The Nateland Podcast - #124 Scandals & Animals

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

This week, Nate visits Graceland, Aaron's car breaks down in an inconvenient location, and the guys debate how winning the Powerball would change them, Then they get down to business to discuss how to hide a racing bib on a subway, the helium problem in America, and what animal would be most terrifying if it could speak.      Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]   PrizePicks - PrizePicks.com   ● Download the PrizePicks app or go to PrizePicks.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports!  ● First time users can receive a 100% instant deposit match up to $100 dollars with promo code NATE  ● If you deposit $100, PrizePicks will give you $100. If you deposit $50, PrizePicks will give you $50.  ● Don’t forget to enter promo code NATE at sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100 dollars!     Helix - HelixSleep.com/Nate   ·       Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. ·       Go to Helix Sleep dot com slash NATE. With Helix, better sleep starts now.    Vuori - VuoriClothing.com/Nate Vuori is an investment in your happiness.  For our listeners they are offering 20% off your first purchase.  Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VUORICLOTHING.COM/NATE that’s VUORICLOTHING.COM/NATE  Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns.  Go to VUORICLOTHING.COM/NATE and discover the versatility of Vuori Clothing.   Athletic Greens - AthleticGreens.com/Nate   Right now, it’s time to reclaim your health and help your immune system with convenient, daily nutrition - especially heading into the flu and cold season!  It is just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That is it! No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.  To make it easy, Athletic Greens Is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.  All you have to do is visit ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE. Again, that’s ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!

hello folks and hey bear uh download the prize picks app or go to prizepicks.com to sign up and play daily fantasy sports first time users can receive a hundred percent instant deposit match up to $100 with promo code Nate. If you deposit a hundred dollars price picks, it gives you a hundred dollars. If you deposit 50 price picks will give you 50. Don't forget to enter promo code Nate to sign up for an instant deposit match up to $100.

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It is comfortable. Hey, but life is busy, and your well-being is important. Athletic Greens makes it so easy to get the vitamins you need every day with just one scoop. Athletic Greens is giving you a free one-year supply of immune-supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. Visit athleticgreens.com slash nate for a free one-year supply of vitamin d and five free travel packs with your first purchase that's athleticgreens.com slash nate all right welcome everybody i think my voice is normal so you got worried about yeah it sounded like it was gonna to be bad, but it's not good.

We're all going to show you real fast. John, our buddy John Crist, has been on the podcast. Obviously, a lot of people know him. He's got a new book out, Delete That, and other failed attempts to look good online. John Crist, it's a great book. It's crazy just to write a book. He did do this. He sent it, and it was funny

uh like a picture that said and like you'd be like keep this and delete that and then he showed these oh my goodness i wish i had known john sent me one of those too and i liked both of the pictures that he told me to delete he told me to delete it and i was like he said delete both yeah he was yeah he, don't keep it. Delete your account. It's welcome. I feel like we've been on the road. It's been a while.

It's been a while, I think. A couple weeks. Yeah, a couple weeks. Yeah, or who was gone? You were gone. I was gone, yeah. And then with Kevin Nealon, that was a thrill. Took my place.

Yeah. But we've done one since then. Yeah, yeah. That's true. I asked Kevin if he would move here, but he said no. It's just the vibe was there. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. He's a great dude. I worked with him one time. Loved Kevin Nealon. Big fan. It was, yeah. It's been, I don't even know where I've been. I've been everywhere.

Where were you this weekend? Memphis? Yeah, I went to Graceland. How was that? It's awesome. Great. It was, you know, I've always wanted to go, and I've never been. And I think if people have been a long time ago,

it's very different from what they were telling me. Like, you used to go see his house and stuff like that, but have his cars now they have a whole other i mean his airplanes are there that might have been there for a while the airplanes are very cool and then just the the cars and uh they have a lot of his cars there uh they had the the car of the picture the last picture that was taken when he's pulling into the car it's called a stutz or stutes i've never heard of it s-t-u-t-z and uh it's uh and that was the car he was in it supposedly was a car that it was for frank sinatra and then he uh went and charmed the guy and said well just give it to me and the guy gave it to elvis wow uh but it was uh elvis was like i don't know man it was, Elvis was like, I don't know, man, it was awesome. Like just hearing about him, it's, you know, he was like a good guy.

I like that he had like, you know, that Memphis mafia. Like it's a mix of like, you know, like some guys were actors, some guys were friends. It's like he took care of his family. He did the stuff that you want someone to do. That, you know, he loved Memphis. He loved home. All that kind of stuff.

Yeah, Elvis was great. Yeah. I mean, I impersonated Elvis one time for a roller derby team. I did Elvis bingo. You were on a roller derby team? No, they hired me to be Elvis for their Elvis bingo. Oh. So I did a- That's a few weeks ago yeah yeah so i

researched uh yeah i was like uh like fat elvis you know what i mean i was heavy at the time and it there's a roller skate there's a video out there no i can't roller skate at all i just um um went out there with shoes yeah you know why do you know they were just at a bar doing a bingo night and it was for them so but I did a deep dive into Elvis. It might be hard to find, and I hope it is. And I did a deep dive into Elvis and watched a lot of his videos, and he's great. Such a nice guy.

Such a sad ending for Elvis. Yeah, 42 years old, and he had a racquetball court, and so in that racquetball, he had a piano,ball court and so in that right we had a piano and he's playing a song and they were like that's where he was up to like four in the morning or you know i think someone maybe somebody maybe played racquetball four in the morning they were saying that uh the people that work at graceland by the way are some of the nicest people i've ever met in my life it's and that's what i. I loved that even to this day I feel like – because he seemed very nice with his fans.

And it was about them. And he was a very generous person. And I loved that he was – I think the relationship he had with his fans was a true – like he looked at himself as probably them. And, uh, that carries on,

even though it's been so, I mean, 50 year or whatever it is, 70. I mean, he died in 77. So probably 45 years, I guess.

Uh, yeah. He died. Did they talk about that at all? I asked her, I said, do people still bring it up? And she goes,

Oh yeah, they still do. But our, like, I remember watching unsolved mysteriesies about him not being, like on CBS. I do remember that, where it was, you know, he died in 77. And then it was, you could watch like regular TV.

And it would be like on 60 Minutes. You know, that kind of feels like that kind of thing, them really being like, is he alive? There's some TikTok videos out there right now of him being like a preacher of a church. Got a full white beard. But they have some audio of this preacher singing, and it is like, I mean, it is like, whoa, this dude can sing.

Yeah. I mean, it's so much like Elvis. It's unreal. Do you think if somebody were to fake their own death, they would immediately pursue a career in the public eye, like a preacher? Well, I don't think he's like a mega church preacher, but I think he's like— It's been 50 years. But he's still getting on stage and performing.

He would be 90, I think. Yeah, I think he's got a real—he had a real passion. Yeah, that's what I said. I figured he'd be about 100. Yeah, he's like, I got to get out of this. Yeah, I mean, it it would you could see it i would i would hope if someone did do that they would at least be like hey tell someone like if i when i eventually do die for real like let everybody know like i did you know just to be like

oh wow so we have an answer to it. Like Andy Kaufman? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, I mean, I don't think so. I think he was in bad – like I asked her – I was talking to her about it, and they were – she was like she knew everything. And it was – I mean, it was so awesome to hear all this stuff. But she said that he – I mean, he had a toothache, and that was bothering him a lot.

And so he thought his toothache was hurting him, which I guess a toothache, some of the, if you're going into cardiac arrest, your pain feels like it's a toothache. So I think he just thought it was this toothache. And then he was up until, you know, he went to bed probably 9 a.m. or something, like the next morning. And then I think just never woke up. Or he died in, he died, like his bathroom, because I asked, you know, you asked if he died on a toilet and all this stuff. But he was, I think he was in his bathroom.

But his bathroom was like a suite. Like it's, you know, it's like he'd get his hair cut in there. It's not like a Motel 6 bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You open the door and you're like, oh, there it is. Right. We think of someone dying in the bathroom, we think Motel 6 bathroom. Yeah, yeah. You open the door and you're like, oh, there it is. We think of someone dying in the bathroom, we think of our own bathroom. But a toilet's a toilet.

Yeah, yeah, but it doesn't... I don't know if there's any... He would get his hair cut on the toilet? No. He would have a... His bathroom is like a suite. I'm like, that's living in luxury, dude. Come on in. We'll knock out two birds with one stone. That's a relationship you gotta probably pay high money for if you want.

You and Eric are going to take it to the next level. I mean, you got to be, A, the most confident person. I mean, you have to have two of the most confident people on earth that have to somehow meet and then be good at these two things. Or just a difficult digestive system where you're like, this is going to be a while. Maybe try to get a haircut in. You also got to have a toilet in the middle of the room so that the barber can walk around in. Like a circular bowl.

No tank, really. It's a tankless one. Just a little bowl right there in the middle of the floor. There's a theory out there. It was on a movie that, i think it's coffee and cigarettes a movie and they they put they said that you know elvis he got tired of the fame he got tired all that he had a twin brother so elvis retired at the peak of his fame and then his brother took over and it was his brother that couldn't handle the fame so that's why his brother his brother is

the one that got really overweight he got really on drugs, and that's how it all took the – He had a twin brother, but his brother died. Right, but that's – That's what they say. Right. They're saying they didn't. They said, yeah, they had – they said his brother – There's before and after Elvis right there.

Yeah. That's what I would do. Yeah, if you gained a ton of weight, be like, no, that was my brother. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. Well, go flick through these pictures. Yeah, he's buried there, and his whole family is there.

I think this is one of the front steps. What is this room? That was the jungle room. And so, yeah, that's the front. This is very cool. Okay. For some reason, I pictured this was Elvis' childhood home. No, they said his childhood home was maybe the size of this room we're in,

where it could be 400 square feet. It was a shotgun home in Tupelo, Mississippi. And the bathroom was outside. So you had just the front room and in the back room and that's where he so he was born in that his bedroom that he uh had in that house was bigger than the home he grew up in wow and and that house is like when you see that house what you think you might think oh it's it's one of those that it feels smaller than you imagine. But it was like back then. I mean, it was gigantic. And he had a basement, and he had a record.

Like, he loved gadgets. I liked he had a bunch of cars. And the way you knew he was home was if all the cars were parked in the driveway in front of the house. If all the cars were out there, he was home. And if they weren't, he wasn't home. And so all the cars would park, the keys would be in it. And when they wanted to go somewhere, he would go get in the car he wanted to,

and then his boys would just get in whatever other car, and they would drive. And, like, I love all that. That's fun. Like, it's, you know. In the Steve Martin book, he talks about Elvis coming backstage and talking to him, and then Elvis being like, you want to see my gun? And showed him some guns.

Did you see the TV that he shot out? Yeah. Yeah. There was an actor, something, when he left for Germany, I think someone said, I want to take care of your girl for you when she's gone. And then that guy was on TV, and he shot the TV when he saw him. There's a lot of weird stuff, too, that's like – I mean, you got to think he's 21 when all this is –

so he's so young. Yeah. And he's just – I mean, he had a life, like just doing so much. But he was just – it's crazy to think how young he is. Like, and he did – he won three Grammys because the Grammys weren't invented, and he won three, like, at the very end. Oh, he only won three. He only won three is what I meant, yeah.

You'd think he'd be like, oh, they win them all, and you're like, no, they weren't invented. It wasn't a thing. Yeah. He won three in gospel. But, yeah, I enjoyed the whole thing. It was – Graceland's very cool. Have you seen the new Elvis movie?

I have not. But me and Laura have been trying to watch it, and I was going to watch it. I'm home for a couple days. So I was like, oh, you know what? I'll watch it now because I want to know. I got a book in there, and I was kind of curious to read it. I just – like, I think he had – I don to know. I got a book in there. I'm kind of curious to read it. I think he had... I don't know.

I think it's a guy that I think's heart was in a good spot. I know he got carried away and he got stuffed, but I think he wanted to really do this stuff. The picture on the wall, he's got blonde hair. That was his natural hair. I think he dyed it black. Black velvet. Yeah.

That's what that song's about. Black velvet. Yeah. It's about dying his own hair. Yeah, it's about, well, it's by someone else. That song. Black velvet and that little boy's smile. Something like that.

Black velvet and that slow southern style. That's about Elvis. Oh, yeah. But they say it was very sad. A guy told me, talked to me about Elvis one Oh, yeah. But they say it was very sad. A guy told me, he talked to me about Elvis one time, talking about in the end days, how they really just really took advantage of him and like he would basically be in bed in Vegas.

They would go and they would take him, you know, things to lift him up, and then they would wheel him out on stage in a wheelchair, and then he would do his songs, and then they would give him things to put him back down and then they would wheel him back to his room and then he would that was basically his life at the end yeah very sad and he's a year younger than me so it's like you would think like it's if you're like well he died that young he's 42 whoa very sad and then i picture him an older man i mean when you hear that story like that,

you think it's a guy in his 70s, 80s that they're willing out there, but it was, yeah, it wasn't. I mean, he didn't drink much either, they said. He loved Diet Dr. Pepper. I'm way on board with Diet Dr. Pepper. He had a soda machine. That's a dream of mine to get. In his house?

Yeah. That's a big dream. If I could get a soda machine, I would love one. Would you rather have a soda machine. That's a dream of mine to get. In his house? Yeah. That's a big dream. If I can get a soda machine, I would love one. Would you rather have a soda machine or a water fountain that makes Diet Pepsi? A water fountain? Like a water fountain. Oh. Like you just walk over to the side.

I'd rather soda machine. Oh, man. Like in the movie Idiocracy. You probably drink better. Kool-Aid comes out. If you had that. Have you seen that movie? No, no.

Oh, okay. I think you would drink less soda if you had a water fountain. Yeah. Every time you wanted a taste, you'd just walk over. Yeah, yeah. But, I mean, you wouldn't finish a cup. I think it'd be probably healthier. That's what Aaron was thinking about.

Yeah, that's why I like that. No, I want, like, those ones that, like, you can pick all the stuff. I mean, the other ones are great, but then you get Sonic Ice and then McDonald's Diet Coke. Somehow get in that game. Build them all in your house. Yeah, I would love to have a soda machine. I love fountain soda. I think we talked about it on a previous episode.

Elvis did a live show from, I think, Hawaii, and it was broadcast via satellite all over the world. It is one of the most watched TV things ever. I think maybe a billion people watched it because no one had ever done anything like that. I mean, he sold so many records even now. Like, it's, I mean, it's like he's a, the amount of stuff he sells now, it's like he's a the amount of stuff he sells now it's like he's

a megastar now yeah he did like rca when he was at rca records there's i mean he was rca records he was he was their whole thing he had tvs every like this was you know tvs were coming around they would say he had tvs in every room He'd watch. He always had the TV on. Down in his basement, he had like two man caves kind of down. One was a pool room and one was his other room. All this stuff is kind of untouched in this house. They actually said, Lisa Marie, they have Christmas, I think, Christmas dinner in that house, in the dining room.

So you go look at the dining room, and then in Christmas, the family comes there. They stay upstairs. Someone will stay upstairs. You can't go upstairs because it's like Elvis's room is not touched, but the other rooms are kind of modernized, and then they go, and they are in, but they stay in the house. I love that it's that family. It really is a family business.

It's, they all still live there. It's like, you know, it's not like it's just run by whoever. Right, not donated to the city of Memphis. Yeah, yeah. They had to go get a lot of his stuff back. They said, like, car, because he would just give people cars and just all this stuff. So everybody had something of, you know, this or that.

Imagine Elvis gave you a car, though, and then he dies, and people are know this or that imagine elvis gave you a car though and then he dies and people are like listen we know elvis gave you this but he had a lot going on there at the end we got to get this back yeah you'd have to sell i mean yeah they they they would do a lot of that you have to prove they'd go back and get it you'd have to prove that if they could figure out that it is his and they're're like, all right. There's a lot of that. They had to go get a lot of stuff. They have so much stuff about this guy. I did a show there last month with Angela Johnson at Graceland.

And when we were leaving, there was all these production crews setting up. And we were like, what is this? And The Young Rock was filming there. Oh, yeah. Just The Rock's everywhere. And they said he's there all the time. He's very nice. But they film it there because Memphis is where he got his start in wrestling.

So they film it at the studio there at Graceland. Oh, wow. Yeah, The Rock has an Elvis outfit in there that he wore somewhere. But he, yeah, they said he comes there. It's like when you hear that, you're like, all right. He really is everywhere. Yeah, it's like that was at the end. You know, yeah, it was like, oh, that's good.

You're like, this guy just puts stuff. Like, it's like every. Can't get away from him. Can you just do your own? Just be, have your own building. Actually, the first late night I did, The Rock was there on the show that night. Really? Yeah. Did you meet him? No, I didn't meet him. I was standing close to him. I was too nervous about my own stuff. the first the first late night i did the rock was there on on the show that night really yeah

did you meet him no i didn't meet i was standing close to him i was too nervous about my own stuff yeah also trying to meet meet a guy that i really liked yeah yeah i still like him but but at that time he was still fresh out of yeah i like i think yeah yeah if you met him i bet you'd be like this is i mean really you'd be like this guy's the best i have nothing against him it's just it is he's everywhere it's everywhere and'd be like, this guy's the best. I have nothing against him. It's just, it is. He's everywhere. It's everywhere. And you're like, oh. And then you go in there like, that's his outfit.

You're like, of course it is. It's like you're, and you're like, why would he not put it in there? Yeah. We got a lot of suggestions from people who descend to talk to the aliens. Yeah. Because, you know, we talked about that, about The Rock. Dolly Parton was a popular. Oh, yeah.

Popular choice. I'm about, no no i can't say it but maybe 30 years ago yeah yeah we're gonna send out one of our oldest citizens ever well i suggested jimmy carter so yeah but i mean it's not a long trip just go up there and say hey and yeah come on down to dollywood i I saw someone typed in Mike Rowe. Yeah. I thought that was good. Mike Rowe is a good answer.

Mike Rowe is a very good guy. A blue-collar guy. Yeah. Like, I think a very well-spoken guy, a guy that could kind of lay the land of going here. He seems smart, like, seems like a guy that's like, well, let me tell you. He can vamp. He's good off the cuff. Yeah.

Used to be. Wasn't it, he was on QVC or one of those? Isn't that how he got his start? I don't know. I thought he was in plays or something. But, yeah, I like that. I was like, yeah, that makes... Because it doesn't need to be your most famous...

Because it's like someone that's got to be able to relate to the entire population. So it's like, if it's relate to the entire population yeah so it's like if it's dolly parton i get it but you're like that's she's it's too probably been rich for too long yeah yeah and i mean i think she you know rich and famous too long is she could be like elvis and the fact that like she knows and and knows what stuff means to people that are not rich and famous and all this. But Mike Rose, like a perfect mix of, you know, like he's still very much tied in and loves all that stuff.

And is the one, you know, I like that. I'll take him. Yeah. Because we're going to be telling the aliens what life's like on. Yeah. In the U S at least.

Yeah. Okay. I think he seems like a guy knows most about the history and, you know, because other people were saying Neil deGrasse Tyson or... Nah. Nah. That dude doesn't... Yeah.

I can't. Nah. He'll be trying to tell them about space, and they're like, listen, we're not from space. We're from a different dimension. Yeah. We're demons. Yeah. Your space is boring.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like, we know about space. Because I think they want to know what we're like. Yeah, yeah. He's like, we know about space. What's, because I think they want to know what we're like. Yeah, okay. I don't think they're going to be like, you know, it's like,

well, the atmosphere. I blow through your atmosphere every day. Like, I don't care about that. Yeah. So, but yeah, I was there, Louisville, Memphis.

I'm going to be missing somewhere else. I'm in Memphis tonight, by the way, if you're listening to this. All right. Tonight. Lafayette's Music Room. Oh, I've been there. It's great. I had a lot of fun there.

Come on out, Memphis, while we're talking about it. I don't know. If we're talking about places we've been, I'd like to say I went to Columbus, Ohio to the Funny Bone. Let's do it later. Okay. Sound true. The Columbus Funny Bone sold out a bunch of shows. Really great.

Last week I was in Washington, D.C. Sold out some shows at the D.C. Improv. Really great. And I say sell out shows because that's new to me, fairly new to me. So it's great. And I'm very happy. And the shows were awesome. I like DC. I like Columbus. They're great. Today, I went to a restaurant in Murfreesboro called, oh no, I had it. It's called Maple Street Biscuit House. And this guy named Brett came out. He's the assistant manager, gave me some free cinnamon biscuits. So he's a fan House. Yeah. And this guy named Brett came out. He's the assistant manager.

Gave me some free cinnamon biscuits. So he's a fan of the podcast. And so I thought I'd give Brett a shout out. And the cinnamon biscuits were delicious. What time did you get up this morning? 6 a.m. Really? I went to the cabin.

I stayed at the cabin in McMinnville last night. And, you know, we like to – our baby loves her bed at home so much. Sometimes we like to take her out, make her spend the night somewhere else, just see how much she can cry. And so she cried a lot. And then at 6 a.m. she decided she's ready to get going. Yeah. So I've been up. Yeah.

So you stopped in Murfreesboro. I've had a full day. Yeah. Yeah. I've had some cinnamon biscuits, egg and cheese biscuit. I mean, I'm going to add it. Yeah. And you were in D.C. too.

Last weekend, or this past, yeah, Sunday. D.C. Improv? Yeah, D.C. Improv. Yeah, it's such a great club. So great. Yeah. It's so much fun. It's funny, though.

Yeah, I mean, the last two weekends have been really great. I mean. When you go play, like in the South, people know you're just a good old country boy, even if you were walking around downtown Nashville. south people know you're just a good old country boy even if you were walking around downtown nashville but when you're like out west california dc whatever do people mistake you for homeless well i mean i don't know i mean you know that mean it no it i mean it happened it happened in austin texas i mean i've made a joke about that a girl tried to give me uh some food on the street uh a lady in dallas one time told me that she thought i had i was talking on my bluetooth I mean, I've made a joke about that. A girl tried to give me some food on the street.

A lady in Dallas one time told me that she thought I had, I was talking on my Bluetooth, but my hair covers the Bluetooth. So she thought I was just talking to myself. But in, you know, North Carolina, Greensboro, North Carolina, not long ago, I was sitting in the lobby of my hotel and a lady that works there goes, she goes, can I help you? And I go, no, I'm okay. She goes, do you have a room here? I was like, yeah. I had to get mad at that lady, actually. I was like, that's not the way that you ask that question. I'm like, I get it, but that's not how you address it. She apologized.

Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I do think people think I'm homeless. Actually the DC, the hotel I was at in the DC improv was so nice. Everybody was so businesslike. And I'm in there in like a denim shirt and a trucker hat. I felt like I needed to show my key card every time I walked in just to be like, no, no, no. I am a, I am a customer here. I would think they just, you're in a band. Like they were just assumed like.

Yeah. No one harassed me in DC. Yeah. Well, I ask that because I know, I'm saying they think you're homeless, but you were laying down on the sidewalk or something, and the lady said you can't lay here? Well, in Phoenix, yeah. Well, I just went out in front of the Phoenix Sun Stadium.

The pool at my hotel was closed. So I went out, and I saw this nice cement slab, and I thought, well, this is great. I'll just lay here and get a little sun, just kind of soak it up. And this lady, security guard, comes out of the basketball arena the basketball arena and she goes hey you can't lay down here she goes well she goes a private property we make the rules and i'm like i'm not even arguing with you yeah i'm leaving but she didn't tell me to leave she just you can't lay down you were laying down on a like a regular sidewalk not the, but it was a slab, slightly elevated.

You could sit on it. A curb. A curb. But I laid down. I was like, this feels great out here. It was empty. I wasn't bothering people. Yeah.

It's kind of 50-50. You kind of lead the way to them wanting to say- Yeah, if you're doing stuff like that, for sure. I had a Starbucks cup, but it was empty, so it could have very well been something i've been collecting changing you know so you ever drink your coffee and then you notice a quarter in the bottom of it well not yet but i hope i mean that's always what you hope you wake up you got a dollar 50 hope that you get a little yeah i mean that'd be nice i think if you if she would have let you really sleep out there i bet you would have got yeah that would have been nice yeah Yeah. Imagine I fall asleep,

wake up with money in the cup. Yeah. I'd be into it. I mean, I'm not against it. Yeah. I mean, a girl did offer me food and I was sitting on a park bench and I look up

and there's a girl, she goes, she goes, excuse me. And she had a brown paper sack in her hand. And did you take it? She said, do you want a sandwich?

Yeah. In the joke, I take it. But in real life, I did not take it. said do you want a sandwich yeah in the joke i take it but in real life i did not take it yeah i think about it i should have took it because it'd probably be less embarrassing for her if i just took it yeah yeah imagine she's like oh my sandwiches are not even good enough for the homeless you should have taken and eaten it yeah yeah they say you call you don't they don't use homeless anymore they use house uh uh unhoused unhoused right but i grew up in a trailer right i didn't have a house yeah i was kind of unhoused but i had a home yeah right you know what i mean so i think unhoused sounds worse i think so too they try to fix stuff that's like

the washington football when they had the washington football team it's like that's the best name the what was it washington uh yeah it's the washington football team yeah yeah that was so great it wasn't commanders now no no but it was it wasn't the wash it was like the redskins before that no yeah i know but when they did the name in between. Yeah, the Washington football team. Yeah. And it was like, that was like the best. Their uniforms, the names, the best. You're like, this is, I was like, why are we not all just called that?

Like, you start thinking, like, it is ridiculous we're called, you know, it's like Titans, big win. Vanderbilt, gigantic win. Huge win. Yeah, huge. Big win. Big time. Very exciting.

Excited for Clark lee uh but they're uh yeah it's like you were like the team the name is so good that you're like yeah we should all be like cleveland baseball team the cleveland football team like you should just be yours that's what you say well that's what we'll get one day i think if if we're no longer allowed to use any names we'll be like everything in the store will be like maple syrup and it'll be like you know tea and you know nothing will have names it'll just be like butter you're like the dolphins are gonna win the super bowl and you're like the older you like all right all right you like it feels you know the chargers you're like just be just say the city just say the city the national football club yeah that's like soccer. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. You just say that. Yeah, that's what it is. Unless you have a cool name like the Alabama Crimson Tide. Then that, you're like, let's keep that. Well, college is different. Yeah. Or the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Yeah.

Well, that's, yeah, but that's college. Yeah. I think pros is like, you're playing for the city you're in, or the state, or the, you know. Yeah, not the university. Not the, yeah, not the, it could be the New Jersey football team, the New York, New Jersey and New York are playing tonight. Like it would be like, oh, instead of Jets-Giants. All right.

Well, that could get confusing. Jets-Giants, it'd be New York football team playing the New York football team. The other New York football team. Well, they're playing the same thing, but you would just say, yeah. But you'd be like, yeah, one needs to be in Jersey. New York Civil War. One don't have to be Jersey. They both play in Jersey.

They both play there. Well, speaking of getting profiled by people, I was in Fort Wayne, Indiana and Dayton last weekend, sold out every show. All right. No, no, no.'d uh cut some shows but yeah the uh one show there was one server the whole room that's how small it was but crowds were fun anyway so i'm leaving fort wayne and i'm like maybe a minute into the drive the car just sounds

horrible i'm like oh god so i pull I mean, and I have one tire that is cartoonishly flat. I mean, it's not light on air. It's straight up. It looks like it's been sliced. You're riding a Ram. Yeah. Yeah. It was awful. So we're sitting there figuring out how to handle this. Turns out I had pulled over to stop in front of an armed security business. So I'm outside looking at it, and this guy comes up, gun in his holster. He goes, can I help you, gentlemen? I was like, I mean, no, you can help me change this tire. Yeah, you know how to change it.

You got a jack? He goes, just let me. And I explained the situation to him. He goes, just so you know, the cop, I called the cop. So this guy thought we were suspicious out there in his front yard. The cops came, had to talk to them. This like a huge thing it was just like the worst day ever did you keep changing the tire while all this was going on well what do you mean when the cops were there no like you know he's like i called the cops you're like okay and you just keep doing

the tire like i feel like it just keeps your mind off uh so at least at the end of all of it you're like tires changed we'll move on it took way longer than I would have liked. I mean, I had to figure out where the spare tire was. That took a long time. I don't know anything about cars. But then I went. I was like, well, this day is so weird, the way it's starting. I was like, I went and bought $40 worth

of Powerball tickets while I was there thinking my luck would change. It didn't. I didn't win. I would have led with that if I had. Anyway. Also, a lottery. I didn't win. Yeah. I would have led with that if I had. Yeah. Anyway. Yeah. Also a lottery winner. You think you'd be here?

You'd be a billionaire. I would still show up. Yeah. You know, one person won that. It was like $2 billion. Yeah. One person. Well, that person and the government.

Yeah. Well, they took a big chunk of it. Yeah. They both. The government always wins. What's a billion? Like, you probably get $500 million? Well, if it's $2 billion.

If it's $2 billion, i think it was like a 900 million dollar after that was the lump sum and then you pay taxes on that yeah and then you pay taxes on that was the lump sum of two yeah i gotta look that up big day for the government hopefully the deficit's down now yeah the government could just take that and apply that right to the overall thing yeah start knocking it down. Yeah. I mean, man, if you won $900 million. I didn't realize the taxes hadn't been taken out. I think if you win that much, you almost can't make it all go away. The lump sum of a two point, it was $2 billion.

The lump sum was $997 million. And you want to go, let's just make it a billion so I can say I'm a billionaire. Exactly. Well, you hope you have 3,000. And some of you, you're not happy with 997 million. You're like, I mean, I'm happy with, they just said me, give me a billion. Give me a billion. Just let me be a billionaire.

Everybody, so then you pay, so they give you that 997 and then you pay taxes on that. Then you have to pay taxes on that. So you're walking away with like probably four or $500 million or something like that. Yeah. And then, yeah, I wonder if someone could like, mean i guess if you went i mean if you bought a plane so you go buy some big plane that might cost 30 million you know i'm trying to think like would you you know because when people you win 10 million i see how they especially now you're like yeah they could go they could blow through that quickly yeah you buy a big house so you're like

that's 10 million now you know but if you have 400 million you got to be like i don't you know i would i would it that's where you want to go like somewhere you go i hope you take 100 million or take 50 million or you go take 100 million buy your plane okay and then put the rest 300 million like put it wherever you're supposed to put it. Like, or do whatever you're supposed to do. Under the mattress. Yeah. That's where I would go.

Straight away. Get in cash. Yeah. Yeah. But just do what you're supposed to do with it. And like. And it's a tall mattress. And then just go be like 100 million.

You want 100 million dollars, Go do whatever you want. Yeah. I don't care if you waste it. Yeah, you got to have some fun with that amount. But you know, $100 million. Would you show up to the podcast? I would show up. I don't think I would tell you guys.

I mean, you would say it. How do you not say you won $900 million? If it came up organically, I would go, hey, by the way, I won. There's no way. There's a good chance no one would ever see me again. If you won $2,000. Yeah. I mean, you could just buy a little island, buy a bunch of land right next to Bill Gates

out in Nebraska somewhere and go into business. Buy an island in Nebraska. But you wouldn't want to do comedy? Well, I don't know. I mean, I think that if you win that, everyone knows you win it. Yeah. Right? Let's say we don't, but let's say we lived in a state where you could claim the winnings

anonymously. Okay? Yeah, I think I'd still want to maintain a normal life. Yeah. But if everyone knows you win, you got to disappear. Yeah. It'd be tough if they know you just won $2 billion. Be like, hey, buy a $30 ticket to see me at the funny vote.

Yeah, you give your family. You go, I'm going to give all my family, you know, a few million, your immediate family. I'll give you, all of you, like $10 million. You kind of take care of everybody. It's tough to do jokes. I think you should do that. You go take care of everybody up top. I're in your immediate family's not what you're talking about it's the outskirts yeah you know but it's like you go take care of like you know my my

dream is always you go take care of your family go take you know you do this kind of thing yeah and then you got everybody kind of squared away and you're like all right you're all good everybody's good like you know i don't have to worry you You don't have to worry about that. And then you just go do your. Do you go take care of the gas station attendant that sold you the ticket? Yeah. Nah. You don't think so? Nah.

I had the lady that sold me that. She said, if you win, give me 10 million. Right. But that's what I'm saying. I don't know if I'll give you that much. Yeah. I'll give you 100 grand or something. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's a polite thing to do. It's like I'm saying. They'll give you $100,000 or something. Yeah.

It's a polite thing to do. It's like tipping a server. Yeah, but it's like they're never going to be happy with that $100,000 because it is like, well, just give me... Well, that's the thing. You start giving money away, everybody's like, well, you got $900 million. You're only going to give me a million?

This is why you don't tell anybody. This is why I wouldn't tell you guys. Well, I don't want your money. I know. But it would change our relationship. You tell me you wouldn't look at me differently if you knew I was a billionaire? I thought you already were. It'd be tough to

do any kind of joke about anything being hard. That would be the hard part is like your what you talk about. You're the least relatable person. You'd have to be like John Hodgman and be a character almost. Yeah. Who's John Hodgman? His name?

I don't know. It would be. All right. Yeah. I don't know if I would look at you like, I would be curious to see if we look at you different. Like, I think you would.

I think, I think it changes every relationship in your life overnight. I think the dynamic of every relationship is totally different and not only that people resent you for that wealth because you didn't earn it yeah you were just handed it so people don't even like respect yeah how well i don't think i would i don't think i would though like as i i don't know i don't think i've ever resented someone for something like i've i've always took it as i've always never cared what someone else has because you're like well then i need to do i i gotta get what i you know it's like it's on me

so it's like you'd be like man that's crazy that's awesome dude like it's like you know but i wouldn't i don't think i would you know it'd be like yeah dude go that's crazy go live your life like i have my life like i'm happy with my life like you know yeah it's people that are not happy with their life that resent well it'd be tough to go to lunch with people i mean like you're like you want to meet for lunch and like every time they're like ah forgot my wallet dude but i think you got to just pay yeah so it's like also you it's how you handle it i would imagine you got to go you're always paying you just pay for it you i got it no no no obviously you obviously i got it like and you just pay for it always. And you do that stuff.

And if you can't not do that, then it gets like, you know. You just do it, and you take control of it, and then it is. You're like, everybody's like, yeah, he's very generous. You're like, no, he didn't give me a million dollars. Why do I deserve a million? But we go out to eat. He pays for all this stuff. He did a lot of stuff for a lot of people.

He did, you know. I think I would forget my wallet as the lottery winner. I'd go to lunch with people and they go oh man i forgot my wallet you mind getting this one i'll get you next time yeah on purpose yeah oh just to mess with you wouldn't like it yeah no i would like you know that that you know balances everything back out right it's like you know like if because if you're a millionaire and you're buying people lunch, you know, especially a lottery winner millionaire, it may not mean anything. But now if they're able to buy, like if they're able to buy you lunch, maybe that now means something to them.

Yeah. I mean, I could see. Yeah, it does do that. Yeah. But. But it's like you just, I don't know. Until they get home and tell their wife. She's like, he made you pay. He don't know. Until they get home and tell their wife, she's like,

he made you pay? He's a billionaire. Yeah. Right, but if someone buys you lunch and they know they have, and you know they're a $900 million lottery winner,

does it really have the impact? Are you really like thankful that they bought it? Yeah. You should be. You should be, yes. And so it's like, that's what I mean.

You got to go to, well, it's on you. So if that person can't handle it, then it's kind of on them. I mean, they did it. Tiger Woods, there's stories of him, and I don't know whether these are true or not. I don't know. But when he would go to, it was in the books, when he'd books, when he'd do SEAL training, and then he'd go out and eat with the SEALs afterwards. Like, they're doing a thing, like, letting him come along and do this. And they'd go eat lunch afterwards, and he wouldn't pay for it.

And so they would always be kind of rubbed wrong by that. But that I understand, and I don't think they're doing it because of a he's rich thing. It's like, yo, we're letting you come into our into our like it just seems like it'd be a not the thing to do they don't want money from they're not trying to get something from but they're like you can see that we're also a little lunch yeah like if you and it would be like if you had everybody go out to eat and then you like well i'm gonna pay for my families but everybody else just and you had a big party you know to be like well that's kind of you know you won money and then you made it you know we weren't coming here yeah we're coming here because of you right

i would think you would have everything covered right if you just pay take care of everything i like pay everything it's when people are asking for the crazy amounts of money could be one thing but when you go out you're like yeah i'm just paying for it i got it dude don't worry about it but then some people would be like no let me buy me buy it. I want to, you know, because they want to just buy you a bunch. If you're a nice person and you win it, I don't think it changes. Okay. That's good. I like that.

Yeah. So say it. You won. Yeah. Admit it. Admit it. I think you would be okay. I think, to your point, your friends, maybe me would be one of them.

Oh, yeah. You wouldn't be able to handle, maybe me would be one of them. Oh, yeah. You wouldn't be able to handle it. It would be hard. You wouldn't. I love my job now, so I don't think I would be that resentful. But if you're in a job you didn't enjoy with a coworker, they also hated their job, all of a sudden they get to quit their job. Yeah, you'd be resentful of that person.

Well, we know a comedian. Yeah, but that's not good. I agree. I know, but that's not – you have to realize that that's not on that person. I do. And then so it's like – and to be resentful. But you got to – but then you either – yeah. I mean, I get it, but it's like that's not – that's mean.

That's actually very mean. I agree. I think it would be hard to handle. Yeah. From all, you know, especially like if you were like a pesticide salesman, let's say, and then your competitor suddenly wins the lottery. That's hard to handle. Yeah.

Very hard to handle. I understand that, but does it give you the right to be mean to the person and to like- It doesn't, but it would be hard. that but it doesn't give you the right to be mean to the person into it doesn't but it would be expect you know it's uh you're still living the same exact life whether he wins or doesn't well we know a comedian i don't want to say who but we know a guy who's his wife won the lottery decades ago yeah and they won a lot of money and he's just still just been a touring comedian he's very funny yeah but i i have to imagine that change like if a comic at my level won millions and millions of dollars and just kept it would be tough to get a future spot

it would be it would yeah it would be your peers i think that would have the hardest yeah and that's that's where it uh you know you gotta have your own plan if you don't have your own plan that's where it, you know, you got to have your own plan. If you don't have your own plan, that's the thing. So if you're going to, if someone's like, will be resentful and they're going to do it, you're like, well, you don't have a plan for you. And so you're just, and maybe neither one of you had a plan and you got lucky and that's why I

understand. Right. But that's part of it. You tried to be lucky too. This person got more luck than you got. So you got to hope that your luck comes around better. But if you don't have like a, at least you're like a plan, like you're like, I'm going, I'm trying to head towards something.

I think people that are heading towards something, whether it's wealth or whatever it is, but at least there's like a goal in their life to something they can be satisfied with, then you wouldn't, you would be like, that's awesome, man. And you're like, no, I'm doing my own thing. Like, we're getting like – and those are the people that would be giving the money because you'd be like, oh, well, this person's got a great heart and they're doing big things.

Yeah. You know, and so, yeah, I don't know. You wouldn't be able to – would you have to quit the podcast? If what? He won nine, four, nine, the billion dollar one.

Oh yeah, definitely. I couldn't be around him. Yeah. No, I, I, uh,

Aaron's in here in suits every day. Yeah. I'd probably want those spoons under your couch. I mean, it seems like you could at least. I'd throw you a couple bones. Yeah. Yeah.

No, I'm not saying me... I get you better season tickets for the Titans. You know? Yeah. I get you close down to the field. He's already insulting you, and he hasn't even won the money yet. I get you a nicer car. It's one row closer than his old tickets.

Yeah, just one row. And he goes, every year I'll move you up. If you stay my friend, every year I'll move you up. I get tickets one row in front of him. A big guy right in front of him. Oh, yeah, just put some huge dude right in front of you. I would set aside millions of dollars. I'm saying you're a ticket.

I know. You're saying it's me. Yeah, well, now that you're wealthy, I don't think you take jokes as well. You can't give yourself too serious now that you're rich. I think the money's changed you. That's what people would say to you every day. That's true. Even if it's not true, they would say that.

You're changed, man. I always think with that, I think more than likely the people around them change than that person changes. I think more than likely the people around them change, then that person changes. Now, if they're young and maybe that person can change, if they're super, like, you know, if you have no experience of anything. But I do think, because you'd always, people say that, well, that person changed.

And then you're always like, you're like, I don't know, but did you? Because it's like then that person, the person around them seems mad or something. And then you're like, I don't know, but did you? Because it's like then that person, the person around them seems mad or something. And then you're like, I don't know. I'm just going off like hearing the stories on, you know, like about celebrities. And they're like, well, they change. And I think some do. Some become crazy and some become, they become swept up in that thing. And those drive me crazy.

The ones that like, we always have it with people in the south that like go talk about the south and they hate the south and you're like yo we're from here dude like you're how are you not love it how do you not proud of it how you not like all this kind of stuff and then uh but if you i think people around you yeah you would see them change more than i would change too you would change in just your life i mean that's so much money so that's a it's that's I mean, that's so much money. So that's the only thing. It's so much money. $10 million, I don't think you change. $400 million, you're like, it's just so crazy.

And I think you do the things in your conscious that you go like, you know what? I took care of a lot of people, and I did a lot of things, and I think I did what I should have done. And if you can feel like that, then you could go, you could feel happy. You know? Your circle just would get tighter. Yeah. Yeah. And then you make people around you have money,

so then they don't feel like they're not going to ask stuff from you. And then you just walk around with that circle. I'd be like Ted DiBiase, you know? Million dollar man out here. I'd be the best. What is that reference? You not know the wrestler? Million dollar man? Ted DiBiase you know million dollar man out here that'd be the best what is that reference you not know the wrestler ted dibiase no i don't know if you say it's dibiase is it yeah that's it dibiase ted dibiase yeah the million dollar man yeah yeah he's a wrestler yeah okay crazy to think if he wrestled now and he's like the million dollar man you're like yeah scraping by it was like a million dollars like now he'd have to be a billion dollar man yeah absolutely it

would really would you that's what you'd have to be to be the wealth that he was when he was the million dollar man yeah when he was the million dollar man he's got gold he's got all this and blah blah and then now if he came out that you're like well you're going to be out of money immediately yeah they might not make him the trillion dollar man. Yeah. I mean, let's go. Let's go for it, man. Yeah.

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I can't do any more big man jokes? Would that go away? No, I think't do any more big man jokes? Would that go away? No, I think I would be more immune to it than I even am now. I would go, yeah, dude, I could buy you. He would go, when you say big, you mean my bank account? Yeah. And then your new friend. I'd maybe punch it up a little more than that.

And then your new friends you hired are like, ah! And we're just at your house. Your posse. Yeah, we're at your house like, God, we can't get a joke in over there anymore, dude. This groupie's got it. I would show up to the podcast, but I'd have a crew with me, dude. I'd roll it with an entourage in an Escalade. When you go to leave, you don't leave.

And I go, what are you doing? And you go, I bought your house. I go, what's that? And you just bought it. And then you set it on fire in front't leave. And I go, what are you doing? And you go, I bought your house. And I go, what's that? And you just bought it. And then you set it on fire in front of me. Bulldoze it. You bulldoze it. Yeah.

You would want to do, I always take it like, so if you wanted to be a comedian still, because that would be the hardest part. Because you're, everybody knows you're not relatable. Because it's like the switch is too quick. Right, right. And you won the lottery. So it's like, it's a completely different thing. You can maybe fire off one special about winning the lottery

and like maybe make some jokes about that where people would be interested in that. And then after that, it'd be like, people would be over it. So you could, you'd have to go, you could go an Andy Kaufman route and just like be like, I'm going to run for mayor for this town. Because how mad would that make everybody?

If you, and then your answer is go, well, that's funny because I'm a billionaire and I know what to do. And you could do some like, you're from Memphis, Tennessee. I'm from Hollywood. I think you'd have to go. You would, like you said. John Hodgman? Yeah, I don't know.

But it's like your boy John. But you would have to go. You'd have to do that. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. But it's like your boy, John. Yeah. But you would have to go. You'd have to do that. And that could be – and it could be very funny. And you'd be fun with it. I would be fun with it. Yeah. You could do internet videos where people do the good thing,

where they go find somebody that needs money, and then they give them a bunch of money. But you could harass people and then embarrass them and then throw money at them that's just go the other you go yeah you have to go mean and be the other way you'd be on this podcast let me get this straight your barber is also your nutritionist yeah you don't have one of each that's just sad throw money at my face we just always have to take it i get my haircuts on the toilet. Would that be the first thing?

I would put a urinal in my house. I would love to put a urinal in my house. A walk-in cooler. A urinal in the walk-in cooler. A water fountain with Pepsi. Still die, Pepsi. I'm still trying to stay healthy. Yeah, would you get a trainer?

That's the one thing. Everybody who wins the lottery, 100%, they gain weight. Yeah. Yeah. Would you get a trainer? That's the one thing. Everybody who wins the lottery, 100% they gain weight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Be the opposite of that, but you could do it and you'd like get a, like that would be hire a private chef.

That's at your house that you're like, I don't, I eat when you hand me food because otherwise, I mean, you'd have to have a month of just like, yo, look, dude,

I'm about to, I'm about, I think you'd go get a private jet for a month and just be like i'm going to go somewhere every night and i'm gonna eat bad but then you know go to mcdonald's and like buy everybody you know just it'd be pretty awesome to go to mcdonald's and just go this mcdonald's today if you come i will buy 24 hours it's free show up let me feed the community yeah oh yeah i would have fun with that yeah that would be fun and then you know and they give you the bill and it's like 100 grand you see shack doing stuff like that he goes into a grocery store and he goes everybody all their groceries are free yeah that's why he's doing those every day that's why he's doing those the general commercials oh yeah not

too many times yeah yeah you would do that stuff like it's like and i feel like if you do that and put videos out that's what i think people do is like they do that stuff and then you're like how much money do they give away they're like none they just do it once on a video and you're like that guy is nice not shack i think jack shack yeah because shack most shack's videos some are himself but a lot of them are like other people showing that he's doing it without. I think Shaq's a very generous person like that. Right, right. And yeah, that would be interesting.

All right. I don't think people, I'd be curious to see how you'd be. I could see him, he'd be gone. I could see that. He'd want his payout in Confederate money. I think he'd lose a lot of his money. I think he would lose a lot of his money with a lawyer trying to sue the government to get the rest of the money back. Yeah.

I think he would be a bunch of that. Yeah. And your views on the moon and space I think would change because you would be up there. Yeah. Well, we'll see. But, yeah, I mean, I would go you would be up there. Yeah. Well, we'll see. But yeah, I mean, I would go try to check it out. Yeah. You know what I mean?

And I'd build a bunker. Yeah. Several floors deep, and you would only think that it was only one floor deep. And I think Bates' first purchase would be Dave Ramsey's book. He'd be the most boring. Financial peace. Yeah, yeah. Cut up those credit cards

put a million dollars in an envelope yeah sort it all out that way oh it's so boring bunch of different envelopes for different yeah

he has yeah he buys another Honda Accord it's just you know well it's got leather seats still battling still battling the squirrels.

Yeah. Don't even build a garage. Yeah. All true. All right, we talked a while. Let's read some of you guys' comments. Up first, Kevin Nealon comments. M4, great guest, fantastic episode.

I love hiking with Kevin. I do love that, too. And you did it, right? I did it. I don't know if he wanted to say it yet. Well, he said it on the podcast. Well, I thought we'd still keep I do love that too. And you did it, right? I did it. I didn't know if he wanted to say it yet. Well, he said it on the podcast. Well, I thought we'd still keep it a secret. Okay.

Yeah, you and your money. I can say whatever I want. Nothing. I'm from Hollywood. I'm from Hollywood. You're from Nashville, Tennessee. Sarah Nistetter. It was so fun to have a guest again.

However, I've often wished Nate would introduce his guest a little more thoroughly. As a newbie to the comedy world, I usually have no idea who the guest is, and I just learn along the way. Oh, yeah. You had no idea who Kevin Nealon was. That's shocking. I mean, not as shocking as Aaron not knowing who Ted DiBiase is, but Kevin Nealon's great.

Yeah. I felt like you just trashed him, and then at the end of it, you said he's great. He is I felt like you just trashed him. Then at the end of it, you said he's great. He is great. You trashed somebody. Trashed Aaron. Aaron. Which I agree with.

Yeah, yeah. I will remember all these. I get it. Some of it is I know who Kevin is so much, and we all know who he is so much. But it's like I do understand that. He even made a joke about it. Now people don't know him as much as they did. But it's like when I think I know someone so much that you don't think you have to do understand that. Like, he even made a joke about it. Like, now, like, people don't know him as much as they did. But it's like when I think I know someone so much that you don't think you have to do.

But, yeah. Thomas Gray. It blows my mind that you guys had an entire conversation about going under for dental work, and there was no mention of Tim Watley. One of the funniest moments in Seinfeld is when Watally takes a hit of the gas before giving it to Jerry. Great show. Keep up the good work, boys. And Laura.

Yeah, we didn't mention Tim Wally. I mean, people, they always criticize me. They're like, God, he makes so many Seinfeld references. If I don't make one, they're like, what are you doing? Yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot. We should have mentioned it.

I can do more West Wing references if we want. I can try to sneak more of those in. I'd like to see. If the people are clamoring for it. Do you mind when they have a lottery episode? No. No, but I'll find some more tie-ins. Just wait.

Yeah. Do you know who played Tim Watley? Bryan Cranston. Ooh. Chef Stauffer S. Brownsington. Brownsington. Chef. C-H-E-F. Stauffer. Chef Stauff S. Brownsington. Brownsington? Chef. C-H-E-F.

Stouffer. Chef Stouffer. Wow, that's a name. I better have a job. It feels like they made that Twitter handle. That's a name that can't be. Chef Stouffer. Just to trip you up.

Yeah. It seems like they made that just to trip you up. Maybe. Chefstopher S. Brownsington. Chefstopher S. Brownsington. Chefstopher S. Brownsington. That guy, but if that's a real name, you better be. Old money. It better be.

Very fake. Yeah, it needs to be like, you know. He moved in the lottery. He changed his name to that. Yeah, that's what he did. Driving to work at 5.15 a.m., Nate says, you could spoil a WW2 movie for me. You could spoil a World War II movie for me.

I made a U-turn and rewinded the podcast to hear it again. Truly not being hyperbolic, but this podcast is the greatest. All right. Why did he have to make a U-turn? That's how he rewinds stuff in his car. So when your car is going, some of these cars, especially with the money the brownsons have yeah uh when you go it plays and you're like wait what did he say and then you can either back up but if

you're like on a main road there's people behind you you go you turn it goes and then you get back in the lane and then it's like you can spoil a ww2 movie for me. Jeremy Edgar. Kevin might actually be the first comedian to play Biden in a sketch, an SNL sketch about the Clarence Thomas hearing in the early 90s. Oh, yeah. Yeah, there he is. There he is. There he is playing young Joe Biden.

He was only in his late 60s at the time. Yeah. Man. Yeah, sometimes people are so old. This is late 60s at the time. Yeah. Man. Yeah, sometimes people are so old. It does when you see people and they're like, you know, how old would you guess Vin Diesel is? Vin Diesel, 55. I'll say 48.

I'm going to go. I know the answer. I'm going 58. What did you say? I said 48. I'm going 58. 55. Wow. Right on the money said 48. I'm going 58. 55. Wow.

Right on the money. Yeah, maybe you're younger. I think our age, your age, I'm younger. But Travis, this weekend, he said he thought he was 45. I think people that know Vin Diesel, we see him, we think he's 45. But then I could see you and anybody younger. Think he's old. Think he's old because he would be old to you.

Yeah. Superhero comments. Cameron, ironically, the rock voice Superman's dog Crypto recently really ties the pod together. There you go. The rock again. Does it all. I didn't know Superman had a dog. He does. Once the rock came, he goes,

what if I'm a dog? We talked about it on the superhero episode. Oh, okay. Yeah, they go. Crypto. The Rock just gets to, let me be Superman. They're like, you can't, you're everything. Yeah.

Well, I'll be his dog. And they go, all right, dude, we'll let you be his dog. I think Kevin Hart's in it, too. And he sings Moana. What's that? Is it Moana? Mulan? moana yeah yeah yeah i know i like all those songs i do like i did love moana and i loved all those songs huh it's just moana's way is a newer it's a newer reference okay moana's from a long time yeah uh julian turn which which turn which Julian Turnwich Turnwich I like that last name

Julian Turnwich I don't know if it's a man or a woman I think it's a man Julian Either Turnwich is what makes me think it's a woman It's weirdly enough the last name. That is weird. How do you base the gender?

I don't know. But the last name makes me think it's a woman. Looks like witch a little bit. Yeah. Maybe that's what it is. Oh, yeah, because all women are witches. Dusty meets this part. Yeah, well.

Julian lives in Australia. Oh. Maybe I'll see Julian. It's a guy? I don't know I think so Turnwich Well

I can't believe Bar- Bar- Bar- Bar- Barbarella Barbarella Barbarella

I can't believe Barbarella Didn't mention The greatest American hero For a number of reasons It's almost identical To Nate's last special name It was from the 80s when he was in his heyday, and mostly the

theme song, Believe It or Not, was referenced in Seinfeld. It was George's answering machine message. Believe it or not, George isn't home. Well, he's right, or she's right. I'm certainly familiar with The Greatest American Hero, and we watched it recently,

the pilot, my wife and I, during the pandemic. It does not hold up. I mean, this looks horrendous. It looks like a great movie to me. It was a TV show. It was the first... Now there's a lot of shows that show superheroes with their problems. That was the first one where

it kind of made fun. I think I know if he had trouble flying, he crashed into a wall. Oh, okay. So it was sort of satire on superheroes. if he had trouble flying, he crashed into a wall. Oh, okay. So it was sort of satire on superheroes. Almost ahead of its time, but it was too ahead. Too ahead of it, yeah. It would do great now.

Yeah. But it had a great theme song. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's enough. I don't have anything. Derek Babb.

Another one could be Aaron's discussion of Superman flying brings me to my long standing complaint about the power of flight there has to be some muscle that is doing the hard work of fighting gravity also why would I be any faster at altitude

I think flying would be hard the whole time and I would only travel at a walking pace always pick invisibility interesting point but you're going off uh just superman but it is there has to be some muscle that is doing the work like also assuming that gravity is real uh yeah that's true making a lot of dangerous assumptions here. Honestly, I think this is Derek being very lazy. And he's like, yeah, but you're still using some muscle to get up there. He's still like, I don't want to use anything. Am I going to float? And it's like, no, you got to do your abs a little bit.

And then you're like, you got to hold, stretch up. You're bending calories. Maybe, yeah. He's like, that's tiring. What if you need a muscle to go invisible? It's almost like holding your breath. Yeah. And then you start running down and you start kind of seeing you somewhere you shouldn't be.

Oh, boy. Brian? No, no, no, no. Just every time you breathe. Yeah. That would be pretty awesome, actually. A show, if they go, you're invisible, but it's only when you can hold your breath. So then you're like, the door opens.

A, they're going to see. You got to hide behind the door like a regular person. And then when they go in the door, you got to. But they're not looking at me. And then you're running through the house and you're like don't say anything hello they're staying they're staying so close to me i can't and then there's someone just was like what was that that sounded like someone gasping for air and then you got to just walk out that would be a great snl sketch yeah also a great way to like

help you quit smoking, right? If you're like, you know what I mean? You're like, you're smoking, you're having trouble quitting and they're like, well, you could be invisible

if you hold your breath. And then you're like, and you know, you want to quit so you get better lung capacity. Yeah, I think cigarettes would still win that battle. You think?

People are like, I don't know, I'll keep your cigarettes. I think the stress of like how much do you want to be, but it is funny, I make fun of Derek saying that it is the lazy of like, how much do you want to be? But it is funny. I make fun of Derek saying that it is the lazy way.

But there is, if there's a muscle for it, there's a point you could be like, the older you get, someone's like, let me see you fly. You're like, God, dude, I got to get up and like, you know. I would just find an easy way to just float a little bit. Yeah, just go a foot off the ground. You get it. You get it. I still just don't see the advantage of being invisible

unless you're looking to do mischievous things. But you can do mischievous things for the greater good. I don't know. I think that'll... What about x-ray vision? I think, well, yeah. That would be too hard. There is some trouble with that, but you could also like...

It's still mischievous though, I think. Yeah. Well, you could see, yeah, both of them are mischievous, but it is,

you could do them for good. Like, it's like a virtuous spy. Yeah. You know, you need to go get someone out of jail, you know, or something,

or someone's captured and you could walk right in and go in there. But how are you going to get them out? They're still in the cell. You could, but then you slowly just take down the people because they don't know you're there. So you just slowly... And then people are like, why are people collapsing? You could just put poison

in everybody's thing and everybody collapse. And it's all people see is like a little bag walking over. How would I still do that? They just walk through and go, what's that? I think I would still be useless. But I would walk low to the ground and you just keep the bag on the

track or the wall on the floor well I don't think anybody's looking down there so you gotta which is annoying because you gotta be

kind of like crouched down and being like yeah my knees my knees would start hurting yeah these floors are hard

yeah in prison you're just caught immediately. And they just go, well, how do you keep him when he's invisible? How do you tell?

You're like, you just, every time we go, before we open the door, we wait 10 seconds. He can't hold his breath more than 10 seconds. So like,

he goes, we just, you open the door, we're about to come in. He's usually not there. And you just wait. And then you go, and you're right at the

gate your face is at the gate just sorry i tried i can't and he goes will you back up we're gonna who mac oh mac beeler i feel like y'all missed the best and most underrated superpower, x-ray vision, baby. That way you always know what's hiding. Love the podcast. Yeah. It's for that if you think you're getting jumped a lot. But I think it'd be hard to control it. I don't know.

You can control the depth of. Yeah, it's like what do you want to do? You don't want to accidentally be walking in and everybody's naked to you or something. Yeah, that's creepier than invisibility to me. Yeah. I think very quickly, no matter your willpower, x-ray vision immediately leads to watching people naked. That's what I think. I mean, immediately, because you're like, well,

I could do it if I wanted to and no one would know I'm doing it. So yeah, I'll do it. It'd be like the lottery. You just wouldn't tell anybody. You convince yourself it's for the greater good. Yeah. I'm checking for broken bones. Yeah. Yeah.

Did you say that your dad said that Superman used to take off running before he would fly? Yeah, I think so. He would have to, you know, he couldn't just shoot right from the ground. I think the reason, I started thinking about this Like, he would have to, you know, he couldn't just shoot right from the ground. I think the reason, I started thinking about this later, the old Supermans, they just didn't have the CG, so they had to have the guy take off running and literally jump off the screen.

Oh, yeah. Just to leave the, you know what I mean? Yeah. That's probably true. Tough to make you just vault from the floor back then. Yeah, so he would just run and jump and he would be off camera. Josh Fields, the visual of Dusty muting his TV so Doctor Strange spells don't infiltrate his living room and summon things into his house made me lose it. Maybe the hardest I've laughed at any line of any show.

Well, I appreciate that, but it's true. Yeah. I mean, I'm not doing it for a joke. Yeah. You watch Harry Potter? No. No. That was the quickest thought we ever did.

Yeah. Sorry I asked. Yeah. I watched the first one, you know. But back when I watched it, I was not in tune to the things I am in now. Oh, interesting. Yeah. But now, yeah, I can't. I can't get into it you got our you already

subscribed to this other stuff yes yes exactly you're too deep of these meetings yes yeah yeah yeah i mean what if every conspiracy is you're actually the conspiracy because it's you're the one that believes everything yeah and so what if everything's normal and then you're actual the conspiracy so you they've tricked you into thinking like it's almost backwards well there's an idea that you know we're all in a simulation here so in that world this is a video game that i'm in and you guys are all just part of the video game yeah you know so that very well could be it too why would you not have your own podcast in your own video game well you know it's all part of the game right i mean

you do have your own podcast yeah yeah it's we should be a dusty town but it's all yeah it's all part of the game but part of the game is you're like i'm not gonna well like in any video game i'll be on the side all video games you gotta level up you know what i mean so i'm at you know i'm at a lower level right now i'm working my way up in the game. Oh, okay. You got to get to the boss, so you got to kill the boss, that sort of thing. You just say it, and you go, all right.

I think we're going to have a Dustin town scene. I got to watch my back. Michael Birdwell. I couldn't understand how Clark Kent was never recognized as Superman but after hearing that Cletus T. Judd was able to masquerade as Larry the Kibble Guy

with just a hat and sunglasses it totally makes sense yeah that's fair I reached out to him last week when the podcast came out and said hey just so you know we talked about this podcast today. When I saw you a few weeks ago on the golf course,

I thought you were Larry the Cable Guy. And he thought it was very funny. And, I mean, Clevis is a very funny guy. He's a good sport about it. So he thought it was very funny. He said, sorry to disappoint you, but he watched it and thought the whole thing was very funny. Oh, that's awesome.

He's great. Kendall Eaton. I watched Bible Man as a little kid in the early 2000s. I got saved at a Bible Man live play when they did a sermon and invitation at the end. So Bible Man is the least failed superhero out of them all, as he's the only one who's ever literally saved people in real life. Technically, God saved me, but Bible man helped. But apparently, Bible hater Brian doesn't care about that.

I wish Bible man would have fought you. Wow. Really throwing some heat at you. Well, I guess Kendall's right. If you need a fake superhero to help you find the Lord, then all means. Oh, wow. Yeah. I think we know who won the lottery.

We'll just start roasting everybody. No, that's great. And no, that's great. I mean, I think we saw a Bible man lasted, what, 18 years or something like that? Yeah. He's the most successful superhero. Yeah. All right.

I mean, he doesn't look very Bible-like in this. I mean, look at this guy. Look at that. He's got a sword. Yeah. He's got a sword. I mean, his outfit looks pretty cool. It does look cool.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. All right. This week, we're talking scandals and animals scandals and animals yeah there's a seinfeld reference there you go actually i looked up it's 25 years ago this month that episode came out oh really wow scandals and you know what 25 years you know how i hung out with uh actually uh in boston uh brian regan really yeah yeah we got to hang out afterwards and i mean it was very uh yeah it was very surreal the first time i i've met him i gotta shake his hand once

or i got you know like he would have never known remembered it like when i was younger. But we hung out, and it was awesome. And it's 25 years is Brian Regan Live. I was about to say, how did you put that connection together? Yeah, because it was 25 years. We talked about that CD. You know, I don't know how – I've always said Brian Regan is the name I mentioned in that, but Brian Regan's CD, Brian Regan Live, it might be the most impactful CD or impactful comedy that I heard. Because I was just starting.

I mean, I think it steered me. Not that I was not going to go one way, but I mean, I would have been clean no matter what. Not that I was clean because of him, but it steered me. I mean, I remember my dad telling me to listen to this CD. I don't remember. Maybe he mailed me the CD. Maybe you could download something on Napster or something like that in 2003 or 2004. I feel like you told me he bought it for you or something.

I think he bought it. My dad bought it out of Gaston. Yeah. And they'd have those bins with all the CDs. And I distinctly remember talking to my dad and saying, he goes, I had to pull the car over. Because I couldn't, I was laughing so hard that it was like unsafe for me to drive. And so I remember that. I remember thinking like, you know, you're like, God, can you imagine doing that to someone that's so crazy? And then I remember hearing the cd and just being like

it was i just never experienced something like that then and then uh and then i went and saw him at zany's and it was just so crazy and you're like this guy's so good and i guess it was kind of right when he was popping off like it was like because when that cd came out and i was talking to him i told him about it and he uh is i mean just the sweetest person and then um and i was talking to him about it and he was like yeah he goes i mean that's when i was like he just started kind of selling out clubs so i was like kind of in on the ground floor of it too that i was starting comedy and i go to zany's and it's sold out and everybody's there and they know why they're there and then he's doing his next hour which uh was the i think the one at the improv probably i don't know for sure but like the one he filmed at the improv it's on i walked i walked i walked on the moon and then

that one is just it's so crazy so i mean regan could be the probably comedian like i'm a big seinfeld seineld is there too and then it's like both Seinfeld was the famous and I did like and I I've studied everything

Seinfeld did Regan was the first that I was like oh you don't I don't even know how big this comedy world is yeah and you're like

and this guy is the funniest I've ever like just pound for pound like it's crazy I had most of this album memorized I used to perform this for the funniest I've ever, like, just pound for pound. Like, it's crazy.

I had most of this album memorized. I used to perform this for family reunions and stuff. This exact album, my brother downloaded on LimeWire, and I just wore it out, man. Yeah. It's so cool. Brian Regan Live, if you've never heard it. Is that his first album? Yeah.

And it just blew up. It's, I mean. You too. I saw him. I think we've talked about this. I saw him open for Seinfeld. I think you said. Yeah, T-Pac. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a decent show. Yeah. Yeah. Did you host? I featured, man. Yeah. Was it, yeah, 2000.

I was, yeah, I came back. It was early 2000s. But that one, I remember, we. Yeah. Was it? Yeah, I came back. It was early 2000s. But that one I remember. We remember being very funny, but I don't know if I knew to think about Theo. I was so excited to see Sign Call. I had no idea who Brian Regan was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was years later, but that's the guy that I saw.

Wow. Yeah, that's what I like. I mean, look, in my show i have uh you know we always have like yeah two of us bridgestone we're gonna have all of us uh and then uh then my dad will be there uh but it's like i like the idea of it's like when you go to a show it's like you know trying to make comedy like where it's like yeah the openers are it's like it's it's it's it's the show it's like which it's a whole night of entertainment and it's uh sometimes i think people get the you know and i think i used to think that

like you well i'm here to see that person and you're like you should go to it and be like no no i'm here to you know it's comedy that's what's great yeah it's like because you know music i i could you're like well i don't know that band and i don't know you but with comedy you're like, well, I don't know that band. But with comedy, you're like, oh, it's all new. Yeah. You're going to laugh and not laugh. I don't know. It makes it fun. Yeah.

All right. Scandals and Animals. Scandals and Animals. What does that say? Because we've got to fix this. Yeah, they shut down and reformatted. Yeah, because we had to shut down. Yeah.

Scandals and Animals. We were just talking about that. Whoa. Yeah. Because Folkland shut down and reformatted. Yeah, because we had to shut down. Yeah. Scandals and that. We were just talking about that. Whoa. Yeah. Because Folkland shut down and reformatted. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I saw.

Batesville? Yeah, Batesville. JC? Yeah. Mm-hmm. I saw. Internet? Brandy.

Is it? Oh, there's a different one. I guess I should have waited to see who. No, I don't. Yeah, Batesville. I don't, yeah, my head is, look her name up. I thought it was Jason. I know her name, and I'm just like, because I didn't think of it.

Look at Batesville. And then, but yeah, they do, the Folklanders, they do a podcast about this podcast. And it's very, very funny. And so, yeah, yeah. Yeah, Jason, I don't know why I was thinking. You were right. You were right the whole time.

I think one of the hosts is Brandy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. There's three hosts, three ladies. And yeah, it's very nice and they and they uh do their own i watched some folkland the other day yeah it's pretty fun it's a good time yeah yeah well it was a couple guys but then they shut down and reformatted yeah shut down reformatted and now they're scandals and animals yeah yeah uh and look at there there's

there's me with the squirrel yeah i saw jesse she was at uh uh a show in hartford and uh she designed if people don't know uh some of the merch that we have right online is like the hello folk shirt she designed it oh and we got her uh and she's gonna do another shirt too uh and so yeah she she does she's great but they're yeah and they're all great and so uh yeah very very nice so we But they're, yeah, and they're all great. Yeah. So, yeah, very, very nice. So we were talking about getting rich with the lottery and rich people and how it changed you. So one of the recent scandals, big, was the college admissions scandal. And I remember when all that broke, you and I were talking on the phone because they were naming USC and UCLA and Stanford.

Yeah. They were naming USC and UCLA and Stanford, all these big colleges, and how they were faking that they played sports they didn't even play on. And you said – I said, I wonder if Vanderbilt will be in that. And you said if they do, Vanderbilt will actually play the kids, which is very funny. Yeah, they're like, well, who else did it? You're like, oh oh our starting quarterback yeah you guys are in big trouble no we played him he starts yeah yeah you legit we legitimize yeah we

took it and we we ran with it yeah yeah he's actually better than the guy that we had before but um yeah that college admission scandal so do you guys know how that all kind of went down? Yeah. Dusty? Yeah, I know about it. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, for me, I was like, oh, I thought I just, because they were like, oh, this rich lady was trying to get her kids in school by paying them more money. And I was like, oh, I just figured that's what they always do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just thought that's how it worked for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just thought that's how it worked for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I saw – so when that was going down, like when it was like in the – like it was maybe going to say, you know, whatever the – what's going to happen or something, that Lori Loughlin, right? Aunt Becky.

Aunt Becky. I always loved her. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But I happened to get to golf at this private course – I'm blanking on it now – in Vegas it's a it's a jc no yeah jc uh jc brandy uh it was uh uh oh my gosh i can't i just my brain's gone today so it's a it's a very it's in palm springs if some people are golfers they're going to know what it is. It's a discovery property, which is another one, a big thing.

And so she was in the group in front of us. We let her play – or behind us, and we let her play through. Recently? No, no. This was when this was going down. Oh, right. It was going down. It was going down a few years ago, so I just happened to be there.

But it was kind of crazy because you're just like – you're all over the news. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, it's all about to happen, whatever's going to happen. And I'm not saying she's just out playing golf. I'm sure she's trying to just like- Take her mind off of it or whatever. Yeah, what are you going to do?

You can't go anywhere. And now you're going to pay your way right through our game. Yeah. And I go, no, go ahead. Go ahead. Yeah. It would have been funny to say, yeah, yeah, like you're going to skip ahead. No, no, I'd like you to skip ahead.

Go ahead. And I guess her daughter. Give me some money. I'll let you play. Yeah. I know you're not against that. That would have been good. Yeah.

I think her daughter, who she helped, was also kind of famous in her own right, wasn't she? Yeah, I think she was on the internet, and she didn't even want to go to the school. Yeah. I can't. It is true that I believe, I can't imagine that they're all doing it. And some of this stuff, you just think, you start going, why are you picking her to be the one that you're mad at? Like you're, you know, you do like-

The other one, Felicity Huffman, right? She was the other. It was kind of the two of them, but it was a bunch of them. Yeah, yeah. But why are you picking them? You go, tell me this hasn't gone on for probably 50 years at these places. You're not all doing this. And then it's almost like you feel like people are starting to get wind of it,

and it's all about to crumble. Then they go, she did it. Yeah, you got to sacrifice a couple of people. Yeah, yeah. And then I don't like that because you're like, I'm not saying whatever. I don't even know what they paid and they skipped a line or something

like paid a lot of money to a guy who was kind of like a fixer yeah and he would do some things

with the test and he would also reach out to some college coaches some lesser known sports like sailing or whatever and crew

and stuff like that yeah and pay them to say yeah we're looking to recruit this student, just to build up their resume. Yeah, the fact that that guy even exists, the fixer,

shows that it's happening a lot. Oh, yeah, definitely. But this is a fun scapegoat for the more powerful people, right? They go, oh, it was Aunt Becky. And we all look down there, and they're up there still doing it. And we go, look at her. Yeah, look at her. Because I think there was like 10 or 15 people who actually got busted in this sting.

Operation Varsity Blue is what it was called. But they were the two famous. Yeah, I don't think I, you know, I mean, I guess it's like, well, there's people not getting into school because of that. Yeah, I think that's the thing other people i mean to go you know you're not a community college like yeah so everybody that's able to go to your school i would you're not taking my spot they weren't gonna let me go to that school like so it you know you're like it's almost like that school's maybe mad about it and the school's like people that want to go to that school is annoyed but for me

you're like yeah you wouldn't i can't go there right so i can't go there don't want to go there yeah i've been applied yeah yeah it doesn't yeah yeah you figure it yeah it is that you just figure everything wasn't like the martha stewart thing like when she got- It was insider trading, I thought. Yeah, but you're like- Yeah, they're all doing that. There's a point that you just go like, well, why do you- You're like, it's just they make the one person go, and then you're like, y'all are just- That's the people that you're like, I don't trust any of you.

Then they go to the point of that one person, then they go, all right, now the problem's solved. Right, it's almost like- Don't keep looking into it. It's almost like, yeah, you pick a famous person to go, yep, we're taking them down. And then you're right. Don't keep looking into it. I think that's something that is maybe the older you get,

that's something you start thinking about. You're like, I can't imagine it. Or me. The more you just go, I can't imagine that person's probably the problem. Like there's got the problem. Yeah. Like there's got to be something else. And I think a lot of times more people do get taken down. It's just the famous person that makes the news.

Sure. If we all get taken down, it might just be the story. Nate Bargatze arrested. Brian Bates and friends arrested. I'm like, Dusty's going to kill me. Yeah, yeah. I'll be like, I didn't know a thing. Yeah.

They go, well well it's funny you said it literally on this on the episode called scandals and animals all right so yeah i don't think that affected any of us too much but spy gate and deflate gate really affected me yeah um yeah i mean yeah, you know, I think I cared at the time, and I could care less about any of it now. The more they got, yeah, the fact that the government was involved. That's a different Spygate. I guess there's something else called Spygate.

I Googled Spygate. It was way more intense than I thought it would be. Did you type in Dusty's brain? Yeah, what search engineer you on? Dusty's thoughts? What search engineer are you on? Dusty's thoughts? Dogpile. You got to be careful. Getting the real stuff on Dogpile.

What is Dogpile? You're not on Google? No, I use Brave browser, so it uses, I think, DuckDuckGo. Oh, so people are really using that stuff? I use the browser that I use. This is the default. But if I'm on another person's computer, I still go to google because it's yeah most intuitive oh i think but yeah like so the brave is like what's it supposed to be like what does it mean it's an anonymity focused web browser yeah that i use yeah what does that mean

everything so people can't track it oh it's, it's going to block all ads and everything. No cookies? Yeah, it takes care of all that. Oh, so you don't get asked about cookies? No, no, dude. Really? Yeah, I nip it in the bud. But I thought one time you said you like the cookies.

Well, sometimes they're useful, right? No, he likes cookies. I like eating cookies. Different cookies. Yeah. I can see how that would be confusing. I'm a huge fan of cookies. I brought eating cookies. Different cookies. Yeah. I can see how that would be confusing. I'm a huge fan of cookies. I brought you cookies.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah. Is your birthday today or yesterday? Oh, yesterday. Oh, happy birthday.

Happy birthday, buddy. I had no idea. Thanks. I don't tell anybody. Yeah, just like the lottery. Yeah. Keep it quiet. That's right. Yeah. I'll just remember who's rude to me. Yeah. And then I'll no idea. Thanks. I don't tell anybody. Yeah, just like the lottery. Yeah. Keep it quiet. That's right.

Yeah. I'll just remember who's rude to me and then I'll get back at them. Remember who won, who said it was your birthday? You were talking about people, in my mind,

Aaron and I are like the same. Look who already moved on from your birthday. He does. Remember that? Remember that? Don't give him a dime. Take money from him.

I wasn't even listening. Was it your birthday? In my mind, Aaron and I are like the same age in my mind. But then I started thinking the same difference between he and I is he and Harper. Oh, wow. Wow. That's crazy.

Wow. That's crazy. I had to be honest with myself. You were drinking beers legally when I was born. I could have. Or almost. Yeah. Oh, because it was still 18 at the time, right?

Probably, right? i think it's moonshine really he didn't even have it was prohibition it's crazy also uh same career difference uh what uh how old are you 31 now wow so old how do you feel about that i feel all right i love not telling people my birthday yeah took it off facebook i got three texts yesterday from mom and dad from one of my siblings and then from my my dentist office. Not even the other siblings? A couple of them called later, but it was just like, yeah, back in the day when it's on Facebook, it's like you're almost asking for it.

Like, just give me the attention. Yeah, I get it. It's fun to only get the three. Yeah, I had a few. Sorry to bring you it up. That's okay. Yeah. I don't understand.

Why don't you like to get birthday wishes? I'm just, I don't know, kind of over it. I get it. You just don't want the attention. You wishes? I don't know. I'm kind of over it. I get it. You just don't want the attention. You're just like, dude, I'm just trying to go through. That's the only reason I'm on Facebook. Yeah. But you're trying to go through.

I think he opened the podcast on his birthday, but it's my birthday. I brought my baby on so people didn't forget. Yeah. You don't want the attention, which I understand that. You're just kind of like, I don't want it so people didn't forget. Yeah. It's, I, you don't want the attention, which I understand that. Like, you're just kind of like, I don't want it to be a whole thing.

Cause there always feels like there's a bunch of things. It's always like, it's like you're, it's your birthday. Then someone else's birthday. Then it's this and it's that. And you're like, I just want like everything feels,

I think doing comedy too. When you go do a show, it's, that's a lot. That's a big thing. And then, so everything is a big thing and then so everything is a big thing right that you kind of just i could see in your birthday you're like yeah i think that we're all just trying to get likes on social media right so it's like when you don't when

you're a comic and you're putting out videos and stuff you want your likes on those videos so then you don't but but when you didn't do comedy, you're like, you want your likes for your birthday. I just remember when I wasn't doing comedy and the, the birthday on Facebook, that was a big deal. You're like, this is a hot day. I almost want to make a post the next day just to stay in the algorithm here.

You know? Well, I remember you always like, you would think it, you would go through and try to thank everybody. Yeah. And at the beginning you're thanking everybody, everybody. Then you you and then you finally get to go i'm i if i don't get to i don't think i was able to get to everybody but thank you i try to get to as many

as i can to then you get to you don't even mention it mm-hmm mm-hmm mm-hmm i appreciate it guys happy birthday man thanks man yeah yeah i yeah mark it on your calendars, people. Yep. It was yesterday. The 13th. Yeah, my dad's birthday is November 12th. And I always put the birthdays on Instagram. Yeah, so people knew. Oh, yeah, you post about it. But the reason I...

He did post about it and still no one commented. No one cared. How does that feel? He posted about it and still... People said delete that. I probably didn't know until you saw feel he posted about it and still people said delete that but you probably didn't know until you saw my wife

post about it that's what I was about to say because I knew it was in November not too long after mine I went to your Facebook I'm like he didn't have his birthday

on here anymore and then I did your dad's on the 12th and then yeah Lucy posted it was I like saying happy birthday

I got all the birthdays in my calendar of everybody I got yours in there I like saying happy birthday. I got all the birthdays in my calendar of everybody. I got yours in there. I didn't get one yesterday. Literally, me and Justin Smith were talking about it, and I go, I'm going to see him tomorrow. I'll just tell him tomorrow.

That's what I honestly said. He goes, he's like, it's Aaron's birthday. I go, I'll just see him tomorrow. I go, I don't. Didn't you say last year you wished him happy birthday? Oh, last year I didn't respond. He just gave you a thumbs up or something? Yeah.

He's still mad about it. Billionaire open mic won't respond to a national headliner. I mean, get out of your mind. Took time from his arena tour to wish me a happy birthday. This guy is worth a trillion dollars, can't give me a thumb

back. He's on his phone. If you're going to do that, at least give me some money. But I have all the birthdays on my calendar now. Because I like the people that were, you know, all the guys that, you know, all the people that were with, I kind of like being like, hey, it's this guy's birthday.

I also like that Justin knew. Justin Smith knows everybody's birthday. He didn't send you a text. You know, he sent me one later at night. It was my wife's post broke the floodgates open. Okay, okay. But it was just who knew, my dentist, my parents, and my brother. Yeah, they were on top of it. Yeah.

And my wife, I guess. Yeah. Kevin Nealins? Later this week? Is it really? 18th? Well, my dad's is on Thanksgiving this year. Oh, wow.

Yeah. Yeah, that's cool. Doubling up. Yeah. Congrats. Yeah, so I'm going to get him some turkey, dresser, you know, that sort of thing. Yeah.

Cranberry sauce. Celebrate Thanksgiving? Yeah, I like Thanksgiving. Oh, I don't think you celebrate the American holidays. I like Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving's a good holiday. That's number one. Yeah, I think it's a very-

What do you do for Christmas? I don't do anything. Put up a pole holiday. That's the one. Yeah, I think it's a very- What do you do for Christmas? I don't do anything. Put up a pole? Yeah. Festivus? Festivus. Yeah. Why don't you celebrate Festivus?

I just- Do you know what Festivus is? Well, I know the reference is from Seinfeld. He doesn't believe in, what is it? Commercializing Christmas. Commercializing Christmas. Okay. So he's against that.

Yeah. And he thinks he's against that. Yeah. And he thinks, you know, it's like, it's all just like corporations just trying to sell stuff, blah, blah, blah. So he just,

so they have a poll and then he just goes around and tells people what, you guys, what is it? Errand of grievances. Errand of grievances. Oh, yeah.

How you've disappointed me this year. Oh, I did a show. I got a lot of problems with you guys. Yeah. Who was that guy? I did a show with that guy one time. Michael Richards?

No, no. You were on that show? Frank Costanza? Who was? Banyan. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, Steve Heitner.

I've worked with him. Yeah, he was the best. Yeah. He was a really nice guy. Yeah. Yeah, you should do Festivus. All right. It's right up your alley.

All right, I'll check it out. Yeah. So another scandal I remember, since we've known each other, that was fun was the boy'll check it out. Yeah. So another scandal I remember since we've known each other that was fun was the boy up in the balloon. Yeah. Do you remember that?

Yeah. Do you remember this, Dusty? No. Yeah, we talked about this one. I think we did a little. Yeah. Yeah. All right, you want to move on?

Yeah, I mean, we might as well say it. But we did talk about it. Yeah, I mean, I don't want to be left hanging. Everybody thought their boy was in this balloon. Flying across the country.

And he wasn't. And we talked about this. Yeah, we did. You're right. Yeah. So they thought he was in the balloon, then he wasn't. Yep. It was like in Colorado, I think.

Where was the boy? Hiding in the garage. Hiding in the garage. They just did it for publicity. Oh, okay. But I remember it. I remember watching it. It was very exciting.

I mean, it was News Crew's carrying it live. But I remember it. I remember watching it. It was very exciting. I mean, it was, you used CruiseCard in it live. You know, he's in there. I mean, and it's one of those, I'm glad he wasn't there, but it's like, that's a perfect, they should just do these,

someone should do this kind of stuff every now and again just to kind of get everybody on board. Yeah. It's like a good, which maybe they do it on purpose. Yeah. Like they're, you know.

Yeah, let's do it. Let's say there's a dog in there. What was the government doing while everyone was focused on this? Right. Exactly. It's, we got. Well, that's what they always say. Everyone's looking that way.

What's happening over here? What's happening over here? Well, that's what they always say. Balloon. Whatever. Helium was getting jacked up. Yeah. Whatever the news is talking about.

There's something else going on. They go. Yeah. They go, we want to get rid of helium. And you go, of course. You go, yeah, you should. Boys are up there. You know, like, you should. Boys are up there. You know, like, you can't balloons.

It's dangerous. And then now helium's, I mean, $80 a puff. It's tough to come by these days. It's tough to come by, you know. I do think there might be a helium problem. I think Laura sent me a thing. I'm not going to say there's a helium shortage. There's, like, we might run out of.

A cool helium problem. Yeah. Don't you dig underground for it? What is the helium problem? Well, I don't know if this is what you were talking about. Astrophysicists may have solved the embarrassing problem of why there's so much less helium-3 in the universe than predicted by standard cosmology. Maybe that's it. That's what Laura was talking about. Around the dinner table? No, that's just what's in the universe than predicted by standard cosmology? Maybe that's it. That's what Laura was talking about.

That's what's in the... Around the dinner table? No, that's just what's in the balloons. Helium, you know. You think that's what Laura... Let's see what's going on with helium.

I could... There's a helium shortage. Yeah. Helium's really amazing. Defies gravity, really. It can just, you know, just lift balloons. I didn't know.

Well, that makes sense. MRI machines need liquid helium to super cool their magnets. But there's a helium shortage. Yeah. Yeah. Because we're doing, oh, yes. So it's like, it is funny to think that there's a helium shortage.

And, you know, it's like, we're too, it's too much balloon stuff. And we go, hey, we need these for like real things. And it's like, but my birthday. But I want to go to, to yeah i want to go to party depot birthday i want the balloon to get stuck on the ceiling and not let's not be able to get it i want to talk funny yeah i did that the last time i did that i got real lightheaded and i was like oh i never want to do the talk funny thing again with helium yeah when i was a kid it was really fun but now i'm like i feel like this is i shouldn't be breathing in this gas yeah have you ever done the other uh sulf what is it the one that does the opposite makes your voice really deep uh that one's citrus whip it yeah it's not not whip yeah

yeah i think that was uh did y'all do the wood y'all do you could do that you could get that your dad for his birthday I'd like to get him some balloons well we have a helium shortage yeah let's get it

well I'll tell him I'll say this is precious air just put air just put regular air in it yeah yeah

no I'll say this is you know we have a helium shortage I want to get you some balloons I'll get him a one balloon

for every age he is so I'll get him roughly like 73 balloons. Yeah. That's a lot. Yeah. Let's do that. Yeah. And then just send them in the air.

Tie it around my dad's hand if he floats off. Watch someone not be there. We'll get on the news. Watch him shut down the MRI room early. My dad will need an MRI. There's just a woman in a waiting room and their doctor goes, we can't do any MRIs and she's looking out a window and sees

73 balloons go up. That says happy birthday. And she just in a sad voice goes, happy birthday. And it is her birthday? Yeah. But she did not get the balloons. Because right when she went in, they go, some guy just bought all the helium.

73. Got to have a good time. Yeah, you do got to have a good time. Here's one I had not heard of. In 1980, Rosie Ruiz won the Boston Marathon. She set a record time for female runners. But they noticed she wasn't sweating very much and wasn't really that much out of breath.

Turns out she jumped in line with a half a mile to go. That was the way to do it. Finish the race. And apparently she'd done this before. She qualified for the Boston Marathon by winning the, or not winning, but finishing the New York Marathon. And the New York Marathon, people later testified, we saw her on the subway going from place to place. So she would tell people she was, because she was wearing a bib on the subway.

And they're like, well, what are you doing? She's like, well, I injured myself. So I'm just going to like get medical help or whatever. But then she got off at the finish line and finished it there. Can you not take your bib off i don't know but uh maybe get a light jacket i know but where are you going to put that jacket are you tied around i guess you can't tie it around your hips i don't think you can win the marathon and have a jacket tied around yeah like that's the yeah it would that is that's

tough you think we'll just hide the bib and you're like yeah but you have to you know where you gotta you gotta where where you're gonna put it you would need to have someone maybe get a few ponchos that you put in your pocket you need to have someone help you yeah and then they need to have just they need to have a shirt and then you're just kind of keep popping in and out uh abigail sent me something about the first Olympics. Like, there was, like, there was all kinds of stuff. Were they, like, cheating? Like, one guy was on drugs, and one guy was on,

one guy took a cab. Like, there was. In the first Olympics? Yeah. In Greece? It's in an article. Or it was some Olympics. I don't remember the first one, but.

Yeah, he shows up. He's on a. He's from the future. I'm sorry. It's a yellow chariot. And he goes with the checker thing on it. He goes, I'm not trying to be rude here, but did you just get out of that cab? It's just like a New York.

And there's a driver. That's what the yellow cabs were back then. Horses painted yellow. He goes, I'm not. Do you have yellow on the inside of your legs? Do you ride that horse here? His hair's blown back. Yeah.

He goes, what? He goes, what are you talking about? He goes, I just think you cheated. I find it hard to believe that you set the record and they don't even know what the record is because there is no record um well i've got a few more look up and see if you can find like the olympics cheating like if there's a there was a cab taxi cab yeah it was like a first i don't even know uh uh yeah uh the 1904 olympics yeah quick this here

yeah this guy was giving brandy. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. He was sending me a thing. At the Little League World Series, there was a kid from Brooklyn that was dominating through a perfect game through 76 miles per hour, which would be equivalent to over 100 miles per hour on a normal. In today's money? Yeah, in today's money.

He was two years older than he was allowed to be. Yeah, what was this guy? What was the one kid? Well, this happens all the time. Oh, yeah, I remember this. Danny Almonte? Yeah. Yeah, that was his name?

Yeah, yeah, I remember. I watched it. Yeah. Because it was like, this kid was ridiculous. He's so tall. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, if you're real tall that's kind of what happened to him he almost he's a he's a coach now or assistant coach at some high school he never

made it in the majors but um he's still around because he wasn't as good i think there's a lot of stuff like that with baseball where they think people like you hear them asking people's ages and it's hard to find their age and oh yeah i i do think like you know the birth certificates are kind of crazy and you know because it is that it's crazy like if this kid is this good and he's just two years older he was from the dominican republic and they just couldn't nail down at first his age but then they kept investigating. So how old would he had been and how old did he need to be? He was 14 and the cutoff was 12. Okay.

But that's a big age difference. It is. Yeah. That's like you're a man playing with children. Yeah. Pretty much. You've hit puberty and you're going so hard. And if you're tall too, it's like hard to fake the i mean he was the

star though like i mean it's see it's like those kind of stories are just like kind of going away like it's like are not going away but there's just you you hear about every single thing and back then so as soon as you said that i clicked all the story on espn you're like these stories are going away. They're like, oh, my gosh. They're wiping them from history. Like I said, the balloon boy was like, I don't know. It's like you had the baby Jessica in the well,

and you had stuff that's terribly sad, but they get her out, and you're all watching it, and the whole world's watching it. What was the last kind of unifying experience like that, do you think? There's been some like the Chilean minors that were trapped and then there was the boys the soccer in thailand yeah that were trapped and i just feel like that we don't necessarily and i don't mean me or you guys but i feel like as a society we just don't really care about that stuff like we used to i don't i think we do i don't think the media does stuff like we used to? I don't, I think we do. I don't think the media does.

Oh yeah, maybe. But I just, I feel like we're so numb to things now. But I, I think we care. I don't, I don't,

I think the, I always just think the people like in the media and the, the people that run like what you're going to see, they're obsessed with like, uh uh social media and they think all this stuff's real and they they think it's the most important thing because that's all they're looking at yeah and so then they think well no one cares about this and so they're and the clicks are about the headlines and it's not about you know that was back when news i think most people still would like those news stories and like just being,

you know, it like, it is, you kind of, everybody's watching, everybody's, I mean, now it's all like the ones that people watch

are like someone's missing. That's what it is, like Casey Anthony type stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And it's like, you're watching those kind of stories.

I mean, maybe we're not getting fallen down, you know, getting stuck in places as much anymore, but the balloon thing we're lucky we'll have one if we're lucky we'll have a good need to get nice and maybe now if

people do they have their phones and they just are able to get help or they're able to make their story their own story yeah yeah they go live on facebook to be like i'm trapped in a mountain yeah and then facebook live yeah yeah well i'll say that i'm i'll transition animals if it evolves on Facebook to be like, I'm trapped in a mountain. Yeah. And then Facebook Live. Yeah. Well, I'll say that and I'll transition to animals. If it involves a bear, our folks will let us know about it. Because anytime anything with a bear happens. Hey, bear.

So a few weeks. I got a bear shirt. Yeah, I like that shirt. That's a good looking shirt. I was wondering if that had been made for this podcast. It was North Face. I was at the Bass Pro Shop in Memphis. Oh, yeah, the Pyramid. Yeah. And I saw it and i was like all right hey bear there was a couple stories a few weeks ago that

people bombarded us with one was the guy mountain climbing in japan where the black bear came at him and that was a pretty crazy video oh yeah it's. It's crazy. Him just shoving him off and just. I mean, how quick the bear goes past him and then how quick he gets back up to him. Yeah. It was insane. Yeah. And he kind of punches it in the face. He fought it. He fought it off.

Yeah. It's a black bear, not a grizzly. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Now, there was the other big story about that same time was the grizzly bear attack, the Wyoming wrestling students. That's crazy.

Yeah. And most recently, there was two bears fighting each other. Yeah. We all got tagged in a couple of times. Yeah, that was fun. Yeah. I don't even know if that was new. I was just thinking sometimes they get recycled.

Okay. I just saw it. But, yeah, I mean, I still stand by, I think Barry Sanders could tackle and or juke a bear. Yeah. I think he could. Yeah. In his prime.

Not now. That'd be ridiculous. Yeah. It was funny how fast Rogan shot that down when he tried to. He goes, no. He said, yeah, he said, nah, and he said, because they do it with deer all the time. But I'm like, well, Bear Sanders is not a deer.

Yeah, deers would be. That is true, though. Deers can move quick. But you're used to dealing with a deer. Yeah. You don't know to watch the hips of Bear Sanders. Yeah, yeah. You're watching the head, and he's gone.

He's like, eh. Yeah. Keep out on that belt buckle. Yeah. That's how you do it. Yeah. may they take up so much room but it is you think you gotta for a bear you almost you gotta get it going so there's not a quick juke yeah it's a committed juke go to the right and the bear's like look at this guy and then maybe a spin yeah i like a spin i don't know if they've ever seen a spin because i don't know if they've ever seen a spin because i don't know if deers can go backwards uh can deers go backwards i never no one knows no one

knows i hit a deer with my truck the other day oh recently yeah unfortunately you're speeding weren't you i don't think so i was it was night and i was driving in the mountains whose fault was it you think i blamed the deer he ran out right out in front of me. I hit it. I was able to keep going, though. That felt good. You didn't even. I couldn't. It was no shoulder.

It was nothing I could do. I just hit it, kept going. When I finally found a place, I pulled over. It did some damage, but it was still drivable. Yeah. So, and. Just par for the course being Dusty Slay, huh? But it felt, yeah, it felt good to be in a truck.

Where were you? Hit a deer and then just keep driving. I was like, oh man, that's unfortunate. Is this in McMinnville? Coming back from McMinnville. There's a story on the news about a man who got hit late at night. He's okay, but he's looking for whoever hit him.

No, this was a deer. Unless he was dressed as a deer. And I gotta say, that's still his fault. Yeah. Deer can walk backwards. They can also spring backwards as well, but it's just not very graceful. According to a guy on a message board. That's the best source.

I wish that deer had sprung back a little bit. Then I wouldn't be dealing with that. Well, I get sent every video or photo of anything to do with squirrels and there's some pretty good ones there's one recently where a guy lift up his hood of his car and there was over 500 walnuts uh that squirrels had put underneath this wow and they're not small either they're they were pretty good size so um there's a lot of stories like well that's not bad for that guy if he opens it up it's like walnuts are not cheap you know that's pretty good it's

like all right i'm sure you guys bringing this to me that sounds like a friend but just starting your car it's probably gonna be yeah yeah get popcorn yeah it's a little all right all right and then there was one just this weekend of a cobra that bit down on a boy, and the boy bit back and killed him. Killed the cobra? Killed the cobra. Wow. Six-year-old boy, I think. From the bite?

Yeah. Bit him twice. The kid bit down on the cobra and killed him. Yeah. You got to do what you got to do. And is the kid all right? Yeah. I think the kid, I think in India they have any of it pretty ready to go.

So I think they. People can move. I come in there, got them in baskets. Yeah. So I think the kid's fine. The Cobra did not make it. What was going on with the kid? Was he practicing the flute thing that they used to have?

I think Cobras are dumb dozen over there. I think so. I think he was just outside playing and came up. I was eight year old. Like a rattlesnake for us. Yeah. I mean, can you imagine your regular snake is a cobra? That's your regular snake.

Yeah. That's like just, and maybe it's not, I don't know. But like if you're just, like in Australia, those are the brown snake. It's always like either one or two deadly snakes. And it likes to hide in your garage yeah yeah it's not you know we get you get like gardener snake blacks like that stuff like that likes houses but they're golly man a brown your brown snake is like no that snake just likes it's like every day every day you see one is the deadliest snake on the planet. Yeah. I mean, I don't like snakes.

I don't understand why people have them as pets. I don't like them. I have one. Yeah, so do we. Yeah. Do you hold it a lot? Do you get it out and hold it a lot? I would talk to it.

It would talk to me at night. Yeah. You're like a young Harry Potter. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you remember that detail. Yeah, I do. He's a snake whisperer, that guy. You think of it every day?

He's called a parcel mouth. I don't think I've seen Harry Potter. I think I've seen one. Yeah, that's right. But I don't remember any of it. Anybody that could communicate with snakes? Yeah. That's not like...

Well, in the book, it's not a good thing that he can talk to snakes. It's not an admirable trait. Oh. It's something only bad wizards have. Is he bad in the end? Well, no. In terms of evil? He's good, but Voldemort, he's a horcrux, Voldemort.

Why do they always say the name you can't say? Voldemort, they call him he who must not be named, or you know who, because he was so bad in this world that they don't even want to say his name. That's how bad it is. Would he show up if you said his name? Well, in the seventh book, they place a trace where they can track down whoever says the name, but that's not until the very end. Yeah.

But it's just out of fear that they don't want to say his name because he terrorized the world so much. Yeah. They call him you-know-who. Like Beetlejuice almost. If you say that three times, he will come. Yeah. Yes. And he's sometimes a snake.. Like Beetlejuice almost. If you say that three times, he will come. Yeah. Yes.

And he's sometimes a snake. Who? Beetlejuice. Oh. Oh, there you go. There's the tie-in. It's like Michael Keaton. Yeah, in the movie.

Oh, he becomes a snake. He's like a snake in one scene. I think at the end when it's really going bad. Yeah. He gets some rattles on him. Yeah. He gets rattled. He got rattled up though.

Yeah. Yeah. They kind of ruffled his yeah beetle juice is wild it's very fun but i watched a little bit of it the other day and then i had a dream about the beetle juice snake and i decided i would not finish it do you watch not on is the snake not at the end i just had i think there's some other snake in there some other sand snake reference yeah i may be wrong about that but i feel like it was kind of near the end where he kind of got now do you watch like pen and teller or nah anything like that now i used to watch a little little stuff on tv uh who was the guy that

was real popular for a while david copperfield yeah he disappeared a bus or something on tv so my dad comes around you're uncomfortable no i, I think you've talked about your dad before. He's like, he's doing tricks. Yeah. He's not necessarily doing magic. Yeah. And he's not doing spells. Not necessarily.

Now, if he's doing spells. You'd be uncomfortable. Yes. If your dad was like, you know, I don't know. Does he have a wand? Multiple. Okay, well. Okay, well. Yeah. Okay, well.

I don't know. This is a Reddit thread. Which animal would be most terrifying if it could speak? Oh, my gosh. Great question. I'd say any of those insects. Any insect. Well, that was one of the ones that said a tick would be very terrifying

if it's talking to you while it's buried, or a mosquito or anything. I think they're little, so you don't... Like, it wouldn't be... I think a bird. And I don't mean like a parakeet that says a word or two, but I think a bird, and I don't mean like a parakeet that says a word or two, but I think a bird, if it could really talk, they could just fly around, be spying on everybody, just pop up, telling secrets.

You know what I mean? An invisible bird would even be worse. You just imagine a bird flies up, and he's watching you through the window, and then he's like, ah, I saw what you were doing in there. I'm going to go tell people. Little birdie told me. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Little birdie told me. Would you still eat meat if they're yelling, don't kill me? No, it'd be pretty hard. Probably not. That would be tough to do. I'd just buy it at the grocery store. I'd have somebody else kill me. Yeah.

That would be tough to do. I'd just buy it at the grocery store. I'd have somebody else kill it. I'm trying to think what animal would be scariest. For me, it's ants because they live in these huge colonies, and it's so organized. And if they could talk to each other and they could talk, I mean, it'd be scary. Yeah.

And there's more than people. There are way more ants than people in the world. What about rats, though? If they got, like, a mouse gets into your house and is like, hey, I saw you set that trap out. Appreciate you trying to kill me. I'll get you. You'd almost have to think about what ones have not been Disney movies.

That, you know, because you'd be almost, like, in your head, you're like, you know, I was thinking a monkey. Then you're like, well, you've seen monkeys talking, an elephant. Like, what animal, you know, would be the yeah some of the spiders this is your spiders imagine going out in your backyard and hearing hundreds of voices conversing with each other yeah it maybe it is something that you can't see yeah and if you realize like oh this is how many are there's so many and there's so many of them that you would be like and you're hearing them in your house right and you're hearing them behind everything and everything you every door maybe a spider every door you open is what are you doing later on it's just normal conversations

you go golly guys you guys are okay here it comes here it comes you know maybe be less scary though if you know they're there what if it was your own dog but it had not been talking before but suddenly just started talking and then he was like i actually don't like the food that you've been giving me and then you're like rubbing he's like don't do it like that yeah your dog could be maybe not scary annoying yeah just to be you find out doesn't actually love you in the way you thought it did. He walks in, hello. Yeah. And you go, I thought you were. When you wag your tail, it means you're happy.

He goes, it means I hate you. Yeah. I wag it. I'm telling you to go away. I don't have thumbs. Yeah, and if you try to get rid of me, I'll tell people that you have been beating me. And they have press conferences yeah a dog would be tough for people because they would be they would just you know or a cat cat would maybe

be bad because a cat would i think they would enjoy watching your life crumble yeah are we assuming they're on our intelligence level i mean if we're making it up i would assume that it's more fun i mean i don't i guess if you go making it up i would assume that it's more fun i mean i don't i guess if you go the other way it's just not as there's no conversation to be like no they're like babies and you're like what are we doing like so they're just like normal like they are now snakes still be pretty scary if a snake talked to you yeah yeah bed bugs bed bugs would be, yep.

But again. No, you couldn't even go, you probably could never sleep in a bed again. But you're saying it'd be better. They are. Yeah.

But you still can't see them. But fleas, like fleas. That's what I mean, like spiders. Spiders are everywhere and they hide. So spiders all start

talking in here. And what do they say? Like, they fall in your mouth. Yeah, they're like, hey, you ate my brother last night. Yeah, and you go, I was asleep. Don't blame that on me.

But if you could just hear chatter, then you would just be like, you couldn't, it doesn't matter. You couldn't walk into a room. If you called like a pest control, they come and then, all right, we're all done. You're like, wait, no, I still hear people. Yeah, pest control would be like, we can't get all of them. Or maybe they do get them all, and then you just slowly through the night, just hear, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, like Grand Central Station in the morning, just like,

zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, zip, and now you're like back to full force. They're right back? Yeah. They're still here. All force. They're right back. Yeah. They're still here. All right. They're still here. All right.

That's it. Oh, go check out our buddy Mike James. Very funny comic, Nashville comic. Got the dry bar that just came out. Mike James is so funny. Yeah, the dry bar. I've watched it. It's great.

It's so funny. Really great. Yeah. He got a real standing ovation. A real one. Yeah. All right. Wow.

All right. As. All right. As always, I don't know if you all have stuff you're going to be. I'm back out on the road with Lee and Morgan this weekend. Fayetteville, North Carolina Thursday. Columbia, South Carolina Friday. And Chattanooga Saturday. I've been to Chattanooga three times in the last three months. All different venues.

Wow. That's cool. Wow. I'm in Memphis, Tennessee tonight at Lafayette's Music Room. And then this weekend, I'm in St. Paul, Minnesota at Laugh Camp Comedy Club. Next weekend, I'm trying to pack out the small room at Cap City in Austin, Texas. Thanksgiving weekend, I'll be at Cap City Comedy Club. Come on out. Cap City's great. All right. I'll be at the Houston Improv Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

And then Tuesday, the 22nd, I have a show at Zany's in Nashville. So I'm finally going back to Houston. My show's got canceled because of COVID. I'm finally rescheduled. I'm pumped to go back. It's going to be great. Houston Improv's awesome. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. Yeah. I'm out. I'm out everywhere. Just go to the website. Pennsylvania, I, I'm out. I'm out everywhere. Just go to the website. Pennsylvania, Ithaca this week, Pennsylvania, Philly, Roanoke, Asheville,

and it's all, yeah, it's all up there. So, all right, as always, we love you, everybody. Have a great day, week, all this stuff. All right. Nate land is produced by Nate land productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi and my wife, Laura on the all things comedy network. Recording and editing for the show is done by genovations media thanks for tuning in be sure to catch us next week on the nateland podcast