The Nateland Podcast - #89 Founding Fathers & The Supreme Court

Episode Date: March 9, 2022

On this week's podcast, the guys get a lesson in American history as they learn about our Founding Fathers and the US Supreme Court.    Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]     Athletic Greens - AthleticGreens.com/Nate   Right now, it’s time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient, daily nutrition — especially heading into the flu and cold season!  It’s just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That’s it! No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.  To make it easy, Athletic Greens Is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.  All you have to do is visit ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE. Again, that is ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!     Master Class - MasterClass.com/Nate    Get unlimited access to EVERY MasterClass,  And as a Nateland listener, you get 15% off an annual membership!  Go to MASTERCLASS.com/NATE now.  That’s MASTERCLASS.com/NATE for 15% off MasterClass

hello folks welcome to the nateland podcast sitting here with brian bates aaron weber welcome uh to the show uh excited to have you here as always. And as always, we will start off with some comments. Because this is one we're doing ahead of time. Ahead of time. Yeah. Do you think people really, do they say that? Like on TV, they would have been like, we recorded this earlier. Do they say that sometimes? I know we've always said it. I think I just like people. It'll say on the top right, like pre-recorded.

They always put live when it's up there, so you have an idea. But if they record, like Tonight Show sometimes records on Thursday for Friday. They don't go, we recorded it last night, everybody. No. They try to do more generic jokes. Yes. Like less topical. Yeah.

And that's what we're doing. All your comments are generic and our jokes will be yeah they're doing now the the the ones that are like when we have to record like this like a backup one just to make sure uh this is where we get a lot of comments that like we that always like fit in or not as timely or whatever. Or whatever they could be. Yeah. So it's actually a good thing. R.Y. Givens.

I love the fact that if someone were to ask what's the appeal of this podcast, I can tell them, well, the host is a dyslexic comedian with diabetes. One of the co-hosts just had a stroke. And the other co-host is a young man with gout and we measure things by rhode islands keep up the great works guys you're making the world a better place and uniting us all it's funny that uh that they mentioned that i have something for you guys oh here this is i was in lowell arkansas this, and a couple of folks came out to my show as the Winkles. And there's a pharmacist, so they wrote us some prescriptions here for our various afflictions here.

We got Nate. Oh, wow. I think that's... That's so cool. It says, Dave Bargetzi, sugar daddy. sugar daddy take one tablet by mouth twice daily

for type 2 diabetes the earned kind that's great for Brian right here Brian breakfast baits it says at the top take one tablet by mouth

once daily for stroke prevention there you go and then I've got gout tablets and it says Aaron like the the grill weber at the top very oh yeah that's so cool this is like the real pharmacy that uh she works at yeah that's like a real look superficial yeah yeah it's a real thing it's m&ms inside of it though no is it yeah

nate's actually i got diabetes yeah uh ernie's pharmacyacy and Wellness Center Wow Dude that's so cool That's such a cool Yeah I didn't even think they could do this I thought this would be illegal I thought it might be

But Hope I don't get her in trouble Here Come to Ernie's Pharmacy Where we let Just about anything slide What do you want it to say? So funny.

That's so awesome, though. Yeah, that's awesome. Ernie's Pharmacy, one of the supply in Muskogee. Muskogee. I have no idea. Oklahoma. Muskogee. Huh?

Muskogee. Muskogee. Yeah, that sounds a lot better. Muskogee. Yeah, that sounds a lot better. Muskogee. Erica Pearson. It's important to me that Nate understands dyslexia is not a disability. It's likely the very thing that helps him be so creative. I'm an educator.

I've been teaching for 18 years. Dyslexia is still very misunderstood and is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. There's a book called Dyslexic. misunderstood and is often misdiagnosed as ADHD. There's a book called this dyslexic. Can't even say the word. The Dyslexic Advantage. Nate sees the world differently. One of the reasons he pauses in conversation is because he needs time to process all he wants to say before he says it.

Before he says it. He just needs time to get it out. I mean, Erica, I... She's going to write back, maybe it is a disability. Yeah, yeah. I think Erica could play this as going, like as fact, and go, then watch him read the comment. And then she could just pause it.

Now see what he did right there? See how he couldn't get that word out He's got to think about it He needs time I like Erica I like her too Thank you Bates does not

No So Jessica Young Proud to represent the folks With my new custom plate Hoping to get some Let's go folks From fellow commuters Check that out

Hello folks That's crazy. That's awesome, dude. Wow. They came to the show. Yeah, she got some Nate Land magnets. Yeah. That's so cool.

So those magnets, if you've seen them, when we were doing the meet and greets, we would give magnets away. She said the other magnets on her fridge are now jealous. Oh, that's good. I left that part out. Yeah. Man, that's very flattering. Yeah. If you see her, honk at her and pull her over.

Just aggressively. It just goes, let's go, folks. And then you're like, ah, no. Yeah, all right. That's awesome. That's awesome. That's awesome. Very cool. Joshua Clay Lott.

I'm going to need an episode on time travel because I'm convinced Aaron is dabbling in time manipulation. He obviously knew Roland the Farter and set for this portrait, which ultimately became the logo for the Texas Ran Fest. I mean, it does look good. That looks like you, dude. It looks exactly like me, dude. It looks like you at the beginning of this podcast.

That man's got a Planet Fitness membership just sitting there. Oh, I need that jacket. You got a hat like that? Yeah, a little feather in my cap. You're going to love it. And a velvet robe made out of cougar pelt. What's the thing he's holding? Is that a

chase? That's a chalice, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. Gravy inside of it. Uh. I was gonna say Diet Coke. Just drinking gravy. Just get right to it why not man that way the rest of the table looks like well he doesn't eat gravy and no one knows yeah you're right i do

the most great uh micah johnson i'm from a small town about 45 minutes south of montgomery called troy and i'm about the same age as aaron i have often wonder if we ever cross paths on a small town about 45 minutes south of Montgomery called Troy. I've heard of Troy. And I'm about the same age as Aaron. I often wonder if we ever cross paths on a field trip to the Shakespeare Festival or at the food court at the Montgomery Mall. Didn't hang out at the Montgomery Mall very often. What about the Shakespeare Festival? The Shakespeare Festival is right across. It was pretty close to where I went to high school,

Montgomery Catholic High School. And you went to it? And we used to go there and film you know i used to make movies and stuff with my friends we used to go there a bunch so it is possible yeah yeah you and did micah did you ever see some kids film it yeah y'all made movies yeah yeah we'd make some they were awful i actually found them i found them recently i've got them on a youtube channel they're all private now but they're from like we might have to look 15 years ago where we're about to check them out you know i don't see how we can't yeah you never went to the food court i mean i've been to plenty of food courts not the one of the not have you ever been to

montgomery mall i have been yeah it was kind of on its way out so you might have crossed paths potentially because you mean how often do you come up from troy to go to the montgomery mall Yeah, it was kind of on its way out. So you might have crossed paths. Potentially. I mean, how often do you come up from Troy to go to the Montgomery Mall? I don't think that often. Is Troy a big, that's a little higher up town? No. No. Oh, my gosh.

Sorry, Micah. So you're saying you would not, Micah probably wouldn't be in the same store as you would be, like you come from. you come no no that's not what i'm saying just say it dude he's already said it so obviously micah you were probably working the shakespeare festival and you lived in the food court at the government mall so you know big money over here no no no no no mike I'm sure we crossed paths. Maybe he saw his family's helicopter flying over as he drank out of his whatever that was.

Chalice. Chalice. Christian Berryman. In the episode of Lee and Morgan, Nate states that in his opinion, comedians that refer to what they do as art are horrible and the worst. I was just watching comedians and cars getting coffee. And Jerry said that his philosophy is that anything at all that you create out

of thin air that people like is art. I know how much all of you love the great Mr. Seinfeld. So I was wondering if that statement would change your opinion on that. Seinfeld said it. I'm fine. I'll switch it right now. You know, it's like, everything's not as like, it's, I guess, you know, I guess there is art to it. It's, but the, I think the goal of comedy is you shouldn't take yourself that seriously.

And so when you start taking yourself seriously i mean it's yeah it's an art form technically i guess you're being entertainment and arts and like you would be in that world but i think as a comic it's better to have the mindset of not taking yourself as serious and that's more what you meant right just the mindset of yeah i guess so i mean i get what he's saying like it's you know it is and would make, if I was with a bunch of comedians, a comedian walked up and said, what I do is art. Now, if he's doing, I would be like, oh, God. Like, he goes, my art.

I mean, I would, I couldn't handle it if someone. But if a bunch of painters were being snobby and what we do is art, he'd probably be like, well, what we do is a lot harder. I think, yeah, I would think what we do is, I think what comedians do is super hard, what we do is a lot harder. I think, yeah, I would think what we do is, I think what comedians do is super hard, man. You're up there alone. There's no way out. I sneezed this past weekend on stage.

I was like the lights just bright in my face. And I've never done it. I've never sneezed on stage. Just 1,700 people just staring at you. And I sneezed twice. And I was like like that's the first time it's ever happened it was in columbia missouri how quickly did the second one come did you have to sit there it was quick okay that's good but i could feel it where i'm like you know don't sneeze because it's like that's i was that's what i talked about i was like that'd be if you want to get rid of stage fright just go sneeze in front of 1700 people

with the light on you i mean like there is probably like gross if i can see stuff like it's i didn't know what you know and you're like it just kind of throw the whole rest of the set you're like you're like i don't know what's that you know did that feel like an eternity while you're sneezing yeah it's just i mean people just were fine it It's not like people, a couple people left. Front row. Front row got out. Go change clothes.

Yeah. I make the front row wear ponchos. Gala. But they, yeah, it's funny. I've never sneezed on stage. And it was like such, but then I'm like, is that a sign of like you're too comfortable? Like is your body too comfortable on stage that you're just like, you sneeze because you're like, you know, like, is that a sign of like you're too comfortable? Like is your body too comfortable on stage that you're just like you sneeze because you're like, you know, like before maybe your body would never,

maybe that's a sign. I don't know if it's a good sign or a bad sign, but maybe it's a sign that you're like in a comfortable place that, because I don't think your body would let you do it if you were, you know, at the beginning of your comedy. I don't, I just don't think you could be too nervous. You'd be too nervous.

You'd be, that'd be much adrenaline, all that, all that. And like, so is it too much, you know, that's interesting.

I don't know. Cause you sneeze when you drive and once it starts, you can't stop it. Yeah. But on stage it's like, yeah. Being on stage is as routine as driving now yeah maybe yeah that sounds like a good thing to me yeah i can't tell if that's good or bad like

you don't want to be where then you're like is that the first sign of like you start becoming like unaware and you're like you don't know that you're good like you know you know like you're my biggest fear is my biggest fear in comedy is, well, there's a bunch of them. We talked about dying alone in a, like, you know, so, but there's a few, but like one on stage as a comedian, just for your career wise, is that you worry that you're going to be, you're not as funny as you think you are. And that's like a big, like, I try to always kind of try to be aware.

It's what you always ask. A lot of people ask the comics. I'm like, it's funny, right? Like this is not, I'm just not like oblivious. And I think this is funny. And it's like, I know you can hear them laughing, but then sometimes people, they like you and then they're going to, sometimes they like you. So they're laughing easier.

And then you want to be like, you know, so you always have that fear of like, I don't want to, I think if I keep an eye on it, cause sometimes you see, you can see comics just, they can just hit a point where they, they're just, they're just going out there. And like,

I'm not saying you don't enjoy the show, but you're like, they're not at the top of their game and they're not at the top. They got them to the top. Because they don't necessarily need to be anymore. They don't need to be. And be like, but it's like,

so you're like, what do you, does that ever happen? And not like saying it's They don't need to be. And be like, but it's like, so you're like, what do you, does that ever happen? And not like saying it's just to the famous comedians. It could be anybody at any point. If someone's doing comedy a long time, just the guys that have been doing it for a long time, you worry like,

God, I don't want to, I don't want to just be doing a bad show. And then people are like, it's not that good anymore. You know? And you're like, I think in my head,

I'm like, I think it's going amazing. Like, you you know so i try to always be aware but maybe it's a good sign maybe that part of my act i'll be honest i needed the time so it's good i sneezed uh but they time filler yeah yeah and have you ever seen me have a coughing attack? It's like we were running pretty quick, and I needed to – Stretch. Yeah. But I don't – like, I get – so what he's saying, like, look, everything I say, don't take everything the most, like,

I would live and die by any of these statements. I'm saying all this off the top of my head. I can be talked and be wrong about almost every single one of these. I get the idea of comedy is an art form. I know you're creating something out of nothing. It's the most art form and the fact of the most true like kind of like you're literally just presenting something and you need approval it's not even like if you're a painter it's like it doesn't really matter like but a comedian you gotta my if if you don't if i don't get approval it's going to be real bad but then calling it art i would be be, if I was with Seinfeld

and he started talking about doing his art, is it me and him? I would be like, I would turn, I'd be like, oh God. Like you'd be like, come on, dude.

Like we're just. No, you'd be the opposite. You'd be like, you're right, Jerry. You're right on. That's what I would say to his face, but in my inside,

I would be like, like, yeah, it's like, you don't, you know, I would do that with you. Like, if you just said that in New York, just come to New York,

and you walked into the comedy cellar, and I'm like, I'm doing my art tonight, you would get ridiculed. Your borderline almost would get ridiculed so bad you'd quit comedy. It's like, don't take yourself that serious. That's what I mean. When you talk about it in the way of, like, if't take yourself that serious. That's what I mean. When you talk about it in the way of like, if you're doing some serious interview, if you're doing some blah, blah, blah,

I'm like, yeah, I think what we do, it is an art form. But as a comedian, you should also, you should just be aware that you know you're saying that. And when the camera's cut off, you go like, we're just a bunch of dumb comedians. And then that's your attitude, I think, should be that. But you would describe Nate Landisis three nashville-based artists this is the most art i've ever produced evan making you guys good uh i'm not i can't be mean anymore by the time this comes out you've probably been mean for a while

yeah that's true no evan cantre, do you eat before you go on stage? How soon before the show do you have to be at the venue? I know y'all have touched on this occasionally during previous episodes, but y'all can enlighten us more on what show days are like. I eat on stage. Yeah, you go. He takes a big bite of his burger, does his time, comes back, finishes it. Walk out there chewing.

Yeah. You know, his first little bit's like, hello, folks. Welcome. Welcome. I eat so my schedule can be bad I usually wake up we eat breakfast

usually it's 11 12 11's early for most comics especially when we have two shows your schedule that's your my sleeping schedule is like so whacked

when we were like just in Indianapolis it's eastern time zone so we did one show in indianapolis then i drive to evansville the next day and we just drove to evansville that came back and so we're stayed in indianapolis the whole time and so evansville is the only part of indiana that's in the central time zone so the show so i mean we don't like we leave we have to leave early because they're an hour behind so you got to to leave, you know, well, you lose an hour. So we leave a little bit later going.

But we leave to go there, do the show at 7, which is 8 o'clock there. 9 o'clock, you know, the show's done by 9.30, 9.45 Indianapolis time. We go eat, and then we go. And by the time we get home, it's like 3. The hotel's 3.30, 3.45 in the morning. And you're like, that was like, you're, you know, and you're just like, your schedule's so messed up. It's like, I can't go to sleep, but I need like,

I got to lay in bed and like watching TV or like, you know, like just kind of got to be alone for a second. And so those were tough sleep. But eating wise, I just kind of got to be alone for a second. And so those were tough. But eating-wise, I usually eat breakfast. We try to find a breakfast place like 11, 12. And then probably try to eat a little lunch, something. We sort of try to do something healthy. Like at the venue, we get chicken and carrots or something that's kind of light.

You want to feel like you eat something. You're like, I need to eat something. And I'll eat something like that around four probably. And then I'll eat after the show. So that's usually how it goes. And like if you have to do it, you go eat breakfast. We might hang out. Maybe go back.

You got to take a nap around, you know, probably two, one, two. And then you kind of go to the place then you probably go do sound check maybe eat some that eat a couple bites of that chicken i get the coffee sound check and then i go back and get ready for the show and i'll come over kind of close to the show time uh so hope that's you know i've eaten you can't eat too much I've eaten where it's too full and it's no good what about the part about how soon you have to be at the venue did you answer that well I go you and I can be there I can walk on stage when I go on stage but you do sound check I like to see the venue before because usually when I see it during the show, it's black. Like you can't really see.

So I like to at least go in, see it, look at it. We do, I don't always do sound checks. Sound checks are pretty easy for comedians. But, you know, maybe I'll talk to the microphone and make sure. And then, you know, a lot of times I just go sit on the bus. And like, especially the bus, it depends if we're in a big place, it's kind of a long walk to the bus. We're staying inside.

But if sometimes the bus is like right to the door and you're like, well, I'll just go in and I'll sit on the bus. I will play some, I've been playing back doing that, play golf, that 2K, or whatever, 2K 2019, the golf game. I do that a lot. I like to go sit on the bus and like kind of just, you know, I'll just play alone and just kind of like just do something kind of calming, just have your nerves.

But I like getting like, you know, I know when the openers go up, they go up. I don't always see what they're doing. I watch the show. I've seen everybody, so I know. But it's like I like to kind of like kind of wait. I'll get dressed. And there's been times I'll just start getting dressed like 15 minutes before. watch the show i've seen everybody so i know but it's like i like to kind of like kind of wait i'll get dressed and there's been times i was i'll just start getting dressed like 15 minutes before

like when it like they're like gary's this weekend was like veters up and i'll be on the bus and i'll be like all right well i'll just start changing now and i'll start getting ready and then kind of hang out then walk and this is that way i only have like a couple minutes before i have to get on stage i just sometimes you like to you I don't want to just sit there. It's like too much to just sit. I'd rather just be walking out with the energy of like, you know, you're excited to be there. And if you're like, if you have to sit there and it's like 20, 25 minutes,

you're just like kind of like, like, you're like, I just want to go up. Just let me go up. Like, you know, so you try to like time this stuff out. I'm learning all that stuff now. You got me go up. Like, you know, so you try to like time this stuff out. I'm learning all that stuff now. You got to learn what you like, you know, what would give the best show. Katie Betts, do you make your wives laugh like you do your audience? My husband is an engineer, not a comedian, but he's hilarious and he makes me laugh every day.

With you all being comedians, do you find it easy to crack your wives up? Are they used to it and they would laugh at the really good stuff have you ever used any of their suggestions or advice on a joke uh for my wife i always joke that she doesn't like my comedy i'm too clean for her she's a big jay fan yeah she's a yeah uh no No, I make my wife laugh. And I do, my wife loves being around when it's like all of us comedians hanging out. She loves like being there listening to us because that's usually when we're like our best. And like, so me and like, especially all my buddies from New York, like Soder, Jay, all the Lewis or whoever, like we all get together and like, she likes being around that,

like, and we're just, you know, cause it's just like making fun of each other, making fun of whoever. Uh, and, but I, I think I make her laugh more. I even, I've consciously thought of it too. Cause it was, sometimes it can be, you know, this business of, it can be get serious and get too much and too busy. And then you think, oh, I'm not making the person laugh that actually I need to make the most laugh. And so I try to sometimes be aware of that. But, you know, but I don't know if it's, you don't go rip roaring like you do with your buddies. It's just weird, I think. But does your wife know you do with your buddies. It's just weird, I think.

Does your wife know you do comedy? I was waiting on it. I don't know how not to do some of this stuff. She thinks I still drive for Uber? Yeah. Is that where she thinks you're at right now? Where do you go every Monday? She doesn't even know I have this podcast. No, I make drive for Uber. Yeah. That's where she thinks you're at right now. Where do you go every Monday? She doesn't even know I have this podcast.

No, I'll make her laugh some. I mean, we're still newlyweds, so she is polite. Yeah. A few more years in, she won't be laughing at somebody's joke. She'll think it's funny. Yeah. I'm going to say mine gives me no courtesy laughs. I feel like I really got to earn it.

So if I get a laugh, i feel good about it yeah and she'll tell me jokes in my act she's like that's not that good of a joke yeah okay you're probably right yeah i was like i did okay she's like but it's not good yeah all right well lucy runs a comedy she sees comedy every night she sees it uh-huh she sees more comedians than we do yeah that's probably true and And so, yeah. Yeah, my wife has told me some jokes. She'll send me some stuff. Sometimes, like if it's a crazy story or if it's something,

she'll send it. And then, I'm trying to think. I can't think of a joke that she's, I mean, maybe there has been. She's a part of them all. You know, I talk about her. Yeah. But,

uh, she might've got something. I don't know. She tries to tell me something. It's hard. It's hard for them to get jokes in my, Abigail, my sister and my dad have a joke in right now.

And, uh, uh, I did it on tonight show. It will be in my hour and all that, but the one about digging a hole. That's a good one. My dad and Abigail came up with that.

Wow. And then I was like, that was one of the jokes they told me, and I'm like, that's actually a great joke. That's like a, you know, it was just like it was really kind of presented, and I was like. Pitched the right way pitched the right way it just was it was just very it's like it's just a very clever like observation i think that's even uh and i did the joke until i show you if you don't know it you don't have to go look it up, especially if you got to come see me. Cause I am doing this joke, but,

uh, it's, but it's, it's, it's, some of it is about how it's presented. It's like, if someone tries to give you a joke and they try to give you almost like they

try to make it funny, it's like, just give me the observation that you noticed. Yes. And then I can kind of make it how I will be able to say it. But sometimes someone tell you a joke and you're like, it's very funny, but I just won't be able to deliver it like the way that it should be. I saw Judd Apatow just say that about screenwriting.

He said, people always try to just write a funny story and you're supposed to just take a real story and then you add the jokes to it yeah he says the biggest mistake people make my wife's smart enough she doesn't uh she um so many people like something anything will happen we all heard it oh that's gonna go in your act or you should be telling that or whatever yeah she's smart enough no just don't even say that yeah you'd be surprised A lot of stuff that you think would go in the act would never be in the act. Yeah. It's sometimes too much.

If something's too wacky, it's too much. It's usually something that you would think is boring if someone said it. You know? Yeah. I have a whole joke right now about buying ice it's my favorite joke one of my favorite jokes i've ever like i it's so fun to tell and it's like but like what you know you would never be buying ice with somebody and they go you can put this in your little skin about this yeah how about you, like it's just a weird, like,

but it's one that hits so hard because it's so specific. And it's like you can tell that like everybody's like, oh, yeah, like, you know, whatever. It's a fun one. I love it. Kevin Allen. I was thinking about stand-ups and golf. Since you're already world-renowned for having your own golf tournament,

what would you think about an all-star golf match play event with just stand-up comedians i know you and santino would be heavy favorites but ron white spade rare mono are known to be pretty good there's also probably some other great comedian golfers we don't know about but thought it'd be a fun event would be an absolute riot to watch. Yeah. You know, we talk about all things comedy. We briefly talked about something like that, doing some kind of like golf match play event. I think it would be fun. I would love to do, you know, something like this. Santino is good.

I played with Santino. Spade's not bad. Spade usually plays nine holes. Ray plays a lot. Ray broke 80 recently. Which was a big deal. He's never done it. And because he'll send like, he's had a lot of chances at breaking 80. And so he'll send me the video of like his final putt.

And like you're watching them. They just barely don't go in and all that. And so then he sent one and finally didn't went in. So yeah, he's around me, right. He's a good golfer. Like Henry chose a great golf.

Henry chose a great golfer. Yeah. So there's a lot, it would be, yeah, I would love to do a golf match play. It should be to set it up and to be a magic matter of like, is it,

would you really want to watch it? Is it really fun? fun i mean the foreplay guys barstool i'm such a big fan of them they do some stuff like this i think they're coming to something in nashville they're doing one of their events uh it's part of the festival uh is it i don't know i know kfc and those guys are coming oh that might be but now foreplay does like the barstool classic okay and then so it's like a golf thing. And I think they're doing one of the rounds that they're doing it is at Old Hickory Country Club. Oh, nice. And so, but I love the foreplay guys.

And like, yeah, it would be fun. You know, they play. Like, you know, me and Riggs, like we always, me and him text a lot. Me and him are about the same handicap. So I'm trying to get a matchup. I'm trying to tell him like we should go play. Because we're pretty, we're about the same handicap. So I'm trying to get a matchup. I'm trying to tell him we should go play. Because we're pretty, we're basically the same. But if I forget my swing down even more, I'm going to kill him.

No. He is. I think he just had a birthday. Who? Riggs. I don't know who that is. He's on 4Play. The 4Play guys are great.

That podcast is awesome. You should actually stop listening to this one and go over there. Madison Hill. In college, we could camp out at new – let me get this going again. In college, we would camp out at new Chick-fil-A openings. They would give the first 100 people 52 free combos each. It started with us getting there five to six hours early, and eventually we had to start camping out 24 hours early as the word spread.

One of our buddies traveled and did over 40 in two years, over 2,000 free combos. They finally changed their rules to require your license zip code match the zip code of the new Chick-fil-A. I've never heard of that. Oh, I have. They give the first 100 people 52 free combos. It's like one a week for a year.

So they just give you cards? Yeah. Whenever they open a new Chick-fil-A, people would always camp out. Isn't that right? It's like for a year supply. Yeah. And the first 100 people, when they go in there, they give't that right? It's like for a year supply. Yeah. And the first hundred people, when they go in there,

they give them like a card that's like, I guess. They get 52 free combos. Yeah. That's unbelievable. But it got so out of hand, you know,

you had to just camp out. Well, that's, but then that's, I didn't know that that's maybe the greatest thing I've ever heard. Like that one guy said

he got 2,000, he got 2,000 free combos. That's so much. Now, is that giving someone a fish or a fishing pole? That's giving them a fish, but it's a lot of fish. It's 2,000 fish. It's a ton of fish. That's what Taco Bell should do. This is a better plan.

Do that. Be like, you're allowed, you know, like being like, you can do 52 free combos and just be like, yeah, you can do them. I don't know what the rule is if you can do one a day or something like that, but the combo's a meal. You seem like a homeless guy who's camping out anyway, could just go get in line. Yeah. Oh, maybe.

Ooh. Yeah. That's a good point. So it would be, yeah, I would think that's a better Taco Bell. Like, do something like that. Like, give people, like, just an amount. Be like, you pay this a monthly. You get, we'll give you 52 meals.

You use them whenever you want. You know, then someone could be like, all right, so you pay 100 bucks and you get a free meal a week, but that still probably wouldn't add up. But whatever it is. Yeah. That's cool. Ben Shaw, the last football game I ever played was the 1998 Independence Bowl.

I did not play, but my pants did. Our starting quarterback, Romario Miller, tore a small hole in his pants in pregame. So, of course, me, being in no way, will play scout team QB. I gave him my pants. He played amazing, and we beat Texas Tech. I retired, and my pants went out on top. Look at that.

He played Ole Miss. He played at Ole Miss? Yeah. I think we met Ben. When you and I played golf in Hattiesburg, I think we met him down there. Oh, yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

Look at that. His pants are – he asked for them back. Should have ran after him. You know how someone goes and gets the ball real fast? He goes and starts just taking – The very pants I was returning. Yeah, the very pants I was – he takes his pants off. How can I have them?

pants i was returning his be in the very pants i would say he takes his pants off how can i have years ago my buddy uh joe kelly who we know yeah did a show with uh theo vaughn and theo vaughn forgot pants and he said can i borrow your pants and so he got off stage and he took his pants off and gave it to theo and then theo did a set in joe's pants and then afterwards theo said they say you don't know a man till you walk a mile in his shoes. How about when you do an hour in their pants? That's how you know a man, right there. Was this at Zany's? This was at Huntsville at Stand Up Live.

That's funny. Did you just have shorts on or something? Yeah, I guess I did shorts on. Was he hosting? I think actually Theo was headlining the late shows. He was featuring those shows. So he didn't have to go back out at the end no no no yeah that's funny uh yeah i do like to like it's funny to be the quarterback to be like romero's pants this guy just knows oh i got my pants and they're like yeah obviously he's not getting in so i mean you think that they don't have other pants and

like you're like a school just. We have some backup pants. And they're like, do we have backup pants? They go, we do, but just get Ben's. To be safer? It's like it's a longer walk. It's such a long walk to the locker room. Ben, you have zero chance.

Even this, this is your last football game in your life. And I promise you, we will never get to that. We will quit before you get in this game, Ben. So you take those pants off. I'm surprised you even got them on. Slash cower. I was in a meeting until the rest of the executive teams

of retiree had passed away. I wasn't 100% positive when they asked for a name, so I gave them the first name that came to mind. Everyone in the room was filled with shock and wanted to know if we sent anything to the family. If we at least reached out, couldn't believe he had died, was so young, etc. After a few minutes of this, I finally felt I needed to say something. I said, okay, I'm starting to think I might have the wrong retiree's name. I got several like, are you serious faces? And then I texted a colleague to confirm.

After a short wait, I got the response. I was able to let everyone know, in fact, I did have the wrong retiree. It's like Nick. Something Nick would do. Yeah, just tell everybody, this guy's dead. And then once you question it, you're like, I think that's it. You're watching people taking it really, really hard. You're like, this is a little bit more. Yeah.

I didn't think it would be this much of a thing. I mean, I said retiree. And then they're like, oh, Bob. And then everybody's like, we didn't even like that guy. Yeah, and then they start. They go, oh, okay. Oh, that's bad. All right, this week, we are back to topics.

I know people, I think we talked about it. We're back to topics the original way. Oh, yeah. So don't worry about it. I tried something. We felt the backlash. So we're back. We've been back, if you've been watching.

Just like with jokes, the most mundane things are some of the fun. People like it when we talk about something just very boring that we know nothing about. And today we're going to scratch that itch. We're going to talk about the Founding Fathers. Ooh. Do you know any of the founding fathers? Benjamin Franklin?

Yeah. Moses. Moses. Thomas Edison. Michael Scott. Seinfeld. Henry Ford. Ben Franklin. They're all names that you...

No, I know. Yeah, I'm just blanking. George Washington. Yeah, George Washington. Thomas Jefferson. Thomas Jefferson, that's right. John Adams. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've heard of all of these guys. So... I would love to not have heard of one. There was one that I did not know no ways as well as the other ones benjamin rush i don't know who that is yeah um so yeah i guess he's a founding father i've heard the name before so founding fathers can be a bunch of guys there's seven guys though that are considered the principal founding fathers that's who i I was talking about. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, James Madison, and the one

not as well known to me, John Jay. John Jay. I would never... Imagine the John Jay family. I'd feel terrible for them. What does Jay stand for? J-A-Y. I know, I'm kidding. I've seen the name before. I don't know what he did. He was the first Supreme Court Justice. Oh, just by himself for a while? Well, the first Chief Justice, maybe. Why did it ever take off, though? John Jay. What do you mean?

You know, I mean, the other ones are, they're big. Big household names. Yeah, they're household names. This guy's an afterthought. John Jay is like, I mean, I would think that when they invited... When they had parties, they forgot to call him. And they go, oh my... Just...

Dead coming. No, don't take pictures. No pic. Don't do any paintings. Because... No one ever said... We didn't have this party. I forgot. JJ.

Just somehow snuck in the room. We started signing everything. These guys were, when they were founding the country, I always thought of them as very old. Yeah, me too. Besides Ben Franklin, the rest of these guys, pretty young by my standards. John Jay was 43. I mean, look at him there. Yeah.

Alexander Hamilton was 33 when he became Secretary of Treasury. John Adams, 40. Washington, 43. Thomas Jefferson, 33 when he wrote the Declaration of Independence. Wow. Yeah. They're all like my age. Yeah.

Like imagine me founding a country. Yeah. Aaron Land. Aaron Land. You kind of did. I did. What's your Declaration of Independence to you? I, the person of the United States.

It's like when you want to leave this podcast and do your own thing. Yeah, I kind of did. Oh, wow. Declaration of Independence from Nate Land. From Nate Land. I'll have to draft one of those yeah we hold these truths to be self-evident here's the only germane here's the only lie from the declaration of independence i've ever even heard we the people uh we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal that they are endowed

by the creator with certain inalienable rights that among these are created equal, that they are endowed by the creator with certain and illegal rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And women are not as, they don't matter as much. Is that, I don't know if that, is that in there? Yeah. It's a parenthetical.

It's kind of given. It's understood. Back in that day. All men are created equal. Women are obviously less, way less than us. What if they just had something? And you're like,

I don't know if you need that. Whoa, whoa, whoa. They go, like whoa they go oh but they go i think it's implied yeah what if that's how we find out understood we see it'd be great to see like a pre-draft just some crazy stuff they wrote in there i know inalienable was benjamin franklin he was like you got to put that word in oh really yeah it was the original draft from Thomas Jefferson said something else. Thomas Jefferson wrote it because they said he was the best writer. They gave input, but they said, you write it. Oh, that's like a, no one wants to write. They passed it off on him.

I mean, because back then you had to write with like a pen. You had to dip it in ink. Yeah. And like, I mean, it was a nightmare. To then have whiteout they don't have like it's and like you look at it it's so liking this curse so it's got to be so drawn out i mean it's a it's probably a full-on year trying to write that out you gotta write it better than just like yo dude this ain't like a regular thing you gotta be like you know like really take it serious yeah you're the best writer why don't you yeah yeah everybody just teams up yeah john jays and yeah you're like

john why don't you do it dude you need this more than i need it everyone knows who i am everybody dude i'm crushing it right now i saw a very funny story on i saw a on TikTok, actually, but then I read about it online. James Madison was like the go-to ghostwriter in that early era. So George Washington was like, write a letter to, right when he became president, he goes, write a letter to Congress, just letting them know I appreciate them. I'm excited to have this job, whatever. So he writes a letter, they deliver it. And then Congress hires James Madison, write a letter back to George Washington and tell him, thank you.

We're excited. So this happened like three or four times. He's just writing letters to and from. He's writing to himself, just letters like, what's up? Thanks. Appreciate it. I was like, how, you know, like when you see, like when you think about that though, back in that time,

like that seems like such a hassle. It's not like right now, you just send an email out. Yeah, text them. Yeah, text them. You might write a letter, mail a letter, whatever. But it would take, I mean, it's Georgia, Washington. I guess they were all there. They're all kind of in the same.

Yeah, in the same area. But it's funny. I guess I picture him being farther apart. Yeah, but if you're 10 miles apart, that's a lifetime still. Yeah, that's true. Can be. Can be, yeah. It's even before the Pony Express.

Yeah, so it'd be a long, he's like, how about, no. Like, if you're James Madison, you go, I'm not doing that. I'm just. I'm not yeah he would go all right i got it yeah i'll take care of it i go i'll take care of it and i and i would just get on your horse spend the night somewhere wake up the next day gw loves it having a great time with you guys and the guy that's awesome man he goes well write a letter we'd like you to write a letter and make it a little more professional and he goes well write a letter we'd like you to write a letter and make it a little more professional and he goes absolutely i'm all over it all over it spends

the night wakes up congress thrilled just i mean the stuff they were saying it's crazy do you know how far paul revere rode when he was alerting people the British are coming? Okay. In my mind, the mythology of it, hundreds of miles, but I'm guessing it was nowhere near. I think it was around a block. I think he walked the horse around the block. I don't know the answer to this. I was hoping you really knew.

This is not a trick question. No, I have no idea. I think I've done the route that Paul Revere has been on. Oh, really? I, of course, don't remember. Oh, you know what? I have the answer if you want to guess. I'll say.

I mean, this is the city. I think I've walked it. This is an iconic ride. There's poems and folk songs about it. It's American folklore. How long do you think he rode? You're setting it up to be small, so I'll say two miles. No, it was a little more than that.

10. Yeah, it's closer closer 12.5 miles yeah that he rode which i guess maybe that's more impressive on a horse you know yeah i mean how fast is a horse almost a half marathon you know let's assume an average speed of 15 miles per hour oh because this was this was all about urgency this was about getting the message out quick so he was probably on a fierce little gallop so that's yeah that's an it's about an hour if he does 15 miles an hour yeah and he goes uh yeah but probably an hour but do you think like i'm sure there's some stuff came up and but also there's people go, what? Yeah, exactly. And he has to stop and goes, the British are coming. And you go, what? Because the British.

Is that what he's saying? What did he say? No, the British. He goes, I don't know. The British. The British are coming. Where? Here.

They want to kill you. Like the townspeople don't even know there's a war going on. They're like, what are you doing? Come on, dude. It's late. Hey, what time is it? Midnight. Yeah.

It's my midnight ride. Yeah. What time was it? I think it was at midnight. Yeah. It was called the midnight ride of Paul Revere. Well, everybody's asleep. Yeah.

That's true. Well, that's how you had to wake them up. They're like, what? What did he say? The British You could have told me this In the morning Yeah

Got it What did it go back down One of those questions People also ask It's Paul Revere No Paul Revere He was a famous silversmith

Yeah Because on the west wing President Here we go Chad Bart bartlett passes down a uh a knife made by paul revere he gives it to charlie that's good it's worth looking into you get you to get there pretty soon if you kept watching yeah yeah episode four no it's it's pretty deep in actually yeah i think it's like season three yeah maybe i'll maybe I'll get into it.

It's there. It's out there, man. It's not going away. It's not going away. There's no rush. All right, so the Declaration of Independence was proclaimed on July 4, 1776. I don't know why they picked that day because of 4th of July. You guys know what would be good?

We might as well do it on Independence Day. We can wind this up. Yeah. He goes, you know what? He goes, I think we'll be done with it about early July. And he goes, that's perfect. 4th of July, right then. I've got an idea.

We're doing fireworks anyway, so we might as well just do the whole thing. Might as well have a reason. Huh? Might as well have a reason for it. Might as well have a reason. Might as well have a reason for it. What day was it for? It was firework day, 4th of July. It's invention of fireworks.

Might as well throw this in there with it. They give it to Jefferson on the 3rd. We need this done by tomorrow. Are you kidding me? Yeah. I did a lot of them sign it later. Isn't that a thing? Only a few of them signed it on july 4th uh i don't know about that but john hancock of course his favorite famous put your john hancock

here it's because he wrote so big on the declaration it's so much bigger than everyone else the theory is that he went first and didn't realize so many other people were gonna be signing oh yeah which is so funny thing because we've signed posters or walls of comedy clubs yeah yeah and you don't know any depth and the next thing you know you've taken up half the space yeah so i think that's what he did he went first or he's one of the first ones you don't think he was making a statement but like i don't know but look it would be yeah yeah golly that is crazy His is huge But if you went first

He was like I don't know There's four of us Yeah I mean look how John Morton's on there How do you sneak on there You know

Like There's people Rob Morris Joseph Hughes There's Benjamin Rush Benjamin Rush is on there Like what is But that's like the opener

at a club like why is this guy's name even it looked like it was his it would be like his thing he goes he barely had to do anything with it you could argue john hanker is only remembered because of this yeah that's for sure is this that's what he's most known for yeah oh yeah by far i think he was the presiding imagine if they if they Imagine if they come back alive and everybody's like, he's like Benjamin Franklin, and everybody's like, wow, that's crazy. You're telling me why you know all these people. And then John Hancock, he goes, John Hancock, and everybody claps. And they're like, you signed.

Remember that day you signed that thing too big? And he's like, yeah. He goes, that caught on. It became a whole thing. That became a whole thing. You're in movies. Everybody says, sign your john hancock right here i mean you're just a saint that's all you that's your that's you all you are yeah where's like thomas uh thomas edison thomas jefferson we're serious about that yeah rob mor Rob Morris. It's Thomas Jefferson.

Well, that may have been before everyone was done. Scroll down. Let me find a different one. Oh, we got one when they weren't all done yet. Sorry. I'm telling you, there. I guess we're just looking it up to go, oh, this was July 7th. I don't think they could. We couldn't get Thomas Jefferson there until August.

I just did a theater with Leanne. I think it think they could. We couldn't get Thomas Jefferson there until August. I just did a theater with Leanne. I think it was Greensboro. And when we were leaving, they clearly just meant it for her. But we were together. So they were so nice. They said, we want y'all to sign our poster. You were already on there. But it was Sting.

I mean, it was some big names on there. And clearly, they didn't really want me to. They were just being nice. So I just walked away, not to watch you sign it. But it's an awkward situation sometimes where you know people really don't want me to. They were just being nice. So I just walked away, not while she decided it. But it's an awkward situation sometimes where you know people really don't want you to sign something, but they feel like they have to. Yeah. Right?

Yeah, I don't know. Are you asking me? I mean, you just asked me to ask you this question? What's that like? You're asking me. I understand it. Yeah. What's it like when you're with Chris Rock?

Here we go. Now we got some of the more heavy hitters on there there's thomas jefferson he went with a th jefferson well because it does a power move dude yeah well dude john hancock is hilarious like it is i it is funny like i bet there's part of me that thinks i hope john hancock was just a wonderful person and nice. And he was like, dude, I'm mortified. I'm so sorry. He goes, I don't. I wanted to. Like, and it's also like, yo, dude, we can't rewrite this thing.

Like, it's a whole thing to rewrite. It's so much writing. It's so much. I mean, look how many people this is. There's a lot of people. I didn't realize there's like, you got, yeah,

Benjamin Harrison. It's pretty crazy. It's crazy that they, that they wrote all this. Look at Lewis Morris over there with the, is that swirls? Yeah. There's a few of them.

This right here? Yeah. Yeah, they're really getting after it. These guys are trying to make their mark. John Hancock did it accidentally. I mean, John hancock has the best signature that's for sure john adams kind of no nonsense look at john adams and sam adams just no nonsense all those are better than what we would do today famous for the beer yeah so this is johnny hancock insured instead of

insurance company they made him for financial? Hancock, right? It's just called Hancock. Did Sam Adams, did he bring beer? I don't know if he was a brewer, but I think it's named after him, right? Yeah. He was a tax collector. I know that. He would refuse to collect taxes from people.

Everybody loved him. I know the thing you're talking about in Boston where you walk the trail I don't think that's Paul Revere's I think that's Something similar Where you see all those Historical things along the way I can't remember what that's called I think I did Paul Revere's

Oh well maybe Did he do it in Boston? Lexington and Concord right? No The shot heard around the world Who? Lexington and Concord Oh yeah

That's what they call it Alright Alright so There's a lot of people Lexington and Concord? Oh, yeah. That's what they call it. All right. All right. So there's a lot of people. It is impressive that they did all... So they all just talked about it and came up with the best. It's a lot of people, man.

Yeah. It's a lot of people. This is letting the king of England know that we want to do our own thing. We want to be independent. Yeah. We don't want you anymore. Washington, of course, became the first president. How did they...

Do they make a copy of this or is there one? I mean, they can't make a copy, so is there one? I think that they... Yeah, I mean, they... No, they made copies and they sent one to England.

I think they kept... But I think the one that we have at the museum now is the one that was sent to England. I think we got it back somehow. Yeah. But you'd make it back somehow. Yeah. But you'd make copies of these. Just rewrite it.

That's all they did was just write these. Yeah. Yeah. But would they trace? Yeah, would they trace? Like is John Hancock's name big on every one? Oh, with the signatures. Oh, that's interesting.

No, I think they probably had to send the original with the signatures. Yeah. Okay. They traced the signature. I didn't even think about that. Where is it at in D.C.? the original with the signatures. Yeah. Okay. They had traced the signature. I didn't even think about that. Where is it at in DC? Yeah. I think so.

Yeah. Yep. John Adams became the first vice president, and he said the role insulted him. He called it the most insignificant office that had ever been invented by man. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's kind of like the theme of Veep. It's kind of hard for me to say. Well, it's funny to be the first.

It's like you're the first, though. But maybe he didn't like George Washington. Benjamin Franklin maybe Yes. Sorry. Benjamin Franklin had a A lot of fun You and Benjamin Franklin would get along pretty well

I think so One of his plans came up with was to rearrange The alphabet and eliminate some letters That he didn't feel like was necessary He wanted to get rid of C, J, Q, W, X, and Y Why not? Get rid of them dude He said we didn't feel like was necessary yeah he wanted to get rid of c j q w x and y why not get rid of them dude he said we didn't need them he said there's another letter already you can make those sounds i mean that is u to a t yeah why yeah there is other letters why would

you even yeah like for c you can either use a k to make the sound or s to make the sound yeah why why why have all these redundancies built in? Yeah. I'm for it. So he wanted to get rid of them. It didn't take off. He also... That's another thing you run off of back then.

When you're typing everything out, you're like, what are we doing, everybody? You have to write everything. We're sitting in letters. Our whole life is writing. let's get to the point that's his main platform when he's running yeah i'm trying to save everybody he would love texting now yeah this word's like lmk like or whatever the you know whatever the i mean he would just be like all about well he ran a print shop and he had to do the putting the letters in you know to put all those letters in one by one, upside down and backwards, because it was stamped down.

I'm sure he was tired of all this. I'm sure he was. He was also not a fan of some of the scientific stuff that they were doing, again. He wrote a letter, a text to the Royal Academy of Brussels. He said they were focused on impractical science, and he titled it Fart Proudly. And he was advocating for the breakthrough and making toots more pleasant smelling.

He was just messing with them, but he was basically showing how ridiculous some of their ideas were. So he called it Fart Proudly. He was a pretty fun guy. Yeah. This is Ben Franklin, right? Yeah. So he's an old man doing this at this point, probably. Yeah. Yeah. This was, this has been Franklin, right? Yeah. He's in his,

so he's an old man doing this at this point. Probably. Probably. Yeah. Uh, he and John Adams took a trip together and they stayed at a hotel. They argued over whether the window should be open or closed. Adams believed the night air could lead to colds.

Franklin was fond of the light breeze. So he dismissed the notion as nonsense and advocated for fresh air. Franklin won. Adams died two weeks later from a cold. That last part's a lie, but everything else was true. Come on now.

It's funny that they even have this. How do you even have that story? On a podcast when they talked about traveling together. Well, these guys would just write letters to each other non-stop yeah because that's that you gotta think there's no phone calls or anything that's the only way to keep in touch yeah so a lot of this we know from these personal letters i have a great quote they wrote a letter and he said uh was like ben franklin like a Probably. Let me tell you.

Good night. This guy, it was 100 degrees. And I asked to open the window. He's not even next to the window. He's in the other bed. Because I don't know why we had a... Why do we share a room, dude?

You're a vice president. Get your own room. And then I had, oh, you don't want to open the window. I'm vice president. And I said, you don't even respect the job that you have. You think you're above it. Windows stays open. I've been electricity.

The tamer of lightning. I. The Tamer of Lightning. The Tamer of Lightning. What does that mean? Pretty sweet title. He was good with his experiments with the key and the kite and learning about electricity. That's what he was called. The Tamer of Lightning. He invented lightning. He invented lightning.

When he died, 20,000 people attended his funeral, two-thirds of Philadelphia's population at the time. Ben Franklin? Yeah. Yeah. Let me shut up for John Adams. Not that many.

Not that many. He was not well-liked. In fact, I was going to pull up a quote. John Adams was not well-liked? No. Well, he was very ornery and just had none of the charisma, none of the people skills that Benjamin Franklin did. So they would spar with each other all the time, John Adams and Ben Franklin. But this is a great quote from a newspaper.

They called John Adams a hideous, hermaphroditical character who has neither the force and firmness of a man nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman. So he's just nothing. Everybody's just saying he's nothing. That's a pretty harsh roast. That's as harsh as it gets back then. Yeah. Not a well-liked guy.

Yeah, that's when they're doing duels. Like, that's crazy. That's so mean that you're like, those words hurt and literally people would do duels

in the street and it was legal. Like, to stick some stones things. You're like, that's a little bit hard, man. Wow, that's crazy. Didn't you say Benjamin Franklin was the first celebrity in America?

He was world famous. You don't even think about this at the time, but if you look at this list back of people who signed the Declaration of Independence, Benjamin Franklin's the only one who's world famous and well known. I mean, he's the most famous American in the world. He's the tamer of Independence. Benjamin Franklin's the only one who's world famous and well known. I mean, he's the most famous American in the world. He's the tamer of lightning. He invented the almanac. He had pioneered all this. He'd done all this stuff when he signed it. When he was way younger. Yeah. He's 70 when he signed this. He's lived more than a full life up until this point. So he's world famous. All these other guys weren't known yet yeah exactly this i mean this would be like

i can't even think of a comparison like famous yeah somebody like that who's you know yeah doing this it's pretty crazy it might be elon musk like someone's going to like mars and going to right i would say like a steve jobs maybe yeah at his peak yeah Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah, I wonder if Ben, you think he really even cared about this? Maybe he was too old? I think he did. Yeah.

Like he could be like, I'll sign it. He's like, I'm not coming to every meeting. When they did the sign of the Constitution, his mind was still good,

but his body was deteriorating. He was in constant pain because of gout. Oh. And having a stone in his bladder and could barely walk, so he entered the convention hall in a chair carried by four prisoners

from the local jail. Oh. That's a different time. Yeah. I mean. They have work release programs now for jailers. I can see them doing that yes that's pretty demeaning though is the will not invented then i'm a wheelchair i mean like there's not they i mean is there not a wheelchair i would think there would have been a wheelchair invented

oh good question like is it not like he's like no i want four guys to carry me because i want to i don't like these wheelchairs i want to look strong 1933 oh that we had a first wheelchair i think there was some type of chair back then on wheels probably oh the first self but wow two very different dates that I just found. This one says 1655. And that looks like a more regular one. I know. I think that was maybe the 1933 was like an electric or a propelled one. Yeah, so they were around. They were around, but he just wanted to be carried in on a chair.

All right. Yeah. All right, so then Washington comes first person His white hair not a wig That was his actual hair Really? Most people think that's a wig But he did color it powdered white And styled it each morning

How did he color it? What are you putting it on? I don't know Can you imagine just seeing this dude in real life right now i mean if he came up to you like what are you doing i feel like john jay looked kind of like him except his hair wasn't white did look similar yeah but it's like such a weird you know i just got like a golf shirt on right even like i mean it you would be like what man i don't even want to i don't like i could even talk to you yeah like he sits down and goes i like to talk you're like i don't have whatever you want to get into i don't i can't

do it today and it looks like you want to get into a lot like that's what it everything they're wearing it looks it looks like let me guess the world's falling apart and you want to talk about just everything yeah they wanted him to run for a third uh third time for president but he declined he wanted to go back to being a regular citizen because he said he didn't want to become like what they just left, which was a monarch, a king. And so that's how they said you can only do it twice? No, that came later.

At that time, he could have done it, but he just chose not to because he didn't want that trend to start. So then the Constitution comes along where they got to come up with some rules and some laws and they held a convention the best minds same most of the same guys um come up with it washington didn't think it'd work he said i give it 20 years

the constitution yeah uh thomas jefferson didn't even sign it he was in france during the time so there's a lot of spelling errors in the Constitution. Pennsylvania is spelled wrong. Oh, really? They paid a guy $30 to write it. $30. It's equivalent to $830 today. To write the Constitution.

It's got 4,500 words. Did they tell him what to write? Yeah, they told him what to write. He didn't, but it's just- You said Thomas Jefferson, was he- So they probably all met. They talked about what they should do. This is just what they were doing back then.

They would just get together and be like, let's met up some rules, George Washington. Yeah, they had a constitutional convention. Yeah, they probably got 30 bucks. I don't know, dude. Here's a 10 spot if you don't mind writing. Probably the most important thing in the world. What do you want me to put in there, man?

Just put stuff in, dude. I don't know. Don't ask questions like that. Nobody's going to read this. Nobody's going to read that. They'll give it 20 years. $30, I think that's 32 minutes. I have a great Thomas Jefferson in France story I was reading about.

It was Thomas Jefferson in the 1780s. We've won the war. America's its own country. He's serving as the U.S. ambassador to France. So he's in France. And he's talking to this guy who's like a naturalist over there, a scientist. His name is Count buffoon buffoon kind of like that buffoon he's talking to him and he realizes that france they have this theory

that the air in the americas is is so bad that it prevents it prevents you from excelling or growing in any way because they're like why is the only person we've ever heard of from america benjamin franklin why aren't they producing more exceptional people and they go it has to be the environment i think it's still a swamp land over there yeah and they just keep breathing in this air and that's why all your animals are small and boring and lame yeah thomas jefferson's like what are y'all talking about dude and then they had this they also think that even if you're fine in europe you go to the americas you will shrink and become worse so as the ambassador to france he's like well this is definitely gonna hurt like immigration and tourism if people think that this will happen so he's like we got huge animals and count buffoons like, nah, dude, no, you don't. He goes, we have moose. He goes,

show me a moose. So Jefferson, for a year, he writes people to America, kill a moose and send it to me in France. I need to prove to these guys that we have big animals and nobody will kill one for me. Then finally, the governor of some state, I think it's hampshire they spot a moose like 20 miles off the road they kill it it takes 14 days to drag this dead moose to a ship where they can ship it over to france by the time it gets there it's all decayed yeah it's antlers have fallen off it's shrunken up the bones are broken they're like oh this doesn't look good at all so they they added some antlers from like caribou and regular deer and they're like just mix and match yeah so they send them just this rotted corpse over and then he gets it and he shows it to him he puts antlers from like an elk on this

moose body and it's like look we got awesome animals over there and then i don't know how it played out but that's that's what. I kept waiting for the word buffoon to come from the story. Like a guy got tricked or something. No, no, just a coincidence. Count buffoon. I think he said it like that because I think everybody would go, oh, you're like Mr. Buffoon? And he goes, it's

buffoon. Buffoon. And they go, all right. Count today buffoon. I don't know if I'm buying that. He goes, what are you, the buffoon family? No. The buffoons the dead buffoon. I don't know if I'm buying that. He goes, what are you, the buffoon family? No. The buffoons. The buffoons. They're very nice and wealthy.

Whatever, Mr. Buffoon. Yeah. He said, you're the guy that had Thomas Jefferson ship up a, you said you thought that was moose antlers? Buffoon. You're a count? Yeah. Count the buffoon. You're a count? Yeah. Count the buffoon.

Since 1952, the concentration... How small were the animals that they thought they... Were those like squirrels? I think so. I mean, they just had no idea. They thought everything was smaller over there. What animals do they have that's... Basically all the same stuff. Yeah.

I think at one point he was like, we have moose. And they're like, listen, you guys probably saw like a reindeer. Yeah. And you was like we have moose and they're like listen you guys probably saw like a reindeer yeah and you think it's a moose and jefferson was like your reindeer could walk under our our moose oh like threw the gauntlet down that's why he had to get one over there to prove it to him but it takes like months to ship something so it's just a rotted mess of flesh. I mean, just the nightmare of like, there's no picture. I mean, just like, it should have been like, will you come over? Yeah, we'll show you. Come over and see.

I'll show you. Yeah, I'll show you. And I bet if Thomas Jefferson heard me say that, he'd go. It's a pretty good plan. Should have thought of that. You know, he even wanted to go. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. You wait here.

I'll bring it here. I'll bring it here. Why didn't he just go kill a moose over there and just say, this moose is from there? What do you mean? They don't have moose. I think they're a little bit different. But he wanted it to be truthful, like to have an animal that was over there.

Yeah. But then it became non-truthful. Oh, yeah, then he did mix it up, put the other antlers on it. You're right. They may not even seen any bears or anything like that yet. They may not even know we had them yet. That's a good point. A bear would have been good, too.

Certainly not a grizzly bear. There are a lot of better options than what it's crazy to be coming to america you go to america and you're like you just don't know how far it goes yeah like you're just there and you're like how big is this i mean it's it's just it is it is crazy just even right now think like back then you're like if they could just be like if you could show them a globe they would be like wow dude like i mean you had to be like i had no idea that this was this much stuff out there they're just that far into the east coast yeah they're like i thought that was a lot i barely scratched the surface not even yeah it's not even i mean it's so much i don't know why they didn't go get Canada. I think that was the French had it, right?

Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. Nate's like, yeah, that makes sense. They go, this is ours, ours, ours, ours, ours. I don't really care about that. No, no, no. They go to Mexico, they're like, that's fine. There, they can stay down there.

We take Florida. All can stay down there. Boom, boom, boom. We take Florida. All right. The Constitution is on display at the National Archives building in D.C. It's been there since 1952. The case it's in contains argon gas, and it's kept at 67 degrees Fahrenheit with a relative humidity at 40% to keep it from being damaged.

So it couldn't be stolen? Could be. Wouldn't that be one of the- But that'd be if you stole it. That's from the Nicolas Cage movies? Yeah. Where would you sell it? I guess you could sell it to another country.

Yeah. Like ransom? Yeah. you sell it i guess you could sell it to like another country yeah like like ransom yeah like i mean that's what you'd almost you'd have to like i guess you could sell it so like you always see people they always have to sell in the black market you know or something but you're like who's going to be if you have the constitution like you want people to know you have it but you can't get caught having it we had this exact discussion we were talking about people stealing like the mona lisa you want to hang it up at your house but people know the mona lisa's gone yeah what do you do with it yeah you know i would say give it that's why i'd go to another country that doesn't like care like you know if you're like you go get to china rush Russia, you know,

y'all want it. And they'd be like, yeah, I'll buy it. And then they're like, then you need a country that's going to be like, yeah, you want to come get it? Come get it. Like, you know, what was the plot of national treasure? Why were they still in it? Do you remember?

They find out that the declaration of independence has a secret message written in a visible ink on the back of it. And they asked them, can we just take a look at it? And they're like, no, you guys are idiots. So they have to steal it. And then they literally pour like lemon juice on the back of it and reveal the hidden message of where the treasure is. Is that movie fun?

It is a fun movie. I need to watch it. It is unironically fun and pretty good. Yeah. The first one. Oh. The first one. Oh. The next date. It's like when he

kidnaps the president. You're like, all right, this is getting a little crazy. I might be on board with all this. When the

Constitution was signed, only white male property owners could vote, which I believe means until you got married, you would not have been able to vote.

That is true. Thanks for throwing me under the bus. There's somebody who doesn't own property. Oh, yeah, because you don't own property. Yeah, I mean, you think I'm a white guy. Then you can show up to vote. Where do you live? Well, gazebo apartments.

Yeah. Sorry, Larry. You got to go. Gazebo apartments. That was my first apartment. That's very specific. All right. I mentioned about Franklin having gout.

They originally wanted to call the president, his highness, the president of the United States of America and protector of their liberties. But then they decided to just compromise and call it president of the United States. POTUS. POTUS. POTUS. POTUS is a good, like that's a good abbreviation. POTUS.

POTUS. Huh? Yeah. FLOTUS. FLOTUS. Yeah. Yeah. It's all good.

When I worked in news, we went by the AP news style, associated press, and you're supposed to address the president either as President so-and-so or Mr. So-and-so when you're referencing. Never call him just by his last name. No, man.

I feel like that's all anybody does now. They might now, but that's what you're supposed to do. I mean, just in general, just people. People do, but in news stories. Oh, you say, yeah, you would say. You're supposed to say either President Biden or Mr. Biden. Yeah. Just don't say Biden said this.

Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's good. Like some of that, like, like having that stuff, we, I wouldn't talk about like, I, it's good to have that stuff. Like where you got to say, like, they should be like that.

You know, we always say president. Like, it's like, that's, that's a, It's not a bad thing to have some rules. Formalities, yeah. Formalities. Need a little bit of them. Need a little bit. One of the things they proposed was the army can be no more than 5,000 men. And George Washington sarcastically said, okay, that's fine as long as we put in a stipulation that no invading army can have more than 3,000 men.

Yeah. That's pretty good, right? That's funny. Yeah. All right. Benjamin Franklin suggested that they have a chaplain open with a prayer, and they refused, saying, we don't have enough money to hire a chaplain. We just spent 30 bucks getting this Constitution written.

We're out of funds. Some of the guys would not sign it until they had a Bill of Rights, which is the first 10 amendments to the Constitution. The Constitution has added 27 amendments since it was originally written. The first 10 was done pretty quick. Most people know the first two. One's

freedom of speech. Two's the right to bear arms. After that, I don't know if I could have told you another one. Keep holy the Sabbath? after that I don't know if I could have told you another one keep holy the sabbath

yeah speed limits the ten commandments speed limits the twelve amendment speed limits shall not speed over

65 is it no the third one search and seizure is what the fifth Shall not speed over 65. Is it? No. The third one. Search and seizure is what? The fifth? No, that's fourth amendment.

The third one's crazy. Because the first two are so well known. Yeah. The third one is you don't have to be forced to house a soldier in your home. Oh, quartering. Quartering troops. Oh. Yeah.

John Mulaney has a very funny joke about it, just how that was such a big problem that they had to get right to it. Yeah. But apparently it was during the early wars. Yeah. And I think there was a Supreme Court case I read about recently where all the prisoners, I mean, all the jail prison guards in New York

went on strike, and they called in the National Guard to watch the prisoners until they figured this out. And they let the National Guard stay in the guards' government-issued homes. Oh, wow. And then they argued the Third Amendment, saying they don't have to allow them to do that. I don't think it's ever went before

the u.s supreme court it's like the only amendment that has it maybe but it didn't go for like the new york supreme court or federal court or whatever man wow um that's all it's always crazy how they wrote all this stuff i know i mean it's unreal it's unreal that that one would come into play now. It's pretty sweet. When you hear about them, you're like, God, these dudes just had to be the smartest dudes ever. I mean, you're so long ago. How could you ever predict anything?

Crazy. Yeah. The Fifth Amendment, we usually hear that, we plead the Fifth. What's the Fourth? Do you have that on there? The Fourth is... Search and seizure? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, that's where you gotta have a warrant.

Right. And there was a case recently I saw where a guy was a DUI and they were pursuing him and he pulled into his house and pulled into the garage and the guy followed him into his home and arrested him. But he didn't have a warrant. Yeah. So I think it went all the way to Supreme Court

and the suspect, I guess, won because the guy didn't have proper... You can't just go into someone's home and arrest them even if you were pursuing them. Right. Oh, wow. So that's like, yeah. I think you can, if it's obvious.

You've got your lights blazing. Probable cause. And you've been chasing them for 20 miles. I think in this case, it was a very short thing. It just started when the guy pulled into his garage, and therefore they ruled in the guy's favor. Yeah. So if you ever drink and drive, just get home as fast as you possibly can.

Yeah. That's the message of the Fourth Amendment. Is that what amendment is that? Fourth? Yeah. Fourth Amendment. Little tipsy, you're on the road right now, gun it. That's it.

Get to your house In the garage Or something That's right after The speed limit amendment Right after the speed limit All the car stuff up top Don't worry about The speed limit amendment

Cause you need to get in You are drunk And you're already Driving a car So the fifth amendment Is the one where you Don't have to testify Against yourself

Or even say anything. That's like the Miranda rights. Yeah. So you can just always say, that's just something that says I plead the Fifth, and they just don't have to answer? Yeah. So you don't get, that's against yourself. Yeah, you can't be forced to testify against yourself. Yeah.

So you can plead the Fifth Amendment. But when you plead the Fifth Amendment, you have to do it for every question. You can't just plead the Fifth for individual questions. They should do it for the way they walk baseball players now, where they just don't throw the four pitches. They go, just go on ahead. Yeah, you're right. I think they do that.

That's an unbelievable analogy. That's perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Why are we going to waste everybody's time? Throw it. Let's just go on ahead. How many are you going to do?

Get out of here. R. But if you were like, want to be annoying, you'd go, I'm going to answer one of them. You got to keep asking. And they go, which one? I'll know which one. I'll know when I get there. And then they go

there was uh there's a story that reason that made me think this so my managers are brilstein he wrote a book bernie brilstein uh and he's he died but brilstein was like a brilliant dude like in hollywood like and so uh brstein it was brillstein gray i think for a while and then it's uh then it was just now it's brillstein and so uh when bernie brillstein was like coming up he was like a good like i remember janice always told me this about when he read his book like he knew the let's make sure i thought holly was behind me uh he knew uh he would say uh instead of show business it's it's it's it's show business not business show very pro artist you're talking about but very you know the entertainer whatever he was very pro that like being like it's that it's about them

it's not about the business it It's about the entertainer. But he was great at fighting with these studios against stuff. And supposedly there's a story with Ed O'Neill when he's doing- Modern Family? No. Married with Children? Married with Children. So it's like the first season of it, like doing it.

And Ed, he's like driving to you. And now the show's like the first season of it like doing it and he's uh and ed like he he's like driving to you now the show's like a hit he's like asking for you know because the biggest show ever like and so this is back when like back then they gave away uh they gave they gave like uh cars away and stuff like they gave like you would get like if you you could be like hey my tom cruise wants he wants a helicopter like i don't know why don't you buy my helicopter if you think so like they would do stuff like that yeah and so but like ed o'neill at the top was like i think might be i'm making that up but now ed o'neill wanted like he wasn't asking for any of this but like bernie is like i'll talk like you know doing it to be like i'm gonna go get this stuff from my client i mean you know bernie would look at it like you guys are

making billions of dollars i'm gonna you're gonna give more than you want to give something to this this is here's a reason one of the reasons you're watching this the number one show you know everybody's watching yeah and he had like a car i forget whatever car he goes he wants they they they start negotiating the price and like they get it way up. And he's like, he's not going to show up, man, if he doesn't. Blah, blah, blah, stuff. And I don't think Ed O'Neill like has anything to do with this. Like he's just kind of like, I don't know.

And then finally he's there like, all right, dude, we're going to end up paying it, whatever. And he goes, he's not. Well, it took a long time for you to say this. He goes, he goes, he wants, uh, I'm trying to think like this story exactly right. I, he goes, he likes like, uh, foreign cars. And then, uh, wait, hold on. I want to make sure I get the thing. Maybe it may. Oh no. They go, maybe it's the money. Something like that. It was that. He goes, well, how much money does he want? And Bernie goes, I don't know.

He goes, I mean, I think I'll know when I hear it. And it was such a good answer to go like, I don't know. It's hard to say, but I think when I hear it, I'll know. Yeah, you go ahead and throw some numbers at me. Yeah, yeah. And then it was either that or the car was like, what kind of is the one because i think i'm knowing here but they got him a car and uh because he was like driving to whatever car and they were like do you want your star to be pulling up and like yeah yeah and so they got him a like uh some new car like is this stuff that

i don't even know if ed o'neill asked right but it was like and then he went back and his clients like he's like dude dude, this is crazy. Like, you got me all this stuff. I don't know. That made me think of whatever that, I'll know when I hear it. I'll know when I hear it.

Such a good way to say it. I'll know when I hear it. Yeah. What question are you going to ask me? Yeah. I'll know when I hear the question. Yeah. That's so funny.

Cause there are, I think you can, if you know they're going to plead the fifth, just your honor, move on. Yeah. But if he did that, where there's one I'm going to answer, I ain't going to tell you. to plead the fifth just your honor move on yeah but if he did that where there's one i'm going to answer i ain't going to tell you i plead the fifth except for one

yeah what's your name plead the fifth and they're like that was going to be it and then did you do it yes and you're like well now now that was completely worth it it's not what i was expecting yeah he goes wow and the guy's like he goes hold on i've pleaded the fifth on that again you can't retroactively you can't can't take it back no take backs that's the sixth amendment now that's the fifth no take backs the fifth is actually double jeopardy, where you can't try someone twice. So they've been tried for murder. And they get off, and then they find, I guess, more evidence. You can't try them again.

Yeah, but if you killed someone else. Yeah, if it's a new crime. It's a different crime. Oh, yeah. Be sure. Be sure it's not. If you can murder someone and get away with it you then are allowed to just kill whoever you want from here on out immunity what if that should be

that should be it if you're that good and we can't catch you then you're allowed to just keep doing it oj just has free reign yeah mean, just everybody do whatever they want. You guys are a little more worried about those people, you know? That's great. I mean, that's one of the all-time great office lines. When you hit an employee with your car, yeah, but I was in the car, so it's double jeopardy. That's not what double jeopardy means.

Oh, sorry. What is double jeopardy? That's not what Double Jeopardy means. Oh, sorry. What is Double Jeopardy? I watched that movie, Double Jeopardy. Ashley Judd? Yeah.

I remember seeing it. Her husband fakes his death, and then he's alive. Is that what it's about? Yeah. You just love movies from that era, huh? The 90s? Yeah. That's 1999. Yeah.

It's like just, you know, it's when it was good. It was pretty good. Yeah. Sixth Amendment's the right to a speedy trial and with a jury of your peers. I guess back then they could just throw you in jail and just forget about you for a really long time. So they had to give you a trial? A speedy trial, within reason. Yeah.

So they came up with the word speedy? It's just like such a proper thing. I know, speedy. You're like, when you do a, you know, it needs to be within reason. Say speedy. It needs to be a speedy trial. Like, I don't know if that's even a word. Is it a word?

Speedy? Where else would you use speedy? Speedy Gonzalez. That's what I was thinking. Would you use speedy in any other? It was a boy rapid though. I don't know. Speedy trial.

And a jury of your peers. Speedy to get here? Who would be a jury of your peers? I mean, it's got to be people on your level when you use it i get all this stuff but like why would you not say like you know expeditious or something like that yeah yeah uh speedy we all know what it means but how do you use it in a sentence speedy yeah you have the you have a sixth Amendment right to a speedy drive. Where else would you use it?

How do you use that word in any other sentence? Did you Google speedy in a sentence? Oh, yeah. It's the Googles I'm making. Oh, speedy recovery. Speedy recovery. That's about the only other time it's used for recovery. How do you do speedy in a sentence? Click that question. It's catalyzed. How do you do speedy in a sentence?

Click that question. It's catalyzed. The conference came to speedy in. He's a very speedy worker. Best wishes, the speaker. We wish Bill a speedy recovery. Four of these are speedy recovery. Oh, yeah.

His speedy promotion is from cheerability. I tell that guy to make seven examples. He's trying to get off work And he goes He goes four of the same And the other ones are just still about He's a speedy worker The conference came to speedy And then the other one is

His speedy promotion is from sheer ability This is all written by the same guy Five and seven One is Number five We wish Bill a speedy recovery Seven is We wish you a speedy recovery

Oh yeah That's Yeah Five and seven. One is, number five, we wish Bill a speedy recovery. Seven is we wish you a speedy recovery. Oh, yeah. That's, yeah. That's like a perfect example of someone trying to, getting a big blown out argument of the word speedy. And he goes, all right, all right. I'll do it. I'll write seven.

I'll write it real speedy. There's one right there. I wrote it speedy. I wrote it right there. I wrote it speedy. I wrote it speedy. I wrote it speedy. Two, you wrote it speedy. You wrote it speedy. Three, Bill wrote it speedy. I hope you have a recovery after reading how speedy this speedy recovery was.

What? I'm about to punch you in the face, and I wish you a speedy recovery. It's like when you see those online, the top whatever, if it's an odd number, it just seems like they ran out. Yeah. Like the top 13, they were trying to get to 15 maybe. Yeah. I just can't think of anything else.

You know what it is? Statistically, an odd number generates more clicks than an even number. Really? There's a lot of data on that. So that's why you see those like top 19 or top 7. Those get more clicks than top 10. I don't think I see a lot of top 19 and top 7. But if you look.

You're talking about like a 999 sale? Like that's why? Similar principle, but no. This is different. The odd number of, for a list will generate more clicks than an even number. I don't know why I've even seen an odd number of keep an eye out. Next time you see lists of stuff,

they're going to be odd numbers. Most of the time. Yeah. On a website, top seven. There's one right there. There you go. Do a top list.

Just type into some list. I would say, I don't, I don't think I've ever noticed. If you go to like. They go top 100 list, top 10, top 20. Yeah, well, those are the big. Like you're talking about like Rolling Stone, like top 500 albums of all time. Yeah. Look, 35 products you need to help.

41 products. But right above that's 20 times. Yeah, well, nobody's clicking on that one, dude. Yeah. Look at this. 33 small gifts to surprise your kids. 27 Valentine's Day gifts. 66, I mean.

Even number. But it's a weird number. Yeah. 37 Valentine's Day. You see top 10, top five, top 10. But this is like using numbers and uh i mean i guess it is 16 it's just odd like weird numbers yeah and not the standard yeah you know 30 best films there you go we had to scroll down pretty far to find that though because uh yeah 32 famous people. I don't, yeah. Okay. All right.

Yeah. All right. I feel like I was getting dismissed, and I don't think I'm too far. No. I mean, look. I'm definitely right about that. Yeah. All right.

So anyway, there's 27 amendments now. The last one was Congress. 27 amendments. Congress. Yeah, there you go. It's clickbait. It's clickbait. It's clickbait. They stopped on purpose. These 27 amendments

will help you live life. You won't believe what number 24 is. 24 is no poll taxes are allowed. The seven amendments we don't need of the 27 amendments. Ben Franklin, the seven letters we don't need in the alphabet.

What's the one level? What did you say? Well, the last one that they did, which was from 1992, Congress cannot get a pay raise until the next term. So you got to get reelected before you get a raise. That fixed things, huh? Yeah. 19th Amendment was women's right to vote.

19? Yeah. How we lose that vote? Tony Adams joke. That's a great joke. Yeah. 19th Amendment was women's right to vote. 19? Yeah. How we lose that vote? Tony Adams joke. That's a great joke. Yeah. So then they started the, pretty quick, the Supreme Court, which Supreme Court's the, of course, top court in the land.

There's 94 U.S. district courts below it, 13 court of appeals. Supreme Court has nine justices, not judges, justices. Most people call them judges. Well, probably no one, but I would have called them judges, but they're justices. There's one chief justice. They're the only justices. Mm-hmm.

They're looking for one right now. Now, by the time this comes out, they may have gotten it, but you could qualify. You don't have to be a lawyer. You don't have to be a lawyer you don't have to um i mean most people are but or but you don't have to be i think i should be i think you should throw a uh throw a control in there yeah curveball yeah a control yeah what's that just like a normal person yeah yeah you know that just comes in and goes what yeah what are y'all what are y'all talking about you do probably need that yeah everybody

back up what are y'all talking yeah there's no age education profession regulations it could be any of us yeah so It's always an option. That's like any, you know, I could be Pope. Yeah, you told us that. Yeah. Because you're Catholic.

Yeah, that's all it takes. Could I be it? No, unless you're, if you're a baptized Catholic, you could be. But I could go get baptized Catholic.

You could. So everybody could be Pope. Yeah, you gotta, theoretically. Or do you have to be born into it? No, you don't have to be born into no you don't have to be

born into it yeah just gotta go get baptized so that takes months how's that theoretically when that's true i mean it is true but it's not like i can just go you can't go get baptized today you got to put in some work and then they then you get baptized but that's his point so everybody could do it. Yeah, theoretically. How can they theoretically? Yeah. Who's going to go?

Not everyone's going to go do that. I think your feelings are hurt that you realize that we could all be Pope. And you thought you had something special going over us, and you're like, no, no, no, anybody. There's like two billion Catholics. I don't think that makes me that special. But you felt pretty good about this room. I did like holding it over y'all, for sure. But you're going to be a Supreme Court justice.

Yeah. I'll rule you never to be Pope. That's what my rule. I'll make that an amendment. That Aaron Weber, like the grill. Shut up. The Weber family, if your last name is, if you come from a Weber line of people like the grill, you the weber family if your last name is if you come from a weber line of people

like the grill you uh cannot be pope you show up the supreme court all right guys i'm gonna make a new amendment it's not even remotely what we do here well i'm gonna do it the 28th amendment 28th amendment and y'all are gonna get don't get weird about it This one's very specific And it won't affect anybody but one person Aaron Webber like the grill Will never be Pope More than theoretically And then that's how I was Oh that's awesome So went. Oh, that's awesome.

So when the court is in session, they enter at 10 a.m. The marshal announces a traditional cry. The honorable, the chief justice, and the associate justice of the Supreme Court of the United States. Oh, yes, oh, yes, oh, yes. All persons having business before the honorable of the Supreme Court of the United States are admonished to draw near and give their attention, for the court is now sitting. God save the United States and this honorable court. I think it would be better if he really cried. Oh, instead of a traditional cry?

He was weeping when he yelled. He just, every day as they come in, he just really cries. Every day as they come in, he just really cries. And they have to pat his head like the way the football team that walks down that thing and touches the rock. They touch the guy and they go, it's okay, it's okay. He doesn't, you know, he's just like. And then when the last one touches him, he smiles. Courts in session. First thing up, he smiles. Court's in session.

First thing up. I'd like to be a pope. No. Amendment. Grabbed out. You try to plead the fifth, and we plead the fifth against you. Double plead the fifth. Double jeopardy.

Double jeopardy. Murder him. I've already murdered someone. I got away with it. I will do it, and I can do it in front of all of you. Welcome to Supreme Court. Things are going to be different here, boys. Just yelling at them all.

Y'all have had it nice and easy. Wasn't there a movie where Sinbad was a Supreme Court justice? It becomes president, doesn't it? Oh, okay. I feel like I've seen something. 7,000 to 8,000 cases are presented to them each year to be heard. They look at 150 of them and hear about 80. That's good.

Lots of good to solve. They only choose the really really important ones um i mean how many cases that's got to be there's got to be some that are just you know ridiculous well i'll tell you some um nicks versus heddon or hedon i don't know 1893 was a landmark decision on whether a tomato was a fruit or a vegetable. That made it? Yeah, it made it all the way to the Supreme Court. So at that time, imported vegetables were slapped with a 10% tax upon their arrival in the U.S. But fruits, imported fruits, were not. So one Manhattan wholesaler said that, well, technically a fruit, excuse me, a tomato

is not a vegetable. It's a fruit. It went all the way to the Supreme Court and they disagreed with him ruling that people neither prepare nor eat tomatoes like fruit and they should be taxed accordingly. Wow. Has that ever been followed up on? should be taxed accordingly. Wow. Has that ever been followed up on? They said, botanically speaking, tomatoes are fruit of a vine, just as cucumber, squashes, beans, and peas are.

This is the Chief Justice having to write this opinion. But in the common language of the people, where sellers and consumers are involved, all these are vegetables. So that's what they're hearing. Look, scientifically, they're're fruits but you idiots treat them like vegetables is that what they're saying yep i kind of zoned out of that all right all right there's nine supreme court justices i mean i was in i was on another podcast you're gonna you're trying to open a No Tomatoes, No Onion restaurant, and you won't listen to the Supreme Court hearing about tomatoes. They're not going to be in my life.

Why would I care what they are? No Tomatoes, No Onion. That's a good point. He's the last one to hear that. That's a good point. Here's one you might be interested in. That's a good point. TGA Tour versus Martin.

Ooh. Martin guitars? Casey Martin. Oh. You remember this? Yeah. This went all the way to the Supreme Court. So Casey Martin, this golfer, he had this rare condition,

which didn't allow full use of his right leg. So he petitioned the PGA Tour to let him ride a golf cart for this tournament. And the PGA said, no, that's an unfair advantage. And it went all the way to the Supreme Court. The court ruled 7-2 in his favor. Yeah, it was like, it's not like John Daly. John Daly wants to use a cart and you're like, John Daly's got his sowed woody, you know, I mean,

he's, what's the, whatever that is. Reaped what he sowed. He sowed what he reaped. And he. John Reaped. And he... John Reap. John Reap. So he would do... But like that Casey Martin

was like had like... It was something... Whatever he had was like it just was like, you know, like a not fair. Like you just hate it. And he was that good of a golfer but he's like you couldn't walk.

It's called Weber Syndrome. Yeah. Clipple-Trinley- couldn't walk. It's called Weber syndrome. Yeah. Clipple-Trinley-Weber syndrome. Wow. Is it really? Yep. So you think you're smarter than you are? One B.

Dunning-Kruger. Yeah. It's a Dunning-Kruger effect. Is it spelled with one B or two Bs? One. Ooh. Man. That could be you.

You're going to get it. That's how gout starts yeah the weber syndrome it's called well it's clipple trinae weber syndrome maybe it's named after three people yeah a neurological condition caused by an injury to the midbrain is usually caused by a stroke oh you're probably gonna get this before me. I probably already have it. Yeah. Interesting. Wow.

But Justice Scalia had to write the opinion on it. Did I say that wrong? Scalia? Scalia. Scalia. And he made this very sarcastic – they just thought it was ridiculous he even got there. He said,

we have this awesome responsibility of deciding what is golf i'm sure the framers of the constitution fully expect that sooner or later the pass of golf and government would once again cross and that the judges of this court would someday have to wrestle with this age-old question and they go he goes on just to make fun of it from shot to shot what really is a golfer either out of humility or out of self-respect or one or the other, the court should decline to answer this incredibly difficult and incredibly silly question. But then they ruled.

Yeah. But how do they decide not to do that? I mean, they chose to take on the case. Is that like you reading stuff? When I look at you and I go, come on, dude, don't read like would it be like is there someone like you you know if i'm like sometimes when you read something i'm like yeah where is this going right is there a person that's like i got this one and then i thought you would like it and you're like like they don't get to choose like someone comes up to him and goes you do the golf thing

and he goes i thought it'd be fun i don't do the golf he goes i thought we'd do one fun yeah yeah i thought we'd have some fun everything's so like jack versus jill and johnny versus tommy and it's all these crazy things you don't't know what he knows what this means. They just, uh, uh, uh, Morrow versus Clayton. And then you're like, oh, I don't know what that is. Like, oh, that's the only reason you get to eat for free. I don't know. Those trials always make me feel sorry for the person.

It's always like the state of Texas versus Bob Smith. You're like, uh, I think I'm for Bob. Yeah. You yeah you're like what did he do what an underdog story this is they yeah they always say women that trial the this versus and you're like do people know these trials i don't know any of them you know the real big ones brown versus board of education that's what desegregated schools. Plessy versus Ferguson. The Dred Scott decision. Those are some of the big ones. Scopes monkey trial. We've talked about that.

Yeah, but that's not in the Supreme Court. Roe versus Wade. Roe versus Wade. Yeah, it's another one. Yeah. We've got a bunch of big ones recently. Texas versus Johnson. In the 70s and 80s burning flag american flags was a big thing and one went all the way to the supreme court whether or not that's freedom

of speech when was this this was 1984 okay but i said in the 70s and 80s there's a video of uh guys burning the flag on a baseball field oh it's one of my favorite clips dude rick monday yeah have you seen that runs in and grabs it away from him. Oh, I think so. I don't know. Yeah. I think so. There was a lot of anti-American sentiment back then,

and so that was the thing they were doing. And it went all this way to the Supreme Court, whether or not that's freedom of speech or that's going too far. The court ruled five to four in favor of the guy burning the flag, saying that's his First Amendment right to burn the flag. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. That's a probably good one because that's a little fun. Yeah. You got a little like they're burning the flag with a little like. That probably was a. That's an interesting one. That's an interesting one. Not fun, but it would be like you're like, this is why we're here, man.

Yeah. And then it's like. That's why we're here, man. Yeah. And then there's, you know, it's like. That's why we play the game. Joe versus street light. You're like, yeah. Joe versus street light. Can you speed up during yellow or do you have to slow down? You're speedy.

Can I be speedy? You cannot be speedy during a yellow light. You got to just, I don't know, figure it out on your own. How did this even make it up this high? I feel like they just, is that how they do it? They just open today. They open it. What is today?

Yeah. It's like, oh my gosh. What is this? Tom versus parking lot. Good night. gosh what is this tom versus parking lot uh night just just the most random uh i was you know slides versus kevin and then he's like how slides the guys last I thought it was like literal slot, like a slide. You're like,

no, no, no. Kevin shot that. Kevin was trying to fight all the slides. No, no, not at all.

Kind of to your point of the, I forgot, was the agent of the manager who said, I think I would know it when I see it. Yeah. That's a Supreme court, a very famous Supreme court line too, where they were debating pornography and what

is the definition of pornography and the justice said i can't define it but i know it when i see it yeah and that became a popular thing they were deciding whether or not this movie was allowed whether it was hardcore cowboy porn it's a good guess though yeah and he said uh i know it when i see it that became a popular phrase. Shouting fire in a crowded theater. You ever heard that? Yeah. That's about whether or not First Amendment freedom of speech is allowed if it causes panic or destruction or something like that.

And they did that because people were protesting World War I. And they said that that's too dangerous to do. It's kind of a dumb thing. That's too dangerous to do it's kind of a dumb thing oh yeah um that's too dangerous so your freedom of speech does not count when you're doing something that hurts our country and he said that's like shouting fire in a crowded theater you can't do that yeah so it's not really so you could you can you can shout fire in a crowd or you can't if it calls panic and destruction or something like that they give you the benefit of context you know yeah they're being like it's basically so would that like

because that calls panic but it's not specifically like it makes it seem like it's like you can only do the no fire crowd you're like what about a restaurant you're like we're gonna do another try all right can't shout fire in crowded places i have a joke now that i've been doing where i say a line in the joke is we have an active shooter at the uh at the gate or whatever and it feels weird saying it in a venue because if somebody hears this out of context i'm saying we have an active shooter yeah like it was in the bathroom and they come out. Yeah, so I think about it. I kind of want to stop doing it. It's like Michael Scott on the booze cruise.

It's a fun one though. The ship is sinking. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. That guy just let me finish my presentation. We did everything. The doctor did everything

they could do. Yeah. And she will be fine. Meredith. I forgot how he words it. It's so funny though. Yeah, he goes and the doctor

said they did everything that they can do and she wouldn't make it. It's very funny. Stanley's like, why would you

say it like that? What is wrong with you? I got a guy doing impressions. Episode, huh? 90, you finally show up, you got

a little, you're going to add a little flavor to the podcast. Good night. Who doesn't? You could have done that all along. The whole time you've been doing impressions. I didn't think it was that good.

I didn't know. I mean, just the fact that you put the effort in. It's like the first time I realized you were even here. I mean, just sitting on that. Just got a. They got Michael Winslow doing a – like, and you're just there and – I'll do some recent ones here.

2002, students at a high school in Alaska were allowed to leave class to go watch the Olympic torch pass their school on torch relay. It was for the 2002 Winter Olympics. One of the guys went across the street and held up a sign. His television cameras watched it pass. It said, bomb hits for Jesus. The school principal went over there, took it down, and the student got suspended from school.

They argued that it was their First Amendment rights that you're being violated, but the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the school saying just because when you're under school supervision, you have certain rights that don't count for school speech. They were saying, well, we're off school grounds, but- Yeah, but you're under, I like that. I like that they did that.

Even though it's like, I don't care that the kid, I get it, but it is, you just want to go, don't be an idiot dude like you're in school man you're wearing the school uniform still yeah or whatever like you're still representing you're like i don't know dude yeah it's like don't like yeah you're like so if you say something at your job where you're like you can't say just anything man like you can like you gotta go some you you can say anything but if you're taking something from like you're like what do you want to do, man? Like, you know.

So that was five to four. It was very close. The people who wrote for him, the four, they said, some high school students, including those who use drugs, are dumb. Most students, however, do not shed their brains at the schoolhouse gate, and most students know dumb advocacy when they see it. no dumb advocacy when they see it. The notion that this message on this banner would actually persuade the average student or even the dumbest one to change his or her behavior is most implausible.

Well, now I might have just switched. I think that's the whole thing. I think don't treat people dumb now. I agree with that actually now. Dead coming. I think I'm switched. Well, five to four. The top minds were torn on it.

It's crazy that that got all the way. It's almost like the same thing though. They're doing what I'm saying. Don, five to four. The top minds were torn on it. I think I'm out. It's crazy that that got all the way. It's almost like the same thing, though. They're doing what I'm saying. Don't be an idiot. No one's an idiot. This idiot did this. That doesn't mean we need to make a law because it's just one person. I'm on the...

Just like that. Turn that quick. Just turn that quick. You heard both sides. I'm practicing for my Supreme Court. I'm at least show that I'm... The Pope that quick you heard both sides i'm practicing for my supreme fort i'm at least show that i'm the pope doesn't listen to both sides hope that he listens to one side listen to one side it's up it's up first first pope with a sponsor by bass pro shops how you doing aaron weber everybody uh that's, you know, he's wearing lures on his gown.

He's got just on the backside of it, just a bunch of lures in case he's got fishing pole and lures under there. He swings by a crick. First, you know, has there ever been an Americanes could there be there could be there's always one on the last couple times there's been one on the short list but they just americans are such a small fraction of so like the rooney rule they just do it to kind of be nice oh maybe yeah maybe i don't know if they've ever been seriously like nobody ever thought they were going to have one,

but maybe one day. Pope Johnson doesn't. I don't know. You would pick a name. Yeah, Pope Greg the 17th. Oh, yeah. Pope Tommy. Does anybody do Thomas or Tom?

Tommy. Pope Thomas? No. The teaster. Yeah, T-bone. I know a couple more about social media. Facebook. This guy said he was getting excessive text messages from Facebook,

notifying him that somebody was trying to log into his account from a new device. He said he never had a Facebook account. When he complained to Facebook, they said, well, it's probably someone that had your phone number before you who had still had an account. He filed a class action lawsuit saying that he was getting harassed by Facebook. And that's like a robocall, which is against the law. It went all the way to Supreme Court.

But the court ruled in Facebook's favor. It's not the same thing. How do you even get to the Supreme Court? You just send it to your local? Yeah, it starts on a low-level court. It starts, so you go to people's court

first. Then if it gets past... Watner? That's my guy, back in my day judge judy goes this is too hard for me to decide you go all right you go up to the next judge joe brown yeah and then you slowly once you've done all the shows with the same case then you're like i guess we gotta take it to the top. Yeah, they keep appealing. They should do People's Court. They should do a real serious one.

Have you seen Steve Harvey as one of those shows now? Oh, really? I can't wait to watch it. He loves Steve Harvey, don't you? I think he's one of the funniest guys ever. I think he's so all over the place that we kind of take him for granted. But you watch him and you're like,

this guy is so funny. And I think that's the perfect format him ruling on like silly cases between people it's basically what he does on family feud but is it real no he's not because i don't know people's court real cases yeah i think they agree it's not they're not real legal cases but i think that like judge judy and those they're they're mediators they're like uh yeah their their decision is binding in some way but they agree to let that laura knows if she do you know this is people's court hey welcome to my dvr 400 people's courts on there we have one percent left because there's i mean there's 130 people's courts huh probably 135 135 135 people's courts

is saved wow and because in large just goes through it is that your favorite show no i just like it okay it's only 27 weeks i mean it's i mean my life is just always like 9% DVR. And I can't delete those. So I'm finding little nonsense I can delete of my barely things. So with this library of I'm sure there's a streaming way to do this without. What was it? We were talking about whether or not the decision was on it remember lewis was on it that's why i think it can be real but people also could like

uh-huh fake it lewis no spin oh was it yeah the guy's vin wexler the guy started with comedy with all that lived in chicago moved to new york he was on one, but I think it's just like those kind of cases. It's not. It's just, yeah, it's like stuff like that. But I mean, you go to the Supreme Court, so you go to yours, and they say, we don't know. Yeah, it's got to be like a federal type case. And then if you don't like the decision, your attorney can appeal it to a higher court. And then if they look at it like, yeah, I think they they may have made a mistake then they may take on that case and then if it keeps going and you're whoever

loses doesn't like it it can sometimes get always supreme court and they have to be the final once they say it's done yeah that's great yeah yeah so it's pretty hard you'd have to have a really crazy case yeah i got one more this just happened this past year as far as the ruling it happened in 2017 but it went to the supreme court this year this girl didn't make the varsity cheerleading team at her school so she got on snapchat and uh said f school f softball f cheer f everything and she did it on a saturday at a local convenience store and posted out on snapchat they suspended her kicked her off the vars the junior varsity cheerleading team everything. And she did it on a Saturday at a local convenience store and posted it on Snapchat. They suspended her,

kicked her off the varsity, the junior varsity cheerleading team because she did that post. But she argued that that's her first amendment right to do something from her home on a Saturday or from wherever she was not on school property. And the judge ruled in her, the justices ruled in her favor, eight to one decision in favor for the girl. Eight to one.

Yep. Yeah, that would be, that's even more the one that I just flipped on. That one's even, that's Saturday. That's all. Like if that one went five, four, that one you could, I could, that one you're at least like, yeah, dude, he was during school. Like hers, you'd be like, whoever was the one is like crazy. You're like, she can post whatever yeah it just shows how social media now is changing the rules a lot it just complicates things so much man yeah right yeah what's there's no easy decision with that stuff i bet

we solved with a lot more double jeopardies out there. Just a fear. You just need a fear of guys that roam around that can kill. With impunity. Never get touched. Just have that float around. Yeah. You always worry about that behind your back. Yeah.

Yeah. The top floor of the Supreme Court has a gym. They call it the highest court in the land. Oh, yeah? Yep. Oh, basketball gym. oh basketball gym yeah basketball gym i should have said that oh in the highest court oh yeah that didn't make sense at first sorry the food court up there too yeah highest food court in the land yeah i honestly did it when you go high you go top they got a gym at the top highest court in the land. I was like, I guess because you got to work out. Like diabetes is the real thing you got to answer to.

That's where a heart attack. A heart attack is your real answer. So if you want to get it right, you got to go up there. Yeah. Yeah. All right. That's it. Founding Fathers, Supreme Court.

Founding Fathers, Supreme Court. Got to the bottom of it. Figured it all out. Figured it all out. Figured it all out. All right. Thank you guys so much. As always, we love you. Thanks for listening.

Truly, truly appreciate it. And we'll see you next week. Bye. Bye. Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me nate bargetzi and my wife lara on the all things comedy network recording and editing for the show is done by genovations media thanks for tuning in be sure to catch us next week on the nateland podcast