The Nateland Podcast - #103 Hotels

Episode Date: June 15, 2022

Do hotels put a tracking device in your towels to make sure you don't steal them? What happens to the soap in hotel rooms after you use it? Could Aaron set the world record for most hotel room key cards? These are just some of the questions the guys try to answer this week as they discuss hotels.   Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]     Solo Stove - SoloStove.com   Right now, you can get big discounts on all fire pits during Solo Stove’s Summer Sale.  And use promo code NATE at solostove.com for an extra $10 off. That’s solostove.com, promo code NATE for $10 off on top of their incredible Summer Sale discounts.  But hurry! The Summer Sale ends June 23rd.    TalkSpace - TalkSpace.com   If thoughts and emotions are piling up, a fresh perspective can help you feel better.  Match with your dedicated therapist today at talkspace.com, and use promo code nate during sign-up to get $100 off your first month. That’s $100 off at talkspace.com, promo code nate.   Athletic Greens – AthleticGreens.com/Nate   Right now, it’s time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient, daily nutrition — especially heading into the flu and cold season!  It’s just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That’s it! No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.  To make it easy, Athletic Greens Is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.  All you have to do is visit ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE. Again, that is ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!   Indeed - Indeed.com/Nate   Sign up for Indeed now and get a $75 credit toward your first sponsored job. Plus earn up to $500 extra in sponsored job credits with Indeed’s Virtual Interviews. Visit Indeed.com/NATE to learn more. Claim your credits at Indeed.com/NATE. Indeed.com/NATE. Terms and conditions apply. Need to hire? You need Indeed.   TrueBill  - TrueBill.com/Nate   Don’t fall for subscription scams. Start canceling today at Truebill.com/NATE. Go right now - Truebill.com/NATE - it could save you THOUSANDS a year. Truebill.com/NATE.

Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nateland podcast. All right, let's go, folks. Welcome to the Nateland podcast. I'm sitting here, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, Dusty Slut. All right. That's how people know you're alive. Yes. Would that be your welfare check is you would go, all right. All right. Yeah. I think so. If you check on me and I don't go, all right, then you know something's up. Yeah. What if you say, all right, but your hand doesn't go up? Wow. Yeah. That could be something too. Yeah. You're like, I'm not totally fine. I'm all right. Maybe that's how you would show you're in a hostage situation.

Like, you know, like what they do in a bank. Yeah. Yeah. The key is if you ever don't raise your hand, it's like something's not right. Oh, yeah. Or maybe that, you know, just like I'm like, all right. Yeah. You know, I give a nod.

How you doing? All right. All right. Your hand goes up. There's a little. Yeah, yeah. A little pointy. A little slanted. All right. Look over it. Look over it. They they're like we are having a good time we're having a good time we're having a great time

if you don't mind looking behind me uh you think you when you're buried i mean when in the casket you're just gonna have them that would be the way to go just laying down and you come up and just my hands there yeah people don't know what to do. They put change in it. Yeah. You can't shut the casket door. You should get like Han Solo. Oh, yeah. And he's carving that.

Yeah. And just be froze forever. Having a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. Even in death, having a good time.

Having a good time. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, yeah time yeah i hope so yeah yeah yeah yeah well yeah i hope so yeah yeah they should go find out yeah uh let's start the comments chris ramsey i just have to say i was on the fence about dusty joining the podcast i thought it might throw the boys chemistry off after the restaurant episode i am fully on board to the point where i demand dusty give us a taste of

all of his haircuts throughout the years and a brief discussion of each style i don't know about that keep up the good i never get it's the whole go walk us through this haircut i don't know that everybody wants to go through them but i got a million haircuts that's for sure yeah i'm sure they'll come up eventually you've ever spiked like you had blonde hair do you ever spike it up a little bit yes by actually my senior photo i have a little spiked blonde hair i did spike blonde once yeah i did it this was the time this is when you did it how old are you i'm 40 yeah yeah so yeah and then we this is what we did yeah that was our like 20 something phase was like it was real big to get blonde tips i did it once but you have to fix your hair up every time i've never been the guy that wants to

i fix my hair up for shows yeah but outside of like having i'm going somewhere like a dinner like i'm just 95 i'm not fixing my hair so it looks looks like a leopard print. Yeah, and if it's not gelled up, yeah, it's just flat. It's just flat, and you got black circles and yellow. And I was like, well, I'm just wearing it like that. I never even did it. And so then I was like, well, there's no point to this. And so I just waited until it came out and then moved on. Brian, did you do anything?

Yeah, it's just been this my whole life. I can see that. just a bunch of that uh there yeah there's no point where you've ever looked probably different i mean i had more hair when i was younger what was the wildest look you've ever had i mean i it's been pretty much this just more of it i found a picture of me when you unbutton that collared shirt from the top i got mine top button that's how i'm making fun of it mine is actually yours is higher than mine is yeah it's uh i don't mind a nice one's the top but i mean that would be your first step you went yeah you didn't do that i had a chain

yeah yeah did you ever have jewelry uh there was about, rephrase my sophomore year in high school, or. You had a chain? Yeah, a necklace. Yeah. Oh, not a chain wallet. No.

That's what we called it back in our day. Yeah. Yeah. And then, did people bring it up? Like, when you walked in?

No. That's why I stopped after two weeks. It didn't work like I thought. Or your back? Yeah. I found a picture of me at a Vanderbilt football game.

I don't know. I was probably in high school or something like that. And there's a lot of people in stands behind me. And I thought, what if I look back there and I saw Nate, like a young Nate? Yeah. You ever think about that? Like there's probably people,

because we know we've been at the same games before. We probably crossed paths and didn't a young Nate. Yeah. You ever think about that? Like there's probably people, because we know we've been at the same games before. We probably crossed paths and didn't even know it. Yeah. It'd been kind of crazy. Yeah, it would be. I shared a picture of me at a Talladega race when I was like 10, so it was probably 92. And two guys identified themselves in the photo that followed me on Facebook. And then I looked them up and I was like, oh, that is those dudes.

Wow. That's crazy. 30 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. Your fan base is, you want to, you are your fan base. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I mean, they're like already following me and they're like, oh, here's this. Oh, we were there. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they're a bit older than me. So my fan base may be dying off. I was definitely the youngest in that crowd. They were old then. Yeah. Well, they were older than me. Yeah. You know dying off i was definitely the youngest in that crowd they were old then yeah well they were older than me you know they were like grown-ups and i was 10 i got like a maybe i'll have a whole james gregory thing going on you know what i mean where you just they

just fans just stick with you for ages yeah well they stay with you yeah yeah uh i i always think it is a good thing to be like i mean mean, you, if that means you're being relatable, if people are not saying everybody's going to these races that likes you, people are, they like you for being funny and other reasons, but there's a bit of, there should be a bit of you and all your audience. Yeah, totally. Yeah. It validates.

Are they know someone? Are they like, there should be a connection to be like, I like this guy. Do you have people think you're not legit? Like this is all a charade? I think so. I think sometimes people think I make up. I mean, because, you know, my trailer park life wasn't so hard. Like some people, like some people tell me their trailer park stories and I'm like, oh, okay.

Well, mine wasn't like that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like we had, you know, a washer and dryer. You were a high class of the of the trailer park exactly yeah yeah we had a phone that other people would come over and use yeah you know we had that going on yeah you were the new money yeah of the trailer park yeah i i like to say with you know the i was the rich kid of the trailer yeah we had stuff i had like a you know

a nintendo with with several games oh wow you know that was probably a big deal yeah people would come over and play and they would have you know an atari was it put in the newsletter well we didn't have one if we had i mean there's you know nobody would have read it anyway you know what i mean yeah i mean that's a joke but also it's true yeah i would think i would enjoy a new like you know the sle, the Slays got a brand new Nintendo. Santa was pretty good this year, and they're like, oh, and you're, don't post that. It's like getting posted in Forbes. Yeah.

You're like, but for the trailer park, don't post something like that. You know what's going to happen to my house? Yeah, you don't want people to know what you have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. There you are. Here's the picture right there. There's a young Dusty.

There's a young Dusty. Yeah, so the guy behind me in the Budweiser hat, and then the guy next to him are the ones that identified themselves. They're sitting directly behind you. Yeah, and the guy behind him, that's my uncle with the beard. I don't know why we're two guys apart. Yeah, that's what they say. Who are you sitting next to?

That's my sister. Okay. Yeah, and then my cousin's there with the things hanging off his glasses. Yeah, right there? Yeah, yeah, that's my cousin. He shot the things hanging off his glasses. Yeah, right there? Yeah, yeah, that's my cousin. He shot me with a BB gun when I was five. So Folger's hat. Yeah, the hats in this picture are incredible.

It cost you $50 to buy that hat. Oh, yeah. But I like that your family's there, and you can't even have seats. Who took the picture? Is it like, was it like the NASCAR took the picture or something? I don't know who took that. I guess my mom was probably there. Well, where did you get it?

My sister gave it to me. Okay. But the one that's sitting next to me. I mean, it's just funny that your uncles, I mean, you and your sister are just next to each other. Then everybody's in a different row. Yeah. I don't, yeah. I mean, I don't know who's behind this guy.

Bear Will could be a relative or someone. I don't know. Yeah. That's a good picture. That should be an album. Yeah. You could have that be an album picture. It's actually a little bigger, too.

I cropped it for Instagram. But there's several dudes with their shirts off and mustaches. People were just – I mean, they would drink – they would be empty and coolers all over the place after the race i mean it was to sit and watch something and have your shirt off i mean that's i think it was i mean look it's probably hot but it's like that's pretty crazy like just to be i mean this guy at the bottom looks like he has some back hair so like just to sit i would

you know to have that freedom i'm that guy who's got a cigarette in his mouth no hands smuggle with no hands no hands i mean you know that was just a time dude yeah i mean look at that a guy behind him there's a there's i'm just in this little row there There's three people with no shirts on. And the guy by name looks like an accountant. It looks like he's undercover for the FBI. And they go, you got to fit in. And he goes, what do you want me to do? I got to take my shirt off.

And then his shirt is off. And he's miserable. And then everybody that doesn't believe in the FBI is watching him. Yeah. I feel like this is a nice conspiracy group thinks the fbi against them uh uh yeah that's a great picture yeah the guy in all white there with a towel around his neck i mean that guy's like i'm not taking my shirt off i'm ready but he's got extra stuff yeah yeah and the other guys were yeah it's interesting uh ellen when reading a book in the kindle app you can go to the settings and change the font to open dyslexic,

and it makes a big difference. Man, I did not know that, and that's huge. Ellen, thank you. Do you consider yourself openly dyslexic? I mean, I talk about it here, right? So would I not be open? I guess so. I don't even know if I'm dyslexic.

This is the font, open dyslexic font. It's designed in a way to help people with dyslexia differentiate between certain characters. So it switches in between words and pictures. And that's how they should do it. It uses unique letter shapes, and it shows me like a triangle. I'm like, man, this thing, I am breezing. I'll try it. you know that could be interesting why do you think they call it open dyslexic

no they gotta get one slide in and add us yeah they don't ever just give us our own there's a little dig yeah i don't know without that why that would be a dig but but they should call it dumb dumb. Does it help that I'm going to read open dyslexia and I'm reading books for dummies? Is this going to like, I wonder if it cancels out. It won't let me do it. And it's like, we've never even had someone try to do this. Yeah, it's too much.

So I'm confused by all of this. Keep shutting the app down. I'm going to try it because I'll be interested to see if I – because I'm even – I'm nailing it down to either it's dyslexic or like – the fact I can't remember anything is like thanks me the – what is it, like the attention? ADD. Something like that because you're like,

why am I not grasping this stuff? I watch a movie and I'm not grasping. Something makes me think there and there's part of me that thinks you figure it out or do you not figure it out because then that's i am who i am because i'm not figuring something out and so but i would always think that people can think that with drinking so people that drink they think well if i don't drink quit drinking then i'm not going to be the fun that i am and that's the most untrue statement you could ever ever ever have the it's your i mean you know like the most you're you're a light years better of a person if you if you just don't oh yeah yeah i haven't drank in 10 years and when i was drinking though i could be a ton of fun but also a real

mess of a not fun person yeah yeah yeah you could just it's just you know you know what i mean it's and you just realize like how much you're not doing you're like oh you're just passing time yeah you're almost like your whole life's watching commercials like you're just like or you're trying to or it's like not what maybe the opposite would be that it'd be like you're like the fast forward button in commercials like on dvr is when you're drinking just to get to the next like i, I got to get through this thing. So I'm just like trying to, I might not be good in that. Ouch.

And I'm open to that. So Krista Walcott, Dusty trusting 1960 doctors more than current doctors is why he might be the smartest one on the podcast. Well, yeah. I mean, I don't don't i mean i can't agree with the whole statement but yeah i mean the 1960s doctors yeah i mean they seem like they're into it like they're like let's try to figure something out nowadays they're like i mean i tell doctors things they go well i don't know we'll take some blood i feel i think now you're going and you're like and then you ask where that blood's

going where's this blood yeah you're like who's gonna can i take it back with me after you're done testing it can i have it back because i would like to drink it and put it back in my body yeah yeah exactly that's what you should don't waste the blood yeah who are you sending it to yeah are we getting more blood you know what about that yeah it's like i went to a doctor one time i told him i was burping a lot. And he goes, well, you can breathe in this bag and we'll send it in and see if you have whatever. And then he calls me and he goes, hey, congratulations. You don't have that.

And I'm like, well, I'm still burping. Yeah. Did you then pull up in that guy's car and you see all those bags in the back? There's a bunch of those bags. And you're like, hey, man, what? Did you take those somewhere? And you're like, hey, man, did you take those somewhere? And he's like, where would I? How am I going to keep your breath in a bag?

How is that even? How do you really blow into it? Yeah, you drink a thing, and then you blow into a bag, and they seal it up. Like the bread? Yeah, yeah. Twist tie? Yeah, twist tie.

No, I don't know. It was some sort of, I don't know, it felt official. He's probably selling it online. I don't believe it. Dusty Slays Burst. That's the stuff that's, so I think the problem doctors get, this is, I just popped in my head, maybe it's not true. But there's so much stuff we're asking about now that, like, there is no answers for this. You're going in and being like, I have this weird tingling in my elbow.

Like, where before it was crazy you would just be like yeah dude like you your body feels weird yeah and then now you're like what is this one thing and it's like a doctor can be like i i don't know what it could be dude like it can be your body's still going to be your body yeah so they don't have an answer to it but if you want to pay for an answer they're oh right they got something that can numb that elbow to keep it from tingling yeah yeah but yeah they don't know why it's tingling yeah it's like your body's gonna do weird stuff it's like a house you hear sounds creaks yeah creaks i mean how do you it's settling that's not even my body that's not a a great you use a nervous answer yeah but like

i don't they can't be like well the wood you know they i feel like someone could go into it's a nervous answer. Yeah. But like, I don't, they can't be like, well, the wood, you know, I feel like someone could go into it for a second. They'd be like, well, the wood's like,

as it gets, and then they're like, I don't know. And then if the words get too big. Yeah, who cares? And when they're explaining if the words are too big,

it feels like they're making it up. Yeah. You know, it's like if you, you're like, all right, now you've created something. But if,

and that would be like if a new person said that, but if like a 1950s old man said it's just settling you'd be like all right yeah like i would like 100 he's cutting to the point and then you'd be like what does that mean he goes it means just settles wood's gonna shrink it's like it is what it is and you move on like he's not trying to he's almost mad that you asked the question yeah and you're like i don't know actually i am sorry you're right you're old man yeah i will i'll apologize to them for things that i haven't done wrong christine tomasino right yeah i see no job i'm gonna see you tomasino would i trust a doctor

from the 1960s over myself in the present day? Absolutely not. Why? Because I have seen a photo of my grandfather, an anesthesiologist. Good job. Yeah. I was driving through those things that make them, you don't have a bomb. They make you go around the curves. That's how I read that sentence. You know what I'm talking about?

Not really. If you go for a U.S. Like when we go to Iraq, they make you drive a zigzag. You never seen it in a movie? And they have these barriers. Oh, I have seen that when you approach like a military base or something. Yeah, so you can't just drive straight because it's like you might have a car bomb. So they make you drive diagonal.

I think that's what it's for. And that's what that word felt like for you. Yeah, I was like anesthesiologist. And then they put a mirror under my car uh smoking cigarettes in the operating room so he's seen a photo of his grandfather smoking cigarettes in the operating room over the person he just put to sleep for surgery uh he was uh practicing anesthesiologist for over 30 years between the 50s and 80s and was allowed to smoke in the hospital for his entire career we've come a long way folks yeah the way we've come is we're just not smoking

in there yeah sounds like he was calming his nerves yeah yeah that's the kind of anesthesiologist i want yeah you prefer that he's like all right let me take a break i got him asleep he's he's open let me yeah we just chill out for a minute he He's the one, like the guy using his hands. Yeah. Just, you know. Yeah, now we've come a long way. I'd say we've come a long way, but I understand the logic of if you asked, it would be for certain things.

Do I want a guy in the 1960s to have surgery on me? No. But do I want to ask him about a cold and probably believe him more? Yeah. I might, like, is that guy's not going to, you know. Right. I'd like to know her grandfather's record. no but do i want to ask him about a cold and probably believe him more yeah i might like because that guy's not gonna you know right i'd like to know her grandfather's record though of success how'd that guy do yeah yeah is that guy still alive is that guy you know are ashes really that bad for inside the body yeah i don't know i'd probably get rid of him right

does this guy have does he not smoke or did he take up smoking? Yeah. I mean, that'd be something. He'd close it up and he was craving a cigarette. He's like, you guys never smoked in my life. And you're like, he's like, it's my fault. Because, yeah, and the doctor gives him one. That guy has no idea. But he's like, my elbow's not tingling. But now I got to smoke.

That's, yeah. How does your grandfather even have this photo? That's what I'm like. In the, yeah, in the 60s, we'd get a picture of that guy cut open. I mean,

all of it was unprofessional. He got a group, no, come on in. Everybody come on in and get a picture. He's out. Come on in. Come on in.

You want a cigarette? A little shot of, you come on come on in you want a cigarette a little shot of you know come on in everybody there's a big group around jay yeah that's the nervous part you get in and then you're you're like how did it go and like the whole hospital's like looking at you weird and you're like huh who was in there Did they let everybody in? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Everybody came in. We had people driving up. We sold tickets for a couple of days. Those weren't quick cameras back then either. Yeah.

Those were the Kodak. Oh, yeah. Polaroid. To see if it worked. Yeah, maybe it took several photos. Finally, the guy was like, let me smoke. You know what I mean? Jay Baker.

I heard Nate tell the story of his dad being forced to be right-handed. The same thing happened to my dad when he was a kid. The biggest difference for my dad, though, is that once he was able to write with his right hand, he developed a stutter. My dad also had a stutter. Wow. That's crazy.

My dad had speech impediment. After dealing with that for a year in school, they let him stop, and his stutter went away. Also, he couldn't play baseball because he learned to catch left-handed with the glove on his right hand, but he throws with his right hand. Still can't do it to this day at age of 71. Love the show. Love all you guys. Looking forward to seeing you in Memphis in the fall. Yeah, this guy's still throwing baseballs at his grandfather at 71. Why can't you catch? No, it's his dad.

Jay Baker, you're like, why don't you take it easy on your old man? He still walks in the door out of nowhere. Dad! I just hauls one at him. He's like, I can't. He goes, God. He goes, I'm going to write it down. Still can't do it.

His dad's just got bruises of balls on his chest. Because he's like, no warning or anything, dude. Just give me a break. Right, and you can't even tell him to stop. He has a bit of a stutter. He goes, can you, can you? And he's already out the door. I mean, it was four balls

before he finally gets the words out. I can't, no more. No more. Just pound him. Dad, come outside. He walks out the door and just, hey, there's balls being thrown at his dad. Just pounding him. His dad, dad, come outside. He walks out the door and just, hey! He gets the balls of being thrown at his dad.

He's like, Jay did, come on, Jay. My dad is a speech man. Maybe that's crazy that they did that. That is wild. Could be, yeah. Yeah, it messes up the brain. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't know.

Still would trust if that guy was a doctor, though. Do animals have dogs? Basically, we would, that guy's doctor, the 71-year-old's doctor, we're like, we'd go to that doctor, and this is what they also were doing, is making these kids be stutters. But you'd be like, you know, I won't go to them for everything,

but some stuff. What? Do animals have dominant hands in the way that we do? I don't think they have hands. Just a human. That's probably a big... That's probably the hardest part. Octopus.

Yeah. I think a raccoon has hands. I wonder if it favors one over the other. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe we should Google it. Yeah.

Let's check in with them. Sometimes it's fun to talk about it. I don't know if a raccoon would, I think they use both their hands. Yeah, I never really see them. Oh, I love that that's right there. Always wondered, can animals be left or right pawed? Yeah, we know how this goes when Aaron Googles something and he gets no answer. Yeah, primates, all animals seem to favor one hand over the other.

That's pretty cool. And righties outnumber lefties in the animal world as well. Oh, wow. Okay. So the answer is boring. That's why it is almost better not to look at it. I know. It's not fun.

The discussion's more fun than just, oh, it turns out they do. How long does it take to study an animal to realize that? What if you make your trash can left-handed? Oh, yeah. And then a raccoon. Only the left-handed raccoon, then he's the king. Well, maybe the right side doesn't go up all the way, and then the left side goes up, and then he's the king. Well, like maybe the right side doesn't go up all the way and then the left side

goes up and then he's stronger. Now, if you get a left-handed raccoon, it's bad news, but you know. Or the raccoon's king, though. Yeah.

No, that guy. Whatever. Maybe if I put in left-handed wires under my car, squirrels, I couldn't get to it. Yeah.

It'd be hard for them to be dominant to pull. Right. Because I think that's how they're doing it. Michelangelo Coletta. Michelangelo, man. Given that, that's a, you got to live up to that name. Michelangelo.

I mean, that's a, I don't think I've ever seen a person with that name. Yeah. Like a new person. Probably just call themselves Michael usually, but he stuck with it. Maybe there is a lot of Michelangelos, but they go by Michael. I doubt it, man. That seems pretty. Seems like a lot to shorten.

A lot of people go Mike for Michael, but you could go Angelo, Angel. Michelangelo Coletta. I kind of like it. I like it too. His last name too. I'm on board with it because you don't see it, but I hope it's cool and good for you. I don't know. Would you mind him being a mechanic if Michelangelo worked on your car?

I think I would like a Michelangelo working on my car. Not as a mechanic. I think so. No, I want a Cletus or something. No, you take it down to Michelangelo. You're like, what is it from the ferrari family you're like i mean that guy works at auto zone and you'd be like no one even knows about him like he's you would i would be going you should start your own business michelangelo coletta it'd be tough to earn trust in a small town i think i but i think you could

sell them on that you're you're you're used to working on like – It's in my blood. Yeah, you're like, this is what we do. Foreign cars. Foreign cars. You know, like a Ford. You're like – Yeah.

And then everybody gets to go like, no, my guy, my mechanic, like he used to do Ferraris. Yeah. That's, you know, in the office when that guy was like the janitor and he was like, I was a surgeon back in my – Yeah, yeah. Like it's like you could sell it like that where you're, you know, Michelangelo is just killing it. Love seeing all the lefty talk on the pod.

The pain of using right-handed things can't be stressed enough. Just remember, one in 10 people used to be left-handed and now it's one in nine. We're getting rid of them. Wow. That's my dad's generation that they beat it out of them. Love telling my friends we are slowly taking over the world. Dusty and Burpee,

make sure when you add a fifth host, they always use the right side of their brain as well. All right. So, one in nine is more than one in ten. We're taking over. They're saying there's more. We're increasing in strength. I thought that meant we're only asking nine of them now. That's all.

We're gaining in strength. Maybe they're just like... I think that's why. I guess it was yeah maybe they're just like they they're like that's why i don't know if i even believe it now they're asking they used to we used to ask 10 people now we can't even find 10 to ask so we found nine or it seems like they could do two out of 10 you can only handle talking to nine left-handed people what if that's the case you're like after you talk 10 of them you're like god dude you're like 10 of them, you're like, God, dude. You're like, let's just ask nine. Who cares anymore?

You know, what if left-handed people are, you know, just kind of a nightmare. They go on and on and on. And you're like, there's only so much time in the day. Well, there's some truth to that, but I don't think that's how they did that. I mean, it's not nine left-handed people they were surveying. It used to be 10. So now they're only asking nine people? Are you left-handed?

They're probably doing a higher number to get that percentage. But yeah, now it's, according to him, it's increasing. It probably is because they're not doing like they did to your dad. It makes sense that Michelangelo's left-handed, though. I will say that. Yeah. What if your friend was named Michelangelo and you had to call him Michelangelo every time? And I love that he shortened podcast to the pod. Yeah. But he was named Michelangelo and you had to call him Michelangelo every time? And I love that he shortened podcast to The Pod. Yeah.

But he sticks with Michelangelo. Well, capitalized pod, too. I appreciate that. You're like, hey, Mike. I appreciate it as well. Actually, it's Michelangelo. Michelangelo. Oh, sorry.

Yeah, I like it. I think more comedians are left-handed than average because you do use the right side of your brain, which is the creative side. Okay. Who's left-handed in here? Just me and you? Yeah. It's 50% in here.

That's true. Yeah. Both doing pretty good. Yeah. Really working out. And of those, 50% are successful just keep breaking it down it seems like

if you're left handed it's either all or nothing there's no in between I used to have a joke about 10% being left handed and my black friends didn't appreciate when I called myself

a minority oh yeah but that's what we are well that is true yeah there you go Sophia 10% being left-handed. My black friends didn't appreciate when I called myself a minority. That's what we are. Sophia Mattis. Last year we went on vacation to Hilton Head, South Carolina. The last night we were there we went to a local seafood place. It was fun until the end when my dad gave our waiter

his credit card. We waited for probably 30 minutes until the guy came back and apologizing profusely informed us that the card had slipped out of his hand and through the crack in the dock we were eating on. The next thing we knew, someone who worked there was pulling on some rubber boots and was about to go in after it. My dad, feeling bad for causing all the commotion, was about to go over and tell them it wasn't necessary, but he't have it wasn't necessary but he didn't have to wait the commotion was about to go over and tell them it wasn't necessary but he didn't have to does that make sense yeah maybe he going it'll oh maybe at that same moment an al and i was

saying allegation there's an allegation that came what happened in this story at that same moment alligator swam under the dock right where his card was and didn't seem to want to move we left the next day without his credit card wow an alligator yeah and then that alligator racked up quite a bell yeah really yeah i mean i think you could like i guess you can't get with a stick that's a that's a whole thing at that moment an allegation came out of nowhere. We had to leave town. Allegation that an alligator. The great thing about putting these on the screen is the people at home can finish this way ahead of time and just sit back and see what happens.

I thought some people didn't like it. Some people didn't. Well, you got to find a good compromise. I think people want to see you reading them. Yeah. Wow. So we'll figure something out some people like yeah we're just trying stuff out man trying to stay ahead of

the curve well we're i like the idea of compromising i think there's a way to get both put it at the bottom of the screen yeah oh yeah they're good thinking okay i think it's obvious you know what what we did at the bottom of the screen you know know what, Bates? I'm glad you said something. We were going to do top, but do it like closed captioning. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow. Glad we have this meeting. Well, why aren't we doing it then if it's so obvious?

No, well, we tried it this way saying we should compromise. I would imagine the compromise would be put it at the bottom of the screen. All right. Corey O'Brien, most restaurants still pay their employees between $2 and $3 an hour based on the fact that customers' tips will raise that wage above the minimum.

Removing tip-in will bring the server wage down to a bare minimum of what the employer needs to pay them, rather than customers who appreciates the service and meal. So I understand Nate's thinking, a roundup purchase at Firehouse Subs to pay them rather than customers who appreciates the service and meal so i understand nate's thinking a roundup purchase at firehouse subs is not someone taking care of you for an hour at a highly curated restaurant i don't the roundup doesn't go to the person now and i don't think we really know how the employer will choose to pay if you pay your people the bare minimum then you're going to get bad employees.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So the idea of it would be you would go support places that pay what they should pay. But the Roundup purchase at Firehouse doesn't go to the- It's for a charity, right? It's for a charity. It's not going to the person. If it went to the person, I would almost do it every time. But it's not going to the person. It's going to the charity. person i would almost do it every time but it's not going to the person it's going to the charity and i actually fire and like i think i said it firehouse subs their charity is like i think it's like built through it's like a fireman like you almost can track that to where that goes to more it's the bigger like firehouse subs is i know it's kind of a chain now but it doesn't feel like a chain because it feels like it's there's still i can see the beginning of it you't feel like a chain because it feels like it's, there's still, I can see the beginning of it, you know?

And like when you lose sight of the beginning of where it started, that's when I don't start trusting. If it's too big. Yeah, it's like Walmart. You're like, I don't, like, I mean, I had an old joke about it, but it's like, it's, but like if you get to Target or what, you're like, well, I don't know what the beginning of these places were. Yeah.

And they, and then, but Firehouse Subs, you're like, no, that was probably started like. I went to a Dollar General yesterday, and they were like, do you want to round up to help kids learn how to read? I don't know how y'all are doing that. Yeah. But I'll do it. That sounds like a good cause.

Yeah. I like to go, nah. Dollar General is a giant company. You're like, pay kids to learn how to read. Put some money in it. Why don't you say. That's how they do it. They just tell the kids. Why don't you go. If you learn how to read, we'll in it why don't you say that's how they do it they just tell the kids why don't you go learn how to read we'll give you money no i'm saying why does the

general go like we will round up and we will pay the roundup fee yeah and that money goes to instead of putting it on so come shop here and then we round everything up and we give that money to whatever like i mean do that versus like you're asking the customer that's at dollar general and then you're going hey do you mind also helping people how to read you're like i don't know how to read and i'm in here and then that employee's like me either and then you have a real bonding moment over it and they just walk out together yeah it's like the way that they keep asking it's like everybody's asking people to help yeah instead of these companies that are like come on man like you you do round it up and give you know and then or like at least put next to it here's what we give

to charity like dude show me what you're doing yeah versus just ask and your charity that you give is just my roundup like so it's like dollar general gave uh money they're helping kids read and everybody's like wow they're helping kids read. And everybody's like, wow, they're helping kids read. You're helping kids read. They're just the ones that figured it. They just go like, oh, we're just telling you to do it. They're the middlemen. They're the middlemen. Somebody told me March of Dimes, they call it that because only 10 cents of every dollar goes to help people.

And I don't know if that's true. I don't think they would flaunt that. I just feel like they did. They just put it right out there. They're like, we told you. Yeah. Yeah. We hand people dimes.

Yeah. Yeah. We march around, throw dimes at them. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I'm getting firehouse subs today. Yeah.

There's a comment a couple down that I think says just what you said. All right. Kate Willer, the guy who I have recently started dating will put a cash tip on the table when we get seated at a restaurant then if the service is not great or the order gets messed up he will visibly

reduce the tip in front of servers by taking some of the cash away he's a generous tipper about 30% or more whenever service is great but I think it's not

the best strategy for good service do you think this is a red flag I do think it's just that's something you want. The difference is that's something that you should want to do,

and you probably talk about it to your friends, but you never do it because it's kind of insulting. It's very insulting. Yeah. It's very condescending. It's very condescending. It's dance for me, monkey, or I'll take away this $1. You should.

30% is not that generous. I was going to say. To a guy that's like putting the money on the table. Your bill's $20 and you're like, you put five and you take it back down to four. If someone did that to me, I would want to be like, just take it all off the table. That's what I do. Yeah. You just keep your tip. Keep it all.

I would give them the best service and then ask them not for a tip and go, I don't want the tip. Like, yeah, i'm real i don't want to make especially in that scenario like you don't make someone feel less than you and that's that very much kind of makes that person i think feel like that so that would be the red flag as far as like dating this person i mean you want to be married and like and you have you have kids and then you're you're the whole your whole life it's like dad would do this you know like and i mean just the uncomfortableness of like having to watch that uh i used to work with a guy and he would say when he would take cab rides he would say i got five dollars for you

every time you talk to me i take a dollar away oh wow yeah was that you no it was not me i i'm the guy that talks to people the entire time every Every ride I'm in, every time. Well, I mean, you can get on your phone now. You can do whatever. Back then, you'd read a newspaper. You could do something to be like, I don't want to talk. I don't ever even think Uber. I would never put the don't talk because it just feels rude.

I mean. But when you get a notification that the driver is deaf or hard of hearing, you're like, all right, this is going to be awesome. I don't think I even – I don't know if I've ever heard that. You've never seen that? I get it occasionally. It says the driver is deaf or hard of hearing. Just a heads up, he's probably not going to talk to you.

I think that's – You get that and you're like, incredible. I think we're lying. I got that one time. I don't know if I believe the percentage is – It wasn't true. Like Seinfeld? That you're seeing them enough.

Like you're – I get it pretty frequently. And a lot of times – That's not – I think it's just people go, I don't want to talk to my passengers so i'll just say i'm yeah yeah there's it yeah they there's they got you flagged specifically yeah you think they're like just go ahead tell this guy that or i think drivers are even drivers are like yeah dude i don't want to talk to you because i bet drivers are like i get talked to more than i talk to people yeah

yeah because like you're going to get people that are drunk. You're going to get people that are whatever. And so people always act – I'd almost be willing to bet there's more problems with passengers talking than drivers. Yeah, of course. Well, I used to be a driver. I would try to match whatever energy they had. If they wanted to talk, I would try to talk. If they didn't – but I would try to follow their lead. You never took the lead with it.

Okay. No, because some people – I think most people – Yeah, I think he would want to. And he wanted to talk no i most people don't want to talk um and i didn't want to talk but some people like dusty does they think it's awkward not to talk how often did you leave i get right in a bad review of the passenger did that happen very often no i don't think ever because i just checked it i checked this this weekend. I have perfect five-star rating on Uber and Lyft.

Yeah. Pretty proud of that. Yeah. I don't know how common that is. I think it's very uncommon. I think my rating, I think the last time I ever saw it

was like 4.789. It was like something. What do you think lost it? What do you think lost the point? I don't know. I even looked it up and someone was like, it could be,

because you know what's funny? Something got in my head. It was like, you could be. Because you know what's funny? Something got in my head. It was like you could close the door too hard. And then that could. And so now I always try not to slam the door. But you could be, maybe the guy wanted to talk and you didn't talk. It could be. They were saying it's almost impossible to have five just because you, I don't know,

you could accidentally even hit a button or that could be whatever. I think I'm just, yeah, I'm pretty charming. Yeah, it could be that. It could be part of it. You never left a bad review. I think it's because you sit and watch them press it. I'll get out of the car when I see you leave. You have to tell them a sign language.

You have the money up on the chair. You leave removing money. Yeah yeah what did they go it's uh for aaron where the big front seat guy like so everybody knows that they're there they fix you up you're like oh no and he just hops in the front did you have people hop in the front seat yeah now you now it's not allowed right i don't know i think during covid they stopped letting you do that. Back then, you could. I had a guy in Michigan go, just get on up here with me. And we rode and just like we were best friends. I took an Uber in Pittsburgh or somewhere during COVID where everything was very strict.

And a guy picked me up at a pickup truck. And there was only one. It was a two-seater pickup truck. So it's just me and him with a mask on and I go, you know, this is how every Uber work,

you kind of like, can we take the mask off or whatever? And I go, can I take the mask off? And he goes, no, they're watching. I was like,

I go, who's watching? He's like, see that light on top of my phone? They're looking through the camera at me. Dusty would be like, five stars.

Yeah, they are watching. They might have been, I stars. Yeah. Yeah, they are watching. They might have been. I don't know. Yeah, they might have been. We kept it on. Andrew Stewart. I'm 100% on board

with not donating to companies when they ask a lot of larger corporation businesses to count these donations towards their own charitable donations

to get tax breaks at the end of the year. If I'm already a customer, it seems like the least you could do is not burden me to get tax breaks. That's exactly what we were saying. customer, it seems like the least you could do is not burden me to get tax breaks. That's exactly what we were saying.

I'm not into it, yeah. Andrew's too. Huh? Yeah, I'm not into the extra. I'm just buying things from you and then you're guilting me at the end to give you more things. It's emails.

It's Brian Regan had a joke. What can I do just to pay to not have a relationship with you? Like how do you, like it's your email, your air, like your, everybody's, it's your email, your, like, your, everybody's, it's just out of control. Derek Babb.

Nate and Aaron said they didn't want to give their phone number for the rewards program. Oh. One option is to give a number that is not yours but is likely in the system. If you know the area code, 867-5309 is in nearly every system thanks to Tommy Two-Tone.

They might call you Jenny, but other than that, it is a pretty good way to still get the discount with them actually tracking you. Wow. Pretty good. There you go.

I feel like you got to always go 867-5309. Like, do they, they're going to know. Like, so you have to be cool with like... You'd have to say it differently. Eight, yeah. You go 867... I think you sing it every time. to know like so you have to be cool with like you'd have to say it differently eight yeah you

go eight six seven i think you sing it every time eight six seven five hold on what's the three zero nine eight six seven five three zero nine you can say that that could be enough to break it up yeah i mean these kids won't even know these songs they don't care yeah i think you sing it every time you You go 615-86. You know, you really get into it, whatever it is. It would be like, how big of a show do you want to put on? Yeah. Do you want to put on a big show?

Sing the song. Have a glitter ball. Some people would love it. Some people would love it. All right. All right. That's a lot. There we go.

So I want to just give a shout out to a comedian Dustin Nickerson he wrote a book How to Be Married to Melissa with his wife Melissa Dustin if you've seen me on the road he's been with me before he'll be with me coming up so Dustin's very funny

and a lot of stuff about marriage he has a bunch of kids. And a great dude. It's a great book. Great book. I read it. Skip chapter four about a sex life. But besides that, everything else is great.

So yeah, it's great. And then I'm going to read it with my new dyslexia. There you go. Oh, yeah. How to be married. To Melissa. Dustin, hilarious guy. Do a happier, Yeah. How to be married. Yeah. To Melissa. Dustin. Hilarious guy.

Do a happier, one-of-a-kind marriage. All right. So this week, what are we talking about? Talking about hotels. Hotels. I've stayed at

some really nice hotels thanks to you. And I've stayed at some really crappy hotels thanks to Comedy Zone. But when I got to stay at a hotel for the first time

on the road and the Comedy Club paid for it, to me, that was like, I've made it. Yeah. Yeah. It's a big deal. Oh, yeah. It's exciting.

I had, yeah, I have, by first, I actually know the date. It was like December 14, 2005 was the first, like, my Comedy Road hotel gig. It was the first one I did did do you remember what the room looked like uh yeah it was in michigan i want to say battle creek uh it's uh it was yeah yeah it's crazy and i and i know i had a thing where i wrote some i gave i wrote a note to my parents and like uh and i did it that day because it was like the first. It was like, oh, I was in my head.

I'm like, I'm a comedian. I mean, I wasn't making any really money then. But it's the idea that I was like, I cannot believe that I'm getting to stay in this hotel. And I was like, they're paying for it. I'm not even paying for this hotel. Somebody's doing this much just to have me do comedy. Yeah. Yeah. You almost want to like, at least i want to tell the people checking me in like i'm doing comedy i'm a comedian i'm here this weekend in town doing comedy you're gonna say that you go

i'm a comedian i'm a comedian yeah and then yeah it was like the first time you get to really say that and you're like golly did i yeah i flew here yeah like you know uh it's yeah i mean it was very very special and so it was a yeah i remember uh yeah it's crazy i mean it's crazy mine was uh down at stardom in birmingham or hoover that courtyard by marriott i think oh yeah still there still the hotel better days but back then it was really nice right next to the gym and Nick's? Yep. Oh, dude. Yep. It's great. Who were you working with? Henry Choe. All right. Yep.

You know y'all's? I did. It was a comedy zone in North Carolina. I don't remember which one. I don't even know if it's open anymore. But it was. Kurt Green was the headliner. Played guitar.

And terrible shows. He did fine. Yeah. I bombed. But it was a nice hotel and it felt uh felt good i mean i drove so far that i probably made no money yeah i know i got paid 270 that weekend for four shows yeah and i think the club even hated giving me that yeah towards the end because it wasn't all my fault that was a bad club yeah you know and i feel like and there was nobody there so i was doing my little thing telling fish jokes and whatnot but yeah yeah i uh i have a i've done this since i started comedy and this is kind of embarrassing but but it's relevant to what we're talking about i actually keep every hotel key when i work the road wow in a binder and on the back of every hotel key i write where i was

the date what show i was doing who i was with wow and i get that and i didn't have this in mind when i started i just remember the first time i went on the road for comedy and i had the hotel key i go this is i just kind of threw it in a box. Is there an order? They're not in perfect order, but there is kind of a general progression through time. It's like, we have cool. Your first one is 2019 or 18?

There's probably a couple 2017s in there. I started in summer of 2015. Oh, that's weird. It's weird. that's the hard part because i was like oh 2018 i go where's the ones you started with and i forget that you started in that's when you started yeah so this is borderline cool slash insane it is insane i told but but i don't regret doing this because it's very fun now yeah to flip through yeah and be like i'd forgotten about some of those weekends i got the first time i worked with nate uh sure the hilton tampa

oh you're right i usually ask for the keys back yeah yeah yeah i don't think they're happy with me doing this no i'm saying i do i go can i have all your keys in case y'all try to do some dumb collection i don't want to be a part of it. I think it was really cool. Remember the Main Hanger restaurant in Decatur, Illinois? I do remember the Main Hanger. It yelled out about the guy for wanting a meatless pizza. You can probably use that doing

taxes or looking up something. Or a bill. You can't remember why. I would say, what is the year you think you're stopping? Because I bet there's a year and it's gonna like you think i'll just stop doing that yeah i i remember wanting to do that too at the beginning i don't think i ever did it you would kind of do it i got a lot of my uh you know lanyards so i got a lot of them hung up like in this bathroom right here and uh like and they're

set up and they're very cool and And it's like all the different ones. But even like that stuff when you collect, you end up just going like, all right. It's like, you end up getting so many that you're like, this is a lot. Now, I don't think that's a bad thing. You have every show, basically. Every show where I've got a room key.

Yeah, yeah. So like, I'm not, like I said, that's not bad. Cause in 25 years, it will be neat to like, if you were just collecting the keys, I'd be like, it's probably, you know, you're not going to remember. But the fact that you're writing it, I mean, it's almost like just a kind of easy journal. It's almost like a scrapbook. Yeah, I'm not against that.

And if there were ever a big key shortage, you would have a valuable asset. Oh, yeah. Do you know how many you have? No, I mean, it's a few hundred in there yes the guinness book of world record for most key cards is 922 oh i'm gonna destroy yeah that's it you got a goal you gotta start losing keys throughout the weekend yeah we uh yeah i like i mine was like uh the thing that I have is I have note cards of my set list. And so I've always written them out on note cards. And so I have those and they go back to 2004. And so I have, and like there's going to be bits and pieces, not every single show.

But you could go through those and you get a very decent glimpse of my career. Because I would write where I'm at, what I'm doing, whether it's like like boston comedy club or you know and then starting on the road and i kind of write now on the road and so i'll just write like where i'm playing yeah but i'm even getting i get a little lazy with that where i'll use the same card especially when i'm not like writing the new hour i'm kind of just messing with the order maybe and i'll have the same card for i could have it for a month i'm not putting every i'm not rewriting it every show i try to do the big shows or this you know city like you know i did one for the beacon like you know ones that like i know all right when i go back and look at this in 10 years it's gonna be

my first time i played the beacon but i have a lot of comedy club you know so that's my kind of version of it you keep a straight up diary right i keep it yeah i didn't know if i ever told you that i keep a journal it makes me feel better I keep a, yeah, I didn't know if I'd ever told you that. I keep a journal. It makes me feel better than say diary, but I've been keeping it since 1995. Wow. And I write in it every night. So that's what, 27 years?

Wow. And I look back what I was doing a year ago, five years ago, 10 years ago, 20 years ago. Yeah. Every five years, 15, 20, 25, see what I was doing. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Every five years, 15, 20, 25, see what I was doing. That's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Saddest book ever written.

Just progressively gets worse. No, it makes me realize. Gotta go fast forward. When does the squirrel section start? I gotta head in 2022, the early squirrels. Yeah. It makes you realize, though, things that were so important to you at the time just don't matter. Yeah, yeah.

You think it's going to be life or death, and it's just not. Yeah. How long of an entry do you do every day? I mean, just what I do. I don't write about my thoughts and feelings. I just literally write down what I did that day. Yeah. Like today would be, I went to the podcast.

Yeah. I mean, hopefully something else will happen. Yeah. You want something else to, what else do you want to have happen? I don't know. I mean, something that I don't do every week. Like we're going to go do a radio interview when we leave here. I'll write that.

I'll add that as well. Okay. Just stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think, no, I was joking.

I think it's great. And it's, because then you get to see, it's going to be, I mean, it's a click. When you write your memoirs, you'll be able to do it and know exactly where you're at and where you're at. I liked it because you told me something where like, hey, we were at this thing. Oh, yeah. I do that all the time with people and it really annoys them. And they're always like, how would you know that? You're going to have to decide, am I going to tell them that i do this dumb thing but i've been writing a diary i

keep it under my bed my wife doesn't know about it if you mind don't tell anybody i've congratulated a lot of friends on their anniversary and they had no idea hey sorry about your dad passing away 15 years ago today what yeah what good night were you there they started investigating you they're like thanks for the update. I actually had forgotten. Yeah, exactly. I ruined their day. Like, hey, man, sorry about that.

I think Brian Bates might have something to do with my dad's death 15 years ago. He texts me about it every year. Every year. How would he remember that? How would he know unless he was the cause? I used to journal a bit when I was a drinker, and you could always tell when i was drunk like i would be really angry and i didn't want to forget what had happened to me so i would write

it and it would be just so sloppy and so mad looking and then the next day you're like you know you're like i'm writing details like never talk to cory again like I'm five years old, but I'm just drunk. The dedication it takes is good. I think that's something that's like. Absolutely. It's like to be able to continue to do it. I mean, I think college is a bit of that where it's like, well, can you even get through it?

And it's like, so just even the dedication to enter that stuff is pretty wild. And to see that, but then it is crazy that you could go through it. And yours would be interesting to be, you know, you quit Channel 5, and then you start comedy, and then now have a baby. I mean, it would be, like, if you read it, you'd be like, well, there's, it'd be a pretty crazy story. There's no signs that, like, a baby's going to come. If you read it, you'd be like, I think these pages got out of order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think i'm reading it backwards yeah well when you when you quit channel five was there more of a writing than that or just go quit channel five today oh

yeah walk the dog yeah i write details about it but it's not bullet points went to the store quit job yeah i mean there's certain events in my life, sure, that I write. Like when I had a baby and stuff like that. But 15 years ago is when I started comedy. So now when I look back each night, often it's like just some first time I did Zany's, first time I did this or that. Bombed at jazz and jokes. It'll be a few years later and I'll get paid for a gig. Yeah. It definitely keeps you thinking only about yourself.

So that's good. Did you hear the part where I contact people and tell them sorry about your dead dad that they forgot? Before you go to bed every night, you just see where you were 5 to 10 to 15. So every night you think about yourself. You go to bed, you only think about, well, how was I doing? Well, I'll start journaling about you.

No, it's not about you. I'm saying like, I'm half joking, but it is funny. So you read it before you go to bed? Yes. So every night before you, your last thoughts are about yourself. Yeah. Before you go to sleep. All right.

That's true. Yeah. This makes the most sense. I i mean this is all coming together for me so five you know or or yeah or you're writing uh yeah i mean i just think it's to to write uh so-and-so's dad passed away it's like that's a uh i don't know it's a weird thing to think about. Well, it's what he did, though, so a funeral would be in there because it'd be a big event. Oh, right, okay. So it's like, that's not a normal. You would know right if you got invited to a funeral.

If he was like, I go to funerals every day. Yeah, you don't get invited to funerals. Save the date. Okay, okay, I don't know. That's why I've never been to one, I guess. I get nervous, though, like if you. I've not gotten the invite yet. Yeah, you go, golly. You've never been to a funeral? I guess when I was younger, I guess. I get nervous, though, like if you – I've not gotten the invite yet. Yeah.

You go, golly. You've never been to a funeral? I guess when I was younger, I was a drug along. Yeah. You thought y'all were invited to like a wedding? I don't know how they work. Yeah. I just can't allow everybody to come.

I got at least one a week. You could. I mean, you want them. How many people in your life now that you are happy they died and you're like, oh, I thought – because you thought they weren't inviting you. So then you just leave and you're like, well, I'm glad he weren't inviting you so then you're just leaving you're like well i'm glad he didn't make it yeah and you don't like that person yeah no invite i'm no invite you're like my sister did a thing where she got like all mad about her her grandmother died and she posted on facebook not your grandmother either i know

yeah different yeah you know yeah i mean that's, you're like my sister, this sounds like a tabloid after that. Yeah. Well, my sister's, so my sister's grandmother died and we're just bam, bam, bam. She's around the kitchen table talking to, you know, like my dad, but her brother. And then we, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And she posted on Facebook that, oh, nobody could send me the details of my grandma's funeral. And then her cousin got all mad at her. And it was like, I thought that is this case, but I think you could be where it's like if there's money or there's a house

or there's like, you know, like, especially when there's like a lot of, it seems like there's always seems to be trouble when there's divorce and that kind of thing. And like you, and then you're trying to figure out where everything's going to go and who's going to get what. I think that's what, you know, I'd imagine those are the problems that happen. Yeah. There's probably, yeah. I mean, probably a lot of stuff like that. It doesn't help to say my who's going to get what i think that's what you know i'd imagine those are the problems that happen yeah there's probably yeah i mean probably a lot of stuff like it doesn't help to

say my sister's grandmother died and you have no emotion towards it to be like in big i wonder what the problem is but well we could locate it pretty i at least know the the door we should open first and then we're i think the problem would be maybe a door behind it maybe in the room yeah she posted it on facebook i mean so there was information available you only talking to her through facebook is great and that's how you get all of the information about your sister is you guys just read about my it it is easy to keep up that way yeah you don't really have to i'm not i don't look at facebook at all anymore and i haven't for a long time but i kind of do want to go back to like i wouldn't mind going to facebook just because it's like you do want to see what everybody's kind of your people are up to and what they're

doing it's definitely changed class reunions because now you kind of know what people are doing kind of keep up their kids even if you've never met them yeah yeah probably know what they all look like too right yeah yeah yeah you're gonna know but i have a lot of my high school that i would love because i'm not on facebook, so I don't see all their kids. And I would like to see, like, how many kids they got. Like, you know, how old are the kids now? Especially now. I mean, their kids are – some of them are teenagers.

And so it would be fun to – Some are grown. I mean, you could. I mean, they could – some of them have grown kids. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, girls I knew that, like, you know, didn't graduate high school, like, they have kids that are, like – Graduated high school, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, girls, I knew that like, you know, didn't graduate high school. Like they have kids that are like. Graduated high school. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, one thing about your key card, if you're going to set the world record, it could deter you is a lot of hotels now are going to digital key cards. Have you done this? actually love it it's it's uh it's upsetting for my collection yeah but i have the hilton app now where i just check in on the app and then i can just go straight to my room i don't even have to go to the front desk oh i didn't know about that you've not shared that info with me oh yeah check in get the room on the app i feel like i've it's never worked out when i've tried it every time i've tried it it's never worked out it says like come to the front desk yeah it's like it or it's it's yeah i don't i and then i've tried a few times i tried it didn't work and then i just was like i just gave up i gave up on it it's pretty cool it's it's it's four out of five times it works no problem and then you just do you have to open the app every time or just you hold your phone every time

you open the app it'll detect whether you're close to a door yeah so if you're outside it'll be like you're near the hotel entrance press a a button, and then it'll unlock. Oh, okay. And then it'll detect that you're near your room. Yeah. And it'll say, want to unlock your room. That's cool. I don't like that.

You don't like that? No. That's true. Well, how... They can hack in. Because the problem is, well, who else can get in that room? Right. Who else is hacked in the app?

But anybody in the hotel can get in that room. Yeah. And if they can hack your phone to get into your room, then they can just probably easily hack the Holiday Inn you're staying at and get the keys from your room. Like, they're going to get in your room. It just seems like there's a lot more going into it to hack the key system and make a key.

I mean, I don't think there's – I feel like – They'd probably just knock on the door and go, maintenance. Exactly. I'd let them in, no problem. Yeah. I feel like sometimes with a conspiracy you got to do the conspiracy versus the comfort and the ease yes and this is one that you just go with the ease because you're like if they're going to get in there they're getting in there and like so you

would just give up and be like that one i'm gonna let slide yeah well it is true i mean it's like yeah i mean you just go they just in, do whatever they want to do. Yeah. Yeah. I stay at hotels usually where 50% of the time my key card's not going to work because it's next to my phone and I have to go back to the front desk. Yeah. Say, that's a big issue. Yeah.

Well, I love hotels. I mean, for a long time I lived in an attic apartment. It was very uncomfortable and hotels would be better than my own house yeah and i was like i loved even a raggedy hotel i'm like this is great but i've been i've been like what's some some of the worst hotels you guys have been in i mean if your door opens up to the parking lot it's not a good head start that's what i was about to say it's a motel yeah yeah and i've done those. I mean, I've stayed.

Yeah. I'm trying to think of any that stand out. Aaron and I have a comedian friend who just got bed bugs. That's right. Yeah. So thankfully, I don't think that's ever happened. He got lit up by these bed bugs. Was it a bad hotel, though, or just a- It was not a good-

I mean, I won't say the exact one, but it was a Super 8. Yeah. It was like you're trying to protect them? Yeah. There you go. Well, I won't say the exact one, but it was a Super 8. Yeah. It was like you're trying to protect them? Yeah. Well, I don't want to throw the club. Super 8 is not a place that you want to be. I don't like Super 8. Well, I don't, there's.

I guess there could be a good one, but. Yeah, there could be a good one. That's like Red Roof Inn. There could be some good ones. Yeah, I don't like that one. I mean. Red Roof Inn has some that are like redone. Yeah, you've told me that.

I haven't seen those. The one I went to was in Midland, Texas. Okay. And that was the one that was redone. Yeah, you've told me that. I haven't seen those. The one I went to was in Midland, Texas. And that was the one that was redone. But you could occasionally get, you know, one. Like the Courtyard Marriott's. Those can be either unreal

or terrible. That same Super 8 where it was Caleb Elliott got the bed bugs. He started to give up more and more. Jesus. I want to protect him.

I don't want to give too much you weigh 145 pounds but but that same hotel i stayed at that same hotel uh during covid they had they gave me one there was one towel in the room and i went down and i said can i get another towel and they go don't we gave you one yeah and i was like, well, yeah, I'd like several. That's kind of one of the better parts of a hotel. And they said, well, the way we're doing it now because of COVID, bring your dirty towel down and we'll give you a clean one in exchange. They use COVID for everything. You're the only hotel in the world doing this.

I've never heard of it. And that seems like how you – I thought that's how COVID got started, was walking around with your dirty towel and send it on the front desk. Yeah. And then he slides it off the front desk and it rubs on the keys and the paper and then they hand you the new towel. Same hand hands you a new towel. And then he rubs his head and he goes,

God, when are we going to stop doing this towel stuff anymore? And then he's like, next. And then he just, how are you doing? Hands some keys. Hands some keys. You collect the keys, bring them How you doing? Handsome keys. Handsome keys. You collect the keys, bring them back to a super spreader. Now it's on the podcast. Now it's on the podcast.

Oh, man. Have you ever accidentally taken something from the hotel room that you weren't supposed to? Like took it home with you? Or stole it? I've told one hotel I was going to take their pillow, but I forgot to do it. Their pillow was so good. I might have taken them one pillow from their pillow, but I forgot to do it. Their pillow was so good. I actually took a, I might have taken them one pillow from a hotel, but I think they knew about it.

And the more I think about that, that probably wasn't good. I mean, when I was younger, I used to steal the towels all the time. Like that was the thing. It felt like you go to the hotel and it's like, that's what you do. Yeah. Well, yeah. You've never seen an indoor place. So.

Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. you've never seen an indoor place so right right uh yeah the uh i yeah i've taken towels like not a ton like it's occasional like or something i mean barely barely if i have i haven't done it much uh i mean i used to rake in all the shampoos and soaps i was like oh yeah and then i'm like i gotta draw to draw it. I think a lot. It is a lot,

but it's like, why, why are we taking all this? A roll of toilet paper, throw that in the suitcase. Oh yeah. Yeah. I got an extra roll there.

You figure that's factored in probably in what I paid for, for this room. They thought this guy would go through two rolls. They see me walking. Yeah. He's about to ask for seven towels. Let me guess. And they just give you toilet paper too?

And you're like, why didn't I ask for that? He goes, come on, man. He goes, come on. Look at yourself. All right, I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah. I thought this was my toilet paper.

Yeah. I didn't know this, but a lot of hotels track their towels. They put a microchip in their towels and they know where their towels go and if you take it true well i don't believe that well all right if they can put how much according to this would that there's no way it's worth the money to microchip a towel that it would cost just to buy the towel that's got to be a good towel yeah it's got to be like i don't see how there's or microchips are a lot cheaper than i've been led to believe yeah yeah yeah yeah that's

true yeah i mean these are the cheap kind of guests but it's just 2 000 hotels do this and they may they're not going to follow you home to get it but they may put it on your bill if you take it home with you i i i i think it's a there's part of the thing that's a lie. And then if they, where are you microchipping? How hard that is to be. I could see a robe. You know, you might. Even a better way to do it is just go in the room and go, we left four. There's only three here now.

Yeah. Yeah. They said 20% of hotel linens was just disappearing. Not just for people stealing it, for just various things, the staff. It just disappeared, and it cost them so much money, they started tracking them by putting these little chips on them. Oh.

I think the staff, so you got to watch. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. They're taking those things home. I don't know. You got to say, yeah. I think I'd rather a towel from an older hotel than a newer hotel why is that i think sometimes the newer towels they're like too new or like if you go

stay somewhere nice and it's like they're not they don't dry off like a nice beaten up towel yeah is what drives you off like you use your towels it's like you want them lar bought these fancy towels and we started trying to use them and i mean it was like well i'll just get back in the shower and dry off. Yeah. Because it was pointless. They're so fluffy. It just rubs it around.

It rubs it. Yeah. It just smears on you, and you go, I'd rather. There's no reason for this. Some of the worst towels I've ever seen in my life. You've got to break them in. Yeah. Yeah.

But you're like, it's never going to break in. You'd have to wash them 100 times. You want a little bit like sandpaper. You want a little bit. It gets a little work done. Yeah. You get out of the bathroom, you're bleeding a little bit like sandpaper like it you want a little bit you know yeah well get out of the bathroom you're bleeding a little bit right you know it's not a bad thing you're the driest you've ever been in your life i did a club in columbus georgia and they put me at a hotel like that doors to the parking lot and the towels were like sandpaper sorry i know this exact hotel yeah the coffee pot i don't know why i thought i was gonna make coffee but it was just a shell they it was just a there was no mechanical things

inside of it yeah and then there were two hand towels thrown over the shower where the last person had just thrown them up there and they had not they didn't didn't see those in the cleaning it was a sweet and sour packet on the floor when I checked in. I think the staff was just in there eating lunch. And they just dropped it and they were like, ah, these people don't care. Is that that Econo lunch? I think so. I don't remember what, but it was, yeah,

connected to whatever the loft was. You have the key for it? I probably do. That's probably a real key. A physical key. What happens if you get a physical key? Then I don't put it in. I've real key, a physical key. What happens if you get a physical key? Then I don't put it in. I've only gotten that a couple times. You don't stay in that hotel. Are you going to know how to find this real quick?

I'm going to find it real quick. Okay. I mean, I'm not going to take a lot of time. I don't know if on 40 minutes you're over there reading. Yeah, if it's a real key. Where did Aaron go during the podcast? I'll try to find it. I'll talk to you all in a little bit.

I'll know. Yeah. I mean, I've stayed at that hotel twice. I mean, there was like a guy hanging out of his door like all night halfway out like i felt like he was like you know looking for the drug deal or whatever but don't you kind of want that if you're out there smoking cigars i like it a little bit shady you know what i mean like i want people to be okay with me smoking cigars outside but not you know joining me yeah yeah you know yeah you don't hear them yeah you don't hear them uh in your room searching your pocket for change you're like

well that's too much yeah yeah i like a little shady like i don't want to look like the worst one at the hotel yeah and it's sometimes i am, I can imagine. I like to see you go, no luck. No, I gave up pretty quick. When a hotel is too fancy, I'm like, I don't even want this. Put me next to the airport.

Yeah. See, I can see the future. And the future I knew we were not going to get this card and you were just going to waste the time of looking for it. There's no, like unless you knew the date

or something. There's no. I have a ball the date or something. There's no. I have a ballpark idea of when it happens. And then you got, I'll look in my journal. You're right. Yeah.

Not great. I trust him finding it before. That's probably true. Yeah. It's not great podcasting for sure. I apologize for that. Looking through a binder

for a visual that meant nothing. Trade his hotel key cards and go. That's what the binder, if anybody's at home, like what's his binder look like? It looks like a baseball card meant nothing. Trade his hotel key cards. That's what the binder, if anybody's at home, like, what's his binder look like? It looks like a baseball card. Yeah, it's baseball card sleeves. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, the thing

about that hotel was the guy running the front desk, real hip young dude, and the front desk, very nice. They had it really fixed up. Oh, they do, yeah. But once you leave that front and go to the back, I mean it just gets worse the further you go back. the people that shut that go there stay there all have mullets and their life is like that so the top looks good and in the back it's a little wild

that's true yeah so they they know at home you feel at home because you walk in you go yeah the front is nice like i take a picture i can hide it i can wear a tuxedo looks amazing but as i walk by you're like i'm pretty good time too. And I might go through your closet. That's what the hotel should be called, the mullet. The mullet. The mullet lodge. It's good in the front, bad in the back.

Yeah. Where do you want to stay, front or back? I'd like to stay in the front. The front, yeah. And the level would be, if it's a full mullet, it's good. But if you're like, what's the back? You're like, it's a rat tail. And you're like, oh, no, that's going to be a real bad one.

Yeah, that's where the real party's at. But you won't make it out of there. You won't make it out of there. Yeah. Yeah, it's, yeah, the hotels are, I mean. I don't want to be at a hotel where they're like, you can't smoke out here. Yeah. You know, not at all in the city.

I've had that before. Like, there's no, I tried to buy a cigar in New York City, and I was like, can I just go somewhere and smoke? He's like, you can't smoke at all in the city. I've had that before. Like the snow. I tried to buy a cigar in New York City and I was like, can I just go somewhere and smoke? He's like, you can't smoke at all in the city. Oh, really? Like even walking around? Yeah. Do you get a real big one or a little one?

You know, somewhere in between. I don't like one that's like, what's going on here? But I don't want to look like I'm smoking. Well, like Vecchione smokes little ones. And like, so you could probably do a little one. I don't like a little one that looks like a cigarette. Yeah. Or like, what are those? Cloves? Yeah. I don't like a little one that looks like a cigarette. Yeah. Or like a, what are those?

Cloves? Yeah. I'm not trying to go a clove. Yeah. Well, whatever you're doing is very cool. Well, it is very cool. But I agree with that. I'd always wondered what happened to the hotel soap that, you know, we use just a little bit.

And what do they do with it? There's an organization called Clean the World that collects all the hotel soaps. They melt them down and repurpose them and send them to third world countries and places in need that- Don't have soap. So they're using our old soap? Well, I guess they melt it down.

I mean, the soap that we used, I guess, went on our bodies. Yeah. I always wondered, could soap be dirty? Right? Because you have a bar of soap, but if you give it a once over. Yeah, Jay Moore. More soap. Jay Moore had a very funny joke about that a long time ago.

About soap never being dirty? On a special. It might be one of his big jokes about, yeah, like you better hope it's, saying it's magical. Yeah. You know, and it probably was dirty. I don't remember. But it was, you know, it's like you're hope it's – saying it's magical. Yeah. And it probably was dirty. I don't remember. But it was – it's like you're washing your underarms,

and then you go in behind your dad, and you wash your face with that soap. Like you better hope it's magical. Oh, yes. Because you're just – you're all using the same soap. And so, I mean, yeah, I guess they give it third world countries. Yeah, I think they melt it down and repurpose it and kind of – but it's it i mean you could feel like we could if it's clean and it works you could just reuse it for us too you know like yeah i think they should just put it back in the wrapper there's a lot of it up yeah there's i think they do that we ever see uh you got the conditioner

bottle or something like that there even it's not all the way full you're like they ain't changing that out like uh but i use uh because i'm a big i want uh i do lotion now i bring my own lotions uh but i've always i'm a big lotion guy i've been i put lotion on multiple times a day and then uh and conditioner and i always always want conditioner. And they stopped giving lotion at a lot of places. At hotels. You can ask for it. Some of them, yeah. They stopped putting it out by default?

Yeah. And then some of them you would ask, and then it's like they were just like got rid of it. I'm sure COVID. They probably didn't say something. Yeah, yeah. Well, COVID, and you're rubbing it on your, you're like, what?

Can I tell you, if i could change two things about hotels it would be one just put the shampoo and the conditioner in the shower yeah i like that it's always by the sink yeah and you're like well who's shampooing at the sink yeah you gotta carry it from the sink to the shower a lot of you forget yeah and you forget and then the floor is wet. Yeah. No, no, I understand. It's true. But I've seen

some people do that and then some, I know what you mean. Yeah, just have it and the other thing and this is a change of the subject for a little bit.

I don't understand why we have to make the bed, you have to tuck it in so tight. Yeah. I understand it looks nice but I've about sprained an ankle

trying to kick my feet up. Packed in the. Yeah. So there's a whole Seinfeld episode about this. Do you know that? No. Yeah. So Tucker, yeah.

George Sanja asked, he wants his untucked. Okay. And Jerry wants his whatever the normal way it is. Yeah. And so, and then it's a whole, they ask. Okay. But like they're, it is, they why is why is it so tight yeah all that kind of stuff uh so yeah you can i mean i think you could probably say

don't or you don't you get your room clean the whole time no i've always a day i've i've only done that like once i've only in my room clean like once oh i always just do not clean every time oh yeah yeah Yeah. Every day? Every day. I like it. You come back, it's like a brand new hotel. And so. I like it to feel lived in a little bit.

Huh? Oh, it's lived in. It's the most lived in. It's lived in, baby. I don't like to be reminded of how lived in it is. I have a problem sleeping on the bed when you can feel the body. You can feel where most people sleep. Yeah.

Because you're going to notice it and you'll never go back. Everybody will notice now. But when you go one side, it's like you rolled into a little valley. And you're like, that's where it's usually the side in front of the TV, the side, the obvious side. And so it's the side you're going to pick it without even realizing it and uh i just nuzzle right up in there yeah but like but then go on the other side and then as you climb up that hill and you come up you know you got like a what's that rope called the

when you go uh what's it rock climbing climbing? Yeah, rappel. Something like that. Rapunzel. Yeah, but you're like, when you get up that rope, I mean, sometimes you go, it's a climb. It's like you have to use muscles to get out of that valley just to get to the top. And so once you notice that, that's hard to sleep on that side because you just are like, golly, man, thousands and thousands of people that the bed is deformed

into this is where they sleep. And sometimes you care. And then, I mean, you you up you you roll over the middle of night and take a little take a little dive down to the valley and you get a little breeze first brief fall just oh golly i felt you just you settle down in the bottom in the pesticide world we used to sell a bed bug killer yeah and so we would have these annual meetings and some of these real insane guys would bring their own bed bug killer with them. And they would just get real intense about it. They would be telling everybody how to lift up the sheets and look at the mattress. And it's just like, I don't think it's that serious, right?

It happens, obviously. Talk to Mike Vecchione. Mike Vecchione had to move out of his house because of bed bugs 10 years ago, and he's still to this day. I mean, he goes into the bed. He checks in his hotel, puts all his suitcase and everything in the bathtub, gets completely naked, and then does his check for bed bugs. Every hotel he goes to. Wow wow he calls to see if they

have bed bugs he also says he asked he goes can i get one of the rooms that doesn't have bed bugs in some hotels you say that and they're like none of them have them you give the guy 20 bucks and then he's like all right and then like and like so you could they're like you know just a room that hasn't had them yeah like you know they know the rooms that have had them and had not had them. And he's crazy about it. I read that don't, most people put their luggage on their bed as soon as they walk in a hotel room. But they said, don't do that because if there is bed bugs, then now they're in your luggage and you'll bring them home with you.

They said, put your luggage, what he does, put it in the bathroom. I put it on the luggage rack. Yeah. It said, don't even do that. They're on the luggage rack? It said, just on the luggage rack. Yeah. It said don't even do that. They're on the luggage rack? It said just inspect. Could be. Expect first.

Yeah. I think you can't escape it. I think it's one of those that you're, yeah, it's like if it's going to happen, it's because you can't just, you know, you got to fly in a day early to do your bed bug check. Recon on the bed bugs. Yeah, when I was a kid, bed bugs was just a prayer that we said before bed. You remember that? Yeah. Sleep tight. Don't on the bed bugs. Yeah, when I was a kid, bed bugs was just a prayer that we said before bed. You remember that? Yeah.

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite. And now, we acted like it was a joke. They weren't even a real thing. And now, all of a sudden, it's like we spoke them into existence. Have you had them before, Dusty? No, I don't think so. Okay. Your tone's gonna change. Well, I'm not saying I want them. He would maybe never

know if he's had them. Well, that's true. I have been bitten up by chiggers before and fleas. Yeah. Yeah, they'll get you. They'll get you for sure. It's terrifying. I've had bed bugs at my house once, and you start reading about them,

and they're terrifying. They don't come out until they know you're asleep. Yeah. So they're hard to draw out to see that they're there. You don't just fake snore? Why don't you lay in bed and get a nap that snores, and you lay there with all your clothes on, and then you see him come out, and he's like,

I think he's asleep. Because he's snoring. He's snoring. Yeah. He's got his sleep apnea on. He's got his sleep apnea machine on? Yeah. Oh, he's out. He's out, dude. He's out. sleep apnea on. He's got his sleep apnea machine on? Yeah. Oh, he's out.

He's out, dude. He's out. You know how he gets. Let's go out. And then you're like, I'm not asleep. And then what would you do? I don't know. Stab him or something.

I don't know. What did y'all do? Move? No, you just throw the mattress out. You just start over. You're just worried about it. You know, they're all in my clothes now. They're in the carpet.

You can't see them. They get foggers. I think you just fog the house. You can fog the house. That's a lot of, you know. Just fog it out. Then they're just dead in your house. That's true.

Yeah. Then they're just kind of dead somewhere. But it's a reminder to any new bed bugs that come along. They're like, oh, this is happening before. We're not afraid of fogging. Yeah. It's letting them know, like, this is what we do. Keep a little fogger on the nightstand.

There you go. I'm used to it now. I'll sleep with it. A little light comes on. You're asleep, and the light comes on just to let them know that that is the future. Like one of those Vic rubs or whatever. Vapor Vic? Vapor.

You know, you sleep with a purifier or whatever you know vapor vic vapor the the you know you sleep with a yeah purifier or whatever you like ours is just a straight up fog yeah yeah he goes he goes i'm so used to it no eucalyptus in this it's straight fog yeah you will get a headache in my house welcome to the show yeah you're gonna lose your vision yeah yeah you won't taste and you going to be an inch shorter, but welcome to this show. Because now, no bed bugs, I promise you. Like, so much so that they're, yeah. In Myrtle Beach, we used to sell a ton of bed bug killer.

Yeah. I mean, a ton of it. So it was, not in Hilton Head. I saw somebody mention they were in Hilton Head. Yeah. No bed bug killer down there. Oh, wow. Didn't move. Very nice. Yeah, I mean, of the two of you, it so it was none in hilton head i saw somebody mentioned they were in hilton head yeah no bed bug killer down there oh wow didn't move very nice yeah i mean of the two of you i would have guessed dusty would have been more likely than one that had bed bugs i think dusty could currently

live with them yeah we just got to make a friendship yeah like listen we don't all have a place to live right now yeah let's let's come together you know bed bug bikes bed bug bites that was tough to say. They only show up on a certain number of people. Yeah. Like some people, he could be getting lit up every night and never know it because his skin doesn't react. Yeah. I wonder if that's true.

Like if you grow up, you grow up with no money and you grow up in like poor conditions. So we're, you know, you're just used to it. Where Aaron comes from ivory blood. Right. And so he can't – I mean, he just gets lit up because it's like his beautiful skin and rich blood can't even handle. So you're in bed watching Frost Nixon. Yeah. And you're like, what is that?

And you're like, golly, you're just getting eaten up. And then I'm in – It's a real princess of the pea situation. There's more bugs than bad. I'm in it's a real princess of the pea situation there's more bugs than bed I'm in bed eating watermelon like he's

I mean the bed bags that's where they don't it's just a bed of bugs it fills that gap where everybody else has been sleeping

it's just it's bed bugs right there yeah since the after the Las Vegas shooting most hotels now even if you put the

don't disturb sign on your door after 72 hours they're gonna go in make sure everything's okay at least give them a heads up let them know what the hours are that's smart

I got five more hours to get this done but now they go I just seen a weird guy check in with a bunch of weird bags odd shaped bags you're like let's maybe just see what's happening with that.

Well, he gets three days. What were you going to say? Well, nowadays they'll say, hey, just so you know, we're not going to clean the room unless you ask for it. Yeah. So I don't think they have enough people to be popular. Yeah, they'll put an eco-friendly sign and say, we're trying to preserve. They'll give you a point if you use the like you know

use the same towel or something yeah well they really yeah sometimes yeah they're trying to say we need saving water if you don't wash stuff uh which i don't use all towels they're wearing me down with this water thing i it's like i you know eventually you just start thinking about it and you're like I guess I mean I got I got this like squeeze water bottle now and then like it's like

you go to like not caring to then you just see it so much that you're like what do you mean exactly like you just think about it like you drink out of water bottle and I'm still not cold I still drink out of water bottles

but it's like you've kind of I've started being like well let's maybe not try to of water bottles. But it's like you've kind of – I've started being like, well, let's maybe not try to have water bottles. You know, it just wears you down. Oh, the plastic. Yeah, yeah. Or any of it. Like you left lights on.

I mean, I could walk out of a hotel room, TV on, light on. And then you're like, let me make sure I turned it off or didn't use – Our friend Bonnie Mitchell has a great joke when he's at a hotel. He turns the up hot as it can go ac up cold as it can go it just leaves yeah because he can yeah he comes back and there's like inclement weather in the hotel yeah i think that you get older you just start to care about stuff like it could be that you're like i don't want to there's no need to waste it. Yeah, maybe it's that. You're like,

I don't care and it ain't going to hurt me, but I don't want to waste it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I read though, leave your TV on just to deter people breaking

into your hotel room if they think you might be in there. I would hope the whole hotel system would deter that. I know. I mean,

it's, you know, I don't know if I also, I don't know if you're in the right hotel and they're like, I'd lock your cars, consider whatever's in there is gone. You know what? I'm going to just leave them unlocked so they won't break the windows. And I'll leave your TV on and lights on because one of you will get broken. They take groups of 20 up.

One of you will be visibly attacked tonight. So leave your TVs on, whatever. Don't get your room clean. It could be an inside job. All right. Good luck, everybody. Thanks for staying at Marriott. Well, that's what I feel about uh staying in like

letting people come in to clean the room right we're just assuming everybody's trustworthy but i i get to the point out there's part if they stole something i'm like all right like they you know i there's part of me that's like i don't know if i have anything in there that like if they would be it'd be like you can have it. I bring my Xbox on the road with me now. Didn't you used to take a full computer with you on the road? Before I had a laptop, I would take, I had a Mac book.

I had a Mac. I don't know what you call it, but a real computer. Yeah. That I would take. I would drive. A desktop. Yeah.

And I'd set it up in there. Yeah. Cause I could get work done, but I didn't have a laptop. So you traveled with a big oh yeah you had to plug it in and well it was just the macbook so you just got to plug or the mac so it wasn't like a tower too yeah but still it was a lot it was a keyboard and mouse yeah i mean once it was a hassle but once you got it set up, every time I was like, I'm glad I did this. Yeah. And then you sent off an email and said, can I get a non-smoking room?

And again, where are the doors at in this? You're asking the club. Hey, just curious question. Where are the doors at on this hotel? Are they in the parking lot or are they not in the, you know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, it's hard. Like I've been been to hotel I've been to so many bad hotels I've been to hotels where they're like oh the elevator's not

working this weekend oh yeah I just had that with I talked about the airport and they have so much escalator problems what is happening which airport it was when I came home Nashville was and then when I was in

Phoenix I left my iPad on a plane this past weekend. I ended up going to a PXG head. I went to Scottsdale, did some of PXG. But then I left my iPad on a plane. I've been tracking it, and it was like, it says it's still at the Phoenix airport. It's not not no one's found it and then we one time we were found i was like right when i get back to the airport i was i was gone 24 hours i get back to phoenix airport i'm tracking it and i'm like it's still here so i

go ask and try to find it and then uh i uh then i'm like i know it's here then i watched it and it looked like it was like under the runway and so they're like, that looks like where the cleaning's at. So I guess there's cleaning something under the runway. I don't know. So we're calling. No one tracks it. And then it was like, I mean, literally 30 minutes later, I'm like, now it's in 20 minutes from Phoenix's airport.

And I was almost like, I'm going to maybe call this. Because it was next to an auto. It was an auto shop. And I was like, I'm going to call this auto shop. Maybe they have it. And then it was in California. I was like, oh, it's on the plane. Like, it's on.

But I mean, it was like, I mean, I was like, I wonder if I drove down there and like, you know, or, and said like, hey, well, yeah, I mean, I literally thought this. I know you got my laptop here. And then it's just in California. And you're like, well, now I bet, I bet it's on the plane. Anyone here have an iPad by chance? Yeah, because I find that hard to believe. Yeah.

DJ Auto Shop in Phoenix, you're going to tell me because look at this. And it's in Alaska. And you're like, well, how'd it get there? Michelangelo car shop. Yeah. And then, but the escalator, they had one, a thing was broke there. The down ones are being broke all the time. I just don't understand.

I don't know what happens either. I mean, it just seems like it's just running like this. I think Americans are getting fatter. That's probably not helping. No, I don't think that's metal. It's a pretty hard thing. I've seen people do things to metal. They are pretty rough on an escalator, I bet,

because people just get on there, and they just stand. No, no, I think the rough ones the walking sidewalks the the no i think the uh the fatter people are treating them better they ride it it's the it's the it's the yeah like it's a ride yeah yeah they're not beating it up they're enjoying it they're enjoying that people love escalators i mean i ride i ride i don't i don't ride the walkway but i'm saying like they're they're enjoying it they're enjoying that people love escalators i mean i ride i ride i don't i don't ride the walkway but i'm saying like they're they're they're ones not they're the ones taking the most care of it right yeah and it's the it's the it's the you know the ones that are stopping and going like as you see a lot of that where i got caught behind a group that they they like stopped to ride it and then i heard this one girl i got off and was like i'll just

walk down the middle because i think it'll be quicker. And then she passed me on it. You're like, well, you were camping out on the last one and not moving. And now you're sprinting on it. So that person goes from being a nightmare to a nightmare that passes just 50 people. I can't handle hanging out on the move-in sidewalk. I can't handle it. Yeah, it's like sometimes there's a sign. Who has that?

I have that much time. Even if you have that much time, why. I can't handle it. Yeah, it's like sometimes there's a sign. Who has that? I have that much time. Even if you have that much time, why do you want to spend it there? I'll tell you who has that much time at an airport. You're looking at him right there. That guy's never walked on anything moving in his life.

But why would you want to spend it there? At least get to a seat and then sit down. He's right here asking. Why would you want to spend it there? Do you stand on the moving sidewalk? No, I walk. Do you walk slow, though? Yeah, I don't run. Yeah. Pick then sit down. He's right here. Ask him. Why would you want to spend it there? Do you stand on the moving sidewalk? No, I walk.

Do you walk slow though? Yeah, I don't run. Yeah. Pick up a pace. Yeah. I like to go as fast as possible. I find it like so fun to pass people. Yeah.

I mean, it's like a game for me. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like, I walk on it. I don't walk down the stairs. Like unless I was in a big hurry but if escalator down i just ride it okay unless i'm in like uh you know but you stay to the right yeah i would stay i'd get i'd get iris i'm aware of what's going on around me yeah some people are not it is that's the wild some people it happens that you don't you know

they just kind of live like this. I mean, that was the whole cow incident. That's what I got in trouble saying, being aware. It's like if you're aware, your life becomes super easy because you just watch it. I just saw it again somewhere. It was, golly, what was it? Even just ways to go in somewhere. There's like just said, like there was a,

we went to church this past Sunday. And so we haven't done it forever. And we need, you know, of course need to be going and never home. But even my buddy that I went with, he was like, go this other way. No one really goes in, in this way. And it was very easy to get in and out that other way. And you're like, well, everybody goes in the main way.

And you're even like little stuff is like kind of like. I you for church in and out there real quick won't have to see anybody no it's not about not seeing anybody it's just no one wants to what you're like unless you're rooting for traffic which i believe you are you're it's the idea of just saying are you talking about your car yes oh i thought you're not walking in or even walking in like you could just be like you'll be coming the side. It's easy. No one's there. We get to our seat. And then I don't care about seeing.

I saw plenty of people. This is the first time in this church. I saw a lot of people. But it's not about seeing. I like walking. I don't even mind walking in. But I'm just saying like. I hate to be in a line.

Most people don't want to be in a line. I would imagine. You like a line. So people beat me into a burrito restaurant. They ran all fast to beat me in there. And then they had like 10 orders. I'm like, I got a quick thing here. Why did you?

They like ran. They saw I had a kid and they ran in. It's always like the receptionist at a nursing place. Yeah. And they got like 15 orders. They're all hardcore looking. You know what I mean? They're bending over the thing, pointing over the glass.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they got that. Like if you have that and there's a single behind you, then you go, hey, you should go ahead. But there's a point you got to stop it. So I understand too. Like they can't be like, all right, well, I'm not going to ever get this order in if I keep letting people through.

But that's the balance that you play in your head and think about every situation with a lot, you know, put a lot of effort in. But that's the balance that you play in your head and think about every situation with a lot, you know, put a lot of effort in. But that's also people have jobs and they have kids and they don't have time as a comedian like us to worry about this kind of thing. That's true. So I understand that.

Like our job is literally to only worry about that kind of thing. Yeah. So where I'm hyper-focused on all of this when other people are, and we're doing it so much you know right yeah the reason they use white bed sheets is they say it gives a halo effect that makes the room seem more new and brighter and also the towels are white so they can put them all in the same washing machine see i always thought that was so that they couldn't hide stains well you know like

i think they want to hide stains. But you shouldn't be able to hide. I stayed in one. They weren't hiding them. Oh, no? Yeah. I called. That was the only time.

Usually, I would just sleep to the other side. You would do all this stuff, and this one was like, well, this is taking over half the bed. Was it blood? Look, I did a joke about it. Yeah. I forget what the joke was but it looks like how big was it yeah the stain yeah and what was the joke it was and you're like i just thought they

would handle it but like but maybe they're right oh yeah oh yeah that's not a bad joke yeah i could do yeah i could bring it they were like how big is the stain and then uh i said there's a stain on the bed and they didn't say okay they said how big is it i was like you know maybe they got a point like if it's like maybe i'm dealing with stains at this hotel then the idea that they're like i don't know the size of a baseball you're lucky maybe there's a whole room's a stain that's the good sheets yeah you're like good ones yeah you know it's like count you know count your blessings yeah there's a it was a murder scene. Something like that. But I don't, yeah, I think that's it, though. If you have blue towels, navy blue towels.

Yeah, what was the, it was a murder. Yeah, like, if they just claim a murder scene, then that's a pretty good job. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're judging a stain on what happened in the room to get the stain. If it was, like, you know, a horror movie in there, and they get it down to, the size of a you know like a

garbage trash can yeah then you're like i'm actually pretty impressed you should have seen it before yeah this room's the most clean so now i want the room with the stain because y'all have done the most work to it and i'll just avoid that one spot yeah we can get you some other sheets but we can't promise they'll be better. Yeah. Probably worse. Yeah. Maybe try to, yeah. I think if you were checking a hotel and they had black sheets, it would be like, oh, no. Well, that's what I'm saying. That would be rough.

Yeah, black sheets, black towels. You'd be like, you're hiding something. Well, you ever use a toilet that's a different color than white? Yeah. I like it. I'm a fan. Yeah, they do. Some hotels have a black toilet.

Yeah. But it's like, you fan. Yeah, they do. Some hotels have a black toilet. Yeah. But it's like, you feel like something's going on. You know, you're just like, I don't trust everybody. The Looney Bin condo in Oklahoma City has like a green toilet. Oh, yeah. Straight up. Yeah, something like that. It's odd.

Yeah. Yeah. I stayed at a comedy condo once where it was just so bad. And I got there and they had forgotten to clean it for the weekend. And it was still the last person's stuff there. So I thought, good, finally they're going to put me in a hotel room. So I called and said, hey, this wasn't cleaned. And he was like, all right, let me send somebody over there.

And the owner's wife came over and looked at it and she said, we'll get this cleaned while you're on stage tonight. i already had my stuff in there but while i was on stage they were cleaning it up and they were not gonna let me go to a hotel yeah wow don't relax okay don't relax today well you will clean it while you're over there tonight comedy condos are the that's the price you gotta pay that's the price of admission to be a comedian. Yeah. And it's like, you know, and some of them are going, I guess it's going away more than it was back then,

the way it was, you know. But that's like, yeah, that's your like, kind of you got to get to. And the hotels that you have to stay in. There's one in, it's called Newport News, Virginia. And it's like a townhouse. And there's an older lady. She lives on the bottom floor.

There's no bedroom on the bottom floor. She sleeps in a recliner. She lives downstairs. And then upstairs is the two bedrooms that you stay in. And it's like the last time I was there, it was like they stopped updating it in 1985. VCRs up there. The bed, you talk about an imprint. It's sunken.

No Wi-Fi. Yeah. And you just come in and say hey to this lady like it's your grandmother. Yeah. Every time. And she just sleeps in the living room. It feels like elder abuse, really. Yeah.

Because you're just like. You want a bed or something? Yeah. She sleeps in a recliner. And I'm like, I'm going to go up and get in the bed. Yeah. And- You can't watch TV down there? No.

Well, I guess you could if you wanted to watch with her. You could hang out with her and watch what she's watching. But it's just an older woman with a bunch of Ohio State football merchandise. Does she get up and answer the door and stuff? She walk around? It's her house. She's active. Yeah, yeah. bunch of Ohio State football merchandise. Does she get up and answer the door and stuff? She walk around? It's her house. She's active.

Yeah. I like pictures of her just laying there. She'll come to the club. Yeah. She'll come down there, but it's so strange. I bet some comics, it's fun. If she drinks or something, I bet that would be... She might have years ago. How old is she she's in her 70s right yeah anywhere from 50 to 85 it's just to tell yeah yeah yeah but like an old grandmother like on the road like you go in

there and but she doesn't like make your food or anything no no she's very nice but you know you go hey i'm i'm here she goes all all right. And then that's really about it. There was one in the Outer Banks of North Carolina where the two people that booked the comedy club in a hotel conference room, it was their house that you stayed at. So you stayed there with them, and you're downstairs, and they're above you in like a loft. you in like a loft so every time the phone rings for somebody to try to make a reservation which was not that often uh you would hear the guy answer the phone his dog's tail would hit the floor it was like knocking and so but yeah how could they not get a room for free i don't know that's what i said too you get the whole show is in a hotel conference room yeah and i'm staying with you yeah why. Why does that?

That doesn't make sense. I don't know. Yeah. That's crazy. But in my hometown, there was a restaurant called like Our Place or something. So when I saw on the itinerary that the hotel was Our House, in my mind, I just thought, well, that's going to be a hotel called our house. And it was straight up their house.

You realizing that as you open the door and you go, what's that? You guys stay down here and we're going to be upstairs. And it's a loft. They can't even shut the door. No, not to their room. To my room, you can. But it's still, you can hear everything. And every time you go out of the room, they're like in the kitchen. Hey, how's it going? The guy had a stroke, but he's like bumming cigarettes off the feature the whole time. And I'm like, this doesn't seem right. And then they had a deck, but then the next year I did it, they were Airbnb in half the house so the deck went to the airbnb people so i wasn't even allowed out on the deck so i mean these people have there's there's three

different groups of people staying at this house yeah it's them the openers are the comics and then uh the airbnb yeah man there's a lot going on there yeah that's like some of those airbnbs you can get it's it get... People are renting out anything. They have any kind of open space. Especially like New York City. You can stay here. $50 a night. $100 a night.

People are just like, that's crazy. You got to share a bathroom with just a stranger every week. Have you ever done home exchange? No, what's that? It's where they come and stay at your place and you stay at their place. Oh, just to switch it up for a night? Have you ever done home exchange? No, what's that? It's where they come and stay at your place and you stay at their place.

Oh, just to switch it up for a night? Have you done that before? I've done it twice. Really? Yeah. Here in town? Like in Nashville?

Yeah, when I lived not where I live now so the squirrels weren't an issue. My condo and then I twice stayed in New York City. I did it for two weeks

one time. Yeah, you don't do it. I think you're saying just switch it up like you would just go hey I live in you know East Nashville

you live downtown let's just swap up for the week no no no a different city oh okay he went to New York yeah

alright that makes way more sense yeah right that's kind of fun but I don't know why you'd do it I want to see

what's it like to live off Bradley Parkway yeah I want to see if I want to see what it's like to live off Bradley Parkway. Yeah, yeah. I want to see if I want to do that or not. One thing that's going away from hotels is Gideon Bibles. Gideon Bibles used to be in every hotel room,

but now millennials are the least religious group going, and they're trying to attract more millennial travelers, so they're taking them out of hotel rooms. You mean people are not going to hotels because the Bible will be there? Yeah. That's interesting. That's like, I would think that's, they don't even know. Yeah. They don't even know.

There's no way that's even, there's no way that's a problem. I mean, no one's even, even if you're a Christian, I don't think you're like, I wouldn't, truthfully, I wouldn't realize if they took them and didn't do them. Right. But it's, you know. Now, the Gideons say a quarter of the people stay at hotel rooms, look at their Bible. Well, that seems high.

They don't know if they know that. They're probably just saying that. Put a chip in the Bible. Yeah. They go, how do you know? You go, we're in every room. You go, what? And they go...

Who are the Gideons? What are they up to? I tried to be a Gideon one time. Of course you did. I went to a church fair, you know, and they were asking about these different jobs. And it was like, you could go hand out Gideon's Bibles. And I was like, oh, I'll do that then.

And the guy was like, well, he was like, because I waited tables. He was like, you can't do it if you serve alcohol and stuff like that. And I was like, oh, okay. Well, I'm the only one talking to your table right now. And you're rejecting me. Yeah. That's hilarious. You're so free.

You would do it. I don't know. I never, I tried to sign up and then he rejected me. So I was just trying to get in on Gideon action. I thought, yeah. Like it's a job. Yeah.

Like I was trying to, you know, um, figure out a way to be helpful, you know, like I was trying to volunteer my time, but I didn't, I didn't know if there was money involved,

but I was walking through this church fair and it just didn't seem like anything was interesting to me. Well, I'd imagine if you, if you're like, you trying to be helpful, and if there's restrictions to why you can't help, that's not a good sign. Right. It should be open. Yeah. And so that's –

I can't imagine someone stopping me from putting Bibles in a hotel going, do you serve alcohol on the weekends? Yeah. Yeah. They would think that you drink it on the weekends yeah yeah they would think that you you drink it on the weekends yeah yeah probably and you show up with a gideon you have this hair uh well maybe yeah i may have had that at this at that time yeah i bet you get a yeah it seems like i think you might not rightfully so but you get a lot of just like, Adam, we don't want this. Yeah, probably. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Just too much of a problem. Yeah. They don't know what I'm up to. Yeah, it's a lot. You walk into higher end stores, you look like you can't afford anything. Yeah, I've been followed around a few places.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I think Gideon was a character in the Bible. Okay. And then Gideon International is just a character a person in the Bible that's just funny you know Jesus was the main character

Gideon was like another character later season you didn't see him much he's a good poet a lot of speaking lines you know but really spawned quite the organization apparently but did a spinoff and it was it was like frazier it was like the frazers you know it it really some say even better

some say even better yeah yeah i mean it didn't end until the millennials got in and they were like we don't want to say they're like does this room have bed bugs? Does it have a Bible? Yeah. The dirtiest item in a hotel room? Do you guys want to guess? The remote? Yeah. Really? Okay. What?

What did you think? It would be alarm clock? No. The toilet seat? Something like that? I guess the toilet seat's cleaned regularly. They clean it. Yeah.

Why don't they clean the remote if we know? Well, they put it in that bag now. Yeah. But I think it's like, you know, I guess you could leave it. A lot of people do that. They use the remote and put it in the bag. I need to feel it. Yeah, I need to feel it too.

Yeah. I always said this, that I think I can, you hand me any remote, I kind of just know where everything is on it. Without looking or you can feel it out? Without looking. Oh, really? I can just feel it everything is on it without looking or you can without looking i just oh really i can just feel it out feel it out yeah volume up volume down i just kind of feel i used to think i could pick people's silverware out where they keep it in their kitchen and i thought i mean i was like pretty great at it you can tell which drawer it's in yeah and if you give it to me i could i could i could figure it out which ways but i think i'm losing it a little

bit i still do it sometimes privately. I don't really tell the people I'm doing it, but I just, as I walk in the kitchen, I'm like, let me see if I still got it. And I think it's just the game's changed so much. Kitchens are so crazy that you're like, I'm just, I live on another planet. Right. And I got an island or something. You're like, this is too, this is too much. I can't find my own at times.

I'll open the wrong one. And you're like, God, that's right. It's over here. It is funny to live somewhere for years and then go like to look for a cup and open the wrong cabinet. It's like, what's going on that you're opening? Why do you think cups are in here? Yeah. They've never been in here.

I just moved them all around in my house. My wife is not happy with it. I moved them all around. Yeah. Because I think it's a better system now. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be a good system. It's got to be. I moved them all around. Yeah. Because I think it's a better system now. Yeah. Yeah, it's got to be a good system. You like change maybe though.

Well, it's pretty minimal work to really feel like you're, oh, I did chores all day, but I didn't really do much. Yeah, yeah. But you could like change. I like change as well. But it's, because there might not be a perfect system for you. I wonder if there will ever be. Are you going to go, I bet we could mix it up and finally –

I'm already not happy with the system now. Look at it. So I think you just like the change of it, which is fun because you get to mix stuff up. We were a big family. We moved – my parents' bedroom went from – it was in the den because we just had a two-bedroom house. So we had me and Derek and then – I mean, at the beginning we had nothing, but we lived in a duplex, apartments, all this stuff. But when the first house they bought was a two-bedroom house, so me and Derek, my brother shared a room and Abigail got her own room. She was probably a baby.

And so my parents, their room was the there's only two bedrooms their room was the den or the they so they were the den for a while and then they moved it into where the kitchen the dining room table was and so then they would all go in there so they would they would just switch up like that and i think it's made me we've switched furniture up a lot like because you kind of got to do it when you grow up and you don't have a big house you don't have like nice things like the only way to feel something new is to mix it all up and then you're like look at this it's like a new house people want to come see it like let me see what you're i'm gonna call it your new house and you're like look at this you're like it's brand new it is true and that in the trailer

you know trailers uh you know you got a living room slash kitchen thing going on so we would put the couch sometimes to where it made that divide yeah oh and then other times you open it up yeah but you know because you it feels like a new house because you're you're living in such a small area i want to move our couch around i like i like want to change stuff every day laura doesn't like it but i would like to move stuff around just be like i would like to change our living room up and like you look at it be like what do we could do to mix it up just because it like, I would like to change our living room up. And you'd look at it and be like, what do we do to mix it up? Just because it would be nice to have the change, but I do come from that change.

We come from a house that it was fun to come home and be like, my parents' bedroom was in a different place. I mean, it was the most exciting thing to be like, I can't believe this happened. Y'all changed everything. It was fun. It is fun. Yeah. There was a hotel in South Korea where 1,600 people had been secretly filmed, and they were live streaming it online.

Some people were paying $45 for a monthly fee to watch this. The site had over 4,000 members before it was busted. It's just kind of a crazy thing that they police said they've heard of secret videoing but never live streaming it where people could watch it they're fine with the video well they're not fine with it but just like a new level i start to think can you imagine you pay 45 to watch this pay-per-view and you think it's going to be some woman and the last minute, me and her switch rooms. It's just me in there. I think people like watching.

I think it's the idea of watching someone live a life. Like you're just very curious. People are very curious to be how someone else does something. Truman Show. That kind of mentality. Yeah.

So you think they'd enjoy watching me? It wouldn't bother them. I think there's, I'm sure there's hope that there's things but it's like i i there's also probably got to be some kind of weird thing if i could just see you live in life and you not know i was why i'd look i'd check it out yeah what's it just see how he walks around the kitchen around drive behind him you could drive right behind him i don't think he'd ever like picking up on a tail i don't i mean like if the the police would be like how close are you like he can hear me on the phone i don't know how he no idea no clue i'm talking to him i go what are you doing today like it's you could just follow him around i i i mean i've seen him just on the road when we go. I enjoy it. It's the same everywhere you walk in.

It's like we go and target a new city, and it's like, boom. It's just like, you know, he takes a moment just to be like, oh, what's happening? Well, that one in Minneapolis was like multiple levels, that target. Yeah, that one. Yeah, that one's cool. in Minneapolis it was like multiple levels that Target yeah that was cool like I remember seeing I remember in LA they had the the escalator

that takes you to the shopping cart and I remember that I was like that's crazy yeah I enjoy life no

yeah I enjoy seeing this stuff too but like gears is like every time you get an escalator like I said every time

it's like first time you've ever like when they invent this and that's how every interaction with this well Dusty and I will be together this weekend escalator like i said every time it's like first time you've ever like when they invent this and that's how every interaction with this well dusty and i'll be together this weekend and erin and i the following weekend so you guys can watch as much as you want oh welcome to the show y'all traveling together y'all traveling together i think so oh yeah there you go let me know let

me know how it goes i may yeah i may check it out i may go some places with you and then say that i'm not gonna go there you know i be like, let's go to Target. And then I'll go, you know what? I'm going to go ahead and take off. Yeah. And then I'll hang. Yeah. And sit back and watch.

In the little clothes rack. You know, I'll get in between. Just watch me in the wild. Are y'all sitting next to each other on the plane? We'll probably drive. Oh, where are y'all going? Huntsville. Oh.

Yeah. And you're probably. Yeah. I like that from Nashville. You're like, we'll probably drive. Might not. Might take a flight. You never know. Might do a little layover.

Might do a little layover in Birmingham, come back to Huntsville. Yeah. We might Uber it. Who knows? Yeah. You will drive. Are y'all- Brian and I are going to Salt Lake City, so we're definitely flying.

And your tickets next to each other? I think we're taking different airlines there. Yeah. Why did y'all do that? Well, I'm a Southwest guy and I'm loyal. He offered. He's like, I'll put you on my companion pass. I'm like, this will be great.

And he's like, oh, sorry. Can't do it. I couldn't do it. Oh, why? Oh. Because I'm using it for my wife like the day before and they won't let you change. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I looked into it.

That's not the reason you gave me, but okay. the reason you said the fight flight was full i don't remember saying that i did look into it yeah he did yeah you don't seem to believe me i definitely did look at perfect time to do some watching though yeah what so what flight are you doing i'm doing i think american there and delta back yeah Yeah. Flights are incredibly expensive. So expensive. Yeah. I was buying flights. We were talking about it before we started this podcast,

and it's unbelievable. I mean, $2,000. Yeah. And we buy a lot of flights, obviously, going to all these. It's unreal. Yeah. I mean, we're going to Bend, Oregon and Jacksonville, Oregon

and not easy to get to. And so it's like, and then you just get in the flights there. You're like, I don't know. It's, you know, it's so much money, but it's crazy. It is a crazy time. All right.

Is that it? Yep. All right. So this comes out this week and then I'll be in Canada this week and then uh i'll be in uh canada uh this week and next week's me and leanne morgan at san diego county fair nick novicki will be there with us very excited about that that'll be fun uh i love getting to hang with leanne and then uh i'm a big fan of her she's great man yeah like i even i even the more i started watching her i just like

she's uh she's her own person yep and i and i realized like i've become way into that and like so if someone's their own person and they're i'm just like no one's doing what they're doing i am i am hook hooker line sinker whatever this what was the same sink line and hooker sink line and hooker yeah i am i love it so yeah she's really great she doesn't change the way she talks for anyone now yeah it's just it's yeah it's like authenticity is what i'm on board with and uh so i love that uh so yeah we'll be there and then y'all y'all got huntsville this weekend we're in huntsville but also uh you know big announcement i hit I hit 10,000 followers on Twitter. So the Nate Land podcast, I mean, everybody really came through.

I'm actually at like 10.3 now. So they should unfollow now because now are you going to? Well, I don't know. I mean, I don't know if I would go back down. Now you're back to, I know, but were you using Twitter? You say you will use Twitter now. Well, yeah, I'll try to use it now yeah yeah yeah there you go i mean it'll be worth your time yeah it took 10 000 well it just

looks good to have a little letter in there feels good yeah yeah and it just you know the 10.3k 10.3k yeah like that letter the letter like the letter k yeah it feels good yeah yeah you know has your tiktok blown up at all since we oh i blew up i got 10.3k it did double sign up for at least it more than doubled last week we looked at it had 80 oh yeah followers now it's like uh 300 something oh that's good that's awesome yeah people want to keep up to date with the squirrel stuff you go on to brian's tiktok yep and uh he'll talk to you uh with his nose touching the phone and yeah what is it 377 you added uh you know almost 300 yeah that's amazing irish sphinx look how close he is i mean his hat bills probably hit the phone a couple times

i looked at some other people like john chris and people to me it just seems like it's the same distance he's getting there no I it's a lot of people think I live in Lebanon with the squirrel problem I don't

I just want to clarify I live in Nashville go ahead and give your address I think you're fine with giving it I wouldn't care I love you to stop by I would love it

come on by anytime I live close to a couple of your buddies yeah Shay and John oh nice well I'm out with Bert Kreischer this weekend I live close to a couple of your buddies. Yeah. Shay and John. Yeah. Oh, nice.

Well, I'm out with Burt Kreischer this weekend. Oh, it begins. Fully loaded. That's fun. Tour. Yeah. South Bend, Indiana, I'm excited about. All right.

Get a little homecoming, big time. Yeah, a little bit of one. That's a big one. I hope that guy, Concrete, can come. You remember that guy? He was at a show on our- Oh, my God. Yeah.

I opened for Dusty at South Bend, Indiana, and there's this guy in the front with tattoos all over his face. And I asked the crowd, does anybody have a nickname? Because that's the kind of material I was doing back then. And this guy said, my name's Concrete. Oh, wow. And I go, how'd you get that name? He said, I got it in prison.

Yeah. And I said, I don't want to know anymore. And then he cornered me and Dusty and talked to us for about an hour after the show. How did he get it? Why? Because he would slam people's heads into concrete. Oh, that's cool. Terrifying guy.

Yeah. Honestly, terrifying guy. They were like, we could go with slam heads. We call them slam. And he's like, I don't know. They already had a slam, maybe. They already had a slam. Yeah.

And heads is not very fun. No. And then concrete. That's a good one. Yeah, it. They already had a slam. Yeah. And heads is not very fun. No. And then concrete. That's a good one. Yeah, it's kind of weird to say. It's like it's hard to be like, concrete. Concrete. Concrete.

He goes, yeah, it's like a weird, yeah, it's a tough one to say, but you know what's going to happen to you if you don't say it. Right, you better say it. You better say it. He got up and left during Dusty's set. Dusty was like, concrete. Yeah. You're the foundation of the show.

I remember being like, that was great. That's a great line. That was a great riff. I did want to ask before we go if you and Dusty's opinion on that image from the Amarillo Zoo, what that was walking around out there. Oh, the wolf man? Yeah. Oh, man.

Could be a wolf man. Looks like a wolf man to me. If I've ever seen one, it's a wolf man. I mean, why would the wolf man not be real you know what i mean yeah i'm fine with believing in any of this stuff and i like it i'd like to me it's like it feels like that's going to be a kid in a costume yeah it's going to knock i would love for it to work out this easy i think to find the stuff is not going to be this easy yeah it's too obvious so, you think it's too obvious to be accurate. I think that zoo is probably doing experiments on people

and that thing escaped. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's a good one. That's the Dusty I want. Yeah, some kind of dog-human hybrid they're working on. I bet it's like someone doing a joke. You can't go find it. Wolfman's just not going to...

Trying to find a way to really bring the pet-human relationship together. Wolfman, I'm half and half. I don't know if I'd go that far. But Bigfoot, you got to go out in the woods, woods, woods, woods. Yeah.

And like it's just... It's not going to show up by a chain link fence like this. No. He wants to free his brother maybe. He's confused. Yeah, he's like, I've never been outside before.

Maybe he hasn't quit drinking yet. Yeah, yeah. Maybe that's why he just blacked out. Yeah, yeah. All right. All right. Thank you, everybody. As always, we love you.

We appreciate you, that you listen. And we will see you next week. See ya. Nateland is produced by Nateland Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.