The Mindset Mentor - Why Were We Never Taught This??

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast and you want some more extra tips and tricks to improve your mindset, go ahead and go to mondayemail.com. Once again, mondayemail.com, that's where I send tips and tricks on how to improve your mindset, go ahead and go to mondayemail.com. Once again, mondayemail.com, that's where I send tips and tricks on how to improve your mindset even more than we teach just in this podcast. So if you want some extra help, go to mondayemail.com. That's absolutely free and sign up there. Today, we're going to be talking about, well, we're going to be going really deep today. Today's episode is actually going to be titled,

why the hell were we never taught this? And this is something that I think is going be very eye-opening for most people out there. We're going to be talking about how to become a better, calmer, more centered, less triggered, less anxious, better version of yourself more than anything else. I don't want to say that I don't like using the phrase better because better means inherently that you're worse at this point, but you know what I mean by better. A more improved, a more enlightened, a more calm and centered version of yourself. And I'm going to give you five different tips that are really going to help with this. And the way I actually decided to make this podcast episode was I talked about a little while ago in an episode just really quickly about self-soothing and how I think that most people as adults actually have problems with self-soothing. We're never really taught how to self-soothe. And an example of what

I mean by self-soothing or soothing in general is when you're a baby and you're crying and you are going through emotions, your mother will pick you up and soothe you and also give you a pacifier and those things will soothe you. But as we become adults, as we become actually children, and we start to have anger issues or we yell, we're then told that we're not supposed to be that way. And you get to a certain point where the crying or the having emotion, wherever it is, can go from let me soothe you to shut up for some people. And what happens is we don't actually learn how to self-soothe as adults, as children. And then as adults, now we're 30, 40, 50 years old

and we have no idea how to self-soothe ourselves. And what exactly I mean by self-soothing is the act of being able to get yourself back to homeostasis, to bring yourself back to a calm and centered state, no matter what is happening around you, but also no matter what is happening inside of you. You know, after being triggered in some sort of way, it is a reset of going back to homeostasis and the nervous system. Because when I say triggered, triggered can mean many things to many people, depending on who you are. For some people listening, it might be anger. Somebody says something to you or does something to you or you see something a certain way and you become angry and it can be rage. For some people, that triggering can be somebody

says the exact same thing to you as the other person, but instead of being angry or getting rage, it might be sadness. It might be something happens to you or you have a whole lot of things that you have to do over the next week or today and you get very anxious and stressed. It might be something happens to you or you have a whole lot of things that you have to do over the next week or today, and you get very anxious and stressed. It could be depressed. And so really what those are, those are heightened emotions. They're considered quote unquote lower emotions or like wrong emotions. And I want to say first off, when I'm talking about trigger and I'm talking about emotions. There is nothing wrong with any emotion. Emotions are emotions and should be felt and should be expressed. But we're not talking about bad emotions or this emotion is better than this one. All emotions just are happy, joy, peace,

calm, centered, rage, anxiousness. All of those things just are. They're not bad. They're just part of the human experience that you are existing in. And that's it. But really what I mean by that is we don't want to live in any emotion. We don't want to live in rage and anger and stress and depressed and anxious. You don't want to live there. You can feel them. You can express them. You can do what needs to be done. But you've got to have some form of a strategy to be able to self-soothe, to be able to get yourself back to that feeling, that feeling where it's just calm, peaceful, joy. Nothing has to happen. Nothing has to, nothing can make you feel out of homeostasis, just calm, centered, back to normal.

As I said, it's a reset back to the nervous system. So, you know, in the example that I gave not long ago, we were talking about how, I was talking about how a lot of people have a stressful day at work. And after that stressful day at work, the way that they self-soothe is coming back, the boss said something, their coworkers didn't show up for a presentation and they had to do everything, whatever it was, somehow they were triggered in some way. And then they come home and they think, man, today was a hard day. I need a glass of wine. Now, no judgment.

I don't think that that's necessarily bad, but that's a form of using external substances in order to change an internal state. But you wake up tomorrow and you are the exact same person. There was no improvement. And the glass of wine actually becomes more of a numbing of your emotions. So instead of expressing them, working through them, and then self-soothing, it is a numbing of those emotions, which eventually builds up and builds up and builds up. And usually for a lot of people, it comes to an explosion or a breakdown or rage or something like that, because it's just like, I get triggered and then I numb and I get triggered and I numb and I get triggered and I get numb. That means those emotions are never actually flowing through my body and out of my body.

And then never getting back to actual place of homeostasis. I'm using the cigarette or the glass of wine or the drugs or whatever it is externally to numb the feeling that I have of triggered, whatever that triggered might be. And so, you know, although a glass of wine is amazing, it's the easy way and there's no growth from it. You're not going to wake up and be better. so what would be better than that is being able to actually understand what self-soothing is and being able to come home after a long day that might have been stressful to work instead of reach for a glass of wine to not feel it anymore to actually be able to self-soothe and bring yourself back through your own practices to calm and centered. That is a way of self-improvement in a way to become better in the process. And it's not sexy. It's definitely not the easy way

to be able to have wine or alcohol or any of those things, drugs. All of those are the easiest way. So what I'm going to talk about with these self-soothing and the five tips I'm going to give you are not the easier way. They take a little bit longer. They're not as sexy as drinking a glass of wine and watching Netflix, but it will come to be, you will come to be a person that is more developed and better through the process. Because then something can happen. And instead of having to come home and self-soothe, you can self-soothe in the moment. And while shit can be hitting the fan outside of you, you can be calm, centered, peaceful, everything being okay. And so that's what we're going to go through is how you can get there. And I'm going to give you a few

tips that I like that work for me and that I've used with many of my clients in the past. I'm also going to give you a few that are just outside of that as well. But there's many ways to self-soothe. What I really want to do is actually open up the conversation in your own mind of when you need self-soothing so you can become aware of it. And then also what might work for you so that you can grow as well. And really, it's kind of like an adult pacifier. Baby's crying, you give them a pacifier, it soothes them. What is your adult pacifier is what we're trying to figure out through this process. Cool? So let's go ahead and go through a few self-soothing techniques that I think will help you out. The first one is probably obvious to a lot of people, and you probably thought I might be talking about this, is meditation. But I'm going to take it one step

further than just meditation because I don't know about you, but when shit's hitting the fan and I try to meditate, sometimes it works. A lot of times, though, my brain is just processing and thinking and thinking and thinking and thinking. And so I'll sit down for a 20-minute meditation and my brain's thinking the entire time. A lot of what I'm going to teach you today is to go from the head to the body. Like we're trying to get back into your physical body because when you're thinking, thinking, thinking, you're usually thinking into the future. You're usually making fake futures that don't exist. You're usually worrying yourself and

stressing yourself out more. I want to bring you back into your body, into the present moment. So meditation can help, but if I'm being honest with you, it's a little bit harder than shit sitting in the fan. What I prefer is breathing exercises with a meditation. I prefer conscious breathing with that meditation that I'm doing because therefore we're trying to bring ourself out of the mind, which meditation usually brings us into the mind and bring us into the body. Hey, you ever try to cancel a subscription and companies make it really hard? That's one of the things that I hate about subscriptions. There's so many times I've had to call a company and they make me jump through hoops in order to cancel a subscription. That's why I love using Rocket

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with Rocket Money today. Go to rocketmoney.com slash dial. Seriously, it could save you hundreds of dollars per year. That's rocketmoney.com slash dial. So there's a couple of different techniques that I'll teach you, and you can try all of these if you want. The first one, which we've tried on the podcast before, if you've been listening for a while, is just six deep conscious breaths. That's in through the nose and then out through the mouth. When you breathe out, it's like breathing out through a straw. So it's a long exhale. The long exhale is actually the most important part because a long exhale actually slows your heart rate down. So what would it sound like? I'll just do one of them, but you would do six. You go in through the nose, breathe out through the mouth. You do six of those. In six of those, if you close your eyes

and just really concentrate on the breathing, actually you'll feel a massive shift in six breaths. So that's an option if you don't have a whole lot of time. That's usually one if I'm, don't have a whole lot of time and I want to bring myself back to calm and centered. That's usually what I'll go for. One that I think can be even better sometimes is Wim Hof. Wim Hof breathing is just a, you know, it's coined by Wim Hof, a man now, but it's really an ancient form of breathing, which is a deep breath in and let it fall out, both of them through your mouth and you do 30 breaths. So if you were to do, I'll do five of them. It would be you do 30 of those and then you hold your breath at the end as long as you possibly can. And then you breathe all the way out and then you do another round. So that's one round. You'd want

to do three of them. And what these are doing is it's bringing you back into your body more than anything else. If you want to go even further, just another thing to try out, this is what I like to do if there's really stuff going crazy and I feel like you need a full reset on the nervous system, is I'll do three rounds of Wim Hof, so 30 breaths in and out, breathe all the way in, hold as long as you possibly can, breathe all the way out, and then you go do another round, you do three rounds of that, and then the last round, I breathe all the way in. This is something that Wim Hof talks about as a massive reset to your nervous system. On the very last round, I'll breathe all the way in and then hold as long as I possibly can and do as many pushups as I possibly can without breathing again. And then once I get to a point, obviously don't knock yourself out

and don't go to extremes. Go to a point where you're like, okay, now I need to breathe again. And then once I get to a point, obviously don't knock yourself out and don't go to extremes. Go to a point where you're like, okay, now I need to breathe again. What's interesting is that you're over, for me personally, when I do this, I'm over oxygenated, which means I have a lot of oxygen inside of my body. And I'll be able to do more pushups without breathing than I can if I breathe normally. And so what this does is when you're in this state, for me personally, when I'm in this state of stress, stress, stress, things going on, and then I do this reset, when I'm not breathing and I'm doing as many pushups as possible, my brain and body are so on point with each other. And so I'm not thinking about the future. I'm not thinking about the

thing that stressed me out. I'm literally thinking about this present second. Now I get done with that exercise and I'm like, man, that feels like a full nervous system reset. So that's the first thing that I really like is breathing exercises. My second one, which is another one of my favorites, is music. So what I like to do is put on my headphones and listen to certain songs. There's two songs that I listen to the most. One of them is a song that I found years ago that was considered, I don't know how scientists figured that out, the most calming song ever created. It's a song called Weightless by a band or a person, I don't know what it is, called Marconi Union. And there's actually a 10-hour version of it available on YouTube. So the song itself is like three minutes long, but someone made a 10-hour version of it on YouTube if you really want to calm down. So I'll put that song on, you know, usually that's

what I put on if I'm in the car or there's another song that for me personally, I don't know why, just calms me down like crazy. And it's the Out of Africa theme song. And it's from the movie Out of Africa. And I remember when I was running my very first business and it got really stressful, there were times when I needed to go into my office, shut the door and I remember when I was running my very first business and it got really stressful, there were times when I needed to go into my office, shut the door and I would tell everyone who, you know, my assistant managers and my receptionist, everything like, hey, give me 10 minutes.

And I would close my eyes and I would put that on and I would just do deep breathing and that song just kind of fully chilled me out. So for me, I know those are my two songs. Those are like in my back pocket if I really need them. For you, I would say figure out what music works for you, what music calms you down so that you could try to bring yourself out of that rage, anger, sadness, anxiousness state and bring yourself back into the present moment into your body. So that's number two. Number three is movement. Usually, once again,

if you're in your head, you want to get back into your body. So you can do your pick of movement. I'm going to give you a few different options. It could be upbeat. It could be slow, depending on what you need, depending on who you are, depending on your personality. It could be jumping jacks. It could be pushups. It could be a whole workout, or it could be yoga and it could be stretching, or it could be just standing up and just shaking everything out. Like there's a thing that I'll do sometimes and I'll just shake everything out as much as I can. And I'm trying to get back into the body, trying to bring myself back to my, I can. And I'm trying to get back into the body, trying to bring myself back to my, so sometimes just jumping and then trying to shake all my arms, my limbs, my shoulders, everything. And I referenced this in the other episode when I was

talking about self-soothing really quickly, is that every animal has some form of a way to get adrenaline out of their body. And for some animals, it's a form of shaking after they get chased by an animal. For my dog, one of the things that he does all the time is he yawns. We call them stress yawns, where he has these yawns and they're like these really labored yawns that he does. And we can tell that he's stressed out and he's trying to move that adrenaline through his body is what he's doing. And sometimes when he's nervous, he'll also shake. We took him on a plane not too long ago and normally he's fine on a plane, but for some reason, this plane was really loud and he was just shaking the entire time.

So the poor guy was shaking and that was his way of moving the adrenaline, moving the emotion through his body. And so for you, movement could be able to be something that could help you as well. Get back into your body, get out of your head that's making all the stress. And because it's never actually the circumstances stressing you out or making you sad or making anxious. It's what you're thinking about that thing. So it's all in the head. You want to bring it back into the body. Another one, which is number four, which really helps with getting back into the body is something called tapping. So there's this thing called tapping where you can tap certain parts of your

body. And I don't want to talk about it because I'm not an expert on it. There are certain parts of your body that you can tap that are supposed to calm your nervous system down. If you look up tapping and how to do it, you can definitely do it. I know one of them is on the crown of your head. Another one's like middle forehead. Another one happens to be right next to your nose. Another one's in the bottom of your chin. Another one is in the center of your chest. For those of you guys that aren't watching the video on YouTube, you can't really see me, but this is, I'm actually tapping those. And I prefer over that tapping. I actually prefer another version of tapping that I do, which is actually standing up, moving my body around, doing the shaking just a little bit, kind of getting the energy moving. And then actually

physically up, this isn't too loud in the microphone, actually physically tapping with an open hand, different parts of my muscles and my entire body. So literally like I'll go all the way down my arm, I'll go to my chest, I'll go down my other arm and I'll actually physically tap with a little bit of pressure. Like it doesn't hurt, but it's definitely hard. Then I'll do on my legs, I'll do my back, I'll do my butt, all of that. And I'm actually physically moving and waking up my body. And I don't know what it is. I'm not an expert on this, but I'm telling you, it really freaking works. When you tap and just do some hard taps, you know, in the chest and everything, you get under your stomach, it tends to just get you out of your head, get you back

into your body and that version of just a little bit more calm. So that's number four. Number five is a thing called a physiological sigh. A physiological sigh is something that we do all of the time. Like we, I think on average, we do it about every 10 to 15 minutes unconsciously, but a physiological sigh is two, two quick breaths in and then one quick, like not very long, but longer breath out. So I've became very aware of this with Lauren, my fiance. And years ago, she used to just do this and I was like, man, she does this a lot. And it's just, it sounds like this. It's called physiological sigh. If you do one, two, three of those, two quick ones in and through the nose and out through the mouth, what it does is it's actually a form, your body will

do this naturally, of a way for your body to release CO2 from your body if there happens to be any extra or unneeded CO2 inside of your body. And so now that you know this, you can consciously use the... And what it's doing is it's fully expanding your lungs and then there's these little packets inside of your lungs that And then there's these little packets inside of your lungs that until you're like fully full and you get another one, they didn't really open. And it actually is allowing your lungs to fully open in those packets to open, which can allow in more oxygen, less CO2, and your body can kind of calm down as well. Really what it comes down to, and this is my point of what I want to bring

awareness to for everyone listening to this, is that there is options to be able to start to learn to become better at self-soothing. Your reaction to something is your choice. It's not something that just randomly happens. These are a few different things. You could also use smells. I know a lot of smells calm people down. I know baths calm people down. I know journaling calms people down. What I really want to do with you is I want to be able to help you understand what you're feeling, why you're feeling it, and how to be able to move with it, move past it. These are all emotions and emotion is just something that needs to be expressed. So I'm not talking about I'm feeling something and I'm trying to repress it. I'm talking about I'm

feeling something, I need to release it as quickly as possible and get myself back to a state of calm, peace, equanimity, and be able to, we need to release it. And there's all these different ways to release it. What I really want you to start to think about is times when you need to release this energy and then give you a couple of strategies to do it as well, because that is going to help you become a better human. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. Also, if you love this podcast, our podcast Instagram is blowing up. We've had some Instagram videos where we put up some reels just completely go viral and explode. We grew 40,000 people in the past couple of weeks. And so if you want to follow us on that,

the podcast, Instagram is the Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, the Mindset Mentor Podcast. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.