The Mindset Mentor - Why You Dont Have Confidence And How To Build It

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast, the number one mindset podcast in the entire world. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to talk about confidence. I'm going to talk to you about why you don't have as much confidence as you might want. And I'm also going to teach you how to build that confidence. And I decided to do this episode because I was running a Zoom call yesterday for a weekly group coaching that I do called Mindset Mentor University. And somebody asked me the question, how do I believe in myself so that I can start taking more action? And I was like, okay, well, what do you think is start taking more action? And I was like, okay,

Starting point is 00:00:46 well, what do you think is behind all of this? And she's like, well, I think the main problem is I lie to myself. And I was like, okay, tell me more. Like, what do you mean by you lie to yourself? She's like, well, you know, I think my main problem is I tell myself I'm going to go to the gym and I don't. And I'm telling myself I'm going to do this thing and I don't. I was like, okay, so basically procrastination? She's like, yeah. I was like, okay, let's dive a little bit deeper into it. And as we dove deeper into it, I lied to myself, turned into I don't trust myself, was actually the core that was behind it.

Starting point is 00:01:19 And then I said, okay, what is the opposite of not trusting yourself? And she paused for a minute and she said, I guess it would be having confidence. And I said, okay, so do you feel like confidence is the main thing that you want? Like if you had more confidence, that it would help you so that you would trust yourself more and then therefore you wouldn't lie to yourself? And she's like, absolutely. And I said, okay, give me some examples of how you you know you you don't really necessarily trust yourself more and and as much as you'd like to and she said you know what like going to the gym

Starting point is 00:01:50 and I said okay if if you said I'm gonna go to the gym 10 times how many times did you go to the gym she's like ah maybe two or three and I said okay cool now when you don't go to the gym when you say you're gonna go to the gym and you don't go to the gym, when you say you're going to go to the gym and you don't go to the gym, what do you end up saying to yourself? And she's like stuff like, what the hell are you doing? You're worthless. Why are you doing this? I can't trust you. You're lying to yourself.

Starting point is 00:02:15 And so she has this negative story and words that she's saying to herself when she doesn't go to the gym. I said, OK, cool. Is there a chance that even when you do go to the gym, you're still negative to yourself? Like, what are you saying? And she's like, well, yeah, that's true. Like, even when I do go to the gym, I'm still saying like, you're not good enough. You're not working hard enough. You said you were going to go to the gym yesterday and you didn't go. You still don't look good, et cetera, et cetera, like all of this stuff. Right. And I said, okay, so if you don't go to the gym, you're hard on yourself. And if you do go to the gym, you're still hard on yourself.

Starting point is 00:02:52 And she's like, yes. And I was like, okay. And, um, and I'm curious if you're listening to this podcast, do you do that to yourself sometimes? Do you kind of do that where you're hard on yourself when you don't do what you want and you procrastinate and you don't take the action that you want to, but then you're also hard on yourself when you do take the action that you want to and say, oh, it's not enough. You're not far along enough. You should be further ahead in life. Do you do that? Okay. Well, the example that I gave is my little dog, Bear, who's 10 pounds

Starting point is 00:03:22 was next to me. I picked him up on the zoom call and I said, let's say, and I would never do this to him, but let's just give you an example, right? Let's say that bear walks into a room and I smack him on the nose. And then later on, he tries to walk into the same room and I smack him on the nose. And then later on, he tries to walk in the room and I smack him in the nose. Eventually what's going to happen. And everybody on the call said, he's going to avoid walking into the room. I said, is it possible that he would associate the room with getting smacked on the nose? Everyone's like, yes, absolutely.

Starting point is 00:03:57 I said, okay. Now, if we take bear walking into the room as you walking into the gym, you have done the exact same thing to yourself. When you don't go into the gym, you smack yourself in the nose. When you do go into the gym, you still smack yourself in the nose. And so you have subconsciously associated the gym with mentally beating yourself up, whether you do it or not. And so if you look at it and just say, is my brain saying this is a bad thing or this is a good thing? Your brain is saying, Jim, bad thing. When you don't go, you beat yourself up. And when you do go, you beat yourself up. And so what do we have to do for us to finally fucking believe in ourselves? Well, I got an idea. How about we start talking differently to

Starting point is 00:04:41 ourselves? How about we're better to ourselves? How about we actually be our best friend? You have to learn to celebrate yourself. There's an entire chapter of my book. The last chapter, and I'll actually tell you it's my favorite chapter, is chapter 12 in my book of Level Up. It's called the Dopamine Reward System, where I teach exactly how to build what's called a dopamine reward system, which is how to get your brain to associate pleasure with doing the things that you didn't want to do that are going to get you

Starting point is 00:05:09 further along in life. And so I said, you know, I'll give you an example. If every time Bear came to that same room, I gave him a treat and then he came to the room later and I gave him a treat and he came to the room later and I gave him a treat. His brain would subconsciously associate that room with treats instead of that room with getting hit in the nose. So our brain is going to subconsciously associate good or bad to anything. And so then you start asking yourself, well then, and she had asked the question, like, how do I start believing in myself to take action then? Like, I know I want to go to the gym. Okay. It makes sense that I should start, start, you know, talking to myself better, but how do I believe in myself so that I can start taking

Starting point is 00:05:53 action? And here's the deal. When you figure that one out, just go ahead and let me know too, because who said that you have to believe in yourself to take any action? Who said that belief was a prerequisite to action? It isn't. The beautiful thing about taking action is you don't have to believe in yourself at all. Not even a tiny bit. You just have to do it anyway. It's like, if you're a salesperson, you don't have to believe that someone is going to buy from you. All you have to do is just make enough phone calls. You read the script and eventually somebody is going to buy from you. Right now, I understand, you know, if you have more conviction, if you're a better salesperson, you're going to make more sales, but eventually you just have to realize

Starting point is 00:06:35 that if you just take the action, the results are going to come. That's how life works. If you just take the action, the results are going to come. And when you get those results, guess what happens? You actually get more confidence in yourself. So you don't have to believe anybody's going to buy. You just have to pick up the phone, hit those 10 numbers and talk to whoever answers the phone. None of that requires belief. None of that requires you brainwashing yourself into believing yourself. Now, does belief help? Yeah, absolutely. It helps. Is it required? No. Like I'm not going to say don absolutely. It helps. Is it required? No. Like, I'm not going to say don't do affirmations. You definitely should. You definitely should

Starting point is 00:07:09 speak better to yourself. I'm not saying don't speak positively yourself. Believe me, it helps. But what I'm saying is none of that is required for you to take action. And in order for you to start to rewire yourself and start to rewire your thoughts, it requires you to number one, pay attention to your thoughts. And number two, start paying attention to your actions. Are your actions going to get through the results that you want or not? And so I want you to understand that. Do you know what helps you build belief in yourself more than anything else?

Starting point is 00:07:41 Doing what you don't want to do. Whether you succeed or whether you don't succeed, showing up for yourself and knowing you showed up for yourself and celebrating yourself for showing up for yourself builds trust in yourself. Like if you don't want to go to the gym and you go to the gym anyways, and you say, I'm proud of you for showing up and going to the gym, that starts to slowly build more confidence in yourself, more trust in yourself. Because that's all ultimately confidence is, is trust in yourself. So start asking yourself, where have I been breaking trust with myself?

Starting point is 00:08:17 Now, whether you get the results that you want to or not, you can still build confidence by doing the thing that you didn't want to do. Now, when you start getting results and you celebrate yourself for also getting those results, you're building yourself even more confidence. If you get results better than you have achieved before in the past, you will start believing more in yourself. And if you do it over and over and over and over again, your belief continues to raise. So then you start to ask yourself, how do you get results? You take action in the direction that you're trying to go. It's very simple. It's like life is not hard. We make it to be so complex and it's really not that hard. You take action

Starting point is 00:08:55 in the direction that you're trying to go. You know, like let's say you want to lose weight. You don't have to believe in yourself to show up at the gym. You don't. You don't have to believe that you will lose weight to do an intense workout. You don't have to believe that you will lose weight in order to cut out junk food from your life. You don't have to believe in yourself and believe that you will lose weight in order to consume more water and less sodas. You don't have to believe you will lose weight in order to get more rest. You don't have to believe you will lose weight in order to get more rest. You don't have to believe you will lose weight to do any of those things. So belief is not a prerequisite. What do you have to do? You just have to take action in the direction that you're

Starting point is 00:09:35 trying to go. And guess what? If you do all of those things and you start to see yourself show up and do the things you didn't want to do, you're going to start to build more trust in yourself because you're showing up for yourself. And if you also do all of those things and you do them all and you start getting results, you start seeing five pounds come off and you do it over and over and over and over and over again, you see 10 pounds come off. You're eventually going to jump on a scale and you're going to see a lower weight in a couple weeks. And when you see that lower weight, what do you think is going to happen? Do you think that maybe you're going to start believing yourself a little bit more? Absolutely. And so belief is not a prerequisite to taking action. But how do you start to build trust in yourself? How do you start

Starting point is 00:10:24 to believe in yourself more? Well, number one is doing the things that you don't want to do, but you know are good for you. And then celebrating yourself for showing up regardless of the results. And then eventually the results will be coming in. And when the results come in, you celebrate yourself for that. And it's like stacking confidence blocks over and over and over again. That's the belief that everyone just wants to brainwash into themselves. But guess what? You can't just sit there and meditate and just from meditation, believe that you get, get belief in yourself. If you are a salesperson and you know that X amount of calls turns into X amount of people

Starting point is 00:11:00 that pick up and X amount of people will buy, that means that you just need to make, you know, whatever it is, 50 calls a day, every day, Monday through Friday for the entire year. And you're going to make a hundred thousand dollars. You can figure that out. You can figure out your based off your numbers. You don't have to believe in yourself to pick up the phone and make those calls. You don't have to believe anybody's going to buy to make those calls. You don't have to believe anyone's going to pick up in order to make those calls. You don't have to believe anybody's going to buy to make those calls. You don't have to believe anyone's going to pick up in order to make those calls. And you don't have to make $100,000 for you to believe in yourself or for you to read a script. You don't have to believe in yourself in order to overcome objections. It's going to automatically

Starting point is 00:11:39 come eventually if you know your sales numbers. You don't have to believe in yourself in order to do anything other than the thing, the action, that is in the direction that you're trying to go towards. If your math is right, and as long as you take action, and you make those 50 calls a day, whatever it might be, and you talk to everyone that answers, and you overcome objections, and you get sales, and you get no sales, you will make the $100,000 that you wanted to at the beginning of the year. Even if you didn't believe in yourself, all you had to do was take the action to show up when you didn't want to show up. Like think about that for a second. When you subconsciously see yourself show up and do something that you didn't want to do, that builds trust. You go, you know what? I can trust this person because ultimately when we have

Starting point is 00:12:29 trust in somebody, somebody else, what does that trust really? That person's going to show up for me. If you don't have trust in yourself, it's because you're going, that person's not going to show up for me. I'm not going to show up for me. And when you take action and when you get results, every time you get the results, you start to believe in yourself more. And when you take action and when you get results, every time you get the results, you start to believe in yourself more. And when you look at yourself in the mirror and you visually start to see the weight coming off, do you think you're going to just get a tiny bit more belief in yourself? And week after week, when you look better and you feel better and the scale shows a lower number every single week, do you think you're going to believe in yourself a little bit more?

Starting point is 00:13:04 Of course. And when you make your sales calls and you get your first sale, do you think you're going to believe in yourself a little bit more? Of course. And when you make your sales calls and you get your first sale, do you think you're going to believe in yourself a little bit more in the second sale, in the third sale, in the 40th sale? Do you think you're going to believe in yourself a little bit more? Do you think you're going to believe in yourself more at the 40th sale than you did before your first sale? Absolutely. So what's the key takeaway here? You don't have to believe in yourself in order to take action. You don't have to believe in yourself in order to start to do the thing that you need to do. You just have to take the right action. You have to celebrate yourself for taking the right action. And then when the results come,

Starting point is 00:13:37 you have to celebrate yourself from that as well. The results will come. That is how it works. You just have to make sure you're heading in the right direction. And one day you will wake up. You'll look in the mirror and you'll realize, oh my God, I'm so much more confident in myself. Not because you read a book, not because you journaled about it, not because you meditated about it, not because you brainwashed yourself into it. It's because you took action. You did the things that you didn't want to do that were going to help you either way. You got the results and you got to become more confident by doing it. A confident person is not born confident. A confident person is built brick by brick by brick and those bricks are just a wall that they've built over the course of their life. So when you see someone that's confident, you're like, man, I wish I was confident. Work. Put something together.

Starting point is 00:14:23 That's how they got there. I'm not saying cocky, I'm saying confident, which is the actual belief in yourself, the trust in yourself that you will show up when you need to show up. So if you want to believe in yourself, get your ass up, take some action. Now, when you take action and you add positive self-talk on top of it, now you're talking about a superhuman. So when we go back to what I was talking about with the original person that I was talking to in Mindset Mental University about this, where she would go to the gym and she would still talk shit to herself. No, when you go to the gym, you celebrate yourself. Not when you get done with the workout, not when you lose the 30 pounds, you celebrate yourself literally at the end. First off, you celebrate yourself for walking in.

Starting point is 00:15:08 Because when you celebrate yourself, hell yeah, Rob, you're here. You didn't want to be here. I'm proud of you for walking in the door. You get a little bit of dopamine, right? Dopamine reward system. Okay, you're starting to build this little dopamine reward system. When you get done with your first set, hell yeah, I'm so proud of you for doing this. You're doing such a great job.

Starting point is 00:15:28 Get done with your second set, your third, your fourth, your fifth, every single set you celebrate yourself. What ends up happening? You start to feel way better about yourself. You start to get dopamine at the end of every single set. It's the same way of giving that dog a treat. As soon as he walks in the door, you're going to want to keep coming back to the gym. You're going to kind of a little bit subconsciously be like, you know what? I'm starting to enjoy the gym after a month or two months or three months. That is a dopamine reward system. It is a reward system is what it is. And it might sound crazy. And I understand it sounds crazy to be like, oh, just celebrating myself is going to get me there. Yes. 100%. There's other ways to do it. I write about it in my book and all that. But really what it comes down to is take action and start being your number one fan. Stop being

Starting point is 00:16:05 such an asshole to yourself. There's so many people. I just talked to so many people on zoom and all these calls I do and different stuff. And it's just so many people are just so mean to themselves. Like just stop being so mean. Like if there's anybody in this world that you need to be good to, that you need to be nice to, that you need to speak well to, it's yourself. Because the better that you are, the better that you're going to make everyone else around you. And so ultimately it comes down to, if you want to build belief in yourself, if you want to build trust in yourself, if you want to build confidence in yourself, change the way that you speak to yourself and take the actions that you need to, to get the life that you want. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love

Starting point is 00:16:44 this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way this podcast grows is from you guys actually organically sharing it. So I greatly appreciate it every single time I see hundreds of you guys sharing this podcast on your Instagram stories because people who follow you might see this podcast

Starting point is 00:17:02 and go, you know what? I really need that. I really need to build more confidence in myself. Hopefully they listen to it. Hopefully they change their lives as well. And with that, I'm going to leave the same way I leave every single episode. Make it your mission. Make someone else's day better.

Starting point is 00:17:13 I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Why You Dont Have Confidence And How To Build It

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