The Nateland Podcast - #95 The Earth LIVE at Zanies feat. Mike Vecchione

Episode Date: April 20, 2022

Who named the Earth? How fast does the Earth spin? How deep could you dig a hole in the Earth? This week, in honor of Earth Day the guys discuss the Earth in front of a live audience at Zanies Comedy Club with special guest Mike Vecchione.   Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]   Solo Stove - SoloStove.com   Shop now and get up to 30% off fire pits all month long, AND use promo code NATE at checkout to get an extra $20 off. Plus a lifetime warranty and FREE 30-day returns. Just go to solostove.com. And remember, you get $20 off when you use promo code NATE.     Helix - HelixSleep.com/Nate   Helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners at HelixSleep.com/NATE. That’s up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders AND two free pillows at HelixSleep.com/NATE.     Athletic Greens - AthleticGreens.com/Nate   Right now, it’s time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient, daily nutrition — especially heading into the flu and cold season!  It’s just one scoop in a cup of water every day. That’s it! No need for a million different pills and supplements to look out for your health.  To make it easy, Athletic Greens Is going to give you a FREE 1 year supply of immune-supporting Vitamin D AND 5 FREE travel packs with your first purchase.  All you have to do is visit ATHLETIC GREENS.com/NATE.   Again, that is ATHLETIC GREENS.com/NATE to take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance!     Babbel - Babbel.com/Nate Right now, save up to 60% off your subscription when you go to BABBEL.com/NATE.  That’s BABBEL.com/NATE for up to 60% off your subscription. Babbel—Language for life.     Every Man Jack - EveryManJack.com   ·       Every Man Jack Men’s Care – Naturally Derived, Outdoor Inspired.  ·       Look for them at Target, Walmart, Amazon, or everymanjack.com.

Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick. And together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed. If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching. We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine. We're talking the Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker,

the Ted Bundy tapes. What else? The Turpin 13. Yes. The amazing sisters who basically tell the story. The girl in the picture. Yes. All the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends. We're your friends now. We're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yes. The amazing sisters who basically tell the story, the girl in the picture. Yes. All the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends.

We're your friends. Now we're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yeah. We're true crime obsessed podcast, citrus and apple podcast, Spotify, or wherever you listen. You guys ready to get this show started?

All right, coming to the stage right now, your hosts, Nate Bargatze, Brian Bates, Aaron Weber, and special guest, Mike Beccione. Thank you. It's very nice. Mike Vecchione needs coffee. A little bit of diva. Got to bro. Thank you guys.

Obviously so much for coming out. This is very, very nice. It's amazing to support y'all show. And we're going to start off with first off. Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick. And together we make the podcast true crime obsessed. If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show

because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching. We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine. We're talking the Hatchet-Wielding Hitchhiker, the Ted Bundy tapes. What else? The Turpin 13. Yes. With the amazing sisters who basically tell the story. The girl in the picture. Yes. All the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends.

We're your friends now. We're the friends you talk to talk about with your friends, we're your friends now. We're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yeah. We're True Crime Obsessed Podcast. Stitch us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. There you go.

There you go. All right. Let's go, folks. Thank you. Thank you for... I know we have to read these ads, but look, when we read them,

just always know y'all are supporting this and supporting stuff that we're doing farther along, like making Mike Vecchione special tomorrow night. Nice. Yeah, it's a big deal. We got a great special here at Zany's. And please come to it, guys, if you haven't already gotten your tickets,

which are still available. Still available. And even if you're here on this Wednesday when it comes out, please, please still come to it. And that's the most important thing, I think. But we're excited for that. I'm directing.

I don't, Mike, when should I tell you I don't know how to direct? When would you want to know that? Oh, yeah, it might be. Yeah, it's Wednesday. I'll tell them that Wednesday. You're right. Dang, gum it. Look at that shirt.

I know, that's awesome. That's so awesome. Yeah. It's got the Grammy. We're going to get a picture or something. We'll do it. We won't make you. I'm like, come get got the Grammy. We're going to get a picture or something. We'll do it. We won't make you. I'm like, come get on the table.

You know? The whole thing. Yeah, yeah. It's out. Again, all right. Let's get started with these comments to get it going. Northridge SB. Very funny episode.

Aaron called the Flay of Fish meat-free. And Nate acted like, buy one, get funny episode. Aaron called the Filet-O-Fish meat-free. And Nate acted like buy one, get one free. Margaritas is a better deal than half-off margaritas. And in both instances, no one said a word. Par for the course for this hilarious podcast. Thank you all for the laughs. I had a fish last night really yeah you went meat free huh but i went meat free uh yeah because i was

i'm trying to i'm still trying to eat better but then when i get home and get can get off the rails when i don't have my barber with me and so i was like then i when i go off, I go off. And so I had number one little side filet-o-fish. Nice. You got the side sandwich. I got the side sandwich. Big Mac meal with a filet-o-fish side sandwich. Side sandwich. You got it, dude.

I went medium fries. There you go. He goes, you want large? I go, ah. And I led on enough that he put in large on the screen. And I go, I'll do medium. He had to change it. Half off margaritas is a better deal than buy one, get one.

It's the same deal. Well, if you're only drinking one. If you're only drinking one, then you only have to pay half price. If you only want one, then you pay normal price, and then you got an extra one. Yeah, but everybody's an alcoholic. What about meat-free? Catholics don't think fish is meat? I don't know what fish is.

It's not meat. It's not a fruit. It's not a vegetable. It's not meat. So it's kind of its own thing. Yeah. Alright. You're just hoping Jesus hasn't heard about it. He's like, what's that? He goes, we're eating fish. He goes, ah, damn it, I never thought about,

I should have said fish specifically. Sarah Chia, or Chia? Chia. Chia, right here. Look at this. Oh, okay. Oh, you know her. Wow, Nashville is small.

Nashville is small. We know her. We know her. She, Nashville is small. Nashville is small. We know her. We know her. She's our cousin. Just kidding. I'm not a Catholic, is what she says, but when I was a baby and my parents wouldn't take me to be baptized by a priest, my devoutly Catholic uncle baptized me over his kitchen sink.

I'm interested in your official Catholic educated opinion on whether I could become Pope more than just theoretically. So would that count? I think the baptism might be valid. Where I think you're going to run into some trouble is being a woman. I think that might...

Wow. Shots fired, Aaron. I didn't make the rules. That's not what you said before though I know we don't do it it's Notre Dame dude Notre Dame makes the rules

you gotta be you can't go there if you're a woman that's Aaron go ahead tell them you can't women are not allowed

to go to Notre Dame Aaron go ahead tell them they've been around they've had started allowing women in the 70s oh that's cool

yeah God look one day you get a right to vote and y'all can change that alright They've started allowing women in the 70s. Oh, that's cool. They've been around for a while. Yeah, God. Look, one day you get a right to vote, and y'all can change that, all right? But if you are baptized, and if your uncle did it, I think you could be both. Even if it was over in the city. You said anyone could be if you're a baptized Catholic. That's over half the world population. Yeah, I forgot about women.

Do they really not let, they don't let women? Nah. Yeah, someone's going to get a hold of that. This new 2022, they're going to get a hold of that real quick, and then that's going to change. Like, well, we've been doing it like this because of God and stuff, and they're like, doesn't matter. Even if you tell God we want women.

God and stuff, and they're like, doesn't matter. Even if you tell God we want women. Isn't that how they baptize people in Nashville, in the kitchen sink? Hill folk? He thinks we're all hill folk. All right? He comes from education background. The North.

The North. Thank you. We got some union folk here. Wow, yeah. Isn't this y'all's time's off? Mike's going to leave during the set for union hours. He goes, I got to leave. I can't work for some of this. Courtney Pruitt.

Whenever someone mentions Easter egg hunts, I get an instant tension headache. I went to a small church in San Diego, and we wanted to put on an Easter fair for the local community. I was in charge of the egg hunt and grossly underestimated the number of families who'd come. There weren't enough eggs for all the kids, and I'll never forget children and parents wandering around looking for eggs when they'd all been snatched up in the first 30 seconds and i'll never forget how angry the parents were at the end what a terrible way for a church to serve the community i've never helped with an egg hunt since and i never will this is survival

of the fittest it's the best should let them know not everybody's gonna get in heaven you know they want to they want a shot at it well you gotta earn it you know what i mean it would have been better if she said that at the beginning i think you just go we don't have enough eggs so right these eggs are you know very valuable something prize what's i don't know the word uh i don't even know what i was trying to say there's something i would have liked uh carrion nutson right k-n-u-d-s-e-n newton newton knutson carrion knutson we just had a squirrel attack our car wires as well my dad is a mechanic and he said use original scent irish spring bars of soap put it in a sock and fasten it up underneath the car and it works i haven't yet but i will uh do irish spring bar soap put it it's always like so much extra stuff

yeah it's like you want it to be like all right just get soap and you're like all right just throw it in the car or something it's like no no no you got to get a sock that you're fine getting rid of and then you got to fasten it up underneath the car special scent irish speak no original scent do you have to then move it like you have to before you go out there get it out and then always go back and forth? I don't know. Like when everybody goes to your car, you got to, do you mind popping that hood? And then you just untie your sock and soap.

What does it mean it works? It keeps the squirrels away or they get poisoned when they eat it? No, it keeps them away. Yeah. It gets clean. Apparently squirrels are attacking her and Bates' car. On a regular basis.

No one else has heard any about this ever. Me and Carrie Ann. Carrie Ann and Bates have got a wild squirrel thing going on. Lauren Watson, to get rid of the squirrels. There's more squirrel stuff. Put a flashing radio clock out there and let it play 24-7.

We got rid of squirrels and garden critters this way. You can also sprinkle human hair and they smell it and stay away. Yeah. Keeps.com. Is that away. Keeps.com. Is that right? Brian can't afford it. He's like, I don't know. I can't just throw hair out there.

I'd rather have the squirrels. Yeah. It's a lot of stuff. Why is it a radio clock? I don't know. Hair works? To put human hair just... Wow.

It doesn't blow away. Is Lauren here? Yeah, Lauren. Y'all know Lauren, dude? All right. Y'all know all of you. Y'all didn't give them, no one of them got tickets?

You're like... Yeah, I don't know. I mean, the flashing red clock, I think just, I don't know, if you want to know. You put the plug in. If you're letting the squirrels know you're white trash, you're like, well, how are they going to know if I don't have a car out there?

You're like, well, put a flashing radio clock and let it play the whole time. That kind of lets everybody know what's up at your house. Don't bother breaking in. There ain't much in here we got we got the our all our expenses are out in the yard with our flashing radio clock that keeps the squirrels away i just would like you to explain that to your neighbors is your alarm going off all right uh everybody really bailed on me i was i was like we're about to get on a run and then everybody's like

that's enough Melody Trippett is this you? wow alright Melody can I set this up? Melody's the one last week who booked the

plane tickets and the house and then her boyfriend broke up with her oh yes wait a second he didn't? she's got a story in the house and then her boyfriend broke up with her. Oh yes. She needs somebody to come with her. Wait a second.

He didn't? She's got a story. There's a story to this. No. He's here, he's here. Well you can just go, wow. Oh he's here. The boyfriend's here. Tom.

There's a new guy. We're just piecing. What is this, the guiding light? Oh. The Nashville soap opera. So the comment says, my boyfriend and I got back together. He realized how amazing I am. So that's the gist of it?

What's that? That's the right, yes. Welcome back. Thank you. Congratulations. Welcome back. Congrats. We're big Melody fans, so we're glad you're back. Don't blow this ever again. Yeah.

Just, we were worried all last week, didn't know what was gonna happen. Melody, but he's sitting somewhere else because of the breakup? He's gotta work his way back into your life. Is that, is it symbolic what's happening here?

Because it's a what? Is it symbolic? Oh, I don't know. Symbolism? Can we get, can we get somebody to look that up?

Mike, we're trying to get people to come to your show tomorrow night. Golly. All right. Yeah. golly alright Melody you're coming? is your guy coming too? is your guy coming too?

y'all can maybe do this afterwards and Zoe Zoe Louise Jackman. I have been dying to come see all three of y'all in person. And even though I live in D.C., I finally convinced a friend to come see the live podcast taping in Nashville. And then went online to buy tickets and I literally bought the last one. So I'm coming alone.

Is she here? Zoe's here? All right, Zoe. so I'm coming alone. Is she here? Zoe's here? Hello. All right, Zoe. Please tell the... Stay away from her boyfriend. Yeah. Stay away. Stay away. There's a guy that's 50-50 over here

and he's like, what's up, Zoe? He's like, let me hear what Zoe's talking about. You know? Please tell the folks to be nice. So, be nice. Be nice to me so I'm not some loser sitting in the corner. You're not. We're all

alone. Mike's alone. Everybody's alone. We're all just a bunch alone. We're all a bunch of, you know, everybody's alone. We're all losers together. That's what makes us great. We ain't better than anybody. Thank you for coming. I'm glad you came. Even though alone, that's the best time,

that's the best way to go to stuff. I go to stuff alone all the time. Yeah, a lot. Like what? Yeah. I don't know. McDonald's? Movies.

I go McDonald's. McDonald's is alone in a parking lot. You know how many times I've done that? You're doing way better than that. You just try to find a real far spot away from like everything. And then someone parks next to you

and I mean, I get furious. Like you'd be like, dude, I'm in the middle of, I found a mall. There's no one even this, and then they, people just want to park

next to you. And they come up there and you're like, I mean, I'm embarrassed about what's happening in here. I feel like you're just going to get out of the car and look at my McDonald's and be like, Anna Flay of Fish? And I'm like about what's happening in here. I feel like you're just going to get out of the car and look at my McDonald's and be like,

and a flay of fish? And I'm like, well, my friend just left. As I make up a story, I'm like, my friend just ran out. He came and he said, give me a flay of fish. And I go, all right, you swear you're not going to leave? And then he left. Here we are. It's meatless.

At least it's meatless. It's meatless. I go, it's vegan. It's veganless. At least it's meatless. It's meatless. I go, it's vegan. It's vegan. Darja Pison. Darja Pison. P-I-S-O-N. That's a good guess.

That's a good one. Why is Aaron so freakishly good at ad reads? Aaron? Tell that to Miss Karaoke on YouTube. I'll tell you why. It's because I believe in the products. Yeah. That is a good one.

That's why. Aaron just, yeah, he's good at it. God, he went to college. I think there's just a... Did they teach you that? I think there's just, in general,

there's a low bar for reading out loud on the podcast. So I think what happens is... That could be very true yeah yeah

you read with confidence I mean it's a college education yeah I think so it's Notre Dame they teach you stuff like that during the day yeah Notre Dame

y'all what during the day I got yeah during the day I got my degree oh yeah not at night school

this is old night college over here we like to call it Twilight, the Twilight program. As it goes, you get a Subway sandwich at this window, grab your masters at the next. Welcome to night college. Tom Sites. Nate, can you explain how you produce and direct a comedy special?

Seems like I would just keep a camera on the comedian's show, so people cracking up from time to time. Can the same special with different directors really look that different? Thanks for shedding light on comedy specials. No, I don't think they can. And that's why I volunteered my time so up. There's more pressure on me than Mike.

Mike is doing me the favor because I don't know how to do directing and so i was like let me do this and i know he will be solid as a comic so it's like i can just hide and you'll be you don't know that i'm not good and we're doing it with another 800 pound gorilla which is a great partner that we have and they know what they're doing so i do have someone with me yeah i've asked a lot of questions everybody we talk to I'm like just remember I don't know how to do this so you can tell me

you don't know what you're doing but I think we got a good idea I think it would be really great if in the middle of it 15 minutes in I get rolling, get some momentum you just come up on stage and go cut cut everything and then just smack me in the face I'm like Mike what are you doing that's what I should, I will do the face. Yeah, I'm like, Mike, what are you doing?

That's what I should. I will do a lot of cutting tomorrow. I'm going to go cut, cut. Is Mike's special? Is just someone else up there? Still call it Mike. I'm like, halfway through it, I was like, this guy's not going to resonate. And we got someone else in.

Jared Robertson, just watched The Greatest Average American. I got to know who put syrup in the waffle maker. And I'll tell you who, Breakfast Bates over here. Yeah. They probably could have guessed that. Does it not make sense? Yeah. Once you're done, you're like, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. This is all day long. It was, yeah. Yeah. This is all day long. It was, yeah. He actually made me sound better than it really was. Yeah. It was worse than, yeah. I was trying to be like, you know, show a little class. Yeah.

You know. There was a countdown clock, so I could see exactly when things were about to go bad. Yeah. I mean, just the line. You know, like if all of us were in line behind brian we would all be like you almost want to see it and you'd expect it you're like well let's all go watch but when people don't know it's a lot it's a lot for people and then he just ruins everybody's breakfast for the rest of the day got down there early he's got his little MTSU shirt on and shorts.

He's in clothes that you're like, did he sleep in them? Probably. I don't know. Everything he said was true. Just got that elevator opens. Just like he's looking at what's going on. He's never been in the lobby. What's happening down here?

It's a little bit busier than I thought. Cam, my doctor told me to strip and put down on a paper gown. Put on a paper gown? Oh, to put on a paper gown. While I waited, I felt the need to make an adjustment. Forgetting the gown was paper, I ended up ripping a hole in exactly the spot you're thinking. Oh, wow. It made for an interesting conversation when the doctor came back in.

By the way, I wasn't there for anything below the waist. Not sure where my pants were off. Wow. You and Cam. I know. Cam sent that in after I shared my story. Y'all are, they probably booked y'all together. Like, they're just like, you don't want it spread out.

You're like, can you go the day, like the day where this kind of stuff happens, you're like, you don't want it spread out. You're like, can you go the day, like the day where this kind of stuff happens, you're like, I'd rather get it over with. Cam was smart enough not to share his last name. Yeah. Yeah. Is Cam here? Cam, are you here?

No, I don't think he would let us know. I was going to say, maybe it wasn't a doctor. Maybe it was like the janitor or something. Yeah. A janitor that... God, Mike. Get it out now, Mike, for tomorrow. Get it out now. Julie.

I always liked the name Julie. I was always a big fan. Julie. I was in Throes. In the Throes. In the Throes. In the Throes. You sounded like that was a city. Well, this city would be gone.

I was in Throes of childbirth at university. Like, that's all a place. You were in Throes, the place, that was the building she was at, in childbirth. I was in the Throes of childbirth. That's in the heat of it, right? Yep, yep. Right in the mix of it. When else would you use throes?

Do you use it for other times? Throes of passion. Oh, and throes of passion. Jay Culler. Jay Culler of throes. He was in the throes. Yeah, why would you not say that? That's confusing.

I was thrown in the throes of the childbirth at a university teaching hospital. I mean, this is like getting a discount. That's like I used to get my hair cut at one of those things. It was $5. You let them try out on you. And this sounds like where she was, you know, for birth. It's a little bit cheaper. We see how it goes.

I was in the throes of a childbirth at a university teaching hospital. My doctor asked if some medical students could come in to observe. See, this is what I'm talking about. This is a night hospital. Thinking that they have to get experience somewhere, I agreed. With all of my parts on display, I came eye to eye with a guy who had worked with in a supermarket. Two years earlier. I don't know which of us was more embarrassed.

I mean, that's tough. Wow. You know, that's tough. You guys just go, lane two. Got a spill on lane five. Like, just a joke to break the tension yeah like you have to say something yeah paper or plastic i know they go i know paper plastic he makes a joke it's like oh you come a long way you know both of you have you both have come a

long way i never thought i'd be here and i definitely didn't think you'd be there either that would be they let doctors That would be, they let, doctors, they do that, where they let someone, they're like, will you come in and like, you know, you mind taking a game? I thought I had someone

at a, where I went to my doctor. The Undertaker? No, well, the Undertaker. But then recently, and they were like, you mind us bringing, and they brought someone in. Where was that at?

What was going on? I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I got an allergy test because i was trying to get my allergies uh to see if i allergic to a cat found that out uh never never knew that do you have a cat no my parents did for quite a while though uh fat cat but this i mean this is all the age no one even asked that it was like, you just sneeze a lot. You're like,

yeah, I got a kid that sneezes a bunch. No one ever thought. We never thought to like, go, go to, why would I go to a doctor and see what you're like? He'll get,

he'll get through it. Just wildly allergic to everything. We had no idea. Must be allergies. It's December 25th. Probably these allergies are getting crazy. I mean, they didn't do any testing for any of this. Like, allergies you just didn't have.

Did anybody have allergies when we were kids? I mean, when y'all were, you know, you and Bates, y'all grew up in the 40s or something. What would y'all do in your wagon? Would you be, would you know, like, smells like Iowa, you know, like you're like,

I can feel it. It would just mean you can't go to the army. Oh yeah. That's all it meant back then. We didn't have a, I have, my daughter and I as a pediatrician, I didn't have a pediatrician growing up.

The guy who delivered me was my doctor of my entire life. Oh really? Even, he saw it all the way through. All the way through. We stick to our own. I kind of like that. Yeah. You have a doctor that goes, oh, welcome. And he goes, I'll see you. It's like Kramer's vet. Yeah. Yeah.

How can you carry a chicken and a goat? He would even do it when you were like in high school and stuff. All the way. All the way. Is he your dentist too? He's dead now. Oh no. But if he was alive, I'd still be going to him. Yeah. He goes, every time you walk in, he goes, he turned off much different than I thought. Like it's a guy that sees you from the beginning.

He's just like, what happened, man? I don't know if that was an age thing or a Lebanon thing. It's probably both. Yeah. So did you have your doctor for the whole time? Pediatrician? No. Did you have a pediatrician? We moved back and forth between Florida and Ohio, so different doctors.

Your mom's here. Did you have a pediatrician? No? She can't hear. She left a while. I walked her. I can't watch this. I walked her.

My dad's here, but he wouldn't know if I had a pediatrician. So I had to ask my mom. Jesse Rothacker. Jesse. This is you. All right. Finally got you. This whole table.

We just took. Kept trying. If y'all want to get comments, I'd talk to these people. They figured out a way. Jesse Rothacker. Our reptile rescue was just asked to take in a bearded dragon that has been diagnosed with genetic gout. Aaron?

This is true. We were told she will have a swollen foot and need gout medicine for the rest of her life. Would Aaron be interested in adopting a pet bearded dragon with type one? It's not the urn kind. Type one genetic gout. Aaron, do you want a bearded dragon?

The bearded dragon is here. I don't know if it's smart to have two gout things in the same house. Plus, if I feel like if I had a pet that had it genetically, it would hold it over my head. You know what I mean? I brought it on myself. Yeah, like you've done bad. And he's like, look, man, I wish I didn't have to live like this,

but I have to. And his beard is better than yours? Yeah, probably. And you're like, oh my gosh. You just run in the room. Hears you coming in. Every time the water, you walk in that water like Jurassic Park.

And he's like, he just kind of gets up in his bathrobe and gets something to drink. Well, you woke me up. I heard you stomping around. Heard that gout foot dragging. Just hearing it just drag. You can't get it up,

so it just drags on the... Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick. And together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed. If you love documentaries the way we love documentaries, you might be interested in our show

because we recap all the documentaries that you're watching. We've covered just about every true crime case you can imagine. We're talking the Hatchet Wielding Hitchhiker, the Ted Bundy tapes. What else? The Turpin 13. Yes. With the amazing sisters who basically tell the story. The girl in the picture.

Yes. All the documentaries you love to talk about with your friends. We're your friends now. We're the friends you talk about that stuff with. Yeah. We're True Crime Obsessed Podcast. Stitch us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Yeah, look at that.

A little nod, Aaron. I mean, just. There it is. You're like the micro machine man. Like, you know, he was. I mean, you can't. You're talking that fast, but everybody liked his commercial. The who?

Did you say the Michelin Man? Wasn't it Micro Machine? Yeah. Yeah. He would talk real fast. I thought you said the Michelin Man. I was like, that's a lot less complimentary. No, yeah.

Okay. No, you look like that. You don't sound like that. So, today, we're trying to pick a fun one and we found out earth day is friday so uh we're gonna talk about the earth there's a good chance we've talked about the earth well we've talked about oceans we talked about most a lot of the earth parts of the earth 70 of it we never really talked about earth we're talking about the dry part tonight huh we're gonna talk about the dry part this time oh the dry tonight's all about the dry part tonight. We're going to talk about the dry part this time. Oh, the dry. Tonight's all about the dry

part of the earth. Mike, you know anything about the earth? I know the crust, and I know the mantle, and then I know the core. That's right. It's called earth science. That's called earth science, guys. That's as far as I got. No chemistry. Only earth

science. Earth science. That's cool, man. That is cool. Way to go, Mike. Way to go. That's impressive. They probably didn't even know that much stuff when you were in school yet. What's these clouds everybody's talking about? Those came along later.

It is funny. We started with Rhode Island and then we did two episodes on the universe and then we were like, let's back up a little bit. We started with Rhode Island, and then we did two episodes on the universe, and then we were like, let's back up a little bit. Yeah. Let's go back to Earth. We got too far out. Yeah.

I like how you guys introed it. You go, we found out it was Earth Day coming up pretty soon. Yeah. It's like, really? Well, we have a team of people. Yeah. That are looking for things. Are you a big Earth Day guy, Mike?

Do you celebrate Earth Day every year? I haven't, no. I've been missing it. You don't even know it's here. I don't. We should celebrate it probably more than we do. It's the main thing. We do kind of breeze by it,

and you're like, well, we're all on Earth. Can I defend myself? Because I'm being attacked a little bit here. I live in New York City, and it's like you're not very in touch with nature. You live there. You're walking down. It's mostly buildings. You can get lost in the urban scenery there.

Yeah, yeah. New York City, the thing that would probably kill Earth. So the most amount of people. Cities cover just 3% of the Earth's surface. Who? Cities. Yeah. Cities cover just 3% of the Earth's surface. Who? Cities. Yeah. Cities cover just 3%.

3%, so we're not the problem. Yeah. Y'all are two of that 3%. You guys know, we don't know who named the Earth. Oh. All the other planets in the solar system are named after a Greek or Roman god. Earth?

No, not so much. Just Earth. Just Earth. Yeah. No one even knows who said it first? Nope. the solar system or named after a greek or roman god earth no not so much just earth just earth yeah just no one even knows who said it first nope nope i mean it's a it's a word that means dirt but we don't know who came up with it so we're using earth before we even was it like we're we're just saying earth and we're digging dirt and then it it's like, we might as well just call it a whole thing. There's a lot of dirt, so why not? Yeah. Maybe so, but we don't know who said it first.

Scientists say. You know? No. There was nobody. So no one knows God called it earth. He goes, welcome to earth. We're like, all right, we're going to go with that, man. He's like, yeah, yeah, feel free. He goes, do you mind if we say that? He goes, no, no to go with that, man. He's like, yeah, yeah, feel free. He goes, do you mind if we say that?

He goes, no, no, no, no, no. That's why I said it. I want you all to use it. Bates, what kind of word is it? Maybe we can detect it through the etymology. It comes from Old English and High Germanic. That way, the Germans. You don't want to ask any questions.

Yeah. Earth is 4.5 billion years old, give or take. 99.9% of all the species on Earth are now extinct. Oh, really? They've never existed. Where is that coming from? But we're all here. How many different things

were there? That's a long time. Huh? That's a long time. Yeah, but what is the other thing? Like, it's like dinosaurs and stuff. Like, we... Plants and stuff. Well, I feel like every stat acts like humans are just pointless.

Like, they're like, y'all are just nothing. You just shouldn't even be here. You're like, well, we're doing pretty good. All right? And I think we're doing better than all the other things that didn't make it. So, why don't we... You know what? The 98% are dumb. And we're doing better than all the other things that didn't make it. So why don't we, you know what? 98% are dumb. And we're the smart 1%.

We should be more proud of ourself. We're acting like a stegosaurus is like, you'll be lucky to be him. You'll be lucky to be a stegosaurus. Homo sapiens have been around for 450,000 years. So that's one 10 ten thousandth the age of the planet huh that's one one ten one ten that just shot your theory down nate we're not doing that good actually we're not no yeah but that that plant earth was a mess back then it was a just a big problem we came in and cleaned it up? I mean, we're doing pretty good, dude.

I don't think dinosaurs had podcasts and stuff. Like, they didn't, you know, they weren't entertaining. It was all business. Everything was like, I'm trying to eat, and they got to eat, and then the cavemen were trying to eat. Like, no one was like, let's have some fun, you know. We have so much fun now. Researchers at Liverpool John Moores University in the UK

say that dinosaurs may have changed the climate with their farts. That's like, where's that at? What school is that? Liverpool John Moores University in the UK. It's like a community college over there that's what we don't know yeah that's how we don't know i if i go over there i go into volunstere state community college you'd be like whoa that's crazy you know you know that's their version that was the doctor or i think it's a doctor doctor said that doctor said that that

guy's a doctor his name is david wilkinson and he just said that. Doctor said that. That guy's a doctor. His name is David Wilkinson. And he just said that? Yeah, he said they put out 520 million tons per year of methane, which is as much as we're putting out now. What is that even? Well. Wouldn't that be awesome

if farts changed the climate? I would go, well, for that guy, I would go, but could you do more science stuff, man? You keep going down this other path it's like a guy that's not good at his job like he goes yeah but you know the farts of dinosaur and you're like dude we're trying to do like cancer and stuff so like you keep coming in with just this pointless like i don't even know how to see if that's correct. The amount of manpower that would take to go even be like, I guess so.

It already happened. The guy comes in and goes, pull my finger. Pull my finger. You're like, oh, man. Earth is not a perfect sphere. It actually bulges out at the equators. It's flat. Fat.

I don't know. That's how it gets in. The Earth is fat. Oh, the Earth is equator. It's flat. Fat? I don't know. That's how it gets. The earth is fat. Oh, the earth is fat. I like that. That's what flat earthers should say. They go, no, I've been saying fat. The earth is fat.

And then everybody's like, oh, I guess so. And you go, yeah, we could lose a little. You know what I mean? It's earned. It's an earned fat. Yeah. You know that if you shrunk the earth down to the size of a pool ball, it would be smoother than a pool ball?

But I mean, you can fly through it. What? Well, stuff comes through. You can't get in a pool ball. I'm saying that's so smooth. But if a comet flew down to that pool ball, it would hit it and bounce off. Where earth is going to come through.

There's no way for it to be smooth because you can fly through it. We're going in and out of it. I think this makes a ton of sense. All right. I learned that at Volunteer State. Liverpool. Liverpool. Vietnam veterans?

Yeah, Vietnam veterans. Volunteer state Vietnam's veteran. I went there. And you'd be like, whoa. How'd you go there? You're like, it's a family thing. They only let families in. I was a legacy.

I was a legacy. The circumference of the earth is 24,000 miles. Meaning if you went all the way around it, it would be 24,000 miles. Okay. That's so great, Bates. You're spoon-feeding circumference to us. Yeah. All the way around?

I don't think he's doing it to us. I think he's doing it to me. He looked right in my eyes. He could have whispered it off the mic a little bit. He could have been like, just a round of the, you know. So it's 24,000 miles around. It takes 24 hours in a day for it to do one spin. So how fast is their spin?

1,000 miles. That's right. 1,000 miles an hour. Thank you. I'm good at math. I'm good at math. At the equator If it's the North Pole

It's barely spinning at all Okay It's just like a basketball If you spun a basketball On your finger Yeah The sides would be Spinning very fast

The top barely at all Yeah but nobody cares Yeah She said nobody cares But But it's yeah But it's still spinning It's just because

You're at the top That's right And you wouldn't have to dance around as much. It's a longer way to run. So what is that? The North Pole? Yeah. The North Pole.

North Pole and South Pole. What's the circumference again? 24,000 miles. Yeah. It's 673 Rhode Islands. Oh, wow. Just to put that in context. Yeah.

I think that helps a lot. And the planet's going 67, 000 miles an hour around the sun oh so we're moving pretty fast right now we're moving everything's moving we all end up in the same spot yeah luckily we all just boy keep coming around it's all really working out right now is what i'm saying everything's just kind of like that's's not, don't blow up anything. Let's not bother anything. We're all doing good. You watch any like thing and they're like, if we get one millimeter off the sun, we just all die immediately. Like if they're like, I watched those videos of like what could happen.

And that's like the sun flare is the main thing. Yeah. They go, that could be bad. And that's like, if the sun just gets ax up one day. Yeah. And then doesn't do what it's supposed to do we're just gone and there's nothing you can do about it you just you just are gone and we go 37 miles across depending on where you look at it oh oh here we go you're gonna challenge me come on dude dude. Nice. Getting technical. I guess the part that you lived in, but where I lived, it was a little bit quicker. We had a bridge.

He may be right, I'll be honest. I don't know. I'm sticking to my guns, though, at 37. Gravity is stronger at the poles than it is the equator, so you weigh more in New York City than you do in Nashville. Oh, that's cool, Mike. That's obvious, right?

Mike's been cutting weight for this special. He got down here, and you're like, well, what are you going to do now, dude? I have to wear a helmet. Waffle house! It's very minimal. If you weigh 200 pounds at the North Pole pole you'd weigh 198 pounds at the equator well that's pretty big that's two pounds wow sometimes that's a lot yeah new york to nashville

probably a little less so if you go up to so we go to the north pole i'll be two pounds less than you were if you were at the equator oh okay yeah so if you're spending time like if you vacation if you're like i'm a north pole vacation, if you're like, I'm a North Pole and equator person, you're just constantly like, how's your weight? You're like, up and down. It's up and down. Do you do anything? You're like, no.

No. Same diet. So we've talked about Pangaea on the podcast before, where it was one big supercontinent. Yeah. It broke apart. Before that, it was Rodinia. I think you got to talk more directly

into that microphone. Talk more directly? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, because you can hear better. You're like wandering off, like maybe put them, you know. Put them in front of me more?

Yeah, yeah, just do it a better way, you know. This is Nate directing. I know. He directing directing the podcast right now boom boom oh boom there you go

I like that Nate you gotta do it even though he made fun of you my face is gone well you're just reading off because that's why I have trouble just hearing you

you're like uh so and you read it and you come back to it and you go does that make sense you're like well I didn't hear where'd you go I apologize So, and you read it and you come back to it and go, does that make sense? You're like, right in here.

Where'd you go? I apologize. Should we start over? Yeah. Let's do it again. Dinosaur farts. They are. So, Rodinia, all the continents broke apart.

Then they came back together and they crashed and they formed the mountains, like the Appalachian Mountains. They kind of pressed them together. So glad you heard that, right? Yeah. I mean, that's just, you know, oh, that's how those mountains got there. Is it just those mountains? I'm sure other mountains.

There's a few others here. And you wouldn't go with like go with Mount Everest or something? Like a bigger mountain? You're like, let's do Appalachians. The Appalachians used to be the biggest in the world. When? Way back. Way back.

What about the Alps? Isn't the Alps? I always thought the Alps were a big deal. The Alps are bigger now, but this is way, way back. The Appalachians used to be the biggest. Well, that's like everything was bigger. You could say every part of Earth was bigger at some point, and then as it got more.

I mean, the Appalachian Mountains, are they even on the radar of biggest mountains? Look, they're top 10 probably right now. Of tallest? Of tallest, yeah. Really? They were number one. Oh, really?

They used to be number one. Wow. When? Years ago. I'm talking years ago. I'm talking. Like, is years ago 1700? Or are you talking about like the 40s? 2014.

I'm talking probably back in Rodanian times. Oh, like 800 million years ago. Yeah, I'm talking a long time. You don't say years ago to 800 million years ago. You don't go, no, no, no. You guys are way off. This was a few years before that. Whatever you think.

800 million. Oh, so the beginning of Earth, dude? Like that's when, I don't know if I believe you're right. So where was Mount Everest? It just wasn't there yet? No. It's erosion, Nate. Uh-huh.

Erosion. That's where that mountain gets. Anytime somebody says something about mountains that you don't understand, you just go, erosion. Erosion. The plates. Yeah. Like it's... Anytime somebody says something about mountains that you don't understand, you just go, erosion. Erosion. The plates... It's the plates hadn't been pushed into each other to create Mount Everest yet.

It happens at... It's just Mount Everest is younger than that. So no one was here, and then they just timed it out, and they said, well, Appalachian Mountains, they beat it. They beat it first. So they just look at it, and they go, well, that was so much faster.

And then they go to Mount Everest. They're like, that took forever. It's almost not even impressive. Right, right, yeah. Like if someone's going to climb Mount Everest, you're like, the slowest one to get to the top? Yeah, you call us Appalachian people hill folk. Hill folk.

We were the first ones, buddy. We were the tallest hill folk. You guys were the biggest. We were the first ones but we were the tallest you guys were the biggest we were the biggest um europe is gradually moving away from north america thank god they've been doing that for a long time why do they hate us yeah uh one is the place where everybody like that would be i remember living in new york because i was like well you know in europe they do you're like well I don't even care about Europe. You know, well, in Europe that's not how they do it. Okay, well, we're

here. It's moving 1.1 inch a year. Do you think it's because of Meghan Markle? I think it sped up. I think it was less than that. And then once she... It's moving at the same rate as your fingernails grow.

Oh. Well, I have to cut my fingernails all the time. It's quite a bit, right? It's getting farther and farther. Do we have enough fuel to land? If you flew from New York to London now, it's 3,400 miles. In five million years, it's 3,500 miles. It's going to be a while.

Yeah, wow. But days are getting longer because the earth is not spinning as fast as it once was. Because it's fat. It's getting tired. It's just getting, yeah, Because it's fat. It's getting tired. It's just getting... It's just getting tired. It's getting hard. He's just like, I can't do it anymore.

Like, he's just... How many more times do you want me to go around? Y'all don't even know where my name came from. So how about you throw me some decency and tell me where my name came from? And you about you throw me some decency and tell me where my name came from. And you're like, we don't know. You're just fat.

He's like, I feel so heavy. Yeah. All the people are on me just weighing me down. I think the earth has low self-esteem. I think the earth does too.

And you're doing great, buddy. 4.5 billion years ago, a day on Earth was six hours long. Okay. Now it's 24 hours. It's increasing 1.7 millisecond every century. Wow. I mean, who even? But that's like you could just say this stuff.

Like it doesn't. It's all. That's the thing. Science is always just something that you're like, you'll never be able to know. Like the Appalachian Mountain thing, you're like 800 million years ago. to know like the ablation mountain thing you're like 800 million years ago you're like okay all right it's like how to win an argument that's what science like that's what science is just it wins you're like how do you know it was taller well i don't think you're right well it was 800 million years ago all right well i guess you win because i can't i'm not gonna find that out. So we hit our first billion people on Earth in 1803.

Oh, wow. Oh, wow. In 1803? Yeah. We're up to 4 billion by 1975. Wow. We should hit 8 billion by the end of this year, early next year. Wow.

That escalated quick. Mike, do you miss a billion? Were you like, it was freer back then, you know what I mean? It's actually slowing down, though, the birth rate is slowing down. I think it'll peak at year 2100. Yeah, but isn't it slowing down in some parts, but then other parts it's exploding? I mean, I hate to take issue with you. Yeah.

I know this isn't a fact-based podcast. I mean... Well, according to this... According to the sheet of paper... Where is it speeding up? Oh, it might be speeding up in Indonesia. They're like a sleeper country that's exploding with population. I mean, China's the obvious, but Indonesia is like the fourth biggest. Yeah.

Yeah. And I think we're holding steady. Europe is down. Russia is, I think, holding steady. You keep an eye on these stats. Keep an eye on them. Find out where we are. Do you get a newsletter?

Do you get like, it's like someone who bought one of those college magazines at the airport. It's like, what was the old Vandy's doing this year? I'm worried I'm going to have nobody to fist pound in the future. Yeah. Because you don't have enough people.

That was pretty solid. Well, you're doing your part by not, you're doing your part by not having children. Bates had a kid. Yes. I congratulated him. He's a father. That is the reason.

Women are having fewer children. Yeah. In 19- Dead gum women. You know? Again. Yeah. Look at these women.

You ain't having kids. I know. That's why they can't be both. You know what again, look at these women. You ain't having kids. That's why they can't be both. You know what I mean? That's not very against women, just the way it was worded. Well, these women won't have children anymore. You're like, golly. They want to work now.

Oh. I don't know. Do they? Yeah. Do you guys want to work? It's going to be... It's like that Bill Burr joke where you start leaning away from Brian.

You're like, he's going to get... He'll get canceled. You know. In 1950, women were having on average 4.7 children. Wow. Somebody said, ugh. Now they're having 2.4 on average. If it drops below

2.1, the world population starts going down. Okay. You would think it would be two because two parents, two kids, but there's slightly more men than women in the world. Okay. So we're doing a little bit better.

So if we're in a war, we got a little of it. With another So we're doing a little bit better. So if we're as a war, we got a little bit. With another planet? No, with women. It feels like we're going to be pretty soon if we keep talking this way. Yeah. But people are getting older. In 1990, there were 95,000 centurions.

What was that? That's 100. Oh, 100. Yep. By 2015, there were 450,000. And by 2100, there'll be 25 million. Oh, my God. 100s?

People 100 old. People that are 100 old. There'll be 25 million of them? Yep. All right. Yep. So what are they? We're only halfway there, Yep. All right. Yep. So what are they? We're only halfway there, buddy.

Yeah. Stem cell. What are they? Stem cell. Stem cell it up. Stem cell it up, dog. So you're just saying there'll be way more older people? Yep.

Way fewer kids, but way more older people. Yeah. My generation. Driving. Yeah. Driving is going to be a nightmare. It's going to be just the left,

the right lane is just packed shoulder to shoulder. How about the weather channel is going to be killing it though? Am I going to need my sweater? Yeah. The ratings are through. You're going to be like,

I want to get a show on the weather channel. I mean, they're crushing it right now, dude. They're crushing it right now, dude. A lot more ramps. You just see ramps. You're seeing them everywhere.

They're around now, but you're like, it's aggressive. Stairs are almost not even out. Yeah, there'd be no steps. No steps. The guy who made stairs is like, I couldn't even keep up. It was not worth it i was losing money so i just went into the ramp business how about prescriptions will be everywhere oh i mean pharmacies are just through 24 they have to be open 24 hours they gotta rush at 6 a.m is just when the hundreds come in we're that detroit We're in Detroit.

We're in that MGM casino. And there was a sign. Literally, we walked in. It goes, casino this way, prescriptions that way. Absolutely. That was real. Yeah, that was real. In the casino.

They know the fan base. They know who's coming in here. Did you have to watch people make a decision in that moment? They have their money. They're like, which way is this week going to go? They saw, they would walk in, they go, I hope. Let's see how it goes.

They go that way. Either way, they're gambling. I might be there. I don't know. I'm going to see. Our CVS just announced they're closing. My father-in-law was furious. Did they come out in front of the store and announce it?

Did they go, we are closing? Where did they announce it at? They sent us an email and a text. Y'all talk to CVS that much? They got to let it, you know, like we sent a letter, let our core group know that we're not going to be here anymore. I ruined his Easter. He ruined my Easter.

Yeah. What do you got to do? You got to go to Walgreens across the street now? Well, we're debating that. We had a long discussion over Easter which pharmacy to go to next. The Walgreens on White Bridge Road, the parking's not that good. So I don't know. Drive through. Where are you going to go? Go to Publix or go to a. The Walgreens on White Bridge Road, the parking's not that good. So I don't know. Drive-thru.

Where are you going to go? Publix? Go to a grocery store? Well, we talked about that. We got our flu shot at Publix. Well, let us keep us posted and let us know where, you know, we'd like to heads up to be like, what did we decide on? It closes at the end of the month, so we don't have much time.

Oh, my gosh. Y'all better get them in. I know. I know. Yeah. I did that today. Called in those subscriptions one last time. Prescriptions, excuse me.

Prescriptions. Just sitting there. Hello. Brian Bates. I need it all. Load me up. The moon is also drifting away from us. Yeah, it always has.

The moon feels sad. Like you're like, it wants to leave. And you're like, come on, man. That's when the full moon comes. He goes, dude, we like you. And he pops out and then he gets sad again. And you see just part of it. And he's like, they don't like me down there.

He comes out during the day just be like hey everybody like just trying to i'm here remember i saw it today i think the moon i don't know i think i did but it was really cloudy so probably didn't. I saw it recently during the day. Full moon. No, but yeah, it was a full moon during the day. It's always a full moon during the day. See it every time. I see the whole thing.

I see all the main parts during the day. All the important parts, you see. It's 240,000 miles from us. us at one time it was 14 000 miles god that was probably too much that was like are you staying the whole time like you're like so when's your place going to be done because i thought you know you've been here for a while you're pretty right up on us when was that uh years ago yeah way back then 4.5 billion years ago it's moving 1.48 inches each year away from us okay when is it when does it matter yeah uh about probably another billion years oh and then what will happen we have to talk

about it then well the tides will mess up and we'll have some problems. Oh, like you just won't, like it's just going to be people won't be able to surf. You got to walk a little farther out to put your boat out. Oh, yeah. That's it. You'll just be in the middle of the sea just putting your boat out.

Alright, I don't know. Now, some scientist thinks we've found a second moon. This was discovered in 2016. This guy calls it Kamualoa, named after Hawaii. It's a Hawaiian word. But it's 164 feet across. What's it called?

Hawaii. Yeah, oh, Kamualoa. Kamualoa? Kamualoa. What's it called? Hawaii. How many Rhode Island? Yeah. Oh, Kamalala. Kamalala. Kamalala. Well, I'm not saying that. Yeah. If that becomes our main moon, I'm not saying that.

I will still, I'll call it Moon 2. And I'm not, he's like, no, but let's do this other crazy thing. You're like, yeah, dude, but that's the main, we have to talk about it so much. Yeah. That I don't want to, I'll call it Moon 2. Maybe that's why we never gave Earth a name. You're like, we're going to have to say this a lot.

A lot. Yeah, yeah. And I feel like when Moon 2 comes, you're like, you see that one go, then you're like, we're going to, no, this is the one we got to pay attention to now. Yeah. That one's gone.

They think it'll drift away from orbit in 300 years and go on its own the main moon or the second second we're already losing the second moon the second moon didn't even give us a chance i know most people learn about it right now wow yeah you said it was 160 feet 164 that's what scientists don't could say they go there he goes to the second moon you're like is there can you see it then he's like maybe there's he goes, there's a second moon. You're like, is there? Can you see it? Then he's like, maybe there's not. He goes, it's already leaving though. He's just changing.

He goes, it's already, it's about to go. It's going, it already made a turn. I just found it. And it was like already going away. I don't know if you can even see it anymore.

You know, you probably can't see it. So. He just had a paper to finish. He just said. The largest living thing in the world is a fungus in Oregon. Yes.

What is that? Like just grass. It's a mushroom. It's got to be a mushroom. It is a mushroom. It's a big mushroom. I was waiting for Mike to say Portland. Do people live on it?

On the mushroom? Is it like a big white mushroom? It is a big, it's on like a reserve in Oregon. It's 2,200 acres. So like when you see a mushroom and you walk over it, it would be like, wow, this one's a bit bigger. Aaron, can you pull it up on the screen? Yeah.

This is a bit bigger one, is what you're saying. Yeah, it's the largest. And they're just leaving it because... Because it's the biggest thing in the world. Yeah, yeah, so might as well keep it. Yeah, it's the reason people go there. Oh, they go to see it. Oh, wow.

I think some people. Is there a water park there too? I think Nate wants to know. Yeah. There's going to be a water park. Is there other stuff to do around this mushroom? I really don't know. I didn't go any further than that, but it's pretty big.

Does it have water? Yeah. It's not as fun of an answer. You know what the largest living thing is? Just a mushroom. You're like, all right. I would be like, is there something else, though? You know, like, is there something we can go see?

Pepperoni or maybe some ham? Ham? Is there a big ham? Would you go see the largest pig or the mushroom? If you had an option, ham? Would you go see the largest pig or the mushroom? If you had an option, they go, you can see the largest pig, or you can go see the largest mushroom, are you going to? I mean, everybody would say pig. Everybody.

Everybody would say pig. You would go, well, how big is the pig? You know, the curiosity enough would be like, well, how big is the pig? Yeah. But I do, this mushroom, can you even see the other side? I mean, you just go up. 2,200 acres, yeah. So is it like up?

Like you walk up? Am I going to be disappointed? I think so. Yeah. Because I picture the stem that goes up, and then it's real big, and everybody just walks under. Just one stem in the middle? One stem in the middle.

And then 2,200 acres? 2,200 acres. I'm going to that mushroom all day long. I move near it. That's how much I'd want to see it. I would move near it. But if it's like, no, they're all connected, you know, it's a big explanation.

You're like, all right, I don't know. So the largest earthquake ever registered was 9.5 on the scale. If we got 12 or larger, it would split the Earth in half. Wow. Like 12 is Earth split. Like it just would have to fly longer. Like you have to fly from like Kansas to like Iowa. Like you'd be like, no, it's a flight now.

Until we're there on the other side. Yeah. Well, it's still a flight, I guess. But the fault would be larger than the Earth itself. It would just split it in half. So it'd be just bad news? It would be very bad news. By fault, do larger than the earth itself. It would just split it in half. So it'd be just bad news? It would be very bad news. By fault, do you mean the blame?

Yeah. There are more viruses on earth than there are stars in the skies. Okay. That's comforting. Yeah. So wear your mask. So Mike's already covered the Earth.

I was impressed. It's the crust, the mantle, the core. That's basic Earth science. Yeah. Okay. Everybody knows that. Yeah. Everybody who never took chemistry knows that.

Yeah. The core is 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit. Same as the sun. Wow. It's hot. It's pretty hot. So maybe we don't need the sun. Wow. It's hot. It's pretty hot. So maybe we don't need the sun. Maybe that's the point. What if we find out the sun's not really doing that much and the core is like, I'm the one down here working, dude. And then we go, I'm sorry, dude. I'm sorry that we've

been heating your ground up. It would make sense. So if the sun goes away, just poke some holes in the crust. Sun might just be pretty. And we just don't, you know, these scientists don't think about giving the core some respect. If you had to think what's heating it up, this is... We tried to dig and see how far we could dig. The deepest hole we ever... Who's we? Yeah. Humans.

Yeah. We teamed up. The Cola Super Deep Borehole is what it was called. 7.5 miles down. It took them 20 years to dig it. It finally got so hot, they had to stop. Got up to 356 degrees. 20 years?

Your children's children digging that hole? And you just go, I think that's enough right there. You know, that just ends like that. Come on out, guys. So what did you find out? It gets hot. It gets real hot. That's what we found out. Oh, is that what you figured that is what we figured i spent a whole summer digging a hole once

me my brothers and sisters we'd started we were like we're gonna dig a hole see how far we can go we spent the whole summer out there in our backyard it got pretty deep how deep you staying in it 10 plus feet wow for sure yeah and with me and my sister and two brothers all day out there just digging it hurt the resale value of your parents are y'all doing a pool kind of we got one a little bit started we got the deep end we're going they might have to do the rest turns out where was it just in our backyard when we bought when my parents bought the house the the this family they owned a bunch of chickens so there's this chicken coop area in the back that was fenced

off from the rest of the backyard so my parents said do whatever you want back there and we just dug this huge hole yeah and we just go sit in it. How would you get... See, that's one of the... How would you get up and down? It was at an incline enough where you could kind of climb up and down it. Oh.

So it was a pool. Steep on one end. Not at me. I mean, it was maybe as big as this table. Oh. The area of it. Right.

The circumference. How did y'all sit down in there together? We were kids, dude. I mean, it was tight. Yeah. Yeah. That's the disappointing thing about digging a hole.

They asked you to go sit first. They go, let's go sit and hang out. Aaron, can you just back up to the back of the curb? A lot of people are sending their kids to summer camp now. Just hand them a shovel and go, dig a hole. Do whatever you want. Dig a hole. Have fun with the earth.

It taught me the value of hard work though you know character development you go to notre dame and now do a podcast you know all about hard work as a comedian just get told me about the grind you know i waited tables for six months dude i know all about i know about hard work so this hole that's 7.5 miles deep you if you were to fall in it it would take you two and a half minutes to hit the bottom depending on terminal velocity i would think that would be i think it'd go faster than i mean slower than that slower than two and a half that's a long time yeah i think i bet you hit a couple points of going

am I gonna make it like you're you know you probably think that a few times that you're gonna make like you're not gonna

that you're not gonna die and then finally you hit it he just would yeah it's so dark you would just never know well I don't think I think you get less confidence as you keep going

not more no but I think you go I think I would hit the bottom by now. So maybe I'm going to come out, you know, in China. You know, maybe I'll pop out and you're like, you're just on a subway in China. You're like, I should travel that way. This might work out. This might be okay. This might work out.

40% of the U.S. population lives on either coast. Mike. Mike. On the East Coast? Either coast. Oh, either coast. Coast. Yeah.

The oldest tree in the world is 4,800 years old. Okay. Methuselah. I think that's... Oh, they got a name for it? Yep. What's it called? Methuselah.

Where's it at? I think it's in California. That sounds like a witch. I don't know how they... That doesn't sound like a witch. They ain't checking all these trees. What's the oldest one

they've found so far? Oh. I mean, there might be an older one they haven't found. They won't even tell you... There has to be. They can't check all these trees. Just go walk around.

There's a lot of trees. They won't tell you where it's at exactly. Huh? They won't tell you where it's at exactly because they don't want you to go. Because they don't know and they're making it up. It's in that area. It's't tell you where it's at exactly. They won't tell you where it's at exactly because they don't know and they're making it up.

It's in that area. It's like when you get an Airbnb where it just shows you like we don't show you the exact address but you're among in that, you know. But a tree, you should like trees. Nate, they're the only thing where we can actually tell how old it is definitively.

So do they kill this tree? You got to count the rings? Yeah, they're the only thing where we can actually tell how old it is. Definitively. So did they kill this tree? You gotta count the rings? Yeah, they count the rings. But I think this is more of an Arbor Day discussion. I don't know if we should be doing it. I think we should probably save it. I'm just looking out for the fans. Leave some meat on the bone.

Anything? Leave some meat on the bone. I don't know how they tell because no, they didn't kill it. It's still alive. Well, couldn't you cut a cross section of a tree just halfway

and then go, I'll double that and then that doesn't kill the tree? Then you start guessing because there's a couple more rings in there that you don't think about. Like you're like, oh, I didn't see that ring coming.

All right. But you can like, oh, I didn't see that ring coming. All right. But you can just measure half, cut it halfway, and then that'll be times two. Yeah. Science seems like a lot of, like, half work. Like, it's like, probably. You know? That looks about half. You're like, well, do you want to do any of it?

You're like, I don't want to do the whole thing, but I did some of it. I eyeballed it. Felt 480 years old or whatever it was. So since Earth Day is this Friday, there's a lot we have to work on

and there's a lot to do. Who? Who's got to work on you? We? Well, you specifically. But mankind, I meant. Yeah, let's all get together and work on it.

There's a lot that we're doing that's very encouraging and positive, so I thought I'd share some of those, some stuff that's going well. Electric cars. There you go. By 2040, virtually every new car sold will be electric. Someone's excited about that.

I'm sure that solves everything. Well, that's just one thing. Yeah. But the bad news is 80% of gas stations will be out of business by 2035. So we don't think about them. We don't think about them.

We don't think about the gas station. But they could, they start a new thing. They're going to have to start something new. They talked about charging stations, but that takes too long. Yeah. Yeah.

So. I spend probably 80% of my money at gas stations. What will you do? Well, we got CVSs are closing down. The gas stations will be gone. I don't know where I'm going to go. Yeah, where would you go? That's going to get hard.

I'm going to have to just go to Kroger all the time. I still stop at gas stations. That's for directions. You do? You do. Hold on. You do? You do? Hold on. You do what now, Brian? I still stop at gas stations

and ask for directions. Is that not weird? Asked how to get to Zany's tonight. It's how we get home. I feel like you print out MapQuest directions still. It's in here somewhere. Just in case.

I like to have a backup. Vertical farming. Vertical farming. Vertical farming. Yep, that's where you stack up instead of spread out. Yeah. So then you save on land, you save on water, because 70% of fresh water in the world goes toward agriculture.

But you can save if you build it in warehouses and stack it straight up. And a lot of places are doing this now, and it's giving you a higher crop yield because there's no pesticides. Why would it need less water? You put water at the top one and just let it drip all the way down? Yes, and then you can recycle it. You catch it and it comes back around. What did you say?

Pour a cup. Oh, you only need like a little water. And it just gets to the bottom and then you send it back to the top. Okay. All right. All right. That's good. Is there an evaporation joke somewhere here that we're missing?

Maybe. The funny of this podcast evaporated. Where are my water cycle jokes? Clean energy. A lot more people are going solar and wind now because the costs are a lot less. So that's saving the planet. That's good.

Yeah, but isn't... You know, see, they always talk about wind. You go costs are a lot less. So that's saving the planet. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, but isn't... You know, see, they always talk about wind. You go drive through those wind turbines. It looks... There's a million of them. Yeah. And they're just murdering birds, by the way.

Like, it's... It's remarkable how many, I think, birds they... Just this giant thing that just kills all the birds. And we're like, yeah, that's something, though. Even in coal states like Ohio, solar power will overtake coal by the end of the decade. Wow. But they can store it now? The big problem was they couldn't store solar power.

Yeah, was that the big problem, Mike? Last time I read, Brian, the big problem was uh was that last time i read brian was the big the big problem was the they didn't know where to store they couldn't store it right good story yeah i think that is right mike they couldn't they go where do i put it the garage the basement where do i store it for the winter months do i have to climb up there your house looks ridiculous your house is so urban i'm not saying that it's bad it's good you know but the idea i don't it just your house does look ridiculous when you see one you're like it's a nightmare that's uh you know and you just feel like that person

thinks they're better than you and then they just have slow running water and stuff like it just drips there's no heat in there they just have slow running water and stuff. Like, it just drips. There's no heat in there. They just take cold showers, which Mike is a fan of. Yeah, I love them. Mike only takes cold showers.

Yeah. You take one a day? When you think, yeah, cold one. Never take a hot one. He only, never takes it hot.

And so, if you want to know, like, Mike's personality, takes cold showers. That's all you got to say. Takes cold showers. Why do you do that?

Part of the solution, you know, we're saving energy. Saving energy. I thought this was Earth Day. You guys are here for Earth Day, right? Mike's been waiting for this day his whole life. Do you eat the whole apple? You feel like you do that too. I feel like the guy who takes cold showers

eats the whole apple. Yeah. No, I think it's the opposite. He would be a serial killer. This is what I think of Mike. So I think we're talking about two different things. And... I honestly don't know if the wind doesn't blow

or if the sun's not shining, how it works. Yeah, I don't know how it works either. How what? How solar or wind energy works. Nobody knows. You just put them up there. How's it going to work? I think if the sun goes away,

we'll have other worries than the solar-powered panels. What does it mean, like in gloomy days, or like if the sun's It's not a full sun. We don't get channel four if it's cloudy. You gotta You gotta get a

Y'all watch the Super Bowl? Too cloudy today so We can't. We only get two, seven, and nineteen for some reason. Just Channel 4.5

Aaron and I are gonna be back on there. Oh yeah. Circle Network. You got an antenna. Yep. It's on Peacock this year actually.5. Aaron and I are going to be back on there. Oh, yeah. Circle Network. You got an antenna. Yep. It's on Peacock this year, actually. Oh.

Streaming. It's a real streaming. Oh, really? Wow. This is big time. Yeah. Streaming services. Tree planting.

They've found new ways. Deforestation's been destroying forests, but now they're using drones to plant trees. They can do up to 400,000 trees a day. This is why Earth Day is no fun. I thought this was fun. Huh? Replanting trees with a drone?

That sounds fun. Yeah, I guess. It's been... It's just like... It was like when we talked about the positives, it just went downhill. And this is what's going to the schools. We're trying to plant more trees

we'll use drones and the guy that says that doesn't even know what a drone is he goes oh that's cool I looked up DuPont plants see what they're doing it's gone no wonder I couldn't find it DuPont plant's gone

I think they're worried about radiation or something they did a lot of stuff over there. It's just in Old Hickory, we got a little extra kick to us. You know what I mean? I guess some of us can breathe underwater. Synthetic meat. They're now creating meat in a lab.

Yeah, that sounds good. So it's not real. Is it real? They use some cells of real meat. This is not going to be good. It is fish. That's not going to be good at all. It's just getting to where you're like, no, they make it, and then you buy it from them.

You're like, what are they putting in it? You're like, it doesn't matter. They decide everything. I don't like any of this. But reason that's important again it's the farts cows do a lot of farts and it destroys the environment why don't we make the cows uh food be better you know get them better stuff so they don't have gas as much well Well, people have suggested that. Environmentalists. Oh, they have. You're an environmentalist.

What do we do to better food? What if we get some leafy greens out there for them? Well, I think that's the problem. I think that's high in fiber. So we can go opposite. Do more of a low-carb thing. Mike, could you talk to them? Get them on paleo.

Get them on paleo. The hottest country in the world? Libya? No. I thought we were the hottest country. Thank you. There it is. I mean, with the Kardashians and all that. Yeah.

We do have the Kardashians, so that's better than Libya. Libya. Libya is the hottest country in the world yep wow they get 130 degrees oh it does oh my god not every day but they have some days some days it does some days to get cold there yeah not very cold you know at all i have no idea i have i have no idea where Where is Libya? Libya? Middle East. Africa.

Yeah. All right. That's good. Something, yeah. It's in there. Greenland is the lowest population of any country on earth. Okay. 55,000 people. Oof.

All right. 50,000. Yeah. That's a small town. That's a small town. We're trailed off here. We don't count Antarctica? That's a small town that's a small town really trailed off here we don't count we don't count Antarctica that's a continent

yeah Australia is a country and a continent is it? yeah yes why is it both? I don't know

why didn't they mix it up at all? I don't know well they're like well you're clearly country you have a single government yeah but you're kind of on You have a single government. Yeah. But you're kind of on your own out there.

Yeah. Yeah. And then one of you lumped in with New Zealand. Oh, yeah. But New Zealand's right there. Big rivalry. It's a big no-no to call somebody from Australia a New Zealander and vice versa. They hate each other.

They don't like each other. No. All right. All right. So, end on McDonald's? Yeah, we're about to end on, yeah, send on something. So I end on McDonald's? Yeah, we're about to end on, yeah, send on something.

There's people here right now. You know, it's bad enough when people are just listening. Now they're looking at us and you're like. I think they're enjoying it. So McDonald's is doing their part to save the environment. I think everything you just say, we're doing what we're supposed to be doing. That's like when you give money to them. They're like, well, you give money to whatever, and you're like, they guilt you into it.

I don't like that. I started saying no. To what? I go, no. Then I tell the six-year-old, and I go, where's this money even going? They're like, I'm 16. this is like a job i have just to like for gas money and stuff i'm like where's the money going is it really gonna go to these people or is it going to petco i don't know that happened to you didn't erin the kid hit you up on broad and it was a membership for life? Oh, yeah. Dude, I struggle so hard with saying no to people that I sat and talked to this dude for like an hour.

He would not shut up. I'd go, just take my credit card. And I'm still paying. You get a guy a credit card on the street? He was a nice kid. It was something about like saving women in other countries. He showed me pictures that looked bad and so and he kept going it would really he was like a young kid he goes it really helped me like

man you're the first person to talk to me you're so nice yeah there's so this is all the sign you're the first person talking to me and he wants your credit card on the street he had an ipad with like legit software and I go, can I just make a one-time payment just so I can get out of here? And he goes,

you have to sign up for a monthly thing. Yeah. And I go, can you just swipe it? I'll just Venmo you and then you, he was like,

you got to give me your, I just gave him my card and I forgot to cancel it. This is two years ago. I've been paying him. You're starting to see how the Planet Fitness thing happened. I just cancel it. This is two years ago. I've been paying them. You're starting to see how the Planet Fitness thing happened. I just overlook it. Have you asked

the progress? How are these women doing? I haven't checked in with the organization. I think it's still bad a lot of places. I think you should see and go, I just want to know what I'm paying for. Do they know your stance on the Pope? No, probably not.

Yeah, it's not my stance either. It's just the way things are. Since Aaron's donation, we've allowed women inside. Aaron was a big part of that, giving us $1 a month for the past two years. That's the thing. It's $30 a month. That's a lot.

It's adding up. Why? That was the minimum amount. So I go, I'll sign up for and I'll do one month and then I'll cancel it and I'll be long gone

from this guy. He'll never see me ever again. For that much money you could marry a live woman. That's, did he take his mask off and he was a woman underneath? You were paying for that?

Are you still paying for this? Yes. I had forgotten about it. I had forgotten until... We got a new plan at fitness. Yeah. And this one's going to be harder to cancel. It will be harder to cancel, for sure.

We're going to make you do it to a woman's face. You're going to walk up to that woman and take $30 from her. Thank you for reminding me. You're going to steal $30 a month from one woman until you get even. Just any woman.

You go take, you got $30 on you? She's like, I got $40. I need $30. I just remember because you had a huge gig at Bridgestone Arena. It was like one of the best shows you ever had and then you got hit up for this kid and you've been paying

the rest of your life yeah I was leaving that feeling good and then I was this is the Predators this is a gig for the Predators in Bridgestone I was on the Jumbotron

I felt good so I was vulnerable big day big day yeah because I was riding a high and then they cornered me and then I remember

it was starting to rain. Was it nighttime? It was broad daylight. Oh. And it started to rain, and then they, so that made me be like, all right, well, let's just, let me just, I'll just give you the card because I want to get out of the rain. Right.

But not to help women. No. No, no. No. No, no. All right. Where is this money going to? It's going to help women. No. No, no. No. No, no. All right. Where is this money going to? It's going to help women?

I don't care. I think that's it. That's it? All right. Well, guys, as always, we love you guys so much. Thank you so much

for coming out. Can I promote a show? Can I promote a show? You got a show? June 22nd, I'll be headlining Zany's right here. Aaron is on it. Nate's going to do a guest set. No, he's not.

If I'm here, I will. I'll do it if I'm here. Well, thank you. You don't have to, but I'm just going to tell people that. I mean, we can talk about it afterwards. Yeah. I'd like you to commit but I'm just going to tell people that. I mean, we can talk about it afterwards. Yeah. I'd like you to commit to it right now in front of everybody. I just want to say thank you for letting me on.

I know these guys are your guys, and I'm a guest. So thank you guys for being so kind and supportive to me. Thank you. I love the Nate Land people. There you go, Mike. Mike's special tomorrow. If you want to go, buy tickets. We got two shows tomorrow.

So, all right. Did you have something, Aaron? Nah. All right. Give money to women, everybody. Women.com. Have you ever knew? It just goes to women just in general.

They need help. I'll say a sentimental thing. I was just struck by it. It's very, you know, we record this in a room with just the camera crew and us and it blows my mind that enough people listen to it

and care about it. It's very cool to see real faces. So, thank you. It's very awesome. None of this is lost on us, as we say. All right, that's it. Thank you guys so much and we will see you next week.

Thank you. Nate Land is produced by Nate Land Productions and by me, Nate Bargetzi, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovations Media. Thanks for tuning in. Be sure to catch us next week on the Nateland Podcast. Hey, I'm Jillian. And I'm Patrick. And together we make the podcast True Crime Obsessed.

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