The Nateland Podcast - 6: #6 | Air Travel featuring Fiona Cauley

Episode Date: March 11, 2026

This week, the guys are joined by the first guest on the Public Figures Podcast, fellow comedian Fiona Cauley. Brian, Aaron, Dusty, and Fiona discuss moving walkways, turbulence, and bad airports as they delve into the topic of Air Travel. VIDEO SUBMISSION LINK: https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fo/ohcso8kvd3kvle3hnihce/AHqrpJHxzacBgSRyw5hXUiI?rlkey=2p7xr8dn836asnrqvyi12q5nc&st=5341ljwf&dl=0IQBAR: Text NATE to 64000 to get 20% off all IQBAR products, plus FREE shipping. Message and data rates may apply.Ultra Pouches: takeultra.comDon’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code NATELAND at takeultra.com! #UltraPouches #adBRUNT: https://www.bruntworkwear.com/NATEGet $10 Off at BRUNT with code NATE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/NATE #Bruntpod#adWarby Parker: Warbyparker.com/NatelandOur listeners get 15% off plus free shipping when they buy two or more pairs of prescription glasses at Warbyparker.com/Nateland — using our link helps support the show. #WarbyParker #ad

Booster juice is going crazy for hazelnuts. No, not crazy. Nuts. Booster juice is going bananas for hazelnuts. I mean, there are bananas and smoothies, but that's not the point. Banana juice is booster for hazelnuts. What? Just stop.

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Whenever you're listening, we appreciate you being here. This is the Public Figures Podcast, a podcast where three Nashville-based stand-up comedians talk about nonsense. My name is Aaron Weber alongside my co-host, Dusty Slay, and Brian Bates. Okay. We're three professional comedians. We've got some tour dates coming up. We're going to tell you about very shortly. But before we do that, I want to introduce the first guest in the history of the Public Figures podcast.

Yeah, she's a friend of ours. She lives here in Nashville. She's a touring stand-up comedian, one of the fastest rising comedians in the country. Headline sells out comedy clubs all over the country. Everyone, please welcome Fiona Collie. All right. That's everybody welcoming, Brian gently claps. All right.

Happy to have you here, Fiona. Thank you for your stopping by. I'm glad you are. Thank you. Yeah, I'm both to have you here. We're all so pumped. We were giving you a moment to say something. And I didn't know.

I thought you would be, you know, we all. go, all right, okay. I just smiled and forgot it with the podcast. We all wanted you to be our first guest. That sounds like it. We did. Yeah. I appreciate that. Yeah. Yeah, we're pumped.

We're doing it. Yeah. All right, good episode. Thanks for coming in. We like to start real hot and then kind of wind down after that. It's two hours, you know. You don't want to come in, you know, too fast. If you set the bar too hot, you ever be having a really good set at the beginning and you

know that you can't keep it up the whole time. Yeah. And you're like, I kind of just want to end early on a win. Do you ever have that? Well, I sometimes want to have a bad joke that go. And then you can say, well, they can't all be good. And then you can say, this show, I felt like this show was too hot and I needed to slow it down a bit.

So you just got some save lines ready. I'm ready. Yeah. If sometimes it's, and it has happened where it's going too good and you know it can't keep going like this. So you go, I need something to go wrong just so we can go, whew, about time. Come to one of my shows. Well, I love stories about comics that have, you know, it's rare. I mean, all of us, no matter who you are, but get really big, takes a long time or so I hear. But we all have moments that will always be,

special on the calendar that careers change. And when you have a great one, when you went on Kill Tony, it really changed your career. And I love it. I love stories like that where you used to be Johnny Carson back in the day, not my day, but even before my day, Johnny Carson could make your career. Like Night's not as much to that nowadays, but podcast can be that. And Tony was certainly that. Your career changed kind of overnight, didn't it? Yeah. I mean, the weirdest part about doing kill Tony, I think, is like, you do it live and everyone's like, oh, your life's going to change, but it takes two weeks for it to come out. So you're sitting there like, I don't believe you, you know.

Yeah, because it's like, it felt really good in the room, but who knows how it's going to come out on the episode of who knows how people are going to receive it. And it also doesn't happen to everyone. I did kill Tony and my life did not change. You were on the panel, right? I was on the panel. Yeah. But it didn't change.

Yeah. If you're not familiar with Kill Tony, which some of our Nate Land fans may not be, it's Tony Hinchcliff. He does a, is it a weekly show? Uh-huh. Every Monday. In Austin. And it's kind of like a dirty version of Last Comic Standing in a way, right?

I guess so. It is very funny. My episode that I did was not so dirty. I think some are dirtier than others. Anything goes. Yeah, yeah. The panel kind of determines how dirty. The panel does.

Yeah. But there used to be back in my day of a show called The Gong show where people would come out and do celebrity, I mean, not celebrity, do different talents. Back when bells were invented. Well, they had a gong. That's kind of a bell, right? I guess. Didn't have timers. It's a weird bell.

It's a gong. You think bells were invented. You think that's 20th century invention? The 1970s? Anyway. I've got some ancient Egyptians had bells. You'd do a little time and then they gong and then the judges would critique you. Saved by the gong.

That's a little bit like what Kiltony was. And then you were there. Roseanne was there. She was. And said great things about you. And who, Roseanne can be brutal to people. Yeah. Yeah.

I have seen that to other people. And it stresses me out. But she's always been very complimentary. I did last comic standing in 2015 when Roseanne was a judge. She was not all that nice to me. Yeah. You know. Did she comment on your sets at all?

She did. Well, she said, you know, I had three minutes. She goes, you had a, I think she said, you had a good middle, but no beginning and no end or whatever. Something like that where I was like, this is a weird note. Yeah. You know, how could the middle be good if the beginning and the end was said? Maybe it was, there was a beginning and an end and no good middle. I don't know, but it was three minutes and it was like a weird note.

You did all fish jokes. I did all fish jokes. Yeah. So it was the middle of the end, the middle of the end, the beginning. The classic. Fish jokes were huge bag. I know. I heard that.

Yeah. You've got it started. Plenty of fish jokes in the sea. There you go. Yeah. Yeah. So Fiona did really well in the first time to kill Tony and then has performed on there. How many more times since you've been? I mean, you did it on Netflix. You did Madison Square Garden. Bridgeston Arena here in Nashville.

Yeah. It's like some of their biggest shows. You were a big part of it. I think we're 14, 15. Wow. Really? Yeah. Yeah. I know I did that many. That's crazy. Yeah. I should start following your career. It's eh. We're excited to have you here.

I don't know if you've watched the show at all. We talk about really important stuff. I think we're going to talk about kind of what's going on in the Middle East. And then we're going to move on. We're going to slowly move back to the U.S. Talk domestic policy after that. So just kind of strap in. And here we go.

So this episode comes out next week. Just keep that in mind. So you know what? Saying that going into this, two things this week. Friday the 13th. Okay. Do you guys buy into that at all? Are you superstitious at all, Fiona?

No, but I do think that's cool. Friday of 30. I just think it's cool in general. I'm not into it. I don't trust people that are born on that day, if that means anything. Okay. Okay. Well, that sounds pretty superstitious.

Yeah. My dad was born on Friday of the 13th. Oh, well, that'll do it, right? Yeah. That's why I'm disabled. So you believe in it pretty sure. You believe in it the most. So it took your old fur ride.

Yeah. I wasn't sure what I was going to say. Well, Dusty, you don't want, you're not into superstitions, though? I, no, I don't think so. I think Friday the 13th was, you know, was a movie. And then from there, we decided that, uh, that we're. started? I think so, right? Did it? Did? Okay, so it was a superstition before Friday the 13th movies? Yeah. Was it? You think Jason is how the people are like, I actually don't know. I thought so. I mean,

the movie's been around so long. I don't know. I did think. Uh, no, I think Friday 13th's, the superstition's been around way longer than the movies. I think witches. Okay, because I knew like a lot of buildings claim to not have a 13th floor. Yeah. So Friday of the 13th reputation is unlucky He stems from a combination of ancient religious and historical anxieties regarding the number 13 and the day Friday. Routed in Western superstition, it combines the 13th at the last supper, Judas being the 13th, with the Friday crucifixion of Jesus. But why is Judas the 13th? Because he shows up later. Oh, okay.

But when did the movies come out? So does Judas show up later? And he's like, hey, sorry, I'm late. No. Oh, I don't know why. why in my head, I thought he showed up a little late. I thought he did too. Yeah, he left.

Did he duck out early? I think he ducked out. Yeah, then you would say he's the 13th guest, right? If he left early. But I mean, yeah, there's the 12 disciples in Jesus, so. But yeah, I don't think he, like, got there like, sorry, guys. And then his money fell out of his pocket. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, sorry about that. Oh, traffic was bad. I like the term historical anxieties. Yeah. I feel that. I also think the term anxiety just came about recently. I don't even think it has any historical. Yeah, it's definitely taken a life of his own.

I don't think Judas had anxiety. I mean, maybe he did, but he didn't call it that. Didn't he take his own life? Yeah. He's probably pretty anxious with that. Other theories include Norse mythology's 13th guest, Loki. Well, you've seen all these movies. Yeah.

Who's Loki? Loki is, well, he's Thor's stepbrother. It's the god of mischief. Yeah. Okay, sounds pagan. Bringing chaos in the 1307 arrests of the Knights Templar. All right, I'm going to go with Jesus and the Last Supper. That sounds a little easier.

But anyway, happy Friday of 13th coming up, right? Yeah, and then Sunday, March 15th, is the aides of March. Beware. Now, are you into Shakespeare at all? I hope so. That's why we brought you on the podcast. I'm not into it. You know, Shakespeare, even some people believe that Shakespeare is not.

not a real person. And that it was like, there was some kind of thing where there was a spear and they would shake the spear at you. And that's how Friday the 13th game. I don't have the full details. I want you to flesh it out how you think it is. I've heard that some people go, Shakespeare was probably, it might have been like an amalgam of a few different guys. And then maybe people who couldn't get their works published, they kind of operated under. this entity as Shakespeare.

But you think it involves shaking a spear? I think so. At who? At what? Even Hollywood, they say that witches used to make their wands out of the wood of a holly tree. So Hollywood is like magic. You know, that's where you get movie magic from. Oh, that makes good.

And then so like Shakespeare, it was like there's some sort of, you know, probably witchcraft thing about shaking a spear at you. That makes sense. For why? For, you know. You're going to be asking that a lot. That's what this podcast should be called. For why. I should be asking you more questions.

More people should. But I think it's probably, you know, kind of some kind of witchcraft thing that even predates movies. They were casting spells through these plays. Well, what I was going to say was Julia Caesar. Again. You want to take a minute to digest that? No, no, go ahead. Julius Caesar, I get sometimes, I have to think about which is historically true and which one is from Shakespeare's play about Julia Caesar.

He was murdered. That's true. Friends, Romans Countryman. Lemming your ears. Yeah. Wow. It's impressive. Keep going.

That's all I remember. Yeah, that's all I read. I had to memorize it for script. That's all I remember. In the play, I believe, the soothsayer warned him. beware the aides of March. Okay. But I don't know that that is historically true.

I think that might just be in the Shakespeare point. I thought you would know. That's why I'm looking at you. At two Brutus. I know that. He should have not been talking to soothsayers, I'll tell you that. Well, they were all word back then. Yeah.

They were all the pagans. I think I cheated in this gloss if I took that. Did you read Shakespeare in high school or anything like that? No, I cleft notes did for sure. Remember spark notes? Yes. Spark notes was like, yeah. Y'all didn't have Spark notes back in the day.

Spark notes, you could pull up. Cliff was still doing it. Spark was so much better. Oh, my God. Cliff, Jeeves, remember? Spark knows you could pull up any Shakespeare player any text like that they'd have to read. And on the left, it would be how it's written.

And then on the right, they had it translated to... Laman. Like regular English. You know, me and Brian were doing this. There was no pulling it up. There was no pulling it up. That's what I mean. Yeah.

You were flipping through. Yeah. Dude, I can't even imagine what they're doing now with the chat GBT. Oh, yeah. I know. AI stuff. There is no way. Yeah.

I don't even know. Yeah, education's done. Yeah, you have to teach a totally different way. How would you do it? You grew up here, right? I'm from Franklin. Oh. How old are you?

You're younger than me. 29. 29. Yeah, you're a few years younger than me. I could tell you. You were scared. You really should I've asked you? No, no. I was just thinking about... I'm 56.

Like, by the time, because I was trying to think when I was in high school, like, not everybody had a smartphone like they did. Like, did everybody have... Did they... Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. So do they... So the teachers didn't incorporate the phones into the classes or anything.

No. If you had your phone, you'd gotten real big trouble. Like, they would take it all night all day and you'd get it. bag the following morning. Wow. Take it for a whole night. Yeah. That's crazy.

I went to public school. Okay. If they take it and you don't have a password on it, do you go, well, let me put a password on it? There were no passwords. They were just like, I had a razor, like a flip phone. Motorola razor. Yeah. Okay.

If they let razors. I didn't have a phone. I had a shake. And that really got the message. I had a motor roller sliver. that? Did it like come up like that? Not really.

Maybe a little bit. Oh, like a slide. Yeah. I had one where you slide it up and then you could turn it sideways. Chocolate. They named them weird stuff. I don't even think this one slid. I think it just, uh...

Oh, it just was. I don't know why. It just was. That's absolutely right. But I was always jealous of the razor. The razor was so cool when it came out. Dude, I would flip my razor open so hard. I would break it in a hat.

Wow. It was really cool. Yeah. Yeah. It's your dominant. That's how you do it if the teacher's about to take it, flip it open up and hard. Pick up both pieces. Don't you think it's kind of lost?

It's tough to end a phone call abruptly. Yeah. There's something satisfying about. No. I think Seifeld has a joke. Okay, well, I've heard somebody talk. I tried to talk about it once with the iPhone. Then you have to wait for it and then you press it.

It's tough to do. I think Seinfeld had a joke where you used to could just slam it down. Oh, yeah. And then slam it. And now you have to go, boop. Yeah. But there was the flip and it shut was also satisfying. Yeah.

You should redo it. Just because he did it. It doesn't mean you can't do it. I'll call them up. This episode is brought to you by IQ Bar, our exclusive snack, hydration, and coffee sponsor. Like I've said, three huge categories in the public figures universe. Snack coffee, whatever the other is. Hydration.

Yeah. I don't know if you're the poster boy for hydration. I think you're... Mr. Two bottle of water there. That's what I'm saying. He's the water guy. Listen, IQ bars, protein bars, the IQ mix, hydration mixes, and the IQ Joe mushroom coffees are delicious, low sugar, brain and body fuel that you need to win your day. Try the ultimate sampler pack. It's got a little bit of everything in there.

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To get your 20% off, text Nate to 64,000. Take out your cellular device. Text Nate to 64,000. That's Nate to 64,000. Message and data rates may apply C terms for details. Didn't you tell me in high school your principal thought you were always drunk? Yeah. Yeah, like most viewers probably think right now.

No. I know myself. They're a son. I am not drunk yet. It's 4 p.m. Give her a couple hours. Got a Red Bull here. I'm disabled.

Yes. I, wait. Do you want me to? Wait. What was that question? Well, I want to hear the story about your... We're still not clear if you're drunk, though. I'm not comfortable answering that.

That's good. You know what? of our business. Let me call my manager real quick. Do you have a manager? Yeah. Great. Brian does.

Go ahead. 14 kill tonies. How would I do on kill Tony? They would have fun with you. Yeah. That's a good way to put it. You should do it, though. I think of a good way.

Do you know the one minute you would do? No. Shingle ladies? I want you to tell Fiona this joke Yeah come on It's a fun We're like talking about Our old jokes

When we first started standing And just how bad they are But they're like you know They're big jokes for you at the time And then now you get better And you look back And Brian we were talking about bad jokes And Brian talked about

An old one of his That just kills me I This is what I was single And I would say Where am my single ladies at then maybe one or two whatever

and I go no I meant we're my shingle ladies shingle lady I'm looking for a lady with shingles this is worse it

it's worse that I remember it being it's like anti-common that's that's why it's funny though

I gotta like it that's not what I was going for for you anti-comity you well and then I said if you

if you liked it then you should have put some cream on it. Yeah. If you like it, then you should

have put some green on. Yeah. I love you that. That's a good tag. Yeah, that's great. Thanks.

Well, thanks for coming into the other. First guest. Now, do you want to tell, you talked about your Tonight Show set a little bit

about your condition. If you want to see a funny, clean set of Fiona, go check out her Tonight show up here. There is one place for it. But you talk about it

on there a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. I have Friedrich's a taxi. Who does it these days? I'm sorry, go ahead. It is contagious.

So you soon. No, it's a progressive neurological disease. It affects 5,000 people in the U.S. Wow. So I'm very special. I mean, yeah, that's so rare. It's really cool and fun. How many of those 5,000 do you think that you've met?

Have you met a bunch? I swear I've met all of them. I believe it. I'm like, there's no way there's just 5,000. At that far, I'm like, uh-uh. Like, I've, I don't know. Even Matt's, like, what is going on? Matt's her husband.

Very funny comic here. Oh, I'm sorry. That's right. I'm trying to just catch everybody up. Recently married. Yeah. Recently married. Congratulations.

Four months in. Four months. Right. Yeah. How's it been? Anyone can do it. How's it been? Really good.

What has surprised you so far about being married? Um. It's a tough question. Yeah. It's kind of a meaningless question. I don't know if I really care about your answer. So I think we'll just move on. I really believe you, your honesty.

You're like, it'll take you too long. You're dog too slow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought you'd have a jug ready to go, but that's okay. We'll just keep going. Ask me in like 10 minutes. Okay, I'll come back. I'll come back.

What? I was just thinking all three of you were married to someone in the comedy business. Yeah. That's true. And neither my wife or I are. Oh, come on. Brian, come on. Just trying to break some humor to this guy.

She's got Free Basin auxiliary. What was it? Free Basin. Free Basin. I couldn't remember the name of it. Something like that, right? You're so close. It's crazy.

No, it's Friedrich like the German guy. Friedrich? Friedrich. Is he a Nazi? Probably. Yeah. Yeah, he gave me this. He just gives it out.

Yeah, he's don't it out crazy. It's insane. Yeah, Friedrich's a tax, yeah. So this is, before you gotten diagnosed with this, attacks in the name. Right. There you go. Yeah.

Your high school thought that you were drunk, I'd never heard this story. Yeah, I, so I was an athlete in, like, mid-elementary middle school like volleyball up until eighth grade that's when we kind of peaked too i was like i could have gone pro if it weren't from my meniscus or whatever um i have more problems than that i guess but i got i was doing volleyball they ended up benching me because i started losing coordination even i was like what is going on because like you know What's going on with the coaching or with your body?

Like, I'm not stand for this. Yeah. No, you know, they call them something different, but they used to call them suicides where you would like run and touch the ground. We call them suicides. Yeah, and now they don't call them that. Yeah, because of the historical anxiety. Physician assisted.

I was hard to step on that. Oh, man. So you're running suicide Oh, yes. So I'm doing that And I started like falling And everyone was like, what's going on? I was kind of a weird kid. I dyed my hair back then too.

What'd you die? Blue or something? It was like blonde and then I died Like a raccoon tail. Okay, okay. Oh, just like that. Yeah. Do you get the vibe?

I'm starting to see what you were like. I'm in eighth grade, but the nose piercing. I'm into it. I'm into it. I'm in eighth grade. The girl, they just win gold. Did that rise? Like, well...

The girl who just won the gold medal and fingers skating. Just like that, but I just had this whole chunk like that. Okay. Yeah, she took that from me. And... No. Anyways, I got benched because they thought I was like on something or not taking it seriously. And I wasn't.

I had no idea what was going on. And I was like, fine, I'll be like artsy and I'll party now. I'm in high school. It's different. And I don't know, my walking got worse. I couldn't carry, like, cups of liquid. I would fall backwards down the stairs at school all the time. And I was like, she is so commended to this bed.

I was like, yeah. It's unbelievable, yeah. My principal would smell my bread, though, because she thought I had been drinking because I walked and talked weird. And I told my mom, I think something. something is wrong. I don't know what. Maybe equilibrium.

And my sister, older, she had health issues. And my mom would ground me for copying my sister. Because she thought I was like being a mental child, right? And I kind of was like, am I crazy? Like I fully was like,

I might be making this up. And I would like practice. my room every night walking in a straight line like I have really crappy videos on my little razor from your razor I wish I could get those back

and I couldn't do it and I was like what so 18 senior year of high school took myself to an E&T you had to take yourself I had to lie yeah but her health endurance they eventually sent me

doing neurologist Her health insurance didn't cover that So I had to like bring her in On what was happening And she was like I'll pay for one desk And then we dropped this And I was like okay You better nail the stuff

I know And I'm like not a good test taker And They thought I either had a tumor On my cerebellum Or a genetic disease And I'm rooting tumor Right

Of course Yeah And I ended up. You can't take a tumor out. Right, right. You can't take your jeans out. No, you can dry. They'll take you out first.

No, I'm so sorry. But yeah, I ended up being, let's just do the genetic testing because that was like, let's rule that out. Right, right. And I was right. Yeah, you nailed it. Yeah, and then my sister got diagnosed with the same thing. So who's coming you? Exactly.

Okay. Thank you. I'm starting to believe the Friday of that 13th thing with your dad. I know. My little brother, he got diagnosed a year and a half ago. You were a twin-sett. I know. Always happened.

Yeah. But neither of your parents have this. No. But all the kids, you have three. Yeah, just three of us. We all got it. Wow. Yeah, real wobbly group.

I've been thinking about this lately and I feel like maybe there's a river joke here somewhere but you know how when like people have kids a lot of like their thought is like you know one day you'll take care of me my mom had three duds like she's done for dude Like, she's still taking your bus.

Three duds is great. To take care of your parents, you have to install wheelchair ramps. They think you're, they go, oh, your mom's in a wheelchair, go, now it's all about us. Mom's doing great. I'm like, mom, you carry my coffee for me. She's 60 and still like lifts my chair up. Like, I feel bad. And I met you in like 2020.

and you had a walker. Yeah. Yeah. In Nashville? Yeah, at Zanis. Oh, okay. I came to your show. Yeah.

Big fan. Just as a fan? Yeah. And you hadn't even started doing stand-up yet. No. Wow. And you saw her walk out?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was knocking stuff over. She was in a wheelchair then, but she just found a way. I'm out of here. Yeah.

So when did you start doing stand-up here? Five years ago. Five years ago. Well, that's incredible. You achieve so much in five years. Comet comedy makes you so jealous because I'll see her. Five years and Willsier years is 20 years for you all. You know what?

That's what I was about to say. You watch stand-up comedy and she's killing on Tonight Show and Killitone. I'm like, man, I wish I had a genetic disease. Her material is amazing. Hey, if you hope for a long enough, it will happen. Prior to 13th is coming up. Yeah. I've got some other stuff coming up.

Yeah, yeah. For Brian, it would have been the tumor. And it's benign. Leave it in there. You got no material. This is so embarrassing. That's funny. All right.

Should we get in these comments? So these are comments that people have left from the last episode. Not in this case. Oh, I guess a couple episodes. This is just more broad. Oh, these are just broad comments. Yeah. Okay, perfect. Who should read them? I don't want to do it this time.

I'll do it. Okay. Comments, as always, if you want to join in for the next episode, comments come from Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Apple Podcasts reviews, and mail at natelandpodcast.com. Joseph McDuffie, I really appreciate how Aaron finds all the other podcast hosts hilarious and can't stop his giggling while still being effortlessly funny in his own right. Well, that's very kind of you. Thank you, Joseph. Really came out hot with that one, huh?

What do you mean? It feels like a backhanded. Yeah. What do you mean? He said I'm effortlessly funny. Yeah. In my own way. This guy puts no effort to you.

Who picked the comments to be read? Really? Yeah, yeah. Interesting. Sometimes you can tell. Sometimes you can't. Well, you know. Well, Brian picked it because it says Aaron finds all the other podcast.

It's hilarious. Yeah, I'm a good actor. He is. Ronda B. Dusty is just. a realist in pointing out facts when he is, quote, complaining. I am often agreeing with him. He is just saying what we are all thinking.

We had another comment just like this last one. Well, there's more and more these days. Yeah, I think people are really coming out of the woodwork now. Yeah, people are starting to get it. Wake up. Yeah, and I'm bringing them in. Andy, Bob, you get into conspiracy stuff. I've seen on your podcast.

You and Matt. Really don't ones. You get into some wild stuff. Yeah, people get real upset. It's so funny. I love it. Would you talk about Helen Keller on your podcast with that? Yeah.

Okay. Well, we had some thoughts about her, too. We took a little bit of heat from people about it. I got a heat from me about it. Wait, what do you say? What was the? He fully doesn't believe her or whatever. It doesn't believe that she existed or doesn't believe that she was actually.

He thinks that she was faking it. That's a new take. Yeah. I like that take. I like the idea that you're faking, being blind. I can't see anything. I also can't hear you. She was just a really, like, indecisive, like, scammer.

She was like, I'll take them all. I don't. I am. I don't know. Alan Keller was very important for the disabled community. Right. And that's the only reason I feel. So you'll defend her to the death.

Neh. Well, I don't get crazy. I didn't really criticize Helen Keller. I just had an honest question, which is if you can't, you know, I feel like I'm saying it every podcast. If you can't see or hear, what are you writing about?

That's my only question. I'm not making fun. I don't. Look, I've never read a book, but I don't think on day one, she was like, I got to write a book about it. She was probably had known, read braille and

learned how to communicate for 30 years before she wrote the book. I don't know. I bet so. I want to find out how old she was. I wonder if Alan Keller was Shakespeare. Yeah. Well, that would be.

That would be something. She was 22 years old. I smell conspiracy brewing. Yeah, we can connect the dots here. Dusty also thinks everyone on Southwest in the wheelchair is faking it. I agree with that. Yeah.

I totally. Jetway Jesus? Yeah. Yeah, brother. You know that now the seating policies change. So it doesn't, it doesn't, but you don't care for it now. Oh, it makes me furious. Wow.

It's the most ablest thing that could have happened. I have many thoughts about it. Okay. Should we save it for the topic? Save it for the topic. We're going to talk about this after the country. No, I love it. I can't wait to get into it.

Andy Bobbos. The fact that no one challenged Aaron claiming he could hold his breath for a minute is unbelievable. There's no way he could do that. First of all, not exactly great radio. if they go, just hold your breath for a full minute?

For a minute? A full minute? I have no doubt that you can hold your breath from. I appreciate that, man. I can't hold my breath from, I've done it. Actually, I don't want you to try.

I mean, I might not breathe again, but it'll be... We'll just do it down here. No, okay. All right. But you got to hold your nose, though. No, no, no, no. Because we can't trust it.

That's cheating. What are you talking about? Just trust me. I just think that a minute, sure, it's long, but it's not that long. Are you doing it? The only reason this is not going to work is I'm going to laugh.

You're totally still breathing. I haven't started it. You're cheating. Should we talk? Wait, I forgot to hit. We'll do this at the end. I don't know if you're doing it. I don't know if you're doing it.

I don't know what I'm saying. We wouldn't give commentary while he's doing it. No, what's the commentary? He's looking bad. Yeah, exactly. He's turning blue. Stacey Shannon. My husband is a certified ethical hacker, sure, and works in IT security.

His best password tip is that the longer is better. You can string together three or four words you remember or even use a sentence like, my podcast is the best, exclamation point. It will be harder to hack and easier to remember. I'm going to start using that password. You want me to. I just this past weekend, I moved all my passwords into a password manager. It took forever.

I got so mad trying to do it. It's so frustrating. I don't know if I'll ever change my passwords again after going through all that. But what's to keep the password manager being hacked? And they've got all of them. The government? My passwords are so good that I can't hack in my own account. So I don't have that problem.

I got a new password every time I log in. Yeah, yeah. I do like when they suggest a password and I go, yeah, I'll use this one. And then it doesn't save. Yeah. And then I never looked at it. And then I go, oh, yeah, well, that works this time. You got a new password every time to log in now.

So frustrating. That's good advice, though. Stacey, tell your husband, thank you. Ethical hacker. Yeah. What does that mean? I'm having historical anxiety about it. Yes, exactly.

Exactly. That's good. He. I think it means that he hacks, but he's nice about it. He's doing it to help learn. Yeah. Yeah. So like the government or the military or even private companies, they want to find out where they're, yeah, they want to find out where the holes are in their security, right?

So they can hire people to hack their own, hack themselves essentially to find out where the holes are in the fence, you know. Mary from Michigan Or just pay $89 and scan your eye Mary from Michigan Since the three of you are all from the South And also travel all over I thought I would ask you guys Your opinion on a great town to live in

We have kids And so we want a place that is good for a family Not a big city Easy to navigate slash drive around McMinville I was going to say Saginaw Saginaw Oh she wants one in Michigan

No Saginaw is one of the most dangerous places in the country. I was trying to be funny. All right, go ahead. Megminville. McMenville. Great place. Aren't you trying to sell your cabin? No. I got a good spot for you. Actually. We're looking for a spot to rent, though. We can talk. I'm going to throw out there, Rogers, Arkansas. That's a good one, yeah. It's just, uh, I talk about Northwest Arkansas quite a bit,

but it's just such a, such a hidden gem. A girl told me that one time that she, she worked at a coffee shop there a road joke about on the working man special she told me that Fayetteville is like the Portland of the South is what she said

okay does she mean that in a nice way she meant it in a good way okay Fiona what's your favorite place you've been you've been traveling a ton last two years now doing stand-up all over what's some of your favorite places

that you've got to get to? Right now I can only remember the last place I was that's how we are too where were you spring sorry Springfield, Missouri.

I like Springfield's great. I think it would be good for good. It's a cute little down down. The people seem very happy. Yeah. Bit of a meth-y vibe, but it is... Yeah, but okay. So is McMinville.

The internet's not great out there, so the math, I get it. Yeah. But it's a nice town, but it does have a little, a little bit of, it's like underneath. It's probably good to get scared

a little bit every now. I think so too. I think so, too. You can't feel too safe out here. It'll bury your kids for the real world. Exactly. Yeah, you don't want to be, you don't want to let your guard down out here.

Right, right. Brian, what about you? What did you say? Lebanon? Yeah. It's a good place. It's pretty biased. I don't know.

That's where he grew up. Oh. I could tell. You know what? That's not an insult, Brian. Was it? No, I just... I just...

I'm sorry, my voice is weird because of disability. You know, Opalika is not a bad place. We're just all naming where we were in. Montgomery. Well, but

Auburn, you know, if you're going to go on that side of Lee County, Auburn is very nice. If you've got to go that side of Lee County, that's what I would recommend. Well, I'm saying,

Lee County, if Opa Lica or Auburn... His name a street now. Yeah. Mary, I would suggest driving down to Pinn and Grill. Yeah. I like Marie Cook Drive in Montgomery, Alabama. Yeah.

It's a good. The Dau-R-A-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-A-N-A-A-N-A-B. Yeah, Penn-N-A-O-B-A-A. You're not going to, there's not a lot going on. Mary, I don't think you're getting a good answer from this. That's almost my name. Oh, we got the next. Ian Collie.

Yeah. That is your last name, right? C-U-L-U-I. So this guy's probably not related. Ian Cawley. You better hope not. I started a new job. Friedrich's coming.

You can attack you. You call it F.A. Yeah. F.A. Easier. Ian Collie. I started a new job earlier this year where I write a weekly newsletter introduction. I wrote about gratitude in our November newsletter.

And what are my inspirations that I think a lot about was Aaron's question, why me? Both when his newborn first had health issues and when they were able to leave the hospital. That's a great perspective to have and still makes me tear up. Very nice. Thank you, Ian. No, that's definitely not related to Fiona. Well, thank you, that's really nice. Where's the newsletter?

He just made that up. Okay. No, I'm joking. I don't know where the newsletter is. I'm saying Ian just going to get his comment read. We don't usually have attachments on the comment here. Where's the PDF? You know, why me, Lord, is a good Chris Christophrastrophe?

So you know that one? Oh, no. That's a good one. I like his acting better than it's saying. Oh, I'll get you. I'll get you some songs. Dallas Owen. In high school, I worked at Olive Garden and every week the same family would come in and eat their entire meal without silverware, salad, pasta, everything. It was so disturbing. We would have to intentionally sit them in a section of the restaurant with nobody else in it. Wow. That's wild. That's insane. You know what? Side note, Olive Garden just saying, me a little package. I saw that. Yeah, I made a video. I have a joke about Olive Garden and they sent me a gift card, $100 gift card, and a shirt and like a little pasta maker. Oh, that's awesome.

Yeah. There's no way they use a pasta maker at all. My joke is an old joke. But I say, when you hang out with a lot of broke people, like I do all the time, everything's always fancy to them. Like the other day, I was hanging out with my mom. And we went to a restaurant and she was like, this is so fancy. And I was like, Mom, it's Olive Garden. Of course it's fancy. Yeah, I remember that joke. Great classic joke. Henry Joe has Olive Garden joke. Basically, same thing. Is it really? I haven't heard it. Mine's older. He's like where his wife grew up, A-Rab, Alabama. His brother and all said, we got a new Italian

restaurant down here. And he's like, is it good? He's like, it ain't no Olive Garden. That's pretty. That is funny. Well, you know what, though? One time I was driving my nephew around in Opelika to get some job applications. And I was like, when we go to the Olive Garden, he said, unironically, nah, that's too fancy.

Wow. Yeah. Was he right? I've never been to a while. For him. For him. You never been to Olive Garden? Oh, we'll have to get.

There's one right by our house. You should go. I got a $100 gift card. Let's all go. I mean, you could feed 40 people that I'll go. Yeah. That's sick. You get unlimited, the breadsticks are unbelievable. The last one I've been to was the one over there close to your house.

When you're here, your family. For my wife's birthday? Was that it? You came to that? Oh, I did come to that. Yeah, that was nice. You come? Yeah. This is before we were friends.

I didn't know about it. This was years ago. I don't even think we had kids. Well, you act like this has been 20 years. You've had kids for four years. This podcast has been on for six. Well, y'all just having a good time without me? Yeah.

I bet we invited you. I bet we invited you and you just didn't come. Like I had so much going on. Well, that's what I said when you didn't show up. I definitely wasn't invited if that makes you feel. But I wasn't born yet, though. All right, I'm hurt. Brian, why are they eating?

eating without silverware. That's disgusting. Are they tipping with those fingies? Yeah. You better tip big if you're with those thingies put on it. Fingies. Oh, nothing about the tips. Yeah. All right. Let's talk about ultra pouches, the zero nicotine and caffeine-free pouches. I started using them in the morning and then during any afternoon drag. We love them here. We use them over the cruise and found out how much we liked them. It's not just for people trying to quit nicotine. It's for anybody looking for a little kick to keep the day going. They got the tropical flavor. I recommend that. Ultra pouches are packed with all kinds of stuff that are designed for mental clarity and enhanced focus.

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After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them that we sent you there. Brian Rizley. Riley? I was a junior in high school in 1990. Brian, you want to take this one? I was a senior in high school in 1990. I don't know what's funny about that.

I was a junior in high school in 1990 in Campbell, Missouri, a small town 30 miles from New Madrid Fault. Ibn Browning predicted a terrible earthquake would hit the fault on December 3rd, so much so that my school and many others canceled for two to three days. My dad had me work with him all day each day and no earthquake game. So I looked up, I've been Browning. He's kind of a dusty, a guy who. Successful comedian? Yeah, but predicts a lot of other stuff. Okay.

And he got enough people worked up that. He's a self-proclaimed climatologist. Exactly. And he's from Edna, Texas. Edna's my mom's name. Well, there you go. It's all working. So he said a terrible earthquake would hit, and it never did.

Shocking. But they canceled school for it just because he's... Yeah. I wonder what he's basing these. Could you imagine having that much power? I can only help. I get only help. I said in bed to worry about Dusty getting that power.

You know, it's much different, but, you know, my dad's principal, of my high school. And it was his call whether to cancel school for snow, his call alone. Oh, my God. Because it was a private school. So it was just like, you think we should open? And man, the night before everybody hit me up, you know, put some ice in the driveway. Put some water in the driveway tonight. So, you know, you'd snowed in all that stuff. He very rarely canceled it. He would get out there like 4 a.m. and drive the bus route all around just to see. roads are fine, all that. Do you think he did that because he didn't want you to feel like you had some influence? I don't think I was involved at all. I think he's thinking as we cancel school,

we're going to have to make up that day at the end of the year, and that's just going to make everything more complicated. Yeah, there's really no reason to want the day off if you just got to make it up later. Exactly. Didn't your friends ever accidentally call it your dad dead? Like, at school? You know what I mean? Did I ever call him dad?

No, no, no, no, like your friend. Like, you know when you accidentally fall a teacher, your mom? I've never done that. No, I never did that. Did you do that a lot? Is this the teacher that thought you were drunk? Yeah.

You kept calling her mom. Mom, I'm fine. Okay, that is a thing. Yeah. I swear. Now, did what you mean? Called your mom, Miss Humphrey? Yes.

You say like love you too. No, yeah. Thanks, Mom. You know. I told a teacher I loved her, but that was a different. But I knew what I was doing. No, that's crazy. I would call my dad Mr. Weber at school.

Are y'all? Do you hug? I don't know. It's just weird to be, hey, dad, hey dad. Hey, daddy. But if I go, hey, Mr. Weber, you know, and you're kind of doing it a little tongue-in-cheek. Can I borrow some money?

Exactly. Oh, my God. That's very funny. I've never called my teacher. I mean, I had my mom as a teacher. I'm going to taught math. I would call every teacher mom. Even the men?

Yeah. Mom and they panic and lose weight. I did that just to keep them in check. David Jones. My family was vacationing. in Santa Rosa Beach and we went to an ice cream shop. The lady in front of us asked for a sample and the manager told her no. That's what I'm talking about.

The lady was in shock. The manager explained they're too busy in the summer months to give out samples. Congratulations, Aaron. You have won the battle. Hope it is worth the tears of many children. You know what, David, it was. I'm glad if I was involved in that at all, I don't think I was. Yeah.

I don't know how recent this was, but if I got the ball rolling even a little bit, I mean, that will be, I could die right now. I'll be happy. I think it depends on what the flavor is. I don't think that matters at all. Let me ask you this, though. I'm very anti-free samples, places. I'm anti-too-many of them.

But if you're asking, can I sample the cookies and cream? You know what cookies and cream. But if it's some odd flavor, you may want to give it a go. But I think that's part of the joy of it is discover something. Take a chance. Roll the dice, dude. Try a flavor you never had before. If it's not good, you know what?

You're going to keep living. The sun's going to come up the next day. Why, me? How do you feel about Costco? Well, that's different. Because Costco just had, you know, they're not in the way. I'm talking about like an ice cream store. People slow me.

If there's a line, somebody's like, oh, can I try the, what is that, passion fruit? I try a little scoop it at. And then they go, I don't know about, oh, I don't know. about, oh, what's that? Pistachio? And they take three hours. And then they go, I don't want anything. And then they go, you know what, I'm actually good. I'm full.

I'm full. I'm my God. I just get a water. I think in Costco, if you're like, hey, will you open this box a cracker so I can try one? I think that's different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What they do that? You know what? Costco's pretty great.

They might actually do it. I'm a lot to do that. I like Costco. I'm a big fan. I don't like ice cream. So. You're not an ice cream? No.

What do you like? What do you dessert? I like carbs, like a spaghetti sandwich. Spaghetti sandwich? Yeah. Is that just spaghetti and bread? Yeah. You put like spaghetti with meat and sauce.

Yeah, like that sauce is this bread, garlic bread. Oh, okay, okay. Cut the meatball and have for stability. We got to take you to Olive Garden. You're going to live. I was made for it. You can make on live. Our next outing, we'll bring you along.

Okay. Brian. Anyway, keep going. You don't like ice cream? Oh, no. I don't, I have a little bit of trauma feels like a crazy word. Yeah, I'd like to hear about your ice cream trauma. Like, what did that involve? When my mom, when I was nine.

Oh, geez. Yeah. You're about to be like, that's not as funny as I needed it. Oh, no, it's even more so. When I was nine, my mom brought me there to get ice cream. Where? Baskin Robbins. Brought me there.

You don't even want to say it. It brought me there. Basket around. Got me ice cream. I was so stoked on the walk home. She was like, so your dad left. Oh, no. Was this on Friday the 13th?

All right. Yeah, you surprise is there. So every time ice cream pops up. Me, I was surprised too, man. So if ice cream gets brought out, you go, this could be, I don't even want to risk. If you ask me, like, do you want to go get ice cream? I panic and assume. you have something terrible to tell me.

It's all Matt, my number one. So if Matt goes, let's get ice cream. You just go, no, I want a divorce. Who is she? Yeah. You bring me ice cream, but you can't. We're not going again. I'm sorry.

Avery, oh, Chris Halkam. Has Dusty ever noticed the chain link fence that runs along both sides of Highway 70, 55, that cuts. that cuts through McMinville. You know, you can just DM Dusty. This seems a little too specific for a country. Has Dusty ever noticed the chain link fence that runs along both sides of Highway 70-55

that cuts through McMinville? Only town I've ever seen that has this and is wondering if he knows why. It's kind of an eyesore. You know what? I've never noticed it. I don't even know what Highway 70 or 55 is. But next time I go, I'm going to be paying attention

and I'll get you some answers, Chris. Feel free to reach out to him directly. No, I'll comment it on the YouTube, hoping that Brian picks it up, and then we'll read it. We'll do a whole episode on chain link fences. Well, Highway 70 runs across Tennessee. Oh, that's the one we talked about last week. And it goes through McMinville? It goes right through McMinville.

According to Chris. Oh, interesting. It's kind of an eyesore, though, according to Chris. Avery, according to Chris, that's funny. That's why people, that's why McMinville is such a good spot. The chain link fence is keeping, you know, just. any random people out of there. The riff rack.

Thank God for the fence. Avery J. Semeca. Just wanted to provide some helpful info that a flight attendant pointed out to me. Often passengers will say direct flight when they mean non-stop. A non-stop flight is from your origin

to your destination on only one flight with no stops. A direct flight will keep you on the same plane but will have at least one stop to let some passengers off and let more on. I have never heard anybody make that distinction before. I don't, yeah, and I thought they were interchangeable.

I'm also not buying it. I also love how they put the J in there as if there's a lot of Avery Semeca's. A little more distinction. Wow, I mean, I googled it and that's that's a difference that people talk about. But I think people know what you mean. Yeah. If you say I have a direct flight. That's interesting.

I had no idea. I don't know. That does, yeah, I mean, if I'm direct, if I'm going from this place to this place, that's a direct flight. It's a nonstop flight. I've never been on a flight that they let me stay on the plane if we stop them. I have before, yeah, if it connects there and they go, you might as well to stay on the plane. And in Southwest, they used to let you move up. You can get a better seat.

That would have been a policy that I would have not cared for. Oh, yeah. If I booked, you know, if I booked up, got myself in the A boarding group. And there's already. And I boarded the plane. There's a bunch of people. That has happened before. Yeah,

it makes me furious. Yeah, I don't like that. But it doesn't happen anymore. Southwest fixed everything and everything's great. I love it. We're almost there for you. I love it.

Aaron Weber here. Let me tell you about Brunt Workwear boots. I'll start with the wildest part about this company, Brunt Workwear. They actually let you wear their boots to work before deciding if you want to keep them. Wow. Because it's one thing to walk around a store with them. But like, you got to put them to the test.

You got to get a real job site day, not just walking around your house. And if they're not right for you, you send them back for a full refund. That's a 100% risk-free trial. Me and Dusty got a pair of the omens. Brian's got the marins right out of the box. They're so comfortable. There's no break-in period. Just immediate comfort, boom, ready to go.

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You work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots that do not hold up. So they built something better, boots that are insanely comfortable and built for any job site. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt. When you use code Nate at checkout, just head to bruntworkware.com, use code Nate, and you are good to go. And after you order, they'll ask how you heard about Brunt. Do us a favor. Tell them it was from this show. Meg L.

People without overhead luggage should get to have the front of the plane because they disembark immediately. Oh, interesting. No. I can get down with that a little bit, except for the fact that I have. luggage and I get off right away. Yeah. I don't waste a lot of time. Maybe ask the question, are you going to fiddle around with your bags? Ask him a question. Are you going to fiddle around? Can you get it? Can you get it? Small talkers should be in the back of the plane. Small talkers? Oh, meaning like, also dusty. Oh, yeah.

No, no, not on a plane. So we've got a package here. So if you know, we have a package. This is a product. We don't know what it is. It's something related to our topic. Now, our topic this week is... We don't know yet. Oh, okay. This package is going to tell us. All right. We don't know.

Here, Fiona. You want to... Yeah, you want to look through it. I don't know. It's ticking. It's... Oh. Oh.

It is... Whoa. Model plane. It's the Wright brothers. This is way... This is way more advanced than what the Wright brothers had. That looks like a World War... Two or one.

One of them. I bet it's one of those two. Yeah. Three. That is cool looking. I like that. It's yellow. Today we are talking about air travel.

Air travel. So it sounds like you've got some things you want to get off your chest. So take it away, Fiona. You got issues with Southwest? I got issues with that. Being a disabled person at the airport, like a real one? Like a real airport or a real disabled? But don't you think with like the parking spots and everything, like a real?

it bounces out. I think it's even. Well, what about, don't you sometimes get, you get people in there that'll push you around? Oh, you have your own. Yeah, I push myself. What about, you ever get on the, like, the car in the airport where the guy will go, get out of the way?

Beep, beep. No, I've almost been hit by one of this. Yeah, no, there's no benefit. They always think of a bomb on me. we were on the same flight once and I you know this is when it was still A, B, and C boarding group so I'm like

man if I could buddy up with Fiona I could get on way early. I get to bring one person So you're not wasting that on Brian No Yeah, she found a stranger Oh my God I actually did that one time People go, is he bothering you?

My flight I got like really delayed. And I ended up drinking at the airport bar in Las Vegas. And I met this older married couple. Now it's like, I get on the plane first. And they're like, I were in group C. And I was like, and come with me. And I was like, these are my parents.

And I brought them with me. And they're like, actually, we're not that old. That is exactly what happened. Oh. Yeah. They got offended. They go, now we'll sit in the cinema. They were like 40, which is basically mad.

That's age. My husband. So that was two. So you can't have more than one. Only if I, like, cry a little bit. Okay. And I got to act a little more. And you'd been drinking.

You dial it up a little? Yeah, you play the cries you have. If you're drinking at the bar in Las Vegas airport, you're sad all right. Yeah. That's true. There's a real sadness. Not a hard sell, you know. Do you fly Southwest most of the time out of Nashville?

Well, yeah. And the reason. used to be because of the unassigned seating. Because that front row was reserved for disabled people, which makes a lot of sense because I can stand a little bit. So if I'm there, I can use the restroom on the plane if I need to. If I'm not, I'm not going to the bathroom. Like, period.

They should still keep that. The handicapped seat. I agree. You want to know what they did? What? So now you have to pick your seat, right? Like all the other, whatever. But the handicap seating is an extra $85.

Because it's seen as like their first class. So instead of having accessibility, the highest better gets it. And I have, you have to keep up. That's the first negative I've seen with the new. policy. Dude, I'm furious. That's a huge. I'm so mad.

That's pretty crazy. Yeah. I mean, at least if you can prove, I don't know how you would prove it when you're booking, but if you could prove it, it should be. Submit a video. But it's like, because you get it, though. I mean, some of the people that were boarding before were not. Totally great.

And I'm glad they're gone. Yeah. But they also, yeah, I've seen a lot of that. I've had fake, dizzy book people trying to use. use it just to board first or whatever. Take all the handicapped seats and then I'm like

Yeah, I actually need that. Giving him the eye. I'm like, don't look away. You better watch me. You struggle. Yeah. I like to make people watch. Yeah.

That's my thing. Yeah. And yeah, so that makes me pretty mad about Southwest right now. They told me that I could book my ticket and then call and tell them,

I'm a real disabled person. And they'll give me that front seat if it's still available. I'm like, oh, wouldn't he? Don't you? Jump through some hoops for us. Seriously. It seems like you could do something to prove it. And then it's always on your status.

Like every time you book a fly. I agree. Like the way you have to be like TSA pretext, there should be like a. Oh, I bet clear does disability, disability authentists. I bet they do. I bet they do. Are you TSA pre-check or clear? No, I'm just, I have God's pre-jig.

Oh, so they just let you through. Well, now they do. I made a video that went real viral and I'm mean to. Oh, yeah. What was it? But I can stand a little bit. And sometimes they have good days, like good body days. And I was at the airport and I didn't want to wait for them to search me.

So I was like, I'm going to get in this. thing, you know? And they were like, are you sharing? I was like, yeah, and the person I was with was already through and she was recording. I told her to you. And I just thought that was cool. I could do that.

You're talking about the thing where they put your arms up like that. So like these ladies are kind of holding on to me and I'm like, don't touch me! And then I did it. Anyways, that video went really viral. The caption was, I chose to do this because I didn't want infusion. I was at the airport a couple weeks ago

and they put me through immediately now and they were like I want you to know BNA got thousands of emails based on that video people were furious because they thought they forced me out of my chair even though I said they didn't and they were like the funniest part

was one of the ladies helping you in the video was the head supervisor and she was like, she asked. I'm like, she asked where I was wearing nags. That's awesome. Well, you created change. Well, I hope you get thousands of emails for this Southwest thing that we just done. I'm really pretty good.

Even though I'm a big supporter of what Southwest has done with it. Does he? But this, make that one change. We also, we need to film a viral video of you stuck behind. I'm going to stand on the moving walkway. And then I'm like blocking you. And then we'll post that. And then it'll get them to enforce.

What do you think? Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's standing on the moving. Standing on the moving walkway. You better be moving a moving walkway.

Do you use the moving walkway? I tried and I got to yell out. That is the truth. They're real fun in the wheelchair. I bet so, especially you get the motorized when you get going, get the wind going in the air. The wind. 60 miles an hour.

It's like when you've been in airports all day, it's kind of like being outside. Yeah. Are there airports that are like so much worse than others for you to have to get around? The ones with trains. Oh, sure. Oh, my goodness. Tampa, Atlanta. Denver?

Denver, yeah. I love Denver. Charlotte's no trains, but do you like that? Charlotte Airport? He wants to say no. I don't. I can't remember. If you fly Southwest, you don't fly through Charlotte that often.

I did American for so long and I went to Charlotte a ton of times. Dallas Fort Worth Yeah, I always go to love Because I'm southwest What do you do? Oh, there's an elevator I was going to say Because you have to go up

To get on that train in Dallas But there is an elevator Oh my gosh The worst airport Is the Atlanta airport Yeah I always try to avoid it Everyone's faking their disability

This is a true story Can I? Is this too much airport talk? No, this is the topic of the episode Oh, okay Sorry, we have nothing else That's like, we're really banking on this. Dude, so I'm at the Atlanta airport.

When I'm alone, I do their wheelchair attendants, right? The people you see pushing people. I have an electric wheelchair. I'm good on that end. But when I'm alone, I have bags. I want them to roll them for me so I can go, right? So I'm rolling up to the wheelchair attendant. It's like family of seven or eight people run past me on their legs,

okay, sprinting past me. And they all go, we all need chairs. They have to line up like eight wheelchairs. They're only like five attendants working. And so like they're like taking them and we're all going to the same freaking place. They run by you and say we all need chairs. Yes. So then there are so few attendants.

I showed up two and a half hours early from my flight. I almost miss my flight. Like I'm like there like with two, five minutes to spare. I think if you take a chair and you don't need it, you go to jail. I agree. I think at least ban from the airport. I have a fix. I think for that.

Okay. But no, so we're all going to the same place. So one point... Break their legs so they need them? Yes. Yeah. I want you to feel. to pay night feel.

That's a quality. If you're so jealous, let's be real about this. Yeah. A quality is everyone in a wheelchair. No more top shelves. No, I think if you use the purse of being disabled, which is getting on first, you should have to get off last like I do. I have to wait for everyone to do board every day.

But, okay, so his family were all in the same flight. Were they fat? Were they a bunch of fat people? They weren't. No. I know. And that pissed me up, too. Well, she did say they ran past her.

But it could have been. It could have been ugly. Could have been all they had. And no. So now there's one attendant, and there's two people in the family, sisters, I believe, and then me. And the guy's just like doing their chair and rolling my bag with poor dude, you know. And I'm like trying to help.

I don't know. We get to the gate. And they're like, all right, we're boarding now. And the people are like, you get to get on various feet on. And these people that were lying were furious that I was getting on before that. Oh, my God. Like so mad. And they also thought the airport gave me my electric wheelchair and they were mad they didn't get one.

Like it was a, and I was by myself. So I'm just like, okay. Wow. And so I get on the plane and now the two ladies that were like going with me, they're sitting next to me in the handiq brow. And I'm on the inside. So if I have to go to the bathroom, they got to get up. Because I can't like scooge fast you. So I did have to use the restroom at one point.

And I was like, hey, would you all mind getting up? Like, I can't walk that while I have to go to bathroom. And they were like, we're disabled to. We don't have to. And refuse to get up. Wow. And I had to ding the flight attendant. And I was like, this is awkward.

I have to go back through. They won't move. They won't move. And they were like, you have to get up. And they started screaming about how they were disabled. too. They got on the plane and chairs too. And the flight and it was like, I'd

like walk on. Just stand up for a minute. Wow. Wow. Wow. I go to the bathroom. I'm coming back. And flight in's like helping me walk. Like it's not pretty.

And some random guy on the plane was like, oh my God, Fianna Cali. I'm a huge fan. These ladies see this. And I sit down and then they're like, who are you? And I was like, don't worry about me. Your worst nightmare.

Like, I will be talking about this on public figures. Wow. Wow. That's so crazy. Yeah. Well, that just- People are the worst. That validates what I've been saying all along.

Was that? People faking. It's so, like, when I used to be boarding and I would watch all these people going on, I'm like, there's no way that all of you. And people, when I talked about it on this podcast, people acted like I would, was somehow making fun of disabled people. I'm saying the people that don't need it are the people, like they should be publicly ridiculed.

I agree. I think that's the grossest thing you can do. When you guys landed, did they? Run off the plane? Yeah, they did. They ran right off. It should be banned from flying. I tried to trip them, but.

I don't disagree. There's no fly list. That's what it should be for. Yeah. It's terrible. Yeah. Why would they care so much about not standing up that they would lie about being disabled? Just get up.

It's so. It happens. Because they were mad that the airport gave her an electric wheel. So they were taking it out on her. Wow. That's crazy. I mean, so mad. Like it's...

That was Delta, though? No, Southwest. Whoa. That was before the sign seeded. Okay. So that is true. Okay. Maybe it deters some of the...

Hopefully so. Like the $85 is unreal. But if like I feel like if you can prove ahead of time, like something that stays on, like we talked about, something that stays on, then you don't pay and then the people trying to fraud the system will be deterred by 85. I would submit on my Southwester on my like diagnosis papers or like a doctor's note. You would do that? I totally would. Okay. Yeah.

Is that crazy? No, no, no, not at all. I just, I've never thought about that before. I mean, if that, that's a really good idea. I get like a legitimate dog, nah, running into weird territory. You think so? People fake it. I think if they go to that length to fake it, though.

They deserve it. Not, not deserving, but I think most people wouldn't go to that length. These people that you talk about probably would. Oh, my God, yeah. But running to a wheel. chair and saying, I need someone to push me. Yeah. That's crazy.

It's amazing because I've taken a flight with you. Me, you and Lucy, I can't have went to L.A. or something. Oh, my God. And it is, it is interesting. Like, because I, you know, we don't have to think about this kind of stuff on a day-to-day basis. And once you kind of see all the things that you have to go through doing these things that are routine for me, it's like, it's pretty wild. And it makes me think about that stuff now, like just as I'm going around the airport and stuff. And I haven't used to handicaps stall since.

I'm very proud of you. I actually don't know if that's true. I'm sure I think about it. Dude, I finally. I'm in and out, though, guys. He drove to the airport. I'm in and out. I finally said something to someone in the handicaps.

Really? I always kind of like get nervous and I end up just being like, don't do that. What do you say? Well, I was waiting. It was the airport. Yeah. Nashville. Nashville airport.

And this lady's in the ending up stall and there's always a chance that she might be disabled, you know? So I'm not going to. But every other stall is open, the only one taken is that one. And that's what gets in. And the rest are full, I understand. Yes. And that's what I've said too. Okay.

Yeah, or if it's like one and two, I'm not going to assume the only normal one wasn't digging if someone's art, you know what I'm saying? But if we're in like an airport, it's a door. What are you doing? Also, they're just in there on their phone. Just get in and out. That's why I think there needs to be a door.

Should do yonder bags at the bathroom. Let me ask you this, Fiona. If I went in a restroom and every stall was open, accept the handicapped one, that would make me think more than ever, that person must really be handicapped. Right. I actually thought that too, because I was like, you can't

be this dumb or this bad of a person. Like, you had to walk to the very end of the stalls to get there. People underestimate how bad most people are. Really bad. There's a Luke Bryan song called,

I believe most people are good. And it's like, it's, why does he believe that. It's not true at all. And most mamas aren't qualified for sainthood either. He doesn't know a lot of the moms I know. You know what all this bathroom talk and that, I gotta go. All right.

Okay. How about that? You come this way, make us all get up. No, but this lady was going to the bathroom and the handicap style and I'm waiting. And she opens the door. Big fur jacket. No suitcase.

Not even like couldn't vet myself. Like, no bags. Fur jacket? Yes. Maybe she needed the coat hook. She looked at me and she was, oh, I'm sorry. And then I said, I don't think you are. Oh, I love it.

I love it. And so every other stall is open here and she tried to be like, isn't that a handicapped? I was like, no. And then she looked and was like, and I was like, don't do it again. And I was so proud of myself. I got a real nervous band-or-e. I like that. Yeah, that's good.

Yeah, that's crazy. I do a fur coat in the airport bathroom was gross. Doesn't I feel? It's probably so, you got to get that dry clean. Yeah. Yeah. I saw someone smoking a real cigarette and they had you up saw the BNA Airboat. Really?

Yeah, I was like, oh, you can pass. Yeah. One time getting off the airport in Nashville, coming up the jet bridge, a guy lit a cigarette and smoked it all the way on the jet bridge and then dropped it on the airport, stepped on it and kept going. That's cool. I was like, that was the coolest thing I've ever said. That's pretty cool. That was a way to go.

Yeah, we'll allow. Can he be my dad? Maybe. He is the kind of guy that would leave, I bet. I love that. His mom would have to get the ice cream. Now, what's a great airport? Is the Nashville one pretty good all things considered?

I really. I really do love the night. It's just people everywhere kind of are bad in Nashville airport's great. I'm always happy to come back to it. I love the Nashville airport. You know, I interned at a PR company here in Nashville. One of our clients was Nashville Airport. And I wrote a couple of their press releases.

This was when I was like 23. And the Nashville airport, they've innovated in a lot. They were the first airport to allow Uber and Lyft to pick up and drop off at the airport. Wow. And they were the first airport. airport, or I don't know if they were the first one, but early, very early on to allow people to, you can take open containers of alcohol around the airport. They were like innovators in that way. And I remember I wrote the-

Those two things seem connected. Yeah. You know what? Yeah, you know what? I should have made that connection when I wrote it. Speaking of which, you can drink now, you know? But let me. Do you want to say something?

No. I was going to ask about a few days ago, the Tampa airport issued a press release saying, no, more pajamas in the airport. I was told that that was fake. Well, they're not... How can you prove it? You can smell it. Hey, pajamas are pajamas until you're outside.

Now you're just comfy. They're not going to enforce it, but they're encouraging it. Right, right. For a while. I actually, because I retweeted it and said, let it go, Tampa. And then it got fact checked. Oh, we got community.

Wait, you're anti. Why? Well, I just want people to dress better in public. You tell my grandpa. He's literally 94. You want people to dress better? For why? It wasn't to wear suits and ties.

I don't want you to have to dress up, but I do want you to wear your outdoor clothes, you know? But sitting is so uncomfortable. Yeah, it can be. Again, if you're wheelchair-bound, you do what you need to do. Whatever. I get to wear. Okay. Yes.

onesies. Yeah, you do what you need to do. You're going to make different in some. Yeah, I mean, if people have other difficulties in life, you get many passes in my book. I like that. But if you're just, you know, you're running to a wheelchair, you should not be allowed to whip a job. You better be in a sundress. Yeah.

No Tweetybird pants. What about like a matching track suit? Track suits? Track suits can look into it. I wear a trach suit. I encourage tracks suit. very, okay. I can get them bored.

You mean like no like, like, like, Mickey Mouse, PJ Band. Okay, cookie monster. And you're in like fluffy shoes, house shoes. And he got a pillow with you and he looked like you just rolled out of the What about crocs? Well, I wear crooks to the airport every time.

I'm wearing crooks right now, but Dusty's a crock guy as well. I have a pair of crocs that I wear around the house. have a pair. You're trying to backtrack from it. No, my father. You're trying to hawk them on Instagram. Not long ago. Right?

Well, my father and I did say this. My father-in-law was like, hey, I got these crocs. Do you want them? And I said, no. I'm anti-croc. And he goes, no, no, take them. They're your size. I go, I don't want them.

And then he offered a third time. I go, okay, I'll take them. Yeah. And then I was wearing them a lot after that. Yeah, they're pretty awesome. I had an incredibly similar crock experience. Matt's mom, my mother-in-law, bought me crocs. And I was like, thank you so much, Kathy.

I'm never going to wear these. Yeah. I wear them all the time. Yeah. I also have disability hack. Yeah. I'm looking for one. If you're disabled,

showering real scary, especially when you travel because of ground in the shower can be real slippery. Yeah. You can wear your freaking crock. And those are good shower shoes. Yeah. Wow. the shower every time because they're like anti-slip mats on your feet.

You know, when I waited tables, I used to wear crocs because they were anti-slip. Really? Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Where? At Hyman? Yeah.

It was either that or the shoes for Cruz. A Hyman seafood. Very cool. No, I love that. Keep going. Keep moving. Yeah. But I have jokes about it.

But, yeah. Seafood? Okay. No. No. Yeah, yeah. It's a good spot, actually. If you're in Charleston, go check it out. Okay.

My name's on the wall in there. He's got a little plaque on the table, too. Yeah. They really are proud of it. They are very well, they're well aware of the jokes about their name. They live with it. It's kind of good marketing. Yeah.

They just leaned into it. I had some, you know, I had some taglines for them that I can't say, but I had some taglines that I thought would be good. Yeah. That's hilarious. Guys, can I have a minute with it? you talk about some glasses. Buying glasses used to feel way more complicated than ever needed to be. Everything was overpriced.

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Be honest. Well, I would say the public figures podcast sent you there. Not just this show. Be specific about what it is. Please support our show and tell them our show sent you. Yeah, public figures podcast. That's right. Fiona, do you watch movies on planes?

Do you sleep? I listen to Murder Podcast. It's the only thing that puts me to sleep. On speakerphone? He's got Apple headphones. Oh, nice. The big ones? Yeah.

Oh, okay. And they do noise canceling too, right? Yeah, those are legit. Those are real legit. Yeah, I like a noise cancelling headphone. I plug in. I never go wireless, but I do like noise cancelling. You don't like wireless? No. You don't like wires.

Oh, yeah, you don't like wireless. I'm sorry. I get confused myself. You like a cord. Well, the reason that I got into headphones originally was because I didn't want to hold the phone to my head. And then so then when wireless came around, I started wearing them, and then I go, well, that's basically all that is just now being transmitted to my head. Yeah.

And so I go wired. Okay. No Bluetooth. No, I don't understand. Yeah, for why? Well, there's radiation. Okay. So it's like a health concern.

Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? I stopped. I used to get vertigo. Who knows? I could have it when I leave here. But I stopped getting it when I stopped wearing my Bluetooth headsets.

Really? And you haven't had it since? Yeah. Maybe that's what's wrong with me. Yeah, I got those Apple earphones in high school. I've been into wheels, Jerry. Try some wires. Oh, yeah.

Well, that's, you know, maybe. I don't know. Who am I to? I don't know what I'm going to. Would that be crazy, though? That would be there. And then you're like, we found out it was something real simple.

Dusty Salazar. I'm like, you need to eat ice cream and wear it. That's all it took. And not work rocks. And that's the doctor's orders, you know. You wrote your book on the plane, right? Yeah. In one plane, right?

Yeah. That's why they had to get a ghost right. You're from Nashville to Chattanooga. Malewy. It's not good. No, I did. It's all about the guys. sitting next year.

Well, I do have a flight section, but a flight complaints. But the, yeah, I mean, because I like movies, though. I watch a lot of Columbo on the flights. That's not a movie show. It's a TV show, but they're movie length. They're short movie length. And a lot of the planes are, you know, hour and a half or less. A lot of Colombo episodes, hour 15, to an hour and a half, perfect movie.

They are? Yeah. Colombo episodes are typically 70 to 100 minutes long. Yeah. That's crazy. That's very interesting. They function more like TV movies than standard 60-minute dramas. I had no idea about that.

A TV movie? So your guys joke about it not being a movie seems less funny now. I mean, it wasn't even great. Seems like someone owes someone an apology. You're right. Dusty, I owe you an apology. Aaron, do you have anything you want to say? No, I'm good.

Fiona, do you get the airport early? Yeah. Two hours at least. Two hours before departure or before boarding? Before boarding. So 9.30 flight, you're getting there. Seven? Yeah, you have to, when you're physically disabled,

you have to account for a lot of extra time. I can't run. I'm two hours early and I, you know, and I'm, you know, and I don't have to. Yeah, I mean, I like to get there. Yeah, I don't like the stress. I was there so. long one time and then Brian showed up right as the flight was boarding. I never pictured Brian to be that relaxed about flying. Yeah, you don't get that. That's joking. I mean, why y'all like hanging out

the airport all day? That's why people always say Brian looks worried and Brian's pretty chill. He should be maybe a little more worried. Yeah. If I was in a wheelchair, I'd get there 15 minutes before takeoff. Just zip right in. Yeah. I would never slow down. Yeah. What are some things that the airport should do, like, would be easy for airports to do to make things easier that are like something that I might not even think of. Like if you were designing an airport from scratch. This is a question for Fiona? Yeah, is this just for Fiona? I can weigh in if you want.

I got some stuff I'd like to check me. Yeah, you start. I think, no. I always think about what you say, Aaron, about baggage claim. and if they just had a, maybe it painted off, something just indicate people stay behind this line. Then I kind of listen to them. Oh yeah, why are we rushing that?

Like, you'll see your bag. Sorry. But you can't even see it if everybody herds up to it. It makes me. You should get a ticket. I'm a little guilty. I'm a little guilty of when I see my bag, I go to it. Well, sure.

You get really excited. But when I don't... Like right when it comes out of the thing. But I don't crowd the line. If we stand back... One of these days, I'm going to have a Fiona moment where I'm going to stand up for myself at the airport. I'm going to go, hey, everybody,

if we all just back up, we can all see our backs. Huh? And if I'm there and don't know, Aaron, I go, this guy won't shut up. He doesn't think he works for the airport. What? I get no support from it, but nobody does anything. But there are airports where they have it,

marked off, but it's not marked off far enough back. Some of these airports, they got five feet, they got a little line that's a gentle suggestion. We need an armed police officer there that says 30 feet back from the carouss. Gun drawn at all times. At least his hand on it. No gentle suggestion, just aggressive comments. Yeah. I want people when they get to the Nashville airport to go, what is this, Bosnia, but it's Nashville. That's how seriously I want them to take it. Yeah. Okay, did you have some in mind? Anybody else think of some? Well, mine's all disability-related.

Boring. Mine's all moving sidewalk and escalator-related. It's all human behavior. But I'm like, just if you want to stand, fine. But just stand to the one side and so that other people can move along. Because I think most individual people get that. But sometimes when they're coupled up, they want to stand next. each other.

Yeah. And it's like... Which is crazy. Yeah. Just get out of the way. Let me roll through. It's like same side sitters. Yeah.

Do you ever sit same side with Matt like a restaurant? When you guys are alone, just the two of you. Only because sometimes you can't hear it on one of his ears. So Matt has a disability. Yeah. He makes me like real able. No, it's just, he can't hear me that well. I'm very tough.

But you wouldn't want to be, so you have to, if you do the same side, it has to be on the good ear. If it's a loud restaurant. Yeah. Or like an olive garden where these guys go. Yeah. Our parties get pretty wild. Yeah. We have a good time.

Can't believe you never come. I think the airport should have a wall of shame. I love this. I love this. Stick with me. When it brings up me up, you may not have noticed. So I am furious about it. Okay.

I hope I didn't do it. No. This is no one's fault, but somebody. And, okay, you know at airports, every airport there's like the normal male female bathrooms, right? Yeah. There's also just a separate bathroom. It's one big bathroom is for families, so people with a small kid totally get that. And disabled people.

Yeah, that's correct to me. They're changing it. What are they doing? Oh, no. Families? slash handicap slash gender neutral. Okay. Okay?

And I'm not trying to make a political statement. I'm making it's about utility. You're crowding it up. Yeah. You crowd it up. Like, and anyone can say they are that. Sorry? Am I being?

You just, you need a bathroom. You need the bathroom. You're making great. Like, disabled people and children. It's just crowded up. It's crowding it up. It's like we want to accommodate everybody, make everybody feel good, but not at the expense of us.

Right. Right? Like build a separate bathroom. Yes. If you really. Separate water fountains. What? Exactly.

They do have separate water fountains, the shorter one. Yeah. I let Matt use that one. For those of you that don't know, my husband is a little guy. Well, he's not a little. He's not like Nick Novicki, but you are a little guy. You are taller than that. I am.

Yeah. In the chair. Matt's in the next room, guys. Come on. No, I don't, I don't, I don't think that about, I don't think of Matt as a short guy. I don't think of it either. Oh, I love that he is short. How tall is Matt?

Five, seven. Ugh. I don't like tall people. It hurts my neck. look up. I don't like tall people either. That's something I say routinely. It's suspicious.

5-7 is average. That's average high? I think it's 5-8. I'm talking about worldwide. Okay. How many? I would have been so low. 10,000.

23,000. Yeah, I'm going to go 23,0001. And I'll just say, for the record, I would have guessed like a thousand. Yeah. 45,000. Wow. That's a ton. Most of it from Atlanta.

Some days it's over 50,000. But on average, 45,000 flights a day, just in the U.S. It's weird that two people would have to go to the bathroom on this one podcast, but I got to go. Well, this is what Fiona's teaching us is to stand up for ourselves. and just, and don't, you know, don't wait for the world to accommodate you. Sometimes you have to stand up and, you know. If you can stand up for yourself, do it. So before you came on the pot, we would all just hold it and be uncomfortable the whole time.

But now we're like, let's just get after it. Now, I'm like young and so I don't have to worry about this kind of stuff. But yeah. No, I don't really go. Were you making a joke about how we could just stand up and go? Do you need to go? No. Okay.

No, I'm wearing a diaper. Don't wear it. I am not. There are a lot of rumors online because I make that joke a lot. Oh, yeah. Don't worry, guys. I was worried. Not yet.

They just announced the airports that have the best percentage of getting off on time and the worst percentage of getting off on time. I think that's what I emailed you. You want to think of delays or... The most flight disruptions and the least flight disruptions. Like where? Yeah, which airports? The most?

Yeah, what's the, basically, what's the worst airport in terms of cancellations and, you know, flight delays and all that kind of stuff? We'll ask Dusty because he'll be back. So he didn't wash his hands. Yeah, it'll be real quick. Keeping it, Dusty. We've got the list here. I would guess without looking, I mean, I have seen the list here, but I would have guessed places that have bad weather. Oh, like New York.

Yeah. LaGuardia? Do you think New York is a bad weather city? Yeah. I guess I would have said like Buffalo or something like that. Yeah. But New York. It's hot.

It's too hot. Now, I saw the list, but the number one answer I would have got right just because it got talked about a lot last year as being like the worst airport in the country. Oh, we did? Yeah. Yeah. I'm waiting on. Should we just keep going with all that?

Yeah. You don't need him. You want me to just play both parts? Oh, dusty. Okay. That's all right. We're talking about, we found a list of the best airports in the country and the worst airports of the country in terms of flight disruptions. Okay.

Now, what's your instinct for what's the worst airport in the country in terms of flight disruptions? I think it's, I think it's got to be Chicago. It's got to be O'Hare. Okay. Oh, I just went to that airport. O'Hare. Oh. I mean, I think there's potential that there could be a small one that's very.

Now, think about a one that. That's maligned a lot by comedians and is talking about it. I think O'Hare is. O'Hare's up there, but there's a real bad one. I mean, I don't like Charlotte. Boom, Newark. Yeah. Newark Airport.

But O'Hare is number two. O'Hare is number two. Dang, I was pretty close too. And you know what, New York? I'm sorry. Yeah, you know what? You all kind of right. Because it's Newark, O'Hare, and then LaGuardia.

I've never had a problem with LaGlordia. And I've never flown. to Newark. Last year, 29% of passengers had their flight disrupted in some way. Wow. 29%. And I don't fly to LaGuardia a lot. I mean, I guess I'm only, if I go to New York City is the only time I use that. I'm never connecting. Yeah, sure. I connect tons of times through O'Hare. Yeah. I had to fly to Newark a lot when I would, they do a lot of clinical trials out there. Okay. Yeah. At the airport? It's next to the Annie Ann's But I think these are all very busy airport

So I just think it's natural to have this happen But like Dude Atlanta's not in the top 10 And there's also a list of the least disrupted But Atlanta is the busiest airport in the country It's a good weather city though Okay I feel like there's never any reason

Look, here's Miami. Miami's in at number seven. 27% of flights are disrupted. I hate the Miami airport. Miami airport's an old airport. You're like, get dropped off outside. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm going to run out of batteries before.

Yeah. Yeah. And actually, Fort Lauderdale and Orlando round out the top 10, too. So we've got three airports in Florida. But maybe hurricane stuff. Hurricane stuff doesn't help. A lot of rain in Florida, heavy rain. Like one time I flew.

to, I think, Orlando, and I had to get, we had to get rerouted because of a storm and land somewhere else, get gas, and then fly back to Orlando. This is random. I was on one flight one time where we had to do an emergency landing. Oh. Because someone had a health issue, and it wasn't me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

What was happening? Yeah. It was a man. Ugh. Get over your soul. This is the most man thing, though. Like a woman would never. He would never die of a heart attack at 35?

No, he... It was so man of him. He had a diabetes and forgot his medicine. The nerve. A woman would never. Where did the... Like, how far was the flight? Yeah.

We were flying to Nashville from San Francisco. That's a long flight. Where do you have to go? Where'd you land? New Mexico? So not very long after the flight time. No, I was furious. He hadn't even got drinks out yet.

Uh-uh. They wouldn't give me my drink. That's when he realized, he goes, I want to get a drink, but I couldn't find my insulin. That feeling must be like, oh, boy. Oh, my God. And they did the whole, are there any doctors on board? Oh, wow. There was a dentist.

Yeah, and they got rejected. I'm a dentist. They go, no, no, no. I went to the dentist today. And my dentist's name, this is crazy. His name is Dr. Lawyer. That's a fake. Are your parents, like, disappointed?

Dr. Lawyer. They set you up, dude. Yeah. And he only got the dentist. Dr. Lawyer. Dr. Lawyer. He wanted me to call him that, for real. Yeah, Dr. Lawyer.

No. What, you want to call him? John? Yeah. About his name? So when y'all landed... Officer astronaut. When y'all made the emergency landing,

did you get to stay on the plane? Yeah. And how long... It took the guy out. He didn't get to come back out. He just kind of threw him out. Yeah, I was like, get rid of him. Oh, buddy.

You're responsible now to be disabled. Well, that's the right move, though. What is he? You got to wait for him at the drugstore. Like, I got to run to Walgreens real quick. I mean... I just envisioned he died, but it's Southwest, so he's got a good seat so somebody immediately moves up and grabs it.

Immediately takes that seat. Yeah. Dude, I was on another Southwest flight with a comedian. I was traveling. Sean Flanagan. Sean Flanagan. You used to live in Nashville. You moved, though.

To D.C. He's very, like, bougie. And he only flies Delta and he does first class a lot. But it was on my time, so we're on Southwest. And it was his first South West flight and a dog pooped, like real bad. And it was running back into our... Welcome to the real world, Sean. Welcome to the real world.

I know. I'm like, this is America. I'm very anti-dogs on planes. Yeah. Unless they are like a seizure dog. Now you, yeah, do you think a lot of people are abusing the dog thing as well? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. It sucks. Just asking her perspective. I think 99% are abusing it. I abuse it. My dog's not a service dog. They just don't ask questions because I'm in a... I like to think somebody from airlines is watching this and they're taking notes and they're going,

oh, that's a great point she made. And then you get to this point and they go, what? She's abusing the system? You can do really whatever you want. Yeah. It's true. Yeah. They're not allowed to ask what the service animal does.

Oh, really? So if you can come up with a service animal vest, you can do it. Amazon. Yeah. You can just get them on Amazon? I have one. Wow. You can get anything on.

You can get it for any size dog? Yeah. I'm going to get the vest for my kids. That's the one I have for Lulu. This one that just says service dog? Yeah. People go, oh, he must have got that from the government. Oh, my gosh.

Can I get that for my kid? You guys. Pick them up by the back. Yeah. Yeah, this kid's my service animal, and I don't need to buy a ticket for them. Look, this one comes with a certification. Yeah, I have that. 20 bucks on it.

I have that. That's all it takes. I have a card with the photo of my dog. And they're not allowed to ask what it does. If they ask, what would you say? Actually, you're not supposed to say. I'd be like, are you serious? I have historical anxiety.

It's. I used to have a joke where, you know, they used to let any animal on. Like turkeys, peacocks, peacocks, peacocks, anything. And then they finally cut it off. I said, nope, it's got a dog. Just the good ones, yeah. And I'm like, they got it backwards. The people with the dogs, they're just faking it.

Yeah. But if you've got a service raccoon, that somebody's really got issues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But probably shouldn't be flying. But I want them to have it if we're up there. I like an anxiety turkey. That's what I like. Yeah.

Just gobble, gobbling. Yeah, like the least chill animal. Yeah. It really calms me down. That's so great. You have a good turkey and bracket. You've been working on that? I have a little bit.

Trying to work it in my act right now. The best times to fly, best days of the week are Tuesday and Wednesdays. Oh, okay. Kind of make sense. Uh, times a day, midday, specifically late morning or early afternoon. Mm-hmm. Uh, favorite time to fly during the day? You fly out super early or do you like...

If, um, if my show is that day, I'll fly out real early because the less delays I've noticed. But my favorite, it's like 11. Yeah, that's nice. It's not too crowded there. I don't like to get there so early that my hotel may not be ready. It never is. Yeah. Can we talk about that?

Yeah. The hotel times? Are you joking? I know. It is 4 p.m. Oh, like, 4 p.m. tug and 8 a.m. checkout. Most of the Marriott's, by the way, are 3 p.m. It's a little better.

But the 4 p.m., I've showed up at 3, and at some place it would be like a 4 p.m. checkout. I did that in Chicago one time. They wouldn't let me check in. And I go, okay, cool. And I just got in the lobby. I opened my bag. I changed my socks.

I was like, all right. I'll just be right out here in the lobby then. Your room opened up pretty quick. Yeah, it did. I just, I traveled, I want to say the name of the club, but I traveled and I let the club book the hotel, which I never do because they always get it wrong. I need a handicapped room. Yeah.

I have one thing about me that is different. Yeah. They never booked that. It's always a normal one. I always get that one. I'm like, I don't want this. And they were trying to tell you. you something.

He's putting his socks on in the lobby. They change it right there. So I come in, there's a ton of traffic. So we're like late and I'm in my pajamas. I'm sorry. But like I still have to do makeup, you dress. Like it takes me like an hour to get ready. And we get there to the hotel.

It's like 5pm. And I was like, hey, for Fiona call it, the club book, did blah, blah. And they were like, we give your room away. Oh, wow. To whom? Right. I was like, show them. Show them.

I'm sorry. You said show them. Bring them out. Yeah. No. I just want to say hi real quick. I'm like, you give like to a disabled person. They're like, we can't disclose that.

You know, it's HIPAA. So they gave it away. Yeah, because the club accidentally booked it for two nights, and I wasn't there the night before. So they gave it away. And my show was in 45 minutes. Wow. I had to go to the club and get dressed and do my makeup there.

So the club, that is still doesn't add up. Like, you book the hotel for two nights. It doesn't sound like the club's fault at all. It sounds like the hotel. And then the hotel gave it away. Well, if you don't show, up. They often do that. I'm still going to pay for it.

It's just to have it ready. They will give it away. If you don't call, they'll... But why would they... I don't understand the benefit of giving it away. They're still getting the same amount of money from the room. And no house cleaning. They double.

Oh, they still charge you for the night that you weren't there that they gave it away to somebody else? Oh, my God. Don't touch you. I'm picking up later. I slept in the Atlanta airport one night because I was flying to Iowa. And it was Delta through Atlanta. And there was a huge snowstorm. So it took us forever to get out of Nashville.

And by the time I got to my hotel in Atlanta, it was after midnight. And they said, we've given your room away. And the hotel is completely booked. And every hotel around was booked. And by now it's like 1 a.m., 2 a.m. maybe. And I just went back to Atlanta airport because I had an early flight the next day and just slept on the floor to Atlanta airport for a couple hours. And then flew out. Wow.

Yeah. So now I know if I'm going to. be late call to make sure they don't give your room away. Yeah. That's happened to me a couple times. Yeah. And the ADA rooms and hotels are never ADA. I think if you have the app, just for the record, you could just go ahead and check yourself in on the app.

Yes, that is true. Yeah. Busiest days for travel. Let me guess. I'm going to say Thanksgiving. I'm going to say the day before Thanksgiving. I'm going to say the day of. Day of.

You travels Day of on Thanksgiving. I don't know. I'm just saying a thing. The day before is number two. The day after? The day of. The day of. Nobody's flying the day of.

Dusty does to show. That's Christmas Day. Hold on. Let me think about it. December 23rd. I'm going to go. 25th. Or July 3rd. July 4th.

Not price is right. Think it through, Aaron. January 1st. You were close earlier. December 24th. Christmas Eve? December 24th? No, when he first started. Okay. The day after Thanksgiving? I already said that wasn't it. I'm going to say the day after Christmas.

Arbor Day. If you went to visit your family somewhere, flew somewhere on Thanksgiving, are you going to head home on Friday? On Thanksgiving. On the Sunday after Thanksgiving? The Sunday after Thanksgiving. Wow. Okay.

That doesn't make sense. What do you mean? You go visit your family for Thanksgiving and stay the whole weekend? Yeah, my family. Do you fly there? Yeah. What are you just showing up for the meal and then leaving? Gets it to go.

Taking leftovers on the point. Yeah. I mean turkey legs. I fly out that night. That's so great. Yes, that makes perfect sense to me. The work week starts on Monday. So you go, we'll get in there Wednesday.

Nobody in my family has that room for me in the house. Well, you might not be staying at somebody's, you know, maybe get a hotel or something. We only stay at Al says, and I don't know why. Because I can't use the bathroom or shower at any of their house. Do you do Airbnb's ever on the road? No, they're not, the amount of accessible Airbnb is one in a million. Is there not like an option on there? There is, but every time it's like there are none.

Yeah. Yeah. What about Ubers? Uber's? Oh, Lord. Yeah, my life is hard. Uber's, New York has a ton of accessible Uber's, but my chair folds up, and I don't like being in the trunk in my chair. Didn't someone break your chair in that Uber?

Yeah. I've had that happen a ton, and the fun new thing I've noticed, if I call an Uber. and they see me waiting, they'll speed off. Wow. So I have to have my able-bodied friends. I hide. You're like living in the 90s, no Ubers, no Airbnb. Yeah.

I'm just wheeling my way down the street. That's crazy. So you posted a video not long ago of all these chairs, and these were all your chairs that you've gone through? Yeah. Wow. I travel a lot. Yeah.

It was like five or six chairs. You put a lot of miles on. Yeah, they're all broken. And I was, like, gonna try to just give them away online. I lined them up in front of my old house. And in an hour, they were all gone. Really? Dusty got one.

Yeah. Dusty always grabs stuff off the side of the other. Yeah, I do grab stuff. But, you know, one man's trash is another man's treasure. Hey, if they convicts it, it's all you. Did your chair got broken when you were opening for Jordan Jensen here. And then Jordan, I was told that Jordan bought you a new chair or something like that. She, I had never met her.

I was doing like a guest spot on her show. It was so long ago. And she was late because her flight was delayed, actually. And I had done my spot, but getting out of my car to come in, the security guard accidentally somehow cut the electrical wire. So the whole chair was done. And I had a flight to Denver alone at like 6 a.m. So I'm sobbing.

I'm like, what are I going to do? These are my legs, you know. And Jordan comes in, does her set. And then she was like, are you upset? What happened? And I just told her. And she took a photo of me. Got my Venmo info, put it on her story and said,

hey, her chair broke. please send money here. And within like two hours, I have more than enough to buy a new chair. Wow. That's great. Jordan's awesome. Yeah.

Jordan's all our friend. She's a real, she's a real person. Yeah, Jordan's the best. Yeah. Love Jordan. That's very good. Yeah, we started kind of around the same time here in Nashville. Yeah.

She's a little bit ahead of me. I'm just laughing because, yeah, she's doing great. Yeah, she did. I meant she started ahead of me. Oh, that you meant. She's also doing better than me. Yeah, yeah. I meant like, she was around when I started. She was just in a movie.

Mm-hmm. The big one with the... Little Arnette. Well, this is not a podcast about Jordan, but... Jordan Land. Yeah. Jensen News. Let's get into it.

Have y'all ever had any turbulence that, like, really scared you? Like, oh, man, something's going on there. The one time I really felt it when I was in South America with my wife and her family, and we were flying into Argentina. And it was like... You remember thinking, like, man, this would never have. happened in America. You know what I mean? We'd have fixed this. It was that bad. And then you kind of look, I always look at the flight attendants. And they always look so bored with whatever's happening.

That always makes me feel better. But at that time in Argentina, I looked at them and I could see it in their eyes. They were like, it's not good. So that got me. I've had some pretty uncomfortable, but never any that that made me question. I mean, one of my very first flights, I did Spirit Air to New York City with a buddy. And this was way. back. I wasn't, I mean, I was doing comedy. Got rock on the plane? Yeah, but I wasn't due to, it wasn't even about turbulence. I got beat up. But, uh, no, it, uh, it was really bad. I never flew spirit again. Mm-hmm. It was really bad. Even a lady next to me said, I fly weekly to New York and I've never had it this bad. Wow. Yeah. So you think it's a spirit thing

instead of just the weather? She flew weekly on Spirit to New York? She didn't get into what airline she takes, but, uh, well, what could they be doing that Spirit that would cause? more turbulence. I don't know. Maybe it's... Shocks weren't good. Maybe you're not a good of pilot. I don't know.

Late for an oil chain. Yeah. So I don't know. You apply. You go online. You go, what airline can I sign up for? I was on a flight with Angela Johnson once and she was up in first class. And just just say I was the opposite of up in first class.

Two are very different parts of the plane. We come in for a landing. And I can't remember what happened. I think I heard that we came in a little too fast. So as soon as the plane hits the runway, it takes. back off and circles back around. Diverted and landing. And I was kind of freaking out like, what just happened?

And I think some other people are like, what is going on? Like, you know, are we going to whatever? So we land and I'm like, and I get off with Angela. I'm like, man, that was crazy, huh? And she was like, what? And I'm like, what just happened with it landing? And she had her noise counseling headphones on watching a movie. Didn't even know any of this happened.

Oh, wow. That's insane. Different world of the first class. That's insane. The front of the plane is going to die. For sure. Yeah, but she's not going to have anxiety beforehand. Well, I'm saying there's a, it's still a small chance,

but if the plane were run into something, front of the plane's dead for sure, right? Back of the plane, you got a little bit of a chance. It breaks off, spins around. Put me in the very back. But I've had that happen, and where it lands and then goes back up, that's pretty, it's like irritated.

I was already like a little sick from stuff going on. And then it does that and I go, just land the plane. Yeah, me and Matt were flying on southwest into Nashville. And there was just really bad weather a couple months ago. And we circled there for a whole bunch. And I never felt turbulence like that. And like, I'm not a religious person, but I prayed. Yeah.

There's no atheist in foxholes, I'd face it. That's what I say, right? Yeah. All right. That was the funniest mm-hmm you've ever got. Okay. Well, let's talk about where we're going to be. Can I say something, though, first.

You have a sweet tea, and it says Jason B on it, and I don't think that sweet tea was for anyone here. I'm thinking Abigail picked up someone else's sweet tea. I think that she did as well. You're right. She grabbed Jason, Jason Bates. Maybe it's Jason Bateman. Could be Jason Bateman.

He's still waiting on his large iced tea. Yeah. Okay. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry, Jason. If you're listening to this podcast, I got your sweet tea. Leave a comment.

Yeah. Yeah. So this comes out, I believe, March 11th. Okay. So just for your, so we promote our shows coming up. So we can pull them up if you don't remember right off hand. I do know. All right.

Well, I'll start. March 19 through 22nd. I'm with Johnny Debian, Ed Wiley in Destin, Florida, Tallahassee, Florida, Puppado Beach, Florida, Gadsden, Alabama. Come see us four nights at one of those locations. Fiona, this is tonight. What? For that, you're in the, you're in Columbus, Ohio tonight.

You do you give me. hard a day. Wait, what do you mean? You're like literally tonight? Oh, Fiona, you're supposed to be in Columbus right now. Oh, my Lord. The recording is a bit in advance. I understand that could be scary.

Yeah, because you were just talking about you're excited you were to be off for like a week or so. Yeah, I was like, what do you mean? You got a sold-out show in Ohio tonight. That starts in one hour. This is great, though. Columbus than Toledo? I like both of those clubs. Yeah.

I haven't been. Yeah, great. Columbus is a newer big club. And I love it. Toledo is not a newer club, but I see. still like it a lot there. It's that arcade outside and everything. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And I love that you now go head to head with Dusty on your monthly show because, you know, Dusty's show was kind of running its core. So now it's fun to it. That's right. So once Fiona show sells out, you go check out Dustin. Yeah.

It is the same night as my show. I think it was last month, too. So if you're in Columbus, Ohio. Hey, same bad day today. Yeah. Same. St. Patrick's.

Oh, yeah. You guys are both dressed for it. That's my I bought a whole outfit for it. Yeah, I'm gonna, if you're in Columbus, Ohio, I'm there tonight. That's March 11th, March 12th. I'm in Toledo, Ohio,

and then back in Nashville versus St. Patrick's Day, March 17. Just for the record, I also have a show on March 17th, if you've been listening, so, you know. We're going to come to you in a minute. And then. Well, I just, I want to get that out.

Well, once the date's been said, I might as well throw it out there. You have to decide. You can go to Fionacalli.com to see her whole tour schedule. Fiona's all over the place. Go see her. Don't go to Ian Colley. Yeah, don't go to Ian Cowley, whatever goes.

Aaron Weber here. Big month or two coming up for me right now. I'm going to be in Lexington, Kentucky this weekend, a comedy off Broadway. It's going to be a lot of fun. And then at the end of the month, I'm heading up to Minneapolis, Minnesota. Nothing's been going on up there. And then I'm going to be at Sisyphus Brewing Company in Minneapolis at the end of the month.

And then April, I'm headlining a show here at Zanis during the festival, April 17th and 18th. And then can I plug one more thing, Dusty, before? Because I know you got, I want to mention it again because Fiona, my wife and I are a fundraiser show that we did last year, Prater Silly, a benefit for those living with Prater Willie syndrome, which our daughter has. Fiona performed on the show last year.

It was a lot of fun. We're doing that show again in September. If you go to PraterSilly.com, you can donate there or buy tickets or just learn more about the event. That'd be great. Thanks. Yeah.

Thanks for jumping in. Yeah. I have to know. I know. I got to give it a moment. Well, and... Prater Willey's

one in 20,000. What is Friedrich's Taxia? She already said. There's 5,000 people. But what is that equate to? Ah, okay.

5,000 people, there's 330,000 people in the U.S. That's a small percentage. Way more rare than Prater Willis. No offense. Yeah.

I know. Louis was like, I was kind of frustrated to find out yours is more rare. Go ahead, Dusty. Okay. Well, you know.

Go ahead, Mr. Ebel Body. Well, I'm going to be the 12th, 13th, and 14th. I'm doing some Air Force bases in Colorado, albeit on my calendar. Hold on. I mean, that's awesome, but it just, I didn't know you're about to say that. Yeah, well, I do, you know, I do stuff too. Well, don't I click regularly do shows in Air Force Base.

Sometimes y'all go to Olive Garden, sometimes dusty. Yeah. It goes Air Force. Yeah, but I got, I'm doing three. Colorado's, my calendar right now says two in Colorado Springs. Thursday and Friday. I don't know if it's on my public calendar. And then... Public figures. You got a new website, too.

Yeah, look that. Great. What's nice? Hot shows. So these aren't on the website. And then on the 14th, Aurora, Colorado. But it's three military bases. I'll make a better detailed video about it. Is that just for the Air Force Academy or is it for the public?

I think if you're a veteran of any kind, you can come to the show. But not the general public. Is that why you're dressed like a veteran? Yeah. The last time I wore this, Aaron made this job. I haven't wore it in like two years. No, I never said that. He said, I looked like a Vietnam vet last time.

Still in Saigon. I never felt comfortable wearing it. I'm sorry. That's okay. I wasn't even thinking about it. It's just an L-O-Bing. Yeah, it's a nice shirt. People think my vet, too, because of the chair.

I understand. Datsy and I. But then on March 17th, have a show. I don't think there's any other things going on that night at Zanis, but March 17. It's a big night. Yeah. And then, yeah,

Clearwater, Florida, Orlando, Florida. Coming up after that. How about it? Fiona, you're the best. Thanks so much for coming. Thanks for being our first guest. This was a lot of fun.

You're the first guest. All right. Thank you for it. I mean, we haven't talked about it, but I'll just speak for it. You're welcome back anytime you want to come back on.

Yeah. Well, this do talk about it. Yeah, we'll figure out. I'll figure out. I'll figure out the details. I'll just block the door or something. You remove the ramp. Yeah, yeah.

Zaney's put up a rant for you. Isn't that awesome? It's pretty cool. Pretty, no, it was a good ramp now. It was of the original ramp was pretty sketchy. The other one, do you remember when I told it back and Max caught me? Yeah. Miner.

I don't remember. They got a good one now, though, right? Oh, next door? Yeah. Nah. But it's not their fault. It's like the orientation of the stage in the door. It's staged to the green room.

Like, yeah. Yeah. Physics and gravity. They're doing their best. Yeah. And I appreciate it. March 29th, Brian Bates and Friends here at the lab. Brian, recording a special.

A lot going on in the Nate Land universe, the Public Figures universe. Thank you so much for tuning in. This has been another wonderful edition of the Public Figures podcast, a Nateland Entertainment production. We miss you all. We love you. God bless. And we wish you all a pleasant evening. Heck yeah.

I just like that you said, we miss you. I don't know why it's it. The Bell Air Direct app includes crash assist, which detects an accident the moment it happens, and even offers you emergency assistance at the tap of a button. Okay, but what if I don't have an accident? Well, just keep on, keeping on. Bell Air Direct, insurance, simplified. Conditions apply.