The Mindset Mentor - Why Self-Help Books Aren’t Enough

Episode Date: April 24, 2023

Why Self-Help Books Aren’t Enough | The Mindset Mentor Podcast Be sure to subscribe to my Youtube channel for more - https://youtube.com/robdialjr?sub_con ... Want more inspiration content to keep you going in the right direction? Follow me around the web: Instagram: @robdialjr Facebook: Rob Dial Twitter: @robdial -- Thank you to our sponsors: Shopify | https://shopify.com/dial - all lowercase! Headspace | https://headspace.com/DIAL30DAY Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, you would also love watching this podcast and the YouTube stuff that we put up on YouTube. So go ahead and go to YouTube, type in my name, Rob Dial, and I will pop up so you can start following us and see some of these podcasts live, but also see some of our YouTube specific lessons that we have as well. So once again, go to YouTube, type in my name, Rob Dial, and I'll see you over there as well. Today, I'm going to be diving into why self-help books are not enough and how you can unlock your full potential simply by just

living your life. And so, you know, I want to talk to you about how to quickly improve yourself. And I'm going to talk to you about how I see a lot of problems in the personal development industry. You know, I've been in this industry now for, you know, viewing it and then been a part of it for 17 years. And the way that I look at life is to always be learning. And everything that happens to you, whether it's good, whether it's bad, whether it's terrible, whether it's neutral, everything that happens to you is an opportunity for you to learn.

The problem is that a lot of people I find don't really see it that way, or they don't even know that life is here to teach you lessons. And there's lessons at every corner of your life. And one of the biggest misconceptions that I see about personal development is that people think, and I thought this for years, people think that personal development is deciding to read a book for 10 minutes every single morning. People think that personal development is meditating for 20 minutes every single morning. People think that personal development is meditating for 20 minutes in the morning. People think that personal development is going to their favorite

person's conference. People think that personal development is journaling. They think that's listening to a podcast. And all of those are an aspect of personal development. And all of them are great. And I think that all of them are needed, but they're not the only things to improve yourself. People think that, you know, I got to get my 30 minutes of personal development in this morning. No, like you've got to get your 16 hours of being awake personal development in this morning.

You know, life is your opportunity for personal development. Personal development means that you personally are developing in some sort of way. How can I look at everything as a gift that has been given to me for me to be able to learn and to grow? Some people will go read a book and then they'll be like, man, this is great. I'm learning how to improve myself. And then they'll get into an argument with their spouse and not realize

that the book was great. It was fine. It's okay. You can read books. I read books. I love reading books. But not realize that the argument was actually, the argument their spouse is actually their greatest opportunity for personal development that day. Think about that for a second. How often has the universe gifted you with opportunities to learn about yourself, to learn about others, to learn about everything around you, but you completely miss it because you get too involved in the minutia of what's going on around you? You were in that argument? Well, why was there an argument? Why was there an argument in the first place? What can you learn from that argument? Maybe it was something that your wife or your husband had done over and over and over and

over and over again, and you didn't say anything. You didn't say anything. You didn't say anything. And then finally, you put so much stuff, you just brushed in the rug and brushed in the rug, and eventually you tripped over the rug and you just exploded at them. What were you supposed to learn from that? Maybe the universe is coming to you saying, hey, you should speak your truth a little bit more. You should be more, have better communication in your relationship with your spouse.

Were you triggered in some sort of way? What was it that triggered you? Why was it triggering in you? Why was it a trigger? The universe is giving you a gift. Whenever you are triggered, it is showing you where you are not free. You are stuck in some sort of way. Triggering is a massive opportunity to learn. A trigger is a place where you're not free. And so the universe is showing you that you're not free through somebody else. They're bringing you your spouse to trigger you, to show you where you are still stuck, where you still need to improve. And all too often, we think of personal development as something that we do by ourselves, something that we do when we're reading books, when we're in a silo,

when we're deciding, you know what, I'm going to go ahead and do some journaling this morning. And all of those are essential. They are a big piece of personal development. But the biggest opportunity for you to grow is by seeing your life as a classroom. Your life has been and will be a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to learn and grow and become the best person she could become. They're not separate. We're not talking about two separate worlds here. It is the same world. Your life is a classroom. You're in class all day long. Are you seeing it that way? If you look at the fact that you were triggered by something by your spouse, someone else could have had the exact same thing happen to them and not be triggered,

which shows you it's not the trigger. It's you. Was it your spouse that triggered you? Why? Where did that come from? Is there something that they said that reminded you of when you were younger? Maybe something that your parents didn't give you that triggered you. Maybe something that happened to you when you were bullied by children and you still haven't let it go. You're 38 years old and you had this thing that happened to you when you were six and you've been carrying with it for 32 years and that the person's coming to you, the universe is coming to you through your wife to trigger you, to show you where you're still not free from an event that happened to you six years ago. And you're thinking that personal development is reading a book? The book is important. I keep saying it, but what's really important is mastering this game of life. Seeing

everything that happens to you as your perfectly crafted curriculum for your soul to learn, to grow, to improve. So you can listen to this podcast and get all excited. Like one of the things I hate, I hate being called a motivational speaker because I'm not a fucking motivational speaker. I'm not trying to motivate you. I'm trying to give you tips and tricks to improve your life. If that happens to be motivating, beautiful. I love that. That's great. But my job and what I feel is to try to help people become free from themselves, to free themselves from their mind, right? So you can listen to this podcast and you can get excited about growing. And then 30 minutes later, you know, you might listen to this podcast and you're on the way to Target. And you're like, this is great. Me and

my children were listening to, you know, Rob Dial. And you get to Target and you feel all great. You know, this is great. I love the stuff that Rob teaches. And then your child has a meltdown in Target. They throw a temper tantrum. And what happens? You get pissed off or something, right? That's a, listen, I love that you listen to this podcast, but that is a much better place for you to learn and grow and improve. Can you learn, oh my gosh, my child is having a complete meltdown. Can you learn how to keep calm in the middle of that storm and allow them to process emotions, which is hard, I know, I get it. But can you learn how to keep calm in the middle of that storm to show them that you are a safe space for them to express their emotions as they do? Can you learn how to keep calm in the middle of that storm, which is then a life lesson

to help you to get calm in any storm? That child melting down and having a temper tantrum in Target was your opportunity for the day to learn and grow and become better. You are going to the mental gym and you're working on your mental muscles and trying to become better. That's your opportunity. Did you miss that opportunity to learn that the universe gave you Or did you take that opportunity? focused on successfully growing your business. Shopify covers every sales channel from an in-person POS system to an all-in-one e-commerce platform. It even lets you sell across social media marketplaces like TikTok, Facebook, and Instagram. Packed with industry-leading tools ready to ignite your growth, Shopify gives you complete control over your business and your brand without having

to learn any new skills or design any code. And thanks to 24-7 help and extensive business course libraries, Shopify is there to support you and your success every step of the way. What's Thank you. This is Possibility, powered by Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash dial, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash dial to take your business to the next level today. Shopify.com slash dial. Hey, if the last few years have taught us anything, it's how important mental health is to our overall state of well-being.

Stress, anxiety, and sleep problems are all on the rise, and that affects mental health, mood, relationships, and overall life. Headspace helps you improve mental health through guided meditations, mindfulness practices, breathing and calming exercises, and so much more. And these tools can help reduce anxiety, boost your mood, and help you sleep better. Headspace combines scientifically proven benefits of meditation and mindfulness with modern practices through their experienced meditation teachers. With customized and personalized approaches to help you navigate through all of life's moments, big and small. The wide range of teachers and diverse backgrounds and areas of expertise ensure that there's a teacher and content to help you,

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for 30 days by going to headspace.com slash dial 30 day. You won't find this offer anywhere else. You must use my link. That's H-E-A-D-S-P-A-C-E dot com slash dial 30 day to unlock Headspace free for 30 days. This is not something that they normally do, so go to headspace.com slash dial 30 day to unlock Headspace free for 30 days. This is not something that they normally do. So go to headspace.com slash dial 30 day. You know, let's say your boyfriend or your girlfriend forgets to call you and it triggers you and it triggers you and you're just freaking out. Why didn't they call me? They said they were going to call me. They were supposed

to call me. I hate when she doesn't call me. I hate when he doesn't call me. And then you actually take a step back and you look at it like you're witnessing yourself. You're witnessing you stuck in emotions. You take a step back and you're like, hold on. What's going on here? Why am I so triggered right now? It's just simply a phone call. Is it that big of a deal? Is life melting down around me? No. Okay, if I take a step back, what's going on? Oh man, you know what's probably happening? I think I have a fear of abandonment from my childhood because my mom was this way or my dad was this way. Oh God, I'm noticing my trigger. Thank you universe for coming through in my girlfriend

and not calling me back and not texting me so that I can see that I'm still not free from that fear of an abandonment issue that started when I was nine years old. That's your trigger. That's your gift. Sure, we can blame it on her. We can blame it on, oh, you didn't call me back, you asshole, all these things. But really what it comes down to is you. The call doesn't matter. Your reaction to the call matters. That's the thing that we need to figure out. And one of the things that I like to do whenever I notice myself being triggered in some sort of way, be triggered, and then take a step back and say, okay, what's going on here?

Like, I'll be fully honest with you. On Monday, I was looking on YouTube and I was, a few weeks ago, I was interviewed on a podcast by somebody else. And I was like, I wonder if they put that YouTube video up yet. And I was looking at the YouTube video and they'd put it up a couple hours before. And there was a bunch of positive comments and it was awesome. And then there was one comment from this guy that said, what this guy teaches is dangerous. And he thought it was dangerous because I said that people should journal because they can act kind of like their own psychologist. And in his mind, he made the connection of this guy saying nobody should go to a psychologist. What they should do is literally just work themselves through journal and that's dangerous,

which isn't what I said. So there was definitely some jumping in his mind. And then made another one of like, I'm going to make a reaction video to this guy. And I was like, damn, this is pretty wild. And then so what happened was I was in the middle of making breakfast tacos. I went back to make a breakfast tacos. And about two minutes later, I noticed like a flood of stress come into my body. And I was like, this is weird. Why am I so stressed? I'm just making breakfast tacos. Like I had a great morning. I woke up. I meditated with my wife. I read for like 30, 45 minutes. I went and got my workout in. I did my shower. And I was in the middle of making breakfast tacos. I was having a great freaking day. And then out of nowhere,

this flood of stress comes into my body. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. This is weird. I'm just making breakfast tacos. Why do I feel so stressed right now? And so what I did, same thing, I took a step back. Okay. What's happening? Let me witness what's happening with Rob. It's kind of the way that I view it, right? Let me witness what's happening with Rob. It's kind of the way that I view it, right? Let me witness what's happening with Rob right now. What's happening? Okay, what's happening is it looks like he is getting stressed out. Why is he getting stressed out? Well, what is he thinking?

Well, the only thing I can think about is there must be some sort of connection to that comment that he read in YouTube. This is what I'm doing in my head. I'm literally taking a step back and looking at myself and going, why is he so full of stress right now? Anxiety. Why does he feel so anxious? And I was like, damn, that must be something from my head. I'm literally taking a step back and looking at myself and going, why is he so full of stress right now? Anxiety. Why does he feel so anxious? And I was like, damn, that must be something from my childhood. You know, and what I did was I did my breathing techniques, six deep

breaths into the nose, out through the mouth. I put on a really calming song and I started, you know, just allowing myself to just feel the way I was feeling for a moment. And then after I calmed down, I was like, what is that? Where did it come from? Why was it there? What unresolved issues from my childhood just popped up right there? And so I started thinking through, I started figuring out what was going on. And I noticed that it was a trigger that I had from when I felt like I was bullied as a kid. And I felt like I was being bullied now as a 37-year-old on YouTube. And I was like, that's interesting. I thought I was past this. You know what? I guess I'm not. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with it. Because

normally I'd be like, I thought I was past this. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why is this triggering me? It's just some dumb ass on YouTube. You know, we can think that way. Or I can just go, you know what? It's still nine-year-old Rob. It's just, we're still working past these things. It's okay. I got you. We're safe. There's nothing wrong. Took some deep breaths and I just kind of let it go. And I noticed that as I let it go and I didn't hold onto it, I was able to work through it. And I noticed that I was triggered. I took a step back. I did some breathing. I figured out why I was triggered. And now I can start to work through those processes. That was my biggest gift so far this week from the

universe to show me, Rob, you still got work to do. And guess what? I don't ever expect to be perfect and not have work to do. It's just now I've got some tools in my tool belt over the years of working on myself to notice these things, become aware quicker, and then actually, you know, some tools in my tool belts to breathe through it, to work through it, and to think through it so I can get myself back on track. And so I've told this story probably five times this week to different people, to different groups of people, because I think it's important for people to hear that is the way that I viewed what was going on in my life. Universe, thank you so much for triggering me from this freaking person on YouTube. That is a gift. I can still think he's an asshole, but I think it's a

gift as well. So I can still be like, ah, screw that guy. But thank you for coming through, universe, God, whatever it is that's out there that's here to help me improve and to look at that and go, ah, it's okay. We're still working on it. We're still working on this Rob Dial guide. And so when you start to see this, you start to see that all of life is a lesson. And that's the way that I really like to view my life. I have found that it is a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to evolve into the highest version of yourself. Love, loss, sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, rage, joy, every single thing that happens

to us is an opportunity for us to learn and to grow. And anytime we miss those lessons, we miss our opportunity to grow. The highest version of you is not found in a book. You can learn and that's great, but the highest version of you is not found in those books. The highest version of you is found on the other side of a breakdown. Notice the feeling. Breathe into the feeling. Notice what's going on. Do not resist it. Don't shame yourself. Don't guilt yourself. Don't be pissed off that you're not quote unquote there yet, wherever the fuck there is. Don't resist it. And ask yourself, what am I feeling? Oh man, I'm feeling really a lot of stress. I'm feeling a lot of anxiousness. I'm feeling a lot

of sadness. Whatever it is you're feeling. Okay. That's what I'm feeling. Why am I feeling this way? You start to work through it. And what you realize, you start to get a little bit better, and you get a little bit better, and you get a little bit better. And you realize that all of this is a gift. All of those things, the good in life, the bad in life, the neutral things in life, all of them are a gift.

Don't resist them. Allow them to come through. Work through them. Your resistance doesn't help you. Working through it helps you. And working through it allows you to be able to show up as a better person for the people that you love, for the people that are around you.

I viewed it as I was going through this whole thing on Monday. I viewed it as this is going to be a really good lesson one day. This is going to be a really good podcast that I could create one day. And that was just me explaining it real quick. But as I start to learn more about what happened to me and start to think about more happened to me, I can turn this into a podcast episode. Holy shit. Thank you, universe, for allowing me to be triggered by this guy so that I can eventually learn and grow from it, get another tool in my tool belt, and be able to teach this in a podcast episode and hopefully help hundreds of thousands of people. That's the way that we have to view our life. Whether you have a podcast going on to hundreds of thousands of

people or not, or you just surround yourself with people who are important to you, you growing and learning with every one of the things that trigger you in your life is one of the most important things that you could do. Your life is a classroom. Are you pulling the lessons out of it that you need? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode and it impacted you, please do me a favor. Share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in that mofo. Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.