The Moth - The Moth Radio Hour: Not for the Faint of Heart

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

In this hour, stories of fear. From daily anxieties to earth-shattering moments of life-or-death terror. Hosted by The Moth's Senior Director, Meg Bowles. The Moth Radio Hour is produced by The Moth and Jay Allison of Atlantic Public Media. Storytellers: Jessica Pan attempts to cure her social anxiety. Nick Revell takes a nerve wracking drive down a British motorway. Single mom, Katie Houghton-Ward, fears for her family's safety. Sudhesh Dahad deals with the aftermath of a near-death experience.

From PRX, this is the Mothradio Hour. I'm Meg Bulls. In this hour, we bring you four stories, all dealing with fear, phobias and sleepless nights, from mild anxiety to true terror. Some of this fear is rational and some seemingly irrational, but for these storytellers it's all very real. Our first story comes from Jessica Pan. She shared her story in evening we produced at the Union Chapel in London. Here's Jessica, live at the mosque. So it was a normal day like any other. I woke up and I went to my favorite cafe and I got a cup of coffee.

And while I was waiting in line for the coffee, I turned to my left and there was this box. And it was filled with these little buttons. And I was curious, so I picked one up and I read it. And it said, I talk to strangers, and I immediately threw the button back down because I didn't want anyone to see me holding that, I didn't want them to think that I wanted them to talk to me. Because of a huge fear of talking to strangers,

and I never do it, I think you should talk to a stranger if your phone is broken, and you're in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and you've broken your leg, and there's a sudden tornado, and only if all of these things happen at once. Otherwise, don't do it. And I moved to London about six years ago from Beijing,

and I was super excited to get here, because England has all this green space, but it also has all this personal space. And when I got to London, I liked that it was kind of a cold city and that people kept to themselves. It's the kind of place where you can be walking down the street and fall down, and nobody will bat an eye because they're too embarrassed for you

and they just don't want to get involved. And I felt like these are my people. They're too embarrassed for you and they just don't want to get involved. And I felt like these are my people, like I found them. I identify as an introvert and I feel quite shy and I just feel like you don't need to talk to strangers. But that day with that button, I thought, why don't I talk to strangers ever? You know, we live in a city of almost 9 million and I try to avoid all of them on public transport. And I think maybe I'll just wear this button and see what happens. And so I take the button and I sort of slip into my pocket and I leave.

And a few days later, I'm with my husband and I'm wearing the button and it's this beautiful sunny day in London and we're cycling and we're in this park. And this man walks up to me and he starts talking to me and I'm kind of like, okay, what? And he just gives me this really disappointed look and he says, oh, so it's not true. And that's when I realized I'd been wearing the button and he saw it and I'd forgotten and he leaves before I can say anything to him.

And this happens again and again throughout the day. And this whole time my husband, who was English, had been watching, and he just said, could you please just take the button off? Like, this is humiliating, just take the button off. And I agreed, like, I sort of failed. So I took the button off, and I thought, you know, I tried it experiment over.

And I was then on a plane from New York to London. And I did that thing where you find your seat and you put your headphones in and you sort of make your own space so that nobody talks to you. And you give that vibe of like, we're going to sit by each other for seven hours, but like we're not going to talk to each other. And this was fine because the two men who were sitting next

to me, they turned to each other to chat. And I was sort of eavesdropping. And I noticed that they were talking about, where they were from, and then they were showing each other photos on their phones. And they were talking about their girlfriends. And then they were comparing barbecue recipes. And by the time we landed at Heathrow,

one had invited the other one to his birthday party. LAUGHTER And I was completely baffled by this. Like, I had never seen this happen before. And I started thinking, is this what I'm missing by not talking to strangers? Like, am I missing on on really good barbecue recipes and birthday parties?

And so I decide, you know, maybe I could try this again. And so my first day of trying to talk to strangers, I walk up to this one of the bus stop, and she sort of feels me coming towards her and she turns away because she thinks I'm deranged. And then I get on the bus, and it's about 8.30 in the morning, I'm going to work, and I sit next to another woman. And she's on her phone playing candy crush.

And I'm looking at her phone, and I'm thinking about what I can say to her, we live in the same area, we're both going to work. And while I'm thinking of this, she looks at me, looking at her phone, and she shoots me, this really dirty look, and I just abandon the whole mission. And I just think, I don't know if I can do this. And I get off, and I just think I'm just going to go get a cup of coffee and figure this out.

And I walk into another cafe, go to a lot, and I'm about to order my coffee, and I see that there's a new barista there. And I say, oh, you're new, when did you start working here? And he says, three years ago. And I sort of take my coffee, and I skulk away, and I realize that I need help. I'm a journalist and so I do have to talk to some strangers,

but it's under the guise of a job and so I can make myself do it. But also as a journalist, you get to call up experts if you don't know about a certain subject and so I decided I would call an expert. And so I call up this man named Stefan who lives in Boston and he specializes in curing people of phobias, including social anxiety. And he tells me that the best way

that he's found of curing people of social anxiety is to have them humiliate themselves again and again. And that is so that they can see that they don't get arrested and their spouses don't leave them and they don't get fired and nobody exiles them. And they survive. They just look a little bit silly. And he says, well, sometimes I have a really shy person, sand and a street and sing, or I'll have another one, go into the New York subway and ask 100 people for $400. Like your basic nightmare scenarios.

And I say this stuff on, what would you prescribe me? And he says, okay, so you're scared of talking to strangers and you're a little bit shy and you live in London, so I would have you ask strangers, a really stupid question. And he says, here's your question and you can only say these words and nothing else. So I would have you ask strangers a really stupid question.

And he says, here's your question. And you can only say these words and nothing else. Excuse me. I just forgot. Is there a queen of England? And if so, what is her name? And he says that when I decide to do this, I can't, you know, just pick like friendly grandma's or, you know, people holding puppies and babies because that's called safety

behavior and I won't actually cure my fear. And as soon as I hang up the phone with Stefan, I think, thank God he's not my therapist and I do not have to do this because that would be terrible. And a few days later I'm having lunch and I hear this voice in my ear and it's a man and he says, do you mind if I sit here? And I say, sure, go ahead. And he takes a seat and I'm looking at him and I'm thinking, this is my chance, you know, I can do this. And he puts his phone away finally and I just ask him where he's, and he says, France. And I say the first

thing that pops in my head, which is, of course, are you offended by Brexit? And he's, it wasn't my best work, but I hadn't really thought through what I actually say to these people when I finally talk to them. But the conversation recovers, and we have like sort of a nice chat, and I leave feeling kind of good about it. And from then on, for the next few weeks, I start talking to strangers, you know, a little bit small talk. I talk to, you know, people on the bus about the weather or I'll talk to people who have dogs in the park

or, you know, grandma's in their grandchildren. These things that I know Stefan would say are safety behavior. And that's because whenever I have these interactions, I still feel that little feeling of trepidation that I'm still scared of talking to people that I don't know. And I know the only way to cure this.

And so I'm standing on an underground platform, and I'm feeling really nervous, and I don't want to do what I'm supposed to do, and I don't think I can. And finally, I just decide to take the plunge, I'm just going to do it. And so I flag down the first man I see when I decide. And he stops, and I say, excuse me, I just forgot. And he looks at me, and he goes, yes. and I say, excuse me, I just forgot. And he looks at me and he goes, yes, and I say, is there a queen of England? And if so, what is her name?

And he raises his eyebrows and he goes, the queen of England and I say, yes, who is she? And he goes, it's Victoria. And he gets on the train, and he leaves. And of all of the scenarios I had ever imagined, this was not one of them. And I'm so confused that I immediately flagged on the next person I see, which is another man in his 20s, carrying a gym bag. And I say, excuse me, I just forgot, is there a queen of England?

And if so, what is her name? And he says, it's Victoria. He gets on the train and he leaves. And at this point, I am so confused, and I'm just thinking, does anyone know who the Queen of England is? Do I know who the Queen of England is? And finally, I recover, and I ask four women in a row, and they each tell me Elizabeth, and you know, some of them laugh, and some of them think I'm a bit strange and one asked if I'm okay but you know none of them arrested me or you know my

husband didn't leave me I wasn't fired from my job I survived and I don't know what was going on with those men who were subjects of Queen Victoria. I don't know if they were confused or if it's like a rule in England where if an American asks you a really dumb question, you have to lie to her, probably. But you know, after that experiment, I realized that stuff on was right. You know, I haven't been completely cured in my social anxiety, but doing that experiment made me feel exhilarated. And now when I'm on the tuber of the train, I do try to talk to strangers because I think it's nice. And that means that if you see me, I'm coming for you. And we might have a chat, but I promise we'll both survive. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Jessica Pan is still writing and living in London. She's the author of the book, Star Am Late. I didn't want to come. One introvert's year of saying yes. She told me she still has the eye-talk to strangers' buttons sitting on her nightstand

to remind her that people can be kind even if they are being idiots on public transport. She's never worn the button again, but she still works up the nerve to talk to strangers. You can find out more about Jessica on motorway when the Moth Radio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by PRX. This is the Moth Radio Hour from PRX. I'm Meg Bulls. Our next story of fear and anxiety comes from Nick Revel. And I just want to mention two quick things that might cause confusion for people who live outside of Great Britain. Nick

mentions an embassy regal which is a mid-priced British cigarette brand. And he refers to the Docklands which is a riverfront area in London, formerly part of the port of London that was closed in the 1960s and went through urban redevelopment in the 1980s. Here's Nick Rebel, live at Union Chapel in London. So, it's 1988 and I'm driving home from a gig up north. I can't remember exactly where it was, summer in the northwest, because I'm coming down the M6 and I decide to pull off the keel services to get a coffee.

And as I'm walking in, there's a scourcer hanging around by the doorway of the services and for any foreigners who don't know what scourcer is, it's a slang word for people from Liverpool. It's not got any pejorative connotations at all, except in the mind of prejudiced people. But I have to confess that when the specific scourcer in question is standing outside a motorway services, two in the morning, wearing just a t-shirt and jeans and it's February and he's not shivering and he's got a tattoo of a dotted line around his neck with cut here and a pair of scissors over his jugular vein, it can conjure up the

odd negative connotation even in a non-predjudiced person. And he says, excuse me mate, any chance of a lift to London and I think, yeah, right. And I go in and I have a coffee and something to eat, and half an hour later I come out, and what were the chances this scouser still hasn't found somebody to give him a lift? And he says to me, he's skills me made, any chance of a lift to London. And I don't want to give him a lift, if I'm being honest.

But I want to be polite to him. I want to say no to him in such a way that he will still like and respect me. Ideally, what I want to be able to do is to go back to my car and drive past him with my nice car with the three empty seats and the heater and the stereo. And as he stands there in the pissing rain and the middle of nowhere in the middle of the

night with no money, I want him to watch me going past going to exactly where he's going to go, wants to go and I want him to say to himself, there goes a really nice bloke. I'm trying to think of a polite way of doing this, you know, and I realise that I can't lie to him. I could have said, I'm sorry, I'm turning off at the next exit, but that only occurred to me to say it last week. I realise that I can't lie to this guy. I realize in retrospect I can only lie to people who I love and I really care for. So I'm

stuttering and I, oh well, and he says, only the thing is if I can get to Docklands by eight o'clock in the morning, I've got this job on a building site. Oh no, because it's 1988. Britain is a divided country. The southeast, the economy, is thriving and booming everywhere else in the country. Massive unemployment. They call it the north-south divide. Docklands is the icon of the whole thing. The government of the time are just deregulating the financial industry and they're building a whole new financial district in Doclands and Canary Wharf. And the theory is that deregulated financial services along with cutting taxes for the wealthy will make the wealthy even more wealthy and then they will spend their money i'n gweithio'r gweithio yn gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweith Anyway. So he's drawn this shot straight into my social conscience.

I'm skewered on this remark. The North South divide is now actually happening to me. I mean, I agonize about the unemployment figures every morning when I read about them in the Guardian, but now somebody wants me to actually do something about it, but I'm a liberal, action wasn't in the mission statement. I've made polemical and passionate to rage against the iniquities of this government social policies in some of the most expensive restaurants in the west end of London. Isn't that enough? And then I think of myself, of course I should give this guy a lift.

I should trust him. What is a society without trust? I should give him a lift, so I say to him, yes, sure I'll give you a lift mate. I'm parked just over here. He goes, oh great! Eh, there's me two mates as well like. These two bigger scouts with similar tattoos come out of the shadows. I'd actually already noticed them, I just thought they were trees. And I'm feeling really nervous, there's no way out. I'm walking towards the car with them and I'm thinking,

okay, it's okay, they're probably okay, but if any trouble starts, just give them the keys immediately and you won't get hurt. If I give them the keys now, ask if you can have a lift with them. So we get to the car, the fear, who know, we open the boat and we get in their bags, they carry in bags of tools, they have builders, they have brick layers, trowels and chisels, one of them is carrying a hod, we get the bags in the back and as they load in the bags into the back, I can see that they've got ralap amateur tattoos on their knuckles and hands, I think in prison tattoos, it's okay Nick, they're not in prison now. So we get the bags into the back and then the hod we put in over the

rear seats and slide it down the side of the passenger seat, which is where the hatchback feature of the theater, you know, really comes into itself. And we get into the car and we're driving off. And I'm driving down the slip road faster than I normally do, because I want to get up to 40 or 50 as fast as possible, because I'm thinking if we're traveling at that speed, they can't possibly do anything. And then I'm thinking to myself, calm down, Nick. They say they're builders, they've got tools of the trade,

in the back, and the paranoid part of me is thinking, yeah, tools of the trade, they're going to beat me unconscious with a chisel and a bricklayer's trowel and then for a cootagrass, they're going to smash me over the head with the hod and leave me in a shallow grave with a triangular head. And it's bound to be a shallow grave, they're builders, they'll never dig it to the correct specification. Calm down, Nick, you'll be okay and we're talking, they're asking me questions, I'm asking them

questions, what bands we like, where we've been on holiday, what we've done since we left school, turns out I was right about the prison tattoos. We're talking the universal male language of football discussing which games we've been to where crowd trouble has got as far as the news. They beat me by a long chalk on that one. And we're chatting away. And to be honest, I can't remember much of the conversation partly because I was nervous and my life was for some reason flashing in front of my eyes. But it must have been a friendly conversation because the journey went in no time, 200 miles down the motorway and bang, we're in London, come off the M1,

onto the North Circular and suddenly the first traffic light for 200 miles and it's turning red. We're slowing down and I'm thinking, oh boy, we're slowing down at the lights, don't be stupid Nick, it's OK if they wanted to roll you. They'd have done it in the car park. And we pull up at this red light, and the guy who's sitting in the front pulls a knife out of his pocket and holds it up to my face. Well, actually, it was an embassy regal, but for a moment, it really looked like a knife.

I spoke that cigarette so fast. So we're driving into town. I'm saying, guys, I live in Holloway. I live in North London. Docklands is a real dog leg for me and I'm really tired. I can't take you all the way out there, but what I will do, I'll take you into the centre of town. I'll take you to Trafalgar Square, all the way out there, but what I will do, I'll take you into the center of town, I'll take you to Trafalgar Square,

all the night buses in London, go through Trafalgar Square, there's London Transport staff there, they'll tell you which bus to get on, you'll have no problem, get into Docklands by eight in the morning. We're driving down the hay market, and I'm really glad I've given these guys a lift, you know, I'm really glad they've given me the company and the conversation has made the journey go quicker, know, I'm really glad. They've given me the company and the conversation has made

the journey go quicker. But if I'm being honest, I'm still only going to be 100% relaxed when they are actually out of the car. We're coming down the hay market, just pulling into Trafalgar Square, and the biggest of them who had to sit in the back because the seat belt wouldn't stretch around his torso. He sort of leans in like in a mafia movie and goes, so you're thinking of dropping us in Trafalgar Square.

I, I think it all, no, I see it all now. Of course they weren't going to roll me in the car park. They're from Liverpool. I've read about them in the Daily Mail. They're too lazy to do all the driving to London. They're going to let me do all the work. and this is where they're going to take the car. Why didn't I just say to them politely in the car park? Sorry, I don't trust you because you're poor, but it a nice way.

Anyway, we pull up in front of the National Gallery and I say to the guy, well, yeah, I'm going to drop you into a Falgar Square. If you've got a problem with that, he said, yeah, I'm going to drop you into a Falker Square. Have you got a problem with that? He said, yeah, I've got a problem with that. What problem? It's four o'clock in the morning. Won't it be really dangerous for us, into a Falker Square? I said to the guy, guys, trust me, you'll be fine.

Thanks. Nick Rebel is a British writer and comedian. He no longer picks up hitchhikers mainly because he doesn't have a car anymore. The fiat Uno is long gone. He says he thinks times have changed. You hardly see hitchhikers out these days. He imagines they're probably scared of the drivers. On our website, you can find out more about Nick and his radio series, Broken Dream Catcher,

which aired on BBC Radio 4. And his stage show entitled, Eurasia's Most Eligible Psychopaths, and their Lovely Homes. Our next story comes from Katie Houghton Ward. She shared it at one of our open mic story slams down in Melbourne, Australia, where we partner with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, ABCRN.

Here's Katie, live at the mall. Hi, I've never really done this kind of thing before, but I figured the lights are inspiring. Well, I'm a mother of two small children, and after a very hard time and a lot of arguments and a little pain, I took my two babies and we moved to Tasmania, just me and my babies. At that time, my son was two and a half, my daughter was one and a half. And I moved to a mountain in the middle of nowhere pretty much.

And I was overlooking the sea every morning and I would wake up with these babies and the golden light would come over the ocean and have these two babies and I was looking at my partnership with Garn and I was looking ahead of me and I was going, what the fuck am I going to do? And I got these babies and I was like,

just smile and read the book. I go along with that. And I thought, I was laying there and I had these two babies on either side of me on a mountain in the middle of nowhere overlooking the ocean. And I heard something outside and I thought to myself,

my God, what am I going to do? If there's somebody out there that's going to come in here, and they're going to attack me, and they're going to attack my children, and what am I going to, I need a man to protect me. What am I going to do? And I thought, these two little babies and I gripped them really tight, and I thought, I need a man, I've got to get a man, I need a man. And then there was a voice in the back of my head, he goes, you don't need a man, mate. Mm-hmm. You got this. And I was like, who's going to protect me?

And the voice in the back of my head said, you are. And I was like, okay, great, resolve, I've got resolve. I got these two babies and determination. And I walked out the next morning after my mum who was living far away, she drove over and she watched the baby and she goes, you need a break. And I was like, yeah, I'm hearing voices. And then I walked down the street

and there was only a few things that were around and there was a fish and ship shop. And I heard this really, the sound you'll never hear anywhere was two swords clanging together. And I thought, is this highlander? Am I tripping? I really need a nap. It's been a long wake.

And then I went there and there was this sword and there was nicknacks and everything like that. And I walked in and there was a man with a long gray beard. And he said, girei. And I was like, girei. And he goes, my name's Ned. And I was like, honn it. And he's like, what are you in here for? And I was like, I heard these, and he goes, my name's Ned. And I was like, hi, Ned. And he's like, what are you in here for?

And I was like, I heard these swords. And he goes, oh, yeah, yeah, don't worry about that. And I was like, OK, I'll just look at some stuff. And then I'll get walking around. And he goes, well, why are you curious about the swords? And I was like, oh, it's just, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. And he goes, no, no, no, just tell me about the swords. And I was like, well, actually's just, oh, I don't know about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. And he goes, no, no, no, no.

Just tell me about the swords. And I was like, well, actually, I've got tidd little babies. And I'm looking for some martial arts and some IK-do or something like that. And he's just like, you guys, how do you feel about sword fighting? And I was like, oh, I've seen it on a film. It looks pretty good. And he's like, oh, yeah Jury, can you do it? And I was like, oh, I guess if someone made me do it,

I guess I could do it. And he's like, oh yeah, you're come upstairs. And I was like, I was like, oh, I don't know. This is rural Tasmania. And I'm like, there's any Tasmanes in here. I love it, it's beautiful, everyone there. But I was like, oh, I don't know. And he's like, no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine. And I was like, okay, so I'm gingerly walking up the stairs behind Ned, Lord Ned.

And I walk, no kidding, Lord Ned. And I walk up there and it's like the fight club of the Knights Templar. I am not kidding you, they're rebanners with the Knights Templar. And there are ten big dudes in armour, full blood, and they're rebanners with the night's template and there are ten big dudes in armor full blown armor fighting each other And I'm like what the fuck? And my first thing was just like okay, I really need a nap The parenting is tough and then he's like what do you reckon you got it in you? And I was like, I don't know, I don't know what's going on.

And he's like, well, we're a rare faction of the night's temple. And I was like, you're the night's temple, and he's like, yes, we are. And I was like, I had the night so neat going in my head, and I was just like, this is not for real. So like, had the nights of me going in my head, and I was just like, this is not for real. So anyway, he goes, he goes, do you want to have a crack at it? And I was like, yeah, I have a crack at it. Yeah, I have a crack at it.

I was like, ferocious. I was like, I want to protect my kids. And he hands me a sword. And then I thought, okay, he's just going to make me hit a few bags, do things like that. And then he calls up three massive men in arm and he goes, get out of. And I was like, are you kidding?

And he's like, we just want to see how you go. That's all. And I was like, Ned, I know how I'll go. That's terrifying. And he's like, no, give it a crack. Give it a crack. I was like, OK, so these guys, I was trying to hit me with a sword. I've got no sword skill set at all.

I'm just like waving it, crying, waving it, crying, and he's like, you're doing great, you're doing great! And I've got a helmet on and it's 35 degrees, and I'm like the padding shirt, sweat dripping down my face, and there's someone, you can do it in the background. I'm like, I'm not doing it, I'm not doing it. And then I got to sit down. And I thought, I can't do it, I can't do it. And then this big figure stands over me and they take their helmet off.

And this piercing blue eyes hit me. And it's a woman. The only woman in there, she goes, get up. And I was like, she gets, get up. And I was like, okay. So I put my helmet back on high fight. And six months later, after rigorous training, I fought 35 men. And I am now a registered knife, nice Templar Man at Arms. Thank you, thank you very, very, very much.

And why I have my two babies growing strong and they're five and four now. When I hear something outside, I open up the door. That was Katie Houghton Ward. Katie is a comic book artist and a fine artist and it publishes under the alias Katie Hollywood. Her work has appeared in Heavy Metal Magazine and Gestalt Comics. You can find out more about her artwork and see pictures of Katie in all her armor glory at our website, TheMoth.org. Was there a time when your fear held you back or a time when you ran straight in and through caution to the wind?

We'd love to hear it. You can pitch us a short version of your story on our website, TheMoth.org. My name is Aviva Gold. Here I am, a New York Jewish lady in her 50s, the oldest and most physically unfit person on our track in the Himalayas of Nepal. Now on the second night after a day of struggling and falling and being bruised, I'm sobbing outside my tent, having a panic attack, certain I'm going to die here.

Not surprisingly, the organizers plan to send me back to Catman Doe. But unbeknown to me, our Sherprah tells them he will get me through this trek even if he has to carry me. Walking behind me, I can feel his love holding me steady. His determination really carries me through this physical and altitude demanding process to a surprise triumph. At the end my only fear really is going back to civilization. Remember you can pitch a sure story at themoth.org.

Coming up, Facing Fear Head On When the Moth Radioio Hour is produced by Atlantic Public Media in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, and presented by PRX. This is the Mothradio Hour from PRX. I'm Meg Bulls and our last story comes from Sudeh Duhad. Sudeh told this story at the Union Chapel in London just a few weeks after a car was driven into a crowded sidewalk on Westminster Bridge. It was just outside the Palace of Westminster, which is home to the British Parliament. Four people died and more than 50 people were injured. I just want to note that Sudezh's story deals with some intense and frightening situations and may not be appropriate for all listeners.

Here's Sudezh touhad, live at the mall. APPLAUSE So a few weeks ago, I was sitting at my desk at work when I overheard a couple of colleagues behind me discussing some breaking news about an incident outside Westminster. I turned around to ask them what had happened and they told me that being a suspected terrorist incident there. As soon as I heard this, I felt my stomach sink and I found it difficult to breathe and I felt tears willing up. I couldn't believe Mae'n gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaith in the city. So even though I was over a mile away from Westminster, I still felt like I was in

danger. So I just packed up my bags and left the office and hurried home. Fair has become an everyday part of my life now and it doesn't feel like it's something inside me, it feels more like it's something external that follows me in the shadows. It's not that I'm afraid of death, but I'm more afraid of the consequences of my death for the people that depend on me. And as a single father, especially what very, especially what would happen if my daughter, if something happened to me. Back in 2005, one morning, I was on my way to work as usual, and my train arrived at the

Overground Station in King's Cross a few minutes later than usual, so I hurried down towards the underground. a'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gwaithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith yn y ffynwch yn y flwydd. Ond yn ymwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn fffynwch yn ffynwch yn ffynwch yn ff But then, as I realized, it was probably a terrorist attack, the blood trained away from my face. And then the next thing I thought in my head was that I was probably dead and the scene around me was something that, like some artistic illustrations I'd seen of dentists of pagatry and dentists in Ferno. Under the dim lights of mobile phones and all I could see was some people on the floor, some people standing, and some people in between. I could hear some screaming and crying, but it seemed to be in the distance. I didn't know where it was coming from.

The smell was like the day after Guy Forks night, quite unpleasant. I felt my head and I felt my limbs and I realized I was actually still alive. And in that moment, all I did, any thought in my head was that I should just need to get home as quickly as possible and get home to my daughter. After a few minutes, the driver managed to start passing a message down the carriage saying ymwch i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith It took us about 10 minutes to walk down the tunnel and reach Russell Square Station. When we got there, the station staff helped us off the tracks along to the platform and

then they showed us up the stairs. The 171 steps up to the top seemed endless, but as I ascended, I felt an increasing sense of relief as we got closer to daylight. At the ground level the station was inside the station, it was empty because everybody was being kept out of the station for obvious reasons. But I didn't know what to do because I had to cut Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gwech i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgwch i'r ysgw be more comfortable waiting there. But then soon after that somebody ran in, I don't know who it was, but they ran in panicking and saying there'd been another explosion and we should all get out. It made no sense at all because nobody knew where it was safe and where it wasn't safe at that time. So even though it seemed irrational, we all complied with the instructions and ran out of scattering in different directions. I started running towards King's Cross and after about 50 yards, I stopped and noticed a couple of other people who looked like they'd been on the same train. So we got talking and then we all started heading towards King's Cross together. ymdwch i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r

gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'n gweithio, yn ymwyr i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio i'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweith waking up with my head and chest bathed in a cold sweat. Sometimes I see the scene even while I was awake. So it's just, I felt scared to close my eyes or go to sleep. I went to my GP a few days later, not knowing how to deal with this and asked for advice. But he said that it was too soon to get any help because it takes about two months for the adrenal levels to return to normal in your body

after a physical shock like that. I wasn't prepared to wait for two months, so after about a week I heard that an emergency response centre had been set up just near Victoria station, so I went along to see what I could find out, try and get some more information and see what help was available. Some Red Cross ladies invited me to sit down and have cup of tea and tell my story and say what had happened, So I did that and as I got towards the end of the story they told me that while I had thought I was at the opposite end of the train from where the explosion was, they told me that actually the explosion was in my carriage and

as soon as they said that I felt a chill down, go down my spine. I went that, I felt a chill down my spine. I went home and I tried to get back to normal as soon as I could and tried to work from home for a while, but I couldn't really focus on anything or concentrate. I couldn't even laugh or smile for weeks. So I switched my HR department and they said, well, we really recommend you to a couple of weeks off on special leave. So when I got back, I went to the holiday to the Lake District and took my family up there for a week.

On the way up to Lake District in the car, it's about a five hour car journey. I kept trading that anything that could go wrong would go wrong. Like maybe somebody crashing into us or something falling out of the sky or even concrete blocks being dropped from bridges like some vandals used to in the decade before. But we got there unharmed and had lots of long walks and good food and I came back with nightmares receding a little bit. But for years after that, I was able to avoid the underground and prefer to walk or cycle through London whenever I could, but sometimes the

weather didn't permit, so I have to go down and take the tube, and whenever I did so, I'd feel my heart pounding as I approach the tube and my palms sweating, and then sometimes I'd let the trains go, and you would probably be about two or three trains before I had Mae'n gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithio'r gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ymwyr i'n gweithioedd yn ywyr i'n our lives and stop hiding away from these fears. But I knew something had to change, but I didn't know how to, because how do you LA your child's fears when you have the same fears yourself? Then a year ago, my daughter was diagnosed

with a long-term stress related illness, and then I knew that I had to do something. related illness and then I knew that I had to do something. So people often tell me how lucky I am to be here today, lucky to be given a second chance and lucky to be relatively physically unharmed but not all injuries are visible to the eye. a'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ffordd o'r ddoddau yn ffyrddol o'r ddoddau yn ffyrddol o'r ddoddau yn ffyrddol o'r ddoddau yn ffyrddol o'r ddoddau yn ffyrddol o'r ddoddau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn ffyrddol o'r ddodau yn fyrddol o'r d to have these irrational thoughts and just pack up my bags and go home. That was Sudeesh Dahai. The attacks in London on July 7th, 2005, targeted commuters during the morning rush hour. Three bombs were detonated on the underground and a fourth on a double-decker bus.

52 people were killed and more than 700 were injured in the attacks. Sudezh still works in the finance industry in London as a risk specialist. He is also trained as a therapist specializing in the use of sound and sonic vibrations to help heal trauma victims. You can find out more about Sudeesh and all the storytellers you've heard in this hour by visiting our website, themoth.org. That's it for this episode. We hope you'll join us again next time for the Moth Radio Hour. Your host this hour was Make Bowls. Meg also directed the stories and the show. The rest of the most directorial staff includes Katherine Burns, Sarah Haberman, Sarah Austin

Janess, and Jennifer Hickson. Production support from Emily Couch. Most stories are true as remembered and affirmed by the storytellers. Our theme music is by the Drift Other Music in this hour from Blue Dot Sessions and Thomas Bergerson. You can find links to all the music we use at our website. The Malt radio hour is produced by me, Jay Allison, with Vicki Merrick at Atlantic Public Media

in Woods Hole, Massachusetts. This hour was produced with funds from the National Endowment for the Arts. The Moth Radio Hour is presented by the Public Radio Exchange, PRX.org. To find out more about our podcast, to get information on pitching us your own story, and everything else, go to our website, dumb off dot org. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUT [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING