The Neighborhood Listen - Cam Girl Ham Girl with Nicole Byer

Episode Date: December 14, 2020

Oh no, it's the Season 2 finale of The Neighborhood Listen already! Burnt brings up Belinda's possum post, Joan discusses Linda Pippert and Burnt and Joan invite "ineedham" aka Gidget (Nicole Byer) to the show who is in a desperate search for ham.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is.

All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest is Nicole Byer. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls,

you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us. Bert. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen.

Hello and welcome once again to the, well, this is the season finale of The Neighborhood Listen. I mean, I'm kind of sad about that. I am too. I mean, I'm not doing anything, Bert. I mean, what am I going to do? We're still stuck in the house. I mean, I guess I'm just going to do a podcast by myself. Is that true?

Is that what you're going to do? I don't know. I was just thinking of calling it like drinking with Joan or crying with Joan or sleeping with Joan. So depending on what the title is, that's what you will be doing in the podcast. Correct. See, you've got it. But you won't be doing, are these three separate podcasts you're proposing?

I mean, I have got the time. But you're right. It could be Drinking with Joan, comma. What did I say? Crying with Joan, comma. And Sleeping with Joan, comma sleeping with Joan. Oh, so I, not necessarily in that order.

Here's what, here's what I, here's what I thought. I thought it was, you were either going to do a podcast that's all about drinking, a podcast that's all about sleeping, or a podcast that's all about crying. I didn't realize you were proposing all of these activities.

I wasn't until you gave me the ideas, what I'm saying. I see, I see. That's how creativity works. I know, you need two people for it, Berndt, the ideas what I'm saying. I see, I see. That's how creativity works. I know, you need two people for it, Burnt. This is what I'm saying. You always need two people for creativity. That's Burnt,

by the way. Burnt me a payday. In case you're just joining us for the first time for our season finale. Maybe you discovered our podcast while you were stuck inside the house. Maybe people were talking about it and you finally gave in and you said okay, I'm going to check this one out. That's right.

I'm going to wait until it got good because I'll assume that at the beginning it wasn't very good and then at the end it probably got better. Well, it did take time for us to find our footing, you know. I'm Joan Pedestrian, by the way. And my husband, Doug. Hey, babe, how you doing? I'm good.

I'm Doug Korn Pedestrian. That's right. Doug did take my last name in the marriage. That's right. And Doug is the engineer for this show. He records the podcast and is responsible for the sound. So if you like it or don't like it, you can attach a person's name to your feelings. And Doug,

Doug is always in a different part of the house. Please be forgiving because, you know, we were really working through some technical difficulties in the last couple weeks, but if you had trouble with the sound last season, I don't know what to tell you. I guess blame Doug. Well, yeah, we've had time to fix it. But he's in our

bar today. He's in our downstairs bar because i thought that'd be funny kind of like how andy cohen on watch what happens live has someone in the bar and today it's my husband and he's making some cocktails but no one else is down there no so on on watch what happens live correct me if i'm wrong i've seen it a few times uh the bar is right off to the side and uh there's other people uh that are on the show so everyone's in the same room but doug is in an empty bar right our bar is the bar that has really that looked the most like the bar on the show is in the basement so that's i just thought that made sense this implies and again we we've we've gotten into

this your house is uh is is quite uh it's deceptively, I'm never sure whether to say deceptively small or deceptively large. It's deceptively small, but inside, there's so many rooms. And Doug is, you're implying he's in one of several bars? No, I mean, look, anything can be a bar in a house, right? I mean, you put a bottle of vodka on it, it's a bar. Bam. At least that's how I live my life. But the one that actually was, you know, like we got it all set up down there with like, you know, actual nice bar stools.

And we've got, you know, actual places to put all the glasses. You know, something that was really built to be a bar that is downstairs. Exactly. Any theme, tiki or otherwise? Otherwise. Well, what I kind of liked was, Doug loves cheers, so half of it looks like cheers, but I was a huge

Sex and the City fan, so half of it looks like a 90s New York Cosmo phantasm. So half of it just traditional old boston pub and then the other half is like practically in the dark black light we just compromise that's what marriage is burnt well i wouldn't know of course doug doug how are you doing uh i remember you asked me a question for the first time uh recently and so i thought i would return the favor and ask you how you are doing i'm doing okay i've been working on my my curveball with the mug like they do in cheers working on your curveball with the mug so sam

alone right you know what you've passed the glass of beer to the- You slide the glass down, sure. Slide, that's the word I was looking for. So- What was the word you used, pass? Curveball, and then I used pass. Right. Slide. So I'm trying to slide it on a curve, you know, with the bar, and just keeps break. It just keeps falling off and breaking. I've broken many glasses.

And then he was trying to do it with a martini glass on the sex in the city side. And that was also a disaster. You, you really, it turns out you really can't, but everyone says, learn a new skill,

learn a new skill, you know, and that's what Doug was trying to learn. I feel all this pressure to learn new skills, you know, and I, I've just, I've got a lot of stress. But I've got my friend Linda Pippert and...

Little Linda Pippert? Linda Pippert and Lurleen Twist, my two great friends. Right. They both are learning new languages. And I'm like, Linda, Lurleen, what are you doing? You're making me look bad. I'm in my pajamas. I'm eating muffins.

So both little Linda and Lurleen are learning new languages? Linda and Lurleen are learning new languages. What languages are you doing? You're making me look bad. I'm in my pajamas. I'm eating muffins. So both little Linda and Lurleen are learning new languages? Linda and Lurleen are learning new languages. What languages are they learning? Latin. I was trying. I was trying for some alliteration. I'm sorry, Bert. Now, speaking of NeighborHap,

Joan, we do as you may or may not know, if you're one of these people that we were talking about earlier just listening for the first time we what we do is we take uh posts from the neighbor hap uh social networking application and uh we take a look at our neighborhood dignity falls uh via those posts uh and we and today is no different even though it's the season finale we're gonna do the same thing every episode. And Joan, do you have one for us today?

Oh, oh, I thought I thought you were going to I was going to wrap up in the third segment with one. You know what? That's correct. We did. Sometimes we talk about it before. Sometimes we don't. We did talk about it beforehand.

But in my mind, we didn't. So I am ready to go with this post. This comes to us. This is the general category under the category of general and this was submitted to us this was a listener uh sent this in they screen capped it and sent it in uh submitted by jt grant three jt grant three it's a fancy name it's pretty fancy it's got initials and a number a number this this was a post uh posted by uh someone named belinda belinda says please don't hurt the possums they may look ugly but they are only marsupial if you are bothered by them let me know i'll try to come catch it

and relocated i'm not the possum woman but I don't want possums to get hurt. By the way, that was the subject line. That was the entire thing was the subject line. Wow. Yes, it's all in bold. That's the subject line. Here is the body of the post. Please don't hurt the possums.

They may look ugly, but they are only marsupial. If you are bothered by them, let me knowion i'll try to come catch and relocated i'm not the possum woman but i don't want possums to get hurt so i'm sorry she repeated the entire subject in the body of the message yes but not in boldface so uh a more muted difference a more muted approach yes uh so this is belinda who claims to not be the possum woman um i don't know that i was ready to make that accusation but uh she has forestalled that line of attack and she's saying before you even tell me i am not the possum woman she's just someone who cares about possums now is there someone who is the possum woman i don don't know. I will say, Berndt,

I was right with you after the first reading, but as soon as she repeated it, I thought the possum lady doth protest too much. Because if you're going to say it a second time, if someone's saying like, I didn't sleep with him, I didn't sleep with him, I didn't sleep with him, you say it three times, you slept with him. I'm just speaking from like a hypothetical standpoint.

But if someone's trying to deny something, and if they deny several times, then it probably means that they really did it. So I think she's obsessed with possums. Like St. Peter denying Jesus Christ on the night of the crucifixion. Right, we have Easter this weekend. That's right. Well, as of this recording, yes, Easter is coming up.

And of course, Bunny Day on the video game Animal Crossing. Oh God. July P is into that. I don't understand it at all. Doug and July P are just all about it. It's a whole thing. I can't wait for Bunny Day. Go ahead babe. I don't know anything about it. You talk about it. I've been wearing an eggshell

on my head for a week. I don't know what else. I didn't realize you were playing Animal Crossing New Horizons, but I am, of course, on there as well, and I didn't realize Julyapi was playing. I will send my friend code. Oh, great.

That 13-digit friend code? That's right. That's right. I'll memorize it. Well, I just don't know. I i feel left out i guess i'll have to get into it here's the here's the game and it's a very adorable game basically uh you are the only human being uh who lives on an island full of anthropomorphic animals uh one of them who is a large raccoon he's in charge of everything um he tricks you into uh alone this is how the game starts is he welcomes

you to this island this island is going to be your home and he says hey you'll want a house or a tent to sleep in while you're here right and you say sure and then he says great here it is oh also that will be uh x amount of bells which is the currency on these islands. So it starts off on a lie. And then from there, you just get deeper and deeper into debt with this raccoon. And there's no way out of it. There's no way out of it. I think I'll just keep drinking.

That is way too complicated. And I think it's quite dark, actually. You know, you invite July B. You guys have a good time. Doug needs a hobby. It's fine. It's fine. You guys play it. It's all right. time. Doug needs a hobby. It's fine. It's fine. You guys play it.

It's all right. I'll go take a look. Maybe I'll look over his shoulder. Dad got a grave. He got a what? What's that? Where are you even talking? Dad got a grave.

Are you down in the bar? Honey, he got on the line. Are you in the bar with dad? What? I came down just to say that dad got a grave. I don't know what that means. me. Watch out for broken glass. Doug, what is this about the grave? I've got a grave in Animal Crossing.

There's different animals that give you gifts. Yes. One of the animals was a blue bunny and said he had a gift just for me. And I placed it down and it was a grave. Oh, that confused me because I thought you down and it was a grave. Oh, that confused me because I thought you were talking about our actual graves. You know, Doug and I already have our plots chosen. That's right. Good thinking.

Good thinking. It's right in front of the first house I ever sold. Right in front? Yes. And so, how did you manage that? How did you arrange that? I'm curious as to what that conversation was like with the people who live in that home. Well, I had it done before I sold the home.

And to be honest, okay, I guess let's be honest. Right? Let's be honest. So I used it as a selling point. I said, and you know, here you have, if you want, because it was a young couple that was moving in, I said, if you want, you live here for the rest of your life. You also can live here after the rest of your life. And won't that be sweet? You'll never have to leave home and you'll be together. But they moved out almost immediately. They flipped the house and

changed the whole thing completely. And, and the everything just got sort of redone. They actually put marble in the front yard, which was such a strange choice. And so, honestly, I don't legally have to claim that there are now set holes in the ground for two plots because it's half on the state property or half on the city's property and half on the house. state property or half on the city's property and half on the house. So what's weird is I didn't have to really claim it, but what's weird is when we're buried there, I guess the city will have to belong to the city, will have

to belong to the front yard. Listen, I did not expect to share that and to get caught in that moment. So I'm a little flustered right now. It's almost a reverse poltergeist. All right. Well, with the possum woman um i will say that uh i i commend her on uh you know wanting to take care of these creatures because they're just innocent creatures uh even though they are ugly i don't know what people are doing to them uh that she moved or compelled to step forward and say, please

let me deal with them. But I also I'm intrigued by the defense. They may look ugly, but they are only marsupial. I was about to say the same thing as if that's an explanation. I think because she's thinking, well, marsupials,

that family includes the mouse and things that are cuter. But that doesn't make the possum cuter to me. Is that true? Yes. Are mice marsupials? Oh, great. Am I wrong? Other marsupials are adorable. What is a marsupial?

Like a kangaroo. Am I wrong? A kangaroo is a marsupial? Yes. I don't know that mice have pouches where they keep their young. Fine, they're just rodents. All right, fine. I think they're just rodents, yes. Okay, fine.

A kangaroo. My second guess was right. I think what she's trying to say is other marsupials are much cuter than a possum is. But I'll say, I don't mind possums. The twins had one for a pet for years. Is that so? Yes. It was against my wishes. And so I... Is that so? Yes. It was against my wishes.

And they brought him in and they domesticated him. And, you know... This was Matt and Grib? Yes. Yep. Matt and Grib. And they loved that thing. They loved that thing.

They brought it down to dinner. It was... They fed it at the table. It was absolutely disgusting. They named him Mr. Grabbers. Mr. Grabbers? Because he had a penchant for grabbing things. Yeah, especially

your dick. They have beautiful... That's what he grabbed. That is what that animal grabbed. God love me. Anytime Doug was walking past, anytime Mitch or Gribb were walking past, that's what he grabbed. That is what that animal grabbed. God love me. Anytime Doug was walking past, anytime Mitch or Gribble were walking past, that's what he did. Wow.

I think he just thought that, you know, do marsupials grab? I mean, they grab, right? They grab. They hang from the trees. They have little hands. They have beautiful hands. Beautiful hands.

Actually quite beautiful hands. Is a monkey a marsupial? That's a primate. Why am I getting so confused about animals today? I really don't know. Well, let me just say very quickly. I feel like the world's upside down even more so now. Let's just move on.

We should. Yes, we should. We should probably take a break. And I just want to say to Mr. Grabbers, if you can hear this, time's up. Well, we will be back with a guest here in quote unquote studio. Of course, we're not in studio. We're all still sheltering in place in our homes. But we have somebody who's joining us.

A very interesting person that we found through very curious means. More when the neighbor listen returns. Hey y'all, it's Ashley B. Free couch. Loved couch that we need to get rid of ASAP. Local pickup only by today. Dimensions. 84 width by 35 height. Now y''all i know i didn't include a picture

so just imagine a couch in those dimensions that is loved y'all like we loved this couch but we do have to get rid of it as soon as possible. We loved it. It must be gone. I can't show you a picture of it. But if you're local, come by and get it. Maybe don't look at it. You know the dimensions. Why do you need to see everything? Just know that it was loved and that we have to get rid of it as soon as possible.

All right, y'all. This is Ashley B. Bye. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Well, Joan, we have a guest that we found. This has never happened before. Usually, it's someone who has posted or someone that's in a post that we've tracked down. But somebody sent this to us on Twitter,

a guy named Opus, his actual name, Opus Mareski. Yes, heyitsopus to be specific. Heyitsopus on Twitter, yes. And he sent this. This is apparently happening right now. This is trending. He sent us a banner alert that he got on the neighbor app, and this is trending here in Dignity Falls.

Right here in Dignity Falls, this is happening. This is exciting because the trending, trending is when everyone's talking about something. That's right. And so Opus sent us this banner alert that he got. He did a little screen cap of his phone. It says trending, colon, ham. I cannot find a ham anywhere.

Does anyone have any recommendations? And so I went on our neighbor app and put out sort of a call saying, you know, who does anyone and I and I and I attach this and I said saying you know who does anyone and i and i attach this and i said you know put out my feelers because i have ways of finding people and uh this gal that's right my grabbers and i found uh i found this woman who said i'm the one who's looking for ham and uh but i she did and and i and the is, what's weird is I need ham is her, is her username. So I actually still don't know her,

her name. Uh, I just have, I need ham. Uh, and so I guess we'll find out, but that is her handle right now. Anyways,

I think that she's, I can see her right now. Hello. Hello, ma'am. I'm not going to call you. I need ham. I'd love to know your actual name.

Oh, my name is Gidget. Oh, Gidget. What a sweet name. That's a delightful name. Thank you. I'll tell my mother. Oh, are you British? I am. I'm from England.

Nottingham. Nottingham, England. Really? Really? Really? Yes. And how long have you lived? How long have you lived here in Dignity Falls? Oh, I moved here about, um, six months ago and I moved here because I heard America has a lot of ham and I got here and I haven't been able to locate one single ham.

Oh no, we thought that you meant because of what's going on right now, that perhaps there'd been a run on ham in Dignity Falls. I don't eat ham, so I haven't been paying attention to the ham situation. You don't eat ham. I don't. I'm sorry. It's just not for me. Maybe, you know, for the Easter holidays, I'll make an Easter ham or for Christmas. But I just I'm not into ham. What do you love about ham, Gidget? Well, the texture. I love how big, big it is.

I love how pink it is. Pink is my favorite color. And it reminds me of babies. I just and it's it's salty it's sweet it's hearty um also it could double as a plate uh if you get a big enough slice of ham so you could you could slice i almost started doing your accent so you could slice a big slab of ham and then you could put other smaller foods on top of it yes you know you could put it i like to do it for breakfast so you get a big big chunky slice of ham you scramble up some eggies you put it on the ham you toast some bread you put it on the ham, you toast some bread, you put it on the ham, you butter it up, and then you have to hold it with two hands.

I've made the mistake of holding it with one and everything just splatters everywhere. And then you're like, oh, no, I got to clean. I'm all knackered. I can't eat. That means tired, burnt in British speak. Oh, thank you. I was going to ask. Yes, thank you so much.

Thank you for clarifying. You're so kind. It's just one of my favorite words. I was going to ask. Yes, thank you so much. Thank you for clarifying. You're so kind. It's just one of my favorite words. I just love knackered. I mean, you guys have such great words for things. We have a boring way of describing things. Knackered is so specific. We say tired. Yeah, boo.

All right, I'm sorry. Very boring. So you use ham for a plate sometimes. Yes. But I want to get back to this. So before everyone had to start sheltering in place, before there was a run on toilet paper and apparently ham. Well, actually, that's my question. Did you know?

So you're saying that you couldn't find ham anywhere here in Dignity Falls before this started going on? You're saying for six, let's say five months, you could not find a ham anywhere. Well, I moved here six months ago. And the minute I got off the plane, I went to the supermarket to see if I could find a ham and I couldn't. The minute you got off the plane. Yes. I landed at the airport and then I rented a car from Hertz. Hertz rental car.

Because I like that name better than dollar or advantage or national or Alamo or Payless. Enterprise. Or any of them. I have to agree with you. Enterprise. What about Enterprise? Oh, see, Doug, I knew you were just going to say that. I just was waiting for it.

It was a bit of a struggle. I said, ooh, Enterprise. That's two syllables. I like it. But Hertz is just so compact and nice i like hurts so then i got my no please go ahead oh okay so i got into my hurts rental car i was driving driving on the opposite side of the road which was truly oh dear yes it was a mind fuck i at some point i was on the wrong side and i was like

this car's coming at me i gotta get my ham so then i pulled into the grocery store i parked in the handicapped spot even though i don't have i don't have the tags but i figured if someone said anything i would say oh i'm incapacitate it because I need ham. So I go inside. There's no hams to be found. And I thought a prank was being pulled on me. The wall was dragged over my eyes. But then I was like, I don't know anyone here.

And then truly, I've just been searching for ham ever since. Can I ask you, Gidget? Please. When you were in the supermarket and you were parked there in the handicap stall, not stall, spot. Did they call it a stall in England? Maybe you were more right than you knew. Actually, Bert, we do call them stalls. They're not parking spots.

They're stalls for cars. I've stumbled into the correct n nomenclature this is wonderful so so so so you're you're there in the handicap stall and uh you go in the supermarket you don't see any ham do you ask anyone working there hey do you have ham here uh the thought didn't occur to me but it was such a long flight and when i didn't see that there was and it was non-stop you see you did drive directly there from yes from your flight so that does make sense i suppose yes and maybe grocery stores here are are sort of arranged differently than they are back at home but that would have maybe been the first thing to to try now what did you do to try to find him in the other five months oh i would knock on people's doors i went to a farm is that is that was that the very

next thing you did oh the next day i started pounding the pavement honestly my shoes are worn out i feel like forrest gump i'm just going from door to door i don't stop i didn't shave um so you just tried the one grocery store they didn't have ham one grocery next day you're taking to the streets yes because i needed ham no i understand we know we understand what the end goal was what what did you say that you did after the knocking on doors? Oh, after that, I went to a farm. A farm, that's right. And I said, give me the ham. That's a good idea.

And they said, we don't have it at the ready. They said, no, because it's not ham yet. And then they wouldn't sell me the pig. So then I was like, well, I guess I have to knock on some more doors. Let me ask you this. If they had been willing to part with a pig you were you were uh ready to slaughter it i was curious to are you do you know how to do it can you butcher a pig i've never done it before but you know there's this thing on the internet called youtube

i'm familiar there's a lot of tutorials there's tiktok dance challenges and there's a lot of tutorials. So I figured I'd learn a dance and slaughter the pig. Oh, you, sure. Kill two birds with one stone. I mean, if you can find one video with both then you're set. So, okay,

so you couldn't get the pig at the farm and then what was your next move? She went back to knocking on doors. Went back to knocking on doors. That's what she did. So I'm curious, what was an interaction, just one of them, off the top of your head, like when you would knock on the door?

So somebody knocks on the door. They say, hello. I say, hello. My name's Gidget. Do you have any ham? I'm looking for it. I need it to be pink. Maybe a honey baked or just a ham steak or, um, uh, yeah, those are the two hams I know. And a lot of people would say, no, no, get out of here. You silly British lady. Or they would say, come on in. And then they wouldn't have ham, but they would try to

give me bacon. And I was like, they're different. One person tried to give me Canadian ham. And that was just fantastic that some people took you in. Oh, there was so many kind people in this town. But I will say the person who gave me Canadian ham, I truly wanted to kill them. How dare you give me a coaster of ham? I need a big, big round piece of ham. It's a tease to give somebody a slice of Canadian bacon. It's like a mockery of what a big plate-sized slice of ham would be. That is true.

You understand. You understand. You mentioned honey-baked ham, Gidget, and I was wondering, I feel weird mentioning this, but you know that is an actual business. It's a store. It's actually called Honey Baked. And you can order it or just go right into the store. And all they have is quite literally ham.

And there is one just outside of Dignity Falls right near the expressway. Oh, I returned my car to Hertz. Oh, so you're stuck on foot because you've returned your rental car to Hertz. I see. How could you have possibly known? I just thought maybe you would. Did you ever try Googling where to find ham at Dignity Falls?

Google? No. I guess I've never tried to Google. Do you use something different in Britain? Is it Ask Jeeves? Is that what you use in Britain? We use Bing. We use Bing.

Did you try using Bing to search for ham in your nearest locale? Honestly, no. I thought it would be so easy to find ham what a simple request for an old nottingham girl to want ham uh so it's nowhere to be falled to be found in this town is called dignity falls there's no dignity here fair. It's bad. Oh, well, I think that's a little unfair to our town.

Because first of all, I just mentioned a place that does sell ham. I did say it's just outside of town, but it's right on the border. And also, here's another question. If you moved here just for ham, I did want to know, did you also get a job once you got here or have you spent all of your time just looking for ham? How do you support your ham quest? Oh, well, I am a cam girl. I make videos of me eating ham. So I haven't been able to work because I can't find ham. haven't been able to work because i can't find ham but i've told all of the subscribers to my only fans that i will have ham soon and there'll be so much ham they won't be able to believe it

so i've been supporting myself on people paying for the near future of me eating ham on my only fans account so just just the promise of eating ham and you've got these people giving you money. Is it possible, if you are a cam girl, maybe you could find some sort of person who wants to be humiliated by the promise of you eating ham and then you never deliver on that promise? You know you could find someone.

You know there's someone out there. They're out there. What you just described was pure fantasy for them. That Gidget here could make a reality. What do you think about that, Gidget? You're right. I like it. That's a good idea.

I never thought of that. You guys are very, very, what's the word? Enterprising. No, smart. That's a good word. Not hertsing? Not hertsing. Oh, that was a good callback. Oh, thank you. What's a callback? what's a callback a callback is um when somebody in a conversation repeat something that was said just a couple minutes earlier to the other people in the conversation going tee hee hee i remember that i feel involved oh that makes sense they they call it back i don't it's fun i understand now i love these british terms of phrase um let me ask you uh uh gidget uh uh uh where before you were a cam girl what how what got you into that what

was your life before what what are your what are your interests outside of of uh of of of ham cam um we'd just like to get to know more about you as a citizen of Dignity Falls. Oh, well, before I became a cam girl, I was a wife. I was a stay-at-home wife. Didn't have any kids. I had a nice husband.

His name was Tulum. And Tulum and I were married when I was uh 21 years old and then young very young fresh out of high school and I decided after being with him for 30 years that i didn't want to be with him anymore so i left tulum so at the age of at the age of 51 you said i'm done may i say also you look terrific incredible i never would have guessed it must be all the ham. Honestly, here's a secret to good skin. When you finally get your little paws on some ham, take the ham grease, wipe it on your face, and go to sleep. Oh. Well, I'm very interested in that.

I'm into any new skincare. I will try anything. Yes. Also, you could put code ham slices on your eyes like cucumbers. Oh, okay. Well, that's where that Canadian bacon comes in. Now, you said, you mentioned back when you met him, you didn't have kids. Do you have kids now? No, I was going to have a child, but then I thought too much work. You're right there. You are right there. I just don't understand why we teach children so much.

You know? Why we teach them so much is in so much content we teach them or the act of teaching we teach them too much. I just, the content, I don't understand that. Like, you know, we keep going over and over the alphabet with children. You keep repeating it. And I'm like, they'll get it one day. There's so many books about it. Also, you have to teach kids about animals. You know, those books where they're like, this is an elephant elephant why does a child need to know what an elephant is well yes it's true i for whatever reason children respond to books with animals but i guess when i'm not learning enough since i i guess apparently i know shit about animals

since i messed up the whole marsupial thing well you got to stop beating yourself up over that well i'm a little i'm very very embarrassed about it, okay? I know, Joan, but you really, you should let it go. It's an honest mistake and no one blames you for it. I feel like everyone's laughing at me. Nobody's laughing. You're laughing right now, Bert. I know. Nobody knows what a marsupial is. No one knows, isn't it?

Thank you, Gidget. Thank you. No one's ever known. No one's ever known. Yeah, Tulum must have been devastated when you left him after 30 years of marriage i need to know a little more about talum could you what did he do for a living tell me about him oh talum was an entrepreneur he had his own business uh talum had well not, he's still living. He's got jet black hair. He's got two eyes that are emerald green. He's got most of his teeth. He's about, I would say I'm five foot nine.

He's about four foot 11. So we truly, we looked at so striking together um but he also used to wear a lot of heels to make himself a little taller certainly some lifts yeah he loved wearing gauchos he loved wearing a button down that was only buttoned halfway um he truly he was i loved him he sounds like quite a dashing little man he does indeed he was he was a dapper dashing little man and i did love him i did i married him we were together 30 years right i just you know after 30 years of looking at the same little man you're like there's other little men out there. So have you found any of them in Dignity Falls?

Honestly, everyone here is so tall. It's a very tall town. We are known. Yes, we are known for that. I'm just looking for just a small little person. Oh, OK. So that really is that goes into your criteria. Is there a diminutive nature?

Yes. I like little men who overcompensate in other ways. Okay. You love a Napoleon complex. That gets me so rock hard. Really? Now when you say rock hard,

I kind of like that. I kind of like that I kind of like taking a phrase that that well that a man would use and use it as a lady I'm so wet right now oh that is not working for me Burns I'm not sure it can

nope I can't unhear that and I wish I could and now I can't remember the marsupial thing. At least you just pushed me past that. My boxer briefs are soaked. Oh, no. But I think when a man says that. I'm ovulating right now.

You like that, Joan? Now that disturbed me. No. The question disturbed me. I wish I had not brought this up. This game does not work. I was wrong. I was wrong.

I think I have a UTI now. Drink some cranberry juice. Oh, there's some in the bar. Honestly. If only that worked. It does a little bit. I've heard it doesn't work. It doesn't work all the way.

Of course it doesn't. I read an article. So, let's get back to your ham situation, okay? Oh, yes. I understand you're probably, are you isolating on your own? Are you with somebody? Do you have company during this time? And my second

follow-up question is what have you done to have you tried to find a substitute to ham? A hamstitute if you will? I don't know. Is that funny? Anyway. It's an elegant portmanteau. Thank you.

A pork manteau. What are you eating? Because I know that it sounded like that's what you love to eat, but I'm just worried that you're not eating anything else if you can't find ham. I just want to make sure that you're eating enough. I guess I would say I'm not eating enough. enough? Um, I guess I would say I'm not eating enough. I, I just drink a lot of water and, um, I eat a little bit of cereal every day. Um, just a little bit of cereal every day. Yes. Just a little handful of cereal every day. Is it the same cereal every day or, or do you mix it up? It's cereal. It's Honey Bunches of Oats because I love that black lady who wears the shower cap.

She's pretty fantastic. She's a riot. She's a riot. I had heard she retired from Honey Bunches of Oats factory. Oh, no. I think you really just delivered some bad news to Gidget, Bert. I did not expect that reaction, but that is an actual thing that I've heard. I'm

devastated. Do you mean I'm not going to get commercials with her anymore? No, I believe they're still running the commercial. I think she retired a couple years ago, but they're still running commercials with her. Oh, thank God. Yes. I feel like I just saw a commercial

the other day, so I think we're good there. So, okay, so you wake up, you have your handful of honey bunches of oats, plenty of water, and then is that it for the day? That's it for the day. I don't want to fill up just in case I find ham. Well, here, I

just want to give you a tip. I would like you to Google honey baked ham in this area. You'll find the address. Now, I don't know right now if they're still open, but they might be delivering ham. I think it's a very real possibility. You could get ham delivered to your door, Gidget. I don't want to get your hopes up.

But honestly, most restaurants and catering companies and food stores are still open and providing food. And oh boy, she's really excited. I maybe should have checked this out on my own before I gave you this news. But I really do think we have a good chance here, Gidget. You mean I could open my door at 1 p.m. and there'd be a ham laying on the ground for me? If that's the time that you prefer it, then absolutely. Oh, my God. I wish I'd spoken to you earlier.

I do, too. Six months ago after I went to that first dreaded supermarket in my Hertz car. I wish I had talked to you then. Oh, I wish you had. I also wish you'd talk to someone in the supermarket and said am i looking in the wrong place for ham because i didn't see any um rather than just immediately going to your new home and uh setting the alarm to knock on doors the next day well and the sad thing is is that there really might now be a run on ham i'm not sure like i said i don't eat it but there might not be the ham that I thought was available for her at this particular point.

But I would hope that a place like Honey Bake Ham is actually providing the one thing that they make. I would say that as a person who makes their living online, you could probably search for ham any number of ways. And there's probably any number of ways to have it delivered right to your door. So I think I think you'll find you one way or another. If you just keep looking, you will find that ham that you want. I do, too. I think that your ham is out there. Ah, thank you. These are truly just so such wonderful, uplifting words of hope that my ham is out there. I believe it too. My ham is out there.

Yeah, I was raised to believe there's a ham for everyone in this world. Yes. Let me ask you, but we do have to let you go. I understand you have a ham search. But let me ask you, have you heard from Tulum

since you've broken up? Yes. Tulum tries to contact me almost once a week um he used to send me um singing telegrams so somebody dressed as a ham would come to my door and sing to me and a ham gram if you will um and I was like he's taunting me he knows i can't find the ham um and then that subsided and then he was doing uh messenger pigeons and i finally texted him and was like we have technology so now we've progressed now we do a lot of zoom phone calls i taught him about Zoom.

It's interesting you knew Zoom and not Google. You make your living as a cam girl. You're familiar with Bing. You know about texting and Zoom. You were not able to search

for ham online. Where does tulum live back in england he lives in nottingham london england oh he's still in nottingham okay where we're from right certainly okay any any do you think you could ever patch things up with tulum do you think you'd ever get back together? If that's not too personal a question. It's not. It's not. I appreciate the question.

I was with the man for 30 years. I think I would get back together with him. Honestly, this whole quarantine situation has made me realize that he was or is, he's not dead. He's a good man. And the man I'm currently with isn't great. don't wait so you are with someone i thought that you were by yourself no did i say that i'm a liar i'm quarantined with a man i found on the street when i was knocking on doors found him on the street when you were knocking on your way to one house. He was just on the street.

He was jogging. Oh, oh, oh. And I said, hello. And he said, hello. And I said, do you want a spot of tea? And he said, sure. And then they were like, shelter in place. And I was like, well, I guess you're here. And we

did have a town crier walk around and yell shelter in place Paul I was like well I guess you're here and we did have we did have a town crier walk around and yell shelter in place Paul Revere style when it was time to shelter in place that night I do remember that it was a little startling but you know what it was effective was it Chuck it was very effective yes so

you essentially had one brief exchange with this man and then you found yourselves confined to quarantine together. Yep. Sounds straight out of a movie and it probably will be a movie in a couple of years. I think it should be. Oh, sure. I think there's going to be so many movies about quarantine and nobody wants to see them.

I can't wait for it. I want to see that. I can't wait for all these quarantine movies to come out. Some will be happy. Some will be sad. Some will be there. Some will be sad. Some will be, there'll be some magical realism quarantine movies. It's going to be a

just a great time for cinema. I don't know if it's going to be a great time. I feel like five years from now at the Oscars, there's going to be a movie about a family trying to recreate a TikTok and everyone's going to love it and I already hate it. That's very possible.

I want to see that movie right now. What is the name of this gentleman you're quarantining with, and how tall is he? His name is Giorgio Arfani. Oh, I wasn't ready to get the last name. Okay. That was a surprise to me as well. It was, yeah. I did to get the last name. Okay. That was a surprise to me as well. It was, yeah.

I did not expect a full name. His name is Giorgio Arfani, and how tall is he? He's five foot, which is a little tall for me. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Do you call him Stretch around the house? I do. I call him Stretch Armstrong.

Well, you're basically in like a reality show. You're like a 90-day quarantine or something. A little bit. A little bit, yeah. I guess it would be before the 90 days. Before the 90 days. Quarantine at first sight, yes. Quarantine at first sight.

There you go. There it is. And how is it going? You said you don't like him too much. Where is he right now? Oh, right now he's in the garden. Oh. He's pulling up weeds weeds that's all he does he pulls weeds and honestly i don't understand why you would have to pull weeds aren't they plants well you may you may have to pull weeds if you've been stung on the

face by a hive of angry wasps and uh you need to take the empty wasps nest combine it with the weeds to make medicine oh wow you know burns a pharmacist i didn't know you knew about that old style medicine well i know that from animal crossing new horizon um oh boy oh boy i don't think that will actually work in real life wait that's a real thing in animal crossing it's a real thing in animal crossing it's a real thing in animal crossing i in life i don't think if you just take a bunch of weeds and combine them with a wasp's nest i don't think you get medicine but uh you know what you might as well what have you got to lose what have you got to lose what's your island called an animal crossing my island is

called plagueton uh because i started i started playing during the plague mine is called Plagueton because I started playing during the plague. Mine is called Juicy Puss. They wouldn't let me put pussy. They said I couldn't put anything offensive. And I was like, but it's not offensive if you're just advertising what you got. It's more informative. Yes. Just letting people know when they come to the island they'll be slipping and sliding oh boy oh that's making me juicy right now i knew you were gonna do that

i knew you were going to say something and i didn't get it out fast enough oh boy doug don't get any ideas well gidget, thank you so much for joining us. I wish you the best of luck in your ham search and in your relationship or lack of one with Georgie or Fonny. And in your ham cam career. I do hope that you can get that going again. Of course, in a ham cam career. Yes, absolutely.

Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Honestly, this is the highlight of my Friday. Oh, well, I'm so glad. Take care, and well, I hope that it goes well with Giorgio, and I do hope you keep in touch

with Tulum. He sounds like a nice man. You know what? Maybe I will get back with Tulum. You two are inspiring and kind and nice. Au revoir. Oh, French goodbye. So continental. Well, thank you so much, Gidget. And we have to take a little break. And when we return, more of the Neighborhood Listen. Hi, everybody. Women's engagement ring and wedding band wrap.

$1,500. Beautiful engagement ring. 2.5 carat white gold ring. 2 carat cubic zirconia. Mm-hmm. And.5 carat diamonds. That's where the problems began. Size 7 can easily be resized. All right, you go.

I'm going because I want to, not because you told me. Okay, just go. $500 men's wedding band, modern. Can't care of white gold. Size 10. Barely worn. So. So.

Come get them. Come get them. Are we done? Oh, I think we're more than done. Oh, okay. Oh, okay? Is it alright? Oh, like it was your idea.

Like it was your idea to be done. Yeah, I guess it wasn't my idea so much as your, the way you are made it done. Oh, just the way I am? Yeah. I guess it wasn't my idea. Oh, I guess it wasn't my idea so much as the way you are made it done. Oh, just the way I am? I guess it wasn't my idea. I guess it wasn't my idea to start a tech thread with my secretary full of emojis and stickers and cat memes that I wasn't included on. Those were all business related. A cat meme business related?

Look, I meet with a lot of clients who discuss cat memes. You're perfect. I have to be up on this. Yeah, that was about the Johnson file. So what if she is perfect? Oh my god. You never said that to me. Whether or not it was in a cat meme or the regular perfect.

You know why? Because you're not. Because you're not. Oh, because I'm not perfect? Because I'm human? Okay. Human, I wish. What? Yeah. What is that supposed to mean? I'm saying you're not. Oh, because I'm not perfect? Yeah. Oh, because I'm human? Okay. Ugh, human, I wish. What? Yeah. What is that supposed to mean? I'm saying you're not human.

You're saying I'm not human? Like, actually you think I'm not human? Like, not from this world? Yeah, I think you're actually an alien. Oh, why? Because I actually- Yeah, that's what I mean. Why?

Because I actually pick up my clothes after I'm done with them? Because I actually leave a- The clothes that I bought you. I leave a glass in the sink for it to get knocked over by me in the morning every goddamn time because you just can't rinse it out. Because you weren't wearing glasses because you're vain. What are you talking about? I have astigmatism.

I didn't know that. Yeah. Why didn't you... Why didn't you tell me that? Because. It just didn't make me even listen or, like, understand! Why would you understand about that when you don't even understand about any other small thing? If I knew that you had that thing in your eye, it would have changed everything!

It would? I don't want to sell these rings now! I don't either! But I do want one that has no cubic zirconia. Fuck! And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Gidget, what a curious person. When she was, I liked her.

She was fun. She was undoubtedly likable. Undoubtedly fun, but maybe a little, I don't want to use the word clueless, but certain things just seemed to not uh um register for her even though she seems way competent in many other areas absolutely she's she's she's so close to finding what she wants she's really just got a blind spot when it comes to ham i guess yeah i i get well you would think i don't know it's a blind spot how to's a blind spot. How to get the ham. It's how to get the ham.

You're right. It doesn't seem to be a problem that anyone else has. I mean, although it was, we have to, we have to point out again, it was trending. I know. I guess we didn't really acknowledge that because it seems like what, in order for it to trend, other people had to spread that around. Maybe she just started a frenzy and people got worried. Here's what it could have been. It could have been

Gidget's post was trending. There was a lot of, I don't know how trending works exactly. Maybe there's a lot of activity on the post. A lot of people had comments, probably said the same things we said to her. Who knows? Who knows? Yeah, the trending could have been just many people underneath

saying, what are you talking about, Gunna Honeybaked Ham? Yes, exactly. If we had the thread, we could go check it out. But we do not have the thread. Yes, probably. People asking the same question. But we got Pidget, and she was a delightful guest. She was a delightful guest. I hope she and Tulum can make it work once again.

No shade to Giorgio Arfani. No shade at all. And I'm surprised. I've missed that guy that lives in our neighborhood, apparently. Oh, Gior you are funny? The five-foot jogger? You'd think that he'd be kind of famous. Like an urban legend or a cult hero.

Exactly. But maybe he just started jogging right before the quarantine hit, and that's why we hadn't seen him. It's true. He's like, I have all the days to go jogging, and now I'm and that's why we hadn't seen him. It's true. He's like, I have all the days to go jogging and now I'm stuck quarantining with this woman. First day jogging, first day jogging, quarantine with a stranger. We're all so tall we probably missed him.

I beg your pardon, Doug? What'd you say, honey? I said, we're all so tall we probably missed him. That's true. We are all... He may have been literally flying under our radar because we are all tall people. We are all. As most people in Dignity Falls are. That's true. That's true.

All right. Well, I have one last post. One last post. This is so sad. I know it's very sad. It's very sad. This is a follow-up to what we were talking about last week. As you know, Bernt has. I love when we have a follow-up. This is great. It's kind of a follow-up of you, Burns. I hope that's

okay. Oh, dear. Well, let's see. It's not bad. It's just that I just want to discuss something with you because, you know, we mentioned that people are putting bears in the windows for the kids to find on their exercise at night because you're allowed to get out and exercise as long as you wear a mask and you've got to be careful and stay away. It's a fun little game that they can play.

Yes. A little game that can spot the bears. And you didn't have a bear, but you decided to put your ventriloquist dummy Connie in the window. And it was. Yes, that's right. It was it was scaring some of the children. And I've been talking to some other of the neighbors and it was kind of an issue. So I know you were I know you were just trying to participate. I was.

And the same thing is happening. And now. Thought it would be fun for kids to look in the window and see Connie there. Right. Well, for other people now. So, so this is, this is the same update.

Going on a bear hunt all over the world. Children and parents are, are going out walking for a bit to get some exercise and going on bear hunts based on the classic children's book. We're going on a bear hunt. Do you remember that?

Remember that one, Bert? I do. It was just last week. Oh, I meant, do you remember the book we're going on a bear hunt. Do you remember that? Remember that one, Bert? I do. It was just last week. Oh, I meant, do you remember the book, We're Going on a Bear Hunt? No, I have no idea what that is. There's a book called We're Going on a Bear Hunt. Have you never heard of that? I've never heard of it.

Oh, it's really fun. Doug used to do it with the kids. Who's the woman? It doesn't even have to be a book. He used to go, going on a bear hunt. Okay, so you gather kids around, like in a circle. And I had an uncle that did this. That sounds like a song. Well, it's both.

It's a book and then you can take it and make it your own. So you don't need the book. After a while, you can throw the book out. Is this just a book cover with blank pages? You're getting really, really hung up on I'm having a hard time understanding this. Think of it as a song book. What's time understanding this. Think of it as a song book.

What's that, babe? Think of it as a song book. I think you should not think of the book at all, Burns. You know what? I want you to clear your slate. I do apologize. Clean slate. No book. The book doesn't exist. I wish I had never brought up the book if, in fact, I was the one who brought it up.

But because here's why. Here's the why. The why is because no one uses the book if in fact I was the one who brought it up. But because here's why. Here's the why. Here's the why. The why is because no one uses the book. They just use what the song is in the book. They don't. I don't know a single person that does. They do their own because you just sit kids on the floor and you say going on

a bear hunt. Going on and everyone kind of repeats it. They say gotta get my knapsack. Gotta get my knapsack. We're going through the trees and you sort of run up against an obstacle okay is this from Midsommar no no it's not and by the way I was too afraid to watch that movie so I

just rented it and just sped through and I'll tell you what you think that movie's crazy try speeding 10 minutes and then another 10 minutes and then another 10 minutes that is wild but it was less scary that way. And I also basically saw what happened and what a weird movie. Anyway, it's Jollibee's favorite movie in the world.

She like was a whole, she like got into it, was wearing a white robe and she was wearing flowers on her hair for a while. It was messed up. Anyways, you run into an obstacle, right? You say, we get to a river and you say, can't go around it. Can't go under it. Gotta go through obstacle, right? You say, we get to a river and you say can't go around it,

can't go under it, gotta go through it, right? And now everyone goes, slosh, slosh, slosh, slosh, going on a bear hunt, right? And so, I feel like I'm losing you, but it's really, really fun for little kids and I guarantee some of our listeners know it. Why is this a book? It's not, oh my God. Bert, I'm gonna kill

you. I'm gonna kill you, Bert. I'm very sorry. I told you to forget about the book. Joan, I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you, Bert. I'm very sorry. I told you to forget about the book. Joan, I'm very sorry. I'm very sorry. I can't, I just can't wrap my mind around this. It's very confusing. Why would it matter if it was a book? Why is anything a book? I don't know why it would matter.

It's a book. That's a story that's not told in the first plural person. If, if the, if the name of pride and prejudice was, we're in love with Mr.

Darcy, then I, I, I understand that that would be confusing. I, I, I didn't understand. And if somebody said pride and prejudice,

what's it about? Well, you sit around in a circle. I'm in love. I'm in love. And if somebody said pride and prejudice, what's it about? Well, you sit around in a circle. Maybe that was a bad example. I'm in love. I'm in love. You've run into a low dowry. Can't avoid it.

Can't get it bigger. I don't know. I was trying to play along. Okay, here we go. Let me finish this. So forget the goddamn book. Neighbors are putting a stuffed bear in the window, a friendly wave to kids who are cooped up. And this woman has put a giant bear on her chair

outside the front door. And she says, won't you all participate? If you don't happen to have a bear, draw one and tape it up in your window. And this is what I want to talk about because we were walking past your apartment the other night and I know that you, this is an old post, everybody, but you have taped something in your window.

Yes. It must have been your attempt to draw a bear. But I got to tell you, it's not resembling a bear. It's resembling something from the deep. It's resembling something. I don't know why there are horns. There appear to be horns. It's a kraken.

It looks like a kraken, not a bear. Did you use an example of a bear to draw this? And also it looks like it was drawn with your own blood. Well, I, I intended to draw a bear and, uh, you know, I hadn't drawn a bear since, Ooh, since the, you know, in the back of the comic books, they'd have that, uh, that ad where, you know, it's like, can you draw a toughie? And, uh, you know it's okay can you draw toughy and uh you know the the the bear was the the bear was the intermediate one by the way that was the name of an animal that was the name

of one of the characters there were there were three characters that you could you could draw there was like a bird there was a little bear and then there was a pirate the pirate was very hard to draw if you could draw the pirate you did not need to go to art school um but if you could if you could draw the other ones and you balked at the pirate then you should go to art school so um sure i tried to draw a bear and uh the kraken just kept coming out that's just kept what what coming out and uh and uh i finally decided well i'm gonna make it the best kraken i can make it and uh and so i i really put my i really put my back into it and drew uh uh what i think is a beautiful uh rendition of the mythical beast of kraken and what did you use to draw it what image did i use to draw it no no no what what what what

what oh what medium what yes correct yes uh it was uh it was mostly ink a little bit of crayon, some marker, and just a tiny splash of my own blood. I wouldn't say I drew it with my own blood. Are you sure it was just a tiny splash? Just a tiny splash. Well, because I had cut myself while I was drawing. I get very excited. I'm almost like a Jackson Pollock, but I'm making something I was drawing. I get very I get very excited. Almost like a Jackson Pollock. But I'm making something that you can tell what it is. And in the course of doing that, I did.

It did definitely resemble more of a Jackson Pollock than a teddy bear. Well, I was not. I mean, eventually I gave up trying to draw the bear. And so what I was trying to draw was what you saw. So mission accomplished. Hang the banner and I'll take off my flight suit now. Okay. So I'll just go back to putting Connie in the window.

I know that his jaw mechanism is broken and his mouth just hangs agape. And he looks like he's perpetually screaming. It's horrifying. So I will just go back to putting him in the window. Oh, please don't. Can you maybe just print up a picture of a bear? Could you do that? I'm very low on ink.

And, you know, home printers are, I've yet to find a good one. I've yet to find a good one. Isn't that the truth? I feel like I've tried every brand. HP, Epson. Yeah, they're just terrible. And, you know, maybe I'll make another attempt at drawing a bear and see what comes out. Okay. Well, I mean, I appreciate you

participating and everybody else maybe at home, find the best artist in your family and just draw that bear if you don't have one. Because we're just trying to keep the children happy, not terrify them. Right before they go to bed. I think, I dare say that finding the best artist in your family is an activity in itself.

That is fun. Yes. To see who actually has some talent and who is just without talent. Just a buffoon. Just someone you can say, well, definitely not you. You can't do it. Look at his bear. Much better than yours.

I will tell you, the artist of our family is Doug. Doug, is that so? You're an artist. Oh. You okay, babe? Oh. Oh, sorry. Are you breaking?

Oh, God. You've broken more glasses. Did you just break two more glasses? Yes, I'm sorry. Yes, I am an artist. You can see I'm not very good at some other things. No kidding. Like these.

I don't know why we put you down. There were so many breakable items. But yes, he's a very good artist. I mean, it's like specific things. Like he can draw shapes he's great at. That's right. I can draw a perfect square. Perfect.

Every side equidistant. Okay. Well, we have to... That's good, Doug. That's fine. We have to wrap things up. May I say, Joan, what a pleasure it's been to do another season of this show with you

and to get to know our neighbors and to deepen our friendship. This has really, truly been a wonderful thing. It is so true. And even though we're not sitting across from each other, I feel closer to you than ever. And I really, really hope that you lay off the circus peanuts. Well, I've finished the circus peanuts. So you wish you came true indirectly because there are none left. I am still eating the uh the the power bars uh

the the energy bars that i've been eating um and uh i've been drinking uh 10 glasses of water a day oh that's great yes and i feel very hydrated and very uh sick oh well i'm sorry about that. The cereal bars are not, I don't like them to begin with and to continue eating them. You know, sometimes you can watch a TV show that you don't like and if you keep watching it, you sort of develop a Stockholm

syndrome with the characters and the story. That is not the way with these cereal bars. I really despise them and they are all that I have to eat. Okay. Then guess what, Bert?

I'm definitely going to be dropping off some groceries at your house tomorrow. Okay. I'm just, I'm not going to take no for an answer now. I'm just going to do it. In fact, I should have been doing it from the very beginning. I should have known you weren't going to take care of yourself. And so I'm going to drop off a bunch of round food tomorrow and you can't not

eat any of it. And it's, guess what? It's going to be in a round bag i'll find one that's very joan that's very kind of you i mean i've been struggling with these cereal bars are rectangular um and that's been a struggle but uh uh i i do i do you were cutting the corners off right i will i yes i was and that helped, but it did not help the taste. So I do, I will not refuse this help. I, I, I think that in, in this, in this time, you can taste the squareness. You say,

I can, I can taste the, uh, I think in this time we all have to acknowledge when we do need help and accept that help when it is offered. Yes. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. So be good to each other. In return, I will give you a prescription pad that I've got a doctor left at the pharmacy. Oh boy. Write whatever you want. I don't know that that's a good idea, Bert. I don't know that that's a good

idea. Can I draw on it? Can I draw on it? Sure, honey. Yes, you can. I mean, you can do that with a regular pad. i don't know why you would need a prescription pad specifically to draw a square just a question well um so uh thank you listeners and uh hopefully there will be a season three we have a obviously everything's up in the air right now we have no idea but uh burnt and joan is our email address so if you if at gmail.com if you have a uh have screen cap, you'd like to send us.

Then please feel free to do that. And hopefully there will be a season three. Wish to read them. In the meantime, you can find half of us on Animal Crossing. Maybe soon. All of us. Who knows? But until next time.

Goodbye. And bye!