The Mindset Mentor - You Don't Want to Be Happy

Episode Date: October 21, 2022

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Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. And if you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And if you're out there and you love this podcast, please give us a rating review, however you listen to us, whether it's on YouTube or whether it happens to be on iTunes or Apple Podcasts or Spotify. The more positive reviews that we get, the more that they actually show this podcast to people out there who have never listened to it before. So if you would do me that great favor of giving us a rating review, I would greatly, greatly appreciate it. Today, we're going to talk about happiness. We're going to talk about peace of mind. And I'm going to tell you why I don't think you actually want those things. Maybe you want them, but I'm going to tell you something that you want

more than those things. I'm going to ask you a question. Do you want to be happy? Think about it. Do you actually truly want to be happy? Answer it out loud in your head. Do you want to be happy? Maybe. You know, most people think that they want happiness, that happiness is a thing they want more than anything else. A lot of people of yours say, hey, if you could have anything for yourself, what would you want? Most people I would guess would say, I want to be happy. I just want to be happy. And most people think they want happiness, but happiness itself is fleeting because happiness is an emotion. Happiness is an emotion. Oh, I feel happy. That's an emotion. Oh, I feel sad. That's an emotion. Oh, I feel angry. That's an

emotion. Oh, you know, I don't, I feel really sad. I don't feel good right now. All right, well, that's an emotion. You're feeling emotion and emotions are like the clouds. They will be passing. They will be gone eventually. They're very, very fleeting. You know, you could be happy right now. Happiest day. Oh my God, I'm doing so great. Things are going amazing. I'm so happy. It's the best day. I'm listening to the Pharrell song. And then you get a phone call. Bad phone call. Bad, bad news, whatever it is. And you go from happy to sad. Oh, now I'm sad. Something bad happened. I got a bad phone call, right? You could be happy. Hey, I'm having the best day ever. I'm driving to work, listening to Pharrell, that song. And I feel so happy and things are amazing. And I had my coffee

and things are great. And then someone cuts you off, almost runs you off the road. And then you get angry. You just get pissed. It's just freaking rage from then on, right? So it's like that happiness can change. And all of them, the happiness, the sadness, the anger, all of them are fleeting. And I know what you want more than happiness. You want peace more than you want happiness. And what you think is you want peace of mind, right? People are like, oh, peace of mind would be amazing. Peace of mind would be amazing. And it's harder to get peace of mind than it is to get happiness. Why? Because peace of mind is a state of mind. It is a state that you are in. And it's harder to get into a state than it is to get into an emotion. But it's also to get harder, it's harder to get out of a state than it is to get into emotion, right? You can feel peace and something can happen to

you and you can get a little bit sad about it, but you're still in a state of peace while you can be in a state of sadness. You're still in a state of peace while you can be in a little bit of an emotion, I'll actually say an emotion of anger. And if you think about this, in the moments of our greatest happiness, in the moments of our greatest peace, that's what we're really searching for, right? But you don't want peace of mind. You think you want peace of mind, but I'm going to actually tell you what you want is you want peace from mind. I heard a podcast one time with a guy named Naval and he was talking about this. He was saying, you don't want peace of mind. You want peace from mind. You want peace from mind. What does that mean that you want peace? Like you want to get away from your mind? You want to run

from it? Well, think about this. If you think of some of your greatest moments in your life, like think of one of the moments in your life where it was one of the greatest moments of your life, or it was, I mean, intense and you were skydiving, something was happening. It was just a high point moment, we'll say. Think of a really, really high point moment in your life. Maybe it was your marriage and the moment that you said, I do. Maybe it was the day that you're, the moment that your children were born, not the day, but the moment your children were born. Maybe it was when you jumped out of an airplane. Maybe it's, you know, having an orgasm. Maybe it's laughing until you're crying with a friend. Maybe it's being in Fiji and

surfing the best wave and getting the best barrel that you've ever gotten in your entire life. And it was just one of these high point moments in your life. Maybe it's a couple of times that you can remember when you were in high school or when you were in college or maybe you're a professional player and you're playing a sport that you love. And you remember just being so in flow with it. And it was just a high point moment. Maybe it was your team won the championship or you scored the game-winning goal and everyone was celebrating you or you hit the home run. There's a grand slam that ended the game and it was just a walk-off home run. What's happening and something that's going on in that moment is that you are so present that nothing outside of that moment exists.

Nothing. You're so ridiculously present the moment when your children are born. You're so ridiculously present. You're not thinking about what you have to do later when you're jumping out of an airplane. You're not thinking about what you have to do later when you're in a massive barrel in Fiji or Hawaii and you're trying to make sure that you stay alive, but you're going fast, and it's beautiful, and it's amazing, and you can hear the ocean. What you are is you are ridiculously present. You're not thinking about the past. You're not thinking about who screwed you over or traumas or any of those things. You're also not thinking about what you have to do later on today or the to-do list or how the fact that you have to,

you're not sitting in a barrel in the middle of Fiji and be like, oh shit, I got to pay my bills later. Or you know what? I'm so sad about X, Y, Z that happened a couple days ago, right? You're so ridiculously present. Something that's going on and you're so ridiculously present that what happens? The mind goes quiet. It's quiet. The constant voice inside of your head doesn't seem to be screaming at you. The story, the bullshit story that you're telling yourself about who you are in your life and what you like and what you don't like and your traumas and the reason why you are the way that you are and I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, whatever it is that you're telling yourself, all of that is gone. You've found the ultimate state. It's fully 100% euphoria. That is what I mean of peace from mind. Because what does the mind do? The mind tries to protect

you. So the mind tries to fast forward what it's going to look like in an hour, two hours, five hours, and it starts thinking about all of these potential threats later on down the road. Why? To keep you safe. Makes sense. That's why humans are so alive and they're still alive. Species didn't die off is because if you think about 100,000 years ago, there's like you and your friend and your friend isn't paying attention to anything, but you're constantly paying attention and looking for threats and looking for threats and looking for threats. You're more likely to live than your friend is. So what happens? for threats, you're more likely to live than your friend is. So what happens? We have this mechanism that's called our mind that's constantly running and constantly running, constantly running. It's thinking in the future and thinking in the future and it's thinking about, it's using the past to

project into the future and see what's right, see what's wrong, see how to protect us. But when you're in these states of flow and it's peace from mind where it's just such a high point moment, it's quiet. And another way this can happen sometimes is also in meditation as well. This is what we're searching for in meditation, isn't it? If you've been meditating for a while, yeah, I've been meditating now for, when did I start? It's 13 years now. It was the very first time I ever tried meditating was 13 years ago. I read about very first time I ever tried meditating was 13 years ago. I read about it in a book. I was like, screw it. I'll give it a shot. And I remember going into my closet. I lived in Fort Lauderdale at the time. And I remember going into my closet

in my one bedroom apartment that I had and putting some clothes on the floor and sitting on them and trying meditating. And I was like, this is freaking hard, right? Why? Because I couldn't get away from my mind. And sometimes it can happen in meditation. And that's actually one of the points of meditation is to try to get to a state that is free from mind. Can we talk about notifications for a second? Who actually loves those sounds anymore? Well, besides that kind,

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First day one, day two, day three, day four, day five, day six, day seven. It's going and going and going and going and going and going and going. And eventually, for me at least, it calmed and it just stopped. And it was crazy. And I remember I was inside of the meditation hall and we were only supposed to be meditating for about an hour. And then people started, you know, walking out and stuff. And I remember getting to this place where I had never felt so good in my entire life. I was just like this ultimate euphoric peace and joy and free from mind that I was just crying. And I was like, this is, I could be here forever. I could have, if it was possible, I would still be there.

But about two and a half hours in the meditation, I had a piece so bad that it hurt. So I had to get up and go to the bathroom and fucked it up. Now I'm not in that, I'm not in that position anymore or else, you know, I would have stayed there as long as I could, but it took seven days, seven and a half days on the eighth day, my mind finally stopped. And I was able to feel what that felt like, not by having to achieve something or having to buy something or having to jump out of a plane, but because I was able to actually calm it down and let it calm down more than anything else. And so, you know, like I said, everyone always says they do two or three days. It takes a while. It takes a while. And I realize not everybody listening to this podcast can go and take 10

days off and make that happen. But if it is possible for you, I'd definitely recommend it. And see, the mind is amazing. The mind is incredible. It can do all of these things. It can project in the future. It can look into the past. It can, you know, look into the future and see what could happen, what couldn't happen, all of this stuff and protect you. The mind is amazing. I think it is probably the most complex piece of machinery in this universe. So I don't think of the mind as the enemy. I think of the mind as an incredible tool. But that's what it is. It is a tool.

In the same way that a hammer is a tool, and that tool is meant to, the hammer itself is meant to hit nails into the wall or pull nails out of the wall. The mind is meant to do some things, but it is a tool. But see, the hardest part about being a human is that we're not taught how to use our mind. We're not taught how to use this tool. This mind, this tool of ours does not come with an instruction manual. So we don't know how to control our minds. We don't know how to be the master of our minds. And what happens is this tool, our minds, becomes our master. It becomes our master when it's supposed to be our servant. The tool becomes a master. It doesn't make it easier.

The fact that it makes it way harder, actually, more than anything else, that nowadays we have a million ways to distract ourselves. We have a phone. We have texting. We have social media. We have Netflix. We have all these other freaking streaming platforms made by every company that's ever existed and Polkadot and Peacock and all of these things that are just popping up, every streaming platform possible that exists. There's other people that want to steal your attention. We have a million different ways, a billion different ways to stimulate our minds. And our mind is like a crackhead. Once it gets a little hit of dopamine, oh, it only wants more and then more and more and more and more and more and more and more. It is, your mind is a crackhead.

But dopamine, when you get that dopamine hit from looking at your phone or doing whatever it is that you're doing, makes you feel good in the moment. But then a few seconds later, only makes you feel worse until you get more of it, until you get more of it. Exactly like being addicted to something would be. We are addicted in this, in all of our societies, anybody who's listening to me right now, we're all addicted to being stimulated, our mind being stimulated. And that's why it's so important for all of us to try to, you know, practice mindfulness. And I get it. Mindfulness is such a buzzword, but let me tell you what it means to me. To put yourself into situations as often as possible to find peace from mind. That's what I think. For me alone, which is my opinion, what I think mindfulness

means. Mindfulness is nothing else other than putting yourself into situations as often as possible to get peace from your mind. So many people think meditation is counterproductive. I've thought that before. Oh yeah, well, I'm not doing anything. I'm not checking off any boxes on my to-do list and nothing on my to-do list is getting crossed off by meditating. So that's not helping me. I'll find something else to do that's more productive. But there's study after study after study after study. Scientific studies that show that it it boosts your productivity it reduces your stress it maximizes your anxiety it enhances your self-awareness it lengthens your attention span it improves your sleep it decreases blood pressure

and on and on and on and on and on and on and on because your mind is like a computer i don't know about you guys but if you go to my Chrome, my Google Chrome, on my computer, everyone that always sees it is like, holy shit. I'm like, I know. I got a business. I'm busy. I got a lot of things that I do. I've got a lot of tabs open. Your mind is like a computer. And every time you do something and think about something, another tab is open and another tab is open. Another tab is open and another, another, another, another, another. Mindfulness, meditation, trying to get peace from mind and putting yourself into that state is where you could basically see it as tab open, tab open, tab open, tab open, mindfulness and meditation. Even if it's just for a brief second, it's just like restarting it. Just giving

a quick restart. If you've ever had your computer with been running for a while, like I don't restart my computer. So like once every few months, but when I do, I always notice, damn, this thing's really fast. It's going much faster now. It feels like it's not being held back anymore. And so what you want to start to think about is how can you start to develop a life, build a life that helps you become free from mind as much as possible. When you wake up and you look at your day and you look at what you have to do today, and you look at your schedule on your Google calendar or Apple calendar, whatever it is that you use, how can you look

at your day and plan out mindfulness or meditation, a moment to be free from mind as often as possible? Even if it's just a five-minute guided meditation from YouTube and a gap that you see between this meeting and this meeting, or, you know, oh my gosh, I've got three minutes until my next call. I'm going to just do five deep breaths with my eyes closed and just try to feel into my body, right? Get out of my mind, just try to feel into my body. Watch my breath coming in and watch my breath coming out. And just becoming aware of my breath, becoming aware of the breathing and noticing at the same time, besides the planning of it,

besides the noticing of, I've got a few extra minutes, I should do it, it's also noticing when you feel stressed, when you feel fear, when you feel anxiety, when you feel worry. Because stress, fear, anxiety, and worry are all programs of the mind. They're all different programs, different software that the mind is running. Sometimes you just need to reboot. And how do you do that? Well, you try to put yourself into as many states of flow as possible, something where you feel free, and it can be completely euphoric and amazing. Or you can just learn that as often as possible, you need to try to cultivate silence. And if you can cultivate silence as much as possible, you become free from your mind as often as possible. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you

love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, Rob Dial Jr., R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave you the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you, and I hope that you have an amazing day.