The Nateland Podcast - #44 Canada ft. Graham Kay

Episode Date: April 28, 2021

On this week's episode, we take a break from our discussion of the 50 states to learn about our neighbor north of the border- Canada. Nate's longtime friend and fellow comedian Graham Kay joins us as a special guest to tell us what it was like growing up in the Great White North.    Co-hosts: Brian Bates ( https://www.instagram.com/brianbatescomic) & Aaron Weber ( https://www.instagram.com/realaaronweber)   Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail] Go to vuori.com/nate. Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase but enjoy free shipping on any US orders over $75 and free returns.

hello folks welcome to the nateland podcast i'm here with brian bates aaron weber uh thank you as always for listening uh thank you everybody uh you. We did the live podcast. We're back in here now, which is very fun. Everybody had a good time. I want to give a shout out to the McPhail family. M-C-P-H-A-I-L.

They sent me a dinosaur. Adopt a dino fact sheet, Nate. I have the herbivorous no that's his diet i thought that was the name of it it's right above nate that's that's the name and i'd love to hear you take a shot at that because right above nate yeah has adopted the huh where oh here you go it's written look at the wrong one so these these are life-size dinosaurs yes um for i get it for one year your dino is so excited to have someone to share their adventures with thank you for being this dino's friend thank you uh

hey i have adopted the you yeah man man, Euplocephalus. I don't even think you turn around. E-U-O-P-L-O-C-E-P-H-A-L-U-S. You follow this. I would just call him Nate. His name is Nate. I've adopted a dino named Nate. Very, very cool.

And you can go see this. You can see it somewhere, right? I don't know. I think it moves all around. It goes everywhere. Yeah. He's still alive. He lived 100 to 66 million years ago.

Size, two and a half tons. Nate spends most of his days out on the old Dingo golf course, practicing his short game. Whenever his favorite podcast, Nate land comes out with a new episode. He goes out to the green to golf and listen to it. When Nate, the you so full of all of us isn't golfing.

He practices staying at routine with other dinos. He usually gets in trouble with the staff for making such a ruckus with the roaring laughter. That's very, that's awesome. Thank you guys very much. They send that for my birthday, which, which uh and we just now mentioned it my birthday was seven years ago so that's our fault for mentioning so late uh so yeah we're very excited to be back

doing the back in the room it was fun the live one was fun it was really fun it was fun to hear people laugh at the inside jokes and stuff. It was like, oh, these people have been listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, you know, and the pressure of doing it live is fun. Because, you know, it's not stand-up where it's like, I know these jokes work. You know, you're making this stuff up on your, you know, just as we're going, as you see. Yeah.

So with an audience there, you feel a little more like I I got to be performing, which I think it was pretty good. People liked it. So let's hear from these comments. Chad Kirk. Hello, folks. This episode has been the best one yet. I love them all, but you can tell that Nate, Aaron, and Bacon Ranch are stand-ups because they bring the heat in front of a live audience.

Keep up the great work. It does. It's a big they bring the heat in front of a live audience. Keep up the great work. It does. It's a big difference when you're in front of people. You get into wanting to tell jokes. It's funny to be sitting down on stage because you don't ever do that. But it was a good show. We will probably do more live ones.

This was at Zany's. It's easy for us to do it here, so if you missed it, or if we do another one, you better come back because it's different, which is great. It's not like stand-up. David John, as a Nate Land folk since the first episode, seeing Nate sitting in the middle weirds

me out. I know. I like the middle, though. It was like a weird, where are we going to sit? You got to face the crowd. I want to be able like a weird Like you know It's like where are we gonna sit You gotta face the crowd I wanna be able to see the crowd Yeah it makes sense So You think if we did

Another live one We'd all be facing You think we might switch it up A little bit Yeah I mean I So we You know they set up The

With the The picture So you saw this And we had a table And like so You know At first I thought, I don't know, maybe we'd still use this table.

I don't think we'd bring these things. Yeah. And we just have with like little stands would be better. And I think that would be easier, but maybe we could have a table that's a little more rounded out, you know, so everybody could kind of be facing that way. So, yeah, I don't know. We'll see. We'll see what happens. we might be rearranging in

here i'm a rearranger i like changes i change we change a lot like so i might we might try what if we try y'all there here back you know who knows we just show up and there's two chairs at the table i don't even get the point yeah put y' you on the other room. You can listen to Nate. You can listen to Bates and Aaron. Audio only. Nick Bronwell. Fan theory. Taylor Swift's angry teenage love songs are actually

about Aaron. I like that. I'm Romeo. She's Juliet. That was about me. That's cool, man. It's just that big of a song we just blow over it that's cool dude you know uh was she singing she was like already a megastar she was not what she is now but she was huge huge when i when i moved to tennessee 2008 her album Fearless had just come out.

So she was very big, but not – I mean, she's probably top three most famous in the world right now probably. She wasn't quite there yet. Is she older than you? Two or three years older. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Wow. So she's 30, 31?

Yeah, I think she's 31. She's 31. She went to Hendersonville? Hendersonville High School, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Sam Weimer, when BoJack compared himself to Toby from The Office, it was so spot on that I nearly Googled to see if the two had any direct relation in real life.

Absolutely amazing. Yeah. I started thinking more about that question. I mean, I feel like we nailed it. You're Michael. I'm Toby. And I think for Seinfeld, you are Jerry. You should be Jerry.

It's centered around you. And I am Newman because you don't like it when I come over. So I think we've nailed both of those. And Michael didn't care for Toby. You're a little bit harder. I was thinking about maybe Oscar because Oscar's smart. Yeah. Remember the China episode where they got it Oscar because Oscar's smart. Yeah. Remember the China episode

where they got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oscar's pretty good. Yeah. And for Seinfeld, I don't know. It's not obvious. I'll be Elaine.

Yeah. Could be Elaine. Yeah. I'll take that. It's not bad. Elaine's not bad. We needed George. She took that IQ test.

Yeah. Yeah. She's very smart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you could be Elaine lane okay all right we got it tj i mean just you know the fact that no one cares about it all right i think we can move on from that uh tj young listening to this and hearing nate say jim jimbership instead of jim

membership makes me wonder if he's actually the secret genius. Gymborship. Do you remember saying that? No. You're like, if anybody else has a gymborship in Madison, we'll cancel it. Yeah. I didn't notice it at the time, but I went back and listened. That is so funny. Gymborship.

Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. Why don't they call it that? I know. Every gym. It was clear when you said it, you're just moving it along. You don't have time to say the whole word. Gymborship.

Gyms should do that. Yeah. They should be like, hey, as an ad for them to be like, hey, do you want to get your gymbership now? Is it too not serious? No, I think it's great. Yeah. It's definitely fits Planet Fitness. Yeah.

Yeah. Their vibe. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Have you mailed that letter? Yeah. Yeah. Their vibe. Yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Have you mailed that letter? No. I forget every time until we talk about it.

All right. You just walk right out. That's how much working out is not on your mind. Because if you were working out at home, you would then be I think about it

every time I worked out. But yeah, no, I don't. Yeah, it's just you leave and blank out. Yeah. Didn't you set a date or something that you I feel like you bet maybe when he would do it. I can't remember. i don't yeah it's just you leave and blank out yeah didn't you set a date or something that you i feel like you bet maybe when he would do it i can't remember i don't know yeah we did talk about that yeah i don't know you've probably exceeded it that's for sure

yeah you've over you've gone over i think we've been talking about it for years yeah ray and ray and z nate is absolutely correct i moved to Montana last year, and I took a few weeks for me to adjust to the big sky. It was actually overwhelming and annoying, and I kept my visor down in the car. I've been listening from the start and look forward to your podcast more than any other. BB brings a lot to the show and is a great sport. Aaron makes me laugh just by seeing him laugh, and Nate is my favorite male comedian. Thanks, guys. show and is a great sport aaron makes me laugh just by seeing him laugh and nate is my favorite male comedian thanks guys uh yeah i like that she you know uh i think it's a sheet uh they get it yeah being the vice is very funny you'll be like you know it's night out you're like no i don't need to i don't need to see what's going on up there. It's a big sky. It's a lot.

What does that mean? There's no trees or anything? Yeah, it's just like you just – it's darkness, and it's just an overwhelming amount of darkness because it's – there's no – There's no light pollution out there. Yeah, so when you see light in a town, there's some hope, and then you're like, well, if something goes wrong,

there's a town there or something. And when you're just driving and there's just nothing, dude. Wow. And you're like, you know, I was on the side of the interstate. Like, I mean, I pulled off into like a road kind of off on the interstate. But, yeah, if you went, I mean, I think you would, and I would love to do it as a trip is to go kind of through Montana and go really walking around and hiking and stuff through Montana.

But if you're way out there, man, it would be a lot. Like it would take some adjusting to get used to. And it's funny. It was overwhelming and annoying because I think you could be like, all right, dude. You just get reminded how alone you are. Like in the city, if you're in the city, you're like, that right, dude. You just get reminded how alone you are. Like in the city, if you're in the city, you're like,

that's a city. People are... People everywhere. Everywhere. And then you're there, you're just like alone. You ain't that visor down. It's a pretty good move

to have it down. Just pulling them all down. It's the Moors. How about the guy who was in charge of building I-24? His only job was to construct a

highway through tennessee from kentucky to georgia but because he got a little off course they had to throw up extra signs you're leaving tennessee welcome to georgia welcome back to tennessee you're really being georgia 20 miles down the road yeah you ever made that drive yeah yeah like google maps will be like welcome to to Georgia. Welcome to Tennessee. Welcome to Georgia. I like a bunch. Yeah. You know, they're playing off what we talked about, mapping out.

And that is true. If you head down to Chattanooga, you enter Georgia for a little while, and then you go back into Tennessee. Back to Tennessee, and then you're back to Georgia, and you just zigzag. If you, that's the – especially if you live there. So, like, technically you could live in Georgia and be like, oh, I'm supposed to be in Tennessee. Like, if they were really run very, very different.

Yeah. And how, like, you know, you'd be, like, so frustrating to be like, it's just right there. Yeah. I think Arkansas or something has a place that's a street. I feel like the street divides the... Half the street is maybe Tennessee. Maybe. Bristol is half in Tennessee and half in Virginia.

Yeah. I don't know about Arkansas. I thought it was like a road that split it up. It could be. Michael, I have to correct a few things. Daniel Boone was a Virginian slash Kentuckian. The War of 1812 lasted for three years and not one, but Ben again killed it again.

He's definitely the unsung hero of the podcast. That's the only reason I put that in there. Just for that. I don't care about those facts. Like you are correct, Michael. How did we miss the War of 1812? Well, we just talked about how we called it a one-year war. Yeah. And he said it's actually three years. Yeah. Well, if it lasted three years, why did they focus on that one year?

I guess the year it started. I don't know. Why is World War II not the War of 1941? Impressive. Yeah. I think he just wanted us to know what year the World War II started. I don't know if that's even right, but it ended in 1945. So you're saying why did they not call it pre-war then? Yeah.

Why did they just pick that one year? If it was three years, if I died in 1813 in that war, I'd be pretty offended that they don't even care about that year. I wish we had a way to Google it. Yeah. I don't think you'd be alive to care, but and like if your loved one yeah exactly if your father died in the war of 1812 and they go golly that's crazy dude was it like march or something because that's actually 1814 you go oh why was he still fighting it though like is there a lot of that

you know so what's his problem? Because it seems like he couldn't let something go because the war was over. He just kept going. He just kept going. And then he goes, that's not enough. And they just kept rolling it. It lasted until 1815. Yeah.

What else would they call it? War of 1812 is a good name. It does sound good. Yeah. Yeah. The 1812 Overture. But maybe it's like it's the war started in 1812. This is the war of 1812. And it took us three years to get it right.

And by the time we got to 1815, we were like, what are we fighting about? You're like, I don't even remember. Yeah. It's not even 1812 anymore. It's not even 1812 anymore, dude. Times have changed. John Lanty. I think my favorite bit of any podcast

I listen to is Backstreet Boy always bringing up depressing events as his fun facts I don't think I call them fun facts but I do bring up Tennessee leads the country in infant mortality right? let's riff on that for a little bit

yeah what's up with babies not making it? You know, just like, oh, man. Yeah, that's a big one for me. Just the weight. The weight of the world. What was the one? Yeah, you brought up infant mortality. Like a few times.

Yeah. Baby killer baits. That's what we call them. Yeah. Baby killer baits. We're trying to get out of it. And he's like, guys, there's two pages of this. So we're in it. I'm just getting started. We're just, yeah, I don't know what you get out of it and he's like guys there's two pages of this so we're in it i'm just

getting started we're just yeah i don't know what you want out of this but it is i was up late last night and that was the best time to be alive episode clearly it was uh yeah cat cook aaron the world's fair is also a place where people bring new inventions and such. The Eiffel Tower was built for a World's Fair, as was the Seattle Space Needle. A lot of amazing architecture came from them, actually. Okay. So Paris hosted the World's Fair. They get the Eiffel Tower.

Seattle hosted it. They got the Space Needle. What did Knoxville get? The big gold. The Sun Sphere. That's what we talked about last week. Oh, that thing nobody's ever heard of? I've been to Knoxville.

I've never seen that. Well, Knoxville probably seems like a weird place to have the fair. Yeah. But they did it, and they put that thing there. How many World's Fair has there been? I have no idea. I pointed out that Sun Sphere to you in an uber ride one time in knoxville i wasn't listening to you i've never seen that yeah that was i mean it was definitely an off year for the world's fair like it was

they go you going to knoxville you're like no dude i just did seattle and uh paris like we're going to knoxville and he goes yeah yeah no we're going to knoxville like we're doing okay uh no i'm all right i'm gonna do like i'm gonna do like more county stuff so i'm getting out of you know i'm getting out of the world fair game once they went to knoxville is that the capital of tennessee like no no it's not even it has nothing to do with you know they got football there it's a big deal they go okay okay i don't okay i mean space needle is so tall yeah this is just and then the sun's fear is it's just can you go up in it yeah i think so not right now it's temporarily, can you go up in it? Yeah, I think so. Not right now. It's temporarily closed, but I think in general. But that's what I think of

when I think of Knoxville. I mean, that's their one landmark. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah, it's a big deal. And New England Stadium.

Okay. 1982 World's Fair. Why, yeah, why did they go? How many World's, look up how many World's Fair there has been.

Oh, wait, something was said. There's a fight. There was a shot fired outside that World's Fair in Knoxville. Oh, wait. Something was said. There's a fight. There was a shot fired outside that World's Fair in Knoxville. Oh, really? Yeah, let go. It said, where was that at?

It said something. In early morning, right there. Yeah. A shot was fired from outside the fair site and shattered one of the sphere's windows. No one is ever arrested for the incident. I mean, it took $2 to get to the elevator to get to the observation deck and look at Knoxville and just go up to the top of that and go,

okay, can you see Nashville or something from up here? Yeah, I mean, no, no, no. You can just see Knoxville. No, you can't even see the stadium from up here. Yeah. Somebody got so bad. It's not high enough. I don't think it's that high.

Right? I mean, the Space Sentinel is so high. Right. Yeah. It's not that high. It's not that high. See, it was featured on an episode of The Simpsons. Yeah.

I bet not in a good light. Seventh season. They were bottom of the barrel by the end of there. Yeah. I bet not in a good light. Seventh season. They were bottom of the barrel by the end of there. Yeah, that's, yeah. It's, yeah, why did they go? I mean, I don't know. Look at how many world fairs. I'm just curious.

There's been over 100. 100 world fairs? Since the mid-19th century, more than 100 world's fairs have been held in more than 20 countries throughout the world. Wow. Wow. Yeah. So maybe they just had to go to Knoxville. You just start running out of cities. How many did come into America?

Most of them are in the United States. So everybody's had a world fair almost? I've only known of Knoxville. Me too. New York. I don't think I really thought this. New Orleans hosted it. I think Montreal had one.

New Orleans in 84. They tried in 92 to bring Chicago. That didn't work. But 84 was the last time it was here. What about Chicago, though? I think we got a lot on our plate with Knoxville. We're building a sun sphere and it's being shot at right now so we kind of all hands on deck down there in knoxville right now

is that good that there's no no people are going up in it in an elevator so it's not uh it's not good it's not a good start where is it this year it says warfare in 2021 oh yeah oh is it dubai dubai oh more impressive buildings over there yeah yeah that's they're gonna be but i mean do it does it have does it carry the they should it should be more known yeah it's kind of a cool thing like why don't you it should be a big deal to be like oh we're getting the world fair and then they go yeah but you don't ever hear about it anymore i bet if nashville hosted one we'd be people be talking about yeah it'd be exciting dubai i didn't even know that was happening i mean i do remember

when i was in knoxville yeah i was 10 and i remember it was a big deal yeah y'all went no but i just remember that's too far for us it's a good horse couldn't make it and they're I just remember that's too far for us. It's a good thing. Horse couldn't make it. And they're from Lebanon. There you go. Their phrase was, you've got to be there.

The 1982 World's Fair. That was their big slogan. Oh, yeah. You've got to be there. 1982 World's Fair. Yeah. A lot of people went. Yeah. I don't know.

We had the Alabama National Fair. Whoa. That's fun. That's why I was asking about that, because our state fair was called the Alabama National Fair. It made no sense.. That's why I was asking about that because our state fair was called the Alabama National Fair. It made no sense. Yeah, that doesn't make no sense. Well, you're pretty arrogant with football and stuff like that just to begin with.

So I think it feels right to me that you're not, you know. Yeah, I guess. Well, we have the Wilson County Fair, so we had no reason to go to Knoxville. Wilson County Fair is great. It's better than the World's Fair. We go. Wilson County Fair is amazing. You have a SunSphere out there? No. No no we don't waste your time with that corn dogs yeah funnel

cakes we'll fire some shots yeah well my dad's done a ton of shows at wilson county fair uh we go i think we go every year uh and it's the best yeah so it's it's it's so big yeah and it's yeah it's super super fun yeah uh hayley hayley thornton i go to cumberland university i never knew about that football game score until a couple of months ago a month a couple months ago at least we have a world record now go phoenix uh yeah someone else said they learned about it during orientation at cumberland, but maybe Haley skipped orientation. I don't know. But they're leading with that at the orientation? Yeah, that's what they're known for.

That's how they, you know. Welcome to Cumberland, folks. Look, guys, if you think it's bad now, it's been way worse here. We lost 220 to zero once, and now you're here. That thing that says more about you than it does us. That's what they tell them. It's like really putting them down. I know you might be thinking, why am I out of college?

I lost once to 220 to zero. We might ask you the same thing. Because right now, looking at where all your lives are, you're down about 150 to zero. So do you want to come back and win this game? That's the motivation, the speech that they use. They just get them all depressing. What am I at?

You're about 60 to zero. No one scored, though. They don't ever go. If they get one super smart guy, they're like, he's got seven on the board, and he's only down 50 to seven. So we think he can get out of there. L. Peter. Everybody I have ever known in my life says Kitty Corner,

maybe because we're Canadian. I've never heard Catty Corner before today. Kitty Corner. Catty Corner. Yeah. Yeah. What did we say? I think it's 100% regional thing it's cat a corner

catty corner down here catty corner you know kitty corner sounds funny to me but that's i guess like a lot of part of the world says that yeah a lot of people said kitty corner yeah up north and a lot of canada yeah so we were talking a lot about uh uh our something like that last episode uh l peter's canadian right a lot of canadian fans a lot of canadian fans and uh we have a canadian for them today uh a lot of people have asked uh when you get done with the 50 states would you please please do Canada? Will we? How about now? We've had a good run. This young man right here is Canadian.

I think you can tell by how he looks. I mean. And we're going to finish the states. He's just happened to be here. Yeah, yeah. He's just here. We kind of, the states are going to be, you know, I don't think anybody's going to. No one's sitting there with a New Mexico t-shirt on going, again?

He's not doing that? Yeah, the states are when we have someone come into town, they're from somewhere. And we lump all of a country in with this guy. I was going to say, we'll get no more precise than Canada. I mean, half of my country speaks a different language than I speak. Might as well lump them all together. Yeah, they're not listening to this podcast. Actually, they're not.

We're positive. So this fellow's name is Graham K. Hello. K-A-Y. And me and Graham were in New York together a long, long time ago. I'm not started before Graham But when Graham moved there From Canada

And then we were doing shows I mean this has been going on now for How long? Over 10 years 2008? Yeah wow That's a long time 13 years You'd think I'd be doing better

Yeah I always thought you'd be doing better. Yeah. No, I thought, I think, I always thought you'd be right where you're at. Yeah. It's fair. You know? No, I get it. I'll be honest with you, I think you've gotten a little bit farther than I go.

I like to talk to you like, is Graham still doing it? I got driver's license now. Now you're real American. Yeah. Right? You're in, right? I'm a green card holder. Is that good? I can't

vote, but I can get drafted. That's fun. It's pretty sweet. It's a sweet spot. Put them to work. Put them to work. I think they go first. Yeah. They pick the guys pushing 40. Those guys are going to really do a good job. It's Canadian.

Go to that hole and see what's down there this one down here down here yeah okay you seem nice you seem you seem trustworthy yeah and then you go down there in your clogs and they hear you right away clogs you think we have clogs up there i don't know man i'm just getting all out early we were we were skates with guards when we're on land. Skates? With plastic guards when we're on land. Plastic guards and you walk. Yep. That's how we get around. And do you ever, when you walk around in shoes, were you like,

God, this feels so good? I don't like, I feel, yeah. You could, don't be stereotypical, but can you ice skate really well? Yeah. In fact, we don't say ice skate. We just say skate. You can skate. Yeah.

Because it's understood that the land is ice yeah yes yes it's understood that everything is ice all day every day in the summer it's ice it's ice everything is ice could you right now uh skate pretty like would you have to like kind of get back into it you played hockey growing up in high school yeah it was pretty good i could play right you're paying college or no i got i i i got sent away to a uh a boot camp that was but it was like a hockey centric boot camp and we had uh like 350 people and 14 hockey teams and a lot of people made the NHL. A guy, like I'm 39, and a guy who, Curtis McElhinney, just retired. So there was like my whole life, there was guys that I played with in the NHL. Wow, so he was in, so you saw those guys.

Were they just unreal then? Yeah, one of them was. It was just, like a lot of times, it's just their bodies are different. Yeah. Like you look at them, they're like that guy, like when they're like seven. They was just like a lot of times it's just their bodies are different yeah like you look at them they're like that guy like when they're like

they're just like solid yeah they don't they're like 17 and they're men and you're like that guy's still gonna grow jeez

it's like nice yeah and he's just as fast and just as skilled and it's just gonna it's gonna be unreal it's gonna be hard who is the one

that you Wayne Gretzky you know I'm having a just as skilled, it's going to be unreal. It's going to be hard. Who is the one that you – Wayne Gretzky. You know, I'm having a brain fart right now, but he – Did he make it to the NHL? Yeah, he scored like 20 goals a couple times. He played for the Montreal Canadiens. He played for a couple teams.

I forget his name right now. I should have – Yeah, he – So when you are playing and you're 17, he played he played for a couple teams i forget his name now right now i should have yeah he uh so but when you were so like when you are playing you're 17 like he was just a very highly recruited like you could tell like this dude was just above everybody else yeah yeah i mean they're they're just it's just a different level i got that like when they're i mean and he was also playing at a different level than me so we would go watch them on the weekends and then, you know, sit beside the girls and they'd be like, yeah,

I bet you want to be with him. And they'd be like, yep. Yeah. Yeah, we do. Yeah. Yeah. That's cool. You're like me too.

Me too. He's got great skin. So right now though, when was the last time you skated? I skated probably like last year. Yeah. You kind of pick it right back up? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because skating is you – I mean, you start when you're two. Yeah. No joke in Canada. Like for a lot of people, like my uncle they lived we lived downtown but they live in the suburbs and then they had like one like just like a kind of open field and he would go down there

and just like you know it's like like a canadian dad thing is making a rink for your kids with like a garden hose and doing it all and he had like floodlights up and and if like somebody on your block has a good backyard rink, it's like every kid comes and hangs out all day, and you get to the moment. You're just walking around with kids in your house. They're playing basketball. Yeah. If someone has a good hoop in the back, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I guess you learn it so young. It is interesting because it's like if you don't skate, which we never really skated here there's a skating rink downtown but yeah it was not a big hockey's a lot bigger here in nashville than it yeah ever was and it's starting to be like you know your kids are getting into it now so it's tough if you're if you're not if you because the thing about why it's so much bigger in Canada is because you don't have to be wealthy to skate because someone's dad has a backyard rink. And also every basketball court in a park turns into a rink.

They put up like wood boards with like a little fence for glass in the back. And they have like, you just go, all you have to do is get skates. Yeah. And so for here, you said that we had one rink. Yeah. I mean, that's not going to do it. Well, wait, it's the sportsplex. I don't know if we had in the.

Centennial sportsplex. Yeah. And I don't know if that was even around when I was a kid. I think it came later. That's true. It's just totally inaccessible in some places here. I mean, I grew up in Alabama. We never thought about hockey.

I've never skated in my life. Yeah, that doesn't surprise me. Yeah. I don't think you had to say it. Where did you sit downtown? Where'd you grow up? I grew up in Ottawa, which is the capital of Canada. It's like near, I guess, sort of near Syracuse, New York.

Hey, let me throw out the facts. Oh, sorry. Don't get ahead. I know my place my place is skating yeah when we get to the skate question how fast can you get going yeah yeah but i was a goalie i was not like uh you know is it nerve-wracking being a goalie yeah but you know here's the thing it's a lot i figured that. I figure that's why it's very similar to being a comedian. Same mentality.

I don't want to depend on anybody else. I want to do my own thing. Yeah. And you're kind of the center of attention in a way, like when it's in your end. You can swing a game all by yourself. If your team scores one goal, you can win. Yeah. If you're killing it.

You did great that day. Yeah. Yeah you're like killing it. You did great that day. Yeah. Yeah. And I love that. I love that. What was the most goals you had scored on you? Oh, about 30. Really?

No, I played one. Like if you're a good goalie, you want to be like at least under three goals a game. Usually like the best ones are under two. goals a game usually like the best ones are under two and um i played we i made a team and then we shouldn't have been triple a triple a was the best but we were like let's let's try it like i was a triple a goalie i feel and we had like two forwards that were and that was it everyone else was like absolute plugs and uh in canada we call them pylons and uh like they're terrible like they're terrible like we in america you call it traffic cones we you know we call traffic cones pylons and if you're just like a standing still people just skate around you you're a pylon yeah okay and uh and and we

my my goals against average was like six i would just get absolutely but but but my save percentage was like in the 90s yeah i was stopping a lot but i was just getting absolutely shelled like it was just like it was just overly being shot at yeah it was nuts and i just remember my i remember one game uh my old coach came to see me from like a previous season which is like a huge honor it's like that guy hangs out at a rink all day he's got kids and he took time to go to a colder rink cold arena stand in the stands and watch this kid he's not related to play because he was proud of me for making triple a and also my uncle who who's and my cousin like they're like he's the

rink uncle and they're like a hockey family and like his kids like one played division, division two hockey in the States. And he's like still like the goal, like the point leader. He was at least a couple of years ago, like huge hockey. He came by himself to watch me because he was like, we're going to watch Graham. And it was like, you know, it was an honor. And I think I let in like four goals in the first five minutes, and they pulled me. And I just watched my uncle and my coach leave.

Are you just going as you skate back to the bench? You're like, you know, I feel like that's the move you make when you skate back to the bench. You're like slumping just being like. I have a signature move for getting pulled. Is that what you're saying? No, I'm just saying like it's funny to see when they skate back to the bench like if a goalie is being replaced or something but like

if you're down and you're kind of like pouting and then you're good you have to go yeah you got to pout and it's still fun to skate so you're having fun and so it's still like you're like smiling yeah you're like. Yeah, yeah. Are you smiling? Are you smiling? I enjoy skating. Yeah. I got into this coach because I like skating.

Do people get into the figure skating more in Canada, or is it really just hockey? I like how you're really trying to steer away from the stereotypes, and I appreciate that. Well, but this is, let's get, you know. Everybody has these stereotypes. stereotypes it's true do you see a lot of moose i know yeah don't ever look at me again yes we see quite a bit yeah they're everywhere it's a huge problem many people die anyway bigger skating uh funny thing about moose is uh if you hit them i've never hit a moose i think i've seen a live moose once in my life driving but apparently a lot of people die from moose is if you hit them, I've never hit a moose. I think I've seen a live moose once in my life driving.

But apparently, a lot of people die from moose because they're so high. And if you're not driving like a jacked up truck, the body just goes through the windshield and it will obliterate your family. I've seen one driving in Maine. And yeah, they're enormous. They're so big. They're so big so big anyway but yeah my my mom was really into figure skating yeah she was really she'd always be like look they're just excellent skaters come watch this with me i'm like god geez be like look how athletic

they are and they're just you know they're wearing uh a dinner gown and i'm like how am i supposed to yeah and like he's masculine not just don, don't worry, he's an athlete. I'm like, he's wearing a woman's dress. I'm sure he is, and good for him, but I don't know. I think, I don't know. Yeah, she always tried to sell me on it. Well, it's interesting to think, like, you know, people just get into the sport that you're dealt with.

You know, like, when you all saw a soccer ball for the first time, were you like, what is this? Did you not know how to hand it back? We assumed that it was. Did you grab it and run with it? when y'all saw a soccer ball first time were you like what is this did you not know we we assumed that it was grab it and run with it well we we broke off a branch from the nearest tree we started to hit it and we were like this this giant puck is not so heavy yeah that's pretty neat yeah lacrosse lacrosse big there it was the national sport of canada when i was growing up and they they switched it to hockey it was like a that was like a little secret fact oh i had a sneaky fact you could put

you could be like national sport of canada is people say hockey no it's lacrosse and that's just another thing we took away from the native people so you can't have this it's hockey stupid no just kidding yeah you may be the first guest we've had who actually knows where he's from and knows stuff about it. Usually they're like, oh, really? Oh, yeah. You know your stuff. I try.

Yeah. Yeah. What's a fun fact? Ottawa is the capital of Canada. Did you guys know that? I did know that. Canada is the second largest country in the world by total area, but it has 38 million people.

California has 40 million. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. We're very... You're so spread out up there. If you see a satellite picture of Canada at nighttime, it's actually hilarious because all of the lights are hugging the American border.

We're just trying to get free health care and be warm as possible it's not spread out right because this is nine out of ten canadians live within 100 miles of the u.s border yeah but the u.s border is uh like a five-day drive wide yeah so it's very it's like spread out in that way yeah yeah it's spread out like as far as across yeah they're not like you know you can go there's towns everywhere you well parts of canada you're going to be uh you're going to be able to see what do you look up i'm looking up a satellite picture of north america at night but you can it's hard to tell where the border is there but yeah where the light stop is pretty much the border yeah yeah yeah look at those the lights that go way up there like how yeah how far up do people live i mean

there's there are people that are so far up that it's just never warm yeah they're they're oh what is it edin uh edinburgh or what's the name of that town well edinburgh is in scotland but edmonton yeah they got a big comedy festival in Edinburgh. So it was Edmonton. Yeah, yeah. I got into it five years in a row. The Edmonton Comedy Festival. I said, this is an honor.

And Graham's uncle was in the crowd. And then I bombed and he walked out. He did leave. And I go, God. Yeah, he's like, don't ever hang out with that boy again. Anyway, Edmonton is probably the furthest north like regular city they do have a summer and where it gets to be like you know it'll be like 90 degrees once or twice a year yeah but and the summer is probably three months long yeah and then that's not bad but the but there's like

people like my there's like places up there. Like they, they're not there. So we have provinces, which is basically another word for states, but then we have territories, which is like, you know, they have like 10,000 people in it. So you can't,

they can't be like, have the voting rights of a province. Right. Yeah. So, but people live up there and it's like a lot of, a lot of, a lot of Inuit people used to call them Eskimos.

And, and I, A lot of Inuit people used to call them Eskimos. And a lot of people move up there to work in government or work. My friend became a doctor and moved there because the government paid him extra money. Yeah. And they're always trying to get me to go up there. I'm like, it's beautiful. I'm like, no. Yeah.

Why? I don't like being like cold that and they there is like in this in the winter it's all it's it's like it could be dark for 24 hours for like i don't know for like two weeks straight it's like dark for 24 why would i i don't know it just seems like hell the uh it probably is beautiful i guess yeah well i mean it's gonna be But yeah, it's a lot. It would be like, I guess it would be the closest. It would be going to like feeling like you've traveled to the moon or something, like a different planet. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do people in Canada have an identity with their province in the same way that Americans do with the States? Absolutely. Okay. A hundred percent. I mean, the biggest examples i could i could say that are so all of canada has a huge identity crisis uh like if you ask a canadian you go what is your culture um will say we're not american which is a terrible terrible yeah your culture is not being another country it's so embarrassing yeah but there are, like, there are two-

When we say, you're sure right, ain't. Yeah. No, you guys say, what is Canada? Yeah. I've never thought about it once. Yeah. And so, like, there are two places in Canada in particular where they don't feel like that way. Quebec, which is French-speaking, it's 5 million people.

It's twice the size of Texas landmass wise. The biggest city is Montreal. Capital city is Quebec City. So all of North America in Napoleonic Wars was English and French were fighting for who is going to win North America. And the base was Quebec City for French and I for English, I think it was New York, I don't know. But that new but anyway, obviously, the France lost, England took over. That's why America speaks English. But there are still vestiges like New Orleans, St. Louis is a

French name. Vermont means Greenmount, whatever, there's like a million other examples but uh they were they got pushed back all the way to quebec and that's where they still are and there's millions of people there who don't speak any english yeah i would say there's like five million people i would guess three million don't speak a word of english and so uh they obviously don't have an identity crisis they know who they are. They're like, we're Quebecers. They want to separate some, like a lot of them want to separate. They almost separated in the early 90s and made their own country,

which would be weird because they'd be surrounded by Canada. And then Newfoundland, which is an island off the East Coast, right there. And they becameada in like 1948 they were their own country they fought world war ii as newfoundland yeah and so they were we want a piece of this yeah you're like get out of here man someone's grabbing your shoulder what are you who is that it's newfoundland we're here buddy we're here we're here well yeah hey is there more of you no this is it they they uh they so they were they were an isolated island up until the 1950s when there was mass media they were cut off from

the rest of the world they speak with irish accents oh really yeah so they're like i'm like they base i'm gonna do a terrible newfoundland accent but they're like hey everybody how you doing there oh going there fishing and like they talk they go down by the bay oh you're and they go oh you're not they go if you're from no matter if you're from america or from ottawa or from france and you go there they go oh you come from away come from away and they go yeah where are you two where are you from they go where are you two you come from away i'm like what the hell is going on yeah you guys what's that yeah i come from away are they the ones that has the time zone that's like 30 minutes yes they have a weird their own time zone which is just 30 minutes different from anybody else i'll be honest i'm way on board in

newfoundland yeah is it newfoundland or newfoundland i i they go newfoundland and it's and they consider it a slur to call them new feasts which i think is hilarious yeah yeah it's like well we don't appreciate it it's like we're just trying to shorten it we don't like yeah well why don't you take the time yeah speak our what we're called i think i'm way on board with these people yeah and i love it they have the they in world war one in world war one they had the highest percentage of countries of people who died yeah they yeah it's like one out of five men were dead in newfoundland i love it because the british army was like who are these guys like they were controlling newfoundland they were like

yeah you just go over the ridge first yeah they're like oh buddy okay slaughtered were you from away where are you going to yeah where are you to from away from away uh yeah and then so do y'all honor the british monarchy like is that a thing in canada right now yeah well i think the main well that's i think generation by generation, like my generation is like, why are we still got the queen on our money? We don't pay them like money or anything like that. I think the main reason historically why it's there is because we need every little thing to separate us from America just because we are, it's a very unique thing. Like if you're, there's only two countries, there's only one other instance in the world I can think of it where two countries are as similar. Like Austria and Germany, right?

But the thing about Austria is you are surrounded by a bunch of other tiny little other countries. Like Canada is, shares a border with, and nobody else with the most powerful biggest media and most militarily powerful country ever culturally influential country ever right so you when if you want to keep your own country you have to like hold on to these rinky-dink little things like to me quebec doesn't have that problem they're like we speak a different language newfoundland is like basically if you want honestly if you watch newfoundland uh movie you need subtitles and so it's like us it's it's like uh no i was just laughing at that

oh you need subtitles yeah you just touched my leg i was like i don't know uh yeah i was like did i go too far i don't know no no no you don't have your like maybe you're like i'm i had a lot of coffee maybe i'm rambling that's like maybe i shut up. But anyway, so it's like that's, you know, the historic reason is like you guys fought a war to leave England. And we were like, well, and like it's almost like 100 years later. We're like, well, if we just wait, can you, and we don't have to die, can you let us go? Yeah. And that's what happened. And they're like, yeah, but you got to put the queen on the money.

We're like, yeah, whatever, buddy. Okay, fine. If we don't have to die. How long is that going to last is that gonna last yeah so yeah your money's that's the thing that everybody talks about when we go to canada i get it i get it it's it is weird yeah but you don't i mean you get used to when you go it's kind of fun like i i like it more now than i did the color is that what you're talking about yeah i think the color is smart yeah having a another country's queen on your money i don't think everyone thought about

that yeah but it was uh it was uh but like it was always hard with the coins yeah that was the funniest thing about like when you would leave canada and it coins like five dollars no right two i thought there was one that was five no no that'd be uh just a bedlam someone looked at it i don't think i think graham's wrong uh in montreal they don't have five dollar coin they have the same money they don't like they don't like the queen on the money in montreal i'll tell you that right now yeah yeah uh well two dollars so a two dollar coin though so you could be like you end up having like a you know a bunch of it and you're like yeah yeah i don don't care. You just get throwing it around. In your head, it's a quarter.

Then you're like, that was $20. When we first went to Montreal, it's like Montreal Comedy Festival, you have no money. You're going. The brokest you can possibly be. They make you pay

to go up there. You can barely afford. People couldn't. they make you pay to go up there. Yeah, you can barely afford. You're like, people couldn't, I can't afford to go up there. And then you got these coins that you're like, I think it's a dime. And you're like, no, I needed that $8. Yeah, I won't eat. It was like a lunch. Yeah, man.

What's the loonie? The loonie is $1. And then when I was in high school it came out with a two dollar coin which has a polar bear on it and i was always like well the loony is called a loony because there's a loon on it and then the two dollar coin came out and had a bear on it i was like we should call it a berry i remember being in ninth grade being like let's call it a berry and it just they just became a toonie did you have that much say in canada i imagine everybody has does everybody have say like that i was playing i was playing triple

a hockey in ottawa so i had quite a bit of sway yeah yeah how you doing uh mr uh miss queen is the queen here and they go no it's just on the money yeah i go i would like to speak with the queen you go there's no queen and you go why is it on the money you you broke the holes in their whole system why is it on the money they go i don't we don't none of us know i was just ah he said miss queen well let me talk to you miss queen i thought that was a joke that was a joke okay uh yeah that's how you do comedy someone's i laughed yeah i'm the only one that brings comedy on this podcast uh You walk in. Can I speak to the polar bear, please?

Yeah. I'd like to talk to the polar bear. And there's a picture of a polar bear sitting behind a desk. That's the prime minister. Don't look him in the eye. He's just eating meat. Funny story about polar bears. My buddy told me.

He lives up there at the doctor. Say you're going out of town or whatever and you're you everyone has it has a ski do there and uh and that's how you that's how you like you get around off off the road or whatever and uh if you go like if you want to like go have like go to the bathroom on like like take a whiz on the snowbank or something uh you got to bring your gun with you if you're if because a polar bear will track you and they're the only bears in the world that hunt people and they're you can't see them because they're white and they they know how they know that their nose is black and they cover their nose with their paw when they poke their head out to look for you they look look

over a snowbank i'm like like that and then you you just taking a whiz and then polar bear just and then you're you're toast yeah that's crazy how many polar bears kill humans that's uh do you have that fact oh i have churchill in manitoba is how you say manitoba yeah polar bear capital of the world that's right 15 000 of the world's 25 000 polar bear bears live in churchill oh really population to the point where people leave their purposely leave their cars and homes unlocked in case they have to run from a polar bear and jump in either wow that seems like i would that you shouldn't live there you shouldn't live there to go how's up here it is beautiful how's the crime no crime no you gotta keep we keep everything unlocked unbelievable yeah wow you know what i think i should be here just before you move let me just i think i should tell you this polar bears actually hunt us and

try to kill us yeah it's worse than throw that in there there are monsters you everything you build up to move someone there you're like like, dude, no crime. It's beautiful. Everything's great. You go, you know what? I think I'm going to do it. And they go, oh, okay. Well, just, I think I should tell you that I hate, polar bears are actively hunting us every day. Yes.

Yes. So there is crime? No, they're not. They don't steal anything, but they, I guess so, they're murdering a lot of us. You know that monster from The Empire Strikes Back that gets Luke? We have those. Yeah, we have those. They're here. And they're here.

And they know we're here. Yeah. They don't like it. They don't care for it. I mean, all of them are here. Where's the other 10,000 at? A zoo? I mean, I think it's around that area.

Let's just say 15,000 live in this one town. Yeah. Probably all 25,000 live in North Pole. Man, that's all active. There's only 25,000 polar bears? Polar bears are pretty awesome. As far as a bear, could be my favorite bear, a polar bear. Polar bears are very cool.

Yeah, they're just, I don don't know you don't know you see this stat right here what between 1870 and 2014 out of 73 recorded polar bear attacks there are 20 human fatalities 69 injuries so that's quite a bit yeah that no that's like two that's like, what is that, 140 years, 50 years? Yeah. And there's only been 73? Yeah. So apparently, but now do it when they figured out the nose thing. Yeah.

And they go, oh, it's like four a day. Yeah. And you're like, God, dude, that was it. 2015 was a big year for the bear population. Once they figured that out. Yeah. They stop at 2015 was a big year for the bear population. Once they figured that out. Yeah. They stop at 2015 for a reason. I think Ricky Gervais has a joke about that in his special.

I'm almost positive. About the nose? Yeah. Maybe about a rabbit or something like that. I would never be able to play it. But it's, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he has a joke about it.

It's an animal facts joke. And he talks about hiding their nose or something like that. Oh. They finally figured it out. What's in the notes? 71% of the world's maple syrup comes from Canada. There was this thing a couple years ago. It was...

I didn't want any... It was like a headline in the news. I didn't want any of my American friends to see it. And there was a big maple syrup heist in Canada For like two million dollars It was like national news Big maple syrup heist I was like oh no You don't want people stereotyping you

And you're offended by my ice skating questions We're trying to I promise you we're a real place Well this is kind of fun what is it yeah what are you what are you doing up there just riding polar bears and still maple syrup and you're like well i'll be honest with you weird that's two things that we have done yeah wow you skate in your backyard and still maple syrup what is the what is the heist i mean that's all i remember of it but they stole

3 000 tons of syrup valued at 18 million dollars big heist that's it but what did they steal in uh goodfellas like the you know the lufthansa yeah heist yeah so it's kind of similar to that that's 18 million dollars it's better than that but in the Lufthansa heist, they stole money. Well, this is- It's the biggest heist in Canadian history, it said, just money-wise. Did they catch them? I don't know. I mean, that's a good thing to steal, syrup. Yeah, it's untraceable.

It's untraceable. Tastes like syrup. There you go. Syrup looks funny. Oh, in popular culture. Where did you get it from? In December of 2012, police arrested 17 men related to the theft. 17?

So this was a big operation. Yeah. My favorite line was- All named Jacques. Yeah. The Federation of Quebec Maple Syrup Producers has been compared to a cartel. So they're really running stuff. Oh, the people that make the syrup.

Yeah. Well, yeah. 77 mean 77 77 of the world yeah maple syrup comes to canada i mean that's so that's y'all like opec yeah yeah that is y'all's main thing it's not feels like it yeah you think our gdp is 17 million dollars i think yeah i mean we are eating off the lane i don't know where you're spending your money yeah i mean mostly maple syrup and polar bear repellent i don't think i'm the bad guy you guys did a maple syrup heist i'm sorry i'm been misled really it's my own fault yeah yeah that's fun 18 million dollars what was the thing in popular culture down at the bottom for that heist popular culture oh there's it's part of a netflix documentary dirty money

so yeah the maple syrup heist all right that's a word that people say differently i never know if i land it heist maple syrup heist i can get pretty good syrup syrup syrup syrup syrup i grew up saying syrup yeah and then well that's just a regional thing like catty corner which sounds insane to me yeah yeah yeah you say kitty corner i've never said come here catty come here catty but we're not talking about cats though we're talking about the house yeah that's i understand that but isn't it like a reference to like cats kitty corner oh no no what a cat like as the crow flies yeah kitty corner oh that's the way if you let a cat go and it would go to that house i get i'm that's where i'm that's the kitty corner it would go i have no idea i just yeah this is what i don't think people are letting cats go that much yeah reference for it like yeah i think you let a cat go, it tries to come right back inside the house.

I mean, you've never owned a cat. They go. They go for days. And they run just – I mean, they'll just go to other people's houses. I know, but why don't you just go get them? They're only diagonally across from you. Yeah, that's true.

They can only go diagonally. They can only go. They're like a snakes and ladders type situation. Yeah. Yeah, kitty corner. corner yeah i don't know all right that's y'all's thing though syrup kitty corner yep skate that's skating yeah bears it's a very diverse country we got a lot of stuff we've contributed to the world you have a lot of french people that hate everybody yeah they hate they hate canadians they it's a weird vibe well i would say that they're like 30 of them resent the rest of canada pretty deeply because they don't and they finish and well no because they feel like they're subjugated in some way yeah they are they feel like they're i don't know what that word is at all i was like so yeah they they feel like they're second-class citizens in their own country which is i mean i

think that's nuts but yeah they historically like they were i mean maybe a little bit before back in the day newfoundland see they feel like they have the right attitude they're willing to go fight. They just seem like great people. They are great people. There's a Tony Award winning Broadway play called Come From Away. And it's like the most popular play on Broadway the past couple years. And it's about in 9-11, all the planes got rerouted.

All these American flights had to land in newfoundland and stay there for like two weeks yeah and they still keep in touch because they've never met they've never met a nicer group of people you'll never meet a nicer group like group people than newfoundlanders yeah they're just like i love it salt of the earth like i like they'll give you the like the shirt off their back and yeah they're and they're and they're just very hard drinkers and a lot of fun yeah so do people go there a lot for vacation in canada you go you go there yeah because it's just so different you know if it's just a it's just a very different place do you know why their time zone's just 30 minutes different because they're just out in the middle of the ocean look Look at them. They're out there. Because it's just fun to be...

That's what makes me like them. Everything's kind of fun. Our time zone is just different. You're like, yeah, it is. We're 30 minutes different than everybody. Because we're... Yeah. When you come here, leave all your nonsense behind.

All your on the hour nonsense. Don't bring that nonsense. No, no, no. That's not what this is about. It's 6.30. It's 6.30. Yeah. I know my alarm was for 7. And he goes... Does it matter? hour nonsense don't bring that no no no that's not what this is it's 6 30 it's 6 30 yeah i know my alarm was for seven and he goes doesn't matter it doesn't matter we don't even touch zeros

no we don't yeah we just we just wait for half an hour at 6 30 and then it becomes seven we might do 45 at one point i don't know it sounds a little french to. I don't know. It sounds a little French to me. I don't know. What does their land look like? Is it just exactly like Canada, or is it pretty different? No, it's different. It's like rocky. It's beautiful. I mean, it's all ocean. I mean, I don't know.

You could just Google image might be better. Same kind of weather? Yeah. You're going to zoom in. Oh, we're zooming all the way in, dude. What's a good street to go to? Just, I would Google image newfoundland i think you'd get a do they uh is there so oh wow yeah yeah it's like yeah it's pretty nice very very pretty is there weather any better brutal it's still brutal it's brutal yeah i had an uncle like a great uncle and we used to go i

go to his house i mean he lived in saskatchewan yeah and it's saskatchewan's brutal. It's brutal. I had an uncle, like a great uncle, and we used to go to his house. I mean, he lived in Saskatchewan, and Saskatchewan's brutal. Yeah. It's brutal. And they do the national weather, and he'd be like, you know, wait for Newfoundland. It would always be like 35 and rainy. You know, it's like in the summer, it's very nice.

It looks like that. All of those pictures were's in the summer. It's very nice. It looks like that. All of those pictures were taken in the summer. Go in July. Yeah, when you go. Go June, July, August. But the rest of the time, it's like 45 and rainy and snowy. Yeah, it looks a lot less fun. Yeah.

Canada is the most educated country in the world. More than 50% of the population world More than 50% Subjugated Subjugated More than 50% of the population has a post-secondary education Wow And you're doing so much with that Yeah As a comedian

Yeah I know I think about that sometimes I'm like what if I just started comedy Right out of the gate Instead of going to school Did you go to graduate school? I know. I think about that sometimes. I'm like, what if I just started comedy right out of the gate? Yeah. When did you start? Instead of going to school. Instead of going to school. Did you go to graduate school?

No. I didn't. I don't know. Even back then, I was smart enough to be like, what's the point of this? Yeah. If you don't want to be, I don't know. I don't get the point. But yeah, I started comedy when I was 26, which is like about a year it's like a year too late i feel like not

too late but it's like getting late i was 23 though i was about to be 24 yeah so i basically started in 23 and i turned 24 within three months right so yeah that's a good time you got a good person right here yeah what if you start when you're 35? Is that nine years too late? Yes. Okay. Yeah. It adds up, actually.

Yeah. Yeah. Right on. No, I mean, whatever. When you start, you start. I mean, there's a comedian in Canada named Todd Graham. No relation, because we have different last names. But he started when he was 40, and he's one of my favorite comics yeah he's so funny he's just you know it's like if it eats away at you it's better to live

your life to try it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah uh it's been more uplifting you know yeah and you know what obviously he makes a bus driver salary doing comedy so He does? Is that uplifting? Yeah. Well, that's sometimes all you want. Yeah. You think, if I can just make... You always think that when you first start is you just, I want to make enough to wait at wait tables. Yeah.

And so you're like, if I can make 18 grand a year. That was my dream. I mean, I remember I waited tables and I was a bad waiter, but it's the only jobs I could have that fit around comedy. And I just remember, you know, I did it for six years and I was just like, when I, I would, every day I would think about, there's like a Kanye song where he talks about like working at the gap and one day he's going to make it.

And I would listen to that song like every morning and be like, one day I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit. I'm going to quit. And then I, I remember I was down to two days a week working at a restaurant this is in canada and and then i i booked a axe body spray commercial and and i booked a comedy tour and i was gone for two weeks and i was looking at my finances like i'm good for the rest of the year yeah i can quit and i i was like when i come back from this

tour i'm gonna quit and i for five six years in my head i was like i'm gonna be like screw you screw you you're cool screw you i was gonna have this big speech in my head i was gonna do i got back from a tour walked into my restaurant ready for this big big speech they had fired everybody and hired a whole new staff and no one knew who i was which made it easier then i'll tell you all stink everyone i walked in there like oh you're grand we were wondering who that guy was who had two days like monday and tuesday lunch yeah you know did you seek out the people who were fired and still put it in their face? Yeah. You stink. You should be fired. Yeah.

You find them at their new job. Did they keep you back or did you just quit? I mean, I quit. I didn't want to. I asked to get hired so I could quit and make that speech. I held off. Yeah. So just to get them to learn who I was so I could make that big speech.

It took a couple of months. I got them into my routine. Yeah. I them liking me i had to turn i have sent on the hammer now i actually took a little bit longer because i had to turn down some tours to pick up some shifts and uh took me another year actually uh it's uh you know sometimes when you want to make those speeches because everybody thinks that you don't by the time you get to the point to where you can make that speech, you end up kind of being like, ah, you don't care at all. Totally. But in your head, in that moment, you want to.

Yeah, because you think it's never going to come and you're a little insecure. And when you finally do get good enough and make money living at it, you're just more secure. You don't need to do that. You don't need. It's very, very interesting. I remember asking Judah Friedlander. I talked to him once about it, saying, like, did you ever think these clubs, these comedy clubs, when you get to theaters or something you move up you however big you can get yeah you ever going to go back to the comic clubs that never booked

you and be like you know what dude and like yeah you know screw you you never to you know whatever and i was like would you ever do that and maybe not play some of those comedy clubs and uh he goes i don't know yeah what do you he goes what do you do do that to everybody yeah and then you're like yeah you know it made sense and then you do get goes, what do you do? Do that to everybody? Yeah. And then you're like, yeah, you know, it made sense. And then you do get to a point and you're like, it just doesn't look,

if someone was horribly wrong to you, then it'd be one thing. Right. But overall, nobody's, they rightfully so that you're nobody. You think you're like, they should be booking me.

You know who I am. We talked about like when, after I did that CMT thing. Yeah. I barked at a comedy club after i did that i did a tv i did a tv thing and i flew back i was on television yeah and i flew back and had to hand out flyers like everybody else nobody cares yeah and then you gotta you almost just gotta like realize that you're like you do everything and then your satisfaction is when they do come back and want you to do whatever you want. And it's never a good look if you were to, like, tell them off. You just look like a bitter – you look insecure.

Yeah. You look like you haven't made it in your own head. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Narcisse, I hope I said that wrong, in Manitoba is the snake capital of the world.

Weird. Really? World's largest concentration of snakes. That's a good name for a snake capital. Yeah. What? Got a lot of S. Wow.

Around 70,000 snakes come out of hibernation every spring. Jeez. In this place. There's a lot of cicadas up there, huh? I guess so. I've honestly never heard of this. They're red-sided garter snakes. Most of them are.

The pits are perfect for snakes to sleep in during the winter. And then people come from all over the world to watch them come out around mothers. Lunatics. Yeah. From all over the world. Yeah. Nate would do it. I would go.

Yeah. Do you like snakes? I don't like. I'm not going to grab them and go as crazy as I would have been a little bit younger but I enjoy them and I would be very kind of interested in that

and like it's kind of crazy to me I you know especially around Motor's Day I mean I would take Laura imagine imagine taking

like I Laura would have she's never heard of this yeah we are going I know she's never heard of this she doesn't listen to the podcast yeah that'd be great uh i don't let her listen to this one and i buy her a i mean if i was like we're going to nurse what is it narcise narcise narcise canada where is it at manitoba yeah okay north of like i mean that's like the dakotas yeah you

know what i mean it's like it's like oh it's near manitoba uh like a four hour drive north of north dakota i'm gonna guess so up above winnipeg yeah uh so and i tell her we're going to narcisse and like it's like this magical kind of thing and then it's just all the snakes in the world coming out on a Thursday. I tell you what, that is not a warm place. Winnipeg, not. And if it's north of there. Winnipeg is, I've been to Winnipeg. Maybe Winnipeg was, not Edmonton.

I was in Winnipeg. Oh, you did Rumors. Rumors. Yeah, that's Winnipeg. Great comedy club in Winnipeg. A lot of people go there. Very cold place. That was where, Winnipeg was, it of people go there very cold place yeah that was where the

winnipeg was it was that's what i mean with edmonton i said i got mad yeah yeah winnipeg was where i went there it was like minus 20 very similar places yeah they would probably if you're if you're living in edmonton or winnipeg you're listening right now you probably don't agree with me you're wrong it's they're the same they're very very similar they in winnipeg you said you'd see people it'd get 30 degrees they have shorts on like they're yeah they're ready same they're very very similar they in winnipeg he said you'd see people it'd get 30 degrees they have shorts on like they're yeah they're ready to go they they need it right they're like sun on my yams oh baby uh canada is the first country to create a ufo landing pad oh You got a lot to do. St. Paul, Alberta. That's cool.

Yeah. Yeah. The queen came to visit it. Really? Yep. She was probably like, God, these colonies. Were they, yeah.

I like that they're- Where is it? St. Paul, Alberta? That's just like a small town that's like, we need a tourist attraction. Yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And they did a great job. Yeah. They got the queen there yeah it was canada like hey we got a couple other things we'd like you to do and she's like well i'd like to see this ufo landing thing yeah and you go it's uh it's not even i'll be honest with you they would lay in the parking lot next to it yeah small like you know they're trying to get the queen not to come to their queen we need like you're on the money and we would like it if you come to the major cities and like do some stuff and she goes no i want to

go see the ufo landing that is not a ufo that is just a outdoor concert stage that they're like we'll just rebranded ufo landing plan and so we get the open mics there yeah i i'm that is the most unimpressive thing I've ever seen in my life. It's so small. That sucks. I don't think we can land. So we would land right there. No, I'll be honest with you.

I think they would park in the parking lot. We got a giant parking lot that would probably be a lot bit easier. They don't have to maneuver as much. Behold, a roofless gazebo. We got a giant parking lot that's never full, to be honest with you. There's plenty of room you there's plenty of room there's plenty of room uh man great people of outer space so so ma'am if you honestly we could you swing by toronto and just do some stuff and she goes i don't know yeah i got that i want to

see uh the snake thing uh she just naming all this kind of stuff we we know you flew here from outer space but we've built you some stairs in case you can't get down

no no don't jump off you got that's what the stairs are they don't know what stairs are they don't have legs

come down the stairs the other side the other side yeah man do they have Reese's Pieces down those stairs. The other side. The other side. Yeah. Man. Do they have Reese's Pieces down those stairs? Yeah.

Yeah. King Badger's alien just gets out, and he's like, ooh. He's on that thing. He goes, oh, snug fit. Yeah. And then he walks and sees the parking lot, and he goes, you know, I'm going to move it over here. Yeah.

It's just. More space. Just the same like polar bears where you keep everything unlocked. You're like, we don't know what this country is like, so let's get – I'm going to make it where we can get in and out a little bit easier. If they block the stairs, we can't get back to our UFO. So thank you for this. I appreciate it. I did see it. We did park in a handicapped parking spot, so we're sorry about that. We're right up this. Yeah. I appreciate it. I did see it. Yeah. We did park in a handicapped parking spot, so we're sorry about that. We're right up front.

I would go see it. We don't have legs, so we don't feel bad about it. That'd be fun to go to. Well, how close is the snake pit? I mean, could you fit it all in there? Could we do it in one fell swoop? Doesn't seem like it. Seems like it's an island in Puerto Rico.

It's in Newfoundland. That was Newfoundland. That is the least Puerto Rican place on earth is Newfoundland. It's their motto. They've never been there. Not one Puerto Rican has ever set foot or heard of this place. It's the least Puerto Rican place on earth. Welcome.

I mean, imagine you went there and you saw Puerto Rican in Newfoundland. His eyes are just wide. He goes, every day, I can't believe I'm just trying to find a way off this place. They clap their hands on a different beat. Saskatchewan.

Saskatchewan? Saskatchewan? Saskatchewan. I don't like it now that you said it. Now that you know the name of the thing that you like. Canadians say sorry so much that in 2009 an apology act was passed making apologies inadmissible in court.

That is really sad yeah i never noticed how much we say it and my buddy comedian pat bircher just moved to new york from canada from toronto and he's just like walking around the city embarrassing me he's like oh sorry like someone will punch him in the face like sorry sorry so okay so like like someone will i mean it's insane i'm like buddy you no one's gonna take you seriously you gotta like yeah you know jockey a bit more here yeah is uh yeah i mean i don't you know the stereotypes that we've been throwing out i don't understand everyone's kind of come true like yeah you're like it's like we don't just say i'm sorry and you're like i mean you're like passing law yeah like i we don't just say I'm sorry. And you're like, I mean, y'all are like passing law.

Yeah. Like, I don't know. Is that a national law or is that just some funny, like, is that the UFO landing of laws in some weird town? I mean, I thought it was a national law. It's on the money. It's on the money. Yeah.

It's for Ontario. Right next to the Queen's face it says, sorry. I mean, it makes it mean, apology mean expression of sympathy or regret and not an admission of fault or liability. Yeah, in civil court. It's funny, the attitude to be, we want to be, we're not America. But then your most famous word is sorry. I know.

It does. Your identity crisis would be very correct. Yeah. And a candidate has got to choose to be like, just be your own thing, dude. Like, do you. I know. We're getting there. Yeah.

Yeah. But it's also, I think, one of the reasons what makes us funny. There's a lot of American comedy is dominated disproportionately, like per capita disproportionately, by Jewish people, black people, and Canadians. And it's because it helps to be an outsider looking in, like per capita disproportionately by Jewish people, black people and Canadians. And it's cause it helps to be an outsider looking in and you completely understand the culture.

So it's like easy to comment on something you're a little removed from, but you get, you get every single word of that culture. So I, I think that that's one of the reasons. Yeah. It's a lot of very funny comedians come out of Canada. The West Edmonton mall was the largest mall in the world.

Still the largest mall in North America. I've been there. Largest parking lot in the world still. 20,000 parking spaces. Really? Take that, Dubai. That's a good place for a UFO to land. Yeah.

Except there were cars in that parking lot. Yeah. I've been to that mall. It's enormous. It's awesome. Yeah, I was on a... You were there? Yeah. Or you did... There's a comedy club there. Yeah. I've been to that mall. It's enormous. It's awesome. Yeah, I was on a – you were there? Yeah. Or you did –

There's a comedy club there. Yeah, I forget which one it's called. No, it wasn't a club. We saw a hockey game inside the mall. It was so funny. It just – you know, malls here have ice skating rinks, but there's a legit game going on in the mall. It was awesome.

Weird. There's a little-known fact about mall is there they used to have they got a like a giant pool there and they had submarines you could go like in the submarines and for a period of time they had more submarines than the canadian navy it was like an embarrassing fact yeah yeah yo something happens y'all go to war and you have to call that mall hey yeah no i need you to open up right now we need submarines we need a bunch of trucks to ship we needed these submarines yesterday you know what i mean yeah i remember this big pirate ship i mean it's insane i was on a roller coaster in that mall yeah we went uh what

is the comedy club there comic strip Strip or not Comic Strip? Yuck Yucks. I was at the Yuck Yucks, but the one in the mall, I think, is Comic Strip. Comic Strip. Yeah. I went there. It's a good club, but it's very funny. They had a girl host.

No, the girl did a guest spot, and it did not go well. She bombed really bad. And then when she said goodnight the owner played another one bites the dust oh my god i mean i felt he had it queued up dude i was like he's doing this on her like it was that's crazy it's it was very i i talked to her i and i went and talked to her afterwards and made fun of just yeah because it was like we we've all bombed. Good for you. It's like. Yeah.

What is this, the Apollo? Like, this is the West Edmonton Mall, for God's sakes. I remember I was like up there. I was like maybe alone. Like, it was one of the, why did I go there? It was one of the last clubs I did. And I forget, it's a great place, but was um yeah and i just remember and i mean bless her heart like she was uh you know it was she's heartbroken she did not go well we've all you

know everybody's bomb yeah so it's like i get it and then he just to play that was like i mean it was like when did i just we just kind of talked and made fun of that so she did a guest set yeah she did right into the dun dun dun dun dun yeah it was probably like a five minute guest set she bombed so quickly he had it ready go queued up oh yeah I mean right out of the gate yeah

if she wants to get back at that guy I would understand yeah yeah yeah there you go yeah it's also a funny story those are the those are the bad like for her to have it happen yeah she's somehow here's this i'd be like just tell everybody that so i would tell everybody on earth that story like that's because that's you know that's how you get past all that kind of stuff yeah exactly yeah he salvaged he gave her a good joke out of it yeah uh canada has the

longest highway in the world the trans canada highway covers almost 5 000 miles oh wow there you go big parking lot you ever been on it big uh big highway yeah i mean i think everyone has in canada i think okay i think because it's like the uh the, it becomes major highways at certain parts, I feel. Okay. It's not just, it's not like. Is it like Route 66 or something? I guess it's our Route 66. Yeah.

Yeah. Looks like it. But Route 66 is. See how cool our name is and y'all's is the Trans-Canada Highway? We're very literal people. We're Route 66. Are y'all very literal people? Well, our national day is called Canada Highway. We're very literal people. We're Route 66. Are y'all very literal people? Well, our national

day is called Canada Day. Yours is like Independence Day. We're like, Canada Day. It's our day. It's like y'all were like drawing on the desk and they go, Canada, what day do you want your day to be? And you're like, Canada

Day. Canada Day yeah everybody's like independence america independence day i've been thinking about it all night yeah you are just scrabbling what was the question again what is your main day want to be called oh uh canada day it was called what's your christmas boxing day uh we call it Christmas. We have the same Jesus, believe it or not. Why does he not look – why does he not like y'all as much as us, though? Why does he say that? That's a good question. That's the question we want to get to.

Well, because he knows you need more love because we're closer to Santa. So we get our presents, and he's like, you feel sad, so you got to talk to him you know santa not give it all his all up there because he's so close to y'all he knows that y'all know him that maybe santa just kind of phones it in you're like yo man just because you live down the street from us doesn't mean you can't you know you're wearing shorts right now yeah like santa doesn't he's like a he's like a comedy club Club booker In a club you started out at In your hometown He's like I saw you When you started

You're like but I'm good now No I'm good now You'll always be a six month Comic to me Yeah Canada Day was called Dominion Day

Until 1982 Wow 1983 it became Canada Day That is an upgrade I will say We did make fun of Canada Day Earlier but I will say That is an upgrade, I will say. We did make fun of Canada Day earlier, but I will say that is an upgrade from Dominion Day.

Funny fact, TD Bank, popular bank in America. I believe Boston plays in TD Bank place. It stands for Toronto Dominion, which means the country of. So like Canada. It basically means Toronto inion, which means the country of. So like Canada. It basically means Toronto in Canada Bank. Yeah. And Boston plays in Toronto in Canada Bank Arena, which is great. What were the original? Is it six original hockey teams?

Yeah, but only two of them were in Canada. Really? Yeah. There was Toronto Maple Leafs, Montreal Canadiens, Boston Bruins, New York Rangers, Chicago Blackhawks, Detroit Red Wings, and I think that's it. Six. Yep. What do they call the first six?

Original six. Original six. Yeah. And who's your team? Ottawa Senators, expansion team in 1992, worst first season in pro sports history. We came out the same year tampa bay lightning came out and they were like we need to get fans so we're going to be good early and we were like we're going to be good we already have fans because we're hockey fans in canada so we're going to be bad build through the draft and we're going to win before you even though we're bad

and we have not won a single cup they've won two so pretty sweet yeah and they're tampa bay and they're tampa bay and they have like six fans that come in flip-flops to the arena yeah we drive through we have to fight polar bears yeah the games are packed yeah keep going how how far have y'all made it we made it to the finals once in 2007 and got slaughtered by anaheim another team where there's like 30 people in flip-flops that have never heard hockey that are watching the game is it would y'all like would you root for like the expos over anything would you generally just root for a canada team no matter where you live in canada if the so the there's only one baseball team in Canada, the Blue Jays. Yeah.

If the Blue Jays play. I think the Expos are still playing. Yeah. What's up? Big baseball fan. Yeah, yeah. I actually was an Expos fan because our Montreal is closer to Ottawa. The great name, great hat.

Yeah, awesome. Everything's great. Great logo, so awesome. And should have won the world series best record in baseball in 1994 but they had a strike very sad uh killed the franchise anyway uh so to answer your question if toronto which is close to buffalo new york if you're trying to figure out where it is geography wise plays in seattle which is uh right by vancouver west coast that's like a lot like a five-hour flight away all the fans are blue jays fans yeah in seattle yeah like it's it's it's it's

like they come the players complain yeah like if if uh if a seattle fan stands up and like tries to cheer and he'll get booed down because there's, it's all Toronto fans, even though it's a different part of the continent. Yeah. Cause all of Canada cheers for the Raptors and for the blue Jays. Yeah. Even though they're, even though they're an hour,

they're like an hour and a half drive to Seattle. Yeah. Yeah. It grew and probably easily went down to Seattle the most. Yeah. Go to the games the most. Yeah. I, I, I like that. I would be that way. Yeah. I mean It grew and probably easily went down to Seattle the most. Yeah. Go to the games the most. Yeah. I,

I, I like that. I would be that way. Yeah. I mean, I'm, I, I hate the Toronto Maple Leafs.

Yeah. Cause I'm an Ottawa fan, but I love the Raptors. Like, yeah. Like I, I almost cried when they won. Like it was,

I thought I was going to cry and I did, but I, I, I flew up to Toronto to, from New York to watch the, the last finals yeah because I wanted to be there and it was like it was so incredible yeah I like that I would be like that I remember I was a Braves fan growing up I remember when the Blue Jays Joe Carter hit that home run no that was off that was off the Phillies but yeah but they went back to back the first year they beat the Braves yeah and uh that was, I remember that when I was a kid.

Touch them all, Joe. You'll never hit a bigger one. Yeah. It was so awesome. I get goosebumps. It was so awesome. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Boxing Day is the biggest shopping day of the year in Canada. That's our Black Monday. Black Friday. Black Friday. Yeah. Cyber Monday. Cyber Monday.

Cyber Monday. Yeah. That's our, I mean, and now and now i mean because this is like this we can't even be our own country uh black friday is like all in the media in america like sitcoms it's just in ubiquitous in popular culture and that bleeds over to us so now we have black friday it's like but boxing day was our thing. It made sense. You stop. Everyone bought your Christmas presents. And then after Christmas, everything was cheap because they're trying to sell the stuff. Yeah.

And you get deals. But now we have both. And Boxing Day is barely a thing now. Yeah. You're welcome. Oh, is it? Yeah, because everyone's like, oh, well, I already bought everything on Black Friday. Yeah.

So why? Is Boxing Day after Christmas? It's the 26 Friday. Yeah. So why? Is Boxing Day after Christmas or? It's the 26th. Yeah. So it's the day after Christmas and it was the biggest day for sales because it's like the stores had. Well, Black Friday though is before Christmas. That's right.

It's to start. It's like. Day after Thanksgiving. It's the day after. Yeah. It's to start the shopping season to kick it off, I guess, was the plan. Right? But so now it's like now we have that because we can't be.

But is that funny that your Black Friday was after Christmas? Like that's it should be before because that's when everybody needs to buy the gifts. But doesn't it make sense if you're a business to like try and make the most money because people have to go Christmas shopping. And then after you put the sale after Christmas. Yeah, but they they do the sales to get you out. So Black Friday is like the idea of it is like is a mad rush to go buy gifts and then wait so what is 26 the the most day where people go to the mall after christmas is it uh no i think it's black friday i always thought it was like the day after christmas or something i think people don't leave their house maybe on the 26th

i think i thought it was the day after christmas because it was it was like that was the day people had to go return stuff so uh maybe it's you know but yeah boxing day is like uh i don't know i don't like boxing day i just like that y'all it's like you just know that i can't it's like fun but it's like a it's a British thing. It's like a holdover from the British. Boxing Day is big over there. I don't know if I get that into it. I'm just saying. I like texting you happy Boxing Day.

Yeah, you do that every year. Every year for six years. I do love that. I love that, yeah. He's told two stories on the podcast about you. One, that you text him every year Boxing Day, and the other one was about looking out on the pier or something. Oh, yeah.

Which was that? When we went to Seattleattle and you and i looked at the and i talked about like having a kid yeah and if you always think they fall in the water how you know nervous and anytime i'm around water i'm afraid something to happen and then you said at least you have it's nice to have something you love that much in your life which was which is, you know, I try to say it on stage.

I remember that. Those are the biggest days for stores in the US. All right. So 26 is the third day. So I was up there and I would imagine Black Friday is pretty newly up there. Yeah.

I don't think it was always up there. I don't remember Black Friday being the biggest thing. It's definitely gotten bigger. And so 21st. Number three, Boxing Day. Yeah, so that's what I, but I think that was here too. Yeah.

Yeah. The CN Tower, Canadian National Tower in Toronto, was the world's largest, world's tallest freestanding structure until 2007. Yep. In Dubai, right? Yep. Yeah, that's the building that uh drake had his album cover on oh the view from the six yeah that one yeah what's it called cn tower

did y'all have a world's fair there the reason why i stopped i was listening to that the reason why they stopped having world's fairs is because like the internet. You started having, World's Fairs were so popular back in the day. It's because people were like, they didn't, they were like, we wear wood shoes. And everybody was like, whoa, you know. That's why they went to Knoxville finally because it was one of the last cities without it. Yeah, yeah.

Without the internet, yeah. But they, they're having the world's fair in dubai but i don't think you need you don't need to have the world you just no i think you should use the world fair i think it's very fun i think i love when people come together i love that i love the olympics for that reason it's like a maybe it's like a science olympics for that that reason or like a culture olympics a science olympics culture olympics maybe that's what you think people are going to come together for? Well, what is the World's Fair, then? I think it's like a culture Olympics, right? It's like an expo.

But you show what your country's producing, right? Oh, we make this here, which is our... Look at this telescope we made. You advertise it as this science fair. Bunch of cool people are going to show up. A lot of people are going to hook up up who's coming to that

yep hey why why are what was it called the montreal expos uh because they had the world's fair the expo 1967 seriously yeah wow yeah y'all were way into it wow they loved it my mom would talk about it she went to the expo and uh yeah when was it 1967 yeah 1967. It was Canada's centennial. We turned 100. That's nice. They threw y'all a little party. Y'all got it on the 100th year. They put it in

a province they wanted to separate from Canada. It's pretty sweet. This is the thing. Canada was first visited by Europeans in the year 1000. Viking explorer Leif Erikson. In Newfoundland. Was that right?

Yeah. The first Europeans to come to North America was Vikings in Newfoundland. Yeah. It's not that far. Yeah, it's not that far. It's like near Greenland or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then they were already there going what are you away for yeah they're coming from away where you going to he's like he's like he's like starts fighting them like whoa and uh one out of five were slaughtered and they go we're fighting do you think he was like captain's log 12 p.m.? Well, it's actually 12.30. Yeah, 12.30. What are you talking about? You're a little early.

No, no, it's noon. You said noon. It's 11.30. Your watch is not working. Canada has universal health care. Yep. It's biggie. Longest coastline in the world.

Really? Oh, yeah, because the top that makes sense i just feel like y'all i was just picturing y'all just kind of kept going forever and i don't really think about the top that much yeah it's just like one of those old timey maps with like a dragon in the water and stuff yeah you never see the top you never see the top of canada like it just it always like hits the end whole episode, I hadn't zoomed out enough to see the top. I forgot. Yeah, it goes pretty high. Well, there's some islands up there that's disputed with Russia, and they have this one island that if you look at a Russian map,

they call that Canada. And if you look at a Canadian map, it's the Canada map, or it's part of Canada. And basically, it's friendly now now but it might not be later but like russian troops will come and then canadian troops will come and what canadians started to leave uh we make rye whiskey in canada so we started to leave rye for the russians and now and then when they come a month later they pick it up and drink it and they leave vodka for us yeah so it's like a nice little that's cool but i'm sure it'll end

up with someone's a huge war yeah well someone's gonna go you know what what if we i'm gonna leave them wine this time yeah and then that's the french are here yeah that just sets it up i think it'd be nice do you think they won't really want rye whiskey every time let's give them a nice cabernet and and then that just starts the war. He sees it as an insult. Yeah. We don't like that. So how far up do people, what's the farthest someone lives?

I have no idea. So Alert, the town's called Alert. Nunavut, this is the territory. Yeah. It's the most northern inhabited places in the world. Wow. What's it called? The town's called Alert.

Yeah, Alert, like heads up. Yeah. There ain't, you know. We might keep going. No, no, no. This town's called Alert. Yeah. Because you is.

You go one second after. After this, you're alone. Your legs will fall off. You're alone. Yeah. It's mostly scientists. I think you mentioned that earlier. A lot of scientists go up there to do research.

It has polar nights. Pretty convenient of the scientists. Yeah. It's a conspiracy. They go up there. Yeah, they're up there going, no, no, we're doing science stuff. Oh, yeah? You're up at the thing alone where no one can go?

Okay. Yeah. They're just having a party? You're just sending stuff back. Cockroaches are 50 million years old. And you go, wow. This came from alert? Yeah.

Don't come up. Y'all been up there doing this stuff right and they go yeah yeah now we're up there we're having a good time yeah we need we need to do do some research on marijuana send that up yeah uh yeah yeah and we need the russians are asking for more whiskey yeah alert yeah alert alert us when you get it he just covers it i said alert i said yeah i did the learned joke he goes what's that no no party going on we're doing real science stuff yeah real science there's these losers in the back huh put the beer down you see those two ladies you don't think i got all right what's that no we're doing canada stuff up here i don't know if we should keep i don't know if they're doing work like he said real science stuff that's yeah we're doing the most no we're doing the most science stuff it's to get it it's just that goes out it's like a red flag

yeah it's north of the arctic circle so they have polar nights which is 24 hour people live up there yeah yeah wow 62 people as of 2016 oh yeah my uncle doug's As of the 2016 census. So you had to send one guy up there to knock. Please, please don't. I'm here to do a census on the alert area. That's pretty brutal, buddy. Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm here. I'm accounted for.

Okay, thank you. Thank you. One. They couldn't just call. There's a rager behind them the guy's here it used to be 62 we have families now yeah come inside for it is so cold out right now it's 11 degrees up there look at that picture yeah look at i mean is that 11 degrees that cityscape yeah is that celsius or fahrenheit said fahrenheit that's bad right so yeah so what's what's the hottest it could get up there hi you just can't get probably that hot no never really above freezing hopefully not

too hot i've been to greenland really it was dark for 24 hours and we left what's in greenland i said can someone turn the light on they said light doesn't come on for two weeks and we left what's in greenland i said can someone turn the light on they said light doesn't come on for two weeks and i left yeah no they we it was uh cut the light on i go cut the light on like someone cut this light on blue and then like we're there they have polar bears uh at night they do tell you i think it's like you got to somewhat be aware of that. And it was dark for the whole time, and we were doing the troops, some troops were up there. The troops that are actually, that's like the system that tells you

if we're going to get hit by a nuclear weapon. Oh, NORAD. Yeah, NORAD. So they're the most important. It was very funny because at first I was like, as a joke, I was telling them, I'm like, what are these losers up here doing? You're like, the most important stuff. Yeah.

All right. Sorry about that, everybody. It's like they're real, you know, they're protecting everybody. And so we were up there and we took a flight from D.C. to there. And the flights, the way the flights work to that place, it was basically like, you land, then there's a flight within, I mean, I don't know if I was there 12 hours. And you got to be on that flight back out. And if you don't, you're there for two weeks. Wow.

So it's like, if you miss the flight, you live there for two weeks. I used to, so I worked at after college i got a job in in budapest hungary and i'd work for the canadian the canadian government paid me to work for a private american shipping company that shipped things from the u.s into iraqi american army bases in the height of the iraq war and we had guys that lived in the the green zone in baghdad and that it's like a a little it's basically it's like downtown surrounded by water and one wall where it's safe and the other safe area was baghdad international airport and there was a highway the most dangerous highway in the world at that point in time and um if you and if

you want to go home for r and r from the green zone you have to go to the baghdad national airport and then fly out and you've been to that airport and no i didn't go there i flew in with military okay and no this is the military it wasn't oh yeah you were at you were there yeah and it's a camp victory is what they called it oh yeah i've been there yeah and and then uh anyway so if there was something called a rhino bus and it was a bus that i guess just was heavily armored like a rhino and you would have four helicopters on either side and it would just transport people because there's all these like insurgents and then anyway they uh if you miss that bus you'd have to keep it they give you you're gonna leave in the next three days you have to keep a bag by your door

and they would knock on your door right oh boss you'd be like ah and i get up in the middle of the street and i grab your bag and if you miss that you'd stay you just miss it you just miss your r&r and just stay yeah for like four more months oh my gosh yeah so it's pressure all that military stuff going and then you're on there i'm gonna go see my nana and they're like we're spending millions of dollars these helicopters all this stuff yeah i got a beat bop is feeling sick so we're gonna go say and see how he's doing my beat b bop. My beep bop is going. The robot that lives in my house is very sick. Yeah.

You know who was there then too was my buddy Kenny Clayton. He did some contractor work. Yeah. Because I almost did it. It was 2000. Maybe it was. I don't remember. It was five to seven, something like that. I don't remember it was five to seven something like that i don't remember when he went but it was like you could go and they you could go there you go there for a year and then

you make like 120 000 not taxed like you just get 120 000 yeah and so i was like all right if i go it was 2006 7 i was like if i go over there because he did it but it was if you so i was like all right if i go there's 2006 7 i was like if i go over there because he did it but it was if you if i was like if i go there for a year you've already doing comedy i was already doing comedy but i was three four years yeah if i quit for one year yeah go make 125 000 and then come back i don't have to have a job and then i like i just live off that 120 an open mic at uh camp victory yeah yeah just go do and so I was like really really thinking about it yeah and he went and did it and then he came back pretty quick it was like because they were in the green zone and then it was like I think it was

chaos no it's chaos dude it was there was stuff every day got people will come home with like crazy you know like did you see everything anything ever i never went down there yeah i got fired for getting drunk and calling my boss a war profiteer and i agree i i mean i i was i was right they hired me and i didn't know i was gonna be doing that but uh but anyway uh so you didn't say sorry a lot you know went a different direction yeah i'm sorry i have to tell you this uh you're a war profiteer yeah yeah but yeah that was a that was a very interesting job guys will come back with like you know like one guy on a rhino bus said that one of the helicopters got shot down yeah and like they had there they were getting shot at and like it's like out of

a movie like trying to get behind the gates of Camp Victory, Baghdad International Airport. It was just a giant wall surrounding the airport. And they had like old palaces in it and stuff like that. Yeah, it's crazy. I mean, you read books on that time. Like, yeah, it's wild. I mean, it's wild. Like, it was just, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. All right. All right. on that time. It's wild. It's wild.

I don't know. Here's one from a Canadian folk that sent this in. Hawaiian pizza was invented by a guy from Ontario. Oh, really? Hey! Why didn't you name it Ontario pizza?

Because there's pineapple on it. It's better marketing. I don't think it would have picked up if name it Ontario pizza? Because there's pineapple on it. It's better marketing. I don't think it would have picked up if it was Ontario pizza. What would be on an Ontario pizza? Poutine? Poutine is Quebec. I would be, if it was Ontario pizza, it would be maple syrup. It could be car parts for GM factory.

Laura loves Hawaiian pizza. Yeah. All right. A couple more here. Ogopogo is Canadian's version of the Loch Ness Monster. I know that. Wow. In BC.

Yeah. Lake Okanagan? Yeah. Okanagan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just in there. Yeah, it's a very deep lake. The funny thing about that one is...

I don't think that's real. No. It's the same, almost the same dimensions of lake as Loch Ness, and it's on the same latitude. Oh, wow. Pretty neat, huh? Yeah. Like it's very deep and narrow, and it's on the same level.

Is that the picture of it? Like that's the only picture of it? This is a picture that somebody claims is it. Oh, recently. That looks like waves from a water ski boat. You don't see that part. Yeah. Like right before it is just a jet ski going.

So like do they have a hypothesis that that somehow creates some monster like that on that latitude well maybe i'm just going off the top of my head maybe the idea why what is that the ice ice age uh melted yeah at that time at the same time because it's the same latitude and um a dinosaur is able to survive there make babies that's pretty but that's i'm just guessing i like your theory though that's that's pretty good all right uh i'll do one more here there's an area in the hudson bay region that has less gravity than the rest of the world weird wow largest bay in the world hudson bay yeah Largest bay in the world, Hudson Bay.

Yeah. Second largest bay in the world, James Bay, which is a part of the Hudson Bay. Okay. Yeah. I thought the gravity thing would get you guys, but that's also... Yeah, what's the gravity thing? So they think it's because there were so many layers of ice

through the Ice Age that... I mean, gravity comes from mass of the earth and there's so many layers of ice that they feel like it somehow messed up the gravity and you weigh a tenth of an ounce less than you would anywhere else in the world. Looking good,

Susan! I know! I'll take one size down. I'm going to Hudson Bay oh there's Bigfoot sighting there oh no it's not a Bigfoot what does it say? oh I'm sorry I got it ahead of myself

and no it isn't because of apparent sightings of Bigfoot oh like there's a lot of Bigfoot in Canada yeah Bigfoot's a big deal up there. Well, one out of five families has a Bigfoot in our family tree. Yeah. Yeah. But that's like Vancouver side, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's where they're at. Yeah. You call them Newfies, they get real angry. Yeah, yeah. That's what you call them. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. All right. That's it. Yep. Canada. We did it. Hey, thanks for having me yeah yeah that's what i'm talking about dude and took a canadian to finally reciprocate people don't do that no i've been rejected several times is that like an inside joke i messed up people just ignore you when you put your hand out no the losers pound them the winners don't wow that's a nice thing there's a lot about yeah yeah

i can't really people do that yeah and i think it's like aaron can't believe he made it through another podcast every time he goes can't believe we're still here graham k everybody uh he's uh what's your stuff graham k.com or yeah grahamk.com um i got a new special on youtube graham k stupid jokes it was only available in canada put up by just for laughs comedy festival and then uh it's available uh to the rest of the world on youtube on youtube oh great and um i have uh i have two podcasts one is about autism awareness called Autastic. I have a brother who has autism. And then I got another podcast Nate just did.

It's called The Edgelords. Yes. And that's it. That's it. Do you have anything? No. No. No.

No. Open. Wide open. I mean, I'm in Zany tonight, but that probably didn't help. We're both. Oh. No. I will be in Houston. Go to the Riot Houston, and you can buy tickets.

I'll be there. This weekend. This weekend. Yes. This weekend. Yep. Yeah. Awesome.

All right. Go check that out, the Riot. Thank you, guys. We love you. See you next week. Thanks so much for having me. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Graham.

I'll go. I'll go now. Let so much for having me. Oh, yeah. Thanks, Graham. I'll go. I'll go now. Let's get out of here. Beat it. Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment.

Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Barget my wife laura on the all things comedy network recording and editing for the show is done by genovations consulting in partnership with center street media thanks for tuning in be sure to catch us next week on the nateland podcast