The Neighborhood Listen - A Tiramisu to Remember with Mitch Silpa

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

Doug tried a novel approach to iron out some communication issues with Joan. Meanwhile, Joan and Burnt try to come up with a season finale cliffhanger. Plus, special guest John (Mitch Silpa) explains why he's desperately searching for the best tiramisu in Dignity Falls.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us! Burn! And Joan! From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well.

We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen! And welcome once again to... Oh, this is kind of sad. Oh, Burnt, I don't want to do it. Do we have to? No, I know. You know, it's like some people, they will... A TV show they like, they won't watch the last episode because they don't want it to be over. But of course, it is over. And they're denying themselves an episode of the show that they like so much.

So I don't really understand that logic. I don't either, especially with streaming and everything. I mean, I think people end up just, you know, how can you wait when you know the answer is right there? And they're designed to always be cliffhangers these days. So maybe we should end our podcast on a cliffhanger. That's, Joan, I think that's a terrific idea. And let's see, we have to, let's be, obviously we'll be present for the recording but let's be

constantly thinking in the background about what the cliffhanger could be i already am okay oh okay i have so many i will try to catch up i have zero thoughts except to say welcome to the season finale of season three finale of the neighborhood listen i am one of your hosts my name is burt me a payday i am the other host named Joan Pedestrian. And of course, with us as always is my husband, Doug, who is our engineer. Hi, babe. Doug? No. Doug? Oh, no. You know what's crazy, Burt? I can't believe it took this long to happen because as we all know, he likes to multitask. He does a lot of different things while he's recording this.

He both records and he talks on mic when he's not supposed to. That's correct. And then, you know, one time he was watching YouTube videos of you two and he was getting very distracted. I'm sorry, of who? Me and who else? Oh, no. Burt, I meant

the band you two. Oh, you two Burt, I meant the band U2. Oh, U2. Oh, now Doug's here. He came to laugh at that joke. But you pronounce it U2. Like the people that say Boy Scouts. Oh, I put the emphasis on the wrong syllable. Ah, ice cream.

Isn't that a fun one? I kind of like ice cream. I like that one. Yes, it's very, it's less passive. Ice cream. It's also the cream is the good part like ice cream. I like that one. Yes, it's very, it's less passive. Ice cream. It's also the cream is the good part. Ice cream. Ice.

You cream. We all scream for ice cream. I scream. You scream. Oh, that's a very good tongue twister. That's a good warmup for the next time I'm in a play. I scream. You scream.

We all scream for ice cream. The tip of the tongue. Red leather, yellow leather. Top of the teeth. Oh, you know that one. That's a good one. The tip of the tongue. Red leather, yellow leather. Top of the teeth. Oh, you know that one. That's a good one. I've heard of it. I'm not sure what that means.

The top of the teeth? I don't know either. The tip of the tongue. You find that unpleasant. He finds the tops of teeth disgusting. Repulsive. Now, what do we consider the top of the teeth?

Right. Is it, because for some people it could actually be what they consider the bottom of the teeth, right? Right. Or it's where the tooth starts coming out of your gum. Now, why would it be the bottom of the teeth if we're talking about the top of the teeth? Because if you open your mouth like this, babe, then it kind of looks like your tooth is on top. But I was also thinking it's the top in that if it's growing out of a root, which is your gums. Oh.

Yeah, he's one of those guys. I didn't realize that Doug was a root man. Yeah, he's a root rough room man. How do you pronounce the business where food is sold? Where you go sit down and someone serves you food? This is Doug. He might give you any kind of response. It might not be the word you're looking for.

I'm trying to narrow it down without saying the word. I know you are. He's already struggling. What did you say, Doug? A restaurant? You say restaurant. Restaurant.

I feel like he's trying to, I feel like he thinks it's a trick question. Exactly. And it's not a trick question. I just want to know how. It's like when I asked him, how do I look in this dress? And he's like,

you look good. And he does like three different. Yes. Does a little autotune? That's the T-Pain app. If he makes every kind of possible pitch on that word, then he's safe. And you're saying, Doug, that you respond using a T-Pain app. If he makes every kind of possible pitch on that word, then he's safe.

And you're saying, Doug, that you respond using a T-Pain app. Yeah, to pitch correct my response. I thought I could. Well, it creates a perfect pitch. No, no, no. You can't get out of it. And how does it, what is the sequence of events? So Joan says, how do I look in this dress?

And then you reach for your phone. I reach for my phone. You scroll through and look for the T-Pain app. I turn my back to her. Yes, that part's weird. Because otherwise she'll hear my actual voice mixed with the app. Well, I mean, we all know what's going on in the situation. So I turn my back and kind of huddle there, try to cover my mouth a little bit straight into the phone.

And then... Okay, so you put you, do you have to, does it go? I mean, I must, I guess I must record what you're saying and then play it back in the T-Pain style. Yes. Yes. So I go, so I do a quick recording. It's very quick though. And then, you know, you look good. And then, and then you look good and then I press play and it comes out perfect. It comes out correct. It comes out perfect. Perfect. But I mean, it's not...

Are you under the impression you're required to sing your responses to the questions like that? She was criticizing my tone before when I would say it and then I thought this could improve. I didn't mean to criticize you. Well, how would you say it before?

Oh, you mean not just now. In the past, I had asked you how I looked and then I didn't like what came out of his mouth and so you decided to do this. Joan, why don't you play Joan and Doug, you play Doug. Oh, okay. I know all the lines for that part. You've gotten all dolled up for an evening going out to a bar

for the first time in 12 years and you, you walk down the stairs, uh, and, and there's Doug, uh, doing whatever he does, uh,

around the house. And, and, uh, he, he sees you and you say, Hey babe, put down all the Rubik's cubes.

How does my dress look? You look good. Wait. Oh, wait, that's it. I mean, did you look, I feel like you didn't really look i mean how does it look from the back looks looks good oh boy but why are you just going up why are you going up

i thought based on your response on the last one i thought i needed to go up more i really went back to his rubik's cubes and that's how it would happen. So then this is what happens now. Is that what you want, Brittany? You want now and seen? Sure. I'll take now with the T-Pain app. Okay. So here, so now I come down. Do you want to set it up again? Yes. Okay. So you're going to spend the night

in old dig. You're going to go hit all the spots. You're not going to be on the side of the street with the long lines. You're going to be on the other side of the street going to a restaurant. And you walk down. You've got a different dress on. This is a brand new dress that you

just love. And you can't wait for Doug to see it for the first time. And scene. And I mean action. Scene is the end. I apologize. And we take you now to that situation places thank you places

and go hey babe oh ouch you really gotta clean up all these jacks on the floor what do you think front back how do I look hold one second. You look good.

He's talking into the app. You look good. Wow. And so, Joan, which do you prefer of the two? It's so hard. It's so hard to say. It's so hard to say. I'm still holding out for a third option, if I'm being honest.

Oh, okay. But that's where we're at right now. Oh, maybe it will be. I don't know if that's enough to bring people back, but we'll see. We'll probably have to raise the stakes. It's all about raising the stakes, Bernt. Raising the stakes. Yes, I like that.

I like that. You know, that we say goodnight and goodnight, and then the camera pans to one of the places you have visited so many times on your nighttime murder searches. Not really what they are, but I understand. We see someone say, hey, and then a gunshot rings and we see your bike fall. Something like that where we think, has Bert died?

I mean, beyond just how I'm alarmed how that came to your mind so quickly, the scenario that ends in my possible death. But also, this is still the podcast, right? I mean, we can't do any of those things. I know, but I thought maybe I'd narrate it or something or more. Maybe, I don't know what I was thinking. What I was saying is just, you know, that if our podcast was a TV show, that's what the cliffhanger would be. I mean, that's the dream, you know, to go from podcast to TV show.

It's what we've been hoping. We have some pitch meetings. What are the people that have done that? Conan, obviously. Turn their podcast to TV show? It's what we've been hoping. We have some pitch meetings set up. What are the people that have done that? Conan, obviously. Turn their podcast into a show? Yeah, The Office. I think they're... Serial, of course.

That's right. Of course. Of course. And that one, Dirty John. Oh, that's right. You know what I liked? When they did a second season of Dirty John, and it wasn't about Dirty John anymore Oh, that's right. You know what I liked? When they did a second season of Dirty John and it wasn't about Dirty John anymore. Nope, not at all. It was about somebody completely different. But it had the same name.

Yes, Dirty John Presents. And it's like, well, is it the character of Dirty John is presenting this? I was confused by that too. I don't want to watch anything presented by him. He's a terrible guy. Yeah, why does he get to have a series? Why does he get an anthology?

So, yeah, we're trying to see if we can get this turned into a television show because that would be really wonderful. We'd like you to be able to see everybody and we could even take you through Old Dig. You know, you mentioned that people line up on the street. We really do have an amazing nightlife uh down there in the old town especially now that the barbershop quartet is all dead um it's well they made yeah they made a lot of room there's people to stand in line i mean there are nightclubs and and uh and there's a lot of uh local favorites that that perform in these places uh we have a a thriving skle scene, which, you know, that's all but

died out, but it's for some reason, it really caught on in Dignity Falls. And you'll see guys up there with the, you know, mop handle with the string attached. And, uh... It is. It is so... That's what makes us so unique, you know? I think that we'll take something and we'll put a spin on

it, you know? Exactly. Like the speakeasy. That's also a laundromat. That's right. And it is a, it is a working laundromat. And you would think that you enter through a laundromat, uh, into a speakeasy, but no, they're happening at the same time in the same place. So it is, there are people serving alcohol and, uh, there are, uh, washers and dryers going at all times. Yeah. And it's just fun. And it's a place where you can get a couple things done at the same time. And still feel like you're in someplace special. Which I like. I like to always feel someplace special.

When I'm just a little bit drunk and I'm looking around and people are putting their disgusting dirty clothes in a washing machine. I think this place is special. Well, Bert, it's different for you because you really don't go anywhere. What, babe? I'm just saying I've spent hours there. Oh, well, yeah. And that's funny because you're recording from the laundry room, right? Yes.

Yes, I am. I was going to say, you do have working laundry facilities. I was surprised that you would go to this place. There's other bars. He loves, this is the thing about Doug. He loves laundry. He loves watching the process of it. It's like he becomes very childlike when he's in the laundry room.

He finds it peaceful. He finds the sounds peaceful. He gets a lot of, that's where he does his... He says that's where he does his thinking. Smells. Smells good. That's where he does his thinking and his smelling. What is your... You get all your smelling done there. I don't like smelling a lot

and so I try to get it all done in the laundry room. But yeah, I just need to expand on that. You don't like smelling a lot. Okay. There's two ways. There's,

there's a lot of things that you don't like to smell perhaps, or the act of smelling. You don't like to do it a lot. It's a little painful. Yeah. He actually experienced his pain. Cause my note, my nostrils are so caved in or they're like the,

the, something about them resonates so much that the air feels like a chill if I sniff too much. What? Well, I mean, I think there's very... It's like how some people have sensitive teeth

with the cold things. His nostrils are like that. I don't... Just with the act of going about your day, are you going around sniffing a lot? Oh, sniffing the smells. Sniffing the smells. Does that clear it up for you, Bert?

Does that clear it up for you? It doesn't. I mean... Sniffing the smells. Of course you smell things without doing a big cartoon. You can't help but sniff. I mean, it's part of life. Doug kind of does that. Oh, he does it like a little bunny? If he gets like... Right. Yeah, like a big cartoon. You can't help but sniff. I mean, it's part of life. But he does. Doug kind of does that.

Oh, he does get like a little bunny? Yeah, if he gets like, right. Yeah, like a little bunny. It's sort of adorable, but it's very painful for him. Let's talk about these caved in nostrils. What happened here? I mean, that sounds... Weirdly, that is the term the ENT used. It sounds terrible.

He says it could have been because he says it could have been from back in the day when he was on the synchronized swimming team and you had to wear those plugs. The Doug was on. It was very, very forward thinking of the of the swim team to have a subset for synchronized swimming for men and women. And he was really great. I've seen the videos. Mixed pairs? Yes, that too. And it's a lot of times, it's a lot

upside down and it's a lot of those, it's a lot of that plug, that plug right on your nose. And this is for people who don't know, this is something that keeps your nostrils closed as opposed to plugs that go in your nostrils. Oh yeah, sorry. We're not a television show yet, so they don't know what I'm doing. It's an outside clamp. That was the issue. It's an outside clamp, yes. But this did not seem to happen

to other people, did it? No, because I didn't realize it was a clamp for the outside. I would kind of put it for the inside and it would expand. Correct me if I'm wrong, but it did not block the water. Is that correct? No, and that's

I thought it was just an arcane kind of rule for synchronized swimming. You thought it was perhaps decorative. Yes, like regalia. And no one pointed it out and no one fixed it. And so that's how you get

caved in nostrils. Anyways, that's what we think. That's the only thing we can really trace it back to. Have you, to. So have you, I mean, have you seen a doctor? The, the auntie said just, uh,

yeah, they're caved in. He said, caved in. He, he showed us, uh, he did the scope,

you know, where they send the camera right up your nose. Uh, and you, I mean, he had a very hard time actually, uh, doing that because the camera didn't fit,

even though it's a tiny little stroboscope that goes up the nose. They, he, I mean, he basically couldn't get through. This wasn't Marty Gilroy, was it? It was. Oh, you know, he took his license. I know. No, I know. And I

went to him when I had some trouble, you know, when I was doing the long, long run of The Sound of Gypsy, which was when they tried to combine both shows. They almost got it. So I played Maria in one act and I played Mama Rose in the second act.

And it was so taxing on my voice. Right. Especially when they met up. Yes. I had to do this. I mean, it wasn't amazing. I mean, I'm not going to. It was amazing.

Whatever. But it was called a tour de force. It was called a tour de force. She was wearing both. They had, of course, she had a Maria costume and then she had a Mama Rose costume. And then they made a costume where it was half and half.

And she would duet with herself and she would turn back and forth. Oh, I would. And then at the end, I don't know how you did this, but it sounded like you were singing two notes at the same time. Oh, thank you so much. Well, that's what caused it. It was a 15-minute song. Sure. And at the end.

15 minute song. And at the end, and at the end was this sort of, now some people can do that. They can throw their voice. They can sort of do a two tone, but I, I had, I hadn't,

I wasn't able to, I had, I didn't have a natural ability for that. So I had to train myself to do it. And so I was really stretching those vocal cords. And so that is what, that's what did it, that song, which was, I think it was Climb Every Rose. That's what it was. Can you sing just a little bit of it? I mean, obviously don't do the end.

Oh, I, well, I mean, I don't, I don't even know that I could. Let's see. I'm sure you could. Climb every rose for every everything's coming up mountains and roses and roses and mountains and roses and mountains for me for me for me for me for me. Oh no. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. I can't do, that was, that's just the start of the, the ending is five minutes and that's just the start of it. So I just can't even

do, there it goes, it modulates ten more times. Why would they write an ending so early in the song? I mean that definitely sounded like it was over. Well, and that was what they said in the they didn't even know people thought the show the actual show had five endings i mean people kept getting up to leave and the ushers had to say no sit back down there's more there's more uh talk about cliffhangers we had we didn't have any they were all just things that sounded like the end and we actually had scenes that said the end but it was more of a metaphorical thing the

character was saying so people actually thought well yeah we actually had scenes that said the end, but it was more of a metaphorical thing. The character was saying, so people actually thought, well, the, we had had the curtain come down at the end of one scene. It's a terrible direction. Oh, thank you.

And you know, it wasn't over. And of course, Mitch McNutt was not kind in the town. Not at all. Kind in the town. Cryer flyer. My goodness.

It was, I think it was just a, it was, it was, uh, it was a big, huge headline. And it said,

uh, twice the character, twice the disappointment. Well, I hope he was happy. The show closed and, you know, although we did establish it was a long run. Right. But you know what was crazy about his review? Well, because you know what happened? We became a cult hit. Oh, that's right.

Because then it became everyone. People made their own dual costumes of Mama Rose and Maria. Everybody came, you know, everybody came in in dresses. They made them their curtains. Even three women came to the show one time. Yes. Because their sons needed to be driven that's right that's right

that's right but yeah Mitch just he all he did was all his entire review was just headlines so it's twice the character twice the disappointment what were the other ones? It was let me entertain you. No, thank you.

They were I mean, they're really they were really do re me don't want to see this show. And how do you solve a problem like the show? Close it down. That's right. I mean, he was really why are you like we get the point Mitch you know what I mean I know I mean he came around and he he was there

for our New Year's Eve show and we kind of roasted him it was fun it was fun but yeah that is why it ran for so long and and you know what might be fun to sort of revive that actually now that I think about it that might be really fun sure or revive that, actually, now that I think about it. That might be really fun. Sure. Or maybe I should just put up that song on my TikTok. Why not both, as the gif says? And that was his last headline. Why not both? I'll tell you why.

What a weird review. I can't believe that an editor let that be printed in the paper. I know. I know. Some people, it just takes all kinds. And there's no accounting for some people and they just don't want to have a good time is what I say. So speaking of good time, we should probably get to

our guests. We should take a break, right? I feel like we didn't. Actually, there is one thing I want to talk about with you, but I'll save it till after our guests. Do you think? I mean, I know it's been a minute. Well, I don't know what it is, so I don't know the urgency. Well, I just want you to commit to a few

things. We can get into it a little bit later. I want you to commit to letting me come to your apartment and decorate it a little bit. So we're going to do it now. No, I'm just saying, this is what I will discuss after. This is a preview. Oh, this is like a cliffhanger. You said you didn't know, so I'm telling you it's going to be about your apartment, and it's going to be about, I want

to put you on a dating app. Well, okay. This is great. This is a cliffhanger for me, because then we'll discuss this after the guest. But for now, you're right. We do have to take a break. More when The Neighborhood Listen returns. Hi, everybody. It is Mary. I have a taxi driver costume for $25. Just in time for Halloween, Tina the Taxi Driver Costume by Dream Girl in Size Small.

Excellent condition. What's that? Okay honey, I'll be there in a minute. Okay, that is my daughter and she is not supposed to know that I am doing this. This costume is in excellent condition because it has not been opened, and nor will it be. She ordered this online without me knowing, and I intercepted it. I have never seen something like this before. There is a woman on this picture, the likes of which a taxi driver I've, I've never seen, she's wearing a short mini dress and black boots and black gloves, the only thing that has anything to do with a taxi is it's yellow, and she's wearing a choker, okay, a choker, I mean, I get it, everyone loves to do

the sexy version of a costume, a sexy, a sexy taxi driver, what is next, sexy notary, what, she's just, she's just deep-throating a pen, she's just rubbing papers all over her body, I don't understand this, I don't understand this trend, I don't like this trend, coming, honey, please come take this off of my hands, this is absolutely ridiculous, although I don't even want anyone to take it off their hands, I mean, I just don't want it to be in this house because otherwise she's going to put it on. And her father is going to lose his mind. So please come get it. And welcome back to the season, the third season finale of The Neighborhood.

Listen, we're talking about cliffhangers happening later on. I know. The end of the show is getting closer now. Now we're in the second segment birds i know it's it's almost over okay no well we do have a guest and we don't want to be rude to our guests but we don't know no we do have a guest uh in in the kitchen island and uh and we got this post from oh in case you're listening for the first time uh sorry about everything that happened before but uh here's what here's what we do is we live in the town of Dignity Falls and we look at the NeighborHap social networking application and we just look

for interesting people that live in Dignity Falls and then we invite them to tell their stories here on the show. And this week is no different, Joan. What is our post today? Our post today comes from John and the headline is tiramisu. I have been on a mission to find, oh, do you know what? I actually didn't notice this. It says I'm on the mission to find food tiramisu. Now I'm imagining he meant to say good tiramisu, but here it is F-O-O-D, but we'll ask him. I have yet to find a place. Please let me know if you have found a decent place. Thank you. And now here to explain that and to talk about why he's in such a dogged search for tiramisu is John. Welcome, John. Hi. Oh, thank you for having me. I'm so really honored to be here and

to talk about this. Oh, well, wow. My goodness. That's a first for us. No one's said that before. No. Which word? Honored. Which word did you think? I was hoping it was honored, but I didn't know if it was here. I mean, words are tricky, right? Words are, yeah, but probably not that tricky. Doug knows. We've heard several people say the word here. Doug does know that words are tricky.

So, John. Yes. You're on the hunt for a great tiramisu, and you're having no luck, you say. I'm having absolutely no luck. I desperately need to find a tiramisu. I do want to know why the urgency. Okay.

Full disclosure. Please. I made a promise that I may not be able to fulfill. Oh. Oh, okay. Full disclosure, I made a promise that I may not be able to fulfill. Oh. Oh, my. I promised somebody that I would bake them a tiramisu and I promised them it was delicious

and I got a little ahead of myself and I don't know, I've tried a few times, I've gotten all the ingredients and it's not turned out well. It's turned out badly. And now I just need to buy it. And there's no tiramisu in town. Okay. Are you okay? I'm sorry. I almost fell off my chair. It's not a big deal. I know. And it's weird that you brought your own chair to my home to sit in. I have these gorgeous stools, but he opted not to have that. He brought his own chair.

Your stools are beautiful. I just like comfort. Almost a delicious. They are. If I could eat a stool, it would be your stool. I would love these. Oh, okay. Well, let's just move on.

Let's change the subject abruptly. Words are tricky. I just like to feel comfort. Words are very tricky. thank you for acknowledging that i felt i i don't hear here can mean a lot of things i want to go back to that i know a lot of people have said here but here could be he wants to go back to that part i don't know why i know but i think they've used it in every sense yes people have we've yes it's a podcast i definitely know we've used it in that regard.

Let me ask you something. Yes. Or tell you something. Did you not get your answer about why I brought my chair? Oh, what was it? I just enjoy comfort. Oh, true. Oh, well, okay, again.

You can't be too careful. You can't be very careful. You can't be too. Okay. Well, here's the thing. I don't know if, I don't know what your situation was in the 90s, say, but the tear-

Terrible. Boom. I had a terrible time in the 90s. Can I, can I, I'm sorry. You just opened a Pandora's box. I'm really sorry. I was in a very, I was in a gentle coma for about a good three years.

What is... Was that the medical term for it? I am not familiar with that term. I mean, I am only a pharmacist. Is it like collapsed nostrils? Caved in. Okay. No, no, no.

I fell down. I fell down a flight of stairs and I went into a gentle coma, which means it was not a deep coma. So sometimes I'd wake up sometimes in the coma in the three years I would wake up, but three years, I was a very, it was a small, gentle. No. Well, I caught up with a lot of sleep. So that can I ask you which 1995 to 1998. Okay. So, 95, 98, that really was when tiramisu was, I mean, that was the tiramisu boom.

And swing. You couldn't, which, babe? And swing. Swing music. And swing. That's right. Swing dance. Swing dancing was all the rage and tiramisu.

I also remember coming out of the coma and asking what is this Seinfeld? Well, really? What's a Frasier? But weren't those shows on before, prior to 95? I don't remember. Look, complete disclosure,

before I fell into my gentle coma, I was partially slipping away. You look at the picture of health. I'm so confused. I mean, is it still happening? Is it still happening? No, I'm fine now.

Oh, jeez. How are we to know? Are you right? He's really mad at you, Bert. I apologize. No, I just, I'm very sensitive about this issue. Can I ask, so many questions, but I do want to know, to whom did you make this promise and why? Well, definitely.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well, as you know, or may not know, I work at the town museum. I'm a doshent. Oh, a doshent. Doshent.

Doshent. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. And there's a local artist who is in town who is, I would say, made an impression on my heart. I'm sorry, this local artist is in town? Yes. Can I explain that?

Sure, I wish you would. He was born in our town. Then he moved out. And now he's back to have the display of his work. There we go. He is a local artist. That mystery was solved. No, I told you.

Look, it all goes back to how difficult words are. It does. So you're at the town museum. So I work there. The Dignity Met. The Dignity Met. It's a wonderful name. It tells us everything about it.

So this artist is in town. And I've developed, he's just touched my heart. It's not Jack Butters, is it? Yes, it's Jack Butters. I did not know he was back in town. Of course, we're all very proud of him. Doug and I have talked so many times about how we get the funds together to buy a Butters. Oh, if I could buy a Butters and hang it in any place in my home,

I would die to buy a Butters. Could you imagine waking up in your home every day and just seeing a Butters hanging on the wall? I would like to hang a Butters over my bed. I would put a Butters in my restrooms. Breakfast nook? A breakfast nook. You can't have enough Butters in a breakfastrooms. Breakfast nook? A breakfast nook. You can't have enough Butters in a breakfast nook.

Oh, you cannot. So this is very exciting. So wait, are you, are you, how, so what is your relationship with Jack Butters? I don't know. I want it to be something. And so I took a step because, you know, he's very smart, very fancy. Absolutely. And the first thing I said to him when I'm like,

I wanted to hang out with him was like, I make a wonderful tiramisu. That's what you went with? That was the first thing you said to him? I wasn't, yes, the first thing. And he said, I love tiramisu. So now I'm in a jam. Oh, but your instincts were correct.

You knew that Jack would like a tiramisu. I got lucky. I don't know. Maybe it's a bigger cosmic connection. I'm not sure. I can totally see this happening. So wait a minute. Really?

I don't know if it's a connection if it starts with a lie. Have you seen many rom-coms? Fair point. Thank you. Fair point. Touche, Jack. rom-coms? Fair point. Thank you. Fair point. Speaking of which, there was a famous rom-com about somebody who was in a coma called

While You Were Sleeping. Oh, I love that movie. Bill Pullman. I didn't see it. Oh, because you were yourself in a gentle coma. It came out in 95. Yeah, that's why I didn't see it. Wow.

And I won't see it. Isn't that wild? Isn't that wild? I still think they owe me money. I think it was based on my life. How would that be? Because I fell into a coma and so did Bill Pullman. And they just got it all.

They got the story in the movie and it got it all shot within the. Okay. Was Bill Pullman the one in the coma or was it Peter Gallagher? It was Peter Gallagher who was in the coma. Well, I didn't see the movie. Both of them. You know what? They both have lovely hair. Oh, those eyebrows? Are you kidding me?

I never thought I could find an eyebrow sexy. I made Doug grow his out that year. Oh. It only worked on one side. Because otherwise you're trimming your eyebrows regularly. Oh yeah. He's a very hair-suited man.

I'll tell you what. That's true. I liked it. He's got it. He's felt rock and roll to have the one long eyebrow. Yeah. It's okay. So Jack, so you told him. No, no. Yes. I thought you were calling him. You were calling him Jack. No. Oh, yes. I thought you were calling him Jack.

Oh, no. Oh, John, I'm sorry. Jack is a nickname for John, though. It is. So again, it's a cosmic connection. I have butters on the brain. It did start with a lie, though. So let me ask you this, John.

Butters on the brain is one of my favorites of his. The self-portrait? Yes. Where, he's standing on his own brain? Yes. It's his brain with butterers on it. It's literal. So, John, let me ask you.

Many butters. Let me ask you this, John. Oh, wait, can I say one thing? Sure. I guess so. There's butter in tiramisu, too, isn't there? Probably. I've never made it.

Yeah, the main ingredient is the mascarpone cheese. You should have seen what I did with that. I ruined it. Okay, well, we'll get to that. What's your question, Bert? I wanted to know. So you tell him, I make a great tiramisu. He says, I love tiramisu.

And then, is this when you promised him you would make him a tiramisu? Yes, from scratch. Okay. And did you put, is there a time limit on this? Yes, it has to be. I invited him over for this weekend. And how long ago was this? This was two days ago.

And is this the only conversation you've had with him? Since then and before then, we've just spent just greetings and pleasantries. Sure. A notion to artist relationship. Right. Professional. We tell each other we enjoy each other's sweater

or ascot or whatever we have on that day. Oh, I do love when he wears an ascot. Does he wear the beret still? Constantly. I can't tell you what it does to my body inside and out when I see butters in a beret

and an ascot. It is like I have to Can I be frank? Please I have to take my legs And squeeze them together As tight as I can

Because I don't want to reveal What's happening inside Sure Well there you have it. John was Frank. I put on an apron on top of that. Oh, my. At the museum? Yes. It says

the museum. It's the museum apron. Oh, and you're just modeling it for everyone. Yes. Okay. I promise we're just trying to help you, John John did I sound defensive? a little bit I'm just upset

no of course so two days ago you made this promise right and you have just it's down to almost hours now at this point so then you went exploring to try different tiramisu's no he said he couldn't find them anywhere.

And what I'm saying is- I thought you couldn't find a good one. You couldn't find any? I found one and it was terrible. Oh. Where was it from? From Edith's Cakery. Oh, I can't believe that place is still open.

No, it's terrible. Everything feels dry. Edith's Cakery. It's dry. Everything, it's just dry. Also, a lot of the cakes that she sells

are just Eggo waffles with icing on them. Thank you. Thank you. That's, I thought that for years. I mean, she doesn't even,

you can see the boxes behind the counter. She doesn't even throw the boxes away. She doesn't care. She's ridiculous. She doesn't, she doesn't care.

She's absurd. She's an anti-vaxxer. I hate Edith. She's an anti-vaxxer. She's terrible. Edith sucks. And she spits when she talks. Oh, she does.

That is true. So, okay, forget Edith's cakery. I also wanted to clarify something. In my post, I said I wanted to find the food tiramisu. That was not a typo. I really wanted to be clear that I was looking for food and not like a man named tiramisu. Oh, right.

I guess that could have been a confusion. You never know. Or it could be a sexual position. I don't know. Were you worried it was not clear? We're being very frank now. This is a... I've never had this much fun in years.

I've never had this much fun in years. You've never had this much fun in years? Never. I've never had this much fun in years. What? Then right here? Then right now, right here. I hear you.

Thank you. Here. Yeah, see? Tricky. Words are difficult. It's tricky. Oh, no, they're difficult. So, I was afraid,

you know, at first you might have been an alien, the way you expressed that, that you were looking for the food tiramisu, and everyone knows what tiramisu is. It's so well-known. I feel like it was just so well-documented. It became part of the culture, and it was just It's very specific. It became part of the culture and it was just on every single menu

and dessert menu. It became part of the culture. It became part of the Dignity Falls culture. There was a tiramisu festival that we had in I think the early 2000s. Yeah.

Which I thought would have been around for but maybe not. Oh, I was. They renamed the school that time? Oh, yes. Tiramisu Junior High?

Right. That's right. I thought we might have Oh, yes. Tiramisu Junior High? Right. That's right. I thought we might have had a president named President Tiramisu in the mid-90s when I was in my coma. You're confused because we did. It's Tiramisu Lane, but it's not named after a president. That's how much we loved it. It's the only street in Dignity Falls not named after a president or a tree.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's the only one in America namedity Falls not named after a president or a tree. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And the only one in America named after a dessert. Isn't that delicious? It is delicious. So I think that you maybe just haven't searched the town enough because there are

still several restaurants serving tiramisu now while they may be a little bit old-fashioned or outdated. There is one restaurant that does a deconstructed tiramisu now while they may be a little bit old-fashioned or outdated uh there is one restaurant that does a deconstructed tiramisu pietros yes pietros yes and uh you know it's it's run by um it's run by that guy yes it's run by the sprats uh they're all scientologists the sprat family yes and uh but they so they do that sort of the chemical, you know, they do foams. They do a lot of foams. Like a molecular gastronomy.

Yes. Correct. Correct. Molecular gastronomy. And, and so they do like a deconstructed, you know, where, and that's like five plates strewn out several feet apart. Like, like it's tiramisu is social distancing and all its ingredients. So, but if you put them all together, that might make a cool tiramisu and because jack is an artist

he might appreciate sort of an artistic take on it and that way that way john you wouldn't have to like bake it in a traditional sense yes that sounds lovely now i have a question you mentioned they put foam in things yes well what's the follow-up question on that? It's more of a statement. Okay. I'm worried. Foam does numbers to my stomach. Oh, I see. When have you found that you've consumed a lot of foam and that happened?

How'd you discover that? I was in the ocean. Okay. This is different. Yeah, not salt water. It's not the same? No, it's food. No.

So it'll be different. Okay. Yeah. Because the sea ocean really hurt my stomach. Here's what you do. Yeah, you're not supposed to drink that. Sea ocean. Sea ocean.

Don't drink sea ocean. Sea foam. I didn't mean it. Don't drink sea ocean either. It was a mistake. Everything. It was a terrible day. Words are difficult.

So look. They are. Here's what you do. Go to Pietro's and you get yourself a deconstructed tiramisu to go. They'll probably give you five to six bags. Absolutely. One ingredient per bag. They each have to be packed in ice.

So you'll have five coolers probably. And then you get home and you just dump it all together in a bowl and serve it. Or put it on a bunch of different fancy plates you know oh this sounds good now oh do you or you can make it a scavenger hunt he has to find the ingredients and they're hidden throughout the house oh oh i this is gonna that's a wonderful idea now now this is my big question he's leaving town after he's leaving town on mond. Okay. How much, personally, do I tell him my feelings? Well,

you haven't told him anything. Yes! Except for how you... Hello. I certainly think that you should... Well, maybe you had him at that. Oh. That's another movie line. You had me at tiramisu. You had me at tiramisu.

You had me at tiramisu. Well, you know, I do see that there's a very rom-com aspect to this. All I could say was hello. I'll get you to all these things. I'm just a woman standing here in front of you with something like that, wanting to be loved. Please don't read my notebook. Clearly that was in the 90s and you weren't around for that one

for that you get the head, the tail and the whole damn thing which one's that from? Jaws oh I love that romcom oh I forgot the topic was romcoms I apologize no but I did find Jaws romantic you can see it as a romcom

I found the relationship between Roy Scheider and Lorraine Gary very romantic. The shark ruined it. He did ruin things. But you need that in a rom-com, don't you? You need conflict. Yeah, he's like the nagging mother-in-law, the shark. Or the miles of distance between them. Thank you.

Do you know, my favorite moment of any rom-com, my favorite part is the part where they've gotten together, but then the lie has been exposed, and then they have to be apart for 20 minutes. Yes, and there's a current pop song that plays, and it's sad, and there's a montage of him going to all the places that they went, walking on the grass. Oh, the grass doesn't feel as good without her. And ordering a coffee.

Oh, the coffee doesn't taste as good without her. And we used to make fun of that old man at the park. No, no one's. I tried to make fun of the old man with an old, with a, with another hot lady. And she was boring and dumb. Oh, that's right. And then you realize. That is a, that is a variation where they've gotten together with a new person.

And then the new person doesn't like the thing. And the poor woman has no idea. She's supposed to play some stupid game. And all of a sudden it's her problem. That is a variation where they've gotten together with a new person and then the new person doesn't like the thing. And this poor woman has no idea she's supposed to play some stupid game and all of a sudden it's her problem. She's the bitch.

She's the boring one. She's the... It's ridiculous. It's much like our friend Bill Pullman in Sleepless in Seattle who just had a cold. Oh, that too.

Forget him. But he really got a bad deal. Yeah, he was okay with it. No, he was okay with it. He was okay with it. No, he was okay with it. He was okay with it. He was like, I get it. I use tissues. Have a happy life.

Did he find somebody at the end? Nope. No. Honestly, it was terrible for people with allergies. The message for them was, that's not going to work out for you. Exactly. Because you're doing too- You do not deserve love.

That's right. If you're allergic too. You do not deserve love. That's right. If you're allergic to anything, you're dying alone. That was what that message was. But we want to be clear. That is not the case. And I'm glad that we've come around. Can I say something? Please.

Hearing all this is making me think that maybe because you're right, those movies started with a lie. And maybe I need to reveal my lie. I'll give them a tiramisu and tell him the truth. And then 20 minutes will be very terrible between us. And then maybe we'll come closer together. Well, now remember, it's 20 minutes of screen time. But usually in that 20 minutes, several days, if not weeks, even months. Or years.

I don't have that. I don't have that. What do you mean? That is the advantage of a rom-com. It can just speed up the time with a montage. Why don't you have that time? Because he's leaving town on Monday. Oh, that's right. That's right. But where is he going? If he's from here, he's going to come back, surely. Where does

he live now? Oh, he lives in the Big Apple. New York City. Oh, that's so romantic. Oh, maybe I could go there. You could go there. You should go there. Have you ever been there before? I've never been anywhere but in my coma. In town.

I've lived in this town and I've been in a coma for three years. So the two places you've been are Dignity Falls and Gentle Coma. And REM. Oh, sure. Okay. So a third. Yeah, you could go there. I would say, I would say, let him, let him enjoy the tiramisu first and then come clean and say, I actually, I was so, I was so excited to meet you. I said, I love tiramisu. I don't even know what I was saying. I agree. And you know

what I'm going to say, John, is that we all come to relationships with secrets. There's no way that Jack doesn't have something that maybe he doesn't want you to know. Okay. And so just remember that you're not, you're not alone. We all, we all sort of represent ourselves in different ways and say things to get our foot in the door. It's hard. Relationships are very, very hard. You're not alone in that, but you are physically alone.

Well, like literally you are alone, but oh yes, we're all alone. Figuratively you're not alone. Well, not all of us. Well, I am. Everybody's alone. Again, what we want to talk about in the third section. Don't think that I've forgotten Cliffhanger. So I wouldn't worry about that so

much, but also what was the very first thing you said to him? It wasn't that you... What was the very first thing? Remind me how the conversation started. Oh, about the tiramisu? Yes. I make a wonderful tiramisu. Oh, so you did start with that oh i absolutely line yes i said from scratch okay it doesn't matter it doesn't matter he said yes yes that was out of the game i thought maybe you just said i love tiramisu i thought that was the first thing you said i think i just offered

i panicked oh that line of question didn't go well for me no i never asked you know the answer to no it's it's i it's, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I mean, that is in terms of like, we've all been there. We've said something we didn't know we were going to say out of panic or something, but that is a very specific thing to say. And I'm wondering how your mind got there. Oh, good question.

Yes. Oh, thank you for the, thank you for letting me reflect on that. Um, my, um, I just knew that it had to be something good. I wanted to make him something and I knew you had this thought before, like when you saw him before you spoke to him, you were already thinking I would like to make him a dessert. No, this all happened in the moment. Like it was like, my brain just went like, Oh, I see.

Fast. Make him something. Food. That's how you get a man. He's from the Big Apple. Fancy. Italian. Tiramisu.

I was just a little pickle. Yeah, that all happened in a second. Wow. I mean, that's what they say in New York second. That's what they say. It happened in a New York second. Burge, what you referred to saying things, you know, are you talking to,

we never really talked about your previous relationships, but did you have a relationship start like that with a lie? Is that where you're connecting with John? Oh yeah. There was a, there was a gal named Janice that I dated for many years. And the first thing I said to her was, I'm about to be president of the United States. That was the first thing i said to her was i'm about to be president of the united states

that was the first thing yes you said you're about to be i was about to be wow that's you and she said what are you talking about and i had to then go into this whole scenario where there was a secret election and the president was not the president and it was going to be revealed like in a sort of they live style, you know, revelation. And, you know, I had to keep this going for weeks and weeks and weeks. And she bought it.

She bought all of it. She was dubious for most of it. And then I finally, when I finally wore her down and got her to believe it, I, you know, it was a couple of days later, I came clean and she was,

oh, she was very angry. And then 20 minutes later, we were back together. Oh, so your 20 minutes was actually 20 minutes. It wasn't like a move. It wasn't like here. That is rare and lucky.

It was actually 20 minutes, yeah. What song played? I think it was At Last by Eddie James. Oh, that's wonderful. Just a couple of repeats. What happened to Janice? Yeah! Good question, John. You know, Janice got

that job with the Merchant Marines and she... Oh, that job. Yeah. Yeah, she got that job. She was in the Merchant Marines and she was looking for a promotion and then she finally got it.

She got that one. She got that one. She got the big job. She got that big job at the Merchant Marines. I applied. Doug, really? That job? I thought everyone was applying for that job.

I thought about it myself. That job was all that anyone could talk about. I was thinking about it too. I said, no, I'm going to be a doshin. Yeah. I was a little jealous of her. It was the new tiramisu of the town, really, for a while. And she got it, you know, and then she was gone.

And, you know, we've corresponded by telegraph. Telegraph? Yeah. Which I don't know. That was another lie. I said, sure, I know telegraph. I know backwards and forwards. So you're just nodding and dashing.

I'm sure it was just gibberish, and then she was like, this guy. Something's wrong with him. Yeah. Maybe you were cursing at her, and you didn't know. Oh, I hope not. She was wonderful.

Janice was wonderful. Well, she was dubious at first. She was dubious, which I think is to her credit. You know, she should not have believed me at all. Because there wasn't a street, there wasn't a Mia Pei De Boulevard, so that should be a dead giveaway right there. No, there never will be.

Okay, so John, back to John. Yes. So, you're going to go, how do you like this plan? Are you going to get all the ingredients from Pietro's? Yes. You're going to put up and put together a lovely display. Don't take their pamphlets. Do not take their pamphlets at Pietro's.

They're, of course, they're going to try to give you pamphlets. Don't take any of their pamphlets. Oh, yes, they will. Don't let them give you a reading. Don't do any of that. Don't take a personality test. Just get your food and go. I don't want to be told something's wrong with my personality.

Is that what that's about? None of us do. That's what that's, they say something's wrong with your personality. Yes, exactly. They ask you a bunch of questions that uh everyone would probably say yes to and then at the end they say oh really you did think this negative thought well something's wrong then if we talk about it for longer than 30 seconds they'll find us so let's move on yeah uh so uh now you're gonna do this you're gonna put them on uh all the different plates yes and and

not and and then and as my mom would say, don't say boo. Meaning don't give it away. Just don't say a word. Don't try to have a good poker face. Just let him eat it. Let that moment live and happen. I'm going to put them on cobalt plates. Oh, what a lovely idea.

Does that sound like that will make the tiramisu pop? I think so. You want that tiramisu popping. It will make each ingredient pop. I think, yeah, I think that sounds lovely. And don't forget, you have made this wonderful tiramisu many times. So don't be, you can't react to the taste.

That's what I'm saying. Don't say boo. Don't say boo. Just say, I know. I know. If he goes, mmm, I go, I know. If he says, this is wonderful, I'll say, yes, I know. Yeah.

Is that good? Is that good? I think that's good. Yeah, those are good line readings. I don't have any notes. You could throw in, I'm glad you like it. Yeah, maybe just not robotically. I'm glad you like it.

I've heard this before. Well, I wouldn't go that far because then we have a lot of follow-up questions about that. You know, how many times have you seduced a man with your tiramisu? We don't know. Great. This is so helpful.

I have been single for so long and I don't want to be anymore. And I'm not saying that we're going to be married, but you don't know. No, you never know. Exactly. You never know. And my only weird thought, is this weird that I don't know if Jack Butters listens know. Exactly. You never know. And my only weird thought

is this weird that I don't know if Jack Butters listens to this podcast. Wouldn't that be wild? No, he doesn't listen to things. He only looks at things. He's an artist. Although here's the thing

is that it wouldn't come out until after this happened. So what's so strange is if it goes well, then you could play this back for him. Or actually, no, I guess you would never play it back for him. I don't know what you would do.

I think I'm committed now to this terrible lie. And I don't think I can turn back. I think I have to constantly bring, I have to always find restaurants. I'll always be going to Pietro's and bringing back tiramisu. That's all I can do. No, no, no, you're not, John.

And I'll tell you why, because you're going to, you're going to come clean. Okay. It just, I know it sounds hard. It's a very mild lie. I, no, no, you're not, John. And I'll tell you why, because you're going to, you're going to come clean. Okay. It just, I know it sounds hard. It's a very mild lie. I know it sounds hard. It is. I mean, to be honest, again, it's what my mama called dream weaving.

You're not lying. It's just dream weaving. It's just a lie. It's like a gentle coma. It's like a gentle coma. It's a mild lie. It is a gentle lie. It's a gentle coma and a mild lie.

That's right. Okay. And I think that you'll be fine. And like I said, I know Jack's got some stuff he doesn't want people knowing. And maybe you telling him your mild lie will make him feel empowered to share something with you. What should I wear? Doug, do you want to take this question? I'm really question I'm really

I'm really that's the next thing I need to think about what am I going to wear we don't we've only just met you and we don't we're not familiar with your style necessarily so I guess where based on what I'm wearing now I'd say tails

is way too yes I like him. Right. Well, we should have said there was no dress code for the podcast. I mean, frankly, we feel underdressed that you showed up in white tie. And your own chair. I came from work and that's how the Doshans dress. Well, you know what I would do?

Definitely wear the apron. How about that? You're cooking for us. How about it? What are you going to serve to drink? To wash it down? Milk? I don't know.

Make a tiratini. What's a tiratini? Just the contents of tiramisu and then just pour alcohol. Wait, are you saying put the tiramisu into liquid? Yes. That doesn't sound.

And do I put a, do a blender? Yes, you do a blender. It does sound a little disgusting. That's not. Do a blender. Oh, if you do a blender, sure. Yes, yes, yes. So get liquid, liquid, parts of the tiramisu.

Not too much because I need him to eat it. The liquid would be alcohol. Yes. Specifically. Sorry. Words again. And any alcohol will do. Any alcohol. I didn't specify. Get alcohol liquid, potable alcohol liquid and use that.

And do a blender. Do a blender with the tiramisu. And do a blender and you're good. So that's all it needs to be? Yes. Do I put lime or anything like that? No, don't ruin it. You don't need to do that. Lime, that doesn't make sense.

I don't know. Look, I've never confessed. That doesn't fit the flavor profile, okay? You'll see. You'll understand. When you get it from Pietro's, you'll understand, and it'll be all laid out for you. I would say this, though.

That seems like, as far as a drink goes, seems like it's a little too much on the tiramisu side, and maybe something- It's a lot of tiramisu. Maybe some coffee, like an Americano or an espresso. Hazelnut. Maybe, but let me just tell you, it helps. I don't want to be up all night.

But having a cocktail breaks the ice. You need that. A cocktail, this is a tiramisu theme. That's right. It's a theme and it also is going to break the ice. It's going to loosen you guys up a little bit. You need that. This is a very stressful it also is going to break the eyes. It's going to loosen you guys up a little bit. You need that. This is a very stressful situation.

I need to be loosened up. I really need it. So that's what you're going to do. Okay. So you greet him at the door with a tiramisu cocktail. And I don't know what I'm wearing yet. You're wearing the apron for sure. You're wearing the apron.

What do I wear under the apron? Nothing? Well, I didn't say it. Maybe for a first date, that's a little forward. That might shock him. He's seen me in nothing but long tails and a tie at work. And then all of a sudden he sees me. He's seen the apron though.

You've worn it before. Has he not seen you in it? You've worn the apron at the museum. Yes, but over. When you're trying to keep your legs closed. How about a button down and some slacks? Do you have that in your closet? I'll look for it, but I don't know if I have it.

Okay, well, take a look. If you can get close to something like that under the apron, I think you're good. And then, so you greet him at the door with a tiramisu cocktail. And then you say... Oh, at the door. First course, we're going to have a tiramisu pot pie.

And you take the tiramisu ingredients, you put them in a crust and serve that. I have to get a crust now? Oh, he's, Burns adding to this. You're now making it a whole entire meal. It's a theme, it's a theme. And then for dessert, tiramisu. Is it secondi?

That's, it's a secondi. It's a, it's tiramisu soup. It's just tiramisu. Oh, no, do you know what it is? It's tiramisu. You do a blender. No, no, it's mascarpaccio but that

now we're getting away from the it's just slices of the mascarpone we're getting is that part of the tiramisu yes mascarpone is like the major the hugest part

it's ladyfingers is that the brown oh and that's the actual actually what they're called it's alcohol soaked ladyfingers in amaretto

alright and then it's a huge layer of mascarpone cheese. Okay. It's the white. The white. Wonderful. Yes, the white cheese. And so that's the seconde.

And then for the dessert, of course, for the adult chase, tiramisu. That's tiramisu. That's the dessert. Oh, we're going to be full. So every time he tastes a tiramisu flavored thing, you say, not yet. That's not it yet. Not yet.

And then I know. I know. I've heard that. I've heard that before. I've heard that before. Oh, thank you very much. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Yes, exactly. I think this is going to be a winner. You're good. You're good. I always appreciate hearing that. Sure. You can throw a here in there, but just be careful. Words are tricky.

Oh, here is tricky. Here is a here. Now, do I kiss him? Well, I think you do that depending on- There's a certain point where we can't help you. You got to just- You have to feel it out. You got to feel that out.

Feel that out. Ooh. See, Bernt and I were on the same page. Exactly. Feel it out. Feel it out. Feel it out. And I can't wish you enough luck, and I can't give you enough good vibes.

And I just really am pulling for you, John. As am I, as am I, John. We loved talking with you today. And you are, of course, another interesting neighbor here in Dignity Falls. And we hope this works out with Jack Butters. I mean, that would be, what a dream to date a famous artist like that. John and Jack Butters. Does that just fly off your

tongue? You know, they could call you a pair of Jacks. That would be fun. A couple of Jack-offs. Is that a bad phrase? I don't know what that means. I'm not sure that she can blame everything

on the gentle coma, sir. Was that a phrase during 1996? It was not a 1996 phrase. Although I do think a pair of jacks would be a great title for your rom-com about you two. A pair of jacks off. No, not that one. It's what's the bad thing I'm saying. Okay.

I mean, this is something for Urban Dictionary to solve and not us. It sure is we've stopped the Frank hour has ended best of luck to you Frank and thank you for coming on and good luck with your best of luck Frank who's Frank

who's Frank we were doing so well with my name and then you called me Frank who's Frank? We were doing so well with my name. And then you called me Frank. Who's Frank? I'm so sorry. I don't know who you think I am. And you've been thinking this whole time.

No, we know you're not Frank. Words are tricky. You were Frank at the moment when you told us the story. And then I just, in my head, I made a mistake. I just look, I work with a guy named Frank and he's always doing better than me. So it's a very sensitive thing. I don't want, I'm always being called Frank. And they think, oh no, they go, Frank.

Oh no, no, no, John. Well, John, this was a mistake and I am not him. Okay, and this is not that. Yes, we're not trying to do that at all. So best of luck to you, John. Oh God, it almost ended terrible. Well, it almost ended. you, John. Oh God, it almost ended terrible. Well, it almost ended. True.

Sorry. We haven't gotten there yet. But John, we do wish you the best of luck and thank you for visiting us today. And if Jack Butters is listening to this in the future, I mean, Jack, you got to love this meet cute. Am I right? Yeah.

Absolutely. And thank you. Bye. Urgent alert. On the block of Van Buren Avenue, Cross Street, Christmas Boulevard, teenagers just ding-dong ditched the entire block. A group of about five to seven teenagers ran up on our porch and furiously rang our doorbell slash banged on the door. When I jumped up to see what was going on,

I noticed the group disperse and run onto another neighbor's porches to do the same. Be cautious. Welcome back to... I'm going to get emotional. Welcome back to the final segment of the final episode of season three. I hope not the final, final, final, final. I hope not too. I hope we can keep doing this.

But Joan, please don't get emotional because if you start crying, I'm going to start thinking about crying. And Bert, that is something. That is something coming from you. Yeah, I haven't... I'm trying to remember the last time I cried. Oh, gosh. I just cried 20 minutes ago.

We are so different in that way. Yeah, yeah. Well, I'll tell you what. What did you cry about 20 minutes ago? And then I'll tell you what I cried about. And I want to say 1986. I was out of butter. That was for me. Not jack butter.

It leveled me. Not jack butter. No. Oh, boy. Wasn't that, first, we'll get back to the 1986 thing in a minute but but wasn't that wild i really i'm pulling for the two of them i hope it works out i do think that uh john seems to not know a lot about a lot of things and i don't know i mean maybe it'll work

and maybe jack butters is a compassionate enough human being that uh this works for him you know but uh yeah i think i think it's i mean i don't want to be negative but it seems like a tough sell Jack Butters is a compassionate enough human being that this works for him, you know. But yeah, I think it's, I mean, I don't want to be negative, but it seems like a tough sell. You never know. Sometimes opposites attract. True. And sometimes someone doesn't seem like they're competent, like you said, and someone else makes up for all that, fills in all the blanks.

Very true. For the other person. Yeah. I know couples like that. Have you been in couples like that? No, no, no, no. Oh, just no. The people I've been with,

it's never been that extreme of a difference, you know, like we shared common interests. Yeah. Sure, sure. So why did you cry in 1986? Why is that the last time? It was the last time you cried. Yeah, it was an episode of the A-Team

and it was one where they, it was a very special episode of the A-Team and it was one where they it was a very special episode of the A-Team where they were they were hired by Santa Claus to to assassinate the Grinch. And it only aired once. Oh, a bunch of crossovers here. Yes, they never re-ran it because it was brutal. It was

kids. Oh, it was very dark. Yeah, I mean ostensibly it was a primetime show. It was ostensibly for adults, but of course a lot of kids watched it. Sure. You know, of course, you slap Santa Claus and the Grinch in there, of course.

And there was a brutal execution of the Grinch. Yes. And, you know, it's not something that they did on the 18th. They usually did like extractions, things like that. The idea that they were misunderstood heroes and they weren't violent,

but- No, they weren't supposed to be. There were, they were misunderstood heroes and they weren't violent, but- No, they weren't supposed to be. There were, it was a very, they said, this time we have to take extreme measures. And- Did they, how'd they do it? Did they do it in the van? They did it from the van.

They tracked the Grinch to his location and, you know, they're all in these sort of polar assassin outfits and they're on top of a mountain. Oh, so it's like a... So they also spent a lot of money on it. I saw it. Oh, it was... So this is a big budgeted one where they were like filming in, you know,

the actual mountain somewhere. Absolutely, yes. In a snowstorm. It was a Christmas special. It was an 18 Christmas special. And I remember they, it was almost like that scene from Platoon with Tom Berringer when he's riddled by bullets. And it was just, you know, Dirk Benedict and George Pappard and Mr. T and they're just firing round after round.

Is he, was one of them named Face? Yeah, the Face man. Am I remembering that correctly? He was the Face man. His character name was literally Face just because he was attractive. Yes. Oh boy.

It was a nickname. I don't think his given name was Face. These shows. I know that correctly? He was the face man. His character name was literally Face just because he was attractive. Yes. Oh, boy. It was a nickname. I don't think his given name was Face. These shows. I know that. I know. But I cried because after they kill the Grinch, there's just like a,

you know, the echo of the gunshots is fading and Santa Claus shows up on the mountaintop and he sees the Grinch's bullet-riddled body just bleeding from, you know, a hundred different holes. And Santa says with a catch in his voice, I thought this was what I wanted.

And then he starts weeping. And that made me cry. Wait, I remember this. And is this when they had the children's cry? Silent night. Yes. Over that moment, over that shot. And then it goes in that minor key Yes. Silent night. Yes. Over that moment. Yes.

Over that shot. And then it goes up. And then it goes in that minor key. Oh, and they pull up from that shot. Oh, yeah. Holy night. And Santa, he falls to his knees. Oh.

All is calm. Oh, please. Joan, Joan, don't get me. I know. You're going to turn on the waterworks. Remember this. Yes. Oh, my goodness.

I'm so sorry. Well, that is a good reason to cry What a terrible idea I wonder if I suffered a trauma And that's what closed me off emotionally Well I think so Burton I think we're getting to it Now I mean I had to share this chicken post

But I think this is much more important But why don't I just out of tradition Share this last post as we do And then we're going to get back into this. Okay. So this is from Tyler. And it's a picture of a chicken in a tree. He's just up there on a branch.

Just if you please. It says, found chicken. Woke up to this chicken in our tree this morning. Does it belong to anyone? There is a small blue band around its leg that leads me to believe it's not a wild chicken. Now, if you zoom in. Now, I don't see I'm not in the practice of keeping chickens. And I know a lot of people in Dignity Falls love to have them. Is the blue band with that?

I know that like in the wild, that could be. It's interesting that he says it's not a wild chicken, because usually if they have a band around their ankle, doesn't that mean that it is a wild animal that's being tracked? Well, yes, that's the thing is that a lot of people do it's half and half because a lot of people do differentiate their chickens with some sort of colored band or something like that, but also

there are a lot of wild chickens that are being studied here in Dignity Falls and so it's hard to tell it might be one of the ones that scientists are tracking and you know what it's funny to me that there's so many scientists tracking chickens in this neighborhood when I feel like we know everything we need to know about chickens, right? Yeah. Do we know what the specific study is?

I think it's to study if there's... Go on. If there's anything that wild chickens do that the captive chickens don't do. Well, I have to say, I think one of them is climbing a tree. Have you ever seen a chicken in a tree? I've never heard of a chicken in a tree before. Because this picture, I'm telling you what, and now it makes me feel stupid and ignorant that I'm not sure I ever have seen a chicken fly very high.

I'll see them kind of run. They'll run almost like they're like a plane trying to take off, but they don't. No. And I don't think that they can fly. I certainly don't think they can soar. And so how in the world did this chicken get up on this branch? I mean, maybe the scientists are onto something. And these chickens, these wild chickens, now wild chickens.

I mean, is there any such thing? I guess in Hawaii, there's certainly a lot of wild chickens running around that aren't anybody's pet or source of income. And but here in America, I don't know if there's any wild chickens running around that aren't anybody's pet or source of income. And but here in America, I don't know if there's any wild chickens running around other than the ones that have been released by science. Well, you're going to get Doug going because, you know, you keep on saying wild chicken because he's going to bring up the moment.

A couple of years ago, he tried to start his own onion based whiskey called Wild Chicken. And I mean, it was as bad as it sounds. Speaking of crying. Fermented onions. Lots of crying in those days. Sure. Because it was a failure? Well, the onions and then the failure.

Oh, sure. And then, I mean, I had high hopes for that. Really? I thought it was a sure thing. Well, wild chicken, I mean, wild turkey, we all know. That was his business plan. You hung it all on that. His business model was, hey, wild turkey, wild chicken.

Did you think that people would think it was a diet version of wild turkey? I mean, people love chicken. They eat it up. I mean, it's just, it's everywhere. It's true. And they do eat it up. I mean, it's just, it's everywhere. It's true. And they do eat it up. And so if they think, oh, as chicken is to turkey, wild chicken

is to wild turkey. You thought that they were going to, that makes it sound like you thought they were going to think it was going to taste like chicken. I don't remember when the onions got involved, but I think that was my mistake. So because people like wild turkey, because people like turkey,

but they like chicken more, chicken is more readily available or people seem to like it more. You thought people would like wild chicken more than wild turkey. Or at least as much. I would be happy to be even close. Sure.

He got the idea because we had, now I don't know if you know, if you ever had this in your, I mean, you've lived in that apartment building since you were 19, so you haven't really had a backyard in a long time, but we grow in the wild here in Damien Falls. We get those mushrooms that,

that's a real thing, that they're called chicken of the forest and they actually taste like chicken. They're wild. Really? You should Google it. Like dirt, like every other mushroom? No, they look like orange corals and they taste meaty. They taste like chicken. It's really wild. Yes, it's crazy. Like every other mushroom? No, they look like orange corals

and they taste meaty. They taste like chicken. It's really wild. What about the portobello that everybody says is like, you can have that as a hamburger, but you can't? Oh, that's a lie.

That is just a stone cold lie. Don't believe them. It's terrible. It's absolutely terrible. And look, if you're a vegetarian listening, of course it's great for you. Yes. But just know that it's disgusting.

Well said, Berndt. Well said. you uh but uh just know that uh it's disgusting well said burnt well said now here's the thing this isn't we're near the end and we need to come up with a cliffhanger that's right uh but what i'd like to do is i'd like to really put together a profile for you really quickly what i do is i have i'm so that people can't see us until we get our television show. I've got his phone. And I'd like to start a little profile for you. I'm putting you on the spot here, Burnt, but I'd like to do this. Okay. I'm open to it. Oh, wow. I thought there'd be some pushback.

Well, no, Joan, I trust you. And I know you have my best interest at heart. So, yeah, let's go for it. Okay, great. I asked for three pictures and you sent me three of the same. It's basically the same thing. Yes. And what's weird is it's just you and Connie

looking out the window, but from behind. So it's just your silhouettes. Right. I thought that would be intriguing. It is quite lovely, but you can see why maybe this wouldn't get a lot of swipe rights, as they say. Not even the black and white one?

Especially that one. What about the sepia? The sepia I found the most artistic. I found that the most intriguing. But we do want to see your face. Not necessarily Connie's face. He can still be turned around. But I think we just need to do one where you're...

You don't think that's going to raise questions if I'm looking at the camera and Connie's turned around? Listen, I think Connie's presence raises a lot of questions and i would prefer it just to be a picture of you because we're not trying to find a mate for connie because you're his mate that's a fair point okay so we'll we'll start there and we'll just try to take a quick uh shot of you uh but now we have to sort of fill out a couple of how would you say you would describe yourself you know usually it's sort of like a log line, you know, I like to- Human being. Okay.

Well, it's a good place to start. Human being, all right. And what would you say you're looking for in a mate? I'm looking for, I guess, a modicum of, you know, intimacy, emotional intimacy and uh, and, uh, sexual intercourse. Wow. Burnt. Well, it's very straightforward. I mean, what else is there to a relationship? You did a better job than John did. Say again. What else is there to a relationship? It's,

it's, uh, you know, some emotional intimacy and sexual intercourse. Well, that's, uh, I mean, it's, it's distilledilled you've distilled it down to the basics yes it's not a bit productive well it might might be it just depends uh you might you again someone might actually read that and say that's my guy and he's that little guy how about throw in tv buddy tv buddy okay so in that order yeah yeah so i So I'm looking for emotional intimacy, sexual intercourse, and TV buddy. TV buddy. All right. Fantastic. And then maybe list some of your favorite.

Usually it's something like, oh, I love this music or I love this movie or I love this show, you know, something like that. I love this music. Like genre? People just say their interests, right? So what they like to do, their hobbies.

I don't know that we should list some of your hobbies or their favorite movie or, you know, we're just trying to paint a picture here. Hobbies, crime prevention, ventriloquism. Okay. What else do I like to do?

Pharmacy. Well well that's that we already have that listed as your job pharmacist I do love being a pharmacist so you love doing pharmacy filling prescriptions how about that well okay we might get some other kinds of contacts

standing behind counters now you're getting it that's right Okay, we might get some other kinds of contacts. Standing behind counters. Now you're getting it. Podcasting. Oh, that's right. Oh, Doug. You hit it right on the head. That's perfect. You are right.

Thank you. Okay. It's a very attractive quality. Is that so? So what? I would think. I can't imagine that's true, but okay. It's an attractive sounding quality anyway. I can't imagine that's true, but okay. It's an attractive sounding quality anyway.

I can't imagine that's true, but okay. No, you know what I mean. You get to know someone's voice. I think it's very intimate podcasting, honestly. I'll take your word for it. I wouldn't be surprised if there's already people falling for your voice, Bernt. No, I can't imagine that's true.

Next question. And what is your, well, some people do this and some people don't. People are very into astrological science these days, but I don't know what yours is. I don't remember what you are. I don't know much about astrology.

I think I was born in the season of the witch. I don't know. I don't know what time that is. I'm not, I'm not sure what season that is. I mean, I guess it would be, I can't remember if we've established what my birthday is. I'm not sure myself. I don't know what season that is. I mean, I guess it would be, I can't remember if

we've established what my birthday is on the show. Probably. But I'm assuming it's around then. Okay, so your name is Bert. You're a pharmacist. You're looking for emotional intimacy, sexual intercourse and a TV buddy. You love standing behind counters and you're

born in the season of the witch. Oh, should we put in podcasting there? Oh, and podcasting. Yep. Okay. I'm putting this up, Burnt. I'm putting it up and we're going to see what happens. Now, will this hurt my engagement?

What? Oh, I, yes, I got engaged. I'm sorry. Excuse me? I meant to tell you this and then it just flipped my mind. But yes, I got, you know, Gabby the fire jumper. Of course. Yes.

Wait a second. How did you meet Gabby the fire jumper? When the fires were happening last month, I, of course, you know, my crime prevention is my thing. And I feel like fire, you know, trees burning is a crime against nature. And so I went up there to try, I went up there. To try to chase the fire or catch the fire in the act? I'm confused. I went up there with a super soaker and, uh, I was going to do my part.

And, um, and all of a sudden this woman falls out of the sky and says, what do you think you're doing? And, uh, I said, I was trying to do my part to put out the fire. She goes, leave it to the professionals. And then I just watched her work. And it was just, it was so incredible. I was instantly attracted to her. And after she was done putting out the fire,

she struck up a conversation with me. And we really hit it off. Well, now, wait a minute. You really hit it off, but then when did you decide you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together, and why would you not bring this up before? I mean, I know Gabby.

I love Gabby. Gabby taught- Oh, I didn't know you knew Gabby. You asked me if I did, and I said yes. But I was surprised. I didn't know you knew her like that. Well, and not like that. She taught July P. Piano a couple years ago

because she does that on a side hustle. No, there is not. And she was always just, I just thought she was the coolest. You know, she made piano cool. She makes everything cool. But I haven't seen her. I haven't seen her in years. She's put out a lot of the Twins Fires as well.

That's how, oh no, it did. Yeah. Is this why you haven't told me? Does she not like me? No. It's not that she doesn't. Oh my She, it's not that she doesn't. No, no, no, no, no. It's not that she doesn't like you. There's no amount of tea paint.

There's no amount of tea paint adjustment auto-tune that can fix that response just now, Bert. No, can I borrow your phone? I'm kidding. Too late. It's not that she doesn't like you. It's that she is concerned you're maybe not keeping a good enough eye on the twins.

The twins, of course. Okay, but what? Oh, right. Madden's. Jaron do boop. Sorry. What was that again? Jaron do boop.

And she feels you could be keeping more of an eye on them because they're just, she thinks they're, they're a menace. Well, now wait a second. This is really awkward. I don't,

I don't like that. I'm sort of a topic of conversation in your new conversation with your new fiance. You're my friend. Of course you came up. I told her about the podcast and I even mentioned Doug. Really? Good things. I hope.

Yeah, I mean, neutral. I'll take it. So, of course you will. So, wait a minute. When did you get engaged and how did you do it? Oh, this morning. What? Burned?

Yeah, we, you know, we've been seeing each other for a few months now. I'm sorry, a few months now? Yeah, but back with From the Fires. Joan, I told you this. Okay, but I consider myself one of your good friends now. You absolutely are. Well, I've been talking about relationships with you for the last couple weeks. I've been talking

with you about going out and getting your... It never occurred to you to mention it then? Well, I guess... I feel a fool. I guess I didn't think we were talking about that in a relationship context. I thought you were literally saying you have to get out of your apartment. Well, both.

Has she been to your apartment? Oh, yeah. She faked my Murphy bed. She did. Of course she could. Absolutely. That Gabby. And so this morning, you know, we're lying there in bed and I turned to her and I said,

if I don't marry you, I'm going to jump out this window. Oh, my. And she said, well, if you do, I'm going to beat you to the ground because I need to spend the rest of my life with you. Wow. That's exactly how the conversation went. Exactly. Did you have a ring or anything or was this just spur of the moment? I didn't have a ring.

So what I did was I just ripped off Connie's lower jaw and I put that around her wrist like a bracelet. His jaw? I knew it was going to have something to do with Connie, but I did not expect that. He was the closest thing. What does she think of Connie? She kind of, she thinks he's funny. Well, thank God. She's wearing part of him around her wrist now. That's right. Well, that

was just a placeholder. I mean, you know, I'm going to get her a ring, but she's not going to wear that thing every day. She assured me of that. She said only until I get back to the station. Yeah, it's flammable anyway. That's true. That's true. So, okay. Well, then why did you let me make you this profile

if you're engaged? It just went live. Well, Joan, you're my friend. you this profile? If you're engaged, it just went live. Well, Joan, you're my friend. And if you see, you just got 20. You just got 20 hits. Really? Yes, from the time we've been talking. Really? What if Gabby gets upset?

Well, I mean, I don't know. I can't see her getting upset at this. I mean, she knows me. She knows who I am. But maybe she will. I don't know. She'll know you're desirable. That's true. Is that good?

It is good. I'll take it. But I don't know. Is this... I know we wanted a cliffhanger, but it was not really a cliffhanger except for a real shock. What's the word for it? What's the opposite a cliffhanger except for a real shock. It was a, what's the word for it?

What's the opposite of cliffhanger? When something happens in a show. Yes, it's a real hang cliffer. This would be called a spoiler, Bernd. This would be called a spoiler in this episode. I mean, it could still be a cliffhanger. We're not married yet. Well, okay. I guess the cliffhanger is, will I ever meet her and will she ever accept me?

Oh, I think she will. You know, she's a cool lady. Well, I know that she is a cool lady. I just I just didn't know she was so upset about the twins. Well, she did put a bounty on them, but I don't I don't think she believes. on them, but I don't think she blames... Bert, you know what? For the fact that we were talking all day long with a man who was

worried about a lie, I am shocked. I have to say. Well, this isn't a lie. It's true. I love you, and I also don't want to run over the fact that I'm happy for you. Thank you, Joan. I'm not meaning to just talk about how I feel about it.

I am very happy for you, but I should hope you could understand I'm a little bit turned around here. It's a real surprise. I mean, in retrospect now, I can see this is a big bombshell. Bombshell, that's the word I was looking for. Not Hank Clifford? I like Hank Clifford better.

You're right. You're right. When I heard Hank Clifford better. You're right. You're right. When I heard Hank Clifford, I just was like, yes, that's it. Is a bombshell the opposite of a cliffhanger? Not that it's the opposite. It's just another device in a show, I feel like, is what I was trying to say. Oh, I see. Yes, absolutely.

Well, then, yeah, that's a bombshell. And, you know, I didn't mean it to be. Or Oh, I see. Yes, absolutely. Well, then, yeah, that's a bombshell, and I didn't mean it to be. Or a reveal. It could be a reveal. Sure, sure, sure. But don't those serve as cliffhangers often? Like, you find out some information and then you think, what's going to happen next?

Yes, and I do have questions. What will happen next? Will Gabby accept me? Will she come on and be a guest on this podcast? Will you answer any of these now 35 hits that you have on this profile we just put up? I still don't know why you let me do that while you knew you were engaged. Well, I don't know about online dating,

so I didn't know if it was going to be a problem. Well, she's going to find out. No, I mean, I'll have to tell her, of course. I mean, we're going to have to have her on. But how is this going to fit into the dynamic? This is, I feel like this is life changing. Your life is going to change. Are you going to move out of your apartment?

I don't see why. She doesn't mind the cement and the expo ceiling and the draft. Well, she's really fixed the place up. Oh, well, I don't doubt that, I suppose. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I hadn't thought about that.

I guess it would make sense, but I don't know. You know, she just lives at the station up on that big hill. So I don't know if I'm allowed to live there. So I don't know what's going to happen. I don't think that that's how it works. I haven't seen any of their couples there. Well, babe, what do you think about this? Isn't this wild?

I'm happy for you, Bert. Thank you. I'll send you that app. I'll send you the T-Pain app. Yeah, it comes in handy. He's just guessing that you might have some lover spats, I guess. I see. Well, you never I mean, she's a she's a she's a very she's a fiery, you know, I don't know, but but she's a very fiery lady.

And, you know, I'm sure that I will annoy her a lot. So would you say that you found I mean, we just did this. But would you say that you found emotional intimacy, sexual intercourse in a TV buddy in Gabby? Yeah, is there intercourse? What the fuck? That's just rude. I mean, we don't want to be, we don't want to, listen, that's in private. This is a real locker room talk.

Remember that? Boy, I sure do. Yes, I have found, I found all three in Gabby. Okay, I got just so confused about why I made this profile, but yes. I just, I have found all three in Gabby. Okay. I got just so confused about why I made this profile. But yes. I thought it was something you wanted to do

and I didn't want to take that away from you. And again, I don't know anything about online dating. So I didn't know what happened. I mean, you're blowing up on it right now. I have to tell you. That seems very strange to me. It is strange. But again, you never know.

I didn't mean girls. I didn't mean it is so you agree it's very strange that people like me i think it's strange anytime something connects with somebody out there in the in the ether you know you never know absolutely absolutely well joan that was my attempt at a bombshell or a cliffhanger so what do you it was it was a reveal and a hang clipper and everything i uh you know i i don't i don't know other than just the fact that i have to uh well i guess burt you've really i mean i am thrown for a loop i'm thrown for a real loop uh i think that is i think that's as good of a bombshell and let's see what happens as can be. And what I

what I had was a little was a little song for my husband because you know what? He's done such an amazing job this year. He has worked on this show. And he's been getting a lot of love on the internet. And I think rightfully so for all the hard work that he's done.

And he's made us sound fantastic. And so I hope it's OK. I just wanted to serenade him for a minute. Well, sure. Oh, my God. I don't blame you. Is that OK, babe? Oh, sorry.

I don't call you, babe. Gabby's calling you. No, I was answering before I heard the babe and then I packed off. I called you, babe. That's OK with me. I'm speechless. You can sing along if you want to. When you learn the chorus, it's very easy.

Here it is. It's Doug, Doug, Doug, we love. Doug, Doug, Doug, we love. He's a good sport, a cohort from above. It's Doug we love. He saw us through a tricky year. We could say he's the best engineer. Just want to say thanks for all he's done, for the last, for the sound, and all of the fun.

It's Doug, Doug, Doug we love. Come on, Doug. Doug, Doug, Doug we love. He's a good sport, a cohort. Sent from above. Come on, Doug. Doug. Doug, we love. He's a good sport of cohort. Sent from above. It's Doug. Doug.

Doug, we love. He's tall and smart. And oh, those hips. I wouldn't kick him out of bed for eating chips. I would let those crumbs fall without remorse. What kind of chips? Corn, of course. Everybody, it's Doug. Doug. Doug, of course. Everybody, it's Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug.

Doug we love. Doug. Doug. Doug. Doug we love. He's a good sport cohort from above. It's Doug we love. You look good

what Doug sincerely I want to thank you for all the work that you've done on this podcast and you know it's been I have to say it has been nice uh getting to know you over these last three seasons and uh and uh you're you're you're a good guy though oh isn't that nice and the two of you i didn't get to say thank you oh go ahead babe i'm sorry

you really just cut it off like you did not expect him to say thank you like he was a toddler i don't want to be rude got a lollipop at the bank and you had to give him a prompt sometimes i have to i'm so sorry babe i'm used to negative if not not neutral attention, which I do actually like. But I love you both. And I want to make the sound. I'll create as many rooms as it takes to create the perfect neighborhood. Sorry, was it okay?

Now, is it okay to respond? You cut me off a little bit, but it's okay. Oh, babe, that's just our way. I'm really, really sorry. I was really touched by what Bert said, and yes, you're right. I will do better. I'll do better next season. We'll all do better next season. And can I really eat chips in bed

again? Of course you can. Of course you can. Of course you can. Again. He's so excited. And you made fun of me for treating him like a toddler. Well, everybody, we can't thank you enough for listening.

We hope that you have enjoyed this season. It's been a real, it's been a real crazy wild ride. It's been a real up with people. And people are what make Dignity Falls and they are what make this podcast. Isn't that the truth? It really is true. We're all people

and we made this podcast. And we talked to people, one time a squirrel. And you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. I really enjoy doing this show with the both of you and I hope we get to do it some more Doug go ahead

oh thank you and me too very much well from all of us here at the neighborhood listen stay safe and keep posting we love you and goodbye don't say boo From all of us here at The Neighborhood Listen, stay safe and keep posting. We love you.

And goodbye. And don't say boo. Don't say boo. Bye. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cardboe. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug.

Our guest today was Mitch Silpa. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production. Want more of The Neighborhood Listen? Sign up and get a free month of Stitcher Premium. Go to stitcherpremium.com slash neighborhood, select the monthly plan, and use the promo code neighborhood.