The Nateland Podcast - #102 Restaurants

Starting point is 00:00:00 Hello folks, welcome to the Nate Land podcast. Let's go folks, welcome. I am sitting here as always, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, and the new, but you're here to stay, Dusty Slade. All right. We're having a good time. It's going good. We have good new microphones.

Starting point is 00:00:35 Our microphone stands, which is fun. You know, it doesn't feel, we can see everybody's faces a lot easier. It feels very fancy. Yeah. I wish I would have kept yours still the same. Just keep Bates's up. One of those mic screens. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:00:52 I mean, this feels right. Aaron doesn't care for it. No, I'll figure it out. It's just... It feels like kind of cornered. A little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll figure it out. It's just, you's still like kind of cornered. A little bit. Yeah. I'll figure it out.

Starting point is 00:01:06 It's just, you know, I got a lot going on over here. I got a laptop. I got a cup. I got pens. This really is a left-handed mic. See, I'm left-handed. This is perfect for me. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:01:13 I'm free here. This is your highlight. Yeah. This is the first time in history that something has really been built for the left-handed person. Yeah. Have you struggled your whole life with that? Like spiral notebooks. Yeah. You know, when you your whole life with that? Like, I'm thinking spiral notebooks. Yeah, you know, when you write, you just write,

Starting point is 00:01:27 and then it smears everything. And then people go, your handwriting is terrible. And I'm like, no, I just, well, it is, but I just smeared it. And then it's all along here. Yeah. You know. I'm left-handed, too. I always loved it, though, because I was just like,

Starting point is 00:01:40 I would play Little League Baseball, and everybody would be like, shift, shift. And then I'd strike out. They're like, he's going back. It doesn't matter. There's no shift. Have you tried batting right-handed, Brian? Yeah, maybe you're not left-handed.

Starting point is 00:01:53 Yeah, maybe that was the problem. Well, being left-handed, it means nothing's made for you. No, the desk in school would have the nice armrest for right-handed, and then we're like this, right? I don't know why, but that seems to – because I guess you're coming around like this. Yeah. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:02:11 I don't know. You know, but you feel smarter when you're left-handed. There's a lot of, like, stuff that's not against left-handed. Like, stuff that's made for just right-handed. Like, so much so that it seems like left-handed people were made pretty late. It was like we already, there's just everything that's like, oh, we've already got a system, everything's going great. And then the first one walks in, you're like, a dead guy.

Starting point is 00:02:36 I mean, how many are there going to be of you? Left-handed is like what happens when they're like, let's let the kids figure it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad was left-handed and went to catholic school and uh they made him be right-handed really they would hit him every time he wrote with his left hand and they would hit him and then he had switched his right hand now let me ask you this did it work how good is he with his right hand now yeah well he can do

Starting point is 00:02:59 a little bit of both with magic that's why he's everything else is right here he's right people end up being right-handed his whole life. And they did it just the pure nightmare of the stories of just going, we're not going to buy another desk. I mean, you know, they should have all left-handed people. When you go to the next grade, you got to bring your left-handed desk in. You always got to move it in. Well, the worst is like when you're a kid and you're at a friend's house

Starting point is 00:03:23 and they're like, hey, you want to play baseball, but you didn't bring your glove. Oh, yeah. So now you got this glove and you're having to throw right-handed. Yeah. And it's- You should do it like Jim Abbott. He was a pitcher with one arm.

Starting point is 00:03:35 Yeah. And you just put the glove on your- On a nub. On the nub. Switch it, catch it, put it on the nub, throw it back. Yeah. I mean, that's what you have to do. I could always

Starting point is 00:03:45 catch or whatever i don't know what hand it is but uh b i guess it'd be this one because i'm left-handed you throw with your left and catch with your right right but i mean if you're left-handed you could catch with it too so you're you know really gifted in a way oh yeah you could you have to do both yeah yeah or like guitar guitars backwards i always blame that you know jimmy hendrix was left-handed, but he would just play a right-handed guitar upside down. Oh, wow. Dusty, you ever thought of that?

Starting point is 00:04:11 If only I had turned it upside down. I could have been Jimi Hendrix. Instead, I failed at a guitar class. I think like in baseball, like when they would see you, Bates, come up, they're already like, oh. And then you get in the left-hand batter's box, you're like, of course, dude. Of course he's also left-handed.

Starting point is 00:04:31 There's probably some truth to that. Yeah. And they don't need the umps, even annoyed. And he just like doesn't, wherever the ball goes, like strike, who cares, get it over with. Don't they say you have an advantage if you're left-handed? Like batting, like you're a little closer to first base. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:04:48 That's what they would always tell me. And I'm like, I don't know if that couple of little steps is really doing a lot. Sometimes it does. It does. It's a close play at first. I would imagine the level of the pros, if you're fast, I would imagine that's a gigantic advantage. They're just taking off.

Starting point is 00:05:04 And there are certain positions that benefits you to be a left-handed. If you look at first baseman, they're disproportionately left-handed because of – there's certain positions where it does benefit you a little more. It's the only position in the infield you can even be left-handed. You really didn't know the answer to that. Couldn't finish the thought as strongly. Yeah, because the main – it's because it's you know a lot of them are just better yeah and so my dad wanted me to be a pitcher you know and that was a

Starting point is 00:05:31 real disappointment for him that was not good at any sports oh wow i wanted him to buy me a guitar and he was like you ain't gonna learn to play the guitar and then i never did so he was right but was it a self-fulfilling prophecy so he didn't see it when you had this hat and hair when you were a little kid and walk around that? Oh, no. I imagine you always looked like this. Yeah. My dad hated my hair until I was successful in comedy. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:05:56 And then he was like, all right. He can't really argue with it. Yeah. I don't think he gets it, but he's like, all right, you're working it. I can't. People like it. Yeah. Have you it i can't people like it yeah have you ever had short hair oh yeah i've had all kinds of hair i had a slicked back haircut my dad my friend called it my rachel maddow look and uh and i was sitting at my aunt's house one day and

Starting point is 00:06:17 my dad goes oh i love that i love your hair like that and then we got in the car and i was like oh my hair does look good like this he goes not like that it doesn't yeah and he had just given me a compliment inside and it's like what are you doing here what's it'd be tough to oh yeah there it is don't that this is that slick back but it's short here not even that one but if you go under that one yeah the way oh yeah yeah there it is yeah look at that guy wow that's just slick slick back. This guy's not having a good time. Look at that guy. Yeah. I mean, I was having a good time.

Starting point is 00:06:51 People thought I was very serious. I was trying to get it done. I mean, that's... Can you imagine your comedy coming from that? I know. I mean, it's just... I actually had a guy in New York tell me one time that he said, you're very funny, but when you took the stage,

Starting point is 00:07:07 I said, this guy's not going to be funny. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like, yeah, you go up now, right? Yeah, I can see it now. You're an older comic and you go up and you're like, oh, yeah. Let me go and recite his act before he gets up there. Just know.

Starting point is 00:07:24 I was, you know, I was in a real, I quit drinking, right? And I was in a real transitional phase. Let me go and recite his act before he gets up there. Just know. I was in a real – I quit drinking, right? I was in a real transitional phase. This is my trying to figure it out haircut. I mean, look, I change my everything every four years or even more. I do it, so I get it. I have no problem. I looked horrible. Let's get up these comments.

Starting point is 00:07:44 So this is for the end of the world comments. Alexis J. I legit threw my hands in the air and screamed yes while driving when Nate announced that Dusty Slay would be joining. All right. Thanks, Alexis J. Yeah. Alexis J. That's a good name.

Starting point is 00:08:02 Yeah. It's a hot name. Dirtin to Dust. Not a bad name either. Nate and Dusty are literally my two favorite comedians. I can't believe this is real. All right. That's nice. Dirtin to Dust. You would think that they would be a fan of

Starting point is 00:08:15 a Dusty comic. Yeah. My favorite comment I saw so far was I can't believe it took Nate this long to think of adding another comedian to the show. Yeah, it was really funny i like that one oh what is this i'll try something out oh putting some comments up here yeah we got some links look at this some visuals uh lee paris scondola lee paris scondola scondala Nate, what are you doing? If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Starting point is 00:08:49 The three amigos were perfect. I'm with Weber on this one. You didn't want to. I said that as a joke up top and a lot of people thought I was serious. You were serious. There was a little debate going on in the Facebook group whether I was upset about this.

Starting point is 00:09:03 They were like, I think Aaron knows Dusty's coming for his job on the podcast. Lee Periscandola really took it down a notch. I was feeling pretty good about those first two comments, and now I've just found out Aaron didn't even want me on the show. They said, was it just me or was Aaron a little

Starting point is 00:09:19 off today? Seems like he really is concerned about... No, it's all good i'm i'm super excited about it first me then the mic stand just really falling apart a lot of change a lot of change yeah a lot yeah well we got these i like the comments are going up i think that's neat uh you know dusty mean you will always be on this podcast uh look a lot lot of people, they were like... I've been trying to move baits into another room for

Starting point is 00:09:48 80 episodes. I mean, what if you do it downstairs? Like the real radio setup where there's always one person behind the glass. I never understood that. I was going to put a glass right there. Somebody suggested that after episode two. A comment. Just have him in another room.

Starting point is 00:10:06 Yeah, yeah. I mean, I've wrote it. What were you saying? I was going to say, a lot of people said Greg Warren was great. I'm like, yeah, we know. We had no idea he was going to be that good. We'd already asked Dusty. What are you going to do, right? It's true. Well, Greg Warren

Starting point is 00:10:23 is great. I mean, I'm a fan. Yeah, yeah. to do? It's true. Greg Warren is great. I'm a fan. Yeah. You might not be here. Gen Z Walker. Taco Bell's Chili Cheese Burrito is available at selection locations. She said selection locations.

Starting point is 00:10:40 Just none in Tennessee. Here's the list. Wow. That's good. Here's the list. Wow. All right. All right. That's good. There's a lot. Mm-hmm.

Starting point is 00:10:49 That's a chunk. Only two in Tennessee, if I remember correctly. She said none in Tennessee. No, we got a couple here. In Dyersburg. Dyersburg and Union City, which you probably know the counties, right, Brian? Dyersburg. Dyersburg's Dyer County. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:11:06 probably know the counties right brian dyersburg dyersburg's dire county yeah i mean like you're eating chili cheese burrito dire in a dire situation i mean up all right all right this is good i like that there's a website chili chi dot se yeah well it looks like the website's living moss.com oh cc.livingmoss.com you have to have to type in cc? I don't know. Well, these URLs can redirect to different, so you can type in either of those. Okay. That would be good. And then you don't do www no more. No, you don't have to.

Starting point is 00:11:35 No one does that. That never really took off, the www. I think the browser will automatically do that for you. You don't need to type in HTTP either a lot of times. You don't? This is how you know a person doesn't use the internet a lot. When they go, you go, what's the website? They go, www.

Starting point is 00:11:53 And you're like, okay. You know what I mean? You're like, nah, nah. HTTPS colon backslash backslash. But the www wasn't, I mean, did you ever have to do it? Well, I don't know i've never had to but you but you can type in something else if you're like ftp or like a local file you type in something different oh yeah like i see sometimes it tells you do that http you're saying i never have to type? I don't think you'll ever have to type that in. Oh, because I've done it. Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 00:12:27 I mean, I don't do it all the time, but I feel like I've been sent that direction. And you've wasted a lot of time, I think. It probably adds up. Yeah, where you're typing a dot and a colon, and I'm like, is this what slash is that? Is that forward or back? I don't know how to get to it. All right.

Starting point is 00:12:44 I'm very pumped about this oh yeah yeah very very pumped good uh craig wait ben ben slatton slayton after seeing the shark attack map i did some research into the kentucky shark attack it was not in the ohio river but was a group of people who were bitten by small sharks at an aquarium in Newport, Kentucky, where the exhibit was to pet the sharks. No one was seriously hurt. I was surprised that either Nate, Aaron, Dusty, or Bald Bronco caught Kentucky on the map after talking about Missouri and Illinois. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:13:21 So why would they even put that in there? Because it's a shark attack i mean yeah but everybody knows what we're doing here yeah i mean that's those that's that's you know why you know it's like well you got is in an aquarium like that's much different you know yeah they said most of these didn't break skin yeah i just love that people yeah i mean that let's pet the sharks that'd be like well this uh shark. And they're like, it is. Shark was like, just trying to pet them. I would like it to happen to me, just so I could say I've been bitten by a shark.

Starting point is 00:13:51 Yeah. It says minor injury similar to paper cuts. Oh. So. I think it's borderline. I mean, that's. Yeah. You can't put that as a shark attack.

Starting point is 00:14:08 You head over to sharkattackdata.com to check out the shark attack database. It's pretty interesting. They have exhaustive records of every shark. And what's the United States? How high does it go? We've got a timeline of- Unprovoked. Unprovoked incidents. I think if you're in the tank with the shark, that's provoked.

Starting point is 00:14:22 Yeah. Yeah. So they're on a decline right now uh which is good so we're at the peak seems to be what in the middle of 2017 was just it was just happening i mean all unprovoked and just i mean 48 it was you're if you weren't bit, you're lucky, it seems to be. These numbers are pretty encouraging. All time since 1900, which I guess is when we started keeping track of this, there's only been 144 fatal and unprovoked incidents.

Starting point is 00:14:58 I thought it was a much bigger problem than that. 144 over 122 years, it's pretty good. Provoked is 204. That means they're saying bad things about the shark. They're calling it names. Right. So just don't do that. Just don't be like, oh, yeah, well, you can't live it out of the water.

Starting point is 00:15:20 And does the shark get a say on what was provoked and what was unprovoked? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's true. He goes, unprovoked? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, that's true. He goes, unprovoked? Are you kidding me? I should have heard the things that guy was saying about my mother. 1910, not a lot, but I can't imagine where were you putting those in? 1910, I don't think they could call someone and say.

Starting point is 00:15:43 Yeah. No, yeah, you'd have to write a letter and report this. I don't trust any data before the year 2000, to be honest with you. Yeah. If you think about it like that. I mean, how did they even get this? Yeah, yeah. If you went back in time to 1960 and you had to see a doctor,

Starting point is 00:15:59 or you had a medical issue, would you trust the doctor more than you would trust just what you know now? I would. Well, I don't know anything now. What if you could still access the internet on your phone? I would still probably just... Why would I not give the doctor the internet? Oh, just show them your phone?

Starting point is 00:16:19 Yeah. You have a lot of explaining to do. They wouldn't even be able to do anything. I'd change that doctor's life. Yeah, that doctor would be like, wow, this is amazing. How did you get this? Yeah. But I think I would trust the doctor more back then.

Starting point is 00:16:32 Oh, that you do now? Yeah. Even if he didn't know what he was doing, I'm like, at least you're not trying to hurt me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could get that. You're trying to get a big insurance claim. Yeah, there's not too much stuff.

Starting point is 00:16:47 I can understand that. You're like, it's a local, probably the real family doctor who knows everybody. He probably married my parents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could see that. I like that. What are we going back to have?

Starting point is 00:17:01 I'm going back to have back surgery. Is it a cold? Is it a real have? I mean, I'm going back to have back surgery. Is it a cold? Are we – is it a real big – I don't know. I was just thinking how far back would you have to go before you trust yourself more than you would the doctor? That's an interesting question because you can go back only not that long, and you would wear gloves and you'd be light years ahead of what they're doing because they didn't even know to wear gloves.

Starting point is 00:17:22 They didn't know that bacteria existed. If you went back to George Washington time and you're like, don't drain all the blood out. That's what they did to George Washington. They thought he had bad blood. They did? Bloodletting? And that's how he died.

Starting point is 00:17:38 That's what I was told. Yeah. So he'd still be alive today. Yeah, he could be. How did he... They took all his blood out? Yeah, like they would say that he had bad blood, so they would drain some blood. Well, yeah, we talked about bloodletting during the Middle Ages. I didn't know that happened to George Washington.

Starting point is 00:17:57 Over a 12-hour period, they removed more than 80 ounces of his blood or 40% of his total blood volume. Yeah, that's not going to be good. And then he died then. Oh, in horrible death. Yeah. Oh, man, he was two weeks from making it to the 1800s. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:18:15 That's got to be a bummer. You're like, I'm about to see this. Let's not let all the blood out. Yeah. How old was he? In 1799. Oh, you know his birthday? Yeah. That'd make him. How old was he? In 1799. Oh, you know his birthday? God.

Starting point is 00:18:26 That'd make him. That'd make it. He was 67. Oh. Not that old. Not that old. I mean, that's, yeah, 67, young. Probably pretty old for back then.

Starting point is 00:18:41 Maybe. Yeah, you didn't see that coming. All right. back then maybe yeah you didn't see that coming all right uh craig hutto i listened to your 100 episodes thanks for the shout out i'm the guy from tennessee who was attacked by a bull shark in 2005 if you are needing material i would love to be on your podcast to tell my story i may even end up running for mayor of Lebanon like you suggested. How about that? Did you talk to him? No, I don't

Starting point is 00:19:09 personally know him. Like I said, he was younger. His brothers were older. I know his uncle who's the mayor of Wilson County, but I don't know Craig. But I guess he listens to the podcast. That's awesome. I'm glad you listened, Craig. I'm sure Bates will look into you. I'm sure Bates will show up at your house.

Starting point is 00:19:30 Oh, I know where he lives. Oh, that was it? He got a bionic leg? Yeah, he has a bionic leg now. What does that mean? There's a whole write-up of him from CBS News that's very interesting. Wow. There's the bionic leg.

Starting point is 00:19:43 Oh, wow. He really does look bionic. Yeah. Yeah, that does have to be crazy. You walk around Lebanon. I mean, everybody's going to. I don't know if he still lives there. Well, everybody's going to think you went to war, obviously.

Starting point is 00:19:55 And then you're like, no, it was a shark attack. People are like, thanks for your service. Yeah. I mean, everybody would say, no one's's going to imagine he goes, not that. They go, what could have? It's a shark attack. They should have prayed for him. Also the veterans.

Starting point is 00:20:14 They should throw him in with the veterans. He should be like Santa Claus at the end of the veterans parade. At the end of it, it's him at the end. He goes, hey, we got a shark attack. This guy didn't even have to go to war to lose his leg. Tyler Cooper. What if people are killing themselves before the rapture on May 21, 2011 to avoid the long lines at the pearly grates and beat the rush?

Starting point is 00:20:36 Kind of like those, I was here first, people who sleep outside of the Apple store when a new iPhone comes out. Talk about your all-time backfires. That is true. Yeah. You should try to get there early. Yeah, go ahead and do it. Leave before the game ends.

Starting point is 00:20:50 Beat the traffic. Just beat the traffic. He goes, I'm going to try to beat this traffic. And then you end up parking in a different parking lot. Then you find out they actually got a lot of things going at the Pearl. It's not one gate. There's really not a line. They really got it down.

Starting point is 00:21:04 Yeah, I would imagine. You're like, you know, there's a good system in place it's not like a walmart cash register yeah yeah it's not you know you're not gonna have jesus just being like all right every every guys hello back up yeah you ever see one of the most impressive things ever like a busy gas station there's only one employee and they start running two registers at the same time? That's like as close as I've gotten to wanting to high-five a stranger. It blows my mind, people. Wow.

Starting point is 00:21:38 You don't look, dude. No, I mean, I think it's very impressive. I think it's the closest I've come to high-five a stranger. Well, you know, the closest to being like, dude, I'm impressed by you, to a total stranger. Yeah. Just to see him running, dude. Why don't you just say that to him? That'd be nice.

Starting point is 00:21:51 I mean, I say thank you. Have a good day. I don't want to make it weird. It's like the Michael Scott where he goes, I'll never say this to her face, but Pam's one of the best workers we've ever had. Spies and secret agents. Pride Rock 92. spies and secret agents pride rock 92 i have never been more proud of a grown man reading as i was when nate did the bionic reading i was driving and listening in disbelief pushing my head all the way into the headrest i can't push my way all the way in the head

Starting point is 00:22:21 i want to say hardest all the way into the headrest when he was reading literally taking a back even with that little wobble nate should be proud to finally be reading at an eighth grade level how about that and i took that comment and i've made it into bionic reading see if you can attack that i've never been more proud of a grown man reading as i was when nate did the bion bionic reading. I was driving and listened in disbelief, pushing my head all the way into the headrest when he was reading. Literally taken aback, even with that little wobble, Nate should be proud to finally be reading at an eighth grade level. I do do better at it. I'm trying to read a book and I wish they, do they write it? Can they

Starting point is 00:23:02 make it be this? You can can on this bionic reading website you can input any text upload any file and it'll do this for it i know i got a hard copy no i got a kindle because i i was like i'm gonna start i'm reading uh u.s history for dummies because i don't know anything about i'm gonna go through the dummy books start there i feel like that's what this podcast is though i know but i but i forget even what this is about yeah and so like i just ended up i'm trying to just go read i'm gonna go through all like how many i can go through yeah those are pretty good some stuff yeah yeah you might say this guy was as impressed with you as aaron was a gas station cashier that's true i mean aaron got in the car and threw his head

Starting point is 00:23:45 back and this guy was much he was really taken aback he goes i can't believe are you kidding me go did you sit and watch you know i'm just watching i'm just admiring i did i was back in line i did kind of look around like y'all seeing this yeah nobody it felt like nobody appreciated what this woman was doing yeah uh and And you said nothing about it, just like they did. Maybe they all did, and you should have all said. You might have started an applause. If you had said something, look at this, they might have all said. Cody Bond.

Starting point is 00:24:17 I can say without a doubt, Dusty would be the best spy. Have you seen that man take a hat off? It's two different people. Talk about incognito i can hide but i can't lie though they would be like are you the spy i'm like ah you got me you know i mean we're having a good time i'm gonna go ahead and get out of here though don't be upset with me i did tell you that i am sorry that i did it i knew that it wasn't a good idea well your only uh kryptonite would be if someone asked are you you the spy? That's true. So basically, you could be good.

Starting point is 00:24:47 You would just almost tell your spy bosses, look, I'm going to fall apart if someone goes, are you a spy? Yeah, and maybe I could go, what is a spy? Yeah. You know what I mean? Listen, yeah. Am I the friend that I claim to be? No. Are you a spy?

Starting point is 00:25:02 You would ask them. Yeah. How do I know that you're not a spy? We're all spies. You know that you could get a little, you could probably conspiracy it up in your head enough to then go, like, I don't.

Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah, I probably, you know, maybe if I prepared for them to ask that question, you know, and just not lie and try to work my way around it. Yeah, I don't try, you know, yeah, yeah. I think you could do it.

Starting point is 00:25:21 Yeah, I don't really understand what a spy is, but. Yeah. What was it, George Costanza? It's not a lie if you believe it. If you believe it. That's true. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:25:29 You can't conceal your voice at all either, can you? You can't do any voices. I could just go, yeah, I do sound a lot like that guy. Yeah. Like they have a spy, but they won't have a voice of a spy, so it doesn't matter what he talks like. All right. He's wiretapped, though.

Starting point is 00:25:44 I'm just thinking of how he can blend in. They're be like are you in that spy movie that uh and you're now a spy and you're like god damn it i can't do it uh kyle regan nate defending yuri geller is so funny that the guy was fleecing people as a fraud and and Johnny exposed him to help people not be taken advantage of. What was this? This was the psychic that you defended who was on Johnny Carson. Oh, yeah. Spoons with his mind. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:13 I think the disconnect was you thought he was maybe just like a magician just trying to entertain people, and then he was exposed. He was actually a guy who was defrauding people and claiming that it was all real. Yeah. That's the difference. People were sending him money. I think, yeah, he was defrauding people and claiming that it was all real. Yeah. That's the difference. People were sending him money. I think, yeah, he was defrauding people. Yeah. Claiming that this was all real stuff.

Starting point is 00:26:31 Mm-hmm. Yeah. I don't know if that changes how you feel about it. I feel like we said that last week. Yeah. I get it. It's something about just the meanness. That it's like, to do it.

Starting point is 00:26:42 I figured there's a way you could stop this without like doing that doing it publicly yeah and then it's yeah it's you know i don't i don't know why i feel it's just i don't like publicly shaming someone i just don't ever like it because it's it's like i like stuff to get solved and yeah go you should get this guy and get arrested, but it's the idea that you're publicly shaming him feels very much like the person doing it is like, I'm better than you. They're in a weird way. They're playing. They're not talking to him.

Starting point is 00:27:16 They're not trying to help him. They're not trying to, you know, it's a clap to be like, we made that guy look like a fool. And you're like, to me, something like that feels, but I i mean the guy should be in prison in jail or whatever and had to give all the money back and all that kind of stuff but imagine the people that were defrauded that also like we're still believing it that like ruined it for them too yeah because they were like you know you think that you're exposing this guy but really the people are like oh that guy ripped us off yeah i thought that was real.

Starting point is 00:27:45 Yeah. Just let them live in that. Because if you believe people can bend spoons with their mind, that's your bad. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you got to know people aren't doing that. It's a little bit on you.

Starting point is 00:27:57 Yeah. I mean. Well, you want them to, yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess it depends on how, it's like an own, you're owning someone. And I don't know. I mean, I guess it depends on how. It's like an own. You're owning someone. And I don't know. I mean, there's a lot of that now, like on social media, where it's all like we're owning you. You know, like you took those Chris Hansen and that stuff.

Starting point is 00:28:16 That I don't mind. But, I mean, that's such a crit. Like that's really bad. And, you know, I think it's helping people. Like, see, I get, you know, I don't know. Maybe I think it's helping people. I don't know. Maybe they're both the same thing. I don't know.

Starting point is 00:28:31 You know what's interesting about Uri Geller? He was best friends with Michael Jackson, this guy. Yeah. When he got married in 2001, Michael Jackson was his best man. Wow. And then towards the end of his life, Michael Jackson put together an enemies list of people that were out to get him and got really paranoid at the end. Yeah. And Uri Geller was on it. Oh, wow.

Starting point is 00:28:49 He was on his enemies list. So nobody really knows what happened between you're his best man and then you're on his list of enemies. Well, you're his best man in 2001. Michael Jackson watched that episode of Johnny Carson. Yeah. And he was like, I was your best man when I thought you could bend spoons. Yeah. But that was before 2001. so he maybe missed that episode.

Starting point is 00:29:07 Oh, yeah, okay. And so then he was like, this guy can bend spoons. Michael Jackson didn't have time to watch Johnny Carson. But then YouTube came along. A lot going on. Oh, wow. Maybe it's YouTube, yeah. Did Michael Jackson, was he on Johnny Carson?

Starting point is 00:29:20 I'm sure he was at some point. The Jackson 5, probably at some point. Oh, yeah. And I feel like they're on ed sullivan or something oh maybe like did michael jackson ever was just a guest on late night shows like an interview i feel like he was on excuse me sorry i was doing my michael jackson impression i got something hugging my throat uh guys please welcome to the stage my grandmother go ahead there he is i think he was on Arsenio.

Starting point is 00:29:46 Oh, Johnny Carson, yeah. Jackson 5 was on in 1974. But that was early. Like, that was Jackson 5, so I get that. It's like when he became Michael Jackson on his own. He never, like, moonwalked out there. Yeah. Yeah, that was way before the moonwalk.

Starting point is 00:30:02 Yeah. Wasn't he on Arsenio? Yeah, like, the Jacksonson did it yeah but you know that's what i mean like was he ever on uh as the michael jackson yeah like when they were jackson five it was like that's probably blew them up they were just you know a young band but then they you know when he got became you know art yeah answers now yeah uh thanks dusty uh they just showed a picture of you that's okay uh craig brannon next time you guys are in washington dc check out the spy museum tons of pretty crazy gadgets on display including fake poop that has a transmitter inside worth a visit if you get tired of looking at monuments i've been to the spy museum uh on reference to keith alberstadt who was a giant spy museum fan very funny comedian check keith out uh it's uh

Starting point is 00:30:54 i've been to i remember nothing from it where did we go no we went to it recently and then travis our tour manager went and he, you know, he has a knife on him. And so they had to. Did they hide it? Yeah, they said you can't take it in. And so he had to hide it in a bush, and we were hoping that it's just gone when he gets back. Oh, I think you told this story on the podcast. It looked like he was a spy, like, oh, yeah, search it out.

Starting point is 00:31:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, just happened to. he was a spy like oh yeah search it out yeah yeah yeah yeah just having to yeah he walks around to the bushes and just like fills a few of them and then just one of them just slides it in no one's on the block no one's near us like no one's paying attention to this i've been there so many times when i did the opera the first time aaron came i had a knife aaron had a knife my dad had a knife his friend had two knives we all had to go back to the car and put our knives away yeah yeah your dad's friend had like he had a arsenal dude they kept being like well let's see your leg he's got like a huge knife on his ankle they're like bye yeah why

Starting point is 00:31:59 would you carry the knives like i would see a gun more the knife seems seems, I get like a little one just you got to cut stuff. It's a little safety. It's a little blah, blah, blah. I don't know. My dad keeps a gun in his overall pocket. Yeah. Loose. Yeah, just ready to go.

Starting point is 00:32:15 Yeah. I understand. I think I understand that more than you have a knife on your leg. Well, my dad's friend, he really he had the full cat he does a lot of rodeo stuff he had a full cowboy thing going he looked like he was from tombstone i mean he was ready to go do they even have to say they're here with you or do they just they the opry feels it like when you're when these when they want your dad walks in and and you're his buddy and you're it's like yeah i mean obviously you know they're here they're dusty well my dad wears a lot of dusty slag gear now yeah so you know used to be

Starting point is 00:32:50 alabama shirts but he's really traded them in but now he's changed it up yeah uh last one uh creative are you interested in seeing the the doo-doo transmitter by the way uh yeah i guess this was this is what mentioned in the comment this was just dropped into Vietnam, and it had a transmitter inside of that. Mm-hmm. Seems more effective than a cat. I mean, yeah, why could you not just lay the transmitter in the grass? Yeah. I mean, I just don't, like, it's, yeah, like, where were they?

Starting point is 00:33:24 By air. Dropped along the trail. yeah, like where were they by air? Dropped along the trail. It was dropped on a trail by air. And it transmitted a warning when supply movements occurred during the night. But it's like, I mean, so it's at night and you want to be like, we could throw. A rock might be better. I mean, a box truck. It's midnight.

Starting point is 00:33:46 It's just like they're not. Somebody might be like, go clean up that poop out there. Yeah. What's this poop doing out here? Get that out of here. Who's walking their dog? Maybe they would even notice it and be like, is someone walking it? The Ho Chi Minh trails?

Starting point is 00:34:03 I don't think that's where a lot of dog walking was going. Yeah, just see, like, ladies out there walking. They're, you know, they're just. You're like, are you going to clean that up? All right. Creative, funny name. Sounds to me like Nostradamus predicted still, too. That's a good point.

Starting point is 00:34:26 Yeah. People said that his 9-11 prediction couldn't be real because still wasn't a thing, but maybe just predicted still would be a thing too. He said there's two still birds. But yeah, so did he predict still? So he named it?

Starting point is 00:34:42 Because it wouldn't have even been named still yet. He also came up with the word that it was going to be called but he couldn't come up with building yeah he had to say i believe it i'm saying that's a fair point it's just very funny when you start to dissect it like that yeah two still birds uh what if it were like when he said it he meant still like s-t-i-L-L. And we took it as steel. Nostradamus had your accent? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because still and will, yeah, it's all the same.

Starting point is 00:35:10 The sky will burn at 45 degrees latitude, and that's just. I think New York is about 40 degrees latitude. So they're like, oh, that's pretty close to New York. Oh, it's a little close. Yeah. Nostradamus just does a lot. He goes, I think he's in the ballpark. Everything's in there. He goes,

Starting point is 00:35:28 water will rise. And you're like, we had a flood, I guess. And he's like, what? Where was that? He goes, it wasn't? I mean, he's no different than Uri Geller. Yeah. Is Nostradamus. Too bad Johnny Carson wasn't around to get Nostradamus on the show.

Starting point is 00:35:44 Well, he made, he mocked him, right? With the, when he would do the Carnac. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of making fun of that.

Starting point is 00:35:52 All right. So, we're going to, this week, before we talk about, everybody had like a, I think a fun little weekend. Also want to say hello

Starting point is 00:36:03 to Shireen, a new listener. She's an artist. Yeah. Very good artist. And does some cool stuff. She acts like she's not good at it. And then she sent it, and I was like, I don't know.

Starting point is 00:36:20 What do you think I think of art? I was like, I expect it to be real bad. Yeah. I mean, she's very, and I was like, oh, this is, you're like, it's like of art. Like, I was like, I expected it to be like real bad. Yeah. She was, I mean, she's very, and then I was like, oh, this is, you're like,

Starting point is 00:36:28 it's like real art. So hello to you. Also, I went to, so I was this weekend, I was Atlantic City, the Beacon in Northampton. All of them,

Starting point is 00:36:39 unbelievable shows. So nice. Everybody came out. Atlantic City was great. You know, it's cool to go there. The Beacon, obviously, is the Beacon. Everybody came out. Atlantic City was great. You know, it's cool to get to go there. The Beacon, obviously, is the Beacon. It's wild. It was kind of overwhelming.

Starting point is 00:36:50 The Beacon, I was – so when I was in New York, I'd go to Sanum, New York, a comedy club, and we'd walk down to the train, walk around. You'd always walk kind of under the beacon. And it was, you know, it was just crazy to walk under it. It's unimaginable to even – I don't mean I don't even think I could imagine that I would be playing it. But it was truly special.

Starting point is 00:37:11 You might look at it tagged or something. Okay. It looked huge. Is it a huge theater? Yeah, yeah. Had you been to shows there before this? Before the Beacon? Yeah.

Starting point is 00:37:28 Okay, sorry. And then there's the beacon i don't know where yeah it's the outside of it there's the outside of it that's what we all wanted to see that's what we wanted everybody the beacon theater is a very big deal i mean everybody's performed there uh and it's just our you know my friends derrick trucks and susan tedeschi have been done like 46 something shows the allman brothers did 223 i think derrick trucks because he was at he's a guitarist and he was in his uh he joined the allman brothers when he was like 13 he's like a child prodigy and so he played it whenever that elevator look at that picture of that elevator. Right here?

Starting point is 00:38:06 Yep. And so that's the big, there's a famous, they put all the pictures up in your, the elevator's signed by everybody. And they take your, so I took a picture in there, and this was me, Justin, Mike, doing the picture in the beacon. And the Northampton shows was great, which you can show. Justin's got a wild outfit on here, huh?

Starting point is 00:38:25 Yeah, look at justin's outfit i told uh so in justin's outfit i told uh i told him i said hey uh chase didn't make it to time squared you might even take a picture of your shirt it was uh it was fun i mean joe came. Joe List's got a new movie coming out. Yeah. It's like, it's a real movie. Yeah,

Starting point is 00:38:48 it looks real. You're like, wow, dude, he's so great. Joe's got a special on YouTube. Joe's not,

Starting point is 00:38:54 if you go in there for the cleanness of it, it's not that, but Joe is an unreal comedian and truly one of the, just a great, great comic, man.

Starting point is 00:39:03 And so, it was fun to see all them Big J came and you know it was it was a good time Ari

Starting point is 00:39:10 Ari got his hair cut Ari Shafir got his hair cut in the on the street and Ari looks like a homeless person so and then we went to

Starting point is 00:39:19 North Hampton and we saw the Batesville the Batesville yeah creator yeah I got a picture right there.

Starting point is 00:39:28 Right here. It was awesome. Batesville podcast. The Instagram. She made it to a show. She missed it a couple times. Her foot's broke still. She still came out. There's her husband

Starting point is 00:39:43 and her brother. I've never met her, but we are spirit animals. Oh, yeah. You fit perfectly. She has another account, too. And she's an artist as well and does a lot of stuff. And I mean, I'm a big fan. As I told her that, I think she's very funny with everything she writes. And so it was finally good to meet her.

Starting point is 00:40:06 And that was fun. And then y'all did a show. We did a co-headlining show in Woodstock, Georgia. And it was great. Packed it out. I think sold out, right? Yeah, it was sold out. Wow.

Starting point is 00:40:17 It was really cool, man. Yeah. A lot of folks came in. I mean, I felt like everybody there. The line afterwards was crazy it was our first time doing something together yeah and uh where that was kind of our selling point was this podcast and uh man people turned out it was awesome that's awesome and that you know when people are there to see you they know they're there to see you yeah yeah and you can tell

Starting point is 00:40:41 i don't know i could tell right when we walked out, it felt a little different. Yeah. Where they're like, oh, man, they all know who I am. I'm so not used to that. I just launched it in my dating's heart. Whatever my joke is, I could just tell they're like, well, we know who you are. Some acknowledgement. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:41:02 And I sold T-shirts for the first time ever yeah after the show and I told Ruth beforehand I was getting my square reader my phone I was like

Starting point is 00:41:10 I gotta figure this thing I don't wanna be the old guy there who can only take cash only first time standing there with shirts or first time they actually bought it

Starting point is 00:41:18 because the way you said it I sold shirts for the first time ever yeah that's a fair point that's true yeah that's a fair point

Starting point is 00:41:24 and I thought Aaron would have some way to blink and you accept Bitcoin or something yeah turns for the first time yeah yeah that's a fair point that's yeah it's a fair point uh and i thought aaron would have some way to blink and you accept bitcoin or something yeah so i didn't want to be the only i get there aaron's cards are eaters not working so i have to do all the credit cards for his shirts and a lot of times people are only buying his shirts and not mine so basically i became his merch guy he's taking pictures over in the corner of fans while I'm like, 2X, 3X. What do you got here? We're out of them. We're out of me.

Starting point is 00:41:51 Everybody, we're out of medium. If you're in line for a medium, don't order it online. Yeah, that's where you go. It's a separate here. He's cash only. I know. He was very nice to offer it. He regretted it immediately.

Starting point is 00:42:05 They thought I was Chase. They thought I was his dad. What was your merch? What was your t-shirt? The ones that Kevin made. Hello, folks. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have an Aaron Land shirt. Oh, look at that. Dustyville. Need to get Dusty Town.

Starting point is 00:42:22 Yeah, Dusty Town. It might be Dusty Town. A little tumbleweed coming through. It might be Dusty Town. It feels more. Yeah. A little tumbleweed coming through. You do feel like a town. Yeah. You do feel like a town.

Starting point is 00:42:31 Yeah, I'd like to be a mayor. Yeah. That is my goal, to be a mayor of some small town that nobody really cares about. Just running things. Just running things. No responsibilities, really. Yeah. Just going from store to store being like, you got to take this down.

Starting point is 00:42:45 Yeah. What are we doing here? You want to be a king, really. Yeah. Just going from store to store being like, you got to take this down. Yeah. What are we doing here? You want to be a king, not a mayor. That's what it sounds like. Yeah. Let's repaint this. Yeah. You go in there, you're like, look, you got to take this thing down.

Starting point is 00:42:57 He's got something in the window. It's got all these colors. You can't take this. And they go, it's a Ukrainian flag. He's like, oh, my fault. All right, my bad. You got to stop it. Do you feel like that's making the town look good yeah yeah that's my approach uh you went to dolphin island yeah i went to took my family to south alabama you know where where the money is

Starting point is 00:43:16 as i like to say and uh well you know i wanted to i got this uh tent when when my daughter was born leanne morgan comedian leanne morgan bought she was like let me send you a gift so she sent I got this tent. When my daughter was born, Leanne Morgan, comedian Leanne Morgan, she was like, let me send you a gift. So she sent me this tent and I didn't understand why she sent the tent. I was appreciative, but she was like, when my grandson was born, we took this tent to the beach and we had so much fun. So a year goes by. My daughter's one years old now. We finally go to the beach. We take this tent. It's so windy. The red flag is out on the beach where they're like, it's danger.

Starting point is 00:43:52 We had to put every stake that came with the tent down just to hold it down. Oh, wow. I mean, the wind's blowing sand in my nose and my mouth. We're out there. My wife's putting sunscreen on and the sand's sticking to her. It's windy. But we get out there. We have a good time. My daughter sits in the tent. She eats watermelon and I get why Leanne bought the tent. It's really fun. But then when we leave, I tell Hannah, my mom, and I say, you guys go ahead and go back to the car. I'll break down

Starting point is 00:44:23 the tent. I'll bring this all back. Yeah. And so they leave. I go in the tent. I do a little CBD. You know what I mean? I'm having a good time out there. And so I start breaking the tent down.

Starting point is 00:44:33 One by one, I'm wrapping up the stakes, taking my time with it. And then I do the last two stakes. And then the wind is really blowing. And this pop-up tent is like, well, you throw it out and it just expands. It's got this one piece at the top and all the things fold in. Oh, yeah. Really nice. So I put my hand on the top to grip this.

Starting point is 00:44:54 And the wind takes the whole tent, closes it on my fingers. And I'm holding the whole tent. The wind's blowing it. My hand's just whipping in the wind. My fingers are stuck they're smashed in there so i think oh i gotta turn it towards the wind and it and the wind comes in and it's like closing it tighter and my and my fingers are just clamped in it feels like i'm in like a movie where like i'm about to lose my fingers it feels feels very traumatic. I get the tent down on the ground and I see a family

Starting point is 00:45:26 and I go, help. I got one good arm. I'm going, help. And nobody hears me. And I'm 40 years old now. My whole life, I've never yelled for help, but I'm going, help. And no one's looking. No one sees me. And I just feel like like i'm gonna lose my fingers or at least the skin yeah i'm just like i gotta get into so i just get down and i pry it open and i finally get my fingers out and they're smashed up my this is two weeks ago my fingers still numb yeah i feel like i've done nerve damage yeah and then i i get i finally get that and i'm like i don't even care about the tent now i'm dragging it basically back to the car and it feels like my wife is only a hundred feet away like that she said she was looking back at me going he's really struggling with his hands like i'm over

Starting point is 00:46:14 there thinking i'm gonna lose my fingers and they're like hey come on come on and then we get back to the to the uh a part of the house Me and my wife are laughing about it now. It's all fun. And my mom goes, well, I hope you don't lose your finger. Your aunt hit her finger with a rubber stamp and lost the end of it. And I'm like, where's this been the whole time? We're all eating ice cream, hanging out. You think that I could lose my finger?

Starting point is 00:46:41 She's like, well, I told you to put ice on it. I'm like, stress it. Stress it. Yeah. Well, the fact that you, I mean, like it runs in your family. She told you that it was like diabetes. Right. Yes.

Starting point is 00:46:54 Yeah. Like you're. Yeah. Hope you don't lose your finger. You're predisposed. It happens to us. We're, yeah. And then my mom thinks I'm making fun of her.

Starting point is 00:47:03 And I'm like, no, just stress that I could lose my finger she's like yeah your aunt had two red lines as long as that doesn't happen I'm like well what do I do to stop that did you go to the doctor? nah I don't use that finger a lot yeah you're a lefty yeah left handed

Starting point is 00:47:20 would you have went to a 1960 doctor? yeah I can trust that guy. Yeah, yeah. He'd probably come to the house. Yeah. Because that hurt? It hurts. Well, we'll see what happens.

Starting point is 00:47:31 See what happens. Wow. But so, you know, that was a wild time. Yeah. Sue Leanne Morgan. Yeah. Well, I wanted to tell Leanne Morgan that. I just never found the time to call her.

Starting point is 00:47:42 But I still have the tent. Okay, that's good. I didn't throw it away. What's up with that wind down there? I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's like an entire, this is probably a two person tent. The entire tent folds up the winds holding it while it's gripping my fingers. And I I'm triggered by the tent. I don't even want to touch it. Yeah. I'm so triggered by things clamping my fingers now. Yeah, that gets hard. I'm worried that I'm going to lose appendages now. Yeah. There's not a lot going on in Dauphin Island.

Starting point is 00:48:14 I went to a guy, I go, he's got coffee here. He goes, nah, we got ice cream. I'm like, well, that's the complete opposite of what I'm looking for. Did you get some? I did get some. Something. All right, I did get some. Something. All right, I'll take it. You got ice cream.

Starting point is 00:48:31 You're going to ease into your day with some ice cream. And what, you have a little squirrel update? I have a lot of squirrel updates. Since I last talked about it, they've hit my car twice. Twice. they might listen i light came on my car this is just like two weeks ago and then i took it in the shop and they're like yep squirrels bit through your fuel line and we're gonna you know they fixed it or whatever it was in the shop for a week. I bring it home.

Starting point is 00:49:06 Like a week later, that light comes back on. I was like, they didn't fix it, so I'm taking it back over there and have them fix it. I take it back over there, and they're like, no, no, they did it again. It's happened just since that. So twice in the last three weeks, I've had my car in the shop for these rodents biting through the line. If I didn't know your wife, I'd think you lived in the complete wilderness.

Starting point is 00:49:28 Yeah, I know. That's what everybody thinks. The squirrels, the pole cats. Yeah. We have so many critters. We have a groundhog, a snake of the day. Oh, so then I go. Oh, there's the –

Starting point is 00:49:42 You got it. That's the mechanics. Took a picture. Oh. That's the mechanics took a picture of it, showed the line. It tore through that thing, man. It tore through. What is the squirrel's plan? I don't know. Do you think they can smell weakness? And they just.

Starting point is 00:49:58 I mean, these, like, I don't even know what the squirrel was trying to get. That seems malicious. It does seem like. There's something in the lines. What have you been up to? So then my father-in-law is very stressed about it. He has nothing else going on.

Starting point is 00:50:11 So he's like, I'm going to, I already put out a fake snake, a fake owl, but now the squirrels just think they're friends. So they're like, that didn't work.

Starting point is 00:50:20 So my father-in-law, I'm going to get another fake snake, but he doesn't know how to order stuff online or something. So he went to Phillip's Toy Mart and just bought a toy snake and put it out in our driveway. That's what that other one was.

Starting point is 00:50:32 So that's what we're using now to deter. I thought it was real. The squirrels. Okay. Well, I guess it works. It's pretty good. Well, maybe it's a little overdramatic and that's a good thing. Maybe so.

Starting point is 00:50:42 Are you all going to move it around every now and again? I mean, right now I have two snakes under my car and a bar of soap uh because someone suggested on the podcast the irish spring original soap and they said put it in a sock and it's fastening your car i don't know how to do that so i just put a bar of soap under my car yeah but it's raining today so when i get home driveway's clean yeah. You might think about getting a real snake. Yeah, you just found it. You said you had one? I saw one the other day in our yard.

Starting point is 00:51:09 There you go. Did you talk to him and ask him? If he was available for parties? That's wild, man. Yeah. So does anybody, like your neighbors, no one, have you ever asked any of these people? Yeah, I mean, I put it on the neighborhood Facebook thing

Starting point is 00:51:24 and tons of people commented like it's a real problem now most people have garages and i guess we're gonna have to do that but that's a that's not a quick fix yeah well it's good that they're not just going after you no it's a it's a it's a big thing in our neighborhood that would make me feel better yeah we have just tons of squirrels maybe think about putting some food up for the squirrel maybe go yeah like a bird like a bird feeder happy gilmore moment eat this leave us alone yeah yeah someone said maybe just get a cat scare them away out there oh yeah but i mean there's no just what about your dog i was talking to you the other day that dog barks i mean that dog's vicious yeah they can't leave it outside at night. These squirrels, they know when he goes to bed.

Starting point is 00:52:09 Squirrels are bigger than my dog. Yeah. Even the skunks are trying to get rid of the squirrels. Yeah. Yeah. Talk to the animals. Why don't you talk to the local animals a little more and ask them to. I mean, it's crazy.

Starting point is 00:52:20 There's just a lot of critters. Yeah. All right. So what are we talking about this week? Restaurants. All right. I went to one. All right.

Starting point is 00:52:32 I said over half Americans' first job was working at a restaurant. I think I'm the only one here that hasn't worked at a restaurant. That's right. And you can tell. If you go to a restaurant, you can tell. By who hasn't? I can tell you haven't been. What does he do?

Starting point is 00:52:47 Just the way he treats servers. He talks down to them. He's always running. Yeah, that's true. He's always getting them to run air. When I – my wife gets mad at me because I'm so over-the-top polite to the server. I always go, hey, when you get a chance, absolutely zero rush. Would love some silverware to eat this food with.

Starting point is 00:53:08 That's it's over the top. I'm nice too, but I'm like, I would like some silverware. Let's go ahead and take care of that. What's the most annoying question y'all got as servers from people? They're just like, oh God. I mean, I think it would be like the, I think one

Starting point is 00:53:23 of the amount, working at Applebee's, the amount of ranch you get asked for, it could never be enough. And then the other one was like in a Long Island iced tea, when people drank, they would always be like, this doesn't taste like it has alcohol in it. And you're like, it has, it's nothing but alcohol. So much. And so they would always want to send it back. And there was a trick that you could do. You could just make the long-out. Because then people would want three of them,

Starting point is 00:53:51 and then these people are out of control. And so what you could do is you put liquor right down the straw. So their first sip is just boom. And then they're like, oh, wow. And then it kind of comes. It sounds like you worked at the Applebee's that I first drank at. First sip is just boom. And then they're like, oh, wow. And then it kind of comes. That's smart. It sounds like you worked at the Applebee's that I first drank at. I mean, I used to go to Applebee's and get Long Island iced tea all the time.

Starting point is 00:54:12 Thompson Lane? Applebee's Thompson Lane? No, it was in Opelika. But it's, I mean, it just feels like Applebee's is known for the LIT. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I mean, I- People go for it.

Starting point is 00:54:23 Yeah. I mean, I got so drunk. I mean, I've been hung over many times off of LA. Yeah. Threw up in the car, you know what I mean? Yeah. On the way home. There you go.

Starting point is 00:54:30 Well, you know, I used to, a ranch was a big one too. I worked at a seafood restaurant and I had this girl go, can I get a ranch? And I was like, you know, you're thinking, you want a side of ranch or a whole farm? What are you looking for here? People used to pronounce things wrong and then you know then i would repeat it back to them and i'm faced with that decision of do i repeat it back to them wrong just so i don't show that they're wrong yeah you know what i mean like they would go let me get a tilapia and i'm like do i repronounce it tilapia or tilapia you know what i mean

Starting point is 00:55:02 tilapia i would say let me get a tilapia i would always order french dressing and i would get ranch all the time like if i go to restaurant especially when i moved to new york i'd like i'll take you have french they go yeah and they bring ranch and i'm like well that's not that was the opposite of and i just would be like i just go with whatever they say because they misunderstood what you said? They misunderstood it. And sometimes it would be like, oh, I said French, and then they're like, they just couldn't figure it out. And then I would just be like, this is fine. And I would take it.

Starting point is 00:55:34 I'm an extra sauce guy. I always got it. So if someone asked for a lot of ranch or barbecue or stuff like that, I'd never, I was like, yeah, I would want as much as you do. Sure. I was irritated by every single thing someone asked for. After you wait tables long enough, just everything they asked for.

Starting point is 00:55:52 I would try to anticipate the need, but then if they asked for something, I didn't anticipate I'm irritated. I won't yell at them, but I take it. But I'm like, I'm like these idiots. When I would lose my patience, I would just get a whole, whatever they were drinking, if they were drinking, I'd just get a whole pitcher and just leave it on the table, which I think is you're not supposed to do that. Nah.

Starting point is 00:56:12 Like health code violations. But I'm not going to keep running Dr. Peppers over to these people. I'll just give them a whole thing. I had this guy come in one time. He goes, let me get a, he was like a real, like a 50-year-old, like cool dude. He was like, let me get an art's like a real like a 50 year old like cool dude he's like let me get an artesian water and i was like what you know artesian water i was like i don't think

Starting point is 00:56:32 we he goes you ain't got no bottled water back there man i was like oh yeah we got bottled artesian artesian yeah i don't even yeah i mean i guess there's a where did you work it where did you work out again i worked several places but for a long time i worked at a seafood restaurant called hyman's yeah charleston south carolina okay and um which has become a tourist destination for me every time i'm in the area now i have to go check out hyman's well i think hyman's is awesome people criticize it a lot because it is a tourist spot yeah i think it's awesome i mean i love working there i worked there for a long time and I got a lot of restaurant jokes. I mean, you know,

Starting point is 00:57:08 people would come in there and they would go, let me get a lot, let me get a water with a lot of lemons and a lot of sugar. And I'm like, you know, you know we have lemonade.

Starting point is 00:57:16 Like I see what you're doing here. You don't have to make it. Just let me charge you for it. Yeah, they don't, you know. I had a table come in one time and it was like, because if you got six or more, you could automatically add the gratuity. So I had a table one time, there was four of them.

Starting point is 00:57:31 They came in, they ranked up like a hundred dollar bill. And then they didn't tip me. So the next time they came, it was five of them and a baby. And I was like, that's six. You can't have the baby. And they didn't have enough money to tip. Wow. They only brought enough money for, and they were like, that's six. You can't have the baby. And they didn't have enough money to tip. Wow. They only brought enough money for it.

Starting point is 00:57:48 And they were like, we're going to have to go to the bank. And I'm like, there's a bank right there. Yeah. And it was the best. I loved it. They had to leave, go to the bank, get more money, come back, tip me. Do you think they were doing it on purpose? Not like tipping you out of spite?

Starting point is 00:58:02 I just think some people don't. They're just not going to tip. Yeah. They're just not going to do it. They're like, I'm just i just think some people don't they're just not gonna tip yeah they're just not gonna do it they're like i'm just going to eat i don't yeah some people you had ag gratuity and they would ask what's this yeah what's this yeah yeah who ordered yeah tipping is yeah you didn't order no gratuity tipping is always a weird uh i wish i kind of wish it would go away but it's a uniquely american thing right yeah i think it's like you should just it's like you pay them or it comes with it's like even if you just got 20 it's always added on just sign it never move you know it's too much tipping now

Starting point is 00:58:37 like everywhere you go now you go to you know the coffee shop you just get a black coffee they do like this just and then there's an option to tip. I'm like, what am I tipping you for? You didn't do anything. They made the coffee. Yeah, but it's like, what's their job? Well, now they flip the iPad around and it's right there in front of you. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:58:57 Some people will go, would you like to tip? And then you're just in this weird spot where you're like, not really. Not since you asked. But sometimes you're like, not really. Not since you asked. But sometimes you're like tipping before they do anything. Like you go to a restaurant and they've not waited on you. And you don't know how it's all going to pan out. So I'm tipping.

Starting point is 00:59:16 I'm pre-tipping. Oh, yeah. If I get asked if you want to tip, I'm tipping every time. Yeah. It's like you just got to do it. Can I tell you, that's my favorite model for a restaurant, though. I don't know what you call it, but I always think of it as like a barbecue place where you go in, there's a line, you order, you pay, then you go to a table, and they bring it to you.

Starting point is 00:59:37 Yeah. You know that model? That's my favorite. That's my least favorite. Really? What don't you like about it? Well, they're still going to ask you to tip. Yeah. So I might as well get a server. Well, I don't mind tipping about it? Well, they're still going to ask you to tip. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:45 So I might as well get a server. Well, I don't mind tipping. I got to get up and get my tea every time. Yeah, but you don't tip when you go to that restaurant. Oh, I do. I do tip. But I don't like, it cuts out so many steps. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:59:58 The normal restaurant, you get there, they come, they say, oh, you need a few minutes, and they come back, and they come back. There's just all this i just knock it out order it then it's minimal interaction with the server i'll pay my check before the entree comes really oh yeah at like a regular restaurant yeah i'll get i mean we pay i mean way before everybody's done i want when i'm done we're going like that too and i mean i would like uh i always liked it but then you also start doing it when you first have a when harper was young and you have a baby and you're like i don't know how this is going to go and like so you just try to pay it's like just so you can be like if something goes nuts we can just get out of here uh sometimes you got to be careful with it because you maybe you want to order i'll be like let me get one more diet coke before you pay because sometimes you're like once you pay

Starting point is 01:00:50 it's like they're you're gone and the server like just kind of forgets about you and uh so i'll ask for that kind of stuff but i mean i'll pay it's quick i mean i you know when you bring the entree go and bring the i just give you the credit card and you're like yeah i think when you waited tables enough you like know what everybody's up to so it's like i know you're off doing drugs in the walk-in cooler yeah it's like so i don't have a lot of like in dolphin island this one restaurant we had bought my daughter this it's like a snail that move is real colorful and it moves and our server was like oh that's cool i'll take that to a festival with me next time yeah it's like, I like how you just admitted to us that you do a lot of drugs.

Starting point is 01:01:27 Yeah, that's what that is. That's all that is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Where'd you get that? Like, the thing for my daughter? Could y'all sense, though, when you served,

Starting point is 01:01:37 who was going to be a good tipper and who wasn't? Look, I'm a very, I think I was a great server. Yeah. I worked, funny, I almost wore the jacket, but Jake Melnick, I worked at Applebee's where I met Laura then when I moved to Chicago I worked at Jake Melnick's uh in Chicago and they actually sent me stuff and I don't have it on but uh uh it's

Starting point is 01:01:57 I Jake Melnick's the guy Willie uh Willie Neal that like hired me and Michael when we first moved there. I just did. They were really big about sense of urgency. And so I've always like taken that to heart for everything that I do is to have a sense of urgency. And I think most people like, I think stuff goes wrong when you don't. And you think, that's fine. I'll get to it. Like, it's like, not saying, you know, you don't have a procrastinator or something,

Starting point is 01:02:23 but it's, but it's like not saying you don't you don't ever procrastinate or something but it's but it's like have a sense of urgency and so i enjoyed what i liked about waiting tables is like you you're just in your own world you could have eight tables and you know kind of where everybody's doing and what they're at and you're just you're lost in your world and uh it's you just know that you're doing it i didn't the tipping was wanted to – yeah, you wanted people to tip. People didn't tip me. But I never – if they didn't tip me, I just – I don't know. You know, because like I – I mean, honestly, I would be like, I don't want to – maybe they don't have money or something.

Starting point is 01:02:57 I don't know. Maybe they ate and then they shouldn't – you know, it's like I have no reason to like – I never took it personal. I never – you know, it was like it's all going to just even itself out kind of like you know so you would just kind of go with it i wish i had that mindset back then i approached two tables that left me nothing completely nothing i would go up to them and i went hey just want to check with you uh make sure your service was okay i noticed that you didn't tip so i just want to check with you, make sure your service was okay. I noticed that you didn't tip, so I just wanted to make sure everything was okay. You couldn't do that if it was a low tip.

Starting point is 01:03:28 If it's no tip. Yeah. What would they say? Well, one said, oh, no, we left something on the table. It wasn't there. And then the other one said, oh, yeah, no, no, everything was good. I go, okay, I just wanted to check with you. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:40 Yeah. Just wanted to make you feel bad a little bit. Exactly. I mean, but that was my, I worked at this restaurant twice. So that was my second time around. So I was a lot bolder. You're no nonsense. I was sober.

Starting point is 01:03:52 The hair slicked back. Yeah. I was not playing around. Oh, yeah. You're like Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah. Just going. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:03:58 Hair slicked back, cargo shorts. I was ready to go, man. We, I remember a girl once. Rocks. I was ready to go, man. I remember a girl once... Rocks. I remember... You could go, that guy coming up. Welcome to Hyman's. I'm Dusty. I'll be taking care of you.

Starting point is 01:04:15 I remember we had one girl and she... A Cubs player was in and didn't tip. She called the sports station and said they didn't tip. She got fired for that. And I agreed with her firing. We were friends.

Starting point is 01:04:33 I liked her, but I agreed with her. Because it's like you just can't. I didn't like servers took stuff so personally. Be like, well, dude, you're working. It's an experience. It's all kind of a crapshoot. You hope it all works out. You hope everybody tips. dude, you're working. It's an experience. It's all kind of a crapshoot. Like you hope it all works out. You hope everybody tips.

Starting point is 01:04:47 Overall, everybody's tipping. You're going to get your occasional that they don't and maybe they've run you to death and like all this kind of stuff. But if you get hung up on that, you're like, I mean, you can't look at this as you're going like, well, maybe if I looked at it as like this is my career and I'm hoping to be the best server ever one day or something. as you're going like, well, maybe if I looked at it as like, this is my career. I'm hoping to be the best server ever one day or something.

Starting point is 01:05:10 But it's, you know, you're looking at it to be like, yeah, I'm just trying to make money. I would love it if no one came into the restaurant. I remember those days. I mean, if someone was like, it's like, you know, because people are like, I need money. I need to make money today. And I mean, if no one came in, that was my favorite. Like now we're all just

Starting point is 01:05:25 hanging out and talking hanging out tv's on this is the best thing ever you know the thing about tipping too is it's like everybody just expects to get tipped so you can't even use the tip as a way to show that you didn't do a good job right like when i'm go to a restaurant and people don't do a good job i want to not tip yeah. Yeah. But I just think that they're going to go, oh, that guy's a redneck. Rednecks never tip. Yeah. They're not going to think they did a bad job. I've left people notes before.

Starting point is 01:05:52 I say, normally I'm a good tipper, but I want to let you know that you did a bad job. Really? But I've also left people notes where I go, hey, you did a great job. Yeah. Sorry I didn't leave a tip. Are tips pooled? Like, are you hurting other people? Depends on the restaurant.

Starting point is 01:06:07 Depends on the restaurant. Yeah, my restaurant wasn't here. Every place I worked, it was customary, though I think not required where I worked, to tip the bartender to give a percentage of your tips to the bartender because they were making all the drinks. Yeah. My first waiting tables job was a restaurant called Western Sizzlin'.

Starting point is 01:06:25 That's where I worked for a long time, buffet style. Buffet, I was the only dude. It was all like 50-year-old women, and I was 16, a 16-year-old boy in there. Like a Garth Brooks song. I did not. Are you a waiter or more of a busboy? Well, yeah, a little. Well, there is a busser, I think.

Starting point is 01:06:42 But you're, you know, they come through the line. It's Aaron's favorite. They come through the line. They order. And then you sit down. And then you got a little number. I've been to, yeah. And I come over and write your number down, give you your buffet plates.

Starting point is 01:06:55 And mainly giving people extra butter and sour cream. That's mainly in tea. You're refilling the tea. And then you carry a lot of butter and sour cream in your apron. Yeah. And would you get tipped there? A dollar. you know it'd be the women would get more this is a this is a western citizen off the interstate yeah a lot of truckers would come in there and be real disappointed when i walked out yeah they're like we wanted this old lady yeah we wanted to flirt with her a bit

Starting point is 01:07:21 yeah and they get you they get me i got a shaved head i had bleached hair had a real eminem you know the opposite yeah i'm like just you're you're the reason they're reminded why they drive a truck to stay away from their family yeah they're just like yeah god give me my son you're the reason i'm on the road they go in the car ruin their whole experience yeah we had a lady that worked there she'd bring her own broom and dustpan in. Oh, what? Why? Because the others were all raggedy. And the joke was that she flew in on the broom. That's what

Starting point is 01:07:54 all the other waitresses said. Oh, yeah. And I had a lady one time, she got frustrated with me that worked there, and she grabbed me by my neck like that, and I spilled all my drinks on her on purpose just right in middle of the shift whoa she got all mad at me i was i don't know why you're grabbing my neck like that and i just spilled all the it was you're a little more confrontational

Starting point is 01:08:14 than me i mean this is all funny like you're eye-opening we're having a good time yeah we're having a good time if it goes the way I think it should go. Exactly. Yeah. But it's like, you know, I'm having a good time now because I don't have to do these jobs. Yeah. Right. You know? Right.

Starting point is 01:08:33 Yeah. Were they clean restaurants like in the back or would it be just stuff like, oh, you only need. It's tough to say. I mean, it was, I felt like it was, like, I'll say this. I would still eat there. Yeah. say i mean it was i felt like it was like i'll say this i would still eat there yeah but i did see a guy one time like he spilled a whole pot of like chicken in the kitchen it was like going everywhere and i walked back there and he's just raking it back in his name was tyrone on the floor

Starting point is 01:08:56 or on the counter on the floor oh his name was tyrone they called him t-bone which i always thought was a weird nickname because it's like almost the exact same yeah pretty close really but i did see there was a guy one time he was refilling the green beans in the buffet and he was sweating and he was like as he was pouring green beans and he was pouring sweat into the green beans a little salt dude yeah and a little spice to it yeah they had like my sister used to work there too and they had And she saw a guy drop a steak on the floor and then just put it back on the grill. And they had a, she said there was a lady that used to mix the tea and she would get like a little spoon

Starting point is 01:09:33 and then stick her whole arm in the tea. I would still probably go to these places. It's out of sight, out of mind. If you're like, if I don't see it, you're like, I mean, this is the kind of food that I would love. This is like you eat on this food because it's like you grow up and you're like, this is the only places you could afford to go eat. And so you're just like- It was a treat to go to this place.

Starting point is 01:10:00 It was such a popular place. I used to work a lot of Sundays and around 1230, you know, white church would roll in and it would just be have a line wrapped around the building. And then about 230 black church comes in and it's like by the time you get it cleaned up, a new church group rolls in. They pull every table together in the whole restaurant. You got 40 people at a table. I mean, it's wild. You have a 40 person table with three bucks laid on there for tips. I mean, it is.

Starting point is 01:10:30 Well, you're getting paid more hourly, though. Oh, no. I mean, it is really, like if you're a woman working there, you're relying on those $5 tips from the gross perverted truckers. But if you're me, you're lucky you're not getting changed. Yeah. There is one guy, he used to come in, he had like a Civil War hat on all the time.

Starting point is 01:10:50 And he had the beard that comes down, but it's just the mustache. Oh, boy. And I would get changed from him. Yeah. He had eyes going two different ways. I used to work in high school. We had to do, we had to volunteer places to graduate. Yeah, they put a

Starting point is 01:11:05 certain number of hours and i worked in the kitchen of a nursing home in hendersonville and i just did dishes every day after school and you know you get sent plates back and it's like any kitchen like there's people leave stuff on the plate right so i'm 17 18 years old french fry day i'm just pounding french fries yeah when they send the plates back. Yeah. So I remember one day, I've been doing this for months, and I'm just eating French fries off this plate. And one of the old nurses comes in. She goes, oh, honey, no.

Starting point is 01:11:37 And I go, well, why? I go, what's the problem? I'm not going to let it go to waste. She goes, so many of our residents will suck the salt off those French fries and put it back on the plate and I'd never touch food again. Oh, gosh,

Starting point is 01:11:53 dude. That was wild. Oh, wow. Just the look on her face when she saw me, she's like, oh,

Starting point is 01:12:00 no. That's so crazy. I used to eat the food off people's plate all the time, but I've never heard anything that disgusting. That's so crazy. I used to eat the food off people's plate all the time, but I've never heard anything that disgusting. That makes me retroactively sick. It's almost like, yeah, you don't even want to think about it

Starting point is 01:12:12 because I ate a bunch of those, man. I ate a lot of fries. I used to say. Would you ever go to the cook and go, I think we should put more salt on these fries? I think you'd sell more. They always come back, and I think it's because they don't have enough salt on them. And he's like, all right, man, I guess I'll throw some more on there.

Starting point is 01:12:29 I thought I was putting a lot on there. I used to say, I used to eat off people's plates too, but I would only eat off people's plates if it was a girl, and I would make out with that girl. I always thought if I would make out with her, then I would eat her food. Because that's essentially what you're doing. Right. And then sometimes a lot of food that came back on the plates of guys,

Starting point is 01:12:46 and I'd be like, well, the girl that I would make out with, make out with this guy? Yeah. How far would you go? How far would you go? You bent some rules. Well, this looks like that girl's parents. Because crab cakes are delicious, and I hate to see them go to waste.

Starting point is 01:13:01 And people used to make fun of me. Would you eat it with bites taken out of it? Well, it depends on what was going on right if it's a hot dog you eat the other end of it right a bite out of a hot dog it's like george stanza with yeah people used to make fun of me about it but then as time went on i mean everybody started doing it i just think they saw me kept doing it i was never sick and they just we would be like i got a crab cake over here and we had a whole thing going i mean it was i mean i remember being hard i don't think i uh i don't think i ever did it and it's but it was out of like just pure embarrassment maybe i did i don't know but it would have been out of pure embarrassment of being caught doing it and uh

Starting point is 01:13:42 like i'm thinking like people won't think i'm crazy but it's hard not to you see it and you're like they didn't touch this yeah yeah it's just gonna go right in the trash yeah i want to see a sketch where someone some old lady sucking the salt off a fry yeah and then aaron's eating it yeah that is disgusting and then i'm like well i'd make out with it you know i'll think about that well just did you ever think like these fries are just not salty they're soggy oh yeah i don't know i think i just thought well it's nursing home food none of this is great yeah but it's coming to me every few minutes oh yeah what i make out with her yeah yeah i mean how old is she could you see them at all?

Starting point is 01:14:25 No, they had me just in the back corner. I'm just looking at a wall. See, that was my thing, too. I wouldn't eat off other servers' tables. I would watch it. I would see. That feels gross. If you go, you're like, wait, who waited on these?

Starting point is 01:14:40 And then you're like, oh, Aaron did. You're like, I don't know these people. It doesn't feel like he's a part of your family. You're like, no, I know these these people i've been talking to them all day yeah practically family yeah yeah did you ever have servers who would sit who would like did you ever lean down to get eye level with the with the sit down at the table some people did that that always made me uncomfortable i wanted as much separation as possible yeah i wanted to be like i'm gonna do a good job, but let's keep a distance.

Starting point is 01:15:06 Because they would always go, are you going to college? And then I had to get into this whole thing where I'm like, no, I plan to go. And eventually you hit the age where you're like, nah, never going. Never doing it. This may be it for me. Except that this is my job. I thought I was successful until right now. You just doing this to get through school?

Starting point is 01:15:29 No, this is the best I could do, honestly. I applied a lot of places. I put in a resume to get this job. Yeah. And that is true. They did a survey of servers and their biggest pet peeves. And one of them is order for your kids. They don't like it when there's a small kid and the parent says what do you want to and they don't

Starting point is 01:15:48 know how to do it yet it takes it takes up their time getting the kid to do it so just order for them yeah we order uh our harper and larv share their food a lot and then uh but we we order for her but usually i mean if mean sometimes we do have her order but I mean she's going to be like cheese pizza or kids chicken tenders like you know

Starting point is 01:16:09 it's not I mean you know she's not ordering a jambalaya asking to hold the peppers and now she's old enough that she can probably do that oh sure right

Starting point is 01:16:18 you just don't want somebody like go ahead and order and the kid's like crayons and then the whole table laughs and you're like well come on let's wrap this up.

Starting point is 01:16:25 I got other tables here, too. Yeah. Another one they said is, they don't mind if you have coupons, but realize when you tip, tip on what it would have been, not after all the discounts have been put in. Oh, yeah. I do that. I still, even though I worked on tips, this sounds,

Starting point is 01:16:50 there's an arrogance I think that people that live off tips kind of have. And that's what I think bugs me. Because I don't think it's fair. I don't think it's fair to be, you chose a job that's a job that's risky. Yeah. And then there's that arrogance of just being like, I understand like I tip off whatever the thing would be. And I understand you're supposed to do that. I don't think it's like, it's something that should be, we're saying it on this podcast.

Starting point is 01:17:14 It should be learned like that kind of way, like this kind of way. But there's an arrogance with waiting tables that's like, you know, because their job, the ones that are going to get mad are the ones that usually gonna get mad are the ones that usually are kind of doing not great at service yeah i work with people they go if you can't afford to tip don't go out to eat and i'm like well maybe slow down on the adderall you know what i mean yeah take it easy yeah i would think that too like sometimes though you're like i don't know man what if these people saved up and this is there you know we could never go out

Starting point is 01:17:44 to eat should have saved up 20 more yeah you know well, we could never go out to eat. Should have saved up 20% more. Yeah. Well, we can never go out to eat. It was a big deal. It's like a family and they're very nice. And like, yeah, they leave a little bit of a tip, not a ton. And you're like, it's not about they, you know, that was a lot for them. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:17:58 I would take a tip deduction for them to just be friendly to me. Yeah. I would, I would almost trade. A big one. I learned this is one that you do uh learn especially when i was in uh well maybe everywhere but it would be i used to give free sodas like you'd always be like i hooked you up on the soda there's free sodas you think you're getting tipped more than and that's it never worked now you want their check

Starting point is 01:18:22 to be higher i learned yeah but i would do that because i was it was i was lazy to input every every drink yeah we we had a thing where they said they would have a sign that says if you didn't get charged for a soda uh let a manager know you may be eligible for a 20 gift certificate something like that that's to keep the servers honest right but one time i had this guy and something happened and i was like well just i's to keep the servers honest. Right. But one time I had this guy and something happened and I was like, well, just, I'll give you the soda, you know, so that, you know, I let him know, I'm going to give you this, but it's all part of a, you know, because we've made some mistakes. He goes down to the bar, tries to claim the $20. The bartender

Starting point is 01:19:01 calls me. It's like, Hey, there's a guy down here trying to claim the $20. And I go down there and he goes, oh, oh, I thought I won something because you didn't charge me. It's like, no, dude, we talked about this. Now you're going to get me fired down here. Get out of here, dude. Get out of here. And you went and confronted him. Yeah. Let's go outside.

Starting point is 01:19:22 Let's get to the bottom of it. I worked at a country club. These guys would get done playing golf, and they'd go to the gentleman's card room. They'd all get steaks, right? So I'd bring down like four or five steaks. And then about an hour later, you'd go get the plates, and they were all like, well, it's cooked. It wasn't cooked right.

Starting point is 01:19:42 So we want to take it off the bill. And they'd eaten all of it. Yeah. So I'd bring back five empty plates, and I was like, well, it's cooked. It wasn't cooked right, so we want to take it off the bill. They've eaten all of it. Yeah. So I'm bringing back five empty plates, and I'm like, well, they didn't like the way these were cooked. They're like, well, they liked it a little bit. They ate all of it. Would they get it off?

Starting point is 01:19:55 Yeah, they'd take it off. It's a country club. They're like, everything they say, you just do everything they say, even if it's nonsense. If someone asked you all if something's good or not good, could you be honest with them? I think I've done it with Diet Coke or something, like a soda I will. I'll be like, hey, this is a little flat or whatever.

Starting point is 01:20:18 Because that sets the tone for the whole meal. You mean as a customer? As a server. It's read that most restaurants will say, just say it's our most popular dish and that's code for oh i don't really like it but some people do i used to straight up go even if they didn't ask i'd go server oh yeah it's a server where you i would go i wouldn't get that i'd go you can do whatever you want but i'm just telling you people don't like that yeah and

Starting point is 01:20:43 that that gives a little more credence to your recommendation yeah i mean i may get fired for it but i'm just saying you don't because and then people would go no i want it and then they wouldn't like it i'm like well i told you i used to lie and say we didn't have dessert at my restaurant if i was lazy oh yeah yeah you guys get we used to have the you're like the real live mcdonald's ice cream yeah i know they're like i see it right here. There's a pattern here. Well, I had already collected the menus at this point. We used to have a s'mores pizza. It was a pizza place.

Starting point is 01:21:12 It was terrible. It was awful. You had a lot of jobs, huh? Just two or three different restaurants. He's only doing two of them now. But they would go, hey, what do you got for dessert? And I'd be like, nothing, dude. It's just a pizza you know sorry i don't have anything yeah you really are the real life just if you want to just come on get out like y'all been here a while you're taking up a table no i don't have dessert

Starting point is 01:21:36 i can get you some to-go coffees if you want yeah kind of force it like that that was friendly another one server said they hated it and I'm guilty of this. Starting a deep conversation as soon as you sit down at a table but you don't know what you want to order yet. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:21:51 So. Wait, what do you mean? Like, you come in, meet a friend, hadn't seen them in a while, you sit down and you immediately get into a catching up,

Starting point is 01:21:59 talking, whatever and then the server comes over. You guys ready to order? Well, we ain't even looked at the menu. Oh, yeah. And then maybe they come back five minutes later, still haven't looked at the menu because you're still catching up. They're like, figure out what you want to eat first.

Starting point is 01:22:12 And then you come back and they go, where you been? Yeah. Well, as long as they don't do that. Yeah, yeah. But the other way, I think I've had that. Sometimes it's like, look, they're like, oh, we haven't seen each other. I was like, yeah, it's great. Like you may bring them their waters and and then you just kind of go,

Starting point is 01:22:26 just wave me down. Y'all talk. And you just kind of keep an eye on that table, and eventually they're like, you know. And then you go take their order. We used to get people that would come. But I think you should go in. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:22:37 I think you should go in and go, hey, let's look at the menu, and then go ahead and know and order it and then be like, you know, then just say to the waitress, like, we haven't, like, talked in a long time. Yeah. I'm about to break up with her, and so it's going to be. We might not even get to an entree today. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:22:56 We used to get people, they'd come in, they're like, because Charleston's a real touristy town, so they'd be walking around, it'd be all hot, and they'd come in, they'd look all bad, they're like, can we get just some crackers real quick? blood sugar's real low and i'm like we would do it but i'm always like you need a plan for this man don't come in all desperate like yeah like you're about to die here you gotta if you got that kind of issue carry some crackers around with you yeah yeah yeah yeah and then yeah they're like sounds like y'all marathons being run by your they always always had jokes that, because they'd eat a lot and they'd go, can I get you anything else?

Starting point is 01:23:28 I'd go, how about a wheelbarrow? Yeah. I'm like, oh, God. Yeah. The same jokes over and over. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Do you guys like everything?

Starting point is 01:23:35 And they have empty plate. Oh, no, I hated it. Even my own jokes at the table. I remember I went up to one table and we had to upsell cheese and bacon on the baked potatoes. I go, would you like to get cheese and bacon with that? They go, is it better with cheese and bacon? I went, everything's better with cheese and bacon. And they all laughed. I would kill every time.

Starting point is 01:23:52 Yeah. A lot of people ask, I have one little item left on the plate. Can I get a to-go box for this? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Or they would go, we hated it. And they'd be, you know, and I'm like, all right, I get it. That's what Aaron said.

Starting point is 01:24:10 Aaron started at the beginning. Oh, you do that? No, he said that reference. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Didn't know you were tuned in, Dusty. Yeah. Sorry.

Starting point is 01:24:19 Yeah. That's all right. I kind of bombed when I said it the first time. Oh, okay. I missed it. I got a better reaction when you said it. Imagine having both y'all as a server. I i just y'all both come up just like god i don't want to be here welcome to hyman's where was your restaurant called hyman's yeah hyman's

Starting point is 01:24:36 welcome to hyman's what do you want i'll take some crackers all right it's closed the crackers already closed we're out of them and they would get these free crab dip coupons off the street people had so people would come in they would give you the free crab dip coupon then you put it in it comes and it'd be like a crab dip like this yeah and they're always complaining about it they're like this is it huh and i'm like yeah man i don't know it's free it's a free thing just yeah just eat it yeah were you guys ever a host uh i did at the beginning applebee's when laura i was a host and she was a server oh you work your way up to server yeah oh okay i did yeah i went to the system i hosted ran food as a food runner yeah i did that yeah

Starting point is 01:25:19 hosting was fun i mean you just you you know you put where you – it's like the servers would get mad at you. I remember that. Some servers would be like, I wanted that table, and then all this kind of stuff. It's kind of a political game. It is. But I'm acting like I enjoyed waiting tables. I enjoyed the camaraderie.

Starting point is 01:25:40 I still – like I say, I still talked. I married the first person from my restaurant, and then I still talked to the ones that work at Jake Melnick's. I mean, they I say, I still talked. I married the first person from my restaurant. And then I still talked to the ones that work at Jake Melnick's. I mean, I still, they come to shows. I still see them. Yeah, I've met some of them. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:25:53 Like, I enjoyed everybody kind of there. Like, I like the camaraderie. It's like kind of its own world. I did enjoy it. Half the people I knew in Charleston were from Hyman's. Because it was such a big restaurant, such turnover rate. I loved it too. I mean, we used to just wait tables all day, go get wasted.

Starting point is 01:26:09 Yeah. And then if it was a big night, a lot of tips, we'd be like, let's celebrate. Let's go get drunk. And if it were a bad night, we were like, this night sucked. Let's go get drunk. You know what I mean? It's like. Yeah. We would get off at 12 and try to drink as much as we could before, you know, 1.30.

Starting point is 01:26:24 Yeah. And then get in our cars and drive home. A real mess out there. Yeah. I hate going up, like, if my family or somebody's like, go up there and ask them how much more time, like, if you're waiting for a tip. Because I'm sure that just annoys the host. Yeah, but I mean, you're, so the way I always look at that stuff is, like, you're in this business. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:26:44 So, like like your job is there's not much I can't go up and go what's that hostess made out of like there's not there's only so many questions you can ask because you're like you're a customer so you have to go like how long am I going to be if it's wait and if someone was like annoyingly

Starting point is 01:27:00 asking then it's like yeah be upset about that but otherwise you're just kind of like what are we looking that. But otherwise, you're just kind of like, what are we looking at? You know, and then you're just so you can kind of know, can I go sit outside? And did you ever, I bet people saw, because in my experience, we came before those people and they just got a table. And then you have to tell them, well, that's a table of two

Starting point is 01:27:19 and y'all are a table of eight or something like that. Is that a big part of it? Yeah. I hate when you go and there's a bunch of empty tables and you're like, hey, how long is it going to be? They're like, oh, about 50 minutes. And you're like, what are you doing? That's a new thing.

Starting point is 01:27:32 That's a new thing. And they just say it. If they do that too, they should go, they should say like, hey, we have like one server. Yeah. So I know you're seeing empty tables, but like there's, or two servers, you know, at least

Starting point is 01:27:45 give you the reason why. But you go into restaurants now, I mean, a lot of them are short staffed. I mean, you walk in, they're rarely full. Yeah. And there's a ton of tables and then they can't, and they don't want you to sit there. I was in Fayetteville, Arkansas, and I saw people come in and they go, how long for, it was like two o'clock. They go, how long for a table or four?

Starting point is 01:28:02 The guy goes, like 6 p.m. I was like, what's going on? You got to do better than that. Yeah, 6 p.m. I was so blown away by what he said. Yeah, was there tables? It was so empty. He just wanted you to leave.

Starting point is 01:28:19 I was like, I don't know what's happening. Yeah. Well, maybe the restaurant shut down. Maybe. I left and went to i left and went to another restaurant and ate immediately i was like i don't know what's going on oh you were behind them trying to get a table i was in they told me 50 minutes and then the table behind me they were like it's four hours basically yeah well this guy's gonna eat for a long time yeah

Starting point is 01:28:43 at 2 p.m i went to fayetteville because this girl i went to eat for a long time. He's only got one. At 2 p.m. I went to Fayetteville because this girl, I went to a coffee shop one time, and this girl told me she moved to Fayetteville. She said it was like the Portland of the South. And I was like, I don't know if that's true. I can see that. Yeah. That's kind of a hip, young.

Starting point is 01:29:02 Sometimes I go to a restaurant and you ask for a table. I thought no one would agree with that. Sorry. The Portland, Tennessee of the South or the Portland, Oregon of the South? You ask for a table and they don't audibly say, follow me. They just start walking. And you have to decide if that's – and up until a couple years ago, I always ate by myself.

Starting point is 01:29:23 And I went and ask for table one and i followed the hostess that's the saddest way to say he's a dine alone a lot for for about a 48 year period um friday night 7 p.m it's a hot time like everybody's there and they hated it like do you want to sit at the bar no i'd like a booth yeah yeah y'all hate that right because it takes up a table I started following the girl to the back of the restaurant and then she just walks

Starting point is 01:29:50 into the bathroom you had followed her all the way yeah she had no she never knew I just she just walked on in and then I was like

Starting point is 01:29:57 realized well she wasn't telling me to follow her she was going to the bathroom so I just turned around and went back to the front I think the sign is if they grab a menu

Starting point is 01:30:03 then they're like oh they're leaving you to your – Well, sometimes menus are on tables, though. Okay. Nowadays, yeah, they're like, just scan that thing. Oh, yeah, scan the code and, you know. There's not as much – I would think a lot of restaurants are losing the touch of what I thought they used to be.

Starting point is 01:30:22 So, like, you know, like I would say Applebee's and all the chain ones, I think they used to be so like you know like i would say applebee's and uh all the chain ones i think they used to be a lot it it felt more professional it felt nicer it felt and i think a lot of that stuff is kind of moving along yeah late 90s applebee's really felt like a good restaurant yeah but nowadays it is i don't know what's going on in there i actually went to a applebee's in oram utah best applebee's i've ever been to in my life oh really felt like the the mormons were really holding it down yeah yeah yeah and applebee's going well applebee's they had based on their average 102 boost last quarter uh not the very last quarter but last year in uh sales because of walker hayes song fancy like yeah that song just took off and became a hit and it's about applebee's yeah it's

Starting point is 01:31:13 great it's uh that's that's how i wrote my song with yeah when are we gonna hear this song i don't know it's a love song because it seemed like it should be about applebee's yeah i know it sounds like i was like everybody was just assumed. I think people thought I wrote this song because it's about Applebee's. Yeah. I did not. I would have definitely told you all about this. Wow.

Starting point is 01:31:34 Sounds like Western Sizzlin' might need a song. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's a fun song. Yeah. So here's two conflicting things. I guess it depends on the restaurant

Starting point is 01:31:45 restaurant lighting and restaurant music the science behind it restaurant lighting some restaurants are very very dark they say because it makes you stay longer

Starting point is 01:31:55 it feels more intimate hides the roaches well that might be true but they've done studies that shows it makes it more intimate

Starting point is 01:32:03 you stay longer you order more food whereas if it's bright in shows it makes it more intimate. You stay longer. You order more food. Whereas if it's bright in there, it makes you just get it and go and get out of there. Like a Waffle House model. Yeah. Get in, get out. Yeah. But music, they pump on music for kind of the opposite reason because they want you in and out.

Starting point is 01:32:23 Music makes you go, get going, get your food, you get going, you get out of there. So then they want you in and out. They like, music makes you feel, it makes you go, get going, get your food, you get going, you get out of there so then they can turn the tables over. I guess it depends

Starting point is 01:32:29 on what type of restaurant you want if you want people to stay a while or get going but they do have science behind it because we've all been

Starting point is 01:32:36 to restaurants where the music's super loud and super pumping or a nice restaurant where I can't even read the menu anymore in my age.

Starting point is 01:32:44 Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, they're getting, some of them is getting kind of ridiculous. Good thing you got people that can eat with you now. Yeah. That's why I got married. Yeah. Honey, read this. What would you do alone?

Starting point is 01:32:54 You'd have to just ask. I'd get out my- You'd have magnifying glasses. I'd get out my readers and- Yeah. Did leaders in a lantern set it up there? Yeah. They are getting darker.

Starting point is 01:33:12 I mean, I have good eyesight, but it's like some places you're like, this is all right. What are we doing? I'm not even going to see my food. Yeah. It's going to be like that. Travis, my tour manager, he went to to the you're that restaurant where they have it completely dark and you can't see the food yes yeah so this is it was like one in la uh-huh and

Starting point is 01:33:32 the idea of it is if you no idea what the food is or you know what it looks like and you're just eating you're truly going off the taste of the food instead of being like, well, maybe that looks gross or that looks whatever. And Travis was telling me, and so all the servers are blind because it's pitch black dark. So it's like you've got to have someone that knows how to. I thought they had night vision goggles on. They're just blind? No, this one they were blind.

Starting point is 01:34:01 And so Travis said, it's like the idea, the theory of it. No, I'm listening. You'd Travis said, it's like the idea, the theory of it. Give me that. No, I'm listening. You never heard of this place 30 seconds ago, and you're scoffing at me like I don't know all the details. Night vision goggles sounds like a new level of crazy. If you're blind, you're like, finally. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:34:17 Yeah, this is in your favor. Night vision goggles would seem, I would be nervous. It seems something's nervous. I mean, A, it's got to cost 10 grand each to have night vision. The military that you have to like, you go in and you're like, what's that on your back? It's an AR-15. Also, you're like, what are y'all doing in here?

Starting point is 01:34:41 So, but Travis said, he's like, the experience is like fun, but you're just sitting there with other people and then but the the servers because they're blind it's pitch black they don't really know where you're at and so i mean you're just getting just drilled on the sideline i mean like every i mean just your whole experience is just getting hit in the head and a plate getting and you don't know what's going on. It's not, you're not like sitting there and like, it would be nice to do it, but it's, yeah, you're getting like just smashed and like, you know. It sounds terrifying. Honestly, I don't

Starting point is 01:35:17 like the dark like that. Yeah. I could see that. It would be terrifying. People like make fun of you about being afraid of the dark. And I'm like, no, it's scary. I would be terrifying people like make fun of you about being afraid of the dark and i'm like no it's scary i would be interested to eat food without seeing it though to see if i would eat more than i think i would you could close your eyes at a regular restaurant yeah but yeah i mean but it's it's you know maybe you have goggles you know okay you could have like some dark sleep mask or something yeah but i don't even want to like it's's, I think the idea of it being that dark is you, even if there's light on the food or something, you still, I don't know, you're going to see a little light seeping through. Like, you still, like, you feel like you're looking. When it's dark, you're like, I have no idea what I'm. Do you eat with your hands?

Starting point is 01:35:58 I don't know. I don't know if it's forced. Yeah. Yeah, other people wouldn't know. Might as well. But how would you even, yeah, you know where your food is. you someone just goes to the bathroom lights cut on they're in the corner i thought i was i thought i was in the bathroom yeah what would you even do for the restroom you're like because you could ask where's the restroom at in here and they're like

Starting point is 01:36:19 good luck over there yeah over there yeah they don't they have no idea i mean the blind people would have to lead you to your seat and to the bathroom i guess yeah why blind people are like kings in there yeah i mean it's just a lot of boom just banging the table just dry like your plate because you just hope it doesn't get dropped too they think they're like real close and then it's just like golly you're gonna i'm good i'm good stuff i mean you just leave you have sauce just all over you i mean it's just a zoo in there i mean and you're like i don't know it's interesting it was interesting you're just sitting with strangers i mean it's all you do is hear people's there's

Starting point is 01:36:57 no talking like you know it's like well the stock's down and now you can even find your mouth. You're just like, at some point you're just feeding. Someone else is eating your fork. And you're like, I don't know. Where's my food going? That's crazy. I could enjoy it. The experience of it would be great. The most expensive restaurant in America,

Starting point is 01:37:20 I looked up, is a sushi bar in New York City called Masa. M-A-S-A. It's $1,000 a person. Wow. You just pay them for it. No matter what? Yeah. It's just like, it's a set price.

Starting point is 01:37:32 You go in there. $1,000. And you get to just eat as much as you want, I guess? I guess. It's all you can eat. Yeah. Where is this place? I think it's in Midtown.

Starting point is 01:37:41 Okay. It's not, I was making sure it wasn't this other place. I don't know for certain. Yeah, look up to that. I'm guessing you don't tip there, though, right? Oh, yeah, that'd be interesting. Well, you shouldn't be in there. Honestly, I don't think you should be.

Starting point is 01:37:58 Yeah, $200 tip? Oh, Columbus Circle. Yeah, $1,000, you should not have to. It's only four stars. I wonder what some of the reviews how's it not a five star it should be a five star like kind of crazy i've never seen four dollar signs next to order online though go to order online yeah let's place an order yes what's it gonna say like a thousand dollars i don't are you sure we're at the right place your picture of gilbert goffrey

Starting point is 01:38:27 it does look like it yeah rest in peace gilbert goffrey uh that's it yeah when i go go read what it said additionally offered experience $9.50 per person not including beverage and tax this resident is guaranteed seating at our carefully crafted sushi counter with one of our highly

Starting point is 01:38:57 I'm reading it normal counter with one of our highly skilled sushi chefs this also includes our A5 Wagyu with freshly shaved seasonal truffles. I'm not a big truffle fan. But here's the big, gratuities are not expected or accepted. Oh, that's good.

Starting point is 01:39:16 Reflecting the Japanese custom, exceptional hospitality is an integral part of the dining experience as provided to every guest. And I think that would help restaurants at this point for an America would be like, all right, no more tipping. And the business restaurants, you got to pay the servers where they should be paid. And it's all about the experience. Because now it's all about the tip. And now I would imagine most people are just tipping pretty good because it's embarrassing.

Starting point is 01:39:42 That's like, you're getting so pushed into, so pushed into go to Dick's Sporting Goods. Do you want to donate to that? Right, yeah. All this kind of stuff. Sometimes I have to do it. The other day, if he recognizes me, then I'm like, you almost feel like, well, I have to. I can't.

Starting point is 01:40:01 I don't want to say no thanks. But even though I do want to say no thanks because you're like, where are you sending this money? I like to ask, can't. I don't want to say no thanks. But even though I do want to say no thanks, because you're like, where are you sending this money? I like to ask, what is this? Yeah. They go, do you want to donate to blah, blah, blah? I go, what is that? And if they don't know, I'm not doing it.

Starting point is 01:40:13 Yeah. I'm like, nah. I could maybe do that. Because you just want to go. I mean, obviously, it's not the kids. But you're like, I don't even trust. What is your, what is this? Even though I like the store where is it where are you where

Starting point is 01:40:25 is it going they love to go you want to round up yeah round up you're gonna get me every time i'd like to just pay the because i kind of like it being rounded up just so i can it's like uh i like it being just all one exact thing uh so round up i'll get i mean you you asked me to round up i'm not even bad in an eye you You don't care what it was for. Firehouse subs. I'll round up every. Yeah. But they,

Starting point is 01:40:47 they said it goes to the fire, you know, rounding up is the, that's the way it should be done. Cause I think you would get every, I think you would get a lot more people. Cause you're just like, I don't care.

Starting point is 01:40:57 Like it's, you know, it's like, it could be 89 cents, 20 cents. It could be what, you know, it is just the principle for me though.

Starting point is 01:41:03 Like, I get it. What are you doing with this? I do understand that. I do understand that. I'm not going to ask, though, because then they're going to tell you something. I love to ask. I don't think they know.

Starting point is 01:41:14 I think you could ask one question that's usually they're not going to know the answer, and you go one more question, they're definitely not knowing the answer. I mean, it's not them that are doing it. It's the company. Yeah. Especially if they get your phone number. What's phone number do you want to donate to this well now you got my number i guess i will yeah i don't i don't i don't usually get that i'm like i'm all right like they you know do you want to be i started doing that everywhere because i asked for it everywhere yeah your phone number i go nah i'm good yeah yeah now there's a burger at mandalay bay in vegas i don't think it's on the menu but it's

Starting point is 01:41:46 five thousand dollar burger oh my gosh at this place fleur f-l-e-u-r fleur five thousand dollar burger um 28 have been sold to billionaires who come in there and have it um what did they say about it what's special about it uh i don't know i don't know um but it's five thousand dollar burger five thousand yeah i mean you well you didn't read into it i did the there was a reviewer who ate it and he said i'd pay five thousand dollars for this if i was a billionaire it's so good oh yeah if you're a billionaire i'd pay five thousand dollars for any i mean so what does it say about it? I mean, what's just the description of it? The meat is, you know, the best beef in the world.

Starting point is 01:42:29 Comes in from Japan, I think. Yeah, Wagyu? I guess so. Yeah, Wagyu beef. Wagyu beef. The burger is served on a homemade truffled bun topped with shallots, foie gras, and peregrine truffles. You also get a bottle of whatever this-

Starting point is 01:42:44 Comes with a bottle of wine 1995 petrus it's not only the best burger you can eat but it comes with the best wine pairing if five thousand dollars seems extreme consider this the bottle of petrus alone would cost you fifty three hundred dollars so you're actually getting a discount so i mean the wine still seems extreme yeah yeah they're hey, you're making a little money off this, bud. I could see. I bet it would be great. There'd be something.

Starting point is 01:43:12 I don't want to pay that much money then just go like, can I get not like truffle bun? Can I get a regular bun? Can I get some ranch? No tomatoes. Yeah, you can't ask for anything like that. That is what people do at restaurants. They'll go, hey, the special here.

Starting point is 01:43:26 I'd like to get that, but don't put this on it. Don't put this on it. And then they get it and they go, this is not good. And it's like, well, you made that. What is on the side of it? Is that fries on the side? Yeah, those are fries. I could see.

Starting point is 01:43:41 I mean, you definitely would want to try it. But I mean, it's funny that it's like only billionaires go there you're like I mean I would imagine someone has 10 million dollars they can go get a yeah I'm not saying

Starting point is 01:43:51 all 28 were billionaires but it's I can't believe they've only sold 28 well I would think they would have sold more and I mean

Starting point is 01:43:59 you know some guy goes wins big there and it's like let's go get it it seems like people don't know about it a lot of first dates there yeah delay by yeah yeah maybe so um waffle house has its own terminology for

Starting point is 01:44:14 the cooks oh yeah do you guys know what scattered smothered and covered means i just yeah scattered is they cut it up right spread it out spread out smothered is where they put cheese on it now it's covered as cheese covered as cheese Smothered is putting cheese on it. No, it's covered as cheese. Covered as cheese. Smothered is onions. Onions. Oh, I don't like onions.

Starting point is 01:44:30 Yep. Sauteed diced onions. I used to get ham scattered. I love a Waffles. I put ketchup on it. On your what? Waffles. I got a big ketchup problem. my dad will put ketchup on it

Starting point is 01:44:48 he puts it on eggs you ever have anybody put ketchup on their eggs? I have had that I'm not into it that's a pretty you said you were a sauce guy I'm not really a sauce guy I'm a big sauce guy I put ketchup on hash browns I hear people

Starting point is 01:45:03 you know I had someone tell me thats. I hear people. Oh, hash browns. Oh, yeah, that's different. You know, I had someone tell me that's crazy. I would never do it. Really? It's just French fries. It's French fries. Yeah, I like Heinz 57 on a baked potato. Yeah. That's what I like.

Starting point is 01:45:15 Oh, I could eat that. I like a Huddle House patty melt with a little Heinz 57. When I would make food. Now we're talking. When I had no money, not saying money, but when I was starting comedy and you just have nothing, I would eat corn with A1 sauce out of the thing. I'd pour corn in it, and I'd pour A1 off it, and then I would just eat that.

Starting point is 01:45:37 I loved it. A1's delicious. A1's delicious. I'd do rice with barbecue sauce. Oh, yeah. There you go. A little poor man's meal. Now, you mentioned the specials. I always heard that the

Starting point is 01:45:45 specials are the things they're trying to get rid of before they go bad. 100%. Yeah, I think so. So don't order the special. Where I've worked, the soup of the day was the soup that was about to go bad. It was the soup of the day, the soup of yesterday, if you know what I mean. I get

Starting point is 01:46:01 specials a lot, though. I mean, I still think it's good. I mean, it's like- I get specials. At Waffle House, Waffle House, their specials are the same. I'm not saying Waffle House. I'm just saying general restaurant. You just mentioned specials. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:46:11 Yeah, I mean, I think that's true. I mean, anything they're really pushing is something they got cheap or they're like trying to get rid of. Yeah, it depends on the restaurant you go. You know, it's like- Yeah, I mean, you may have a good chef that's like just really cook something well.

Starting point is 01:46:25 Yeah. Yeah. The best day to eat out said it was Tuesday because that's the day that most restaurants get their deliveries in. So the food's the freshest. Oh, wow. Makes sense. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:46:34 The busiest day of the year for restaurants. Anybody want to guess? Mother's Day. Hold on. Oh, great guess, Dusty. Great guess. Mother's Day is a great guess. Valentine's Day is my guess.

Starting point is 01:46:45 That's good too. Mother's Day is a great guest. Valentine's Day is my guest. That's good, too. Mother's Day, Valentine's Day. I'm trying to just get it. I basically have to pick between which one of those. Valentine's Day. I would get it. Throw in Black Friday as a dark horse. Number one, Mother's Day.

Starting point is 01:47:02 Number two, Valentine's Day. Yeah. Where'd Black Friday come in at? It wasn't on the list. Yeah. Yeah. It's a weird. I was thinking, well, we just cooked the biggest meal of the year.

Starting point is 01:47:13 Let's go out. Yeah, yeah. I get that. But I think by just shopping all day, I think that's a fast food kind of day. Oh, okay. I always want after Thanksgiving, I want McDonald's. I bet pizza delivery, I bet, is big the day after Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:47:26 I always like after – anytime we have like – it's like after you go through Christmas or Thanksgiving, it's like you got to go to all the houses and you're eating like real fancy. Right. You know, your fancy food. Yeah. And then the next day, I just want to go to McDonald's and just get back to the basics. I got a brother-in-law. He's from Michigan from like a middle-class family. And he married my sister and moved into the trailer

Starting point is 01:47:50 park with us for a while. And his family used to do this big Mother's Day thing. Like Mother's Day would be this really like, they would go to really fancy dinner. They would get all dressed up. So the first year he was down with us for mother's day my grandmother liked to go out and so he got so excited and my grandmother always liked to go to burger king for mother's day and then he said that was the first time that he thought what have i done yeah oh really yeah he was like are they still married oh yeah oh yeah but my grandma i guess my grandmother was around when Burger King came out. Oh, yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:25 Yeah. So she loved it. Dude, we were, I mean, that's how when we make food, I mean, my tastes are all like that kind of taste. I think people don't realize, like, you know, it's like I don't have the taste for, I like good food and I've tasted stuff that's unbelievable. I like good food, and I've tasted stuff that's unbelievable. But honestly, that $5,000 burger, I could eat that and then eat McDonald's and be really just as happy. You know what I think about? Did you ever see it?

Starting point is 01:48:51 You know what Action Bronson is? Yeah. He's a rapper. He had a show on Vice where he would eat the most ridiculous food in the world. In one episode, he got hurt, and he's in the hospital. I can't remember what happened. But he's on his hospital bed. This guy who's eaten everything you can imagine eating.

Starting point is 01:49:07 He's like, man, I just want a Wendy's crispy chicken sandwich right now. That's all he wanted, was a Wendy's sandwich. And you identified with that. I think about that quite a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Food show? What was the show about?

Starting point is 01:49:21 It was called F That's Delicious. And they made that guy go- He's a big foodie, man. He goes in there and learns about how all the food's made and stuff. It was a fun show. What's your favorite fast food item? I mean, a Big Mac, probably. I think it's a Big Mac.

Starting point is 01:49:39 I think it's a Big Mac. It's number one for a reason. Flay of Fish is not far. Like a McDonald's? McDonald's of fish. It's number one for a reason. Flay of fish is not far. Like a McDonald's? McDonald's is my favorite. Well, my sister really blew my mind. She doesn't eat a lot of fast food, but the other day she goes, sometimes I'll go to McDonald's because I just love a fish sandwich.

Starting point is 01:49:57 And I just thought, that just blew my mind. I didn't know anybody was eating a fish. Oh, man. Nate's into it. It's my side piece. Side sandwich. Side sandwich, yeah. Side piece is a little different.

Starting point is 01:50:11 It goes, used to be a cheeseburger, no onions, and now I go, number one, Big Mac, no onions, filet-o-fish on the side. And then when I get home

Starting point is 01:50:21 or when I eat it, I look and see which one is better because I like to save the better one for last. Sometimes the play of fish. If it's fresh, that bread came out. That bread's so soft. Toss some little ketchup on it. It's amazing.

Starting point is 01:50:34 And then, I mean, a Big Mac. If you get a Big Mac right, like where it's like, I mean, oh, my gosh. But you have the discipline to eat what you're most excited about last? Yeah. Oh, man. I dive right in and get sad most excited about last. Yeah. Oh, man. I dive right in and get sadder as the meal goes on. Oh, yeah. I want to get the bad out of the way.

Starting point is 01:50:51 So if I have to eat, like Laura makes some vegetables I have to eat, I go and just pound them and get them over. So I can't wait until I get to the end. Yeah. What about Fazoli's? What do you think about that place? I was, did Drew Maddox, something, Vandy? It was always like, I thought I always heard it was like Drew Maddox's family owned Fazoli's.

Starting point is 01:51:14 I haven't heard that. See, I hate it. And I thought it was a failing business. Yeah. And I saw a brand new Fazoli's coming to a town and it blew my mind. Yeah. I, you know, I don't go there enough. I've been there and I would like, I wish I went more. a brand new Fazoli's coming to a town and it blew my mind. Yeah. You know, I don't go there enough.

Starting point is 01:51:28 I've been there and I would like, I wish I went more is what I... I always like a garlic bread like that though. What Aaron's got on the screen right now. That bread stick right there. I like, yeah, I like, it looks awesome. I like Fazoli's. And I just don't, some reason it just, you know, I mean, that's why it's still around.

Starting point is 01:51:46 I wish I would have went to it more. I mean, I will. There's one in Hermit's Life's Regrets. Do you have any regrets, Nate? Yeah, I wish Fazoli's – where it's at, I just wish it would have been a little bit closer to the road. It's kind of behind Steak and Shake. Yeah and so yeah and hermitage and so it was always like right there and uh i wish it was more in my eyesight steak and shake's gone now it's behind a chipotle oh yeah the chipotle you just keep adding a better restaurant in front of it so we can't

Starting point is 01:52:21 catch a break yeah like maybe if you're going to the car wash over there you might stop yeah there's always on the line yeah they are hiring right now if you're aaron you're looking for another restaurant which starbucks uh there's always oh they are yeah oh good the uh dirtiest item on a table is the menu they said the servers don't wipe them down usually i would think the salt and pepper that's second yeah they don't wipe those down either no yeah we were supposed to i don't think we ever did you'd marry ketchup too like the oh yeah squeeze it into the other western sizzling i mean you would empty some of those and you could tell what was on the bottom had been there a long time yeah and you would really hit ketchup with yeah sure put that back down on the bottom cover that back up yeah uh the cracker barrel peg game there's 6 000 different ways to to win that you go on their website it'll show you

Starting point is 01:53:12 how to do it i haven't found one i never yeah we used to have to roll silverware at western sizzling and in the back you could still smoke cigarettes so we would smoke cigarettes without using our hands you know just puffing on it while you're rolling silverware and ashes are all over the place you'd roll up the ashes yeah you're like i think that's par for the course weston says yeah they're like there's ashes in the silverware i'm like well you should see what's in your green beans i was gonna mention uh it's a it's a kind of nfl tradition for rookies to get the tab you know and there's always these huge tabs there's a lot of different cases there's a case for the titans guy a couple years ago had a ten thousand dollar tab oh wow they left and he uh he walked out on it no no no

Starting point is 01:53:56 he paid it but the other players you know gave it to him and uh he posted on social media and there's a lot of keys like this guy didn't didn't even last. He's out of the league now. Wow. And because people are like, well, you're a millionaire. And they did the math. It was 2.5% of his yearly salary. So it's not like that's, you know, just nothing to him. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:54:17 Yeah, I don't think you should be allowed to do it to – I feel like if you do it, it's to your – like when Derrick Henry's rookie year. It's your first pick is the one that has to do that. Not just some guy who barely made the team. Yeah, yeah. That seems mean. And then who was – what's his name?

Starting point is 01:54:38 I think it was Andre Walker. He wasn't like a late draft pick. DeAndre Walker. DeAndre Walker. But I looked him up. He's not on a team right now. Did he make millions of dollars? I don't even know if he did.

Starting point is 01:54:51 Yeah. Whatever 2.5% of your salary is. I'll figure that out. That's what. Well, that right there, that chart showed what it would be for a normal person's salary, how much that would be equivalent to. Yeah. Wow.

Starting point is 01:55:03 Wow. His thing was 260 uh thousand yeah like 266 000 and then yeah that's a lot i mean what did he he tip i mean that's that's where you're putting someone in a bad spot you'd hope the other guys at least leave the tip for the server because you're like that kid that that kid's got to pay and and it's already like, come on, man. Oh, yeah. And then, you know. 2.7, there it says at the bottom. But it's still, that's a lot. If you make $45,000 a year, that's like a $1,200 bill.

Starting point is 01:55:32 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah. That's probably a good place to stop. Yeah. All right. Awesome.

Starting point is 01:55:41 As always, we love you guys. I'm out on tour. I got a lot of summer dates coming out. I'm going to be taping a special in September. I believe I'm announcing, it might be announced if you're listening to this. So I'm not gonna say where, cause I don't know if it's announced,

Starting point is 01:55:59 but I'm taping it. I don't know where it's going to go yet, whether it's Netflix or it's someone else. We're figuring all that stuff out, but no matter what I'm taping it. I don't know where it's going to go yet, whether it's Netflix or it's someone else. We're figuring all that stuff out. But no matter what, I'm taping it. And then all the summer dates are amphitheaters. They're big places. Hope you see out there for that.

Starting point is 01:56:15 What are you guys? June 22nd, I'm headlining Zany's Comedy Club. Aaron's on the show. I'm telling people Nate's on the show just to get ticket sales up. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know where I'm at. You're in San Diego, but I'm telling people you're on the show. So anyway, come on out to the show and

Starting point is 01:56:33 we'll have a good time. And we're in Salt Lake City later that weekend. Yep, the 24th and 25th. Brian and I. I'm on the road. I'm doing Burt Kreischer's fully loaded. Oh, that's awesome.

Starting point is 01:56:47 Uh, next weekend, South Bend, Dayton, Rochester, New York, and Louisville. So I'm pumped.

Starting point is 01:56:52 Dude, that's awesome. Yeah. That'll be a lot of fun. Yeah, that's fun. I am about to launch second half of my year, my tour.

Starting point is 01:57:00 So that's going to be great. I'm in Huntsville soon with, uh, Brian. It's going to be great. And I got, uhville soon with Brian. It's going to be great. And I got, you know, my secret dream is to one day hit 10,000 followers on Twitter. I'm very close. It's only taken me over a decade.

Starting point is 01:57:14 What are you at? At Dusty Sly. Now what are you at followers? 9,700 something. Let's see what we got here. 7,18. On Twitter? Yeah, on Twitter. All right. Let's see what we got here. 7,800. On Twitter?

Starting point is 01:57:27 Yeah, on Twitter. What are you on Instagram? 46,000. Oh, good. So my Twitter is, yeah. I mean, that's your- And TikTok is- Typical waiter. That's like this one table left tipped him $500,

Starting point is 01:57:40 and then the board table, he's like, guys, can you give me one more dollar? Yeah, I mean, it's my secret dream. You know what I mean? It doesn't matter if we ever get there, but that's my Twitter. Not available. And yeah, TikTok is, we're doing great. We're having a good time.

Starting point is 01:57:55 345,000. Wow. There's no reason to get that many followers on Twitter. There's no reason. But this is what? Secretly, I'd like to have the little K next to my. What is TikTok? I don't even know what I. You're doing pretty well on there, man. there's no reason but this is what secretly i'd like to have the little k next to my what's i don't what is tiktok i don't know what i uh you're doing pretty well on there man

Starting point is 01:58:09 it uh i don't uh i have 550 000 just trying to make sure keep everybody in check can you look yeah they're well they're uh yeah i have no idea. Yeah, I'm not a- 125? Ooh. Wow. Put some numbers out there, man. TikTok is crazy. TikTok's amazing. Yeah. You have one? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:58:31 What is it? Brian Bates comic? We'll see. I don't know. You don't know the handle? Here we go. 125,000. That's a lot, man.

Starting point is 01:58:42 All right. 80. 80. All right. uh all right 80 all right there you go hey when you film those videos uh i think it'd be better if you got closer to your face do you ever... Shouldn't they back up a little bit? I did not see that coming, though. Yeah, I mean, I did not see that coming. Well, it looks like you're just getting rolling on here. Yeah, I'm just getting rolling.

Starting point is 01:59:13 Let's get the Nate Land bump. I'll go out there and follow Brian. Let's get these numbers. Yeah, don't follow my Twitter. Do go to Brian's TikTok. 89 likes. I mean, that video right there on the left, TikTok. 89 likes. That video right there on the left, I mean,

Starting point is 01:59:27 the camera is... You look like you're... It looks like you're like OJ walking out of the trial. The camera's just everywhere. He's like, no questions. No questions. The camera's just... How short are your arms? Do you do it like this?

Starting point is 01:59:42 He holds it like Nick. He just goes like, what's up everybody? And you do it like this he holds it like you hold it like the nick he just goes like what's up everybody and you hold it down i mean like the you do it just the most unflat like your own way you hold it down up your nose i don't even mean to laugh but 80 is funny oh i know i knew i had a real yeah that's why we said before the end uh but as far as the video yeah i mean and i saw all my cameos look yeah I mean the cameos

Starting point is 02:00:07 it's like I wish I could be there as you can see how close I am to the video alright stuff thank you guys

Starting point is 02:00:17 as always we love you all and we will see you next week. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for

Starting point is 02:00:40 the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.

The Nateland Podcast - #102 Restaurants

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