The Mindset Mentor - You Pick Your Human Experience

Episode Date: March 25, 2021

What is the point of your life? What do you do with stress, worry, fear, and anxiety? In this episode, we're going to teach you! Want to learn more about Mindset Mentor+? For nearly nine years, the Mindset Mentor Podcast has guided you through life's ups and downs. Now, you can dive even deeper with Mindset Mentor Plus. Turn every podcast lesson into real-world results with detailed worksheets, journaling prompts, and a supportive community of like-minded people. Enjoy monthly live Q&A sessions with me, and all this for less than a dollar a day. If you’re committed to real, lasting change, this is for you.Join here 👉 www.mindsetmentor.com My first book that I’ve ever written is now available. It’s called LEVEL UP and It’s a step-by-step guide to go from where you are now, to where you want to be as fast as possible.📚If you want to order yours today, you can just head over to robdial.com/bookHere are some useful links for you… If you want access to a multitude of life advice, self development tips, and exclusive content daily that will help you improve your life, then you can follow me around the web at these links here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYoutube

On holiday, there's nothing like doing nothing. As an Expedia member, you can save up to 30% when you add a hotel to your flight, so you can go out there with great ambition to do absolutely nothing for less. Expedia, made to travel. Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dylann. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. And today is Thursday, so that means that it is the business edition of the Mindset Mentor, which also means that I am joined by my best friend and business partner, Dean DeVries. Dean, how are you, bud? I'm doing amazing, man. Happy Thursday. It's great to be here.

Happy Thursday. Today, we're going to be talking about stress. We're going to be talking about worry. We're going to be talking about fear. We're going to be talking about all of those shitty emotions that you happen to feel sometimes, especially with all of the stuff happening in the world right now and how to change it. And Dean, do you want to give us a real quick story of where we actually came up with this idea for this? Yeah. So this was really, it was inspired by an experience that I had with a really good friend of mine. It runs a super successful business, which was only a couple of days ago and runs a really successful business, has lots of people that rely on him. He's got about a hundred or so people that

he's sort of responsible for. And, um, it's been a couple of months since we had last connected. So we ended up going out to the beach and we just caught up and we ended up having a conversation for about three hours. And so I'll kind of share the essence of that. And, you know, I just asked him, Hey, how's everything been going? And the way he responded was it, it, it drew my attention to like this heaviness where he was like, yeah, you know, things are good. We hit all of our goals and, you know, I'm just under a lot of pressure and you got all these people that are relying on me and I just got to keep grinding. And by the way, this guy is like one of the most disciplined people that I know, like one of the hardest workers. Like if like he is the epitome of somebody who just grinds. And I just asked him, I was like,

brother, like, how are you enjoying that experience? And he looked at me and was like, enjoying the experience. Yeah. Haven't really thought about that and you know he was just so focused on you know all of the people and all of the goals and what that next level looked like and you know by the end of that conversation uh you know we were almost in tears like hugging each other and he was like thank you man like this has been so great because the reframe is he went from, I have to do this. I should do this. This is, you know, all the pressure that I'm under to keep performing and keep grinding and keep building to, Hey, I'm just here to have an experience.

So yeah, it was a really powerful moment and it moment and it kind of like spoke to the childlike perspective of, you know, hey, we're just here to have an experience. There is no pressure to, you know, really do anything other than have an experience. But the thing is, we choose our experiences. So that's what we're going to dive into today. experiences. So that's what we're going to dive into today. Yeah. And the thing about it is, is the reason why this is so important is because I have a lot of friends that have become successful. I've seen a lot of them create success and love it. I've seen a lot of them create success and hate it. And they built, whether they love it or whether they hate it, they built it to be that way. You know, and how many people out there listening to us right now in the past week have felt the feeling of worry or have felt the feeling of stress or a fear in some sort of way. If you felt worry, stress, fear, anxiety, any of those things, I want you to realize that you are creating that experience.

So when Dean says, how are you liking your experience? How are you enjoying it? You're creating it. And so you can't say, oh no, I'm stressed out because this is happening or I'm worried because this is happening. No, no, no. You're not because you're playing the victim in this situation. If you're saying it's anything outside of you externally, right? It's never the thing that's happening. It's always your response to that. You're stressed out because the way that you're responding to this event that you're actually saying that's stressing you out, right? And another example is like how many people out there have ever, I'll give you another example, overextended yourself, right? Where you spread

yourself too thin. I know for sure, I've definitely done this, where you say yes to too many things because you feel like, hey, in order to run a successful business, this is what I'm supposed to do. If I'm required to do this, if I'm going to run a successful business, I've got to struggle my way to success, which sounds like your friend was kind of struggling his way to success. So you spread yourself too thin. You've got too many things. You got too many people you got to take care of. Whatever it is, it's not that you've been spread too thin. It's that you have created that experience. Every experience in your life, you are constantly creating. And what we're getting to is that we as humans are creators in every single way. We create every single moment. We create every single experience in our lives, in our heads, or even in the physical as well.

We create every single experience, every single moment with our thoughts. Yeah. I think a really important distinction with that is even this, this doesn't mean that you're creating the things that are happening all around you. However, you're creating the meaning behind it. You're creating the how you receive it, how you your perception of the experience is actually the experience. How you perceive is how you receive. And so if you're receiving an experience that doesn't give you a shitload of energy, it's because your perception is not attuned to that. Your, your perception isn't, isn't a perception that's, that's, uh, energy rich, right? Which is like, it goes back to the story of, you know, I, I, I have to keep, you know, I have to struggle my way to success. I have to keep doing this. Like imagine having, having an experience. If you knew that you

could create whatever experience you want, would you choose an experience where like you have to do something? It's almost like, like, I'm just imagining like the, you know, the, the handcuffs where it's like, I'm chained to this business where I have to do this. It's like going to a donut shop and you're like, Ooh, we've got glazed donuts. We've got chocolate donuts, but you know what? I feel like I actually have to take the donut that fell on the floor and the guy in front of me stepped on it. Cause that's what I'm supposed to do. No dude. Like you can literally create any experience that you want to. But the only thing is you've been can literally create any experience that you want to. But the

only thing is you've been conditioned to create an experience that stresses you out, that you hate, that you worry, that you fear. You're creating those experiences. It's always the way you deal with things internally. And an easy reframe to make you think of it, if you're not fully, fully getting this, is would every single person in the world respond to this event the exact same way that you did, or would somebody in the world possibly respond to it more gracefully or with more fun or with more joy or with more happiness? Because if there is, it shows you that you're actually the one that's creating that fear, the stress, the worry, the anxiety around all of that. Yeah. The other thing that comes

into with this is, you know, so often people think that they have to struggle their way towards a better future. It's like, you know, Hey, I'm just going to like keep grinding my face off until like, you know, this is, this is not going to be fun for about 10 years. And then the light switch is going to turn on and it's going to be great. It's going to go from really shitty to really amazing. And I don't know when it's going to happen, but it's just going to, I know it's going to happen. Right. And I'll just keep feeling shitty the entire time until I don't. Is there something interfering with your happiness or preventing you from achieving your goals? Maybe it's anxiety or worry or stress or how much is going on in the world right now,

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And now, our listeners can try Freshly for just $6.16 per meal. So stop searching the internet for healthy food near me every night and start living a life freshly. Your meals are always delivered fresh, never frozen, and they're ready to heat and enjoy in just three minutes. Right now, Freshly is offering our listeners $40 off your first two orders when you go to freshly.com slash dial. So stop stressing about dinner and go to freshly.com slash dial for $40 off your first two orders. That's freshly.com slash D-I-A-L. What if I told you that the secret to the purpose of your life isn't to fulfill some world-changing mission? You know, I have this huge undertaking where like your gifts are the highest expression

of your gifts or has to have to be used for this thing. And what if I told you that the reason why you're here on this planet, living a life isn't really to do anything in particular other than to have an experience. Like the purpose of your life is to simply have an experience. What if you were able to just play with that and just say, Hey, I'm just here to have an experience. It's like the, the childlike belief and the childlike vision and the childlike, you know, potential for possibility. Yeah. Yeah. And what we're saying is, you know, it's the,

the beautiful thing about it is that we are simply here to have an experience. Now this isn't getting into religion or any of those types of things, because we are going to have an experience, whether we want to have an experience or not, like it's an experience will be had. So why don't we sit and go, Hmm, if I'm in control fully of what my experience is at all moments, why don't I really take, take this serious to sit down and say, what fully of what my experience is at all moments, why don't I really take this serious to sit down and say, what do I want my experience of my life to be? And so if we go back to, let's say there's people out there right now that own a business, and maybe you feel the weight of having employees. I know what that feels like. I've had multiple businesses where it gets to you

at some point where you're like, holy shit, there's 15 people who require my business to run in order for them to feed their families, right? Like I know what that feels like. And you can think about that and think about that and then go into work the next day and be like, oh my God, I have to succeed because there's so many people lying on me. You can do that if you like, or you can do whatever it is that you want in your company. Or you can say, you know what, instead of I have to go into work and do this, this, this, what if you were just reframe and say, I get to, I get to go in and run a business doing X, Y, Z, and be able to impact people's lives. I get to like, we're, we're in the middle right now of literally. And when I say in the middle, there's a guy painting my garage

at this very moment. Uh, he's I'm, I'm, I'm not, and when I say in the middle, there's a guy painting my garage at this very moment. I'm not going to lie. I'm in my fucking closet recording this because I can't record. I can't record because he's in my studio space, right? I have a studio in the garage as well. On the other side of it, you know, I digress. On the other side of it, we have an area that he's painting black and on the wall, we're painting white. I am phrases. I am powerful. I am strong. I am. But the other phrase that's going to be is I get to work out because

how often do we go, Oh fuck, I got to work out today. Like I do that every time I have to work out if I'm being honest, but now I'm trying to reframe it to, I get to work out. Why? Because there's 150,000 people that didn't make it to today. I get to work out. Why? Because there's 150,000 people that didn't make it to today. I get to work out today. There's a ton of people that are not able because they have some sort of disability in some sort of way that they can't work out. And so I get to work out. And so what would the reframe be instead of, I have to go into work today. I have to do this too. I get to, right? Maybe you don't have your own business. Maybe you're a manager. Maybe you work at a company and you have a couple of people that are under you,

right? And you're just like, instead of feeling the weight of, oh my gosh, you have so many things. I've got to pick up all of these things and, and you know, screw all of the times they screw up. I've got to fix this. What if it's like, Hey, how can I look at this? And obviously I'm feeling this worry, this fear, this anxiety because of my perception of an event that's happening, how can I reframe this event to simply have an experience that I enjoy? Yeah. And, you know, the, the thing that comes up for me and that is, you know, going back to like the childlike approach to having the experience, it turns on the curiosity. So like, you know, when, when you shared about working out where it's like, Hey, I get to work out,

you know, just to take that a step further. What if it's like, you know, Hey, I'm going to work out and be really curious about what it actually feels like when I'm focused on that versus focused on just getting to the end of my workout. Right. Right. And that's like something that I've been really focused on too, because I've had, you know, lots of challenges of, you know, getting back into the gym and getting back into shape. And so like the thing that's really helped me come alive in that has been like, let me actually try to have a different experience while I'm working out.

Like what can working out now mean instead of it, you know, being the pressure of like losing another 15 pounds or gaining, you know, a certain amount of muscle mass instead, it's like, Hey, let me just feel what this workout feels like. And like really just having fun with it. And it's the same in business where it's like, Oh, Hey, this challenge is here. You know, this person wants to quit or, you know, Hey, this challenge is here, you know, this person wants to quit or, you know, Hey, I've got this issue going on with a client. Hey, let me just be curious and really just like, see what this experience has to offer me without any attachment, like really just explore it with that, that childlike curiosity. And, you know, when, when we go in without those expectations or without

those attachments, it really does honor the experience. Because, hey, if you're in business, if you're an entrepreneur, if you're a salesperson, if you have a job, you're obviously proficient enough to do the job. And so you can trust yourself to be curious about what experience is available for you in each of these different parts of your job. And I would argue that you could probably be even way more productive, but most importantly, you're getting so much more energy because it's, it's not, I have to, it's like, Hey, what fun can I have? What can I explore in this? You know, what,

what do I have the chance to be able to do versus I have to do this in order to do, you know, X, Y, Z. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Whenever I think of like childlike, I always think of like when I, I always try to think of myself as a child, right? So one thing I'm going to, I'm going to implore all of you guys that are listening to do is think of who were you at four years old?

Who are you at five years old? You know, what type of child were you? Like, if I think back to who I was as a child, and I think back to like my childlike creativity, like when I was a kid, I was a hundred percent sure I was going to be in the NBA, right? I'm also, you know, as, as the world would end up making it, I only made it to six foot one. I'm a white guy who can't jump very high. I didn't make it anywhere near the NBA. But when I was a child, I was for sure I was making it into the NBA. Like there was, there was no doubt I was going to work and I worked and I worked. And the

beautiful thing about it was putting in all of the work was so enjoyable to me because I was so sure of the outcome that I was going to get from it. Right. And so, so many people are out there working and hating it because they have to, as we said in the beginning, hate their way and struggle their way to success. But what if you were to bring in that side of you, the four-year-old self of you that was absolute certainty, there are no limitations. And I'm going to bring in my creativity and my joy and my fun into everything that I'm doing and bring in that childlike side of me to my work and see what happens to come from my work if I put that much energy and joy into it.

Yeah. Yeah. I think about, you know, my, my son Christian, who's like, he is like obsessed with soccer and he's like a hundred percent certain, like there's nothing else on the planet that is going to be his future other than being a professional soccer player. So I'm like, hell yeah, dude. Like, I believe you, but you know, the, the, the experience that that vision and that possibility that he's connected to the experience that's being created for him when he's connected to the experience that's being created

for him when he's, you know, doing some really productive things. Like he's learning teamwork, he's learning how to push himself. He's learning how to deal with failure. He's learning how to deal with success. And, you know, sport is such a, such a great thing for everybody, but, you know, he's learning these and he's really going all in because of this like childlike possibility that he's connected to. And he's just having a blast and having having the experience that makes him feel alive. And I think like, you know, if we really just boil this down to like what kind of experiences do we want? It's the experience of aliveness like that to have an experience is literally the epitome of being alive. And so when we look for different experiences that make us

come alive and everybody has different, different things that like really just resonate. And so whatever that thing is for you, if there's something in your life that is like, Oh, I have to do this. How can you reframe it to be like, all right, where can I explore? Where can I like tap into my child? Where can I just really be committed to having an incredible experience around this to create more aliveness, to make me come alive more? Because when we come alive more, we become more, we do more, we can create more, we impact more, everything becomes more abundant. Yeah. And really what it is, is it's all play, you know, like that's the beautiful

thing about being a child is, is the whole world is play. As a child, the whole world is your playground. But at some point in time, we lose that feeling of the world being a playground and it becomes, and I guess that maybe it's done through school, but it becomes work. It becomes things that we have to do versus just going outside and playing. Right? So the same way that you could be a kid and you go and knock on your friend's door and be like, Hey, can Johnny come outside and play? And then you go do whatever it is you're going to do and imagine all of the things you were going to imagine and have all the fun that you could have. What if you were to do the exact same thing and realize that life is still the same?

The only difference is the way that you have shown up to life, right? Now, obviously, if you go knock on your friend's door and you just want to play outside all day, you're probably going to go broke. But could you bring that same mentality of everything is play to your life currently right now? Like, what do you want? Like, right now. What do you want? What type of experience do you want to create? Do you want to have more fun in your office?

Whether you own the office or don't, how can you have more fun in the office? How can you bring the energy of fun in the office with everyone else that's around you, right? Do you want to have more fun with your children? Do you want to play with your children more? Do you want to play with your husband or wife more? Have more fun. Stop being so serious all the time. And oh man, things have changed since we've had kids because we have to be serious. We have lives we have to take care of. What if you could just

have fun with everybody that was around, right? Do you want to travel with your family? Like what experience do you want to create? Do you want to, you know, go out and give more freely to those that are in need and put a smile on someone's face that you don't know, right? We just got back from dinner. We were at a sushi place and our friends walked in and we're like, oh God, they're right there. And one of my friends that I love, he is so intrigued by every other human and every person that walks up, like she said, you know, he will literally look at them and say, Hey, how are you? And so we're at the sushi place. And I don't mean

like, how are you? It's like, how are you? Like, and literally like puts all of his energy into that person. And, uh, and so our, our waitress walks up and blah, blah, blah. She's talking and stuff. And he goes, Hey, how are you? And she goes, Oh, I'm doing good. He goes, and stuff. And he goes, Hey, how are you? And she goes, Oh, I'm doing good. He goes, what was your favorite part of today? Like nobody asked that question, right? But what's great about that? Yeah. He's amazing. His name's Todd. He's actually been on the podcast. Right. And he's like, what was your favorite part of today? And nobody asks those questions, but he wants to, he loves to connect with people. So he's trying to make more connection. Then he asked for lemons because he doesn't have soy sauce. So then the guy brings over lemons. He goes,

hey man. And he's like, hey, he's like, yeah. And he goes, how are you today? He goes, I'm good. Thanks, man. He goes, hey. He goes, yeah. And he goes, what was your favorite part of today? And he like brings out this child. He's 49 years old. He's not a child, but he still acts like a child and he still loves people and people open up to him like nobody else I've ever seen because he's fully there. He's also the guy that does this when he drives in the street and he gives money to homeless people. And he says, Hey man, how are you? And like, I'm good, man. How are you? And he's like, I'm doing amazing. And he goes, Hey, do you need a hug? And a lot of times they say yes. And he goes, okay. And he puts his hug? And a lot of times they say yes. And he goes, okay.

And he puts his car in park and he gives that person a hug. And then he'll look him in the eyes and he'll go, are you hungry? Do you want to go get some lunch? And if they say yes, he'll let them in his car and he'll go take them to lunch. Why? Because he loves human connection. He loves making people feel good. Right. And some people are going, I wouldn't, I would never do such a thing. Well, you're creating that experience, right? I would, I would, what if, what if they smell and they get in my car? Well, you're creating that experience. What if you think what that's a bad, what if question, what if you have the, what if question of what if I, you know, can make an amazing connection with this person? What if this person was thinking

about committing suicide before I took him out to lunch? What if I could go impact somebody's life right now? Right? We are constantly in work, in life, in play, in everything that we're doing. We're constantly creating our experience in every single moment based off of how we decide to show up. The question is, how do you want to show up? So that's what we got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me in it, RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And you can tag Dean in it, Kaizen, Dean, K-A-I-Z-E-N-D-E-A-N. Tag us in it. The only way that we grow is from you guys sharing this podcast. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode, make it your mission, make someone

else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.