The Mindset Mentor - Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button since you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive motivational text message from me and you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now. 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm going to tell you why positive thinking does not work. I know a guy that is considered a motivational speaker, even though I hate that phrase, considered a motivational speaker says that positive thinking does not work. Well, let me tell you exactly what I mean by that. I'm going to talk about why positive thinking doesn't work for most people and how to actually make it work for you. And the first thing that I want to kind of dive into is that there's a lot of people

Starting point is 00:00:56 that talk trash about positive thinking. They say, oh, yeah, well, when you're, you know, being a positive thinker, you know, what you're doing is you're actually just ignoring all the negative and that's not healthy and that's not good. You don't want to ignore all of the negative in your life. You know, it's not all, you know, unicorns pooping out rainbows every single day, right? That's how most people act like that's what positive thinking is. No, no, no. It's not about ignoring the negative.

Starting point is 00:01:22 It's about looking at all of the things in life, you know, because if we're being honest, what's positive, what negative is the label that you put on it. It's not just as it actually is in full on reality. A lot of times it's all about turning the negative in your life into the positive or trying to find some sort of silver lining in some sort of way. Like, for instance, I can give you a great example. When my father passed away when I was 15 years old from being an alcoholic, I knew that it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It was very apparent it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It was the first person I ever knew that passed away.

Starting point is 00:01:56 All of that stuff was terrible. It sucked. But I was in that moment as we went through the process and a couple of weeks later, I was like, I'm going to figure out a way to make this thing be one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'm going to take this negative thing in my life and turn it into a positive. So at this point in time in my life, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. And now this is 21 years later, speaking to you. It's the worst thing that ever happened to me, but it's also the best thing that ever happened to me because I would not be doing what I do now. I wouldn't do any of this stuff had I not had to go through that. And so it's about, hey, there's some negative out there. Can we try to turn as much negative into positive?

Starting point is 00:02:33 Or can we find a silver lining? Or can we see this negative and now take the correct action in our life, right? When you think of the bad things in your life, four years ago, five years ago, when you've been through some things, if you look at them now, now that it's been some time and you've grieved and you've gone through the process, a lot of times you don't want to take them back. You don't wish that they wouldn't have happened. For me, I had somebody ask me not long ago, do I wish that my

Starting point is 00:03:03 father was still around? The answer is, yeah, I wish he was still around, but I don't wish that anything would have changed. And so it's just part of the process. And the reason why is because I don't want to take that away because so much good has been able to come from that, right? And so I want you to just be understanding that if you think about the bad things in your life, most of the time you don't want them to take them away because that's actually what happened right before one of the biggest stages of growth in your life, most of the time you don't want them to take them away because that's actually what happened right before one of the biggest stages of growth in your life.

Starting point is 00:03:29 They weren't fun to go through, that's for sure, but they made you into who you are. So I just want to bring that up and talk about it for you to actually talk in the actual positive thing itself. Because a lot of people talk more negative to themselves than positive. Here's the crazy part. There's studies that have been done that show that people, majority of people's thoughts, I think it's up to 95% of their thoughts are negative. Just think about that for a second. 95% of the average person's thoughts are negative. Well, yeah, it's hard to make positive thinking work if it's only 5% of your thoughts, right? That's like saying, well, do you think this 100-pound man could beat up this 500-

Starting point is 00:04:14 pound man? You know, probably not. It's like going to, thinking 100-pound man, if you've ever watched Game of Thrones, that huge giant guy, I think they call him the Mountain was his name, that huge giant guy who's just massive, he's like seven foot tall against like a hundred pound man, right? It's not going to happen. And so if you think of the mountain as your negative thoughts and you think of a tiny little hundred pound person trying to fight him, you're like, yeah, the big guy's going to win every single time. And so when people are like, well, I'm trying to think positive, I'm trying to think positive, but it's like five to 7% of your thoughts. Well, yeah, you're going to have a hard time finding the positive if you're just only having five to 7%

Starting point is 00:04:53 of your thoughts be positive and the rest of them, you know, 95 to 93% of them being negative. So the way that I like to imagine it, I made a video on this about three years ago and it went crazy viral on Facebook. And the way that I think of a human, like a baby when they come into this world, is if you think of like, we all know babies are just pure, pure love, pure amazingness, everything. We mess them up before being us. Society messes them up, all of these things, constructs mess them up, all of this stuff. So we come into this world as like a big, if you imagine a big, beautiful jar, glass jars, you could see through it of water. It's clear, everything. That's how we come into this world, right? And everything that happens to us,

Starting point is 00:05:40 every negative thought, every problem that we have, all of these things is like taking a scoop, every negative thought, every problem that we have, all of these things is like taking a scoop, you know, a scoop, say a spoon, right? A spoonful of dirt and throwing it in there, right? You take a spoonful of dirt and you throw it in there. You know, somebody says something bad to you, you take a spoonful of dirt, you throw it in there. This happens over and over and over and over again in our life because for most people, life can be quite hard. There are very many ups and downs and ups and downs and ups and downs. And what happens is if every negative thing that's ever happened to us is just a spoonful of dirt that goes in there. Every negative person that says something to us, it's another spoonful of dirt that goes in there.

Starting point is 00:06:24 negative person that says something to us. It's another spoonful of dirt that goes in there. And then you start thinking about all of that that has happened externally outside of us. And then you start to think about all of the things that you say to yourself inside of your own head. And you start to think about, oh my God, every negative thought that I have is like a scoop of dirt going into what once was a very clean, pure jar of water. And you start to think about, well, okay, you know what? You wake up one day and you're like, you know what? I need to start thinking more positive. And you have a positive thought and you take a little spoonful of clear water and you put it in there. You take a little spoonful of water for the next positive thought and you take a little spoonful of clear water and you put it in there. You take a little spoonful of water for the next positive thought and you put it in there and you do something for

Starting point is 00:07:08 yourself. And you take a spoonful of water and you put it in there. And you're like, damn it, positive thinking doesn't work. It's like, no, no, no. Positive thinking doesn't work when you're only doing a little bit of it. Positive thinking is something that you have to do all of the time because we talk negative to ourselves and people, negative things happen to them and bad things happen in this world. You know, but people talk to themselves in a way that's just terrible sometimes. And if 95% of our thoughts are negative, you know, we have to, we think, oh, we're, we're dumb, we're fat, you're ugly. You know, you're, you're not what society wants. You're not what your parents want. You'll never be loved. You have failed relationships. You have not enough. You see Instagram models and they have

Starting point is 00:07:49 way better bodies than you and your body isn't anything like that. And they have way better faces than you and your face doesn't look like that. You start comparing yourself to other people and you see people who are multimillionaires on Instagram and you're like, damn it, I'm still broke. And then you see advertisements and advertisements tell you that you're not enough until you buy their product. And what happens is over and over and over again, it's just like spoonfuls of dirt get thrown into that what once was beautiful, clean jar of water. It's impossible to go through life without scars. There's going to be negative. There's going to be negative thoughts. You're going to have that, but you have to understand that you have to be, and I'm going to tell you why in just

Starting point is 00:08:29 a second, but you have to be your biggest fan. You have to be your biggest supporter. You have to speak positively to yourself. You have to demand happiness in your life. So what happens, and let me go, let me, before I switch off this topic, let me say one more thing that I always love to say, because it's a very good, if you've been listening to podcasts for a while, you've heard me say this before, but it's just a very good video that explains, the visual that explains how we are in our own heads. Jay Shetty, a friend of mine, has a great video years ago where he sat down with these ladies, about 20s, 30 years old, and he said, hey, here's a pen and paper. Write down everything negative that you say to yourself.

Starting point is 00:09:09 Like just jot it all down. The stuff that's running through your head, what you think about yourself, all of that stuff. So they start writing all these things down. He says, okay, come with me. They have like, you know, 10, 20, 30 things that they say to himself over and over and over again. Go into another room. And then out of the room, sitting down is the little sisters. So their little sister is like 11, 12, 13, whatever it is, nine. And he goes, okay, sit down next to her. And I want you to say everything that she said on that pen and paper to her. And their faces are like, no, I can never, I would never do that. I would never talk to her that way. And the whole idea is if you would never talk to her that way, why would you talk to yourself that way? Because

Starting point is 00:09:48 there's still a little child that's inside of you that you're just bashing all of the time. And so you have to demand greatness from yourself. You have to be your biggest fan. You have to be your biggest supporter and you have to demand happiness in your life. And first, what you need to do is you need to start being aware of all of the thoughts that go through your head. Hey, today's program is brought to you by Athletic Greens, the health and wellness company that makes comprehensive daily nutrition really, really simple. AG1 by Athletic Greens is the category-leading superfood product that brings comprehensive and convenient daily nutrition to everybody. Because keeping up with the research, knowing what to do, and taking a bunch of pills and capsules is hard on the stomach,

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Starting point is 00:12:14 are available within 24 hours. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C.com slash dial, ZocDoc.com slash dial. So, like I said, most people think, oh my gosh. Okay. So I'm okay. Great. Rob, I've been negative for a while. I'm going to hop on this positive train. That sounds awesome. And when people first hear positive thinking, if you think of that really dirty bowl of water, like there's been so much crap that's been put in this bowl of water. And you're like, I'm going to try some positive thinking. You try positive thinking for a week. You try positive thinking for a few days and you're like, it doesn't work. I still feel like shit, right? Well, that's only because your positive thinking went from like 5% to 10%, right? 10% is still dirty water. 10%

Starting point is 00:12:55 and 90% dirt, you're going to have a really dirty bowl of water. And so what your thinking needs to be, and this is the thing that I had inside of the video that, you know, I'm going to try to portray to you inside of a podcast, I presume, is I was pouring some water and I was pouring some water and pouring some water after pouring all this dirt in there. And it's just still dirty. It's still a dirty bowl of water. I said, your thoughts, your positive thoughts need to be like a hose. And I turned a hose on and I put it in there. And I said, you need to start talking positively to yourself. You need to start thinking good thoughts about yourself. When you notice a bad thought, you need positively to yourself. You need to start thinking good thoughts about yourself. When you notice a bad thought, you need to remove it.

Starting point is 00:13:27 You need to start asking yourself, what are the negative things that I say to myself? And what do you want to start replacing that with? What is going to help you? Because what happens is this. If you have a big, dirty jug of water and you turn a hose on and you leave that hose on for long enough, eventually it spins out all, it starts to overflow and the dirt starts to come out. It overflows and it overflows and it overflows. Eventually, a few minutes later, there's only clean water that's left inside of that bowl.

Starting point is 00:13:56 So positive thinking isn't just something that you do sometimes. It's got to be something that you do all of the time. It's got to be something where you're very aware of what you're listening to. You've got to be aware of the music that you're listening to, the stuff that you're reading, the people that you're following on Instagram, the people that you spend your time with. If you want to change your life into being something positive, it takes a complete overhaul. But what it starts with is your positive thinking that you want to have in your own head. Positive thinking can't be something that you want to have in your own head. Positive thinking can't be something that you just try sometimes. Positive thinking is a way of life.

Starting point is 00:14:31 It's something that you do all of the time. It's like going on a diet. People are like, well, I'm going to go on the diet for 30 days. And then it doesn't work the way they want to, they lose a little bit of weight, and then they go back to it. No, it can't be a diet. It has to be a way of life. It has to be a complete change. And that's what's actually going to change your body. It's the exact same thing inside of your head. Positive thinking can't be something that you just try to do sometimes. The reason why it doesn't work for most people is because they're not doing enough of it. They're trying a little bit. They try it on and they're like, oh, it didn't work for me. It's like going to the gym a couple of times and be like, oh, it didn't work for me.

Starting point is 00:15:08 No, it takes time over and over and over and over again. It takes showing up for yourself over and over and over and over again. It takes knowing how important it is for you to actually be this way and to realize that this is something that you need to do. If I'm being honest with you, for the majority of my life, well, I guess not the majority now because this is probably about 20 years ago. So for the first 19, 20 years of my life, I, well, let's just say it's, okay, so yeah, it has been the majority of my life. I'm doing the math in my head. 19, 20 years of my life, I was very pessimistic. I could find the negative in anything. I could make an excuse for anything. And that's just how I was. I was very pessimistic. I could find the negative in anything. I could make an excuse for anything. And that's

Starting point is 00:15:46 just how I was. I was very pessimistic. I could find holes in everything, you know, all of that stuff. And then I started getting into personal development when I was 19. I hired my first, you know, my first mindset coach, my first one-on-one coach and worked together weekly every single week. And what happened was I started to really shift myself. And so, you know, that was 16, 17 years ago at this point. I've noticed that it's hard for me to be pessimistic now, but I was naturally pessimistic a long time ago. So the majority of my life, the first 19, 20 years was a lot of pessimism. I just was that way. I don't know why. Life, things happen. That's just the way that I was. Now it's really hard for me to have something quote unquote negative happen to me without me trying to subconsciously, not even like consciously doing it, find the positive. If something happens,

Starting point is 00:16:37 I'm like, I got to find the fucking positive in this. If I start noticing that I'm saying something in my own head, I'm like, nope, not going to be talking to yourself that way, Rob. And I'll stop it immediately and I'll go and start getting onto a different train of thought. Not saying that I'm perfect in this. I am no sort of very perfect. I'm just trying to give you an example of the way it actually starts to shift your perception. It has to be something that you become very intentional. It has to be something that you do all of the time. It has to become a way of life. It has to become like that hose inside of the water. Eventually, if you leave that hose

Starting point is 00:17:05 on with the clean water long enough, all of the dirt's going to come out of the top of that jar. What you're going to be left with is a clean bowl of water, which is positive thinking, which is being optimistic. And you have to be super intentional with it. Notice when the negative thoughts come up. And every single time the negative thought comes up, you know what? You got to replace it with a positive thought. We have to replace with three positive thoughts so that you replace any negative with three positive. You have to beat negativity out of your head sometimes. You have to place nicely.

Starting point is 00:17:35 If you got to beat the negativity out, you've got to nicely place the positivity into your head and realize that what you want, you can get. But mindset is the basis of everything. And if you're always thinking negative, it's going to be hard to motivate yourself and to create the life that you want to. So you've got to realize that the reason why positive thinking doesn't work

Starting point is 00:17:53 is because if you're only doing it a little bit, if you're just dipping your toes in, it doesn't work. Because there's a whole lot more negative thoughts that are going in than that. So you've got to realize that what you need to be is be intentional about every single thought that comes into your head and pulling out any of the weeds that start to grow inside of that mind of yours, aka the garden in your mind. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor and share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And for those of you guys that want to get some extra motivation

Starting point is 00:18:26 and mindset tips from me, I put out an email every single Monday with my intentions going into every single week, but also some tips on how to make your week better and how to kind of focus your mindset to make it the best week that you can. So if you want to get that, it's absolutely free. You can go to mondayemail.com right now. Once again, mondayemail.com and sign up for it and you'll get it inside of your email every single Monday. And with that, I'm gonna leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work

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