The Mindset Mentor - What’s Most Important Right Now

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please do me a massive favor. Please go over to however you listen to us and give us a rating review. The more positive rating reviews that we get, the more those platforms actually show this podcast itself to people who have never listened to it before, which allows us to grow, allows us to improve, allows us to impact more people's lives. So if you would help us do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, I'm going to be talking to you about what I'm focusing on right now.

Starting point is 00:00:42 I wanted to give you all a life update of what's going on in my life, but also personally what I have been focusing on for the past six months or so to really see as the next mountain that I'm going to be climbing to try to grow and try to improve and try to get better. It's interesting because obviously I have a podcast

Starting point is 00:01:03 and I have people who listen to it. It's interesting how many people think that I'm like this human that has no problems and I'm different than everybody else. And I must have conquered all of my things and my superstitions and my traumas and all of that. I just want to tell you guys, and I hope you completely understand it every time I talk, I'm just a normal human. I'm always working on myself. I'm not perfect. I don't intend on ever being perfect ever. I never think that this self-development thing that we're on, this journey will ever end. I think that it's a journey that goes until the day we die. And I'm always finding new things to work on. When I find one thing that I feel like I've got a pretty

Starting point is 00:01:41 big good grasp on that I've been working on, it's always like something else pops up in my life. And that is the journey of life. And so with me, what I'm currently working on right now, I kind of wanted instead of this to be a instructional podcast like a lot of the other ones are, I want to kind of give you an idea of what I'm working on in my viewpoint on a lot of things with changes in my life of things that have happened recently. So if you follow me on Instagram, you probably already know this. If you don't follow me on Instagram, you probably don't know this. And I'm about to tell you something that might blow your mind. My wife is pregnant. It's going to be our first kid. And so if you want to see more behind the scenes and how that's going and how I'm dealing with all that, you can follow me on Instagram. It's Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

Starting point is 00:02:26 You can follow me on Instagram. It's RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. It's a boy. It's our first kid ever. And she is currently at the moment of this recording due in 28 days. I am super excited about it. I've never been as excited about anything in my entire life. I am ready to be challenged. I'm ready to be humbled. I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to try not to fuck up as much as I possibly can. But really, I'm just ultimately ready to pass along the best that I can to another little tiny human. And I see it as like the culmination of all of these 19 years of work on myself and nine years of this podcast and coaching people for a long time, it's kind of the culmination of like, now I get to actually see if I can help somebody who's growing from a tiny baby to an adult. And if any of this stuff actually works with them as well. And so for me, the thing I've been working on the most is this. I know that trauma gets passed along in families until someone has the strength to feel it. I know that. And for me,

Starting point is 00:03:28 looking at my family, stuff from my father, stuff from my mother, stuff from everyone that I've come in contact with. But, you know, for me, when I look at just my father, for instance, which, you know, he was an alcoholic, his father was an alcoholic. And my father's father ended up killing himself because of all the pain that he was in. And my father saw that. My father became an alcoholic because he never really fully overcame his demons that he had from his father. And so for me, since I was a child, probably about 15 after my father passed away, I saw the lineage of how all of this was working. And I was like, I know I'm not going to pass this on to my kids and I'm going to do everything that I can to not pass this on to my kids. And so what I really decided a long time

Starting point is 00:04:17 ago is I'm going to start to look at all of my things and I'm going to work at them. I'm going to look at them head on and I'm going to work with it. And I made a commitment years and years and years ago that my past and my family's past and my family's traumas would not become my children's. And it's a really important thing for us all to understand for anybody else that's out there, whether you decide to have children or not, but especially if you decide to have children. The quote that I said a minute ago, which is, trauma gets passed along in families until somebody has the strength to feel it. If you don't want to pass along your traumas to your children, then you're going to have to be the one that has the strength to feel it. And it goes back to the quote, another quote, which is,

Starting point is 00:05:00 the cave that you're afraid to enter holds the treasure that you seek. So there's all caves that we're all afraid to enter. But really, that is what we want in life is inside of overcoming whatever it is that we're afraid of entering. And so, you know, way back in the self-development journey, I just decided I'm going to do it. I'm going to go and I'm going to face these things head on. And I think every parent should think and really plan out who they want their children to be. And, you know, there's definitely, you know, education. We want to educate children and have them become the smartest they could possibly be. But besides that, there's also values that they want their children to have. And I don't think many people

Starting point is 00:05:41 sit down with a pen and paper and ask themselves, what values do I want my children to have? How do I want them to speak to other people? How do I want them to speak to themselves? How do I want them to interact with the world? What do I want them to think about the world? Do I want them to think that the world is a scary place and that they need to watch out and be fearful of other people? Or do I want them to, to be open and loving and whatever it might be, you need to look and as if you were sitting down to plan a business, you would never start a business without a business plan, at least putting some stuff on paper. I think it's the same thing, whether you are wanting to have children or whether you currently have children, sitting down with a pen and paper and like asking yourself,

Starting point is 00:06:21 what is it that I would like to pass on to my children? What would I like them to be like when they grow up and they're adults? How do I want them to treat themselves and treat their people that they work with and treat their spouse and treat their children? And look at that and make an entire list and then ask yourself the question after you look at the list, do I embody all of these? And I'm going to be brutally honest with everybody. None of us will embody every single one of those things. And if you look at those things and you see, okay, I'm doing pretty good here. I'm doing, Ooh, actually, yeah, I could use some work on this one. I could

Starting point is 00:06:54 use some work on this one. If not, if you don't embody all of the things that you would love for your children to embody and your children to be, then it's time to get to work. And that's really how I've been seeing it, you know, the past seven or eight months at this point. In the mornings, what I've been doing, you could call it meditation, you could call it prayer. I don't know what it is, but it's literally just me sitting and speaking to the universe is for the past seven, eight months, every morning, I've been meditating and then I've been saying, just help me let go of what I no longer need, right? Help me let go of what I no longer need. Help me let go of anything that I do not want to pass along to my son. And the reason why is because we all develop fears and limiting beliefs and patterns within ourselves that made sense at some point in time. You know, it's always a fear that pops up

Starting point is 00:07:47 or a limiting belief that pops up made sense at some point in time. It was a protection mechanism for us in the past. But as adults, we can look at it and say, do I still need this? Do I want to pass this along to my children? Or is this something I need to work through? And so for me, it's been,

Starting point is 00:08:02 hey, help me let go of what I no longer need. Help me let go of it. Help me let go of anything that I don't want to pass along to my son. And I've been spending a lot of time in silence thinking about those things and giving myself opportunity to think about who I am, who I want to be, who I want my child to be, how I want to interact with them. And it's just been a lot of, if you've been hearing me over the past few months, just talking about, I've been going outside and just sitting in silence. Like yesterday I went outside and I sat by the pool for about 30 minutes and just sat there. There was no phone, just me and my dog. And I was just watching the

Starting point is 00:08:39 clouds pass. And I was just thinking about what I want my life to be, how I want to help this child grow, but also like, what are some aspects of myself that I don't want them to have, right? Like, what do I not want to pass on to my kids I currently have? And if they're there, how do I need to work through them so that therefore, whatever it is that I don't want to pass along, it's maybe not something I can fully get rid of, but it doesn't rear its ugly head as often as it does currently. Because like one thing for me, I'll just be brutally honest with you. I'm the type of person that could be go, go, go, go, go in business. And I didn't always used to be this way. I built myself into a person that's like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go in

Starting point is 00:09:19 business. But when you build yourself into someone who's go, go, go, go, go, go, go, and it's meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, meeting, and it's a lot of stuff being done, it makes it hard to turn it off sometimes. And children's nervous system learns how to be from an adult's nervous system, from their parents' nervous system, especially in the first few months, is the child's nervous system is learning by actually feeling your nervous system and so do I want to be go go go go go on my business and then sit down and have a quiet moment with my son and I can't even stop and be present and

Starting point is 00:09:55 I can't stop in in in be there or have to be doing something else I have to be thinking about the next thing that I have to do you know I was a type of person for a while we're going on vacation was hard for me because I could not turn my brain off of what need to be done in business and the next thing that I have to do. I was the type of person for a while where going on vacation was hard for me because I could not turn my brain off of what needed to be done in business and the next idea and all of that stuff. And so I've been slowly and consciously unprogramming that. I don't want my child to learn

Starting point is 00:10:17 an anxious go, go, go, go, go nervous system, a nervous system that can't be present in this moment. So I've been working on turning that on while I'm working, because that is a really good thing when you're working, but turning it off when I'm not. If you listen to an episode I did about a week or so ago, a little while ago, I was talking about, you know, your nervous system being on your nervous, your sympathetic and your parasympathetic nervous system and being go, go, go, and then turning it off and being go, go, go, and turn off the same way that when you're working out, you can be lifting heavy, but you also need rest in order to lift heavier the next time you go in. And so I've been working on that because for me, I just didn't want to not be present whenever I decide that I

Starting point is 00:10:59 want to be present. Since I was a child and having a father that wasn't present, my number one goal was to be a father who was present. And so I can be there physically, right? But am I there emotionally and like literally actually there? A lot of times people are not. And so, you know, I've been working on turning it on while I'm at work and turning it off while I'm not at work. And, you know, to not feel like I always have to be doing something else. A lot of times people struggle with meditation because they feel like there's something else they should be doing. They need to be thinking about their kids and thinking about the work and think about what the things they need to check off for the

Starting point is 00:11:36 to-do list. And they're never actually fully ever in the present moment because when they sit down to try to be present, their mind is always somewhere else. You know, when I, one of the goals that I have is when I sit down with my children, I want to be able to bring as much presence as I possibly can. And so I've been working on that. I've been doing a lot of breath work recently. I've been doing a ton of breath work on YouTube to calm my nervous system so that I can be go, go, go. And then I can calm it and I can be go, go, go when I want to be. And I can, so I can, it's like a switch. Instead of it being something that's always on, it's, I can flip it on, I can flip it off. And so I've been training my nervous system to calm itself down. And every

Starting point is 00:12:13 single day for at least seven months now, I've been doing at least 15 minutes of breath work every single morning. And on average, I probably do it two times a day, breath work. And then there's some days, especially on Tuesdays, when I have a lot that's going on, I usually do it at least four times a day. And so, you know, I'm somebody, a lot of people say like, I don't, I'm too busy to do all of that, right? I'm super busy as well. But I find that when I find some time, even if it's just five minutes to do some breath work and be present, it actually makes me more productive when I do go into my business. The thing that's super important I want everyone to understand that's listening is that the real work that we have, and it took me years and years and years and years and years to understand this. I thought the real work for the longest time was to build a business, to be successful,

Starting point is 00:13:10 to make money, to have stability, to have security, all of that stuff, which all of that is fine. And it was always about achievement and it was always about drive and it was always about getting to the next mountaintop. The real work is your own interconnection. And we think that it's external. We think that it's achievement. and we think that it's external. We think that it's achievement, but when you really start to think about it, it's not that. The real work, and hopefully you can understand this at a point in your journey where you can really get it deep in your bones, the real work that you have to do

Starting point is 00:13:38 in your time here is on your own interconnection. Anything that is disconnecting you from yourself is what you need to work on. Anything that is disconnecting you from yourself is what you need to work on. Anything that is making you feel a lack of acceptance for yourself, a lack of love for yourself is the thing that you need to work on, right? And to feel like you don't need something. Like you win, in my opinion, this is my opinion, you win at life when you need nothing. opinion, this is my opinion. You win at life when you need nothing. You don't have anything that you have to go do. You could still have, you can still, here's the crazy part about it. I used to think like, if I need nothing, then I'm going to be broke and I'm not going to have a business and I'm not going to be successful. I'm not going to be able to have what I'm not going to want to do

Starting point is 00:14:18 anything anymore. I won't want to travel. I won't want to, you know, challenge myself. All of that was completely false. You win at life when you need nothing, but you can still go out and play without coming from the place of like, I need to go succeed, or I need to achieve, or I need to make money, or I need to buy something, or have fame in order to fill a void within my soul, which is I don't feel worthy and I need to go outside to find love. Because whatever you're searching for from the external world is what you're really searching for from yourself. You know, a lot of times, and I know a lot of very successful people, and I've done this

Starting point is 00:14:53 within myself as well. We think that achievement is going to fill the void within ourself. But this is a very important point. I want you to think about this and really let this settle in. If for the next 30 years, you worked your ass off, you got everything that you wanted, you had all the fame, the success, the happiness, the joy, all of those things, you made all of the money you wanted to, you traveled to all the places you possibly could, you had houses and cars and clothes,

Starting point is 00:15:17 maybe you had a fucking plane, right? If you had everything that you wanted and you fast forward 30 years from today, you would give all of it away to be where you are right now. Everything. I'm 38 years old right now. If I was 68 years old and I made a hundred million dollars and did all of the cool shit I could possibly do, I would give every bit of it at 68 years old to be back where I am at 38 years old right now. So what does that say? The present moment is the most important moment in your life. What is taking you away from the present moment? A lot of people are trying to do something else. You're trying to go further along. They're trying to figure out what the next thing is that they need to do. I have come to realize that,

Starting point is 00:16:02 and it goes back to a James Taylor quote. It's like a song in the 70s he wrote, the purpose of life is to enjoy the passage of time. And so one thing I've been trying to do is trying to enjoy the passage of time with no external stimulation in any sort of way, no phone, no books, none of that stuff, to be able to sit outside, sit with my dog, hang out, not even have to talk to anybody, but to enjoy that moment as much as I possibly can. Think about that for a second. Just go back to what I said. You would give everything that you have 30 years from today to be back in this moment, this exact moment, exactly where you currently are, which shows us that the present moment is the most important moment of your entire life. And the purpose of our life is to enjoy

Starting point is 00:16:49 the passage of time. What is getting in the way of us enjoying the passage of time? Is it our fears? Is it our limiting beliefs? Is it our self-talk? Is it the fact that we feel like we should be further along? Is it that we feel like we need to achieve more? We need to be more in order to be worthy of something? Whatever is in the way of you enjoying the passage of time is what is stealing your presence from the present moment. So for me, that's what I've been working on. I just want to be more present because ultimately I think that's the best thing that I can do to serve myself, to serve the world,

Starting point is 00:17:26 to serve my son, to serve my family, my wife, everyone around me is to be as present as I possibly can with every person that I sit down with. So it's not an easy mountain to climb, but that's what I'm working on. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, that's where I kind of share some behind the scenes of my life and life updates as well.

Starting point is 00:17:54 Because, you know, podcast, it's kind of interesting just to share life updates in the middle of talking about something else. So if you want to follow me on there, you definitely could. And don't worry, I'm still posting on there at least two, three, four times a day. But with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - What’s Most Important Right Now

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