The Mindset Mentor - Why You Get Triggered

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. I put out episodes four times a week to help you learn about who you are, about your neurology, your psychology, your early childhood development, your paradigms, to help you break through the mental barriers you create for yourself so you can create the life that you want. So if that interests you, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. Today I'm going to be talking to you about why you get triggered. I'm going to be talking to you about why just reading books is not really enough for you

Starting point is 00:00:43 in your personal development. Why going to conferences and hiring a coach or hiring a therapist is not enough. And there should be another level on top of that. Now, I'm not saying don't do any of those things because I think all of those things are important. But what I'm telling you is that I think most people, a lot of people, I'll actually say miss the boat on what real personal development is. I'm going to talk to you about how to improve your life really quickly and how to basically use your life as the way I like to call it, as like a classroom for you, right? Every single thing that happens to you is your classroom. So your lessons are constantly coming to you all day long.

Starting point is 00:01:23 Everything that happens to you, whether you view that thing as good, whether you view it as bad, or whether you view it as just neutral, is your opportunity to learn and grow. The problem is that a lot of people don't see it that way. They don't really perceive it that way, so they don't really even know. And one of the misconceptions about personal development, and I've been in personal development now for 19 years, and I know a lot about it. I've read hundreds of books, been to tons of conferences, I've invested hundreds of thousands of dollars into myself. And I think all of it is very important. But a lot of times people think personal development is just reading a book or sitting down and meditating or going to a conference or finding time to journal

Starting point is 00:02:05 or listening to a podcast like this. All of that stuff is great. Those are all great and they're all needed, but they're not the only thing. It's like, this is the example that I'll give you, right? That pops into my head. Reading a book about how to improve yourself and then not taking that in to your life and trying to use it is like trying to become a pro basketball player by watching the playoffs, but never actually stepping on the court. Your life is your court. Your life is the chance where you get to take a shot,

Starting point is 00:02:38 to miss, to screw it all up, to realize, oh man, I really screwed that thing up. Let me try to get a little bit better. People think like people think like, I got to get my 30 minutes of personal development in the morning. No, dude, your entire life is your personal development. In every moment of your life, in the way that you show up, the way that you talk to other people, the way that you talk to yourself, even in the just the way that you feel in a quick moment of silence over two minutes, do you feel stressed? Do you feel anxious? Is there something that you can do to recalibrate in the moment to make yourself feel a little bit

Starting point is 00:03:11 better? You know, some people will go and read a book and then get into an argument with their spouse and not realize that that argument with their spouse was their greatest opportunity for personal growth that day, not reading a fucking book. The real thing is you have to ask yourself, why was there an argument in the first place? Where were you triggered? What triggered you about what they said or what they did? Why is that a trigger for you? Because whenever you're triggered by somebody, it's a massive opportunity for you to learn. Because when you are triggered, a trigger and to be triggered by somebody is just the universe showing you where you are not free. It's showing you where you are locked in this construct of this is the way that it's supposed to be. This is the way that they're supposed to be. This is the way a relationship is

Starting point is 00:04:01 supposed to be. And when a trigger comes to you, it is not a moment for you to get mad at the other person. Now, mind you, we all get lost in the moment to moment things where we can get mad at somebody. But if we take a step back, realize that when you're triggered, it is nobody else's fault but your own. It's not because the exact same thing could have happened to somebody else and them not get triggered which shows that it's not the trigger it's you if you have an anger problem if you have a short fuse if you lash out at people if you get extremely emotional when someone does something to you that is you it's not the circumstance It's your reaction to the circumstances, the thing that you need to work through. And so I love that you're listening to this podcast.

Starting point is 00:04:50 I love that you read books and you go to conferences and you have a coach or a therapist. I love all of those things. But every moment of your life is your classroom to improve yourself. Was your spouse triggered based off of something that you did or something that you say? Where did that come from? Can we try to help them through it? I always say when someone triggers you, you want to punch them. You know, if someone on the street says something to you and it triggers you and makes you mad, you want to punch them.

Starting point is 00:05:23 But in reality, you should give them a high five because they just showed you where you're not free. And it is my personal belief, and I'll just share a couple of personal beliefs with you guys throughout this podcast episode. It is my personal belief that when someone comes into your life, you know, let's say somebody, you're having a great day, you're driving to work right now, and you have your coffee and the sun's shining, you've been having such a great day. You're driving to work right now. You have your coffee and the sun shining. You've been having such a great day. And then somebody cuts you off, flicks you off, and throws their coffee behind them and it hits your windshield, right? And you get furious,

Starting point is 00:05:57 right? I get, as a human, why you can be furious in that moment. But as a soul that's coming here to have a human experience, what I see that person that triggered you as is the universe coming to you through that person to show you or you're not free. It is your greatest moment to learn in that moment, right? So it's like, that's an extreme example. Someone throwing their coffee at your car. Yeah. Most people listen to podcasts are going to get pretty pissed, but let's just say they cut you off and you get so wound up. It's like, okay, why did I get wound up? Well, that is the universe coming to you through that person to show you where you are not free. You know, you can, you can listen to this podcast and I love that you listen to this podcast, and get all excited about growing.

Starting point is 00:06:46 And then 30 minutes later, your child has a temper tantrum in Target, and you freaking lose it. I love that you listen to the podcast, but that moment where you had the decision of, and it might have been an unconscious decision. It was just right there of like, do I breathe or do I freak out right now? That moment where you made that decision and that moment where you need to figure out what to do, where your child is having a temper tantrum, that is a much better place to get your personal development in this podcast. I love that she listens to podcasts, but the training, this is the knowledge, right? The training happens in real life. Can you learn to keep calm in the

Starting point is 00:07:27 middle of any storm? You know, that moment was an opportunity for you to learn and grow. Did you take the universe up on that opportunity? You know, let's say, let's, let's take a different example because I know a lot of people get very triggered in relationships, right? Let's say that your, your boyfriend or your girlfriend forgets to call you. They were supposed to call you before they went to bed and they fell asleep. Let's say, for instance, you don't know they fell asleep, but it triggers you and it triggers something deep inside of you. Maybe it triggers you and you don't realize it, but it triggers your fear of abandonment from your childhood because maybe your father wasn't around. That's your trigger. Sure, you can blame it on them, but you were the one that was triggered.

Starting point is 00:08:10 Some people, they'd be like, oh, they must have fallen asleep. No big deal. I'll talk to them tomorrow. But you're the one who started going, getting pissed off and it was your trigger. And that's the universe saying, hey, you know, knock it at your door. Hey, sweetheart, you still have this fear of abandonment. You still have this abandonment issue that you need to work through from your childhood. I'm coming to you through your girlfriend to show you where you're not free. And when you start to see this, you really start to see that all of life is a lesson for you. There are lessons, 40, 50 lessons a day for you. If you're really sitting there trying to, trying to work on yourself. Your life, I always say this, me and my best friend always say this, your life is a perfectly crafted curriculum for

Starting point is 00:08:50 you to evolve into the highest version of yourself, whatever that means. Your life is a perfectly crafted curriculum for you to evolve into the highest version of yourself. And I'll share kind of my viewpoint. I shared this a couple of years ago on the podcast, but, um, I remember there was, there was a moment where I was driving with my mom and my mom was saying, you know, she felt she was, she was basically saying to me that she felt really guilty for, um, for marrying my dad and bringing my, myself and my sister into this world to have an alcoholic father. And so I said to her, I was like, I, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. Like, I think that it was perfect for me. Like I was like, I don't think you should feel guilty at all. Like, I think that it was perfect for me. Like, I wouldn't do what I do now if, and you know, have impacted

Starting point is 00:09:32 people's lives if I didn't go through all of that shit with my dad. And my sister is going to school to be a therapist and to help abandoned children, specifically girls, try to, you know, interact in the world and get better in the world. And so it's like having an alcoholic father who kind of abandoned us was the best thing that could have happened. But anyways, I was talking to my mom about this and sharing my perspective. And I said, hey, here's the way that I see it. And if you want to take this perspective, you can. If you don't, no big deal. I'll just share my perspective, everybody. The way I said it is, is, you know, I believe that I am a soul that is having a human experience and I am in this physical body. Sure. I've been given name Rob Dial and all of that stuff. But the way I see it is like my soul was basically one day

Starting point is 00:10:17 flipping through a karaoke book of life's and it was saying, okay, well, you know, there's this guy, there's, there's John Smith and there's Taylor Greene and then there's Rob Dial and Rob Dial is going to be, you know, son to Debbie and Steve and Steve is going to have childhood trauma that he didn't overcome. His, you know, Steve's father ended up killing himself when he was 12 and he walked in the room and saw that and he's never going to overcome this trauma and because he's not going to overcome his trauma, he's going to become an alcoholic and Rob's going to have this trauma. And because he's not going to overcome his trauma, he's going to become an alcoholic. And Rob's going to have to deal with this.

Starting point is 00:10:48 And his parents are going to get divorced when he's 10. And his father is going to pass away at 15 from being an alcoholic. And here's all the things that are going to come from it. And all of the things that he needs to work through. And it's like, I like to view it as my soul was looking through this book and said, hmm, I think my next level, kind of like a video game, I think my next level is this Rob Dial one. I'm going to choose this one because this is what I need to get to my next level and to evolve into my highest version of myself. So my soul went,

Starting point is 00:11:16 yep, I'm going to take Rob Dial. And so what happens is now I can never look at any circumstance in my life as a victim because I believe that I chose it. You know, and I believe that our souls took this exact body in life to learn and go through whatever it is that we need to go through to get to whatever it is, the next plane or whatever it is, that next level of enlightenment, whatever happens after this, I don't know. So everything that happened to me in my life so far and that will happen to me was chosen by me, not by Rob, like the physical version of me, but the soul. And so when you look at it that way, it really takes victimhood out of it. You know, I've talked to a lot of people who are

Starting point is 00:11:56 really just stuck in the feeling of being a victim and I share this with them and then they start to think about it and they're like, man, yeah, I can start to see that perspective. Then I don't need someone to take my full-on perspective, but if they can start to see a little bit of a perspective, they can start to see, wow, yeah, everything that's here is like a video game. It's for me to learn and grow and get better. So all of the love that I have is a lesson for me to learn and grow and get better. All of the loss, all the people who have died, all the people who have broken my heart, my sadness, my happiness, my anger, my frustration, every single thing that is brought to me is my opportunity to learn and grow.

Starting point is 00:12:36 And we can play the victim, but if we play the victim, we miss those lessons. We miss our opportunity to grow. You listen to this podcast because you want to get better in some way for some reason. And so if you just listen to this podcast and it goes in one ear and out the other, and then you have a blow up with your significant other in 20 minutes after listening to this podcast, did you get the lesson? Is there a lesson in that blow up that you can extract from it? The highest version of you is not found in a book. It's on the other side of a breakdown. It's on the other side of a fight. It's on the other side of a blow up. It's on the other side of, you know, whatever it is that triggers you. And so really what it comes down to is to start to become aware of these things and start to become like notice when your

Starting point is 00:13:23 body shifts in some sort of way. Notice when you start to feel either a shift from, you know, calm, peaceful to angry or from calm and peaceful to stressed out or calm and peaceful to anxious or calm and peaceful to sad. Notice the feeling and just, you know, it's okay that, you know, don't try to deflect and not feel the feelings. A lot of people, I think, try not to feel their feelings. Like just notice the feeling, breathe in the feeling for a second, don't resist it. And then ask yourself, what am I feeling? Like, what is this feeling in my body right now? Oh, you know what? I'm feeling, I'm feeling really anxious. Okay. Why am I feeling this way? I'm feeling this way because,

Starting point is 00:14:05 you know, my girlfriend said she was going to text me before she went to bed. She usually goes to bed at 10. It's now 11. And I'm feeling really triggered by the fact that I haven't been called yet or I haven't been texted yet. Okay. What is that showing me about myself? Well, it's showing me that, that I don't like when people who I'm close to don't end up calling me. Okay, why is that? Is there something that happened in my past that maybe I can make some connections? Yeah, well, I kind of have a thing. I think I might have a fear of abandonment. Okay, where did this fear of abandonment come from? Well, it came from the fact that my father wasn't around. And then what happens is instead of getting mad at yourself for being triggered or getting mad at someone else in that triggering, what happens

Starting point is 00:14:51 is you just become very curious. That's one of the things that I think is a skill set that people should develop in personal development is to become very curious about yourself. Become very curious as to why you think the way that you think, why you feel the way that you feel, why you act the way that you act, where you got it from. Trace it back to your childhood. Take out a pen and paper and just ask yourself questions. Does this relate to my childhood? Does this fear of abandonment relate to my childhood? Oh my God, it relates to my dad. I can start to see this. And what happens is you start to make connections with yourself and you start to understand yourself at a much, much deeper level. And then when you start to feel that trigger coming up again, you can become much more self-aware because you're now starting to notice this pattern within

Starting point is 00:15:33 yourself. And if you can notice the pattern within yourself, if you can notice the self-awareness, you can start to work through it. You can start to breathe through it. And you can say, you know what? Is it possible? And you just ask yourself the question, is it possible that maybe my girlfriend fell asleep? Maybe she, or, you know, if someone's been cheated on in the past and it's like, oh my God, she didn't text me. She must be cheating on me with somebody else. That's a whole other trigger. Is it possible that she fell asleep and she's not cheating on me? And just try to see a little bit different of a perspective. And it's never comfortable to be triggered. But being triggered is a gift because it's showing you where you're not free. So don't resist it. Instead of

Starting point is 00:16:11 trying to get away from it, what if you start to lean into it, start to lean into those uncomfortable feelings? You know, your resistance doesn't help you. It doesn't help you. It doesn't help your loved ones. It doesn't help the world. I think the reason why we're here is so that we can start to break free and liberate ourselves from the mental prisons that we've all created subconsciously or unconsciously over the course of our existence, from things that we learned from our parents, we learned from society and, you know, these constructs and patterns and conditionings that we've learned along the way. We lost ourself along the way and now it's about going back and trying to find ourself. And so when you get these triggers, it's showing you where you're not free. Ask yourself about them. What can you learn from it? What can you learn from it? What can you learn from it? Because this is the true classroom of your life and the place where you can really learn and grow the most. So when you're triggered by somebody and you go through life,

Starting point is 00:17:06 realize that there's always something to learn. Are you getting the lesson from everything that happens to you? So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please do me a favor, share it on your Instagram stories, tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

Starting point is 00:17:20 Also, if you love this podcast, you're definitely going to love something that just came out called Mindset Mentor Plus. Mindset Mentor Plus is my way of taking this podcast episodes, not just listening to them passively, but actively putting them into your life. And so for every single podcast episode that comes out here, there are worksheets that you can go through that are like mini masterclasses to help you really ingrain and integrate every aspect of these podcasts. There are multiple pages. They can be printed out so you can learn more. There's journal prompts. There's assignments. There's an entire community of other people who are in Mindset Mentor Plus.

Starting point is 00:17:54 And I also do monthly Q&A sessions in there as well. So if you want to learn more about it, go ahead and go to mindsetmentor.com. Once again, mindsetmentor.com. And with that, I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Why You Get Triggered

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