The Nateland Podcast - #8 Marriage

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

This episode, we talk about marriage. Nate shares words of wisdom to Brian who's a newlywed and Aaron who's engaged. Plus, we delve into the history of marriage, celebrity marriages, the future of marriage, and much more.   Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]

what's up everybody this is nate bargetzi with the nateland podcast uh sitting here with uh aaron weber and brian bates both former comedians of Nashville, Tennessee. And they're... All right. That's not fun. We're all former comedians, technically, right now. Yeah. Because no one's working. No one's doing anything.

We won't do comedy for long. Comedy's dead. Do you think it could ever die? Comedy could ever die? I think it could. It could? Yeah. Just goes away?

Hopefully not in my lifetime. Some people said you might kill it. I'm it could. It could. Yeah. Just goes away. Hopefully not in my lifetime. Some people said you might kill it. I'm just reading. Just reading stuff off the top. That's the first comment. Yeah. That's just hitting, you know, just as a quick one. Welcome.

Thanks again for everybody listening. Everybody, you're subscribing, you know, the comments, the rating. It's a big deal. I know when you rate on iTunes, you know, everybody always the rating it's a big deal you uh i know when you rate on uh itunes you know everybody always asks you to rate on itunes and stuff but that does matter and so we've had we have a ton of it's like 800 to 900 ratings or something it's awesome and uh all very nice and that's none of that's lost on us that is a That's hugely important for us and for what we do. So thank you from the bottom of our hearts that you guys are doing that.

And we mean that sincerely. Sincerely. I already started with one word. I don't know. So, all right, we're going to get in real fast. We're going to do the comments again. If you don't like this part, fast forward. Maybe skip the whole episode.

You know, I don't know. you do whatever you want to go do but we love you guys commenting and we love reading them and love uh having you involved first comment michael birdwell birdwell my favorite part was when you broke some sort of copyright law in an episode focusing on crime very funny i didn't even think about that yeah i didn't think about it either wow yeah we uh so if you last week's episode if you watched on youtube i think podcast was fine i think you heard the two thumbs joke but if you watched it on youtube i played a tonight show clip of my material and you can't play it tonight just should clip even though it's my own material it's kind of crazy yeah i mean i don't think i have recorded anywhere else that's the problem yeah i mean i have it on netflix but i don't know if that you can do netflix uh you know you don't ever have audio of recordings of your material because sometimes people like oh do you have like a like any of my former cds the joke we're playing today is on

youtube i can even do the joke if it's recorded in some other setting i do own the material that i have created just not that exact clip not that exact clip and it gets flagged and it gets knocked down immediately and you know i'm gonna go back and see what i have in my archives sometimes people don't know but when you tape a special when you submit to say you're going to tape a special especially when you're doing maybe your first special you have to record your entire set on your own audio and then you give that to like my first one with comedy central i gave it to comedy central and then they have to listen to it to be like would we approve do we want this special and that's how you're kind of like trying to sell your you know your own special which was funny that when I did do that for a full-time magic,

my comics, I was living in LA. I go record a, uh, set at, uh, that comedy club. What's it's farther out.

It's not me magic. No, no, no, no. Come at your great club. Uh, ice house.

Wow. I got an ice house. And so we, I'm doing a night there. I'm recording doing 55 minutes or something'm doing a night there i'm recording doing 55 minutes or something all this stuff i'm recording for a special i get it we i'd leave the next day i'm doing an audition weirdly enough for john krasinski he was like producing some uh commercial and he was in the room we're doing for him and went you know i didn't get it but

i don't get any of these but it was it went really well he laughed a lot i actually saw him like later and he remembered he was like oh yeah you know that's cool it's very cool yeah and uh but so i get down that audition i was like man that went really good and uh go to my car window smash, backpack gone. I mean, and the recording, and I had my recording. Was my phone in there? No, you know what? I'm sorry. I messed up. I was about to go record the audio, and it had my set list that I'd written out

to then go record audio. Wow. It had all my jokes written on on so all that set list was gone which i mean i kind of remembered it but i was worried about some little things yeah but yeah the whole i mean they just took my whole backpack computer i think was in there i don't care about you know i lose my computer or phone i don't i don't i'm not attached to stuff. I don't really have many things that you could not take that I wouldn't care. Yeah, but your act is. Yeah, the act was, that part was frustrating just to have that kind of be gone.

But I don't have any sentimental values. You take the dog and the wife and daughter and we're good you know grab them and just be like let's roll nothing in your car that's good no if i lost my computer tomorrow i don't care it's it's i'll just get a new one and move on my life i look at like sometimes you if you lose something like that computer phone you lose something it just is like yeah you gotta start over and it's like all right that stuff's gone whatever memories that was out move on to the next i mean now you get you know i get a new daughter she comes in because i'm playing i'm playing the role of harper nice to meet you uh all right that was very funny though focusing on crime amber lotus

patricia hearse is chris hardwick's mother-in-law did you know that i did not and i just did chris hardwick's podcast uh promoting this podcast uh you know this is not all the work you guys see i have to do a lot of other work really promoting podcast all day long and uh trying to sell you two guys to the mainstream media i go they're both really funny guys uh they but yeah i did not know that that's crazy patricia hers is chris hardwick's mother-in-law wow i would have asked him you know i didn't know we were going to be doing that that's pretty fun yeah something fun uh karen barker heard you guys talking about the last blockbuster it's actually in bend I would have asked them. I didn't know we were going to be doing that. That's pretty fun. Yeah. Something fun. Karen Barker, heard you guys talking about the last Blockbuster.

It's actually in Bend, Oregon, and is available as an Airbnb. How crazy. Anyway, keep it up. That's awesome. That is crazy. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. You know?

Yep. What a smart idea. I wonder who did it. Blockbuster, are they even a company? Yeah, I read a little bit about it. I think it's just a promotional thing. It's like three days in September. You have to live in Bend, Oregon or that county because of COVID to qualify.

And they're charging you like $3.99 a night. Wow. And you get – $3.99. Yeah, just like the rentals. No, no, I'm serious. It's just like a promotional thing. Oh, it get... $3.99. Yeah, just like the rentals. No, no, I'm serious. It's just like a promotional thing. Oh, it's really $3.99?

Yes. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so you got to live in Oregon. Are they going to do it and just shut it down? I mean, I feel like it was just a one weekend thing just for fun. Oh, okay. They should do it more.

Yeah. I mean, I don't know where it's at, if it's not in a weird... Blockbusters are not in the most touristy areas. Yeah. It's not like you're... I would ever like, you know what I'd love to move? Next to that Hollywood video. Right next to that.

That's a great idea, though. Imagine going, staying at a Blockbuster, and you get avd player vhs probably you just have your run every all day you can just go like i would do 24 hours a week you can just watch movies all day is that the idea it's like a nostalgia thing like you show up with some friends and yeah it's like 90s decor they've got okay and i think you just sit back and watch movies all weekend. Do they have a TV not from the 90s? That's a good question. That might be a deal breaker. If they have some old, huge –

I think they go now. Yeah. Okay. They maybe give you the choice. Maybe you have the choice. If someone's like, I really want – I think people go in there and get a bottle of wine, beers, and just drink it up. And popcorn, soda.

Like Sour Patch Kids come out. Yeah. I'd eat so much Sour Patch Kids. What are the candies there? Oh, man. Oh, the boxes? The candies from... Yeah.

The 90s? It's like Seinfeld, Kramer, and he takes over the movie theater. That hot dog? I'll take this hot dog. Are you crazy? It looks like a very normal thing to eat. Lloyd Braun, it's not crazy. Lloyd Braun is not crazy.

I'll take one hot dog, please. All right, sound fun. Anyway, Aaron Weber. Oh, this is Paul M.E. Mueller. Aaron Weber, the son of a chess prodigy, superstar educator, graduate of the prestigious Notre Dame, able to drop words like zeitgeist, I noticed that, and player of every instrument in the glockenspiel and marimba family,

did not know Charles Lindbergh, as the famous aviator of the spirit of St. Louis, finally there is a chink in the armor of the donut champion of all nateland thank you for calling it well donut champions still by the way we get a ton of stuff about people still i know people are still on about that but that's not look i'm always up for eating donuts someone's weak at this table and uh you figure out who it is uh yeah Did you – what's – son of a chess prodigy? Is that the joke? Or you're someone –

I was talking about how my dad played competitive chess. This guy knows my bio better than me. Yeah, that guy's fun. Yeah. He's a – He spelled Lindbergh wrong, though. Brian pointed that out. Oh, yeah.

He's trying to call me out for not knowing him. He can't even spell the guy's name. Yeah. It's like the comment on every social media is always like, spelled it wrong. It's like, all right. You get the point. But he's very complimentary.

I appreciate that. I don't know. I thought he was. It seems like it. I would take it as he was a fan and now he's switched and now he's more of a Bates guy. If you straight up had to ask him, I think he's more of a Bates guy. Okay if he straight up had to ask him i think he's more of a baits guy okay well i can't wait to see how you disappoint him brian and we'll find out next

well i think they know what they're getting out of brian out the gate and uh you know brian the outside is exactly what's for sale he's a 90s blockbuster but brian is i mean you don't walk in and you don't walk in the blockbuster and go, what is this, Domino's Pizza? No, this is what it is. Yeah. $3.99. $3.99? No, $3.99.

I feel like he was questioning if you really did all that stuff now. Well, we need to hear his tone. I think he dropped zeitgeist. I think he makes great sense. Clearly, you went to notre dame you got a good vocabulary i mean look at me speaking if i say i don't know charles limburg if i say i don't know him i've already messed up four words and we're just started okay no one's gonna no one's like they're like yeah that's the that's the fun that's the ride that i am yeah i'm the ride when you ride this ride you're like some of the ride doesn't work you're like yeah yeah, that's the ride that I am. I'm the ride. When you ride this ride, you're like, some of the ride doesn't work.

You're like, yeah, that's why you ride it, because it breaks a little bit. You're Notre Dame. You're the real deal. You're the educator of this group. Oh, boy. Oh, yeah. Don't know who Charles Lindbergh is. Lindy.

Oh, man. Lindy Wee. Holf. H-L-O-P-H-E. Is that right? That's how it was spelled. All right. Okay.

So we have been with you guys since week one and is one of two podcast highlights of our week. The intro song is great. It makes me feel at home when it starts. These are a few things we have come to know will be true in each episode. Nate will have one rant. I don't know if I've had it yet, but I could. I've almost had it. I feel one coming. I feel one coming. Nate will answer a question by starting six different sentences at least once. This is dead on. Yep. This sounds like a bio of the show. Brian will get insulted by Nate, obviously. It's already happened. Already happened. Yeah. Aaron

will sincerely think he knows nothing while actually being pretty good at lots of stuff he doesn't talk about. I think that's true. If you guys did a heist, I feel like Aaron would nonchalantly throw out ideas and then gamely be supportive as Nate hooked into them, warmed up on the theme, and rounded them out as his plans. So you would come up with the plans. And then let me think I did it.

Basically what you're saying, right? I think they're thinking like, don't fear the Reaper or NASA. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I could see that. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the part you wouldn't see is when I shoot Aaron in the head when it's all over. Because I wanted all the money. And then Brian just comes in with his tray and drops it. Oh, gosh. He comes in and goes, what? Am I next? And I go, no, I need you still.

I need you to mail some letters first. And then you can leave. BJ Maxwell Brian's baseball story Pretends Portrait No Portends Pretends

Right I think I never know man P-O-R-T-E-N-D-S I looked that word up That's a real word Is it? Yeah

No It is He got it right What? Yep If Brian's baseball story Pretends his bank heist abilities, he will likely break back into the bank to return the money. That's pretty good.

That's really funny. That's really good. What does portends mean? I mean, I think it just means like follows. So this is how you would use portends? Yeah. What kind of got some smart a fan base fans i feel like a monkey in a zoo and you got really like humans are just going to look at me i mean i

think they're rubbing it in at this point i mean come on do you think bj maxwell is dropping that word in conversation very often i don't think that's portends i thought it was a fake word that's how much i didn't know that word. Did you know the word? It's one of those words I've seen in writing, but I've never heard. I never said it out loud because people don't speak like that. Yeah. So I didn't know how it was pronounced.

I'm from the streets. Yeah. That's where my language comes from. That's pretty funny. That's very funny. Yeah. That's a good point. I still feel like you're going to need a getaway driver from. That's pretty funny. That's very funny. Yeah. That's a good point. I still feel like you're going to need a getaway driver, and that's still me.

That doesn't, no. Like I said before, you have no sense of urgency. When do you ever hurry? Well, first of all, if it's done right, mastermind, I'm still back on this. We won't have to hurry. You have to, but you have to move quickly. This guy, you're going to use him? The cops are chasing

him and you're like, what's going on? He's watching West Wing on his phone? No, that's why he's not driving. Somebody's got to drive. Steve Shrack, I went to get my car inspected shortly after the mechanic came into the waiting room and said, your brake pads are pretty rusted and need to be replaced i responded what are your sources with a grin he stared at me blingling after pause that felt like three hours he said

yeah so i can have this them replaced by tomorrow that's very funny that's the source you get out there ask people what their sources are. That guy felt. That's what. That guy that paused. That felt like three hours. That's what it feels like when you tell a joke that doesn't work. That guy.

That's how we could put you through comedy camp. If you're like, what does that feel like? Tell something to a stranger that the guy doesn't get it. And as he stares at you. And that's what bombing feels like uh i feel like i'm reading pretty good today yeah you're nailing it crushing it so far dude uh and i just read these i you know i told i was thinking i was trying to as i joke about myself but i think i read as if you just told me reading was a thing and you go here's reading i'm gonna give it to you and let

you try it and i go all right i can truly do it and then i give it to me and i and then i try it that's how i think i read like it's the first time i just learned about there you go this is reading and then you hand me the papers and i go uh no maybe maybe something i thought that was. Wrote it down for a joke idea. We'll see. I'll sneak it in the act somehow. Brody Nelson. My teacher this week asked to write a three-page essay on where the future of this country is going. I wrote it and forgot the source. She asked for my source, and I said, Nate Bargetzi.

She believed me, and now I got a 94% on my paper. Thanks, Nate. Man, I hope that's exactly true. How great is that? That's pretty awesome. That's pretty awesome. Because I think that's what you can do is you can just give sources. You could just say, no one's going to know what that means.

Yeah. And they go, all right, that's good. People just want to hear that you have a source. Yeah. You maybe want more than one source on a three-page essay. No, dude. He went straight to the whole essay? It went to the real deal.

It went to Nate Bargetzi. That guy knows everything. What if she then goes and looks up Nate Bargetzi and is like, that turns to a 49% because she's like, this is your source? I don't believe him as a source. Thank you, bro. Damien Schaefer, somebody may want to check my source on this, but from one guy in his 40s with sensitive skin to another, Brian may want to consider cutting out dairy and gluten from his diet.

I used to get the same kind of rashes around my nose and sometimes in the middle of my eyebrows. I changed my diet and they went away. Source, Damien. Man in his 40s. Looks like Brian. Love the podcast, guys. Is looks like brian love the podcast guys i added looks like brian uh yeah yeah last week i had a red face and a few people commented on it's one

of those where you're like i'm i feel insecure about it i'm sure tell myself no one else will notice but they did uh well we are going to the same way my stand-up video got cropped out we're going to crop out brian's face until he gets that fixed on his nose. What's better this week? Copy-writ. I was going to say, yeah, it looks good this week, man. You'll see it on a future episode because we recorded two last week, so it'll be back.

Did you stop dairy and gluten? No, I think it's – I mean, he might be on to something. Somebody else suggested something else. I got a lot of medical advice this week. I think when I wear my CPAP a lot and it – Oh, man. Right. You know what I'm talking about, Aaron.

Yeah, I got you. Yeah. I'm with you on this one, man. Oh, man. We have some – yeah. Talk about just a boy band group. What a fun. We're going to get just girls.

Can't even get to the van. There's the boy with the CPAPpad i mean just a t-shirt with a c-pad machine on it did i say did i tell that story with the bus we talked about that one like i don't remember i don't know if we talked about on here on the tour bus when we we took uh one of my one of the buses i took when I first was taking it, I took the, uh, the drummer from 21 pilots, his bus is unbelievable. And I ended up, I know as this is full tour manager,

uh, and, and he's our, my neighbor. And it was very nice. And we, in this, we were trying to get a bus.

We couldn't get a bus. This is when I first was trying to take a bus out. And so he added, and they weren't on the road. So the guy was like, he kind of, it was just, I got very lucky. So the bus is unreal.

It's blacked out. It's crazy. I mean, very cool. And so we get done with the show, sold out show in Cincinnati at some theater. I mean, like 2000, at this point, one of the biggest places I've played. Yeah. The crowd was unreal. My dad's on the show.

Bates murders. My dad gets a standing ovation when he walks out and when he gets done. The show goes unreal. Then we go to sleep and we stayed on the street. I was like, people are going to go by this bus and be like, dude, this is a rock star.

I mean, because it's a rock star bus. On the bus is me, my dad, my mom, my aunt, and Brian. And three seatbelt machines rocking and rolling. I mean, just the opposite of what you think is happening. Like, these guys must be partying it up in that bus. Who knows who's going to come out of that bus?

Who knows? And I got three people looking for outlets just trying to like are you can i get uh i need to get good times we're all in bed by at least 10 15 i mean early yeah shows i was barely off stage my mom's asleep alex hutchins does nate realize the realize his Hitman theory is actually how Tim Allen became Santa and the Santa Claus? I'm surprised Aaron or Bryce didn't notice. I love that.

That's become my favorite running joke is just calling Brian different names. Oh, that's so good. What is the – You know, I looked that up. I don't remember what you said about Hitman, but the Santa Claus, I guess the plot is Santa gets injured, Tim Allen gets the suit, and the clause is he has to do Santa's duties while he's wearing that suit. Was that something similar to...

I remember your hitman theory is if you kill a hitman who's coming for you, then you have to become... You have to, yes. But Santa got injured. Yeah. Tim Allen didn't go after Santa. I may have. But it's the same idea.

It's the same idea. I want to say the original plot for the Santa Claus was that Tim Allen kills Santa Claus. You want to say that or that's. I remember reading that a long time ago. Don't know if it's true. Look up the original plot. What did the plot end up being? Santa Claus.

I thought he fell off the roof or something. Tim Allen surprised him and he fell off the roof. Why did... Oh, so he was at Tim Allen's house? Yes. I think it was Christmas night. Yeah, it was Christmas. No, I think it was Thursday before Christmas.

Yeah. Check. Okay. No, it was Christmas night. I want to say it was the week before he was doing a dry run real fast. I want to say it was the week before he was doing a dry run real fast I'm 90% sure That the original plot of that movie Was that Tim Allen kills Santa Claus

I think he does By accidentally Does it accidentally He doesn't do it on purpose Divorced dad Scott, played by Tim Allen Has custody of his son on Christmas Eve After he accidentally kills a man in a Santa suit, they are magically transported to the North Pole,

where an elf explains that Scott must take Santa's place before the next Christmas arrives. Okay, so that's what it ended up being? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what it ended up being, were you in the writer's room? Well, that's what I was saying. I read that the original plot was that he murdered him, and then they softened it because it's the children's movie.

Oh, you read that like just online. So, so he becomes Santa Claus. I think so. Sounds like a guy that's making stuff up too. That's what yours sounds like. Like a guy that goes,

I'm pretty sure that was the original, but you're like, I don't like a guy that thrived before the internet. Like you, the year that would be, Oh, it would just kill it. I'm pretty

sure that he goes not in you're like uh okay and you can't before you can look anything up and he's like yeah that's exactly what i would have done so well back oh just been dustin hoffman was originally supposed to be tim allen you're like all right is it it was sydney poitier yeah it's supposed to be the original the original santa claus you know obvious reasons that they didn't and then you're like obvious what they don't yeah so that was right yeah well that's what you do with him and Derek Harper

had a quick question have y'all ever considered maybe putting Bates in the back room like he still participates but just in the back room where we can only hear him just a thought I think this goes with the red nose thing. You know, what do you think, Rudolph? I got it fixed.

I think I'm okay this week. You look good. Somebody suggested working Aaron just completely out of the show, which I'm all on board with. I'm totally on board with that. I like it. I like all this stuff. Guys, bear with me.

I'll eventually be by myself i'm just making sure i can talk for a long time they don't even explain why we would do that excuse me where are the cameras y'all gonna show up one day where are the cameras at they're all all over on me yeah exactly i think you just i don't know i think nate's probably right about the red nose thing it was a distraction to him i think it's a lot it's a lot for people to take in you know everybody's got big tvs now uh i don't i don't need i don't know but can't ignore the people so so i love uh the only good channel i love how n Nate wants all bank robbers to have names like Bill Smith when his last name is Bargetzi.

Very true. That's a good point. Good point. That is true. Sounds like that was written by a bank robber who was offended by my comments. Brandon Benson, Nate better work on that reading before masterminding a bank heist. Source your reading names in this episode. Amen.

Thank you, Brandon. You reading names. I know reading has nothing to do. I would imagine most bank robbers could have nearly, they never made it out of the high school. I was going to say, and if you were the mastermind, why would you create a plan that revolved around you having to read out loud? You ever see a note they pass to the bank?

It's never, it's not going, poor Tim's, like they're not using gigantic words. It's not going, poor Tim's, they're not using gigantic words. It's, I want cash. That person didn't call himself a mastermind, though, when they're doing that. I don't need to read in the mastermind. I can mastermind. I can't imagine a scenario that it would hinge on.

Who's going to know better? A nerd from Notre Dame or a kid from the streets? Who do you want masterminding? I just think Brandon makes a good point. If you can't read, you're probably not going to be masterminding anything. I think if you can't read, you're robbing banks. That's the business that you're in. Right. If you can't read,

I'm going to be way closer to friends that will lead down that path than a bunch of friends that can read and you're out having a great life. Not reading is the one, number one, 75% of people that don't read,

Rob Banks. Sources are Brandon Benson. Brandon Benson's our source on that. Last one, the reselling teacher. I'm trying to guess what each of you are drinking my guess is

nate and drink is drinking hot tea aaron is drinking mountain dew or bourbon and his brian is drinking and sure what's sure is that for women no it's all water. Nothing's done. Pedia sure is for kids, right? For dogs. I don't think it is. You sure? I'm pretty sure.

It's a mastermind over here. I just did a sure joke of it in sure. That was well done. Pretty good, dude. That's pretty masterminding it up. Thank you again for the comments. Hey, and everybody, we read some nice ones too, because I noticed people think,

and this is what's wrong with everything. It was my little rant. Here comes the rant. Here comes the rant. I did think of it last night, because someone said, oh, you're only reading mean comments, so I guess I need to write a mean comment.

And I don't like that. Right. I think that's actually what's wrong with the media media the media just shows they don't want to show good stuff they want the news wants to show just mean stuff so only the mean people get the publicity instead of the good but that john krasinski when he had that the good the good show whatever he did on youtube that was amazing of just people being doing nice things that was wonderful so we do read the nice comments and yes a lot of times when it's just hey guys you're doing great whatever we're gonna try to start reading a few

more of those and give you shout outs but yes they're they're i don't think in a weird way we can't all just sit and listen to 20 you're doing great but we see those and those mean the world to us and those are the most important ones to us. Instead of this garbage, these people start trashing all these people. But they're all very funny. We don't like them. Obviously, I don't want to just read super mean stuff. But a lot of these are very funny. And they're doing stuff.

And so that's a good balance. But if you want to just give a shout out, like thanks, thumbs up, we see that. And that means the world to us. And you will get acknowledged. Because that means the world to us and you will get acknowledged because that is true you should you shouldn't be just forced into making fun of brian's nose uh right on what do we got to do just do no what are we doing no stuff in the comments it's the only way they're going to read something we got to do brian's ears are weird. Does that make you happy? And then we start reading that stuff. I will only read Brian's complaints.

You do look great today. You came in. I feel like you. I came in. All right. Well, you came in. You do look like you got makeup on. Vibrant. You look great, Brian.

You showed up. I do have makeup on. You got a nice shirt. Shirt looks better. All right I do have makeup on. You got a nice shirt. Shirt looks better. All right, let's move on. Yeah. I got a haircut yesterday. You got a haircut?

Did you? That shirt is nice, though. Thank you. You usually have like a regular one. Like the one that you grab off the floor at TJ Maxx. You're like, is this one my size? Is that your size on the floor? You know, my first jacket I wore on Live at Gotham,

one of the first TV credits I had, I got it off the floor at Macy's. It was on the floor, and I wore it on TV. Wow. Were you picking it up to put it back on the rack? No, no. I was looking for a jacket. I mean, at this point, what's always kind of funny to me, I don't know if people realize is,

but when you first start and you're making, doing live at Gotham, you make $1,200. That's all. I think that you get $1,200 is what you get. Just in case. $1,200. That is $1,000 plus two $100 bills uh you get 1200 bucks so you don't it's not like you

just roll into and then you end up having to pay some like sag i mean some people can't even pay i remember people would like i'm getting this $12 let's go pay my rent but then they have to pay a fee to be a member because now they're on TV, so they have to pay this union fee. And that costs basically $1,200. So someone's like, I need this $1,200, and you're just taking it from me because I did this TV thing? So, yeah, when you're first getting on TV and doing stand-up, I mean, yeah, you're making eight.

And you're taxed. Yeah, you're making eight grand a year. I mean yeah you're you're making and you're taxed yeah yeah you're making eight grand a year like i mean maybe if you're lucky and so you're making no money all right speaking of which we're gonna talk about marriage and i was married so my wife had a job my wife told me uh if when she goes if you can make a thousand a month, we'll be good. That's a good wife. Yeah. That's all she wanted out of me, $1,000 a month.

And one day, we'll get there. So this episode, we're going to talk about marriage. Marriage is kind of a thing rising in this country. A lot of people are doing it. And we think a lot of people want to hear about it so uh the joke we are going to play which we right now currently pretty sure we own all the rights to and it's because i look horrendous in this video because it's from 1975 and uh wearing rubber bands and uh never fixed my hair you know you don't think about stuff when you're young and how old were you in this clip i mean had to be probably late 20s if not 30 31 it all kind of

starts blending in yeah 56 i know well i have a baby face i just look you know uh just not good not good look better now you know what are you gonna do i should have grown a beard i don't think i could have grown a beard then so this set uh the joke we're gonna play is uh a joke about marriage uh mosh pit joke everybody please listen uh everybody neighbor gets you to the stage i'm married and that is uh whatever but you do it you know marriage is like marriage is like you ever go to a concert and you see a mosh pit and you're like you know what I'm gonna go get that mosh pit but then once you get it in you're like I do not want to be in this mosh pit

at all I ain't gonna leave and go get some beer and then the mosh pit's like hey you drank last night and you're like alright mosh pit why don't you get off my back comedytime.tv

now we're gonna not be able to play that yet so look as of right now you're gonna get to see that clip or hear it and if not copyright 2010 copyright yeah I'm sure something will tag it can't can't do anything anymore Yeah, so look, as of right now, you're going to get to see that clip or hear it. And if not... Copyright 2010.

Copyright, yeah. I'm sure something will tag it. Can't do anything anymore. Yeah, mosh pit joke. That was one of my first really good marriage jokes. If not the first one, actually. Might be the first one that I came up with that was the first, like, this joke really worked. Did you start trying to write marriage stuff like from the get-go?

Because when you started, you were already married, right? Yes. Okay. Yeah, I don't think I ever talked about like I'm engaged now. I've been with my wife since I was 21. And it was before I started comedy. So I don't think I ever talked about we were dating the whole time and then I I started comedy. So I don't think I, I never talked about, we were dating the whole time

and then I got into comedy. So I never got, I never had a changed experience in doing comedy until I was married. And then that was the changed experience. We got engaged, but we were still living apart long distance because I was in New York and she was back here. And then we got

and then we got married and the married was the first changed experience and I think that's what you write from so like y'all had you know you had uh jokes about getting engaged because that was a changed experience you know I was already with her before I started, so that was just like that stuff's normal. I don't know. You just don't think of it. Sure. And then you have a jolt, and the jolt was we're married now. And then it's having a kid.

And then it's having a kid. Yeah, and then you move on to a dog. Yeah, it is like you need extra. You need different stuff to happen. That's true. I might just, yeah. So I think that's the part when you get to do. Now, we have three different stages of marriage in this room.

I've been married 2006. So what is it? What is it? 14 years. 14 years in October. October 13th, got married on Friday the 13th. Friday the 13th. And I did it because we got married at Old Hickory Country Club.

Very blue-collar country club. It's not Bel Air. It's a wonderful club, though. I grew up in Old Hickory. Old Hickory Country Club, got married there. Not a big wedding. I always say I think I owe my wife another wedding. I, we had no money at the time. And so, uh, got married and then, which I told that joke on stage, uh, but Friday 13th and I did it because Vandy,

I didn't want to mess with college football. I didn't want to, I didn't want to like, you know, guys get married on Super Bowls, guys get married on all these crazy dates. And it was in the thick of college football. So I was trying to avoid Saturday. So I said, let's do Friday. And it just happened to be Friday the 13th, October 13th. But Vandy beat Georgia the next day. And I think they did that for me. They did it as like we appreciate it and vandy and vandy beat georgia on our 10-year wedding anniversary too wow yeah how long were you engaged uh i don't even know i don't even know i don't months or years a year is laura uh i don't know she's still still here. Is she right there?

Ask her how long we were engaged. How long were you engaged? I think it was like a year. A year. A year? A year. But you didn't think about just not getting married during college football season?

I don't know, man. My lease was up. Huh? Your lease was up. My lease was up. Oh, Your lease was up. My lease was up. Oh, my lease was up in my apartment. Yes. There you go.

Yeah. So that's why we got married. I don't remember anything. Well, it was 14 years ago, man. But this woman that lives with this house does. So, yeah. My lease was up and so, yeah,

that's why we picked. You know, real marriage stuff, man. Real romantic. Kind of takes the fun out of it once you realize it was a business. It was a business decision. I was out of money.

So, this woman that I knew had some money and I locked her in. No. It's a fairy tale. It's a fairy, you know. It's a Disney book. It's a princess story of man, no money, no hope.

She was like, I want to get married sooner. You're like, I can't break this lease. I won't get my deposit back. Yes. My lease was up, so that's why we chose October. You know, kind of timed out right. My wife is very, she thinks of timing stuff out like that. But what was I going to do?

Lock into another lease? Didn't make sense. Get married. We got married, went to New York. The apartment we rented, Big Jay Augustin lived across the street from us. And we were on our honeymoon and uh we're on our honeymoon and so jay big j like the apartment across from him comes up and we're in mexico and this is for this is when you couldn't have your cell phone work in mexico like it you know

it would have cost you a thousand dollars so you just had to you just didn't have a phone and 2006 and so we go and uh jay like somehow he calls my mom he like looked my mom up on facebook or something their number was on there and just calls my mom randomly and my mom's like hello and jay goes is this nate bargetti's mom and we're in me, I mean, my mom's just like, they're dead. There's, you don't ever, and she's like, oh God, you know. And then Jay's like, oh no, this is Big Jay, comedian. Like, he's like, there's an apartment across the street. We're going to tell them that they want to, you know, they should go, whatever.

And then we flew up to go see it right after Mexico. Laura was super sick. We flew up for 24 hours and she was likexico laura was super sick we flew up for 24 hours and she was like sick and i remember she just didn't she didn't care at all she's like this is fine you know just where you're sick and you can't and uh we lived in that apartment for six years uh and yeah so that's our that's our fairy tale. But our meeting was a good meeting. We worked at Applebee's together. I was the host.

She was waiting tables. And my first thing that I loved about her that made me like her, she was riding, she was sweeping up into her section, as you do, and she sat on the broom like a witch and then clicked it like she was starting a motorcycle, like she was a witch. And she was starting the broom. And I thought it was very funny. I thought it was funny.

And I thought she was very pretty. And then, boom. Can't get rid of her. No, no. We're going to cry a little. Now we've been together for half your your life half my life we're good i'm we're getting i'm getting close to being this is a this is a joke idea that will not be on this next special but just so you've uh you want to my thought process already going to the next to i think of the next

one is when you switch over into your you've been with them more than your parents. I'm close to being with them more than my parents. So that idea, I want to – I mean, I'm not there yet, so I don't want to say it now. I'd rather save it for when I am. But I've already thought of that idea because that's pretty interesting to go. There's a point where it switches over that the blame is on the wife more than the mom. I mean, you switch over and the mom's like, I'm out. You've had him longer than me.

So everything he does wrong is on you. Because you realize that you're with your mom. I mean, I was with my mom. That joke I did have was I went from a mom to her. And so you are i was 18 19 20 and then 21 then me and her started dating and so you just go into you know there's going to be parts where laura's to blame how i walk around if i'm a mess she can't you know she can still throw it on my mom right now yeah but they're going to cross over into going, I mean. You look at some wives and you can start,

people that have been married for a long time, you look at the wife and go, what are you doing? Your husband's a mess. Get him together. And they go, oh, he was raised this way. It's like, no, no, no, no, no. You've had plenty of time. You've had plenty of time to fix that.

You didn't fix it. And now he's a train wreck. Yeah. So, yeah. And now you, so you've been married now how long? Seven months today. Seven months today. Seven month anniversary.

Wow. That's a big one. That's a big one. That's one. When did you give her? I think it's Cole. Have you ever heard to, you know, you give gifts for something? Yeah, like the golden.

Yeah. It's the golden anniversary. Yeah. And I said that was coal, was seven months worth of joke. Yeah. Well, I didn't think y'all heard it. No, we heard it. There's two people laughing at home.

They're like, ha, I heard it. So you've been married seven months? Yep. I got married for the first time at age 48. A little bit different route than you. At 48? Yeah. You're 48?

I thought you were 47. No, I'm 48. And so you're about to be 49. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm just letting the audience know so to be 49. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm just letting the audience know so they know why that red nose is red. They go, oh, I thought he was like 30. Oh, no, that's because you're just 48 and your nose is just red forever.

Yeah. I thought you were 47 still. No. 48. We're going to have a big 50. 50 is going to come. We're going to have a big celebration. 50's going to come. We're going to have a big celebration. Alright.

If you're still here. And... You know all that red nose? Gotta cut gluten out of your diet. Yeah. And notice how we always get made fun of for being cold and then the guy going through menopause is apparently too hot. So... What are you talking about? for being cold and then the guy going through menopause is apparently too hot. So.

What are you talking about? It's the middle of summer. We keep it colder. I know, but people act like we're not inside and there's not, air conditioning doesn't exist.

That's what everybody always says. They look like you're, it's 95 degrees. I said, yes, and it's, we keep it super cold. Laura cuts the air conditioner

on upstairs before we go to bed, and it gets rocking up here, and it gets freezing. And so just so it's – because we got – now we got five people in here doing the cameras. I was going to say we got a lot of people like, what, COVID? We got 75 people in here, guys. Studio audience, a lot of people coming in. You almost want to stop

saying anything we have two people filming but you almost want to stop saying anything you can't say anything because of COVID like what do you want us to do man 35 people

packed in a tight room we have to get there what we got to recirculate this error what do you want us to yeah guys sit here cough and we're trying to cut the fan on so we're not gonna listen that the whole time good night uh so happy seven months thank you every month 48 years old got married thank you uh there you go uh i was thinking like it always like, how old was your wife?

You know, like, those are always the questions. I always like that. That's a funny joke when someone's, you go, you can't ever ask, it's like an old joke. You can't ever ask a woman how much, how old they are. So how much do you weigh? Right. Like, you know, that's always a, it's a fun, like, carnival joke.

Yeah, a lot of comics yeah do that do it i do it every night i've done it many times and uh aaron weber you're engaged right engaged yeah engaged how long have you been engaged uh since february and we're looking at next memorial day to get married so we're going to be engaged about a year. Spring? First day of spring. All that stuff. Clouds blooming. Is that what Memorial Day is first? No.

That's just. When George wanted to push it. And he goes, we should do it in spring, right? First day of spring. Flowers blooming. Flowers blooming. All that crap. Okay.

So yours is Memorial Day is. May. May. End of May. End of May. So you'd be Day is? May. May. End of May. End of May. So you'd be a year from. Yeah. End of May.

We don't have to go, right? You know, if you don't want to. Okay. I just wanted to throw that out now. I'm probably going to be slammed. No, we'll be, you know, we'll be there. Just assume you're going to be invited. Huh? Just assume you're going to be invited. I hope I'm probably going to be slammed. No, we'll be there. You just assume you're going to be invited. Huh?

You just assume you're going to be invited. I hope I'm not. That's where you're going. Look, I would love it if I don't get invited. Anyway. Anywho. No, I didn't go to yours. I could have went to yours.

But you had this very small intimate you know 48 you're lucky the priest shows up it's no that was me i just made that that was a good joke though it was funny it's pretty funny not bad that's why i didn't invite you i didn't want you insulting me through my wedding day i never would i wouldn't do that i would have sat there and enjoyed it plenty of room and I pew to myself. You had your immediate family and her immediate family. Yeah. We did a big thing for you here.

Right. We had a big, right? Super Bowl party. Yes. No. It was for your wedding. Nate hosted a big wedding party for Brian. He had a small wedding, but we did a big thing here. You can't push off that I'm just this cold-hearted. I don't, he had a small wedding, but we did a big thing here. You, you can't push off that.

I'm just this cold hearted. I don't care. Yeah. We had a gigantic party for you. I catered the thing. Nate threw a Superbowl party. No. His buddy catered it.

You, uh, we threw a party for him. We, we did it on the Superbowl cause you were trying to pick when most comics, cause it was kind of a comics party. Yeah. And we were doing what day is

the comics not going to the most comics not going to be working it was super bowl so we did it on super bowl kenny that you're friends with kenny as well kenny i grew up with kenny we had kenny cook a big he loves grilling out and he cooked brisket we catered it yeah i had you know cost a lot of money i mean still in the still can't get out of that hole. And I immediately went out of work, and we're still, we're just paying off Brian's engagement, his wedding party. That's so funny. We did it because comics, one time they weren't working,

and then immediately after that, nobody's. I mean, we could have had it every day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we had a big party. It was fine. We're coming to your wedding, dude. We'll have you a big party. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we had a big party. It was fun. Yeah, we're coming to your wedding, dude. We'll have you a big party.

Yeah. Oh, cool. Yeah. Thanks, man. I guess we have to now. I'm going to read comments at your party. Aaron Weber. What is the...

Let's talk about general marriage. You know. Read the U.S. marriage. Like this kind of stuff. How many people were married? Alright, so I did some research. This is from 2018. It reached historic lows. They didn't have a 2019?

I couldn't find it. So 2018 hit... I mean mean this is you know it's worthless he comes home to a new car brings a brand new car home it's brand new it's two years old they didn't have the new and he goes out i didn't walk all the way back but um it maybe takes two years to get a real yeah only about half of americans are married now down from 72 in 1960 according to census data that's uh some pretty big drop there only about half of americans are married now down from 72 percent uh yeah i assume that's what's the sources on this census

is that your sources census data yeah that would be the source yeah whose disorders have the census that's how i want to keep going as did okay well i'd like to speak who exactly did this yeah can you connect me with some of your census takers yeah i'd like to talk to them there's a lot of them it's going on now they're doing the census right now oh really yeah they do it every 10 years oh so they you probably got something in the mail about it usually they go door to door but i don't know if they're doing that with covid going on i think they still are i would do it i'm saying is next year we'll have more you would do it we'll have more data i would do the census data well everyone's supposed to do it oh really yeah did we do it did we get mail i mean i did mine back in march yeah i haven't laura did we get it

we did it all right all right good for you all right we did it uh see i'm oblivious my wife could walk out if she ever wants to she won't because we love each other she could take all everything i would ever i mean just i could show up this house would be empty one day wouldn't have no clue i mean just that's what they that's what she could be gunning for she watches a lot of crime stuff a lot of marriage a lot of husband killing people a husband killing people, a husband and wife or wife's killing husband, you know. I think she's scheming one day. So half Americans are married. Now the age of which one first gets married is risen by six years, 1960.

And now only 20% of Americans get married before the age of 30. Wow. I don't think that's a bad thing. People need to get, I think getting married later is good. 30, you't think that's a bad thing. People need to get, I think getting married later is good. 30, you know, that's a, that's a, go get your, get your career started, you know? Yeah. Go dive all in. I think that will make the workforce better and people can actually get a good run. But that

will affect probably kids and stuff, you know, because you get married at 30 and by the time you want to have kids, you know, it can catch up quick. You know, we have one kid. We had a kid. We were late to the game. And so we had one daughter, beautiful daughter, and they – but that's all we could really have. You'll be 29 when you get married?

I'll be 29, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you'll be – you really think of it – I mean, you have a – I mean, for a guy, when you get married? I'll be 29, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you're having, you really think of it, I mean, you have a, I mean, for a guy you can get married, you can have a baby whenever as a guy, right? Yeah. An 80-year-old. Yeah.

So there's people having babies at 50, though. Now, someone just had a baby at 50. Really? Someone told me about, yeah. Somebody you know? Yeah, some of my friends, she goes they she had a she had a kid at 50 and then like mid 40s yeah i know someone who had a baby on her 50th birthday so me and my wife are still thinking about it uh they uh married getting married like i got married

i was 26 when I got married. That's good. Get married at, people get married young in the South. It's just people get married 20, my parents were married at 21 maybe. You know, my parents have been dating since, they started dating since seventh grade. Really? Mm-hmm. Well, 26 is a little bit older than, I mean, people might have thought back then, man,

you guys waited a little while, huh? In the, yes, in the South home, people would have been like, you guys waited. And that's old. And New York is like, are you crazy? Are you a bait? Like, that's what they think. Yeah. You know.

I remember thinking when I was in college, like 28 is when I think I want to get married. Because by then I'll have a career going, a little established. This is like Michael Scott. When he's a bunch of kids. No, the video when he's a kid, he goes, I want to one day be married and have 100 kids and I can't wait for my dreams to come true. And you're like, ah.

Everybody's having to watch that video. He says, I got 100 kids so I can have 100 friends. Yeah. Oh. Everybody's having to watch that video. He says, I got 100 kids so I can have 100 friends. Oh, all right. Everybody get back together. Everybody's crying now. It all worked out in the end. What are you crying at?

The red-nosed guy said something. I just like that, red-nosed guy. His nose is great now. The Pew Research Center recently found that about 40% of unmarried adults believe that marriage is becoming obsolete. They're not sure it even necessarily has a result. Less couples than ever before are married and marriage rates will continue to decline into the future. There is no longer motivation to marry. Couples no longer need to marry to have children, to pass on their property, or to have sex.

In 100 years, marriage may not even exist. Wow. Huffington Post. I mean, I don't know, man. I think people still like it. I think you still want to get married. You know, I guess if you had to pass on the property. I think people still, I think marriage is still, yeah, I guess maybe in a hundred years.

Yeah. You got to get that out of the system and you're going to need to have, you know, people removed. But I think marriage is still very, it's a wonderful, wonderful tradition that is, I mean, it's awesome. It's a way of life. It's, you know, I think if you're not married and then you're just going to enter in, it gets too loose. I'm a big fan of marriage. Marriage is an awesome, beautiful thing.

But apparently it's gone. So I don't know. I wonder if it's come in waves. Yeah, I don't think so. I think it's just going down. I think more and more people are just like, yeah, we can just live together. And, you know, so I don't know. I don't know.

But it's weird to say when you meet someone, they're like, oh, this is my girlfriend. And they're like 50, 60 years old. And it's like, we've never got married like you had to find the two people that want that and may and there are people that are both fine with that but i find it always when i meet a couple that's like that and like oh he never wanted to get married but we you know we're basically we're married you know i think if you if he got on his knee and asked that woman to marry her marital she would her heart would melt and she would love it so that to me shows me that they want

that and it's and i usually this is complete i have no idea but i think if someone's in that situation they are doing it's one person that's being super stubborn and the other one would be like we i think i would like to you know oh weddings are very nice it's a celebration of you it's a very fun thing it's fun for your your parents and your grandparents and your family gets together and it's a family reunion i mean it's you know and it's a it's an awesome thing and so like you know what about divorce can you get if you get divorced will you get half the is that a thing you know it's like half their property but you know if someone gets divorced jeff bazo and his wife he gets to give her billions of dollars what if they're not married i don't think you do but how so but how's the

property matter then why does it say like if you don't need to pass on their property um so maybe that's for people that don't have any so the loophole assets yeah i always love someone saying get off my property there was uh i remember someone i tried to do a joke about it once but someone else had a joke about it it's a very southern but people are very i think the less the poorer are, the more prouder of your property you are. Yeah. And so the more you don't want anybody on your property and you don't have a lot of property, but it's your property. Yeah.

And I absolutely love someone going, you better get off my property, Brian. I mean, that's a very, you watch cops like on, you know, all it is, is people saying he stepped foot on my property and he shouldn't have been on my property. I've never been on his property. I don't know where his property, you know. And it's all about just how many times can you say the word property? Get a private property sign. Oh, no trespass.

You know whose property that is? Don't ever get on my property. But like, so it's like the benefits so if if you can pass on property and all this kind of stuff but if you get divorced you don't have to give half the money yeah i think maybe they're saying there was a time where women didn't work they didn't have equal rights so therefore the only way they would have anything if their husband died is if they were actually married now so now women now women can provide for themselves. Yeah.

So, but I mean, is this a loophole? To say you don't sign a prenuptial agreement, you just go, I don't believe in marriage. And then if you break up, you don't get divorced. And so no one's involved. so you don't have to give any money so it's a good thing i'm saying for that person i mean it's yeah you know i think it's a good thing for the person there's some woman if you're that worried about it why not just sign a prenup because you want to avoid an awkward conversation with the uh partner no i'm just i i'm yeah they could sign a prenup but yeah

they i mean the partner might be like yeah i'm not signing a prenup that's insane uh like i would never like we didn't have a prenup it's like george seems like i'll sign your stupid prenup i make more money than you like uh that's one of my favorite seinfeld ideas of the show is him. George is saying that saying he wants to sign a prenup and she's worth millions. And he's like, she just laughs because y'all sign your prenup. Like, you know,

just what do I care? Yeah. I would love it. I would love to sign it. Give it to me. Uh, like with my wife, I would never dream.

Obviously my wife's earned every, every penny that I have. She's earned. She's been here from the beginning. Nothing's separate. Honestly, she does not deserve. Now, my next wife, I'm going to have big problems with. But so you would see, there's no reason for us to sign.

In my situation, we'd never do it. Yeah. for us to sign. In my situation, we'd never do it. But I'm just saying, these guys, if you get in, say you'd never, say you have dreams. You guys, you have dreams.

You're young men. And now you cannot be making any money. And then say you and your fiance, you just never, none of this is true, but just as an example. You just keep it engaged. Like, let's just not get married. Yeah. Then you go on, you become a huge comedian.

You're making $10 million a year, $20 million a year. And you never got married because you're just, we're just, there's no reason for it. Yeah. It doesn't work out. You break up. The law's not involved. She does not get half of that. Sounds pretty good so far.

So you get married. Now you don't sign a prenup because you wouldn't. It seems insane to sign a prenup now. Yeah. Same way. Most people when they're married, there's no reason to sign a prenup. It would be insane because no one has money. But then you come into it, and now you'd be into the money. So I'm saying is this the

loophole that if you're if some rich guy is just like i don't want to get married again but i'll just we can date yeah does the woman ever get anything does the other or the man whatever i don't think so yeah so there is a reason for marriage is the odd to break their you know if you're the poorer person yeah if you're the yeah or to be combined with one yeah that's like people don't have like you have same bank accounts do you and ruth uh we will yeah we haven't combined them yet yeah that's i know some people someone said that once uh i remember reading like should you have separate bank accounts we don't i mean, I don't know. I ask my wife if we have money.

So sometimes I just, I'm good for maybe four times a year to be like, hey, we have money, right? Like I just don't, you know, to make sure I'm not going to walk in one day and she's like, you spend it all, you know, because I'm an idiot. And so I just want to make sure that we're still good. But like, should people have money when we when i first got married uh you know my wife is the saver she's the one that saves it my wife's the only reason you know i'm not doing this podcast in a helicopter and i'm bankrupt you know like i just could buy whatever like i don't i would definitely do fun stuff and not not be a normal

person so she did all that but so my parents would i still had a bank my bank card from my parents and so my parents would always put they would put money in my bank so when i'd go on the road and i don't have money so i didn't have to ask my wife for our money because I'm making zero money at this point. I would just tell my dad, like I went to San Francisco. I wanted to go see the Alcatraz. And so I'd call my parents and be like, I want to go see Alcatraz. I don't have any money.

And my mom would just put $200 in there. And so that went on. I mean, for, I was good six years. I mean, Harper might've been born and I still had their bank card mean, Harper might have been born, and I still had their bank card. I don't have it now, but it was. My mom is still on my bank account.

Yeah. Because she set it up with me when I was like 15, when I wanted to get a savings account. And I just, you have to go into the bank to take her off. I'm just so late. She's still on it. Yeah. But she could get into it. She hasn't given me money in a while but um yeah she could she could i don't think it's bad to have her hey it's

not bad to have your mom on you just what if you're gone and you do need something then you she can go in there and do that it doesn't matter she did call me a couple years ago and was like hey could you stop getting in the negative because it's messed up by it was like messing up her credit oh yeah because she was like you keep like you can't go below zero oh yeah she should go to the bank and take it off yeah i think i can i used to cash a check at walmart you would go to walmart and uh overwrite a check and they would give you, you know, you buy gum and write it for $20 more and they give you $20 cash, but you could do that. And they wouldn't, when you need $20, and I didn't have $20 at the bank,

you could always do it and they would give you the $20 because they, they didn't know that the check wasn't going to work until later. And then you would just go into the red later and you deal with those consequences. And on that Friday, you're like well i need 20 right now and 20 was a lot yeah man and i was in high like if you got 20 it would be the equivalent if someone gave me 100 i feel i feel like we talked about what it means you know equivalent today 20 what are what 20 is worth today from where yeah from my when i when i was in high school, 97. Can you look at? Yeah, you can do a conversion.

Really? Yeah, you can do a conversion. So you're $20 in 1997. I'm going to guess. $34. Yeah. I'm guessing that's what it's worth now. What do I?

You say $20 in 1997 to, yeah. Would that work? Yeah. 1997, work? Yeah. There you go. 1997 inflation. So there's a cumulative price change of 61.43%. $32. Yeah.

You said 34. Yeah. Wow. That's impressive. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. So it's like giving me $32. You know, it's like when that's crazy yeah 30 so there is like giving me 32 dollars you know it's like when you have cash you think about like what cash you like to have maybe i but it's like 32 dollars i feel like you just feel like you could buy so much yeah back something mentally about 20 dollars that i feel like you just feel like it's a little bit more. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. It feels good, dude.

I admit it. I like cash. At 48 and just having my own money the whole time, it's a little still strange now where we just moved and I sold all my furniture. She sold it, and then she just kept it, the money for it, which of course is fine. But I think about it like it's just

getting used to like so but she's put it in y'all's well right yeah it's all our money obviously but i'm just saying the mindset i'm still adjusting to she didn't go over to you and go here's your cash from the and here's my percentage right for selling it like something like yeah yeah but you do have the cash it's just yes why would you put it give it to you of course yeah of course it's just i'm just saying it's it's a mindset adjustment i get it i get it like you're yeah i don't have that i don't i've never really i mean i'm a kind of a rare case in that we've been together so long i never was single i never that's why i never had dating jokes i never i never you know i never did any of this stuff so i to me it's you know besides my mom getting

my bank account like is to give me money so i can go do fun stuff i've never thought about it you know it's always just our money like it's everything is we and like it's all just been in a big pot and i you know wherever we well don't even know where the money's at. So I still have to ask. But I get it. I get, like, the idea of, you know, of, like, yeah, that you're like, oh, how much. It just crosses your mind for a split second.

Yeah, like she's keeping it. Yeah. Like she's taking the money. Yeah. Like I took her car to get the oil changed, and they had found some major problems, and we talked about it on the phone, and we're like, she's taking the money yeah like i took her car to get the oil changed and they had found some major problems and we talked about on the phone that she's and we're like she's like all right let's just go ahead and do it so it's a lot of money and of course i paid for it yeah

but again it just it's for a second your head you're like wait a second why am i paying yeah yeah yeah oh yeah i'm married i forgot yeah yeah it's our money yeah so y'all will eventually merge everything together yeah i think it's probably yeah yeah it's our money yeah so y'all eventually merge everything together yeah i think it's probably not healthy if you're in a relationship where you figure out what percentage of the household income you account for and then you only pay for that percent like that would be that sounds like a nightmare oh yeah someone there's like an article about like i think people like maybe you paid bills and you did everything. Because they're saying that money is the number one, the rate for divorce and stuff.

Money's the main thing, the main problem. So they go like, keep your money separate. You pay your roommates. So that way you're not going, why are you spending all that money on that? So that way you're not going, why are you spending all that money on that? It's that kind of nagging of just the other one's going, some husband's like, why are you buying all these clothes or whatever? And it's like, why are you going golfing all the time?

And they're all yelling at each other. And so just keep your money separate and pay part of your rent. And then that way you don't have that argument but that's that's a married couple that to me is doesn't get married that's this that's the group on here that either doesn't have kids for some reason doesn't get married they're not normal that's not a normal way of living that someone's going to agree to do that yeah everybody's still normal that's what i think i think the the entire country is normal people they're they live the normal way there's not these all these kind of weird new kind of things like new ways that they're trying to say i just don't think people are doing that no one's gonna no one's gonna not i don't think marriage you know

i don't know it's not like well we don't have to live together. You know, it's like people want to get married. We have our nieces on Laura's side of the family. They all got married, you know, in their 20s. They have three kids, you know. They did what they do with the, you know, South is what church does. Christianity's still a big thing. Church, people raised in church, people, you have families, you get married. If Christianity is going away, then maybe your stat of people wanting to get married goes away.

I will say, I said I could see myself getting married at 28. In the 20s and 30s, I had a lot of frustrations. But by my 40s, I was content. If I never got married, I was fine. Yeah. You know, some people aren't made for marriage. And I was fine. I was in a good place.

But then I did get married. Yeah. And then, yeah, I mean, you would have been – so you just were like, look, it's just not going to happen. Yeah, but I was happy in my life. and it just doesn't work out for some people. Yeah. Some people don't want to. I mean, I wanted to, obviously, but I was fine with it. Yes, I could see someone that's like, I don't want to get married.

It's, you know, the idea of like having kids and stuff like that. There's a mix because it feels selfish if someone's like having kids and stuff like that. There's a, there's a mix. Cause you, it feels selfish. If someone's like, I don't want kids like that to me, it's, you know, we only had one and then it's obviously not selfish, but it does feel you're like, I want to live my best life. I don't want it. Like that to me is the only thing that I think if you go into it thinking, I want to do everything I want to do as fun and I want to live my life. And I want to have a great time in my life and I don't want anybody to ruin my time. I think when people say they don't want to have kids, that's the vibe.

That's why you think. They could say the environment or something. I was going to say, that's really interesting because I've heard it said the other way. I have too. What? Where just the idea of wanting to bring another person into this world is selfish. With all the people, orphanages. Who do you think you are?

You're the king of the, I'm not going to bring another person in this world. This world doesn't deserve. That's insanity. That makes me, this is the, by the way, the world we have. There's not another world. There's no other world. This is the world that we have. And when someone says that, that makes me furious.

To go, don't, just say you don't want to have kids. Don't throw it into this like, well. I'm saving the world, but. I don't want to do it because I'm not, I'm saving, I'm not bringing a child into this mess. By the way, this is the greatest time in the history of earth to be alive. The greatest. No matter what you think about what's going on,

it's much better to be alive now than it would have been in the 1800s. Much better. Yeah. Not even close. Food, water, how much the population of the world has food and able to get food. Everything's way, way up. It's no matter how, like that's, so to be like, I'm not going to bring, I don't like the, it's pompous to be like, I'm the one that decides.

it's pompous to be like, I'm the one that decides. I'm the king of my castle, and I'm not bringing a kid into this world that does it. Just say you don't want kids. Don't make it to be, I'm so great. I'm fine with someone not having kids. I don't like it when they say it in that way to go, let me tell you how. Maybe I take it back.

Maybe someone should be like, I don't take it that way. But I don't see, and maybe I take it back, maybe someone should be like, I shouldn't, don't take it that way. But I don't see how you don't take it that way. That's what the person's saying, right? That's what Aaron's saying. But don't you agree that that's what they mean when they say, they say, I don't think you should bring, and I did bring that kid into this world. So what am I wrong? I think some people would be like, who do you think you are that you think the world needs your child because you're so important? I don some people would be like, who do you think you are that you think the world needs your child because you're so important? I don't think the world needs, but they need children. The world needs children to thrive.

It's going to stop. What do you want? Less people? I get the idea of like we're overpopulated. All this kind of crazy stuff. That's like, go to Montana. We're not overpopulated. No one's there.

No one's near anywhere go drive 15 minutes outside of nashville it's empty there's just land there people are living in popular areas once we spread out it's gone everybody if everybody just leaves new york and california and then just spreads out across the state that the country that we have a gigantic country if everybody spread out we would have plenty of room no one has to live next to each other people want to live next to each other yeah but don't say i don't have kids and you're like it's i'm i'm i'm not bringing a child into this world this world doesn't deserve my child oh you're the worst person alive i wonder

how many people genuinely genuinely believe that and how many people that's just their how they rationalize like they they're just not ready to have kids or whatever and they're like that's i i just want i look i get i get it i i i get the idea of it i don't like people saying that because i that's i just take everything is like i don't think you should ever say anything that makes someone else feel bad you shouldn't ever say anything that's put down to someone you know like i mean i know we make jokes here but i'm talking about like you should never say i i think it's putting down to when when when most people have kids and you're putting down to go like well i'm a'm a little brighter, a little smarter.

And it's not, this is not, we don't need more children right now. We have too many children. That's how I take it. Yeah. That's how- It's like telling a pregnant woman, congratulations, I would never do that.

I would never do it because we don't need, the last thing we need is more people in this. It's having a family and children are, I mean, children are the greatest thing on earth. The greatest, the truly most awesome dude. How innocent kids are. How like, I mean, you know, our daughter sleeps in her bed. I look at her every night.

Just can't believe, it's awesome. It's unbelievable that, you know. And you cannot have kids. Please, don't have kids. But don't say it. Don't act like you're better than everybody else. Yeah. That's what I think. Anyway.

Do you think you'll have kids? What's a good next one? I think so. Someday. For sure. Yeah. You don't think you should bring'll have kids? I think so. Someday. For sure. Yeah. You don't think you should bring them into this? That's what you should have said.

I don't, you know, I just think. With today's climate, I don't know. I just don't know. And I mean, by both politically and just the climate in general.

Just can't be, it's all bad. E, emissions. No, I can't, I'd love to coach my kids' little league team and all that. Yeah, it's –

It'd all be great. Having a family is great. Big family, right? Yeah. Yeah, I'm one of four. Yeah. I would have – I wish we could have had more kids.

I would – That being said, it's one – Look, if someone's – One kid's great. One kid, you can – it's not as overwhelming you know i think with two you know two's a nice sweet spot you see someone have twins i know someone that had twins and a boy and a girl twins the same time knock it out of the park two kids done you get a little bit of both it's like that's you know yeah that's awesome yeah do you

think it's insensitive when i hear a lot of parents say we had a boy or a girl and then we were trying for the opposite and it didn't happen so we kept going is it insensitive that that middle child that that you're like oh we were trying to have a girl but we had another boy so we had to do another one no i mean you know because i don't think you ever like you never you know you call them in and go hey just heads up we did not want you maybe you're feeling the tension every time you walk in a room it's because we are furious you're here like you never that's never going to be there you no matter when you have a kid no matter the love that you have is it's not you know they uh laura's brother and when they had he had two girls and i think

they had a third and it was kind of like they hoping it was going to be a boy and uh her brother didn't want to know because he didn't want he actually the same way it was like if he if it was going to be another girl he didn't want to actually the same way it was like if he if it was going to be another girl he didn't want to be angry that is going to like you have those he was like because i know no matter what when i see whether it's the boy or girl i'm gonna and then they be thrilled and he had a boy uh but he didn't want to know but it was you know it's like so i it's not going to matter i mean you could want you know you it's like, so it's not going to matter. I mean, you could want, you know, it doesn't matter what you want. I think I wanted a girl.

I kind of like the daddy-daughter relationship. I think you have, the relationship's a little bit different, you know, and it's not, you know, and his son would have been amazing too. Like, so I get both, but, you know, you're just happy with, it's, you know, you got your kid and it's fun. Yeah. All right, so I did some research on the history of marriage. They found one dated back to 4,350 years ago.

When was it? 4,350 years ago. It wasn't the first marriage. Well, it's the oldest evidence that they found. It says, for 1,000 years before that, most anthropologists believe families just consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people with several male leaders, multiple women shared by them, and children. As hunter-gatherers settled down, society had a need for more stable arrangements. The first recorded evidence of a marriage ceremony uniting one woman and one man

dates from about 2350 B.C. in Mesopotamia. And then over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks, and Romans. But back then, marriage had little to do with love or with religion. It was like a job. You did it for procreation. Yep.

It's like animals. To a lot of degree, and safety. I mean, even farmers 100 years ago, maybe even now, having kids to tend the farm is an important thing. Yeah. Yeah, you would generate your own help. And then religion eventually came and got involved. And it was, of course, it was mentioned in the Bible.

But then they, when the Roman Catholic Church spread throughout Europe, the blessing of a priest became a necessary step for a marriage to be legally recognized. By the 8th century, marriage was widely accepted in the Catholic Church as a sacrament or a ceremony to bestow God's grace. Go read the next one. So love's still not in the picture.

That's how funny is that that's that's why i wanted to read like so all right this all makes sense now when did love come into like i mean it is a straight up job at this point right right you are you are hiring someone at that point it is what two employees work best together. Love is not even remotely. And I mean, you're like, do you love her? They'd be like, what? I mean, back then, is love even a thing? Yeah, I don't think it was.

I mean, I bet it was for your child. Yeah. But I mean, you ever see like when you watch movies with, you know, I don't know. I feel like death didn't mean anything to people. You know, you watch any, like, war. I'm thinking of Game of Thrones. I didn't watch Game of Thrones. But that kind of era of, you know, they have children.

Like, it's like they're proud of their boy. But if their kid got killed at battle, it's like it is what it is. Which is such a part of it. Yeah. Yeah, it's part of, like, the wife. I mean, that's where they could have multiple wives multiple wives like cheating on your wife i don't think me meant anything like because there was no i guess there was really no yeah if someone was like take love out of your marriage you're like oh it's going to be chaos yeah and then well a big part

of that is they're not there's no choice involved at this point, right? It's still- Certainly not for the women. Yeah. I'm guessing a lot of these marriages are just arranged and set up by their families or whoever else. Yeah. So, for much of human history, couples were brought together for practical reasons, not because they fell in love. In time, of course, many marriage partners came to feel deep mutual love and devotion, but the idea of romantic love as a motivating force for marriage only goes as far back as

the Middle Ages. Wow. I had to look up the Middle Ages. So middle-aged men. So you. So Brian is... This is when love enters the picture right here. Back then, everybody was getting married at 48.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy, but romantic love is a motivating force to marriage. It only goes back as far as... What is Middle Ages? I looked that up. It was roughly from like 500 to 1500. And what was the... I bet the average lifespan back then was then was probably i mean if you made

your 40s that was impressive yeah yeah you know yeah they yeah like you would be a king back then yeah i mean you would be respected yeah oh the times tables the times have changed they sure have uh they uh so what's going on middle age what do you have like 500 1500 like what if i'm trying to Times have changed. They sure have. They sure have. So what's going on in the Middle Ages? What do you have? Like 500, 1500. If I'm trying to picture, they get a clay house or something. Their house is built out of clay.

They had stones. They had stones. That's the age of castles. Okay. So there's been a castle. You have a village, a wagon. You had a surf. You have like you have a village, a wagon. You had a surf. You had like live in a village, a wagon, shops are selling.

I think like the Roman Empire was ruling the world up until then. Yeah. And now it's kind of crumbled. So everybody's doing their own thing. Starting to, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

All right. I'm just trying to picture the. Okay. Right? Think like a Renaissance fair. Yeah. That's what's going yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. All right. I'm just trying to picture the... Okay. Right? Think like a Renaissance fair. Yeah. That's what's going on. Yeah. Yeah.

Walk around with turkey legs and... Yeah. Having a good time. Having a good time. Yeah. But also loads of death and suffering and disease and everything else. The Black Plague was around then, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yeah. But like 1500. So that's 500 years years ago and thinks how things would probably look differently but in my head if you told me what would things look like in 500 to 1500 it's all kind of the same to me that's a big yeah yeah i guess yeah there weren't many advancements not that i know of uh-huh maybe like an art you know but in terms of technology and stuff like that i mean what's the difference between 500 and 1500 i don't know i don't know marriage was changing marriage yeah love love love when was the gun invented and take a guess later in that uh they didn't have guns by 1500? I would say 1377.

Oh, you think that far? I guess not now. That's so specific. 1377. 742. Whoa. The Chinese had guns in the 10th century. Wow.

Cannons appeared nearly around 1320. So you were thinking of cannons. I was thinking of cannons. Yeah, that's right. But you tell you what, no one ever thinks of the 1300s. No. No one talks about the 1300s. Oh, the Gatling gun.

Wait, that said 1364. Yeah. No one, I mean, how crazy, like no one ever speaks of the, you never hear 1370s. No one ever does. 1200? You go 1492 because Columbus. But what's going on in 1300? I mean, not much.

Not much. Yeah. Not much. I would love to. We're going to get into that. That would be a good episode. The 1300s? Just what it looked like back then.

What happened, man? What was going on? We'll get someone in from that era. 1400s? Just what it looked like back then. What happened, man? What was going on? We'll get someone in from that era. Brian, you probably know a guy. I'm not saying you're that old, but I think you definitely know someone that grew up around you. I know a guy who knows a guy.

You're like Pawn Stars. I think you're closest to who we could get someone to talk to. Oh, go ahead. I'll just go read into it. When wedding rings started. Yeah. I do not wear my wedding ring. But go ahead.

Well, I was going to say, 100 years ago today, women got the right to vote. And that said that. It's a great Orny Adams joke. He goes, well, how did they win that vote? Because it was all men voting? Because it was all men voting. Yeah, yeah, well, how did they win that vote? Because it was all men voting?

Because it was all men voting. Yeah, yeah. Well, how did they win that? And they go. Yeah, yeah. So that said, it said within the last 40 years, marriage has changed more than the last 5,000

because women are now not treated as property. They got a voice. Yeah. That would change the dynamic a little bit. They got a big voice oh boy did they i mean right when they got the right to vote oh here we go that's what it all started crumbling

down i mean can you imagine congratulations dear you can vote now let me tell you something if you don't put your pants up every single i mean just what overnight overnight If you don't put your pants up every single night, I mean, just what? Overnight. Overnight. If you don't put the toilet seat down, I swear to you, you go, where do you get off? We have the right to vote. And you're going to do everything.

I'm a great keep the toilet seat down guy. Always put it down. Always. I've never understood that. Why? Why should you do that? guy. Always put it down. Always. I've never understood that. Why? Why should you do that? Why should you put it down? Yeah.

I do get that because you're thinking, well, I have to touch it to lift it up. You need it up. Yeah. So we should both be taking the turns. Yeah. I'll put it up. You put it down. Right.

I think it's being a gentleman. Just a courtesy thing? It's a courtesy thing. Courtesy. I guess. I'm going to have a urinal. You have a urinal in your house? I want to get a urinal in my house, and I want to put it right next to the toilet.

Would you get a urinal in your house? So my wife has to sit down. That urinal is right next to her face. Would you get a urinal in your house? I would love to get a urinal. I would love to get one, too. Howard Stern has a urinal. Really?

Because he says it's one of his favorite things. I would love that. I would love a urinal really because he says he says it's one of his favorite things yeah i would love a urinal some bars you ever been to a bar where they have like a an armrest above the year yeah you can lean up against it that's the dream man i there's nothing better than i when if you go in a bar you see a guy really that has had some drinks and you just see him like he has to put his hand up. I mean, you're like, this guy worked tonight. You know what I mean? Like his drinking was a job.

Right. And he's like, oh. And just, I mean, the relief of just all of it. Like it's a show out there. I mean, he just feels like he finally gets a moment to himself. I'm not a fan. You know what? This is another kind of gross but random.

Guys passing gas in the bathroom, and they just go in and just let – almost like we have a code. In your own? You mean in a public bathroom? No, no, in a public bathroom. Okay. You just see men walk in, and they just like – Let it rip?

And I guess it's this idea of like, we're all cool, right? I don't want to do it in front of my chick out there, you know, like something. But to me, it's like, I mean, look, I'm just saying, yeah, if it happens, it happens differently. Guys go in like we're all friends and they just let it rip and you're like,

hey, we're not horses. Do you think they should at least go in a stall and do it? I mean, yeah, just try to not. At least hit the dryer so there's some noise. There's a great Todd Glass joke. He goes, something about not getting credit for everything. And he's like, is there something I go to the bathroom? Right before I walk out, I hit the air dryer.

You're welcome. And I say, you're welcome, because you know everybody's just in there but yeah i mean i get old men yeah old men are just they just it just happens noises are coming out they don't even know what's happening so i get the idea of that but yeah like when you see there is like you know there's not too uh you know i like being a guy but you're not like you know it's just burping you know you walk in the bathroom you're not like, it's just burp. You walk in the bathroom, you're like, I don't know, just do it in your corner. I don't know. At least put the effort up there.

You just barrel in there like a gorilla, just like. But maybe that happens to women. I don't know. Women just go nuts. Hey, Laura. Laura, I don't want to women. I don't know. Women just go nuts. Hey, Laura. Laura. I don't want to know. When did a wedding similarly...

Oh, the wedding ring, though, with Sam. Yeah, so it's said that that's pretty universal since marriage has been around. Custom can be dated back to the ancient Romans. It's believed that the roundness of the ring represents eternity. Thus, the wedding ring symbolizes a union that is to last forever. It was once thought that a vein or nerve ran directly from the ring finger of the left hand to the heart. Which I've heard that. I've never heard that.

I thought it was just like an annoying reminder that you can't have as much fun as you want. Is that true? Brian, is that true brian is that true that let me google that the point of the wedding ring is just to kind of always be like you know because you're always like you just you can feel it right you know like a rubber band around your wrist like rubber yes it's just there to constantly be like, I wouldn't, you know. And like when you don't have rings, you're like, I mean, I'm not worried about anything. When you have a ring, you got to be, you know. This is interesting.

You don't have your, Brian's wearing his wedding ring. You're not wearing yours. Why don't you, you just don't like the way it feels? I don't like rings. I wear it on stage and that's the only time I wear it. I need to find a ring. So I lost my ring in Kuwait, actually. I was doing a USO tour right after we got married, and I took it off.

I mean, I just never wore it. I like watches, but I've never wore rings, and I don't like rings. And I took it off in one of the rooms we were staying, I left, lost the ring. I mean, immediately, immediately gone. Now my ring's not, again, not being attached to stuff. And luckily my wife is not, you know, it was like, whatever, it was fine. And then I bought, I went, I was doing a carnival cruise performing on a cruise ship and I went to Mexico and walked around while the thing stopped at one of the places. And I bought a ring there for $40 and cannot lose that ring. Still got it.

And so I kind of like that story. Yeah. So I kind of don't mind that. I like the ring for the idea. It's almost getting a little too big now. So that's why I had that ring. I would like to for the idea. It's almost getting a little too big now. And then, but so that's why I had that ring. I would like to wear a ring. I don't like wearing, I just don't love rings. I've said I would almost do a tattoo around this finger.

I'd almost rather do that. But I'm not a big fan of tattoos. I don't like tattoos. Do people ever do that? Oh, yeah. I've never rather do that, but I'm not a big fan of tattoos. I don't like tattoos. And I like not having tattoos. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I've never heard of that. Yeah, you do a tattoo around it, and then you're like, I don't have to worry about it.

Wow. I would almost rather do that if I did it instead of wearing a ring. I wear the ring on stage. I don't mind wearing the ring on stage. I mean, obviously, I love wearing it. I mean, that's the thing, too. It's like you're supposed to show that you're married. I mean, my career is wearing it. I mean, that's the thing too. It's like, you know, it's like you're supposed to show that you're married. I mean, my career is based off me being married.

So like if no, everybody knows I'm married. I mean, they, you know, I always think people, if I don't do it, like sometimes I'll forget to wear it if I do like shows, like regular shows. Like when we were to go to Huntsville, if you go to Zany's

and I've kind of, I'm at home and I forgot to put my ring on. But my joke is always, I don't like wearing a ring because I like to keep my options open. It's a fun joke. Wife hates. No, no.

But yeah, my wife would love to get it if we did the tattoo thing. She would love it. But I'm not a big fan of tattoos. She had a tattoo on her ankle and I was one of that. I can't stand them. I don't know why. She got rid of them it yeah wow not because i made her i mean but it was you know she did it 18 and i just don't yeah i don't know why tattoos you have tattoos no my fiancee has one but yeah i don't have one yeah get rid of it uh i got married in january and then we went on the road immediately

afterwards the following weekend and we were on the tour bus i was going to bed in the bunk i took my ring off because i don't seems i don't like to sleep in it put it in my shorts pocket wake up the next morning first thing i do reach in my shorts pocket is gone it's not there and I'm like all right somehow my the pockets had kind of bunched up or something it fell out so I start feeling around and first you're just feeling around in the dark can't find it then I eventually turn some lights on get up can't find it finally I have to get like the bus driver we have to tear the bus apart still can't find it and now I'm freaking out like i'm in tears i'm like i cannot believe i lost my wedding ring a week into marriage and like i was just freaking

out and eventually i'm like all right let me just try one more time and i had a hole in my pocket and it had fallen all the way down the lining of the shorts it was down at the very bottom i could finally feel it down there wow and i was so relieved as the bus driver to put the bus back together yeah i was like ricky get to this i'm gonna go eat yeah we're at green bay right yep when stuff like that happened i woke up late i woke up by the time i woke up i just like did you help him look for it no no i was asleep uh i was we slept on the bus we didn't drive we slept on the bus that night we spent that on the bus we stopped in green bay and uh i i love when you wake up and then someone's just already had a whole like i like when i have a whole thing and i love when someone else does i love just when you wake up and you're like so what are you doing you're like oh my day is rolling dude like weird i mean i am you know if someone works out at like 6 a.m and you wake

up they're like i've already ran five miles then you're like oh that guy's already done stuff i've already lived more than you're gonna live all day all day so i love like waking up and just being like so what's going on you're gonna go eat you're like and he's just like dude i've already i mean i mean i've already had four drinks. Yeah, I FaceTimed her while I lost it to tell her. I didn't wait. I told her. And she's like, oh, I thought I married a man.

So you're relieved that you found it. But as part of you, like, man, I wish it was somewhere hard to find. Because now I feel dumb that it was in my pocket. I was just so relieved. It was in the bottom of the shorts. It's tricky. It's like a puzzle. But how did you not feel it?

I mean, it was metal, right? It was way down the lining. They're very thin, and it was kind of just in the lining of it. Come on. Here. Okay. What are you doing? Have you not been listening to the podcast

this is and you want to be in charge you want to be my heist driver and you want to be my heist driver you want to be la tech salesman all right i was relieved it was almost like worth it because i felt so happy what's some other fun let's do some of these. All right. Longest marriage ever. All right. Let's get this.

Where is that? Page three. I got it. All right. Okay. Karam and Kartari. Yeah, you got it. Chan tied the knot in India in 1925.

Their marriage was arranged according to Sikhi tradition. Is it Sikhi? I don't know. Sikh. Sikh? Sikh, yeah. It's not that bad. According to Sikh tradition,

when Karam passed away in 2016, the couple had been married for 90 years. They are believed to have been in the world's longest marriage. Karam Chan, age 110, died on Friday in hospitals of Nashville. Like, she just died, or did you just... This was a quote in the newspaper.

Miss Chan, who is 103, is said to be a bit shocked by her husband's death, but will be okay, her son Paul said. Wait. It's just very funny. Her husband was 110 and she was in shock i couldn't believe it yeah oh in 2016 yeah yeah yeah i'd be a bit shocked every day you wake up but he's still there yeah what are you shocked by she goes just all of it i mean just that he died that i'm still alive that we're both still alive yeah that we're talking to you that

we're the longest marriage ever i mean at that point 90 years i mean you don't even know in a marriage too i mean so they started from scratch so popular to disbelief those range marriage work shortest marriage ever a couple in kuwait reportedly got divorced after just three minutes in 2019 and what is believed to be the shortest marriage on record britney spears close second the couple hadn't even left the courthouse where the where the nuptials had taken uh had taken place that was like i mean i felt like that word i felt like i was like all right i'm gonna lift the box just give me a second like that's how i that's how i looked at that word that's what prenup is prenup nuptials prenuptial yeah where the nuptials had taken place when the woman's

tripped over and fell instead of helping her up her new husband called her stupid so she marched straight back and demanded a divorce from the judge who had just married them. I think if you're that judge, you love that. Like you're like, he's not even trying to fix it. He's like, yes. Because why would you not want to be like, yeah, dude, I want to be as short. I want to give you. It's hard to believe even if you're trying, you could do all that in three minutes. Well, that's, I mean, but I mean, I don't know.

Calling somebody stupid for tripping is hilarious to me. Yeah. That's nothing to do with intelligence. You idiot. You fell down. Well, how did you trip though? What if we see it and you go, that is stupid. Yeah.

I'd like to see the footage. I'd want to see the trip to be like, who's fault is whose? I mean, you're getting married there. It's insane. You're in Vegas. These people are probably drunk. They probably don't even know each other. That was in Kuwait, though.

Yeah. It does sound like a Vegas thing. That sounds like a Vegas thing. Yeah. I don't think they would allow that in Kuwait. In a $40 ring? Yeah, probably using your ring. Yeah.

A couple in Kuwait. Yeah. I don't know if i believe that i love the sources on that biggest age gap between married couple in what is thought to be the biggest age difference in the world a somalia man married his teenage bride despite a 95 year gap ahmad muhamdur age 112 he. He's just married Safiya Abdullah. And she was just 17 years old. The wedding in October 2009 sparked mixed reactions.

Mixed? Not everybody was on board. Some people were. From locals, as the man's bride was young enough to be his great-granddaughter. Wow. I mean, that is – she's young enough to be your granddaughter. Granddaughter. She's too old for that.

Yeah. Great-granddaughter. So she's 112, and he was 112. She was 17. So I always heard, if you want to know if someone's too young to date, half your age plus seven. That's what I've heard too. Yeah.

Half your age plus seven. And it works until you maybe get in your 40s, I think. It works pretty good. Well, because by then I think it's – Yeah, the gap's too big. The gap's too big. But the gap also matters less as you get older, I feel like. It's true.

Half your age. So I'm 41. So 22, 29 would be okay. Yeah, I think that's pushing a little bit. But in his case. I think that's just fine. It'd be 21. 21-year-old.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, but if you're 21. Oh, it's 18. so it always works out kind of yeah yeah i guess so i mean when you're young it does 11 yeah 7 18 18 yeah 21 is yeah 17 and a half yep yeah yeah but for me it be 31. That's a little bit of a stretch. And for this guy. For you or for her? Yeah.

It'd be a stretch that a 31-year-old would be interested. For him, half his age, what was he, 112? 112, yeah. So that'd be 56. Plus seven. Yeah. Well, he just So that'd be 56 plus seven. Yeah. Well, he just heard the seven part. 63.

He heard just plus seven. Yeah. What's the longest engagement? Longest engagement record was between Octavio Gillian and Adriana Martinez. They finally took the plunge after 67 years in June of 1969 in Mexico City. They were both 15 years old when they were engaged and 82 years old on the wedding day. That's what I was talking about earlier. I think that meant a lot to one of them, probably the woman I'm assuming, but I bet it meant a lot to they think and they go along with it because they're like

it's fine you life gets busy people think that you could be like you know it's like well why are you not getting married you know you didn't think about it every day you're like i don't know we had kids we got people get busy man you get your life gets busy 10 years is like that yeah and before you know it but i've bet a million dollars that that meant the world to her or him, whichever one. She finally wore him down. Yeah. I bet that meant the world. And that's what I mean.

That that person, they're doing that for them because they're like, it means a lot to them for some reason. And then they finally do it. You don't think there's any chance both of them are like, this is not important to either of us, and then they change their minds later? I mean, they were so young when they got engaged. So they got married at a plunge of six, seven years in 1969. So when they got engaged, I mean, it was like 1900 or something. Yeah, I couldn't find a lot on it, but I think when they got engaged,

she was still living with her parents, of course. Her parents were like, no, we're moving. Yeah, yeah. And then they just finally connected many years later. But you know what? Oh. Yeah. So they weren't together the whole time?

Did I not read that right? No, you read it right, but I think it's misleading now that I think about it. It's extremely misleading. Yeah, I think they weren't even – no, yeah. So they went and lived separate lives. I think so, yeah, at least for part of that. That's ridiculous. That's dumb.

That doesn't even count, man. These people don't deserve each other. I'm going to attack them. I hope the divorce was quick. That seems insane. Well, we got engaged at 50 yeah oh yeah okay and then you moved away yeah we moved right and had families yeah and then those didn't work out and then we came back i mean that's essentially what there's like these people are a nightmare these people are like these people are a nightmare these people are absolutely they are a wreck you you were like man this is what i'm talking about this is what it's all about

yeah that was what i'm talking about right the way it reads it is yeah but you were i feel like you're on board with it at first way on board and now do you wow they're the worst they're the worst this is the people these are the annoying people that don't have kids because of the climate. Yeah. In fairness to them, they're not claiming it, I think. Probably just the Guinness World Records. They had to claim it. Guinness World Records doesn't just track them down.

Yeah. I mean, how do they know they were engaged at 15? You don't put that in the law. Yeah. You don't write it down. That it's not in the law. Yeah. You don't write it down. That's true. There's no,

there's no legal status. They're saying they got to get, they're going, well, we got engaged at 15. Then we went, then we separate. Yeah. And then that was it.

And then we saw each other and someone goes, and then people probably go like, that is so sweet. And they haven't had anybody to their face go, y'all are both the most ridiculous human beings alive why would you say it like that that's why would you phrase it that way the office when meredith meredith is no longer with us no longer she's at the hospital she's at the hospital why would you phrase it like that that's that's what should be said to them what you that's ridiculous all right Fun note, are we married in heaven? In the Bible,

Jesus said that life in the world to come won't include marriage as we know it here on earth. When questioned about marriage, he said, we are neither married nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven. So we get a break. There's a comic, I forgot his name, but he's got a very funny joke about you often hear about these couples that have been married for 65 years and then as soon as one of them dies, the other one will die right after him.

He's like, just match that guy. He's finally got a break and then he gets up there and like two days later he's like, Marge, are you killing me? You kidding me here? I just wanted to hang out with my buddies for a while it's very funny the idea

that is very funny imagine you're waiting in line at the pearly gates and you just feel a tap and it's just your wife and she's like do you mind if I get in front I'm with him she's having to ask there's like 7 people in between

and he's just like can can I not wait this long? Like, can I get? And then she goes, I died right after. I was waiting. I mean, that's so funny to picture them in line too. Yeah. And this is a typical wife. He's saving my spot.

He was saving my place. And then she comes and eats some of your clouds whatever you're eating you're eating cloud and then she's like can i i didn't grab i was like well you're supposed to grab it when you get in you grab all the cloud you want and she's like i know but i just figured i grabbed some i find you i'd eat some of yours. You're just can't. You're eating clouds. I don't know. Maybe.

This just in bank robbery couple. I don't know. What's with this bank robbery couple? All right. So this couple in Tampa, Florida. I think people need a break from me reading. I think I'm good to go for a little bit, and then I think there's time. You just looked ahead and saw some of these names in this story.

We jumped in. I think people at home are just going, like, I can't. I'll do some of it. I enjoy some of it. Okay. You know, I'm like your cheat day, you know? Well, there was this couple in Tampa in 2012. They couldn't pay their

bills they had a gambling problem so they decided to start robbing banks he worked at the post office she worked at a bank and uh they had a baby on the way oh man and uh so they wanted to wait for the bank they're having kids for the crime. Their first heist occurred just 10 days before she gave birth. And altogether, they robbed 15 banks across Florida and Alabama. And then when she went back to work, the robbery slowed, though two more happened on days she called in sick. And he did the bulk of the work, they said. He put on a wig, hat, sunglass disguise,

and she was responsible for helping stake out potential targets, writing the demand notes, and driving the getaway car. While their crime was seemingly driven for financial needs, the couple also embraced the romance of it. They found a note that she wrote to her husband, which referred to them as Bonnie and Clyde. It's kind of sweet. It's kind of it. They found a note that she wrote to her husband, which referred to them as Bonnie and Clyde. It's kind of sweet. It's kind of sweet. I checked out that whole time. I mean, I barely

know what's going on in this. Honestly, it started zoning out, and then I started thinking of something else the next thing, and I I know someone was pregnant 10 days before. Married couple. They robbed banks together. Now, Aaron, we'll just do it. Aaron, read that. In late 2012. A couple robbed robbed banks together now aaron we'll just do it yeah aaron read that in late 2012 couple robbed 15 banks across florida and alabama yeah they got

caught they did get caught i think she's out yeah she's good why did he still in yeah i think he's still in and i think she served her time it's so interesting why don't they have the same sentence because i think he's the one that was actually going in and doing it and but she wrote the notes that's so funny that she wrote the notes yeah he couldn't write his own note yeah to give to him couldn't write read yeah probably yeah that's what that leads to yeah i mean that's you know i'm always fascinated by this couples that commit crimes together it's like who brings it up that's, you know. I'm always fascinated by this. Couples that commit crimes together, it's like, who brings it up first? That's real love right there, man. Yeah.

I think you know. I don't think you're just both going, oh, you're into crime too? You know. I think you know. Nothing's ever truly mutual. It's like somebody has to bring it up first, and then you're saying you just know deep down she would be down with this. No, I think you fall in love doing that crime wow i don't think you just get lucky that you're into robbing banks and then

you've married this oh so you think they were doing this even before they got married i think they're on the path of doing that i don't think it was a surprise when they talked about robbing a bank i don't think it was like i don't think it was a real left turn in their marriage i think it's if you got to know them i think you're talking to their friends they're going yeah i mean you know we're not yeah we're obviously always surprised when when you see it on the news but i'm not surprised you know and i think these people have the strongest marriages in anybody i bet they divorce a hundred times i bet they break up a hundred times i mean you know my eyes have a redneck getting married just redneck marriage is great like it's just i mean the fights are banana are your aunt and uncle still together

oh that fall out of there i think he died oh uh great aunt great uncle in the wedding but i mean yeah a good nice redneck i mean it's just i mean just screaming in the yard on the property get off my property again like you know just throwing tv out like that's great dude like that's just and those people i don't think ever get divorced like a lot of those marriages that are brutal i it's it's a mix of both yeah you think why doesn't she leave she's in it just as i mean she's hitting him just as much as he's probably hitting her like it's a mess dude it's a true i mean unreal mess that's in the i bet that's what these people i bet they fought i bet they broke up a hundred times but those car rides after the bank robberies were

were brutal i bet they had they yeah i bet there was day i bet they had up a hundred times. But those car rides after the bank robberies were brutal. I bet they had more love at some point than anybody could ever dream of having, and then the most hate. You know what I mean? To have that much, you probably got to have both. To have a ton of hate, there's got to be a lot of love. And there's a mix, and it's just... And just the adrenaline and the shared experience of robbing a bank together probably i mean just doing it yeah i always thought me and my wife we choose to watch amazing

race i mean we couldn't do that i think we could do i think we could do it more now than we could but at the end for being i mean i it be, we would never made it off the plane. Let's end with this, because this episode is probably too long. Just like some marriages. Famous couples who've stayed together, Beyonce and Jay-Z, Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. But Tom Hanks was married before. Oh, really? Yeah.

I didn't know that. Yeah. David and Victoria Beckham. that one's surprising yeah like was she famous i mean she's a spice girl oh yeah so that's that that's one that you're i'm you're happy for because there's zero chance for that to be he's like the soccer player that's the best looking man alive. And then she's a singer, just beautiful singer. There's no reason they should still be married. I mean, no one would expect people, and that's wonderful.

Yeah. Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman also still still alive I mean there's gotta be there's some people that have been married for a long long time yeah there's

couples that have been together a long time like Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn they never married but they've been partners for 30 something years yeah

why don't you type that story in the longest engagement that's the do you think it's last question do you think it's easier in a marriage for both people to be famous or for only one i could see both sides i could i don't think i think it's only one

the only one really uh you you get you get two careers like that they're too similar that's not good i mean these people are doing it so it doesn't matter. I think they're both super good in their own career, and there's no, you know. I mean, I know like Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde. And so seeing them with their kids and stuff. But they both have very, their own sustainable careers. So, I mean, if you're a career, you can't have one below the other. That's where I think stuff can get weird. But if you both are just gigantic doing your, like there's no jealousy of each other's careers, I think you're good to go.

I was going to say, you get to a certain point, like Beyonce, where, I mean, Beyonce couldn't date a normal person. There'd be no shared life experience at all. It'd be impossible. Oprah has... Stedman. Stedman. Oprah's got more money than Beyonce does and more powerful. Beyonce's up there and probably will.

Yeah. But Oprah's a billionaire. Right. Most famous person alive. And who's Oprah's... Exactly. Exactly. Stedman. It's her longtime partner. Yeah. When did they get together? Before she... most famous person alive and who's Oprah's exactly exactly Stedman

it's her long time partner yeah when did they get together before she they've been together a long time a long time yeah

maybe not before but a long long time yeah I bet Oprah's life is much different now than it was when they started yeah but I'm saying

that to your point though yeah is to not have someone be famous is there's no jealousy and you know that i wasn't clear are you saying though it's harder for when they're both celebrities i i think it's just a mix it depends on your level that you're at if they're competing egos in the same industry or whatever if i'm yeah like i think yeah two comedians would be hard but if one's

an actress and one's a comedian that probably helps yeah one's a musician one's this probably helps but but they're so busy that it it obviously can work it's working i don't think it's a bad thing but i don't i also think i like having a wife that's not in that world because then she's in my world. And so it's, you know, it's, we talk about like, it's not both. Like, I think it'd be hard if you're struggling, you hit points where you're frustrated and then she's, your wife's in points where she's becoming a huge star. And then you kind of become like, oh, you're just, oh, you're someone's wife.

Are you, oh, you're what's his face?, you're what's-his-face's husband. You're her husband. Those kind of comments are going to be tough. That's going to be hard to handle. Now, if you're Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson. But look, if you're Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, which I've met them, Tom Hanks is so famous that Rita Wilson, I think when she married him, he was Tom Hanks.

He was who he was. And they've been together for a long time. And she sings and he goes, she's a singer, but she's obviously not nowhere near where he's at. But I think they work good together. You know? And David and Victoria Beckham work good together. But that is, that's unreal.

So Tom Hanks and Meryl Streep, that would be a tough marriage. I don't know. I mean, there's so, you know, there's got to be a famous marriage that we're missing. But they're so, if they, Meryl Streep and, I mean, they're so good at what they do. That's what I'm saying. But I think they're both confident in their careers. I mean, that're so good at what they do. That's what I'm saying. But I think they're both confident in their careers. I mean, that's the thing. It's the drive at the beginning is when jealousy and bitter and all that stuff comes into play.

I mean, that's when you're really, when you're not, you don't feel good in your career. You still feel like you're trying to find your career. And that's when competitiveness can come into play. And I think that's when it gets. And two, that's when you got to work the most. And so if you're in a new marriage, you're both working nonstop. I mean, you're not going to be near each other. You're going to have kind of a distant marriage.

But I think when people can feel secure, then they're good. I can see some pros of like they at least get some of the frustrations they have. They get the frustrations. They get the lifestyle. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. There's plenty of that.

You're not, you know, that kind of stuff would be huge. But the other one will too. I mean, you know, when I complain about stuff to Laura, I mean, she gets it more than she did, you know, but then you just kind of explain like why, you know. I mean, I don't think it's completely as crazy, but it almost could be good. Because then sometimes you don't go too far. If you have someone else that gets it, you can both get each other going.

Like if I talk to another comic, that they get it, and then you're both, you can get real down negative. Yeah. I think it's good for your art your art whatever art that you're creating to have a tie to a regular life though as well yeah yeah it's okay to compartmentalize like that you know yeah i'll do stand up over here and then i go back and tour you live a life that's not revolving around and you and when the art in whatever your art is that you're creating, it needs to be relatable. Our most does, I believe, for mine.

So I need to have a regular life attached to whatever other life I have. And I mean, she's been with me. Mine doesn't matter because we've been together before. But you need to go live a regular life so you can talk about regular things that people are doing instead of becoming you know i mean sometimes i'd imagine these guys i mean they're still married which i mean they got to be still very normal but it's are you you know is there any reality are they jay-z and beyonce and they can't be in a reality the real world is gone they're're not even, they're four steps

from removed because they're not only super rich, but also super famous. There's no, there's nothing that's normal. It's impossible. The biggest example of that, I saw when they just gave birth to their last kid, they had to buy out a whole floor of the hospital

to give birth to the kid. That's just a different stratosphere. That's the to give birth to the i mean that's just different stratosphere well that's the and that's the price you have to they have to pay i mean being that famous because you can't have anyone near it yeah that's crazy i didn't know that yeah so you're i want to have a kid you know that means you bring a hospital to you i know i don't know why you talk about jay-z and yeah jay-z and beyonce what if they're like you know what we didn't think about them you're right i'm like why didn't you could right. I'm like, why didn't you just do it? Could have saved a lot of money and time. Yeah, why didn't you just do it at home? They're like.

Yeah, we got a pretty big place. Why didn't we do that? You know? I wanted to ask, so your future wife is in the comedy industry. Is there any conflict there? She's on another side of it. Right. Do you guys ever disagree about stuff because you see it from one way, she sees it another?

Yeah, we have different tastes in comedy in a lot of ways. Thankfully, she's not a comic and we aren't competing. Yeah, I think that's what's good. That would be- Too much. I thank God every day that she doesn't do comedy. But she's in comedy, so- I thank god every day that she doesn't do comedy but yeah she's in comedy so i think god every day that's not not nothing to do with her specifically just you know

no but but since she knows is in comedy and knows about it we can talk about it and yeah and she's okay with me traveling and being gone nights and stuff. Yeah, she gets it. Yeah, for sure. You got to have someone that gets it. You got to have, that's what I always tell, have a wife that, or a husband, you got to have someone that gets it. Someone's got to get what you do. You both got to get each other. You can't be scared of each other.

You can't be, you know, you're going to be together forever. So possibly 190 years years possibly three minutes you never know all right i think that's i mean this is a long one that was enough this is too long so most comments will say uh but yeah uh hope all you guys happy marriage to all you guys thanks for listening uh again leave your comments subscribe whatever all the stuff ratings we truly appreciate it and we love you all everybody please we'll see you next week thank you thanks everybody for listening to nateland podcast be sure to subscribe to our show on itunes spotify you know wherever you listen to your

podcast and please remember to leave us a rating on comment nateland is produced by me nate bargetti and my wife laura on the all things comedy network recording and editing for the show is done by genovations consulting in partnership with center street media thanks for tuning in be sure to catch us next week on the Nate Land Podcast.