The Nateland Podcast - The Best-Of Episode

Episode Date: July 8, 2021

To celebrate our one year anniversary of the podcast, here's a special episode featuring the Best of Nateland. Take a look back at some of our funniest and dumbest moments of the past year like the debate over how to say penguin, civilian station, Nicole's Butcher, and the debut of Aaronland.  Co-hosts: Brian Bates ( https://www.instagram.com/brianbatescomic) & Aaron Weber ( https://www.instagram.com/realaaronweber)   Podcast produced by Nate & Laura Bargatze Recording & Editing by Genovations Media https://www.natebargatze.com https://www.allthingscomedy.com https://www.genovationsmedia.com Email - [e-mail]

What's up everybody? This is Nate Bargetze. This is the first episode of the Nateland podcast. I did a podcast a long time ago, a very, very long time ago, right when podcasts were getting big and then we stopped it. It was basically like if you like got a tip about Google and then you were like, let's get out of it. I mean, it was like 2010 or something. I don't know. So but now we're doing it again. COVID has forced forced me into a podcast because I can't do anything. So we're doing it here.

We're in Nashville, Tennessee. This is the first one. I'm excited to do a show. I don't know exactly what this show is going to end up being. It's just us hanging out, a couple of comics. Let me introduce you to the comics that are in here. I got Brian Bates, who's on the road with me a lot. And Aaron Weber's been on the road with me once, and that will be the last time. He really blew it. But so I just figured, you know, we're here, we're all stuck in Nashville. So uh so let's do a podcast you know let's

get it let's get it going so brian all right so we'll start with the beginning of grocery stores a little fun fact here the first self-service grocery store this felt like doing a school you know when you let they go all right everybody get uh uh brian uh bring brian baits uh and then you it sounded exactly yeah you don't like the way i start Brian Bring. Brian Bates. And then it sounded exactly... Yeah, you don't like the way I start stuff, I don't think. Like your stand-up? Like jokes?

Well, that's... I've read like three times on the show and twice you've called me out on the way I start it. I don't think I'm good at starting, but... Okay. Here we go. on the way I start it. I don't think I'm good at starting, but you go, okay. Here we go. But yeah, now I'm thinking about my jokes. How do you start your joke?

You say, hello, folks. You say folks? Yeah. I'm pretty sure you say folks. For every joke? No, when you come out. When you come out when you come out hello folks and you might say when you leave you don't think you say do you say folks i don't think so i think you do okay every joke every yeah every joke hey that's his that's his thing that's what people like

that's his and he sells t-shirts in the lobby to say okay hello folks and it's just a picture of him that's his image hello it's just seven hands that go like that hello folks and then he's he does his and then he does his act and then then every joke, I start with it again. Yeah. And there you go. Hello, folks. Then good night, folks. How good did that be, man? That was so good. I mean, that's just like, that would be like if you're a stand-up comic,

you just got pulled out of Lebanon and you didn't know Nashville exists. And then you're like, I've been you just got pulled out of lebanon and you didn't know nashville exists and you just and then you're like i've been doing comedy in lebanon for 15 years all right so uh nicole's butcher and these all sound like stores do they not nicole's but you know here at nicole's butcher butcher we exclusively use rey Reynolds Seal. I mean, it's all just... Hi, I'm Nicole and Nicole's Butcher. And is it Nicole's? I don't know. Is it not Nicole? You're emphasizing the butcher part.

Like, Nicole didn't write it. She got her butcher to comment for her. Yeah. Hi. Oh, yeah. Hi'm nicole's butcher and i know you might be thinking why did he why did she send me out to give her answers but nicole's busy right now and she can't be bothered who's nicole is it nicole's it might be Nicholas. Nicholas Butcher? Oh, man. Nicole's Butcher. How you doing?

I'm Nicole's Butcher. Sore Sogorb. S-O-R-E-S-O-G-O-R-B. Sogorb. Sore Sogorb. Is that a real name? Sore Sogorb? You think that is his real name poor guy sore yeah i hope it's his name oh man sore get in here you have to say the last name or you just go sore and he goes here every time i don't think you need to be any more specific sore uh he just sits there and the teacher's like uh which one sagorb oh i thought it was the other sore miriam gregory

i've been a fan of the podcast since day one is that you think that's right these names all feel made up yeah miriam gregory source it feels like almost we were short on comments and then so brian went in boat ramp went in and and then just said just took source marion gregory oh it's the worst name I've ever heard. Oh, man. That's a real name. I don't think he's going to turn around, by the way. Yeah. Sore is different.

Maybe Sore? Next one's Soda. It's French. Seven. These are all just George Costanza names that he came up with. Sore. Sore Sgore. Oh, it's beautiful it is yeah i got a good idea what that guy looks like uh i feel like you can picture a sore you can picture him in your head you're like i feel like i've never i don't know what i don't know what they look like

but i think i could pick oh right if you want if you said there's there's 100 people standing in the crowd one of them's named sore i, I'd be like, I feel pretty good. I could figure out who he is. If you lined up Dr. Khan, Soar Sigour, and Miriam Gregory, I could tell you which one was Soar. I'll tell you that much. Would you? Is Soar male or female?

Soar feels like Soaray. It's gender neutral, man. If it's Soaray. Yeah. Soaray would be a lovely lady. Sora feels like Sora It's gender neutral man If it's Sora Yeah Sora would be A lovely lady Huh? What?

You know You don't think Sora is a These are all I don't know These names are These are our fans Aaron That you're Laughing at

Sorry That's the worst thing I've ever heard Sora These are our fans, Aaron, that you're laughing at. Sorry. That's the worst thing I've ever heard. Well, it's not if it's Sorey Segorb. Sorey Segorb. Sorey Segorb. Like a Ukrainian ballet dancer or something. Well, they could be big fans. Sorey Segorb doesn't sound as bad.

That's what I'm saying. That sounds like a ballet dancer from Eastern Europe. Sorey. Sorey Segorb. That actually what I'm saying. That sounds like a ballet dancer from Eastern Europe. Soray. Soray Sigorb. That actually is a beautiful name now. And I'm going to name my next daughter that. We don't have another daughter. Soray Bargetzi?

Yeah, Soray Bargetzi. I feel like if I find some little girl sitting out on the side of the road, and she lives with us, I feel like that's how you get a soiree in your family. They're not born into that family. You find them and they're put with that family. Turler. That's the guy's name.

T-U-R-R-L-E-R. Turler. Think that's his real name? I don't know. I don't. You don't? Aaron, how do you not think that that guy's... I know we have a history of colorful names on the podcast, but Turler...

The Turler family? I bet its name is... The Ler family? The Ler family? You remember the Lers? I think his name is Tyler, and he's being funny. Turler. Ooh, Tyler.

Tyler Ler. That's what I think. All right, you're going with Tyler. I go with his name is actually Turler, and he has to live with it. This podcast is officially too dumb for me. Goodbye, folks. Good run. I guess we'll never know.

I guess we'll never know. He's never even going to hear his comment being read. Yeah. Terler. He's out. Too dumb. What does he want it to be? I don't know yeah go get the ted talks podcast yeah i mean there's other podcasts like that's what's like uh that would be like if you're watching the titans play and you go it's just too much football this is really

why do you not watch the titans it's a lot of football why don't they throw in some other stuff and you're like you know what they should they should throw in you know i was talking to brian we we had a clip on your facebook go kind of viral from like the second episode of the podcast yeah about talking millions billions trillions of dollars has like two million views and a lot of them have no idea what the podcast is so they're most of the comments are just like these guys are morons yeah they think it's like a math podcast well i mean turler knows what the podcast is and he thinks we're more turler made it 23 episodes before he's like he gave us a fair shot yeah he goes this is this is

i always love the idea of someone it's like they're resigning like leaving a comment yeah goes he didn't give us a two-week notice i'm out he just goes like it's so funny to think like uh you think he's at home he's talking to his his wife his roommate and he just goes i can't listen to this podcast anymore they're like oh it's cool so you go stop listening to it i'll probably let them know and then i'm gonna stop listening to it like that what do you what do you are you going to do for that? You're going to just unsubscribe. I'm probably going to somehow let these guys know that I don't think they're good.

And then I'm going to back out. You know what I mean? But I think they should know that the lure is out. The lure family. Parting shot. The lure family is out. We met a fan yesterday yesterday You met a fan? We did

We did Remember when we were at lunch And the guy Hey listen to the podcast Oh yeah Yeah Where was it Oh yes

The guy we met yesterday Yeah Yeah Sorry Not a big I don't like talking to the fans Out in the public No

Yeah very nice guy Yeah Didn't know my name Yeah he called him Matt Called Brian Matt. So Nate and Matt? Yeah. Wasn't sure and went with Matt.

And so I don't feel like he looked like a Matt. I'll just say that's a pretty good guess. He said... It's not a bad guess. He said, I don't know why I thought your name was Matt. And Nate said, well, we got an Aaron. He said, oh, yeah, I know Aaron. I love Aaron.

Yeah. But his name was Ben. I know him. But then when he left,, oh yeah, I know Aaron. I love Aaron. Yeah. But his name was Ben. I know him. But then when he left, he's like, what was your name one more time? Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah.

I should have said Worf. He was very nice. See if he's a real fan of the, you know. Does he dive deep? Like, did you go back to episode one? You one of those real fans? Like, are you just a new guy that shot showed up in episode two I mean I stole a bass once and thought that somehow the but God found Bob

found about back and I ran back to first it confused them so. I was on second. And I thought, oh, they found him back. So I started running back about halfway there. He was like, throw it. Throw it to first. And I had to slide head first into first base. Back to the base. And I'm back right where I was with the first base coach.

He's like, what are you doing, man? You were there. I was like, I thought they found it. i thought they fouled it i didn't know so in a way i stole two bases that's never happened before you're the only one he stole a base that he stole it to the back The look on my first base coach's face when he saw me coming back there. Wow. Oh, dude. I mean, just to be,

just to have to dive in, just to like have to, you have to slide to fix a problem that shouldn't be a problem. Like you're getting back to the original. You could be like, dude, you could have just stayed here, man, and we wouldn't be going through this.

And for you to get all the way to second that's amazing I feel like with you you end up anybody else it's like maybe you make it back to first but you just go back to first and you're like well that was a stupid move and you're the only one that gets in a battle situation just trying to go back to first, and you're like, well, that was a stupid move, and you're the only one that gets in a battle situation

just trying to get back to the original spot. I mean, it's a full-on real play. I mean, I went in head first. The elf had to call safe. Oh, dude, that's unbelievable. That's awesome. All right. Letter rip. Love the show, boys. I

absolutely disagree with Nate's stance on asking for a source. You should always ask for a source because reporters, broadcast journalists and writers can literally report, write anything and claim it as fact without posting a source. How would you ever know if it was fact, opinion or pure speculation without being provided a source to where they get the information that is being reported to you. Yeah, I mean, I get the idea, but I'm saying we shouldn't be to a point that a guy has to ask a professional newspaper for a source. Like, you shouldn't be asking. They should be presenting.

That's the point. They should be presenting the source. Oh, okay. They should be like, here's the sources. I do get it. The system is what's messed up. Okay. be presenting the source okay they should make here's the sources i do get it that's the system is what's messed up okay and then seeing a comment that says hey what's your source is great i i think there's a mix of like the newspaper should be given sources and then that guy i bet that guy

just goes around and asks people for sources you know what we should all just ask everybody for sources just start doing that it's actually pretty fun to do. Just go and ask. If someone says anything, are the weathers going to be bad today? Yeah, what's your source about that? I'd like to see your sources on the weather today. You challenged the weather man about it?

I'm saying at home, just start. Oh, family. Everybody, family, friends. Everybody just start doing that. If you had Target, is this 20% off? I don't think it is today. Well, what's your just start doing that. Hey, is this 20? If you had Target, you know, is this 20% off? I don't think it is today. Well, what's your source that says that? Just ask everybody.

Let's start asking everybody for sources. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in, right? Yeah, I've done that with you before. Yeah. You'll say, they say something. I was like, who's they? It's they.

It's always they. Yeah. I do. That's all I ask. But, I mean, get the dumber and dumber. yeah i do that's all i ask but i mean get the dumber and dumber try to go and see how dumb you can ask someone for a source that confuses them what can you do that can go i got outback last steak i ordered outback last night and they uh i ordered the whatever i ordered the steak they didn't have you know flay or something or prime rib they didn't have, you know, filet or something, or prime rib they didn't have.

And I was really coming to some money, so I ordered the prime rib at Outback. And they go, we don't have that. We're out of prime rib. And I could ask that guy, well, what's your sources? Yeah, the chef in the kitchen? Yeah. Yeah. What's his source?

Yeah. Well, what's your source on this? Because it was just the manager that called me. And then I want to hear him go, yeah, the chef in the kitchen. And I go, all right. Thank you. Thank you. And then I move on.

I go, all right. Then I'll take a ribeye. What if we were a heist? You know, us three. Three of us? Three of us. It wouldn't go well i mean yeah what would we be well who would be the mastermind i mean i think i'd be the mastermind yeah i would be the diversion guy i would like block security cameras you know i could be

i could you could take out two at the same time he would be he would be a little more technical guy i'd be the look i'd dress up as a ups guy and just like i don't know hold a balloon in front of a security camera that kind of stuff yeah i'm not i i you know i don't think i'd want to take the lead of a heist, but I think with us, I would have to take the lead. I would think with our, the best, I would prefer to get a crew that I could maybe rely on someone else just because it's,

I'm such new to this. Yeah. But if this is the only crew I got, I think I'm taking control. I think you would, somebody be standing too close to you at the back of the line. You'd blow it before he was started. You start yelling.

I don't think so. I don't think, I definitely don't think you would be at the scene of the crime no i'd be the getaway driver i'm a good driver no are you good no yeah yeah i'm safe 10 and 2 you'd be yelling at people i would i would get out of the way no but you would we would run out yeah and then you would be like i gotta let the car warm up like and then we would run out, and then you would be like, I got to let the car warm up. And then we would sit. You have no sense of urgency. So you would be a lot of, I'm getting over when I can.

And it's like. You don't make a scene. You got to make a scene to get out, to leave. You got to make the scene. I would be driving to get us out and then i would be like now you take over and drive you know so you're you're now we look we blend in more but you would we you would get us caught because you would you'd be like i gotta follow the laws yeah there's a there's a red light and i'm like i know so who's the getaway driver

you i mean i think i'm doing a lot okay i'll be honest i was gonna. So who's the getaway driver? You? I think I'm doing a lot. Okay. I'll be honest with you. I was going to say, if you're the getaway driver, then Brian is like the George Clooney of our organization. I think, yeah, he's back at the, I think you're back at the house. Cleaning? Cleaning it.

Getting snacks ready for us when we get back, because I think we'll be hungry. Getting water for everyone. And I want some cookies. I think we should do some back because I think we'll be hungry. Can you water for everyone? And I want some cookies. I think we should do some cake. I think we should celebrate. And I want the same house. That's all I get to do?

Yeah, I think I want you back there and get the snacks ready. I want to make sure that no one's poking around while we are gone. And you could be like, well, I talked to this old lady for quite a while. While riding when the heist was going on. I think you're there. I think, I don't think I can have you. You come home, the door's locked. Just open it up.

No. Yeah. I don't think I can, I can risk having you. No. You can't be there. I would be the only reason you guys wouldn't get caught. No, you'd be the absolute reason. You would get in the way.

It would be, I can't have you driving. I can't have you in there. What are you going to do? Trying to jam money in, and you're just like, and you're fumbling it. You drop the bag, and then you grab the wrong bag. I mean, I'm doing the whole thing, man. Yeah. I think it's me and Aaron. What's Aaron doing? Carrying a balloon?

Something. Because people die from balloons? I could set a diversion. I'll do something. Hey, there's nothing wrong with having the house that we got to fucking do,

the safe house, to be in order. There's nothing that's not crazy. That's a job that has to be done. Someone's got to do it. Be the guy that does the job where it keeps the house in order. Are we splitting the money equally?

Yeah. I think we will. Yes, look, I'm a very generous guy, so I do want to always split everything equally. But I think me and Aaron would eventually be upset about that. Yeah. Like, I think it would grow. It would grow to resent you for it.

We'd grow to be like, I mean, he made the bands. You think he really, and I don't know who says it first. I think maybe Aaron says it to me first, kind of say it. It's kind of crazy. I mean, look, he ordered pizza. Pizza was there. It was hot. I had my soda that I crazy. I mean, look, he ordered pizza. Pizza was there. It was hot. I had my soda that I like.

I get it, dude. I'm not saying we don't need the guy. I get why the guy's there. Do I think he deserves? He has zero risk. Say we get caught. He's just a guy living in a house. And it's going to be like, oh, you live alone, sir?

Everybody thinks, obviously, he lives alone. He fits the description of when the cops go knock on the door. You live alone? They go, so you live alone? They say it first to him. So you live alone here, sir? You're like, well, I didn't say that. And you go, oh, I'm just saying what you're wearing.

I thought you lived alone. All right, you're making some good points. CJ, Brian has resting confused face. That is true. Well, let me say, first of all, when Nate's talking, it's not resting. Yeah. But I've had this before. When I was a senior in high school, we went on our senior trip to Panama City.

It was my first time away from my parents. I was so excited. My friends down there. And we met these girls. I was trying to be so cool just hanging out. And out of nowhere, one of these girls just goes, this guy looks worried. And they all start dying laughing. And they're like, look, he's worried.

And the rest of the trip, they called me worried. That was my nickname was worried. Worried is such a good word to use. Like if they would have said, this guy looks confused. Worried. I mean, they labeled me that. God, man. Worried is such a good word.

Yeah. For that situation. Yeah, women know how to cut to your heart, don't they? She could have said confused. She could have said confused. That would have ruined the whole trip for me. I still remember it to this day. You're just trying to hang out. I was trying to be so cool by not

talking. His bum over here looks worried. Who's he with? You two? For them just to call you worried. God, that's so funny, i still remember it how i mean that's like we're that's like professional stand-up that's the you would it's a great you would try different words right you would be scared if you oh you would try to everything yeah and worried if anybody's like think about comedy worried is just a very funny word and it's a it's just such a description that it's not a strong person and it's a i mean it hurts

like you know you don't say worried about he man is not worried no he's like or like there's you know soldiers are not worried like they're're, you know, they're confused. They could be scared. Scared is okay. Yeah. Worried. Also not worried about anything in particular. Just worried in general.

That's a general look. And it's coming from like guys, you maybe could see that, but from a girl. Oh, yeah. And they all laughed. I mean, I was mortified. Yeah. Got more worried. She got super worried. Self-fulfilling, yeah.

Yeah, it is self-fulfilling. Peter Bridge, when Bruce told the story about the woman, I like how it's now just, I mean, it's not even. I can't even find one that calls me by my real name. Yeah. I looked. And it's what's so, it's just how quickly it goes in. You know what I mean?

Like, it's not like where it's an obvious, we're making fun of a joke. Whenuce told the story about the woman labeling i mean it's just like not a like a breeze when bruce told the story about the woman labeling him as worried it quite literally made me pee those chicks just totally nailed it he still gives off the worried vibe no offense bryce uh yeah worried I mean, that's unbelievable. That'd be the name of your album, Worried. It's the name of my life. Yeah.

You really should. Your next album should be Worried. My next album. It's just you being, well, you have to do one now. The people are going to want to hear it. Yeah. You know, everybody go buy his first album. It's still out there.

But Worried is a great name for it. I thought about that story all week. Yeah. Ace here, Bilbo's PBS pick is underrated. That's a pretty good choice for one channel. Thank you. Bilbo. I don't know if I should thank them or be insulted.

Bilbo's, I mean, that's a crazy name. Aaron pointed out someone called me breakfast. Breakfast is unbelievable. Breakfast is as good as worried. I mean, someone called, and this? I don't think it's on here, but it was in the comments. I mean, breakfast is unreal. That's amazing.

That's the best one I've heard. Just to call him, I don't know, is breakfast coming up? It's got the same amount of syllables as Brian. It's got the BR. Yeah. It's perfect. And it's so ridiculous. Man.

Yeah. Breakfast is good. I like how Brickles and Aaron are finding their niche roles in this production. Aaron, the reluctant genius, and Brisket is the self-deprecating setup man. Brigade even smiled and laughed out loud a few times on this one. Wow, we got some life out of Brigade. Breakfast is moving around. Colin Lippert.

Brad looks like the substitute teacher that desperately wants the approval of the full-time teachers. That's a great... That's like a real comment. You look like a substitute teacher that you walk in the teacher's lounge just like, hey, guys. And it's like, hey. And then the real teacher's like, you don't work here full-time man i know you're here for a while because miss uh you know whatever miss smith is going through some stuff yeah she's got because miss johnson's going through a divorce and she can't be bothered by teaching so but you don't work here uh matt kasinski nate rants today had me wanting to run through a brick wall.

Great advice for anyone to better themselves. Love the podcast a lot. Bon Bon and Aaron are amazing and can't wait to see them both grow like you. Bon Bon, what name do you think you're going to make it as? Because it's not going to be Brian. It's going to be something else. Bon Bon, I like.

You like them all i like that's why this keeps happening because you encourage it i know but i i love i mean bonbon welcome to stage bonbon you say i mean you could be dancing somewhere named bonbon i imagine the disappoint everybody please welcome to the stage bon Bon and then you walk out on stage and like oh god and then some guy's like just wait he has to just wait I've been to some bad some sad

zoos I haven't been to any really good ones what's a sad one yeah I went to one in Arkansas that was just there's just trash and every a lot of trash yeah and and the saddest part was there's like a penguin exhibit but it's arkansas in the summer so it's just these penguins all huddled up standing in front of a fan in this exhibit yeah it was just i was like what or why are they here how do you say it

yeah what was the exhibit it was penguin yeah it was different penguin that's how i say penguin i say penguin penguin penguin maybe that's i mean that sounds like you may be right like the guy that would run that penguin exhibit hey what do you got going on here i'm just penguin i got a couple penguins and we got bought put couple penguins downtown but the other day the other night i bought a couple penguins i've never peng you would seem like a guy that someone that says like that sells penguins to zoos that are kind of under the radar how are you supposed to say it penguin penguin yeah i mean that's what it's an e p-e-n-g-u-i-n you're saying it like an a you're saying it like an A. You're saying it like an I. But I and E can sound the same. Yours should be P-A-N-G.

I mean, can you look this up? I mean, this might be nobody's interest in this, but now I feel. Look, you may be right. I don't think so. March of the Penguins. I mean, I would like to say if two people in this room. How does Morgan Freeman say it in March of the Penguins? Penguin books.

Here we go. Penguin. Penguin. Hey, you got some. What are you selling? I got a couple of penguins in the back of the truck. They're in the icebox. That's how.

They're in the icebox. They're in the icebox. I thought usually Wikipedia shows you like the pronunciation. Yeah, you could do it. Usually if you just type in penguin pronunciation on Google, you should be able to do it. Just hear someone say penguin. Oh, yeah.

Whoa, you got to go. I want to hear somebody who, I want to hear the legit. One of those said penguin prostitution. Now you got it. Did it not say that? It did. Penguin, there it is. Oh, yeah, well, click that button right to the right of it.

Let's hear it. No, the that button right to the right of it. Let's hear it. That's to the right. Directly to the right of... Click it. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin.

She said it just like I said it. No. Penguin. Penguin. Slow it down. Slow it. Hey, we're both here. Just like I said, no. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Slow it down. Slow it. Yeah, there you go.

Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. There you go. Penguin. I think we're both thinking we're saying that. Right. All right.

This is like a Yachty Laurel type thing. You're hearing peng. I'm hearing penguin. Because I'm hearing Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. Hey. How you doing?

What do you got back there? Got a couple of penguins. One of them's all white. Is it? I haven't seen one of those. All white. It's all white. One's all white.

Doesn't have that tuxedo jacket on? No. It doesn't have it. I did a pod. How'd have like that tuxedo jacket on? No, it doesn't have it. I did a pod. How'd you get that one? He goes, where is it at? It's in the front with me. It rode up with me in the front.

It doesn't get too cold. It doesn't need. It's 95 degrees in Arkansas right now. Yeah. Got a couple. How much did they go for? 50 bucks. He goes, a guy like that wouldn't know how to sell. Like, he wouldn't know

that he could make money off of it. He'd go, how much you want for about those 50 bucks? Get on that. Are you crazy? 50 dollars for a couple penguins? One of them's not even the right color. Then he said, I go, 25. Yeah.

Anyway. Penguin. Penguin. Penguin. I want some penguins and then they sell that's a restaurant you got that's like two penguins two penguin burgers go type in when you were typing that stuff in yeah x out of the allow yeah here go penguin p Go Penguin P. Now P. I swear, P-R. Yeah, Penguin Prostitution. I don't know what this, we're not sure what this is. Oh, it's a thing. Penguin Prostitution. Oh, they want rocks more than sex.

Do penguins have, oh, I wish I'd be talking. This is inappropriate. Yeah. This is, what Yeah. This is. This podcast is off the rails already. I mean, what happened? I mean, that's the best thing you could hope. What did you think it was going to be?

The guy in Wilkes-Barre down the alley? I thought it could be something that has nothing to do with penguins. I thought. I honestly thought it would be like that's what they call some other thing and then penguins are nothing it's penguins

but it's straight up penguin we got penguin problems how much do you want I love a guy selling that and a couple penguins in the back one's all black

doesn't have any white feet are blue. Is it? Let me see. Let me see. Is you kidding me right now? I'm trying to start my own zoo, and I'd love some penguins is the thing that I think set us over the top. I mean, I think that's what the guy says.

Because if I get a couple of penguins, I think we'll be just right. I charge $8 to get in that place. Get a couple of penguins, I think we'll be just right. I charge $8 to get in that place. Get a couple of penguins. I love that. The official pronunciation is how I was saying it. It was, you know, just let that for the record. All right. So that's your worst?

Yeah, I don't even remember. Yeah, that was it. The Arkansas one. It had a penguin exhibit. I want to believe in aliens because it shows that some civilization didn't blow themselves up and were able to get out in space and have some fun. Is that a hopeful thing?

Yeah. Yeah, so there should be other civilian stations that they're the planets blew themselves up yes is that what they think i think that you say civilian stations it's one big happy civilian station i mean Are you trying to say civilization? Yeah. Okay. It blew me away. I was like, civilian station. And you want people to take us seriously.

How are they going to take us seriously? I mean, I don't know. I don't think they're... Oh, boy. Maybe they... But I hope something

is called civilian station. That's what Earth is called. We are a station for civilians. Yeah. That's a good point. Drop off. I think I'm ahead of the game.

I, I feel like an alien talking to dumb humans a lot because people make fun of the, what I say. And I'm like, and I always just go, you're C you're going to one day use this civilian. A lot of weeks in the comments,

the next week, someone will say Nate was actually right. He's ahead of his time somehow. There's no such thing as civilization. It's a conspiracy. Is there been other civilizations? Sniveling nations. Is there been other civilian stations?

I don't think that's a crazy question. Critical comedy reaction. It's a meltdown. In all seriousness though, there's been critical comedy reaction. It's a meltdown. In all seriousness though, there's been other civilian stations. That's what we're going

to call other planets. Where civilians have lived is what they say and they're gone. I would think they're gone. The argument is the reason

we've never found in all our vast searching I'm sorry. Success. Now we're just having to see some life out of you. That's so funny. The argument is,

in all our searching of all the cosmos, one argument is maybe because they've long since destroyed themselves. And they advance like we do with nuclear weapons or some sort, and then they eventually just kill themselves. And so they are. Aaron's done.

Civilian stations. It's that's what we're going to call this episode. Don't you think that's a good. That's how to describe Earth earth nobody's ever made that mistake the dribbling vacation civilization I just kind of stopped it was like

he was at the breaking point and that was just the shove he needed. It was like I was walking down a road. I looked the other way. And then I go, where was I? But I was still in the same word when all that happened. It gets better and better. So I said civilian station. Wait until you're 60.

Civilian nation. Things come out of your mouth you don't even know. It's not my fault. I was raised. I was taught by humans. Scientists have suggested permanently dimming the sun to save South Africa from deadly dry spells. I mean, who is it? A drunk homeless guy that just shouts these ideas out? Turn the sun down. You know what we should ideas out turn the sun down you know what we should do turn the sun down the plan involves pumping vast quantities of gas into the atmosphere above cape

town to preserve local water supplies research subject and subjecting particles i mean it's just the gas would form a huge cloud above the city that reflects sunlight, dimming the environment from the ground below. I think that's a great idea. I mean, that's like, you know, you can't yell at us about global warming. And then this is the deal.

This is, you're like, well, what's your answer for it? We're going to dim the sun or whatever it is. It doesn't make, I can't imagine shooting gases up in the, isn't that the main thing?

The problem we've got too many gases in the end. They're main thing that's the problem we got too many gases in the air and they're like i know but they're not these gases uh i mean unbelievable can you imagine someone floats that idea to take at a science table that just came out that just came out yeah 2020 yeah that's not some drunk scientist smoking a cigarette in a lab you know i mean where they doctors gave they baby was born with a cigarette in his mouth like where there was no rules yeah that's 2020 wow that guy's in the middle of a pandemic wow and this is what he's gotten to you know what what if we dim the sun you're like hey why don't you not publicly let that get out that you said that's what someone should have said to

him immediately what'd you say i said what if we dim the sun uh we should just turn the sun down a little bit oh we're just doing knob and just turn it down install a dimmer dude johnny get just dr sadad khan johnny red johnny red johnny red who do you think did that let's say one of the names Con. Johnny Red. Johnny Red. Johnny Red on it, man. Who do you think did that? Let's say one of the names is Dr. Con, the other is Johnny Red. Sounds like Johnny Red's idea. You're right. Johnny Red.

Actually, Sor Sogbe. Soray Sogabor. Oh, man. Sor Sogor. Sor Sogor. Sor. Sor, go ahead. Saw your hand up.

What if we dim the sun? Sor? Save your work, Sor, and then get out of here. Save your... Unbelievable. Save your work. Sor? Sor, don't ever say something like that ever again.

Right when Sor said it. What if we dim the sun? Can everybody leave except Soar? And then everybody just got up and left. And he goes, Soar, what are you doing? What are you, out of your mind? Dim the sun. You went to college.

I mean, like, what? They're teaching you stuff. They're teaching stuff. There's not a dimmer. You know how long it took us to learn to dim lights in a house? And you want to dim the sun? It's not like we just figured that out. It wasn't like the light was invented, then we started dimming them.

He wants to dim the sun? We don't even know. Do you know how big it is? It's gigantic. Pretty big, man. It's pretty big. So traveling is a big deal. It's a big deal during the holidays.

What is it the most? When's the, do you know like the most? Most traveled? Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving. Why is Thanksgiving? I guess Santa. Yes.

Santa Claus travels. So Santa's got to come to your home. So that's, you know. Yeah. People with kids, they want to stay home. Yeah. Do that. But Thanksgiving's more of uh go see the

it's also a secular holiday so everybody all american celebrated i feel like yeah it's a big word man but uh i thought you were gonna argue that's why thanksgiving's more travel that's what i'm saying yeah that's why thanksgiving is more travel say that word just at your dinner table with your family secular yeah i mean it. I mean, it depends on the conversation. Would that be the conversation that comes up? Maybe, man. And you go, it's my favorite secular holiday. And your family would just – you come from a smart family, though, right? So you guys probably use –

I guess I remember using that because my parents would make us go to mass on Thanksgiving sometimes. And I remember being like, come on, this is a secular holiday, dude. This isn't even – You would say that in an argument to your parents. Come on, this is a secular holiday, dude. This isn't even. You would say that in an argument to your parents. this is a secular holiday. What are we, we can't.

What are we doing here? Yeah. Yeah. Church and state. Come on. I mean, you're kidding. I mean,

wow, dude. Wow. Yeah. Did you have a lab coat on? Did, I mean, that's,

you use it in, I mean, I don't, you know, yeah, I, we, we just, my family, we just clap at each other. We make noises. Like monkeys.

Yeah. We're just, you know. They throw things, call each other idiots. Yeah. We're the idiot family. And we just, you know, just stomp on the ground when you want something. You know, it's like how horses talk to each other that's how that's a we that's what goes on in our family just walk in

just hear noises you listen to the whale sounds you're like no my mom's cooking some uh we're not using secular i tell you that right now if i threw that around my family we'd all be like all right whoa someone someone's taking some online classes somewhere aren't we oh wow must be nice religious people some believe that mary uh conceived nine months before christmas and on like march 25th and therefore they made on March 25th, and therefore they made December 25th the day they think Jesus was born. But there's no mention of when Jesus was born in the Bible. Yeah.

Isn't it supposed to be, you know, the people just think it's July, right? I've heard some people think spring or summer. But they weren't using a Gregorian calendar back then. No. So who knows what timing. No. Would y'all use a Gregorian calendar too calendar would y'all do that a lot that's the calendar that we all use the gregorian calendar right did but would you with those words i mean i just would love to be that like you bring your

girlfriend over like from high school and you go my family that's great thanks for coming and then it's you know it's like uh you know it's like, hey, how you doing? What's your favorite secular holiday? You know, on the Gregorian calendar, obviously. And then the girl's like, what? That's the word you guys are going to use? You just run her off? And then your Russian grandfather comes barreling in,

hopping on a hat. And she's like like I thought you were like from Alabama it's like it's like nah it's my that's my peep off that

comes has been chopping wood came over about two months ago yeah is that what happened I think so am I ballparking

what's going on that's pretty good that's fair what would you guys guess it was the first invention ever uh the wheel oh you know what no i looked up inventions once trying to write a joke about them uh is it the i don't think it's the wheel uh it wouldn't be fire i mean i would almost say uh lever a lever like a pulley or a lever maybe fulcrum what like what's a fulcrum

you know like a seesaw thing oh yeah that kind of is that what they say is that what you said fulcrum be the thing in the middle is that what you're saying when you go ride as a kid you're just a fun kid you guys want to go fulcrum? And everybody's like, oh, God. Do you remember riding the fulcrum a lot alone? Is it because that's how you described a lot of stuff? Hey, you guys want to go ride the fulcrum? And they go, I don't, you know.

Anybody want a fulcrum? We're going to just swing. I mean, that is what it is, right? Anyway. So what do you think is going to do? I think I can get through a dozen chocolate. Yeah. Which I guess is, it's like two dozen, it's 228.80 calories is a dozen chocolate.

What was that? I don't know, man. That's 28.80. You just said a number that didn't exist. 28.80? 2,880? Okay. i don't know man 2880 you just said a number that didn't exist 20 2880 2880 okay you don't think that's a 2880 i mean 2880 calories so baits uh eight do we have a time limit no but it's like just we don't be reasonable don't film it all day. Yeah. Okay. You try to just go down there and eat. Bates ate. Laura, what do you think?

I said ate originally. Ate. So Bates and Laura ate. So who could basically beat ate? And I'm doing – I say a dozen chocolate, and I honestly think I can get some glazed in there after that. Yeah. You're still hungry after that?

If I'm still – if we can drink and stuff, right? I think we're fine. And then... So I think a dozen, two dozen. So it's over, under. Can you get to two dozen is the answer. Okay. I think two dozen is the thing.

Can I get through a dozen chocolate? And do I add some glazed on? I don't know. But I think those are the highlights. Eight, two dozen, one dozen chocolates. It's so funny, the difference. We're going to do eight. 24.

So you do 24? Yeah. Well, that's what I'm doing. 12, I'm trying to meet you halfway. I know, I know. It's just we're like. I got chocolate. You guys are professionals.

Yeah, this is what we do, man. Think we're it? I think I might be about done. Okay. I'm feeling it. Where do you stand? All right, hold on. So, yeah, I mean, I think, look be about done. Okay. I'm feeling it. Where do you stand? All right, hold on. So, yeah, I mean, I think, look, I mean, I feel I'm at,

and I was a let down. I think we all agree, Laura was the biggest let down. But, uh. I did three and a half. Three and a half. I, uh, we went, you know, our numbers are not excited. Laura did three and a half. I thought I could do a dozen.

I did chocolate to start. I think I did four chocolate, four chocolate, and then two and a half of original glaze. Switched it up. So I'm at six and a half. But four being chocolate, so that's something. Chocolate's a little. It's different. It's a different animal for sure. It's a different. Yeah. It's a lot. It goes down different. The texture's different. It's hard. It's a lot going on.

Brian, breakfast. This is, he should succeed at this as we call him breakfast. And he did. He needed this, as we call him, breakfast, and he did. He did better than expected. We said eight was the over-under, he did nine. Yep. Nine, pretty easy. Pretty easy. Aaron, Mr. 36, Mr. Iraq. What?

I had 12 glazed and one chocolate 13 13 13 13 to the third yeah

I'll give you that the chocolate or I'll give you the the dozen it's definitely tough man yeah it's not an easy thing you

saying 36 is I'm mean yeah that's true kyle m dear nathaniel i am a teacher in china and i can't go one more day without you using the word good as an adverb the correct word is well i've heard five-year-old chinese kids speak better one of them even has a guided horse. Perhaps bridle path should be catching these. Where, Kyle? Well, Kyle, how about I tell you, I'm not really sure what an adverb is. So how does that make you feel? He gave an example here.

I didn't even pick up on it. Where was it? Underneath it. Where it says, here's an example. Oh, I've read. Oh, here's an example. Incorrect. He plays golf good.

Correct. He plays golf well. Look, I'm not an adverb guy. And I don't talk about adverbs. I don't think I've ever talked about them. He thinks a pronoun's a noun that gets paid to be a sentence. I say good a lot, but I will say, I do know that when I'm saying good,

that a lot of times it's not good. But I do it, it's saying it different, which sticks out. I'm in a job of words. So he plays golf well. I'm not going to talk like that that doesn't fit it's funnier when i say it's good good is what's funny yeah that's what's funny if it gets under your skin that means it's probably a better way of being funnier all your chinese kids you're not gonna make it in comedy you'll talk to them a little. I'm sure they speak better than me, you know,

but we're not competing for the same jobs. Good on them. He spoke well. Lucas Vicroy, there's almost 14 minutes on court gestures and less than 90 seconds on the Crusades. If that tells you anything about this pod, that tells you a lot about this pod. I mean, that is exactly right.

You guys have learned about the Crusades long enough. Right. Court gestures. Yeah, we spent 15 minutes on rolling the farter, and then we were just like, and the Crusades happened. Oh, wow, that seemed like a tough time. Court what? Court gestures.

How do you say it? Gestures? You got called out a lot for people. Oh. Jesters. Jesters. Yeah. Gestures.

You can say gestures. I say like Chester. Like Chester drawers. No, like. You think that's who invented them? Court jester and then Ch drawers, and he goes, I'll just change it to CH and then didn't even notice. We're going to sell Chester drawers on our website.

What do you mean? That's Jester? It's not like I'm putting an H in there? Yeah, you're saying it like, oh, that was a nice gesture. Gesture. But it's Jester. Jest her. Like jest her. Jest her. Jest her. Gesture. But it's gesture. Gest-her. Like, gesture.

Gest-her. Gest-her. Gest-her. Who's in there? Gest-her. She's in there alone. That's closer. Court gesture.

Gest-her. So I should say gest-her. That's closer than gesture. Court gesture. That's better? Gest-her and court? that's better just her in court uh uh chris i mean yeah those words i have trouble like uh when there's you know those words there's a there's a collision of sounds right in the middle of them i have a tough time you know when there's a car wreck of noise in the middle of a word i have a i have a bit a bit of a trouble a bit of a

trouble with it my dogman story in 2006 in murfsboro tennessee me my brother and two friends were walking in the back of an unfinished neighborhood in the black man community black black man that sounds much better than that man i mean that You're like, where's this going? I was like, oh my God. That's crazy. Unfinished neighborhood and the black man community. What is this podcast? That's crazy. How you say that is super important.

That's very important. I should have got some heads up. I should have been briefed before we got to that one. I should have got some heads up. I should have been briefed before we got to that one. Maria Alvarez, shout out from a stenographer. It's when the words come around the corner and surprise me. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I don't know they're there. And it's like I just get the stenographer stenographer there you go well i know but it's honestly it's the word just is like i don't know that's a word you don't see written very often oh no it's whole job is writing it but they just say it uh yeah it kind of surprised me that's how i look if i don't know a word that's what just understand that's what it is. Onomatopoeia is actually not that hard of a word to say. But if you look at it, you'd be like, oh, no, I don't know.

Onomatopoeia. It kind of just finishes itself. You start on and you're like, well, I'm going to go ahead and get on. Might as well do monopoeia. We're already down there. Matt Oregon, my 10th grade English teacher, taught us that onomatopoeia is the second most rhymeical rhythmical rhythm. What is that word?

Rhythmical. Rhythmical. Onomatopoeia is the second most rhythmical. That felt like I was trying to jump over and not fall in the water during that word. Rhythmical. Rhythmical. Like I just go, like trying to cross a creek and not get my feet wet. The last one's a little bit farther.

I'm like, I'll get there. Oh, man. Demelza. D-E-M-E-L-Z-A. I'm like, I'll get there. Dim, oh man. Demelza. D-E-M-E-L-Z-A. I think that's right. Demelza. Demelza. Demelza.

That, the, uh. Let's get started again. It's like, that way you describe the use of the knife and fork is how everyone in Commonwealth countries generally operate their culture. Cut recovery.

Cut the recovery. Cut the Larry. Cut the Larry. Cut the Larry. Cut Larry. Larry! Cut it out. Cut it out, Larry. How do you say it?

Cutlery. Cutlery. I generally operate their cutlery. I feel like you're making fun of someone that's got a problem. You know? No, it's very nice. During COVID, my foot just started hurting.

Middle of the night, I couldn't sleep. This is before Krispy Kreme. I want that on the record. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It doesn't do the Krispy Kreme. And it wasn't like I looked up like diabetic nerve pain. I was like, what is this? Couldn't figure it out.

And I couldn't describe it better than just my foot hurt real bad, the whole foot. And I just couldn't sleep. I called my mom. She goes, just go to the ER. It could be a blood clot or something. I don't know. So I go to the ER.

I'm the only one there. And the whole time I was like, they're just going to think that this is like not a real thing yeah so i was just so nervous about trying to articulate how bad it hurt so i'm sitting in the chair thing and the person comes in and they're like did you did you hurt it did you bump it into something i was like no did you twist it i got i was just sitting down and it just started hurting so she goes okay and i see her walk out in the hallway and like a group of them. And they kind of all look at me at once and then look back.

And I was like, they're just talking trash out there, dude. They're like, we'll give you an x-ray maybe. I mean, this is not a, anyway, they just gave him, sent me home. Yeah. And it got fine after a while. I don't know what happened. It never hurt you again? No, it hurt so bad though.

And I had no idea what it was. Could you walk on it? No, I couldn't walk on it. And then no medicine or anything. You just went away. They said, just take some ibuprofen. I was like, can I get a prescription? They're like, look, you don't need a prescription.

I was like, oh my gosh. Took some aspirin. I didn't even take a hundred. I just took three or four. And it went away and you're fine now. Yeah, I'm fine. Danny Pritchard. Aaron, your foot pain sounds like gout.

Danny Pritchard, Aaron, your foot pain sounds like gout. I'm 66 years old and just started experiencing gout in my foot. And it is an identical feeling to what you described. I'm much older than you. You're a big boy. And obesity is something that can cause gout i'm sorry dude that's a oh that is like i mean danny pritchard just said aaron can i talk to you privately and set you down and goes i don't know how to tell you this man i will say if you sent me a

message or a dm or an email about the fact that I might have gout, I'm sorry I haven't responded. I got dozens. Yeah. Dozens of messages. Yeah. People say I need to get my uric acid level checked. Yeah. When I get a doctor, I'll be sure to do that.

But I need to get a doctor first. Yeah, you'll be all right. Yeah, I'll be all right. But thank you. Thank you, everybody. Go to Walgreens and just go up to the front and go, how you doing? I think you can ask the cashier.

Not even the pharmacy, just the cashier? Can you test my uric acid? Hey, my left foot hurt. You think it's gout? Hey, I'm not even 30 yet, and I might have gout. So can you take a look at that, please? She's going to go, that makes sense. I think you got your answer there. You don't need a you just mention it here we got doctors on here yeah we do so you just say

what your problems are and then they i think this is if gout feels like the higher percentage yeah was there any other fun yeah there was there There was diabetes and just nerve damage in general, I think. Yeah, I know, yeah. A few others. I mean, this is worse than looking up online. I mean, just everybody gets the – Everybody wants to make sure you're fine. Yeah.

What is gout? Yeah, gout's a tough one. That's tough to say. All I know about gout is that it's in the Adam Sandler Lunch Lady song. He says that the lunch lady has gout. Yeah. And that put kind of a stigma on it for me personally. Yeah, you don't want it.

So I hope I don't have it. You don't have it. But I'll get it checked out just for everybody's peace of mind. Yeah, because I don't see how you don't have it, to be honest. Did you cancel your gym membership? Oh, no, but somebody commented that I could do that with a letter. Mail them a letter. Oh, that's nice.

Which is, I'm not sure if that's easier. Hello, folks at Planet Fitness. My name is Aaron Weber, as in the grill. And I would like to cancel my fitness plan with you, as you might have noticed. I can't really remember even which building I signed up at. Never been. Also found out I have gout.

So having trouble standing on my foot. Do you have the number? Yeah, I got it when you're ready. We're ready. So this is... What's my my plan of attack here i just go straight in you have covet you have gal no you can't go huh you're you're high risk you're uh i mean that's all true i don't know you stop me when i'm keep spitting truth at you all right listen i got covid i have gout i got your hat today yeah you're a mess won't you just first see if you can cancel without any questions oh that's a good call yeah and then go and then only give them a reason if that all right i'm

gone and they go well covid and then they planet fitness they probably won't even answer and then and then if they say... All right. There it is. It's ringing. I wonder if they have a... Hey, I'm calling Planet Fitness. This is Allison.

How can I help you today? Hey, Allison. My name is Aaron. I am a member of this particular Planet Fitness. I was hoping to cancel my membership over the phone. Okay. So unfortunately, I don't think we'll be able to do it over the phone, but we do have other options available for you if I can go through those with you. Okay. That'd be great. So we do have our facilities open. So you are able to come in person anytime. We're 24 seven

and you can cancel in person at one of our terminals with a team member. If you're unable to do that with work or schedules or just not comfortable coming into the facility, you can always send us a letter in the mail. We would just need to see you or that letter in club by the 10th of any month to avoid any further monthly billing. If you happen to have moved out of state and you're no longer near our particular location, you may be eligible to transfer your account to a location that is closer to you. And then you would have the option to also go in person or send that location a letter. Tell me you have a account.

Okay. So the only way I can cancel, I can't do it over the phone. I got to either send a letter or come in. Send a picture of your account. If I... What does the letter have to say? If it's just COVID concerns will keep me from coming in, then the only way is the letter, huh?

That is correct, yes, sir. Okay. Are you getting a lot of people calling to try to do this, or am I the first one? No, we definitely have a lot of people. Unfortunately, whenever we first reopened back in June of 2020, for the first maybe 60 days, we were accepting things over the phone. But things were getting very murky as far as people making sure that things were going through the proper way.

And it was just becoming an issue on not only the members, but also on members. They would claim that they called when they really did. I mean, yikes. It would be very muddy. on members, they would claim that they called when they really did. I mean, it would be very muddy. So we have begun going strictly back to following the per agreement of coming in person or sending that letter through. Okay.

Thanks, Allison. I'll send a letter. Yes, sir. I appreciate it. Thank you. Write them a handwritten letter. A handwritten one? Yeah.

Yeah. I'll do that. Handwritten is pretty, I mean, for them to see the handwritten, they'll go think something's wrong with you yeah oh yeah yeah they might give you more money back because they're like this guy this guy doesn't have a computer there's a good chance they would give you more money back what day would you do it i'd do it later today probably when we're done tonight so your calendar reminder will say 8 p.m. And it'll go, write letter to Planet Fitness. And then you will go and lick your pen.

My dearest Planet Fitness, I hope things worked out better than they did. Dip a little more? Oh, yeah. But I never saw you. I never saw you. The only day i've seen you is the day i walked in to sign up and i did not work out that day did you work out that one day i signed up online that's so i mean dude sign it up they're like yeah we're doing you can send us

a text message i mean we're do sos we'll do whatever you want you give us any form of credit card you can pound tables. We'll let you sign up easy to get out, write a letter. That's how they got you. The first iPhone came out in 2007. Steve Jobs made a prank call order of 4,000 lattes

to a nearby Starbucks. That was the first call? I remember that. I watched that live. That keynote. He called. That was the first call? Yeah. I remember that. I watched that live. Really? That keynote. He called. Oh, he was doing a keynote.

It was the first time I remember being amazed by a piece of technology. When he scrolled on the iPhone for the first time, just on the screen, I remember gasping. I was watching it with my sister yeah i grew up with air conditioning i didn't i remember you probably remember getting it but i grew up with it so when you saw that you go i did gas i mean it was on it was unlike anything you'd ever seen this guy's touching a screen yeah and flipping it up i'm like gasping like you've seen it i mean like you. What, just nothing impresses you? You just go.

I don't know if I'm going to be sitting. You're watching on a television at home. You're not watching Houdini in a town square in the 1800s. You tell me as a 10-year-old Aaron Webber in your living room, you go. He just, he scrolled on the screen. And your family came running in. If you watch the, you can watch the video of that, the crowd gasps as it happens.

I mean, maybe in the room and like, I get, but you're saying in the living, in your living room on your television. How old were you? When did this happen? 2007. 2007. 16? Yeah, when they, 15, 16.

Yeah. Yeah. What's the matter? What's the matter? What's the matter with you gasping? Another grown man on TV scrolling? I'm not saying, I'm not wowed by things. Yeah. But I don't know if I'm gasping.

I don't know if I've gasped at anything. You've never gasped? I don't think so. I mean, it wasn't like, I wasn't, it wasn't embarrassing. What was that? I was like, oh, wow. Mama. You said they ain't going to do it, but they did it, mama.

He's swapping on the screen. Did you start swapping on your TV and just go, is it going to move? That's how you change the channel on your TV. You just started like rubbing on the screen. The first reported case, though, this guy in Brazil, he's a farmer. He said that they came down and he tried to run on his tractor, but they stopped it. They were wearing gray coveralls and a helmet. They didn't speak.

They made noises like barks or yelps. And then when he put them on the spaceship, he was stripped of his clothes and then a very beautiful humanoid came into the room. She was very attractive and, uh, she had small pointed chin and large blue cat like eyes. Hair on her head was long and white,

although her underarm hair was red. And they were forced to have sex together. And then she rubbed her belly. She didn't kiss him, she nipped his chin. Then she rubbed her belly and pointed up, which he says means she was going to raise their child

in space. His wife claims to not have seen anything weird that night i mean so she that's what she pointed up and he goes oh you're gonna raise our kid yeah is that what that means because that makes sense i mean you're the mother and uh you know i mean that same lols down here you know i mean like just straight up he's just level-headed i hope he's a level-headed guy he goes yeah absolutely yeah i wouldn't even i'd love i mean do you think i'd ever get a you know he just points down you think i'll ever and she goes i don't know maybe in the you know middle we can

meet but uh he goes but i just he goes it's just gonna be so hard to just be you know it's just i don't know it's like it's not gonna be like your normal weekend every other weekend, right? And he's like, she's like, we don't even have weekends. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, I get it. How long is that kid going to live? She's like, thousands of years, you know? I mean, and then he's like, well, why can't I keep him for my, you know, 100?

That's about 80 years, 50 years left. Yeah. You know, I can't see my boy. They're having this whole conversation. I can't see my boy. They're yelping at each other.

He just starts you already know i mean she's like all of it was just you know immediately afterwards he she's just like i'm late i'm raising the kid up there this is all in one second like usually it's like months after. And she's like, they get done. I'm like, raising him upstairs. Don't tell my father. And you're like, what? Why can't we do it down here? It just, it just happened.

And you already know, he just died. He's dead. I love, you know, all these these movies they have some super smart scientist that has to figure out a way to communicate with the aliens because no one knows their language this was just yelping and making it sound like they call him the bargazzi family we can't figure out yeah and y'all just crack it just get it uh start laughing you're like no i'm not gonna say what he's but he's there that's funny to be like that guy just cheated on his wife but it's pretty good coverage right there to go just make something up like that yeah if you can believe like if he believes it that much

she just pointed up what she looked like she had white hair i found a red hair on your shirt she had red armpit hair was red they don't shave like you loser women down here dude hair doesn't matter to us he's not saying us hair doesn't matter to us in in other places she's like us us now you're one of them now i I am one of them. My blood is in their blood. Yeah, my boy is going to be up there. My boy's up there. Yeah, look at these dumb idiots down here. He's pointing at his own children. Look at these idiots that have been raised out here.

These kids are down here. These kids are down here. My kids. My kids. He talks to her only. Not even his wife. You don't talk about my boy. He goes, that's my heart.

My heart is my boy up there. And I'm going to go see him every. That's how the touchdown celebration starts. He goes, my boy. And he goes, oh, is that God? You're like, no, my son lives with an alien his alien mom went up there and he didn't break it down just regular oh you're talking about praying to god or something he goes nah my my baby mom is an alien and she she he lives up he lives up in there

wherever that is wherever up is but like the clouds? We'll go farther than the clouds. That would be ridiculous. Keep going. Yeah, keep going. I see them on the clouds on the weekends. I wonder if they make as much, though, as a professor. For that one class? Yeah, but you get paid class by class.

If you really break it down. But if they're like a celebrity, they might get paid more, right? Yeah. Who are you talking to? He was nodding no answer to our questions. I mean, Aaron started his own podcast within the podcast. I mean, he's over here. What is going on?

I look at him. He's just, my goodness. Everybody, please welcome to listen to Aaron Land. When is it air? Aaron's airs during Nate land sorry I didn't know you guys were going to do something together he's answered the question I'm sorry about that man I just don't trust a lot I'm a very and I I've started becoming I just don't trust, I don't know. I get nervous. I don't trust stuff.

I don't know where stuff's coming from. Bigfoot shows you trust. I trust that guy. Yeah. Yeah. I believe a lot of stuff. Yeah. I believe it.

You know, I think it's fun when it's not. Yeah. Those are our peers. Those kinds of guys. Yeah. Yeah. I know everybody's like,

I do about show about Bigfoot. It's not harming anybody. Right. You. I know everybody's like, I do a show about Bigfoot. It's not harming anybody. Right. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, I'm talking about when it gets into, like, serious stuff. Yeah. Yeah. This is all nonsense.

Aristotle said the mark of an educated person is being able to entertain a thought without accepting it. Yeah. I think that's a big comic trick. Oh, boy. It's like, let's go down this rabbit hole. I'm not going to fully commit to this, but let's have fun exploring it. Ted Lasso, which I finished last night.

Ted Lasso. He goes every style. You counted with Ted Lasso. Ted Lasso. It's a point counterpoint. He said, I don't even remember what he said now. Something about being curious. He said, you never be, you always be curious.

He said, just do it. The great mind. Two great philosophers. So you, T-Pain, Chris Brown, do you think that's a different vibe on the tour bus than the three of us? You think a little bit different? I think it's very similar. Who do you think, too?

I'd love to play this game. Who's Chris Brown? Who's Chris Brown? Who's T-Pain? Who's Jay Mooney? Who's me? I'd say Brian, maybe. You'd have to be me, I'd say.

Yeah, that's probably Chris Brown. Yeah. Yeah, that's what you think. Does Chris Brown have a CPAP? I don't know who would be funnier as Chris Brown. I don't know if you'd be funnier as T-Pain. CPAP opens up for Chris Brown. That's my rap name. That's his rap name. CPAP opens up for Chris Brown. That's my rap name.

That's his rap name. CPAP. C-PAP, dude. Yeah. First line, can I get a plug? Can I get a plug? See if I have an outlet. CPAP.

CPAP. Low battery. Low battery. Get the flow going. Yeah, yeah. Turn my airflow up real quick. Turn my airflow up real fast. Get the humidity down a Yeah, yeah. Turn my airflow up real quick. Turn my airflow up real fast. Get the humidity down a little bit.

You're right. Here we go. He goes, See, you know the CPAP. I know all the terms. You got one? You got one. Is the air condition on too low?

Who's throat-titchy, everybody? Who's throat-titchy? So there's a lot of crazy theme parks that, you know, there's a lot of Bible-based. I'm not saying that's crazy, but just unique different theme parks. Dollywood, obviously, has one. If there's a lot of Bible-based. I'm not saying that's crazy, but just unique different theme parks. Dollywood, obviously, has one. If there was a Nate Land.

Oh, Nate Land theme park. I think you'd go to McDonald's and your burger's already got a bite out of it. Yeah, that would be good. Iced coffee and milk. Iced coffee and milk, yeah. The Wheeze and the Worry. The Wheeze and the Worry. It'd be a ride.

the wheeze and the worry the wheeze and the worry be a ride uh you would the clocks would be uh 10 minutes fast so you're always worried that you're late that's the is that something you do no you're worried i'm saying oh that's the worried ride it brings not the worried ride like it's just the whole podcast is just you're you're kind of like oh my god we're gonna miss a reservation everything just makes you just kind of worried the oh my God, we're going to miss a reservation. Everything just makes you, you're just kind of worried the whole day. Oh, I see. Because you always kind of forget about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty good. Yeah. It could be a Nate Land. It could be a Nate Land. Yeah.

It could be good. Yeah. I mean, a gout foot. We just check people out for their gout. It's not even a ride. It's just a medical stand. It's like how they do vaccines at a drive-thru. We're going to just the gout tent.

And you're like, oh, is this like a fun ride? You go, no, literally we think gout's a bigger problem than people realize. And we're just going to, you guys stick your, you just pull up and your foot's just out the window and a guy just starts poking it with a pen. And he's like, I think you're good. A little hangnail there, but besides that, I'd get on. And he goes, thank you.

We check you for gout before you come in. That's your ticket. If you got gout and can prove it, 20% off. Get that negative gout test to get in. Get that negative gout test to get in. Get a negative gout test to get in. We said let's go when we announced, because the social media, and they posted my special date. They put let's go.

Yeah. And I was like, I was so mad. And it was on my thing. But someone else posted it. And I was like, don't. I can't stand it. I don't know. Everybody says it.

I just don't like when everybody – it's not like I don't like the saying. I like the saying. It's now everybody is saying it. They're at their grocery store just going, let's go. Save $20 today. It's like, all right, dude. Tom Brady says it when he wins a Super Bowl. Yeah, like an NBA player dunk. It's like a gut dude tom brady says it but you don't know it's a super yeah like a

nba player dunk like it's like a guttural let's go that's what it's built for it's not built for regular people just doing nothing you know just going got enough gas to get to the gas station let's go you know like that's not what it's for It's you know We have so many squirrels That thing's not really working It is not Well it's in the back but Why would you not put it in the front

Where the main problem is Well they were getting on our roof It's a major problem I mean dude Golly This is like the bird movie By Alfred Hitchcock With squirrels

Where they don't like Attack you They're just like And you can't kill them Golly, this is like the bird movie by Alfred Hitchcock about squirrels. Where they don't attack you, they're just like, you know. And you can't kill them. Well, it's against the law to purposely, in city limits, to kill them. You can throw them from an airplane, but they'll still live. Yeah, they're going to land that. No problem. You can kill a squirrel, right, if it's destroying your property.

How would I kill it? You'd set up a trap or something it's yeah if it's destroying your property how would i kill it instead of a trap or something to shoot it i don't think you can just be shooting them like bb guns people you know something like that yeah i mean by the time you're i think by the time your brain would tell you to pull that trigger that squirrel is going to be fine yeah i don't think you're going to hit it you don't think i could be right out there the bb gun the air force yeah shooting squirrels oh and that balance he just looks like something's wrong with him you know like the neighbors are like they think they see her her parents come out and they just think like oh he still lives with his parents like Like they don't know that. He's got that hat on, that camouflage hat with a BB gun. He's just out there looking at all these squirrels. And her parents come out, did you get them?

And they're like, oh, I guess he still lives with his parents. They think that I think they can't see me. Sniper. I mean there's I mean they would like his back wet backpack on it's dripping water

and they just people just coming up asking if he's okay he goes yeah I'm doing real good you know I live on my own now I think that's the tops

yeah I think that's the top thank you this podcast is like an answer to a question that's the tops. Yeah, I think that's the top. Thank you. This podcast is like an answer to a question that's never been asked. We might put that in the bio. That's a terrific summary. I mean, wow. That is our mission statement.

Yeah. That's what's great is, you know, they always ask, someone's like, what's your podcast? I'll do all these interviews promoting this podcast and they're like so what's your podcast i'm like i don't know it's like it doesn't matter none of it matters you know and i might say that it's like an answer to a question that's never been asked thanks everybody for listening to the Nate Land Podcast. Be sure to subscribe to our show on iTunes, Spotify,

you know, wherever you listen to your podcasts. And please remember to leave us a rating or a comment. Nate Land is produced by me, Nate Bargetti, and my wife, Laura, on the All Things Comedy Network. Recording and editing for the show is done by Genovation Consulting in partnership with Center Street Media. Thanks for tuning in. be sure to catch us next week on the nateland podcast