The Mindset Mentor - Time to Step Up Your Life

Episode Date: June 24, 2021

In this episode, Rob and Dean talk about why it is so hard to take responsibility but why it is so important for you to do to change your life. Follow me on IG here: https://instagram.com/robdialjr Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And today is Thursday, which means that it is the business edition of the Mindset Mentor, which means that I am joined by my best friend and business partner, Dean DeVries. Dean, what's going on, buddy? It is another great Thursday. That is right. Today, we're going to be talking about what? What are we diving into today, Dean? So today, we're going to be talking about what it means to take full responsibility for everything that happens in your life. And we're going to unpack a few examples of how this shows up and the reason, and we've talked about this

before, um, in, in a sense, but the reason why it's important to take full responsibility is so that we can show up better when we're not taking full responsibility. We don't show up as powerfully. And when we show up with as much intention and as much energy as possible, that's when we can create the future that we want. Yeah. Why do you think that people don't show up as, as powerfully as they possibly can? Well, I think it all starts with taking full responsibility and it all starts with the mindset, right? Where the mind goes, the, the, the energy flows. And so, you know, the taking personal responsibility is really about not necessarily taking responsibility for everything that happens outside of you in the sense that like, hey, I caused this,

right? I think when some people think about taking responsibility, it's like, oh, I did that. But there's many things that are outside of our control, but they're necessary parts of our journey, right? So taking personal responsibility isn't about claiming the things that happen outside of you. It's about claiming how you show up to them. Yeah. Yeah. I heard Will Smith talk about that one time where it's like, you know, I didn't, I, the, the family I was born into happened and there might be issues in it. And it's not my fault that things have happened, but it is my responsibility to fix the things

that happened. Yeah. Right. So it, you know, people are always like, oh, responsibility means fault. I don't think that necessarily does. I think that, that responsibility means, you know what, when I'm looking at, um, looking at my relationships, the things that have happened might not all be my fault, but they are my responsibility to work on them. Right. If something happens to your son at school with a bully, that's not your fault or your kid's fault, but it is your responsibility of how you show up talking to him to make sure that he understands it and can work through it and become, have a better frame of mind after those things happen. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like, you know, if somebody runs over your foot and your

foot gets broken, right? Well, it's not your fault that your foot's broken, but it is yours to heal. Yeah. Right. And so like everything in our journey, everything that we experience is always ours to take full responsibility for. And so even though the broken foot, Hey, blaming one person or another, or that, that part doesn't matter. What matters most is really taking full ownership. So, you know, in each moment, there's, you know, it's easier to take responsibility for the things that are going well. Because it's like, man, you know, I'm getting these great results in my life. And I'm, you know, I did this.

And it's kind of like sometimes can be a stroke to the ego, you know, and it's important in those moments to, um, you know, to, to appreciate it more than like, you know, more than like, uh, Hey, this is great. And take my, take, take the foot off the gas. Cause that's, that's the, the danger of celebrating too much where it's like, I can get lost in it and rest on the laurels of it. And so there's like this happy medium of taking responsibility in a way that's healthy, that's appreciative, that also inspires more. And also on the, on the flip side, when things are really challenging, it's hard to take full responsibility, you know, and we'll talk about some examples of,

you know, how that can unfold. But, you know, when there's a tragedy or when there's a challenge or when there's like something that's going on, that is, that feels detrimental in that moment, it's hard to take full responsibility, but the way to take full responsibility, like I said, it's not about saying, Hey, I caused this, but rather, Hey, this is what's meant for me. I meant to experience this. And so if you knew that every single thing that you experienced was a necessary part of your journey, how would you show up? And I think that's the guiding question on, on, uh, on what we're going to talk about today. Yeah. And that's important to think about, like to go, okay. You know, when, when I win an award,

it's so easy for me to be like, oh yeah, this is me. I did all of this. But then when I look at my bank account and it's not what I want it to be, I can go, well, it's because of blah, blah, blah. And those blah, blah, blahs are always just external circumstances versus going, you know what? I'm going to take responsibility for every single aspect of my life, especially the ones that aren't going the way that I want them to. Because when I do take responsibility and when I do step up is actually when I have the power to start to change them. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. And when, when we do take full responsibility, we really own it, you know, and we can't change anything that we don't own. If we

don't say, Hey, I have some influence over this, or I'm called to respond to this in a certain way. If we don't have that and we have kind of the victim mindset where it's like, oh, look at my bank account. This is why I can't do this or this is why I'll never get out of this situation because of this. And blaming it on external factors as a reason why that circumstance exists, that circumstance exists, gives all the power away to that circumstance. And the power is really within us to be able to respond to that in a way that's, you know, that's healthy where we can own it and finally make a change and transform out of that. Yeah, for sure. And it's kind of like, if you knew that every single thing, like if I told you, I did this, I said this literally on, uh, I was, I was in the middle

of a pool workout last week. And, uh, I had this idea to put it on Instagram stories and to talk about this. And what I said was, you know, imagine that this is all just a video game and you created this video game and you create this video game. This just level 17, whatever it is, this life is just level 17. And you need to go through this life in order to get to the next level, level 18, which means that every single challenge, every single thing that's going right, every single thing that's going wrong, everything that's ever happened to you in your

life is literally designed by you. How would you show up differently? Because I think too many people look at what's going on in their life and say that they could be wrong and be like, oh my God, it's just too much for me to change. But if you look at it and instead of saying, okay, taking external blame and putting it out there, you say, okay, the people, the places, the opportunities, the things, everything is brought here for me to be able to see this as a lesson. Every person, whether it's someone that's a great person, you know, parent that loves you unconditionally or feels like they love you as much as they possibly can. It's a great thing to learn. But someone that comes in and they're super challenging and they're triggering for you, that's also a place to learn. And you sit there and say, okay, I might not enjoy

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slash dial. That is mag M A G breakthrough.com slash dial and use the code dial 10 to receive this amazing offer. I think you'll love it as much as I do. Yeah. So let's talk about like some, some specific examples of how this shows up and kind of like what the easy thing is to do, you know, which is to blame and to be, you know, to victimize. And then what does it, what does it look like to really own it? Yeah. So let's talk about business and let's also talk about life as well. All right. Perfect. So in business, uh, you know, one, one, one scenario that I think a lot of people can relate to is like, Hey, when, when performance isn't there or when sales are, you know, aren't where you want them to be. The easy thing is to say, Oh, it's because my leads

suck. Right. We've both heard that many times before. Right. Yeah. And I, we've said it before. Yeah. We've said it. We've also, you know, like gave the blame to, right? Yeah. And I, we've said it before. Yeah, we've said it. We've also, you know, like gave the blame to, to everything else. And, you know, just working with so many salespeople over the last 15 years, you know, what you and I, and we've talked about this a ton, what, what, what we've, what we've seen is that the people that in those moments where their sales suck, instead of blaming, you know, if they do blame, by the way, they're just, they just continue getting the same results. They still get shitty results because they're not ownership in it. Yeah. And ultimately they're not showing up and the way that actually will make a change in that. And to just to take a step back here, when it comes to

that situation in particular, oh, you know, my sales are low or I'm not, uh, I'm not performing the best, you know, my numbers don't look as good as I, as I want them to be. Uh, or maybe you work for a company and it's like, I'm not hitting my quota this, this month or this quarter or whatever the case may be. It's the, when, whenever we place the blame on the external, whether it's the leads, whether it's whenever we place the blame on the external, whether it's the leads, whether it's the management, whether it's the product, whether it's the process, if we place the blame on all these different areas, then it's like there's no opportunity to even impact that

because essentially it's like there's all of these things that are outside of my control or my perception is that these are all outside of my control. And so I'm just doomed to have shitty sales for the rest of my life. Yeah. That's essentially where it goes. How disempowering does that feel to think, Oh yeah, like everything is that I can't take any ownership for anything because these leads are terrible. My manager's not giving me the right training that I need to. My phone is going in and out, whatever it is, you can blame everything else. And also another point that's important as well is if you have salespeople, like, you know, when their sales are not where they're supposed to be, are you blaming them?

If you're a sales manager, because it's not their fucking problem, it's yours. And so a lot of sales managers, we've seen a lot of them, their team doesn't do exactly what they should be doing, or they're doing below quota. And they're like, well, John isn't working hard enough. Well, this person is this and this person is this. And they start blaming everybody else versus going, you know what? I'm the leader of this. I need to actually look at myself and ask myself, okay, if this person, this person, this person's sales are not where they're supposed to be, it's not them. It's me. It's kind of like the phrase, if you wake up and you meet an asshole,

you just met an asshole. But if you meet assholes all day long, you're the asshole. So it's like, if one salesperson has some troubles, yeah, you could kind of see it might be something going on with them and you need to help them as a manager. But if you have multiple salespeople who are not doing the numbers that they should be doing, it's not the salesperson's fault.

It's your fault as well. And when you take responsibility for it, they go, okay, it's not the salesperson's fault. It's your fault as well. And when you take responsibility for it, you go, okay, well then how do I need to change and show up differently to then impact my team? Yeah, we can go really deep on this. And from that perspective, because we have salespeople in our company that like we take full responsibility for their results. And there's been times where, you know, the results weren't good. They've been amazing before. They've been bad before. Yeah. And so, and by the way, that's, that's also a cycle that we all have to go through because

it's all a mirror, right? It's, it's not just, uh, you know, it's, it's when we take full responsibility for that, then it calls us into a, just a higher version. Cause every single time that we've had that experience with our sales team, we've turned the mirror on us and we're like, yeah, you know what? We could show up better. You know, we could, we could bring more energy into this. And so, and every time that we did that, it was like, okay, it's like the universe is rewarding our team because I decided to like really own it. And so if you're a sales manager or have people that report to you,

or if you're the owner of the company, your mindset around this and you taking full ownership, which by the way, that's really difficult for the ego to do. For sure. Because you have to say, hey, all of these bad results, I'm gonna take full responsibility for it. And that's just hard to do

because the ego wants to feel like everything's great and everything's, there's nothing wrong here. There's nothing to transform. But when you're really honest and you take full responsibility, then there's that opportunity where it's like, man, I really could get better if I'm being honest with myself. Yeah. I always say, you know, if you've heard, listen to this podcast before I say the speed of the leader, the speed of the team. So if you're looking at the team's results and it's not where you want it to be, you got to look, that's the speed of the team. Then you got to go, well, what is the speed of the leader then?

And you got to look at them and you got to see, you know, it's funny because we talk about this where it's like, you know, our, our team is veteran, super veteran. They've been in sales for a really long time. But then we talk about how, when results aren't where they need to be, how are we not showing up the right way? You might think that someone's a veteran person and that they're just crushing it. You don't even need to pay attention to them, but it's not going to work that way. People go through cycles.

They go through different feelings. They feel different on different weeks. And what you have to realize is the way that you show up every single day is going to influence the way that they show up every single day. The energy that you bring is going to change the energy that they bring. And you have to sit there and take full responsibility for every single good medium and bad result that comes into your business and

say, it's my fault. I need to show up differently no matter what. Yeah. I love that. And it goes back to the philosophy of your business as a mirror. So let's talk about some other examples. You know, let's say when somebody quits on you, right? Somebody throws in the towel and says, hey, this either maybe they quit or maybe you want to fire them because they have bad results, right? Either way, it's the speed of the leader that really matters. But specifically when an employee quits, it's easy to blame, right? Oh, well they just couldn't handle it or they, they just didn't have, they weren't cut out for the job or they, you know, whatever, fill in the blank. Right. But the, the, the taking ownership version of that is like,

Hmm, if I understand that people don't quit their jobs, they quit their bosses. How could I have showed up better for them? Yeah. How could I have supported them more? Yep. You know, how could I have built a relationship with them where it wouldn't have gotten to this point, where we could really have some conversation about how to really create a future for them within this company? Yep. Yeah, I completely agree. And, and, you know, it always looks back to what you just said. People don't quit their jobs. They quit their bosses. And I think that that's the key thing where it's easy to go, yeah, well, they just weren't the right fit. Or, yeah, they were never performing or they weren't a culture fit in some sort of way. And it's like, ah, is there something that I could?

That's always you got to always ask yourself, am I placing blame externally or internally? If you're placing blame externally, you're not taking any responsibility for something. So, you know, there's that as an example or even the example of, if a client isn't having the best experience, you know, it's easy to go, Oh, that client's demands are ridiculous. They're a pain in the ass. Yeah. Right. But instead go, all right. And this, this happens even with me sometimes, like I read through the reviews of this podcast, 90%, 95% of them are positive, but every once in a while, there'll be a negative one. And I always go back and listen to them and look at it and go, all right, is this person just a douchebag or is there something that they're actually saying that's true? And I take it to heart.

And the reason why is because the very first negative review I got of this podcast six years ago, somebody said it was, I was probably 30 episodes in and they said, uh, I can't believe this is a motivational podcast because this guy has the most unmotivating voice I've ever heard. And at first, my first thought was fuck that person. My second thought was, Oh, actually this does make sense because people can't see me when I'm moving around because at that point in time, I didn't do anything on video. So I have to be more, use more voice inflection for people to understand what I'm trying to get across. And so it actually made me better by looking at that and going, does that hurt? Yeah. It fricking hurts when someone says something like that, but is

there some merit to what they say? And there was, and I changed because of that. So can you also look at it and say, okay, this client isn't having the best experience. There's, they're saying my product isn't, uh, you know, is inferior to other products. Okay. Well, is there a way to change this around to make the next run of our products even better versus it hurting my ego and saying, Oh, screw that person. There's a pain in the ass. Yeah. And I think what's really important about that too, is whether or not there is merit in it to at least be open to it, right? To be open and receive it without like, Hey, uh, if you are speaking against me, I don't want to hear it, you know,

to really be open to all of that type of feedback where it's like, Hey, this client, the first response is like, this client's a pain in my ass. Right. But the, the, the, the response of just taking ownership is like, but Hey, what if I put myself in their shoes? What if I've experienced everything that they've experienced? How would I be reacting? So let me see how I can cater this experience to somebody like that and see if that really aligns. And Hey, maybe it doesn't. Right. But maybe there is, you know, an opportunity there to make a bigger impact or to improve things just a little bit so that, you know, somebody that might

have a similar expectation or a similar mindset or similar experiences going into the experience with you that you can really make that special for them. Yeah. Yeah. And examples, you know, if you take this into life, like if you're in debt or you're financially not where you want to be, it's easy to blame. Oh, the town I live in is just so expensive. Oh, I live in Austin. The prices are just going up so much, you know, which is the truth. When I first moved here eight years ago, I used to, you know, give you to make fun of you because you lived in Miami and Miami is so expensive and Austin was so cheap. And now Austin's the same price as Miami where it's like, I can blame and go, oh, well the cost of living just continues to go up versus going, okay, if I can see that I love living here and I don't make the amount of money that is going to

sustain me living here, either I need to move or I need to figure out a way to make more money. And if you're in debt, you can say, well, yeah, I'm in debt because of X, Y, Z, or because my parents didn't teach me great financial stuff. Whatever it is, or because I bought a bunch of Bitcoin and the Bitcoin dropped, you can come up with all of the excuses to why you're struggling financially. Or you can go, you know what? I'm struggling financially. It is my fault. It is also my responsibility to fix this, to, you know, be able to support my family and to break this generational problem of having financial problems. I'm going to take responsibility. I'm going to be the person that does it. Yeah. Yeah. You you can't control the prices can't control the taxes no

right it's like the person that that that's like oh man I don't want to make any more money because I have to pay more tax or it's like where's the logic in that like I love paying taxes not because I love giving away but you don't you don't love the incredible financial decisions that our government makes well that is a whole other rabbit hole we could go down. I mean, our government is just so fiscally responsible. So efficient. To be able to go deeper into debt every single year

is just incredible financial decisions. Warms my heart. That's the whole side thing, right? But you can't change it, right? So, hey, whatever the tax bracket is or whatever my tax bill is, I can't change that. But what I can change is, hey, if I want more money in my pocket, I just have to make it. Understand that there's going to be taxes. I've got to figure out a way.

I know nothing about investment, but I'm in this game of money. I always say, you're in a game. Everyone's playing a game right now. Whether you want to learn the game or not is up to you, right? So it's like being in a basketball game and just be like, I don't want to learn how to play basketball, but I'm going to play it the rest of my life. Right. So it's like, okay, you know, I'm making this amount of money. I do want to be able to retire. I know nothing about investment, but I do have some free time.

Maybe I should stop spending time on fricking Netflix two hours a night and go, you know what? I'm going to actually start taking some investment courses or maybe I'm going to read a couple of books and start learning more about it. It is your responsibility to figure out how to make yourself financially free if that's something that you want. Yeah. And another personal example is when your health suffers, right? Like there's a lot of people, they will make a change. They'll transform when they get the red flag, but they didn't listen to the yellow flag. Right. And there's so many yellow flags before the red flag. It's like, Oh, well, why is my energy a little bit different? Or why am I sleeping? You know, like, well, why do I want

to take a nap in the middle of the day? Or why is my stomach kind of feeling a little bit weird? I don't have explosive diarrhea every day that I have always wondered about you. It's not my fault. Definitely not my fault. No, it's my fault. Let me take personal responsibility. But you know, I mean, that's another great example of just taking personal responsibility. And yeah, we could blame it on Oh, my medications not working, or Oh, the gyms aren't, you know, open, or, you know, there's so many excuses, so many stories that our ego can conjure up to just keep us in that comfort zone or the zone that where no transformation happens.

But ultimately what we're talking about here is when faced with a challenge, when faced with a circumstance, when faced with something to celebrate, when things are really good, no matter what, to receive it as something that is a necessary part of the journey. And for whatever reason, you're meant to experience that challenge, that celebration, that circumstance, because it's telling you something. You know, the journey is for you to appreciate and show up to in a way that's going to make the most influence. Yeah, exactly. appreciate and show up to in a way that's going to make the most influence. Yeah, exactly. And then, you know, the last thing we wrote down is actually funny. You put interesting, not funny that you put it, but you put when someone that someone you lose someone

that's close to you. And interestingly enough, last night, one of my family members passed away and we saw it coming. We knew it was going to be happening. And they have children that, you know, some of them are younger as well. And it's like, you look at that and you say children that, you know, some of them are younger as well. And it's like, you look at that and you say, okay, you know, they passed away younger than they should have because of decisions that they had made. You don't need to go deeper into it and let people know of what it was, but because of decisions that they had made and they passed away and it is what it is. And it's nobody's fault because that person made decisions that ended their life earlier than other people would have.

But now they're left with children that are there and the children can blame and blame and blame. And I went through that when I blamed my father and blame my father and blame my father when he passed away. But then I went, you know what? The blame is not going to make him come back and it's not going to change my life. I have been given these cards and it is my responsibility to figure out what I need to do with these cards. And interestingly enough, then I text all of the kids and I said, listen, I've been through the death of a parent. It's way different than anybody else's death. And I've also helped a lot of people through the death of a parent. So if you guys need any help, just let me know. I'll be here. I'll make time for you to talk. Right. It's, I'm not blaming anybody, but I also see it as my

responsibility to step up. And if anybody needs me, they can talk. They might not need me at all, but it's like, you have to look at that and you say, you know, somebody's gone. It is what I've been given. It's not the way that we would want it to be, but it is the hands that we've been dealt. And now it's our responsibility to figure out what we should do now. Yeah. And on the receiving end of that, being open to receiving support and receiving help, which is hard for a lot of people. It is hard because it's, to receiving support and receiving help. Which is hard for a lot of people. It is hard because it's, it's there. That's a form of acceptance, right? And if we're,

if we're not accepting it, if we're resisting it saying that this shouldn't have happened, right? This is not how it's supposed to go when we're, when we're attached to that. That's, that's a form of not taking responsibility and not owning it. A hundred percent. So it all starts with your mindset, everybody. Are you blaming or are you taking full responsibility for every single thing in your business, in your life, in your body, in your relationships, in your sales, in everything? That's what we got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it with someone that you know and love. And I'm gonna leave the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.