The Nateland Podcast - #77 The Universe pt. 2 ft. Dustin Chafin

Episode Date: December 15, 2021

Nate, Aaron, and Breakfast were such experts on the cosmos that they couldn't stop with just one episode. So on this week's episode, they once again delve into the universe while being joined by Nate's longtime friend and fellow comedian Dustin Chafin.    Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail] #nateland #natebargatze   Solo Stove - SoloStove.com   Let the gifting begin! Shop Solo Stove’s Holiday Sale for huge sitewide savings now through the end of the year. And get $10 off with promo code NATE. Plus a lifetime warranty and FREE 30-day returns. Get an extra $10 off Holiday deals at solostove.com, promo code NATE.   Green Chef - GreenChef.com/Nate10   Go to GreenChef dot com slash NATE10 and use code NATE10 to get 10 Free Meals including free shipping! That’s GreenChef dot com slash NATE10 and use code NATE10 to get 10 Free Meals including free shipping! Green Chef , The #1 Meal Kit for Eating Well     Competitive Cycle - CompetitiveCyclist.com/NATE   Go to CompetitiveCyclist.com/NATE and enter promo code NATE to get 15% OFF off your first full-priced purchase plus FREE SHIPPING on orders of $50 or more. Some exclusions apply. Go, RIGHT NOW, and get 15% OFF plus FREE SHIPPING at CompetitiveCyclist.com/NATE and enter promo code NATE.   Stamps -  Stamps.com   Save time and money this holiday season with STAMPS.COM. Sign up with promo code NATE for a special offer that includes a 4-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to STAMPS.COM, click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code NATE.

Hello folks welcome to the nateland podcast uh as always i'm sitting here with brian bates aaron weber welcome everybody to the nateland podcast Also, special guest we mentioned is an airplane. It's helicopters. It's my special all over again. Dustin Chaffee. Hey. Welcome back. Thank you, buddy.

To the show. We were all out. Me, you, Nick, all roommates. Now we're back on the road this weekend. So much fun. Saw your Pittsburgh. Yeah. Which is a big deal for you.

Yeah. Got to go to Hinesfield. Park a lot of Hinesz field i think that's why they won i blessed the stadium yeah you went in there you got up early i did what time did you go uh it's like 8 30 yeah yeah it's pretty i just wanted to see it you know there was nobody there it was kind of cool yeah yeah you mean walked right yes well kind of in it yeah it's cold the pirate stadiums right there it's a beautiful walk you walk over these yellow bridges and the river and it's great yeah in pittsburgh we did that and aaron said you want to take these scooters and i'm like i can't i can't remember that we were downtown and we wouldn't oh yeah oh that's right why didn't you take a scooter

you know he had one bad experience with me when we went to DC and he did them and it was wonderful. I don't like him. He, he likes him. We were talking about Aaron and I, it's like, I,

you know, DC is the best. Cause we would go do it at night at DC and you just go, you go during the day, but then you go at night and you're just like driving all over the city. It was awesome. And then, uh,

yeah, when you did it, when you were in DC, I mean, it was, what would you have to do? it when you're in dc i mean it was what would you have to do i have the video of you like you stopping would just be he'd have to hop off and run with it that's the first time i've ever done it yeah and i just i mean it was yeah and we were on our way to pti taping yeah and by the time i got there i'm just drenched in sweat

because i'm so nervous and stressed yeah yeah and And then we go talk to Tony Gorniser. Yeah. And watch the whole show. Just ringing out. Yeah. Oh, it was wonderful. Yeah. I don't like them too much.

In LA, they just throw them everywhere. So that's what I don't like. Yeah. Because we're 50. Yeah. You need like a docking station. Yeah. We're talking about that.

Yeah. They were also saying that people that were a little overweight would break them. And then I was like, maybe walking is the option. Yeah. If you're breaking a scooter. Yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, because they had to reinforce them. Oh, wow. Yeah, one of the bird scooters or something.

They had to reinforce them because people were too heavy for them. I feel like kids are doing something to it. Like, they just blame it on fat people. They just blame everything on fat people. They're an easy scapegoat. Yeah, I know. Because you want to go, what fat people are going to hop on this scooter? Like, to be that big

to break a scooter? I mean, it could happen. I think it's kids like popping on them. Yeah. And then when someone says, what happened? You go, that's big fat.

Yeah. These big fatties keep coming by and spray painting the side of buildings. Wait, wait, wait. What? What happened?

Monk kids. Yeah. Someone knocked on my mailboxes. I'll tell you you who did it all the fat people in your neighborhood and you're like the street's not wide enough they have to drive different cars that's these teenagers they figured it out and we just solved their case or some case i don't know the case we solved, but we solved the case. We did. This is the first time I've ever met Dustin. I feel like a fan because so many podcasts

I listen to, they reference you. I was just listening to Pete Holmes. He was talking about the Boston. He was talking about you. So I feel like a super fan of yours. Thanks, buddy. I'm kind of the mother hen

of all these guys. You must have people, big name comics that credit you for their success to some degree. Yeah. I think in the beginning, you just need somebody to believe in you when you're not that funny. Yeah.

And so I think I was kind of that guy. That guy. Yeah. Chappelle, you're funny. You look like a lunatic back there, but it's like, what are you doing? I see something. There's something there. Give me an example of somebody that.

Well, Nate, you know, had to find that. Like he, you know, I knew he had the Superman joke. That was the big one. That was the closer. Superman. Superman. But, you know, he had to adapt to his energy, you know, working in a room like a comedy club. Right.

And I think that was the, you know. Yeah. The fight was always trying to like, you're going to do you. Is the audience going to come aboard? Yes. You know, are they going to come to you? Are you going to have to like do this animated version of yourself? Yeah. And that doesn't work. No. You got to do you, is the audience going to come aboard? Are they going to come to you? Are you going to have to like do this animated version of yourself? Yeah, and that doesn't work.

No. You got to do you. Yeah, and eventually you figured out how to do that. And so watching that was really cool. Yeah. Yeah, it was a big deal. I mean, he was – the way I got to come up in New York is there's no better way, I don't think.

And I'm actually sad that it's kind of gone like that kind of way. The freedom that we had at Boston, in a sense, is, I mean, we got to be there. We knew our role. Yeah. We were just starting. We're handing out flyers. You're part of a show.

You feel a part of something, which is nice. It's all of you together. That's a big, big deal in comedy. It's like, because it's, you need to, so many people are starting. You don't know anybody. You're nervous, but you think everybody else is not nervous.

And you're like, well, am I the only one that's nervous? And so you need to like, go kind of see the same people every day. And that's what we did. We'd go to Boston every day. Yeah. And we'd meet at seven o'clock. And then we'd just go and like,

you're just, and so you're around each other. And then seeing in the way you ran to Boston was, a club club i just don't know if they've been run like that it was like the show would start at what eight yeah and then go till whenever two three in the morning depending who dropped in you know yeah i mean it's such a good idea for a show like you have there's a system in place at the beginning but the idea was it to let it just keep going and then so all the guys that didn't have spots and you know that's when chapelle comes by 10 11 o'clock midnight yeah uh and you're and you're and there's an audience still there and you know it's like it was just the best dude well it's funny i also uh i was affiliated with a club in utah it was a clean club and it was

called fat dumb and happies and that was the funniest thing was bringing all the new york comedians to utah and they all had to be clean so all this were clean for the first time yeah like we'd never been clean before yeah and then it's like you know it's all these utah kids and there's no there's no liquor you know they're just drinking mountain dew and skittles and then like and then like gino guys that are just escante you know guys that are just normally really edgy and then they had to kind of reel it back and that was it's interesting watching that Pete Holmes was that was his first headlining thing was was that through me and stuff and you know he was kind of more made for it but a lot of us you know it was it was a struggle to yeah figure that out yeah to be that clean yeah but it's good to try it's you know it's always good to put yourself in a well this has been good

working with you it's like I know that I have to kind of go in that realm and it's it makes you a better comic because you're just you know you're more broad two different things yeah yeah yeah and i think and it shows you can be you know i mean what some people don't want to do it and they don't have to do it yeah but it's it's never a bad thing to kind of get put out of your element uh yeah you know it's that's the challenge of stand-up that's why we do this yeah that's why we put up with all the stuff we put up with because because of the challenge if it was easy it wouldn's why we do this. Yeah. That's why we put up with all the stuff we put up with because of the challenge. If it was easy, it'd be boring. It'd be boring.

Yeah. It's easy for some people. I don't know if it's easy. Yeah, I don't know if it's easy, but I mean, people just get stuff, I guess. And some people, it just takes a long time. You've got to just go. You never last, though, those people. I think it's better.

I think anything is going to be better if you have to really earn it. Yeah. You have to be around for a long time. People get it quick. They always, you know, they go away quick. Yeah. Yeah. Or they bail on stand-up.

Yeah. Or they bail on whatever they, because it's just too hard. Well, yeah, that's the thing. A lot of people. They have no life experience. Yeah. Well, a lot of people use stand-up. Like, a lot of actors use it to get more acting stuff as opposed to becoming a better comic.

Yeah. Because you see that. That's kind of the trend now where a lot of actors are doing stand-up because maybe the acting rules dried up or something that that kind of drives me crazy but yeah they just pop over yeah and then they headline clubs and they've been doing it a year and a half and you're just like what yeah you know and they can't even handle that work but that is true that people won't go see them again like they yeah they know there's certain celebrities and they're like, and they're like, all right, they're like,

there's no act. Yeah. I'm not seeing a show. I'm seeing like a, you know, I'm taking questions or something. And then you ask questions and you're like, Oh,

what was that like? Well, once that's what's changed a little bit. Cause I think people are more into standup now as kind of an art form as before. Cause I feel like they take it, you know, they're,

they know the comics, they know who's funny and who's more of a craftsman than before. Yes. You know, instead of just this person's famous, you know? Yeah. I think stand-ups can, people are diving into it more than they ever have. Yeah. It's like the new jazz. Like people are like, oh, that's cool.

Like they know who the stars are, you know? Yeah. In stand-up as opposed to in action. Yeah. It's great. I think stand-up's got the biggest uh light shown on it right now than it ever has yeah absolutely you know netflix was like a netflix kind of you know hbo was the one that gave that pop early and now netflix i think's the one that's doing it now

and then it'll be something else that just keeps multiplying and now it'll be where people can just go do specials on anything they want to go do them on because the audience will find that's what's happening that's what's happening it's cool yeah yeah yeah mark norman told me he's like if you don't like it because you don't feel like you're getting your chances put a special out on youtube anybody can do that yeah norman did that it did great podcasts whatever podcasts have been yeah huge things for comedians yeah because we're this is what we do is talk and be funny and so it's like i think it's been a lot it's been a huge help for oh yeah i'll be interested to see what happens in 30 years where the comics at then because there's people that are starting out just doing podcasts huh i

know where i'll be i know where you'll be too uh uh his baby will be uh 15 your baby will be 30 yeah your baby will be my age oh Aaron's age you'll still be here I'll be 80 she'll be coming to visit you at the place

at the home I don't know who she is I think you're going to be at that home i don't know who she is i think i think you're gonna be at that home quick and i think you're gonna when you get there you're gonna like you're just gonna start volunteering there and then eventually you're gonna be like you mind if i just crash here tonight and then slowly you just next thing you know ruth's like hey where why don't you come home and then you're like i think you should come to my place i got a pretty awesome place they make the meals for us and then ruth's like, I don't think I'm ready for it yet.

And he's like, it's pretty nice over there. Got a ESPN and a ESPN2. Yeah. Just that regular cable. Yeah. But I love it. You love it. Just every scene, watching all the commercials.

Yeah. Nice. Bunch of pool commercials. Yeah, but in 30 years, because people are not you know i want i just very curious because people are getting to start podcasts now so like sometimes your act will get long instead of being tight new york taught you how to be tight yes that is something that you need to learn and yes because you need to learn how to like keep it like you know just be funny man and just keep it tight yeah and then the farther you get, you can make it longer.

But if that goes away, that can hurt stand-up because it can get too long. Yeah, I mean, a lot of people complain about clubs being hard to get into and all that. That, I think now some clubs, it's a little easier to get into. And that's what hurts stand-up. You're supposed to be frustrated with a club and then eventually pass because then you've done all that work to get past yeah and i feel like that's what's changed a little bit if you're a stand-up i think just be honest with yourself and you've got to when you first start you know what like as we always say murdering or crushing or uh you gotta

you know what that sounds like yeah and so hold every joke up to that standard and just go do that if you do that you will stand out because so many people are going to take easy roads to be like all right i'm interesting enough i'll just talk about something interesting and then they don't have to really be funny and if you just always go and just be like i am going to be funny you will i think i think as you're moving forward i think there's a great chance you will stand out above everybody else. Yeah. And it might take longer if people figure it out.

But once they figure it out, it's... And it's all about your fan base too. I think that's what's happening now. And that'll probably continue in the future, I think. Think about the audience. When you write a joke, think about the audience. How do I make them relate to it? Stuff's not becoming relatable too.

Yeah. And that's happening with shows and everything too. Stuff is not as relatable as it used to be it's like you want to be relatable you want someone to go they want to be like it's almost weirdly an audience wants to be relatable now more than ever because you know all the movies are superhero movie nothing's relatable so you're that's why like some weird indie not weird but like an indie thing could do good. Because it's like, well, finally, I'm just watching something that's like, that makes, it feels like that happened on earth.

Yeah, it's not a superhero. Yeah, it's just somebody who has a mom and a dad and a thing. It's normal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. All right, everybody.

Thanks for listening. You think you'll do comedy in your 80s? You think you'll be one of those guys? I think so. I have no idea what will, I think I'll do it for the rest of one of those guys i have no idea what i think i'll do it for the rest of my life i don't think i would never you know i i can imagine there's gonna be a point where uh you know i mean it's getting very busy and crazy now yeah and so i

could see where maybe there's a not anytime soon uh but i would reassess after 50 i'm gonna see where i'm at yeah i loved watching watching Rickles in his 80s. Yes. And it was just like, you could see that he still loved it. Yeah. He was just like playing with the crowd and running around on stage.

And his energy, you could tell that's when he felt most alive was up there. And Steve Martin's in his 70s now and he's still doing great. Yeah. Is he doing standup though or just playing the banjo?

Well, they do. I think it's probably a mix. He does banjo and then him and Martin go out. That shows, their show's really funny. Yeah. Yeah. They have like a new show. Yeah, mix. He does banjo, and then him and Mark Trotter go out. Their show's really funny. Yeah, yeah. They have a new show.

Yeah, yeah. So they're just having fun. I would do stand-up. I always thought in my head, I was like, 40 to 50 will be my sprint. And then after that, I would still be working. Still want to work hard. But then you see where I'm at at 50, and then after that, you still will, I would still be working, still want to work hard. But it's like, then you see where I'm at at 50. And then you go, all right, now what am I trying to do?

Yeah. I mean, George Carlin's stride was in his 60s. Yeah. You know, that's his best work. Yeah. It's like late 60s. Yeah. So you never know.

I like that where it's like, you know, maybe like I look at now probably this run to 50 might be the hardest I'll ever tour. Yeah. And then after that, you kind of go like might be the hardest I'll ever tour. Yeah. And then after that, you kind of go like, all right, I can't go everywhere. Like a residency or something. Yeah. You're a residency or you just go to kind of the big cities. You try to get as many as you can get, but you're like, I can't do every. It just becomes so hard.

But yeah, I think I'll do stand up stand up i mean the rest of my that's all we know that's all i know that's what got me as far as i got anywhere so i would never turn my you don't turn away on it yeah i love like leno does it seinfeld like i always liked it they just yeah kept doing it and it's about the jokes and there's no more uh the more you get into this business to creating a tv show or a movie or even an animated thing, this stuff takes years. And so the satisfaction to write a joke, I could come up with a joke and within 30, when you come up with it on stage, you at them in the moment get to see if this joke is funny or not.

And you get the most honest reaction because it's people, it's us, an audience. Yeah. And so like, that's nothing can top that. Yeah. I love seeing people that are very successful and they don't have to do it

anymore. That still did like Leno. Like he was in a Burbank and I was on a show and he just comes in and you could still, he still, he still has that 20 year old mind of just wanting to work out a new bit and wanting to see if it works this way or that way and like cooled all the comics and like yeah he's just a comic at the end of the day he's just a stand-up yeah even though he's done

all these big things he wants to hang out yeah he just wants to be a comic he wants to hang out and he's like hey good set fist pump you know just a regular dude and then he's you know and he gets up and he's got a funny stuff is really funny. It's structured very old school, which I love. Just kind of set up punch and all that. It was great. Yeah. I mean, he was the killer back then. I mean, he destroyed everywhere.

And that stuff is the best. And that's, you know. I just love seeing that. Stand up is what you do. Let's read some of these comments. So first one, Luke Guardo. Guardo, I would say Luke Guardo Guajardo Guajardo I would say

Guajardo G-U-A no yeah yeah G-U-A-J-A-R-D-O my wife got bored driving home one day

and knows I'm a big fan so she turned on the first episode listened to it all and asked if I got better if it got better if it got better same thing

I told her it didn't and asked if I got better. If it got better. If it got better. Same thing. I told her it didn't, and if anything, it probably gets worse. She asked why I listen. I said, because there is nothing better than to listen to a guy with dyslexia read and trash an old man while another guy with gout and a college degree sits and laughs so hard there's no sound coming out of his mouth. read and trash an old man while another guy with his with gout and a college degree sits and laughs so hard there's no sound coming out of his mouth y'all are so great and i love listening to y'all i like it yeah this is not you know you can't just throw this podcast on someone you can't it's a quiet taste yeah it's it's like you gotta go like now you get it you get it

eventually like it's get a little you Get a list of the early stuff. Get a list of the early stuff. You got to ease into it. What is this? You're like, eh, eh. Eventually. John Carson. Hello, folks.

Elections are happening here in Honduras. And one of the fringe political parties called Vamos, right? I almost said Bamos. called Vamos, right? Mm-hmm. I almost said Bamos. Vamos were hanging out of the corner with their signs the other day. Since Vamos means let's go in Spanish,

I rolled down my window and yelled, Vamos, gente. Gente? I think so. Gente. Gente? People means gente. Oh, Vamos, gente,

which is just let's go, folks, in Spanish. I was met with loud cheers from all. I can't say if they're fans of the podcast, but they are fans of let's go folks. That's awesome. Honduras. That's really cool. You should get Spanish shirts.

Worldwide. Yeah. John Carson. That seemed like a... I was going to say. He's Honduran. He's getting born and raised. He's getting born and raised here.

The only name you've ever been able to pronounce in Honduras, the guy right before him was Luke Guajardo. Yeah, Luke Guajardo. Did you mix those names up, dude? I'm starting to think maybe I did. His name's John Carson from Honduras. Okay. Lauren Marksbury.

The day after our daughter Ella was born in March, we started binging Nate Land. We listened to it so often that your voices become recognizable to her as a newborn. Became recognizable. We're pretty sure she thinks she has three weird uncles who live in the television. She still to this day scoots her body around to watch the TV when she hears Nateland come on. She's seven months old now, and I've been reading a children's Bible to her. There's a passage where Jesus is calling the disciples to follow him,

and normally it is translated as, come follow me. This particular kid's Bible says, Jesus called out to them and said, let's go. So my question is, is it a legit version of let's go when Jesus says it? Welcome, Ella. Is it? He's the first let's go yeah

I'd have to hear his tone of voice let's go if he said let's go I'd be like let's go baby if he flinched

while he did it yeah just he'd do that flex let's go let's go it's

dude when people are doing it you're watching them they don't even know it's they're robots and they just let's go it's dude when people are doing it you're watching them they're they don't even know it's they're robots and they just like that's what like you would be this error would be just you could buy toys that are robots that just walk into a wall going let's go let's go and it just keeps hitting the wall over and over again you're like they don't even they don't even know what's happening they're not even in any sort of reality yeah you're just like you don't even, they don't even know what's happening. They're not even in any sort of reality. It's just like, you don't go to the store, like, and they just, they're like coming back from war.

And they just, yeah, no, no, no. We're just doing a normal activity, man. Just take it down. Like, it's like, we're not, this isn't, you know, we're not running through a tunnel. Kevin Aldridge, when planning a big tour, how do you get into the different venues? Do you call a theater and say, hey, hello, I'm Nate. I'm doing a tour. Will you pay me to talk to people from a stage?

That's how I would like to do it. I know you said you get passed at clubs, but on tour, I feel like that would be different. Also, how do you choose where to go or do they approach you? Yeah, Cincinnati came up to me and they said, we're looking at you. I go, I think I'd be great here. Sonny Gray recommend you? Yeah, Cincinnati came up to me and they said, we're looking at you. I go, I think I'd be great here. Sonny Gray recommend you? Yeah. It's basically that.

So really anybody can rent a theater out. Sure. I mean, you could just go sit alone in a theater if you had millions of dollars. It doesn't cost that much, but some might cost, I don't even know, 20 grand or something a night. Or maybe some would be five grand. The big ones are probably more. but you know, some might cost, I don't even know, 20 grand or something a night, or maybe it's,

maybe some would be five grand. But the big ones are probably more. Uh, but you could, you could go rent it out and sit alone. So you just, you have agents, the clubs,

you're like that. And then now, now where I'm at, you have agents and I'm basically saying, if I have an audience and so I'm, you go try to go to these different theaters and you go to these different markets. And when you first start, you kind of see where your markets are. So you go maybe and you're still doing it now where you're like, all right, you do really good here.

Maybe it's one show here, but I'm doing, you know, I did three shows in Nashville. We're doing two Chicago theaters. So you're seeing like, all right, these markets are kind of good for me or like really good for me uh texas is good you know i'll go to canada like i think a lot of we're going uh we are going to canada this year i don't think it's announced yet but i will announce like i don't think it's now but it's i will be coming to canada later but it's like so you go to these different places and hopefully start going overseas a little bit and you start seeing it like when i go overseas uh which we're hoping to next year uh we will if it works out but some of those will probably go to smaller places and see because i haven't been there so it's like all right let's go and see are

people coming are they not coming and then you can just grow and then when you have an audience you just call the place and they do it there's all and stuff. I'm not getting the whole weeds about it, but I don't know even much about all of them, but your agents know the promoters know. So there's a lot of people and they call and they, they set up your tour and we get routed by a bus routing. So like we look at like every gig, every show like this weekend was just Pittsburgh and Cleveland, but those are two and a half hours away.

So we drove the bus to Pittsburgh, did a show. Next day, had an easy drive, drove to Cleveland, and then we drove home and woke up here. But other times you go and have – a city will be an hour to five hours, six hours, and you just kind of get on the bus and go. I think that's how – is that enough? Yeah.

Too much? We haven't already turned it off. It's like our all right, Dave. Christina Marshall. I wonder if it was a good idea to share with the podcast fans how inexpensive it could be to have Ajax or Breakfast do a half-hour show. I'm about to have a show in my living room. Yeah. So that was – I didn't mean that to be – I don't think I was really talking about y'all. Like when I said that, I was talking about like booking, uh,

like when you first start, like, I don't know, like, or when you're not, where you're at now, cause you're actually, you're higher up. But when you first start, we're talking about like, if you get like, when we first started in first five years, six years, you're getting like, if you got 300 bucks for a gig, it'd be crazy. Sure. Yeah. That was like five, six years you're getting like if you got 300 bucks for a gig you'd be crazy sure yeah that was like five six years yeah it just came up on my facebook timeline feed yesterday 10 years ago we did a living room gig you you gave it to me it was your friends in franklin and me and john thornton jr went down there and did it and they paid me 300

there you go for a christmas party in the living room. Yeah. 10 years ago. So yeah, Brian's been making money for a while. Yeah. So that's, uh, that's, yeah. So that's what,

so that was, that's what I meant. I didn't mean it like now. I think y'all make more now. Uh, and I want, you can, people want to book you.

They should reach out. Have you ever done weddings? I've done like weddings where I didn't know the people and they didn't, they didn't know me. And I was like, and I've done like weddings where I didn't know the people. Oh, I didn't do that. They didn't know me. And I was like, I guess I was cheaper than a DJ. Yeah. And they would-

How'd it go? It's weird. That's the best. I ever did a comic answer. How was it? Because I mean- You got paid. Yeah, $300.

But they were into it as much as they could be. But it's like such a weird thing because you don't know anybody. So you can't really roast. You can't really play. It was just a weird that they had con it was two of us me and pete dominic yeah and we were just doing this thing and it was in new york how much time did you have to do i think we did like 20 each it wasn't bad if in an hour we've been crazy yeah but it was brutal yeah but it was but they were fun but just you just can't do your act you know you just can't be like anybody. You just can't be like- Anybody celebrating anything? Yeah.

It's the biggest day of your life. And it's like, oh, I got a dog. You know what I mean? You can't, you know. They don't realize that comedy's not good for that. Yeah. It's just not. You get a band. You get a DJ.

Play the radio. Play anything. Anything but a comic. Yeah. But we need the money. So we're like, well, I'll do it. Yeah. You almost get a comic to be it be a dj yeah i

mean that comedy in between the songs that's that's that would work well just but to have the comic be the dj oh be the oh like hey well then you tell the comic look if you don't want to be uh if you don't make jokes and just keep playing songs and then you could you're like yeah look at Susie over here. I don't know her name. But anyway, this next song. What was up with that speech, John? Whoa.

A little too many of the old martinis? Yeah, that would be great. Just a commentator? Yeah. That would almost be great. Just film someone's wedding and then have comics watch your wedding video. I think that's your next show. Yeah, that's your next show. And just commentate on your

wedding video oh let's do that that would be fun i went in on that yeah i don't know if i have time don't send them because i don't know how much time i have to do it but if i have the time i would that would be pretty fun to go just comment on their wedding like what's that i mean you got to be like you got to be comfortable we're going to say whatever we want to say uh-huh yeah i don't know anybody i don't know who's who you know i'm already acting like this is a book i know i know it's gonna be though oh gosh you know it is the one episode i missed i love it was when you were on with nick and on that episode i think that's when he said hey i'd love to play golf with you guys so just hit me up yeah and i'm like oh oh, no, I'm not there to shut this down.

Yeah. That I have to fill out all these emails, you know. I know the golf thing I do want to play with. I do, honestly, I really do. When you hit 50, that could be something. When I hit 50, hit me back up. No, if I can make it work, I can't. I haven't been playing.

So it's just understand that. If I truly would play with you it's uh i'm not gonna play with anybody uh i'm trying to think the last time i played i think i'm playing this week in vegas that place was cool we went to the simulator bar yeah or like oh yeah there's a cleveland there's a place called or no pittsburgh pittsburgh place called five iron and it's all simulators like the whole place they go down there yeah and so uh yeah i'm i'm hopefully gonna i'm getting a place like in vegas i'll get to go play this week because we have uh our i guess you're listening this was last week uh because i have one show then i'm off uh but on the road man

i just haven't you just can't and now it's getting cold too but it's uh it's just i can't get out it's too much uh i'm not there. But we're doing all your wedding videos. So email them to brianbates.com at gmail wedding backslash wedding videos. 100, 1-800-BB-BATES. We still got people emailing us telling us what they gave up. Because your motivation about giving up sugar which lasted three days well now i'm on the carnivore diet but then i ate real bad this weekend and today starting now start eating now yeah uh i'm gonna lose weight it's coming down i lost a lot yeah i lost a lot

zach deaton deaton d-e-a-t-o-n i like that last name it's a cool deaton zach deaton seems like you know like he did really good in school like i mean he was like the cool kid i don't think he's got a job now he did good socially socially in school he did great i don't think he's doing much now but everybody still likes him like everybody's you know everybody what's up man what's up dude he's like good man? Oh, what's up, dude? How have you been? The Deets. The Deetster. What have you been up to, dude?

Not much. He's just hanging out around here, man, living it up. All right, I rap. And while doing ministry with the local church, I was asked to perform

a set at an outdoor event at a park. The pastor introduced me and called me up to the microphone and then proceeded to pray for the meal and told everyone they could get in line to eat microphone and then proceeded to pray for the meal and told

everyone they could get in line to eat. So I had to perform for people who had no idea who I was while they were all in line for food. Lines were going the other direction, so they weren't even facing me. I had to rap to a people in line for food with their backs to me. However, the story doesn't stop there. A random man came up to me in the middle of a song and said he had something he had to say. I assumed this was someone helping with the event that had to make an announcement or something, so I handed him the microphone. He then started yelling out incoherent propaganda against the church. The pastor then ran up to the stage and got the microphone back and told me I couldn't give it to anyone else. Needless to say, this was not my big break.

Zach Deaton. Wow. Go check him out. That's great. That's such a good story. That sounds like a comic gig, man. It does. That is just, that's an awesome story.

First of all, never give the microphone to anybody. You learn that. Yeah, you learn that. Because you had this happen to you. Yeah. And you don't learn it until have this happen to you yeah and you don't learn until this happens to you yeah you don't oh yeah never that's so funny yeah yeah man go ahead go ahead you know and it's it's going so bad that he's just rapping and like and then no one's listening and he's like you mind if i He's like, do you mind if I say Abner at a park? Golly, that's so great.

Mark Ivey, I'm blind, and I started doing stand-up earlier this year. At my third mic, I bombed hard. I left the stage and couldn't find my seat. I was like a human pinball, tapping my cane, making sound as my cane hit all the chairs. Oh, wow. The host kept getting interrupted and was finally like, will someone just help him? So y'all think bombing is bad. Try bombing and not being able to find your way out.

Mark, I think you got your new opener, probably closer, to be honest. Yeah, that's it. I think that's a great closer because then you got to go, I got to get back to my seat.

And you can act it out, bang stuff on the stage. Oh, yeah. That's so funny. That's so funny, dude. Yeah. And now I just bomb so hard. Oh, when you bomb, it's just.

Have your life flashes before you. I mean, just talking in front of an audience and people are just. But the exit is big. I mean, that's like the hardest part. When you bomb, I think, we talked about it with Big Jay, did the thing where he took his shirt off, and then you got to put your shirt back on with silence. Oh, yeah. Things where you're sick of big to-do, and then it doesn't work.

Yeah. And then you're just like. I did a show this weekend at a church. Okay. And I was bombing, and they take a break in the middle of your act, a 20-minute break for dessert. Wait, where is this? A church I did.

Hold on, let me get prepared for this. Okay. Did a church gig, and that was bombing so bad. And I finally started getting some momentum. Finally got to get going, get used to me. It's time to stop. The pastor stops. 20-minute dessert break.

And then I had to get back up there cold again and just bomb the rest of the way wow uh so he stopped you mid-sentence or well not mid-sentence you know you were being stopped yeah i mean we were supposed to stop halfway it was that time but i just got some momentum going yeah and then dessert break and then you had to go back up 20 minutes and then go back up i didn't you know did you go get in line with them i did actually yeah i was sitting at the pastor's table yeah dude that's so funny like you just go yeah oh man i think i've had something like that happen because that is such a funny like you just because you it's funny to be performing and then you go back to like the normal thing yeah and then you're like but they just saw me and i was on stage performing it's supposed to be some mystique to it yeah and now you're just like grabbing a plate and you're just

you're getting the potatoes like everybody else like you're just basically like i'm everybody else and you're just yeah and going to get dessert and you pick it and go oh does this have that's where you don't ask any questions. You just take whatever they give you. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, just like in New York, people think we're like rock stars and then you see that

person on the subway, you know? Yeah. You're just like riding the same subway home. Yeah. You're like. They're like, you're famous. I just paid $10 or $15 to see you. And you go, yeah.

Yeah. I think intermission is always a bad idea with comedy. Of course. I went to, I was in Sweden and I was performing, and that's how they do it there. They'll have like four comics go up, they'll have an intermission, somebody can go get their drinks, and then they'll have the headliner come up.

And I had a headache, and I asked somebody from the festival, I was like, hey, you got an aspirin or something? And she gave me something that was like codeine, and I couldn't even speak when I went back up. So I was just like, you know, my mouth was numb. I was, like, drooling. I was like, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Because I'm sober, so it's like anything that's just a little bit

is going to knock me out. So it was, like, the worst. I don't remember half of it because it was just, like, so jacked up on some Swedish aspirin. Well, now you get those flown in for you. Now I can't perform without them. This is how it all starts. You guys want some?

I got it. We don't do, I get asked a lot if we do an intermission. I wonder if they think, but I don't. I just, you know, I have two to three comics. I like bringing y'all on the road this week, and we had three. But it's like everybody, it's going to be probably 30 minutes, uh, before me.

And it's all, usually it's everybody that you've seen on this podcast. That's, uh, that's going to be opening and it's fun to go out with us and we all hang out. And, uh, I think,

yeah, the audience likes it. It's a bunch of buddies just hanging out, but they, uh, I, I don't ever do an intermission. I know people have to go to the bathroom and stuff,

but it's, you know, it shows like an hour and a half, hour and 40. It always starts like 10 minutes late, usually. So, yeah, all right. It's like a movie. It's like a movie, yeah. It's a movie.

Go see it. That's it. Let me read two of these. I'll read the other two in a second. Let's get back into it. Mark Hanson. So tonight I'm having dinner at my favorite burger joint in holiday utah joint in holiday utah tony's burger i just happened to glance up at a sign next to the register never really noticed it i laughed and all i could think was i wonder if they sell

penguin burgers or something what do we got nate bargettize. Boom. People eat free at Tony's Burgers. It's a list of celebrities who apparently just get to eat free at this restaurant, and it's pretty crazy company you're in right here, Nate. Yeah. Simone Biles. Yeah, right above Keanu Reeves. Fallon. Yeah.

Idris Elba. Eddie Murphy. Eddie Murphy. Pete Davidson. Any Utah jazz players. Timothee Chalamet. Oh, yeah. Wow. Wow. We're doing're doing good emily blunt did you know about this so i went in there one day uh and paid for my burger and standing next to my name that said i eat free uh yeah me and rich day went in there uh they

actually met tony the guy afterwards it was very funny like he was they were like you're never gonna pay again i didn't i know there's no way they would have known that it was me uh and i didn't say anything like you know it was like we just paid for it i just wanted to go see it uh but it was very funny and i do like my first experience being like i had to pay for i had to pay for me and rich i lost a ton of money going in tony's burden uh i'll be back when i go back to utah we'll go to tony burgers and we will eat and i will then make a big deal about it i wear a shirt i'm gonna have my i'm gonna just walk in with my driver's license just a big picture of it uh but no they were they're awesome

dude and they're everybody that worked there was awesome and And, uh, he and I actually randomly met him. Uh, he was at the jazz game when we got to go. Okay. And so he was like, hey. He was just a fan of yours before this? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then, uh, so, and there, and here we are. I get to eat free food. Tony's Burgers. Are there multiple locations? Uh. Where's Holiday, Utah, a suburb of Salt Lake? I don't know. I mean, I, you know, I'm not from there.

I know, but. Uh. The one that you went to, was it in- What county was it? Was it in Salt Lake? Yeah, but it might have been Holiday. I don't, you know, it's like going, someone like drove here and they're like, am I still in Nashville? And you're like, I don't know. I just wonder if it was a chain or-

Yeah. Not- Yeah, I didn't look into it that much. I went to that one. But maybe there is a chain. Yeah. Probably. Free workers. Free workers across the country. I get them everywhere. I try to do the but maybe there is a chain probably free burgers

I get them everywhere I try to do the same thing at McDonald's anywhere I go I go well not as good as Tony's burgers that's what I say I love Tony's burgers

Jennifer Forrest you can truly have a Nate Lane in Tennessee for $725,000 they have a town for sale about an hour from Nashville what would be the first law passed in the new Nate Lane well I want to go $25,000. They have a town for sale about an hour from Nashville. What would be the first law passed in the new Nate land?

Well, I want to go look at this town. There it is. Here's the town right here. Oh my gosh. It's in Murray County. Wow. How far is that?

An hour? Yeah. Well, not from here. Not even that. Oh, it's just that little area. You could do something with that though. It's the city right here.

It's going to be where the theme park is. Yeah. A little golf thing. A little putt putt a little yeah this article said that a bunch of you know hollywood keeps calling and they want to buy it to make it a movie set but they don't want to sell it to them because they don't want the history of the area to be destroyed so they want somebody authentic to buy it they're asking me to buy it pretty much it's seven acres it sounds like you know if you're like i bought a town and then you're like well that guy They're asking me to buy it. Pretty much. It's seven acres. It sounds like, you know, if you're like, I bought a town, and then you're like, well, that guy next to you can just – It's a small town.

It becomes a tax-small town. It's a small town for sure. I think there's a guy in the middle. What's that middle spot that I'm losing? This guy right here? No, over there to the right. Oh. He didn't want to sell.

He didn't want to sell. I mean, I'm going to have to go in and fight that guy first to take over him he's immediately first I got to attack him so I get his land that's the first law first law would be declare war on the other city first law we would declare war to that guy right in the middle

and then I would be radioing over to my other land and my other town and I would be talking to them about, we're going to flank them from the back, and they got to go right to the front. Or I'll let them give them the opportunity to join the land. I'll say, will you join our town?

And if they say no, I say, okay, because you'll be seeing us again. And they go, what does that mean? And then I go stand 10 feet from them and come up with a plan i would definitely try to i'd get that that land that guy out and i'll try to get those two joined yeah so how do i do that so it's at least like a whole block yeah it's gotta be a whole section yeah it's gotta be a section we have two sections i'd build a interstate to the other part uh a little tram maybe a little tram A little public transportation I would do that

A little scooter ramp or something Horse and buggy We get part of the creek A couple houses Houses need to be flipped It's a bit of a fixer-upper town Can you imagine if that's where your Your porch

That's where the porch, your... That's where the mayor lives. That's City Hall, right? Yeah. You take two steps downs and you're in the middle of the road. Look at,

that's a road. Yeah. That's not a driveway. That's the main road. People are going 60 down that road. And your baby's out there playing on the porch

just... Don't fall out. Do a little research. There's six, almost seven Tony Burger locations. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they're doing good. All in Utah? All in Utah.

Tony was sitting pretty close to the floor, so it seems like he was doing all right. Thank you, Jennifer Forrest. We could have our own Nate Land. I would do a Nate Land. We have Nate Land Festival. We should do that. Oh, there you go. Nate Land Festival. Now you're talking. Buy this out. Buy this out would do a Nate Land. We have Nate Land Festival. We should do that. Oh, there you go. Nate Land Festival.

Now you're talking. Buy this out. Buy this out and do a Nate Land Festival. Yeah. I feel like we just have $725,000. Great. Hold on. I got my.

Call it the greatest average American festival. Yeah. You did good on March this weekend. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. Yeah. The Green Room is the other part of the town.

Yeah. Jacob DeLeon. No? DeLeon. DeLeon. DeLeon. DeLeon. There you go.

I was recently at a charity dinner and were given name tags. I noticed the last name of the gentleman a few seats down from me was Poinsett. Thanks to your Christmas episode, I was able to ask him if he was by chance related to Joel Roberts Poinsett, the namesake of the Poinsett. He was actually a direct descendant. How crazy is that? He was amazed at how much I knew about his ancestor. When he asked me how I knew about it,

I panicked and said I heard it on an educational podcast called Nate Land. He said he would have to check it out. Hopefully I was able to recruit a new folk. I think you might have made him rethink his old history. That's so crazy. Yeah, how about that? We are an educational podcast. We're an educational podcast.

I'm glad. I didn't remember that at all. I remember that because I pay attention to this podcast. He went to Mexico and brought them back or something and just named them poinsettias. I remember that. I don't believe you do. John from Lake Geneva, Wisconsin.

All right. That's my mom too. I know who he is. That John. Okay. He helps to put a name with a face. My wife and I run a small bike rental and ice cream business. Now that we are closed for the season, my wife brought home all of the snacks to pass out for Halloween. I think

this is a different job. I noticed the first couple of kids wouldn't take the candy and I went over to see what was wrong. My wife left all the prices on the candy, so the kids thought we were charging them and they owed us money. I ripped off the price tag but realized maybe I should start charging next time. Yeah. Yeah, so they're like, why is no one buying? No one's taking our free candy. Oh, because we're charging them.

Well, I've brought home all the snacks to pass out for Halloween. From their business. From their business. Pretty savvy kids, though. I can't get over it. He put the city in his name. John from Lake City.

He wanted his lunch in Lake City as opposed to. He wants a name with a face. So they have like a Snickers bar and it has like a little thing on it. A sticker on it. Like a little small shop. Yeah. And then Halloween. They put it out and all the kids are like, do we have to pay for this?

Yeah. Can you imagine that? You got to go, I got a quarter to go there. You're the opposite of, that'd be a great story. That's what you should do.

I do like that. You'd be memorable. Like we talked about like Big Candy. People remember that for the rest of their life. And people would remember if you're like,

yeah, there's one family, this family, John. He goes, John, I'm from Lake Geneva. Oh,

yeah. Wisconsin? Yeah, yeah. Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. So, he goes, John, I'm from Lake Geneva. Oh, yeah. Wisconsin? Yeah, yeah. Lake Geneva, Wisconsin. So he goes, and then he says, they used to charge us for, they charge us. He goes, that's so John. And that's the house you toilet paper every year. Yeah.

The one that run the bike and ice cream business? Yeah. He goes, still doesn't ring a bell. That would be if you don't get it by... Yeah. You know John from Lake Geneva? I don't... You know him and his wife?

They run a small bike rental? I don't know. They also have that ice cream business? God. Kind of. Kind of. Remember they charged

everybody for the Halloween snacks? Yes. All right. I know what you're talking about. That's how long it would take. Andrew Hayward. We had a memorial service for my grandmother this past weekend. Sorry about that.

At the start of the service, the pastor came up to do an introduction. It started off by somberly saying, hello, folks. Suddenly, my cousin yells from the back of the room, let's go, folks. The room was dead silent, and then I barely overheard his wife saying, I can't believe you just did that. I don't think anyone else got it, and the pastor was bamboozled, but I got a short break from the sadness and almost left out loud. That's great.

That's what you're here for. That's great. Yeah. Chris Good. My grandpa's name was Eugene, and when my dad was born, my grandma was asked by the nurse what she wanted to call the baby. My grandmother looked at my grandfather and said, call it Eugene. When they received the... No, call it Eugene. Call it Eugene.

When they received the birth certificate, it said, call it Eugene. C-O-L-L... Colette. Colette. C-O-L-L-E-T-T-E, Eugene. Yeah. My grandparents thought it was a funny story and left it. My dad has lived for 65 years with the name Colette Eugene.

It's a funny reminder that our older folks like Beefcake Bates had some fun humor back in the good old days. That's wonderful, man. I mean, that's probably annoying for Eugene at points, and then it comes around. Like, it's got to be- Colette. Colette. He always got a story. He always got a story. My name's Colette. And then you're like, yeah, I mean, it's got to be- Colette. Colette. She always got a story. You always got a story.

My name's Colette. And then you're like, yeah, I mean, it's a great story though. It's one of those that I could see you being like, it's a little annoying, but then now he's 65 and it's like, he probably loves it. Yeah. You're going to love it. This guy's grandparents were like comics.

They saw a funny thing. It's like, let's go with it. They go, I love it. I'll leave it. It's worth it for the story. Exactly. When he's 65, he'll appreciate it. It's like, let's go with it. They go, I love it. That'll leave it. That works. It's worth it for the story. Exactly. When he's 65, he'll appreciate it.

When he's 65, he'll get it. He loves it. All right. All right. So this one, so we just, I mean,

if you listen to this, we just recorded, we had Nick on last week and, but they're both here today because Nick and Dustin are flying back to LA today. And so we had Dustin and we we did we talked about the universe some

uh and we're gonna do another one but then it was like the universe i feel like let's we should dive back in we kind of brushed over yeah we only scratched the surface it's pretty big it's so big yeah the universe i don't even know how much we can like it's so big that you're there's almost not much to talk about because you just go, it's so big. It's like the Grand Canyon. Yeah. It's so big, you don't even care. You don't even, you go, all right.

Can't see it all. It's too hard. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's hard to write. Yeah. I mean, that blue, pale thing. Pale blue dot.

Pale blue dot. Yeah. The key of that whole movie. Yeah. Yeah. The key point to the whole movie. What movie? The blue and the red.

You talking about The Matrix? Oh, no. You're talking about The Matrix. No, yeah, I don't know. Okay. So there's that picture where it's a blue dot. Oh, sorry. It's zoomed out.

Okay. So it's like, to wrap your head around that is, I mean, I don't know. It's like, what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do with that information? What do people do? Once you get told me that what do you do it i find it comforting because of all the struggles and problems the world for whatever reason to me to realize we're so small and so insignificant it makes me peaceful that's that's what skydiving

did for me i did when i did it for the very first time it made me see how small everything was yeah you know it was just so amazing to just you know just float down over the earth like that but what if there's nothing out there and it's just this small dot so we got a lot of weight on our shoulders it could be the opposite and we're actually the most important and you should get it together so it could go too late. It could. You're blowing it. You're the only possible human in this enormous galaxy, and it's been wasted on thinking about the nothingness.

Zero pressure. That's just another way to look at it. Yeah, we talked about that quote last week from Carl Sagan, and it was much better said than how we did it, but it made me realize just this planet's been here forever. It's going to go on long after we're gone. So some of the stuff that we get so upset about, it's not going to better next week.

It seems so silly when you look at the earth as a dot like that. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's a lot. But it's, you know, that's all we... We wouldn't even get to the you are here. You know how far away that is? I mean, that's...

You have to climb that rope. Yeah. Jump on that point. Yeah, you have to get to that arrow, which is... That's far. Things are so far so far away so if you had to guess between the earth and the moon the moon feels pretty close right because it's too close how many planets do you think you could fit between the earth and the moon nine 17 25

oh yeah i going way high you could fit all of them I thought it was amazing you could fit all the other planets between the earth and the moon and you still have like 1600 miles left over yeah I think you went to college

and like so like that like you I don't know y'all like really talked about planets and stuff and so well we I never talked about them did you go to college? art school which doesn't really count that doesn't y'all like really talked about planets and stuff. And so, well, we, I never talked about them.

Did you go to college? Right. You went to art school, which doesn't really count. That doesn't, there's, we're not talking about planets, you know,

we're just finger painting. Yeah. Yeah. Just to go. You just needed a degree to make mom happy. That was it. So I could do standup. It's, yeah,

I don't think I, you know, I don't know how much planet talk I remember. Pluto? Well, Pluto talk. Yeah. But I don't think i you know i don't know how much planet talk i remember and pluto pluto talk but i don't think i thought about like could you put them all in between so like that's i would almost think i would be like oh i guess it's that seems shorter to me than bigger wow really really yeah so you're surprised it's that few? I thought you were going to say 20,000 or something. 20,000? Like Jupiter's? Well, I mean, I'm also looking at a tiny dot.

Oh, that's true. You're like, I don't know. Your frame of reference is off right now. How big are we compared to like, is Jupiter the biggest? Our solar system. And then Venus is- Jupiter's bigger than all the other planets combined. Yeah.

Jupiter is. Oh. I just, I don't know. I just love how like the universe is just summed up and kind of to a map mall. Yeah. You were here and the gap is on the second floor. Yeah.

Food court. I mean, when that, so who, what's his name that said this? I know he's... Carl Sagan. Yeah. So I'm not trying to act like, I don't know if anyone's like, I can do it, but I'm not trying,

this guy's smarter than me, obviously. But like, yeah, when he says that, you know, it's like, you're still like, all right, Carl, but you know, it's raining out today,

so just bring your umbrella. Like, there's gotta be, you know, he says, it's like this big thing that you then have to go like, well, our daughter's got a dance tonight, so you gotta go take her. And he goes, all right, I'll go to it. They're that big.

I think about how small we are, too. Like, I'll think of it sometimes. Because you look at, I thought of it this weekend or something. Like, you just see where you're like, oh, yeah, you're nowhere. I mean, that's, you know, people talk about, like, the land. There's land everywhere, dude. Like we're nowhere in America. We're barely anywhere.

I saw a map, I think that somewhere that said had all the dots of people, of places in America that are not, no one lives at in America. And there's more dots than there isn't. Like of just areas where there's nobody. There's nobody anywhere in America, basically. You know?

We discovered our own selves. That's what I'm getting at. Yeah, you haven't discovered who we are. We don't know who we are. Lots of places for Nate Land. It looks like after Saturn, there's a big drop off there. Oh, I didn't see those. I love Saturn.

It's so cool looking. So it's Jupiter and that's Saturn? Yeah. Saturn is probably the coolest one. It's so cool. Why don't we go there?'s Saturn? Yeah. Saturn is probably the coolest one if you could pick. It's so cool. Why don't we go there? Because that circle around it is probably a pretty big deal. It's tough to get in there.

Is that like the gate? It's got to come in from underneath. Well, that's a gas planet too. That's a hula hoop? That's a total gas planet. There's nothing to land on. So we couldn't. Yeah.

So the hula hoop, we would just fly through it. So we couldn't live on that one. And then, yeah. So the hula hoop would, we would just fly through it. So we couldn't live on that one. And then. You'd fly through the hula hoop. Oh, and it's sideways. That would be uncomfortable. We'd also be walking up. What keeps that as.

That would be not. Yeah, like a scooter. Sliding off. You gotta just be, a lot of that, a lot of steps. That's a town of, that's a.

Yeah, you can magnetize it. It's a world of steps. It's like Nick's minivan on that. Yeah. That's deep. Crash into the planet. What keeps that ball of gas a ball? Gravity.

So they have gravity. That's cool. They got it too. Yeah. No water. I guess I didn't think of gas as having gravity. Yeah, it's all got gravity out there. Yeah. You know what's wild got gravity out there. Yeah.

You know what's wild to think about? No sound in space. You ever think about that? I'm just learning about gravity, so I haven't got there yet. But it's... I thought there was no gravity. There's... What?

What did you just ask? I thought there was no gravity. Yeah. Well, if you're out of way from anything with any mass, there's no gravity. Yeah. But there's still gravity. Mass makes gravity. Mass will still have gravitational attraction to it.

Yeah. I didn't read this last time. I feel like I went to school for like an hour. Like all of my schooling was in there. Me too. Like I just breezed through it. I didn't pay attention to anything. You're doing pretty well for now.

I just want to go back and look at me and see what I was doing. What are you doing? That's what I would love. If I had a time machine, I would just be like... Just watch this podcast. I do. It is educational to me. Do people learn this? But in 30 minutes from now, in the future, when you're like, who cares?

Let's move on. That'll be the answer. So that's what happened. I just go, I don't care. Well, that's the. That'll be the answer. That is. So that's what happened. Yeah. Is I just go, I don't care. I've thought about it. I don't. I'm not education smart.

Like whatever that is. So like people still, you know, they're always like, no, you're smart and all this stuff. I don't know how to. I don't think of stuff the way you think of stuff. I just don't. I don't. It doesn't stick with me. The stuff that doesn't matter.

Like, not that it matters to me, but until it it matters to me i can't pay attention to it right so it's got to like and i'm not saying this matters or i'm in feel interested in it not like it matters to me uh because it's not about i don't want anything to be about me but it's it's like until i can find a way to be like okay i understand what that is and then i can then i go and i move but like i think when i just kind of feel like you're just, I got to wait till it gets there. When it gets there, then I'll get very curious. Yeah.

I'm really not, yeah. The book stuff, really book smart. We'll get there. That's why I could never graduate college. I mean, I wasn't, I'm not smart enough to. You're looking at the teacher and you're just like, you're bombing right now. Can you not feel the need?

Can you not speed it up? What are you talking about? These words are, who cares? Like algebra and stuff. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Who cares at all, dude?

Like, talk, make it, you know, do it in a cooler way. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. Kind of like the children's Bible like she was talking about.

Like it needs to make more sense to people. Makes sense. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. So I don't really understand this, but only 5% of the universe is made up of people,

planets, stars, stuff like that. 69% is dark energy. And then 26% is dark matter. I don't know the difference, but they just discovered proof that one of these existed. It's invisible, but they say it's out there. And I guess they know it exists because gravitational pull? I'm looking at you.

I don't know a lot about this. I don't even know what you said. There's a lot of gravitational pull out there, and they're like, well, what's doing it? Because there isn't anything out there, and it's dark energy, which is some type of invisible matter. Does it include black holes? I don't know. A guy told me something about black holes this weekend in the meeting. What was it?

I don't know. There's a lot of them. A black hole is created when a big star explodes. It's gravitational force. It's written for a second grader. When a big star goes bye-bye, it becomes... Well, come on. I thought that was...

How else would y'all write it? What are you going to say? What would you... How would you read it? That's the problem, dude. We're seeing the problem. The combustion of the eternal... When a big star goes...

You don't got to use that voice. It was just funny the way he said it. The way you just read it very. Yeah. Its gravitational force is so strong that nothing can escape from it. Luckily, the closest black hole is about 10,000 light years from Earth. It's right there. There's a big one at the center of the Milky Way, right?

I think that's what's at the center of it. That's what it's all spinning around. Just a spot. A black hole. Yeah. And what goes in there just it goes in and we don't even know anything nothing light can't even escape from it yeah that's because the gravitational force is so strong yeah that's what's at the center of it that just goes somewhere yeah where's it go what do you mean so space like probably like weight like the ocean would that be space is probably like the ocean. Would that be space? It could be like the ocean, and that's like one of those things where... Oh, like a whirlpool? Yeah.

Is that what that is? You think of it like the ocean. Like a sinkhole? Is it like that? It could, yeah. I mean, you could think about it that way. Does a black hole have a bottom? It could.

No, well, I don't... But the oceans are so deep. They could be deep as... They got to go somewhere where they're so deep that it doesn't even matter uh-huh dark matter like in something these black holes are just like yeah hurricanes like they're just like a bunch of they stay there the gravitational force is so strong everything just yeah but that's what uh what was it called black hole no uh the. Whirlpool? Whirlpool.

Whirlpool. They don't call it Whirlpool. That's like a sauna. Like a steam room. You know, like a steam room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it called? It's called a Whirlpool. Oh, it is?

Yeah, I'm pretty sure. That's where it came from probably. And they named that Whirlpool company after just that? A washing machine, they named it after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it would be like that. So that's what I think black holes are. Okay.

And then they're just there. Yeah, it works. And that explains everything because then it's the oceans. It's all the oceans. You haven't discovered the oceans. I figured it out. I go, that's what I do in my science meeting. All right.

Let's not even. Handle that. 10 a.m. Let's go. Yeah, let's do something else throw me another one so the closest the closest galaxy to the milky way you anyway know it's the andromeda galaxy is the closest one it's still pretty far away but it's moving directly towards us at 68 miles a second which is 1..8 Rhode Islands across per second.

Yeah, I looked at it. Yeah, I did the math earlier. So it's moving at a 68 miles per second. So every second, it gets closer than us. Andromeda Galaxy is coming right at us. Yeah, 68 miles per second. Which is a great way to look at it. So picture Rhode Island.

Yeah, the width across Rhode Island, 1.8 of those per second. That's how fast it's going. Oh, yeah, almost two. So almost two Rhode Island. Yeah. The width across Rhode Island, 1.8 of those per second. That's how fast it's going. Oh, yeah. Almost two. So almost two Rhode Islands are just like, you're like, God, it's coming quick. It'll be here before this podcast opens. Do you think we can see it? Like, is it coming that quick that you're like, what is that?

You know, it's not that close yet. No, it's not to where you notice it. You know, it's like when you say his name and you turn around, would you be like, what is that? I think that's when you're in trouble when you go, oh, what is that? Well, this is- Two rodons? So it's not going to hit us for another 4.5 billion years. Give or take.

Give or take. Give or take a few seconds. Yeah. So it's going to combine with ours, and it's going to become the Milkomata. Milky Way and Andromeda is going to become the Milkomeda galaxies. But they think the stars in these galaxies are so far spread apart from each other that the galaxies will combine, but they think there's an excellent chance none of the stars will actually hit each other because they're that spread out.

That's good. And there's that much room. But it'll combine, and a lot of planets will get probably thrown out from gravitational force. They'll just get ricocheted out just from gravity. But better benefits because it's a bigger company, right? Yeah. When they merge. There'll be a lot more going on.

Will Earth be done? I mean, we'll probably be – I mean, we'll be done way before that probably. Yeah. 4.5 billion years. The Earth will have – the sun will have exploded by that probably yeah 4.5 billion years the earth will have the sun will have exploded by then probably yeah the stars like on fire as a kid i always thought that's what they told us like they're just on fire in the sky like a solo stove out in the sky no smoke man the smokeless fire pit just in the sky yeah what's no sense like a solo stove

that's what solo stove should be so we're we look at it we don't want to uh we don't want to brag about ourselves but we do think this as the stars of your driveway we put out no smoke just a little sound and what's no sound so when they're in space and they can't hear sound they're just that's gotta be nice though that sounds you don't even hear your like stomach that sounds amazing because no sound can exist well sound the sound sound needs something for it to to travel across yeah like air and if there's no there's no air out there then that hasn't you that sound yeah those vibrations have nowhere to go there's nothing would you feel it you'd still you'd still feel so someone hit you you'd be like god you know but nothing would come out of your mouth when you go hey man and he's

like we're in space dude i can't i can't just draw it and then he's doing charades and he's like i don't know how to draw but i can do sounds really well well why don't you do that on earth where we had sound my boy's up there what was isn't it the coldest that can be possible in space? It's not absolute zero. Actually, I was looking up this earlier, and I don't want you to think that I know all this. I just, we were looking during lunch.

The coldest temperature and the hottest temperature in the universe are both on Earth. In the whole universe. We've created them on Earth. Solo stove? An oven? An oven. And HelloFresh stays frozen. Is it microwave?

Microwave can get pretty hot. I bet it's some type of particle thing. One of those colliders, whatever they're called, where nothing's been that hot since the big bang. They think we've, we've created it. And what was the coldest? I'm sorry. Absolute zero,

which I, how do you get to that? I don't know. You just put a lot of ice. I don't know how you get, you know, how do they, the big bang stuff?

Like how did they figure it out by like, there's real old newspapers and stuff and just track it down. Is that like, they just found the old almanac. they just go to the library and just go, here's the first almanac. Something looks fishy here. And they keep going from there. Just keep going back.

So there's colder than zero. Zero degrees. No, absolute zero is the coldest. That's the zero that we know. That's when things literally stop moving. Is that zero? Not zero Fahrenheit. not zero fair it's like no yeah zero kelvin i thought i read like outer space is 270 degrees below zero or something

oh just just out in the middle of which i thought they said was as cold as it could get but i don't know yeah that's pretty cold man it's pretty cold yeah what would you yeah the jacket coat i guess you had this your mouth so why don't we wear spacesuits around here because they can wear them out there so you'd be like some people do during cold yeah that's what they say everything's made by nasa like the astronauts use it you're like all right i'll try some of that yeah but it never really goes as far as it should go you think yeah like when they say the astronauts usually you should be like well these should be selling off the i think they cost about 12 million dollars a piece those spacesuits yeah some people can't afford i used to eat the ice

cream astronaut ice cream you ever heard that yeah no that was amazing they had did not space i thought that was astronaut ice cream it's like a powder it's like powder right i thought it was hard it was like okay like a sponge okay It's like chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry. Is it okay? The first thing that's impressed you about space is Diffin Dots. If they had Diffin Dots in space, that'd be amazing. Pale blue dot. Who cares?

That should be one of the flavors. Pale blue dot. Pale blue dot. I'll take a bowl of Earths and then... Throw some pale blue dots in there. That's so funny. Yeah. That'd be a good dip and dot flavor.

I don't really understand this, but it says there's no such thing as the universe's center. And I don't know how... Like the ocean. There's no middle of the ocean. I think there is. Where? I don't know where it's at, but I feel like you could take the ocean and look at it and geographically figure out where the center would be. But it all connects, so you have to have an ending. You have to have a beginning and an end.

Well, there's no beginning and an end because it's all just together. Well, I guess that's true. So the universe is like that. There's no beginning or end. There's not a wall that goes, that's enough. Can't go past here. So you're all just like, we're in the middle of the ocean. But if the universe is expanding out from a singular explosion in the middle, wouldn't the center be where that explosion happened?

Yep, it seemed like it would be. But to your point, if there is no walls... It would just be where that explosion happened. Yeah, so everything's expanding out from that explosion. So theoretically, if you were to take it all back, that would be the center of it. I don't think I even know what the Big Bang Theory is. It's like a single spark or something just blew up. Blew up, made the whole universe.

So that's when they say the universe is expanding and everything's constantly moving. That's because it all started from a singular explosion. And everything's still just moving out. How did they think that exploded? Good question. What did it explode? It was just a collection of stuff that just exploded at the middle. In a millisecond.

I feel like you can talk a scientist into where he goes, it was just a bunch of stuff. I think there's a point where they have to go, I don't. That's what I think I want. I want them to go, we don't know for sure, but this is our best guess. And I would go, okay. And then you ask the question, like we did the last episode, who did that?

Where did that come from? And no one knows. Stephen Hawking, I think he said, was content content with just it came from nothing yeah who could tell what that guy said yeah yeah i tried i tried to read that mark is mark a nonsense old joke yeah i just got lost the whole time that book a moment in time yeah i just couldn't grasp any of it really yeah yeah well i wouldn't yeah you don't know the words that's the problem like you're these words mean something simple well you use a simple word right they shouldn't get me to write stephen hawkins book yeah and then i just be like and if he can't explain it enough to you for you to write it then then guess what stephen we don't learn what you teach because we're not you know you're

keeping all this information that keeps the rest of us down. Yeah. Because we don't know what the words mean. And you're just making up harder words. And no one knows what any of those words mean. So then the group gets smaller and smaller because y'all are like, blah, blah, blah, using all this stuff. And it's basically going, I just want to go like, so we live in an ocean?

Yeah. So it's like a whirlpool. It's like a whirlpool, black holes. Big star. All right. Big star. It blew up. We're here. Yeah. So it's like a whirlpool. It's like a whirlpool, black holes. Big star. All right, big star. It blew up. We're here.

Yeah. Okay. There are about 5,000 exoplanets, which is planets outside our solar system. And they're discovering more weekly. So that number keeps going up. We got just like a camera out there. We got all kinds of telescopes. How many satellites are out in space?

I mean, there's so much space junk. I read the other day that we may have our own ring like Saturn someday of just space junk going around. Yeah. Is that where recycling goes? Dude. Yeah, I looked this up. There's 500,000 pieces of space debris floating around the Earth's orbit. You got any pictures?

I don't have any pictures of it. They're keeping those in the download. So they just throw it up there, and there's nothing we can do. And it's going at 17,500 miles per hour. So it could become a real problem. You're right. Well, wasn't there just an incident on the space station where they had to get in because space junk was coming? I mean, the movie gravity

that's what happened in that movie but i think it just almost really did happen gravity is it good yeah it's great that's real good man i never saw it either it's about gravity and center gravity plays a big role for sure it's a big part it's a big part but in these exoplanet now they think there's billions and billions of planets out there oh you just asked about telescopes yeah they're about to launch and or somebody did maybe it wasn't you i said cameras new iphone sody handicams zoomed in all the way they're about to launch so hubble telescopes the one that's taking all these pictures all these great photos over the years but they're about to launch the james webcope is the one that's taken all these pictures, all these great photos over the years.

But they're about to launch the James Webb Telescope, which is way more powerful than Hubble's telescope. And it's going to show us stuff we've never seen before. Looks like a honeycomb. How did they put it in space? On a rocket. That's pretty cool. And then it's been hung up because of COVID.

And then they got mad at the name because James Webb said some anti. They're trying to Cancel James Webb He's dead I think But they're trying to Cancel the name He can't cancel somebody When they're dead Well they're upset

About calling it After him Because he said Some stuff back in the day That they don't like now But once they get all that We're sending him to space Does that not count

For something That's how bad it was Well now James Webb's Out of our universe We never have to talk To him ever again Put his body on James Webb's out of our universe. We never have to talk to him ever again. Put his body on there. Send him out of here.

But once that gets launched, they say we'll see stuff that we've never seen before. That's pretty exciting. You'll see another you. His first thing he sees is another Brian Bates with his hand behind his head. He's just like a horse guy. Waving up at it. Just waving. Tell everybody down on Earth we're from Fillard County.

Say hello. Fillard County. Is there a Fillard County? Not in Tennessee. I made it up right now. I thought you said they halted production of it because of COVID. Obviously, it's like the workers, but it just sounds like it's not safe to go to space right now because of COVID. You got to wear two suits.

How fast is COVID driving? You got to wear two suits. Two suits. Yeah, two helmets. You got a mask over the glass just in case. I wonder if they had to do COVID stuff. Wasn't there a fear of COVID on the space station?

Oh, I don't know. I heard something like that. I feel like there was, like they could do something. And wipe everything down. Yeah. A new guy came up,

like, whoa, whoa, whoa. He goes, I don't have it. I got a call. Six feet apart,

buddy. Did they get sick in space? I'm sure. I guess you could. Yeah it's just somebody's throwing up in their helmet yeah but these uh these exoplanets they're looking for i don't need to see a video of it well i'm not gonna watch a video of somebody throwing up in space or anything viruses don't spread the same off earth this says oh that's nice this is too long for me to read right now but it looks like something interesting yeah it just wouldn't uh astronauts have fallen ill while in

space while floating off earth astronauts have endured upper respiratory infections or colds and uh you know something in space medicine at the baylor college of medicine why do they always go to different colleges? You always see that, like, when they talk to someone, they go, oh, this guy from this college. Is that like a PR for a college? Like, they're just, you know. It is for sure.

But they pay for that. It's also where these people are. I mean, where else would they be? But. Like scientists. No, no, but you see it everywhere. Like, we go and talk to this college about this thing. Oh, right. Probably what happens, like scientists. No, no, but you see it everywhere. Like we go and talk to this college about this thing. Oh, right.

Probably what happened – like Space.com, that school probably sent a press release to them saying, we've determined this in our studies, and then Space writes the article about it. Instead of Space approaching them saying, hey, do you got somebody that knows about sick astronauts? Oh, wait. No, you're saying Space – Space.com. Oh, Space.com is the people that decide like no the center for space medicine told space.com so the center for space medicine

figured it out and then called space.com and said do y'all want to write an article about uh colds in outer space yeah and they go i'll pitch it a little better than that and then luckily the coronavirus came around they go huh I'll pitch it a little better than that. And then luckily the coronavirus came around. They go, huh? Oh, yeah. Now it's interesting. Now it's good.

He's still got that sneezing space thing. Do you ever see Apollo 13, the movie? I think so. Yeah, remember they all get sick on the flight back. I remember it like that. They got cold. One of them got really, really sick. Yeah, yeah. But that was just because

they were so cold, right? That didn't help. Who was that, Gary Sinise? Well, Gary Sinise didn't get to go to space because they said he was going to have the measles. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I knew something was wrong. Are the flowers blooming in Houston? Remember that? I've seen that movie a bunch. Was that the code word? That just meant, yeah,

do you have the measles? And he's like, nah, they're not. I don't have the measles. Yeah. Oh. Yeah. You don't want to say it out loud. He didn't want the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He the measles? And he's like, nah, they're not. I don't have the measles. Oh. Yeah. He didn't want to say it out loud.

He didn't want the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. He wanted to trash talk the NASA's doctors. Tom Hanks asked him. From time to time over the radio. Are the flowers blooming in Houston? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

It's a great movie. Yeah. Yeah. I saw it a long time ago. It is a great movie. Holds up. Yeah, I don't remember. But it's, but I, it was a great movie.

Yeah. Tom Hanks, top of his game. Those exoplanets, so they're looking for planets in what they call the Goldilocks zone, which is where it's not too hot and not too cold, because they think that's where there could be life. So they found a few planets.

Why do they call it Goldilocks? From the nursery rhyme, or whatever that would be considered. Not too hot, not too cold, just right. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. She ate the porridge. Yeah, yeah. Before she snuck into the bear's house. That's true. Broken, broken, entering. Goldilocks, that's a good name.

Goldilocks? Goldilocks. Not a person's name, but it's easy to remember. But isn't it a person's name in the story? Goldie. I think the girl's name, but... Well, it's easy to remember. Goldilocks. But isn't it a person's name in the... Goldie. In the story? I think the girl's name, right? Goldie, and she has locks.

Oh, and she has locks. I thought her name was Goldilocks. It is. She's Goldilocks, but she has locks. I think it's her nickname. Yeah, it's her nickname. Oh, it's a nickname. Yeah, it's her nickname.

But it makes way more sense. First name's Goldie. Goldilocks? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah she's talking to bears so kind of a one name she's goldie from lake geneva wisconsin yeah yeah i'm goldie from the uh locks of uh where's the locks what's that thing lives in the locks oh loch ness monster loch ness monster where do you come from the The Loch Ness Monster Lake? Oh, is that what it's called? No, but if I tell you the real name, you're not going to know it.

It's Ness, right? Ness. Ness. Lake Ness? Loch Ness just means Lake Ness, doesn't it? Yeah, I think you're right. Oh, it does? Yes.

Is that the name of the... Oh, Loch Ness. Yeah, Lake Ness Monster, yeah. Lake Ness Monster. So the lake is called Ness. No, the Ness Lake. Ness Loch Monster. The lake is called Ness. No, the Ness Lake. Ness Lock. Everybody goes, where are you going to go?

The Ness Lake. Ness Lake. I'm sure you've heard of it. You've got to have it. They go, Lock Ness. And you go, all right, man. Yeah, I guess. I don't talk about it that often.

I don't understand. What do you all talk about in a cosmology class? About the origins of the universe, how it started. I should know a lot more about the Big Bang Theory and stuff just based on that class, but I don't remember. I retained very little. Oh, really? Yeah.

Because I've been relying on you pretty hard. I did 20 minutes of rudimentary research before this so i feel pretty good about it was 10 of it figuring out what rudimentary meant that's where i would have got stuck so technically this is spelling rudimentary would have been i never made it past that and mars is in the goldilocks zone that's what they say so they're saying that oh life so these could be so earth we're good venus, I'm sorry. You're so close. But you just can't.

Mercury. Mercury, why are you wasting our time? You should be embarrassed. I feel like they keep going back and forth on Mars. Like we can live there. We can't. I think it's our only option at this point. So we think we can live in those other dots too?

Yeah. But I think all of them. Mars is the only one that we actually have the ability to go to. It has water too, right? They said some water. There's ice. But that other one looks closer. What is that?

Well, this has nothing to do with distance. This is a graph, which I know is your favorite. So that has nothing to do with distance? This has nothing to do with how far away. So why would they even spread them out? distance this has nothing to do with how far why would they even spread them out well this is a graph that's where the y-axis is is this is a graph where the y-axis is the size of the planet and the x-axis is uh the temperature you get what i'm saying why are they in different spots if there's no distance

doesn't matter because it's showing you something yeah because it's just showing you how big it is compared to earth and how hot and cold it is compared to earth so but this is so far away this kepler 186 f is like light years and light so it doesn't mean it's right there no it's just saying like that's that's colder right so we're a little bit mars is a little bit colder it's right there no it's just saying like that's that's colder right so we're a little mars is a little bit colder it's colder than that kepler but why is it so high because it's uh smaller than kepler is okay so that's the size okay all right yeah that makes sense it's not you're supposed to just know that when you look at every graph no but you read the labels on the axes. And then that's what it says? Yeah.

See this? Oh, yeah. The Earth's mass. Is it... Teach a lot of stuff in school, huh? I don't know. You retain quite a bit. I'm saying this. Mars is the only one we can get to.

The other ones are way too far away. So we just... Mars is our only option. We got to go live there. Got to go to Mars. I think we could talk Venus into it. They're right there. They're close enough.

Y'all just get a little bit colder. Just a little. You know you want to do it. Yeah. Is it Scientology that the founder was from a planet or went to a planet? What's his name? Ray of Hubbard? Tom Cruise.

Yeah. L. Rod Hubbard? Ray R. Hubbard hubbard yeah something like that it was basically uh built off of a science fiction novel and then the whole religion's based off of that oh they're um i don't know that much about so i try to watch that movie they did the john travolta movie which is about the whole thing you know what i'm talking about battle saturn i didn't battlefield battlefield beyond or something? I don't know. Battlefield. With Barry Pepper.

What movie is that? Barry Pepper. Battlefield movie. Yeah. I don't know. We had Dreadlocks. All right. Yeah.

I try. I'm about out here. Yeah. In fairness, we had like 20 minutes to get ready for this one. Yeah, we just figured we'd talk

more about the universe. Battlefield Los Angeles. Yeah. What's the John Travolta movie? Battlefield Earth? Battlefield Earth. That's it. That's with M. Night Shyamalan. No. Yeah. Battlefield Earth is considered one of the worst movies of all time. Is it really?

That's not Shyamalan, is it? Wow. No, no, no. But he's in that. He did After Earth. I know, but go up. I think... Yeah, he is in it. Why did John Travolta do Battlefield Earth? Click on that. I think it was. No, no, no. But he's in that. He did After Earth. I know, but go up. I think, why did John Travolta do Battlefield Earth? Click on that. I think it won more Razzie Awards than anybody ever. So this is about Scientology. He was so committed to get this film made that he cut his $20 million salary in half.

Man, that's quite a sacrifice. Yeah. He still made $10 million. I know. But that's where you want to a sacrifice yeah still made 10 i know but that's like where you want to go like well dude if you didn't do it for free like if you're if you're like well i want to get this message out then you then do it but that's not a movie about scientology it was just written by the founder yeah because it's not about the book it's based off of according to that now i mean i think it's a like a futuristic alien well they're they're all about aliens

right well what do I know but I mean the way that reads to me it's just like he did it to just publish this guy's book okay

I didn't take it it was about Scientology and that's his book I just always thought the religion was based off I think he wrote a lot of books I think L. Roy Hubbard was an author

so he wrote a bunch of books and they made this one a movie then he started that this is brutal he wrote a bunch of books, and they made this one a movie. Then he started that. That's brutal, man. Often considered one of the worst films ever made. 3% on Rotten Tomatoes. I love Barry Pepper, too, though.

Which one is the – is Rotten Tomatoes a pretty good gauge? Or is that like – I do look at audience scores. Oh, yeah, versus the critics' score? Yeah. Sometimes vastly different. Yeah, even though I was a critics was a critic i was about to say besides that i think they nailed it it's a 12 audience score which is still not great sometimes i don't but like sometimes you go to amazon you look at like the there have like it's always off but it's you have the audience thing. I mean, almost every movie ever made, the audience is like, yeah, loved it.

Everybody loved it. Because it's, you know, if you were just putting, yeah, I like it. Yeah, 91%. You got a 91 on Rotten Tomatoes audience score. The critics didn't even bother. But now they're going to start to. Didn't care less. Because now you're going to be a critic's choice.

There's four reviews from critics, but not enough for a consensus i guess yeah and they were all i don't know if i want to read these yeah they're all positive yeah i deposit i don't you don't even want it do you have imdb page yeah yeah i have one now somebody made one oh really yeah with greg yeah but it's funny because someone said something like aka breakfast or also known as breakfast yeah you can maybe update it uh it's so funny i mean you got to be the only picture like that picture i mean there just has to be everybody else has like a headshot in yours that's a headshot i know but that just looks like you know oh that's a headshot i use you know you have a bio it looks like you have that picture on

your chest as you greet people this is a this is a brian bates trivia fact on your imdb oh you got a trivia fact yeah aka breakfast in some circles oh that, wow. That's awesome. What does it say on the thing? This is bio. That's my bio. Oh, does it have star? So there's a star meter. Oh, at the top there was something. Yeah, what's your star meter?

Yeah, let's see where you're ranked. Let's see what all our stars are. I need to log into it. So, because I have the- But what am I known for? There's a way to rank it. Hold on. Oh, you need to be a pro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah this is worth it let's log in we're about to see where you rank where you rank on the list of stars in the world oh can you do mine let's do all yeah how many stars are there there's more stars than grains of sand that's for sure uh you have my phone right in there I have it on my phone I thought I had it here uh

oh is this IMDB TV which is where the show Brian and I did oh that's right maybe that's why

it's on there it's gonna be airing I don't know yeah um let's see that's coming out I have it

fairly soon fairly soon we'll be letting everybody know yeah do we know i'm excited no i don't know exactly when yet come out fairly soon when i have no idea i mean fairly is relative yeah you know within the next two or three years in the green scheme of the universe the green the green screen green screen in the green screen of the universe. In the green screen of the universe. You can put whatever you want up there. That's how green screen works.

All right. So this worked here. You got it. How do I? You search for old breakfast baits. I know. I have to get the password now on here. It's like a different password. Hold on.

Y'all can show for a little bit. Dustin, do you have any thoughts on time travel or multiverses? We talked about that last week. Time travel. Are you for it? Yeah, absolutely. I've always hoped that things are real. You know what I mean?

Who would not be for it? Yeah. Who would be like, I'm not for it. I would vote against it. If you only had a choice, you can only go backwards in time or forwards, what would you choose? I don't know if looking forward is going to be that great oh my gosh you know what i mean i think we had better times in the past yeah the 90s are pretty good to me the good old days yeah you would just go 90s yeah nine music was better you know i don't know i uh i mean i'd

like to see certain things you know do you think music has gotten worse or do you think we just remember the good music it's all it's a little bit of both i think it's worse i think it's it's not worse it's just recycled okay i think anything new you you know is always from something else this is a you know miracle that uh this password worked oh yeah you got to work yeah uh so you gotta but i think any hit that you gotta renew the membership something else you're gonna use mine no you have i need pro yeah i i mean i i i think i got it i got it somewhere it's a matter of principle now we gotta just figure it out yeah i mean i just i just logged in to imdb pro imdb pro uh i was thinking about the music thing this week like you know i think

it's everything i think things are not as creative like they're it's you're getting to a little more uh algorithm kind of type stuff yeah and so it's like people don't... This is his Grammy speech, by the way. Yeah. Well, it's like everybody's looking at everything as like kind of an algorithm. And, you know, so it's definitely not the same. Like it just doesn't mean the same. Yeah.

But it's like Sturgill Simpson has like a Waylon Jennings sound. Like everything kind of, you know, resurfaces to something else that's newer but older, you know. But he puts a cool spin on it so it keeps it fresh. And, you know, itfaces to something else that's newer but older, you know? But he puts a cool spin on it, so it keeps it fresh, and, you know, it's like that's how everything works. Yeah, well, it's like stuff has really been written. Like, if you hear the old song, it seems like the words were, it was, like, written out. It's a story.

And, I mean, some still do it, but then some of them, it's all about, like, it's all, like, generated stuff, so it's not, like, did they have to do that when they first wrote music a long time ago? Did they have to, like, come up with the sound? Yeah, they did. And now it's like anybody. There's only so many chords.

There's only so much you could do, really, I think, with music. Yeah. Especially like rock and roll and country. It's all kind of... Yeah, it's a whole... Yeah. Oh. So you're $27,990.

Okay. Let's all rate ourselves. That's pretty high. What is it? What do you think of all the stars in the world? That is pretty good. Big deal. I'm a little concerned of Nate's 27,900.

I'm about surprised it's that high. I'm just saying. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. I think mine's going to be pretty bad. There. I mean, you can look at it. Okay.

That's Nate's star meter. So what is this? 27? Oh, I remember looking at it. 27,999. Well, hold on. Star meter. So what is this? 27? Oh, I remember looking at it. $27,999. Hold on. Go back. Go click the star meter and let's see what top is and stuff like that.

So mine wrote, oh, last 12. Oh, that was. So the week your special came out. That was $4,000. $4,000. Okay. And now I'm back down to $27,000. You can go back five years here.

You've had a couple peaks what happened yeah march 3rd 2019 tennessee kid came out nice oh nice and then this is probably the uh you did fallon and stand-ups in that same yeah in that same week wow uh and but like is there like i wonder who is the uh katleton. She's 2,300. She was in our pilot. And then who was, like, who's number one? How do you see the number one, just so everybody sees? I don't even know what this is ranked on.

I didn't even know this exists. What do I have? What are my IMDb credits? You're down 3,000 this week. Oh, gosh. It's probably this part. You've got all the Tonight Show appearances, Jake Utler's podcast yes morning i love the yeah oh there's stuff and then all your netflix specials yeah you got a lot of so uh can you look at like just like

is there a star meter i wish i could let me let me look for the rankings look at the top go to the top and see the top of the page uh is there not a star meter thing all right here we go star later so oh and we can find them hayley steinfeld she's number one right now i don't know those other two people are yeah that's crazy daniella pinera never heard jurassic world and kingdom and originals i don't even so i guess jurassic world's coming out she's like the top i guess the rock would be number one cole hauser it changes seems like just constantly uh yeah i don't yeah i know most of these people jesse plemons he's great it's weird yeah all right so they're there and i'm 27 000 away from i can't see that i think i'm like 200 i am probably

in my rhode island 1.8 rhode islands away from them so brian bates actor the film sprung his ranking is 241 175 i think it's better than mine which is more than the people that are even trying to be an entertainer there is there's like 5 000 people are trying it's a safe number how did they ever get this number you're all what was your look yeah i want to see my peak or whatever. Filmography. Yeah. So he was in the Uber Important.

What is that? That's his. That's my dry bar special. Oh, that's your dry bar special. Yep. And then Stand Up Nashville. Yep. And then Somewhat Damaged Podcast.

Yep. What is that? That's the guys, it says Brain Bates there, I see. Oh, yeah. Those are the guys. Brain Bates. You didn't have Nate laying up there there let's look at your graph oh you got a little peak what was this here's a big valley right here i don't know i don't know what happened there you dip down you dip down to two million five thousand he just had a drop me. I mean, just May of 2021 was not good for Old Breakfast. He hit a bottom.

$10.5 million. And when did the podcast start? July of 2020. So you were down at the bottom when you were on the podcast. Yeah, that was, have I? You've had some up and downs. I mean, you dropped, that's a pretty big rise. Go to his peak.

His peak, I mean. 80,000? 80,000 is a peak. 80,000 is not bad, man. You almost can't even walk around outside. What happened that weekend? People know you. Last 12 months, you've been down 93,000.

That's a grand old Opry. Is that when that's a Grand Ole Opry is that when you made your Grand Ole Opry debut yep September wow what's his lowest his lowest is 10 million

his lowest he was at 9,890,000 that was his lowest that's when he started the entertainment wasn't it how many people November 2020

is when when when breakfast came on the map out of 9 million. It only goes to a little 10 million is as low as it goes. And he came out of the gate. We just stopped counting to 10 million. 10 million. It's like, you get it.

We'll see what Dustin's at. It's going to be rough. I just have a stand-up picture on there all right not bad i feel like i'm gonna be in the millions for sure after seeing all these they're it's all crazy it goes off of just like you know look you got all that dustings on crashing you have actual actual actual like a ton of stuff on there. Yeah, crashing. Howard Stern. Howard Stern. Do you want to look at the... Let me see if you got down to nine million.

You luckily were never really down there. Oh, no. You never even came close. You didn't come close to Brian. They don't even show you. You're up there now. You peaked down to 80. You're peaking right now.

Oh, that's when crashing. Yeah, crashing. Yeah, he's on his and right now it's moving up moving up all right get that Nate Land Nate Land bump

do Aaron Nate Land's not even on there I know how do we get Nate Land on there we gotta get Nate Land on there Aaron doesn't even have a headshot is this

this is me though this is Aaron this is me 500 556,000 dude oh my God. That is...

So you're lowest. I mean, Bates is... He is... I'm killing you. I'm $241,000. You should have Bates write you a reference letter. And say, just welcome you to the industry. Do you want to welcome?

Do you want to talk? Would you like to talk to the industry a little bit, Eric? Because they don't know you. This month, you're up $8,618,000. What a month. Yeah, on my birthday, I was the 9 millionth. On your birthday. That's embarrassing, man. I mean, I'd be.

That's crazy. I'd give it up. Yeah. Look, but you're on your way. What's the highest you got? The highest I got was $ give it up. Yeah. Look, but you're on your way. What's the highest you got? Man, the highest I got was $120,000. Yeah. Wow.

You know what, dude? You can only go up from here. I'm grateful for it all. You're grateful for it all. You can only go up here. Shout out to everybody who got me here, dude. So, yeah. $550,000.

We're doing it. We're going to start making everybody look up there when they come in. Oh, yeah. That's funny. That's very funny. All right, everybody. Dustin, you have stuff?

Dates or anything? Website? Yeah, it's my website, dustinchafin.com. I have a show on Twitch. Just check me out, at Dustin Chafin on Instagram and all that stuff. Yeah. And then everybody else?

I think I'm done for the year. I'm going to go down even more on AMTV. I've got to get after even more on AMTV. I've got to get after it. Comedy Works Denver, New Year's. New Year's. Yeah, come check it out. Downtown?

Yeah, with Dusty Slate. That's awesome. Comedy Works Denver. All right, everybody. As always, we love you very much, and we thank you. Nick Novicki, 32,000. He's up there. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's right on your heels.

Well, he's a big deal. So, all right. We love you, everybody. Bye. 32,000. He's up there. Yeah, he's right on your heels. He's a big deal. So, all right. We love you, everybody. Hi, Harper. All right. See y'all. Bye. Thanks, everybody, for listening to the Nate Land Podcast.

Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify, you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network.

Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation's Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.