The Neighborhood Listen - BONUS ROOM 13: The Halloween Traditions Of Dignity Falls

Episode Date: October 26, 2024

With the Pharmacists Parade eclipsing Halloween in Dignity Falls, Burnt, Joan and Doug take a moment to remember some of the unique and controversial traditions from spooky seasons past.See P...rivacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's a bonus episode for the fans that we like the most. Just kidding, sort of. And we're your hosts. It's the bonus room for you. Boom. Fun. Welcome to the neighborhood listen. This is the bonus room and we're going to talk about the Halloween traditions of both
Starting point is 00:00:27 current and bygone of Dignity Falls. Yes. And most of them are bygone because a lot, well, I think it'll explain itself as to why most of them were. Well that's true. I mean, some of that Halloween is not quite what it used to be here because the pharmacist parade has really, really gained more and more steam. It's really taking over.
Starting point is 00:00:47 It really has. I'm very surprised and of course it's very gratifying as a pharmacist that people are so excited by it. Yeah. But yeah, I'm surprised. I think the main problem is because the parade is on October 31st. Yes.
Starting point is 00:01:00 So, you know, that's really one of the problems. Yes. And it kind of squeezed out a lot of the Halloween stuff that we did, you know, on the old May drag there. So that might be part of it. I just think it just felt very, it felt very bold to make that choice this year. I don't know if it's going to stick.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Yeah. I mean, this is the first year it's on, it's on Halloween day and leading into Halloween night. And that was, I guess it's just the people have spoken. What can you say? I guess so. Yeah. It was starting to get pretty rowdy, pretty crazy. Halloween?
Starting point is 00:01:36 Yeah. Because every time, I don't know if it's just the culture around here or something, but the trick or treat, everyone chose trick. Yes. Yes. Yes. And I- They didn't want the treats.
Starting point is 00:01:49 From what I hear- Which was just mind blowing to me. I wasted so much money on candy. Absolutely. I was like, trick's on me. When kids started coming up to the door and saying, ah, they would just refuse the candy. They'd ask for magic.
Starting point is 00:02:03 They would ask for, I mean- Magic matches sometimes? Oh yes, matches sometimes. My kids did. because they would just refuse the candy. They would ask for, I mean, I don't know. Matches sometimes? Oh yes, matches sometimes. My kids did. I believe trick or treat, correct me if I'm wrong. Trick or treat was give me a treat or you will be the recipient of a trick.
Starting point is 00:02:15 Yes, that's true. Not that they were demanding. But there was a year where a bunch of children asked me to do magic tricks and I think they had that mistaken. I'm sorry, I'm talking about a different year. You're right, yes, usually the trick's on you. That was the year when they were busing kids in
Starting point is 00:02:27 from New Barn because they'd heard that Dignity Falls was a good candy neighborhood. Yes, because for a while, you know, and of course this was Doug, Doug led this. For a while he encouraged our entire street to give out what we would give out. You know, you buy like the 50 pack. He was giving out those individually to each people.
Starting point is 00:02:49 A 50 pack. Yeah. To a child. Right. Like here's 50 miniature Hershey. Bars. Yeah. And I told him that is so cost prohibitive and we can't do that, but that is what word got out. You know, they're like, they're throwing away candy. Prec. They attributed it to the entire neighborhood. They did. And everyone showed up the next year expecting, you know, a 50 pack. All these snot-nosed New Barn kids. I did not like them.
Starting point is 00:03:11 Oh, I don't care for the New Barn kids. No, they have a weird accent. Yep. It's very, how would you describe it? It's a sort of, it's like Maine crossed with vampire. That's definitely it. It's like Maine crossed with vampire. That's definitely it. That's exactly it.
Starting point is 00:03:27 You do it better than I do. Okay. Well, I don't know. Okay. All right. It's been a while since I did a new bar next. So like how would they say trick or treat? Oh, right, right. They're like, they're like, a track. Oh, like it's weird.
Starting point is 00:03:50 They like choose. It's almost like they have to choose what every other word is either main or vampire. It's so strange. I swear it changes word to word. That's what Joan just said. I could swear. word to word. I could swear. It is babe. It is what I just said. Maybe that's why I swear.
Starting point is 00:04:14 Why what? Because it was a safe bet. He said, maybe that's why I swore. So I feel like I'm... I feel like this is a sure thing. Anyways, newborn people suck. Yeah, I hate that. Newborn, not newborn people, that sounds bold. If you're a baby, if you've just been born, go to hell.
Starting point is 00:04:37 Bold stance. Really bold stance. Newborn people suck. Anyway. So yeah, that was one problem. Yeah. Do you remember, and up until 1971, I think it was, the fun-sized candies were not legal here. Oh, I don't think I remembered that.
Starting point is 00:04:58 So you had to give out full-sized candy bars or homemade treats. Oh, wow. And of course people opted for the homemade treats because it's cheaper. But messy, very messy. One lady always tried to do cookie dough so you just got to scoop a raw cookie dough in your bag.
Starting point is 00:05:14 And so many people got sick. Yes, so many people got sick. That's why I gave out. Because she made it. She made it. No, you get the Pillsbury, you slice it up into discs. That's like, no, get that for you. Get the Pillsbury. You slice it up in a disc. That's right. It's all processed for you.
Starting point is 00:05:28 And that was one year I did get very lazy. I just gave out the Pillsbury of cinnamon rolls, but I just gave them the whole tube. Because the kids, it's not all about candy with the kids here in Dignity Falls. That's right. Yeah. Well, and then of course you had, because there's, you know, up on, what is it? Peach tree. Yeah. There was a peach tree is known for being, you know, just well back in the day we used to call them yuppies. I don't know if that's still something that we call
Starting point is 00:05:54 rich people. Absolutely. But they were giving out laptops one year. That was wild. It was crazy. And laptops were a kind of a new thing. Yes. Yeah. So also there was a lot of like, they had to carry the laptop. Well, and then some people did a desktop, but it's like you'd have to carry the actual, you know, piece that goes under the desk and then the screen. The computer. Yeah. That piece. I couldn't find the word.
Starting point is 00:06:23 It's an important component. I couldn't find the word for monitor and then forgot that that's what the computer is. I don't think I've had a moment like that since Sky. Now I can't even remember. Yeah the kids, they really get into the sort of, I mean, people call it devil's night someplace, they call it mischief night. Oh gosh, no, see, I don't care for that.
Starting point is 00:06:54 Here it's called egg assault. And it's not just confined to eggs, unfortunately. No. Or chicken eggs. And it's not an egg of salt. It's not, it's not egg of salt. Really good to point that out. Thank you for catching that, babe. It's not.
Starting point is 00:07:13 A lot of people would have made that assumption. A lot of people really wanna make sure they don't. Egg of salt, that sounds nice. No, it's an egg of salt. And they would throw, of course, chicken eggs. They'd throw duck eggs. Yes. One kid threw an ostrich egg. Yes, it was, he went to the hospital.
Starting point is 00:07:29 The man who hit. Oh, the man who hit. Because the egg didn't break. Yeah, it did. The egg did not break. He went through his window, hit him in the side of the face. And of course, during quarantine, I can't believe how brazen these kids were with toilet
Starting point is 00:07:46 paper. Oh, God. Just hanging it from every tree. Absolutely awful. I mean, that's why we had a toilet paper shortage because of that. I was boredom. Not because- It was a month before.
Starting point is 00:07:57 Yeah. We really screwed ourselves. By the way, I don't know why the sheriff went on the local news and made such a display of breaking that ostrich egg over his knee. Oh, like almost to punish it. I remember he screamed, no more. He broke it in the head. He looked down at his disgusting pants.
Starting point is 00:08:16 He was like, oh hell. He looked like a fool. He really did. That's why he lost that election the next year. Yeah, it was because it's like all the posters they ran were just like him saying, it was like the quote, a hell, a lot of people didn't like that he said that. Yeah, that was Pat Chindo.
Starting point is 00:08:33 Pat Chindo. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that was the moment that people turned on him for sure. Yeah. But- It was funny because I remember when people were voting,
Starting point is 00:08:42 so many people would leave the little voting booth and they would go, oh hell, like making fun of him. And it was clear from that, they projected the election from that. I remember the- They called it immediately. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:58 It was Rob Chest who was on the news said, we are projecting, they didn't even project who the winner was. Rob Chest, who was on the news said, we are projecting, they didn't even project who the winner was. They projected that Pat Chindo was the loser. Right, that was so strange. I've never heard a projected loser before the winner. It was wild.
Starting point is 00:09:17 And then a montage of people walking out of voting booths saying, oh hell, in a sarcastic way. This is a strange election to be sure. Pat Chindo, what a disaster. So just to get back to the Halloween of it all, this is very sad because before things got crazy and people were throwing ostrich eggs, pardon me, that we used to have sort of a, almost I want to say,
Starting point is 00:09:38 more reverent sort of Halloween experience. There were, we would sort of, people would walk the streets with candles. There were Halloween carols. Yes. And of course I loved that, you know, and I loved reading those. What was your favorite Halloween carol that you used to sing? The ghost that dies no more.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Oh yes, how does that go again? It's like, um, and though his life, it was a mess. He now has unfinished business and although it has been long, his soul is now strong. And so we sing and we sing all our voices for score about the ghost who dies nevermore. And then someone goes, nevermore. And then somebody else goes, baa-daa. To be a raven. And you know, they repurposed that song
Starting point is 00:10:46 for the Catholic mass on Halloween because so many of the same things apply. Yeah, so many, so many. They just hardly changed any words. But then, you know, there were also fun ones, like, you know, like, like, which is pumpkin brew? uh, which is pumpkin brew. And that was a sort of Louis Armstrong song.
Starting point is 00:11:16 No, don't make me drag out that impression. Oh, come on, Joe. That's not okay. It's such a good one. Everyone imitates Louis Armstrong. I don't know that any white women do. But how does Witches Pumpkin Brew? And you know what you're doing because I can't even sing it without doing Louis Armstrong. Oh, and tell the to bring that pumpkin brew on down the road. I'm done. I can't do it.
Starting point is 00:11:53 Wow. Grover territory. Grover was singing top weights. Oh, it really hurts to do. Sure, imagine what he must have felt. For whatever reason, it was just the way his voice magically was. Do you think that's what killed him? No.
Starting point is 00:12:15 He finally succumbed to his own voice. I don't think we should spread myths about Louis Armstrong. I don't think we should spread conspiracy theories. I'm only asking questions. I don't think we should spread Louis Armstrong conspiracy theories. Oh, that's how it starts, Burns.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Don't go down that road. The answer could be no. Don't go down that pumpkin brew road. Do you remember in the old day, I mean, we wouldn't remember this, but I remember reading about it, that in the 1910s, they used to do like a full on Sam when, you know, uh,
Starting point is 00:12:48 uh, celebration. Wait, tell me what that is. That's what it's, it's spelled like Sam Hain, but the, the, I know the pronunciation, I guess is sound. I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. And it's the, it's the pagan. It's the old pagan ceremony. Oh, yeah. Well, they still did goblin hunts up until last few years. Yeah. Yeah. In the middle of the night. Yeah. You go goblin hunting and people, the goblin hunting, I gotta say some of those videos, I would say, all right, I guess that looks like a goblin. It sort of looks like a small dog wrapped in a towel. Many dogs were accidentally apprehended and it was, that's, that's an, for example, like, all right, I guess that looks like a goblin. It sort of looks like a small dog wrapped in a towel. Many dogs were accidentally apprehended and it was,
Starting point is 00:13:27 I mean, that's an, for example, like as I said, this is why many things are not, no longer done. This is one reason why. Because, well, I mean, people were looking for their pets for the next week. Yeah, they're just snatching up small dogs and saying, found another goblin. And I think because no one-
Starting point is 00:13:43 Was that like TikTok trend? Is that why people started doing the videos? I think people did the videos to identify the dogs. Oh, got it. And it helped. But yeah, the idea was, you know, you have to go out and catch goblins. No one described them or said what they looked like.
Starting point is 00:14:03 Right, there was no actual like guidelines. It was easy to get lost. It was so easy to get lost because you go into the foggy forest for goblins and it's like everyone's just running into each other and looting, you know, I don't think we've ever talked about the foggy forest. Yeah. I mean, our taxes pay for the fog machines. No, I know that Bob is you. So Dignity Falls has a forest. I don't mind it. I don't mind it.
Starting point is 00:14:30 I don't mind if the roads get fixed, if the forest gets fogged. I think we should put in real fog. I'm sorry. What do you mean? How? We create the conditions for real fog. How do we do that? How does fog happen?
Starting point is 00:14:46 I don't know. Isn't it, isn't fog a low cloud? It's a low cloud, that's all it is. It's a low cloud, which we have naturally occurring here sometimes at Dingley Falls. So I don't understand why we have to pay for there to be a perpetually foggy forest. I feel like that would cost more. To create a real fog. Yes.
Starting point is 00:15:04 To push a cloud down? To push a cloud down. I think that that's going to run into. Some people believe that it's done. So don't let's again, let's not go down that road. It is pretty cool in there. But in a cloud? No, no, in the foggy forest. In the foggy forest.
Starting point is 00:15:17 It is cool in there, but you're not supposed to inhale because the, although the fog machines are paid for by taxpayer money, they are the cheapest fog machines on the market and it's best not to breathe in any of them. Right, that's why, I mean, they've tried to set up gift shops in there, but the real estate in there does not sell, I mean, they just turn over in businesses constantly because no one wants to work
Starting point is 00:15:38 in the foggy forest. No, and you don't want to stumble upon a gift shop in a fog-filled forest and linger there and look at stuff. They tried a cafe. No one wants to sit outside. Everyone was coughing. No one wants to sit in a cloud, a fake cloud for a cafe.
Starting point is 00:15:55 Could be goblins in there though. Did anyone ever actually catch, what was it supposed to be? Like when it first started so long ago, the goblin hunt, what did people actually catch? I know it wasn't dogs. Were there actually like a few- There were dogs back then. Was it like capture the flag? Yeah, I don't think Joan was suggesting
Starting point is 00:16:13 that dogs didn't exist. It certainly wasn't. What were you suggesting? I was just saying, was it like capture the flag? Did they throw out may have dog? Wow. I did, I wanted to save myself a little bit. It's almost feels like a Halloween- You want to try it out a little. I did, I wanted to save myself a little bit. It's almost, feels like a Halloween or-
Starting point is 00:16:26 It is, yes it is. Just the one, Mayhap? Mayhap, you will find yourself in the foggy forest. Oh now this is something fun that Bert would do because you would read Halloween poems. That's right. For a while. All the Halloween poems.
Starting point is 00:16:41 Yep. Well and sometimes you would make up your own. Oh yes, of course. Yeah. And you would do it at the CVS for children. Yes, that's right. The CVS for children, which was right next to the regular CVS.
Starting point is 00:16:58 And it was where kids could go in and feel independent. And practice getting prescriptions. And practice getting, they could practice getting prescriptions. They could practice getting prescriptions. Part of an initiative, you know, to sort of really help children. They would go to the children's hospital, which was, you know, where kids could practice being treated for injuries. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:20 And then a doctor would give them a fake prescription. They would take the children's, the CVS for children. That's right. And then it would just all them a fake prescription. They would take the children's CVS for children. That's right. And then it would just all be a pez. Yes. And you'd have to dissolve the pez in a glass of water. Yes, that's right. Which maybe wasn't a great lesson
Starting point is 00:17:34 since they then probably saw these orange bottles as things that were filled with candy. Yeah, it's true. We had to allow those orange Tic Tacs. You definitely did. They really did look like pills. They really did. But that's where you would do an annual Halloweens. You definitely did. They really did look like pills. They really did. But that's where you would do an annual Halloween read.
Starting point is 00:17:47 That's right. And I would start with something like, twas all Hallows Eve, and all through the store, voices were calling, more, more, more. What did they want? Blood, don't you know? And from this drop of blood, a monster would grow. Oh, and then all the children would scream and run around.
Starting point is 00:18:12 Scream. And I would say, get back here. And then they would sit down and get it. I would say, the monster has grown. Now he does seek a little child to give them his reek. how he does seek a little child to give them his reek. Soon you will spell like a monster does stink. I'd give you a receipt, but we're all out of ink. Oh, that's good. And the kids were screaming. That's right.
Starting point is 00:18:39 And then it was like, and then of course it turned into like, you know, sort of that you did sort of like a scavenger hunt where you had to find sort of things on, you know, so that they could learn how to go to aisle three for the deodorant and that kind of stuff. The shoe inserts. I have to say, Berndt. The readers.
Starting point is 00:18:53 The readers. I have to say, what's that sound, babe? What they do in the air show again? Is it the pre Halloween air show? Yes. Where they paint the planes orange and black and now purple. Purple has been folded in.
Starting point is 00:19:10 And this is the only air show we really have with certain planes. I made a manual gesture that, that Burt then mirrored for me. And all of a sudden I realized. It looked inviting. It was certainly silly. Imagine laying your hand flat on a table.
Starting point is 00:19:33 That's what it looked like I did in thin air. The only air show we have with actual planes, because of course our annual air show is blimps, if you all remember. Right. Yes. So. Did they change this to the pharmacist air show? Not yet. They're still doing it. That's in the remember. Right. Yes. So, now did they change this to the pharmacist air show?
Starting point is 00:19:46 Not yet. They're still doing it. But that's in the process. Okay. They're going to be the plane, the planes will be painted white with a red cross. And I hope it's not going to be mistaken for the Swedish air force.
Starting point is 00:19:59 I hope people will remember those colors are inverted. Oh boy, me too. I want to go back really quickly. I have to say, Bernd, because I haven't heard it in so long, your Halloween story reading voice was very similar to what I guess we recognize as Santa Claus. Doug, did you feel the same way? I love his Santa voice.
Starting point is 00:20:20 No, I have the Halloween voice is down here. Right, and if that's very Santa. Hey, hey, hey! Now see, that sounds more like a Halloween voice. No, I had a Halloween voice is down here. Right. And if that's very Santa. See that sounds like a Halloween voice. Well, anyways, I tried. Let the record show. Yes. So, and then of course there was one year, well listen, we, before we had all the rooms, Doug had wanted to do, this is actually how all the rooms started, to be honest. This is a kind of a fun fact. This house used to have three rooms. This house used to have three rooms. And for one Halloween, Doug decided, well, why don't
Starting point is 00:21:02 we do a haunted house in our house? And I said, you may not go into the master bedroom, off limits. Absolutely. And he said, but it absolutely has to be, it absolutely has to be. Absolutely has to be. It absolutely has to be.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Oh, I knew I wasn't getting away with that. It absolutely has to be three rooms. And so he said you had no choice, but to build an extra room. Yeah. And that is how we, Oh, wow.. And that is how we got the cobweb room. And that, oh, the cobweb room. Okay, so I remember this. Remember if memory serves, you told me about this.
Starting point is 00:21:34 This is before we met. The entry room, the living room. Foyer. Foyer, filled with grapes. And Doug would say you're walking through eyeballs. That's right. He would make people take off their shoes. So it was incredibly disgusting.
Starting point is 00:21:49 They went through barefoot. And I would think- You're stepping on eyeballs. If the kids- because it was waist high. Yes. There was so many grapes. I always said you should say stepping through eyeballs. They're more than just stepping on eyeballs.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Exactly. I mean, you're technically, yes, you, stepping through eyeballs or more than just stepping on eyeballs. I mean, you're technically, yes, you are stepping on eyeballs, but you're also waiting in. I mean, you're up to your eyeballs and eyeballs. You know what I mean? I pitched him a lot of jokes. He didn't take any of them.
Starting point is 00:22:14 Then you go into the next room. Yes. All filled with cooked spaghetti. And Doug would say, now you're in guts. And honestly, he would just follow behind them. He'd just say this live. Yeah. And by the way, the kids were them. He'd just say this live. Yeah. And by the way, the kids were not blindfolded or anything. They could see that they were grapes.
Starting point is 00:22:29 They could see the spaghetti. In hindsight, I should have done a lot more spaghetti and less grapes because there wasn't very much spaghetti in that room. No, it barely covered the floor. Because you just, it's that thing where, you know, when you actually are making spaghetti, you always end up making too much. This time, he wasn't trying to make spaghetti to be eaten. He didn't make enough.
Starting point is 00:22:46 There'd just be one noodle. Like you might step on one noodle every once in a while. It was very easy to miss. Now you're stepping on guts. You're stepping on one gut. You're stepping on gut. And what was in the third room? Well, the third room was this crazy room
Starting point is 00:23:03 that he made me be a part of, where it was all, oh, god, this was so annoying. Because there were times where there was downtime, right? So sometimes a group would be in one room. Yes, of course. You have to reset. And this was our reset for this room. So it was a glow-in-the-dark room, where it was all black.
Starting point is 00:23:19 But he made me dress up in a black unitard and put glow tape, glow stars, all over my body. And then the whole room was covered in those glow stars. And I had to just be flat against the wall. And then when they'd walk through, I'd go, then I would like move through. Right, but the glow stickers did not hold enough light. So every time that people asked through,
Starting point is 00:23:37 he'd come in and he'd shine this gigantic light on my body. And I was just so blinding. And I had a migraine the entire evening. You should have worn those little tanning bed goggles. I should have. And that would have been more scary anyway.
Starting point is 00:23:51 It would have been scary. Honestly, it should have just been me and those goggles. That would have been a room. It wasn't really effective. They didn't see the scare really. Cause you just look like more stars. Right. Do you know this trend?
Starting point is 00:24:03 It's true. I wanted to make sure that they saw that you were there. I know, I know. So I would shine the floodlight on you. Because you're the star of the show. That's right. That's right, babe. And then the cobweb room.
Starting point is 00:24:11 Then the cobweb room. Which was more accurately a spiderweb room, because the kids would get trapped in there. Yes. Oh yeah. Fully cocooned. And Doug put actual spiders in there. Fully cocooned. Like the hobbit.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Yeah. I got trapped in there for a long time. Yeah. I got trapped in there for a long time. Yeah. We were looking all over for him. And I mean, it was around his mouth. So are you familiar with this trend on TikTok, Instagram, where people are painting their faces pitch black? Oh, yes.
Starting point is 00:24:45 And then they hide in a room where their mom is watching TV and they just kind of creep over the couch and then they put their face near the mom and open just their eyes and their mouth. They're painting their faces black. Oh yes they are. It's deeply problematic.
Starting point is 00:24:59 To blend in with the darkness of the room. I don't. It's truly terrifying. It's terrifying. And if somebody did that to me, I would sue them. I'd figure out a way. You'd figure out a way, if it was your own child. Even if it was my, especially if it was my own child.
Starting point is 00:25:14 How sharper than a serpent's tooth to have a child blended into the shadows. I mean, this is a story of my life. People hiding in the walls with my twins. Oh, that's right. Matt and- Mr. Scholes. And Mr. Scholes. They have, they have a full camo for every room in the house.
Starting point is 00:25:34 They do. And they got the idea from the movie Garden State. Isn't that correct? That's so they say. They saw Zach Braff sitting in that room. That iconic moment. That iconic moment he's wearing the shirt that's the same pattern as the wallpaper.
Starting point is 00:25:45 Which when you really, if you think about it too hard, it makes, it doesn't make sense as to why that would have happened in life. It doesn't make sense at all. Other than for the cool shot. Yeah, and that, if your aunt or whoever it was that supposedly made him the shirt would say, this is wild.
Starting point is 00:25:58 I found a cloth pattern that's the exact same as the wallpaper in here. Yes. You'd mention it. You'd mention it. You'd mention it. You would definitely mention it. Oh boy. Yeah. So they have that. And it was just their one shot. We never saw that shirt again. He put it on immediately. Did he take it off right away? Well, I mean, the next thing you see is him in the shirt in front of the wallpaper. Right. But then is he out of the shirt in the next shot? I believe so.
Starting point is 00:26:26 I know. I need to check on this because that would be wild. Maybe we'll do a commentary on that one scene. Add it to the list of our mini watchalongs. Watchalong minis. Watchalong minis. And that's the other thing. So then they went the opposite direction. One holiday, one Halloween to like- Which is one holiday. They came up with, thank you.
Starting point is 00:26:51 They came up with minis, but they were literally like ant size. They were so small. Were they the size of ants or the size that an ant could enjoy? No, not exactly. Sure. The size an ant could enjoy. That'd be even smaller. No, an ant could enjoy? No, not exactly. Sure, the size an ant could enjoy. No, an ant can enjoy. Well, they can carry up twice their body weight, right? Yeah, and they're carrying like just an old crumb of bread. Apparently the ants are running the equivalent of like 60 miles an hour.
Starting point is 00:27:19 Is that right? My goodness. It's so hard to be impressed by these things. What? By their strength, by their speed. They're so, what are you talking about? Because you could just stomp on them. Oh my gosh, Burt. It really does feel like, if you could do all this stuff, you have to increase your
Starting point is 00:27:35 defenses. You live in a world with human beings. You're going to come on their turf, form a line, go into their kitchen. You better have a plan for what happens next. Because if the humans see who they're going to eradicate you with extreme prejudice. I feel like they just, what they would say in response to you is just, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:27:55 There's a trillion of us. Yeah, exactly. That's what I figured. That's what their smugness is. You know, they're just like, so what, big deal. They don't mind if they die. If you kill me, it's fine because the ants will live on. So I think in that way, they are, they are,
Starting point is 00:28:09 that is their defense is that they just, there's so many of them. All right, well, we've settled that. Anyways, I just didn't mean to send you on an ant rant. Where's the queen? I'm sorry, what? The queen ant? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:21 What do you mean where? Like they're usually down in a, like usually down in the- Are you under the impression there's one queen ant for Yeah. What do you mean where? Like they're usually down in a, like usually down in the- Are you under the impression there's one queen ant for all of these? I think so. I think that's what he thinks. How many queens-
Starting point is 00:28:31 That's what it sounds like. How many queens per, how many ants per queen? There are many ant colonies. Yes. So each colony has its own queen, I would imagine. Correct. Yes, I think so.
Starting point is 00:28:42 So I mean, do you mean just where does the queen generally live? I mean, underground, I would think, right? I think she's, yeah, just hanging out. She's safe underground. She, I think so. So I mean, do you mean just where does the queen generally live? I mean, underground, I would think, right? I think she's, yeah, just hanging out. She's safe underground. She's hanging out underground. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:52 Doug is, he's looking off to the, scratching his chin thoughtfully. He's looking out the window. He walked over to the window and he's looking out the window. Where'd that pipe come from? Just give me a moment. Ah! Never seen Doug in a, in a, in a cow neck sweater.
Starting point is 00:29:12 Absolutely looks like an author. Oh, the bubbles. I thought it was smoke. No, it's just a silly bubble pipe. Gotcha. You got me again. A great prank. A great prank.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Now, and for a while everyone was doing those ones where these are the ones that always kill me Right is that the videos of the people who are sort of dressed as like a pumpkin-headed person on the on the on the porch But you think they're fake and then you're doing your own again They they pretend to be sort of a dummy. A decoration. A decoration, yes. And then they always end up almost getting their lights punched out. Yeah, or getting their lights punched out. Or actually getting their lights punched out.
Starting point is 00:29:51 I've seen a few where the people were immediately punched. And it always makes me think, what would I do in that situation? If I were walking up on a porch and what I thought was just a decoration was actually, turns out a supernatural creature comes to life. Would I run? Would it be fight or flight? Right. And what is the answer that you come up with?
Starting point is 00:30:14 Probably flight, but I would like to think I'd go down swinging. But I would say, uh-uh. Well, that would scare me. Not today, guy from Scream. Well, that's not today. That would scare me. Not today. Guy from scream. What are my favorites that I ever saw was a guy who jumped up out of a recycling bin. He was some kind of scarecrow or something. He gets punched. He immediately sinks back into the lid in the lid. It couldn't be more
Starting point is 00:30:43 perfect. It's an all time classic of the genre. And then of course it was a year that we, for every, everyone decided, actually there was a couple years, right? Where it was instead of carving pumpkins, they were going to carve a different type of fruit. There was a, there was a Kiwi carving everyone and you, everyone had to do it. Excuse me. Everyone had to do it.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Yeah. And that ride is tough. It's tough and small. Well, also, all the fuzz was flammable, highly flammable. So they basically just created little bombs all over the city. And we sold out of Band-Aids that year, I remember. The Band-Aids. Yeah, because everybody cut the hell out of their hands. Sure. Trying to carve those things. Very, very tiny.
Starting point is 00:31:21 They're using the regular size knife. Well, because they don't make a Kiwi carving set. So you had to use all the same, you know, the scooper's too big. Do you remember the year that they were the sanitation department refused to pick up the jack-o'-lanterns? Oh, yes. And they said, we're sick of it. It was much like the firemen who went and got their sabbatical and they went and wrote a novel. When they came back and saw fires, they go, ew. That's right. I think it turned out that they were all frightened
Starting point is 00:31:55 of the jack-o-lanterns. Is that what it was? Yes. I don't think I knew that. Yeah, they would see them. So like, I guess, I will say, I mean, is there anything more depressing than like, I mean, and by the way, it's like, it happens within seconds,
Starting point is 00:32:06 it seems, you carve a pumpkin, two seconds later, it's green moldy and it looks like someone stomped on it. That's right. It's almost useless. Yeah, when it's been out for like a month and it's crunched down. Heavens, yeah, that's terrible. Fold in on itself like the house of the unapulcherized.
Starting point is 00:32:20 Oh, yes. So I suppose they were very scared of what they looked like the next day. They were more scared of them during the day than they were at night. And then the mayor said you have to pick up these jack-o'-lanterns. It had been months because it was a real standoff between the people in the neighborhood and the sanitation department. They took a full page hat out. Nobody would budge. Yeah, nobody would budge. Full page. Full page.
Starting point is 00:32:45 Full page. Full page. Full page. Full page. Full page. Full page ad that said, we're sick of it. No further information. Just signed to the sanitation department.
Starting point is 00:32:59 And I remember people were confused until those buckets started to rot. Oh man. And then they got it. It's crazy that everyone just put up with it. Yeah. They wouldn't get rid of them themselves. That's right. And then the mayor.
Starting point is 00:33:10 It's a stubborn town, this place. It was, it got to be May. And the smell was overpowering. Yes. And. It actually floated over into New Barn and they were complaining about it. Yes.
Starting point is 00:33:21 And then the mayor's had a bet. They said, what's that smeedle? What? about it. Yes. And then the mayor's had a bet. They said, what's that smeedle? What? That's the new barn people. Watch that smeedle is what I heard. But they were saying, what's that smell? Smeedle. You know, cause how vampires are always saying smeedle.
Starting point is 00:33:40 What's that smell? Smell. Smell. You know, cause how vampires are always saying smell. Smell. Smell. I can smell your blood. I never smell wine. Or drink it.
Starting point is 00:33:53 But I can smell an orista coming in. The mayor of that time was Art Pettybone. Yes. And the mayor of New Barn, I think was- Bone Petty Art. Bone Petty Art. And they had a bet that if the New Barn Sanitation department came and picked up all the jack-o-lanterns
Starting point is 00:34:17 at Dignity Falls, then Art Pettybone had to do a handstand for a full minute. bone, how'd you do a handstand for a full minute? And if, if the, if the new barn, uh, sanitation, when we were scared of the Jacqueline didn't do it, then pet already, pet already bone was bone, petty yards dog. That's right. Pet Artie bone was bone petty arts dog. No, that's right.
Starting point is 00:34:43 That's right. Wait, which is the dog's name? Pet Artie bone pet art because it's because dogs like bones and they want to be pet. That's right. Yeah. What was the mayor's name? Bone Petty Art. Bone Petty Art.
Starting point is 00:35:01 Petty Art. Bone Petty Art. Bone Petty Art. He's a very fancy man. He was very he would greet people. Oh, pretty. I. He had to he had to cut off his little finger.
Starting point is 00:35:15 It was such an uneven bet. It was such an uneven bet. And versus losing a digit. Yeah. And I think that did the handstand. Oh, well, spoiler alert. That's what happened. He had to. Well, he had to. Don of the best. Yeah. Yeah. and I think that- He did the handstand. Oh well, spoiler alert, that's what happened. Well he had to, to honor the bet. Yeah, no one thought he could do it.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Yeah, the New Barn sanitation department was not scared of those jack-o-lanterns at all. Oh, not at all. Have you seen the New Barn jack-o-lanterns? They're truly terrifying. They're terrifying. I swear some of those were human heads. I don't doubt it for one second. For one second.
Starting point is 00:35:46 It's like, why does this pumpkin have hair? Why does this pumpkin have male battered baldness? This pumpkin has an earring. They are so weird. Oh, don't go to New Barn around Halloween. Definitely. And they start celebrating it. I would say don't go period. They have the Starburst pie we've talked about.
Starting point is 00:36:10 That's true. It is worth going through. It is good. It is good. What were you going to say? They start celebrating it early, right? Yeah. I want to say July 5th.
Starting point is 00:36:19 Yes, I think so. They start putting up their Halloween decorations. And that's, so they're the kind of town that complains. They're like, oh, July 4th hasn't even happened. And already the Halloween decorations are going up. They skip Labor Day. They don't recognize it as a holiday. They skip all the Labor Day decorations.
Starting point is 00:36:34 Well, they don't recognize it as a holiday. They work on Labor Day. Oh, they're so sick. What's sick people? They're sick and twisted. They make me sick. But they don't make me twisted. Oh boy. What's your favorite costume that Jalaiapie and the twins ever dressed up as?
Starting point is 00:36:54 And did you guys used to do family costumes? Yeah, we did. There was a good solid three years where the boys were Mario and Luigi. Sure. And Doug was a Bowser. The boys didn't grow for the longest time. No. They didn't. They really didn't. They didn't grow. They were three feet in seventh grade. Then they had a huge overnight
Starting point is 00:37:16 growth spurt. It was actually like when they were sophomores in high school. It was like and they claimed it was because they made a wish the night before, because they really had. That's right. They'd made a wish on a, at a graveyard. Right. And they were always wishing in graveyards. They were always wishing in graveyards.
Starting point is 00:37:36 They thought it was good luck. I can't, what do I, I can't know what to tell you. I remember I'd walk past the graveyard, I'd see them and I'd say, what are you guys doing? And they'd say, wishing. And then I would go back, of course, to the edge past the graveyard, I'd see them, I'd say, what are you guys doing? And they'd say, wishing. And then I would go back, of course, to the edge of the graveyard, so I could hold my breath and walk past.
Starting point is 00:37:50 That's right. So for a while, they were Luigi and Mario, and of course, July P was Princess Peach, and you were Bowser, babe, and I was a, what are the mushroom guys? Toadstool. No, no, I was a, what are they called? Goombas. Goomba, yeah. I was a Goomba. Are they the mushroom guys? Toastle. I was, no, no, I was a, what are they called? Goombas.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Goomba, yeah. I was a Goomba. Are they the mushroom guys? Yes. No, yeah, they're the ones you stomp on. And so they really loved being that because the boys would always try to stomp, they would jump on me.
Starting point is 00:38:16 No. And want me to flatten out. No. Yes, it was, and I did it for a while. Well, you had that, that big hat that was really cushiony on top. Yes, I did. So you didn't get injured. And Doug made his own Bowser costume. He was so proud of it.
Starting point is 00:38:32 He used a real spikes. Yeah. You know, not fake ones. You wore to a wedding once as I recall. I asked him to put a bow tie on it. What's the problem? He was the best man. Dress shoes. I mean, the pictures are so weird. The pictures are very strange. It's just a lot of lavender and then it's just him. And are you still in touch with that guy? Which friend of yours? No, he stopped talking to me after that. They got divorced. No, how soon after the wedding?
Starting point is 00:39:09 I mean, we didn't get, I don't know, I think by Christmas we found out it was bad. It didn't last long. It did not last long. Wow. Sad, it's very sad. But you know what, Doug, in a way, great test of their relationship.
Starting point is 00:39:21 Because if they couldn't survive that, maybe they shouldn't have been married. That's right. If they couldn't survive survive the best man being dressed as Bowser. Which should have been something that made them laugh for the rest of their lives. Exactly. It's funny. Your wedding needs to have one little thing go wrong. You need to have a thing like that. So you have a story at the wedding. Here's what you need. You need something that didn't happen the way it was supposed to happen. You need someone to embarrass themselves in some way. You need two people that you never thought would ever meet have sex together.
Starting point is 00:39:52 Oh, okay. That's right. Yeah, that's one. You want to hook up. Yeah, that's one. And you need your mother to say something unpleasant. Oh, yes, definitely. I probably shouldn't have tried to blow the fireballs during the speech part. I would have made that a separate part. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:09 I would have said after speeches do that. After speeches before dancing. But the most recent one that the kids did, which I hated, it was about five years ago. You know, July P was, well, yeah, it was about five. Well, whenever the show came out, couple of years ago, the boys wanted to do, is it cake with us, with our family? What they did was they wanted to,
Starting point is 00:40:28 they literally came out, they're like, we're doing, is it cake? And it was three jalapees, right? And so one of them was real. And they had this gigantic knife, and they're like, come on, mom and dad, which one, is it cake or is it jalape? And I was like, you are not going to start
Starting point is 00:40:41 to slice your sister. It was absolutely horrifying. And they had somehow found a way to momentarily paralyze July. Oh my God. Like she couldn't even move her eyes. I didn't know that at the time. And so that's what made it especially hard to guess
Starting point is 00:40:58 cause I was looking for blinking. And I just thought, well, July P is very good like that. She's still go for weeks without talking to me. So of course she can go for five minutes without blinking. And I remember, thank God you argued long enough that the, the whatever it was wore off. Yes. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:14 And she started crying. The favorite game is which one of us do you love more? Right. And they always do it to their mom. Yeah. But not to you. I usually pick Dr. Schultz just because he's so sensitive. It's so weird that they're twins, but they're so different.
Starting point is 00:41:30 Yeah, I know. They really are. I mean, except for how in how disturbed they are and their love of fire. Yeah. They both do everything together. They're the same. Yeah. If it's something that is destructive, they immediately do it together and they work together. I gotta give them this. Boy, obey, boy, did they- Boy, obey.
Starting point is 00:41:48 They did, which is in Dignity Falls, same. Boy, obey. Boy, obey, they absolutely- Boy, obey, they absolutely work together like a charm. Like a charm. I remember one year for Halloween, they did that headless horseman ride through the city. They did.
Starting point is 00:42:03 Where Dr. Schultz was the horse and Matt was the headless horseman and because they didn't quite understand headless horseman, the horse also didn't have a head. Yes, that's right. They were like, who's headless, the horse or the man? Is it a headless horse man? And they really just had one of their faces was just facing out the ass.
Starting point is 00:42:25 So it was just literally one head with the rear. They got it wrong. Yeah. And you know why? Because that wasn't that destructive. It was just a fun prank. And that's why they didn't work well together. But they were throwing little, you know, little gourds that they had coated with some kind
Starting point is 00:42:42 of lighter flute or something. Yes. Oh, of course. Letting throwing them, and laughing maniacally. They're also yelling, the British are here, the British are here, which is the wrong, that was a damn. It's wrong for a couple of reasons. It's wrong for a couple of reasons.
Starting point is 00:42:53 Because that wouldn't be much of a warning. What is, uh-oh, the British are here? We can't do anything. The British are here is like, you're not helping. You're not helping. We know. We know, yeah. Now if you had told us the British are coming,
Starting point is 00:43:06 well that would have been hell. Where were you 10 minutes ago? The British are here. We did do a full, we did a whole family costume once where we were all on a tandem bicycle. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:23 But then, you know, draped ourselves. So we were one big caterpillar. Yeah, the human caterpillar. The human caterpillar. We got almost down the street. And he would just say, keep cat-a-pedaling. And he was just constantly yelling. I'd never seen a five person bike before.
Starting point is 00:43:39 I didn't know they existed. Did you make that? Well, Doug made it. Yep, I made it. I combined several bikes, several tandem bikes. Several. I mean not several, you really only needed like two. Two and a half. One bicycle is half a tandem bicycle.
Starting point is 00:43:56 And one by C. That's solid math. Well, half a tent of ice bicycle. So yeah, that was a great one. And then recently, every year Doug just loves those costumes were speaking of headless. That's where he got the idea, where, you know, it's like his, he builds up a body up on top. His head is on a plate. It looks like his head is, he loves them so much. Yes. And I remember he, on the body,
Starting point is 00:44:29 he had like a little wording, like you had to look closely at it. It was on the collar of the body. And you would look and it would say, my eyes are down there. Oh, he thought that joke was so good. It tricked you. Yeah. So good. Yeah. And they were grapes.
Starting point is 00:44:45 That's, that's right. They were grapes. Doug would put grapes somehow on his eyes. Over his eyes? I don't know how he did. I think he honestly, Bert, I think he just put them in there and did that thing where you squint really hard
Starting point is 00:44:55 and hold on to them the whole night. We call it monocle style. Is that what it is? Oh yeah, monocle style. So I guess that's what you do with a monocle. Is that how you hold them in your hand? Yeah. So you hold them in your hand.
Starting point is 00:45:04 Yeah. And then you put them in your hand. really hard and hold on to them the whole night. We call it monocle style. Is that what it is? Oh yeah, monocle style. So I guess that's what you do with a monocle. Is that how you hold a monocle in? It is, isn't that crazy that people used to do that? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:14 I don't quite understand that. Just the one eye, you just need glasses for the one eye. And then they had the kind that was just like a little sort of tiny bit of glasses without- A lornet. A lornet. That's called a lornet. Oh, it's called a lorn. You job you should know from Carousel.
Starting point is 00:45:28 Well, wait, mentioned in. It was it. Yeah. Oh, boy. I guess I don't know my carousel very well. Well, I have to say Carousel is not one of my favorites, you know, because it's like, what's the use in wondering if he's good or if he's bad? He's your fellow and he beats you. That's all you need to know. I mean, truly,
Starting point is 00:45:46 I think that's mostly the lyrics. I think we're asked to be very invested in the story of the worst person you could think of and it's after death even it's five and a half hours long. And that's the cut version. Oh, did you ever see carousel uncut? No, just would never want to. It's chilling. He eventually goes to hell. Oh, good.
Starting point is 00:46:08 Well, actually, I'd watch that. And then we see him tortured for another two hours. And there's another dream ballet I've heard. That's right. There's a dream ballet in hell. It's Jigger and Satan. Yeah, it's a pod to devil. They dance together. Good song Satan. Yeah, it's a pod to devil. They dance together.
Starting point is 00:46:27 Good song though. Oh boy, really good song. Good song. It's a good tune. It's like the, well, I believe it is, If I Loved You played backwards. That's right. And it's titled, You Are a Real Nice Clambake.
Starting point is 00:46:42 For all the carousel enthusiasts listening, I really hope you enjoy this. Enjoy you too. He's talking to me and himself. Are we enthusiasts? I mean, I'm an enthusiast about any musical, although I really do know very little about that one. I mean, I just, I know the movie, but then I know the songs, but I just don't care for
Starting point is 00:47:02 it. Yes, you know, they did it in our high school. So I saw it. Oh yeah. Well, because they do it every year, mostly because remember the high school at the movie, but then I know the songs, but I just don't guess you know, they did in our high school. So I saw it. Oh, yeah. Well, because they do it every year, mostly because remember the high school at the top, are you saying your high school or that new one? My high school when I was sorry. Oh, yeah. Tell me about that. Well, they they would do my high school would do four musicals a year. That's that's ambitious. It's a lot. And if you were in the the drama department, you
Starting point is 00:47:24 would be responsible for, you know, you had to be in these shows, but you also had to keep your grades up. And it was kind of an impossible task. And most of the kids flunked out of school. And then I remember the drama directors like, we need more kids. Oh my gosh. You know, they were recruiting especially for, you know, the same school you had to do an apprenticeship at the my gosh. You know, they were recruiting especially for, you know... And this is the same school you had to do an apprenticeship at the same time. You had to choose the textile factory, you had to choose the newspaper. That's right. I mean, kids were really overworked. Yeah, and the mentor for the
Starting point is 00:47:56 actor's apprentice was George Segal. And he would come every year. And he would come every year and he would mentor these kids. Cranky about it. He's very cranky about it. And if he didn't like your acting, he would just pull out his banjo and start to play. That's how you knew you'd failed him. Say, I don't believe you, Jimi Krakkon and I don't care. No.
Starting point is 00:48:20 I thought you meant the actor, George Segal. I do. Oh, you did. You don't know he played the mando? No. Oh, he used to. Wait, no, okay. Yeah, he used to bring it out on the Tonight Show.
Starting point is 00:48:29 He did? Yes, he did. Am I thinking of the same person? Yes, you are. Okay. From The Chicken Jane? Yeah. Yeah, that's George Segal.
Starting point is 00:48:37 I should know that. The George Segal, who is weirdly the movie star of the, the mid to late 70s. Yes. Okay, I learned something every time on this podcast. Yeah, there you go. movie star of the mid to late seventies. Yes. Okay. I learned something every time on this podcast. Wow. So then one of the ones you did was Carousel. Yeah, they did Carousel. They did Oklahoma with a question mark.
Starting point is 00:49:02 Normally an exclamation point. And there was no, there was no Oklahoma. Oklahoma? Oklahoma? But is it like O-H-O? Oklahoma? What? I know what that means.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Maybe this will answer your question. When they sing it, they go, Oklahoma, okay? Yeah. Yeah. I see. The whole thing, every time they would say Oklahoma would end with a question mark. Obviously I can't do it, but if you're singing the title song from Oklahoma, how would that sound?
Starting point is 00:49:31 Oklahoma, where the wind comes sweeping down the cliff. That's right. Every, every, every phrase ended with a question mark. And you know how many times Oklahoma is said in that song? So many times. Plus the okay part. And the idea was they would look around confused. Is that where we are? And there was no set.
Starting point is 00:49:49 Nope. And people were, the costumes didn't match. People were in all kinds of different things. One guy was an alien. Yes, this might've been the very first show ever ahead of its time to have a curtain call people covered entirely in blood. Yes, entirely in blood.
Starting point is 00:50:03 They weren't covered in anything else. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh yeah, they're always covered in something. They did a few good men, which is not a musical, but they would sing the national anthem every 10 minutes. And then they would hand cover it in grease. Grease. When they did grease, they were covered in chicken fat. Really? Yes. Is there a, you can't handle the truth song?
Starting point is 00:50:39 No. There isn't, it's just a play, babe. It started as a play written by Aaron Sorkin. And every 10 minutes they would sing the national anthem. But yeah, just to maybe call it a musical. Play with music, they called it. The audience hated it because they kept having to stand up. It's like, if I wanted to do this,
Starting point is 00:50:53 if I wanted to do this, I would have gone to church. Yeah, well, there's a lot of standing up and sitting down there, but there was still somehow more, a few good men to play with music. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they did ask you to kneel at one point. They did. They did. They did.
Starting point is 00:51:05 You know, I just recently watched that film and they really were leaning hard into the, don't want to get as dangerously close to a watch along, but I have to tell you, they really lean hard into Tom Cruise being like, ha, I don't give a shit, ha. I'm a rookie and I don't care. And I got a chip on my shoulder. And I'm, and Demi Moore is here
Starting point is 00:51:29 and I'm supposed to respect her, but I'm busy hitting baseballs. There's this insane scene where he's just literally doesn't stop getting baseballs. Kevin Pollock. I mean, the movie, the parts I saw were honestly, it really bears another watch because it's kind of like- But then he starts to care.
Starting point is 00:51:46 He does, but it takes forever. I mean, this first 20 minute section was insane. He's just like, they're like, this is a woman, you should respect her. He's like, whatever. Like, I mean, it's just so funny. Oh boy. I mean, how long have we been talking, babe?
Starting point is 00:52:00 I would say... Over an hour. Over an hour. Time flies. Talking about Halloween. I miss Halloween. I do too. I hope we do it again. This conversation makes me want to eradicate it entirely. I really do hope that we can get back to a place where the parade happens maybe the day before, you know, and we can still have a...
Starting point is 00:52:30 Or the day after, because Halloween... I mean, the day after would be, it's like a drunken pharmacist. When I was a kid, and Halloween was over, I remember being kind of let down. Oh yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So if it was on November 1st, I think it would be fun to have something to kind of pick people down. Oh yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. So something, if it was on November 1st, I think it would be fun to have something to
Starting point is 00:52:47 kind of pick people's spirits back up. Yeah. I think so. Yeah. I mean the kids love the pharmacist parade. The kids do love the pharmacist parade. They do. I see the wonder in their eyes.
Starting point is 00:52:57 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well what can we do, before we go, what do you, is there something we can do to kind of resuscitate Halloween in Dignity Falls? I mean, I would love, I'd love a poem. And maybe I could sing another one of the Halloween,
Starting point is 00:53:15 one of my favorite Halloween songs. Do you know what I'm gonna do? What? Because I do have some pull with the pharmacists in the union since I'm the pharmacist in chief. Yep. I'm gonna get to dress up like skeletons. Okay. I'll have everyone dressed up like skeletons.
Starting point is 00:53:28 For the parade? Yeah. All the pharmacists will be skeletons. Oh, I see. You're going to have them show up in costume, not pharmacist costume. What did you think I meant? Well, I thought you were going to talk about something related to the Halloween song or the poem, but this is a new idea.
Starting point is 00:53:36 No, no, no. This is a new idea. Did you think I had started a poem? No. I thought you were going to talk about something related to the Halloween song or the poem, but this is a new idea. No, no, no. this is a new idea. No, no, no. This is a new idea. Did you think I had started a poem? No. Oh, okay. No, I
Starting point is 00:53:50 just thought this was related to the poem. That's right. You were doing your Santa voice. Not related to the poem. This was a unique idea. And I think it's a great idea. Yeah. Because I think that will remind people, oh, that's right, Halloween. Yes. And we don't have to throw out the baby with the bathwater. We can have both. Hang on, I know, Doug, what do you think that means? Oh, great question, Joe. I know that he's, I know that just hit him
Starting point is 00:54:13 like a ton of bricks. And- Nobody throws baby in the bathwater. Is that it? Ah, of course, from the movie. From the movie Dirty Dancing. And of course, because the dancing is so dirty, they need a bath.
Starting point is 00:54:25 And he famously says, nobody throws me in the water. Yeah, with the bath water. All right, I'll leave you with a poem, and then Joan, you can end with your favorite Halloween character. Okay, great. All right.
Starting point is 00:54:41 with your favorite Halloween character. All right. What do I spy, says I? Could it be a candy pie? A pie made of candy? That I could eat? I would be happy. From skull down to feet. I'll give you a trick.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Should you not give a treat? And the trick I will do will involve rotten meat. Did you ever see poltergeist? The guy claws his face. That will be you. You'll guy claws his face. That will be you. You'll be in his place. Okay. Oh, that ended.
Starting point is 00:55:31 Because again, the kids would run and scream. You'd release maggots in the crowd. Imagining, they would imagine. I would release maggots in the crowd. The kids, of course, they're not real maggots, but it would be tic tacs again. The white ones. And the kids would be imagining that.
Starting point is 00:55:47 We really ruin tic tacs across the board for the kids. Well, they're not that great. Not really not. The idea of the box is great. Having them in that little container, the noise they make, that's fun. But you have a couple tic tacs, you're like, I wish I'd had a, you know, a stick of gum, a slice of gum, a slice of gum,
Starting point is 00:56:07 a slice of gum. Hey, you got a slice of gum. I love a slice of gum. The kids imagining that little steak inchworming its way across the counter. Ew, yes. We should go to that gum by the slice place after this. Sure, let's do that.
Starting point is 00:56:24 That's right near the fruit by the yard. Yeah. Yeah. All right. This is a silly one, but it always, I mean, I used to love to sing it to my kids. Three little candy corns. What do I see? Three candy corns looking back at me. Take away one. What do you do? I say that I now see two. One more goes to
Starting point is 00:56:47 the grocery store. We have one. We don't have four. And now the last one goes to bed. They are no more because they all are dead. Well, that's a great one. That's all the kids. And then I throw maggots in the ground. Real ones. Real ones. Well, that wraps up this fond reminiscence of Halloween in Dignity Falls. We hope that some of these traditions overlap with your neighborhood, wherever you are. Even if that neighborhood is hell. Hey, Bird!
Starting point is 00:57:22 What a spooky laugh. And bye.

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