The Nateland Podcast - #92 Ninja & Samurai with Justin Smith

Episode Date: March 30, 2022

On this week's podcast, Breakfast is still out to brunch with baby burrito so Justin Smith returns to discuss ninja and the samurai. The guys get into some intense debates like how to spot a ninja, what's the difference between ninja and samurai and why would a ninja steal a pillow from underneath your head.    Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail] Vuori - VuoriClothing.com/Nate Vuori is an investment in your happiness.  For our listeners they are offering 20% off your first purchase.  Get yourself some of the most comfortable and versatile clothing on the planet at VUORICLOTHING.COM/NATE that’s VUORICLOTHING.COM/NATE  Not only will you receive 20% off your first purchase, but enjoy free shipping on any U.S. orders over $75 and free returns.  Go to VUORICLOTHING.COM/NATE and discover the versatility of Vuori Clothing.   AllForm - AllForm.com/Nate   To find your perfect sofa, check out ALLFORM.COM/NATE. And Allform is offering 20% off all orders for our listeners at ALLFORM.COM/NATE. ALLFORM.COM/NATE for your new favorite sofa. That’s 20% off all orders at ALLFORM.COM/NATE.   Upstart - Upstart.com/Nate Find out how Upstart can lower your monthly payments today when you go to UPSTART.com/NATE. That’s UPSTART.com/NATE. Don’t forget to use our URL to let them know we sent you!  1Loan amounts will be determined based on your credit, income, and certain other information provided in your loan application.  Go to UPSTART.com/NATE.   Athletic Greens - AthleticGreens.com/Nate   Right now, it’s time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient, daily nutrition — especially heading into the flu and cold season!  It’s just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That’s it! No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.  To make it easy, Athletic Greens Is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.  All you have to do is visit ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE. Again, that is ATHLETICGREENS.com/NATE to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!   Lectric eBike - LectriceBikes.com Join the affordable eBike revolution. Go to LectriceBikes.com and use code NATE to get a free foldable, mountable bike lock with any bike purchase. That’s a free bike lock when you use code NATE at LECTRICEBIKES.com.

If it's a flat or a squeal, a wobble or peel, your tread's worn down or you need a new wheel, wherever you go, you can get a pro at Tread Experts. Until December 8th, get $70 on a Bridgestone prepaid MasterCard when you buy four eligible Bridgestone tires, or up to $120 with Blizzac or Weatherpeak tires. Find a Bridgestone Tread Experts dealer near you at treadexperts.ca slash locations. From tires to auto repair, we're always there at treadexperts.ca locations. What's up, everybody? Hello, folks. Welcome to the Nate Land Podcast. I'm Nate Bargetzi, Aaron Weber, and filling in for Baby Bates, Justin Smith.

What's up? Dude, I'm excited. This is it. I'm telling you. Yeah. Bates is going to come back and be like, hey, what's wrong with my chair this week? He just sits lower. It won't go up.

He's just sitting there below the table. Hey, does this look weird, guys? Have you broken a chair before? Constantly. It's a big problem? I dated a girl where I literally broke a piece of furniture. I broke a piece of furniture in her upstairs, on the main floor, and then in her basement wow i broke a piece of furniture at every level same day and uh no no it was like and it was shocking how many of them were steel

okay i mean it wasn't it wasn't like a wood put together when the plastic foldable chair no it was like patio furniture is like all right this one feels safe and then by the time i was i was just sitting there i watched one whole season of The Wire. And then I got up and the chair just never sat right ever again. It was just leaning forward. There's just books under it. Oh, yeah. It's just so bad.

Yeah. Well, these chairs are holding up great. They're doing so good. Yeah. Have you broke a chair? I broke one chair. I have a bit about it. I broke a chair. I was in college, showed up late to an exam in an auditorium. I was late and everybody was taking the test. There was an empty seat in the front. I grabbed my test and I sat down. It took out the whole, they were all connected. It was like dom, bah. Everybody fell down. Yeah. And the worst part is the tension was so high because people were taking an exam. Nobody laughed.

Yeah. It was just like super embarrassing. Yeah. And I had to go find another seat in the back. Yeah. Excuse me. Excuse me. I mean, I have the fear of doing it all the time.

Yeah. I was one time, a buddy of mine was taping a special. Yeah. And with a special taping, you know how our audience coordinator, it was for like showtime. Yeah. So they had like a whole coordinator thing. I had a hat on with a logo on it, so I had to turn it around backwards. And they used to have plastic chairs because it was in some place in Brooklyn.

And I was sitting there the whole time, and I was with Emma Willman, who's another funny comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. And I was sitting next to her, and we're sitting there watching, and all of a sudden I'm laughing, and he says a punchline that it's just so, it was so funny. And I leaned back, and i could feel the legs kind of do this like just this number and i was like oh oh no because now i'm thinking if this thing snaps they're gonna have to stop everything because like also you've been in enough specials we're like this is it

this is the one that he's getting and they would have to stop the whole thing they'd have to move me out get a whole nother chair for continuity yeah like i'm just have to stop the whole thing they'd have to move me out get a whole nother chair for continuity yeah like i'm just like it's a whole thing so literally i'm just sitting there the whole time just like please please for 30 minutes i was i was praying so hard just please do not let this break because that would be the nightmare scenario it didn't break it held oh no no it helped but it's like even when i got up when i got up i looked and you ever seen like a plastic like the stress marks? Yeah.

Like the front, like it's starting to tear. The chair had stretch marks at the end of it. You're just like, oh, man. A guy came behind you with a crowbar, and he just knew. So you're like Jason Bourne in the fact that you walk into rooms, you know the chairs situation before anybody even realized what room they're in. Like you have to look at any room. You walk in, you're like, no, yeah, maybe.

All right. And then everybody's like, hey, welcome. And that's going on in your brain. A hundred percent. Before, yeah. Yeah, I'm aware of it. You scope out the situation everywhere you go. Where are we going?

That's where you go. I'm going to stand. I'll stand. I'm fine. I've been sitting all day and you haven't. And you go, I've been sitting all day, dude.'t. Yeah, that's funny. And you go, I've been sitting all day, dude. You're like, oh, you're a comedian, though. He's like, yeah, but, you know, I sit a lot. I mean, not only do you have to look at the sitting situation,

I got to look at the bathroom situation, too. Because sometimes you go to a place and you're like, oh, if there's a problem, I can't go here. Yeah. Because you can't. I mean, we stayed at the same condo. There was a comedy condo at a place that will remain nameless because Aaron headlines there now.

Yeah. But you can't even sit. It's next to the shower. You can't even get into it. Justin and I weren't there at the same time. No, no, no. We weren't. Thank God.

We didn't destroy that place. That place would have been just a pile of rubble. You guys have a tornado around here? Nope. Nope. Just Weber and Justin. You guys just start using the shower. There you go. would have been just a pile of rubble you guys have a tornado around here nope no just just weber and justin you guys just start using the shower and then you go and then uh there you go boy you guys you gotta buy that house when you leave you go yeah we're just both going on it

it'd be easier than explaining what happened in there we'll just we'll just sign your checks back over yeah exactly stuff people don't think about. I know. The situation that you got to, you know. Everybody has their things that, whether you're big or small or whatever, you could have some weird thing. You have this, you have that. But you do.

You're like, what's going on? Like, let me see. I try to think if I, like, I have a problem going, like, if I have to pee, like, next, if they could hear it if they're outside like the bathroom that's in here i could never do it i could never in a million years well how did you do the did you ever go to like the stadiums where they have like the troughs oh i wouldn't pee i mean i'd wait for the yeah i wait for a stall i couldn't so i just would go wait for a stall that's insane i think it is insane yeah i think people are lunatics that can't like i don't trust

them like they go. I mean, I always look at their freedom of being like, can you imagine just being a dude that you're just, they, I mean, they pee. Like, I see the golfers. I mean, when I have to pee on a golf course, I mean, I got to walk. I'm borderline, not even on the course. I got to make sure no one can see. And like, you just see people on the back of a tee box, just kind of they just turn around out of politeness to you they don't

even need to turn around but they're just like i'll at least do that out of politeness and then they and you're like well i don't even know i don't know your life man yeah we live different lives for sure you gotta go to a place where the snakes live yeah off the course oh yeah yeah the snakes and i mean i'm back like it's, you know, there's a couple turns. I get into the weeds and the trees, and then I still do a couple turns, you know, trying to throw you off, and then I go behind some tree. But, I mean, I've done it where there was one time at Legends and Vanderbilt Legends, people, it's the course here.

But there, I was was peeing and there's like you don't realize like there's a greenway like a walkway on the other side so i'm peeing like everybody's back cutting the trees and so i'm peeing and i look up it's just a family just walks and i don't know that there's a walkway so you're like well there's just an entire there's a road over there like you're like and it's the most people on earth that are like, hey, let's go this way right now. And then you're like, well, this is happening. Do you ever do on road trips, just pull over on the side of the interstate?

The kids had to use the bathroom. So my dad got fed up. He's like, we're not waiting for another rest stop. We're just going to pull over right here. I mean, I've done it in traffic. Like when you had like at a standstill yeah you're i'm using gridlock and you're just like listen i i was like i skip get out of the car i skipped well i mean you're you're you can't go anywhere you're in the middle of traffic it's deadlocked and if like because like

if you drive like if you do like road gigs how much are you in deadlock uh deadlock yeah a lot a lot no no yeah okay but it's like when it happens it always happens like the worst situation like oh like there's like a nicer truck stop like i got from oklahoma so like i always stop at loves because i like i keep the money i have to keep the money in oklahoma yeah what i like to do yeah so even when i go somewhere it's like i'm sending it home is what i'm doing yeah y'all don't have enough oil money out there i'm telling you we gotta you gotta keep it you gotta keep it tight you know we gotta keep it with our people i like it and so i'm like oh there's always like a loves 20 miles away and then i just hit like there's like a horrible accident 10 miles

up so all the lanes are stopped because you have like you know the highway patrolmen's aren't aren't there yet so you got guys that are just good old boys that are trying to direct traffic for semis, and so they have no idea what they're doing. So you're just sitting there for 20 minutes to two hours, deadlocked. And you're like, well, I had to stop. I had to pee. So you've just got to open both doors and just be like, just make sure there's no kids around.

Hey, listen, we've got to do what we've got to do. Oh, you just stand right there by the – Oh, yeah, just stand in the middle of the road. I was picturing Justin in front of me in traffic. You just see him get out, run out of the car, hop over that median thing. That would be more appropriate than what he's doing. I think the two – The one thing –

It was really funny. There was a – You just imagine me hopping over something. You don't even stand up out of the car. You just go on your side and just, you know, people think you're just spraying a Mountain Dew bottle out there. I get a cup. I get a cup pouring it out.

Like, that's what's just, yeah. Never mind the studio for streams. Don't worry about it. Don't ask questions. Well, they're like, so what? Do you stand and try to act like you're just like, you're like, what's up with this traffic, dude? He's trying to keep all the eyes up top.

He started doing sleight of hand up top. Whose car is this? And everybody's looking up. And then you're like, all right, I got to go. Well, sometimes I open my trunk. I open my door and I act like I'm looking for something. And then I open the back one. So that creates my cover.

And then I go open the back one yeah so that that creates my cover yeah and then i go open the trunk like man where is that like i like this the like the what's going to solve this traffic jam is in there oh there's road flares back yeah you know yeah yeah and then i look for it and then all of a sudden just make sure nobody's kind of paying attention and then just i think they're all watching i mean i know i know they are yeah but you're like i'd like to i like to give people the illusion yeah but it's like oh he's just like he's i like to give people the illusion. Yeah. It's like, oh, he's just like, he's, I like to give, whenever parents are with their kids maybe, I like to give them plausible deniability.

Okay. Like, oh, no, no, he's just looking for something. I know it looks like he's doing this. Right. But, you know, that's just, that's not. And there's probably a lot of parents with kids on that interstate. I'm like, where's someone? He's like, you know, if there's families around. Oh, on the interstate?

Yeah, there's probably a few of them it's not it's gonna be age appropriate yeah you're being in the middle of the interstate you're like i just try to keep it a little above bar you know there's i'd like to picture you just your hand just on you're like your hands are just on the top of the hood and the door, and you're just like, golly, man, it's crazy. I know, right? And then they just see you shake. You're up there like, I don't know what's going on. You're going to shiver.

And they're like, what is that? He's like, all right, everybody. And he goes around and closes all his doors and never gets out ever again. Guess he never found what he was looking for. And so he decided never. I have to explain the shirt tuck in too. Where you just go. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What if traffic moves would be the best? While you're peeing. We did. Have I ever talked about Lewis? What we did to Lewis? No. We were like, it was me, Lewis J. Gomez, I think Big J,

and might have been one other person, maybe Vecchione or something. I don't know. And so we're driving back from a gig. We all opened for like Big J. So we're driving back from the gig, and we're in that kind of traffic. And it's like going from Connecticut back to New York on a Sunday is like the most traffic on 95. And so we're driving back and we're just in,

we're barely moving, whatever. So this is back. I don't, I don't think Lewis smokes tomorrow. He smoked cigarettes. And then, uh,

so he wanted to, and it was like, well, you can't smoke in the car. So he's like, well, I'll just get out and walk next to you. We're not moving.

I was like, I don't know. You know, we're moving a little fast. And so he gets out of the car. And I mean, within 45 seconds, we can't see him lewis is he i mean he's you don't know where he's at yeah so now lewis has got to catch us and he's walking he gets

on the other side of the interstate in the middle at one point and then he comes back on the other side and so i mean we're so far the traffic was moving and then so then we on the other side. And so, I mean, we're so far. The traffic was moving. And then so then we get out. We put all his bags out and one cigarette and a match on his bags. And then right when he gets close, we drive away again. So now he's got to get all his stuff. And he's just, I mean, there's a show going on.

Yeah. And so eventually he gets back in. The crazy part was like like this was like a sunday monday we're at like the cellar and this person goes up and they just see lewis and they go hey were you walking around on the interstate like they were like what are the odds of that that guy was like he was just in our group that watched lewis do this oh my that was pretty fun yeah it's a credit that's the word that's the worst part about being recognized you you think like oh maybe they've seen me on tv they've seen they know me from like a thing a show

something bird popper yeah did i see you walking on the highway yeah smoking a cigarette carrying bags did i see you at rock bottom earlier today yeah that was me you had to look at him so much to recognize him uh you know you're not gonna recognize it's kind of random you know, you're not gonna recognize, it's kind of random, you know, I guess you know Lewis. You would recognize Lewis. All right. Comments, everybody. Yeah,

Bates will be back. Bates will be back next week. Next week will be a big, fun week. We are, my,

the Grammys are next week and Bates has a baby. So we're gonna hear all about that. Probably open with my Grammy stuff first. You don't want to bury the lead. You don't want to bury the lead.

You're like, what's more impressive? You're like, a 50-year-old having a baby or getting a Grammy? I don't know. The odds are probably close to the same. But no, we can't wait to hear about it. And he's been sending love to all of them, as we know y'all have too. So we'll start with you guys' comments. Lawrence Bammer, this might be y'all's best pod yet.

My cheeks are legit hurting. I was laughing and smiling so much. Only thing he was missing was baby daddy. Prayers to his family. So happy for him. Baby daddy's another good name. I know. Baby daddy.

That one's going to stick. I like it. Kurt Hunt. Well, folks, it's official. One year ago today, I quit drinking soda, pop, coke, or however you say it in your region of the country because nate challenged himself and the folks on the nate land podcast to get healthy nate only lasted to the next episode but i made it a year good for you kurt that's awesome kurt you showed me up well

kurt i'm now trying to catch you i'm not going to give up soda uh so that's over but i'm down you know our weight loss thing i'm down i'm 181 wow yeah it's 194 that's awesome man yeah so i'm a tiny getting tiny but that's awesome kurt see someone just because i'll keep going that's why i gave up because i knew kurt would carry carry the torch force kelly's kelly swallows if we don't get a split screen of the rock bear chest with his baby and baby baits on bear chest breakfast, I will not feel my time dedicated to this podcast was even worth it. Look at that. There it is.

There it is. That's so, I mean, good night. The difference. Which one is which again? Yeah. Yeah. Baits needs to get, I think it's the first time I've seen Bates with his shirt off.

I don't care for it. He needs to get that tattoo the rock has. Maybe just pull that blanket up a little higher. If you're taking a picture, I don't know. You're like, just maybe, you know,

no one's in there. No one's in the room. And they go, maybe just pull, you know. Just a half an inch.. And they go, they just pull. Just a half an inch. Just a little bit. Pull it up. Yeah. I love how there's not a blanket in the left one.

Yeah. Not a blanket at all. I mean, the rock shows less nipple than Bates does, and we'd rather see the rocks. So look at his Bates. Very cute. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah.

That's awesome. That's not much better. And that is the best thing ever yeah uh not that y'all would know uh but maybe one day i got the big chest thing going so like one one out of two baby'd feel great me and justin have kids we're gonna do that exact same picture yeah two of us i mean normal people it's just like a walmart pillow i'm like a surda over here yeah your baby's gonna be you want to sleep there that's perfect helix mattress it's like a water bed uh jackson clark i was gonna say i'm a big fan of the podcast because i've been listening since episode five or six but i've just now realized this is a video podcast at episode 91.

Also, YouTube suggested it or I would have written it out to 100 eps. I can't describe a dedicated folk any more perfect. Yep. That's what we would do. No idea. What's that? It's videoed. Oh.

91 episodes in. Yeah. It is on YouTube if you ever want to watch it. Do whatever you want to do. Christopher M. Just saw Justin Smith in Springfield, Missouri. His smartwatch jokes were unbelievable. Oh, look at that.

Look at that. Did you guys make that up and just put it on there? Because I. Yeah, you were here. We wrote it today. That's why we didn't give the last name we just said they're like uh matthew mar you know just put him dude that sounds real christopher sounds real yeah it's also the owner of the club yeah yeah that's true that's he just he's the owner of the club he just wanted his name christopher

m no oh that'd be very but it's christopher so you're like oh yeah maybe you put the m and there's like that yeah it's christopher michael ray that could be oh my gosh it really could be how'd the special go man you take oh my gosh yeah i haven't seen you since you've since you've taped it it was so i mean it was so good i mean it was like all of them all of them were but that we got it on the first shot which was unbelievable like that's the best feeling in the world because now you just get to play around yeah Yeah. But it was magic. That room. When's it going to come out?

We're thinking June. Okay. And Homeless Pimp is doing it. Oh, my gosh. Mike Lavin. It's so great. That dude is unbelievable. Yeah, I'm a big fan of him.

Rhonda Cox. A ram is a male sheep. A female sheep is a ewe. How do you say it? Ewe. A female sheep is a ewe. How do you say it? I have no idea. Ewe. And the baby is a lamb. That conversation reminded me of Frankenstein's asking about the hen,

the chicken, and the rooster. Something's missing, all right? Ewe. Ewe. Ewe. Is it ewe? Ewe. Like Y-O-U.

Yeah. Ewe. A ram is a male sheep. female sheep is a you and the baby is a lamb i thought they were all three different so i thought they were different species wow that's why they look so familiar i mean that's like you saw me lauren harpen you're like you're like oh those people are not related clearly you're like no that's a regular that's an american family you go oh god i don't know what i was thinking i just love i just love it when people correct like that's something that happened because i grew up around ffa people

in oklahoma so the people like no no listen it's a calf what is it like what ffa what is that future farmers of america oh yeah they have they wear the blue corduroy no i love that you said that What is it? Like what? FFA. What is that? Future Farmers of America. Oh, yeah. They wear the blue corduroy. Did you know that? No, I love that you said that. Like that was a super common acronym. I just thought it was a super common thing. Like it's the YMCA or something. Yeah, yeah.

You guys don't know about Future Farmers of America? I do not. I mean, you guys are living under a rock, I guess. I know. We don't go to college yet. Love's Gas Station. I mean, they're good enough to sponsor the Oklahoma City Thunder. That is true.

Who is a world-renowned brand. I'm a big Love's fan. I'm a big Love's fan. I think they could update some of them. A couple of them. A couple of them you go into, you're like, you're better than this. You've been spoiled by Buc-ee's lately, dude. No, no.

Love is, because Love's is all i would ever go to it's the same like when you're driving at night it's like the safest anytime you feel the safest it loves uh but you go to some and they got like hardy they have like all the stuff yeah and then you go to some other ones and you're like you're like y'all need to they just have a cinnabon that's always close. Yeah, exactly. AJ Fox. That's a good name. The phenomenon that gives the moon the illusion of not spinning is called tidal locking. The moon takes 27.322 days to orbit around Earth. It also takes 27 days to rotate on its axis,

which results in the moon appearing like it's not spinning so do we see another side of the moon it just oh would we ever we guess we never would it's rotating but it's we're just kind of locked in with oh okay you know so if we could shake it a little bit we'd be like i wonder if we saw the other side of the moon i think somebody i read somebody sent me a comment this is why it's a big deal when uh when astronauts would go there to see the dark side of the moon yeah because it's just the side that we don't get to see yeah very often that's crazy i didn't even realize and it's like how one of what's going on over there who knows yeah because the sun but would the sun ever hit that side? Mm-hmm. Yeah, because it's still rotating.

Yeah. It's just dark to Earth. Yeah. But if the people that live over there, they'd be like, no, it gets light all the time over here. And you're like, well, we don't. Like, that's what I'm saying. If there's a whole family, there's a bunch of people over there. So basically, there's only like 35 people that have seen the other side of the moon.

I think less than that. There's only 12 people that have. I just know that from Brian Regan bit, but 12 people have walked on the moon. Well, but there's people that have not landed on it. There's people that have orbited around it. Like Apollo 13 didn't land on the moon. That's true, but they did get to see the dark side of it. Thanks, Ron Howard.

Yeah. Yeah. Is he dead? No, no, no. I just like to, just in case. You never know when this is going to come out. I'm saying that's right. You got to make sure the time, it doesn't, you know, timest, no. I just like to, just in case. You never know when this is going to come out. I'm saying that's right.

You got to make sure the time, it doesn't, you know, you don't timestamp yourself. Kayla Byram. Kayla Byram. I hate that when I scream on my TV, y'all can't hear me. The blonde exercise woman that Nate was trying to think of is Suzanne Summers. That's exactly who I was thinking of. There she is. Yep.

Kayla did spell Summers wrong, though. Oh. Just want to throw that out there so we can know. We're not total idiots. Oh, S-O-M-E-R-S. Well, who would? I don't know. I think Suzanne spelled it wrong.

Didn't she have a Nickelodeon show or am I crazy? I don't know. You know what? I feel like she did have a Nickelodeon show. See, I'm not crazy. And I'll look into that. Yeah. I knew it. There we go.

I certainly didn't know her from health, that's for sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Nubbion. It's fun watching Aaron the Gout Webber slowly clap back at Nate for being an old man over the course of the podcast. Nate consistently tries to be the smart guy, but the Aaron Land podcast is starting to get some clout, if you like it. What'd you call me, old?

I wouldn't call you that old. I don't care. We'll call Brian old. I don't think you try to be the smart guy very often. Yeah, I don't. I think, look, I just, what I sound comes out smart. I mean, if he thinks you try to be the smart guy, what I sound comes out smart yeah i mean if he thinks you try to be the smart guy even that sentence what that sound comes out smart

i don't even know yeah what is he talking about yeah uh i just love i just love that somebody's like i nate always tries to sound smart it's like, man, I have four specials for you that just go the other way. Yeah. I don't, yeah, I'm not traditionally, I'm not traditional smart. I'll say that. I can't talk. You use big words, I'm out.

Like, there's a lot of stuff like that. I don't know. But, I mean, anything I do, like, that's why I like, if I've ever talked to like anybody, like agents or business managers, like I'm always like, what? Like, just tell me, what does that mean though? Like, you know, it's like, well, it means this. Okay.

Right. I mean, after I say that, it's not like I just say it on a podcast. I literally say it to people's face. I go, but what does that mean? Right. And they're like, oh, we're just going to hand just gonna hand it to you okay yeah and you don't have trouble understanding the concepts it's just sometimes the language is the language i don't know right concept yeah the concept is like yeah i move around make decisions but then but you get you

get me in a corner that's why you know college is about trying to trick the dumb i mean i feel like you're country smart like you're like you don't you don't use the vocabulary yeah which kind of like people go oh well he doesn't know the thing so he doesn't know like no no i know how to how people trick people how people move people like you know all those things yeah and you know how how those things work you also know how to be super competitive yeah you know how to better your like you know all those things so you know how to get there you just don't know how to say it i don't know the way that they want you to say it yeah because i think that's a a shield for i'm not saying everybody but it's a lot of like it's a shield that you're like you can just say big words and everybody's been in an argument with someone and they just start saying big words and you're kind of like

i don't even know what you're saying so you're kind of out of it and i was that's like a safety because it's like well all you gotta do is say bigger words than me and if i'm not educated like you are and i'm like i don't i've never you know i don't read the dictionary that's what i say don't which is a dumb statement i mean that doesn't even help that's funny though yeah i go i'm sorry I've never read the dictionary, everybody. Encyclopedia. That's my big word. Kaki Allison. Kaki Allison. K-A-K-K-I Allison. We had to flush our cereal, too.

It never all went down in one fell swoop. That's an interesting thing to explain to your rich garbage disposal friends. I'm glad to hear someone else had to do it. Yeah. You had to flush cereal? Oh, yeah. Because we didn't have rich garbage disposal friends. I'm glad to hear somebody else had to do it. Yeah. You had to flush cereal? Oh, yeah. Because we didn't have a garbage disposal. So my dad would say, you got to flush it.

And I would almost throw up every time because it was just so gross. Pouring water and Cheerios and the toilet is just, it's, oh, it was, oh. I'd close my eyes and just do it. You hear it and you just, it's, oh, it was, oh, I'd close my eyes and just do it. You hear it, and then you just flush it, and you run out, like. I mean, you get a burn out. Someone just walked in our house at that point. They're like, why do you have a bowl in the bathroom? I just imagine you having people over, and they're like,

everybody's having cereal, and you're like, hey. They're like, what do I do with this? I don't know, you just go in the bathroom. You're explaining it to people. Yeah, we have a party. Someone goes to the bathroom. You know there's like seven Cheerios in that. Ah, yeah, we make it.

Brandon Underwood. The AIDS candy situation reminded me of when I worked for AT&T in the early 2010s. The company introduced a mobile payment application called ISIS. They later rebranded it because of obvious reasons, but I vividly remember talking people into signing up to join ISIS because it was the future. There it is, the wallet of the future, the ISIS mobile wallet. That's great.

That's great. That's great. It's an official press release from AT&T. 2013. I mean, can you imagine putting your heart and soul into a project, just spending hours and hours? I mean, there's a marketing firm that just is like, this is it. This is the name. It's clean.

It looks so good. It's palindromic. And then just all of a sudden, you're just like, well, guess what, guys? Yeah. You know the thing where, like, this is the only thing that could stop like, well, guess what, guys? Yeah. You know the thing where, like, this is the only thing that could stop this? Well, it happened. Stopped it. I wonder if there's a guy that's like, I think we can still keep, like, he, like, the guy that came up with it.

He goes, I don't, I mean, where are y'all seeing the resemblance? It feels different. Like, well, it's both Isis. Yeah. Because what if you just say Isis? Is, is. Is, is. You go, it's spelled Isis.

No one's going to say that. Like, what is ISIS? Let's just openly talk about ISIS. Are they doing... If you really dive into it, I mean, what, you know, I don't see how they're any different than a lot. Like, he's just trying to make it seem like he just talked to his people. All right, look, I looked it up last night.

I think I would join them. And so I think we should keep it. First of all, the color schemes are completely different. That is true. Fonts are different. The branding is much different. Is that purple? There's not a Toyota pickup anywhere near our campaign. That's a purple.

Benjamin Dukes. Nate has mentioned opening for Chris Rock on the podcast a few times. I don't think he's ever talked about how he got the gig. How did Nate and Chris meet? What led to Nate opening for Chris on his tour? Which will lead us into the other thing. But I met him, I went to Zany's in Nashville and met him.

Our mutual friend, Neil Brennan, is friends with him. And Chris Rock came to Zany's for the Blackout tour that he went. And he was, like, working on the tour show before he went and did all the big shows. And so I went down there and met him there through Neil. And we hung out. It was cool. And then I ended up opening a forum for a few cities. And then I ended up opening a forum for a few cities.

And the first one I did was in Durham, DPAC, which I was just at on my birthday. And so I opened for Chris at that place. And then so that's how I met him. And then I did a few more cities with him. But he's a great dude. And they had that Oscars thing, recording this on Monday. you know, and then, and then I did a few more cities with him, but he's a great dude. And, uh, you know, they had that Oscars thing, uh, you know, recording this on Monday. So it was last night, but, uh, it's, uh, yeah, Chris did a great job handling that. That is not, that's a brutal thing to try to handle. And that's, uh, it's insane, dude. Like it's crazy. Like you can,

whatever you want about a joke. You're like, I don't know, man. She's had jokes made. Y'all have had to make jokes about, I know you have to have a tough skin, and I know there could be a bullying point. It can't be in that moment. If you wanted to say something to him afterwards or something like that, but it made Will Smith look crazy. He did look crazy.

And everybody's a giant, giant fan of him. And I do feel bad. Like there's something that you're like, something's up, dude. I know. And it just came out in that moment. But to do that to another person, that's humiliating. That's worse than the joke. Yeah.

And I know she has alopecia and stuff like that. And you're like, I didn't know that. And I think it's recent. I don't know when she came. We're not trying to defend it or whatever. I don't think Chris Rock knew that. He's making a joke in the moment. Like, you know, they've got to know each other.

They've got to be like, you know, they're just. Right. Not the first time they've been in the same room. Yeah, yeah. This is the point. You go up and you're going to take some shots at you. That's what these, this is, I truthfully believe, because like, you know, then Will won that,

which I was so excited when he won. I've never wanted him to win more than after. I was like, please win. Like, I think everybody was like, you're like, please win, dude. What are you going to say? I know. And then he went and said, he apologized to everybody but Chris, which is insane. I know. And then, you know, you saw to everybody but Chris, which is insane.

I know. And then, you know, you saw Chris go. He's like, I could. Like, you know, he could have just done 40 minutes on Will Smith at that moment. And it's so embarrassing. It's so like, you just put me in such a weird position. He has no way to protect himself because Will walks up like, you know, where it looks like it's a joke. Right.

And we're all being funny. Will Smith laughed at the joke or showed him laughing, which I didn't, he could not be listening. And he just kind of putting on a face and, uh, you know, his wife,

uh, Jada Pinkett, like she didn't think it, but it's not like his wife is not a celebrity. Like his wife, you're like super famous. Yeah. You're a celebrity.

Like it's the idea of like no one thinks anybody should be mean to someone no one thinks like no one's on board with these jokes and blah blah and whatever but here's a point where you're like yo dude if y'all both have a over 100 million dollars then you got to like take it for the us to watch like i'm not gonna feel terrible yeah i'm not gonna feel that bad that you just, you're sitting so close. You're closer to Chris Rock than anybody. You're closer to the stage. Yeah.

They put you up front. And like, it's crazy. Also, you just produced a show where you hung out with comedians. Oh, yeah. Like, you just produced that whole thing. You're like, oh, I'm glad. Like, there's video of him in that thing being like, oh, I'm so glad I can understand this art form. And I appreciate it. Like, it's like him learning a new thing.

And you're like, well, I mean, clearly you did not learn that much. Well, then he came out and said he's a vessel for love. And she's unreal. That's so good. The speech was so unhinged. You're like, what is he talking about? And they just cheered him. And then like everybody standing out.

It's the disconnect. I'm in this business business but you can see this business and you're like it's you're seeing that other way where it's podcasts or it's youtube and like these followings and stuff like that i'm not do stuff with netflix netflix i'm a big fan of but i mean i truly think that i mean all these streaming places are figuring out but that like hollywood world you know it's like if if they don't you're like you if y'all don't realize like how crazy you look because it's like it felt like everybody there supported will smith and everybody watching at home supports chris rock well there's

way more people supporting chris rock yeah and no one's either way it's like it's not beyond the joke it's like you can't i get you can't be mean to someone but hey we're gonna pay you a ton of money how about you all we ask is don't slap someone yeah during the oscars that's it yeah we will make you family of billionaires you want to be a billion worth of almost a billion dollars we're gonna do that all we ask you can go to jail they go to they do anything right kill someone but do whatever you want just during the oscars just not slap if you don't mind just don't slap and at the time you'd probably answer to go yeah why would i ever do that and you're like you're well you'd be surprised you'd be surprised

give it some time i know right now you're doing Fresh Prince, and it doesn't seem like you would ever get to that point, but you got a long career ahead of you, so just always remember don't slack. Even the thing he said Denzel said, he's like, the devil comes at you at your, what are the strongest moments or the highest moments or whatever, which is a great thing to say,

but you're like, how do you say that? And I love Denzel Washington. But it's like, Denzel says that. How do you say that and then not go, and I should have? Like, how do you not apologize to Chris Rock? I know. How do you not just walk off and just go like, I'm mortified? He just wouldn't sit back down.

It's crazy to just go and sit back down. All right, finish the show. I mean, he was the most professional. I mean, like, how scatterbrained do you have to be? First of all, I mean, just to get a slap. I mean, just if the wiring in your brain is all there from that, just to have to continue to just keep like, all right, I got to get back into the joke that I was starting.

He really took that punch, too. I mean, he took it on the chin. Chris Rugg did awesome. Like, he could win that a row. Didn't even drop the note cards. Yeah. I mean, he took it on the chin. Chris Rugg did awesome. Like, he could have went down a road. Didn't even drop the note cards. Yeah. I didn't notice that. Will Smith is heavier, bigger than him.

Way bigger. I think there's a picture of him to an MMA training. Like, I mean, yeah. He was Muhammad Ali. Yeah. Right. Yeah, he learned how to punch. You're like, dude, that's.

Clearly not. Yeah, well, he slapped him. Yeah, it was a slap. Which is, you know, worse than to punch. You're like, dude, that's- Well, clearly not. Yeah. Well, he slapped him. Yeah, it was a slap. Which is worse than a punch. And then slapping is just, it's so disrespectful. It's also crazy. There's no security. None.

I watched a clip today of TD Jakes on Instagram, and I looked in the background, and there's like five security guards around him. There's three in the front row, like three guys in the back. I'm like how does a pastor in dallas who's around church people have more security because the people in the oscars the security is behind them because no because this is how crazy of a thing that was no one would have no cop would have ran up and stopped him nobody on earth would have there's no that's why rock just there's no moment of him thinking,

he's about to hit me. Because Will Smith's walking up there, he's laughing, and he's like, blah, blah. There's a trust that you have that, you know, especially as entertainers, like, how do you, you know these award shows are this. You know that it's like they're going to make jokes. You know they're going to do whatever.

Look, she has alopecia like yeah that's inappropriate but you're like i don't know i don't think chris rock knew that like he made an off joke on the side and just did it you can't just go do that dude that's your big people i realize like you're one of your big fears of on stage and i think of it and i don't and i don't you say anything i'm not trying to make you know do you get a rise out of anybody but when you're up there like the lights are in my face i can't see and uh you know you can see little glimpses and stuff you can't see a ton and so i don't know if someone's going to like and i think about it all the time someone could walk up to the stage you've had it happen

i've had it happen and uh and you don't know that they're there. I mean, sometimes you can see, but a lot of times you can't. And these bigger places we're getting, I have no idea. So someone could just, they could do whatever they want. And there is a fear that you're in a room with just the most trust ever, that you're like, everybody's cool, right? Because I can't see you, and I'm talking to all these people, and all it takes is one person. And they'd be up there.

But that's even even a stranger, you at least might be like that. Will Smith, who you probably know, you're going to be like, oh, all right, man, sorry, you know, like, oh, making fun. That's been done so many times you walk up in fake anger as a bit. That happens all the time, I feel like. So that's what everyone thought it was. He's also not an angry, like you're not thinking, oh, like,

he's a funny guy on screen. So you're thinking, oh, he's a funny guy on screen. So you're like, oh, he's going to do a thing. He's a nice, sweet man is what you thought until then. You're like, I don't know. I mean, everybody liked Will Smith. He's a vessel for love. He's a vessel for love. I mean, yeah, it was insane, dude.

I mean, yeah, they gave him the award. They stayed in ovation. They cried for him. You're like, you just want to go. you want to go like, just, all right. If you want to feel bad for Jada Pinkett, he should have done it. He should have made that joke about her. You're like, well, show me some sympathy for Chris Rock too. Like, just be like, you know, like some, like a lot of people are saying like, well, let's just say both are bad.

Then that's fine. But you can't, like in that situation, like it's still one's words and one's like, you just slapped a dude. Yeah. In front of the biggest award show in history. Right. And the most, you know, the most famous comedian and probably one of the most, and the most famous actor. Yeah. And you just, like, you're chumps.

And as comedians, we take it as like, look like we're just this side show that you're like, well, you know what, dude, we're the ones that have to create everything. Yeah. And that's what like,

you look at like Chris Rock, he had, he has to create everything. Comedians have to write all their information. They have to sell it. They have to write it. They have to do everything where, you know,

actors you're like, and it's hard. You got to get in these mindsets. I mean, clearly, you can't get out of whatever mindset he was in for this movie. So I guess it is pretty tough. That's like what they always say about Jared Leto. And I love 30 Seconds to Mars, that one song. I watch the video all the time.

Were they on Iceland? Yeah. Oh, it's the best. It's great. It's so great. But, like, you know, he's in, like, character the whole time. And you're like, well yeah oh it's the best it's so great but uh but like you know he's in like character the whole time and you're like well you got to deal with that like that's that's a lot that you're like if you're another actually like hey what's up man and he's like hello and you're like uh you know it's like well then i just wouldn't be around him unless he's on

you know whatever dude you want to get in your space like but like yeah don't take it weird like i would i don't want to see you outside of us acting because i think it's crazy that you can't uh be a little normal when we're not shooting for i don't know 12 hours four day like you know it's not like they're they have 10 minutes off and then they're back. You have a good 24 hours probably off or something at some point. I'm even cool with you being like that on the way to the set, but on the way home, just switch it off. Just switch it off and sleep and start it again.

But look, that's his mindset, and he is awesome. Yeah, he seems healthy. Yeah, it seems like, yeah. Well yeah it seems like yeah well it seems like look he dives into all that stuff and like i'm you know whatever go do i get it i get staying in that mindset you know but it'd be all like with these you know that you just would be like yeah dude i'm not gonna but i would rather not even meet you really outside of outside of us being on the thing i don't want you to if i'm getting food just wait till i get away because i don't want you you know coming back hello do you mind passing me the peas and you're like oh god

you're like hey jared he's like it's tommy and you're like all right man you know there's a lot of normal people around so maybe you know all the workers are like regular people, so maybe don't do this. It seems weird. They should get his own section. He should get his own like a cage. Like a character actor section? As a character actor. There should be a fence. I would think there should be a fence for character actors,

and then they build it. Chicken wire fence. Do not feed the character actors. You just see them in there like, and one's like ah he does it for two months and he's just in that they're just hitting the wall none of them have a normal world they're even in and i but you're like yeah dude you're gonna get the best performance out of you right well we're gonna put you in here because we do have people that are making

forty thousand dollars a year and they're and i don't think they should have to, uh, be yelled at by a chicken, uh, a guy that's getting paid $50 million for this movie. And I have a single mom over here that does the lighting. And so I just think she shouldn't have to figure out how to talk to a chicken if you don't mind. So just, we're going to put you in that, in that kind of gathering. So whoever wants to do it, we support it. I'd prefer you to do it. Yeah.

But at least do it in the gathering area. Yeah. And don't wander around. Neutral. Neutral. Neutral. We got a back area. They got carpet like a casino. Like you can walk in this area, but this is off limits.

But you're not allowed out. There's a lot of, there's mainly only regular people on this movie. It's basically, you're basically a negative percent of not regular people on this movie. And you're getting paid the most, which you sell the movie. I'm on board with. Of course. Therefore, go in that gathering. And when you want to go home, we're back up like a horse trailer.

Open it. You just go in we're back up like a horse trailer open it you just go in there and you're like oh you know you're just in there for you know and then you just and you decide where you want to go yeah i don't think it's that bad about it no it's a great idea give you a code knock whenever it's time for you yeah all right yeah come on out yeah we're good you know i'll have a couple people they dress up and come talk to you like the character you know if you're playing a medieval character or have a knight come in and give you your chick-fil-a and just so you can be like thank you you know whatever your whatever mood you're staying in i don't know it's not a bad idea i would do it that's great and i think i want to be a character actor. All right.

All right. So this week, we have a fun one. We're going to talk. I don't know what kind of out of it. Yeah. Can I ask y'all something that made me think of it, that electric e-bikes? Have you seen this debate going on online? We're a little late to the game, but there's a big debate going on of in the united states do you think that there are more wheels or doors in the in the whole country if you add up all bikes including bikes

including everything cycles yeah everything in general more wheels or doors doors you think there are more doors there's more there's more doors? 100%. There's more doors. Think about one person's house. There's three times the doors versus cars they have. Okay. Every person. I think you have a lot more wheels in this house than you're thinking of. What wheels are you, I mean, like? Well, you got the wheels, you got your cars, you got office chairs.

Four. Two cars, so we have eight wheels. I got that electric bike, 10 wheels. There you go. Lars got a bike, 12 wheels. Yeah. Lawnmower or something out there probably. It's got wheels.

Think about all the wheels on Harper's toys. You got Lego wheels. Yeah. You got all these chairs here. Are we counting gears too? Do gears count as well this is also this is also depends upon how you how you define wheels and doors i already don't where's this debate happening it's happening all over twitter it's all over social media oh

yeah it was the talk of the town a few weeks ago i'm just late to the game yeah i just want to hear what y'all thought it would be be. I thought it was obviously wheels. Oh, no, no. I think if you're having to pull a lot of strings to make all these wheels beat the doors. I don't know. The doors come out of the gate. I mean, just think about, dude, there's two doors here in just this room, the bathroom door and the way to get out. Okay. So it's like you have so many doors that now you're going to be.

There's 12 wheels. There's 15 wheels in these chairs the three of us are sitting on. Yeah, but that's what I mean. Not at the end of this podcast. Remember, 12. Yeah, so far. So that's just saying, but you're having to literally go chase down every wheel to beat doors.

So it's like. Yeah, well, I don't think in this scenario you have to collect all of them in the country it's just a you know i know but i don't think you can even count all the like there's a michael jordan car there that has four wheels on it so there you go there you go so that's what i mean so the the argument kind of gets to like it's it seems to me like it's a will person trying to beat a door person and the door people have them beat clearly, and the will person's like, okay, but you forgot. I didn't mention that your chair that rolls back and forth,

that's for you. You're like, okay, dude. All right. All right. I guess, yeah, I guess if you add that, oh, there's a lawnmower. You're like, all right. So you're not talking about obviously what people think of wills. Yeah.

When you say just wills, no one's even going to think lawnmower. Don't forget lawn. Yeah, well, that's why it's a fun hypothetical. Look at all the hotels in Vegas. Oh, yeah. Did you forget this guy's Hot Wheel collection? Did you forget that? A Lego makes millions of toy wheels a year.

Think about a hotel, though. There's multiple doors at every hotel. And these Vegas hotels have 30,000 doors. I don't know how many rooms they got. But each one of those doors has a roller chair behind it. Yeah. That is true. There's an office chair in every room.

This wheel thing isn't reaching to me. You got to think that every car, wheels win cars. So there you go. There's always going to be, at most, it's a tie. At most, it's a tie yeah so it's neutral no because a lot of cars only have two doors yeah but they all have at least four and a motorcycle doesn't have a door there you go i just think wheels wins in a landslide no i think so i would i just look at it as like that's fine wheels might win but the time it's going to take you to

figure out how many dumb wheels you're going to make up that's going to beat doors like i'm already i got so much money in the door world that i don't even you're going to be tired you're barely make it to the debate center because you'll be just worn out of just being like well there's a wheel wheel you just you know like jared leto just in character wheel wheel wheel there's one wheel yeah you know that's what i think all right i mean but it's good good things stuff's getting solved on twitter uh sorry anyway samurais say oh ninjas and samurais i'm so excited i'm so excited about you're pumped about it i i mean as kid, I was both ninjas and samurais for Halloween. Yeah.

Oh, really? I went a little further than probably a kid that age should have gone. Oh, yeah. I was real excited about it. In what way did you go too far? I mean, probably age, probably one. Because younger, you're a ninja because you think it's really cool. But then you get older, and you're like, I'm going to's really cool but then like you get older and

you're like i'm gonna be like a mature like a samurai feels very mature yeah and you're like i remember dressing up as a samurai and somebody look at me and be like it's about time like like they don't say it but it's like that first time they're like hey it's about time to hang this up yeah like you're walking with your friend that's in regular clothes and And he's like, I don't know, dude. How big was Beverly Hills Ninja for you? It was huge. It was huge. The one time the big guy got the suit.

The big guy got the tat. What did that movie theater look like? A lot of popcorn sold that day. They go to their kids. They go in there, and you're like, look at them, boys. We can all be one. It's a good movie for regular body people. That's right. I don't have a body for a ninja.

No one has it. Ninjas, their bodies are crazy. Yeah. It's nice to see. The whole thing is they're compact and tiny, and they're supposed to be acrobatic. That's the whole thing. So a ninja would be a tightrope person or in the circus.

So if a ninja got in a ninja game, he's probably going to do circus. Well, the whole thing with the ninjas, they're supposed to be very stealthy. Is that not what he would do? It's like when a football player becomes a broadcaster. Yeah. A ninja will just become a circus performer. There's a point where a ninja is, you know, he's sitting there with his parents.

He's got his sword. He's just eating. You know, he can't afford to live on his own because he's just, because he's always a vigilante. I mean, it doesn't get paid. Ninjas are poor people. Yeah, and he's eating cereal and a steak, having to pour it in the toilet

and his mom's just like how long do you think you're gonna do this his head he's got his mask just kind of up here that sword just sticking out behind him and he's like i don't know you know your your aunt was in a circus and she still knows some people over there you can do all the you know you could do all in the union. Get you in the union. You can ride that motorcycle around in that tube and you know, they'd be lucky to have you. And he goes, I don't know, Mom. This is what I feel like

I'm supposed to be doing. Chase this dream. We gotta paint over all the throne star marks. Ninjas don't get paid. Ninjas are real. Very much real. So ninjas were the specialized assassins, saboteoteurs and secret agents of medieval japanese warfare who were highly trained proponents of the martial arts uh especially what later became known as ninjutsu or the art of the ninja ninjutsu ninjutsu yeah okay

you know a lot about that that becomes very broad term as history goes on. Because there's ninjas now, and it's very like American ninjas. Oh, there are? Yeah. Like real ninjas? Yeah. Well, they take kind of the basics of it, and then they kind of like... Who are they doing it for?

I mean, just to basically sell karate classes oh yeah yeah like that's where it morphs into that yeah but like uh one of the most famous dudes just movie blood sport no it's a it's a movie about this guy named frank uh i've heard of it yeah jean-claude van damme yeah but it was basically it's it's one of the most amazing stories yeah because he he gets in this hollywood people's ear and tells them the story about how he fought in this underground, full contact thing called a Kumite. Yeah. Where people die and it's crazy and wild.

And basically, it's like MMA. So you have all these styles. You have Muay Thai and you have Sumo. There's no weight classes. And he tells the story about how he was a world champion. He was never beaten he had like the fastest knockdown time the fastest knockout um he beat like 156 guys in a row yeah this whole thing and so they get so excited about it they make a movie about it john claude van damme is like stars in it it's like one of his biggest movies yeah and then it comes out and then everybody just goes oh he was lying about the

whole thing like nope they can't find any proof that it's real but this guy had founded this whole like ninjutsu system it's like it's it's it's one of the wildest craziest thing and he looks like he literally looks like the guy from napoleon dynamite you know when they go and study with the guy with the american flag pants so it's like like, do I even watch this movie now? Oh, the movie's amazing. Yeah. The movie's incredible. Yeah. It's literally one of the best bad guys.

But I now know at the end of it, they're like, nah, none of that was true. Oh, no, no. There's way more to it than that. But you don't know that. Nobody knew that when they were filming the movie. I didn't know that before you told me right now when I didn't. But it's like, this was a movie that I grew up in my childhood with. Yeah.

That it was one of the most amazing. I loved it so much. I watched it with my dad. It was one thing my dad and I bonded over. Yeah. Blood sport. Because he breaks... One of the things is he...

It's called a death touch is what it's called. He does this thing where there's a stack of bricks, and they pick a brick, and he's able to... Oh, spoiler alert. He's able to – I think you already did it. He's able to smash – he's able to hit the brick, the pile of bricks, and make the brick that they pick explode. Yeah.

It's like a whole thing. Okay. So was a big part of why you liked this movie that you thought it was a true story? No, it's just a great movie. Oh, so you didn't care whether it was a true story or not? Oh, no, no. It didn't break your heart when you found out it was all nonsense? I don't go into Batman and thinking, oh, man, I wish more billionaires were like this.

Yeah. That's true, but they didn't sell the rights to Batman telling them that it was a true story. As far as you know. So this is a little bit different. You can act like that's a good analogy at all. Wait, you're saying in the movie they say it's not true. You're saying – No, no, no.

Oh. In the movie – but, like, they – at the end of the movie, it's, like, it's based off of a guy. So, like, you know the thing where, like, Frank – you know, like, at the end of a biopic, they're, like, this is what he did. This is all the things that, like – there's this long screen of all the records and stuff that he holds basically saying, like, it's a real thing. All fake. All fake. Oh. So it's not like it's a spoiler in the movie it's no no no no it's like but it's oh that when did that come out it's like

right in like they like the night i don't know but when did the they that come out that it was all fake almost like a like very soon after because they couldn't they couldn't find anybody that had fought like hey if you beat 156 guys and this tournament goes like every four years like it's a very secretive thing yeah but they're like hey we know a bunch of fighters like did you fight in this thing no did you fight in this thing no do you know anybody that's ever fought in this thing no it's like we're a pretty tight-knit community yeah it'd be like if somebody come up and like hey i performed this comedy festival i got a netflix deal i had line masses where garden yeah yeah you're like i feel like we know a few people he made up the fight made up the I'm up and like, hey, I performed at this comedy festival. I got a Netflix deal. I had Lion, Mass, and Square Garden last week.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, I feel like we know a few people. So he made up the fight. Made up the whole thing. Yeah, yeah. And then he comes over after the movie and he has a fighting system that he sold to all these people. And I'm going to tell you something. After watching that movie, you're like, I mean, I would sit in on a class.

Yeah. Even just hearing about it, I think would i would take ninja classes uh yeah but that's like a whole thing is like he he literally as you were talking i was like i think i want to do some kind of like like martial arts i think i do i think i would like to just like to learn how to do stuff the only my problem is is you're sitting there like a little too old to be just like, I got another dude. I got to get him in some, and you're all over each other, and you're sweating. Not in the weird way, but you're just like, I'm too old for this, dude.

I want to be, what's one where you don't have to be like, I don't want to be on the ground with you? Two, I don't want to fall on the ground and then have to get out of a position. I feel too old past that. Maybe I could get over it. Here, lay on me right now, Justin. What would you

like to be able to do? Just defend yourself if somebody tries to slap you on stage? If someone tries to slap me on stage. You want to have... Is it kickboxing? They don't have to go down, right? Taekwondo stands up. Oh, yeah.

Boxing, you're never on the ground in boxing. No, yeah, yeah. Boxing could be good. Yeah. Dustin Chafin, it was a golden glove when he was a kid. So he knows boxing. And then – but I could do – yeah, but kickboxing. So you have a little like, you know, ninja, you know.

I just want one person when I walk away to go, was that guy a ninja? Yeah. Like, even though everybody's not, no one thinks that. But if I got one guy thinking, God, did I see a ninja dude? He might. But what was it, taekwondo? Taekwondo.

So that's like kicking and punching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, like Muay Thai is kind of stand-up too, but that's a lot of knees and ankles. I mean, I don't think we need to be messing with the joints right about now. Oh, yeah, but it's kicking. It's a lot of like throwing elbows. Oh, yeah.

It's a lot of using hard bones in your body to hit soft points. I like that. But it's, I i mean so i could do more but i could do more tight and so i don't have to roll around on the ground with someone or as much right it's like the mma was like grappling you're just like i don't know it's like i when i did it even back then i was like i don't like this like i don't like i feel a you're a little claustrophobic i or i guess i was even a little back then. Yeah. But it's the fact that you're – and now, I'm 43 now, and you're like, I can't be having some 30-year-old, 24-year-old man just laying on me on a Tuesday.

Well, jiu-jitsu is all about shifting weight. You met the guy, and you're like, all right, I don't know. Huh? Jiu-jitsu is all about shifting weight. That's where it all – it's like the combination of jiu-jitsu and wrestling. Yeah. It's just like movement and momentum. Our center of gravity is at our necks, so I'd like to be able to shift the weight around.

All right. Yeah, so I can take – what was it? Jiu-jitsu? Jiu-jitsu. But our Muay Thai. Muay Thai is more stand-up. Muay Thai and kickboxing and karate. I mean, like straight-up karate is like that too.

And jiu-jitsu. But that's more on the ground. Like, that's more grappling. Jiu-jitsu is. Oh, okay. I keep... These are all confusing me. I want to say Muay Thai. Elbows and...

I like that. What's the one that the Israeli army uses? What's the... You know what I'm army uses what's the you know i'm talking about i mean they have modern weapons now no no no they they have like a problem god that's what it is okay that's like a whole thing yeah yeah we're like they you learn that stuff and so it's like it makes people like really like even like uh like israeli women like that's the one thing they're like they're like really vicious because they all learn it from a very young age.

Israeli women are vicious. That's my takeaway from it. You're going to clip it up? Is that the clip for the week? Yeah, clip that. Yeah. If I ever learn it, I'm not going to tell you, though, because I think that's

the secret. You don't let anybody know. Yeah, and you surprise people with it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be fun. That would be fun. Well, there's people that we know there. I encourage people to take the stage.

No, I'm joking. I don't know. I'm trying to bait them now. I dare anybody to walk up here. Everybody here got alopecia. Alopecia. Just Nate pulls up his T-shirt, and there's just a yellow belt under there i thought this was interesting you know those masks and those all black outfits that we think

of when we think of a ninja those are that's pretty much a modern creation ninjas would have worn common clothing that helped them blend in wherever they are yeah and sometimes i mean think about just wearing an all-black outfit yeah You would stand out from the crowd pretty easily. Well, Beverly Hills Ninja. I mean, his brother is running around Beverly Hills in a full ninja suit. Full suit. No one ever notices it. No one ever says anything.

And it's a great movie. I can tell you one thing from childhood. Great. It's so funny movie. One thing from childhood, they do not make geese that big. Yeah. Something I learned at nine years old. Make what that big?

Geese. The belt. The outfit is called a... Oh, you can probably get one now. Ninja ones might be different, but... Do they just change your uniform color? Yeah. Everybody has a white uniform still, and you walk in with a blue jumpsuit on.

You go, what are you, a blue jumpsuit on and you go what are you a blue belt buddy? you go yeah yeah you guys just have the belt I have the whole suit I think it would be better you should get this suit that's more they should give it how good would that be give you a whole suit jacket

yeah like the masters yeah a little more threatening. Chris Rock in Beverly Hills Ninja. Oh, he is in there. Do you have a ninja sword or a katana? I did at one point.

Those are college days, though. It was all about honor and courage. Would you carry it around with you? No, no, no. Do you leave it? Is it like a mantelpiece thing or does it yeah it's like it's a reminder it was a reminder to always have honor and courage always have honor so while you walked out every door you looked at that sword and said honor courage yeah okay it's embarrassing i used to tap it before i go out like oh man like we wereaver champion. You do it like before. Like Notre Dame.

Like a player, like a champion today. Yeah. You're on your way to economics class, and you just beep. Can I tell you? And it's a real – and it's like, you know, this is Notre Dame, all these warriors. They got to wrestle men on a football field, get people going to real war, and you're – as you pack your suitcase or your backpack going to you know friendship class

friendship class and you just go friendship class honor and courage today it's embarrassing how many like I used to watch before football games I was something you learn when you're when you do like Christian you know Christian pastors and stuff love clips

like video clips I love them. And so when I would play high school football, I'd always watch a clip by myself, a movie clip. And I'd watch the scene from The Last Samurai when he's in the rain and they're doing sword fighting and he keeps getting hit and he keeps getting knocked down and get back up. And I was like, that's how I would watch that clip before I walk out the door and the worst part is i didn't start i didn't play on my football team so i would watch it just to just just to get psyched up just maybe i might get in yeah and i never did let's go boys uh that's uh you know a lot about ninjas i probably did this ninjas samurai i'm all i'm all in i love it i like yeah i like them too i don't know much about them but i i'm a big fan makes a ton of sense i've already wrapped my head around the fact that they're not wearing those karate outfits

i mean we should have known the ninja turtles didn't wear anything no but they're turtles they could hide in their shell that's true nobody ever brings that point up that they're turtles. They could hide in their shell. That's true. Nobody ever brings that point up. That they're not wearing clothes. That's the ultimate. They're the ultimate concealant is a shell. Is a shell. Mm-hmm. Well, they think you can't.

They're like, I'm invisible. And you're like, all right, well, we can all see the shell. So this is a ninja legacy. This is some lore. They've been credited, ninjas, with some incredible feats like removing the pillow from underneath a sleeping enemy. Do you believe that? I mean, if he's got sleep apnea, anything's possible. That's the thing I've learned.

The CPAP mask on? Why would they remove it? Is that all it says? That's actually a great question. Why would you not just kill the guy? Why would you need to remove the pillow? Maybe it's like a dead horse thing. So ninjas, he's like, he's going to be very uncomfortable tomorrow.

He's going to wake up with a sore neck. Wait till we go see him in that 2 o'clock meeting. And he's just like, hey, everybody. He goes, I don't know. My pillow ended up on the other side of the room last night. And I just can't. I got a crick in my neck. And they go, oh oh it seems like you know

there's a lot of ninjas in this area and he goes is there and he goes yeah that's one of the things they do they take your pillow look up why they would remove a pillow is it like would they remove it and then put it on their face i bet you it's like a godfather thing remember how you they leave the horse head in the bed like a like i can get to you at any moment oh yeah almost like an intimidation like if you're trying to get somebody to do something that's what i would do that would be but like how would what did you uh what'd you type in ninja remove pillow from enemy oh which range from moving oh there we go yeah i guess he's asking for money again. Wikipedia. Make sure you give it to him.

I'm telling you, Wikipedia, I'll give you money if you then take it off of my thing. If you take the ad away. I won't give you money if you don't take the ad away. But how would you know where to pay and how to pay and when to pay? Once I pay, the ad should be removed. Okay. I don't know how internet, computer works, but I'm sure we can do a lot of things now.

We're going to the other side of the moon currently. So if I pay and donate money to you, I'm fine. But you can't just leave that at the top. Like everything, you go to Wikipedia, it's just the whole page is, will you please. I can never get past it. It's like I want stuff to. It's like Angry Birds.

Just I want to pay to remove the ads. Oh, yeah. It's all I want to do. I'll give you everything. I can't find any reason. I think it's just, I mean. It has to be the, hey, I can get to you whenever I want thing. Oh, it's just like sending a message. Yeah.

You pull the pillow out? Yeah, they were created with other incredible feats, which ranged from removing the pillow from beneath a sleeping enemy, or assassinating a warlord from below while he sat on his toilet. Well, these stories are likely exaggerations. I mean, that one doesn't feel exaggerated. That feels... I mean, it doesn't...

Yeah, the... I don't even... If you're a ninja, I think y'all would be embarrassed. You go, what do you do? And he goes, well, I take a pillow out of... Oh, when I'm dead asleep, dude, you can pull a pillow. I lose my pillow on my own in my sleep. And I wake up and it's on the floor like why would i

not just think that happened there's no one having pillows fall on the ground back in those days how do you not just go hey you know what the guy just wakes up and you know sleep just grabs it sets it back on the bed and goes back to sleep never thinks of it again you he's like okay he goes i don't i gotta i mean it would take i gotta fire my housekeeper it would take 30 times you have to go you think it's a ninja coming in every night he goes i my pillow falls off every night and he goes like you tell me like once or twice a week now a month straight a month straight i woke up in the middle of night my pills on the ground and i grab it and have to put it back i don't even i don't know how we'd be like i bet it's and i don't and then if someone said i think it's a ninja you're like oh yeah

i hope so anyway so like it must be my arm or something like no one would even write a note put something else under it yeah well this says that uh people are so afraid of that in some parts they would put deliberately creaky floor boards in their house they'd have confusing layouts revolving doors hidden trap doors just you know they don't want somebody sneaking in and i think rearranging the bedding yeah i mean it's is that what a ninja is like a great mover? That's basically what they do. They're just like, well, come in, take your couch, put a new couch in.

You won't even know we're there. You're like, oh, that's a pretty good service. Thank you, man. You just do it whenever you want. You go, we're getting the house. Don't worry about it. Give us the address. And you wake up and have a new couch.

You just see them. That would be a good ninja movement service. And that's the, when am I going to get the couch? We don't tell you, but one day you will wake up and there will be a new couch upstairs. And then just in the middle of the night, they got a rope and they open the windows, the couch is going outside and a new one's coming in.

And it's like no one hears. They turn the lights off as they turn the corner and just it's like all very quiet. You wake up, there's a grand piano in your living room. Oh! Not a disket in there. Ninja moving. Thanks.

Here's some recent ninja stories. The 1998 East Java Ninja Scare was an outbreak of mass hysteria in East Java, Indonesia, in which the local population believed they were being targeted by sorcerers known as ninja who were blamed for mysterious killings of religious leaders by assassins dressed in black. 150 to 300 sorcerers were killed in a year. So they thought it was like the ninjas were just taking over. Well, it doesn't sound like ninjas because ninjas don't wear black outfits. That's true.

Well, this is 1998. Everything's a little more kitschy. Yeah. You know, they did it up. outfits that's true well this is 1998 everything's a little more kitschy yeah you know you know they did it up but so but they all those leaders were really killed well you i mean even 150 to 300 which is quite a range for 1998 yeah you should probably count a little bit better yeah yeah yeah it's low enough that you should you can go a 1,000, 2,000 people. Yeah. But you can't go, it's a little lazy writing to go, how many people died?

You know, a good bit. Quite a few. Also, what's going on in your town? More than you, enough that I should know. Yeah, 150 or twice that. Yeah. I mean, what's going on in your town where you have 300 sorcerers in it? I think there's just a lot going on, man.

I mean, it just. Yeah. I think that's the weird question. Like, nobody's asking that question. Like, I don't think I've ever met lot going on, man. I mean, just. Yeah. I think that's the weird. Like, nobody's asking that question. Like, I don't think I've ever met a sorcerer. Yeah. And y'all got 300 of them? Yeah.

Well, they all, not anymore. I mean. Yeah. In 2019, a mysterious group of people dressed in ninja outfits have been ringing residents' doorbells around East Java. At first, residents thought it was a simple prank until it was observed that the perpetrators were wearing ninja costumes and were adults.

Why would they? That's like the new pillow. It's like, there you go. It's just ding-dong ditch people. That's their new, like, just so you know, we can always get your outside doorbell without you knowing so just we're watching just you go all right oh that's pretty scary yeah well how do you know first of all if you're ringing the doorbell how do you know that it's

i mean they don't have the ring camera well this is 2019 i bet a lot of them do yeah yeah this is three years there's got to be camera footage of that. I think there might be. We're not that kind of podcast. I'm just – We don't put video evidence. I saw your Google Pelos, so I was like, I understand. I'd want to see how the ninja approached the ring and how he got away.

Because it's like if you see him just run away like a very wide need or something, you're like, well, that's not a ninja, dude. I think a ninja would be able to go underneath it and would hit it, and you would never see it. I don't understand. If you steal somebody's pillow, you don't ring a door. I don't know why you would draw attention to yours. That's not very ninja at all.

You're never going to find it because it's a doorbell ninja. Yeah, there's a brand. There's a company. Yeah. There's a brand. I truly missed that thing. SEO. Ring Ninja Doorbell Indonesia.

Oh, maybe, you know what? It seems like, was it an ad for this Ninja Doorbell? Like, I mean, it should be like a good ad. Yeah. Somebody said the commercial was real. You're like, where did you see this? We're like, oh, I saw it on TV. There's the news. You're like, no, no, that was like a good ad. Yeah. Somebody said the commercial was real. You're like, where did you see this? We're like, oh, I saw it on TV. There's the news.

You're like, no, no, that was like a commercial. And you're like, find out over there. They're like, what? They don't know about commercials? It's not all just like real programming? You're like, no, no, no, no, no. They do like commercials and stuff. And that's what I don't.

I understand. Yeah, I would be worried too if you're like golly dude it seems like every 30 minutes to an hour this is happening the doorbell rigs yeah that's how you get a number i don't know 150 300 yeah what do you know what do you know about the samurai a samurai i'm also big like the uh bigger swords lots of armor you know but they're not as quiet no they're kind of the opposite they're out in the open yeah uh they're it's a hereditary military nobility so it's uh and the officer cast of medieval and early modern japan this is from the 1100s to 1876. 700 years of

there being samurai. It's a big honor thing. It's basically like if comedy was ninja and samurai, ninjas would be improv people and

samurai would be stand-up comedians. Yes. They don't like each other. They don't like no they don't like each other at all oh really yeah they're they despise well because samurais are very like they're like there's like like a lot like a military like no no it's like lineage it's like a it's like a ancestry there's lots of blood like there's all these big things um there's lots of honor there's's codes, and they kind of fight for one goal, a tribe, and they have a code. And ninjas are kind of like not that. They're peasants.

That's why a lot of times like ninjas will fight and learn with weird weapons because a lot of them are like farming weapons. Like that's where they start and they've just modified them to be able to climb walls, throw like little throwing knives. You know, a lot of times they're like gardening tools. Like when you see ninja weapons, a lot of times

they're like, you see like the three hook thing. The claw like is like a, kind of like a hoe. Yeah. So it's like, that's what it is. It's all like kind of,

they learned how to use everyday peasant weapon like things to make weapons and samurais are very much like our like armor tactics yeah um and it's their their strive for perfection and everything and it's not just in fighting it's like they they like they make tea and stuff like that and uh they do like artists are very, they do like calligraphy and stuff. It's a whole thing. The samurai were generally highly literate and skilled in mathematics. The samurai culture produced a great number of uniquely Japanese arts,

such as the tea ceremony, rock gardens, and flower arranging. They studied calligraphy and literature, wrote poetry, and produced ink paintings. These are Renaissance men. Yeah. That's what it sounds like. So which one are the stand-ups and which one are the improv people? I mean, I like to think that the samurai are stand-ups,

because we think we're better than everybody else. Because we are. So samurai, they did all that stuff too? So they were like, they didn't know how to fight? They did know how to fight. They followed an unwritten code of conduct, later formalized as the bushido. Do you know how to pronounce Japanese words?

No, not a chance. I mean, I can read them, but I don't know if they're correct. The ideal samurai would be a stoic warrior who followed this code, which held bravery, honor, and personal loyalty above life itself. At their peak, up to 10% of Japan's population were samurai. Wow. 10% of them were. That's crazy.

Yeah. That's a lot. So that's almost like they're police. It's their military. But it's hereditary. It's like a no uh a nobility class yeah like of uh it's like a special class are they like navy seals or they're even you know it's a hereditary thing yeah oh like you got to be born it's like having royal blood

yeah yeah yeah and you like have to be a samurai under special circumstances an individual from outside japan could come and join and fight alongside them they could even become one so there's still time yeah i'm working on it i mean i got i got my applications but you got to be you got to be allowed to do that yeah you got to be welcomed in well then it's not very hereditary you know like oh but we also do a thing we take people from utah if they want to be the same that's the only way like thatitary you know like oh but we also do a thing we take people from utah if they want to be the same that's the only way like that's you know like uh only four european men ever have done it so it's you know you make exceptions be the first american it just seems like there's a

there's a loophole to be like my blood my grand grandfather all this was samurais this is john he's from idaho and you're like oh hey john he's like yeah they just you know i could i you know i had a bunch of miles so i flew on over and came samurai you know see what's up uh the uh the brutality some of this is uh i'm not gonna read a lot of this because it gets pretty in depth but let's just say some samurais would check if their swords were sharp enough by just randomly beheading people as they passed them by on the road yeah what's a good way to find out yeah when yeah 2019 they ring your doorbell yeah they don't have any footage of that you're like no they're good dude you can't hear them it's just like once you see them run away it's like when you open the door

like you hear those wind chimes like every time you're like what is that was this samurai in here like you always hear ding ding ding ding ding ding ding and you're like dad gummit is that a samurai got it again so uh this is the samurai would often hire ninjas to do their dirty work if they wanted stuff to be done that violated their personal code of conduct they would just hire a ninja to do it i honestly it seems samurai are a little corrupt it read at the beginning like it was like this thing and then it switched to like let's make sure our swords sharp enough and we're beheading people and you're like well you can't do that i don't care what year

it is it just it just doesn't make sense and once a little bit that your rumors of that get around i mean who's not rolling their windows up as they go by samurai i think you're just you got that cranking it up samurai up here you know and you're i don't uh so it seems like they're bad guys and the ninja ninja feels like you could trust a ninja more i think but you can also pay a ninja to do whatever you want yeah they're also like mercenaries oh yeah that's true at least samurai samurai has a code i mean i don't think they do though because their code is very loosey-goosey i mean it sounds like they always want their short sword to be sure yeah you go from your code starts at the beginning their main code is you got a bit bloodline but we also you know we open to meet people and see if that fits uh

and then they go into like but you gotta you got a. You can't break this code. But if you want to break the code, call a ninja. You know, say, hey, man, I want you to do some stuff. How do I check my swords? Well, just kill the townspeople and just see if your sword is sharp enough. I will say this about the samurai. They were pretty progressive for their time. Women would fight alongside male samurai in combat. In fact, recent archaeological evidence indicates the Japanese women

participated frequently in battles. DNA tests conducted at the site of the 1580 Battle of some word I won't pronounce. 35 out of the 105 bodies were female. It's a pretty good percentage where's that movie yeah where is that move i mean little samurai trying to remake oceans eight you just this is it's already there it's in history yeah because hollywood but hollywood's gonna make these samurais you know have like j-lo's body and you're like that's not gonna be true you know like you're there's no way 35 if 35 i there, it's like, these are some strong women.

Oh, dude. Yeah. For sure. Got some traps on them. Yeah. I mean, to even carry that stuff around is probably just the weight of that. I mean, their armor's not – it's not – I don't know who I'm on board with here.

I don't know if you necessarily have to pick a side. I think you do. Well, if you want to have a podcast and we have a conversation, maybe you should. But, yeah, if you want to just move on and end it early, then, yeah. Then don't pick a side. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, I'll pick a side. It sounds like ninja talk is what that sounds like. Oh, I can do whatever side I want. I don't know. Something like samurai blood. I don't think you could. I think a ninja, I at least like that I know what I'm getting. I know what I'm getting, and I don't know what I'm getting.

But I treat them as always, I don't know what I'm getting. And a samurai, I think you would think, well, I think I'm getting this one thing, and then there's a chance you're getting. Well, sometimes samurais could become ninjas. Because a lot of times they followed a warlord or something like that so if the warlord dies you're supposed to you know not exist anymore yeah so but if you decide to not have honor and do that then you could become a ninja and become a so the warlords were in charge of these samurais yeah so like it's kind of like you have one you have houses so there's one guy is kind of in charge mafia harry potter i mean yeah

god i mean both are not incorrect okay i don't know what harry potter is but it's i know i mean i know what it is i never watch the houses are and so yeah we actually had a house system at my high school yeah modeled after sam right kind of now modeled after harry potter almost right when you when you go to the harry potter how'd you get into notre dame there you go is that what you went in total and as you try to get accepted into notre dame just you know i'm a sorcerer what's your uh so how was your high school set up well we, we did it. You've seen Harry Potter. So I was a wizard, and I was on the wizard team. And then we get over here.

Have you heard of like Gryffindor, Slytherin? So when you go to the school, you're assigned one of these four houses. And that's the community that you live in. So is that not unlike what you're describing? I mean, I wouldn't have started with Harry Potter. Maybe we started with Greek life. That's maybe how I would have described it. Okay, okay. But like so you would go and so you would – like your classes would be on Slither.

Is that what that means? No, you would still – that's just like the community that you live in and stuff. You still have classes. Wait, in high school? In my high school, we would... You live there? No. No, I thought you were still talking about Harry Potter.

My high school, we have... The grades were like houses. Yeah. Oh, so like... It's just another way of calling. Would you call them Harryry potter names no they're named after saints well i thought you were saying but it was kind of modeled after the same thing is what i'm trying to say probably the saints first i would imagine okay you think

did they come up with it right around harry potter i think it started after oh really yeah the school opened after harry potter was already oh wow and then they're trying to cover their tracks by going with some saint things. Was it a Catholic high school? Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, how were you guys? Did they even have it in the library?

Yeah, we love Harry Potter. I mean, we were, I mean, Oklahoma, they were real, like, you know, we've got witchcraft coming in here. Like, we're dicey, you know? Yeah. We love it. This is old. This is young, the young version that they get.

They're being taught by themselves, and they don't have any system in place. There's no fear of anybody. They listen to no authority, and the authority just lets them do whatever. It goes, do you want to be Harry Potter people? And you're like, I don't know. I got hit for trying to watch it one time. But, yeah, I guess my class can be called slither.

So let's just do it. You know? Yeah. Here's what, here's a fun one, Justin. Did ninjas have superpowers? Superhuman or supernatural powers are sometimes associated with the ninja. Such powers include flight and visibility, shape-shifting, the ability to split into multiple bodies. For example, one guy who lived in the 1600s claimed in his own writings that he had

the ability to transform into birds and animals. Do you believe him? I mean, I just feel like it's a translation issue, honestly. If you've been around religion greek to english i have no old english you don't you know maybe just been like hey i like birds and it's just a we're just maybe he wasn't good at calligraphy and you think we're so bad at interpreting japanese that we wrote i mean i don't know if you read the comment section of any any anything but not great well i mean that thing you read earlier was 150 300 so it could be kind of that scenario yeah it's like what's that because birds i'll tell you later because i i gotta write it to that could turn into birds done miscommunication that's all i'm saying yeah but it's like i i think if you if you had stuff out of context, you would think, like, if you see, like, magicians, you're like, oh, like, you see a magician, you know, be in a place where he's like, oh, he's in a cloth, you know, bucket with swords coming down.

And then all of a sudden he's, you know, the knives come down and he's not in the bucket. He's in the back of the theater. You go, oh, he's a shapeshifter. You're like, no, he's just good with. Getting back there real fast. So you think this is probably a i like to hear what you see you know no he's just good at like you know this is getting out of the way and running we can't see him this is you this is i'm you talking about you know everything else is like this is me with magic yeah the bucket and the swords that's those are all that woman's just good at like like she's cut in half.

You're like, that's not a ninja. She's good at shapeshifting. Yeah, she's good. Oh my gosh, she's a shapeshifter. She's a shapeshifter. What are you, crazy dude? She's good at being cut in half. So this is just misinterpreted magic. That's all this is. I'm just saying, I mean, it's just, listen, I've scared people before.

As a warlord, it's bad, right? As a warlord, bad? bad, right? Is a warlord bad? It's just a guy that's good at war. I think it has a negative connotation now for sure. Okay, yeah. But back then it was like, so they just walked around and did wars. So would you have, you would have a king?

And then does that king have a warlord? Specific warlord? Like a commander? Where Specific warlord? Like a commander? Where does the warlord live? Does he live in a country that's run by, is he the top? I don't know. That's a good question. Like if you're, you know, the president, if we were like, we talked to our president in the United States,

and then we're like, well, I'd like to hear what the warlord thinks. And then we go listen to him, and he's like in Cleveland on Zoom. And he's like, well, I think we're going to – I got some different plans than what the president wants us to do. I don't think you really have to ask what the warlord wants to do. I feel like it's in the game. I know, but is he against it? It's like is he – because I thought warlords would take over.

Wouldn't they take over kingdoms and stuff? I mean, I feel like they're more like, it's like muscle. They're like the guys like. Look up what a warlord is. I think a warlord takes over. I think it sounds. Otherwise, like, you know what he is. He's like, oh, no, he's a, how are you doing?

I'm a warlord. Like, once he says it, you're like, oh, God. Yeah, so this is all about the feudal system, the caste system there in Japan. Was head of some clan, launched a war against other something to unify Japan in the 1560s. in the 1560s. So samurai made up the ruling military class that eventually became the highest ranking social caste of the period.

So yeah, they are running stuff. What did I say? I don't know what the caste system is. You ever heard like serfs and peasants and royalty? That's all a caste system. Where you're in different social tiers, essentially. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You could argue we live in one now. Yeah, yeah. Though I wouldn't. Well, two of them fought last night. Yeah. They're, all right. But a warlord is, yeah. I don't think you really answered anything.

I don't think I did either. Just look, type in what is a warlord. What is a warlord? Just in general? In general. I was looking at medieval Japan. Well, let's just, let's start from here. A military commander, especially an aggressive regional commander with individual autonomy.

That's the big distinction there at the end. Yeah. Individual autonomy. What is an example of warlord an aggressive tyrant just another word to describe i think they take over they take over the place and they have individual autonomy so they're not answering to a king i guess yes that's what i mean like you don't have if you're a king you don't go well what's the warlord doing? Warlords are like, it's like a pirate that would like, but bigger, but comes in and just goes, I'm going to run your whole thing. And then no one can do anything. His people take over the military.

Right. And now that country is run by him. Most of the time they're military people, so they already have, I feel like they'd have control. Because they're like the highest guy. So if you run the military, then you kind of control the country. But I think they – well, I think they could break off. You could have a general, you have a guy at the top, whatever, but then if he gets a little bad and becomes a warlord and he sends all those people to fight the government.

I would think the warlord gets like, it's like a word of mouth and eventually can get big enough. As it starts and goes, hey. So he's got to get street cred? Well, he's been doing some little buzz going and he's like, he goes, I'm thinking about being a warlord. And someone goes, I've been waiting for you to say that my whole life. And then you go, all right, we got two people.

And then you never go out and say, hey, I'm a warlord. I would love to. You say, I think the government's doing us bad. We should get together. And then you get everybody. Eventually, you have 1,000, 2,000 people. Right. Some publicity, some videos, some promo stuff.

A lot of people on board with you in the city, the town. They're like, oh, yeah, that does make sense. And then he eventually takes over. And then you're like, that guy might be a warlord. I think you think that as you read the paper the next morning. He seemed like a nice guy when we talked to him. But the more I'm – they're not saying it, but I think he feels like he's a warlord. I'm checking a lot of boxes.

Checking a lot of boxes. He's been decapitating a lot of people. Yeah. That seems crazy. he's a warlord. I'm checking a lot of boxes. Checking a lot of boxes. He's been decapitating a lot of people. Yeah. That seems crazy. It's not looking good. I look at my entire closet, and it's all military uniforms. So I feel like I'm, you know, just. So what do you recommend for me, Justin or Nate?

I've never seen any of these kind of movies. Well, where do I start? Beverly Hills Ninja. Beverly Hills Ninja. Okay. Start there. i i mean honestly blood sport is absolutely one of my favorite movies i mean it's we gotta watch it we'll watch on the bus i mean i'm a huge fan yeah um i would say uh ninja turtles the first one

is a good one also okay uh. Honestly, like a real good, other than Tom Cruise being in it, The Last Samurai is a really good depiction. I never saw it, but I know it got a ton of flack because... Oh, yeah. Well, it's like... But basically what they did was

they found that thing where it's like only four people. The thing that you read where it's like only four people have become ninjas. And they go, oh, well, let's just write a story about that guy and just make that guy Tom Cruise. And they go, oh, well, let's just write a story about that guy

and just make that guy Tom Cruise. Oh, yeah. Oh, so they're not pretending that he's Japanese in this movie? No, no, no. Oh, that's what I thought it was. The whole thing is he's an American soldier, and he adopts into the culture. Oh, that's so funny.

I thought he was just supposed to be Japanese. It's very much. I think everybody probably does. It's very Dances with Wolves. Okay. In that vein. That's what. Oh, that's about a guy getting with wolves? Yeah, exactly.

Is it? Yeah. Oh, I've never seen that. I don't think I've ever seen Dances with Wolves. The ultimate love story. Is it? Yeah. It won the Oscar over Goodfellas. That's very true.

Oh, really? Dancing with Wolves. I've never seen it. Is it good or is it like. Oh, it's unbelievable. I feel like it's a whole thing. It probably is, what, seven hours long or something crazy? Yeah. I've never seen it. Is it good or is it like, I always feel like it's a whole thing. It probably is, what,

seven hours long or something crazy? Yeah. I'm sure. You're talking about Dances with Wolves. I'm sure it's long. It just looks like

a long movie. Anytime I see it and you're like, I don't think I've seen it, then I'm like, it feels like kind of a whole thing. That was Kevin Costner's,

I think, his first movie he directed. Oh, yeah. And it was great. It was great. There it is great it was great there it is in fact uh is it he you know he lived he doesn't live with wolves but they he there's there's wolves in this oh yeah there's no wolves there's so many wolves oh yeah well i just won just one wolf then why is the wolves dances with wolf well yeah it's the potentialances with wolf. Yeah. It's the potential. I danced with the wolf.

It's the potential of other wolves. Oh, maybe. There's only one confirmed wolf. Is a wolf a metaphor in this? I mean, I would say so. I mean, it's a metaphor, but it also is a real one. Okay. Am I going to watch it in the first two minutes?

I'm going to be like, oh, okay. Is it like that? No. Oh. It's a good... It's a very good movie. Yeah. I like it very much.

Okay. Yeah. But I think any movie that shines a light on Native culture... Yeah. That's one of the reasons I love that Taylor Sheridan is doing so good right now, because he's a big advocate for Native people. Who is Taylor? Who is that?

He does Yellowstone. Oh, yeah. But he did, he wrote Hell or High Water and then he did, what's the movie? I just watched it with Jeremy Renner in it.

There you go. Wow. Kicking the teeth right there. There you go. You get sentimental around Nate for five seconds. I know, dude. That's why I know he would be great at jiu-jitsu if he ever did it. Just like, is he opening his heart up just a little bit?

Yeah. His little clogged heart. Well, guess what? This is the death touch right here. Bam! That's all it takes. I'm going to go learn some Muay Thai. What was the other one?

I don't want to be rolling around on the ground. I had a guy, by the way, I had a guy reach out to me who's a storm chaser. No way. He wants to make this happen. Oh, yeah? Yeah. He's in Texas. Yeah.

He said April to the next four or five months is the season. Yeah. Oh. All the way to June. So if you want to make it happen, we can make it season. Yeah. Oh. All the way to June. So if you want to make it happen, we can make it happen. Okay. Yeah. I got to go.

You're going to go? I would do it in a heartbeat. Yeah. You going to go chase after a tornado with us? Man. Oh, you live in Oklahoma. Oh, yeah, man. Dude.

He lives here now. Yeah. Where you say that? I live here now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm a Nashville guy now. Yeah.

He's in Nashville. He lives here now. Mm-hmm. That's right. I'll take that back. I'm sorry. Very excited. So if you guys are out there.

You look like the one from Oklahoma. I mean, only one of us is wearing Mossy Oak right now. This definitely doesn't look like a guy from Nashville guy. You from Oklahoma, you say it real weird. You're like, I mean, you got a camo jacket on in the middle of the day, nowhere near woods. Who do you think's from Oklahoma? That's probably more Tennessee, to be honest.

Yeah, that's for sure. Y'all wear camo? Oh, yeah. But is it? We got a Bass Pro Shop. We got big Walmarts. We love the Mossy Oak is the brand. I feel like y'all would walk around more dressed like a rock or something.

A rock? How's a rock rock dress i don't know you just got like your shape should be rocks and like wheat grass and then you're we do have unique rocks yeah there's a thing there's a rock in oklahoma that you can only find in oklahoma it's called a rose rock oh wow but it's like it only grows in a certain part of oklahoma but it's like it literally looks like a rose. It's crazy. Oh, wow. That's crazy. I don't believe that.

Have you ever seen one? Yeah, I had a bunch of them. Oh. I was actually going to bring some for you guys. Why didn't you? But, well, because I don't know if five minutes ago on the podcast is a pretty good example. Yeah.

Hey, man, just so you know, this is part of my culture. I'm really proud of it. Oh, yeah? Exactly. Yeah, I think it's probably been the way you say it. That's very true. That's the problem with comics is you can't say something serious, even though we will think it's great.

But even if you said this is part of my culture, I'm proud of it, I would like to give you this. I would then make fun of you, and then I would say, I really do appreciate it. That's very nice. But I'm going to have a hard time not, if you get presented something, and you go like, all right, dude. My comedian friend of mine who was a groomsman at my wedding,

he pulled me aside. He goes, hey, dude, I just want to say I'm honored to be a part of this. I just laughed at his face. We can't do this. I go, I appreciate it, but let's just not. Yeah, this can't happen, dude. He's it but let's just not you know yeah this can't happen he's like hey just you know your fly's undone yeah pretty much uh robert said he just said well i just so you know i regret it and i will regret it for the rest of my life now i did

it until you said that and then i've that was the beginning of regret just so you if you want a timeline there was the beginning of regret and no it will go till the day it'll never end never end all right uh all right everybody uh thank you we're back uh uh i'm in birmingham the day this comes out birmingham on the 30th and then 31st. Justin's with me. 31st is sold out. 30th, Wednesday, go get tickets. Then I'm in Knoxville and then Charleston, I believe. And then I go to Vegas for the Grammys. Oh, man.

So the Grammys will be – I'm doing the live stream. I'm presenting on the Grammys at the live stream. That's when our award is being announced as well. And so it's like – I want to say it's three to five Eastern or Pacific maybe. I don't know. I posted it on Instagram. Just look at the live stream. Supposedly the live streams are – it's the new cool thing that people are watching.

Yeah. Like that people like that because it's – They're going to be watching it for last night. That's for sure. Yeah. Oh for sure yeah oh yeah you don't know dude i might i might hit somebody just be you never know uh but i get a present award so at least i will get a walk up there and see what that's like no matter what uh congratulations buddy it's amazing it's so good thanks man don't get getting i regret ever saying I was going to get this Grammy. I love you, man.

It's just nice. I love you. You got me, Justin. How many times? How many times? You take your hat off, there's a rose rock underneath it. Where were you keeping that the whole time?

You're like, well, I had it upside down. You couldn't see. You're like, oh, it upside down you couldn't see oh all right all right uh so i'll be there justinsmith.com comedy.com uh just with comedy on instagram uh you have a website yeah i do but i'm i'm needing to redo it so that's i was waiting to move here and then yeah find a good Nashville guy. That's good.

You can probably build it here easier than the internet. I mean, I... You're waiting for the big move before you build something that doesn't matter where it lives? That's a smart idea. I wanted to get my location correct before I built my address that only people not around me look at. before I built my address that only people not around me look at. You're Mr. Oklahoma and you thought,

well, I'll take the work to someone else into another state. You're going to go to love. That's why you go to love. It's the guilt trip you got to have for paying the Tennessee people to fix your website. Yeah, so go to his Instagram.

All your stuff's on this special we will obviously keep you updated on the special and uh let you know when that comes out uh aaron yeah bristol tennessee chattanooga tennessee brian and i are co-headlining a show outside of atlanta in may in woodstock georgia at madlife stages studios it's our first time doing anything out there then we'll be in Wise Guys in June. I got a lot of dates coming up, so I hope you can come see it.

Check them out. Yeah, man. It's going to be a great show. Great show. Aaron Land. Last time I undersold it.

That was Aaron Land. That was Aaron Land for sure. Yeah. That was all Aaron Land. A little mini episode. As always, thank you

everybody. We love you very much. Thank you for listening to this, and we will see you very much uh thank you for listening to this and uh we will uh see you uh next time see you nateland is produced by nateland productions and by by me, Nate Bargetze, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in.

Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast.