The Mindset Mentor - Your Fears Are Not Real

Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor podcast. I'm your host, Rob Dial. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so that you never miss another podcast episode. Today, we're going to be talking about your fears and how to overcome your fears. Now, I think this is pretty important if you ask me because your life is you versus you. Your life is you versus your fears. And your fears are literally the only things that are holding you back from every single thing that you want in this world. Your fears are holding you back from the money that you want to make. Your fears are holding you back from creating the life for your family that you want. Your fears are the only thing holding you back from the happiness that you truly want in your life.

Starting point is 00:00:52 Your fear is the only thing holding you back from the joy that you want in your life, from the peace, from the love, for the success, for the traveling all across the world that you want to do. Your fear is the only thing that's holding you back. I remember years ago, I was in a psychedelic ceremony and I literally got the message of fears are the worst things in the world. Fears are completely the worst thing in the world. Why is that? Because fear is the only thing that holds people back from creating the life that they want to. Fear also is what holds people back from connecting with other people at a deeper

Starting point is 00:01:25 level, which means that there's disconnect, which means that there's war, all of that stuff. So fear is the worst thing that could possibly exist in the world. So therefore, in your mind, if you want to create the life that you want, the life that you truly desire, public enemy number one should be your fears. And conquering your fears, or at least not listening to them as much as you used to, should be priority number one. Now, let me say this. I don't know if your fears will ever go away. I don't.

Starting point is 00:01:54 I can teach you how to make them a little bit quieter, but for me, my fears still exist. But it's just about becoming aware of them, going, oh, yep, there they are, and then not listening to them when they do pop up. So, you know, a lot of people think, oh, once, when I look at a successful person, that successful person right there. Yeah. They've conquered all of their fears. They've created the life they want there. They've conquered all of their fears.

Starting point is 00:02:24 No, they still have all of the exact same fears that they did five, 10, 15, 20 years ago. The difference is they don't listen to them. So in my mind, I think the only difference between somebody who has the life that they want to, the main difference, let me say it that way, between someone who has the life that they want to and someone who doesn't have the life that they want to, is that one person is not listening to their fears and one person is letting their fears dictate their life. So let me ask you,

Starting point is 00:02:45 what is your biggest fear? Answer the question. Answer it out loud. What's your biggest fear? What is the thing that's holding you back? I don't mean spiders. I don't mean heights. I mean, what are the fears? What's the number one fear that's holding you back from creating this amazing life that you could possibly create. What is that fear? Now, I ask this pretty often when I go and give talks and when I do lives online and stuff like that. And I have a pretty good idea of what the number one fear, the top fears are. Fear of rejection is a huge one. The fear of failure is a huge one. The fear of success is a huge one. The fear of running out of money is a huge one. The fear of being a terrible parent, the fear of not living up to others' expectations, the fear of their spouse leaving them, not living up to their parents' expectations as well as everybody else's,

Starting point is 00:03:38 not being loved, being unlovable. That right there is about 95% of all of the fears. unlovable, that right there is about 95% of all of the fears. And if you look at all of those fears, there's a core root to all of those fears. And the core feeling to all of those is I'm not enough. Because think about this. If I have a fear of rejection, it's because I feel like I'm not enough to be accepted. If I have a fear of failure, it's because I feel like I'm not enough to succeed. If I have a fear of success, it feels like I'm not, I feel like I'm not enough to deserve it. Or if I get there, what if I lose all of it? If I have a fear of running out of money, it's because I'm not enough to be able to

Starting point is 00:04:14 make smart decisions with my money. If I have a fear of being a terrible parent, it's because I don't think I'm enough or smart enough or good enough to be a great parent. If I have a fear of a spouse leaving me, it's because I'm not enough to be good enough for them. If I have a fear of not living up to my parents' expectations, it's because I'm not enough to finally make them see how great I am. If I have a fear of not being unlovable, it's because I'm not enough to be loved. So usually all of those come back to the core feeling of I'm not enough. So 95% of the fears go into that. Now, are there some smaller ones out there? Yes, but I've never really seen a fear that doesn't have some form of a little bit of,

Starting point is 00:04:53 I'm not enough in there. But here's the interesting thing about that. We've been talking a lot about fears, but humans are only born with two fears. So you, when you came into this world, you only were born with two fears. That's it. You were born with the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. So if you have a baby, you're holding onto a baby

Starting point is 00:05:15 and you accidentally have one of your hands come out from under it and it doesn't fall, but it has a little bit of a jolt, the baby's gonna feel that. That's built into a baby. If a loud noise, boom, what's going to happen? The baby's going to start crying. Other than that, there's no other fears that are built into a child. Like a child doesn't come into this world with the fear of being rejected. The child doesn't come into this

Starting point is 00:05:39 world with the fear of not being good enough. The child doesn't come into this world with a fear of failure, with a fear of success, with a fear of't come into this world with a fear of failure, with a fear of success, with a fear of running out of money, with a fear of not being lovable, with the fear of being a bad parent. Children aren't born with those fears. So what does that mean? Ah, it means that we learned these fears. Now we're going to get really into the juicy stuff. So your number one fear that you just said was your number one fear, where did it come from? Who taught that fear to you? Something to journal on. Where did you get it? Who taught you the fear of rejection? Who taught

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Starting point is 00:08:32 That's Bambi.com slash dial, Bambi.com slash dial. Think about that for a second. And then here's a really good question. This is what any good coach or psychologist should ask if you're sitting down and having a session with them, is what is your first memory around that fear? So if you said you have a fear of rejection, okay, what is your first memory around being rejected? Because usually if you can remember the first memory, that's where usually the trauma comes from. That's the root issue and then there's other issues that come from it. So where did you learn it? You learned your fear.

Starting point is 00:09:06 How crazy is that? And you're not going to have the life that you want unless you unlearn that fear. Listen, you can live your entire life with that fear if you'd like. I don't think that you want to, but your life is not going to change unless you unlearn it.

Starting point is 00:09:21 Your entire life is the process of unlearning all of the shit that you learned as a child that doesn't serve you for the greater good of who you are. So where did you learn the fear? Who taught it to you? And last question I have around that, how will your life not be as great as it can be or could be if you don't unlearn it. Think about that for a second. You've learned the fear of rejection, the fear of success, the fear of failure, the fear of running out of money, fear of being a terrible parent, spouse leaving you, not being good enough, or not being lovable. You learned it because we have primal fears and we have intellectual fears.

Starting point is 00:10:00 All of those fears that we just named, those are intellectual fears. A primal fear, the way that I describe it, means that death is possibly attached to it. Fears are a great thing. Fears are what kept our species alive. The fact that humans have fear in them is the only reason why we're all here today, is because those fears kept us alive. It made us make decisions to project ourselves into the future to not make a bad decision so therefore we could live. Now, you don't have to leave your house, hopefully, and be worried about being attacked by a lion or a tiger like our ancestors did. But that part of your brain called the amygdala is still there. It's still inside of you. So you have primal fears, which means possible death is attached to it. And then you have intellectual fears, which is ego or embarrassment is attached to it. Ego or

Starting point is 00:10:56 embarrassment is attached to it, but you won't die. If you get rejected, you won't die. If you fail, you won't die. If you don't live up to other people's expectations, you won't die. If you fail, you won't die. If you don't live up to other people's expectations, you won't die. If other people throw their opinions at you, you will not die. You will not die from your fears. That alone should be a very freeing feeling because the amygdala, the animalistic part of your brain has been thinking that you're going to die from them for a really long time. Death is not attached to intellectual fears. Death is attached to primal fears. And so that's why I don't even like calling them fears. If you've been listening to me for a really long time, you know what I like to call them. I like to call them scaries because fear should mean death is

Starting point is 00:11:40 attached to it. So then if your intellectual fears, quote unquote fears, don't have death attached to it, well, what the hell should we call it? We shouldn't even call it a fear because it's not something that could kill me. Let's call it a scary. Oh my God, I'm so scared. What if I get rejected? Oh my God, I'm so scared. What if this person, what if I become successful and I lose all my money? Oh my God, wouldn't that be terrible? It's fucking ridiculous if you really think about it. And that's the reason why I like to use that voice and call them scaries is because I want to prove to my brain how dumb it is to hold on to that. How dumb is it to care about other people's opinions?

Starting point is 00:12:15 How fucking dumb is it to care about what other people think about you and not create the life that you want to because you're afraid that you won't live up to other people's expectations because they're going to think something differently of you. Screw that. As long as you're not hurting anybody else, you should be doing exactly what it is that you want to be doing in your life.

Starting point is 00:12:33 So that's a scary. A primal fear is something that has death attached to it. And I came up to, the way I kind of came to this realization, I had a really deep conversation with one of my friends who traveled to Brazil. He lived with a native Brazilian tribe that was like four days into the jungle. There's no roads, none of those things. They had to take a boat to get all the way out there for a few days. He lived with them for 40 days. And I'm talking about like really tribal people. I'm talking about these people, their ancestors have been there for thousands of years. If you walk through the jungle, you have to have a machete with you

Starting point is 00:13:08 just in case there's something out there that could attack you, right? They went hunting and they went hunting for anacondas, brought home 20 foot anacondas and that's what they ate. And he said, you know, there's this feeling at all points in time that you could possibly be attacked by something. And that's the scary part about it. You could possibly be attacked by something. And he said,

Starting point is 00:13:29 if you see a Jaguar, it's too late. Do you want to know why? Because it's been seeing you for a long time. So you have to realize that. That's pretty scary. He said you had to sleep with a machete inside of the teepee because there's a possibility that that thing could come out. You know, there could be something that could come out in the middle of the night and attack you and you've got to be ready with it. That is a primal fear. And here's what he said that was so interesting to me. He said, Rob, do you want to know what's so interesting about hanging out with this tribe? I said, what? He said, I've never seen happier people in my entire life. And he looked me dead in my eyes and he goes, there was no depression in that entire tribe. None. He goes, why? Because they didn't have time to think about

Starting point is 00:14:06 what do people think about me? Other people's opinions. Their life was built on purpose. The purpose of helping everybody else in the tribe out of making sure that they went hunting and they tried to get their, uh, whatever it was to hunt for everybody. He said, what was crazy about is that when you ask everybody who's in the tribe, the best day of their life, it was always the day where they provided for everybody else. So their life has this purpose of providing for themselves, but also providing for everyone else around them. And the happiest day of their lives is when they brought home the biggest kill

Starting point is 00:14:36 and everybody celebrated them. And he could see the joy in everybody from the biggest kill that they had. He said there was no depression because they didn't have time to think about intellectual fears. He said the whole time I was there, I never thought of what everyone else thought of me or other people's opinions or the feeling of fear or rejection or any of that. And then we started talking about it and we were like, so that's the intellectual fear. A primal fear is the fear of, oh yeah, I'm in the middle of a freaking jungle

Starting point is 00:15:04 and there's a possibility that I could be attacked by something. That's a primal fear is the fear of, oh yeah, I'm in the middle of a freaking jungle and there's a possibility that I could be attacked by something. That's a primal fear. But when you have the absence of primal fears in your life, your brain will start to create other fears. Why? Because that part of your brain still exists and it wants to keep you alive. So then it starts focusing on all these things that aren't even real. A primal fear, being attacked by something. Let's say the primal fear of being attacked by a jaguar. Okay. Could I hold a jaguar, like physically hold a jaguar in this world? You know, yes, because it is tangible. It actually exists in this world. But then you ask yourself this question, can I hold the feeling of rejection? Can I hold the feeling of failure? Can I physically,

Starting point is 00:15:42 I mean, physically hold it? Is it tangible in this world? Can I hold the fear of success, the fear of running out of money, the fear of not living up to my parents' expectations? Can I hold the fear of being a terrible parent? Can I hold the fear of a spouse leaving me? None of those things can be held physically in this world. And if they're not able to be held physically in this world, are they even real? No. They are projections of your mind. They are made up in your mind. How crazy is that? There's a possibility that you might not live the life that you want to simply because of something that isn't even real. It's like not creating the life that you want to because of a ghost. And we have all of these ghosts that are following us around and whispering

Starting point is 00:16:25 in our ears, you're not good enough. You're not smart enough. You're not going to be able to do it. All of these fears are just all little ghosts that are trying to hold us back from what it is that we're trying to create. Your job in this world is to do something. Yours is different than mine most likely. But do you know what it is? And are you going down that path and not listening to your fears? So next time you feel a fear, I've got a couple of questions I want you to kind of think through that should help you. So question number one, when you feel the feeling of fear, ask yourself this question, is this a primal fear or is this an intellectual fear? I guarantee you 99.9% of the time,

Starting point is 00:17:01 it's an intellectual fear. You're thinking of something that's not real. If you're walking down a dark alley and there's somebody following you with a knife, that's not an intellectual fear. That's a primal fear. So that's the first question. Is it primal or is it intellectual? Number two, am I going to die from this fear? Are you going to die from it? Ask yourself the question. Be honest with yourself. Answer? Most likely, no. And then question number three, I guess not even question, but tip number three is to shift your focus to what you will lose if you listen to that fear. All too often, we're focusing on the fear, not what we will lose if we listen to the fear. Change your fear from the fear of being rejected

Starting point is 00:17:43 or failure or fear of success, whatever it is, to the fear of missing your fear from the fear of being rejected or failure or fear of success, whatever it is, to the fear of missing out on what you will lose if you listen to that fear. Be more afraid of what you'll lose if you don't take action. So that's step number three. And then step number four, ask yourself the question, what am I missing out on in this world if I listen to this fear? What am I missing out on if I listen to this fear? Is it, you know, what are you missing out on? What are your children missing out on if you continue to listen to the fear of rejection? If you continue to listen to the fear of success, if you continue to listen to the fear of not being good enough, continue to listen to the fear of whatever it is. What are your children missing out on? What's your spouse

Starting point is 00:18:21 missing out on? What is your entire family missing out on? What is the world missing out on by you listening to this fear? Because it's not even real. It's made up. It's a projection of your mind. What is everyone missing out on? What are you missing out on? Your children, your spouse, your family, the world missing out on by you listening to this fear that isn't even real. And then your job is to make your brain understand that that fear doesn't exist. It's not real. And that it's actually worse for you to not take action because of that fear than it is to take action. Your brain needs you to show it that your fear is stupid. Your brain needs you to show it and prove to it that it's worse to not take the action,

Starting point is 00:19:05 whatever that action is, than it is to take the action because of the fear. And if you can do that and start to reprogram your mind in that way, your brain will actually make you start taking action because of the fact that it doesn't want to be afraid of what you're going to lose. So that's what I got for you for today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on your Instagram stories and tag me at RobDialJr, R-O-B-D-I-A-L-J-R. And I'm going to leave the same way I leave you every single episode. Make it your mission to make someone else's day better. I appreciate you,

Starting point is 00:19:31 and I hope that you have an amazing day.

The Mindset Mentor - Your Fears Are Not Real

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