The Nateland Podcast - #66 Animals Pt. 2

Episode Date: September 29, 2021

On this week's podcast, we're once again learning about animals. The guys debate whether a whale would deliberately swallow a human, can a jellyfish really be immortal, and what really happens at the blessing of the pets.   Co-hosts: Brian Bates ( https://www.instagram.com/brianbatescomic) & Aaron Weber ( https://www.instagram.com/realaaronweber)   Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail] Vuori - vuori.com/Nate  Vuori is an investment in your happiness.  For our listeners they are offering 20% off your first purchase.  Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VUORI.COM/NATE Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns.  Go to VUORI.COM/NATE and discover the versatility of Vuori Clothing.   DoorDash - Doordash.com   For a limited time, our listeners can get 25% off and zero delivery fees on their first order of $15 or more, when you download the DoorDash app and enter code NATE. That’s 25% off, up to $10 value, and zero delivery fees on your first order, when you download the DoorDash app in the App Store and enter code  NATE.     solostove - Solostove.com   Get the perfect fire pit for those Fall nights and make your backyard a destination with a spectacular fire pit from Solo Stove. Shop the Fall Event now and get an extra $10 off when you use promo code NATE at checkout. They’re so confident you’ll love it, they offer a lifetime warranty and a 30-day FREE return policy. Just go to SOLOSTOVE.COM. And remember, you get $10 off when you use promo code NATE.

Hello folks, welcome to Nate land Alright everybody, welcome Welcome to the show We got a lot of stuff I want to thank Chad and Kim We got a little FBI glasses They worked at the FBI They came to the show in D.C.

Gave us some glasses. Had some hats and stuff, too. Pretty neat. He said he was like, you know, he loves after they wind down from a day. Because they have a pretty eventful. Yeah, I'd say so. It's just like, yeah, just like watching, looking at just chaos all day. And so they're fans of this.

Also, Megan and Scott, they wrote me a nice letter and thank you guys for that. And then the Titans. Titans sent me some stuff and they won. Titans are doing pretty good. Yeah, went to the game yesterday. Yeah, how was it?

Good? Felt great? Fun game. Weather was nice? Yeah, it was hotter than one would think. Yeah. It always is hotter

in those stadium seats. Up there. Yeah, up there closer to the sun. Yeah, yeah. You're near the sun. there. Yeah, up there closer to the sun. Yeah, yeah. You're near the sun. You're looking. Your head's behind the sun looking down.

Could you move over? Could you? You try to get some of the clouds to come over. Could you all get over? Down in front. Yeah. Yeah, night games, you want half moon. Is it full moon or half moon?

It's three quarters of the night. All right, we'll see. Sometimes we get lucky. right, we'll see. Sometimes we get lucky. Yeah, it was fun. I mean, you know, this is our big high hopes for the Titans this year. I mean, you know, it's been more exciting than Vanderbilt. But, you know, I got all the messages about Vanderbilt. I get everything.

He's like, you watching this? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm watching. Vanderbilt has a 32-year-old tight end who played 11 years ago at Notre Dame. Really? Walked on to Notre Dame, played 11 years ago, left, went to the Navy, I think served two tours. Yeah. Now he's back at Vanderbilt, walked on, tight end.

It's like our Ted Williams. Yeah. Like all those guys had to go. Yeah. Fighting wars, coming back. That's what all those guys had to go. Yeah. Fighting wars. Come back. That's crazy. Does he play?

I'm sure he does. I think they all do. Yeah. They're glad to have him. I think I can play. Yeah. Welcome. We welcome.

Open arms. He's out there telling war stories in the huddle. We get a delay game penalty. He goes, what happened? He goes, I got carried away. We were the one time We were in Baghdad And Just started

Alright that's fine You know we're always Like alright Thank you for your service And then we let him back up It's a guy older than you Playing out there Yeah that's wild

He's older than Oh that is true You could wear his jersey I could and not feel That weird about it Yeah Cause most of those kids I was watching Notre Dame this weekend,

and I was like, those kids are like 18. Yeah. He was probably playing at Notre Dame when you were there. I mean, he was probably like older than you, but. Yeah, I got to look this guy up. Maybe we were old friends. Maybe. Yeah.

Your freshman year, he was a senior. I wasn't hanging out with many seniors when I was a freshman. He was going to save the country, and you were one of the problems and he had your camel hat on he would nod at you and go you want to go do this and you go yeah we did used to we sometimes we'd be walking back to campus at like pretty late like four or five in the morning and we'd walk past the ROTC kids running in the morning. Man, you just feel like a loser. They're up, they're chanting, they're running.

Could have saved the country. Just embarrassing myself. Yeah, did you salute them? You know, we did do stuff like that. Looking back, I'm a little ashamed of it. We thought we were being funny back then. Yeah, I mean, at college, you're always being funny. Welcome back, Bates little ashamed of. Yeah. Yeah. We thought we were being funny back then. Yeah. I mean, at college, you know, you're always being funny. Welcome back, Bates, as well.

Yeah. Thank you. I hate to miss last week. My mother-in-law passed away, and sweet lady, she lived with us. I think I told her on here a joke one time about we race each other to the mailbox. Yeah, yeah. And she passed away us. I think I told her on here a joke one time about we race each other to the mailbox. Yeah. And she passed away kind of suddenly. So I had a miss last week, but glad to be back.

It was weird not being watching it as a folk. About 30 minutes in, I was like, these guys are idiots. This is not good. What are they even talking about? Yeah. I'm yelling at the screen. Yeah. not good. What are they even talking about? Yeah. I'm yelling at the screen. Yeah. I kept that seat warm for you, man.

Yeah, that's weird. The springs are all crushed. It doesn't go up and down anymore. No, I'm joking. You look better than any of us now. Hey, I know. You are. You lost a ton.

Gave mud hens on. Yeah, dude. Coach Doug, Coach Bockler, the Toledo Mudhens. Big folk. Came to the show. Got us a bunch of merch. Toledo Mudhens. Toledo Mudhens.

That's a good name. Yeah, it's great. I like it. You know, I was thinking about, you mentioned once getting a Toledo, you thought you got a Toledo jersey. Yeah. I was with you on that. I thought about that.

That was their hockey team. Yeah. And they met us downstairs before the show and presented you with the jersey, I think with your name on it. Yeah. Yes. I do have that. Yeah.

I have that. But I have a total – I think I have a Mud Hens, like a – not like that jacket, but a little jersey. I think I have that too. When I went to Toledo, the Funny Bone. Yeah. I think I got one there. I still haven't – I'm almost positive I looked at it last time. But then I do think I got one there I still haven't I'm almost positive I

looked at it last time but then I do think I got that jersey I do remember that yeah no that wasn't that was Scranton you may have got I didn't go with you to Scranton but in Toledo maybe it was I'm pretty sure you got a jersey presented to you yeah the name on it I gotta go I was doing I golfed this one Got a lot of messages about golf. Appreciate you all reaching out for that and stuff to do. We got to figure out the system. It's hard. When I have two shows, it's hard to go golfing.

So that's a good – when there's two shows, it's tough. And sometimes the night before, and sometimes I got buddies with me. But I'm going to try to slowly figure this out because I would love to be able to go golf with just some guys on the road. Meet some of you guys, go play. This one was kind of special. I got to go golf with you know just some guys on the road you meet some of you guys go play uh this one was a kind of special i got to go golf with tony kornheiser so that was uh but i you know i play with everybody you know it was tony tony lets on you know if anybody's pti fans we are obviously big pti fans tony's always the you know i'm a big hack and all this stuff not not bad yeah for what he

claims to be he's not i mean i'm not he's not you know a scratch golfer by any means but he's he's definitely plays it up a little bit more his son by the way he because he was telling me we played and then he's like where's your son he's like where y'all wanna y'all wanna play from the back tees or up or whatever yeah And I'm like, whatever. He's trying to accommodate me. His son is an unbelievable golfer. I thought like, all right, so I'm about to play with this dude, with his son, and I'm going to end up, you know, like I'll just, you know, he'll be like decent. Whatever.

I mean, not even, I think he was one over. I think I shot an 85. I mean, I just got beat up by the course. I was playing bad, and then he just was unreal great swing knows everything like just very just knows a lot of stuff about golf a lot of cool like just you know the way the grass is i don't know it's always fun hearing that stuff when someone's like really into it uh but it was an awesome experience and uh tony's just the i mean he's just a great dude man he's just a solid solid guy man. He's just a solid, solid guy. Like, truly, he's like what you want to be. If you're, like, known and stuff, you'd want to be that. Like, he was talking about meeting Cal Ripken, and he's like,

I couldn't believe that Cal Ripken's talking to me. And I was like, how is Cal Ripken talking to me? And he still thinks that. He still believes that. He's been on PTI. I mean, one of the more – that show would be in the Smithsonian, probably. I think tonight's their 20-year anniversary show. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it of the more, that show would be in the Smithsonian probably. I think tonight's their 20-year anniversary show. Oh, really?

Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's an insane. I used to watch it every day after school. I watched PTI. Yeah, I mean, it's a big, big show. After school. Yeah. I get home from work.

Oh, sorry. After all my lunch break at work, my bad. He remembers when they were going to hire Tony. Yeah. It was between me and him. Yeah, yeah. And they went in the younger version. Bates, you're just too old.

He's just like a good – I love that idea of just when you meet – he's like, I can't believe Cal Ripken's talking to me. He's like, I'm just a dumb journalist. Like, you know, that attitude is just always, is always great to hear someone say, and, you know, I think it makes it when you meet them, you're like, oh, this person's a solid person, you know? Yeah.

It was cool. So you're all over the place this weekend. No, I don't even know. We pulled up in the bus this morning. Hershey, Pennsylvania. Had some great time. Great time in Hershey. Met a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people listening the bus this morning. Hershey, Pennsylvania. Had some great time. Great time in Hershey. Met a lot of people.

A lot of people listening to the podcast. Let's go, folks. Get yelled at every show. I love it. We went to Hershey. We did go to Hershey World. We went. Nick went and he left us.

So it's an amusement park. It's a chocolate world. Yeah. And there's a big amusement park. We walked around the the amusement park walked to the zoo uh we didn't ride any rides it was a kind of crap like a lot of rides were a little long and then we didn't have a ton of time and then so we were going to go back i was gonna go back to the hotel take a nap and get ready for the show because we were leaving sunday night we left right after the show bus and drove home uh and then nick's like i'm gonna you know i'm gonna stick stick around for a little bit so we just watched i'm just watching nick just

bees everywhere and then he gets on a nick i mean he'll have to tell we have to give him back to tell the story like he somehow got on he went on some tour on a trolley he's got a bike right yeah so he always brings a bike with him to ride so you always got to watch nick because nick's got to talk them into letting him bring his bike in. So whatever you do, Nick's like, I'll get it in. And then you just kind of, we went in. And then Nick just, we wait to see if they're going to let him bring his bike in or not.

And he usually gets it in. And so then he rides the trolley, goes through. And then I think I lost at one point. He was on a trolley. He went to some kids show. And he sat in the front row with the kids. And it was like children, you know? and like the parents were kind of uncomfortable with it rightfully so uh and so and then he ended up like on the bike this is like a very uh brief this is

the stuff that nick tells stories he goes and then i got kind of lost going back i rode my bike to a golf course met some really nice people out there and i'm like what and then he doesn't like you really get into that like how do you i can understand or you took a wrong turn you're he's somehow driving on a golf course riding his bike on a golf course yeah still not great but i can wrap my head around that and then just be like i met some really nice people like how do you meet so you stop and talk to them you didn't like it wasn't like like waving like just like he wrote over the green while people were playing how y'all doing i mean because he went over i guarantee and asked hey how do you get yeah can you imagine you're about to play golf and then nick walks over and

goes hey where's the batman building And rides over. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know? He was asking where the direction. Like, how do you get to Hershey Theater? He'd ride away, and they'd look at each other and go, did that really? Did that just happen? Yeah. How many drinks have I had? Yeah, exactly.

They gave us this big chocolate bar. Weighs five pounds. I was going to buy a harp or something. Then I was like, you know what? This is pretty good. It's a five pound. I actually got a Kit Kat bar that this family gave me. That was a harp or something. Then I was like, you know what? This is pretty good. It's a five pound. I actually got a Kit Kat bar that this family gave me. That was a very sweet family.

So it was fun. It was a good, I'll try to think about thinking of anything else. Let's look at some of these comments though for you guys. Roger Mathie, my favorite episode to date. Loved, ugh, Mathie. No, I'm upset. It's his favorite episode. Oh, my favorite episode to date. I feel like you and him work episode. Oh, my favorite episode to date.

I feel like you and him worked together on that. My favorite episode to date. Loved hearing about the experience that shaped you guys as comedians. It made me think of how life is about getting out there and doing it. And if you want to learn, you have to gain experience, not just by performing, but by learning from other performers. Yeah, that's true. Experience is everything, man.

I guarantee you could, that'd be just, you got to, people don't want to do experience. I met a lot of people who was going to start comedy, actually, this weekend.

You know, they were like talking about like, ah, they're trying to get into it and stuff like that. I was like, you got to just go do it, man. You can't think, you know,

sometimes people are older and they're like, I'm older when I'm starting all this. You just can't think about that. You're starting when you're starting, you know, sometimes people are older and they're like, I'm older when I'm starting all this. You just can't think about that. You're starting when you're starting. You know, Louis Black was in his 40s, you know. Bates, early 50s, he's making it now. You know, Rodney Dangerfield.

He was in his 50s, I think, right? Yeah. I mean, a lot of people do good. I mean, I'm 42. It's not like i'm 21 you know it may but it takes a long time but you just can't get into that man you can't think about that you just go try to be the best comic that you can be and uh if you have true talent i truly get believe you get a shot at it you know i was 35 when i started 35 and i do feel like comedy is the fairest of all the entertainments

in that regard because if you are funny and put in the work, I think it'll happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you just get up

and go do it. I'm glad, you know. What if when you say that people now don't do it? They're like, so this is best case scenario? I'm like, yeah.

Now, think about Ronnie Dangerfield and Louis Black, folks, when you think about it ronnie dangerfield lewis black brian bates i think you'd be surprised if you show up to your local open mic or your local scene yeah the age range is pretty wild yeah yeah i mean i'm friends with guys in their 50s and 60s and then kids and you know that are 18 19 a little bit of everybody. Just say me and Brian. I don't know who your 60s.

There's some guys in there. Yeah, you just got to go. I see kids. There's like 16-year-olds that want to start and stuff. Pete Davidson was 16 when he started. But I mean, you could make an argument just as much starting too early. You're 16. You're still in high school.

I don't think it's bad. Maybe you go get some like you go up. You're 16, you're still in high school. I don't think it's bad. Maybe you go get some, like, you go up, you do some stuff. But if you do start very young, I would say you still need to go live a regular, you need to go, you know, if you're going to go to college, go to college. If you weren't, get a regular job, get a regular job. Don't, like, just think I'm going to pay for it like this. Go do regular stuff because experience is what you talk about, and that's what you make funny.

Jordan Lundeen hello folks had a funny moment walking into church this past weekend as i was walking up the greeter said to me and my wife hello folks i slowed down and tilted my head with a smile not knowing if he was going to think i was crazy i said let's go folks and he gave me a fist bump and said it was good to meet a fellow folk from nateland all right that worked out's really cool. That may have been really fun. I'll be honest with you, Jordan would have been funnier if it did not work. No,

it's awesome to hear that it did work out. Uh, Brian Kennelly. I don't know. Kennelly. Kennelly. I bet that's it. Brian Kennelly.

Kennelly. Kennelly. Brian Kennelly. Kennelly. Yeah. It sounds like a... Dustin looks like a police sketch artist trying to draw Nate based on a poor eyewitness description.

That's funny. That's pretty good. Yeah. Robbie Lightfoot. Tell Nick not to feel bad for brushing his teeth with cortisone cream. My dad was a college basketball coach for 30 years, so growing up, my brother and I would attend all of the summer camps. My dad was an early riser, and on the first morning of overnight camp, he realized he had forgotten to pack

toothpaste. He decided to quickly sneak into my dorm room to use some of mine. Rather than alarm clock waking us up for camp that morning, the entire floor was greeted by the sound of my dad screeching throughout the halls. Springing out of bed, I opened my eyes to see my dad violently rinsing his mouth out. It quickly became evident that rather than grabbing my toothpaste he had mistakenly brushed his teeth with my roommate's jock itch cream we've got a few examples of stuff like that oh yeah yeah yeah like a lot yeah people making bad then to be like he's at least like at least it was my son's bad mistakes and then to be like he's at least like

at least it was my son's that was his roommate son's roommate that's a joke I know and then his dad's like well at least it was my son's oh and then he finds out

it wasn't sorry I do comedy for a living Sam H it is very obvious that Aaron is not used to facing that facing the camera

Aaron's face during the conversation about how Nate came up in comedy is the same face five yearyear-old me would make when my mom would run into another adult in a mall and have a full-on conversation. He didn't like it, did you?

No, I apologize that I came across that way. It's literally the stuff I'm most interested in in the world. I'm sorry that didn't come across. He needs to do better. Maybe don't just lose weight here. Lose it in your frown. You look worried. Yeah, you're the new worried.

It's the seat. Andy Berry. If I don't go to Hershey, it's like those guys died for nothing. It's the funniest line in the last year of this nearly perfect podcast. Well done, Aaron Land. Thank you. There you go. Yeah.

Came back. Brian not being here really. Freed you up. Yeah, cleared things up in my head. That's good. You know? Yeah. You're able to just get out there and boom.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Without fear of somebody just putting a spoke in my wheel. Ooh. Nathan Burbank. Yes, Aaron's use of aughts is pretentious it's still correct if we limited language to only the words agreed upon

by the lowest common denominator in any room goodnight we would soon be back to grunts and gestures love the podcast and it's members please never stop just admit that you need Aaron to occasionally inject intelligent perspectives I don't know i'll take any of that nathan

just because we don't use ops and next thing you know we're grunting and just hitting each other in the head seeing whose head's harder are you nathan burbank no he sounds like a cool dude yeah he gets it whose head's harder. Are you Nathan Burbank? No. He sounds like a cool dude. He gets it. Kaylee Byram. Nate kept trying to talk about the order from Barker and then the next step,

but never got to a finish. Inquiring minds want to know. Oh, so talk about the order from Barker and then what goes after that. It was like Barker, you would get a handout flyers kind of by the door. And that would still be Barking technically, actually. So you're handing them out. First step was you're not near the club.

You're two blocks down or whatever. Then you're in front of the club and you get to kind of hang out there, which is nice. And then you just get to work the door. You don't have to try to get people in. And then you would hope to get to emcee and host. And you get to emcee and host the show. And then you would get to a point where you then want to just be able to do check spots was a big one.

So in New York, you get to go up. You don't have to do anything for your stage time. But you go up when they drop checks for everybody which can be you know it really depend it was some some places it was okay in some places it was brutal i mean i remember doing one time they dropped checks to everybody and you're you're i mean your job is a check spot that's your job you're going up there and they're they did the waitresses know do not drop checks until nate is on that stage and then nate you do not get off stage until everybody's done paying and when they're done paying you get off immediately so you get no you just gotta hope that maybe this is a nice crowd

and they're just not really they're just handing credit cards to their waiters if there's any problem it's it's over and i you know and some comics used to complain about it they'd be like i don't want to do these check spots. But me and Soder always talk about it. Because I was in check spots, and Soder got in check spots. And then it was like, that's what makes you do. Being able to go up there and handle that situation. I mean, I remember being up there.

No one's looking at you. You're talking in a microphone. It's pretty surreal to be in a room of 100 people, and you're talking in a microphone, and nobody knows. There's no one even looking at you. I left that show. There's people that were in that show that wouldn't have known that I was ever on the stage.

I could have talked to them afterwards and go, no, I was up there talking to y'all for 10 minutes. Can you imagine being someone telling you that? And you'd be like, when was that? When were you up there? When were you up there? I don't remember you getting up there at all. And you're like, I was up there you're like arguing about their bill and stuff yeah well you got to deal with that as a headliner right so it's kind of a good i got to

do a check spot once in new york guy put me on i didn't know what a check spot was and i was like i'll take it sure yeah i get a check for doing yeah i got there i think i might have thought that's what it was and i got up there it was whole time. It was like 10 people in the room and they're all just looking. And I was like kind of furious because I'm like, what are the odds? As soon as I get up there, they drop the checks. 100%. I didn't even know what it meant. I was just glad to do it.

I get all furious like, are you kidding me? Yeah. That's what helps you. That's what I think helps new york is i mean you and then you want to get out of that like so it's like you just in it and so you need to be put in those positions to then work to get out to be like all right i gotta try to get better to try to you know you're kind of hanging out there and we used to hang out hoping for check spots like you would just go there and be like man it'd be amazing if can i just come hang out in case

you know the check spot doesn't show up or something and i'll go up and that was like a big deal to be able to go up and you know but you were at least getting on that stage and you're watching you know sign photos on that show yeah and i gotta be on that show too you know all that stuff it all matters so what came after check spots uh waiting tables yeah waiting tables no checked after check spots was you would just usually get i think you would get maybe you could get guest spots or you would get passed at some clubs so you kind of get to a point where you just were maybe like you into a check spot you're like i don't really do check spots anymore like i'm i'm kind of like you know maybe you're not getting paid all the time but you get to go up and sit and wait or some clubs are kind of paying you some are not you know you're not

passed everywhere it's not like there's a blanket you're passed at every club at the same time and then but you do some free shows but you don't but you don't get checks and you don't get you know whatever right there used to be a spot in la that you'd go up before the mc went up it was like a big when you go to an la show and these shows la used to do is like laugh factory i think and they used to run these shows you remember the dane cook uh the hbo thing with dane cook and jay davis bobby kelly and gary goldman uh and jay davis used to run this show and it was unreal this show was crazy and i did it once and you would go up before the ms for he would go up he was the mc and so he would you would get to go up before him. And then so you'd go up and kind of try to get the crowd

to pay attention. And then J. Davis would go up and then the rest of the show would start. But yeah, that was a brutal spot too, man. I mean, because they don't even know. You just go up and they think the show started. It's not. You just do it. Easton Bennett. It hurt me to my core hearing Nate

call the Broadway straight, or as he referred to my core hearing nate called the broadway straight or as he referred to it the royal straight the second best hand in poker he also followed up with calling the community cards the river the river is the single card that came that comes last last thing to mention there are five other hands that would top the infamous royal straight flush full house four of a kind straight flush and a royal. Please bring back baby oil to hold this podcast together. I didn't know that. And you would think my dad's a whole, I mean, I ate dinner off of cards. Someone being really good with cards.

Maybe that's why I don't pay attention to them as much. We played this other game, AC Deucy. It's another on the busbus little fun little card game. And it got wild. I mean, you play like a dollar hand. No, no. You lay down two cards. And so it's like a king and a three.

And then you either got to bet the pot or not the pot to be – like so everybody puts in a dollar. So everybody puts – there's four of us, $4. Yeah. And then so if you king and a three, and then if you're like, all right, I'll bet $4 that my card will be in between those. And if it is, you win the money. If it's not, you got to put $4 in.

Or if the card's a king or a three, you have to put double the pot in. So you have to put four, $8 in. So it's like it can get, and there's one point we're on this bus, and we're playing, you know, not everybody's like willing, get and there's one point we're on this bus and we're playing you know not everybody's like willing just wants to lose

a hundred dollars but there's one way you're like it's gonna be a hundred dollars like it gets so quick that you're like if you bet that pot and it lands on that one

you then owe a hundred dollars you know we have Chase our merch he's 22 like I'm I'm like go in Chase I'm just trying to talk him into it

he's like you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. And Nick was hilarious. I mean, he got destroyed in AC Ducey. And then we played poker afterwards. And I think I got it to $100. Nick did?

It ended up being up $100. Yeah. He had quite the swing. He would just be, you know, Nick can't see the cards, so everybody, someone flips the card. And then Nick starts getting tired. He starts falling asleep. And so he'll be like this, and you're like, Nick.

And he's like, what? And he'll just sit there and think about it for a long time. And there was times where we said, Nick, are you in? And he didn't answer. And we would just play the hand, and then we would be like, I'll chase one. And then we'd take the cards away, hand, and then we would be like, I'll chase one. And then we'd take the cards away, and Nick goes, he would be like, I'm five in.

And we're like, no, the game's over. We thought you folded. He goes, I didn't fold. We came to you and said, are you out? And you just didn't say anything. Corey Alex White, the pitcher from King and his court struck my grandfather out from second base. Wow.

We got some – I have one, a couple stories. I'll tell this other one. Thomas Seitz heard a story about King and his court. The catcher called timeout. The King secretly gave the catcher the ball. The catcher returned to the plate with the ball. The King pitched so fast that people couldn't see the ball, so the King wound up, let nothing fly. The catcher loudly smacked his mitt in the up-court strike, assuming he didn't see the ball. So the king wound up, wound up, let nothing fly.

The catcher loudly smacked his mitt in the up-court strike, assuming he didn't see the pitch. And the pitch was never thrown. So talking about this too, my king in the court, my dad played, my dad took a bat against him. Really? Yeah. So my dad played, I mean, I don't even know if I was born yet,

but he was, he would play fast pitch one year. And he said the fast pitch, it was all these four fields where the sounds, their old sounds field or something. And they had four fields and they would cross each other. And I think I've played in something like that, where the right filter of one game is looking at the left filter of the other game. Yeah. And so you're both just standing opposite of each other, and you're playing.

And so the king and the court did one of their games, and then he was like, I'll stay around if anybody wants to try to bat. And my dad tried to bat. He's like, I mean, we never touched it. He's like, that's why they could do – because he's like, no one could touch this guy. Yeah. He was so good. He said – my dad's why they could do – because he's like, no one could touch this guy. Like, he was so good.

He said – my dad goes – he said, he pitched the ball high, and you think, oh, he made a mistake. I'm about to just rope it now. And the ball would just drop to the ground. You would just swing and miss it completely. And then Ronnie Bargetzi, my cousin, Ronnie, he's my two thumbs. He's the one that told me about the two thumbs Bargetze. Ronnie Bargetze played against him a few times,

and he got struck out from second base from him. Wow. He would go out to second base and just pitch. He just pitched from second base? Yeah, he just could. I mean, he could do whatever he wanted. I mean, you just couldn't get a hit on him. Like, he was just so.

Here he is pitching blindfolded, right? Striking people out. Yeah. I mean's it's pretty crazy dude i mean he threw behind his back blindfolded and just striking where are they at like where yeah so there's a guy standing there just so he doesn't you know and then the guy's just like they get hits and jack and home run can you imagine i mean that guy's yeah i could i mean this king you know they just rope them i mean just you know yeah it's crazy so interesting all right uh chris kelly hearing brian's story of calling al gore reminded me of the first time i ever called

into the gym roam show i immediately got through i was so shocked that i actually made it to the show in one try that when they asked me what's your. I was so shocked that I actually made it to the show in one try that when they asked me, what's your question, I got so nervous that I yelled, go Lakers, then immediately hung up. The sad thing is I'm not even a Lakers fan. That's great. I love Jim Rome.

Man, we used to listen. It's so funny. He's so funny the way he talks. His car brother is always feeling for me. I was always such a big Jim Rome fan. All right, everybody. This week, we had – what did y'all – did you go out this weekend? Were you on the road or no?

I had to cancel one show, but last night I did a surprise birthday party for one of our folks. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Kelly Rose, her husband, Brian rose uh threw her a surprise 50th birthday party and he went out of theater invited all her friends and it was great they were they were a lot of fun big fans of the podcast oh that's awesome yeah it was fun that's great happy birthday yeah kelly kelly kelly yep she's 50 i couldn't identify saying it over and over

she's like all right happy five zero ke I kept saying it over and over. She's like, all right. Tone it down a little bit. Happy 5-0 Kelly. Well, I'm just making the point that I'm not close to her age. I'm just making the point that I'm so much younger than her. Oh, yeah. Two different generations. Happy over the hill. Kelly, when did you start doing over the hill stuff?

40? 40's over the hill. Yeah. That's, well, I think, I mean, now, when I was growing up, over the hill yeah yeah that's well i think i mean now i mean when i was growing up over the hill was yeah you would now you'll say what 43 now say 50 50s the new 40 50s new 40 uh i think you're over the hills whatever it is i feel like you got a good 40 to 60s like a you know is prime time now that's the prime of your life? 40 to 60? And I bet it gets to 70 by the time I get there.

Yeah. Just keep shifting. It keeps moving until I'm done with it. Then it goes back to normal. So what am I at right now? I'm like, this is. Well, outside, inside your body is different ages. So inside has been beat up a little bit.

Outside is amazing. You're about to be 30, right? Yeah, I'm going to be 30 next month. 30's a big one, man. It's your first. It's like you're like, all right, I'm an adult. And then,

yeah. And it seemed crazy. 30 feels old, and you never realize how young it actually is until you're past it. And then you're like, God, I'm so young. Yeah. But I think 30 is much different than it was. Like, our parents, 30 and 40.

Oh, yeah. Our parents, 40, it felt like they were about to retire. Yeah. Like, you know, not now. Well, when your parents were 40, you were probably at least in high school yeah 79 uh 20 yeah yeah i think so i remember i started comedy going my dad's 50th and i remember that was crazy i was like golly yeah i can't believe i'm at his 50th birthday and i remember that yeah and then yeah wow well i just my big my big adult moment is i mowed my own lawn this weekend whoa yeah i had this high school kid that would come by and

mow it and then i would just not even think about it and he would just show up every week and then venmo request me and it was a great relationship and then a few weeks go by my lawn just looks awful and i'm like where you been and he said i retired he said retired he said i retired yeah request me and it was a great relationship and then a few weeks go by my lawn just looks awful and i'm like where you been and he said i retired he said retired he said i retired yeah kids like 16 yeah so so i went i got went to home depot got a lawnmower and i mowed my lawn and i weed it it feels really good yeah you know it stinks those you mow your lawn it took me like hours i'm sweating and then just nobody cares yeah Yeah. Like I go inside. It's your duty.

Yeah, I know. When you're a kid, you at least get like a thank you. Your wife posted a photo on Instagram of you holding a rake. I would have loved a thumbs up in person versus an Instagram post. The kid said,

I retire. Yeah, he said he was done, man. Did he really say the words retire? He said I retired from mowing lawns. Yeah. Sorry I didn't let you know. Yeah. He's too young to, he doesn't was done, man. Did he really say the words? He said, I retired from mowing lawns. Sorry I didn't let you know. Yeah. He's too young.

He doesn't know how to retire. I mean, his dad didn't go, you got to let your, you know. Imagine just going to business. Like, I don't just don't show up to this podcast next week. I'm like, oh, I retired from the podcast. Yeah, I retired a couple weeks ago. You're like, oh, we just needed to know. It's a two-week notice.

I kept seeing y'all come over here. I was like, why are y'all still over here? Yeah. I love it. 16-year-old retired. Uh-huh. They should throw

them a retirement party. I want to throw them a retirement party. We should. I would throw them one. Yeah. They get out of the game and talk about the good old days.

You know? What was it? You guys remember that time? You guys, I think I just turned 16 then. You know? My father-in-law retired yesterday at 82 wow 82 so that's a real retirement that's a real retirement yeah well what he told everybody

was he working as hard as this kid that's the question because this kid was really putting in some work yeah he had a few different houses on my street well he was that was the big thing he'd go mow grass yeah uh my buddy we would always mow grass and they uh and he was like he was that was the big thing you'd go mow grass yeah uh my buddy we would always mow grass and they uh and he was like he was like people would always be like i'm gonna start my own mowing yard lawn and it was like such a good i remember my buddy nick newman his brother josh he started when i get to mount juliet but he was like he was like very he was younger than us and i remember he started mowing the grass he's like oh so i can make money doing the mowing grass they're like yeah yeah and then he like he was just like a

dude that like started it you know like someone that just gets it like that's the people when you're young and your kids if you get what this is the hard part is when you don't get it like you don't get like you're like oh i can make this money i just want this ten dollars to buy this one thing i don't really get her i don't need more than what i need right now and that's all you think about is what you need at that moment yeah and so the kids that think well i'll start saving this money this will add up that can wrap their head around all of it usually pretty successful because they just get it very early and so then they start preparing and then they're very prepared by the time they get out because they're always thinking ahead to the next thing always thinking ahead to the next thing? Always thinking ahead to the next thing. I used to mow this guy's lawn.

He lived about a mile away from me. I used to roll our lawnmower a mile to his house, and it'd take a few hours, and it'd be $25. And then I'd roll that lawnmower to Rite Aid, and I got a Diet Coke and a $20 iTunes gift card every time. I blew it all every time. I just never saved that money. That's two hilarious things to buy. I mean, not only just the...

I made some of the items. Just the fact that I'm hearing an old, timely story, and you bought iTunes cards. That's how you got music back then. I know, but I don't even... I got paid $5 to mow my grass in my neighbor's misgivens yard. She gave me $5. Did you get Amazon gift card?

Yeah. I mean, I'd go buy candy at a candy store like I was born in the 20s. I mean, it just took such a big jump after. I thought, were you not blown away that it was an iTunes card? That seems insane. Yeah. You could buy a couple CDs with that, with $20. Yeah. That was big. I almost you could buy a couple CDs with that, with 20 bucks.

Yeah. That was big. I almost, I think, I just never heard it, I've never heard it like that. I almost, if you told me you bought CDs, I would be like, okay. I think I've just never thought about. I bought baseball cards. Yeah. Yeah, I bought candy, and like, $5, you go in this candy store and just get a lot of stuff.

A dollar would get you a lot of stuff. It was on the tail end. That store shut down pretty quick. Yeah. I have a joke about mowing the yard, and when I say it here in the south, that's what I say, but when I do it up north, they're like, they don't quite understand what I'm saying. They say cut the lawn. Cut the yard?

Cut the grass? Cut the lawn or cut the grass. I think I say cut the grass. I say mow. I say mow. Yeah, it's the lawn. Cut the yard? Cut the grass? Cut the lawn or cut the grass. I think I say cut the grass. I say mow. I say mow. Yeah, it's the same. I think I always say cut the grass or mow. I don't know.

I think it is a regional thing, though. Yeah. I call it landscaping. Yeah. I got to go landscape real quick. That's what you do. Where were you at this weekend? You just did that?

I was in Louisville. Played golf, made my first birdie. Oh, wow. Yeah. Congrats, man. Felt good. Felt real good. Par four, par five?

Par three, pitching wedge. Got a foot and a half from the hole. Oh, wow. And that's the real pressure to make that putt. Because everyone's like, oh, this is easy. And then I... Yeah. How long was it?

A hole? 120, 120 yards. Yeah. Nice. Not too bad. Yeah. How long was it? A hole? 120, 120 yards. Yeah. Nice. Not too bad. No. No. It's a good pitch wedge.

I was playing with Henry Cho who hit a 71. He was like so good. Yeah. Henry's good. I'm playing Henry next week. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah.

I'd like to see you two play. Henry's good. He's very good. Yeah. But he was super. I mean, we've talked about it. He's very good. But he was super, I mean, we've talked about it. He's super patient with me.

Very helpful. Yeah. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. He's great. We played that golf scramble last year together. Yeah. Yeah.

All right. Talk about animal. I mean, it's kind of, y'all don't feel that when y'all, I mean, that's. I feel it for sure.

For sure. I feel it. You do? Yeah. Just want to make sure. Yeah. But I mean, you're saying it's just. For sure, I feel it. You do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just want to make sure. Yeah, but I mean, are you saying it's just us? No, I'm just, you kind of like, once he started spiraling down this, once that Henry Cho started, it's like he tells the birdie putt story,

gets it going. Henry's a great golfer. I don't think that, you know, we start feeling like, a little sense of urgency. You feel it at all? Yeah? A little like, you know, we start feeling like a little sense of urgency. You feel it at all? Yeah. A little like, you know, people are listening to this and you're going like, and they're like, you know, okay.

Yeah. Like it just trails off. Like, you know, we're just all sitting outside with our hands. Like, I mean, the next things go big. All right. I'm going to get out of here, man. Like that's, it's the perfect, I'm going to get out of here. Yep.

All right, dude. I'm going to hit it. Time to hit the out of here and they go hard dude i'm gonna hit it uh time to hit the trail and you go yep i'll hit you up later on it's a little bit like talking to your parents and you're trying to get out of there and they just bring up one more topic that yeah you can see it yeah and you're just looking when you're looking for the point to to transition and move into something else right right i think sense of urgency is all gone, which I think I've talked about that before. Just in general or on this podcast? No, I think in all of work, working,

there's just not much of it anymore. You don't see it. If you have a sense of urgency, I think you can dominate any job you want. Because there's just not much of a hurry for anything. When you go order something, it's like there's just not there. If I have a waiter, even if they're not great you know it's like they're just not there if i have a waiter even if they're not great if they look like they're really if they have a sense of

urgency i'll give them the benefit of the doubt it doesn't have to be crazy but it's like i shouldn't feel like i'm bothering you they act like they enjoy their job i really like yeah yeah and that's a sense of urgency a little like hey just make sure you guys doing good make sure you have a good experience so it's not like it's not just like you're sprinting it's just a little like hey just make sure you guys doing good and make sure you have a good experience so it's not like it's not just like you're sprinting it's just a little like i make you're i'm making sure that you have everything you need you know but i don't know okay well today we're talking about animals that was popular topic a previous episode the whole penguin yeah incident i had two people come with a pink penguin shirt. Oh, yeah. Yep.

These two ladies had two penguin shirts. We posted a picture. It was very funny. One of the ladies, one's next to me. They're both next to me. One's standing there in the camera. The other woman, Travis, our tour manager, took five pictures. Not one, she's looking at the camera. Yeah, it looked like a mistake.

Yeah, she was like, what's that? What's that? Like everyone just is, you know. You're kind of separated. at the camera yeah it looked like a mistake yeah she was like what's that what's that like everyone just is you know uh you're kind of separated i mean the whole thing looked like a mistake well you know we do these meet and greets and uh they're always very nice and so we take the picture and stuff and you know you talk to some people but i don't know what people want to do like people shake hands they not shake hands are they what who's comfortable with what who doesn't want you know whatever uh so i just kind of leave it you know i kind of try to fill the vibe out to be like I'll shake hands. Who's comfortable with what? Who doesn't want it? Whatever.

So I just kind of leave it. I kind of try to fill the vibe out to be like, whatever they want to go do, I'll do it. You want to shake hands? I'll shake your hand. If you want to hug, I'll hug you. If you want to stand 50 feet away from me, don't stand. Even better. So on the way here, I saw a sign at a church.

I didn't catch the name of the church, but it said, this Sunday, Blessing of the Animals, 2 p.m. Do your church do that? I remember my parish used to have a day, yeah, where everybody brings their pet in. And what happens? And they just give a blessing for all the pets. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, wait, what did you say?

Blessing of the Animals. And then people know to bring you. I would have went in there and be like, wait, we can bring our dog here today? I was surprised when you said, uh-huh, like you knew about this. Did they explain it more or is it that's it? I'm asking y'all to explain it to me right now.

It's just a sign that said blessing of the animals. I'm trying to figure out what it is. So you knew that and you know that means bring your dog? So the way my church did it, this wasn't like a normal church service that you can just bring your animals to. It was just a separate ceremony outdoors. Everybody bring your pet yeah give a blessing and you take your dog back home and hopefully they live a little longer yeah that's what it's for i don't know yeah just

just to bless your pet but it's not like afterlife like they don't baptize them right no animals don't have souls you know okay yeah yeah harper's down there watching all dogs go to heaven right now i mean they don't right i don't know it doesn't this is not the form to this is not the place to try to figure that out let's dig into that a little bit so it's just a good life here on earth just yeah yeah i think it's a fun family thing it's like a it's a it's an afternoon like you do it as like it's like a fun, you know. You just learned about this 30 seconds ago. You're asking these hard-hitting questions like you're working for 60 minutes.

I'm trying to figure out what it is. You guys believe that the animals are going to go to heaven. I think it's a nice adventure for the day. It's a nice activity for them to do. I didn't say that. He's the one that's gotten to the soul or not a soul. But you were like, do they baptize them? Do they do this?

You kept asking these real questions of going, it's all being taken a little more seriously than it should be. All right. All right. Did you feel it that time? Yeah. I mean. All right.

So your church did this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Keep going with it. Did you ever bring your pet? Yeah, we did. We brought our dog in. We had some cats. Your family this? Yeah, we did. Oh, yeah, keep going with it. Did you ever bring your pet? Yeah, we did. We brought our dog in. We had some cats.

Your family dog? Yeah, family dog, cat, snakes. We brought them all in, man. How many different types of pets have you guys had? They did. Why did we keep going with the church thing? Is this going to come back? Is it coming back to something?

I was just trying to have a, what is it George said? To make the conversation end? Yeah. It ended. It never got going. You're looking for a button. It never got going, yes. It never got going.

You still go, after all of that, you then go, all right, so you took your pets to church. I think that's fascinating. If you're a real life example of taking your pet to church, get it blessed. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. I'm glad to be back. Yeah. Welcome back, Brian.

We had a lot of pets, which I talk about some of this in my... I've had a snake, spider, fish. All... Snake didn't die, but all the other ones died.

Like, a spider, I was a kid. Our heater broke, froze to death. Fish jumped out of the back of the tank, committed suicide. We had a bird flew into a frying pan.

Parakeet. Maybe you should have went to the blessing of the animals. Yeah. Comes full circle. pan. Parakeet. Maybe you should have went to the blessing of the animals. Comes full circle. Yeah. Mine needed it. Yeah. Yeah.

We had to talk with them before all this stuff happened. They knew. We gave them the choice. We had multiple dogs. I don't think we ever had a cat. Yeah. You know. Yeah.

Dogs. Yeah. Your parents had a cat. Oh, yeah. My parents had a fat cat. Yeah. You know. Yeah. Dogs. Yeah. Your parents had a cat. Oh, yeah. My parents had a fat cat. That's right. Cosmo. A lot of this stuff is from Abigail.

Because she would get, my sister would get all these animals. Like, she went, she worked at a vet thing. She takes in these dogs and all this stuff. So, it's a lot of stuff. A lot of dogs we got. Some of it is like some of hers that she takes in then one of us has to take what is a spider what is that all about you had a spider spider like a house like a tarantula yeah okay so you would put it on you know i mean we would fall asleep my dad would

just put it on our chest and we'd be a kid falling asleep and we just wake up and there's just a tarantula on your chest he thought that was pretty pretty fun. Yeah. He had a good time doing that. We didn't love it. But it was just like having, you know, just having a cool pet. Like, you know, I don't know. You just think, like, I wanted a snake. I got a snake one year. And my dad had to go.

I remember he had to go buy it. I was 12. It was like a big Christmas. It was our first big Christmas where my dad had a good – before that, we never really had a lot of stuff. They always gave us stuff. We always had plenty of stuff. But it was the first Christmas where it was like –

my dad got a lot of shows that Christmas. We were all getting – Getting a snake. It was a big one. And it snowed that day. It was like this awesome day. And we had – my dad had this aquarium set up in my room, and I was like i think

i'm getting it i think i'm getting the snake and then uh then we had a hamster in the middle of the night he put a hamster in there because he knows you know we weren't kind of not off and on and derrick my brother wanted a hamster so he's like trying to make me think i got that hamster and then when i woke up i got a snake snake. Yeah. Red-tailed boa. Where's Holly, by the way? I don't know. I haven't seen her the whole day. Yeah, I don't know.

I just got home this morning. She wasn't here. So I don't know if that's a conversation I got to have later on or not. We had a – when you're for Easter, my sister and I each got a chicken. It was dyed. They don't do this anymore I don't think. I think PETA makes this, but they were dyed pink. Why? It was supposed to be like a cute little Easter

like someone dyed them. Yeah. Like a baby chicken. Dyed pink. And then does it grow up and become like a big one? We didn't think this through. First we just kept pink yeah and then does it grow up and become like a big one well it got we didn't think this through yeah like at first we just kept it inside and then in a box two of them and then they started flapping more and more and then yeah we had to go to school one day and we

put them outside and like in a box and when we got home off the school bus they were gone so you never know what happened well we have i mean we don't know what got them but something got something there's a lot of feathers left a lot of pink feathers all over the yard yeah oh i thought they ran away you had the box top open yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah those are the 80s yeah there's a lot of stuff i did people talk about evolving as humans and like some old tweet or something i'm not that type of person i mean growing up in the country in the 80s we just chained our dog to a tree yeah oh yeah we did stuff that now people would freak out about and now as someone who has a dog who's like my child i would never do that yeah and think it's crazy but at the time it's just the way we did it

oh yeah you let them run on the like a clothesline hanger like just let them go back and forth like that and that was like if you had money you did that like that you know there's like well real money they had a fence but if you didn't have a fence which we i remember when we got a fence it was like crazy we were like i can't believe yeah and then but then yeah you'd you'd walk to you know you never walked a dog you just let out the backyard uh and you wouldn't even let a dog inside no all my we never had one all my dogs and cats were outside yeah just left them out there yeah if it snowed we occasionally would let the dog in yeah just in one hallway yeah if my dad was furious about it it's so crazy to think now this dog just lays in is in our bed yeah yeah kind of runs the show yeah you know oh that's so yeah yeah does your dog sleep in the bed with you yeah yeah

you have a cat right yeah we have a cat oh you like it you know what are you a cat person i wasn't i wasn't until you know lucy has a cat so i was just like this is just part of the deal and i kind of like it. It just hangs out with me. It's just me and him a lot of times. It just hangs out. It's real fat. Yeah. I don't really know what to do about it. About it being fat? Yeah. Get on diet?

Yeah. Do your feeding window. Eat during your feeding window. Why don't y'all do that together? Do you have a big intermittent fasting? He does a feeding window. Mike Vecchioneall do that together? You make an intermittent fasting? He does a feeding window. Mike Vecchione. Oh, does he really?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He does a feeding window. He looks like he's in good shape. He is. We open the back of his door and we put a stick of meat.

We have meat on a bowl. And we open the door and he's like, here we go. Get back. Get back. Get back. And then we jam the meat in there.

We hold it and pull it back. And usually the spoon part's gone. And then he comes out. He's a normal guy. Sleeps upside down in the back of the bus. Not a big deal. Do you know how much your cat weighs? Too much.

Well, I don't have an answer. Fattest cat in the world right now is 40 pounds. No, he's not that big. Fattest cat on the world right now is 40 pounds. No, he's not that big. Fattest cat on the record ever was 47 pounds. Guinness World Records stopped doing this to discourage people from overfeeding their cats. Oh, people were trying to break the records? Yeah. Well, the record's still already there, though.

God, that's a big cat. I would think that weighed more than 40 pounds. That's a 41-pound cat right there there just for some frame of reference yeah that's pretty large it's it's almost like uh his stomach's so big it's all he probably can't move yeah like it touches the ground his legs don't touch the ground yeah yeah you gotta imagine who's on that they ain't in the tip top shape either no you rarely see that and then you're like

that guy the owner of them super healthy they run marathons yeah yeah two thirds of American families

own a pet the most popular dog for 30 years in a row most popular breed huh golden golden retriever golden retriever Labrador retriever Labrador retriever yeah dog for 30 years in a row. Most probably the breed. Golden Retriever. Labrador Retriever.

Labrador Retriever. I don't even know the difference. Labradoodles are the new way. What's Holly? Labradoodle. It's like the fancy dog that's genetically built to be perfect. Doesn't shed.

People don't want you buying them. I guess I already talked about it. It's too late now. It's too late now. I mean, a lot of people have them, you know, because they don't shed. I mean, Laura's allergic to cats. They're like non-whatever they're called. Hypo-allergic? Yeah.

So we know we have people that are allergic to dogs, but like, so then they can have them too. And so they just, you know, yeah. And so you got, last one,

Annie was not. Yeah. Most popular dog name for male dogs, Bailey, female dog, Bella. Okay.

I don't know where you take this poll at, but it's just like. I was going to say, how to, how to. There's no way. Why? Why? First of all, Bailey? I don't know where you take this poll at, but it's just like- I was going to say, how to- There's no way. Why, first of all? Bailey?

I don't know. It's from the American Pet Association or something. But what is that name? Is there a popular Bailey in the world? I don't know. I don't think it matters. I think it's just a name for a dog. I know, you know, it's just a name, man.

Cat Luna? He looked like he struck a chord with you on this one for a dog. I know, you know, just a name, man. Cat Luna. You look like it struck a chord with you on this one for some reason. But why would so many people make that the name? Because this is a made-up poll. Like, I don't know. I mean, you know, because it used to be. They just like it. Yeah, it used to be.

They probably, their friends got a dog, and they're like, oh, that's a cute name. Yeah. Or they probably go to a book, like a baby book, and they're like, oh, I like that name. And it just sticks. So when you name your dog after the person, and you meet that person. Ours is Holly. If you meet someone, she's like, I'm named Holly. You're like, that's my dog's name.

You tell them through their face. And there's a lot of Baileys. I don't know any Baileys. I know a Bailey. It's a drink. Person or dog? Person or dog, man. I don't know any Baileys. I know a Bailey. It's a drink. Person or dog? Person or dog, man. I don't know any Baileys.

Bailey. My buddy's kid named Bailey. Okay. But then I think I know a few Baileys, actually. All right. No animal Baileys. I actually don't know any animal Baileys. Yeah?

Mm-hmm. But that's the most popular one, apparently. You think I would know one. I met a bear named john once but never bailey sorry should i put some comedy in this horses and cows uh do sleep some standing up they can lightly sleep standing up because their legs have a ligament that's called a stay apparatus that allows them to lock it in but once you get in deep sleep, they have to lay down.

So it's just for like dozing. Just share that for your horse joke. Yeah, you read that like that was the question that just got asked. I mean, that was out of nowhere. It was like you saw someone in the back. Like I was answering it? Yeah, like, can horses sleep? Oh, perfect question.

And then just actually. Yeah, I know it is. Coco the gorilla. And then just actually. Yeah, I know it is. Coco the gorilla. Remember Coco? Yeah. She had IQ between 75 and 95 and could understand 2,000 words. And what did we say Nate's IQ was? 70, 75.

Below 75, we think. How is it? Hers is in between 75 and 95. They're just guessing? I mean, I guess. I don't think how is it the Hurds in between 75 and 95 they're just guessing I mean I guess I don't know I guess it's like we do with any of us

she took some tests but I don't think you can hold a pencil to take a test yeah you know what I mean I feel like that's gotta count against you

a little bit yeah you probably lose some points when you can't hold a pencil well when yeah

Coco if you're up against Coco to test, imagine they make you all do it as a competition. Against Coco? And you go, how many points did you get for not peeing and pooping all over the room? I guess we're not counting that today, are we? That's what you say when he beats you.

I guess that doesn't matter. I guess that's what you're saying. Because it's not written on the paper, I guess that doesn't matter. I guess that's what you're saying. Because it's not written on the paper, I guess. Humans and great apes are the only animals who suffer from gout. Oh, wow. Is that true? Yeah. Like really true?

That's really true. Wow. So Coco could have had gout, huh? Coco did. And you could have talked to Coco about it. We could have had something to talk about. You could have had something to talk about. I'd do the sign language for it.

Yep. Point at your foot. Go. Balloons out. Balloons out. Here we go. He goes. Y'all fist bump?

We would have fist bumped. The earth has an estimated one quadrillion ants. There's one million ants for every human. I just always think if someone could be like, you could have a dollar, which a dollar is kind of crazy, but if you could have one penny of anything on earth, what would you make it? I thought about it this weekend. Would it be sand or salt or ant? If you could have a penny for everything, what would be the most?

What would be the thing that you'd be guaranteed? I'd say sand probably, but I think maybe ants. Yeah. Yeah, I would think sand. I would always say sand. I didn't even talk about salt. We went, where were we this weekend? I can remember downtown, Norfolk, Virginia.

And so we went to their boat. I mean, they have a big battleship. When you walk in, there's enough salt that they said if you grabbed all the salt in the world, it would be almost as tall as the Empire State Building high and cover all of North America. That's how much salt there is. Really? Yeah. Now, yeah, that's enough.

Now, who knows if that's true? Yeah. It sounds great. It sounds crazy, though. It sounds crazy. Just looked at how many grains of sand there are in the world. Seven quintillion. So that's what you want.

That's almost a number that means nothing to me because it's so big. So that's how many pennies you'd want. Yeah. I'll take that. I'll take those as pennies. Yeah. I was going to say atoms. How much money is that for pennies?

I mean, it's got to be. Could you even figure that out? You would say petties. Yeah. I was going to say atoms. How much money is that for pen? I mean, it's got to be. Could you even figure that out? You would say atoms? Yeah. Yeah. I'd say stars, if I could count that. There's more stars than grains of salt. I'm saying.

Things on Earth, so they go zero. All right. You mess up the first question. He goes, well, I said things on Earth. Zero. And you go, golly. You want to walk out of the room. Everybody's walking out with money.

Except you. Even if you said out of the room. Everybody's walking out with money. Except you. Even if you said pencils, the guy's a millionaire. And you go, stars. Are they on earth? No. Well, you did. Come it. And you got to leave.

You're the only one. Can I borrow? So you have $17 quintillion, dude. You want to give me a billion? Why are you being so weird about it? Just to get their cool end question waiting to ruin your whole life you walk in that room didn't think through your family's you're the one it's like uh it's like a hunger game you got you got picked out of your family to go in and get the money for the family and everybody's like watching on tv just say sand just say sand it's It's on Earth. There's so much of it. It doesn't

matter. And he's like, what if I say salt? And then they go, or salt. Yeah. Sand, salt. Perfect. Either one. Fine with either one. I'd go with cups. Shoes. Who cares? Who cares? It doesn't matter. We're going to be rich. Stars. Stars are not located on Earth. Golly. You walk

right out of there. All right. All right. What'd you get us? What'd you get us? Oh, God. You walk right out of there. Yeah. All right. All right. What'd you get us? What'd you get us? Oh, God. Now you're down 400 bucks. You got to buy your own plane ticket there. God.

I thought I was going to fly private home. You know, I thought for sure I'd just buy an airplane home. And now I'm actually doing standby. And you're just sitting there. Everybody's walking by you. The airport stars. You're the only one at the airport because everybody's got so much money. They all just fly their own planes now.

I'm on the Today Show the next morning. What happened? What happened? I didn't think it through. I didn't think it through. My family said salt, sand. You know, they were fine with rocks. I didn't know that

it had to be on earth. Animals with smaller bodies and faster metabolism, like chipmunks and squirrels, see things in slow motion. Okay. Animals with faster metabolism? Yeah. Yeah. How they know that, I don't know. That's probably how they, yeah. That's how they dodge things, like Yeah. Yeah. How they know that, I don't know.

That's probably how they, yeah. That's how they dodge things like cars. Oh, because it comes up, yeah. Well, some of them. Like squirrels. We're including squirrels in that probably. They see things in slow motion. Yeah.

They don't do much with it, huh? They don't get killed regularly. They do something. I would say they do the most with it. When I was with that BB gun, they could dodge it. Yeah. It's like the Matrix. That felt slower

than slow motion. I think that squirrel even went, he hit his own head. He was like, golly, I think something's... Is there a still photo here?

I know I've seen slow motion, but I think that's a little slow. I mean, they're actively in like the street and the things are trying to hit them and eat them. I mean, they're actively in the street and they're trying to hit them and eat them. I just like to think if I

had slow motion, I'd do a little more with it. Then what a squirrel does is kind of run around and eat acorns. It's not very impressive. But they're not big. So what do you think they would do? I don't know. They can't kill something. You getting street fights? If I could. If I could see things don't know. They can't kill something. You getting street fights? If I could.

If I could see things in slow motion. They steal bird seed. Yeah. Yeah. They get on that. They get into some shenanigans for sure. Yeah. I think their life is shenanigans.

That's kind of all they have. That's kind of all they got. It's a fun. It's not a bad life. They can jump out of a plane and live. Yeah. They could. Yeah.

A Venus squirrel is not a bad animal. It's not a bad life. I would think out of a plane and live. Yeah. They could. Yeah. A Venus squirrel is not a bad animal. It's not a bad life. I would think. It's hectic, busy a lot. They do always look in a hurry. Yeah. Always running behind. Always late for something.

Yeah. Always going to keep your eye out. I mean, you're always just kind of- There's always a hawk around. Very paranoia. Yeah, it actually wouldn't be a good life. Very paranoid, you know? Do you hear hear that a lot of that you know maybe just a squirrel what's that it's nothing man we're just talking this is the day i was going to the store i gotta get out

there's something over there you see it you see it nothing's over there it's a lot of that uh-huh they're very fidgety yeah i do have that energy yeah yeah just a lot of you know they would touch the microphone a lot just being here how long is this I don't like to be in one place too long yeah look behind them can we shed those shades

the shortest living animal in the world is the mayfly it lives for 24 hours it's a good run gotta do a lot in that time imagine if it came out squashed in the first 30 minutes you're like i ain't got that much time man um it's amazing they can stay around i mean

they do a lot in that time period what do they do well they gotta reproduce oh that's a lot get out good after it golly all right that's fair it was I got married. Yeah, that means the first six minutes of your life, you're getting told about the birds and the bees. You gotta get told, you know. You're born at 6 a.m. by 6.05. You got a job. You're doing an interview. And then you gotta

get your stuff and you gotta tie on. I'm going to work. Swifts can spend most of their life in the air flying. Not the family you go on vacation with. Yeah, not the swifts. The birds. They can fly a year without landing. Wow.

That's a long time. Now, how they eat and sleep, I think they get really high, and then they just start going down when they sleep. What's their alarm clock? sleep. I think they get really high and then they just start going down when they sleep. What's their alarm clock? How do you know to wake up? Let me get this straight. They get really high up. They fall asleep. They just start. It's just

a free fall. Then they wake up before they hit the ground. Go back up and do it again. Just take little naps like that. Yeah. I think so. Yep. So they must have some kind of built in.

They can tell the alpha. It's a lot of just nodding. It's that kick. Yeah. Yeah. Got to go back up to get tall again. There are no male or female earthworms. all earthworms have both male and female parts but it still takes two of them to reproduce there you go oh probably easier to date that way

it doesn't really matter yeah is she pretty or handsome kind of both she's a good person yeah yeah it's all personality driven she's a good word it's kind of beautiful in a way i know i feel like even earthworm you'd be talking to the one side and you'd be realize it's the butt and you're like oh and you're like you're like you've been seeing someone else the whole time he goes my god we've been married for 15 years ago you know they're so down here i can't back in because seeing someone else the whole time. He goes, we've been married for 15 years again. You know, they're so down here, I can't back in

because there's no eyes or nothing. You know, so you're just. It is hard to tell which ends. The guy had two families. Once they finally find him out, they go,

what's going on here? Nothing. And they go, I know, but I just looked over. Who you talking to down in the back end? I thought it was you. I thought it was you.

Koala fingerprints are so close to humans that they've tainted crime scenes. That would be bad if you're on. Yeah. Well, why would you not then look into the koala bear? That's what I would say. Well, I mean, I think if I was on trial for murder, I would bring up.

Yeah. It was koala that was on the scene. Yeah, I would be like, you know, they go, oh, it's another koala bear fingerprint. But why don't we look into them a little bit? That could be kind of a tear. That is like, that's pretty crazy. How often are koalas hanging out where people are murdered? Crime scenes. Yeah. Probably more than Crime scenes. Yeah.

Probably more than you think. Yeah. But, yeah. Probably not a lot, but occasionally. I will say this is the one thing that animals, that makes me uncomfortable. Does he just come in and he goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Everybody slow down.

I just watched Taken 3. That's what Taken 3 is about. He's like a koala bear that comes in and he goes no no no no i didn't do it i went through all takens this weekend yeah how many are there three three went through every one of them i don't want to watch anything new anymore yeah i'm going through that i'm watching the interpreter now and i think i've already watched it what is that nicole kidman yeah there's one scene i was like oh i've seen this movie. And then I kept going. I was like, I don't know if I've seen this movie.

There's a new in? Yeah. Yeah. There's one scene, though, I think I've seen. I was going to say, these animals, they make me, it's uncomfortable when animals have human hands. Yeah. I don't like looking at that. It creeps me out a little bit.

Raccoons, they have the human hands. Yeah. They can just grab stuff they can open sliding doors they have hands too yeah and these koalas have them too i'm not a fan yeah well they're out there i'm not trying to kill them i'm just saying i'm not trying to hang out with them yeah the loudest animal in the world is the pistol shrimp it claps its uh whatever together so it's claws together so hard that it causes a sonic boom um or i sound louder than the concord sonic boom 230 decibels and it heats the when it does it it

causes um the temperature of the water to heat up to 8,000 degrees, killing its prey. Why? They, that'd be a great name for a minor league team. Pistol Shrimp. The Pistol Shrimp. The Pistol Shrimp. That would be great.

That would be great. Yeah. Yeah, the Pistol Shrimp. Let's get through this ad. Yeah. I mean, this is, all right. All right the pistol strip. Let's get through this ad. Yeah. I mean, this is... All right. All right.

Keep going. This just happened. I killed it on Google last week, by the way, dude. Yeah. That's what I heard. I stepped up. Yeah. You know?

I'm back to my old ways now. This just happened like three months ago. A guy got swallowed by a whale. Well, he didn't get swallowed, but he was fully engulfed in his mouth. It didn't go in his stomach, but he was clam diving and it came up behind him. And next thing he knows. He's just in it. He's in it.

And he thought at first it was a shark, but then he was like. And he saw something else in there, the room. He was like, it's too roomy to be a shark. And then he said, he realized, oh my God, I'm in a whale's mouth. And he's trying to swallow me. And he was wearing a scuba gear and was breathing the apparatus. And he was completely dark. And then he started thinking about his wife and kids.

And then the whale spit him out. Yeah. How long was he in there? 30 to 40 seconds. Wow. Yeah. how long was he in there 30 to 40 seconds no yeah i mean think if you eat something you could not swallow it and be like get it back out spit it back out they said that marine biologists said that it was probably just a mistake like if you were running with your mouth open and that flew in your mouth that's probably what the whale was doing yeah i don't think the

whale was creeping up on him for the past two months keep an eye on him i would imagine it was a mistake i don't even think i would have even blamed the whale at all i never thought man this whale ate this guy on person on purpose i think most people would think that he did on purpose i would think it's a mistake i think most really yeah because they eat just big things of fish. There's no signs that they want to eat humans, a whale. There's no signs of that. Besides a killer whale. I would be like, oh, wow, you just got caught in the thing. I assume the whale's doing it on purpose, man.

You did too? Yeah. No. You don't think that they just saw some dude out there? Let's see what this guy tastes like. No, I wouldn't at all. I trust. Do you know a lot about whales?

I believe in them more than y'all do. We believe in them. I think you know more about them. How many whales have eaten people? I don't think they've eaten that many people. Nobody. Well, how many people are hanging out around whales? That's why they're not eating people.

How many mistakes have been made? I don't think that many. I mean, you would hear about them unless they get swallowed. And they spit them out. Less than 10 people. I mean, so that means the scientist had to come give. Here's what that scientist comes in and goes. After the study that we did, we would like to conclude that we think the well did it.

Just like if you were running and you ate a gnat and did not do it on purpose. And I'd be behind him like. I said that from the beginning. We paid this guy. Did scientists get paid for that? You didn't get paid. They get paid for. I don't know if it was a study they did.

I think it was the newspaper called a marine biologist and said, you think they did that on purpose or something like that? I don't know. It might be in that article right there. Yeah. Let's take the time and read it out loud for the audience. The animal health company Zotus is donating more than 11,000 doses of COVID-19 vaccines to areas, zoos,

100, no, 70 zoos all over the country for 100 different species. Well, I don't think they should have to take it if they don't want to. Well, some are arguing, some are fighting it.

Just Johnson Johnson, one dose please. I'm not doing this twice. Dumbest animals in the world, the domesticated turkey. Really? Yeah. Not a wild turkey? So they're saying like if you bought one at a store, took it home? I don't know.

It just says domesticated turkey. They look up- One's in a bad relationship? They have a condition called titanic. That's very funny. Domestic abuse. Just leave. Witness protection.

Why don't you leave? They have a condition called titanic collier spasms, which makes them stare up at the sky nonstop, even when it's raining. Some drown which makes them stare up at the sky nonstop, even when it's raining. Some drown to death by looking up at the sky. Golly. Wow. That could have been the national symbol of America right there.

The eagle. The turkey. That's what Benjamin Franklin wanted, wasn't it? That's what a lot of people wanted. Was the turkey? It was the turkey. And I would have probably been one of those guys. I'm a coward.

Over the eagle. Yeah, the eagle doesn't impress me that much. It's powerful. A turkey's kind of majestic. You identify more with the turkey? After what you just read, yeah, I think so. Walking around, just kind of looking around. Looking up at the rain?

Yeah. Drowned. just read yeah i think so around just kind of looking around looking up at the rain yeah ground uh hawaii has no native snakes and it's illegal to own one on the island that's what you think you think there's no snakes there has to be some a snake they try to keep it from that they said they have no uh post serious threat to hawaii's environment because they have no natural predators so they keep it off the island. Yeah. In Guam, which is one of U.S. territories, they had no snakes until World War II when a cargo ship accidentally brought brown tree snakes to the island, and they've since taken over. Now there's 2 million of them.

They've wiped out 10 of the 12 native birds. God. Snakes just dominate when they show up. When they show up. It went from a ship full of them to yeah two million yeah they get after it in new zealand they don't allow snakes in zoos they just can't take a chance at getting out and they have 20 professional snake handlers around the country whose job is to find and catch any snakes spotted trying to enter the country. They see them at the border? Yeah.

And they go in? Build the wall. You got glasses on? I talked to you in the back with a hat on. I'm like, can you jog for me real fast? You can't jog? No, but jog. He's not going up and down.

Yeah. That's their whole job. To look look at the see if there's snakes to look for snakes yeah if you don't want them you've seen it in florida right where they just these pythons came in and just devastated the everglades i think we talked about that in the last one yeah pretty wild yeah so you can't do that i mean so they just don't want them in there so they just don't let them you know it so they just don't let them, you know? It's got to be a freedom to know there's no snakes. You don't have that fear of walking on a snake.

What happened to your snake? We let it go in New Zealand. Did you let it go? We let him in the ocean towards New Zealandaland see if he made it we told him new zealand so i guess we didn't think anybody's looking out for him apparently he got caught uh give him a hat and glasses yeah i gave him some money and some that uh we gave it to someone that had snakes it was starting to get big yeah it was like it's one of those where you start making a mistake where you're like you're about to start feeding it rabbits and stuff like it's you're just going

down that road rabbits is that big it was like feeding it mice and then buying bigger like kind of bigger like big mice and then a rat and then maybe you could maybe get to where it could be rabbits and so then we just gave it to someone that's where you're like we bit off a little more than we could chew yep yep and your family dog ate yours, right? Yeah, our dog ate our snake. Oh, you had a snake too? Yeah. What'd y'all have? We had a ball python. Yeah.

My pet hamster, Skunky, my mom fed it to the snake one day, and then it got out and the dog ate the snake. What did your mom? Why did she feed the hamster to this? I think she knew it was dying, and she just didn't want to go to the pet store to get more mice for it. So she was like, let's just put this thing out of its misery. Like a garage sale.

She knew the hamster was dying? I think it was old. And it ate mice? No, you said the hamster was dying, and then she said, I don't want to go buy mice for the snake. I'll just throw that old hamster in. Tell Aaron the hamster died dying, and then she fed it. So she said, I don't want to go buy mice for the snake. Oh, okay. I'll just throw that old hamster in. Yeah. Tell Aaron the hamster died of natural causes.

Yeah. But then years later, she was like, you remember Skunky? Yeah. He slither ate him. Yeah. That was y'all's snake's name? Slither and Skunky? Y'all are too smart to think of it. And you made fun of Bailey?

The dog's name was Rocket. Rocket? Like Rocket Mortgage? Because dog's name was Rocket. Rocket? Like Rocket Mortgage? Because it was fast. Yeah, like Mortgage. Because it was fast like a dog? I would almost think your dog's not. I like to see how fast his dog is to be like,

yeah, it's normal dog speed. I don't think it was exceptionally fast or anything, but it would run around. We called it Rocket. Yeah. They let the kids pick. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good thing.

I mean, y'all, you know. I bet your dog was smarter than most dogs. Yeah, it was all right. Sitting around the family. I don't know. Not with a name like Skunky. It was an out. Slither.

And Rocket. And that's what's going on in that house. They all just eating each other. Yeah, Rocket was an outdoor dog, man. Y'all never met a person that was named that. Rocket's not a bad. Slithers. None of them are great, man.

None of them are great. Slithers is not great. They're better than Bailey, I think. I don't know. I'm afraid to name their cat Rocket because that's a character in Guardians of the Galaxy. The raccoon's Rocket. Yeah. Oh, I don't think we were thinking of that.

Well, it wasn't out yet. Okay. Probably not. We're just thinking of it Galaxy. The raccoons rocket. Yeah. Oh. I don't think we were thinking of that. Well, it wasn't out yet. Okay. Probably not. We were just thinking of fast. Yeah. Fast thing goes. Faster than us. Animals have affected professional sporting events.

The most famous is Randy Johnson, whose pitch totally destroyed that bird. Yeah. It's crazy. If you Google Randy Johnson, who's pitch totally destroyed that bird. Yeah, it's crazy. If you Google Randy Johnson baseball, it gets less Google searches than Randy Johnson bird. Dave Winfield got arrested for hitting a seagull with a ball. Do you remember this? No.

He was warming up in between innings, and he threw the ball back into the dugout, and it hit a seagull and killed it. Was he trying to? There's debate about it. He says no, but some animal rights people said he was. So when he got done after the game, there were plainclothes police officers waiting for him. They charged him with cruelty to animals, punishable up to a $500 fine, and six months in jail.

Took him to the police station, read him his rights. He posted a $500 fine and six months in jail, took him to the police station, read him his rights, he posted a $500 bond. He was supposed to come back, but they later dropped the charges. But it was a big deal. This was in Toronto. He went on later to play for them. Yeah. Oh, that's awkward.

Okay. So, okay, he killed a seagull with a, and he wasn't trying to. I don't understand. I think they think he was. Like he was watching someone. How far away? There's no video of it. This was between innings.

Okay, so he's out in the outfield. He played outfield. Yep. And he's just throwing – like they're warming up before the innings. It's a lot of he say, she say. What is it? What? She sells, he sells.

It's a lot of she sells, she sells down by the – She sells down by the – He sells, shes down by the – She sells down by the – He shells, she shells down by the seashore. So it's a lot of that. It's a lot of that going on. He said that he couldn't have done it if he tried. You can't kill a seagull trying to. Yeah, I think he did.

I find that hard to believe, too, that he wouldn't – he's warming up between innings, he has the ball, the inning's about to start, he throws it to the dugout. He was a pitcher? No, he's an outfielder. Yeah, he's still throwing a ball around

between innings. Yeah, no, but it just seems, yeah, where was this bird? In the dugout, right? No, I think it was out on the outfield. I think this was the old Toronto Blue Jays stadium. I think they had a lot of seagulls that just kind of hung out there,

and he threw it in and nailed it. Why are they old Toronto Blue Jays stadium. I think they had a lot of Seagulls that just kind of hung out there, and he threw it in and nailed it. Why are they called the Blue Jays then? You know? Yeah. Not one Blue Jay out there. Blue Seagulls. Or just the Seagulls. Yeah.

And then Steve Lowry, the 1998 Players Championship, was about to putt for eagle, and a seagull landed and grabbed his ball and took it off and dropped it in the water. I've seen that. He's going to replace it. You see that cat at the Yankees game recently? That ran out there. It was like a 20-minute delay.

It was pretty crazy. One was on a wire or something. Is that not that one? There's a different one at the Miami game where that cat was hanging off the second story. Kind of traumatizing to watch, that thing trying to hold on for dear life, man. Traumatized by it?

You're like, this is jarring, dude. I mean, I'm not traumatized. Okay. Yeah. You made it to work that day? Made it here. You made it here? I can't make it today? Watched a video that went viral.

Only reason it could go viral is because this thing had to live. If it would have died, they never would have went. You know. Yeah. Do bad things reach it? Think about your own mortality? A little bit, man. Thought about my own cat's mortality too.

Oh yeah. There's a species of jellyfish that is immortal. It reverts back to its child state after it reaches a certain level

so therefore never dies. It's called an immortal jellyfish. I think I've impressed Nate finally. Where is this? In the ocean. Yeah.

Or it would be. Where'd you think it was? So you can't kill it at all? You can kill it, yeah, but it's not going to die of old age. So is it like real? Is it just like, just keeps going back and forth? I mean, it doesn't make sense. I mean, I think the only way they die is if something eats it or it gets killed.

Yeah, it's not invincible, but it somehow reproduces itself and just never dies. So would it shrink and get small again? I think so. I think it somehow. So it gets old, small again, and then goes. Yeah's somehow so it gets old small again and then goes yeah what if they're like you know what turns out just lives 500 years and we just never paid attention that long yeah how would they know that's gonna say how long do you observe one before you go i think this thing never dies yeah yeah what scientist goes they go i don't know how

long you think it lives he goes i'm immortal i immortal. I'm going to just throw that out there. I'm going to say, I think it's immortal. And then that guy gets to keep that job and he does it. And they go, you know what? I think you're right. They go,

my grandfather watched this. My dad watched this. And now I'm watching it. We're all watching the same things in a cup. So it must be. Just in a cup. They just sit out. Must be immortal.

I mean, that's really unfortunate that much more if you're in an accident. Why? Because you're. Well, I mean, you're going to live forever. And then you bump into a boat and die. Yeah. Or you're paralyzed. You're saying that thing's life means more than me?

Yeah. I don't know. He's trying to make a joke. Imagine you make that joke. You have to live that joke over and over again. Every time you come back, I look. And you go, do you say the same thing? What happened?

Did you get hurt real bad? No, I can't. No. I try to lead you over here. Someone eats you. I try to get rid of you. And you pop back. Go, go.

Try to get rid of you. And you pop back. The male seahorse goes through pregnancy and gives birth to the babies. Yeah. Only animals on earth where the male carries the babies. Okay. And I mean, if that doesn't, I'm running out here. No, I've heard of that.

Okay. Yeah. This is an immortal one I've never heard of. What animal, if you could own any pet, any animal, what would it be? A dog. I mean, I don't know. You're pretty happy with how things are now? Yeah, man. A dog shows you love like a dog.

It's like how much a dog... You wouldn't want a tiger or a chimpanzee? No. You want to be able to hug something. Could it be your friend? You know it won't kill you? Sure. Well, otherwise, why would you want a tiger?

I don't know. What would you want? Probably a chimpanzee. Yeah. Something like that. Something that's... Rip your head off. It would be fun if you just had a monkey on your shoulder at all times.

That would be pretty good. Just carrying one around. My little puppy. That's what she rides on my shoulders. Yeah. Walks around the house. Yeah. It's just kind of her thing.

She just comes up. Little does she know you prefer a monkey. Yeah. It's not even of her thing. Little does she know, you prefer a monkey. It's not even your favorite pet. Have you guys heard about Operation Cat Drop? No. I hope y'all like it. I don't think so.

In the 1950s, there was an outbreak of malaria on the island of Borneo. To eradicate the mosquitoes that were causing malaria, the World Health Organization spread DDT to kill the mosquitoes. But it had unnecessary effects. It killed mosquitoes, but it also spread to the flies, which were eaten by geckos, and the geckos were eaten by cats, and all the cats on Borneo died. And no cats on the island rats flourished and the people were now threatened by the plague and typhus so to cope with this problem the the world health organization had to parachute 14 000 live cats into borneo to fix the rat population called operation cat drop did they yeah. They went to Borneo again.

I'm scared of this. Where's Borneo at? A place that really took off. It's an island in Asia, a giant island in Asia. You think they would just let it be its own thing? Just don't go to Borneo? Well, there's people that are living there. Oh, we'll get them off there. How big is it?

Oh, it's a pretty big island. Oh, we need it. This is a smaller one. We could have probably just been like, how do we get there? It's often used as an example of how sometimes when we don't think about the repercussions of an action, how it leads to unnecessary consequences. You end up dropping cats in off of a parachute. Yeah.

They didn't sign up for that did they all have individual parachutes or were they like I think they were drafted until the Garfield the Muhammad Ali of cats refused to go and then

and that's when it stopped they said I'm not fighting your wars he was a conscious objector yeah do you know the story I know you know it Boo Weekly Fighting the Orangutan

yeah it's my favorite story no it wasn't you can just read it alright so when he was six Boo Weekly is a professional golfer when he was 16 he and his buddies went to a county fair. A guy got out.

He's big. He's like 6'6". Oh, really? Boo Weakley's a big dude. All right. A guy got out at the fair, set up a cage in the bed of his truck, put up a little table, and went out to the cab of the truck with an orangutan and started yelling,

$5 to win $50. Who can beat this orangutan? So everybody's pictured've told this story much stuff they're what this guy would set up at a fair right you just said like you know nowhere georgia where you know middle of nowhere south you know boo's probably about my age i don't know boo but like but he's probably i think he's around my age maybe maybe a little bit older i don't know but uh he's probably, I think he's around my age maybe, maybe a little bit older. And so they would set up and bet five to win 50. Right. So if you bet $5 and if you can, what do you have to do?

You have to fight a ring attack. You have to fight it. Do you have to knock it out or you have to win the fight? I think you just have to spend, you just have to last with it in the ring. Yeah, like one round um and you went 50 bucks yeah and it's got is that boxing gloves on yeah so then he they drew straws he drew the short straw among his buddies everybody pitching a dollar there was five of them so he gets up there he puts on gloves and headgear and he had to sign a waiver which he said looking back that was a bad sign so you're listening you're listening to this. This is good.

He said, the orangutan did not look like much. He came up to about my chest, though his arms were as long as he was tall. When the match started, he didn't lift his arms. He kept them down at the side and used them to pivot and follow me as I circled him like Muhammad Ali. I just didn't know how I could miss. My strategy was to fake with my right hand, and the orangutan tried to block the punch. I throw my left.

My buddies were yelling, get him, boo, kick his butt. I moved in close and faked with my right, and the last thing I remember, I woke up bleeding in the back of a friend's pickup truck. The orangutan had knocked me cold with one punch, which I didn't even see coming. My friends thought it was hilarious. They said I had a glass jaw and called me glassy.

After I came to, we watched the orangutan knock out guy after guy. Not one guy could lay a glove on him. He had reflexes like a cat and later learned that an orangutan could tear a guy's arm off. That's the old dude. I've heard that story. I've told it. It's one of the best stories I've ever heard.

I mean, just so, he goes, I'll fake to my right, go to my left. It doesn't even really say that welcome back in everybody's truck. The orangutan, you got to just really,

if anybody's at home, you listen to the story, you got to really picture an orangutan, arms, the gloves are probably touching the ground. And he just stands

and goes in a circle and just kind of follows you. And it's shorter. It's much smaller than you. Yeah. And then right before before it you don't ever see it even swing it just goes and it's so strong that it knocks you out i mean and he's i mean it's not like you see him get into it there's no like i got my legs into it it's just out there wow and then they carry you up and lay you back a truck and this was you know he i think he said he didn't tell that story for a long time because he didn't want animal rights people upset about sure but you know it was when he was a kid and

it was when he was a kid and like yeah i mean i i don't i i bet it's gonna be pretty tough to find that now if you want to go watch an orangutan fight a guy i don't think you can just go find it it's not as easy there's not public orangutan yeah boxing matches yeah but i like the good old days so funny to think of just have no idea what's happening and just boom it just comes up out of nowhere wake up in a truck i love that the safety health procedures they just he gets knocked out they just put him in their friend's truck there's there's nothing else there there's no ambulance nearby i mean he's a became a professional golfer i mean if you told him at that like hey you're going to be a professional golfer and actually have a you know you're going to be a big time golfer famous golfer and you know in his life

and you look at his life's resume and part of it is he was knocked out by a ring at the time like just seeing such a look at his life what would you do threshold golfer knocked out by orangutan at 15 probably should have ended there yeah made it past that yeah is that it that's about it yeah hummingbirds the only bird that can fly backwards okay that's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, ask them about it. They'll tell you. All right, that's it.

This is a short. This is a little bit shorter one. A little shorter. Some of these I thought maybe would take off more than it did. So that was my mistake. Yeah. No, I think I brought some thunder to it this weekend. You did. You did.

It's pretty tough when you got you know who's. Honestly, it's hard to just get. When I keep having different seats, I never get settled in. I'm just not back in the groove. It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, it's a little bit quicker, but that's all right. I rolled up this morning with a bus.

Last week was two and a half, so we gave them extra last week, and that was good. So, we're evening out. Even Stevens. Yeah. All right. I am going back

to Washington, D.C. tomorrow if you're watching this and I'll be in Richmond, Baltimore, and Red Bank, New Jersey. And then Raincheck, the Raincheck tour.

We're coming everywhere. The shows have been fun. It's been awesome. We've had a really great time so far. So come out to those. They've been great. Yell, let's go, folks, like everybody. It's a fun time.

You all have any stuff? I'm here this weekend. Wide open. I'm in Wichita this weekend, the Looney Bin. If you're in Wichita, come out. Wichita. All right. Thank you guys very much.

Talk to you next week. Bye. Bye. Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating on our comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.

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