The Moth - The Moth Podcast: Hair Ties

Episode Date: February 16, 2024

On this episode, we share two stories all about how hair can connect us. As a note, Imogen Wall’s story talks about someone experiencing the suicide of a loved one, if that subject is difficult for you, you might want to skip that story. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can call 988 in the US for free and confidential support. Host: Marc Sollinger Storytellers: Heather Rae looks to a wayward band of strangers to help get her keys out of the car that is locked and running. Imogen Wall finds connection and comfort in a hair salon. If you’d like to share your own story, or would just love to hear some incredible live storytelling, check out a Story Slam near you: https://themoth.org/events The Moth would like to thank its listeners and supporters. Stories like these are made possible by community giving. If you’re not already a member, please consider becoming one or making a one-time donation today at themoth.org/giveback

Not a look? Like a cop. Justice runs in her blood. I want you to focus on the tradition you're carrying on. That's our legacy. But when the line is blurred... I know how hard it is when your family is taken from you. Stay away!

Just talk to me. Which side will she choose? Maybe you should reconsider the uniform and everything that it represents. I'd rather fight from inside it to make a change. Allegiance, new episode, Wednesdays. Watch free on the CBC Gem. Hello, Moth listeners in Seattle. Want to experience the magic of Moth Stories live and in person?

Join us for our upcoming Grand Slam show in Seattle. The Moth is dedicated to finding everyday people to tell extraordinary stories. At our Open Mic Story slams, these people find us. At the Grand Slam, 10 Seattle Open Mic winners are invited to the Moth stage for the ultimate storytelling competition. Join the Moth on March 22 at the Town Hall for a battle of wits and words featuring local storytellers as they compete to be crowned Seattle's Story Champion.

To buy your tickets or to find out about our monthly shows at Bladel Hall St. Mark's and Fremont Abbey Center, visit us at themoth.org forward slash Seattle. Once again, buy your tickets at themoth.org forward slash Seattle. Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Mark Solinger, producer of the podcast, and your host for this episode. I look almost exactly like a younger version of my father. We've got the same slightly exhausted brown eyes, the same slump to our shoulders, and our hair. Well, let's just say that my hair is starting to get a little thin up top, and I am coming

up to the age where my dad lost most of his hair. Intellectually, I always knew I'd probably go bald, after all that's what happened to my dad, but I was still absolutely shocked when my hairline started to slowly retreat from my forehead. I guess I could try some weird male order hair products or something, but I don't know. My dad passed away when I was in my early 20s, and I like looking like him. I like looking like he looked at my age. I like knowing that my dad went through the process of going bald just like me. We have this strange sort of connection of legacy through our hair, or rather, our lack thereof.

On this episode, we'll be sharing two stories about how hair can serve as a jumping off point for connection. First up, we've got a story that starts in a salon and goes someplace entirely different. Heather Ray told this at an Asheville, North Carolina story slam where the theme of the night was comfort zone. Here's Heather, live at the month. Hi. I am a highly anxious person. Every day I wake up and I immediately start gagging.

It's my body's way of like rejecting being awake, and I think it's because it knows what my brain's about to do to us. I'm uncomfortable all of the time, but one of the things that makes me the most uncomfortable is having to ask for help. In 2016, I was living in Los Angeles, and I woke up one morning gagging as usual, and remembered that the day before,

I had gotten a terrible haircut, and I had been so upset about it that I couldn't do anything about it at the time. So I tipped her, and I left. And as I looked in the mirror that morning and I saw that instead of the shoulder length haircut with a few simple layers that I had requested, what I had received was scarecrow from Wizard of Oz.

So it was like a little piece of the straw just hanging out, it was awful. So I had to call the salon and I called them and I'm crying and surprisingly there's like so nice about it. They're like, come on in, we'll fix it. And I'm like, can you make sure that other stylist isn't there because I'm mad at her, but also I don't want to make her feel bad. So they say that's fine.

And I'm trying to get ready and get out the door, but like every little thing is going wrong. Not big things, little, little things, you know, like I stabbed myself in the eye with my mascara on. I stepped in fresh cat puke with a bare foot. I dropped my coffee on the way out the door, and the Santa Ana winds were blowing. They're the kind of wind that will get something in your eye even if you're wearing goggles, like they're mean, you know?

They're also called the devil winds. So I finally leave the house, walk out into the devil winds with my pieces of straw flying around, I'm pissed. It's like making it even worse. And I get to near the salon. I park like two blocks away on a residential street. And I hop out of my car, leave my car door open. Good. I go to grab my car door.

And as I'm extending my arm, click the Santa Ana wins. Devil windgusted my car door shut, which you might think, just open it, right? No. Because what I had done whengusted my car door shut, which you might think just open it, right? No, because what I had done when I opened my car door was hit that lock button, because I watch a lot of law and order. So I'm standing there on the side of the street, my car door is shut, it's locked,

it's running, my phone's inside, my purse is inside. This moment what I decided to do was throw my arms in the air, look at the sky and scream, why? And then I immediately started laughing crazily because I thought I was so funny for doing that. And I look across the street and there's a lady there getting out of her car.

She's clearly witnessed it. She just looks at me and says, hey, do you need help? Yes, angel lady of the devil wins, absolutely I do. Like please come and help me, you know? And so she comes over and she lets me borrow her phone. I call a friend. They're gonna come help with an extra car key or something, but they're gonna be like 30 minutes.

By the time I'm off the phone, this angel lady of the devil wins has waved down a man in a white truck full of tools. Cause there's always a guy in a white truck full of tools in LA. So she's talking to him in Spanish explaining the situation. He comes over to my car with a crowbar and a stick of bamboo. The idea is he's gonna crowbar the top part of my door open, she's going to stick the bamboo down

in there and push the unlock button. But the angle is weird. She can't get it from there and she just looks at me and goes, I'm going to get on top of your car. And I said, okay. So she's on top of my car, the guy's crowbarring it, but there's a glare. She's having a hard time getting it in the right angle because of the sun. It's going down. A girl is walking down the street. She looks curious. She's like, what's up here? I tell her what's going on. She's like, I don't know what I could do to help, but I'm going to get coffee down the street if you guys want some. And also, it's by the salon if you want me to tell them what's going on with you.

Excellent. Amazing stranger. Thank you. Thank you second angel. Okay. So now I'm sitting there with that and then I see like I'm running around looking for like palm fronds or like a piece of a tree to like shield this glare and a guy's walking down the street and he's got a zip up hoodie on. I used to be a costumer so look at that hoodie. I'm like, hey what's going on? He's like, oh what's going on with you guys? There's a lady with her feet like dangling off one side of your car. She's on her stomach like angling this little piece of bamboo into my window and he's like, oh absolutely you use my hoodie. And he's over there holding the glare. So the girl's back with the coffee by now. So what happens is my friend rolls up and she has her window rolled out and she sees me standing there holding an iced coffee. A guy with a crowbar crowing my window open. A lady on top of my

car feet dangling, angling the bamboo down into the window. And we've got iced coffees, the guy's with the hoodie, and Paco looks at me and goes, you know any of these people? I said, no. She just went, typical. She goes to park her car and come back. Within those few seconds she's doing that, I hear them behind me exclaiming, they've done it.

They unlocked my car. We all passed out the iced coffees, she climbs down, we're hugging. This is crazy. I'm going to tell my roommate about this later, you know, that's what all the other people are saying. And I just go and get my hair cut because they did hold the appointment for me. It was amazing. Well, one thing that happened was the guy with the crowbar had been really concerned that I was going to get my car messed up by having him do that, and he was right.

So for years after that, every time I drove on the interstate, the whistling, it killed me. The rain would drip into the seatbelt well, and I'd have a wet seatbelt. And every time I got pissed about one of those things, I would remember that time those four It killed me. The rain would drip into the seatbelt well, and I'd have a wet seatbelt. And every time I got pissed about one of those things, I would remember that time those four strangers helped me in a time where I really, really needed it. And I didn't even have to ask. Thank you. That was Heather Ray. Heather is a ceramic and botanical jewelry artist born and raised in North Carolina. She began spinning stories for family and friends the moment she learned to speak. She enjoys pressing flowers, writing silly poems, and telling stories on stage.

Remember, if you want to tell your story on a moth stage, or just hear some incredible tales from your own community, moth story slams are happening throughout the country and throughout the world. Just go to themoth.org slash events for the full list. Up next, another story about hair leading to connection. Amogen Wall told this at a London Grand Slam where the theme was, when worlds collide. Just as a note, this story talks about someone experiencing the suicide of a loved one.

If that subject is difficult for you, you might want to skip this. Here's Amogen live at the Mouth. So about four months ago, I had one of those mornings where you look in the mirror and you look at your hair and you go, what is that? And it really was disgusting. It was greasy at the top and the ends were dry and I think I'd washed it twice in two months. I had a good, I think, reason for this. About a month beforehand my father had died. Unexpectedly he took his own life and plunged all of us into the kind of intensity and grief that meant

that actually getting out of bed had been an achievement. But the funeral was approaching and I thought, I can't do anything about most of this. But hair is how we frame the face we put on the world and I have to go and put my face on the world and I can do something about my hair. So I phoned up Salon, Shine, and Stoke Newton, who are great, and I went down there and I, Shine, and Stoke-Nington, who are great. And I went down there and I explained the situation and they were lovely.

They said, unfortunately your normal stylist isn't here. So Jamal is going to be taking care of you today. And I looked over and there was Jamal and he was tall and skinny and he had very tight jeans and a directional t-shirt and a hat. And underneath this hat was this mass of bright blonde curls, like ludicrously camped cartoon curls. And he was grinning at me, and I'm not hugely proud of this, but I thought of all the days to get the really enthusiastic hipster.

But there's no rule that says you have to talk to your hairdresser, so I thought, well, I'm just going to enjoy being looked after. So we went downstairs and he put the chemicals on my head to take the dye job out and we'll store that off and I didn't say anything. We didn't talk and then I sat down and I got my magazine. I was very pointedly reading my magazine and we didn't talk. Then he said something and he looked at me and he said, seriously, he said, you've very turned, been anyone holiday recently?

I didn't actually think hairdressers said that. It turns out they do. All this one did. And I really didn't want to talk, so I did that very English thing of saying, no, just a work trip. End. So it went straight over his head. He was like, oh, really?

Where'd you go? And I said, Kenya, same deal. He said, oh, my neck of the woods. So I looked him and I said, oh, same deal. He said, oh, my neck of the woods. So I looked him and I said, oh, you, Kenyan. He said, no, I'm Somali. And I said, I thought, oh, I'm not sure why would I thought, I need to pay attention to that. I'm an aid worker, so I know a little bit about Somalia

and what's been going on. And I look after refugees and I said, when did you leave Somalia? And he said, actually I was never there. We were living in Switzerland. My dad was a very wealthy businessman, so I grew up in Switzerland and then the war happened and he lost everything and we had to leave Switzerland but we got refugee status in Canada so we went to Canada and I grew up in Canada. And I said, oh, so how did you end up in London?

He said, well, my parents moved here because they wasn't religious enough for them in Canada. But I didn't come here immediately. I went to Pakistan. And I said, why did you go to Pakistan? He said, my parents sent me. I'm gay. They don't like that so much. So they sent me to be educated in Pakistan because they thought that would fix it.

And I said, wow. He said, I got to learn Erdo. And I said, is it easier for you now in London? And he said, oh yes, kind of. And in this really chirpy way, he told me about how, you know, he was, because he was Somali, you know, people on the street, other Somalis, he was Somali and he got a stick, he got shallow supermarkets, he said I can't get Ubers anymore, because if the drivers are Somali, then they just tell me I've left the path of truth

and it's all very difficult. And he was so chirpy in bounces, he was saying this and I was looking at him and looking at the way he was dressed and thinking what courage and how lightly he is wearing it and how that hair I thought was cartoony, he is such a choice to look like that. And I thought again, how hair is how we frame the face we place on the world, and how he had done that to tell everybody who he was and what a brave thing that was to do.

And just as I was thinking that, he said, okay, you're done. And I said, oh, and having not wanted to talk to him at all, I wasn't ready to be done yet. And he looked at me and he said, would you like a glass of wine? And I said, no, that's really kind, but you know, I've got to get back there so much to organise. And he looked at me again and he said, they told me what happened upstairs. I'm so sorry about your dad. Have a glass of wine.

And it's the end of my shift. So I'll stay and have one with you And I couldn't say no to that So he disappeared into the back room and he came out with two crappy little plastic cups full of really disgusting wine and He looked at me and he said what should we drink to should we drink to your dad? And I couldn't speak at that point and he said, what shall we drink to? Shall we drink to your dad? And I couldn't speak at that point. And he said, okay, too much.

He said, okay, let's drink to happier times. So me with my gloopy chrysalis on my head and the gay Somali refugee with his brave, brave blonde curls. We sat in the basement of a hairdresser's in Sturk, Newton and we drank to happier times. Thank you. A former humanitarian aid worker, now therapist and mental health specialist. She's the daughter of Sir Nicholas Wall, senior judge of the Family Division, and campaigner for women's rights.

Adored father, husband, and grandfather. Amogen wanted to say that everything she does now is with her father in mind. Rest in power. If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, you can call 988 in the US for free and confidential support. That's it for this episode. From all of us here at The Moth, we hope you have a story filled week. Mark Sellinger is the podcast producer of The Moth, the co-creator of the audio drama Archive 81, a lover of museums, and someone who feels very strange reading his

own bio. This episode of the Moth Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin-Jeaness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Solinger. The rest of the Moth's leadership team includes Sarah Haverman, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bowles, Kate Tellers, Marina Clujet, Suzanne Rest, Brandon Grant Walker, Lee Ann Gully, and Aldi Casa. The Moth would like to thank its supporters and listeners. Stories like these are made possible by community giving.

If you're not already a member, please consider becoming one or making a one-time donation today at themoth.org slash give back. All Moth stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers. For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, TheMouth.org. TheMouth podcast is presented by PRX, the public radio exchange, helping make public radio more public at PRX.org.