The Neighborhood Listen - 4th of Fungazee w/ Hayley Marie Norman

Episode Date: December 12, 2022

Burnt shares his professional opinion on Nyquil Chicken as Joan recalls her theatrical past. Meanwhile, Doug has been busy tracing back the ancient history of their house. Plus, special guest Danielle (Hayley Marie Norman) addresses the various complaints that come with 4th of July celebrations.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us, Bert, and Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.

Welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that examines the citizens of Tignity Falls. I hit that. I loved it. It went on a wild ride. Where do you think I got tripped up? Examine. Yes. We don't examine them. We don't. We talk to them.

Although sometimes they act like we're examining them. I do know that sometimes maybe my questions feel to people like they pry too much. And I'm really just trying to get to the heart of the story. I don't think you can take that on, Joan, because those people are, well, here's the thing. I think I said examine because a lot of these people do need to be examined. I do agree with that. And we're not the people to do that. All we're doing is asking questions. No. Yeah. We're not licensed to do that. Sometimes we get put in some awkward positions because some people don't seem well. No. And you know, I am a pharmacist. I'm not allowed to prescribe things. I merely fill prescriptions. But of course I can spot people who need certain things. You know, after

a while you get a, you get a feel for, you know, somebody comes up to the counter and you're like, this is a Prozac guy. And then it is. And I, I feel, you know, of course me and the gang behind the counter there, we will often take little bets on what somebody might be coming up to get a prescription wise. And that's, I, I feel like that's a breach of ethics that I, that I've said that. Doug can just edit it out. Well, yeah, Doug, you'll edit this out later. But yeah, we will, we'll, we'll see somebody coming up and we can just tell from the way they're dressed or the way they style their hair,

like, oh, this person wants bupropion or this person wants... Ooh, what's that one? That's the generic for, well, Buterin. Oh, okay. Yes. These generics, it just drives me, it just weirds me out.

You like the brand name. The name sounds so made up and it just makes me think, what's wrong with it? I like the name buprop up and it just makes me think, what's wrong with it? I like the name Bupropion because it sounds like an ancient god. By the power of Bupropion. That is kind of fun. Relax.

Don't do it. When you want to get to it. What do you think being a pharmacist at the whole NyQuil TikTok thing? Are you aware of this? The NyQuil chicken, are you having people show up wanting a lot of NyQuil? We've had so many,

of course we have it behind the counter. We have it now because it used to be, you could just get it and if you wanted to get high off it, go ahead. Go ahead. You can't boil it. You can't boil a whole chicken in NyQuil.

It makes me, nothing makes me feel older than watching someone boiling chicken in nyquil it makes me absolutely nothing makes me feel older than watching someone boiling chicken in nyquil here's the thing though it is delicious oh you haven't tried it i've tried of course we tried it what do you mean of course with the gang we got together i said let's have let's have a research like part of the job you want to know what the effects are yeah of course well yes of. But also maybe this will be fun. And so we had a chicken dinner. A secret life of pharmacists. Yeah, I guess so.

I guess so. You know, there was a TV show called The Secret Life of the American Teenager. And I was watching this show called Best Week Ever. And I remember the host referred to it as slow tat, which I thought was funny. All right. So you all got together and had a

yes had a nyquil chicken boil yes we went to patty's house and we uh we cooked a chicken in nyquil oh and we all ate it and um you know it it there was something about it of course that was absolutely rank and disgusting yes but there was such a delightful aftertaste we were eating it i'm going to be sick it was disgusting and then you would we would go we you could see it around the table somebody would take a bite grimacing the whole time then all of a sudden oh oh well that's just like that meme of the meme of the lady which meme of the lady well there's a meme of a lady in the top picture she's like no i don't want that and then the second picture she's like maybe i don't want

that like i'm listening. Yes, exactly. I know that one. Yes, yes, yes. You're so up on your memes. I love memes, Joan. Wow. I love them. Wow.

Wow. Oh, memes. Bert, we got to have someone make you a meme. Make you into one. I, no, they'd be too great an honor. Oh, boy. I couldn't. I'm not worthy. Oh, don't say say that you're absolutely meme worthy i love them

i love them i love them so much they tell the story in such a brief amount of time they do and you know it's like the old hemingway uh you know for sale baby shoes never worn and uh oh that's supposed to be the saddest shortest story oh right but then i mean i think a meme has that beat because it's got pictures. A meme is what? Because it has pictures? It's got that Hemingway story beat because it's got pictures. Yeah, and it's not terribly sad.

That is to me. No, it can be funny. Yes. Why does it have to be a sad short story? Why can't it be a funny short story? Sure. Well, let's think of that. Every meme is a funny short story, basically.

Okay. Let's agree to do that. Thank you for joining me. Well, thank you for joining us. If you're listening, we are Joan Pedestrian and... Burnt Me a Payday. Yes. And we take posts from the NeighborHap and we bring in guests from...

They are people who either posted or the people that are being posted about. That's right. We try to just get to know our neighborhood a little bit better in that way. And that is why sometimes I ask those questions that people think are prying. But I'm an actor, Bernt. So I want it about motivation. All actors are detectives, are they not? That's right.

We are. We are detectives of the soul. Oh, I thought it was like you would pick up on like a way a person walked and you would imitate that. That too. But why is someone really walking that way? What's it about? It's not about their, you know, it's about their father.

Exactly. It's always about their father. Is it always? Really? Most of the time. Wow. Okay. So like the famous plays.

Hamlet. Hamlet, father. How is that not about a father? Who's afraid of Virginia Woolf I mean wouldn't want that guy to be my father he got me Joan um Macbeth she she didn't have a good father probably not right lady clearly not lady do you think that song you think it's about Lady Macbeth? It's about Lady Macbeth. Kenny Rogers singing to Lady Macbeth. He does say he's a knight in shining armor. Oh, wow.

We got to pull up the lyrics now. Also, that's presumptuous to put us on. I'm your knight in shining armor. Some ladies like all that chivalrous stuff. But I feel like that's for the lady to say to the man. Maybe I'm just getting that from on Golden Pond, a movie I've never seen, but did see the commercial many times. You've never seen it on Golden Pond? Never seen it on Golden Pond. Oh, it's devastating. But I remember. Oh, man, maybe I'm just getting that from on Golden Pond, a movie I've never seen but did see the commercial many times. You've never seen it on Golden Pond? Never seen it on Golden Pond.

Oh, it's devastating. But I remember, oh, well then I'll run right out. See, some people don't like to watch a movie that makes them cry, that devastates them. I love it. So if somebody says this if somebody says this movie is sad you will say, I will watch that.

Yes, because I want to see, oh, could I have acted as well in that movie? That's the first thought. And then the second thought is, oh, I just love being in touch with my emotions. I have no problem with crying. You like it. I love it. What a release. Do it all the time.

Right, babe? That's right. Here I am. You cry. Yes, you's right. Here I am. You cry. Yes, you do cry. Here I am. You cry. Wait, is that from your, is that more poetry, babe? That's more, yeah. Here I am. You cry. That's along the lines of like an

answer song to No Woman, No Cry. Here I am. You cry. Here I am. You cry. That describes our relationship in the house. here I am you cry here I am you cry that describes our relationship in the house wow what a picture that's being painted speaking of painting

he's painting a room today which one are you painting again babe history the room this is fun because this this the history room is it the history room or is it no no we've gone over this i would like it to be history the room history the room now you haven't named the rooms like this before no i thought i mean because history carries a great weight he he wants it to be the history of the family right going all the way back uh and also all the way back not just the immediate family of you two and juliope no and the twins matt and corona oh that's the that's the craziest pronunciation i've heard you do of corono's did i say it wrong no you did it exactly right corono it's

right musical name corono i know it sounds like a lozenge you would have in the swiss alps yes anyway commercials so those guys they're up there with the horns i know just to tell people about the laws i know i mean that the village below is like oh the lozage the lozenge song has been played and now we know now we know what to what what kind to get what brand yeah are we catching them when they're announcing the release of a new loss and this is the public maybe they're blowing out lozenges from the boy i think we'd see that in the commercial dog. I don't know. And this is the publicity stuff? Maybe they're blowing out lozenges from the horns.

I think we'd see that in the commercial, Doug. I don't recall. That's what I thought. You thought that? Yeah, like a ski jump. Like a t-shirt cannon. They were just blowing. Blowing Ricolas out of there.

Ricolas. Could you imagine a lozenge cannon? That would just be like rubber bullets. Really aggressive. Yes. Don't do it. Really aggressive. Yes. Don't do it. Don't do it. Everybody don't do it.

So anyways, yes, he wants to do Ancestry.com. He wants to take a look back into our past and then also go all the way to the future. Kind of like- All the way. Well, like even including- He wants to go all the way to the future with the family tree?

He wants, meaning he wants to show, not only is he going to have like a little model of the house as it is now. So all the rooms, cause that's a history, right? The history of the house, all the different history,

the room, this is what's happening in there. Yes. This is what's happening in there. The history, the room is what's going on in there. And it's the history of our family, but that also involves the house. Who's going to do there. And it's the history of our family. But that also involves the house,

who's going to do like a little miniature model of all the different rooms. Okay. And then future rooms. No, just the house. Oh, the house will have the various eras of the house. And kind of almost be like a little version of our home inside our home.

It's like Doug had this idea once for doing, he always thought it'd be a fun idea to have Vegas the casino in Vegas. And all it is inside is just a miniature Vegas. So you go in and it's like Paris and then there's like a smaller pyramid. So Las Vegas themed Las Vegas casino. Las Vegas themed Las Vegas casino,

right on the strip. Because you could do it all in one full swoop. Exactly. You can't. Las Vegas in miniature. How much smaller? Would like the Eiffel Tower and the Statue of Liberty. It's his thing.

The Venetian is basically just one little pond or it's like, you know, they have a miniature golf version of Vegas in there. Yeah. Oh, OK. Right. So you can get it all. Think of it at that scale. Circus, circus.

But all the casino tables are in and around. Can you walk the diameter? You could, you could, is it, you know what I mean? Like,

is it one little lump in the center and then you can walk around and look at it? Yeah, where you're playing, the casino where you're playing,

that's where all the little miniatures are. You can, you can go over and play blackjack by Paris. You can buy there. Yeah.

Well, not because these are, these are small enough. Why am I the hype man for this? I mean, why am I answering for you? You remembered it really well. You tell him. Yeah, there's Caesar's Palace. I mean, it's all miniatures.

But I mean, life, I mean, not. I wasn't, that's not the issue. I wasn't like, do they include Caesar's Palace? Yes, of course, Caesar's Palace is involved. So there's full-size gambling tables that belong to las vegas the casino right and then there's miniatures of the other casinos and are they can are they interactive at all can you do anything in them or they are just little doll houses of the casino i think what doug meant is that it's more like big boy he gets big for

himself yeah they're not life-sized they're not true to size okay but they're not dollhouse size either they're big enough to walk into big enough to walk into but like stooped over like yeah like you can sort of be godzilla to new york new york it's i think it's I think it should be. I think it should be focused on the strip. It's like it looks more like Las Vegas, the strip in there inside the casino. Right. Not actual like the old strip hole.

No new strip. You know, people talk about the old strip in Las Vegas, and I'm not sure what that means. It's just a zip line and a lot of wants people. No one wants to go there, right? Yeah. That's all it is. It sounds disgusting. It's absolutely disgusting. Why do we still have Las Vegas, do you think?

Because there will always be people, Bert, who want to go and have that 48 hours of decimation. What's the longest time you can imagine spending in Las Vegas? Oh, God. I really wouldn't put it past two days. I mean, by the second day, I'm already questioning everything. But do you think you could do three? God, no. Unless I was there

just to see all the Broadway musicals. And even then, I don't think I could take it. Because, oh, they truncate them. They're so short. It's just, they're awful. Are they because they got to turn it around? Exactly.

You got to do the 90-minute Phantom of the Opera for the drunk crowd. It's just the hits. The Phantom of the Opera is here. That's basically it. And that's how it sounds too. Does the chandelier still fall from the ceiling?

Yeah, but it's made of dildos. So it's not quite the same noise when it hits the floor. Anyway, wow, we really got off topic you we really did i don't know why i brought up is that oh because we're history history the room and you're painting it currently oh yeah i'm sorry i'm sorry so then we were talking about the future i'm a long way from the future. I can tell you that. That is a goal of mine. Aren't we all? Right now I'm in the Druid era.

Wait a minute. You've traced your family back that far? Yeah. To the Druid era. Yeah, actually the house itself. The first iteration of the house was sort of Stonehenge. That's true. The first settlers of Dignity Falls were Druids.

And that's why there's all the half-henges around town. Yeah. Because a lot of them got knocked down and then people complained and then they were like, all right, we'll leave up half. And so that's because it's a place of compromise. It's called, you know,

there's like Minnesota's the land of a thousand lakes. Dignity Falls is the town of a thousand stonehenges. Well, half-henges. Half-henges. They're called half-henges. That's right. The town of a hundred half-henges. The town of a thousand lakes. Dignity Falls is the town of a thousand stone hinges. Well, half hinges. Half hinges. They're called half hinges. That's right. The town of a hundred half hinges. The town of a hundred half hinges.

And there's no question of how they built them here. No, there's not. No question. No, they wrote on the stones, here's how we did it. Yeah. And they're not that big.

And that helped people building other ones. Sure. And that's how they got their half hinge built. That's why we have so many. Exactly. That was the major export back then of the hinges yes half hinges so okay you're you're starting there what color are you painting it a druid era is mainly gray

the room itself the whole room oh just a nice like olive i would have said red nice olive i wanted burgundy in there a nice olive but you know it's the things in the red palette sounds feel a little sinister don't they i know well that burgundy's a little i don't know it just sounds like a i made a motion with my hand like please, please stop. No, no, stop. As if I don't want you to stop. You know what it reminds, here's what it reminded me of. Okay.

It reminded me of like a, like a Sunset Boulevard, like an aging star. It does. She's pretending she doesn't want the attention, but of course she craves it because she fears her own mortality. Yeah.

And her father again. Yes. About her father. Yes. A lot of father themes in that movie. Yes. and a chandelier falls in that play too does it i just remember a guy falling in a pool and dying do you know what i think it was is that do you remember there was that season it was a season you didn't do any of the shows because there was a different artistic director and you would not work with her. I absolutely would not. And it's not

anyways, go on. Her name was Martha McFarland. Martha McFarland. And she, they started with Phantom and I think the chandelier thing was so expensive they put it into all the

subsequent shows. Oh God, that's right. So Sunset Boulevard had one. Oklahoma had one. Our town. Which is supposed to have no props and like no set, basically. And then they've got this gigantic chandelier, which again, it's like a 99 seat theater.

So the thing was just, it was overpowering. Eric Boghossian came to town to talk radio yeah and then i think it finished with glenn gary lynn ross yes it was ridiculous so um chandelier falls on stan and harriet nyborg always be chandeliering abc so yes i refused to do a season there because, A, I could have predicted exactly what happened. Her spending all the money on one thing that doesn't even have to do. Some people would say killed the American musical theater, quite honestly, because it came all about spectacle. Wow.

Right after that, it was all about spectacle. So, yeah, I mean, I knew she would try that. Before that, it was like dream ballet. If you had a dream ballet, you were set. It was like hippies and naked people and Doug Henning. That's right. Doug Henning. And cats.

Was he on Broadway? Was Doug Henning on Broadway? He was. What did he do there? He did a one-man show. I can't remember what it was called. Magic? It sounds right.

And so she just, I knew she would come in with all of these big ideas. And again, she's about spectacle, not about the art of it all. You know, she wants to put on a Disney show or something, you know? So I just sort of said, no, thank you. And I'm just going to go do my other stuff. But she had to turn it into a whole thing and said that it was a woman not supporting a woman. And I was like, well, you took my first boyfriend in preschool and i never forgot about it right that's your the bad

blood that's your devlin oh it's a shame about him yep it's super shame he lost an eye luckily it was already his glass eye but he never found it. And now he wears those sunglasses with one of the lenses poked out. He can't catch a break. He can't catch a break. You know, he looks the same way he did in preschool.

Isn't that weird? He just looks like a taller virgin. Yeah, nothing has changed. Yeah, same face. And the eye of course yeah poor thatcher yeah if you're listening thatcher we love you love to have you on the show it would be great oh my uh so so yes uh the what were we talking about we were talking about martha mcfarland and she and and it kind of started with the theater stuff. It started because when she was doing Phantom,

she announced she was doing Phantom. Of course, everyone thought, well, Joan will be Christine. Yeah, I'm too old for that, Burns. But she wanted to make you theater patron number two. Which is, that's such a crazy waste of talent. Like, a lot of times they put mannequins in those roles yes they do and uh it was she knew what she was doing she knew exactly what she was doing she made me audition for that she made me send in a tape wouldn't even let me do it in person

i had to send a tape of me just going that phantom, which is all you get to sing. It's just one little soprano part. Is this the theater patron alerting other people to the, that there's a phantom in the room? This is a scene where they're talking about, you know, that everyone, now there's rumors spread about the phantom. And everyone's sort of like a hubbub hubbub type song. You know, everyone's whispering and a feared. Does someone else say of the opera? Yes, I believe so.

Well, because you know that there are two different phantoms and she combined the two. That's why this is hard to answer. There's two phantoms of the opera? I'm not kidding. There is one musical called Phantom and another one called Phantom of the Opera. Phantom of the Opera came first.

And then this man named Maury Esten, who also wrote chess, which you might know because Abba wrote the music to it you know uh bangkok oriental city i don't know what the city correct so um so he wrote this musical called just phantom which he was closer to the novel phantom of the opera just the single word phantom but not just phantom it's oh no it's not just phantom it's the word phantom and i'm not kidding you one of the songs in that show and she put it into her phantom of the opera show she just picked and choose chose she cherry picked she picked and how would you say that cherry she picked it okay your answer is you wouldn't you'd say cherry pick yeah that's what

you mean you're right that's what i mean she cherry picked songs. Yeah, that's what you mean. You're right. That's what I mean. She cherry picked songs from each production. But Phantom has a song that just goes, Phantom, the opera's been invaded by a phantom. The opera's been invaded by a phantom. Oh, Phantom, the opera's been invaded by a ghost. By a ghost, by a ghost, by a ghost. Not even kidding you. Everybody go Google that

because it's one of the funniest songs I've ever heard. The opera's been invaded by a phantom. That's right. And so high schools do it a whole lot because it's, first of all, the rights were, now high schools are going to start doing Phantom of the Opera. Is that not hilarious? But that's what you did. You did Phantom.

If you had one guy in the school that could sing real good, you did Phantom. And it was basically, it's the same story, of course, you know, it still ends tragically, but it doesn't have those beautiful lyrical songs. But some of it I like better. Really? Anyways, she wanted me to be theater patron. Phantom, I was just singing from that song. And that's it.

Just the word Phantom. Yep. And then I just said, look out. That's it. And did you actually do the audition? I did, which is embarrassing. It's probably out there somewhere. Well, it made you the bigger person. Well, thank you. It did because I was on camera. It'll show up on YouTube. Well, I just figured it'd be my Oprah story, you know, when I'm famous someday and I can just talk

about how humbling it was to have to do that self-tape. Exactly. And Doug was my reader and he just couldn't get the cue right. Remember that, babe? I do. I still don't know what to do there. What's the cue? You just say what is it?

But it was like he either said it too fast or he said it too loud. Oh, I thought I just did it. Okay. Wait, what? What is it? Now that was better. Okay.

Now we get this. Not what's the cue. Did you remember what the cue was and you just recited it now or was this a happy accident? I would like to say I remembered it and nailed it. Okay, but you didn't. So did you?

No. What is it? Yeah, that was, the first one was better. What is it? Anyways, it took two. Who's the character that asked what is it? It's patron number five. Patron number five goes to patron number two to find out yes i'm telling you it's nutty i it took two hours to do that 10 minute

10 second tape and i had to do a full body slate oh it's a home a self tape at home yes she knew it was gonna drive me crazy by the way a slate for anyone who doesn't know you have to just literally put yourself in camera from head to toe and say your name and how tall you are. And yes, you shouldn't have to do that. I should have gotten to go in person. Exactly. And I should, well, first of all,

I should have been offered it for crying out loud. Yes, of course, if anything. Offer me one of the leads or, you know, but it's- Who are the other leads of that show? You got your fan team. Carlotta. Now, to be honest, that's who I wanted to play. She plays the diva.

She plays the, she's the comedy. Oh, I forgot about the opera part of that show? You got your Phantom. Carlotta. Now, to be honest, that's who I wanted to play. She plays the diva. She plays the, she's the comedy. Oh, I forgot about the opera part of it. Exactly. Wow. Even though, well, you can if you're just watching Phantom because it doesn't mention the opera. But Phantom has invaded the opera. No, I know.

I'm saying that one musical is called Just Phantom. Right. Isn't Just Phantom has the one where it says Phantom has invaded the opera? Yes. I'm just saying the title doesn't remind you of the opera. Oh, the title. Yes, yes, yes. The story. It's not that they avoid mention of the opera. No, they don't.

A Phantom of somewhere. The dinner theater. The dinner theater. That would be, actually, that would be pretty great. Yes, that would be great. Well, after I'm finished doing the one-woman show, then I will do the... And you know what? How do you like this?

How rich is this? When I announced doing the one-woman show of all the famous women of Dignity Falls, Martha called me. Actually, no, it was the text. It was just like, if you need any help, if you need any help with the script, if you need any help with the...

You know, it's like, no, I don't need any help, Martha. But you know what? If you want to help me, why don't you do a little self-tape of you helping and then I'll decide. Now that is rich. Right? Yes. Anyway.

Well, good news. Her husband left her. So she's miserable. And she's been at the Dignity Falls Tavern every night like clockwork. Oh, dear. Look, I didn't mean to. I don't mean this to go. I don't mean to go after Martha. Well, she's been at the Dignity Falls Tavern every night like clockwork. Oh, dear. Look, I didn't mean to, I don't mean this to go, I don't mean to go after Martha.

Well, she's an unpleasant person. She's going through a tough time, but she is an unpleasant person and a mean daiquiri drunk. Doug, how are we doing on time? It's about time. All right. Well, why don't we take a break?

That sounds good. When we return, we'll have more Neighborhood Listen. When the Neighborhood Listen returns. This is Marnie. Free. Billie Eilish hat. I think my daughter wore it once.

Perfect condition. And welcome back. Welcome back to where we will not examine people. We'll just talk to them. Remember how you started by saying- Really? I know. I feel like you got your head about the people questioning your questions. Oh, oh, right. I was just doing a little callback to when you said exam. To my thing that I said, which was weird. But you're right. Maybe I am in my head a little bit. I think we're both in our heads. We're just two in our heads. We've got to get out of our heads. Maybe your guests will help us get out of our heads.

God, I hope so. Let's see what our guest has to say. Oh, so people know. What we do is on the show, we explore our neighborhood, Dignity Falls, and what we do is we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application. And we look for interesting people to talk to. And this week is no exception.

We have found someone who has posted. And Joan, would you read the post for us now? I'd be happy to. Now, this post comes from Danielle. And she says, you know what I love about the 4th? Well, besides the beautiful light shows, it's like the only holiday left where you're outside with your neighbors talking, laughing. I know there are streets that do that often. Consider yourself lucky.

I think that was all one sentence. I know people hate fireworks. I get it. Horrible things happen. Oh. But horrible things happen on January 20th, March 28th. Just naming some dates. So if you spent tonight

shut inside your house, angry at your community, planning all the letters you're going to write, the calls you're going to make to put a stop to the atrocity of this holiday, I feel sorry for you.

I urge you next year to go outside, join your community, look at the joy and wonder on the little kids' faces, talk to your neighbors. You could make some new friends. Happy 4th of July.

Now let the complaining commence, she says. Wow. It's a real challenge. And here we have her to talk to us. Danielle, welcome. Hi. Thank you so much for having me. Of course.

You're welcome. Well, Danielle, first of all, I also enjoy the 4th of July. I love fireworks. You said that terrible things can happen. Oh, yeah. Oh, and Joan, I would like to clear up one thing. Those were not just random dates. I said January 20th, ex-husband's birthday.

Oh, okay. Yes. The date in March was the day that my little shih tzu died. Oh, no. So sorry. That is terrible. I know. The love of my life. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll show you guys some pictures after. died. Oh, no. So sorry. That is terrible. I know. The love of my life.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll show you guys some pictures after. Great. Oh, sure. Absolutely. Yeah. Just a real cutie. Was the dog old?

Was it elderly? No, the dog was just four. Just fell off a ladder. Oh, dear. Fell off a ladder. The dog fell. I was, you know, I wanted him to be a pageant dog. You know, the Dignity Falls does that great, you know, semianannual dog pageant. So much fun. I invested a lot. The dog's name

was Trixie. I invested a lot of money into Trixie's pageant wardrobe. We were doing the tricks. She fell off the ladder. She died. So what was the trick on the ladder supposed to be? Just climbing it. And how she must have gotten pretty high up there. Yeah. She was four steps up. Oh. Well, you know, Shih Tzus are very delicate. Sure.

You couldn't jump up and down. I had to get those stairs for the bed up and down. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. Well, so sorry for your loss. I am sorry. Thank you. I'm still not over it.

And I'm sorry your ex-husband was born. Oh my God, honey, me too. You know, we haven't finalized the divorce yet, but we're working on it. Oh, wow. How long has that been going on? Oh, it's one of those that just keeps dragging it on so long. Well, I actually run a breedery.

A breedery? I actually run a breedery. I run a breedery. What is a breedery again? I just breed all types of animals. So not just Shih Tzus. I breed iguanas. I've got some beautiful rainbow colored iguanas, which are the hardest ones to find. Wow.

Yes. Yes. Cats. Okay. These little cats that look, I just call them my little UFO cats because they just look like little UFOs. I think the technical name is a Bissinian. Oh, a Bissinian.

Right. Right. You mean they look like aliens? It actually looks like an actual spaceship if you look into their eyes you will see a spaceship wow i haven't done that before well come over come see well if my ex-husband's not there then if he's not there then we'll go in we'll go in the back we go we share the business it's been 12 years and this is why it's just dragging on or my god we should have gotten a prenup. We did not.

I'm sorry. We did. I don't want people to... So you're co-workers still? Oh my gosh. If you can even call it that. I do 99% of the work, of course. Well, I understand. What does he do mostly while he's there? Reap the benefits. Oh, wow. Reap the benefits. Sometimes, you know, he will play with the cats with the

little... The wand that has the thing on it. Yeah, that doesn't sound like that's really participating in the breeding name so uh and and what is the name of your breedery again um it's called ufo abyssinian breedery oh okay false yes yes but it's an acronym on the sign so i remember what are those letters mean ufo abyssinian breederie of dignity falls yeah it's just a lot of letters a b o d f yes it has a ring to it I think it does have a ring to it I thought it was like a scramble

and I was trying to make a word out of the letters oh I'm you know what I'm so glad that we have cleared this up yeah I think that might be

a tricky thing you're driving by and I think a lot of people get confused there's actually been a lot of accidents in front of that block because everyone's

slowing down trying to figure out what the hell is I just that was one of the biggest arguments my husband and I had, you know, and I'm going to give it, he was the one that actually wanted to change it. So maybe he's not all bad. Wow. Well, maybe he's not all bad. Okay. So you named it after the cats. When did you, so you were just, fair enough. The UFOs you see in the cat's eyes. Yes. Yes.

So were you just expressly breeding those cats and then you just started to breed like every other animal? And then we got into rainbow iguanas and then we got into shih tzus and now we're taking them all to pageants. Oh, all of them.

Okay, so. What tricks did the iguanas do? Well, I put them in cute little dresses. You haven't lived until you've seen a dress for an iguana. Well. The trick that they do is they really, you know how iguanas get on their little wood? Their little wood, yep.

They love to get on that little wood. They get on their little wood. Yes, they love it. Well, I've taught them to really open up their chest and do a little roll right off the wood. Oh, and that doesn't hurt them? It's a stunt. It seems dangerous after losing Trixie

to have another trick beast, you know, an animal fall off something. But the lizards are so used to being on their wood. They like to do it. No, they die. Oh, they do what? Every time? Wait a minute.

We've lost 10. We've lost 10. You might get in a little trouble with animal activist groups here, just so you know. I mean, if anyone's listening, you gotta be careful. And that's another question I have because I feel like

the people that largely complain about fireworks... Oh yeah, to get back to that. They're complaining about it on behalf of their pets. That is true. I've never really heard somebody say like, oh no, the fireworks are too loud for me. I'm gonna tell you something about Trixie.

Trixie loved fireworks. I consider myself a little bit of a dog expert. And look, if you look those dogs in their eyes and you say you love these fireworks, you train them. They will like the fireworks. So the people who say that their dogs don't like fireworks are transference. I recently got into therapy.

Do you know what transference is? I have a general idea. Yes. Yeah, but explain it for all our listeners. Because they don't know. The you know what transference is i have a general idea yes yeah but explain it for all our listeners well because they don't know the keyword is transfer transfer okay you transfer your energy so the truth is the hard cold truth is it's the people that don't like the fireworks right it reminds them of shooting right right right of guns of being born explosions things like this so they're they're transferring that onto their dogs i see yes and so do you do you have in your neighborhood some people who were complaining about it that night because it seemed there was a real edge to your post now if i'm wrong uh it felt like there was a real edge to your post. Now, if I'm wrong, it felt like there was a real edge to your post, sort of like a sarcasm, right? You know, saying I love the fourth as well.

Right. So was that in response to a certain interaction you had with a neighbor that night? What caused you to get on the app and post that? Well, what I would say was a fairly frustrated, angry post. Oh my gosh. This, okay. I'm just going to be honest here. Please. That's what we love. I love fireworks all year round. Oh, you wish they were all year round. I do. I do. So I set some off on May 2nd this year and my neighbors called the police on me. Right. My neighbors called the police on me, but the reason why I did the fireworks was because I wanted to bring people out into the street and I did, but it just ended up with me handcuffed. Oh no. They actually, just for, for setting off fireworks,

they put you in handcuffs. Well, we know that these dignity falls police. They don't mess around. No, that's very true. That's very true. We have one of the, uh, the, the toughest police forces in the country and it's, it's a cause for a lot of controversy in town. It is. Yeah. They're really overfunded. It's weird. They are so overfunded. But, you know, I wasn't mad at them for doing their job. I just, I mailed them all some sparklers after to thank them for, you know, keeping the neighborhood safe, even though it was publicly humiliating.

Oh, well, sure. And so did you have discussions with your neighbors after this that you were only trying to if you're here's a question, if you're only trying to get them together because you like the community, how about a mixer of sorts at your house that just involves, oh, I don't know, some cocktails and some potluck or whatever, as opposed to a very loud noise that maybe makes people think that they're under attack. Instead, invite them over for a mixer of just people talking. And I'm assuming, forgive me, but I'm assuming you didn't tell anyone in advance you were going to do this.

No, I just set them off. And to answer your other question, no, I did not speak to her directly. I just posted that because I know that she reads the neighborhood app. Oh, who's she? The neighbor. The neighbor who called the police and complained. Okay, all right. Kathy.

So your biggest problem is with Kathy. Yeah, you do know, I mean, Dignity Falls isn't that big. Do you guys know Kathy? I know it's not. What's her last name? Kathy Shoemaker. Oh, Kathy Shoemaker, yes.

I do know her. Not very well. I know who she is. Yes. I haven't had many interactions with her, yes. Yes. And she's known as a little bit of a busybody. Yeah.

That's fair. She's such a busybody. But the thing is, I want her body to be more busy than me. I just feel like she hasn't taken a liking to me. I want her to know. I want her to ask me when she sees me, how are your UFO cats doing? Oh. How are the iguanas?

Right. Every time she passes by me, she looks the other way. Does she know that's where you work? Oh yeah, she knows. No, I've also got it right outside of my house. Oh, you have the sign outside of your house as well? Yeah, U-F-O-A-B-O-D-F. Right there. And this is like sort of advertising for the business. I hate to ask you this question, but does your ex-husband still live in the house? No. No.

That's healthy. That's good. I packed him and I threw him out. So now he's across the street. You packed him and you threw him out. He's across the street. Now he's across the street. He doesn't like to leave his house a lot though,

so it's fine. Right. What happened the night of the fireworks? Did he come out and see you get arrested? Yeah. Can you believe he's trying to use that against me in the court documents now? Oh, no. He's trying to say I can't be a fit parent to our...

Oh, you have children. To the animals. Oh, to the animals. 128. 128. Okay. Wow. This is a pet store, right?

You're a breedery, so you're selling these animals. I'm selling these animals, but we can... Are you fighting over custody of the animals? We are. We're fighting over custody of the breeder. Right. Okay. He says that 10 iguanas have died under my care.

Truxy died under my care. 10. So he took a photo of me being arrested by the cops. Oh my. What do you think? As they put my head in the cop car. Dear. They hit my head on the cop car.

Oh no. That's the thing about the Dignity Falls. You know how the police will put your hand on your head and help you push you down? Yes, they don't do that in Dignity Falls. Oh boy, that's awful. I got a concussion. They just shove you in there.

Oh, that's terrible. Yeah, they push you in there. One cop kneels down in front of the open door and then the other cop pushes you. They have, unfortunately, what's happened in the last few years is they decided they try to do their own version of cops. And so they've got a guy with a camera they have, unfortunately what's happened in the last few years is that there's, they,

they decided they try to do their own cop version of cops. And so they've got a guy with a camera and they're just, they're there. What I think is they're just kind of trying to pretend as if they're big and tough and it's very annoying, but they're not even broadcasting this anywhere. They're just watching it themselves. No,

they just watch it themselves. Yeah. They just have hundreds of episodes and it's just, I'm using it for my child though. I am for the, my reel, though. For the reel for what? Well, at least there's that. For the breedery. Now, how?

Why? Is it just because the sign's in the background? No, I actually, in the back, I'm wearing my breedery's name on the back of my shirt. So you do get a good glimpse of it. The whole name spelled out or the initials? The initials. Oh, okay. There's got to be a better way to get your name out there than your arrest

video. I just feel like that's maybe intriguing though. Well, I guess that's true there. It is true. It does make me, you know, no,

no more press. Yeah. I guess that's, I guess that's true. Do you know, I, I recently saw a commercial on television that was, um,

you know, a fellow's at a job interview and then, uh, you see a person behind the desk, say, what, what's this gap in your resume? And then it cuts to,

he's in an orange jumpsuit, he's in prison and he's working there on, on a computer with some other guys who are doing something. And so then the commercial says, uh, you know, we, we,

uh, you know, want to give people a second chance, whatever. Uh, and this was during an episode of Southern Charm. What's Southern Charm again? Southern Charm is a reality show about boring Southern people. And

I'm wondering what newly released prisoner is watching Southern Charm. There's so many other things. If you spent time in prison, I say treat yourself when you get out. That would be way down on my list of things to watch. What would be a good show to watch? I've never been in prison, but what shows should we watch when we get out. That would be way down on my list of things to watch. What would be a good show to watch? I've never been in prison,

but what shows should we watch when we get out of prison? I mean, like, The Sopranos was pretty good. I don't know how long you've been in prison if you're listening to this. It could be triggering. I mean, you get out of prison, maybe you just want something nice, something light. Sure. That's true. Reality television. Well, you don't want to watch these people fight with each other. Listen,

I've never seen it. They're getting drunk and yelling? They look, I know what you're talking about. They look like pricks. I would watch the first Paddington. That's what I would do. The first Paddington? Oh, that is a lovely choice. Second one, he goes to jail. I'd probably Oh, well then that would be a terrible choice. I wouldn't be the first one to watch.

Why does he go to jail? He goes to jail in Paddington 2. Yes, have you not seen it? No, I have not. Oh, you should see my kids are too old for that stuff so i don't see children's movies i'm child free by choice and uh and i've seen it it's a wonderful film oh well okay yeah my first one did play paddington 2 well no paddington 2 is the one where he goes where he goes i'm sorry i'm sorry daniel what when i spent my two hours in jail when i was arrested it was the perfect running time for

my ex-husband to play paddington 2 to our breedery so that they would understand where mommy went. Oh, okay. Yes. So the rainbow lizards and the shih tzus and the cats, UFO cats were all watching Paddington 2. They did. That's kind of sweet. Yeah. It sounds like though that you and your husband have unfinished business.

Oh, that's a beautiful way of describing it i mean literally you're in the middle of breeding animals together no no i meant emotionally yes i know but like well financially i got what you were saying it was psychically i just i wanted to you know i apologize joan i apologize sometimes brett burnt I apologize, Joan. I apologize. Sometimes, Brett Burnt. Brett, one of my least favorite names. I've never met a Brett I liked. Me neither. No.

And I doubt I ever will. No. We almost named one of the twins Brett and I was like, no. What's to like? I've never met one, but. I'd like to. Let me save you the trouble. I's to like? I've never met one, but. I'd like to. Let me save you the trouble. I always get confused because I can never hear if it's Brent or Brett.

And I'm always wondering. Every person I know whose name is Brent is Brent or is Brent Brett. Brent. I love a Brent. Brents are so kind. I love a Brent. Just the difference of one letter. Huge difference.

So yes, all I was saying is yes. Unfinished emotional business while you're actually sharing a business. What's the end game here? I mean, it seems like he's coming up a lot. Yeah. I've spent a lot of money on legal fees. So something has to be resolved here. 12 years. Yeah. 12. What would make you happy? What would you, what would be your perfect scenario? Part of me wants to move him back in i this is what i was wondering it seemed like there's something that's still between you yes if he's showing paddington to to a bunch of lizards then i think that um he that that's an extension talk about transference i think that's an extension of his uh feelings for you he did take a picture of being arrested though,

with his hand in the air, waving like he was happy. It might've been just an opportunity to take a picture. No, my hand was in the air. I was giving him a cop car. I looked towards him and I waved. Oh, okay. I did a gentle wave.

Which is hard to do with handcuffs on, to communicate a wave. True. That's true. Especially they were behind her. Well, you've been together for so long you have that connection he knows what your way have you guys ever tried dating and dignity falls i mean you've been with doug now for so long yeah it's rough ask burke's it's rough it's harder than new york and la it's harder here definitely you're gonna pick those two to compare it to. I think, yeah, was it Gentleman's Quarterly Magazine said that this was the toughest place

in America. To find a husband. We did, unfortunately, hit number one on that list. And we hopefully. What do you guys think it is? Are we so shallow here? Is everybody already taken? What is it?

I think it's a low self-esteem thing. I think so. Part of it is that a lot of people met in high school like me and Doug did, you know? So that you just, if you don't find your mate in high school, it's a rough, it's an uphill climb for the rest of the time.

You pretty much know everyone by the time you're 12. It's true. It's true. But the high school classes are also larger here than in most places. Yes. You know, we're talking about like 20,000 kids. Yeah, I was just going to say. So you're really getting to know, but you about like uh 20,000 kids so you're you're really getting to

know but you see the same 20,000 people your whole life for four years yeah yeah and longer if you go to the community college yeah right you know i've not lived anywhere else yeah and that can be hard too well what about getting out of town why don't you go try doing an e-pray love somewhere like in wisconsin animals can I leave the animals? That's the thing about having all the animals. You can't just get up and go. It's a big responsibility.

That's right. I did take a little trip after Trixie died. I went two towns over to Fungazi. Oh. You went to Fungazi? You went to Fungazi?

After Trixie died? I went to Fungazi. Wow. Lucky. I know. It's been so long. I haven't been to Fungazi. Wow. I did. I know. I haven't been to Fungazi in such a long time. Oh, they're, you know, they're known for their local pasta dishes. Yes.

Delicious. Fungazi. They put fungazi. Fusilli, right? Fungazi fusilli? Fungazi fusilli. Yeah, right, right. Oh, gosh.

That's amazing. How was it? So did you meet? What? I love their Fungazi. Right. Oh, gosh. That's amazing. How was it? So did you meet? What? I love their Fungosnia. Their what? Fungosnia. The Fungosnia?

Fungosnia. Delicious. It's like the lasagna. The lasagna is delicious. Oh, yes. Like the Fungosnia. No, it's Fungazi. Their Focaccia is also great.

Fungosnia. Yeah, Fungosnia. Yeah, but it's not focaccia. I was just saying what else I liked. You know, play it along. You like the focaccia. Yeah. It's fun to play along.

It sure is. It is. What, what, I know you you how many days were you there i was just there for the weekend okay so did you get a vibe for what the dating scene is in fungazi a lot of hotties oh a fungazi hottie i love a fungazi hottie but could i live there full time it would be a long distance relationship oh not really what it? Like a 25 minute drive? My car already has 200,000 miles on it. I've got to transport the animals to and from the vet all the time. Cause they're constantly sick. They're constantly sick, constantly falling off ladders. Do you think it's something in the breeding that you're doing that makes these animals so delicate? Well, that's what my ex-husband is trying to say.

He's trying to say I'm not fit to be a breeder. But you really have me thinking that this could all be that he just loves me. Yeah. But how do you feel about him? You said part of you wants to move him back in. Yeah, why is that? Part of me wants to move. And whose idea was the split?

Was it mutual or was it you? Was it him? It was me. It was me in a fit of rage. I do have some rage issues, I'll be honest. Sure. Okay. I feel okay owning that on this podcast because it's something that my therapist and I have

worked through. I'm not ashamed. Good. But in a fit of rage, I threw him out and I set his clothes on fire. Oh, my. All of them. And that was, so that was my first time being arrested by the Dignity Falls Police. Right.

Yeah. Because Kathy called? This time it was Kathy. No, not your husband. Your estranged husband. After you threw him out of the house and set his clothes on fire, he was willing to let that slide. He was used to it. He was used to it. He was used to it.

Well, I just figured Kathy would have beat them to it. You know, he would have been still in the middle of watching everything be burned and she'd be on the phone. Somebody lights a match near Kathy and she calls the fire department. That's exactly right. She came out,

she didn't even take time to put her shoes on. She came out, she was barefoot. That's how quickly she was willing to call the police. You're right, Kathy Shoemaker. I thought that was just her last name, but that's actually her profession? Well, that's how people she was. She's a shoemaker too. You're right. Kathy Shoemaker. I thought that was just her last name, but that's actually her profession. Well, that's how people get to it.

The shoemakers go all the way back to the Druid days. Yeah. Oh, because you're working on the history of the room. Oh, that's right. The shoemakers in Dignity Falls never stopped being shoemakers. One of the oldest lineages.

Yeah. To see one without their shoes is pretty special though. I hope you made a wish. I mean, it's a superstition, but who knows? I made a wish to get out of jail early. And it came true. And it came true. I only spent two times in jail.

I know there's a lot of emotional stuff we're talking about, but I do want to circle back to the fireworks. When you said that you set off some fireworks on May 2ndnd are we talking about a full-scale fireworks display like a professional job twenty thousand dollars oh my god thousand dollars that is a lot i was so it wasn't just some one off you really had a whole like 15 minutes right right like a 15 minute show with a finale grand finale oh my. The grand finale was spectacular. Well, I mean, I'm sure it was.

At the end, it put my breeder's name on the top and said, U F O A B O D. Scene from space. Can you see fireworks from space? I don't know. Maybe if they were big enough and they were letters, you might be able to see that. Have you ever been on on a plane when when you there's fireworks down on the ground

oh it's so bad oh it's very exciting you're way above you're way above them okay so that would be terrifying because i you guys know i love fireworks but that would be a situation where i would say i actually don't need fireworks. Okay. So then how then, then imagine that your, all your neighbors feel the exact same way about just regular fireworks that you, the way you felt just now flying through fireworks, you had some fear about that.

That's what they're experiencing, whether or not they're projecting onto their dogs or not. It is a fairly valid thing that especially on a May evening, when you're not expecting it, you can understand, right? How that would have been a bit jarring for them. Because there could be, in addition to people who have pets, there's also people that suffer from PTSD. Sure.

That's a tough thing for them. Especially if May 2nd, there's no warning whatsoever. Yes. Very tough. That's tough. I will say you are wakening up my empathetic side. Oh. This is great.

I never thought about it that way. Because the idea of flying in a plane. Fireworks going off terrifying. So their houses are like the planes to them. Okay, that helps. Yes, sure. That's right. I just don't want to have to apologize to Kathy.

Not again. Did you apologize to her? A few times. Oh, I didn't few times. Oh, I didn't know that. One time I let all my lizards out in her backyard. She's got, she does have a beautiful backyard.

And you let them out specifically in her backyard. It's not like they were in your yard and then they wandered over there. No, I let them out in her backyard. She might not have seen that as an apology. That does seem like a very aggressive move. No, that was what I did wrong.

I was confused. I was going to say, I don't think that's the apology, but then I realized, I don't know. Exactly. Yes like a very aggressive move. No, that was what I did wrong. I was confused. I was going to say, I don't think that's the apology, but then I realized I don't know. Exactly. Yes. Oh, I see. I gave her a gift certificate to my breeder. She hasn't cashed it in yet. Can I ask how much?

Is that rude to ask? No, that's okay. $25. And what would you get if you go to a breeder for $25? Clothes. Oh, you sell the clothes and what would you get if you go to a breedery for $25 lizard clothes oh you sell the clothes as well I sell the clothes well that's cute she didn't take me up on it because she's got a grudge

yeah but she also might also be because she doesn't have any iguanas that she needs to dress well but that's the whole point of giving a gift certificate you give it for a little amount so they have to spend more. We sell our iguanas for $2,000. Okay.

I guess I never thought of the point of a gift certificate as that. But I see if you're running your own business and you give a gift certificate to that business. Oh, no. Did you start floating above yourself? I did a little bit. I apologize. That happens. He just floats above himself.

He sees the words. He hears the words. And he just wants to get them out real fast. I think sometimes that I don't have enough air. And then I just, I get a little lightheaded. And then I'm up in the clouds. With the fireworks. You're up in the clouds with the fireworks.

Now, do you like drone footage when the drones fly through the fireworks display? Oh my gosh, I've not seen that. I didn't think she had because again i think she would have found it less terrifying what we said about flying through it if she'd seen one of those videos right but i think that would be kind of terrifying to you too because it's almost unnerving for me as well to watch that oh so you've seen it this is something i've seen a drone oh yes absolutely yeah people fly drones into fireworks all the time i mean gosh my twins did it a bunch of times your twins twins did it? Mm-hmm.

People are trying to break these drones. They spend money on these things and all they want to do is fly them through the elements. And also airspace that they should not be going through.

Oh, very true. What is the zoning laws in Dignity Falls for drones? Anywhere you want. As high as you want to. As high as you want into anyone's home.

They never nailed it down and it's you have to let them in the window you have to let them if you see one outside you have to open your window you have to offer them court you have quarters it's like it's so wildly vague if you're cold, they're cold. Let them in. Should I send... You have to house them? Should I send a drone into my ex-husband's house? I don't see why not. Go for it.

What do you have to lose? He hasn't let me in since we separated. I have not stepped foot in his house in 12 years because I run the breedery in my house. So he comes to my house all the time. Wait a minute. But then what's the business that's on the other street? It's our second location.

Oh, okay. Business is going well. Okay. So you sell $2,000 iguanas. How much does a shih tzu go for? $4,500. Wow. Okay.

And I want to be honest that that's a great price. It is? That's a great price. You go on the internet, you try to find a Shih Tzu somewhere else. You're talking sometimes $10,000. Oh, come on now. $10,000. Yes.

That's deep. Shih Tzus are in demand. How much do the UFO cats go for? Well, that's a whole different story. $35,000 and up. $35,000 and up. Cat or a car. What catapults it into the up category?

The UFOs. If you see a UFO in the eyes. We breed our cats specifically with the UFOs. So some people breed cats based on how tall their ears are, how well they perform in a show, how long the tails are, this sort of thing. We only breed ones that have UFOs in their eyes, which is a trademark of ours. Now, is it a sort of magic eye effect where ones that have ufos in their eyes which is a trademark of ours now

is it a sort of magic eye effect where you look into it long enough and then you see ufo or do you is it right there no you see a ufo it will transport you it will transport you wait just so we're clear yes just to bury the lead yes just so we're clear. Please, Bert. Do that just so we're clear. When you say that the UFO in the cat's eye will transport you, what does that mean literally? To space. You feel like you're in space.

You feel like you're in space. That was not clear. It's like one of those magic eye posters. You can't be too careful. That's what I said. I answered. I guess we just didn't let her answer. I guess we just didn't let her answer.

I guess she was getting around to it. The answer was yes. We didn't even need to. He did say that. need I said is it like one of those magic eye posters so we didn't need the to be clear the answer is yes it's one of the magic eye posters

so you look in when it clicks in You feel like you're being transported to space And I wouldn't be able to do that Because we talked about this I can't do them I give myself a headache Can you imagine that show looking at that?

Well if you're doing it like the magic eye things Then the two eyes would become one I think that's how it works You can pick an eye to look at You look in one eye You can pick an eye to look at. You would see three eyes, really. No, that's why my cats are so... You look in one eye, you cover the other eye. And you'll take into two different spaces. Thatcher can do them great.

Oh, wait. So you cover one of your own eyes? No, I cover one of the cat's eyes. One of the cat's eyes. Yes, they're very tranquil. And then you focus your eye on the remaining cat eye. And then you see the UFO. And then you feel as if you're being transported to space.

You feel like you're being transported to space. You feel like as if you're being transported to space. So $35,000 is nothing for that. People are... Oh, I don't quite say that. Billionaires. I mean, I could watch a movie about space and be transported to space. Have you heard about the space race? The billionaire space race? Yes. Yes.

Familiar. Elon Musk. Right. Jeffrey Katzenberg. Oh, he's involved now too jeff bezos of course he's getting into it spending i bet geffen is too we know that katzenberg is warren buffett spielberg is going spielberg it's hollywood elite the hollywood elite so i'm saying save your money you don't have to go to outer space buy one one of my cats. Right. I mean, it is cheaper than building your own spacecraft. It is. That is true.

That's our slogan. It's tough to argue. I guess it's for a select audience. Yeah. That somebody who wants to build their own spacecraft, it's a little out of their, like they'd feel it. I actually have an idea. We were talking earlier about what inmates should watch when they get up.

That's right. They should watch my cat's eyes. Right. But they can't afford $35,000. Well, that's their problem. Wow. Danielle. Where was that empathy we were tapping into?

I know. It's going to last long. Let me ask you this. If somebody comes into your store, into your breedery, cany can they before purchasing the cat can they look wow it's not a frozen yogurt shop this ain't a library we don't give a sample why buy the cow when you can get the milk right exactly why buy the cat when you can get the ufo for free but but don't you feel that if if if somebody would see that and the feeling is so powerful being transported to space that they would then buy the cat or they would figure out the means to come up with the money.

Because to buy it sight unseen, to say like, I trust that I will look into this cat's one eye, I will see a UFO, and then I will feel transported to space. I'm going to be honest again. Thank you. You say something else about my ex-husband's thoughts on our business. And I told you that that's what he thought too. And I'm going to be honest. That's also what he said.

He said we should be giving out samples. Oh, well. And I'm sorry, what is your husband's name? Craig. Oh, okay. Craig. So Craig suggested the samples. Was this, did we discuss what actually caused her to kick him out?

I feel like we didn't discuss it. I don't think we did. Okay. Can you give us that answer? Well, it was this. It was. That's what I was wondering. Okay.

That's what I was wondering. Yeah, exactly. He said, we've got to give them a sample, even if it's just one of the eyes. We got to give them a sample. Just one of the eyes. And this was happening at your home. This was the night. This was the, this is what fueled you into the rage to burn his clothes.

Well, because it was an ongoing battle. I mean, we had been having the conversation for six months and I just said, I can't take it anymore. I can't have the same argument. We've got to move the breedery forward. How can you move your breedery or any business for that matter forward? If you're continually bumping up against the same argument. We've got to move the breedery forward. How can you move your breedery or any business for that matter forward if you're continually bumping up against the same thing? Now, here's the thing.

Although we have brought up things that you, practices or suggestions that you would rather not do, and you've pointed out this was something that Craig had also suggested. So it seems common sense to us. You do have two locations. So I, I, I guess you're doing this right, or it wouldn't be so successful. Oh my, oh my gosh. Thank you so much. Sure. I'm just out here. I'm a, I'm a

hashtag boss lady, hashtag business woman, hashtag female entrepreneur. So that really touches me in my heart. Thank you. And the second location. Well, the second location is the storefront. The first location is your home. My house. Okay.

Yes. And how, what? That's the flagship store. The flagship, the flagship breedery is your home. And is there a different area demarcated for the business or do people just come right into the home? Oh, no, they come into my home. Okay.

Yes, I just ask them to take their shoes off when they get there. And why is that? Oh, germs. My animals are very clean. Oh, sure. Oh, yes. I don't want them tracking the outside to my beautiful animals. Right.

Are they all in cages? How is the house set up? They're free range. I wondered about that. Free range iguanas. And do they all get along, the cats in cages? How is the house set up? They're free range. Wondered about that. Free range iguanas. And do they all get along? The cats, the dogs, and the iguanas? Oh, they love each other.

That's nice. It is so sweet. We do breed kindness in our animals. Oh, that's very sweet. Yeah, it is something that we take seriously. And not one of those animals is bothered by fireworks? No, not that I've seen. Wow.

Not that I've seen, no. Not that you've seen wow not that i've seen no you've seen not that i've seen what does that mean well you know i do go out on the fourth of july i haven't invested yet in one of those pet camps wow that's kind of surprising that you wouldn't i feel like that would be you just thing you do. Absolutely. Wow. They're $40. That feels like a lot of money to spend. On a camera.

So when you come home on the 4th of July, what, what do you find? I mean, they just, they're just fine. Yeah. Okay. They're just still under the credenzas,

under the couches, under the beds. Sometimes on the bed. And you don't think that that's strange? That's where they always are. It is? I thought you said they wander around. If they're hiding under things, don't you think they might have been afraid of the sound? I'm just saying.

I think she's super registered. I could make a little anxiety vest for the uh lizards absolutely but not the dogs or you could just not set off fireworks in the middle of the year i only set off fireworks on may 2nd the fireworks on the 4th of july are gonna happen regardless of well yes that is true that's true the fireworks program here in dignity falls is uh it's extensive it's not just one part of town it's all over the place they're mobile they run and they'll set them off here and then they drive over and they set they've just got a i i want to i do want to point out that in my initial craigslist listing i didn't even call them fireworks i called it a light show because that's how good it is. It's a light show.

Fireworks. Light show. In the listing. In my Craigslist. Oh, sorry. I said Craigslist. I was just wondering if that was a separate post you did. Oh, no. You didn't think you were on the Craigslist podcast, did you? Where Craig Krakowski watches movies with his wife, Carla.

I didn't know you listened to that bert i do yeah i discovered this guy and he listens to these movies and uh you know he listens he watches the movies and he tries to get his wife to like them and she doesn't like any of them well that sounds fun i i yeah that makes sense if your name is craig right you should have a podcast called Craig's. There's probably multiple podcasts called Craig's. He had a list of his favorite movies and there you go. So, okay, you mean on the NeighborHat post? Okay, I see. Yes, on the NeighborHat post. So, okay, so now that you know that perhaps your animals are,

once again, we're going to go to the scenario of you being in the plane, going through the fireworks. You know, now if you think of maybe your animals running underneath credenzas for cover, and that is how other people and animals in the neighborhood are feeling. Listen, I'm not going to go so far as to say no more fireworks. Okay. But what I will say is that maybe I'll buy one of those cameras. Oh, okay. Well, all right. Listen, I don't... That doesn't necessarily... I don't. That doesn't necessarily. I don't know if the neighborhood will care much about that.

But then I could open the following year. Yes, it might show her that, well, you know, what she's probably going to do is in order to test it, she's going to set off more fireworks prior to May 2nd. Well, yeah, that's the only way to do it. Oh, dear. And I will say because you can't stop fireworks. So what I would do is I would get them the dog Prozac, the animal Prozac.

We went from a vest to Prozac. I would drug them. When you say you can't stop fireworks, what does that mean? You just mean on the 4th of July, right? They're going to happen. No, if someone wants to set off fireworks, they are going to set off fireworks.

You mean anytime. You've seen people lose their hands over fireworks. It didn't stop them. I saw someone who lost the fireworks that hand did not stop the fire and someone i know someone who lost a hand in a fireworks and still kept shooting off fireworks lost a hand didn't stop them much like in that moment or just in life the hands shoot off from the from the hospital they yeah well they i i don't know the details but i know the hand got blasted off. Yikes. Much like one monkey don't stop no show, one lost hand don't stop no fireworks.

One lost hand don't stop no fireworks. Wow. Okay. Well, I feel like all we did was encourage her to start more firework shows. No. I'm perhaps getting back together with my husband. Oh, that's right. That's positive.

I didn't think about his business suggestions that are some of the things you guys brought up here. Free samples of the UFO. I did a lot of advertising for my business. You did. I hope this podcast encourages them to spend $35,000 on a cat. I don't know what the monetary situation, financial situation of our listeners are,

but maybe someone out there is lonely. It's a pretty wide demographic. It's a pretty wide demographic. You would say, yeah, Dignity class yeah mostly middle class but our listeners are everything there's that one poor shut-ins to millionaires yes shut-ins to millionaires the dignity falls story uh yeah so i think that it's great you're gonna get the video uh camera i think that it's great that you're gonna maybe get back together with your husband i hope that next time that there's a disagreement maybe you can not go to 10 and just go to burning clothes maybe there's a place in

there where you can just talk yes okay or at least go go into another room and sulk for a little bit. Yeah, just go for a drive. That's a classic. Go for a walk. Classic, classic. Empty the dishwasher angrily and quietly. Kathy would like that. She's sick of our shenanigans,

so my neighbor would appreciate that because I do want to be a good neighbor. I do want to be a good neighbor. Well, that's nice to hear you say. Yes, that's good. That is what we are all about on The Neighborhood List. That's absolutely right.

Yes, yes, yes. That is the message. I'm just wondering, have I encouraged you guys to perhaps consider getting an iguana? Doug, no, no, no. I was thinking... Oh, boy. You're twins! Like a beer koozie?

That would make a good iguana vest. If you really think about it. I guess that's true. Doug now really wants. Cut out the bottom. Doug wants it. It already has got arm holes. I know it's happening the whole time.

Hold on. Are we talking about the same thing? They often have little side holes on them. Why? The beer koozies. I've never known why, but now I have. The little foam thing that you put a beer koozie in? Yeah.

I mean that you put a beer in? Yes. Did you see more than one that had this feature? What would the holes be for? Maybe you saw one destroyed beer koozie? I just saw one that made me want to go on a war. I feel like it happens more than you think. I mean, this is a business opportunity.

There's like little corner holes. I could make merch for my business at beer koozie. Let me tell you, ever since you mentioned iguana clothes, that's what Doug has been doing. He's been picturing getting in a one-eyed just to dress it up. Sorry, sorry. I think I'm picturing what you mean. But the thing is, that wouldn't be arm holes anymore if you were to cut off the bottom. You're saying at the bottom of the koozie, there's like holes so you can fold it.

Yes. Yes. Yes. That's what I mean. But see, then you need to take out the part that prevents it from being a hat for the or a hood for the iguana. This is hard if you're just listening. If you drill a hole, like not cut out the whole bottom. Drill a hole.

I can't believe we're not getting an iguana, babe. We're getting caught on specifics. We can't get an iguana. The twins are not allowed to have an iguana. Believe me, they brought home so many wild animals throughout my life. We cannot do that. They're still loose in the house somewhere. What? Which one's loose?

I mean, take your pick. Okay, this is, we're going to have to discuss this later. You told me that they were all gone when I asked you a couple years ago. It is miraculous they've never harmed any of those animals, which I thought for sure those two absolutely had the tendencies. No, they brought them into the house to harm

us. There's a sloth somewhere like in the attic. How many toes? Two or three. Two or three. No. It's probably grown a third by now. Yeah, probably.

Well, Danielle, we thank you for coming on the show. Yes. I'm so honored that you guys had me. Well, of course. You're an interesting person that's our neighbor and we were thrilled to talk with you. I hope I run into you guys

at the grocery store. If it's not at my breedery, then I hope it's at the grocery store or perhaps on the 4th of July. At Trader Joe's. Oh yeah, Trader Joe's. We never got a Trader Joe's.

We just got the Trader Joe's. I heard one is coming though at Trader Joe's. What? Opening right across the street from Trader Joe. Oh. Drama.

That's going to be drama. A grudge match. It's going to be drama. A grudge match. It's going to be drama. Grudge match. I'm a loyalist. I'm a loyalist and I'm a Dignity Falls purist. So I'll still go to Trader

Joe. I feel the same way even though Trader Joe's probably be superior in every way. And cheaper. And so much cheaper. I can finally get a look at that flyer.

The flyer. What's it called? The fearless flyer. That's right. The fearless flyer. The fearless flyer. Yes. What's it called? The fearless flyer. That's right. The fearless flyer. The fearless flyer. Not to be confused with the crier flyer, which is our city's newspaper. Yes, right.

That's right. Anyway, Danielle, I hope that everything goes well with your husband. Thank you. And of course, continued success with the business. Thank you. I don't think any of us are in any position right now to buy a $35,000 cat. No, but you know what I will do? Next time you go to Fungazi, give me a call.

Oh, I would love that. We'll go together. You could be my wing woman. Oh, hey, hey, hey. We'll do it, Doug. Don't get worried. I'll just, you know, I'll just eat a bunch of food. She's just going to pick up some guys.

No, no, boy, don't get me in trouble. I'm just going to have the fun. God's me. It's going to be like girls trip where you go into that town. You'd have a great time. And someone urinates from a zip line. I went. Oh, you're talking about, you're talking about old Vegas.

Right? No. I'm talking about the movie. Oh, that's right. It's just that we were just talking about the movie girls the movie girls oh that's right it's just that we were just talking about the zipline in vegas i did right that does happen in that movie it does it does and i went ziplining for the first time this year and i under i got a new appreciation for that scene i did not pee my pants but i wanted to right new appreciation for that everyone and then everyone did it right all the girls did it right? All the girls did it right? In solidarity. No.

The rest of the girls made it across and then the one got stranded in the middle and then she had to go to the bathroom very badly and then she sprayed an astonishing torrent of urine. It was I gotta say I laughed a lot. I didn't expect to. I was gonna say movies are all about the suspension of disbelief.

Exactly. So I had a hard time suspending my disbelief at the amount of that urine. It was so much. It was like a water cannon. It was. It was. Well, I didn't mean to go back and talk about it more. No, that's quite all right.

But I was just, I was misremembering. In old Vegas, you were talking about the old strip, right? Yes, I was talking about the old strip right yes I was talking about the old strip movie where it's Kevin Klein and Morgan Freeman and maybe Robert De Niro I don't know but it's three old people and they go to Vegas and I thought the

movie was called old Vegas and I once said that very confidently and no one knew what I was talking about I mean that sounds like a movie old Vegas it was definitely the working title. Las Vegas. Las Vegas. Of course.

Because I knew it was a play on something, but Old Vegas is not a play on anything. Just slap three old actors up there and call it Old Vegas. I would buy it. Instead of Las Vegas, it's Old Vegas. Oh, dear. Well, anyways, this has been fun. Oh, so much fun.

Thank you for coming. And best of luck to you. And you know what? I'm going to say that with a real, sometimes we have a question mark. Sometimes we say best of luck to you. Right. No, this is a- But I think this time we could say best of luck to you.

Thank you so much. Come over anytime, guys. Sounds good. Visit the animals. Bring the twins. If I can get one of those free samples, I absolutely will stare into one of those cat's eyes. Horace, I'll give you one. You're a town influencer.

Well, there you go. Can I advertise on this podcast? I'm sorry. I mean, you have been. I think that you have for the last 40 minutes. So that's good. Well, Danielle, thank you so much. It was a pleasure chatting with you.

And we will be back with more when The Neighborhood Listens returns. Hi, this is Kay. American Girl Doll, Truly Me, number 39, and earrings. $75 crossed out, have it at $30 now. Never played with. Only opened. My daughter opened that up on Christmas morning and she let loose a scream that I never hoped to hear the like except for the rest of my life. She was absolutely horrified. I don't know why she opened it. Something about it getting out into the air. I don't know, but I thought, well, that doll needs to have a home. Now I'm going to

keep it. I didn't have the heart to turn her out to the trash. Also, I spent $75 on the goddamn thing. The doll, the outfit, and the earrings are included. As it's only been opened, there are absolutely no signs of use, and it was kept in the box, so it is not dusty or dirty in any fashion. I could say the same about myself. That's another story. Opened offers. Thanks. That's another story. Open to offers. Thanks. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen.

Boy, Danielle, I mean, I really do hope that things work out in her personal life and everything. Yeah, she was kind of a trip. She was a trip. It was like I was in. I was interested. Absolutely. I never knew what was going to happen next. Do you think she will stop setting off fireworks all the time? I fear that she will not stop.

I feel like something else more drastic is going to have to happen before that. For as much as she loves them, she didn't talk about them that much. She was focused on talking about her business. No, I do. I worry less about the fireworks and more about those animals, actually. Oh, 10 iguanas she's killed. That was a huge number. And we didn't even,

because they fall off wood. They fall off little woods that they like to sit on. They love to get up on the wood. And then they fall off. Of course, there are those lizards in Florida that just literally pass out for a little while. Oh, that's right. I mean,

that's insane. Yeah. Oh, those are iguanas, not lizards. I'm sorry. I said the wrong thing. Are lizards not iguanas? Iguanas are lizards. Not all lizards are iguanas. Doug, with the absolute answer. Slam. Truth bomb. Zero doubt. It was a real truth bomb, Doug.

Now, that was trivia, babe. That was trivia, babe. That was trivia. Not an open-ended question like, have you ever seen a turtle? No. Wrong. You have. All right.

Well, we have time for just one more post. Yes, we do. And I had it here on my phone, and then I put my phone right in my pocket. That's always fun. Okay. This, this comes to us from Dave and Dave is in some state of consternation. He writes, wow. Am I in trouble with the wife? Three exclamation marks. What to do with the zucchini and cukes that are huge? All caps. Question mark, exclamation mark, the entero bang. I ignored her clear directions to pick while she was away. Okay, so I don't know why she has not come back.

And he's just realizing these things are too big to pick. Right. And I guess what to do with them is pick them. He should. Yeah, is he saying that he's on the hook because he didn't pick them in time? Well, here's the thing. I do not have a green thumb.

Oh, right. I'm not a gardener, so I don't know. Well, these things- And neither do I. We've established that. We have established that. I can't keep plants alive. But maybe you know this.

Do zucchini and cucumbers, lobster-like, just keep on growing until death uh and unless you pick them i think those are ones that can grow monster you can see them grow really really big um we haven't had much luck with gardens in in at this house because again i'm not very good at it july be tried to do it for a while but she it was mostly a joke one like she would plant a starburst and wanted to grow into a starburst tree. It was cute. The twins really wanted that to work out.

The twins were always trying to grow poisonous plants. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. They were doing Venus fly traps way too well. They did poison oak. That's why we have a poison oak grove. By the way, it's growing outside of the fence.

Yes, I know. It's growing outside of the fence. Yes, I know. It's going right through the slats. It's a problem. It's a problem, yes. Because I think I've heard the mailman complain that he can't get in there. Oh, dear. Okay. Okay, so.

Wait, let me see. You have the picture of them? No, he does not include a picture. Oh, see, that would have helped if I had a visual. Not only would it have helped, it would have been entertaining. It would have been. Dave, I guess, is in so much trouble. Yes.

He didn't have time to put on a show for the people. And he said, my wife, okay. Okay, read that sentence again. Yeah, read that one again at the end. I ignored her clear directions to pick while she was away. So maybe she has returned. She said, Dave, these cukes and zucchinis are too big. You have to do something about this.

I don't understand. Here's the thing. If I know a situation with a husband and a wife, she wouldn't just pick them herself. So I don't know what kind of weird punitive situation is happening because she would have just gone and picked them herself. If she comes home and she finds out that her husband didn't do something he was supposed to do,

you don't do it yourself. Because every woman knows it's better just to get it done to the way you want it. Sure. And I can't figure out if she's still away or not. And I also can't figure out what the consternation is about what to do with them. Yeah.

When the answer is just give them away or throw them away. Yeah, there is there, but there is sort of an implication that something bad is going to happen to him because he ignored her. Did he say ignored? He ignored her instruction. He ignored it.

But now he feels in trouble. It's almost like a like a high school a high school student teenager who had a party and is now like oh the parents are coming back in town how do i get rid of this quickly okay so there's something he needs he's asking was he supposed to get rid of them like pick them and get rid of them i i would imagine he was but well why would they have these plants i know I would imagine he was supposed well why would they have these plants? I know.

I would imagine he was supposed to pick them when they were at a normal cucumber range. And he said help? I've never needed to reread a post so many times. He said help?

Did he say help? Yes, what to do with zucchini how big are they? Are they so big this is a multiple person job to get rid of these? Is this like a little

shop of horror situation? Oh no, they've become sentient. They're so big that they're commanding him to kill people and bring him the bodies. In song. Wait, so he says help. I mean, why the help? He just says they're too big,

right? They're too big. Because he didn't pick them while the wife was away. You can still pick them. This is just, they don't get, if your question is, do they get too big you can't pick them while the wife was away. You can still pick them. I know. This is just, they don't get, if your question is, do they get too big, you can't pick them? No, that's not a thing. You can always pick them. You can always pick them. Yeah.

They don't grow tree roots. Take a knife. Take a machete. Chop them down. I don't know. I don't know how big they are, but you can get them down. You can get them off. Do they grow on the ground?

No, they're not up. They're on the ground. Oh, okay. I just didn't mean to say get them down. Just get them off. Just get them off. Just pick them up. Just pick them up. Pick them up and throw them.

Just twist them. Throw them in your neighbor's yard. Yes. I mean, listen, I love squash. I love summer squash so much. And so, I mean, I would take them off his hands. All right, Dave, there you go. You have an offer right there.

I will help you. And whatever's going on with you and your wife. I don't know if squash was mentioned. Well, sometimes zucchini is mentioned, is considered squash. Oh, come on. It is. What are we doing? You know, in Europe, it's called a courgette.

Why would you go out of your way to make up a name as specific as zucchini and then say, but sometimes it's a squash. Are you ready? Sometimes it's called zucchini squash. No. Yes. I refuse. Yes.

Ready for a truth bomb? Okay, babe. All zucchini is squash. Not all squash is zucchini. That's right. Is pumpkin technically a squash? Tis. Yes.

Tis. Tis. Top of the morning to you. Sorry, I'm in poetry mode. That's right. Right. You got acorn squash. You've got butternut squash.

And you've got yellow squash. And yes, zucchini is a squash. Yes, Doug was right. Do you know there's also such thing as a lemon squash? What? Did you say what? Sorry, my accent's coming out. Yeah.

His druid accent. His druid accent. What? What? They sounded like they were from Boston and sort of almost like, that's a very like Nor'easter type of. That's right. I don't even know what I said.

You were talking about lemon squash. Lemon squash. It's a cocktail in England, but it's called something else here. Oh. Not limoncello. Not limoncello. But it's a cocktail here? No, it's cocktail in, it's cocktail here

under a different name. Let me see if I can find it. So it's not a squash? It's not an actual squash. No, there's no squash in it. I think they squash a lemon. Lemon squash drink. This is what we're looking up now. Everybody, just stay tight.

We're looking at our phones a lot during this episode. Oh, could it be squish? Yeah, like here it's called lemon squish instead of lemon squash. I don't know if that's... Did you hear me say that they call a zucchini a courgette? I did hear you say that. That's why it's so fancy. I did.

Courgette or courgette? Well, it's courgette usually. All right, here's a lemon squash. It's not a cocktail at all. I was wondering. It's two cups of sugar, two glasses of water, and four tablespoons of lemon juice. So it's lemonade.

It's lemonade. But then, is it lemonade? Lemon squash is much better. Lemonade's its own thing. We should know you have your own kind of lemonade burnt. Well, that's right. Of course,

virgin lemonade, which is just pure lemon juice. And you can, you know, we sold mugs. Uh, you can get them out. You can get them out.

They're actually fantastic. I wonder if anyone ever bought one. I wonder if no way to know. Well, uh, thank you all for listening to, the neighborhood listen and uh uh that that post wasn't submitted by a listener right it was danielle we found danielle on our own correct okay but anything else if you would like have we done all our business we have not okay if you would

like to send us a post that we missed on the neighbor app, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at burntandjoneatgmail.com. Yeah, why don't you? Why don't you screenshot it? And we'll read your name on the air. And we thank you for listening. And we'll be back next week with more. Season's almost done. Oh, don't say that.

That makes me sad. Well, I want people to get sad so we get to do some more. Sure. We'll see you next week on the Neighborhood Listener. Until then, sad. Well, I want people to get sad so we get to do some more. Sure. We'll see you next week on The Neighborhood Listen. Until then, goodbye! And bye! All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical

specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Danielle was played by Haley Marie Norman. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.