The Moth - The Moth Podcast: Apples and Bananas

Episode Date: January 16, 2026

On this episode, we’re going bananas. And apples. Sorry, going apples isn’t a phrase. But we will have two stories about fruit, one about apples, one about bananas. This episode was hosted by Kate Tellers. Storytellers: David Harris-Gershon wears a very unique costume. Holly Rutter does some late night grocery shopping. To learn more about listener data and our privacy practices visit: https://www.audacyinc.com/privacy-policy Learn more about your ad choices. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Go to omg-s-com-moth to explore. That's omg-y-es-com slash moth. Welcome to the moth. I'm Kate Tellers. On this episode, we're going bananas. And apples. Sorry, going apples isn't a phrase. The intro got away from me for a second.

But we will have two stories about fruit, one about apples, one about bananas. First up, a very appealing story, sorry. David Harris Gershon told this at a Pittsburgh Story Slam where the theme was duped. Here's David live at the Monk. So I had never worn a life-size. banana suit until the Passover of 1997.

Now, a bit of context. That spring happens every spring in Athens, Georgia, while as an undergraduate. There is something called the Twilight Criterium, which is a professional cycling race for cyclists burgeoning Lance Armstrongs of the world who on their way to Atlanta for a much bigger cycling race, come to Athens

where around 10 or 11 o'clock at night they close downtown and race 400 laps. Now, it is a drunken festive affair in Athens, Georgia. It's one of the larger on the calendar and invariably somebody gets drunk and stumbles vomiting into the raceway and causes multi-bike pile-ups, which means it is absolutely not to be missed. Unless, of course, you've promised your mother that that evening you would be celebrating Passover, because as I soon learned, if you don't, you will be found and you will be punished. Now, I was not going to Hillel, the Jewish Student Center at the University of Georgia that evening, eating matzah and listening to the

of the Israelites from Egypt over and over and over again. Instead, I was with my friends, we're eating burritos and drinking Bud Light, doing things that you should not be doing on Passover. And I wasn't thinking about my mother, but it was at that moment we were preparing for the race when my boss called John from Ultimate Smoothies, a smoothie bar, which I embarrassingly admit that I worked at pushing smoothies to pay for my way through college. So John calls and he says, David, you've got to come open up the shop for me. And I'm like, John, wait, it's 8.30 at night. What are you doing? You can't call me into work now. And he's like, David, just listen. I just, I'm late. I need to come to the store, but I can't get there. I need you to open it up.

We're going to make it killing. It's busy, which was probably true. And he said, just open the store. And he said it really strange. And I thought it was strange, but he's strange. So I said, fine, just promise me that when you get there, I can leave and go to the race. And he said, I promise. Open the store and you can leave. So I was like, fine. I'm poor. I need a job. I go. So I get there. And And downtown Athens is bustling, it's happening, like it's what you would expect. And I get to the store and the lights are curiously on. So instead of using the key, I push through and who's behind the bar? John.

And I'm like, John, what are you? And the first thing that he says is, David, go get the banana suit. I'm like, wait, okay. First of all, A, what banana suit? And what the fuck you told me to come open up the bar and you're here? And he's like, David, this will be opening the bar. And I'm like, as if I was supposed to know you were speaking metaphorically on the phone. but whatever, I'm poor and I need a job.

So I go up to his office as sure enough, there is a life-size banana suit up there. So I grab this thing, not feeling very happy about what's going to happen next. And I come down and he says, all right, David, just put this thing on. I'm like, what the fuck? Are you serious? You're going to, yes, David, put the banana suit on. I'm going to give you some smoothies. You're going to go to the grandstand.

The race announcers are going to make a killing. You're going to do great. I'm like, fuck. So I put this thing on. It is as ridiculous as you would imagine a life-sized banana would be. arms, legs, out the banana mesh face, he puts trays of smoothies, and he kicks me out of the shop. So I'm walking into the streets of Athens.

Coeds are giggling. People are parting as you would part if you see a banana holding smoothies. And I hobble and make my way to the raceway, up to the grandstand, and the race announcers are like, hey, everybody, because I have Ultimate Smoothies on the front. Hey, everybody, it's Mr. Banana from Ultimate Smoothies. Mr. Banana, what do you got for us? And they shove the microphone in my mesh face,

and I start spouting off some advertising that had something to do with Gin, And I don't even know what I said, but basically, you know, I gave them the smoothies. They tasted and said, hey, everybody, this is great. Everybody go to Ultimate Smoothies for some great smoothies. And I wave to the crowd and everybody, cheers. And they're like, all right, you can go. So I think I'm done. So I head down, waddled back towards Ultimate Smoothies.

And I think I have made my own personal exodus. I think I'm done. When from behind me, I hear, hey, let's get the banana. I turn around, slow-mo. a banana. I see two huge guys beer sloshing red man and John Deere has coming towards me. I don't know what the fuck to do. So I just stand there. They hit me. I hit the ground. People are coming over to me and like, Mr. Banana, are you okay? And they're pulling people off of me. And I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm okay. The cops, they detain these jokers. And the cops come over to me

to ascertain if I'm injured and I'm not because I'm wearing a banana suit. And they're like, Mr. Banana, do you want to press charges? And I look at the officers and I think about where I'm supposed to be right now. And I think about what I had promised my mom. And I look at them and I say, you know what? I think the punishment has already been given. Thank you. That was David Harris Gershaw.

David is a teacher and writer in Pittsburgh. As I record this, I am wearing banana earrings. In my house, we are inexplicably obsessed with bananas. So much so that my son had a banana-th-th-th birthday party, and my friend handmade a five-foot banana pinata that she carried on several trains, along with her two children, in an over-hour commute from Harlem to Brooklyn. We split that banana, and I cleaned up yellow paper for days. Worth it.

After the break, what an Eve wants, what an Eve needs. It's apples. Welcome back. Our next story is about a different kind of fruit, one that keeps the doctor away. apples. The fruit is apples. We already told you that. Holly Rudder told this at a London story slam where the theme was Blunders. Here's Holly live at the night.

I didn't see this part of the room so there's a little bit more people than I anticipated. I'm going to tell the story of the last online food shop I did. My life is really exciting. It was a few years ago, so I have an online shop since because it was a bad experience. normally what you can do is in order to secure the delivery slot for the next day you just kind of select an item and then you buy it and then you you can revisit it maybe four hours later and add things so I just kind of went on there I picked the first thing that was on my previous delivery which was a single apple and then I complete my order I pay for it I maybe go and do something

else, watch some YouTube, have a cup of tea. And then I come back... This is also a Saturday night. I didn't mention that. I'm on my own on a Saturday night. And I... You can keep laughing because it was that sad. About midnight, I think, oh, I'm going to finish my order.

You know, I'm kind of excited. I've got maybe a salmon I'm going to cook. And so I go on there to edit my order and it tells me no. It says you can't edit your order now. And I was like, oh, no, I can, though. Let me. And it says, no, no, no, we can't let you edit your order after midnight

because we're too busy packing your order. I was like, no, you're not, though. Please let me change it. So it doesn't let me. So I tried calling, and I obviously can't call because it's midnight on a Saturday night, and even the people that work at Tesco are doing something, and I'm not.

And so I think, oh, I don't know what to do. So I just kind of, I just have. to go to bed, really. So I set my alarm for eight the next morning and I think, well, you know, this is when my order comes. Also, it's a Sunday, so the delivery is double, so the delivery was six pounds. So I think, oh, well, this is happening. This is something that will always have happened to me and I can't change that now. So I think that's the worst thing. I think the worst thing I thought was maybe paying for the apple. But then I forget that a man has to give me the apple. I think, oh, the exchange is going to be even.

even worse. So I set my arm for eight. And it's between eight and ten. So I think, okay, so I'm kind of sat there just, you know, biding my time, waiting for the apple to arrive. I don't have breakfast because, you know, the apple's coming. And I kind of, I'm sat there and I'm looking at my window every now and again. And then I see the van. I think, oh, it's time. And then the van stops, and I see him get out of the front. I think, oh, God. And then he goes to the back. He opens the entire side of the Tesco's I see everyone's shopping and I think oh mine's such a small part of that

and I see him reach in and I'm looking the whole time and he takes out a bag and then he's got the receipt and I think oh and then he walks down my little road and I think oh god do I say anything so I lean out the door and say oh it's for me

hello it's for me and he walks down and he's holding the bag with the apple in it he's also holding the receipt and he looks from one to the other a few times, and then looks at me and I'm like, hi. And then he comes to the door and he says, is this a mistake? And I was like, yes.

Of course it's a mistake. And then he says, did you not try and change it? And I was like, yes. This is the last resort for me also. He really didn't want this to happen. And then I say, are there any substitutions? And he looks like he's going to cry for me. So I like, oh, can I have my apple?

So I take the apple. He leaves. I've never eaten a bit of fruit so completely as my £6.40 apple. I haven't done a Tesco online shop since, and I never will. Thank you. That was Holly Rudder. Holly is a writer and illustrator living in London. She loves dogs and hates coriander.

That brings us to the end of our episode. Thanks so much for joining us. From all of us here at The Moth, we hope that your fruit baskets remain both fresh and full. Kate Tellers is a storyteller, host, senior director at the Moth, and co-author of their fourth book, How to Tell a Story. Her writing has been featured in Mick Sweeney's and The New Yorker. This episode of The Moth podcast was produced by Sarah Austin Janice,

Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Salinger. The rest of the Moss leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Christina Norman, Marina Clucay, Jennifer Hickson, Jordan Cardonale, Kate Teller, Suzanne Rust and Patricia Orenia. The Moth podcast is presented by Odyssey. Special thanks to their executive producer, Leah Rees-Dennis. All Moth stories are true as remembered by their storytellers.

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