The Mindset Mentor - You Are Not Broken

Episode Date: December 18, 2020

Many people feel as if they are not worthy of the life that they want, that they are broken, or that there is something wrong with them. In this episode, I am going to show you that you are exactly as you need to be.Follow me on IG for motivational videos from me - @RobDialJr https://www.instagram.com/robdialjr/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another episode. And if you want to watch some of my motivational videos and you want to follow me on YouTube, we're putting up three motivational videos every single week. All you have to do is pipe my name into YouTube, Rob Dial, and I will pop up and you can start watching some of the videos we're putting up every single week. Today, we're going to be talking about how you are not broken. Yes, you are not broken. No matter what's happened to you in your past, you're not broken. One of the things that I see a lot of in my line of work is I've seen every type of terrible thing

that could possibly happen in this world. So many different things from murders to suicides to abuse to physical, mental, emotional, every type of sexual abuse, rape, everything that you could think of, all of the terrible things in the world, people have come to me and presented to me and I've had to try to help them deal with these things. And one of the things that I find is very common throughout traumas is people have the feeling of being broken. They have the feeling of not being good enough. They have the feeling of not being whole. They have the feeling of something being wrong with them. And when I talk about traumas, I don't want you to sit there and go, well, my trauma isn't as big as someone else's.

My life was pretty decent. My parents were at least around. Nobody abused me. And I want you to realize this. There is no gauge of how severe a trauma is compared to another one. All trauma in the brain is trauma. And so for you, it might not be that you were, you know, physically, mentally, sexually abused, but maybe your dad never told you that he loved you. Maybe your dad was just working all the time. Maybe your mom was so full of fear that she instilled all of her fear into you. Maybe it was that, you know, whenever you would do something wrong, one of your parents would pull their love away from you and, you know, not give you their

love. And that was the way they used to control you. Maybe it was, you know, that you were just neglected emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever it is from people that were around you. There's so many different types of trauma. Maybe it's that you were bullied when you were in school. There's so many different types of trauma. And so I want you to realize this. There's a lot of people that I've heard the worst things in the world, but there's also a lot of people that feel like their lives were not that bad. And so they don't deserve to accept their trauma as trauma. They can look past it, not realizing that that trauma that they have is still seen as trauma in the brain. And so that's what we're going to dive into today is how to heal the feeling of not being

good enough, how to finally feel like you're enough, how to finally feel like you're worthy of love, success, happiness, joy, peace, whatever it is that you truly want in this world. And the thing that I find that's really interesting about the whole thing is that people feel like they're broken. Like I said, they feel like they're not whole. They feel like they're not worthy. They feel like there's something wrong with them. And the interesting thing, and I remember the first time I ever did this, a woman came up to me and she was telling me this story about some terrible things that happened to her in her life. And I had to help her reframe what she had, was thinking about herself. And when she came up and she told me, I won't tell you, but it was some pretty terrible things. And she says, I feel like I'm not whole.

And so to help reframe and click her out of her story, I looked at her and I was like, oh, interesting. And I was looking at her legs. I was looking at her arms. I was looking at her and I was like, where, what, what part of you is missing? And she's like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you just told me that you're not whole. What part of you is missing? And she's like, well, no, it's. And as I, I repeated her story that she was telling herself back to her, she was able to kind of get herself out of the story and realize, wait, I'm telling myself I'm not whole, but there's not a part of me that's missing. There's not a part of me that isn't, it's not like I'm missing a finger. I'm not missing a hand. I'm repeating this story back to myself, which isn't even actually true. But because of the fact I continue to repeat this story,

I am accepting it as true and I'm living my life that way as true as well. And one of my favorite things in the entire world that kind of clicked this all into place was three-legged dogs. I love three-legged dogs. And the reason why is because number one, they're cute as shit when they hop around and they hop all over the place, right? But they're never any less happy than the other dog. They never are any slower than the other dog. They never have anything slower than the other dog. They never have

anything holding them back. They literally have a leg that was chopped off. A quarter of their legs are gone, but they don't see it as not being whole, even though physically, I guess they aren't whole, right? So even though they are missing a piece, they don't see themselves as less than any other dogs. They still have the same amount of joy. They still have the same amount of peace. They still have the same amount of spunk and happiness every single day. But that's interesting because if you think about a dog that loses a leg, somebody can have something happen to them in their life and they automatically feel like they're not whole. And they accept that pain, that circumstance in

their life as true. And they live out that story forever. The only difference is a dog doesn't know how to tell themselves the story of not being whole. You have been able to tell yourself the story of not being whole. And so many humans say, I'm broken. You know, this happened to me in my past. I'm broken. I don't feel like I'm enough.

I don't feel like I'm worthy of happiness or success or love or joy or peace. I don't feel like I deserve to make the money that I want to or have the business that I want to. I don't feel like I deserve to have a spouse that loves me fully unconditionally. And so what happens is we take actions that line up with the way that we view ourselves and our identity and the way that we view the world. And so, you know, someone might have this feeling of, I don't deserve love. And they have this feeling of, I don't deserve love. And so when they get into a relationship with somebody who could be perfect and amazing, they take actions to ruin that relationship, most of the time unconsciously so that they ruin the relationship and therefore that person leaves them, which then lines up with their paradigm of, I don't deserve to have love. Because we take actions with the identity that we feel that we have. Whether we

realize it or not, most of the time we don't realize it. And so people think, oh, a part of me was stolen. You know, this thing happened to me in the past. And there's, I get it. There's tons and tons of terrible things that happen to people. And I've heard all of them and they're fucking hideous. And it's terrible that these people can do things to other people, like the things that I've heard and the things that I've seen people talk about, but they happened. And there's nothing that we can do about something that has happened in the past. The only thing that we can do is we can think about it differently and reframe it so that we can then go on and have the life that we want to. There's either that option, or we can accept, you know, oh yeah, I'm broken. I'm never going to be whole. And it's going to be like that till the day that I die. But if you're listening

to this podcast, I'm assuming you're the type of person who wants to grow. You want to improve. You want to get better at everything that you do. And so now what we need to do is we need to reframe the stories that we've been telling ourselves for so long. And that's it. All it really is, is it's a story and it's a fiction story, but you're accepting it as true. And there's a famous quote by a man that says, if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. Do you know who said that? Hitler said that. Hitler said, if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. Some of us are like the Hitlers of

our own minds. We're telling ourself a lie over and over and over and over and over again, but we've been saying it for 10, 15, 20, 30, 40, 50 years, so long that we believe that we are not whole. We believe that we are not worthy. We believe that we don't deserve love, success, happiness. And so we believe that there's a part of us missing. We believe that we don't deserve love, success, happiness. And so we believe that there's a part of us missing. We believe that we don't deserve to have what we truly want in this world. And nothing can be further from the truth, but you have accepted it as truth only because of the fact that you've been saying it for so long. And so the first thing I want you to do is I want you to identify the story that you've been telling yourself. If this hits home with you, if you feel like there's a part of you that doesn't feel like you're enough or doesn't feel like you deserve happiness, success, love, that you're unworthy,

that you're not fully capable of everything that you want to do, what is the story that you're telling yourself behind all of that? I want you to identify that right now. And then what I want you to do is I want you to identify how that story is not actually true. This holiday season, the best deal in wireless can be found at Mint Mobile. Right now, when you switch to Mint Mobile and buy any three-month plan, you get another three months absolutely free. As the first company to sell premium wireless service

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and because of that, they feel like they're not deserving of love because their parents didn't give them the love that they wanted to. So then you look at that story and you identify the story. And then you ask yourself, how is that not true? Well, just because I don't feel like I got the love I needed to for my parents because I was neglected emotionally or physically or whatever it is for my parents doesn't mean that I'm not worthy 100% of love. And what you do is you start to figure out the false pieces of the story that you've

been telling yourself and start telling yourself the true and empowering story that you want to, because you're not broken. There's not a piece of you missing. You know, you are fully whole. You've got all your toes and fingers. Most likely, most of the people out here that are listening do have all of your toes and fingers. Some of you guys are missing them, but you are whole exactly the way that you are either way. And it's not that you're broken. It's not that you're unwhole. It's not that you're unworthy. It's not that there's something missing. It's that you won't stop repeating a bullshit story to yourself that isn't true, but you keep repeating it over and over and over again. And this episode is to number one, identify, but then also to make

you realize, I know there's a lot of people out there that are now for the first time listening to this and going, oh my God, I have been telling myself a false story my entire life or since that event happened or since that person broke up with me. I have been living a lie and now I want to step into the truth of who I truly am. If you were to, you know, I'll give you a perfect example. If you were to have a child that was here in front of you, let's say it's a three-year-old child and every night, not even nighttime, let's say every single day, you tell them about the monsters that hide in the dark and you tell them the detailed stories about the

monsters every single night, every single night, that child will eventually believe it. And guess what's going to happen? That child is going to have trouble sleeping. That child is not going to want to sleep alone. They're not going to have the lights off. They're going to be afraid of something under their bed. They're going to be afraid of something in their closet. All because you made up a story about monsters that are hiding in the dark. How many monsters are hiding in the dark of your mind that you need to identify and get rid of? You need to remove because there are no monsters that are hiding in the dark of that child's room. Same way that there are no issues with you. You are not not worthy of love. You are worthy of everything. You are whole. You are complete. You have nothing

missing inside of you. So if you tell a lie to a child, they're going to eventually believe it if you tell it enough. If you tell a lie to yourself, you're eventually going to believe it if you tell it enough. And this is something that I noticed as much as I love personal development. And it's been the number one thing that's changed my life. And the number one thing that's changed many people's lives that I know on a very deep level is that a lot of people live their lives very unselfaware. They're kind of going through the motions. And as they wake up and become somebody who gets into personal development, they start to notice things that they need to change about themselves to become better. And when they look at those things that they need to change, they see those things they need to

change as problems, as deficits, as ways that they're not good enough. And so instead of feeling like they're normal and they're up with enough. And so instead of feeling like they're normal and they're up with everybody else, they look at all of their deficits when they become self-aware and they see themselves as less than everybody else because of all of the things that make them not normal like everyone else. So they think, oh yeah, I feel like I'm not worthy, so therefore I'm less than everybody else. I'm not waking up when I want to, so therefore I'm less than everybody else. And they put themselves mentally below everybody else. And so the personal development journey now doesn't become a journey of becoming better. It becomes a journey of just trying to

get to normal. And that's not motivating. Nobody wants to just get to normal. But when you realize that everybody that you know has something that they're dealing with, successful people, unsuccessful people, people that you love, everybody has something that they're dealing with. Successful people, unsuccessful people, people that you love. Everybody has something that you're dealing with. You realize that you're on the same playing field. There is no difference. And to have, quote unquote, because lack of better words, issues makes you normal, not less than. It makes you normal. And so therefore, when you overcome these little tiny things that are holding you back and you notice, I need to wake up earlier. I need to have a morning routine. I need to meditate. I need to eat healthier. I need to work out more. When you notice these things, that's when you actually start to become better. And so just to let you

know, a lot of people who get into personal development do have those feelings of something's wrong with me as they start to see things they need to change about themselves. And I want you to be very aware there is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing that you need to try to avoid. There is nothing that you need to stay away from. And all of these things that you might think are the monsters that are in your closet that make you less than. You are not less than. Just want to let you know on the Perseverance journey, I see that happen all the time. So you're normal exactly the way that you are. If you've been mentally, physically, sexually abused, you're normal. If you've been neglected, you're normal. If you've been unloved, you're normal. If you don't feel like you're good enough, you're normal. If you don't feel like you deserve money and success

and happiness and joy and peace, you are normal. Everybody has somewhat of that different. It's all the same. It's all ice cream. It's just different flavors. We all have some ice cream. That's what I want you to know. So now that we've identified these things, how do we get past it? How do we work to become better? Not to become normal, not starting from a deficit to become normal, but to become better. The first thing that I'll say is this, and this is the hardest for a lot of people, is to talk to someone. Talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a therapist. It can be a therapist. It could be a coach. It could be a life coach. It could be your fitness coach. It could be anybody. It could be your best friend. It could be your spouse. Talk to somebody. Why? Because

most people, the thing that they're most afraid, the thing that's really holding them back the most is the thing that they're most afraid to talk about. And shame breeds in the dark. When you bring it to light, it no longer has power over you. And the more that you're able to talk about it, the less you're going to stop crying, the less you'll cry and the less that it's going to have its power over you. And eventually this thing that has its power over you, the more that you speak about it, you gain your power over it and it becomes your superpower. I can't tell you how many people I know that have been mentally, physically, sexually abused and it's in the dark. They don't tell anybody because they're so afraid of being judged and all of

these demons that they quote unquote demons that they have that are hiding in the dark. And when they bring them to light, that becomes their superpower because they're finally able to be open, honest, and vulnerable. And people see them as courageous by doing so. And so what I want you to realize is talk to somebody. Shame breeds in the dark, but if you put light on that thing, it will make you so much better. One of the biggest things for me is this podcast. When I first started this podcast, I had never talked to people about my father being an alcoholic. I was super embarrassed of him when I was a child. I didn't tell anybody when my dad passed away. I went to school four days later after the funeral, didn't tell anybody, didn't even tell my best friends because I was just so, there was so much shame around my father when I was a child.

For me, that was the story that I was telling myself. When I started this podcast, I wanted to be completely open, honest, vulnerable, authentic, show all of my shit to everybody to make them realize that it's safe to show all of your shit. And what I've come to realize is that the most therapeutic and the most cathartic thing I've ever done was talk about those things in this podcast, because what had its power over me, I was able to talk about it and then gain my power and became one of my superpowers to be able to be vulnerable and authentic. And we're afraid that if we're vulnerable, people are going to see us as weak, but nobody will see you weak when you're vulnerable. Everybody will look at you and see your vulnerability as courage because everybody wants to figure out a way to get their skeletons

out of the clouds and be able to speak about it. So you think that by speaking about the things that are really tough, make you weak, but that vulnerability people actually see as courageous. And they think, man, I wish that I could do what he's doing. I wish that I could do what she's doing. So the first thing is to talk to somebody about the things that you feel are quote unquote not right with you or broken about you, unworthy about you. The second thing is to tell yourself a new story. So you've identified the story you've been telling yourself.

Now it's time to reframe and to change that story so that it doesn't have power over you anymore. You know, stop telling the old one. When you notice that the old one comes back up and you're telling yourself again, click yourself out of it in the moment and go, okay, hold on. I got to tell myself my new story over and over and over again. And you repeat it all day. And the more that you tell yourself the new story, the more that you're going to start to believe it. And unless you're going to start to believe the other one. Okay. Number three, accept it. Whatever happened to you in the past, no matter how bad it was. And I know there's some people out there that were listening

that have had some terrible things happen to them in the past. I know some people that are out there listening have had some decently bad things happen to you in your past, some traumatic things, some things happen, bullying, and it might not seem severe to you, but whatever it is, whatever scale you want to put it on, which is not what the brain puts it on. It's what us humans like to put some sort of scalar degrees of trauma on them. Accept them. They happened. There's literally nothing that you can do about that right now. You can't go back and change what has happened to you. The only thing that you can do is you can change the way that you feel about it, the story that you're telling yourself and reframe it as the way that we were saying it.

So number three is you have to fully 100% accept it. If I were still sitting here wishing that my father were alive and wanting to change that story, it would make me anxious. It would make me sad. It would make me frustrated. It would make me feel all the negative emotions that come with wanting to change the past, and that's something that I can never do. Number four, this can be a hard one, everybody. You need to forgive. Okay. Forgive whatever it is. Forgive the person that did the thing or forgive yourself,

whatever it is. And most people are like, I don't want to forgive that person for that terrible thing that they did to me because it wasn't right. By forgiving, you're not saying that it's right. that terrible thing that they did to me because it wasn't right. By forgiving, you're not saying that it's right. By forgiving, you're actually relieving yourself from the attachment to that thing that's been holding you back. Forgiveness is never for that person. I don't need you to call them and forgive them. I need you to forgive them energetically and mentally and release it because that's when you gain your power back. Forgiveness is never for the other person. Forgiveness is always for you. So you can release it and you can move on. So that's number four. And number five is to fucking realize that you're not broken. You're not. You're whole. You're fully whole. You're

normal. We've all been through some shit. We've all been through stuff we didn't want to. There's a pretty good chance that sometime in the rest of our lives, we're going to have to go through something else that we don't want to. But you have to realize that you're not broken. You're whole the way that you are. There's power in going back and taking your mess, mess and turning it into your message. And there's power in taking your power back and saying, I'm going to make this something

that's not going to hold me back anymore, but it's going to propel me. So what are the five steps again? Number one, talk to somebody. Number two, tell yourself a new story. Number three, accept it. Number four, forgive. And number five, realize that you are not broken. And ultimately that is how you take your power back and start moving forward in the direction that you want to, to build the life that you want to regardless of what traumas you've been through. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you

love this episode, if you know someone out there who needs to hear this, please share that with them. And then also at the same time, please share this on your Instagram stories. Tag me in at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. The only way that we grow is from you guys going out there and sharing it grassroots. So I appreciate you for always sharing. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.