The Nateland Podcast - #101 Spies & Secret Agents

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

This week, on this educational podcast, the guys have a long discussion about whether cats can be trained to be spies. Also, Brian makes the case for why he would be the best secret agent, Nate gets mad at Johnny Carson for calling out a mind reader, and Holly enters the room right when everyone is becoming paranoid.    Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail] Upstart – UPSTART.com/NATE   Don’t wait and check your rate today at UPSTART.com/NATE. That’s UPSTART.com/NATE to check your rate today. Don’t forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you!  1Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit, income, and certain other information provided in your loan application.  Go to UPSTART.com/NATE.     Allform – Allform.com/Nate   ·   Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at ALLFORM.COM/NATE ·   ALLFORM.COM/NATE for your new favorite sofa. ·   That is 20% off all orders at ALLFORM.COM/NATE     Every Man Jack – EveryManJack.com   ·         Every Man Jack Men’s Care – Naturally Derived, Outdoor Inspired.  ·         Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon or everymanjack.com.     Letric eBikes – LectriceBikes.com   ·         Join the affordable eBike revolution. Go to LectriceBikes.com and use code NATE to get a free foldable, mountable bike lock with any bike purchase. ·         That’s a free bike lock when you use code NATE at LectriceeBikes.com.

Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nateland podcast. Let's go, folks. Welcome. Here we are, episode two, Dusty Slay, second episode. Yeah. Yeah, we made it Dusty Slay. All right. Second episode. Yeah. Yeah, we made it. We made it. 101. 101. This is it.

This is the new beginning. I'm pumped. Seems like people didn't like the first one. Start over. They, no. We don't know yet. We had to record this one now. So we're, because it was Memorial Day or something, right?

Right. We got Memorial Day coming up. Memorial Day's coming up. That's fun. We were just in Woodstock. I did great. Aaron struggled.

There you go. I just got back from Dolphin Island, lost a leg from a shark attack. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. That's a lot of stuff.

We'll get to it when we get to it. Start with the comments. Katie Fidel Holtz. it when we get to it. Start with the comments. Katie Fidel Holtz. Fidel Holtz. What would you say? I would say Fidel Holtz. Fidel Holtz.

I went to the Cubs-Diamondbacks game on May 22nd, and the giveaway of the day was an ice pack to support gout awareness. While everyone else thought the ice pack was a piece of junk, I told them this was the perfect opportunity for me to send in my first comment to the Nate Land podcast. There it is.

That's awesome. That's great. I love that. Yeah. Brian was like, yeah, you got to get me to throw out the first pitch out there, dude. That'd be the one. Walk out there, take some time.

It takes them a little bit longer to get out there. They start them out. You're like the Ollie Joe Prater bit longer to get out there. They start him out. You're like the Ollie Joe Prater that's already sitting out there. Yeah. Already on the mound. Yeah. We told that story on you. Yeah, with a sheet over me.

He's got this sheet. It's too big to walk out there, so they just unveil him. And there he's out there and throws the first pitch. And then a team of – they're like, give it up for the airborne 21st arm. They're going to carry the gout Aaron off. It's a whole military unit. It comes out, wheels them off, and it's like, ah. And everybody's good.

I think that's a pretty fun thing to get an ice pack. Yeah, that's something you can actually use instead of, you know, a little cheap bobblehead or something like that. It's like something that would be in your freezer and you're like, you know what? Use it more than anything else

you would be getting. You'll forget about it until you need it. Yeah. You're like, oh, thank God I went to the Cubs game. Yeah. Gabe Phillips.

How do comics decide where to focus their eyes when doing their act? I took my wife to see Nate's show in Spokane on May 19th. Nate chose to look directly at me or my wife quite a bit. It was a lot.

I'm convinced he was looking at me because he could tell I'm a fellow quadrigarian and that we would be friends. My wife is convinced that he was staring at her and she was getting a little uncomfortable. Can you actually see people's faces when you're up there in the bright lights? I am right that Nate and I developed a connection developed a connection my wife have a shot at being friends or do i need to schedule a fight with nate for staring at my wife uh yeah i can't see anything so i have the spotlight to my eyes so i i can't i don't know what i'm looking at and i but i do it

for that reason i i don't want to be i I'm not looking – if someone's in the crowd, I'm not looking at you directly. I do it so I would because I always had a hard time when the lights are not – when they're up, I have a hard time making – I don't want to look – because of that, I don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable. Because you can feel uncomfortable, and I don't want to feel – some guys like it. I would always either look above their head too sometimes.

I try to kind of stare to the back, especially in a theater when you've got the upstairs. If you kind of stare straight back so it's at least – but it's hard not to be – I try to look everywhere, but I'm only going to – I mean, I don't move around a ton, so my eyes are probably always going to hit kind of the same spots. But, yeah, when a comic has a spotlight in their eyes, my eyes are probably always going to hit kind of the same spots yeah and but yeah i have when i comic has a spotlight in their eyes that's you know yeah i like to look middle of the room too

yeah and some you know and it's like i feel like the moment i make eye contact with someone i'm like now like a real person and i'm not like the entertainer on stage yeah and it's too weird i'm like i don't even know what's happening up here if i'm locking eyes with someone yeah one girl was like you were looking at me a lot during the show and i was like i don't i don't know if i was or not but i did see you yeah yeah it's it's i would always like in clubs i would always kind of always be looking like right i was right above their head yeah and then it looks like you're looking kind of at them but you're not uh but yeah and i like it i like the audience very dark yeah i get the audience usually it's for me the audience is blacked out where it's as dark as it can be and i have spotlights in my face well you want it up a

little bit if you're brian and you're zip zap zopping with the crowd a little bit oh yeah little crowd work yeah talking about people are wearing people still getting seated yeah they gotta be able to see their seat right yeah it's a lot of i would imagine your crowd is there before you show up for the it's your audience would be an audience that's there before the doors are open and you're they're like literally like and they go once again we're gonna start an hour early literally every ticket here is an hour early and they're they're all there they're ready to go or the like the when i did your show and the girl i recognized the girl the next day and she didn't recognize me. Yeah. I've had that happen. It's a... What's a quad... Forties. Forties.

It's like a forties. Oh. Yeah. It's like a... Yeah, you know. Okay. It's a new... It's a science word.

We talked about a septa... What was it? Octogenarian or septetarian? Yeah, octogenarian is somebody in their 80s. There's terms for all whatever decade you're in. So you just had a birthday.

Yeah, you just joined. Yeah, I've just joined that club, the quadraterian club. Oh, you're 40? Yeah. Oh, welcome. Yeah, yeah. It's fun times. Yeah, I'm excited to be here.

Yeah, it's good. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. I can't see you. It's not that I don't want to, that I wouldn't stare at you. I don't want you to be offended by that. So you don't want to see us? Your wife's attractive enough.

You got a beautiful wife, Gabe. Gabe, I was looking at you. No, it's there. Yeah, I have it like that just so I can't see. And then that way I feel like you do have some personal kind of things. But, you know, that's what it is. Tom Stanton. Nate, I saw your show in Albany and you were great.

It prompted a friend of mine to admit that she, too, was raised by strict parents and was disinvited from sleepovers because when her friends wanted to watch Titanic, she panicked and called her mom. Her mom then told her friends that none of them could watch it either, and for some reason they listened to her. I can't conceive of this since my dad used to let me watch R-rated movies like I was his weekend drinking buddy. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I don't want to just – yeah, I have a joke about that. I'm not going to tell you. It's pretty crazy, though. What joke is? But I guess as a kid I don't want to just – yeah. I have a joke about that. I'm not going to tell you. It's pretty crazy, though. What the joke is. But I guess as a kid, you just listened to adults. Yeah. I mean, I did. I didn't – you know.

My whole – yeah. You're afraid you'll get in trouble even if someone else's parents – Well, you don't want to lie to your parents. I mean, I don't – I still to this day don't want to. I mean, I don't want to disappoint my parents. But in this case, her friends, who parents may have been fine with it, even didn't watch it. Yeah, I mean, that seems like that's probably a little,

but that's on that mom. And so maybe the mom kind of should have just said, my parents would have just said, well, why don't you come home? And then instead of saying, well, no one's allowed to watch it. So that, yeah, and I'm sure they listen to it. I mean, yeah, if you're a kid and an adult says something, you end up going, okay. Yeah.

No? We would have told that girl to go home if we were the kids. We would have been, oh, why don't you just go home? Yeah. Well, I don't know. Trailer park, I doubt you are that strict. No, no, we were not. That's right.

Yeah. There's, yeah. No, my mom was not home, and we were all smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, yeah, I would think the rules of the trailer, I mean, we're talking about regular people. These people are in brick houses. Yeah.

Yeah. Christina Barge. Last weekend, I went to a cabin in Minnesota with some friends, and we did not have any small sticks or papers to help start the bonfire. We did, however, have a huge box of Doritos. I remember the Life Hacks episode and decided to give it a try. We used the Doritos to help start the fire, and it turned out great. I never knew this podcast would provide such practical advice.

Thanks for the Life Hacks. There you go. How about about that brian we're doing it you did it that's really good to hear because that was the episode where i remember during it i was like i don't think this podcast be around much longer yeah during during that episode yeah i was like we might have reached the bottom lifting yeah we were just listing stuff yeah it was It was a real low point in the pod. Yeah, but it helped. For sure. It helped people. It did. Yeah.

It's real advice. There you go. You thought it was good? Yeah, I loved it. Yeah. That was cowgate. That was that episode. That was what?

Oh, that was cowgate. Yeah. Oh, and I called you a cow? No, it wasn't. Oh. Well, I read one on that episode, but this was the one. The Life Hacks episode was the one with Caleb Elliott as our guest. Oh, okay.

And we pivoted halfway through to world records. Oh, right. Yeah. Right, right. Just the list. Well, yeah, because the Life Hacks was just like- It was just a list of- Put a different tag on your suitcase so you can locate it.

Yeah, that's how I got started. That was the wrong one to jump off with, I guess. Yeah. Oh. Just saying that, and then you look at me going, all right, go with that. You're like. Well, you went with it.

Yeah. That's the one that went and went and went. Because I couldn't, you know, but it wasn't like a good topic to like be funny with. Right. It would save Christina's life. So it would save Christina's life. They're in a cab, and they're trying to have a funny with. Right. To save Christina's life. So to save Christina's life.

They're in a cabin. They're trying to have a nice fire. I don't know how they didn't have any sticks around though. They could have went and looked. Yeah. Yeah. They're in a cabin. So her weekend just goes from,

we didn't get to start the fire, but we had a nice trip in the cabin. I mean, she wasn't. We were just in there lighting Doritos on fire. Yeah. Not on mount rainier uh and i mean yeah it is crazy to think who we didn't have any small sticks or paper but we did have a huge box of doritos doritos what kind of party y'all having over there christine uh tanner baldridge growing up I did karate competitively

For about 9 years During my last year competing At my last tournament my age division was 18-35 I was 18 Usually only a couple of guys in their 20s would show and it would be a pretty fair Fight unfortunately this year I had to compete against a 35 year old man

With a wife and kids Nothing takes your confidence away faster than watching your opponent's son come up, hug him, and say, beat him up, daddy. Two seconds into the fight, he kicked me in the face and broke my nose. He then proceeded to beat me up in front of his family and my own. Needless to say, it was not the best way to end my final tournament. That's when it got real. It's like when I quit baseball.

Once all the kids start getting bigger and you're not, you're like, I'm out of here. Right, right, right. The physical difference between an 18 and a 35-year-old is staggering. 35's a grown man. It's a grown man. The life experience, too, is just, they've just been through so much more. It's a different thing

i mean yeah it's like he's protecting a family yeah 18 year olds got nothing to fight for yeah just like oh yeah i was just like trying to do i'm just doing some karate trying to have fun with my friends yeah he goes i started when i was nine and i made it to 18 so i was like all right i guess i'll see what I can do. Up in the big leagues now. Yeah, that seems like they shouldn't be allowed to fight. It's a huge range. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big, I mean, 18 to 35, I mean.

What kind of guy's beating an 18-year-old up in front of his kids? Beat him up, daddy. I would say one that's still taking karate at 35. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. That's a guy. at 35. Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. That's a guy. Kramer.

Yeah. Rachel Cordell. This year, our son Eli was on his high school's scholastic bowl team, which is basically Jeopardy for middle schoolers. There are several questions that he was able to answer because of listening to Nate Land. Like, who came up with Gregorian calendar? I don't think I even remember that. gregory greg pope greg pope greg that's right his team ended up making it to

stay i would get us if they gave me multiple choice i mean i'm sure this is smarter than that his team ended up making it to state for only the second time in school history you guys played a small role in helping them make a historic run, so keep up the good work of teaching us random things, at least for the next two years while he's on the team. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's great. Little things, you know.

We're just little stuff. We're not trying to change the world. We're trying to make the world better. Just helping people learn, you know. Yeah. Little Eli. Eli Cordell, I assume. Yep.

That's a fun name. I was on the quiz bowl team in high school. Oh, you were? Yeah. Putting on Paul II. How wasell, I assume. Yep. That's a fun name. I was on the Quiz Bowl team in high school. Oh, you were? Yeah. Putting on Paul II. How was that? The Knights. We were all right.

We did an episode on TV once against Davidson Academy. Yeah. What TV? They wiped the floor with us. Local television. Some local television network. Well, I didn't think it was national. Davidson Academy.

CNN. CNN, too. Well, local. 4.5, I didn't think it was national. Davidson Academy. CNN. Whoa, local. 4.5? You working at the station? Oh, were you? I don't know. No, I'm saying 4.5.

I don't remember the channel that it was on. God, even as a kid, people just don't care about local television. No, they'll throw some quiz for their kids on there.

I maybe watched it. You went to Davidson Academy? No, no. That's where I played on carpet basketball. Oh, okay. My old joke about playing for church, I played on carpet. The first time I remember seeing it was Davidson. I think I played it, too, somewhere else, but Davidson Academy.

I remember going there. They had carpet. All right. Andrea Montufas. I'm a teacher and you were my first thing in the morning. I listened while doing my workout and preparing lunch for me and my husband. I'm just laughing at 6 a.m. and saying my opinion out loud. I just love this podcast that I feel like a part of it.

P.S. I'm thinking about hello folks being my opening line while entering the classroom. I like that. Give a nice hello, folks. Good way to start the day. Let the kids know what's up. I think it is a good way, yeah. I agree. She makes lunch for her and her husband.

Real classic opening, really, yeah. I mean, that's, hello, folks. Hello, folks. Yeah. I know what happens now is people say it. You hear folks, and then sometimes I can't, like, I'm like, you know, but then you try to guess if it's like, it's just a guy saying it or they're saying it on purpose. Because sometimes people can say it and just kind of, they'll be like, hello, folks. Like, they just say it kind of quickly and, you know, they don't really talk to you or anything.

And then you're, so, you know, you're don't know. I want to go up and like – Well, that was your whole reason behind Let's Go, Folks, because it would make it 100% sure. Yeah, that's the – yeah. You could say – yeah, but you say that back to them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and then you figure it out.

Dusty on a recent podcast did say, I hate the word folks. I was like, well – Well, I don't hate the word folks. I hate when politicians use folks because they're always trying to pretend like they're our buddies. They're like, listen, folks. It's like, oh, I'm just one of you. You know what I mean? I got a billion-dollar house, folks.

You know what I mean? We've got the good folks down here in Alabama. You're like, you went to an Ivy League school and you're a billionaire. Biden said, well, I guess he said one time, I time i don't know he goes they're not bad folks folks he didn't even know how to use it just talking to us uh aaron oh this is maybe from aaron oh uh i love that every name that nate can, he immediately says after. That's a good name. That is true. Aaron is a good name.

Jordan Lane. I was at a wedding last summer where a group of hefty folks collapsed a bench while the bride was reading her vows. The crunch of the woods snapping was so loud, everyone turned around and started snickering. It was awful, but my favorite part of the wedding. That is loud everyone turned around and started snickering it was awful but my favorite part of the wedding that is yeah that's a tough one you know that's a tough one that's it's it's funny i get it it's very funny it's very funny the bride probably wasn't happy about

it if i had to guess i mean if that yeah but the brides the bride i mean it's because it's her family now it's it's the only thing anyone remembers about the wedding I don't remember whose wedding it was what if that's well the bride like I would say like what if it's the groom then looks

and he's like wait is that your family like you know she's skinny how much older are they than you 25 years ago we got the same genes you're like huh he backs out right there yeah really tough for that group of hefty folks to enjoy the reception after that though you know what i mean like stuff to really chow down on the crab cakes after you've already collapsed a bench uh well i mean what do you do then do y'all get up and what do y'all do then i didn't mean it to you i was just saying you know but like it you just have to get up and go

all right yeah okay happy to be here you just gotta kind of lean into it you can't pretend it didn't happen yeah it's a little bit on them you know if you're a big guy and you're hanging out with big guys maybe don't sit on a wooden bench. Yeah, but at a church- You got to assess your situation. At a church, though- Stand up in the back. You got to assess the situation.

I have no sympathy for them in this scenario. Yeah. As a church, though, I would think those are pretty, the pews are strong. Are these just regular church pews? I mean, I imagine. I mean, it's, you know just i'd like to see the bench i agree let me say regular church pews i don't blame them yeah like we got to sit in the pews i'm i was picturing something outdoors and they've got kind of makeshift wooden benches yeah in that

case you know i you walk up and you go nah you go i'm just gonna stand up in the back y'all you you get in a circle you meet before you go and, and you go, we're splitting up. You meet up. Spread out. You go, how's this one, boys? You go, we're spreading out. We're spreading out. Sometimes you go out there, we can go together. I go, we come in, you know. Listen, I know we're all groomed side, but a couple of y'all need to go to

bride side. Bride side, yeah. Three of you need to stay in the car. You just have an honest conversation. We all just carpool together. You got to hear it. You bottom out everywhere. He can't. It's up a little bit of a hill.

You do your own shuttle. We'll have a good system down. Daniel Fauci. Fauci. F-O-U-C-H-E. We'll have a good system down. Daniel Fauci. Fauci. Fauci. F-O-U-C-H-E. Foach. Last week.

Hello, Foach. Hello, Foach. Last week, my wife and I had to take our son to the doctor for a checkup. The nurse that first came in to talk to us was asking questions about our family medical history. When she asked about diabetes, my wife responded that her grandmother had it, but she couldn't remember if it was type 1 or type 2. So she asked the nurse, which one is the urn kind? I said in disbelief that she asked this while the nurse looked at her like Aaron and Buckwheat looked at Nate after he tries to pronounce a word

with more than three syllables. Yeah. I mean, it's an honest question. That's really funny. And I'm sure that the nurse knew what she meant. Yeah. That's an honest question. That's really funny. And I'm sure that the nurse knew what she meant. Yeah. If she didn't, you're like, you know what I mean. And she's trying to be professional.

Have you heard about this new reading style, bionic reading? No. Supposed to change the game for people with dyslexia. I was reading about bionic. Yeah, I was doing a little bionic reading this morning, actually. Why? Because it came up on social media and I was reading about it. Oh, okay.

Is that what you were just talking about? Yeah. What is it? They highlight, they put in bold the first couple of letters of each word in a sentence. It's supposed to help you move it along and not get stuck. Oh, yeah? Well, I just looked up a news article yeah no okay well i was looking up and so it's like the first words are bold first couple letters of each word are bold

i think it's supposed to help you see it better yeah it almost looks random the way that it's bolded yeah but yeah it'll trick your brain into focusing on the important parts all right if i can read this yeah i bet you can read this really fast. With bionic reading, you read text faster, better, and more focused. Bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process by guiding the eyes to text with artificial fixation points. As a result, the reader is only focusing on the highlight of the initial letters and lets the brain center complete like uh yeah initial letters and lets the brain center complete the word in a

digital world dominated by shallow forms of reading that seems like insulting bionic reading aims to encourage a more in-depth reading and understanding of written content so you nailed that it might have been better i got hung up at the it was a long one yeah that was a long paragraph there but you can kind of feel yourself flying through it but i don't up at the it was a long one yeah that was a long paragraph there but you can kind of feel yourself flying through it but i don't remember any of it what it said oh that's probably not good yeah comprehension do you think if they just were not bold that he he just would have read it the same i have trouble reading and but i mean comprehending it is the hard part that's the part that you know and ultimately that's the more important part.

Because it almost makes me like, well, I can get through it faster, but, you know, it's like, what did it say? I don't know. It's a speed test, baby. It just feels like something somebody invented all of a sudden, you know what I mean? Because it's like, we've been reading just fine.

You know what I mean? Like some of us read better than others, but we're all right. Yeah. But I would have trouble like bionic reading is a new method, facilitating the reading process by, by guiding the eyes to text with artificial fixation points. As a result,

the readers only focuses on the highlighted initial letters. Dude, you're cruising. Now I'm reading the other one now. Oh, digital world dominated by, but I'm saying I was like, I could see it.

Bionic reading is a new method, I would have had trouble there. Yeah. Bionic reading is a new method facilitating the reading process. But see,

that's a narrow, I think you have trouble when it's spread out, don't you? Yeah. When you have to go all the way to the right and then go all the way

back to the front of it. Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot of it. Yeah. Maybe we do, yeah, I wonder if we could do two sentences,

one not by, they can't be the same sentence though and see which one i do better okay uh all right something fun yeah uh sarah chi chia uh nate can you ask your mom if she was dismissed from jury duty in the late 70s early 80s i work in the legal field doing case law research and i came across a tennessee court of appeals case where the defendant appealed a conviction claiming he lost because the judge unfairly dismissed a female juror juror with the last name bargetzi the reason the juror got was got dismissed because she said it would bother her too much to vote for a punishment if the guy was guilty. The dude lost his appeal and was sentenced to 25 years in prison. Jeez.

I mean, this has to be someone in your family, right? Yeah, I'm certainly not my mom. If it was late, eh, man. I don't know. My mom listens, so she'll be the one to tell you. The reason the juror got dismissed was because she said it would bother her to mention over punishment so it's a female juror yeah i'll try to see is this supposed to all be confident confidential it might be yeah wait so the guy got lost his

appeal and sentenced 25 years in prison and he's saying he lost it just because of her i think so unfairly dismissed a female juror. Well, he was originally sentenced. Yeah, he's arguing his first trial, a juror got dismissed that shouldn't have been, and therefore that led to him losing. And then, yeah, and then I guess he lost his appeal later.

Yeah. You might not ask your mom if that was her. You might not want to clarify for this guy who's been in prison for 25 years. Yeah, that was her. He's getting out next week. Yeah, that was her. This is her address. Almost perfectly.

I mean, it's not. 25 years. That was 80. I mean, he's- He's already out. Yeah, he's out. He's old. He's out.

He's looking for your- He's listening. Yeah, he's listening. I love that he, yeah, he lost because of the juror, not because of he committed a crime. Yeah, he's listening. I love that he lost because of the juror, not because he committed a crime. Yeah, I would imagine a lot of that is like, well, you didn't let that person in. Yeah, you're trying to find a technicality. Yeah, yeah. Chris Nicholas.

There's a Facebook group named Make Nate Bargetze Famous. It only made it to 45 members, so it's not doing well. Maybe if you all mention mention nick finally get famous may bargetti is a very funny guy i first saw him on live at gotham on comedy central he's just a dude from tennessee but his delivery and style are perfect and he never does dirty jokes this guy deserves to be famous please help me spread the word and watch him on www.youtube.com yeah see less that was your that was your credit back then. There you go. YouTube.

When was this made? I think it was made a long time ago. A lot of these comments. These are 2008. Oh, wow. Steve Chalister. We know him. Michael Clay.

I know everybody on there. Yeah, I know Stu. Yeah. Yeah, that's funny. Noah Needleman. Can you see who created it? Rusty Greenman. No, I don't know. Yeah. All right. Noah Needleman. Can you see who created it? Rusty Greenman. No, I don't know.

Yeah. All right. Well, they tried. They did the best they could. Hang in there, buddy. That's all very nice. Oh, can I mention I have a new favorite NFL football player? Yeah.

And we all should. Unfortunately, he's not a Titan. He's an Atlanta Falcon. Nate Landman. That's his name nate landman it's his nate landman yeah wow and he's oh wow he uh he plays for the falcons now he just signed as an undrafted free agent so i'm going to be rooting for to make the team nate landman yep kind of looks a little bit like all of us put together. We're doing NIL. Can we do an NIL

for him? We should. He's sponsored. We're sponsoring him. Nate Landman. Yeah. We're getting the Titans. Well, we'll keep up. We'll follow his journey and see if he makes the team for the Falcons.

He'll make it. He'll make it. He'll find a way. He follows us on Instagram. Oh, he does? Yeah. Oh, great. Well, I mean, yeah, we ripped his name off.

Nate Landman. All right. Yeah. All right. That's fun. Yeah. We got a guy. We're making moves.

Yeah. We got a guy in the NFL. All right. That's fun. Yeah. We got a guy. We're making moves. Yeah. We got a guy in the NFL. All right. All right. So this week, what are we talking about this week? Spies and secret agents. All right. That's fun.

I was looking into it. I feel like of the four of us, I'm the only one to pull off being a spy or secret agent. I could never do it. I can't lie about stuff. I can't even do a practical joke. People are like, hey, don't tell him I'm in here. And I'm like, oh, he's in here. Yeah.

I can't do it. I'm like, don't put your secrets on me. Yeah. You know what I mean? I think I'd have to harm. Yeah, I would be like, can I use my real name? Well, James Bond did that. He did? I mean, I guess, right? Yeah. I guess it was him can I use my real name? Well, James Bond did that. He did?

I mean, I guess, right? Yeah. I guess it was him. Yeah. Chuck Johnson was James Bond's real name. That's a college booker. Why you more than me? They're both too famous.

They're on Netflix. I'm Suave. I'm Devin Ayer. They would never expect it that's right where would you be hanging out that we would need a spy do you know what i mean like let's go check it on the cbs i wouldn't be my normal life but people would give him information because they he's weak and he goes what is the numbers you go i'll tell this idiot my number. Yeah, I would trick him. Yeah, he'd trick him. And he goes, the number that's going to fire the bombs?

He goes, look at it. That's right. He's not going to do anything. He goes, that guy, he's walked in the wrong room. Every day he walks in and goes, I don't know how did I get here? And they don't believe it. That's right. Like the real Columbo effect.

Yeah. Yeah. Is that what he did? Well, he was a detective. But yeah, he was always acting like he didn't get anything. He's like, oh, he's always so confused. And he's like, oh, just one more thing. And they're giving it, and they just underestimate him the whole time.

Yeah. And that's what your strength would be. Yeah. I think so. That would be good. You'd have trouble with late nights. Yeah. I couldn't work nights.

Yeah. That would be- I don't see well. They go, did you get the information at that party? You go, that party was started at 10 o'clock. So I think you're out of your mind. You thought I made it to that. You're like spying on breakfast.

Yeah, yeah. You know how in the movies they were like, this message will self-destruct in 30 seconds. Nate would be like, wait, wait, wait. You'd have to ask the person who handed it to you to read it. What's this word here? Self-destructs loose. Well, yeah. But I'd be afraid of where you're going to throw it.

Me? You would throw it just in. I mean, the only reason they would catch you is they go, we don't know what's happened. There's been small bomb attacks. Because you're just throwing notes on like you walk over a bridge and just throw it onto a boat underneath it and then just because you may dad you get a lot of burn stuff it's not that crazy but it's just remarkable how much it's perfectly hitting people or it just wouldn't make it off the bridge. It bounced back on me. Like a paper airplane

that just loops back at you. And this would be after three times of it just blowing up in your pocket because you're not really, like, you're just going,

I'll get rid of that. And then just, boom! He's just got a little, they see you with a limp and you're like, what's that for? Yeah,

don't worry about it. The letter blew up. What's your favorite from all those movies? James Bond, Jason Bourne, Mission Impossible. Oh, National Treasure. Does that count?

I don't know. He wasn't a spy. He's going undercover. He's stealing stuff. He's lying to people. He's being sneaky. What was his job? To steal the Declaration of Independence.

What was his profession? He was a professional of Independence. Like, what was his profession? He was a professional treasure hunter. Yeah, I don't know if that counts. I like the Johnny English. Rowan Atkinson. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Mr. Bean?

Yeah, those are the best. What does he do? He's a spy, but a bumbling spy that, like, fumbles his way to victory. That dude, like, is, Mr. Bean, is so famous. Yeah. And he only does that, right? Yeah, he does Mr. Bean, and then Johnny English is basically Mr. Bean is a spy that talks. Oh, he talks in it?

Yeah. Because he never talks in Mr. Bean, right? It's all physical. Yeah, he'll say a word or two. Okay. But yeah, it's like his whole, man, that is crazy. He was in, I guess, his, yeah, it's crazy. His whole thing is just this Mr. Bean, and this dude's like,

I've never heard an interview with him. I've never heard anything. Yeah, I think he makes cameos in British films, and he's just a huge star. Yeah. Austin Powers is another one that, a funny spy movie. Yeah. He kind of makes fun of all the spy movies.

I think I like the Bourne ones the best. Those are great. Bourne ones are good. Some of them are just a different feel. Yeah. Those seem seem like i know but seems like the most realistic to me yeah except the one with jimmy renner where he's like a super soldier yeah yeah yeah because he's jumping on the people's roofs and stuff like that but as far as not seeming real uh yeah, I mean, the inside, yeah,

the own government wants to kill their own spy. Yeah, I know. It's not real, real, but it's not like James Bond where there's some secret car or gadget or something. Oh, you know, there was one back in the day called If Looks Could Kill. Did you ever see that one?

James Bond, right? No, no, that's, If Looks Could Kill um like a teenager it was a fun one when i was you know when i was a kid rico is this yeah rico grico yeah what did he do just kind of what he was like crimes at the high school you know he's at yeah he's he's about to go on a school trip and then there's a guy by the same name as him at the airport so they call him over the intercom, but he shows up. And then he ends up going and being the spy.

Oh, wow. But he doesn't know, you know, he's not a spy, really. Yeah. He's just getting all the gadgets. Not a spy, really? Not a spy at all. Not a spy at all. Yeah.

He's a high school student. He could do it. Yeah. But he gets all the toys and, you know, all the fun stuff. Yeah. Yeah. He's having the adventure of someone else's life. Yeah.

That's the tagline for this. Yeah, it was a good one. That was a real fun movie. That franchise didn't take off, though, did it? No, I don't think Richard Grieco really took off. No, he was big there for a while. Yeah, but that's all I remember him in. Yeah.

So the spies have been around at least since biblical times. There's a story in the Old Testament about Moses sent 12 spies into the promised land to scout it out before they went to invade it just to see if what it's like in there. They went undercover for like a month, came back and reported what they found. So a lot of people consider them to be the first spies. Is it true that if you ask a spy if he's a spy, he has to tell you? I don't know.

Wait a second, you're a spy? Damn it. The one question. Yes. The one question. Everybody says about cops, you know, they're undercover. You ask them, they got to tell you. And I don't think they do at all. Yeah, I don't think so either. You ask them, they got to tell you.

And I don't think they do at all. Yeah, I don't think so either. Yeah. You don't think they tell you? I don't think they have to tell you. I don't think they have to tell you. Yeah. But that's like, you see everybody.

People really just ask them. He has to tell you. Yeah. Because there's so many movies and TV shows say that. Yeah, that's what we all thought before, like, you know, smoking weed with somebody. You'd go, you a cop? And they're like, and if they say no, you're what we all thought before like you know have smoking weed with somebody you'd go you're a cop you're like and if they say no you're like all right here it is did that ever backfire on you no no i mean they never were like yeah yeah i am gotcha yeah a police officer does not have to tell you he's a cop if you ask yeah yeah there you go

have to tell you he's a cop if you ask yeah yeah there you go uh i was like us i remember like in that movie yeah spies like us was a kid's movie i love this line that was uh jimmy chase just chasing dan akroyd is not entrapment what'd you say well there was a line in that definition about the entrapment he goes dishonest is not entrapment yeah and i don't know if that's true but just like yeah he's lying to you yeah but he's not trapping you yeah yeah there was a tv show a few years ago it was very popular the americans those were russian spies living in america as everyday people and that's based off true stuff. There was, uh, back in 2010, 10 Russian spies that were just living in the U S as doctors, lawyers,

whatever. I mean, I just named two very rich jobs. I don't think they were all that big, but, uh, tech billionaires. It wasn't trying to blend in,

but, uh, the FBI was onto them. So they were watching them for years, and they finally busted them. One of them was a Russian model. Oh, yeah. What were they doing? What were they getting information on?

Do you know? I think they were trying to get into some tech stuff and some chemical engineering stuff. Wow. So like real stuff. Yeah. But they were just living around the Northeast, New Jersey, New York City, stuff like that.

But they knew about them almost the whole time? I think the FBI found out about them pretty quick. So they were just watching them and they finally picked the right time to go in and arrest them. Yeah. But people are like, this guy's been my neighbor for like a decade.

Wow. That's how long they let him go? It was a long time, I think. They let him watch for 10 years? Not yet. Now's not the time. I don't know if they watched him for 10 years, but I think they lived here for 10 years before they finally arrested him.

Wow. They lived here for a long time. Would you go be a spy for America in another country? Yeah. You would? In a heartbeat. Where do you think you could go? If they're listening, I'll do it.

Maybe I can do it now because I said that. Well, maybe now it's like they suspect you less. Yeah, exactly. I said on my podcast. Yeah. Yeah, I think it would be very nerve-wracking. Oh, God. It could be fun.

I think I could easily be flipped to be a double agent i think i'd go there they catch me they tell me some stuff i'm like you know what that's some good points i think you would suggest it you guys got a program for double agents yeah they had me a brochure it would take yeah i mean to be a spy you almost can't have a family I think right like you kind of gotta go get lost over there well there's a great spy movie called The Good Shepherd which I think gets slept on a lot

I think it's a very underrated movie I did not like it I tried to start watching it I got so bored oh it is a slow movie it's got a good cast it looked great Angelina Jolie matt damon matt damon's a spy works with the cia i believe and he has a family and basically i'll just spoil it it's an old movie i'm not gonna finish it okay matt damon's son marries a double agent and he has

to kill his daughter-in-law oh they throw her. They throw her off a plane in the middle of Africa. It was like a scene that haunted me as a kid, to see a person get thrown out of a plane. Yeah, you're allowed to watch this as a kid. Well, this is one of those I would sneak off and watch it. You know what I mean? People think I'll watch Friday the 13th. You think I'll watch The Good Shepherd?

It's got a deceiving name. That is for sure. I mean, I had to watch something after all the president's men. Yeah. It's men. Yeah. It's the Weber family. West Wing's over. So I guess I'll sneak into this 18-year-old up and watch. I can't even think of him.

What about True Lies? Was he a spy in that, Arnold Schwarzenegger? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's a good one. He had a family. I might watch Good Shepherd now. But is it slow?

The whole thing's slow. Oh, dude, it's super slow. It's so slow. You would probably hate it, Nate, to be honest with you. Oh, gosh, it's so awful. It's a pretty slow movie. Yeah. Some of the tools they used, they had a device where if they wanted to read a letter but

not open it, like if they got a hold of hold of it they have a little tool that would go in the side crack of the envelope could pull the letter out uh somehow you would roll it up pull the letter out that little slot read the letter then roll it back up put it back in wow all through the envelope yeah through that little slit of the yeah and that's easier than just getting a new envelope for it, probably. I guess there's some way that they could tell that it was the envelope. His email really changed the game on that. He goes, I just got it. He goes, well, all right, I'll take a look.

Email it to me, I'll take a look. But they have a lot of... They have a shoe phone. That was a real thing. The director of the CIA was complaining about they didn't have enough cool devices like in James Bond. And they made stuff just because... James Bond.

Because of... Because they wanted to feel cool like James Bond. I get that. Yeah, they made stuff because of James Bond. Because of. Because they wanted to feel cool like James Bond. I get that. Yeah, they made stuff because of James Bond. Because of those movies, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, give me some gadgets, dude.

Yeah. I want a laser watch. You know, I want some cool stuff. Poison-tipped umbrellas. That was a real thing. That was real? That was real. A guy was strolling in London, and he felt a twinge in his leg as an unidentified man

passed by. Four days later, he was dead. Oh, wow. A pathologist found a tiny metal pellet lodinge in his leg as an unidentified man passed by. Four days later, he was dead. Oh, wow. Pathologist found a tiny metal pellet lodged in his leg. Oh, wow. That was from a Soviet spy. Yeah. I mean, how does that – how do you don't – yeah, I guess you feel it in your leg.

I mean, it seems like how does he get the tip to that guy's leg? Maybe it comes out. I know, but it's like does he he have to go, like, fall on the ground, go sideways, and then kind of get back up real quick? I think he'd probably shoot it at an angle, you know, a 45-degree angle. He'd just kind of. Yeah, just, yeah.

I guess, yeah, I guess like right there. And he just dives in there. And you're like, God, what was it? You think you got bit by something? Bit by a bug. Because did you see anything around you? One guy walked up on an umbrella. Was it raining?

You're like, no. It was like the day you would never need an umbrella. Yeah. He's like, not even. Some people like to keep the sun out. He goes, but the sun wasn't really out. Yeah, it was overcast. It was overcast.

And I know you can still get sunburned during overcast, but it wasn't that kind of overcast it was a day where umbrellas were like but what's the point yeah also he's kind of holding it like a gun yeah yeah he came in when he rolled off all i heard was gotcha and he got none of this you didn't think to follow this guy at all you go no i thought it was just kind of a crazy thing you know he but you know all right well i think it should be fine how long did it take to get four days four days you know get it checked out at all like you're like i felt that thing on my leg and then you don't like rub it at all and give it a little look and Yeah, but how soon would you get medical,

professional medical advice? Well, I don't know. You personally, you wouldn't. No, I mean, I would have died. But I mean, a lot of people will get stuff checked out. He might have gotten medical advice quickly about being sick. I don't think the first thing you're going to think is that bug bite on the back of my leg was what caused it.

Fair point, fair point. But if you're doing stuff where you think a spy could kill you, I would imagine your ovaria, you should be aware of any kind of weird feelings you get on your body. was what caused it. Fair point. Fair point. But if you're doing stuff where you think a spy could kill you, I'd imagine your ovaria, you should be aware of any kind of weird feelings you get on your body. If you're living a life where you're like,

a spy might be after me. Yeah. Maybe get a strange bite checked out. Yeah. Maybe if you feel, if I felt, if I bumped my knee

on a table, I would be like, what was that on purpose? You know, just any kind of. Even if you did it? Yeah. Even if I did it. Even if you did it? Yeah, even if I did it. Even if I did it, I would be like, well, did someone want me to do it?

They're that good. They're that good that they, you know. How long has that table been here? How long has that table, yeah. Table used to be a little higher, I think. Yeah. Yeah. What if it's a lower table?

And then I do it. It's just a little bit lower. And you're like, God, you know. It's like when you walk through a it. It's just a little bit lower, and you're like, God. It's like when you walk through a doorframe that's just a little bit lower than it should be, and you can hit your head. It's like that. If you go on a subway, the first month is just boom. People just get used to that.

Do that with a table, then I'm out. Yeah. Remote-controlled insects, that's another thing they do. Oh, yeah. These dragonflies that look like real dragonflies, but they can have little tiny cameras on them to spy on people. Wait, is that real? That's real.

That's what's happening out here right now. Well, I don't know right now, but that's been around since the 70s. Wow. 70s. So it's probably better than that. Yeah, it's way better. That's what hummingbirds are now. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm going to get rid of that feeder I have. You might have a kid that that's what their whole point is. You find out it's a robot kid you had that just has – its eyes are just filming you. When it was first launched, it proved unwieldy, even in light winds, so it was never deployed on a mission. The winds would catch it and just blow it away. But yeah.

I don't believe it. That feels like what you say when you're like, actually, let's don't let people know we have the dragonfly spies. I saw a movie with a spy movie with Helen Mirren.

I forget what it was called, but they used dragonflies or something like that. You can buy them now for 40 bucks or something. In the movie Richie Rich, they had the remote-controlled bees. Remember that movie? Yeah.

I don't know if that was a spy movie. That's what Kanye West said he would do if he controlled the world. What? He'd get all the smartest people in the world together, and he'd make them work on mechanical bees. Really? Yeah. Why?

When did he say that? On Joe Rogan, he said it. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Why would you work on mechanical i think we you know there's a lot of concern about bees dying off and bees serve a pretty important purpose yeah pollinating plants and stuff so he just built a bunch of mechanical bees i think the easier way might even be to find out what's killing the bees

yeah and then stop doing that well that's one way of doing it uh the mechanical bees it sounds a lot more fun it does sound more fun but it seems like you're like i'm gonna fix this problem by making bees yeah i'm gonna make them again he goes well what killed the bees you go well the mechanical ones we got because they really they really finished them off you know to be honest but i'm glad we did them you. And now we've lost control and they don't pollinate the plants like we wanted. They're hard to, yeah, they don't listen. But, you know, that's why we're doing robot

spiders. To kill the bees. Exploding pencil case. This was back in World War II when people still used pencils. It had a time-delayed detonator so you could set a pencil case. This was back in World War II when people still used pencils. It had a time delay detonator, so you could set a pencil case on, I guess, someone's desk and then be out of there before it exploded. So you could just do a bomb if you're going to do that. Yeah.

In the movie, If Looks Could Kill, they had exploding gum. You chew the gum, and then you put it back together with the wrapper, then it's a bomb. Yeah. The first Mission Impossible had something like that, too. Emilio Estevez. This would have been out before that, though. Yeah. The first Mission Impossible had something like that too. Emilio Estevez. This would have been out before that though. Yeah.

If the looks could kill me. This laid the groundwork for Mission Impossible. Yeah, really revolutionized it. Yeah. Glove gun, that was a real thing. Had a gun on your glove.

You'd reach to shake someone's hand and then you'd shoot them. Oh, I like that. Oh, really? There are pictures of it? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Oh, that's a lot of fun.

It looks like, well, you got to encounter somebody where you were gardening. Yeah. Yeah, you're like, what's a lot of fun. It looks like, well, you got to encounter somebody where you were gardening. Yeah. You're like, what's on your work glove there? Because this is not a glove you could just wear into like the ballet or something. That controls my, it's cold. Yeah.

I move. Yeah. God, that snow is just, I'm buying. That's pretty good. It doesn't look as slick as I thought when you said. I mean, that is straight up, I'm working on fence gloves today. But I mean, the idea is, ah, you could wear some of those gloves. I mean, it depends if you're, you know, if it's like a...

Like, if you're wearing those kind of gloves, you probably carry a gun. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. You could just have a gun and a holster. What? I mean, you hear the gun go off and you're like, I don't know. Anybody know what happened?

And you're like. I don't see it. He goes, where would I have a gun on me? I've got. Can I take my gloves off? Do you care if I take my gloves off? Take my gloves off and help you all look real quick my gloves off? Take my gloves off and help y'all look real quick. He drops his gloves off and just hears boom.

Well, why was your glove like sounded like that? He goes, I don't know. He's only wearing one glove. That's pretty fun. Oh, that's where I've seen this was. This was in the Inglorious Bastards, the movie. They use a glove gun like that at one point, right? Okay.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. You get searched. Yeah. Getting onto an airplane, you're like, listen, this is gloves. He just had gloves on, so I let him through.

Where's he going to put the gun in the glove? It's kind of stupid, don't you think? During World War II, the prisoners of war were sent bicycle playing cards and the ace of spades had a hidden map on it to help them escape you had to dip it in water before it would come up but the map was very small so they had to send multiple playing cards to put the whole map together before the guys could escape oh wow but they would do it and yeah the japanese wouldn't realize it was that until it's too late yeah these guys because how's those prisoners doing a lot of cars you know it's funny they play a lot of cards and then lose those cars so much so that they keep sending them every week.

How much go fish can you play? Are they just putting it on the ace too? Ace of spades, yeah. Well, why would they? If it's going to take a while, you're like, hey, if we're already doing the ace of spades, maybe just do a card, one card, all 52 cards. Yeah, let's do the whole deck.

That's a good question. Let's do the whole deck. And he's like, no, no, no, no. It only works on ace of spades. We're going to have you guys out about two months before they would let you out. Yeah. Like, they're about time he gets done. Yeah.

It takes 20 years. Yeah. He goes, all right, you boys ready to escape? You're like, well, I think I'm going to just hang in. I'm like seven months from getting out for real so if i do your thing it's gonna be i'll just be sent back in here and he goes we'll do the car thing again though the car thing will already be in there something you can you can get out so i mean it's perfect and is that the plan beforehand they go if you ever get trapped that's what i was gonna look for a deck of cards try to

get enough water to dunk it down in. You know what I mean? How did they know to do this to the cards? Yeah. I don't know. Maybe they got visited by someone that they could speak privately and tell them. They let the POWs have private visits with friends and family. Yeah, it seems like the POWs get a lot

of leniency. Yeah. Get all these gifts sent to you. It doesn't seem like it's that bad of a game yeah yeah apparently you have all the time in the world to play cards well there's clearly some things i don't know the answer to maybe they would think the whole deck it takes a while so the picture looks like it's the whole whole deck yeah well that is a five right there isn't it? Yeah, five of spades.

So maybe everything I just said was incorrect. That's all right. According to that, you nailed it. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for looking into it. This says the ace of spades, according to this. Sex spionage was a big thing.

That's still going on, apparently. There was the movie Red Sparrow a few years ago with Jennifer Lawrence. Beautiful Russian women being trained to seduce I guess anybody. Men that come over there. Is that movie good? I haven't seen it.

You guys seen it? 45% Rotten Tomato. It's not good. It's not good. Send them what they know. They're called Honey. Exactly. Those are the critics.

Those aren't the real Americans watching. Oh, every movie, the real people that do the voting, I mean, every movie's Godfather 1. I mean, they're all just the greatest movie that's ever been made. Like, you look at, like, I mean, it has to be bad for. Oh, audience score, actually, 49%. bad for, oh, audience score actually is 49%. Nevermind. I made all that up.

There's a lot of times where the critics are like, this movie is an abomination. It's 98% of people like it. Go look at it. I mean, Amazon will be, when you look at stuff, Amazon, it's tough for a movie to not be four and a half stars. Because they want you to buy it right no but it's like the but it's the the user unless they're oh yeah unless they're faking the user reviews but i mean they it would usually be mismatched where it's like rotten tomatoes is bad but yeah i mean who's really going on writing a review of a movie i mean i don't know that i've ever done that yeah i mean it's

4.4 out of 5 out of 5 yeah like people used to go on facebook that i knew and like do a lot of reviews of movies they saw they would give like really in-depth reviews and i'm like who's asking for this yeah one guy's first review says at first this film seemed mediocre at my first screening. He goes, it was okay. But however, after the second and third viewing, he goes, not by my choice, but by circumstances, the film sort of grew on me.

I would rate this as one of the best films released this year so far. That guy flipped. I like this guy. Once it became the only movie I could watch. Yeah. I mean, that's so crazy. He said, I will not reveal the plot to us,

but if you do get to see it the second time, do watch out for the subtle nuances and speech patterns. That's very funny. Yeah. I mean, that is like- When y'all have to watch it multiple times like I did, keep an eye out. He goes, not by choice.

I got caught in a Red Sparrow. Got stuck in the VHR. What is it? VHS? Yeah, VHS. VCR? VHR. I walked out.

I bought a ticket to another movie, and then they tricked me. I was trying to watch Red Pharaoh, and the guy thought I said Red Sparrow, and I go, dead gun. So I had to go watch it again. And then he goes, so after the third time, I thought, well, I'm not going to that movie theater anymore. But I also did enjoy Red Sparrow a lot more. Don't you think it's a lot easier now to be a spy probably?

Because, I mean, they used to have hidden cameras, like on their buttons of their coats and stuff. Now everyone a phone everybody's a spy out here now yeah everybody's ready to snitch spying on ourselves yeah they almost don't have to use a person as a spy they could just be you know it's like if they can get someone's number i mean i would imagine the high up the hardest people to get to there's it's going to be hard to get to those guys but i mean yeah you just find a guy that like that's why they probably would use celebrities now or if they use like you know dennis robman went over to you're like korea yeah you're just like i don't know just like he's probably brings his phone over yeah do you think dennis robman's a spy no no but i mean why

would you not if he's bringing his phone over there yeah why they don't think they're going through his phone he's like friends with uh that guy so like i. You don't think they're going through his phone? He's like friends with that guy. Mm-hmm. So like, I mean, you don't think they're reading every single thing that he's ever sent to that person? Yeah. Or when he goes and meets him, you don't, you know, it's like they don't even need you.

They don't have to go, hey, be a spy. Maybe they want a question to ask, you know. Just like in the middle of you talking about your run in the bulls. Could you bring up nuclear weapons? See what he's got. Maybe. Yeah, just see.

Just go. You know, our basketball team was a – you know, we were like a nuclear weapon in that we had just guys, just so many people that could destroy. And we could hit some from such far range. Do you? Is that South Florida? Do you?

You didn't ring any bells? Would you be able to say that about your life? Then he goes, oh, Dennis? He goes, yeah, I got a lot. He just falls for it. Yeah, I got a ton of them, man. Got a warehouse full of these things. I got a warehouse because they could go anywhere.

I could shoot them that way and they come back and hit me over here. Dude, we're doing so good with them. All the way around the world. All the way around the world. He just comes back, boom, nails me. They're all named Bulls players. It's the Tony Coup coach. Yeah, the Tony.

What you got to watch out for is the B.J. Armstrong. Slept on. Yeah, slept on. But very important. But that one, it fires from underground. I was reading where now they get to people by, they create fake conferences, like educational conferences where the scientists and people go to,

they think it's a real thing, but it's really created by like, any country can do it, but the CIA does it. And they put on, and then once they go back to their hotel room, then the CIA, when they get alone with them, they'll come to them

and try to convince them to come with them to escape, like to come to the US and be, you know, under their surveillance. Okay. So you're talking about this is how they recruit people? Well, like if there was a Russian chemical engineer,

they might put on a fake conference in Europe somewhere. Yeah, okay. And they think it's a real thing, and they come and speak or whatever. As soon as they get away and they can get on one-on-one, the United States will come to their hotel room and be like, we want you to come

to the United States. They pressure them somehow into coming and if you don't, we're going to do this, this, this, or whatever. Or they just try to

brainwash them or just try to convince them what you should be doing. And both countries do that. Yeah. So that's how now they recruit people, some way just like that, scare people. So have you ever got a speech and you're like,

I've never given a speech before. Yeah. Or like when a club hires me. Yeah, book your own hotel. Yeah, book your own hotel. Yeah. I'm driving back right after. Yeah.

That's how it doesn't work. do it and he goes you got him he goes no this is he lives like an hour yeah he already drove home and you're like why did you book him that close to the because i didn't think about it i think you could drive at night i didn't take a year ago i didn't i don't know where he lived that That's my first day. I'm in an Airbnb, actually. I can't have guests. Yeah. I'm not allowed to. Do you mind if we just talk to you for a second about,

would you like to come to America and play for us? There was a spy that was so dumb. He was like a double agent, and they were about to catch him, and there was a meeting set up in the New York Public Library, and he got lost in the library and never made it to the rendezvous where they were waiting

and he finally just left. So they didn't arrest him because he couldn't find where he was going. Oh, good for him. Oh, wow. And he's still doing good? No, I think they

eventually caught him. Oh. But he was so dumb he missed his drop point so to speak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sounds smart to me. It sounds like they were like

nah he was dumb like they they messed up yeah and they were like no no no it's him he's done yeah that's true it could go the other way yeah you're right we couldn't find yeah he couldn't find us we knew where he was yeah i mean at that point you think he would just go you know if he's if he's truly dumb why don't they go jerry yeah and he goes i've been looking everywhere for you guys and he just comes up there so the new thing now that's going on is this thing called havana syndrome oh boy you know this a little bit so this is just the last few years people in u.s diplomats in havana cuba started saying they had this weird, they got sick and this weird vibration going through their ears and they didn't know what was going on.

At first they were like, oh, it's just nothing. But now it's happened a bunch of different places, including on the grounds of the White House. Like people have gotten sick and they say they hear this like ringing in their ears and they don't know who's doing it, but it's happened a bunch of different places. They think doing it, but it's happened to a bunch of different places. They think Russians maybe, but it's become like a big problem. So, all right.

I thought you were going to say someone put a chip in someone or something. It's like a microwave signal, they think. Yeah. We don't know. We don't know. They think maybe they're just trying to steal. 5G, you know what I mean? We don't know.

We don't know. They think maybe they're just trying to steal. 5G, you know what I mean? They think maybe they're just trying to steal information off their laptop or their phone, and they have a way, some type of device that pulsates a signal. Yeah. And that's just causing the side effects is that. But they don't know. Maybe they're just trying to make people sick and mess with them.

But it's happened on the grounds of the White House. Why would it be? And it seems funny to be like, what are you doing? We're trying to annoy them. But it's happened on the grounds of the White House. Why would it be? And it seems funny to be like, what are you doing? We're trying to annoy them. They're nauseous more than usual. Yeah. Why do they call it the Havana Syndrome? Because it first happened in Havana, Cuba.

And at first, they're like, you guys are just... They're sick and they get ringing in there. It sounded like they went to a concert. They hung over and they're like, no,'m not it's uh no it's a syndrome to it they could like find out all of them went to a concert yeah yeah and it started in havana a lot of big concerts a lot of cigars a lot of parties going on what would yeah like if it was like another country doing it what would they do like that's what i like what's like what's their purpose? Yeah, it's like, how do they get it in the White House? Or does it really need to be in the White House?

Well, it was on the White House grounds. And I guess the grounds are pretty big. Somebody, I saw this on 60 Minutes. They were walking into the White House, and it was like paralyzing to them. And they got real sick. One guy was just in a hotel room, and he said he saw like a white van outside his window and it affected

him and his wife and their kids. Oh. So could disable you somehow. I don't know. Maybe they're just testing it before

they do it on the president. I don't know. Yeah. Scary. Yeah. He's getting suggestions. Bates is trying to help him out.

It seems like it's working. You're already a spy. I think you should try on bigger targets, to be honest. Biden, he'd be ripe for it. Here's his schedule. There was a spy who found out four months before Pearl Harbor that Japanese were going to attack Pearl Harbor. And he alerted the CIA, and they didn't believe him.

He wasn't from America. He was from another country. They didn't believe him. And so they ignored it. But he was right. Did it happen? Yeah. I think about that a lot.

People always say, if I had a time machine, I'd go back and I'd stop 9-11. How would you? Yeah. How would you stop it? Me. Let's say me. I come back. I land in Montgomery, Alabama on September 10th.

Yeah. Who do I even call? Who believes me? I mean. I wouldn't start in Montgomery. Well, that's where I was at the time. Well, then I would at least ask to come back like the 8th or something. Yeah.

I'll fly out of Montgomery trying to get to the 10th. You're going to need some travel time. Yeah, that's true. There's no direct flights, for sure. Yeah, I would ask to come back. I mean, if you were talking about you get the power. Yeah, give yourself a couple of days while you're in town. Yeah.

What would be the move, though? I don't know. I don't know if anyone would believe me. You heard this. Some guy predicted or said that he had information that Pearl Harbor is going to happen. Nobody believed him. He's a CIA agent. That's what I'm saying.

I'm a regular guy. I'm a guy from Montgomery, Alabama. I'm a kid from Montgomery, Alabama. What am I? And on top of all of this is also just time traveled back here. That's true. so in everything i mean the the thing that would almost make you weirdly not say it because then if you said it then you would be probably just in prison right now because they would be like well you had something to do with

right that's what you could do though you could tell them a bunch of other stuff's about to happen before that and they would believe you we better say something good look up sports scores everything before you go back and say, look, all this stuff happened. And then build a case, build a reputation. I can predict the future. And then drop 9-11 on them. Yeah. This is about that.

And then you'll get so into predicting the future that you'll rise to fame and you'll go, actually, maybe I won't even tell them about 9-11 because I got a lot going on right now. Yeah. What is today? It's actually going well yeah yeah you wake up hungover doing a bunch of drugs and you're like see it happen on tv you're like dad that's the whole reason i came i gotta go back to the past

yeah and then it ruins your whole career yeah they said nostradamus predicted 9 11 yeah he said two still birds would fall from the sky in a metropolis. But then people debunked it and said still wasn't even a thing during the time of Nostradamus. So they don't think he really wrote that. Yeah. God, that's so funny for the guy that made that up. He didn't do any research. Like 200 years later, still came out.

Yeah. Well, everybody believed him. A few people did, I guess. I mean, I think a lot of people did. I think a lot of people did. I remember seeing it. Yeah. But did you do anything about it?

Did you change it, you know? I didn't see it before. No, no, but I'm saying you can see people believe in it because it's like you hear it. That's just like it doesn't really matter. The belief doesn't matter because it's just kind of like, oh, that's crazy. People still like conspiracy kind of.

You like something like that. Then you go, oh, that's cool. So your belief in that being real is like you're it's a people still like conspiracy kind of you like something like that and you go oh that's cool so your belief in that being real is like you're never gonna

go look and see what's still around but then it's like if it gets popular then just one person that just goes yeah

and this guy the one who told him about Pearl Harbor was the basis for James Bond he was friends with Ian Fleming

the guy who wrote James Bond and he based his character they thank think, off of this guy. I thought you said, like, the bassist. I thought you meant the song bassist, too. I was like, James Bond's a band? That's what I thought that meant completely, was the bassist. I was like, you know, he was in Lynyrd Skynyrd.

What? The guy that said that about poor Harper? He did it all. He goes, he was in the first Aerosmith? That's insane. This guy had quite a career. He really knew how to pick bands, too. Julia Childs worked for the CIA.

She did? What did she do? She cook for them? She was a typist for them or something. And then she got into cooking? Yeah, much later. Was she undercover? Like a spy?

No, but I think there was a rumor like, oh, Julia Childs used to work for CIA. And everybody's like, no, it's just an urban legend. But it was real. Wow. I thought that was the actress, Julia. Julia Louis- Julia Stiles? Yeah, Julia yeah julia styles yeah this is pretty different yeah yeah so yes she just did that all right yeah yeah yeah you know i mean hey cia is still around you know i mean she could have worked there

she may work for them now oh yeah she's 41 she's in the born movies I mean, CIA's still around, you know what I mean? She could have worked there. That's true. She may work for them now. Oh, yeah. She's 41. She's in the Bourne movies. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. So she's probably involved.

Yeah, she's involved. She's got an in. Here's another shark attack in Egypt, 2010. Several sharks attack people at a popular resort. attack people at a popular resort. They found a GPS tracking device on them. And someone said that the Israelis used them, sent the sharks to attack people in Egypt.

Whoa. You think that was what was happening in Missouri? Might have been. Might have been. Yeah yeah those are their big targets but uh how does it capture the shark a gps unit plan on spec how does it tell the shark where to grow well that's the point israeli said we can't do that we don't have that power this was just they said this is just the thing we track sharks sharks' migrations. That's what they said. Yeah, they had the GPS on them to just track where they are, not to send them to attack particular people.

It's unfortunate, though, if your tracking shark attacks some people. Yeah. That feels linked back to you. You go, look, it looks bad. All right? I'm not one to act like it doesn't. I'm not I'm not one to act like it doesn't But

And I'll be honest with you I'm flattered that you think we could send a shark To you To Egypt I don't even know how it gets to Egypt Yeah Is there sharks Where are the sharks in Israel

So this is funny They think it's because two weeks before that During the Islamic festival of eid al adha uh they dumped a bunch of sheep carcasses into the into the water so they think that's where the sharks came from oh they just saw a bunch of sheep that sounds about right yeah oh israel did that no i think uh egypt did that right yeah oh oh yeah but they're saying that's why you have stupid sharks oh that's funny yeah you got a bunch of dead animals in the ocean they go well then you tell me what it is sir

and you go well i mean look i'll be honest you do your festival for your whole country killed all these sheep and put it in the ocean and then you're out there swimming around in it yeah and you're swimming and then you know and i mean the fact that that beach wasn't just shut down forever is remarkable that you all within a couple weeks were back out there and had major shark attacks how far how good does the shark get from israel to egypt where's the map like on that't know. Like on that. Oh, right there. But I think this is a little bit like- What's the map? Yeah.

Like you said, the Nostradamus thing where people just believe it. And the Procter & Gamble thing on Phil Donahue. I think just enough people hear it and then it just becomes a thing. Yeah. Well, most people go, no, he did that. And if you told that person that's not true, they'd be like, that's fine. I probably, I figured it out. But I enjoyed it while it lasted but i enjoyed it while it lasted i enjoyed it while it lasted uh i mean not that far they're

they border each other oh yeah oh the mediterranean sea at first i said how's the shark even i mean that's where getting to israel you're like oh by the mediterranean sea i had no idea egypt had all that oceanfront property i didn't either i thought they were uh i mean yeah i had no idea Egypt had all that ocean front property. I didn't either. I thought they were. I mean, yeah. I had no idea. You should tell me, go. Now, you tell me, look, if you say Jordan, a shark from Jordan came over here, he goes, yeah.

He goes, then we're talking. Where was this shark at? He was at a bar. He was at a bar eating next to me. And they go, all right, I'm listening. He made it all the way in. They didn't check his ID. There was, they've tried numerous times to use animals for their service.

Operation Acoustic Kitty was where they're planned to turn cats into portable spying devices. So they inserted a microphone in a radio transmitter in the ear of a cat in the base of its skull. And they sent it to a park to listen to some foreign nationals. And the cat ran across the street and got hit by a cab. Really? Killed. Probably committed suicide because there's a microphone in his brain. $20 million.

First try, gets hit and killed by a cab. How does that cost $20 million? How on earth does that cost $20 million. First try, gets hit and killed by a cat. How does that cost $20 million? How on earth does that cost $20 million? Research and development. You got to put

the thing together. You got to pay the scientists. This was a long time ago. That's insane, dude. Maybe things cost more back then. No, that's insane.

You're telling me $20 million. The cat is- Can you Google that? Yeah. It seems like money laundering, right? Yeah. They're like, oh, yeah, the cat got hit by a car.

Let's say that. So the cat's free. So we're done with that. Yeah. And then there's no way. This is in the 1960s, more than $20 million. There's no way. Well, you got to buy the cats. Let's think about all the expenses Well, you gotta buy the cats.

Let's think about all the expenses. You gotta buy the cats. You gotta raise the cats. You gotta feed them occasionally. I mean, the equipment? I mean, the cat has nothing to do with it.

It's not negligible. You gotta buy the cats. You can't get just mutts not negligible. You got to buy the cats. You can't get just mutts off the street. That's true. You got to get some good cats. That's true. No, but $80, Ben? Like $20 million in the 60s, dude?

Yeah. That's so much money. Small technology was expensive back then. Everything's huge. I mean, when y'all were growing up, a personal computer was a whole room of your house. Now you can fit them all in. Do they not have scientists on salary? Does anybody?

Just on retainer. Yeah, to go like, yeah, dude, we're going to bring something to you. Do you try to fix this? How does that work? I think the individual projects get funded. You get grants like that. Could you not get the microphone out of the cat's head after it was dead? I mean, did the car completely crush

the cat? Yeah. Well, I don't know about that. Maybe they did get it out, but they... Who were they trying to spy on? Yeah, did they do... Is that the first time they tried it? Yeah. They didn't even go into a fenced area and go, let's give it a go? Well, I don't know about that. It's the first time they tried it in the real world. I just don't know where that $20 million...

That seems like... Do you have to like where where are they raising that money it's like taxes government money so but like so dude the screws are probably 600 like that's true that's how they do it just dangle the mic around the collar yeah at that i mean that in the 60s i don't, walk up and say, sorry, my cat got loose. And then grab the cat. You didn't have to destroy its brain. A normal cat. And then walk away with it.

And then leave a microphone there under the bench. Yeah. So here's what happened. As soon as the cat made it about 300 meters. And then it got ran over by a taxi. And then they lost all financing for this project. They already got $20 million for it. So they didn't even have any saved.

Who are you even buying this from? Like, you're not like you're so you're that it's like, I, you're paying for the labor, right? Cause this stuff is all made up. So it's not,

they're not going to home Depot or radio shack and buying this stuff. So it's in the sixties, all this stuff's made up. Like that's what you don't have a room. That's got a bunch of stuff in it. 60s. All this stuff's made up. You don't have a room that's got a bunch of stuff in it? Now, what do you mean by made up? Like this is a new device that's being built. Yes. So that's where most of the money went.

You got to research and develop. Yeah. Okay. But there's not a room that's like, you're like, all right, dude, what about building a thing for a cat? And you think the guy's in the room and he goes, I need like $20 million. You don't have any of that stuff in here, man.

You don't have any piece. They don't have metal and stuff. And I like that they lost financing. It's like, yeah, you spend it all? Yeah. You were looking for more money after this? They go, but I think we figured it out. You go, what?

You want $20 million more? They go, $20 million? $40 million. If we want $40 million, we're going to do ferrets. $40 million to get a cat that won't run into the road. We just cheaped out on the cat. That's the problem. We had a bum cat over there.

He goes, I found that guy last night. He goes, we're going to actually train this cat. We're going to have its family be spies. So we're going to have two spy parents, cat parents that will raise a kid cat spy parent. So they understand how it all works. Can you imagine a guy who came up with the idea though, when they tried it out and he just sees the cat. Oh, it's going, it's going. You probably say it'd be less expensive just to make every bench in that city be a microphone.

Yeah. And then just take a shot in the dark at which one ever they sit on. Just go, well, you know spies like to sit on benches. They don't ever talk, like standing up, right? A bench-heavy group. And so let's just do microphones on all the benches. And you're like, are you crazy, dude? You go, well, all right, then here's Johnson's idea all right i need 20 million dollars i'm gonna put it in a cat

and then hope you know and then see what happens and we'll hear everything they say and they're like that sounds pretty good the reliable cat the reliable cat i'm putting benches we could then move the benches everywhere yeah i guess we just hope the cat is around important people, I guess. And not just hanging in an alley all day. Was the cat somebody's pet? I mean, that would be one way to do it. Probably Johnson's, I'm guessing. Yeah.

I mean, even if it was somebody's pet, I mean, he's not going to trust you after you cut his head open and put a... Yeah. I guess apparently not that small of a 19. Maybe that was the problem. cut his head open and put a yeah i guess apparently not that small of a 19 maybe that was the problem like the cat shows up and it's it's like when you get a when you get a christmas present and you're like i know what that is he just he just comes in it's got a microphone just sticking out of his head and he's like walling around it's like a stage microphone like a stage

microphone his tail is just the it goes up and there's a big bubble at the end of it. And he can't keep it up. He's just dragging it. And you're like. One of those satellites over his head. Yeah. And you're like, that's crazy. Why is that?

Does that cat seem, it seems weird. It's just feedback. Every time he opens his mouth, you just hear someone talking. Nine or four or two. Maybe they asked for the money back after it ended. The government said, can you give us $17 million back? I would ask for it back, yeah. Yeah, I don't think they're giving it back.

I don't think the government goes, okay. I wish you could find all the money wasted on stuff like this. I bet it's got to be outrageous. Astronomical. I mean, more money than probably, yeah, than stuff that's worked. And because it's classified, you don't even know what it is. Yeah, I mean, it's a perfect job. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I would just think you just go get the mic out of the cat's head.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Unless the cab smashed it. You think they had that cab driver killed? Oh, maybe. Well, I think it'd be like... Yeah, you track that guy down and go, listen. I'm hearing there's a buzz.

We're hearing a buzz in here. I don't like that. That's interesting. We're in the spy episode. Ryan, we talking about the cat's present? Oh, yeah. I don't hear anything for what it's worth. It must be electronic, but we're not getting it in signal.

Okay. Well, now we know. I hear it. So me and Bates here, you don't but we're not giving it any signal. Okay. Well, now we know. I hear it. So me and Bates here, you don't hear it? I do hear it now. Okay. Now that we call you out for it.

Mm-hmm. Mm. So Ben, we're talking about all this stuff and weirdly right now, you see there's, Laura, see there's a white van outside.

I'm going to do this out there. That's like in the movie Citizen Four, where Edward Snowden's talking about- Harrison Ford? Citizen Four. When he's talking about all the steps people spot on, and then the fire alarm goes off in the hotel room while they're doing the interview. What? I don't know.

What's Citizen Four? It's a documentary about edward snowden oh and they're interviewing how is it good i'll watch it yeah yeah and he's it's some secluded place and then while they're interviewing the film crew the alarms fire alarms just going off in the hotel and it's just like that's weird yeah like what's going on he's like looking out the window and stuff yeah so if you're edward snowden you just think nothing's a coincidence. Yeah. Well, how do you? The boss is late. Yeah.

That's everything. You could never. Yeah, it'd be a weird way to have to live because you got to guess what's coincidence and what's not. And you would think everything is. Yeah. Man, that would be tough. And then a lot of it you would because it's like how many coincidences do you have? Probably a bunch.

Probably a bunch. Probably a bunch you don't even notice normally. Notice. Right. So when you notice them, your life is just full of them. Yeah. Yeah. Which is crazy.

Well, it's like people always talk about. You ask, do people get pop-up ads? Are people spying on us, these companies? And it does seem like sometimes you're sometimes just being your house talking about something and then next thing i don't like that holly just showed up what do you know holly what do you know what's in your head what's on that collar tell you something yeah it's a bump on her head i was an on off switch in there but have you ever gotten an ad pop up and you hadn't even looked anything up about it? You've just been talking about it in your house?

Yeah. Yeah, but that's scary, right? Yeah. I thought, I mean, I didn't know we had to explain it after it was talking about it. I think that's why I got confused. You're talking about the ad. I just want to make sure it wasn't just me. No, yeah.

It happens a lot. Well, yeah, we talked about it earlier and then you brought that up there that's the one there and then you're like you know like when you say something about you're like i mean yeah yeah i think you're part of the government i know i'm not you would be something doesn't work if something doesn't work yeah that's pretty he's more the government oh because the government doesn't work i agree brian bates would be the best spy really yeah all right yeah i think he'd miss his flight this is like getting over there getting over i think

he i think it would be a night you know your spy can't is got to be kind of like able to get places quickly i would just sleep in the airport i know but you're southwest you're but as a spy if there's a meeting you can't be like i gotta be at the airport three hours early that's where the tickets sit you go i know dude but go like an hour early and just try to get through quick. But it said I didn't be there three hours, and then you're just sitting in there, and you can't adjust from your – I don't think you're – you're not a good adjuster. Like you have your system, and then you go, you know? That's what I want you to think.

Oh. No, I mean, I've seen it. You're doing a great job. That's not. The airplane's never showing up. The CIA during the Cold War for a while used mind readers. Oh. They want another $20 million project.

You can see what people are thinking, right? No, they didn't admit to this until 2017 when 12 million pages of records got declassified. But they were using that many pages that's so many pages who's on earth is there's 12 million pages oh he's saying 12 million pages got declassified yeah and this was part of them oh i guess so yeah i don't know if they're all no one's even reading these pages and i don't believe of course not i don't believe anything because it's you're like so who's reading these these 12 million – I don't know if you could read 12 million pages. I can't read 60. Someone sent me a thing the other day, and I'm like, oh, no, I don't think so.

I scroll up and go, oh, if it's more than 10, I'm out. Yeah, well, it's like when the Supreme Court issues some big ruling. It's multiple pages, and then the news reporters have to come out and immediately tell you what it said so they they have to really really read fast or just skip to the back and try to find a summary yeah yeah i can yeah like well i'm sure that people that are read where it's like you can just kind of like jump and you kind of you're like all right i get the point of it but uh did you did it say yeah just lag for a second. So let's assume you can read average reading speed, which is half a page a minute.

I mean, that would take you 400,000 hours to read. Yeah. Which is a lot. Which is a lot. Yeah, I mean, there's, yeah. I mean, what do they go? well, we let a computer read it. And go, what does he do? He takes it down to 11 million.

That's something. 16,000 days. That would take to read that? Yeah. I mean, how, like, yeah, I don't know how. I mean, obviously, you've got to have a lot of people. But, I mean, 12 million pages. 45 years to read all that.

Wow. Yeah. So, that's a lot. Now, there's probably some all that wow so it's a lot now there's probably some diagrams that probably cuts into it a little bit you know

it's probably not 1200 pages of wall to wall text 45 years for one person how long to write it's over the years it's all AI generated

yeah yeah it's all so it's all just stuff that's collected so they give you 12 it's almost like that's what they do they give you this thing that's so long.

And then now we declassify it. And you're like, oh. Yeah. It's so long. They've told us about UFOs, and we just haven't read that page yet. Yeah, you summarize it for us, dude. Yeah. Every time they pass a bill on the news, it's like the bill is 900 pages long.

They had 20 minutes to read it. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, it's like the bill is 900 pages long. They had 20 minutes to read it. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, it's crazy. I don't even know. Yeah. What's what I said about? Who's writing those bills?

They go and they just vote. Who puts the thing in the bills? All the Congress people? They just say their things. Yeah. And they go, I want this. And I'll get it, like an auction. Oh, right.

We just start earmarking stuff. And they just jam stuff in between the pork barrel buffet yeah that's what they call it that's what they call it yeah it's called pork is when you load on pork to a bill oh really yeah let's say i want 20 million dollars of funding for this thing down the street in my in tennessee we'll tack that on to the... And then I'll vote for your bill. Yeah, and then you vote for my bill. Oh. Yeah. It's the way it's set up. It's crazy.

Yeah. They use these mind readers. It was called Project Stargate. The program was finally shut down in 1995. But they would use these psychics. They called them remote viewers. They would locate hostages kidnapped

by terrorist groups or fugitive criminals here in the U.S. And they used this guy, Uri Geller, who was on, there he is right there. He was on Tonight Show

numerous times. He said he could bend spoons with his mind. He could cut Larry with his mind. Yeah. His ability to bend metal, cut Larry with his mind. Yeah. to bend metal Cut Larry with his mind

Yeah I didn't know what I was saying Yeah He said he could read other people's minds Or do mind control Did he demonstrate bending the spoon on You said he was on the Tonight Show Well

Famous episode of the Tonight Show He comes on And Johnny Carson's producers Have come out with their own spoons Their own stuff And it stumped him And he was like Oh, I'm not feeling it show he comes on and johnny carson's producers have come out with their own spoons their own stuff and it stumped him and he was like oh i'm not feeling it i'm not feeling it tonight well we just want you to do it and he's like i just i don't i don't feel strong right now energy's off in here yeah that's basically what he said so is that what he said on live tv yeah

yeah i watched the clip last night he's on johnny carson he's like i'm just not he's like this scares me and they're like well we just want you to show what you can do and he's like i'm just not feeling very strong right now that's kind of mean oh that's what he said huh that's what he said it is like you set me up yeah i'd be mad about that like you want to go like i mean either you're dumb and you really think i'm doing this or you're doing are you being mean but a lot of people were falling for it and they were trying to show... He's trying to tell people that he really does this, that he bends a spoon.

He's a magician. No, he's not claiming to be a magician. He's claiming to be a psychic that can really do it. Yeah, but it's like, it's still a form of entertainment. If your dad came on here

and did a bunch of tricks and tried to say it was real, we'd be like, well, no, it's not. It's not real. It's like, but who's believing that like i mean i don't i get the cia did he bend his own spoons while on the tonight show yeah he had his own spoon so he bent his own and then they brought others well it's almost like they just go like obviously just say that guy's an illusionist johnny carson just say that

why do you bring the guy out and embarrass the guy but i don't think he was calling himself an illusionist it doesn't matter what do you ever call it like it's just it's someone's like just don't why do you why does everybody have to be you can just be like not to debunk everything well not to debunk everything but you got to do it so that person feels it like that's the thing that i understand like when you want to make someone feel bad, why do you have to, like, make sure everybody sees them feel bad? That's true. Like, it's like if they're lying, it's like, then just go say they were lying. You could have done that off air.

You could have done one of these. Yeah. And they might have talked to him. And they might have done, like, I have no idea. But, yeah, I mean, this guy is, if they're trying to say, is he a false prophet, I guess? Like, I don't know. It's like he's bending a spoon're trying to say, is he a false prophet? I don't know. It's like he's bending a spoon with his, like, what else is he doing? And then the CIA hired him.

To read people's minds, not even just to bend spoons. So, like, you're, I mean, you're like, they're all, like, why? Hey, go over there and bend all their silverware. If he worked for the CIA, maybe the CIA would be talking to Johnny Carson and be like, hey, don't bring out your own spoons. Yeah. Don't mess our guy up here. They go, why not? He goes, the spoon stuff's stupid.

I go, all right. So you all admit it? He goes, yeah. What are you all doing for me? He's reading minds for us. Yeah, that guy needs a better manager. He needs a better manager. You know what I mean?

I don't know why you got to be mean to someone. Don't bring the real spoons. I mean, the whole world's watching that. And you got to be just, you make someone look like a fool. Yeah. And I mean, you know, I don't know. You thought it was cool that he could bend spoons with his mind. What did you expect him to do?

You brought him on as an entertainer, right? Right. So what did you expect for him to come on and go, no, it's a fake spoon? Well, it's pretty great TV to watch somebody be revealed to be a liar. I get it. But it's mean. But it's mean.

But it's very, very mean-spirited, and Johnny's the king of the world at this point. Yeah. And that guy's not, and you just were very mean to that guy. You hired him on to bit now. I don't know what this guy was doing but yeah maybe google him and johnny carson see if i got my story straight yeah if it seems like it's you know he's bending spoons i would think that you're just being uh all right read some all right so anyway so there's this program called project stargate uh it was declassified in 95, or they ended in 95.

The report says that it was a failure. It remains unclear whether their existence of paranormal phenomenon, remote viewing had been demonstrated. So the CIA is not admitting that it worked, but they tried it, and they hired these people for a long time to see if they could locate people. Maybe the CIA set this whole thing up. Go embarrass this guy on Johnny Carson. Yeah.

Oh. Until they got out of their contract. Yeah. With him. They could have done that. Johnny Carson was with the CIA. Yeah. Look how easy it is.

Maybe. Wasn't it Mr. Rogers that there was a rumor that he worked for the CIA or something? Yeah. Sure. I feel like there's a lot that he worked for the CIA or something? Yeah, sure. I feel like there's a lot of celebrities that went that way. All right. So the Rosenbergs were an American family whose brother, her brother, worked in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, making the atomic bomb. And he shared secrets with her, which these couple shared with the Russians. And they were first people put to death for being despised.

When was that? This was back in the 50s, I think. But they were just this American couple, and a lot of people thought they were falsely accused and that they really weren't involved in it. But when some information was released in the early 90s, it showed they really were involved in sharing government secrets. I don't know if I believe that.

I messed it up. Yeah. So they said they were registered by the way they killed them. Yeah. And then... Her brother worked on the Manhattan Project, which was building the atomic bomb. Oh, okay.

He shared with her some of the secrets for making the bomb. Yeah. She shared, both she and her husband shared it with Russians. On purpose? Yeah.

They were getting paid to do it. They were like Russian spies. But they were, Spoli's just this American family that no one was suspected, but they got caught and they were put to death.

Yeah. And they lived in Oak Ridge, Tennessee? That's where the Manhattan Project was going on, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, part of it, a big part of it, yeah, building the atomic bomb. Yeah. Right there with the Oak Ridge boys. Yeah.

A lot happened in that part of the country you wouldn't think about. It could make sense now. I feel like in the South, we are about family, but if you find a new way to make money, you're like, yeah, I'll get this dumb secret. Now you're like, all right, that makes sense. Who cares? Did you figure anything out? Yeah, I figured out the story.

So this is a guy who I think we talked about before on this podcast, the amazing Randy. Yeah. He was a former magician who devoted his life to exposing people who are lying about stuff like this and so he would come on johnny carson a bunch he exposed a couple like false uh televangelists and stuff like that so this guy uri geller shows up and he's blindsided with the amazing randy amazing randy comes out out and confronts him and says, do this trick under my conditions. And he can't do it.

So it was a trap set by Johnny Carson. Did they have him on before? Amazing Randy's been on the show multiple times. It looks like this is the first time Uri Geller was on the show. Oh, so they brought that guy in just for that. Yeah, they brought him in. Yeah, the clip I watched last night, the Amazing Randy, wasn't in it. Oh, really?

It was just him, Uri Geller, sitting down with Johnny Carson with a bunch of stuff laid out there. Okay. And then Johnny was like, we thought you could show us what you could do. Yeah, even like, so yeah. See, that's even a weird spot too, like magician, like revealing these tricks. You're like, yeah, man, we're doing magic tricks, dude.

Like, A, the sleight of hand. There's stuff my dad will do. He could tell you what he's doing. You're not going to see it. I know. But it's in the idea that it's like, to me, sometimes that stuff feels like it's a guy that can't make it as one way, so his other way is to just blow that world up. And then you're like, well, that's not – it's a trick.

Yeah. You're doing your own little side game. I get it. If somebody's taking advantage of people, like some of these guys he exposed were lying to people and taking money from them and stuff like that but if it's just a guy bending spoons it's like who cares yeah or not bending spoons yeah bending his own spoons yeah yeah even if you bend fake spoons though that's pretty

impressive i don't know what you're doing but even if you have your own spoons that you can bend i'm like okay so you can't bend all the spoons. That's where you should go with it. I can't bend all the spoons, guys. Who do you think I am, dude? I can't just bend any spoon. There are spoons I can bend, but not these. Yeah.

You think I can bend all the spoons? Don't be unreasonable. I'm doing forks now. I forgot how to do spoons and they go we can find he's just trying to name stuff

but I'm just getting into it so many prongs on that fork so there's a vibration in here I got a Havana thing going on yeah

I really can't do it right now I went to indeed.com you should have just asked for... He should have said, like, I'm actually... I'll bend a knife. And once he gets to him, stabs that other guy. And it bends and he goes, huh?

Indeed has how to become a CIA agent or how to become a spy CIA agent. You're going to earn a bachelor's degree. How long do you go to school for that oh that's the first one yep that's four years that's just a regular regular school cia normally requires applicants to have a gpa of 3.0 or higher that's not that high no so so far i'm out though i'm i mean i'm already out but it's it's down to me and aaron yeah oh my gpa is way below that your gpa is below 3.0 oh yeah how did you get into notre dame oh i was in high school was good i'm talking about college oh they probably don't care about your high school gpa it's your college all it's all i have is my high school gpa i care quite a bit about it and i take that stuff serious.

I'm sorry, man. Mr. Kramer. Consider earning a master's degree. Don't have to have it, but they would like you to have a specialized field, like security technology, foreign affairs. They're like, don't do it, but consider it. Yeah. You have a better chance.

Did you do it? I didn't do it. I have been considering. I Googled how to become a spy. I think if you Google how to be a spy, you're probably not going to be a spy. That's what I was going to say. The number one on this list should be, if you're reading this list, you're out. You're out.

Yeah. Become fluent in one or two foreign languages. Oh, yeah. Arabic, Korean, Russian. Farsi. But with Babel, you can do it. Arabic, Korean, Russian. Farsi. But with Babbel, you can do it. With Babbel, you can do it. Yep. Gain relevant experience. What?

Gain relevant experience. Like spy on your parents. Like do... Well... They go, what experience do you have? He goes, I've been living in my neighbor's attic for 15 years. And they go, he doesn't know you're there? He doesn't know I'm there.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good. I like this guy. It's got to be like that kind of experience. Well, they meant like working law enforcement, the military, security, something like that. I'd rather do the other stuff. Yeah, the other stuff.

I've been stalking this woman for years. Yeah. What experience do you have? He goes, he goes swimming in a pool every day and I don't own a pool. And they know nothing about it. And they go, huh? Is the pool in your neighborhood? He goes, not in my neighborhood.

But it's in the neighborhood. In a gated neighborhood. In a gated neighborhood. He goes, but I do it all the time. He goes, I in my neighborhood. But it's in the neighborhood. In a gated neighborhood. In a gated neighborhood. He goes, but I do it all the time. He goes, I get in and out. He goes, I sleep in people's garages. I use a lot of free Wi-Fi. Yeah.

A lot of free Wi-Fi. A lot of the garages. He goes, how do you get in the garages? He goes, the key is you got to step over the beam. He steps over the beam. The one at the bottom. The one at the bottom. As they shut it, you got to step over the beam. He steps over the beam. The one at the bottom. The one at the bottom. As they shut it, you got to step over it.

But also remember to bend down. Step over, bend down. It'll hit your head. It'll hit your head. Go in a corner. Wake up the next morning when they leave. Swim in the pool. He goes, I always leave an ace of spades

in their car because they never see it coming. And they're, this guy's good. And they don't detect you at all. He goes,

no one's ever detected me. He goes, I've been back right, no one's ever brought it up. You have to complete a required testing

and medical exam. They want you to do a polygraph test and do a credit check. Important for your criminal record to be clean. Now, I had friends in college who applied for government jobs like this, and they would call you. The government would call you former roommates, former classmates, and go like, do you ever lose his temper?

Did he ever bring home weird stuff? They ask you all kinds of crazy questions. I got that call about Daniel Rucker. Did you really? Mm-hmm. What'd he do? I forget. It was when I started comedy, but they just called out of nowhere asking.

I think it was like that kind of stuff. He listed you as a personal reference on one of these? I guess so. I mean, yeah. I think he's told me before and i keep forgetting but i would fail all of those things yeah i mean can't ever lose his temper you should take a road trip with him hit a four-way stop with him. See what happens. Just something basic. He goes, you don't see that guy in yellow lights, if you know what I mean. What?

What does that mean? Nothing. He's a good guy, though. Great dude. Great dude. I'd hire him all the time. He goes, but yeah. Don't get him to start on tree houses.

But he's a good family man. And they're like, what? They don't even know what. But it'd be good where I think they would be like, we just want to talk to this guy now. You leave them enough intrigue to go, I think I set you up right. I built some mystique for you, Dusty. I built some, yeah.

It goes, is he a problem? You go, I don't know. If you guys never used the bathroom inside a building, then you look past that. One of the best guys I've ever met in my life. And then I was, CIA now has spy satellites that has a zoom that can photograph your license plate from 50 miles up in space.

So just think about that driving home today yeah why don't we do it the other way and see what's going on up there turn it around on yeah no i mean why don't they have it to go here you're like why don't you spin it and then go out in outer space 50 miles outer space yeah or anything up there really really, honestly. We do have pictures of outer space. Oh, yeah, it's a picture, all right. You know what I mean? 50 miles up, that's it. 50 miles up. It goes from here to the other side of Nashville.

Not that high up. All right, that's probably a good stopping point. All right. All right, that was fun. Spies. Spies. It's probably a good stopping point. All right. All right. That was fun. Spies. Spies. It's going to be a spy.

Google www.comhowtobeaspot.com. Thank you, guys. As always, I will be this week. I'll be in Atlantic City. Beacon. Oh, wow. Two shows at the Beacon. That's awesome. It's awesome. And then North. Oh, wow. Two shows at the Beacon. That's awesome.

It's awesome. And then Northampton, Massachusetts, we had to reschedule. That's the one they – that show canceled on me the day before because of COVID. Yeah. We were like in the – like it was the next day. So we had to reschedule it to June, and I think we're doing a show there. Awesome. Yeah. Well, I don't know where we're at dates-wise, but May, and I think we're doing a show there. Awesome. Yeah.

Well, I don't know where we're at dates-wise, but May 30th. This is the first weekend in June. This is next week. Okay. So, all right. Well, my show will have already been passed. Yeah. There you go.

All right. Well, I got nothing. We're having a good time. Yeah. Go to Dusty's website. Well, I'm with Dusty at Stand Up Live in Huntsville in a couple weeks. Yeah, mid-June. Yeah, mid-June.

It's going to be great. Stand Up Live, Huntsvilletsville it's gonna be a hot show yeah there you go shows shows got a couple this weekend i'm at cap city in austin headlining the side room it's pretty small would love to fill it out so yeah get some tickets come yeah austin texas at caps they have two rooms they have a side room and a main room. Yeah, Friday, Saturday. Oh, wow. At the side room. And then later this month, Hilarity's Comedy Club in Cleveland.

I've never been. I'm headlining the Cabaret Room. All right. Which is the side room. It's small. I'd love to fill these rooms up. It'd be really cool to come through first time. Those rooms up, you're getting, I mean, next step is those. That's the hope. So if you're in the area, through first time. If you fill those rooms up, you're good.

I mean, the next step is those. That's the hope. So if you're in the area, spread the word. Thank you. Your career. Aaron's career relies on your hands. If he can't go, next after that, you're like, this week I'll be at the Funny Bone.

I'll be in the building right down the street. MC. It's an MC and it's a shed. Funny bone, I'll be in a building right down the street. MCing. It's an MCing, it's a shed. It's just a dinner theater kind of thing, but with just me. All right. We love you as always, everybody. Thank you very much. See you next week.

nateland is produced by nateland productions and by me nate bargetzi and my wife laura on the all things comedy network recording and editing for the show is done by genovations media thanks for tuning in be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland podcast.