The Neighborhood Listen - Baked Bean Clean with Matt Apodaca

Episode Date: October 17, 2022

Burnt and Joan discuss the details of her one-woman show dedicated to the women of Dignity Falls (DF), while Doug falls under the spell of his newest creation. Plus, special guest Joe (Matt Apodaca) breaks down his passion for cleaning rugs in cars.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half-alf and us, Bert and Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell, we'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing, so just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen.

We have decided before the recording began and I am starting. Welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the community of Dignity Falls, our neighborhood. And when I say our, I mean myself, burnt via payday. I am a pharmacist at CVS and my co co-host, who will introduce herself right now. Well, thank you. That was a fantastic introduction, Burnt. We have got it going on today. I am Joan Pedestrian.

I think we should do it, though, where you go right into your name, though. We were so close. I agree. I agree. It was almost perfect. Very honest. Okay. All right.

I feel like you're blaming me a little bit, but I'm going to say, no, I'm going to say I have awareness. I have awareness because you know what? I really just wanted to compliment you on it, but I thought, Oh God,

if I do that and then I say, don't, but I bet you he'll say something. He'll say something. And you did. And this is how well I know you, but this is what I love. This is what I love.

I love knowing you so well. I feel like I'm very predictable and I'm okay with that. I wouldn't say it's, I wouldn't say that. I'd say there's corners of you. I think you contain multitudes and there's mysteries and there's, there's pockets and corners I have, I've yet to explore, but because you and I have been doing this for so long, it's like a, excuse me, babe, Doug, it's a second marriage. I feel like it's a second marriage.

Like I'm your work wife. Yes, I definitely, you're definitely the wife in this scenario. But you know, I don't necessarily think that I do contain multitudes. Maybe I contain one or two things and that's it. Just one multitude and then something else? Oh, not even a multitude. Just a couple of things.

Like what? I can't even think of anything. See? Okay. So maybe you don't contain multitudes. I think for me, I feel like what you see is what you get. Okay. I guess I feel like maybe over the last couple years, you've opened up a little more. I think it's more just a cracking shell, if you will.

It's what? Like your turtle coming out of your shell a little bit. Oh, why do they now bernie's gonna think about turtles for a while i got i'm gonna think about turtles for a while dude are the shells really helping i feel like do you know what i mean i feel like a lot of creatures can get through that shell no problem you do yeah creatures get through that shell other than like if we're talking a sea turtle because then i understand sharks and and killer whales and whatnot but on land who are who's who are they endangered by i mean who is endangering them crocodile crocodile i never

thought about what's that elephant what's that doug elephant an elephant babe you know what i agree with doug on this one. An elephant could stomp on a turtle. Oh, stomp on a turtle. I guess. I guess so. I guess so. Yeah.

What's that? What's that, Doug? Oh, I said stomp on it. Too sweet. Oh, sweet. Doug is doing Rosetta Stone for French and he's walking all around. That's what he's got so far. Yeah. and he's walking all around. That's what he's got so far. Yeah, he really likes the transitional words,

the words of action. You know, I think that, I also just think he likes saying tootsweet. It's kind of fun. The words of action. Very exciting. Doug, what else have you picked up in French there, Doug? Croissant? Okay. I there, Doug? Croissant.

Okay. I mean, that was... Yeah. Elephant. Elephant. It is rather true that if you're unsure what a word is in French, you just say it with a French accent. And you'd be surprised how many words are just... Elephant.

Or computer. That's not exactly right. But, but there are quite a few, uh, you know, I dabbled in French, you know, when I was in college, I considered minoring in it. Oh, okay. I'm not a college educated myself. Have we ever talked about that? I didn't know that. Did I know that? I don't think we have. No, I, I i i i took i took some courses of course because uh to become a pharmacist of course um well you just said courses twice and it just felt musical to me i'm sorry understood i mean but this is because you're an artist oh joe these are my multitudes

burnt okay i can't contain them of course oh your multitudes will not be contained. Put that on a shirt. They will not. Put it on a shirt. I contain multitudes and they will not be contained. What? No. How would it go? I cannot contain my multitudes.

Sorry, I don't contain multitudes because my multitudes cannot be contained. I feel like that's too long for a t-shirt. I thought we would do notes later. So, Joan, we have not, we've been remiss. I cannot believe we've gone one or two episodes now without talking about your show. Okay, wait, we will. We will and we can and we shall. But I just want to know how then, how did pharmacy, how did being a pharmacist come about? Because I don't know what the educational track is to be a pharmacist.

So you did not, you said you took some courses. What were they in? In the pharmaceutical sciences, of course. Okay, so is it a degree that you get? I don't know. It's a title that you get. The title of pharmacist. You get. pharmacist. I am what is called a gentleman pharmacist, which means I did not go to medical school because who needs all that? So much time., I took some courses, uh,

uh, you know, just, just about, uh, uh, the pharmaceutical sciences, you know, how mortar and pestle,

uh, labeling jars, things like that. Those were courses. Those are actual classes. Yes, absolutely. Just labeling jars.

It's almost like a cooking school. Uh, at a cooking school. It was at night. The cooking school would be a pharmacy school. At a cooking school. It was at night the cooking school would be a pharmacy school. Sounds awful suspect.

No, it was, it was legitimate. I have, I have a, what amounts to a sheepskin on the wall at the CVS. You can't see it

behind the, behind the counter just because it's very small. Yeah. So at night, you know, I'd learn, I'd learn all about how to package medications,

how to read the doctor's handwriting. What's that called? This was done in a place where food is prepared and then served to people. Just medication on the counter and mortar and pestle. Just grinding up drugs.

We would do pretend drugs, though. It would all be foodstuffs. Pretend drugs. I see, so you use the mise en place. That's there. You're grinding up. I use that one. Yes, and you know what? Christopher mise en place was one of the students. McLovin.

And we would practice, much like the medical school they practiced with the cadavers. We would practice with old food. That bothers me just as much as if you were using real drugs. That old food was in this place of business where food is, where food prep

happened. Nothing dangerous, just stuff that lost its flavor. Expired spices, things like that. Do pharmacists still, do you still use mortar and pestle in your trade much? Yes, but we've stopped calling it pestle. We mortar and pestle in your trade much? Yes, but we've stopped calling it pestle. We just say pestle.

I see. Because it was too close to pestilence and it made people uncomfortable. Which is what I would say was rampant in that kitchen where you were grinding old fish flakes or whatever the hell it is. No, that would be disgusting. Well, since you used old food, I'm picturing scales of fish. I'm picturing rotting meat. No, it would be like peppercorns that didn't look right anymore. You know, things like that.

How do you know if a pepper... I thought peppercorns lasted for life. You'd think that. You can tell. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Really? Yes. Thanks for backing me that. You can tell. Yeah. Oh, thank you. Yes. Thanks for backing me up.

You can tell. What a strange time to jump in. When you see, you know, a peppercorn that has gone past its usefulness, you recognize it right away. That's why I have the jeweler's tool right by the pepper. The jeweler's loop by the pepper? He'll take a tweezers and he'll hold it up. But what are the telltale signs. That's why I have the jeweler's tool right by the pepper. The jeweler's loop by the pepper? He'll take a tweezers and he'll hold it up. But what are the telltale signs?

Please educate me. Oh, Doug? You see a little discoloration in there, little frayed edges. Frayed edges? Cracks in the shell. Wow, gentlemen, I am really surprised you really uh

i'm learning new things today yeah they look fuzzy at first and you're thinking this is like a low res image that i'm looking at but it's real life and then uh you look closer uh through a jeweler's loop or a telescope and you see that it is um it's it's unraveling the peppercorn is unraveling i mean it's amazing because uh he's so worked up about the peppercorn is unraveling. I mean, it's amazing because he's so worked up about the peppercorns being past their prime and yet, you know, he'll leave leftovers in the fridge that start growing towns of mold for

weeks and doesn't throw them out. Very poetic. Towns of mold. Like a little civilization. You know what? It's the only way to describe it. If you saw it, you would say towns of mold. Yeah.

I haven't, but I would. Yeah. All right. So now, please, I want to hear about your show. So this is,

this is a salute to the, to the women pioneers. Yes. Women who broke the glass ceiling, women who, who forged their way to, to make our town what it is today which is i think a town full of strong women entrepreneurial women uh women who are civically minded and involved uh tall women and yes and and that is and you know it's kind of fun because these some of these

ladies you know they made a lot of noise and some of them were troublemakers and they had secrets and some of them were a little bawdy. Right. So each person gets their own, it's a monologue and then they get a song. And the song is a different style, right, for each woman. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, I think so. And how many characters? 22 and counting.

And costume changes for each one 22 and absolutely yes and i do them all on stage i do all the changing on stage i found a whole uh way to do it it takes place in well it starts it takes but i do all the scene changes myself i do all the lighting myself how do you change your clothes on stage is that not that's very vulnerable it feels there's many different uh secrets to it but what i'm going to do is i'm going to underdress all the characters what does that mean well i'm going to be able to i'm going to dress for all the 22 characters and and what happens is you put like the you put like the simplest one on first and then another costume on and then another costume on and then another costume on and then another costume on.

And then you just tear away as you go. So now when you come out, you'll be quite bulky. Is that true? Yes. And, you know, of course, that's why I'm going to start with Frances LaTwist because. She ran the speakeasy. She did. And she was a she was a big body buxom gal.

You know, I can hear it in your bees. Well, that's how she was. So I'm working on my bees. Come into the twist for a little bit of a bottle and a bump in time. That's what she used to say. There's a bunch of bubbles in your bear. That's what she used to say. There's a bunch of bubbles in your bear. That's right. And so she's

going to kick things off, right? Kind of like MC Cabaret style, right? She's going to be Who is MC Cabaret? I'm not up on rap music. You've heard that song right

you've heard it yes I have and it's by MC Cabaret no that's not a person he's actually it's E-M-C-E-E C you know

like the actual large spelling of MC and it's it's from hearkening back to the time and in Berlin when there was a host it's just a host

and he's sort of a he's sort of a, he's sort of a, you know, very, uh, he plays many parts. Talk about containing multitudes, that MC in cabaret.

I'll tell you what it was famously played by Alan Cummings in the, in this revival they did on Broadway. And he was, it was really cool. He, we were like, he were like suspenders and he put lipstick on his nipples. It was fun.

Why did he do that? I think just to be, you know, edgy. Did people like, would did he do that? I think just to be, you know, edgy. Did people, like, would he tell people afterwards, like,

hey, I had lipstick on my nipples this whole time? I think it was pretty obvious, but I'm not sure that's what they mostly took away from the show. Oh,

you can see it through the shirt. But the point is, no, he didn't have a shirt on. You thought that he, you thought it was one of those character choices

that someone makes, but no one knows about it. It just helps the actor. Sure. No, he was, he was shirtless with suspenders and, uh,

and, and, and red nipples. And he was very professional for the host of a, of a show. Well, that's the whole point of cabaret. I mean,

maybe if we're talking about the, the cabaret in the 1920s. And it's, again, it's very, it's, it's what, it's what Francis was trying to evoke and bring to to Dignity Falls.

Right. Speak easy idea. We're in here. We're doing stuff that other people would that, you know, church people would frown at. And we're pushing boundaries and we're entertaining people. And so that's the song that opens cabaret, which is the emcee singing and walks through the crowd. Usually makes the people uncomfortable. I usually don't like I know I usually don't like audience work.

Yeah, it's not good when they start going into the audience. I don't like when a magician wants you to be. No, no magic. That just seems like it crosses a line because what if you're religious? True. That's a good point. But you know who absolutely loves audience participation? Doug.

Of course. I mean, his hand is up first, just shoots up for everything. He got hypnotized for, what was it, like a year, right, babe? That's right. I mean, he was, it really stuck for a long time. I mean, you say it's a year. I feel like we talked about that. Oh, do we? Well, then there you go. That's why I remember it. I can't be 100% certain, but it does, it sounds familiar. Well, it's not. Maybe it just seems like the kind of thing that would happen. Exactly. Because you know him so well now.

So, yeah. So he does anything, whether it's pick a card, whether it's get up here and do this crazy thing. He is absolutely. He's your guy. He's your guy. He will always. He will always do audience participation.

Do you think the first time a magician sawed a lady in half that people just lost their minds? Yeah, because probably before magic was invented. Now, even that confused me. I'm just saying, I bet you anything, just the way that things were back in the day, especially for ladies, it probably just happened one time. And they're like, hey, maybe we could find a way to do this and actually not do it. You're saying it was a form of entertainment back way back when would not be surprised they're gonna volunteer oh that's grim well we've come a long way a long way.

Have we? So, so, so, Francine, did you say? Yes, Frances LaTwist. Frances LaTwist. So I start with her. She opens the show and she's going to do, you know, again,

she's going to do a very cabaret, Will Common song. She's going to tell you what you're going to see. You know, that's what you like in the beginning of a song. You know, you're going to

kind of like a comedy tonight from a funny thing happened on the way to form that's another great introductory song you need you need a song so that the shit the audience knows what they're getting right right because then then they can't complain it's sort of like this is this this is the song that says if you don't like this leave now that's a good title if we don't like this leave now that's a good title if we don't like this leave now that sounded great joan you can have that please i would love i would love to have contributed to this wonderful show in some way i would love that i'll absolutely give you a credit so then what would i'll need a bio in a week and a headshot uh let's. And do I get to dedicate the performance

even though I'm not in the show? Of course. Sure. Why not? Okay. Who would you dedicate it to? Probably to Connie. Connie, I figured.

Yeah. I mean, Gabby. Connie, you're Ventriloquist's dummy. Yes. I fixed his jaw, by the way. Oh, thank God. It's no longer hanging open. It erectus of pain.

It's now. Oh, erectus. Did you learn that in pharmacy school? Oh, you have to learn about erectuses because they come up a lot. You know, people, people, there's a lot of, there's a lot of maladies that can freeze a person's face. It's more than you think and you you really have to you know somebody comes in with a with just a a wide open smile where their teeth aren't touching um you you can't be scared and you have to you have to learn how to

decipher words when people can't fully close their mouths or lips. Oh, that's horrible. It is. But you get used to it. You get used to anything. How did it happen? How did it happen to Connie again? I can't remember. He fell on the floor and it was just simple as that. He hit the radiator on the way down. Oh, poor Connie.

Poor Connie. Thank God he's not alive. For me, and you know how I feel about it, that personally, I have a fear of a Triloquist dummy. So the fact that it is lying there and now its jaw is unhinged is just, wow. It wasn't pretty. Well, now it's fixed. Well, thank goodness.

Yeah. And I remember you famously did not like when I had him in the window. Oh, no, for the longest time. Because I think you were doing that sort of when, you know, the neighborhood was doing this very cute thing back in 2020, back at the beginning of the pandemic. Where, you know, people would put their teddy bears in the window. And then, you know, on evening walk, families got to walk around. And the children got to find them in the window.

And you put Connie in the window. And it was scaring a lot of children. And adults. And dogs. Yeah. Absolutely. Especially dogs. Oh, the dogs hated it. Oh, the dogs hated it of children and adults and dogs. Yeah, absolutely. Especially the dogs. Dogs hated it.

Oh, man. They wanted at they wanted at him. So, I mean, enough complaints later that you took him down. Yeah. Which I think was best. I got the message eventually. And so Francine LeTwist.

Francis LeTwist. Frances LeTwist. Okay, keep changing. Is that right? Oh, dear. You know what? Maybe she went with Frances. I thought I said Frances earlier and then you changed it to Francine.

But I could be mistaken. Well, Doug, which one do you think it should be? Because you're the French expert right now. True. Francois. Well, that would be used generally. That would be a male French name,

but it could be, you know, I need to do a little more because I'm deep in my research right now. That's how I like to start. Yes. I just go to the floor and I print up all the pages and I'm surrounded by the history

and the women. Corkboard with pictures and yarn. At 100% corkboard, yarn, pictures, thumbtacks stickers uh uh lots of wooden signs with inspirational words on them and I just let it I just absorb I just absorb it but I am still in the middle of my research phase so um I I it's like discovery it's like I'm a law it's like discovery. It's like I'm a law. It's like I, it's like I'm a lawyer, but, but not. And what, what is, what is discovery for a lawyer is what, what is that again? I believe it is all the research. I believe it is gathering all of the evidence, gathering all of

the, uh, I think it also could be involved depositions. I don't know what I'm talking about. It's not like I even got, I'm not even a, I'm not even a gentle lady lawyer, but look at me just pretending that I know. So I will do a little more research on Francis slash Francine LaTwist, but we're all in agreement. It's LaTwist, right? I haven't changed that. No, 100% of that. I just didn't say LaTumble all of a sudden, did I? Well, you did just now. Well, I know, but I'm making a point. Okay. Well, I don't want to frustrate you, Joan. I'm sorry. Well, I'm not. It's not that.

Perhaps I'm getting too into my work. That happens. Sure. I mean, you throw yourself into these things because you care about it. You want to put on a good show for the audience and have it be airtight so they can't say, well, Francis LeTwist didn't do that. Oh, and you know there will be people there. You know there will be people there. You know there'll be people there. The historians, the people who absolutely know everything.

I gotta get it right. Well, Mitch McNutt, of course. Well, he's one of them. He's one of them. Doug really is tired of Mitch McNutt. Hate Mitch McNutt. He's despicable. He is, I...

He's, of course, the town critic. Oh, oh, everyone hates him. He and I have a really long history i'll tell you what i am hoping to guess i'm not gonna lie i'm not gonna be shy i am looking to get a really uh i'm looking to get a love letter from mitch mcnutt yeah i mean honestly and i don't mean this as as a as a comment on your talent but good luck because he is he is uh it's like getting blood from a stone to get him to say something positive about a production i can't believe he's still the, that's how he, that was the title. That was the title that he, that was when I did, uh, when I did Lady Macbeth and, uh, he said that it was a,

like blood from a stone was the little title for when he did a paragraph about me, that it was just, uh, didn't get, he didn't get anything from me. Just, I said, he said it was the coldest performance. Now that was the, that was the production where you had inserted the lady Macbeth into Romeo and Juliet. Yes. And you know what? I will say it is groundbreaking because if you look at what's happening in theater now on Broadway, I mean,

they have a show called and Juliet, a musical where, you know, Anne Hathaway, Shakespeare's wife, she walks in while he's writing Romeo and Juliet. And she's like, does a Juliet have to die?

And she just kind of, she's, she's the, she's have to die and she just kind of she's she's the she's the puppet master and she starts changing things so she's the Lady Macbeth of Romeo and Juliet yes but I had that idea first I will have you because what was that 10 years ago or so right I have no idea what wait your show or the and Julie my show yes that was 10 years ago yes yes yes and yes and I think that i i like the way i did it better yes because at first yes because at first i was disguised as the nurse and then and then i talk about costume changes absolutely because i wanted my i wanted my lady macbeth to

be sexy absolutely and i mean you seduce me never get the apothecary. He, you know, you walked in there and he goes, Lady Macbeth, what are you doing? You're so far from home. Yeah, right. I say I make some joke about, oh, the trek from Denmark to Verona. Oh, my feet are tired. Yeah, by way of Scotland. Oh, wait, right. Sorry, I'm thinking of when I inserted Hamlet into Much Ado About Nothing.

All right. Well, I hope that, I hope we should, we should take a break, but I hope that maybe, maybe the next episode we can hear a little bit of that opening song by Francine LeTwist. Oh, definitely. Well, now that I have the title, let me go work on it. Okay, that's terrific. Okay, well, we should take a break. And of course, when we come back, we will have a guest, one of our neighbors,

from right here in Dignity Falls. When the Neighborhood Listen returns. Hi, this is Jacob. Hi, this is Jacob. Power just turned off for 10 seconds. That's the subject in the post. Power flashed off about 10 seconds or so. And we also discussed this intro and I am doing it. And welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen.

I am still Joan Pedestrian and my co-host will introduce himself. Oh, I'm still burnt me a payday. I like that still. We talked about that before. That's fun. Yeah, like, oh, what happened in the break would who who else would we be yeah did they go through some sort of freaky friday body switching uh transmogrification oh that would be fun that'd be a fun episode just to imagine that i don't know would you i don't know. Would you, I don't know. I'd feel, I've heard this talked about in other podcasts.

I feel weird to be in the body of someone that I knew. And especially the body of a different gender, not my own. You've talked about this on other podcasts, like that you've done. Or are you talking about ours? No, I've heard it talked about.

Oh, you've heard it. Okay. I was like, what other podcasts are you doing? The idea of none uh uh and and a lot of asked and a lot of people have have asked me to guest on their podcast and i think oh really yes but i think it's not entirely uh on the up and up i think

they're because they they'll they'll like ask me for my social security number oh that's not how that's done. And I'll say this seems suspicious. We never ask our guests for that. Never. No. Okay. Now, we have, as always, we've asked people from Indignity Falls if they have a, if they see a post that we miss on the NeighborHap.

Okay. So what we do is we scour the NeighborHap, the social networking application, and we look for posts in Dignity Falls that are interesting. We want to get to know people better. And we also solicit them from the audience. If they find one that we missed, they can send it in and we'll read their name on the air. So this one is submitted by Hannah Lewis. This was a listener-submitted post. Thank you. And this is a post Hannah Lewis. This was a listener submitted post. Thank you.

And this is a post by Joe. And Joe says on the neighbor app, need your carpets cleaned in your car after the baked beans spilled from taking a curve a bit fast? Period. Not a question mark. Okay.

Look no further. Details by Joe. That's details with a Z. We'll take care of any of your washing and detailing needs. Bring to me or I'll come to you. Message me here or call. And he lists his number. And we have Joe right here with us in person. Joe, welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. Wow. Thank you for having me. This is huge for me.

As you know, I'm trying to get the word out on my business. So I appreciate you letting me have some air time. Absolutely. Yes. Thanks, Joe. And I wonder, just let's right off the bat, it sort of kind of grabs your attention. Maybe this is why you chose it. But this sort of wild scenario, I'm going to say, of baked beans.

This sounds specific. Is this something that happened to you? Or is this actually something happened to you or is this actually something common we're not aware of that this is something you see every day yeah i mean it's it's interesting that you bring that part of it up specifically everybody everybody thinks that's the first thing everyone asks me oh you get a lot of beans in there and i'm still interesting that she brought it up. It's interesting. Because everybody asks me.

And I'm just like. So the idea that everyone asks you continues to be interesting is why you say that. Every time somebody asks me, I'm always like, huh, this? Because for me, in my line of work, I see all sorts of crazy things you know and i'm just crafting an ad yeah let's do a such as what tell i would love to know what other crazy let's do a good old-fashioned such as i mean i've seen look i've seen beans i've seen cat litter i've seen all sorts of crazy stuff uh soup um oh yeah yeah a lot of food you eat food on the go and i know that beans are an essential uh you know source of protein a lot of people eat beans uh you got to fit them in when you can and i don't know i guess i'm sorry more than once you've seen people with a carpet stain

that was baked beans in the car it's like a i mean i don't know about you and what your life but baked beans there's like a perfect road snack so like just the idea that so many people yeah i've never had i've never done that before you know you just you crack open a can of beans you get on your merry way you're like i gotta eat this oh you don't even put you're eating it out of the can oh yeah yeah is on board of course you crack open a cold one. What? On the road, like a road soda. Road beans. Yeah.

I've never heard the expression crack open a cold one in reference to baked beans. Me neither. Yeah, you could heat them up if you want to, but I know that a lot of bean people are in a hurry. Bean people? Yeah, people that are eating beans. Let's make sure that's not derogatory. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely not. Bean people. Yeah, people that are eating beans. Let's make sure that's not derogatory. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely not.

Definitely not. We're just, I would consider myself a bean person and I'm constantly eating beans whether they be baked or any of the other kinds. Such as? Garbanzo.

Oh, yeah, let's do another such as. Oh, garbanzo, another way of preparing beans. You ever have your beans garbanzo? Yeah, these have been garbanzotized. Three-beaned, you know. Yeah, kidneyed. Yeah, kidneyed are all good. Jellied.

Okay. Jelly is sort of more for after dinner. You have to have your dinner beans before you can have your dessert beans. So, okay. So you have a whole bean meal includes a bean dessert. Yeah. And I don't know what's so funny about this. This is what I eat for food,

for how I sustain my life. Listen, I got to tell you, I am on your side. We have a bean room. Our listeners will remember from maybe a few seasons ago. We have several rooms in our house dedicated to different themes.

Oh, we don't even know where Doug is today. Oh, that's right. Sorry, Joe. We just have to, we just find out where our engineer Doug is. Something that we always have to do. We have to do it. I'm in the, that's right. Sorry, Joe. We just have to find out where our engineer Doug is. Something that we always have to do. We have to do it. I'm in the sun chamber.

The sun chamber? Yeah. You know, some houses have a sun room. I keep telling him it's a solarium and I know, and he keeps telling me it's a sun chamber. Yeah, it's like the sun trapped in there. That's what it sounds like. Okay, Joe. He's getting in on the, trapped in there. That's what it sounds like. Okay, Joe. He's getting in on the...

He's comfy. You're a guest here. Remember. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for snapping at you. He finds it interesting, Bert. He finds it interesting. He just finds it interesting. He finds it interesting. It's just interesting. I just had some questions. It's how I learn. I mean, he's right.

Oh. I mean've there is this like i built a sun in the sun chamber oh you know it's for it's sort of for meditation purposes and uh you know they were saying i was low on vitamin d also so instead of just lying by the pool outside he's built his own sun. An artificial sun. And honestly, I can't go in there. I mean, I start burning immediately. There's a weird sound that my ears ring for the rest of the day.

See, I can't do that. He'll go in there for hours. Yeah. It's like sort of a clanging. I think he's been watching just there's too many marvel movies these days and like that's what it looks like you go in there and it looks like something you know dr strange would have or and that's why he calls it a chamber you know it's um it's really it's a it's a time for for comic book uh uh fans in this in this era. And Doug is one of those. And so I think, you know, we got all this room.

I have chosen a lot of them. And so I think he wanted like, you know, an ode to something you'd see in those movies. And I'll tell you what, you really, you walk in there and it does look CGI, but it's all real. I don't know how he made it. I so wish we had time to get into the artificial sun,

but I don't, I feel that we're in the guest segment and that, oh, I feel like we're in the guest segment and that, I feel like it's not going to be a simple explanation. Well, we can always talk about it in our, that's right, that's right. Not that interesting. So, Joe, you'll want to tune out.

Or intéressant. Oh, French. So, Joe, you say, I want to look at this post again because there's something that I found a little curious. It's the beans again. I swear it's not the beans again.

You can get past the beans for a little bit. We're not going to relitigate the beans. Yeah. Need your carpets cleaned in your car. Yes. I, this, this, this is a little ambiguous because it doesn't necessarily apply only to, uh, the, you know, the floor carpets in your car. Yeah. It could also be any sort of carpet in your, in your vehicle. If we're already cleaning, doing details on your car, we'll take the carpet from inside your house and give it a nice, uh, shakedown inside the car too.

In the car. Oh, so that's inside the car. Yeah, yeah, exactly car. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Then we'll just finish cleaning the car. You know, we'll do whatever carpet you want cleaned first. We'll do that in the car and then take that out and be like, okay, look how dirty this carpet was. See, you can see how dirty it was now that your car is so dirty. Better clean your car now. Right. So you're cleaning other items in the car and that's what makes the car dirty.

That seems like a lot of extra work and time. I just it's just where, you know, everybody has their their zone. I just really like working in cars. Cars are just sort of like, I don't know, there's like kind of comfy to me. Right. But I mean, are you are you creating a situation where you are making an otherwise clean car dirty and then charging them to clean the car when all they wanted was the carpet cleaned. That is what it sounds like. Not things brought in from other places like their home that are also dirty. Ideally, they'll have wanted both cleaned anyway so that they're both getting cleaned no matter what. Occasionally, you know, it's just part of

what happens. It's the wear and tear of cleaning the carpet inside a car. It's going to get dirty. And so people are usually not happy about that. But I explain, hey, I clean cars really good, too. And I give them a bunch of examples of stuff I've cleaned in the past. They are always like, well, the beans, of course. Of course. Breadcrumbs that were supposed to go on top of mac and cheese. Again, we're back to food.

It's a very smooth type of breadcrumb. Can I ask how you got into this line of work? What is your relationship to cars in general? Have you always loved cars? I mean, do you love road trips? It seems like you want to be in the car all the time. And I just kind of want to dive into that a little bit. Yeah, I sort of, I grew up near a, like a speedway,

like where sort of cars would just like race and stuff. And it just was like the culture of the town. You know how every town has just like the thing that everybody like rallies behind? Yes. Mine was cars. Here it's barbershop music. Correct.

What was yours? We're in the same town. Oh, yeah so i guess it's right yeah okay yeah i guess egg on my face um egg off your face well you can't well yeah probably in the car sure um so joe where did you grow up and and how long when did you move to dignity falls oh well you know i i i spent i spent time i grew up in the great city of Detroit, Michigan, of course. Oh, sure, Motor City. Oh, that would explain the love of cars, yeah. Just cars everywhere, left and right, up and down.

It's all over the place. Up and down? Really? Yeah. You know, in a parking garage, you know, relative to where I am, there might be cars above me and then below me. Oh, you can't swing a dead cat in Detroit without hitting a car. No, and we, that's

the second sort of thing we really like. Just finding dead cats and just twirling them like batons. Well, aside from the dead cats, so you, you, so then what brings you here? What brought you here in the story of? Well, I sort of was like, I started my business in Detroit and I sort of made a vow that I was going to clean every carpet and every car in this dang city.

And I did it. And so I was like, okay, I got to move. How did you, I mean, how did you know that you had cleaned? When did you realize you had achieved this goal? And also, they're making cars constantly. I sort of had a shelf date, right? If a car was made by a certain date, I couldn't clean that one.

So anything that's made new this year, last year, within the last five years, I'm not cleaning that car. I'm cleaning all the existing cars. They get this service. Obviously, you knew every single person in Detroit. They all knew you. You serviced every single person in Detroit's car. Yeah, I knew every car owner

and I would think I sort of knew them in ways that most people didn't know them because I saw the filth. I saw what was making their cars dirty. I saw exactly what was going, what they're up to. Right. You know, yeah.

Like a doctor. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They know you better than they could. Then you maybe even know yourself. I've never looked in there. Yeah,

absolutely. I never will. Don't care to. So why dignity falls? Why is that immediately after? Why not? Why not a bigger city? Why is that immediately after Detroit? Yes, you still have not answered this question. Why not a bigger city?

Why not, you know, it's sort of like you wanted to be a big fish in a small pond or what? I think it was a little bit of that, a little bit of, Detroit's a really big city, right? That was a lot of cars. Compared to Dignity Falls, certainly.

That took me a long time. I just kind of figured, okay, where's, where's gonna, there are gonna be fewer cars. dignity falls sounds good and that way it could just sort of clean and then be gone i might not be here for very long but who knows maybe i'll stick around who could say what you are was your company always called details with a z what's that all about i'm always confused as to why people have to add a z, change an S to a Z. What's behind that?

Well, that was sort of like to attract a certain type of customer, like just anybody who's like super cool. That to me is like, when you put a Z on something instead of an S, you sort of are communicating to your customer base that we're sort of not like the other places that clean cars or carpets. We're sort of like... Like a place your grandfather would go.

This is... Your grandfather wouldn't be caught dead in our store, nor living. Oh, so you didn't clean any elderly cars? Not unless... If they were brought in by a young person, yes, we would do it. But if they were brought by the olds, certainly not. The olds. Well, how would you deal with it? If an elderly person brought their card to you, what would you say? I mean, I guess you're saying they never, ever came because of the Z.

Is that correct? The Z was a huge deterrent. They saw that and they were like, I can't. I can't. What is this country coming to? Yeah, they're like, yeah, we used to be a proper country when they saw the Z. When they saw the Z. What happened to that letter S, they'd say.

And it was a huge, actually a really big problem. Some of our biggest vandals were the elderly. They tried to. That's how you got those old people spray painting S all over buildings in the town. Yes, exactly. And they tried to sort of do their own S with their six lines that you connect in a certain way. And then with a triangle point on the top. And a lot of people don't know this.

That S was started by the elders of our country. Wow, we're getting into some conspiracy stuff. I don't know about this, Bernd. This makes me nervous. I know. This seems a bit far-fetched. I want to believe it, though. Why?

I like that idea that old people are going out there. They're spray painting it on things. They're carving into school desks. Drawing on sneakers. They're trying to make all the young people look bad. They've had it. They've had it. So how many cars in Dignity Falls have you serviced so far

and how many beans how many had beans and how many carpets that were shaken out inside of cars that's a lot of questions this is a lot of questions I will answer them

in the order in which they were asked oh thank you so far I have cleaned I've cleaned about 30 cars that's quite that's not nothing

that's pretty good so far just based on the ad I don't know I have nothing to compare yeah how That's quite... That's not nothing. That's pretty good so far, just based on the ad. I would know. I don't know how to... I have nothing to compare. Yeah. How long have you been in business here? I mean, I've just been here for a couple of months. So if you think about it, it's only been like two or three months that I've been here.

That's pretty good. That's like... I would say it's actually not that great. You don't know. You haven't seen me in there. It takes... This is a couple of days. You've been here a couple of months. That's less than a car a day don't know. You haven't seen me in there. This is a couple of days. You've been here a couple of months. That's less than a car a day.

I know. But the work that I'm putting on when I'm doing my cleaning, it's not just an hour. I'm not just doing... I'm in there for several hours. Obviously not because you're doing several other chores inside a car. Yeah. I might stay overnight. And the cleaning's up after that. Yeah. They might have to pull out a car. I don't know how your business model works. What do you charge for this kind of thing? Oh, good question.

I have extremely low rates. Are they R-A-T-E-Z? They are, yes, exactly. And actually, it's actually R and the letter eight and a Z. Yeah.

The number eight. Because we were like, okay, if the old people are having this much taking this much umbrage with the z i have to make the rest of my uh signage indecipherable to them they can't know what's going on here you know they would take one look at that and be like i can't even i'm too tired yeah i don't even want to vandalize this i'm i'm done with this never be able to decipher it so what what are the the rates it's a it's 80 first for the for the car for the car if you want to yeah if you want the carpet from your home from your home or from wherever it could be even from your business like i'll clean up any carpet come on now i mean what you'd be like an entire business look i don't i don't come here i didn't come here to uh poke holes and how y'all make your

money all right this is how i do this is how i run my business straightforward well i'm a pharmacist and jones a realtor yeah i i don't you know i don't bring other houses into the house i'm selling maybe maybe you have to give it a try maybe you get some interesting new clients um i don't know what that means i yeah i'll get the carpet at like an arcade or something too i'll do that inside of a car um it's 80 for the car 80 more dollars if you want the carpet um and then if there's a lot of crumbs that I have to throw away there is like a fee

a crumb fee or sort of like any sort of like food waste disposal you can't just throw that in the same like trash as like the cleaning trash you absolutely can why can't you do that I mean I know this is what you did at your chef school but you cannot you generally can't do that that? I mean, I know this is what you did at your chef school, but you generally can't do that, Bernd.

You shouldn't. You can't throw crumbs away with dust? Okay, this is, I see. Yeah, you can do that, sure. I'm just saying, I know why you're saying that because of what, I think it was unsanitary what they did at your school. I'm still so concerned about it.

Whatever, we're going to skip past it. Let's get back to Joe. It was just old cardamom and stuff. Don't make me sick. I forget sometimes that the average person does not have the stomach for this sort of medical stuff. Yeah, that

thank you. I'm not usually a pretty squeamish guy, but I just heard old cardamom and I was just like, to scream that was it that was it you're able to scrape baked beans off of the floor without any trouble and that's on a regular day like imagine the stuff that i'm seeing that they're like hey you're gonna want to take a look at this it's you know it's it can get kind of nasty what a weird crime scene yeah hey check this shit out they go nuts so so okay uh do you this seems like a forgive me if this is a foolish question okay do you also clean the outside of the car oh boy that is a foolish question i absolutely do not i do not i'm interiors only exter, you got to call a different guy.

I, with carpets, I'm not cleaning the outside of people's houses. Oh, that would be ridiculous. I don't paint houses too. No. You don't have time. You have no time. Yeah, that's a leap.

But so I guess the main question that I think hasn't been asked is how far in advance do you let people know all of these things? Well, usually like this ad, this ad, I've run this ad before, right? And obviously like the beans comment is like a big point of contention for everybody. Everybody wants to know about this. They get that. That's hook, line, and line and sinker and you never you will not change it i won't change it because it at least attracts people to the business right it's one of these

things they're contentious about it but it draws them to you that would make them angry they don't know why they show up at your doorstep you're the field of dreams what the hell is this i don't know what they're doing there i get that that a lot. What is this? What are you doing? Why even mention this? You won't even talk about it. They're mad, but they see that I do a good job. You have a real hold on the public.

30 cars, Joan, in two months. So far. 30 cars so far. Are your customers satisfied? I've not had any complaints with my work. Everybody loves my work. Everyone said, wow, these this inside of my car is as clean as I wish the outside was. This is what they say.

I heard that more than once. And have you ever, ever cleaned the outside of a car? I have. And I'm not proud of it. This is when I was like first starting my business. And, you know, I just I offered my services. And this guy was like, hey, I got a real mess on the outside, too. You want to take a look at this?

And I was like, yeah, you know, it's not usually what I that's not what I do. You know, that's not my thing but forgive me joe this must have been the very first customer you had it was the first one first guy and you get like three in and then someone would ask could you clean the outside yeah no this was the first guy because um i guess he just didn't get it he didn't get that you don't ask somebody that somebody's i've redone something you just don't ask somebody that it's rude or offensive it's rude it is uh i just finished cleaning i finished the inside you know of the car i finished cleaning your carpet you're asking me now to clean the outside of your i just did two jobs do two jobs okay and also do you

have some sort of shame with with an outside of the car clean the way you talk about it is as if you wish you could take it back or you did something wrong what's that all about i yeah i i do wish i could take it back it's uh i don't have a lot of regrets in my life um but i would say that that one is chief among them um it's, I just, you know, I just don't, I just don't do stuff like that anymore. Wow. I can't. You can't see listeners, but he's going to a dark place.

I mean, I don't know what's happening. You just don't know what's on. They did. They just went hard and dark. Yeah. You just never know what's on the outside of a car. You sort of guess what's gonna be on it i would feel like it would be it's the outside straightforward really straightforward yeah not in the not in the rough streets of detroit you just you just never know what that is it could be uh

it could be somebody's insides it could be somebody's brains wow I think it would be very apparent if it was it could be somebody's guts usually it's just dust but you've surmised this from the one car that you've cleaned the exterior of yeah it made me sort of think

I don't think this is regular dirt when I was cleaning it it was harder to clean off. Usually, if your car's just a little dirty, take a hose of that fucker and you're done. So the first car you were asked to clean, it just so happens that it had brains on it. Yeah, it had like... And you know, I like to give my customers the benefit of the doubt. I wasn't sure. You know, I'm'm not a doctor i'm not a pharmacist

okay like i don't know uh what brains necessarily look like when they're outside the body so this is just you're you're just assuming that this car had brains on it he's just he's convinced there's no there's not a yeah there's no uh gray area or gray mat it's no gray area. It's only gray matter. There we go. As far as I'm concerned, if it's not dirt, I don't know what that is and I ain't touching it. If it's not beans, I'm out.

I feel like that should be your new tagline. If it's not beans, I'm out. And then I think it's much more clear because otherwise I think that this, forgive me, but I think that this, um, forgive me, but I think that this ad that you keep running, I'm not sure that it's specific. This contentious ad you keep running. I'm not sure that it is specific enough to communicate what exactly it is you're doing or frankly going further what you require from

your customers. Because to be honest, you are a high maintenance service provider. You really are. I mean, you're a specialist, but of course that comes with a price, which is that you're extremely difficult. And I think that it would be... And that price is just increasing $80. Absolutely. Plus 80, plus 80. I think it would behoove you to say somewhere, even if you keep the baked beans thing in, to say I only do the inside of the car.

Yes. Oh gosh. Perfect, Bernd. You really need to put that in there. I agree. Hard agree. I'll receive this note and I honor it. I want you to both know that I understand where you're coming from.

Sounds like you're not going to do it. He's not. He said so many different things that you're supposed to say. And then the word butt happens. And I appreciate this feedback that you're giving me right now. It's something that now that it's on the table. We know he's not going to do it. We know where this is leading.

I don't think that I'm going to do it. No, of course not. Of course not. And it's not because you guys suggested it. It's just I like to sort of create a like, will they, won't they sort of thing with the amount of work that I'm going to do. I'm sorry.

Like a romantic comedy situation? Yeah. Every sort of, I consider sorry. Like a romantic comedy situation. Yeah. Every sort of, I consider every business opportunity a meet cute. And cause you know, at the end of the day, we're all looking for love.

You want the customer to look at him and go, will he or won't he clean the inside of my car? That's right. And most of the time, a lot of the time, really, they're going to learn. That was a quick jump. time really they're gonna learn quick jump that's he won't so it's always won't they it's won't they it's always it's all it's it's not even

won't they it's they won't yeah they won't they will they won't when i when i think about i guess i always thought will they won't they in my head was uh a choice of either they will or they won't but it's saying the same thing. Will they or won't they is the same thing. Won't they get together? Will they or they won't? Yes, exactly. I see what you're saying.

I see what you're saying. Babe, you've been a little quiet, but I know that you have thoughts about this business. I just know you do. In fact, I wonder if you've already gone online and scheduled a baked beans clean. There is absolutely no way that doug is not already a customer of joe this is what i'm asking babe can you weigh in here sure yeah

sign me up there's a there's tons well i guess your ad it spoke to someone it's i know it's always attract a certain type of person because i could tell Doug, you seem like a cool customer. You seem like you're sucking down beans on the highway. Oh, yeah. And I've never known what to do with them when they spill. I just kind of kick them under the seat.

This is why we never take his car anywhere. But to be fair, I don't spill many I don't spill Yeah you don't look like you're spilling You got that sort of like pelican quality to you You're just dumping them in I gulp them down

Pretty fast He's got like a jowl like a pelican Sort of You can just hear that What's that? You can just sort of. What's that? You can just sort of hear that in my voice. That you have a pelican-like lower jaw.

Yeah. It's like a pouch. I mean, it can sort of detach a little bit when I'm really... Oh, no. Yes. It's a trick that I don't care for. But, yeah. Okay, so you have already been to Joe or you're considering it you said sign me up meaning you're just you're just considering it I'm considering

it okay for the I've already decided really for the Ford Explorer because you know he's still renovating it and sometimes he'll just sit in there and that's where he eats the beans doesn't even go anywhere you don't have to be able to eat beans you can't eat them stationary if you want that's very true yeah but you can't eat them wherever you want and that's how messes are

going to happen. I'll show you the Ford Explorer if you'd like to see it. It's beautiful. I'm very proud of it. 1998, genuine, authentic, everything. Oh, genuine, huh? Yeah. Original parts, baby. I'm going to have to bite some of the corners and make sure it's real, but I'll happily take a look. Bite some of the corners. Like a fake

coin? I do that with cars too. When you bite a coin. How many fake coins do you run into? Oh, in payment, of course. You know, I might get a doubloon. People pay you in coins? A doubloon. People are paying you in buried treasure?

How is this possible? The old dignity currency? That's right. We still do use the old dignity currency. It is still accepted in our town. Most people use regular money, but you can still... There are some wooden coins that people still use.

Those ones are tricky. That was during the war. But I'll accept any money. I'll accept, you know, heck, a Bitcoin, an NFT, whatever you got. You'll take a Bored Ape? I'll take a Bored Ape. I'll take any of the other kinds, certainly, too. And we can even talk about like, you know.

Any of the other kinds. Maybe let's do a such as? Any of the other kinds of NFT, you know. Doug wants to do a such as. Doug would like to do a such as. Doug calls such as. Sure. If you call such as, you you know uh a sports moment doug doug would like doug call such as sure if you call such as you gotta go okay uh like that's our one rule that you didn't know about and i have to abide by it um uh you know like lebron james doing a dunk uh that could be an nft um you know a police chase uh could probably be an nft you know somebody made that you can make

anything in that it's the thing it's just a matter of ownership of who owns it it's very cool and it's very cool the rules and i know the twins are into nfts like crazy right now i mean we're all huge nft fans here let's let's just get that out in the open we think they're very cool and you tried to make them with Connie a ton of times. It always features him. No takers so far, but I've tried a JPEG. I've tried a drawing. I've tried a GIF.

I've tried just 30 seconds of video of him just sitting there. You got a PNG? Yeah, you know me. yeah you know me I'll take whatever any file type basically I'll accept PDF I'll take it okay do you have the latest version of

Adobe Acrobat I just recently purchased the Adobe family of software don't forget they each require a separate password purchased the Adobe family of software. All right. Gentlemen, this is getting off the rails. And don't forget, they each require a separate password. Yes, I have I think about 12 of them.

And it's good. It's very good. I love that. Yes. The inconvenience makes me feel safe. And that's sort of what I'm going with with my business. Yeah, no one's trying to hack into my PDF reader. The inconvenience makes you you safe that is a good way to sort of sum up how you feel about your business right you're inconveniencing your customers somehow and that's how you like it they

are safe from having the outside of their car cleaned into yeah from that brain matter they don't have to worry about it i will not clean the outside of their car. I'll only clean the inside and whatever carpets they want cleaned. Also, I haven't specified rugs too. Any sort of like floor mat, I'll clean. Well, there you have it, folks. I mean, if any of this resonates with you

like it does with my husband, then I guess call Joe. His number's right there. And I mean, listen, we always want to bring people on here to tell their side of the story. And if it's a small business, we'd love to support that.

And that's as far as I can support your small business. I'll say for me personally, because I will not be having you clean my home carpets inside of my car. That's okay. I accept that. And if you happen to see

a really clean interior in someone else's car and you ask who did it and they said it was me and you change your mind, I'll still accept you as a customer. Okay. So no grudges.

The Joe no grudge guarantee. Yeah. That's yeah. That's it's no grudge guarantee. And that also means that I will not be climbing out of any wells. I will not do that. I mean, I wish more businesses would say, you know, we're not going to climb out of a well. We're not going to climb out of your TV.

It's seven days from now. It's not going to climb out of a well. We're not going to climb out of your TV. Black goo is not going to come out of our mouth. Yeah, there's absolutely no reason to fear a jump scare coming from Joe. Absolutely not. You're not going to hear that noise. No. And you don't have seven days. That's the ring.

That's the ring. I do that all the time. I do that all the time. I'm sorry. You have however many days. I'm sorry to confuse Ringu with Juan. No disrespect to Ringu.

All disrespect to the other one. Well, Joe, I'm glad you were able to come on here and explain your very specific service. And of course, to all the listeners, caveat emptor. Joe, just one last question before we let you go.

Do you clean the outside of your own car? It's a real tough, you know, it's tough. I don't do it often. I will sort of hire someone else. I was going to say that would make the most sense. And I'll sort of just be like, hey, look, whatever happens, I'm not asking questions. And I just toss them the keys

and take a little walk so every time this person's going to think you've committed some horrible murder hey and that they're a cleaner needlessly needlessly clandestine needless i'm not asking any questions you know about your house but i don't understand they would have the questions for you like they they they should be the ones saying no questions asked your car is covered with brains i'm not going to ask a question it's just it's just how i do it and then i when after that service i walk up to my car with my eyes closed so i don't know what's going on until I get in the car. And then I open my eyes again.

Well, you are a unique individual. I can tell you that. Yes. Joe, thank you so much for joining us. And I'm sure that you and Doug will converse during the break. Maybe you'll take a look outside out back at the Explorer. And we will have more when the neighborhood list returns. Hi everybody. My name is Michelle. I am selling a lot of 13 Blu-ray.

I had it priced at $130, and now I've knocked it down to $65. I've got to get these out of the house. I've got to move these things. So, it includes The Dark Knight, Superman the movie, Avatar, Old School, get this, it's unopened, The Hangover, Beer Fest,

Step Brothers Wanted, Inception, Way of the Gun, it is unopened, Star Trek 3 disc special edition, Inglourious Bastards, and The Dark Knight Rises, again, unopened. I can't stress enough how cool it is. I have three DVDs that are unopened. Please come and get this very soon. I got to get this shit out of the house before my husband notices it's gone. gone. And we have agreed we're going to do the sentence thing

to welcome you back. I shouldn't have said that part. We should have just done it. You start. Okay. So you're asking me to start because you said two words. So that must mean that you want me to start. Okay. So you're asking me to start because you said two words. So that must mean that you want me to start.

Yes. All right, here we go. Welcome. Back. To. The. Show. Was that good?

Ta-da! Ta-da. I forgot. I forgot. I forgot about the top. That was really, that was great. That was terrific. That was great.

That was really bold to try that again. After how it went last time. I hope it was fun for the listener to hear a little behind the scenes where we discuss the process on air. All right. Well, Joe, he's an interesting guy. Wow. I wish him the best he's um in some ways i wish i could take a page out of his book in terms of just no i'm not changing you know what i mean

yeah i'm not my guns i'm not budging i am sticking my guns regardless of the outcome if you're confused that's your problem right yeah that's it's it there you know there's something about it i i always think it just uh taking a little just like a little from column A, a little from column B. People I meet, you know, not the whole thing, because I think it's a little extreme. One thing I don't envy about him is how he views all cars as potentially being covered with shredded brains. Absolutely. I don't know how he gets through life. Imagine me stuck in a traffic jam.

You're surrounded by him. I had a little scratch in my throat that I i think made that sound more sinister than i intended you got a little a little tickle uh yeah i just had like i i don't know i don't know what that was but it's gone now it was a cough that should have happened yeah i'm i i am indeed and you know pharmacist prescribed to thyself. What was your question, Joan? I'm sorry. Oh, I honestly cannot remember.

It was a mere second ago. I didn't feel like I was asking a question. I just said, did you get a little tickle? I think that's all I said. Oh, okay. Fair enough. And then I said, you would know what? You remember.

I seen your eyes. No, no, no. I'm saying you remember. I'm pointing at you like you're doing it. No, what I was saying is you would know because you remember. I seen your eyes. No, no, no. I'm saying you remember. I'm pointing at you like you're doing it. No, what I was saying is you would know because you're a gentleman pharmacist. That's what I said. I said, okay. I thought, I thought.

Wasn't a question. It sounded like your voice went up a little bit at the end. And I thought, oh, Bert, you've done it again. You've missed a question. It's okay. This again, again, our listeners will love this interplay of what happens when sometimes we, it's behind the scenes. Again, it's BTS. They simply must love it.

So I have this post. Yes. Should we get to it? It's very short. Should we check in with Doug? Doug, did you, so did you had a consultation? Oh, he's in the, he's in the sound chamber. Doug, can you hear us?

Can you hear us in the regular world? Oh, he's really. Yeah, it's hot in there, right? What was that? Can you hear us in the regular world? Oh, he's really... Yeah, it's hot in there, right? Doug, what was that? What's going on in there? I think he's just... I think he's really feeling the heat of that artificial sun. Oh.

Oh. Is he speaking in tongues? Doug. Doug, can you hear us? Oh, hey. Babe, you were like mumbling like a chant, like in a different way. I don't know what was going on. That was scary.

It's like some kind of Dan Brown mystery. Don't say that. He'll get very excited. I'm not a religious man. But I think. But you think what, babe? What happened? What just happened?

What's going on? I have this pole to the sun I made, and I have just been kneeling at it for the last 15 minutes. I don't know what's happened exactly. You've been kneeling at it? Yes. Are you seeing any visions of any kind? No visions. No, I don't have an imagination like that.

You know that. I can't see anything. That't see really what I meant. I meant, did it feel like you were in a trance like state? Do you even know that you were making these weird sounds? You were going like. I'm a little stuck on the idea. The phrase you don't have an imagination like that. So Doug,

does that mean what, what are your, the first thing that comes to mind is what are your dreams like? They're usually just, it's like a line, like a, like a blue line. Like.

Kind of just, sometimes it goes up and down. Like a waveform? Like an EKG, but that it's just flatlined? Yeah, you could think of it like that. A sound wave, but it's also flat. But there's no movement apart from just up and down. And sometimes there's just a feeling of intensity.

Not like peaks and valleys in the line, but like the line itself, the flat line moves up and down. Yes. So he's just dreaming about Pong. Yeah. Is that right? I never knew that that's your dream. Nothing, nothing ever.

No people, no scenarios, no flights of fancy, nothing. No. A line. No, I've never imagined anything really. When I close my eyes, it's just blank. And Joan, you're just finding this out? And Joan, you're just finding this out?

Well, you know, I think that he just sort of maybe has been trying to tell me this before. And I kind of think he was joking. I don't think it's been a problem. But now I realize he's serious. Do you think it's a problem? No, I think it explains a lot. Like a such as? I wouldn't say it's a problem. Don't call it a such as.

Sorry, Joan. You know the rules. Like, you know how you'll just, after we're done watching TV, we turn it off, you stay there for a little while. Like, there doesn't seem to be any difference.

It just it makes me realize TV must be so enjoyable. When the kids were little and he would tell they wanted to make up stories and he would The kids of course, July B and the twins Matt and Kakao. And they'd tell us a story.

And he would just name things in the room. Well, what I found was just asking them, what do you want to hear? I just. You would ask them what? I'm sorry. I would ask them what I'm sorry I would ask them well yeah what would you like to hear you know and then

they'd say I want a story about a princess and he'd be like and and they would just keep saying and there was a princess and what would you like her to do I thought it was him you know drawing out their imagination and now I'm kind of realizing oh like maybe he really doesn't have as he's saying.

So assertively, I don't have an imagination. Right. And so those are a few examples. And I am a little concerned about this sun chamber. And I'm going to have to go up there and check it out. Because I think right now, baby, that you should get out. I think you should exit it and maybe try going in the real sun, which is just outside.

Oh, the sun, I think, is telling me not to leave yet. Oh, dear. Okay, so you're getting messages now. Yeah, I think, Joni, you're going to have to do a spousal override on that sun and tell him he has to get out of that room. Oh, Lord. Oh, my God. Did you see that?

All of the lights are flickering now, babe. Like in the whole house. Oh, you see that? Yes. Yes. It's very scary. Okay. I unplugged it.

Did we read the thing yet? No, I didn't get to it because we wanted more from Doug. I did. I'm sorry. No, I didn't get to it because you wanted more from Doug. I did. I'm sorry. I told you it wasn't that interesting. I'm sorry. I apologize.

No, here we go. Let me pull it up. So this is from Marsha. And she just says, is it quiet where you are? It's quiet here in Old Dig. Unbearably quiet. Anyone know why? Ooh. I know.

It's a very... It's unsettling. It's unsettling. And listen, Old Dig does kind of calm down. It closes at 4 p.m. Only on the... I mean, you know, you can't... If you go there at 4.01, you can't... There's not an open shop. I mean, you know, you can't... If you go there at 401, you can't...

There's not an open shop. I mean, it's just dead. Yes. I mean, there are some of those, you know, newer bars and restaurants, but they're on the fringe or on the outside. But if we're talking about the residential area of Old Dink, which is known to be terribly haunted. Absolutely.

Oh, it's... You can't walk through... If you even have. Oh, it's, you can't walk through. If you even have sunglasses on, that's too dark to be there during the day. It's terrifying. Oh, right. Like as if all of a sudden

you've walked into a dark storm cloud. It just, the sun never shines on that part. Absolutely. It's always gray. It's always overcast. It's always gray. It doesn't matter what's going on in the rest of the town.'s it's it's so scary there's no leaves on the trees like ever

oh i don't like and so i think that's where marcia is and so to be honest i'm not surprised it's quiet many nights and uh uh that that to me i still don't understand how people live down there. I couldn't do it. No, no. Like the phrase unbearably quiet is chilling. And she must have just moved in. Here's something she must have. There's something interesting, though, about this post that makes me want to ask you because I used to need absolute, I might almost say unbearable quiet to get to sleep before I had children.

Then, like if there was the tiniest sound, I couldn't stand it. Then I had kids and we started using white noise machines, you know, to get them to sleep. Absolutely. Now, if those get turned off, now talk about unbearably quiet. I now need, and we've talked about this before because, you know, Doug had a noise machine, but it was doing all sorts of different things. But I do need- I wouldn was doing all sorts of different things. But I do, I do need. I wouldn't say all sorts of different things.

Right, because he has no imagination. And he did build the noise machine, yes. And he did build it. It was like a lot of bird sounds, I remember. So I do need some sort of sound. Like if I go to a hotel, uh, like if I go to a realty convention, I need to bring a white noise machine with me because I actually can't sleep in a very quiet. And he has to say, you know, like when I lived in New York for a little while, they always say that if you live in the city, you know, you get used to the city sound and you go back to the

suburbs and it is unbearably quiet. And I had that happen to me. Now, how are you burnt? How do you need that quiet? Or do you need some sort of running? What's that word? Sound. What's the word for sound? What's the adjective? You know, not ancillary.

What am I looking for? Oh, ambient, ambient noise. Do you need ambient noise? Well, you know, I first I used to fall asleep to the television and then I felt like that's not good to do. I don't, I don't like that because you wake up and it's still on. And, um, and so then I tried nothing, uh, and that worked for a while. And then I started listening to whale sounds, which was, uh, which was great. Then I started listening to whale screams, which gave me very, I don't even know why they make i've never even why would they and when does and why does a whale scream oh i don't know because they have their own language

i don't know um then now i just compiled a whale scream montage it's it's seven hours long can i ask why did you decide to try it like and and how long do you try because after one i'd be like i'm out well i tried the whole night i like the songs and i thought maybe the songs maybe i just like whales and what they do and so uh i tried the screams um and i i slept like a i will say that i slept great very soundlyly. You did not. I did, but I had very vivid dreams where whales were yelling at me, which feels terrible because they're such noble creatures. Oh, they are. And you really feel like if a whale is mad at you, you've done something terrible. You've done something very wrong, yeah.

And so now I sleep to the sound of bats. Really? Yes. I have a recording of bats that's just like them flying through the air, like a horde of them. And then that's also supplemented by the bats that are in the walls above my apartment. That's mostly scratching, though. But I sleep great. I've never slept better. But I sleep great.

I've never slept better. Well, I guess if it's working for you, but that, um, that would be creepy. I can't, I can't lie. That would creep me out. The bat sounds. I find bats very unsettling. I'm going to say for bats. I feel bad. I feel like bats are very unsettling to me there.

I feel, I know what you mean. I feel like they're unsettling in theory, but when you look at pictures of them, they just look like dorks. Oh, they're adorable. Dorks, did you say? They're adorkable. They're adorkable.

They really are cute. Yeah. They're cute in that. Why would I be scared of you? Look at you. Right, but you took a tiny, adorable mouse, but then you attach gargoyle wings to it it seems like an unfair uh thing to do to a sometimes they have like a face like a pug like a dog pug oh i don't like those ones those are like i don't they use in

scary vampire bat look the pug nose oh no thank you like a long chainy bat no but see i think they look the most ridiculous. And I laugh at them. They look like perverts to me. I wish I could laugh at things that scare me. They look like perverts to you. They look like little perverts. You know, like opening their trench coat.

Oh, God. All bats are the pugwoods. And this from a guy who says he has no imagination. That's a good... Yes, Doug, don't you see? Doug, that was really good. Does that require imagination? I've seen... Sorry.

Yes, but it reminds you of something. You saw a bat and you didn't just see a bat. Well, I can think. I mean, I can function. I just don't... Doug, I don't think you can take this tone with us when you said your dreams are a blue line that occasionally goes up and down.

I mean, give us a break here, Doug. I'll give a break granted, but I find that a little bit... I'm just saying I've seen perverts and I've seen bats. That's why it really wasn't much of a stretch. The amount of perverts he's seen, apparently it was just a real, it was an easy jump is what he's saying. It was an easy comparison.

He didn't have to reach too hard. Oh, what? Okay, Doug. So we do apologize. You have cemented the fact that you do not have an imagination. And I apologize for any offense created. We won't visit that again. We will never revisit the topic of Doug's imagination.

It does not exist. All right. Well, I think that about does it for us here on this episode. Again, if you'd like to write to us, we are burntandjone at gmail.com. It's been a while since we've checked the old email and there were a ton of

emails in there. I'm sorry, we have not gotten to them sooner, but we weren't recording. But there was we've also I guess we've really arrived because we've accrued a ton of spam as well. And some agencies that think our name – it's an individual named Berna. What?

They think that there's an individual named Berna whose last name is N'Jone or sometimes they think the name is Bernand. Hello, my name is Bernand Joan. Bernand. Bernand. Bernand Joan. Bernand Joan. So please do write to us. And again, just as a caveat, we do not uh we're not looking for um comment

sections if you find an interesting post it must be interesting on its own not interesting because people started a fight in the comments so just to post uh take a screen cap um links are working now it didn't it used to be you couldn't you couldn't access it from a link if it was not your neighborhood um but uh either from uh if you live right here in dignity falls or you live somewhere else please send us something and we will say it's from Dignity Falls I was just going to say

a little peek behind the curtain alright well that's all the time we have on behalf of myself and Joan I would like to say

goodbye and bye all of the posts used in this episode are real only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins.

And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Joe was played by Matt Apodaca. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.