The Moth - They Say It’s Your Birthday: Sheila Cavanaugh and Sandra Kwawu

Episode Date: May 26, 2023

On this episode, stories all about birthdays - and the importance we place on them. This episode is hosted by Kate Tellers. Storytellers: Sheila Cavanaugh accidentally steals someone else��s birthday. Sandra Kwawu finds comfort in a celebration with her friends and family.

Attention Houston! You have listened to our podcast and our radio hour, but did you know the Moth has live storytelling events at Wearhouse Live? The Moth has opened Mike's storytelling competitions called Story Slams that are open to anyone with a five-minute story to share on the night's theme. Upcoming themes include love hurts, stakes, clean, and pride. GoodLamoth.org forward slashordSlashHuston to experience a live show near you. That's theMoth.org-FordSlashHuston. Welcome to the Moth Podcast. I'm Kate Tellers, your host for this episode. I am known as someone who is to put it mildly, not chill about birthdays. I live by the words of Emily Saliers. If we ever leave a legacy, it's that we loved each other well. In my eyes, one more trip around the sun is a great reason to show love to the special people in my life.

A few years ago, I decided to do this by making my husband a photographer, a cake in the shape of a camera. It should be noted that I don't bake, really assemble anything in the kitchen or have any patients. So, after texting my sister incessantly, things in all caps like how to make icing pitch black, I emerge from our tiny kitchen victorious and set my masterpiece on the table. One guest confused, yelled, A tank! But I'd like to believe that my loving sentiment rang true. But let's be honest, how often does a birthday celebration go exactly as planned? First up is Sheila Kavanaugh, who told us that a Boston Story slam in 2022,

where the theme of the night was appropriately, birthdays. Here's Sheila, live. Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. I'm 18 years old. It's June following my freshman year in college, and I have a new-ish boyfriend. I'm still discerning whether or not I like him in the phone rings. And he said, what are you doing on Saturday, June 23rd?

And I said, I'm free. And he said, I'd love to take you out to dinner. Now, he lived in Boston. I lived in Worcester. So I had to take the bus to Boston to go out our day. And he didn't really mention anything about the dinner being fancy or anything. So I dressed in my best casual outfit.

I had a fresh rinse of listerine when I departed the bus, and I see Larry dressed in a three-piece suit. And I got a little bit nervous because I had only seen three-piece suits at weddings, and I did not want him to propose. So we got in the car and he drove me to this very high-end restaurant, the dark mahogany wood, the semi-circular booths, the plush red leather that felt like melted butter. And we sat down, I'm still a little bit suspicious, and you know we were served the menus, they were gigantic of course, none of this QR code.

And he said, order whatever you want. All right, as I said, I'm from Worcester. I'm used to eating hot dogs, beans. So I went a little bit crazy. We had an appetizer, a nice entree, a few glasses of wine. I'm feeling a little bit of the tingling in my loins, wondering what I'll order for dessert. And I look up and I witness from the far end of the room,

the entire waitstaff emerging from the kitchen, singing happy birthday, and they're carrying a cake with one candle and almost immediately the entire restaurant joins in. Now everyone is singing Happy Birthday, so I thought, well I'll be friendly and join in too and I remember glancing at Larry and I said, I wonder whose birthday it is. And he gave me this look like he wanted to call 911. And he said, it's yours. And I said, oh no, no, it's not. And he said, fake it. Which was easy to do because obviously it was supposed to be a surprise and I was shocked.

So it was easy for me to fake it. I thanked everyone. I thanked the wait staff. I waved to the restaurant. They gave me an ovation. And when the dust had settled, Larry turned to me and he said, when is your birthday? And I said, remember it's June 23rd, I said it's New Year's Eve. It couldn't be further from June. And he said, why did it say on your calendar? Now it must've been hanging in my dorm room. Why did it say on your calendar?

She look have not his birthday June 23rd? And I'm thinking to myself, does this guy think I'm a narcissist? Writing my own birthday with my last name on my calendar. But the thing is, it did say Sheila Kavanaugh's birthday on June 23rd because I'm Irish. I have a hundred first cousins. And ten of them are named Sheila because the Irish are totally unimaginative and they recycle every name. And so to just distinguish between my Sheila cousins, I write their name on my calendar with their last name and I happen to have a cousin with my exact name. And her birthday is June 23rd, which of course I forgot about when I'm dining, high-end dining in Boston. So I explain, oh, this to Larry, he's totally embarrassed.

I feel so bad for him because we, as I said, he was new-ish, we hardly know each other. And then he presents me with a gift. I'm like, oh no, no, no, this is not happening. I said, no, Larry, I can't take the gift. He goes, take it, no, take it, no, back and forth, back and forth. I think, okay, I'll take it. I open the gift and it's the most beautiful delicate, okay, a little bit microscopic, gold chain. The nicest present I've ever received. Now, my birthday, I've never been to school in my birthday, it's always a holiday.

Nobody ever wants to sing happy birthday to me on New Year's Eve. Everyone is just interested in celebrating the New Year. So I said to Larry, this is the nicest birthday I have ever had. The nicest surprise I've ever had in the nicest surprise I've ever had, and the nicest gift I've ever had. And so immediately after the date, I call my cousin, Sheila Kavanaugh. And I tell her, right, my birthday town on New Year's Eve,

and maybe you will have a surprise party. So happy birthday everyone. That was Sheila Kavanaugh. Sheila is a mom of four sassy kids who have given her a wealth of life lessons and lots of stories to share. In addition to being a mom, Sheila is a hospital chaplain whose patient stories help her live in wonder and amazement. If you're wondering what happened with Larry, well, Sheila tells us that she was deeply moved by Larry's thoughtfulness and generosity.

She said, we liked each other a lot, but realized we would be better for the world as friends rather than partners. Once I made a cake for a homesick Aussie, it was Australia's Byron Bay, complete with the iconic lighthouse on the top of a Sandy Mountain. It may not have looked exactly like a lighthouse, because when the Aussie saw it, she asked,

why is the breast smoking a cigarette? We're still laughing. For me, the beauty of birthdays go well beyond the laughter. Up next is a story from Sandra Kwa Wu, from the same Boston story slam we just heard from. Here's Sandra, fly. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. Hi. I love celebrating my birthday, but this particular year I was very sad. So on this particular day I was laying on the ground looking very, the way most of us did look in 2020. On showered, hair on brush, tangled up, listening to sad songs and really basking in misery, the waitin'ers know how to. And I was home with my siblings, and my parents gifted me a herd of siblings

who are always fighting, doing something, breaking something, but on this particular day, they might have a sense that I just needed a day to be sad, and I needed the house to be quiet because the house was quiet and none of my siblings were in sight and that never happens. So I'm there playing the sad song,

the same sad songs over and over again. Unfortunately, I don't remember which ones, but yeah, I had a few back in the day. So suddenly the doorbell rings, breaking these silence. And I was mad. I was like, I just needed a day to be alone and sad, and listen to sad song, who there ring the doorbell. So one of my siblings ran to me and she said,

Sandra, Gloria is here. And I'm like, what is Gloria doing here? And while I had to go find out. And I go there, I opened the door and there she was, my best friend Gloria with her sister, Kelia. And she said, it's your birthday, we're here to celebrate. And I'm like, I decided to no longer celebrate my birthday.

Did you not get the memo? Clearly, she did not, because she was at my door with her sister, and she had gifts in her hands. So I had to let her in. So she was like, Sandra, you need to get yourself together. I was like, you could tell. I mean, 2020, just picture yourself in 2020. And you get yourself together. I was like, you could tell. I mean, 2020, just picture yourself in 2020. And you get the picture.

So yeah, so she rushed me. She's like, is there anything to eat at the house? I was like, no, Saturdays is typically when my grandmother brings in this food and all this stuff. So we didn't have much. So we had some rice and cornbiff. And I don't mean the one you eat on same party's day. I mean, the one that's in the can.

I'm talking spam. It's basically spam. So we have rice spam and I think a piece of ham that we ended up frying. So we made this rice. And after we made all these random food, and we're eating, I suddenly realized that not only did we all come together, my siblings, Gloria, Kelly, I should make this meal,

that's suddenly we're all enjoying and having a good time. And I realized that my birthday is not necessarily about me. It is about me. I am the focal point of my birthday, but my birthday is about the people in my life. Now I have to backtrack the story to explain to you all why I decided not to celebrate my birthday when I turned 16. You see, my mom died the month I turned 15, and that shattered me.

Like, I no longer felt safe in the world and the world became a place that I was in, but I was out of. And for that reason, I felt like my life was basically worthless because the one person that gave me into my life was my mom. And she was taken away. And I never saw a comedy.

It was like I was blindsided. I was hit by a truck full of glass. And all that glass was inside of me, but I got you gone and show up in the world. And I had no hope left. No joy, no hope. I just had to go through the motions of my life. And that's why I felt like my birthday

was no longer worse being celebrated. And what happened that day is that Gloria showing up to celebrate my birthday gave me hope. Hope when I had none. She reunited a light that was very dimmed and it was just a tiny little light at that time but over time it really cared me through and I also realized that while we were sitting there eating this chip the cheapest meal you could you could eat on your birthday I realized that celebrating my birthday is also celebrating my mom because she gave birth to me. And my being a life is a testament of her life. And since then, I've gone on to celebrate my birthday.

And some years, I'm more spectacular than others. And today is my birthday. And I'm a Gemini so I'm going to ask you all to see me happy birthday because I have five minutes. I still your birthday to you. I'm your birthday to you. I'm your birthday to you. Thank you. I'm your birthday to you.

Thank you so much. That was Sandra Cualver. Sandra lives people in stories and is always fascinated by stories people share about themselves, as they often hold the essence of our collective human experience. She says that sharing my own is often an outlet, a way to release emotions that are stored inside of me. This just goes to show you you're never alone at the moth. That's all for this episode. From all of us here at the moth, we hope you have a story filled week and a happy birthday whenever that falls for you. Kate Tellers is a storyteller, host, senior director at the moth,

and co-author of their fourth book, Hadatella's Story. Her story, but also brings cheese, is featured in the moths These Wonders, true stories about facing the unknown, and her writing has appeared on Mix Winnie's and The New Yorker. This episode of the Moss Podcast was produced by Sarah Austin-Geness, Sarah Jane Johnson, and me, Mark Salinger. The rest of the Moss leadership team includes Sarah Haberman, Kathleen Burns, Jennifer Hickson, Meg Bulls, Jennifer Birmingham, Kate Tellers, Marina Klucche, Suzanne Rust, Brandon Grant, Leanne Gully, and Aldi Kaza. All Maus stories are true, as remembered by the storytellers.

For more about our podcast, information on pitching your own story, and everything else, go to our website, themoth.org. The Moth podcast is presented by Pierre X, the Public Radio Exchange, helping make public radio more public at pirex.org.