The Mindset Mentor - The Things You Can't Change

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

You control almost nothing in your life. In this episode, I will teach you how to accept and overcome all that you can't change. Check out my inspirational videos on YouTube here: https://youtube.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you want to watch these videos on YouTube, every one of my podcasts are YouTube edited beautifully videos that are looking credible. So if you're not following me on YouTube yet, type in my name, Rob Dial, R-O-B-D-I-A-L on your YouTube. Go ahead and follow me on there and you can see all of the podcasts, videos that we create as well. Today, I'm going to talk to you about how to be more calm, how to be more peaceful, how to be more loving, even when shit is hitting the fan. So when things are going crazy,

we're going to talk about how to be peaceful going crazy, we're going to talk about how to be peaceful. And we're also going to talk about how to change your relationship with everything that's happened in your past. Because one of the things that I see from a lot of people is that a lot of people are still resisting the current moment that they're in. And they're still resisting the past and things that have happened in their past, even though they have absolutely nothing to do with their present moment. And one of the things that I've been told, before we dive in and I give you this phrase that I think could possibly change your life, one of the things I've been told is that I'm

uncommonly calm in a lot of situations. And I'll give you a couple of situations that kind of make sense for you. The first thing that popped in my head, there was three situations that popped in my head when I was thinking about this. Number one, there was a time when we were traveling, my girlfriend and I, we were in Canggu, Bali, and we were in an Uber. And in Bali, they don't like Ubers. So literally somebody came out, a bunch of this local taxi gang is what they call them

basically, right? They come out, they start banging on the hood. They force us to get out. They force the driver to get out. They force the driver to get out. They're yelling, they're screaming. It's the middle of the night. It's like midnight almost. And, um, I remember everyone's freaking out and screaming and yelling. And as they're freaking out, I'm going to myself, you gotta be calm. You gotta be calm. You gotta be calm. You can't be the only, you can't be just, just crazy like them. And so I had to kind of take the

situation and make a calmer, right? I was in this situation. I can't change the situation. Now I've got to figure out how to make everybody more calm, right? I didn't know if anybody had a gun. I didn't know if anybody had a machete, if there was going to be someone that was going to be hurt or killed, but I just knew I had to be calm because nobody else was. Second time I remember is I remember when I used to have an office and I had two offices that were right next door to each other. And somebody broke into my office in the middle of a meeting. They broke into the office. It was to the side, stole a TV for me, stole a Nintendo Wii that we used to use all the time during team meetings and stuff. And I remember everyone was like, man, you're so calm during this situation. Someone just stole all of your shit. And I was like, yeah, well, you know, maybe they needed it more than I did.

And then the last thing that popped into my head was, you've heard me talk about it recently, is this whole plane situation where the engine of the plane that I was on caught on fire. We had to do an emergency landing and everybody is freaking out and screaming and crying. And I had this thought of like, damn, I'm really calm in this moment. I wonder why it is. And so then I started thinking about it. And I think that it all comes down to a phrase that I remember kind of brainwashing into myself when I was younger. And it comes from one of my friends and one of my first mentors, Hal Elrod. And he used to literally say it all the time, got me to say it all the time. And then also at the same time made bracelets that said it and the phrases can't change it. And the reason

why this is so empowering is because there's so many circumstances in your life right now that are sending you off the deep end or that you're worried or that you're stressed or that you have fear or sadness around that you literally cannot change in any sort of way. So if we go back to those three examples, the whole Uber situation that was happening in Bali, can I change the situation? I can change the situation. Yes. Can I change the fact that I'm in that circumstance and that situation is happening? I can't. So if I can't change it, what I need to do is I need to figure out how to show up the best that I possibly can to it, right? Because I can't change it. I'm in this circumstance. Everyone's yelling at each other. I don't know if there's guns. I don't know if there's someone's going

to get hurt. I just know there's a lot of stuff that's happening in front of me. I need to figure out how to show up the best way that I can because I can't change the circumstance that I'm in. Okay. So that's the first one. Second one, somebody stole a TV for me and Nintendo Wii and a bunch of other stuff, sound system that was there as well. Can I have my stuff unstolen? I can't, right? So if I can't change it, the only thing that I can change is how I show up to those circumstances, right? That's the only thing that I am in control of at that moment. And then the last one with the plane, I can't fly a freaking plane. So if there's a problem, they have to shut off an engine because the engine's on fire. We have to land with one

engine. Can I change that? No, I don't even know how to fly a plane with two engines, let alone one of them being out, right? So the only thing that I can change is not my circumstances, but the way I actually feel in that moment and how I show up in that moment. And so if you think about this phrase, it can be super powerful for you because there's so many things in your life that cause worry, frustration, anger, sadness, that you literally cannot change. I'll give you a very simple example that probably happens to every single person at least once a week. You ready to see what that is? Traffic, right? If you're stuck in traffic and I've done both of these, you can be frustrated and pissed and you can grip the steering wheel until you can see the whites of your knuckles and you can scream and you can cuss about how you're going to be late.

You can do that. And that's completely up to you if you want to do that. But can you change the traffic that you're stuck in by doing that? No. Even if you don't do that, can you change your traffic? You can't. The only thing that you can do is just go along for the ride. That's the only thing that you could do in that moment, right? So when you think about that and you're sitting there and you're pissed and I've been here, but I'm like, I'm late. I hate being late first off, but I'm late and I've got this going on. I've got to do this and I'm late and I'm pissed off now that I'm late and I put myself in this situation. Maybe I left on time and now I'm in this situation. I've been really pissed off in this situation, maybe I left on time and now I'm in this situation. I've been really pissed off in this situation, but nothing that I can do in that moment will get rid of all of the traffic. So I've got a choice to make. Either I can be really pissed

off and angry and frustrated or worried in that moment or sad or whatever the hell that it is. Or I can take a step back and say, Hey Rob, you can't change it. You can't change the traffic. Can you? No, you can't. There's nothing you can do. You don't have a, you know, Tesla doesn't make an airplane yet. So I can't just take off into the, into the sky and get to my appointment that I need to get to. Okay. I'm either going to be late, pissed off, or I'm going to be late and happy. And so what would I rather be? I'd rather be happy. It's just my choice. I don't know about you, but I'd rather be enjoying my life and enjoying my circumstance in life versus being pissed off and worried and frustrated all the time.

So what can I do? Okay. I can take myself out of the, out of the, the worried and frustrated and pissed off mode. And I can say, okay, I can't change this. If I can't change it, what can I appreciate about this moment? Well, why don't I put on some, one of my favorite songs? I'm going to listen to a song that I love. What else can I look at? All right. You know, I can look at the sky. Oh my gosh, it's a beautiful day out right now. It's the sun shining. I can appreciate that. There's so many things that I can appreciate It's the sun shining. I can appreciate that. There's so many things that I can appreciate in a moment that I was really pissed off at 30 seconds ago. And so if I can't change my circumstance, if I can't change the fact that I'm stuck in traffic, I can change the way that I feel

in that traffic in the way that I feel in that traffic will dictate how I show up. So I can show up pissed off and frustrated that I'm late and people can see it on my face and I can put my body through all of this stuff that it doesn't need to go through. Or I can just say, you know what? Let me take a step back. Let me put on some good music. Let me find out what I can appreciate and let me show up the best that I possibly can. So if you're in the middle of a situation and you just ask yourself this question, can I change it? I can't. All right. I can't change it. What can I love about this moment? Because the only thing that you can really control in this moment and in most moments is literally your reaction to the moment. That's it. Like we, we so badly, almost every person that

I meet has some form of a control problem. I'm one of the people to say this as well. I have a control problem in many aspects. If you're listening to this, there's a pretty good chance you have a control problem in some aspects of your life. But the crazy thing is, is we can control almost nothing in our life. Like literally almost nothing we can control. And if you think about that, you say, okay, what is the things that I can control at every moment that I'm a hundred percent sure of my reaction to the way I feel about what's going on, how I personally show up, how I think about these circumstances. And one of my favorite quotes is from Viktor Frankl. Maybe you've heard me say before, but you need to get it brainwashed into your head. And Viktor Frankl wrote a book called

Man's Search for Meaning. Viktor Frankl was a psychologist who was a Jew who was put into Auschwitz and was watching people get, I mean, some of those brutal things you've ever heard of if you read the book. And one thing that he says in the book is that between stimulus and response, there's a space. And that space, in that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. So let me explain the quote real quick. Between stimulus and response, there's a space. So that means something happens. I'm stuck in traffic, whatever it is. Then I have a response. Most people act like their response, they're not in control of, which is complete bullshit. You're in control of your

response at every moment. It's just most of the time, it just comes up so quickly because it's just programmed into you. It's something you've done over and over again that you don't even notice it, right? So between stimulus, something happens and response something. And I react to that something. There's a space. And in that space is our power to choose our response. You get to choose how you're going to respond. It might be a millisecond, but it's still a choice. Do I want to get really pissed and start screaming at her? Or because I've been down that road, I know what that looks like. Do I want to show up with love?

Or do I want to get really pissed off and frustrated about the traffic? Or do I want to show up and go, you know what? I don't want to put my body through all of that stress. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. In our response lies our growth and our freedom. And I think that in this quote alone, it shows you the path of personal development. Today's episode is brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace empowers millions of dreamers and makers and doers like you by providing them the tools they need to bring their creative ideas to life. On Squarespace's dynamic all-in-one platform, you can build a Thank you. experience needed. And Squarespace has a suite of products combined with award-winning design

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And you've heard me say before, there was times before where I used to get really angry about stuff and I would stay angry for a week, weeks about one thing that happened. I would continue to be angry about something that happened days ago or five or six or seven or 10 days ago, even though it has nothing to do with this present moment that I'm in, right? I'd stay pissed off for as long as I possibly could. And I try to justify why I should be pissed off, right? So something could happen. Stimulus response would go for a week. I'd be pissed off. And then I started reading a little bit more and trying to work on myself and try to get better and trying

to meditate. And then something would happen. Stimulus in response would be, I'd be pissed off for five or six days. Okay. That's, that's still not good as I want it to be as good as I want it to be, but it's still better. And then you work on yourself a little bit more in personal development. And then it goes to a few days. Then it goes to a few hours. And hopefully, you know, personal development and personal mastery of yourself means something happens

and there is no response because you have mastered and fortified your mind that it doesn't matter what happens to you, you're going to be fine. And the response is always the way that you want it to be. Maybe loving, maybe caring. Maybe that's how you want to show up and that's the person that you want to be.

Well, if that's the case, if we could get that to be our reaction for everything, no matter what, is just full acceptance, love, and trust, I would say that's self-mastery, wouldn't you? So the path of personal development is wrapped up in there. Between stimulus and response, there's a space. And when you can master that space, you master your freedom and you master your growth. And we can't change the majority of things that are happening to us or around us, and we can barely control ourselves. And a lot of the worry and the stress, the anger, frustration comes because people are resisting and not able to change the situation outside of them. So perfect example of what we're in right now. If you look at everything that's happening with

COVID, like I can't change COVID. I don't know how to do any of that shit. Like I just, I speak into a microphone. That's what I'm good at. I don't know how to, I don't know anything about viruses or what's going on in the world or if the stuff that's happening is true or if it's not happening and if the conspiracy theories are true or if they're false or if what we're being told is true or false.

I don't know any of that stuff. I do know that I can't change the circumstance of, hey, there is lockdowns. Hey, there is mass need to do more. I can't change any of those things right now. So what can I change? The way that I feel about those things, how I show up in my personal response to everything that's happening around me.

That is the only thing that I can change. So if I can't change my circumstances, what do I need to do? I need to change my response to my circumstances because life is all about mastering the reaction. That's it. You know, if you're stuck in traffic, if you have COVID going on, if somebody breaks up with you, if somebody dies, if, you know, shit hits the fan, whatever it is, all you can control is how you show up as a person. Now, does this work for the past? Because as I mentioned in the beginning of this episode, some people are still holding onto the past, even though the past is not in this present moment and the past will never be in this present moment. So does this work, this idea of can't change it for the past? Absolutely. It does. Because if there's one

thing that I'm sure of, it's that you don't have a freaking time machine. If there's one thing that I'm sure of, I mean, I'm actually, I'm not sure that you don't have a time machine because I don't go to your house, but you may have a time machine. Okay. I'm sure that I don't have a time machine. So if I'm worried and frustrated about things that happened to me in my past, I don't have a time machine. Maybe you do. I can't go back and change what happened to me in my past. That is one thing I'm sure of that can't change. It is a hundred percent true for your past because there's nothing that you can do unless you happen to be in, you know, back to the future and you have the car, you have a DeLorean that'll take you back to the, back to the past, right? So no matter how mad I get, no matter how pissed, no matter how much I cry about my circumstances and judge myself for

the way I act in the past, and I wish that I would have done it differently. I cannot change it and you can't change it either. So how many people listening to this episode right now are carrying an underlying bit of anger, frustration, worry, sadness, anxiety around something that happened to them in their past and they're ruining this current beautiful present moment that we're in by bringing a shitty past moment into a beautiful present moment. Your worry, your fear, your anxiety, your stress, all of those crappy emotions will be in direct proportion to the amount that you're resisting the way that the world is. Your past happened. And if you're anxious, if you're worried, if you're sad,

if you're fearful, it's usually because you're thinking too much about something that you can't change in the past or something that you can't change in the present moment. Once again, too many people are ruining a beautiful present moment over something shitty that happened to them in their past or what they think could possibly happen to them in the future, which you can't change the future as well. So if you can't change it, why not just learn to love the present moment that you're in no matter the circumstances? Wouldn't it be nice just to be calm and peaceful and loving as much as you possibly can be? I don't know about you, but that sounds nice. I would love to be calm and peaceful and loving as much as I possibly can. But if I'm resisting and resisting and resisting the past and,

oh man, I should have said that. If I would have said that she wouldn't have broken up with me and this wouldn't have happened or the present of, oh, this I'm in lockdown and COVID sucks and this thing, and I'm tired of it. I don't want to be this way anymore. Can't change that either. Or the future. I can't change the future because the future is not here. The only thing that I can change is the way that I think in this current moment and the way that I feel in this current moment. And if I can master my reaction to the stimulus and the response, that little reactions on the inside, I can go, okay, before I respond,

let me think about how I want to respond. Let me take that little gap and make it just a little bit longer so that I can figure out what it is that I want and ask myself in this moment, am I okay? And 99.9% of the time when you ask yourself in this moment, am I okay? The answer is yes. Okay. That should calm me down a little bit. I'm okay in this present moment. Okay. Next question. In 10 years, am I going to remember this moment? Most of the time, what you're freaking out about, you will not remember in 10 years. Why ruin a current beautiful present moment with something that you won't remember in 10 years at all? You probably won't even remember it next week. It's literally means that little that you

probably won't remember it last next week, but you're ruining a present moment because of it. You have at this moment, if you're listening to this podcast, if you're watching this on YouTube or Facebook or Instagram, you have food, water, shelter, clothing, and probably a couple of people that love you. You're good. Like you're fucking set. Just let that click into your brain because our brains always go into survival, survival, survival. Something's wrong. I've got to survive. Something's wrong. I got to survive. Reset it. Take yourself out of that moment. You've got food, water, shelter, clothing, a couple of people that love you at least, a couple of people that support you. You're good.

Take this present moment, find out what you can enjoy with it, enjoy with it, and then put on a calm song. Find your song that's like your anxiety song, your frustration song, your worry song. When those emotions and those feelings come up, go to that one song over and over again. For me, it's been the same song for like 13 years at this point. The song is Out of Africa theme song. It's just like this song that chills me. And it's, I've been doing it for so long. I've basically trained my brain into calming itself down when I put that song on. I used to, when I had an office and hundreds of sales reps that work under me and shit would hit the fan, I would go into my office, I'd close the door and I'd put that song on and I'd just take some deep breaths. And within four minutes, I was like a complete

state change. So in this moment, am I okay? So I can't change it, right? Okay, cool. In this moment, am I okay? I am. In 10 years, am I going to remember this moment? I probably won't. I have food, I have water, I have shelter, I have clothing, I have a few people that love me. And I'm going to put on a song that's going to calm me. And I'm going to try to figure out a way to change my response to my current circumstances so that I can live in this beautiful moment and not ruin it. Because everything in your life, you can barely control. And if you can't control it and you can't change it, remind yourself of this episode.

Remind yourself of these steps. Find the song and change your state into a beautiful state instead of getting yourself into a state of suffering. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And once again, as I said, if you want to watch these on YouTube, go to YouTube, type in Rob Dial. You'll be able to see all of the videos that we put up there, as well as some of the other videos we're starting to put up, these little mini documentaries that we're creating. We're going to be doing 30-day challenges and documenting all of them. So if you want to join us, go ahead and go to the YouTube, check them out, see how they are. And

I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.