The Moth - Looking The Part: Jennifer Leahy & Sivan Schondorf

Episode Date: October 8, 2021

This week, we have two stories about looking the part. This episode is hosted by Moth Producer Michelle Jalowski. To see the extras for this episode, head to our website: themoth.org/extras Hosted by: Michelle Jalowski Storytellers: Jennifer Leahy & Sivan Schondorf

Attention Houston! You have listened to our podcast and our radio hour, but did you know the Moth has live storytelling events at Wearhouse Live? The Moth has opened Mike's storytelling competitions called Story Slams that are open to anyone with a five-minute story to share on the night's theme. Upcoming themes include love hurts, stakes, clean, and pride. GoodLamoth.org forward slash Houston to experience a live show near you. That's theMoth.org forward slash Houston. Welcome to The Moth Podcast. I'm Michelle Jalasky, your host for this week. Whether it's Black Tie, Business Casual, or Business Uniform, occasionally you have to dress up in order to fit in.

But sometimes it's easier to look the part than it is to play the role. Take it from our first story teller this week, Jennifer Lehi. Jennifer told this story at a Grand Slam in Boston where the theme of the night was growing pains. Heads up if you're squeamish, Jennifer's story contains a reference to blood. Here's Jennifer live at the Moth. Thank you. So the surgeon has just removed a collection of cholesterol known as a plaque from our patient's carotid artery. That's the one that you need in the neck. When it sprays blood all over me, I'm a third year

medical student and this is by far the coolest thing I have ever seen. I watch an awe as a surgeon, manages the bleeding, finishes the surgery, and overall the patient's fine. And it went well. And I watch as they wheel him out of the operating room. And I start thinking about God, I'm so hungry. And I go and find something to eat. I am killing it, not killing it.

I'm doing a really good job as a medical student. And I am rocking the OR OR and I know that if they asked me I would be ready to be a doctor the next day. So it seems only fitting that my dad calls me to tell me he's been in the hospital because the doctors are worried about his heart. I arrive the next day still in my hospital scrubs, because, you know, they're cool. And my dad beams at me and my sister rolls her eyes. I stand next to the cardiologist because, you know, we're on the same team. And he pulls a rug out from under me as he tells me that my dad needs triple bypass heart surgery within the next week.

As a student, I learned everything I can about a surgery before I go in. I could tell you the way it's done and I could tell you the one and a million chance of a complication. I learned about the patient, I learned about medical histories and surgical histories and allergies. I actually never ask about a family because you know it's not I don't care, but they're just not useful for me. They're not going to be on the test, and attending is not going to ask me about them. And when I'm in the OR, they're definitely not going to help me out.

They're the last thing on my mind. But as my sister and I started thinking about my dad's surgery, I realized we have a different way to prepare. We started thinking about jud do lists and schedules, and about the recovery period. You know, the surgery is just one day, but then I realize it's going to be weeks or months before my dad's back to his usual self. And I realize I never think about recovery.

I'm just there for the day of the surgery, maybe like six hours at most, and maybe a quick high at 4 a.m. the next morning when everyone loves to see a medical student. But otherwise, I could care less. And I realize, oh gosh, I don't know if we can handle this. And then I have the conversation with my dad that I know is so important to have, but I'm not ready for.

And that's what does he want us to do if something goes wrong, if his heart stops, or he stops breathing. I've done this exercise with myself, with my medical student friends, kind of just as a class exercise, but it feels different when it's in real life. I'm listed as the healthcare proxy because you know I'm in the medical field, but I think, oh my gosh, I hope it doesn't come down to this. And I think I at least have some medical training and I feel so overwhelmed. And I wonder what my patients and my patients' families think about navigating through this unfamiliar territory. It's a day of the surgery.

And my dad, you know, classically, makes us arrive about an hour early because he doesn't trust us to get on time. And the hospital is that quiet, you know, morning time that I, you know, typically love, but I hate right now, because I could really use some noise to distract me. The anesthesiologist comes in, gives my dad something for anxiety,

and I think, I could use something for my nerves. And the cardiologist comes in. I know how much he needs to get done before this surgery, and he takes the time to talk to my dad, and then he turns and talks to my sister and me. And that's something I've never done, talk to the family before a surgery. And I'm so relieved and just so grateful

for this grace he's shown us. My dad hands us his belongings. We say, I love yous. And then he's wheeled out the door that says, in plays only. And I think about all the times I've walked through that door and how I'm on the wrong side right now. And I really don't like this side.

The only things I've looked up about a surgery is like the short video that shows like a cartoon heart. And our circulatory system is one big loop. That's really how it is in real life I swear. And I know roughly how long the surgery is going to take. So I know it's going to be a long day, but I am prepared. We go and get breakfast. We start watching a movie, we rearrange all the couches in the waiting room to be aesthetically pleasing. And I realize only 30 minutes have passed. In the OR, four hours can be gone in a blink of an eye. I'm like, oh, that happened. But in the waiting room, one minute

can stretch out to be an hour. And I sit, and it's probably the one of the longest days of my life. And a volunteer comes in, and finally she tells us, everything went OK. Your dad's out of surgery, and there were no complications. And a wait I didn't know I had, feels suddenly lifted. My sister and I go and see our dad.

He's paler than I've ever seen him. But he complains about that, you know, calming, chime music that they have in his room. And I chuckle, and it's a sigh of relief because I know that even though we have a long road ahead of us, he's still him. About two days later, I'm back in the OR on my surgery rotation and I'm prepping for an emergency gall bladder removal.

I know all about the surgery, I know all about the complications. I know my patient's history, both medical surgery and allergies. And I go with the team to go wheel the patient to the operating room. And as we're leaving his room, I hear his wife tearfully say, be careful, he's precious cargo. And I do something I've never done before, I stop.

The team goes through the door and I turn to the wife. I hand her a box of tissues and I offer her a hug. And I realized that every person that I am so privileged to take care of is somebody's someone, just like my dad was mine. And I tell her we're going to take really good care of him. And I tell her that when everything's all done, I'm going to come back and tell her how we did and make sure she's okay, too. Because I've been in her shoes, and he's precious cargo. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. That was Jennifer Leahy.

Jennifer is a family medicine obstetrical physician just outside of Boston. She is human mom to Zoe and cat mom to CUNIC. On warm Saturdays, you can find them by the ocean playing in the waves. While at least Jennifer and Zoe, the cat stays home. To see both masked and maskless photos of Jennifer, head to the extras for this episode on our website, themoth.org slash extras. Our next storyteller is Sivan Shandorf. Sivan told this at a story slam in Chicago, where the theme of the night was

imposter. Here's Sivan live at The Moth. And I'm wearing flats and I still tripped. Got it, got it, got it. Okay, so when I was 25 years old and living in Lala land, one of my best friends Mary called me up and said, do you want to be in a full-page spread in Lucky magazine wearing wedding dresses? And I was like, hell's yes, I was young, I had just moved across the country from Chicago and I was

excited and looking for adventure and this seemed like the perfect fit. And so she said, okay, so you have to send a headshot to the casting director, she'll do some details with you, okay, and the only thing is that you actually have to pretend that we're real brides, okay, bye! And I was like, Mary, I don't think I can do that. You know, I'm terrible at lying and, you know, I don't think that's my thing. And she's like, no, it'll be great. We'll be in the light together.

Nobody would care. So let's just do it. And I do believe in safety and numbers. So I thought, okay. Plus, I had been a real bride just the year before, so I thought, okay, you know, maybe I can fake my way through this. So I had a phone conversation with the casting director a few days before or something, and she went through the

details of the day with me, and then she confirmed at the end of the conversation. So you are engaged to be married, right? And I was like, yes, I am, I'll see you there. And so that's when I realized that we were going to be at this bridal shoot with presumably other real brides. And there was going to be probably wedding talk. So we were going to need wedding dates. We were going to need backstories. We were going to need wedding dates. We were going to need back

stories. We were going to need engagement rings. So the day before the shoot I went to Claire's boutique and I got us a three pack of wedding rings and Mary picked the solitaire and I picked the three stone and we the day we went to the bridal shoot. We practiced our stories for each other and we admired each other's rings and we're really just giddy and ready for the day. And it was on the famous Robert Symbol of Art and we tried on wedding dresses, we had, oh that's okay, you know, not going to mount on the radio, I guess, no, I'm just kidding. And then we had wedding dresses picked out, and we had our jewelry and accessories, and then all we had to do was wait in the wedding trailer,

in the trailer to get our hair and makeup done, and that's when I was cornered by the most interrogated, lequacious bride of all. And she proceeded to ask me a lot of questions as I got my hair and makeup done. So when are you getting married? Oh, no date set. Just playing it by ear.

Oh, how come? Well, my fiance, David, is in med school in New York. And so we're long distance. So we're just gonna wait till we're in a more subtle state. Oh, let me see your ring. And I quickly flashed her my ring realizing, do you like my $2 ring? Oh my God, it looks so overly sparkly.

And then she proceeded to ask me about how did he propose? And you see, having been a real bride before, that's when my unresolved issues about having had this failed engagement started to come up and I was gonna be frowned out now as a fraudulent bride again. And the thing is I had a real wedding dress except it was sitting in a box in my parents garage in Chicago and I had had a real engagement ring except I had given it back to my ex fiance whose name was not David and he was not in med school in New York and I had a real back story except my back story was a lot more heartache and a lot less Hollywood glamour photo shoots.

And I started getting bread and perspiring. And I thought about how, you know, they say the saying, always a bride's may never a bride. And it's not like my goal was to be married, but it wasn't to be constantly engaged. And I was starting to think I was gonna be called always a bride, never a wife. And I was dripping sweat and my makeup was coming off and Mary was giving me a hold it together

Look and that's when they called my name and I went to get my modeling on and I have to tell you I felt very special for the day as phony as I was totally fake and When the magazine came out I was very proud yes, people did call my parents and say, I'm engaged again. And they were like, no, it's fake. And later that month, I met this guy. And partly because I thought it would impress him. And also because it was preemptive damage control,

I told him about the photo shoot in the magazine. And he was like, well, can I see it? And I said, yes. But I emphasized, it's totally fake. And so he saw it. And then he noted to me that, you know, at the bottom, it says her own engagement ring. So I didn't know how that played, but apparently a few weeks later, he was at a friend's house. And the friend's girlfriend had magazines all over the table. And his friend was like, well, tell me about this new girl you're dating. He's like, well, hold on a second.

And he grabbed the magazine. He opened it up to my page and he showed him. And a couple years later, I put on my third wedding dress as a bonafide bride. Thank you. That was Sivan Shandorf. Sivan is a speech pathologist and her family knows her as a life-long talker. She advocates for those with the BRCA mutation who are high risk for breast or ovarian cancer. As a recently turned 40-year-old with three kids, Sivan was called a cool mom by a stranger while dancing on a catamaran tour. She values that stranger's opinion above anyone else's. To see

some photos of Sivan in both real and staged wedding scenes, head to our website themoth.org slash extras. That's all for this week. From all of us here at The Moth have a story-worthy week. Michelle Jolowski is a producer and director at The Moth, where she helps people craft and shape their stories for stages all over the world. This episode of The Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janess, Sarah Jane Johnson, Julia Purcell, and me, Davey Sumner,

with assistance from Jason Richards. The rest of The Moth's leadership team includes Katherine Burns, Sarah Haberman, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bulls, Kate Tellers, Jennifer Birmingham, Marina Cluche, Susan Rust, Brandon Grant, Inga Gladowski, and Aldi Kaza. All Moth stories are true as remembered by story tellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story and everything else, visit our website, themoth.org. The Moth Podcast is presented by PRX, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at PRX.org.

Thank you.