The Mindset Mentor - Working Through Things You Cannot Change

Episode Date: June 9, 2022

You cannot control 99% of the things in your life, so in today's episode, I am going to teach you how to let go of that which you cannot control. Want to master your mindset? Every Monday I send out an email with mindset tips for the week, click here to receive that email: http://mondayemail.com/ Follow me on IG for more inspiration here: https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylan. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you want to receive motivational text messages from me directly to your cell phone, if you live in the United States or Canada, text me right now, 512-580-9305. Once again, 512-580-9305. Today, I'm going to teach you how to be more calm, more peaceful, and more loving even when shit is hitting the fan. And I'm going to talk about how to let things go that have happened to you somewhere in your past as well and also things that are currently going on in your present moment. So if you want to be more calm, if you want to be more peaceful, if you want to be more loving, if you want to

be a better person, this will absolutely 100% help you. And I'll give you a quick story just so you have an idea. I've been told that I usually keep extremely calm in some crazy situations. I had a crazy situation when I was in Canggu in Bali and, you know, they don't like Uber drivers there. And we had, we were in an Uber and the taxis, which are the local taxi guys, pulled our Uber guy out and kicked us out of the Uber. And it got to a crazy situation in the middle of the night. And, you know, the people that were with us were freaking out. Everyone was screaming. And I ended up being really, really kind of scary calm in the entire situation. We've had stuff like that happen. I had one time, you know,

I remember a TV being stolen in one of my offices when I used to work for another company and all my sales reps were like, why aren't you pissed? And I'll talk to you more about that. And then also, about a year and a half ago, I was in a plane flying back home for Christmas and the engine caught on fire while I was on it and we had to make an emergency landing. And for all of those three situations, I think all of the work that I was on it, and we had to make an emergency landing. And for all of those three situations, I think all of the work that I've done on myself in personal development have helped me get to that. And I think most of it comes down to an idea and a phrase that I've really brainwashed

myself into believing, into really understanding. And I got it from one of my first mentors and a friend of mine, and that's Hal Elrod. And the phrase that he always says is, can't change it. Can't change it. And the way that he got this was he was in a car accident right after he bought his dream car on the way home and totaled the car. And he realized he could be pissed off about it. He could be sad about it. He could be sad about it. He could be mad about it. It could be every emotion, but no matter what the emotion is that he brings to the forefront and feels, it's not going to change the circumstance that he's in. There is no way to make the car be uncrashed, untotaled, right? And so if you think about like the Uber example

that I was telling you with all of the taxi guys that pulled him out and started yelling at him and started, you know, they weren't yelling at us, but they were yelling at him and all of this situation. I was able to walk in there and I was able to talk to everybody and calm everybody down because ultimately I can't change the way that the taxi drivers feel about the Uber drivers. That's not something that I can change, right? So there's some things I can change. There's some things that I can't. When my TV was stolen out of my office right before I was running a meeting and then all of my sales reps are there and they're like, why are you not pissed off? You're super calm about this. The thing that I said to them is

I can't change it. I can't make the TV be unstolen. I can call the cops, which we did. We can try to figure out who it was, which we did. We never found it, but I can't change it. The TV is gone. And then the other example, as far as the plane goes, I couldn't, I could land a plane now because I've now gotten, you know, gone and actually got my pilot's license. But back then I couldn't land a plane. There's nothing that I could do about it. So to freak out in that moment would have been just ruining a moment where it could have been, which thank God it wasn't, my last moments alive. So, you know, the plane took off, we heard a big bang and then ended up finding out later on down the road that

the plane left engine caught on fire and we had to make an emergency landing and they called it a code red and all of this stuff happened. They had the fire department waiting for us just in case. But in that case, there was nothing that I could do to make that situation better. The only thing that I could focus on is how I felt in that moment. I remember I was in the very first seat of the plane and I moved back one seat because I don't think the best seat to be in, if there is a plane crash, is to be in the very front. So I moved back one. There was this guy that was there and he was super nervous. And I remember him being super nervous. And he was like, he's like, what do you think? Do you think we're going to be okay? And I looked at him dead in the eye and I said, we're going to be fine. Just breathe deep. And I remember thinking that in my mind of like,

I can't land this plane. There's nothing that I can do. What I can do is I can focus on how I feel in this moment. And in this moment, I can't change it, but I can change is the way that I can do. What I can do is I can focus on how I feel in this moment. And in this moment, I can't change it. But what I can change is the way that I'm showing up in this moment. I couldn't change those situations, right? I was in the middle of the situation, and there's nothing that I could do. And the only thing I can really do is control my reaction to that something. And if you guys listened to the last podcast episode that we did, one of my favorite quotes is from Viktor Frankl in his book, Man's Search for Meaning. And he says, between stimulus and response, there's a space. And in that space lies our power to choose our response. And in our response lies our growth and our freedom. Stimulus, plane engine caught on fire. Response, freak out, scream, cry,

could have done all of those. Or focus on how I can calm my body down so that therefore I can at least be calm. And if it's my last moments on earth, at least appreciate everything that I have and everything I've been through and all of my challenges and all my successes and all of that stuff as well. We are in full control of how we feel in those moments. And really what this is, is this is the path to personal development. I say this all of the time, but you've really got to understand personal development is not just about making more money. Personal development is not just about having better relationships. Personal development is not about being more intellectual. Personal development is not about being a better business owner. It can affect all

of those things. It can make you a better parent. But really what personal development is, is self-mastery. Mastering my responses to everything that I do. And so I always give the example of like, you know, years ago, maybe something would happen to me. Somebody would piss me off. They do something to me, right? At least that's what I thought. And I'd be pissed off for like a week. And I'd be like, I can't believe they did that. And I would wake up the next morning and be like yeah screw that person even though it happened yesterday I would I would wake up in in volunteer to be pissed off again about something that happened yesterday right maybe I'm pissed off for a week and then I work on myself for a little while and maybe something like that happens again and maybe I'm pissed off for only five days now still not what I want but it's shorter than it used to be and I

work myself for a few more years and maybe it's three years and I work on myself for a few more years maybe it's one year And I work on myself for a few more years, and maybe it's three years. And I work on myself for a few more years, maybe it's one year. Then I work on myself for a few more years, maybe I'm pissed off for, I'm sorry, maybe it's one day. Work on myself for a little while, it goes from seven days to five days to three days to one day. And then maybe what happens is I eventually get to the point where, hopefully I can get to this point, and everybody can get to this point, is where something happens to you that would normally set you off, that would normally piss you off, that normally trigger you. And guess what? Nothing happens. There is no response because you have completed your self mastery process and you have been able to fully control who you are and how you're going to show

up in every situation. Because we can't control the majority of what's happening around us. situation because we can't control the majority of what's happening around us. We can barely control ourselves. I always say we can, you know, if you want to change the world and you want to change the people around you and you want to change everything that you can, but you can barely control your bowels after Taco Tuesday, right? You're just trying to get to the bathroom and you're trying to control the freaking world. Get out of here. There's no way. So the majority of things like 99.9% of things that are happening in our lives, we can't control. And there's a lot of stress. There's a lot of worry. There's a lot of sadness. There's a lot of anger. There's a lot of frustration. There's a lot of grief that's happening in the world right now. And a lot of times it comes down to people

resisting things that cannot change. Hey, do you ever feel burned out? Sometimes I do that when I work too much or if I'm not taking enough time for myself. And life can be overwhelming, and many people are burned out without even knowing it. Symptoms can include lack of motivation, irritability, fatigue, and more. And we associate burnout with work, but that's not always the only cause. Any of our roles in life can make us feel burned out. And BetterHelp is an online therapy that wants to remind you to prioritize yourself. Talking with someone can help you figure out what's causing you the stress in your life. And I honestly believe that every person should go to therapy at some point in time in their lives. And that's where BetterHelp comes in. It's customized online therapy that

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That's Bambi.com slash dial. Spell B-A-M-B-E-E dot com slash dial. You know, if we go back to the lockdowns, when the lockdowns were happening during all the COVID stuff, I couldn't change anything. I couldn't change what. I couldn't change what was going on in the world. So I could sit there and I could be worried about the whole thing. I could be stressed about the whole thing. I could be pissed. I could be frustrated. But in reality, the only thing that I could change was the way that I showed up. That was it.

The only thing that I was focused on at that point was the way that I showed up. And if you rewind all the way back to when it was happening, was trying to help all of my listeners focus their minds on what they could control. Because the lockdowns, we couldn't control. The reactions to the government, we couldn't control. What the virus was doing, we couldn't control. We can't change any of those things. What we could control is just how we show up to those.

And, you know, a lot of things happen for a lot of people and a lot of people had some really bad times. A lot of people had some really good times, but some people realize in that moment, I think a lot of people woke up from the lockdowns and from everything and realized, Hey, if I'm going to take control of my life, I need to be the person that does it because life is all about mastering your reactions. You know, a great example of this is traffic. If you're stuck in traffic, if you're listening to me right now, stuck in traffic, some of you guys might be, you could sit there and you could be pissed off and you could be like, damn it, I'm going to be late. I'm going to be late

again. And you could grip the steering wheel and you could white knuckle the entire time. And you could be stressed about the fact that you're going to be late. And what is your boss going to say? And this and this and this, and you could just get, you could just white knuckle your whole way there. And you could put your body through so much unnecessary stress. Or you could literally put on your favorite song, take some deep breaths and ask yourself, what's beautiful about this moment? One of my favorite questions to ask myself to get myself out of a negative mindset is what's beautiful about this moment? And you can literally go, you know what? There's so many beautiful things about this moment. I've been focusing on the wrong things. The sun is shining. That's beautiful. The song is my favorite song. That's a beautiful

thing. My family is all healthy. That's a beautiful thing. And what we can do is we can start to actually focus on what we want to focus on. And we could show up. The funny thing is if you white knuckle your way all the way to the office, or if you get to the office and you've been thinking about what you're grateful for and listening to your favorite music

and finding how beautiful it is outside and all that stuff, guess what? You're still going to arrive at the exact same time. If you're late, you're late. But guess what? There's a difference in the way that that ride was for you. And there's a difference in the way that you show up. You can put your body through complete unnecessary stress, or you can take control of it and say, you know what? No, I'm going to enjoy this ride. I'm late. Damn it. I'm late. I'm going to be late again. Mental note, got to make sure I leave my

house earlier. But if I'm going to be late, I might as well enjoy the freaking ride. Now, if you think about that, we're talking about the present moment. We're talking about going into the future, all of that. But does this work with the past? Absolutely. 100%. Because if there's one thing that I'm 100% sure of, at this point in time, we don't have time machines. I am sure of that. Well, at least that I know of. And that means that I can't go back in time and change anything in the past. And so if I can't change the fact that I'm in traffic, I also can't change the fact that literally I can't go back and change something that happened in the past. If something is in the past, I cannot change it. It doesn't matter how pissed I get. It doesn't matter how much I

cry. It doesn't matter how much I judge myself for how I reacted. No matter what, I cannot change it. And so I've got to repeat to myself, can't change it. I've done this before where I've thought about something that I had happen in the past. I start to judge myself for how I had happened in the past. This was a couple of weeks ago. Literally, I was pissed at myself because of something that I had happen in the past. I start to judge myself for how I had happened in the past. Something, this was a couple of weeks ago. Literally, I was pissed at myself because of something that I did a few weeks before. And I was like, I can't believe that I did that. And I thought to myself, what is the point of this? Why are you putting yourself through this unnecessary stress? And I said to myself out loud, Rob, you can't change it. Move on. And you have to think about that. How many times do you put

yourself through unnecessary stress? How many times do you have worry? Do you have fear? Do you have anxiety? Do you have sadness? All of those things. Because your worry, your fear, your anxiety, your sadness will be in direct proportion to how much you're resisting the way that the world is. Think about that for a second. The more that you're feeling fear, the more that you're feeling worry, more that you're feeling anxiety, sadness, any of those will be in direct proportion to how much you're resisting the way that the world is. If you're resisting something really hardcore, guess what? Your worry, your fear, anxiety, sadness, all of those things are going to be really high. But if you're just like, all right, no resisting, all of those things will

subside. Too many people are ruining a beautiful present moment, thinking, worrying, being frustrated about a circumstance that is 100% impossible for them to change. Think about that for a second. And so what you have to do is you have to take yourself and really what it comes down to is being more aware being more aware of what you're thinking being more aware of what you're feeling all of that stuff and you take a step back and you say okay i'm stressed i'm worried i'm fearful i feel anxiety and you ask yourself this question in this moment am i okay in this moment am i safe and 99.999% of the time, you are. Right now, do I have things coming up I have to do later on today? Yes. Do I have a lot of things I have to

do later on this week and next week? Hell yes. But right now, in this moment, me sitting inside the studio in this dark room with these cameras on me, with this microphone that's right in front of me, with my notes in front of me, I'm okay and I'm safe. And so should I have worry and fear and anxiety about stuff that's coming in the future when right now in the second, I'm safe. Yeah, I should be fine right now. I shouldn't worry about that. And when you're going through these things, one question you can ask yourself that will really help you out is, in 10 years, am I going to remember this moment? In 10 years, am I going to remember this moment? What percentage do you think of the moments that you get fear and stress

and anxiety and worry and all of this stuff, what percentage of those will you actually remember 10 years down the road? Tiny, less than 1% probably. In 10 years, am I going to remember this moment? If not, then is it really something that we should focus on? Because you've got food, you've got water, you've got shelter, you've got clothing, you've got a few people that love you. You're able to connect to the internet. You're listening to this somehow. Life is good. Life is amazing. Your life right now is better than kings and queens lives were 500 years ago. You have air conditioning. You've got a vehicle that goes 100 miles an hour. You have to realize you could hop on a plane right

now and go across the United States. That takes like six hours. That used to take like 30 years. You're good. Life is good. It's so much better than it was. Like you are so much better than kings and queens were a few hundred years ago. So you've got to take yourself out of these, the stress and this worry and this fear of trying to change things

that are 100% out of your control and realize that in this moment, you don't need anything. You're good. You're safe. You're completely fine. You've got food, water, shelter, clothing, all of that stuff. You're good. So what can you do? Why don't you put on a calming song? Why don't you put on a song that just calms you down? There's a song that's considered the, you know, they've done studies on it. It's

called The Most Calming Song That's Ever Been Made. And it's by a band called Marconi Union. And the song is called Weightless. And you could put that song on and you could just chill. One of the songs that really works well for me, the Out of Africa theme song. If I notice myself worrying about something, thinking too much about the future, all that stuff, I can take a few breaths. I can remind myself how lucky I am, how grateful I am, how everything's amazing. I can put on that song. I can take a couple of deep breaths and it's just like everything calms down because all it takes is a perspective shift. And what do I tell myself right now? I can't change it. There's many things that I can't change. But what I can do is focus on the things that I can change and start to work on those.

Because if I can change the things that I can change and let go of the things that I can't, I will step more into my own power and create the life that I want to. And you can change the things that I can change and let go of the things that I can't, I will step more into my own power and create the life that I want to. And you can do the exact same thing as well. So remind yourself, if you can't change it, tell yourself, can't change it. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode,

please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And once again, this podcast also has a brand new Instagram as well. I think we've got around 14,000 followers already. So we're putting up clips from the Mindset Mentor so we can add some clips of positivity, of happiness, of love to your Instagram. So if you want to follow us on there, it is the Mindset Mentor Podcast. Once again, the Mindset Mentor Podcast on Instagram. And with that,

I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.