The Mindset Mentor - You Are Not Your Thoughts

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I am your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you love this podcast, you're probably going to love giving us a rating review however you listen to us. The more positive rating reviews that we get on the platforms that you listen to us on, the more that those platforms actually show this podcast and present it to people who have never listened to it before, making them more likely to listen to it and hopefully change their lives as well. So if you would do that, I would greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about your mind. We're going to be

Starting point is 00:00:41 talking about your thoughts. We're going to be talking about how you are the consciousness behind all of those things. We're going to go pretty deep. And so before we go deep, I actually want to give you an analogy. And I want to tell you a real quick story just to kind of set the stage, right? Imagine that there's a bird and it's this bird. It's free to fly. It's soaring through the sky. And then one day it decides that it wants to rest and it comes down to a lake. It's a beautiful, calm lake and it's just the sky. And then one day it decides that it wants to rest and it comes down to a lake. It's a beautiful, calm lake and it's just sitting there. And it loves it because it's so tranquil. And it decides that it's going to just stay on this peaceful lake for a while.

Starting point is 00:01:15 And what happens is it stays for a couple days and it stays for a week. And the cool thing is that it's a bird, you know, these fish come up to it. It can just eat the fish. It can just go to the bathroom on the lake. It just sits there and it floats and it's calm and it's tranquil and it's a bird, you know, these fish come up to it, it can just eat the fish. It can just go to the bathroom on the lake. It just sits there and it floats and it's calm and it's tranquil and it's beautiful. And it stays there and a day turns into a week, a week turns into a month, a month turns into a year,

Starting point is 00:01:34 a year turns into two years. And the bird stays floating on the lake for so long that it actually forgets that it has the ability to fly away. And it's been resting on the water for such a long time that not only does it actually just rest on the water, it actually starts to identify with the lake. There is no difference in its mind between the bird and the lake. And it forgets that once upon a time, it could spread its wings and it could just fly off into the sky. And this bird, even though it's capable of flying, even though it's fully 100% possible, it's now become a creature of the water.

Starting point is 00:02:10 And when the water is calm, the bird enjoys it. It's amazing. It's happy. It's like sunbathing inside of the, you know, it's just sitting there. It's the most tranquil thing ever. But we all know that water doesn't stay calm forever. Sometimes it gets choppy. Sometimes there's waves. Sometimes there's storms. And when that happens, the bird struggles and it fears that it might drown. Then it ends up making the bird want to control the water, hoping that it will be calm all of the time.

Starting point is 00:02:38 Oh, it needs to be calm. It needs to be calm. Even when it is calm, it starts to wonder when the next time it's not going to be calm. And it doesn't realize that if it tries to manipulate and change the water, it's impossible. It's even counterproductive a lot of times, right? Imagine how crazy it would be if a bird thought that it could control an entire body of water. Now, we talk about this bird and you might be like, cool story, what the hell

Starting point is 00:03:03 does it have to do with my life? It's really a metaphor for the human condition, particularly your struggle, my struggle, our human struggle to overcome and try to control our circumstances in the external world, but also control our internal state. Because often times as humans, we forget that we're not the thoughts. We're not the mind. We are the consciousness behind it. We are the observer of our thoughts. We are the silent witness that is behind all of our programming. And so we're the thing that's beyond all of that. If you ask somebody, if I ask you, who are you? You might say, oh, my name is Nancy. And I say, okay, cool. Nancy, who are you? Oh, well, you know, I am a mother of two and I'm married to my husband. His name is George. My last name is Smith. It used to be Johnson,

Starting point is 00:03:54 but now it's Smith because I'm married to George. And so that's my name. Cool. Who are you? Well, I went to this school. I graduated from the University of Phoenix online, and I got my degree in psychology. Okay, cool. Who are you? Well, I was raised a Christian, and I'm still a Christian. I go to church every single Sunday, and I go to this church. Who are you? Who are you? Who are you? And eventually what you realize is that none of those things are actually who you are. Those are just things that you have, things that you've just taken throughout your life and you've basically just thrown onto yourself and then say, this is me, this is me, this is me. Because if I were to ask you, who were you

Starting point is 00:04:34 when you were born? Well, you weren't a wife. You weren't named Nancy, even when you were born. You weren't 43 years old. You weren't a mother of three. You didn't have a degree from that school in psychology. You weren't married to George. You weren't a Christian. You weren't 43 years old. You weren't a mother of three. You didn't have a degree from that school in psychology. You weren't married to George. You weren't a Christian. You weren't any of those things. You were born and you were just born clean slate as just who you are, just a conscious being that's just fresh into this world. That's who you actually truly are. Everything else that you've just picked up along the way is not who you truly are. It's just ways that you've identified yourself, right? And that's really what it comes down to is just as the bird is more than just a creature that's in the lake, you're more than your programming. You're more

Starting point is 00:05:13 than your personality. You're more than the circumstances that you find yourself in. You're more than your thoughts. You're more than the things that have happened to you over the course of your life. But what happens is we just tend to identify ourselves with those things so we can kind of make sense of them, right? That's really what it comes down to. And so just as the bird, if we go back to the bird example, the bird wants to keep the water calm. And what it does is it tries to find a way to keep the water calm. The bird can't control the water, but it thinks that it can. It wants to have some form of control and it struggles because it can't control the water, but it thinks that it can. It wants to have some form of control and it struggles because it can't control the water. It doesn't want to feel helpless.

Starting point is 00:05:50 And so the same thing happens with your mind. We look at our mind and we want to control our mind, but when it starts to go crazy, we want to find some sort of peace. We want to find some sort of joy or happiness, but it's like our mind won't stop, our mind won't stop. And to try to control it by forcing doesn't make any sense because that's not how a mind calms down. We'll talk about how to calm the mind down a little while. Imagine, for instance, that the bird's there and it realizes that, oh my gosh, a wave is coming by, and the wave goes by, and the wave goes by. And then it ends up chirping because that's what birds do. And it chirps, and the water calms back down because the wave is now gone. And the bird thinks in its mind, huh, when I chirp, it calms the water down. And so it chirps, and it chirps, and it chirps,

Starting point is 00:06:34 hoping that the water stays that way. And it looked one time to the right, and the water was choppy. Oh, the water was choppy. Oh my goodness. I got to stop looking to the right. I got to stop doing this thing. And so what happens is we start to think to ourselves, oh, when I do this, my mind is calm. Or when I do this, when I look this direction, when I do this thing, when I say this thing to somebody, when I think this thing about myself, my mind starts going crazy. The bird forgot that it could fly. You forgot. The bird forgot that it could fly. The bird forgot that it could just literally get away from the water and then started to identify itself with the water. You forgot since you've been born, you know, I'm 37 years old. I've forgotten since my 37 years of

Starting point is 00:07:16 being on this planet. I forgot that I was also just pure consciousness, the thing that was behind the mind, the thing that was behind the thoughts, the thing that was behind all the programming, the thing that was behind my parents and what they told me and what society told me, behind all of the shit is actually who you truly are, is actually who we truly are. And, you know, what happens is when the mind starts going crazy, we start thinking to ourself, I must be crazy. There's something wrong with me. And we identify ourselves with that mind. And so what do we do? I've got to stop being anxious. I've got to stop overthinking. I've got to stop being this way. I've got to stop being, and we start to fight, and we start to fight, and we start to fight, and we're kicking, and we're screaming. Imagine if a

Starting point is 00:07:57 wave comes, and the bird starts to see the wave coming, and so it starts to kick, kick, kick, to get over the wave. it's actually creating more waves. So by fighting against the wave versus letting the wave pass, it's actually creating more waves. So if we're starting to see our mind rear up and maybe get anxious or maybe get overthinking, and we start to try to work against it and to stop it, it's the same way of just kicking to try to stop waves. You're only creating more waves. The mind won't calm down unless we allow it to just calm down. If we fight it, if we resist it, any of that stuff, it's not going to calm down. Let's be real. Life is up. Life is down. Life is all over the place. And a controlled mind, no matter what, an uncontrolled mind, excuse me, an uncontrolled mind will excuse me, an uncontrolled

Starting point is 00:08:45 mind will be all over the place in all situations that it's not liking, right? Calm water, it's chill, it's hanging out, it's sunbathing, this is great, mind is great, all of that stuff. But waves? Ah, fuck! I hate this. I hate the, what can I do about this? How can I fix this? Why is it always like this? Why do I do this to myself? Why do I always overthink? And then it's like, it's not just the anxiousness. Then it's the overthinking about the anxiousness. And then there's the guilting about the anxiousness. And there's the shame about the anxiousness, right? The bird's entire life now has become the state of the water. The bird's life is the state of the water. Our lives is the state of our mind. We're so obsessed with our mind. We're so obsessed with our thoughts that we think that just because you feel a certain way,

Starting point is 00:09:31 or just because you think a certain way based off of your programming in the past, that that is who you are. But when the water becomes calm, this is the worst part about it, right? Like if the bird, now that its entire state is the water and it hates, it loves when it's calm, but it hates when it's too crazy. Then what happens is when it calms down, if there's enough times they've been hit by waves and hit by waves and hit by waves and hit by waves and hit by waves, then when it's calm, the bird can't even enjoy the calm because it starts thinking to itself and planning ahead. Well, it's really calm right now, but it can't stay this way forever. It's really calm right now, but what about the next wave hits? What am I going to do in the next wave hits? What am I

Starting point is 00:10:10 going to do when this happens? And what happens is the bird starts to get anxiety about what will happen the next time the bird has waves come. And it ruins a calm present moment worrying about a potential future moment. How often do we do that with ourselves? How often do we have a, nothing's wrong. Like there's nothing wrong in this moment, but we're fucking freaking out thinking about and worrying about and fearing of the future, what could possibly happen. And if you've been listening to this podcast for long enough, you know the statistics behind it. Psychologists have found that 85% of what you worry about will never happen. And out of that 85% that will never happen, there's another 15% where it will happen.

Starting point is 00:10:55 And approximately out of that 15% that will happen, 12% of that 15% doesn't happen near as bad as you think that it will, which means that 3% of what you worry about actually happens the way that you think they'll happen. One out of 33 times that you worry, it happens the way that you think that it will happen. And so what happens is we ruin a beautiful present moment thinking about what happens when X, Y, what about the next time this happens? What about the next time this happens? It's the exact same thing as the bird who once enjoyed the calm, peaceful, tranquil water is now worrying about the next time that the waves are going to come through. We can't identify with it. You have to realize through all of this that the mind is not who you

Starting point is 00:11:36 are. Just like the water is not the bird. Just as the bird has been on the water for so long that it identifies with it, you have been in your mind, in your programming, in your personality for so long that you have identified with it. So what do we do? What the hell do we do when the waves of life come in our mind and we start to freak out and we start to overthink or something happens that we don't like and now we feel anxious about it? What do we do? We've got to really learn to let life pass. Let your mind do what it's going to do. That's really hard for a lot of people. Let your mind do what it's going to do. Let life pass. The natural state of the water is calm. The natural state of a lake, if you've ever walked to a lake and there's no outside forces. There's no wind. There's no boat that goes by. There's no

Starting point is 00:12:25 rock that's dropped into it. The natural state of a water is calm. The natural state of your mind is calm. Now, I understand there's a lot of you guys that might be thinking, there is no freaking way that I can calm this mind down. My mind is crazy. You don't know what goes on in my mind, Rob. It is though. You've just made it crazy. And the secret to the mind is not to stop it, not to try to control it, not to try to resist it, not to try to yell against it, scream. Just the secret of it is just to let it do what it's going to do. And the less that you resist it, the faster it will calm down. There's a lot of times it, the faster it will calm down.

Starting point is 00:13:09 You know, there's a lot of times where I wake up and I feel anxious. I just feel anxious when I wake up in the morning. And really what it comes down to is I've found that, you know, some humans have a lot more cortisol in the morning because that's what wakes them up in the morning. I've just found that I tend to have more cortisol. So I have anxious feelings when I wake up in the morning. It's like immediate, right? And I used to hate it. I used to fight it. I used to try to do rituals to get past it. I used to try to do other things to calm it down. Now I've just learned, hey, this is just the way that it is for now. It might stop one day. It might not stop one day. And I just allow it. And what I found is that the less that I fight it and the less that I resist it, the faster it goes away. When I used to fight it, when I used to resist it, try to have some rituals, try to work past it, try to do some breathing exercises, try to do some, you know,

Starting point is 00:13:48 go out in the gym and try to work past it. The anxiousness actually lasted longer. Just as when the wave comes and the bird tries to fight and tries to swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, swim, it creates new waves. It makes the water even more rough. When I just let my mind do what it's going to do, it's usually gone in like three to five minutes. Just calms down. It's really just like a passing cloud that just kind of goes by. You know, and Alan Watts talks about this. He says, you can't force a mind to be silent. That would be like trying to smooth ripples in the water with a flat iron. Water becomes clear and calm only when it's left alone. Same with your mind. It becomes clear and calm when you

Starting point is 00:14:25 just leave it alone. Really what it's about is what a lot of people listening to this podcast, myself included, have a lot of trouble with, which is surrender. It's about not trying to control it. It's about allowing it to happen. Because what you resist persists. The less you try to control, then the more you try to fight your crazy mind, the more that you try to just fight it and fight it, the longer it's going to stay there. But the less that you just try to control it and you just let go and you just let it happen, the faster it calms itself down. The natural state of your mind is complete calm the same way that the natural state of the lake is complete calm as well. So then you think to yourself, well, what about meditation? People always think they're doing meditation wrong, right? Because they think, well, I'm meditating and I have so many thoughts

Starting point is 00:15:08 and it's just my brain is going and it's going, it's going, it's going. Meditation, and this is an actual thing that was said to me one time by a Buddhist monk. Meditation is not no thoughts. Meditation is watching your thoughts. Meditation is taking a step back into the consciousness that you are and just watching your thoughts. And your brain will a step back into the consciousness that you are and just watching your thoughts. And your brain will go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Eventually, it calms down. And the mind can get crazy. Life can get crazy. It can be more than just waves. It can get to hurricane level sometimes, can it? Sometimes it can get to a fever pitch. But if you think about a hurricane, like I grew

Starting point is 00:15:45 up in Florida, and what's the best thing to do in a hurricane that's going over your house? Well, obviously, the best thing to do is leave, but you can't really leave the body that you're in. So what's the best thing to do? Let's say you can't leave the house. What's the best thing to do during a hurricane? What can you do? It's to hunker down, to stay inside, and let it pass. It's not to go outside and try to yell at the hurricane and try to calm it down. No, what do you have to do? You have to allow the hurricane to pass. It's the same thing with the mind. Sometimes we have a whole lot of really big life events. And I'm not talking about like something small happens. I'm talking about something big happens. Somebody dies, you get fired. Big, huge life events. Somebody go through divorce, whatever it might be. And it's a

Starting point is 00:16:27 freaking hurricane out there. We want to fight it. We want to resist it. We don't want it to be the way that it is. Oh my God, why'd that person have to die? They died too early. It shouldn't have been this way. And now we're taking the event that happened in life and we're making our own hurricane in our mind with it versus just saying, okay, I'm just going to allow myself to feel. I'm going to allow myself to feel these emotions to get past these, to let these emotions just go by the same way that the passing cloud will. Because if we fight it, we fight it, we fight it, we fight it, we fight it, we just create more waves. And it takes longer for it to calm down. It's the exact same thing with your mind. You just have to allow the thoughts to come in and pass.

Starting point is 00:17:05 You have to allow your thoughts, feelings to come in and pass. You know, we've all become lost. We've all become identified with our minds. We've all become identified with our thoughts. Really what we have to step back and see is that we are the consciousness behind our thoughts. Now, some of you might be saying, what the hell does that mean? Well, have you ever had the feeling of like, I really want to go for this goal and you're really wanting to go for this goal, but then there's another side of you that's like, well, but hold on. Remember that time when you

Starting point is 00:17:32 actually failed at the last goal? And remember that time that you said you wanted to lose weight and you didn't lose weight? Well, maybe you shouldn't be doing that. Maybe you shouldn't be doing this. Maybe you shouldn't be doing this. And it feels like inside of you, there's like the good side of you and there's the bad side of you, right? That's like the actual consciousness. It's like the angel on your shoulder saying, hey, this is what we should do. You should go on a diet. You should start to take care of yourself. You should show up more for your children. That's the good side of you. And then there's the bad side of you. It's like the devil on the other shoulder, right? Where it's just like, well, remember the last time

Starting point is 00:18:00 you failed at losing weight? What's the point of doing it again? And it's like, we're constantly at battle with our thoughts, but it seems so counterintuitive because we think in our minds that we have to do, do, do, do, do, do, do. We want to be able to do something and have a strategy of how to overcome something when it comes up. That's counterproductive here. When you notice your mind, when you notice your thoughts and you have now stepped back and you are witnessing it, the best thing to do is just act like it's a passing cloud and just let it pass. And eventually, the mind will become calm again because that is the natural state of the mind. Eventually, the waves will pass, the wind will pass, the hurricane will pass, and the lake will turn back into a calm lake again. It cannot stay crazy forever.

Starting point is 00:18:47 Eventually, it'll be calm. Really, what it comes down to is us trying to master our minds instead of feeling like we are in prison of our own minds. This is what it comes down to. You are the same as the bird. You could fly away anytime that you want to and realize that you are that consciousness. Don't identify yourself with a lake. Don't identify yourself with your mind. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at Rob Dial Jr. R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R.

Starting point is 00:19:15 That way we can spread the word and more people can find this podcast and hopefully allow them to impact their lives as well. So if you got some sort of value from this episode, share it with the world, would you? I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way I leave you every single episode, making sure mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you. And I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - You Are Not Your Thoughts

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