find all of the answers that you ask of it, but you have to be the person that is very, very diligent on making sure that you're asking the right questions. Stop asking the why questions. Start asking the what and how questions. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And please continue. I love you guys for sharing this on your Instagram stories,

Starting point is 00:11:23 taking screenshots. And I'm resharing a lot of you guys. And I love seeing you guys at the gym working out and listening to it. You're taking screenshots of it. You're taking videos of you talking about the podcast and recommending it. And you're taking videos of you at the gym while you're listening to it. And it's just so cool to see. And I love to see. It's cool because you guys get to listen to me, but I don't really get to peer into your life.

Starting point is 00:11:40 and I love to see. It's cool because you guys get to listen to me, but I don't really get to peer into your life. But if you would continue to keep tagging me in it, tag me, my Instagram handle is robdialjr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. I appreciate you and love you guys for doing that. And it helps us grow more than you know. So if you've gotten some value from this,

Starting point is 00:11:58 I'd appreciate you sharing it. But I'm gonna leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - The Secret to Stop Being a Victim

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