The Mindset Mentor - This is the Big Problem w/ Personal Growth

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we are going to talk about the problem with self-development and personal growth. Now, before we talk about it, I will say this. There's going to be some aspects of this that are probably going to surprise you as we go through it. But I feel like having been in the personal development game now for 15 years, I've got a pretty good idea of what's good about it. I've also got a pretty good idea of what is bad about it. And personally, at this time, I don't know how many people I've coached. If you were to see how many people have listened to my podcast, how many people have watched my

Starting point is 00:00:49 videos on Facebook, all of that stuff. I have no idea. Hundreds of thousands at this point, I guess is probably around the number to millions. I would say at this point, considering, you know, this podcast has almost 50 million downloads. Considering my Facebook videos have about 1.5 billion views. There's some numbers in there. I don't know what the numbers are, but I get a lot of emails and I get a lot of Instagram messages from people who follow me and ask me questions. And I've noticed one glaring problem with personal development and personal growth. It has nothing to do with the people in it because one problem is, is that there's a lot of people that are trying to teach other people that have, you know,

Starting point is 00:01:27 very little experience or still need to do a lot of work on themselves. But I want to be honest with you. One of the things that I find that is the biggest is that, you know, for those of you guys that are just listening to the podcast, you can't see me. For those of you guys that are looking on Facebook and Instagram and YouTube, you can see me. But imagine that there's a line, right? And let's just call the line normal, right? There's just a line that is normal. When most people wake up to the fact that they want to work on themselves, when they decide, I'm going to go on this journey, I'm going to hire a coach, or I'm going to go to a conference, or I'm going to read a book. And they decide to step in

Starting point is 00:02:07 to this journey of personal development. It's as if there's a line that is drawn, just a straight line that we'll call normal, right? And almost every single person that I see when they first start in personal development, they place themselves below that line. So they think to themselves once they start reading, you know, and they start working on themselves, they start noticing all of the flaws. They start noticing where they're hung up. They start noticing their triggers. They start noticing the fact that they need to work on their body.

Starting point is 00:02:44 They start noticing the fact that they need to work on their body. They start noticing the fact that they need to wake up earlier. And what happens is they notice all of their quote unquote flaws of what is wrong, quote unquote wrong with them. And so it's almost like when people start interpersonal development, it's like they realize that there's something wrong with them is the way that they think. When in reality, it's not that realize that there's something wrong with them is the way that they think. When in reality, it's not that there is a line of normal. And now that I'm waking up to it, I'm starting below that line. It's that needing to work on yourself is normal, right? There's nothing wrong with you if you have flaws. There's nothing wrong with you if you need to work on yourself. And just to think about this for a second, how demotivating is it for you to go, oh my gosh, I've got to put so much work on myself. I've got to overcome my flaws. I've got to mess,

Starting point is 00:03:36 you know, fix these things that I've messed up just so I can be average, just so I can be normal. How demotivating is that to think of? It's super demotivating because you're like, I'm below normal. And the more that I work on myself, the more I'll become close to normal. Like none of that sounds fun, but really what it is, is it wakes you up to the fact of the things that you need to work on, right? I will tell you this, having worked on myself for 15 years now, ignorance truly is bliss, right? Because it's way easier to go through life and not be aware that you need to work on yourself or, you know, that it's even possible to work on yourself. It was, it's, it's way easier to go

Starting point is 00:04:18 through life just drinking on the weekends, hanging out with people, doing some drugs every once in a while. I've done all of these things. Life was easier then, I could say, but it wasn't fulfilling in any sort of way. I'll tell you that, right? And so what happens is once we start noticing the things that we need to work on, we awaken. That's why they say you wake up to this. You could be called woke, whatever it is that you want to, whatever phrase you want to put into this. And once you're woken up, it's hard to go back to sleep. But once you start noticing these things that you need to work on, it's very typical that

Starting point is 00:04:54 a lot of people start to judge themselves. It's very typical that people start to feel bad about themselves. They'll put emotion into it. They'll be angry. They'll be sad. And now they think, oh my gosh, I just have to get to normal so that I can be like the average other people that are out there. Not realizing that every single person needs to work on themselves. So instead of thinking, oh my gosh, I'm below normal and now I've got to get to normal. When you realize with personal development,

Starting point is 00:05:18 this is what most people don't get to. A lot of people don't get to in the beginning, is that needing to work on myself is normal. And when I work on myself, it's getting me better than normal. Not when I work on myself, it's trying to get me to normal. And one of the phrases that I like, there's an old story about this, is discovering self-development and discovering working on yourself is like walking into a really old house. And there hasn't been anyone that's lived there for a really long time. And you go upstairs and you decide to go inside of the attic and you go in the attic and you discover this really old, dirty mirror. Like nobody's looked in this mirror in a long time. There's dust on it. There's dirt on it. All of those things. And you walk up to the mirror and

Starting point is 00:05:58 you're like, let me see if, you know, let me go clean this guy off. And you start, you know, you take some Windex, whatever it is, you start to clean off the mirror. And as you clean off the mirror and you start to move your hands back and forth, you're going to get a lot of dust and dirt that's going to fly up into your face, right? That is essentially what you're doing as you start working on yourself. In order to get to the clean version of yourself, just like the clean version of the mirror, you're going to have to take off a lot of dirt, right? And those things can seem bad,

Starting point is 00:06:30 but really what it is, is we're all clean mirrors at the surface. It's just that over years and years, we've developed programs, we've developed habits, we've developed all of these systems that aren't necessarily conducive with us becoming the best version of ourself or pulling our potential out of ourself. So the same way that you go up to this dirty mirror and clean it is the same way that it is when you first started getting personal development. There's nothing wrong with you. If you have things to work on, you're normal, right? But a clean mirror is what you're trying to get to. It's your true self. Because essentially, if you want me to be honest, your true self is who you were when you were four years old,

Starting point is 00:07:11 right? Before who you were when you were three years old, before society told you what you were supposed to do, how you were supposed to be, how you were supposed to act, how to impress the opposite sex that you had to achieve, that you had to start making money, that you had to get a good grade, that you had to get into a good college, that you had to get a degree, that you had to get into having a business or working for someone else, the had to, had to, had to, had to. All of those are like the dirt that's built up. And we're trying to remove all of the programs, all of the systems, all of the bullshit that was placed on you from your childhood by either your family, by your parents, by society, by whatever it is that's out there. Hey, wouldn't it be nice if there was a pocket-sized guide that could help you sleep and focus and act and be better? Well, there is. And if you have 10 minutes,

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Starting point is 00:08:45 That's headspace.com slash dial. You'll get one free month trial with access to the entire library of meditations for any situation. It's the best deal that's out right now. Go to headspace.com slash dial today. Looking on Instagram and thinking that you're so hard behind, so far behind notice, whatever it might be. But now is the time in your life to clean the mirror, right? The reason why you're here, the reason why you're watching or listening to me is because now is the time for you to clean the mirror. And as the dust comes off, realize that dust is not your true self. There's nothing wrong with the dust. There's no reason to judge it because your true self is what's under the dust. Your true self is you. And you have to realize the thing that tends to happen once people start to work on themselves

Starting point is 00:09:36 and they understand this is then after judging themselves for a little while and after putting emotion into it for a little while is we want to be perfect today. We want to think to ourselves, okay, I've identified that I need to do this. I need to do this. I need to do this. I'm going to work on this for the next week. And then I'm going to be perfect, right? Like how ridiculous is that for us to think that it's so funny because you don't think that you can go into the gym today, do a really great workout and wake up tomorrow and have the muscles that you want or to lose the fat that you want. You know that to build the body you want, it's going to take time. It's going to take effort, right? You know that. You're going to

Starting point is 00:10:15 have to switch your diet. You're going to have to do a lot of different things. How ridiculous is it to think that I'm going to work on myself and read a couple books and meditate maybe a little bit or maybe wake up earlier or do some journaling and soon enough I'm going to be perfect, right? You have to realize how old are you right now? 20, 25, 30, 40, 50, 60 years old? You have 20, 30, 40, 50 years of programs, of systems, years and years and years of programming. If you're, let's say you're 30 years old. If you're 30 years old listening to me right now, that is 30 years of programming. Why would you ever think that it's going to take you any less than 10, 15, 20, maybe 30 years to

Starting point is 00:10:59 reverse all of the programming that you've built into yourself. For me, as I've said on many podcast episodes, I think that this working on myself is a lifetime thing. I don't think that I just wake up one day and all of my shit is just gone. And I'm like, oh my God, I am a truly enlightened being. I'm ready to go now. Take me so I can go into nirvana or I can go into heaven because I have woken up. I put a week of work into myself. I've read one Tony Robbins book and I am fucking perfect. Who, who would ever think that that's possible? Right? And I know it's funny when you think about it, you're like, yeah, that is ridiculous. But how often have you thought that? Oh my gosh, I've been working on myself for so long and my mom still pisses me off or my sister still says those things that piss me off or my children still do things that get me

Starting point is 00:11:49 angry, right? You just woke up this year, last year, the year before that, a couple years ago to the fact that you need to work on yourself. How could you possibly think that in such a short period of time, you would completely rewire your programs that have been built over decades and decades and decades, right? Your fears don't just disappear. Your limiting beliefs don't just disappear. Your negative self-talk doesn't just disappear. All of these things take time. But when you take a step back and you go, you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm going to be okay with me knowing that I'm going to mess up. I'm going to be okay with me knowing that I'm going to mess up. I'm going to be okay with me knowing that I'm going to be triggered. I'm going to be okay with me knowing that I still have some flaws that I need to work on. And I'm going to be okay

Starting point is 00:12:34 working on myself and working on myself and working myself until maybe the day I die. Because all this is, is just a journey of working ourselves in the first place. And I'm okay with that. And when you come from that place, all of the triggers, all the things that make you mad, you could kind of take a step back and look at it and go, oh, there's me getting angry again. Oh, there's me getting pissed off again. Oh, there's me getting sad again. Oh, there's me getting triggered by my sister again.

Starting point is 00:13:01 Oh, there's me getting triggered by my children. Oh, there's me getting triggered by my husband again. Oh, there's me getting triggered by my children. Oh, there's me getting triggered by my husband again. Right? When you start looking at all of those things, it's like the phrase you've heard me, if you listen to this podcast long enough, you've heard me say it. When you're in the jar, you can't read the label, right? Most of the time, people are in the jar of their lives and they don't take themselves out of the jar to look back at the label and say, what is actually going on here? What's actually happening in my mind? What's actually happening in my life? But when you take yourself out of the jar and you can read the label, you go, oh, yep. There's me getting angry again. Yep. That's a program that I got from one of my parents. Oh, there's me getting sad again. Yep. That's a program that

Starting point is 00:13:41 I got when I was younger. How did I learn it? Well, you know, it was probably when I was younger, something happened. I probably wanted a popsicle and my parents had a long day and they're like, no, you can't have a popsicle before dinner. No, you can't have a popsicle for dinner. No, you can't have a popsicle before dinner. And then I threw a massive fit and I was crying and screaming. And my parents were like, I can't deal with this shit today. Give that fricking kid a popsicle, right? They give you a popsicle and then it clicks in your head. Oh, hold on. So if I get, and you're not consciously thinking this as a kid, but if I cry, I get what I want because I wanted a popsicle. I cried and then I got a popsicle. So maybe I should keep using this. And it's like a light bulb goes off in the child's head and they

Starting point is 00:14:21 go, oh, I can keep using this. And it happens when you're three, four, five, six, seven, 18, 20, 25, 30, 35 years old. And you're still getting emotional unconsciously because you want to get that quote unquote popsicle. That's a program. That's something that you become aware of, but you never become aware of them if you don't take yourself out of the jar to read the label. And so the important thing to realize is that number one, if you got things that you need to work on, you're normal. There's nothing wrong with you. We're all just a little bit messed up, I guess you could say, but it's okay. There's going to be some dirt that's going to come off as you're cleaning this mirror. That's the way it goes. That's the way the life goes. Don't worry about it. It's not a big deal. We're going to help you out. We're going to work on yourself. Number two, along with that, you're not going to wake up tomorrow and be some

Starting point is 00:15:09 enlightened being. You're not going to turn into, you know, as the spiritual people would say, a light being and just, you know, turn into a rainbow and just disappear and, you know, become whatever it is that rainbows become. I don't know. Right? So it's like you don't't have to think to yourself, like it's immediately going to happen. You have to think to yourself, you know what? I'm going to take a step back. I'm probably going to be working on myself for a long time, probably for the rest of my life. And there's going to be triggers and there's going to be mistakes and there's going to be outbursts and there's going to be anger and there's going to be sadness. And there's going to be a lot of places where I'm going to trip and fall directly on my

Starting point is 00:15:45 face. But when it happens, I will become very self-aware and I'll go, okay, I see what's happening. I'm doing this again. And what I'm going to do is I'm going to take myself out of the jar. I'm going to read the label and go, yep, there's Rob getting angry again. I'm going to become the witness of myself in my life. As if I'm just sitting outside, I'm going to become the witness and I'm going to witness all of my little triggers, all of my little things that happened to me. And I'm going to look at it and say, yep, it's happening again. No big deal. Let's reconvene after this emotion dies down and let's see how we can work on ourselves. Let's see what we can do and what we can learn from this trigger, what we can learn from this anger or that person or whatever it is, what we can learn from this event so that we can come

Starting point is 00:16:28 in and be better next time. Because ultimately, that's all we're here to do. We're just here to learn, grow, get better. And hopefully, one day, we'll look back and go, I'm a different person. Because really what we're working at is when I was younger, I would get mad and I would be mad the next day and I'd be mad the next day and I'd be mad the next day. I'd be like mad for like a week. And seven days later, I wouldn't even know why I was mad anymore. I forgot why I was mad, but I was still mad for seven days. And then I developed self-development. I learned, found self-development, started working myself and started working myself. And then I would get mad and I'd be mad for like five days. And then I would get mad a couple of years later, I'd still be working on myself,

Starting point is 00:17:09 I'd be mad for three days. And then I'm a decade in of working on myself and now I'm mad for a day. I'm still mad, but I'm not mad for a week anymore. The path of self-development is to go from something triggers me and I'm mad or sad or pissed off or angry, whatever it is that you have, that emotion for a really long time. But I put some work into myself, years of work in myself and I shorten that time and years of work in myself and I shorten that time and years of work in myself and I shorten that time and years of work into myself and I shorten that time. And hopefully within 10, 20, 30 years, eventually that thing that used to be a trigger pops up again. And what happens? I don't react to it. Because ultimately, that is the path of self-development. What used to trigger you, triggers you no more. But it doesn't happen right away. And if you have triggers, there's nothing

Starting point is 00:17:56 wrong with you. You are normal. And every bit of work that you put onto yourself and put into yourself makes you better. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode and you got a lot of value from it, please share it on your Instagram stories right now and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. The only way that this podcast grows is from you guys sharing it. So I greatly appreciate you every single time you share it. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - This is the Big Problem w/ Personal Growth

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