The Mindset Mentor - You Are Perfect and Nothing Is Wrong With You

Episode Date: December 24, 2021

Nothing is wrong. You are perfect. Everything that has every happened to you is perfect. In today's episode, I will prove that. If you want to make 2022 the best year of your life, join my IronMind30! My 30-Day Mindset Challenge that starts on January 1st here: https://www.theironmind30.com/ Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you've been listening for a while and you have not given us a rating review on iTunes or Apple Podcasts, please do me a real quick favor. Just take out 30 seconds, take your phone out and give us a rating or review. It helps more people be able to find us and be able to listen to this podcast organically. It helps more than you could possibly manage.

If you could do that, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to be talking about the fact that there is nothing wrong with you and that you are literally perfect as you are. And you are not broken in any sort of way. There is nothing that has ever been wrong with you. And everything that's ever happened to you is absolutely perfect. And you might hear that and be like, oh shit, well, there's a lot of things that have happened to me that are bad. Or there are a lot of things that have happened to me that I didn't want to happen. And I have this, an episode that has this flavor every single year, I guess you could say, because I get this a lot.

In my line of work of self-improvement, what tends to happen is when somebody decides that they want to improve themselves, it's kind of like a veil being lifted to all of the things that need some improvement. And so when we start to see the things that we've been blind to, I'll be honest with you, ignorance is bliss. If I was ignorant to the fact that I don been blind to, I'll be honest with you, ignorance is bliss. If I was ignorant to the fact that I don't need to improve myself and there's things that I need to work on, this would be pretty damn blissful. But I don't think that I would have the life that I want to. And I think that's for most people. If you're listening to this podcast, it's because

you do want to learn. You do want to grow. You do want to get better. But in turn, when you say getting better, that means there's things that you might want to quote unquote fix. And so we're going to talk about everything that's happened to you. And once again, like I said, in my line of work with self-development, I've seen it all. Like I've heard the worst stories that you could hear

from all of the different things that people go through. You know, I've seen all kinds of abuse. I've seen mental abuse. I've seen physical abuse. I've seen sexual abuse. I've seen physical abuse. I've seen sexual abuse. I've seen people who have had their parents murdered. I've seen people who have had family members murdered. I've people who have had attempted murder on them.

All kinds of things that have happened, all kinds of different traumas, all kinds of different abuses. I've seen suicides that people have had around them. I've seen people who have attempted suicide multiple times. I've seen people who have been around murderers. I've seen people who have been sexually assaulted. I've seen all of the worst things in the world. And it really opens you up to, number one, the compassion to have for people because you start to see that some people that even look like they have it all together have other things that they're dealing with

at all points in time. And it really makes you have compassion for people and realizing that you never really know what someone's going through. Like you never know what's actually happening in someone's mind, in someone's life, unless they're fully open and authentic with you. And a lot of times people are not.

And so I've seen a lot of the worst things. And so when you look at those things like, you know, abuses and suicides and murders not. And so I've seen a lot of the worst things. And so when you look at those things like abuses and suicides and murders and parents that have drug problems or alcohol problems or parents that commit suicide and all of these things, those are all traumas. And if you're listening to me and you're like, well, I haven't had all of those things happen to me. I've had a pretty good childhood. I had things happen throughout my life, but it was nothing that was that bad of trauma. I'm going to bring this frame in

just so you can understand before we go deeper into it. The trauma that happens to you in your life doesn't have to be, quote unquote, massive trauma to leave a really deep scar. Some people feel bad because their lives have been pretty good. And I talk with a lot of people who have had like great lives They have great parents, but they still have things that they're trying to overcome that Happen because you can't go through this life without some scars like it's impossible to go through this life

And not have some scars. There's still bullies. There's still you know Advertisements that are telling us that we're not good enough unless we buy their products There's comparing ourselves to other people on Instagram and other people's businesses. There's all these comparisons. And they feel like they don't deserve to feel like they have trauma because they didn't have any, what we would call, quote unquote, massive trauma in their life. Some people listening, you might not have had those massive traumas. Maybe you weren't beaten. Maybe you weren't sexually assaulted, any of those things. But maybe your dad worked all of the time and he never gave the love that you actually wanted

or the love that you actually deserved. And maybe he wasn't there for you, but he was doing his best in trying to provide for the family. And in turn, he was very absent. That's also a form of trauma. Or some people, your mother could have gotten mad at you and the way that she, quote unquote, disciplined you was by pulling her love away. And that right there is a form of trauma. It's not physical abuse. It's not any of those things that I mentioned earlier, but it is a form of trauma because a child is not getting what they need in that moment, which the most important thing is just love from their parents, acceptance from their parents, emotional safety from their parents. And some people, your mom or your dad,

or someone might have pulled love away from you in order as a way to reprimand you. That is a trauma. And a lot of people go through that as well. Some people, your mom might've been afraid. She was a very fearful person because she was taught to be afraid of the world. And so she might've instilled a lot of fear into you. And I see this a lot with people where it's like, my mom was great. She loved me so much. My dad was great. He loved me so much. But the thing that they did was they instilled so much fear into me about the real world because they didn't want me to go out and be naive and get myself into a bad situation. That is a form of trauma. In some people's case, trauma can just be absolute neglect. And a lot, I mean, a lot,

a lot of people just have emotional neglect from their parents, not on purpose because everybody's doing the best with what they have, but they have a form of trauma because they didn't get the love that they wanted as a kid or they didn't, their parents might not have been good with emotion. And so they don't understand how to overcome their emotions. So they were kind of left in this void of, I'm feeling all these feelings. I don't know what's going on and nobody's here to support me. That's also neglect. That's also trauma. It can be, you know, neglect can be emotional trauma. It can be an emotional neglect. It can be physical neglect. And it doesn't have to be a big, quote unquote, big trauma because all trauma in the

brain is trauma. And Dr. Gabor Mate talks about this. Dr. Gabor Mate is a psychologist who helped people on the streets in Canada who were addicted to heroin. And he did this for 12 years. And what he started to notice was that every single person that had some form of an addiction had some form of trauma that was not overcome. And the drug use a lot of times was a way to numb the feeling or to run away from the feeling of that trauma that they had. Whether it was a big trauma, and I'm going to keep saying, quote unquote, big trauma, or quote unquote, small trauma. Big trauma and small trauma is a human measurement. It's not a nervous system measurement. The nervous system in the brain and the body all measure trauma as trauma, no matter how big it is, no matter how

small it is. And trauma at its simplest form is just not getting what you need in your development as a child. That's at its simplest form. The trauma that you receive that you can have as a child is not getting what you need in your development. It can be from your parents. Most of the time it is from their parents, but it's also from people that you're close to. It can be teachers that you can trauma from. It could be bullies that you get trauma from. There's so many different forms of it. And it's important to know that trauma is trauma. Don't judge your trauma against somebody else's. Don't do trauma comparison. It could be a big event that closes you off to your development later on in life.

You know, it could be somebody, you know, a form of trauma happens to a lot of people as you get into your first real relationship. You fall in love with somebody when you're 15, 16 years old and you fully open yourself up to this feeling of love and they're fully in that feeling of love with you. And then maybe they go and cheat on you. Or maybe you fully open yourself up and tell your best friend about this boy that you have a crush on. And you fully open about, oh my gosh, this boy, he's just so cute.

And then your friends go tell that boy. And it's like, it's a little bit of a closing off from the world to protect yourself. We learn to close off to protect yourself. But there's one thing that's very common among all of these things, and this is why I say there's nothing wrong with you and you're perfect, is that one thing that's very common in this sense is people feel a sense of brokenness. I remember I was talking to somebody after I gave a speech. There was a young lady that came up to me and she's asking me questions. She's like, I'll just tell you a little bit of her story without

going too much into it. She was sexually assaulted when she was younger. And she said, since this sexual assault, I felt like there's a piece of me that's missing, is what her words were. There's a piece of me that's missing. And that is, just so you guys have an idea, that is a story that's being told. Now, what happened to her was absolutely terrible, of course. You don't want to wish that on anybody. But the story that she's been telling herself since that event, that is a story that she needs to change, is there something missing? And so to kind of wake her up to this idea, I looked at her and I had a good enough rapport with her. I go, I was looking at her, I looked at her arms and I looked at her legs and I looked at her hands and I looked at her feet and I said, what part of you is missing? And she goes, what do you mean?

I said, well, there's a part of you that's missing. Where is the missing part? And she's like, well, no, there's not a missing part. It just feels like there's something missing. And I said, okay, what is missing? And she couldn't answer the question of what was missing, which kind of woke her up to the fact that she's telling herself a story and she's now identified herself with that story and she's living her entire life with something in me is missing. And it came from, you know, that developed a lack of self-worth and a lack of confidence and a lot of other things that we ended up working through. But a lot of people feel broken when they have something that happens to them. They feel like something's, they feel like they're not

whole. They feel like they're not whole and because they're They feel like they're not whole. They feel like they're not whole. And because they're not whole, they're not worthy. They're not worthy of love. They're not worthy of respect. They're not worthy of success. They're not worthy of a lot of different things. And because they deep down subconsciously feel like they're not worthy, they don't actually go for what it is that they want in life because they don't feel like they're worthy. They don't think that they're worthy. And they feel like something's wrong with them. And they feel like they don't deserve to be happy. They don't deserve to be healthy.

They don't deserve to be wealthy. They don't deserve to be successful. They don't deserve it because their identity is, I'm not worthy. Their identity is, something is wrong, I'm not whole. And I don't deserve to get whatever it is that I want. Hey, with how much we rely on our devices, it's easy to forget about the hardware that I want. Hey, with how much we rely on our devices,

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Because I want to take you out of the human experience real quick. And I want to put you into just an experience, right? Three-legged dogs. I love three-legged dogs. Do you want to know why? Because a three-legged dog, when they lose their leg, nothing changes. They don't think differently of themselves. They are still the

happiest fucking dog that exists, right? And they'll hobble around and they'll still run as full speed as they possibly can. But what's happening? They still have their tail wagging all the time. I love it because they have the same amount of joy. They have the same amount of love. They have the same amount of happiness that they had before that leg was taken away. And for us, when we experience trauma sometimes, one of the things that happens is we feel like there's now something wrong with us. And this happens even with people sometimes. If people lose an arm, sometimes people feel like they're not worthy. If someone loses a leg, they feel like sometimes they're not worthy because they feel like they're now less than. And the reason why I'm bringing these up is because it literally, the event happening to you

is now created a story. And that story needs to, you need to figure out that story is an empowering story, or if it's a disempowering story. And if it's disempowering, what is the story that you now want to start telling yourself? You know, we have, you guys have heard me talk about Toby before. Toby's our 13-year-old dog. And he's starting to lose his eyesight. And he still walks around the house wagging his tail. And he doesn't see as well as he used to. You know, he'll go around and he'll look for us. And if he can't, sometimes we'll be like 20 feet away.

And he doesn't see us 20 feet away. He doesn't see us because we're not moving, whatever it is. But in watching him lose his eyesight, he still sees a little bit. In watching him lose his eyesight, his deme sees a little bit, in watching him lose his eyesight, his demeanor has not changed in any sort of way at all. But if that were a human, sometimes we feel like there's something missing, something lacking. We can compare ourself to other people. And so how can we essentially start to live our lives like a three-legged dog is what I want to think about.

They have something that could be considered wrong with them, but they don't see as anything wrong with them. And so many humans say like, I feel broken. I don't feel whole. I feel like part of me is missing. A part of me was stolen. Whenever they have stuff like that, whether it's emotional trauma, whether it's physical trauma, whether it's losing an arm or losing a leg or losing eyesight or losing hearing. But all of it that I want to get back to is just the story that you're telling yourself, which is why I start off saying you're already perfect. There's nothing wrong with you is because you are perfect the way that you are, no matter what has happened to you. There is nothing wrong with you. And that's the story that I want you to start learning to tell yourself. It's true, but do you believe it? Because ultimately in the grand scheme of life, it is true,

but do you believe that? And the more you repeat a story, the more you believe it. And so there's a real famous quote that says, if you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it. You know who said that? Hitler. Some of us are Hitler in our own mind. And we just have a story that we latch onto. This event happened to me. There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. If you keep telling yourself there's something wrong with you, you will find all of the things that are wrong with you because nobody is perfect. But if you start telling yourself, I am perfect, there is nothing wrong with me. I am perfect, there is nothing wrong with me. You'll start to see all of the places

where you are perfect. You'll start to see all of the places where there is nothing wrong with you. Those things that happen to you are just a piece of what happened to you in your past. You're not broken. You're not unwhole. You're not unlovable. You're not unworthy. It's not that something's missing. It's just that you won't stop repeating the story that something is missing or that you are unlovable or that you are unwhole or there is something wrong with you. You have to start listening to the story that's playing inside of your head when no one else is around. And ask yourself, is that the story I want to tell myself? Because it cannot be your identity if it's not empowering. Do not

allow anything to be your identity if it's not empowering. If you tell a child that there's monsters under the bed every single day, they're going to be terrified to go to bed. If you tell them every single day, they're going to grow up with always looking for something to attack them, always worried about it. They might be afraid of that. They might be a 35-year-old adult that's afraid of the dark in some sort of way because there's a story that's been told to them. The question I have for you is what monsters have you been creating by telling yourself the same story over again and over again and over again and over again? Because ultimately, you're telling yourself a lie. You're telling yourself a lie. And there's a couple of things that you could do to try to

start to solve this. If this has been hitting home with you in some sort, I want to give you four, five pieces, five pieces to actually overcoming and solving this. It's not an overnight thing. If you've been telling yourself the same story for 35 years, you're not going to tell yourself this just today and wake up tomorrow and be like, oh my God, I'm saved. My trauma has disappeared. All of the negative things I've been telling myself are gone. My identity is completely changed. It's an everyday thing that we have to work at. And so how do we solve this? First, number one, talk to somebody. Talk to anybody. Tell somebody actually what's going on in your head. You have to realize if you keep it in the dark, shame breeds in the dark. So now not only

do you have this thing that you're thinking about, now you're breeding shame by not talking about or feeling bad about it. And so you've got to talk with somebody and actually just be around somebody who ultimately you know will look at you with love and acceptance. And no matter what it is that you can say to them, it's not going to change their idea of you. And so the first thing I think that's super important is just start to talk to people. That was one of the things that, not one of the things, this is probably the biggest thing I've ever gotten from starting this podcast, is I used to not talk about my father and him being an alcoholic and him dying. And then when I started the podcast, I was like, I'm going to just be as authentic as I possibly can. And having this podcast and sharing my truth and all of my shit

and how I'm not a perfect person, I never intend to be a perfect person, I'm just working through things, has been so cathartic for me. So is there a somebody that's in your life, even if it's just one person, that you can talk to? That's number one, talk to somebody. Number two, start to tell yourself a new story. Become aware of the story that you're telling yourself and start to change it. Stop the story when you start to notice it go on in your head and switch it to a new one and repeat it all day? What is the affirmation that you need to start repeating to yourself over and over and over and over?

Same way that if you listen to a song and you hear it over and over and over again, the song turns off and you just continue to keep hearing that song. You continue to keep just having a song stuck in your head. Well, a song that's stuck in your head about who you are and your identity, is it the one that you actually want? So that's number two. Number three, accept it. Accept that

what happened to you happened to you. Accept that this is who you are. Accept that you've gone through the things that you've gone through. Don't wish that it would have been different. Accept it. As Peter Cron always says, one of my favorite quotes, what happened happened and could not have happened any other way because it didn't. What happened, happened, and could not have happened any other way because it didn't. So you have to accept it. Number four is to then forgive. Forgive that person.

I know it's hard, but I did an episode last week you can go back and listen to about forgiveness and the importance of forgiveness. This is super, super important. I go really in depth as far as if you want peace in your life, you've got to learn to forgive, and you've got to fully let go of it. So forgive that person, not just for them, but for yourself as well. Forgive yourself for what you've done in your life. Forgive yourself, forgive them, forgive everyone that you can. Because if you try to hold onto this resentment, it's like the phrase says,

holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies. It's only affecting you. So you've got to learn to forgive. And then the fifth thing, ultimately, come to terms, journal this out, whatever it is you have to do, realize that you're not broken.

Understand that you're not broken. Your trauma builds you. Your trauma comes into your life. There's a great documentary called The Wisdom of Trauma by the guy who was talking about earlier, Dr. Gabor Mate. It's called The Wisdom of Trauma. He talks about how your trauma builds you. Your trauma is almost like sent to you from God or the universe to help build you into the person that you need to be. It's like, instead of asking for God to make you stronger, ask him to give you challenges that make you stronger. These are the challenges that were brought to you. This is the life that you have been given.

Can you build a new identity for yourself in that trauma and realize that you can find a way to make it part of your empowering story versus something that holds you back from life that you want? And so those are the five pieces. Number one, talk to somebody, please. Number two, to make it part of your empowering story versus something that holds you back from life that you want. And so those are the five pieces. Number one, talk to somebody, please. Number two, tell yourself a new story. Number three, accept that it happened. Number four, forgive.

And number five, realize ultimately that you are not broken and you just need another story. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And if you're out there and you want to make 2022 the best year of your life, join my Iron Mind 30 Challenge, where over the course of 30 days, we start on January 1st. And the goal is to make 2022 the best year of your life. Everybody who joins the Iron Mind

30 Challenge will then go into a private Facebook group, and I'll be teaching live every single day for 30 days straight on how to make it the best year of your life, how to get past your mindset blocks, how to get past anything that's holding you back, your limiting beliefs, your fears, your subconscious patterns, all of those things I'm going to be teaching.

And we have six pillars that we're going to hit every single day to break out of our comfort zone. And if you're interested in that, go to ironmind30, I-R-O-N-M-I-N-D-3-0.com. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.