The Mindset Mentor - This Will Make All of Your Relationships Better

Episode Date: March 18, 2021

We can all agree that deep and meaningful relationships are the real wealth in life. In this episode, Rob and Dean talk about how to make your most important relationships deeper and more meaningful in every way. Follow me on IG here: @RobDialJr https://instagram.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to be talking about the depth of your relationships. And today is Thursday. And that means that it is the business edition of the Mindset Mentor, which means that I am joined by my business partner and best friend, Dean DeVries. Dean, how are you?

I am doing amazing, brother. Happy Thursday. Happy Thursday. Today, we're gonna talk about, like I said, the depth of the relationships. And for those of you guys that have businesses, this is important for you because, you know, we're gonna talk about the business relationships

that you have with your clients. We're gonna talk about your employees, the vendors that you might have for everybody that's outside of business. If you happen to have any relationship with any other human who happens to be breathing, this is also going to be good for you. So, you know, in your life, it could be friends, it could be family, it could be romantic relationships. Every aspect of your relationships depend on exactly with what we're going to talk about today. So Dean, what is it that we're going to talk about today? Yeah, well, I love how you open that up because, you know, the way that we look at business is that it's really a microcosm

of what happens outside of business. The way that we're, the way that we do every, the way that we do one thing is how we do everything. So the way that we're running our business, you know, also shows up in, in different ways outside of our business. And so specifically, you know, we're going to talk about how the relationships that we have with, you know, employees, customers, clients, and if there's something missing out of those relationships, or if those relationships aren't as fruitful as you might want them to be, it's probably because of the relationship that you have with yourself. And, you know, the, the, the, the thing that kind of just really rings true with this philosophy is, you know, you can only go as deep with your clients or your employees or anybody, anybody for that matter, you can only go as deep

with them as you are willing to go with yourself. And so the, the willingness that we're able to develop that connection with ourselves and, you know, really do the work on ourselves, whether that's like, you know, stepping outside of our comfort zone. Well, you know, if we have a tough time with stepping outside of our comfort zone, we're going to attract people that also have a tough time and stepping outside of their comfort zone. And, you know, this really just comes alive for us, especially because, you know, we, we coach a lot of coaches that, you know, want people that are willing to step outside of their comfort zone. And that's, that's really like the hardest thing to hear, especially if somebody, you know, isn't or has some resistance towards doing that

work. But it's just a perfect example of how, you know, the, our business is a reflection of what we need to work on in order to get better as just a human being. Yeah. One of the things that comes alive for me is, you know, as you said, we work with a lot of coaches. So in our business breakthrough program, we teach coaches how to build their businesses. One thing that comes up every once in a while is people will say like, as a coach to sell your coaching products. And also as to be a good coach, you have to be able to ask really sometimes uncomfortable questions to get like sometimes taboo questions that are, are not something that you would ask a random person on the street. But the reason why you have to ask those questions is so that you can break into someone's psyche, into their subconscious and actually make them think thoughts they've

never thought before. But the reason why this is important is because we've had people come into it before and say, Oh yeah, you know, I'm really struggling in my enrollment calls with somebody going deep with me and to be able to really get to the heart of what is going on. And it's hard for me to enroll somebody into my program if they're not telling me what's really going on. And then they say sometimes, oh yeah, I have coaching calls and I'm on the phone with my coaches. I feel like they're not going as deep as I really want to. And the very first thing that we always ask them is how deep are you actually going with yourself? Because the level of vulnerability in depth that your conversations with your clients,

with your friends, with your romantic partners, everybody, the level of depth that you can go in those conversations are not going to ever go deeper than you can go with yourself. And so if you're looking at your relationships and going, man, my friendships, my romantic relationships, my family, my clients, my employees, everybody. It just seems like my conversations are all surface level. Then you have to ask yourself, well, how deep are you actually going to yourself? How vulnerable are you getting with yourself? When you journal or meditate, are you actually thinking about some of the hard things and going really deep with yourself? Or are you just trying to, you know, stay surface level because you won't be able to go deeper with anybody else in your life than you go with yourself.

Yeah. Yeah. It's such a good point because I believe that every single person on this planet has an innate leadership capacity. And even if you might not think you're a leader or you're not in a role of a leader, we all have, we all, we all show our leadership in many different ways. And there's also many callings for our leadership. And I think it's just, you know, it's just so important for all of us to take ownership of our leadership and really own that and be willing to go there first, because, you know, like we've all had surface level relationships where we don't really talk about a whole lot and it'll continue being like that unless you really step forward and, you know, just bring into the relationship what it is that you want to see. So if you want to

have a relationship that has more depth, you also have to be willing to go there first, not only within yourself, but go in there and the practice. That's why, you also have to be willing to go there first, not only within yourself, but go in there and the practice. That's why, you know, like meditation and journaling and doing this like inner work is called practice is because it's really practice for the outer world. When we really start mastering our inner world, that's the practice that we need so that we can do the things that we have, the experiences that we want. that we can do the things that we have the experiences that we want. And in this context, have the relationships that we want to have with the outer world. Yeah, for sure. So when we're talking about depth, you know, I, I've become the type of person. And

I know that you've talked about it before as well. A few years ago, you made the honest decision that you're not going to have any conversation or be a part of any conversation that doesn't have some level of transformation with it. You know, and I, I've come to the point where I don't want to have BS surface level conversation anymore. Like it's seems like a waste of time. What I want to do is I want to know somebody at a deep level. I want to know, but I can't ask them questions at a super deep level. If I'm not going really deep with myself, right. And we can all agree that the deep, meaningful conversations, the intellectual conversations where you walk away and feel stimulated mentally from them are the ones that are the best. So why in the hell would

we want to mess around with anything that is not a deep intellectual conversation? For me, I'm going to try to, if I'm looking at everyone who's around me, all of my employees, all of my friends, all of my relationships, romantic relationships, all of those things, and I'm going, yeah, these are all surface level. These are not as in-depth as I really wish that they were. The first thing I need to do is I need to take a mirror. I need to put it on myself. I need to ask myself, well, how deep am I going with myself? How deep am I willing to go? I've got to be willing to go deep with myself first. And then I've got to most likely be willing to actually be the person that goes into those conversations and is the most vulnerable first. Because, you know, if you're in a friendship

conversation and you're having service level conversations, you're not going to just, they're not, your friends most likely are not just going to one day go, you know what? I'm going to be vulnerable. I'm going to go really deep intellectual conversations. You might have to be the first person to step out there and put yourself out there for it to be that way. You might have people that want to go there. You might have people that don't want to go there and they never will want to go there. And so then you got to ask yourself, like, is it that I need to change the conversations or is it eventually that I might actually need to change some of the people? Wouldn't it be great if there was a pocket-sized guide that could help you sleep, focus, act, and be better?

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and let NetSuite show you how they'll benefit you and your business with a free product tour at netsuite.com slash dial. Schedule your free product tour right now at netsuite.com slash dial. That's netsuite.com slash D-I-A-L. And I just want to highlight how special it is and how just how abundant it is to have those types of relationships. I reflect on the relationship that you and I have, and we've gone through so many things over the last 15 years. And we've always kind of been on this journey of self-growth, which has been like, you know, the thing that we've always been challenging each other on. And, you know, I've just really appreciate, you know, where, and I know our relationship is going to continue to, to deepen as we just continue to do work on ourselves and continue to challenge each other in this way. But I just want to highlight like the benefit of having relationships that actually are based on transformation and based on depth.

And obviously we have a ton of fun as well and, and, you know, have moments where we have, you know, just where we're laughing until our stomach hurts. And there's also there, there's, you know, the fun aspect of the relationship, but the thing that actually makes the, the fun even more meaningful is, is how much we've actually connected in ways that actually makes the fun even more meaningful is how much we've actually connected in ways that actually are really vulnerable and also in ways that where we challenge each other to continue to grow. And, you know, especially as, you know, being in business together, that adds a whole new layer of, you know, a calling to continue to go deeper and deeper and deeper. Sometimes, you know, people have this misconception of like, Oh, well, I don't want to get too close to, you know, to my employees

or I don't want, I kind of want to keep people at arm's length. And in my opinion, I think that's the worst thing to do because you're not actually nurturing an authentic connection. And it doesn't have to necessarily mean, you know, you're going out and partying with them. You know, I don't actually recommend that at all. But what I do recommend is actually having meaningful conversation, going deep, like, Hey, what, what's your, what's your deepest, you know, your deepest heart truths. Like, what is it that just makes you feel alive? Like asking questions like that to a new employee is probably going to be like way different than any experience that they've ever had. But what comes from that is so special and so deep where you actually feel connected to this person, not just in a way where it's like, oh yeah,

they like football and I like football too. That's great. But instead really like know what's important to them, what makes them tick. And so, you know, I'm just kind of reflecting on the, as you were saying that, just reflecting on our relationship and how, uh, and obviously we're, we're always trying to get better within ourselves and go deeper within ourselves. And that's really translated to us being on this journey sort of together where we can, you know, share what's been coming alive for us and what we're, you know, the work that we're doing and really being able to hold each other accountable to transformation as we continue to influence the world and, you know, do the things

that are most important for us and really just leave the legacy that is really important for me and what I want to create and also for you and what you want to create. So I just wanted to highlight that. Yeah. And, you know, we just had to give everybody an idea to go back to what Dean was talking about as far as deep, you know, relationships with employees to give you an idea of what we just did as a team, you know, about a week and a half ago, I flew everybody out to Texas here in Austin. So we had 10 people, we rented a big, huge mansion that was on the water and we had a three-day transformational experience. Dean, myself, the entire team, all of us stayed in that house together, right? Luckily, it was a big house and everybody was able to fit, but it wasn't like, I'm going to have you guys

stay in this house. And then I, Dean and I are as, as the bosses, the quote unquote bosses are going to stay in a different place. Right. And as you said, you know, you don't recommend going out and party with anybody. Nobody drank. There wasn't any drinking. You know, I bought all the food and drinks and all that stuff. There's no alcoholic drinks. But what happened though, was there was, we were able to build even deeper, more intimate connections with the people who are on our team. And so if you are a business owner, that's out there, like ask yourself, what are you doing to foster the depth of the relationships that you have? Like, are you, are you trying to build experiences where people can come together and they can deepen the relationship with you, but then also with the, everybody else who happens

to be employees of yours as well. And, you know, one of the things I think is super important about, about what we did is, is we had a plan of what we were going to do. We had, uh, we had it. So everybody was at the house. Everybody was able to hang out. There was ping pong. There was, you know, we set up ping pong tournaments. We sent all these different things we did, you know, we played cornhole so many different times and, you know, Colton, who's on our team and him and I were teammates and we just destroyed everybody. And so it's like, you get, what happens is you get, you get a little bit of that rivalry and in that, and the competition kind of builds a little bit closer as well. And so if you have a business

or even if you don't have a business, you have friendships and all that stuff, what are you doing to bring people together that you're close to, to actually build these relationships? And the thing that I love is the quote that nobody quits a job, they quit their boss, right? So when you have a deep relationship with your employees,

it's going to make it a lot harder for them to leave as well. Yeah. Yeah. And one thing that, that just really came alive, you know, during that trip was, yeah, we had a ton of fun, right? Like we were just on the ping pong table and the cornhole, like a lot. But the purpose wasn't to have fun to get away from something it was actually to have an experience with each other and actually to see that competition come out it was a really cool thing to experience and see each other's kind of see each other in that energy and it just it allowed for more connection which i think is is the most important thing and one thing i just want to like reiterate and go back to,

because I think this is a really important point is, you know, in order to have the relationships like that, we've got to take full responsibility. We've got to be willing to go there. And we always attract the type of person that we are, whether it's an employee, whether it's a client, whether it's a romantic partner, right? We always attract the type of person that

we are. So in, in those, you know, in business, if we have an employee that, you know, maybe doesn't like to be held accountable, or maybe you work with, with the sales team and they don't like to be held accountable. Well, you know, what, what parts of you don't want to be held accountable, right? What parts of you don't want to look held accountable, right? What parts of you don't want to look at the numbers, right? Because there's always a reveal in the, the relationships, especially in business, right? It's like the, the microcosm, that's like the, the container where you could really see it, you know, everything amplified. And, you know, if there's things that, that, you know, aren't good for the business that are coming out from the people that you lead and the people that you serve in your business.

It's probably because that's, there's something within you that needs to be worked on. And it's not, it's not a good or bad thing, right? It's just a reflection. In fact, I think it's an amazing thing because our business is always telling us where the next, the next growth opportunity is. And I made that commitment. You just, you know, shared it a opportunity is. And I made that commitment. You just, you know, shared it a few minutes ago where I made that commitment and several years ago where I didn't want to be a part of a conversation that didn't have the energy of transformation.

And that includes the conversations that I have with myself. Yeah. You can't want to be, you can't want to be part of conversations that are, that are transformative. If you're not actually transforming yourself, right? Like you are the beginning of that transformation. And as you step into that, you know, call it frequency of transformation, you will then attract quote unquote attract, but people who will come in contact with you will be like, Oh, there's something about this guy that I'm really vibing with. And if you weren't stepped into that, that frequency of transformation, then they come around you and be like, Oh yeah. And you know, he's nice and stuff. Right. But as you step into, I'm going to transform, I'm going to make my personal development. I'm going to make my,

my spirituality, whatever it is that you're trying to get deeper into. And that transformation you're trying to create, you're going to get around people and naturally vibe with the people who are on the exact same frequency, you know, and you've got to realize that if you're wanting your relationships to be better, if you're wanting your achievement to be better, if you're wanting your business to be better, if you're wanting everything to be around you, you know, the ceiling to your achievement is always going to be limited by the amount of work that you do to yourself, right? The, the quality of your relationships are going to be dictated by the depth that you put into yourself and are willing to go into with other people as well, right? The amount of money in your bank account will never exceed the amount

of personal development and spiritual development that you're putting into yourself, right? It's all a lagging indicator on what you're doing in your own life with yourself because life and everything that happens around you is just a mirror for what is happening inside of your body. Yeah. Two things I want to bring in. Number one, I'm really appreciating the woo-woo-wee frequency talk. Just the right amount of woo-woo. The second thing though is, you know, I just want to pose this question. If you're listening to this right now, if you understand that you are going to be, you are going to attract the type of person that you are at the level of which you are, what's the consequence of that for you, right? Really just be honest with yourself. And, you

know, if you don't like that consequence, if you don't like that outcome of attracting the type of person that, you know, maybe there's work to be done that maybe you've been putting it off, right? Maybe you don't want to look at it, right? But deep down inside, you know that there's something, there's another level within you that wants to come out. But for some reason, you're holding yourself back, right? We all have that experience, right?

Many, many people have that experience. And if you're listening to this, chances are you might have something that's holding you back right now, or there's something that you're holding yourself back from because of something that you're stuck with. Right. And, you know, I just want to invite, you know, you, the listener, if, you know, whatever that is, I invite you to really step into your leadership and work on whatever wants to be worked on. Because if we understand that we are going to attract the people that are at the level of us or the willingness that we have to go deep within ourselves and do the work on ourselves. And realizing that there's a consequence to that, that maybe isn't ideal. How might you show up differently? You know, take a moment right now, just to reflect, like, how might you show up differently? How might you, you work on yourself

differently? How might you prioritize your personal growth differently? So if you think about all of your relationships, if you think about all of your relationships, if you think about your relationships with your employees, do they feel safe to be vulnerable around you? Or do you feel vulnerable around them? And, or is it just the relationship of I'm up here, I'm up in the clouds, I am boss and you are down there and you are employee and you are, you know, sitting down there and an employee and that's what you are, right? If you're in your relationships, is it that you are up above in all of your relationships and people are down there? Do they feel equal? Is it, is it, you know what? Screw it. I'm going to be the first to be

vulnerable. I'm going to be the first to go there. I'm going to be the first to get into deep intellectual conversations in your romantic relationships. We've all been in romantic relationships that are very surface level. And you're like, why won't it go deeper? Right. And it's usually because one of the people is not going deep. And what's happening is that literally no person's going deeper and you're staying surface level for six months, a year, two years, three years. Sometimes you've been in a relationship for two, three, four years, and it never goes deeper. And so what I'm going to help have everybody out there that's listening to think about is to ask yourself, to turn the mirror on yourself. What do I need to do in my relationships to make them deeper, to make them more meaningful,

to make them more loving? And what do I need to do to have the vulnerability to be the first to step out on the ledge? Because really, it's scary to step out on the ledge, to be the first one to be vulnerable, to put yourself out there. First one to, you know, even to, it's like kind of like being the first one to say, I love you and hope they say it back. Right. Like the first one to be vulnerable and hope that they're going to be vulnerable back. But as people start to see a new version of you, guess what happens? They show up as a new version of themselves.

And so what I want you guys to do is think of all of the relationships you have, the employees, the people that you have, the relationship with contracts, people in relationship with everyone in your business, everyone that's in your relationships in your life and your friendships and your family with your parents, all of that stuff, romantic relationships and think, how can I show up at a deeper level? And then what work do I need to do on myself to then be okay and comfortable working with people as well? And that's one of the reasons why you and I have been talking about how excited we are literally to start our, not to start, but to actually have open enrollment for our Kaizen Mastermind, you know, and it's because most people are just, they want to have other people around them that are on the same frequency. And sometimes that's really hard to find. And so I'm not plugging it in any sort of way

because you actually can't even join Kaizen Mastermind right now. It's not open for people to join. It will be in the next few weeks and we'll talk a little bit more about it. If there's people out there where you're like, oh my God, I want to be around people. You know, number one,

Dean and I are going to be coaching everybody that's in there. And there's much more details we'll come up with later on down the road. But we're going to be, we're going to have a community of people that are on the exact same frequency of growth, of depth, of vulnerability that are trying to work on themselves that are trying to become the best version of themselves.

And that's what Kaizen is all about. And so for those of you guys where you're like, damn, that sounds really exciting. I want to know about that the second it comes out. Um, and you want to, you know, learn about applying later on. You can put you on a wait list. Uh, you'll have to email Dean, Dean at robdial.com D E A N at robdial.com. Um, Dean will put you on a wait list. You'll have to email Dean, Dean at robdial.com, D-E-A-N at robdial.com. Dean will put you guys into a folder. We'll reach out to you and let you know when it comes. But it's really just about more than anything else, being around people who want to transform.

And as Dean, you said, you know, when you're holding yourself to that level of not getting into a conversation that doesn't hold anything but transformation, you're holding yourself to a higher level, which will then attract other people that are going to be holding themselves to a level as well. So love it. I appreciate you all for being here. I'm going to leave the same way, leave you every single episode, making sure mission makes someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.