The Neighborhood Listen - Chihuahua Photographer with Erin Keif

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Joan reveals a lifelong obsession with a certain sport, Burnt learns a puzzling fun fact about Wicked, and Doug stands by in a new room. Later, a photo/video artist named Emmett stops by with hopes of picking up some new business.Want more TNL? Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to all seasons ad-free, as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Lights are going up, snow is falling down, there's a feeling of goodwill around town. It could only mean one thing, McRib is here. People throwing parties, ugly sweaters everywhere, stockings hung up by the chimney with care. It could only mean one thing. McRib is here. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker.

On this podcast, we improvise and character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of... The Neighborhood Listen!

Knock, knock! Who's there? Your neighbor! Good! In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the Neighbor half-app and us! Burn. And Joan!

From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all with a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the Neighbor Half App and us, Burn, and Joan. From coyotes to male theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once more to the Neighborhood Listen listen the podcast that explores the neighborhood of dignity falls. Why don't you say something now? I would love to.

I just noticed we're both wearing baseball caps and it's not like me to wear one. It's not really like you to wear one. No it's not. But here we are. So sorry. You know, I was listening to and at the same time I wasn't. You know what I mean? I think so, although you didn't finish your sentence. But I thought, you know, I always do this intro

and I thought you must know it by now. And what have you jumped in for fun? I really like when you do it, but are you annoyed having to do it every time? No, not at all. Is that what this is? Because we can switch. I didn't want to hog it.

Oh gosh, no, it's definitely, it's all yours to take. Because I just feel like you're better at doing it than I would be. But Joe, you're the star of the stage. Look how I get so distracted. You're the star of the stage. I know, but that's if I know, but I actually do better if there's an audience when there isn't one, I'm terrible.

Oh, I see. I can't private speak. It's like the Sundance Kid. He can only shoot when he's moving. Sundance Kid. Remind me. That's like an old west guy. Butch Cassidy and the...

It is, okay. I didn't know if it was in the context of Butchie the Cat. Sundance Kid. Remind me. That's like an old west guy. It is Bush. Okay. I didn't know if it was in the context of Bush. Bushy. Bushy to Cassidy. Bush to Cassidy. Bush to Cassidy.

From Justin to Kelly. I didn't know if that was the correct reference that I had in my head. And it turns out it was. Yes. Yes. Yes. The movie's ending is bleak. Oh, it's very, but yeah.

But I mean, what was going to happen? I know. They get what was coming at them, but yeah, but I mean, I know. What was gonna happen? If they get what was coming to them, but they just freeze and then there's just the sound, it's terrible. And it goes into the sepia and then the mournful Marvin Hamlisch piano. That's right. You know, some of the things that he's

Oh, no, that's the sting. He didn't do. He did the sting. This was Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head, right? That was the song. That's right. It was a mixture, it's bookended by old timey piano, that piano that sounds like it's wet. You know what I mean?

That's such a very good description. It's like, Oh no, the piano got rained on. We left it out overnight. We're still going to play it. Yeah, it still plays okay. And then the rest is BJ Thomas songs and Bert Bachrach. Yes, yes. It was of the era. It was of both eras. Okay. Well, yes, I'd like to say who I am and then I want to talk about our caps.

Absolutely. And I have a weird seek sneaking suspicion that Doug is wearing a cap too. Doug, can you confirm? But wait, it's too much. I need to see who I am first before we bring someone else into it. Nobody's listening. Stand down and stand by. Oh, if you, if in that case, he's definitely wearing a baseball cap. Okay, so I am Joan Podestrian. I'm, as Bert mentioned, I'm an actress.

I didn't even see who I was. Oh, you didn't? Oh, say it, say who you are. Actually, I can do it. You are the pharmacist in chief at Dignity Phalsmacy, and your name is Bert Mayepayday. That's correct. Okay, great, and my name is Joan Podest Payday. That's correct. Okay, great.

And my name is Joan Pedestrian and I am a realtor here. Sometimes I want to say real estate agent and then I want to say realtor and I don't, I'm very bad at speaking amongst small groups, it turns out. But I'm also a local actor. Remember how we decided I'm not going to say amateur anymore. Amateur is pejorative. Local actor is better. Homegrown.

Local's where it's at. Yeah. Homegrown, actor is better. Local actor. Homegrown. Local is where it's at. Homegrown, that's right. I'm farm to stage. So my husband, Doug, he always records from a different room. Babe, are you wearing a cap of some sort? I sure am. I knew it.

What's on yours? Well, I'm in an old fashioned dignity corks hat. Oh, the dignity corks. Wow. Yeah. Who were famously. They courted all their bats. Yeah.

So what? They courted their bats. They finally embraced it. Yeah, they were a baseball team that courted all their bats. They used to be called the gentlemen. Isn't that funny? Yeah, it is funny. The dignity falls gentlemen.

And then they courted their bats. And they were anything but. Remember they thought, what I read is that they thought. They all had syphilis. What I read is that one guy drank it. Ew. What? He drank a glass of syphilis.

How is that possible? What does that even mean? What did you say? Stand down. He'll stand down. It's just baseball legends. So Doug, please continue. I read that they'd named themselves the corks thinking that that'll like be a big joke.

Like what if we corked our bats? To make it so obvious, no one would suspect us. Then it turned out they were all corking their bats. Yeah, and everyone knew. Yeah, and everyone knew. The whole time. The balls would bounce off of them. They would bunt and get a home run. When you see that old footage, it's tremendous.

Who would bunt and get a home run? That's actually why we don't have a... We actually used to have a cork tree boulevard for all the cork trees that were on. It's the one type of tree we do not have anymore in town. It's true. Because all of them... And that was very suspicious when they all started just disappearing. They were seriously disappearing. They were seriously disappearing. They were seriously disappearing. I mean, seriously disappearing.

I mean, it was serious. It was so serious. And those trees were right next to the ballpark and they were gone overnight. What a weird coincidence. Yeah. And they had the best season. Maybe they gave them the idea. Yeah. What is that thing when someone says it was a real corker? Where's that from? What's that mean? I don't know. What's that, the 30s? Yeah. I think so. Does it mean it was something good? It was a real- It was good, yeah. Yeah. It was something I think that was exciting.

I think the reason that's interesting- Oh, maybe a champagne bottle. Oh, maybe champagne. Maybe champagne bottle. Let's take away all the articles. Maybe champagne bottle was reason. Maybe champagne bottle was reason. Maybe champagne bottle. It's just, I think-

It's big celebration. I think what caught my eye about the cap that you're wearing and then the headphones, it just made me think we look like sportscasters, you know? Oh, sure. Because, and it just, it kind of gave us a different feel all of a sudden Yeah, sometimes sportscasters will wear the hats in the booth and like what are you doing? I think be very funny if you and I commentated on a sport one time Wouldn't that be funny?

Because I don't I don't know how I'm not good at any of them Like I don't even know much about any of them. So I don't know what sport it would be, you know I used to love women's tennis. Yeah, what specifically what happened? You know, I used to really think I could do it back in the day of women's tennis. Yeah. What happened? Specifically. What happened? You know, I used to really think I could do it back in the day. There were two things I wanted to do as a little girl. Interestingly enough, neither one of them was act.

One was be a female tennis player. Right. And the other one was be a top gun flight pilot. Top gun flight pilot. Top gun flight pilot. And I would fly plane. If you do, maybe champagne bottle. Cougar lost it, turned in wings.

You, you are now it. Maybe champagne. Maybe champagne bottle. We're having fun. Speaking of sports. No, but isn't that crazy? Either a tennis, sorry, speaking of sports. I'll stand up.

But stand by. Stand by. Speaking of sports, wait, Doug said that? Who said speaking of sports? Did I say it? Doug said it. But then told to stand down. That's right. Because you were going to say something.

I was just going to say, isn't that crazy? The variance between the two. I either wanted to be a tennis player or like a fighter pilot. They're very different. They're very different. And you can't do both. Can't do either, it turns out.

Well, that's the larger problem. But what I just loved watching, I think it was, I also appreciate it as a singer perspective, from a singer's perspective, is when I watch tennis players and those women, you know that, yeah, yeah, no, yeah. You know what I mean? And I kind of got obsessed with that.

I was dead on. Thank you. When do you say you got obsessed with it? How did that manifest itself, the obsession? I started using it as a warmup and I drove everybody crazy in the house. Because people thought you were in danger. Yeah, and I was like, that's one of the reasons

I thought I could do it. I was like, well, I can sing. I could be like, I can have like a signature, you know, like hit. And I love just how vocal they could be. Do you know what I mean? Because women are always like, totally be quieter. Like your laugh is too loud or whatever.

And these women were out here just with like primal screams. You know what I mean? Because women are always like, totally be quieter. Like your laugh is too loud or whatever. And these women were out here just with like primal screams. You know what I mean? And they were so athletic and they still look cute in their little skirts. I don't know how they shoved so many tennis balls up on the side. Do you ever notice that? It's like a clown car.

It's like a clown with like a... Don't explain the clown part. That's the part I understand. What is like a cloud car? Believe it or not, I had a better clown reference that I think makes more sense. Okay. Like when a cloud pulls, you know, like a handkerchief out and then it's multiple handkerchiefs. You go, where is he keeping them? They kind of put, there's like, okay,

so a tennis skirt still has like little sort of like boxer, like stretchy shorts underneath, right? And they, on the side, they will just go boop and just like shove like two or three balls up there. On the side, on the side. I'm not talking about the middle. I'm talking about on their hip. What? Why is it their responsibility? I know it always made me very mad.

Do they have to bring these balls from home? No, no, no. It's when the ball boys would throw them to them. They just keep a couple on them so that they can immediately take like, I've watched it happen. Burnt. Don't do that. That's absurd. I know. And for whatever reason, I was also like, Bert. Don't do that. That's absurd. I know. And for whatever reason, I was also like,

yeah, what a bad ass. How did I not know that this was occurring? Babe, do you know what I'm talking about? Do the men do this? Do they shove tennis balls in their pockets? They have pockets for God's sake. The women don't. But I think, why is anybody having to do this?

I'm with Bert. Well, because I think they like to just get to it. You know what I mean? What's the ball boy for? Right, right, but you don't have to just get to it. You know what I mean? They don't want to wait. What's the ball boy for? Right, right. But you don't have to worry about catching it. You know what I mean? You can just grab it, grab it and go. What's the ball boy for? What's he do? He runs against the balls in the middle of play, you know, like once the, the, the, once it's like a serve and the serve goes out, they're supposed to grab it. Who cares? Well, I don't know why I'm defending tennis

and it's real few cause I have nothing to do with it. But all of a sudden I felt really on truck. I'm mad now. Really responsible for it. My goal is to, is never to make you mad. No, but somehow it always happens. Okay. Well then you know what, why do we segue? Doug, what it was speaking of sports go. I was just going to put a button on that one and say, I think they should have a, like a pitching machine that sends them a tennis ball before each serve. A pitching machine that seems like in batting cages, it seems like a go-go arrive. How do you adjust the speed? You know, like they also have that in tennis.

Do they? Well, yeah. If you want to play, oh, well, if you want to practice machine that will shoot balls at you. Yeah, I suppose that's true. I guess. Doug, are you saying use that machine in play somehow? Yeah. And so they're not responsible for keeping some spare balls on them. I agree. They just shoot a new ball.

Although I have to say, maybe I wouldn't have been so obsessed with women's sports if they had that, you know, because it was really, half of it was how they were shoving those balls up there. Joan, you had a planned signature yelp. Oh yeah. How would you, as a singer, how would you incorporate your singing talents into your tennis yelp? Well, I wanted to do two kinds. Right? So one would be like if I had to really stretch, it'd be... Perfect. Thank you. I haven't warmed up, so I'm a little bit frustrated that my husband just asked me to do this. Could you imagine doing that 80 times during a game?

He knows he's putting me on the spot. Of course. Well, but I would have probably tried to tell a story with my yelps, you know what I mean? So like I would have maybe tried to- So more than two now? You haven't even heard the second one. Well, I'm just saying, if I really go to my fantasy place, you know, that's what I would have done. But the other one would have been sort of like, well, to be honest, I think that

the Demon's Elle stole it from me. She must have heard me practicing tennis at some point. I don't know. I just feel like it's very similar to the cry she does at the end of Wicked, at the end of Defying Gravity. Do you know that? Do you know that show burnt? Wicked? It's kind of a big deal right now. Wow. Wizard of Oz. Have you heard of the Wizard of Defying Gravity. Do you know that? Do you know that show burnt? Wicked? Mm-hmm. It's kind of a big deal right now. Wow. Wizard of Oz, have you heard of the Wizard of Oz? Of course I've heard of the Wizard of Oz.

Okay. And so they made a musical about it based on this novel. The Wiz? No babe, nope, that's not the one. Good catch, Doug. The Wiz. There's no catch.

It's not a catch. It's just. It's just not the show I'm talking about. Oh, okay. So they made more than one Wizard of Oz musical. Well, what they did was this very clever gentleman wrote a- HBO. No, not that either.

No. They did do a musical episode though. Who wanted that? God, what a grim show that I watched all of for some reason. Who wanted- and then like, oh, we're going to have fun. We're going to do a musical. Go to hell. How dare you show me the worst possible things in the world. And then you're going to do a musical episode.

Well, they say when things get so hard to handle, you have to sing. They do say that. They're constantly saying that. So basically this very clever gentleman named Gregory McGuire wrote a prequel to Wizard of Oz where he imagines that the Wicked Witch of the West is not evil. That's right. She's just a young girl named Elphaba Throp. And I know I can see your face. You're very unhappy. Were you going back to tennis? You're unhappy.

Throp! You're going back to tennis? You're unhappy. Yeah. Drop! You're going to be mad about this, I have a feeling. You know how, Wizard of Oz, do you know who Wizard of Oz was written by? Do you know who that author is? L. Frank Baugh. Correct, and what are his initials? L. F. B. Elphaba.

That's true. I'm not kidding. That's where he got the name. Trying to process this. My first instinct is that can't be true and it mustn't be true. You know, this is very timely and I didn't even mean to bring it up

because I don't know when this episode is coming out, but at least in this moment of time. Excuse me one moment, John. Doug, what did you say? Why wouldn't it be a left B? Great question. That's actually that's an honest question. It's worthy of asking.

Why wouldn't it be a left B? Okay, well, it depends because those constants make different sounds, right? And it's worthy of asking, why wouldn't it be a left B? Okay, well it depends because those consonants make different sounds, right? I've never seen a B written in what? B makes a B sound, but when you're sounding a B, you just said B, you've never seen what? I've never seen a B written and said, hey, that's a B.

Right, but if you're sounding it out, but babe, you have to think about when we were like, teaching the kids how to read, when we would make them sound it out, we would go B, B, B, bad, you know? That's when we were like teaching the kids how to read, when we would make them sound it out, we would go, buh, buh, buh, bad, you know, that's what we were always saying because my twins were always putting things on fire. We always put George Thorogood on when we taught the twins. Alphabet.

We went buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, bad. That song must have been very helpful. It was very helpful. We had to say it a lot. I'm talking of course about my twins, Matt and- King's over. King's over. Yes.

So don't you remember what I'm talking about babe? The, but right. So I make sense to me. You said the church, they're a good thing. Okay. Now I was going to say, I'd say that was the catch. That was a good catch babe, because you're right. I could see how that might be, you know,

you could pronounce it that way. Yes. Anyways, the whole point is that it imagined that she and Glinda were roommates at a special school. Glinda's the pink one. Glinda's the pink one. Right. And it shows how they meet the wizard and he's really not what he's cracked up to be.

He's kind of evil and Elphaba's not bad. She just misunderstood, you know. And then it became this huge musical on Broadway and now they're making a movie of it. And it's premiering this weekend as we speak. So the wizard, not just a bumbling snake oil salesman who traveled to another dimension, but actively evil. I mean, just kind of has really, really bad intentions. Wants to use Elphaba's powers for bad, for like taking over the world.

Ooh. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, she sings this song when she starts to fly. There's no spoilers. If you haven't seen this musical yet, everybody, I don't know what to tell you. So sorry, Burns, you might be the only one who hasn't seen it.

I guess. But anyways, I'm going to tell you, this won't mean anything to you then, but people at home might understand, but when I would go to hit the ball, if I didn't do the high one, I would do, ah! That's what I would do. Right, that short, that brief. Yeah, that short. Trust me, that's what I would do. Right. That short, that brief.

Yeah, that short. Trust me, it's too hard to do longer. Yeah. I think that would really throw off your opponent. It might've been, I think that might've been a good strategy. Don't you think? Yeah. So, oh well, dreams sometimes-

So, oh well. Sometimes dreams do have deadlines. Oh boy, oh boy. Joan, when you're right, you're right. Babe, I realize we didn't ask what room you're in because you're always in a different room every episode. And did we ever get to your speaking of sports or no? Oh yeah, what was your speaking of sports such as?

Oh, that was gonna be my, that's the room I'm in. It was what? Speaking of sports, I am in the Domino's room. Oh. And I'm setting up. Oh boy. An incredible Domino display. I could have sworn we had something like this before, but you know what? I don't think so.

Sometimes it's just... It's new to me. It's new. I think you're right. I think in the coin room maybe? You might be thinking of the coin room. The bean room. It's so hard to keep them straight.

It's amazing we don't have a list of them. And so is the idea that you kick over the first domino and then eventually a beautiful picture is made on the floor. Oh, I didn't think about that. Oh, he's going to start all over now. Uh-oh. I also have a life-size cutout of the Noid in here. Why?

Oh, because of the Dominoes. Dominoes. Dominoes. Not all our listeners might know the Noid, but you're supposed to avoid him. Yes, the Noid. He was a claymation character, right? Am I right? Very sad story.

What? The Noid was, I believe, a claymation character. Yeah, it was. And that was all their age. So the idea was the Noid was annoying. He was in like a red superhero costume. The Noid, any time you had a pizza ruined on your delivery, or if it was late, that's right. Or if it was smushed, that was the Noid. Avoid the Noid. And then there was a man with the last name Noid who was not well. Oh no, is this real? Is this real as Elphaba? Yes, yes, yes. And I think he tried to take

violent action against someone because he thought that this campaign was about him. Oh dear. Oh, so he wasn't well. Then the Noid went away for a very long time. We didn't use that character anymore. And then he just came back. I guess they thought that the coast was clear. Maybe that man died in real life. Oh dear. They thought, okay, I think we can get away with this now. Little Caesar had a great season for like a whole decade because of that. They really, it was all about him. Everybody loved that little guy. I think he's still around.

I think he's endured. That's all he can say. That's all he can say. Is he saying pizza pizza or is he saying pizza pizza? I think he's saying pizza pizza. Okay, just repeating it. And I think he's like a Hodor character. I think George R.R. Martin owes a debt to Little Caesars.

But that means that the origin might have been him saying, piece of, piece of something. Would you like a piece of pizza? And of course there was a horrible tragedy. He was doing it to protect somebody. Would you care for a piece of pizza? And then eventually it just becomes pizza pizza. Wow.

I'll never look at him the same way again. I can't believe we all found this out at the same time. I see him trapped in the loop, you know, a traumatized loop. Wow. My goodness. How about that guy? He had only got to say that the entire time he was on the show. How about that guy?

Still had to be nude at one point. Nobody here gets out without being nude. But you still don't get any lines except for Hodor. Jason Momoa, I don't think we saw his penis, but we definitely saw Hodor's. That seemed like a missed opportunity. Oh boy. We have a good time here at the Neighborhood Listen. We haven't really even talked about, I haven't caught up with you. We haven't talked. We haven't caught up with me. No.

And I think we're out of time. I think we are. We do have to take a break. When we return, we will have a guest right here on the Neighborhood List. Hello everybody, it's Nicole. Do you know what? It's the holiday time. It's the holiday season and it is one of my favorite times.

I love gift giving, especially because I have a kid now and whether or not the gift is coming from Santa or me, it doesn't matter because the joy on that kid's face is the greatest. But I also really love giving gifts to my family. And you know what? It's really great when you get someone a gift that they wouldn't necessarily get from themselves, that little bit of luxury that they don't know they're missing. For quality gifts at an affordable price, my go-to is Quince. Now, Quince lets you treat your loved ones and yourself. Don't forget yourself this holiday season. Please don't forget yourself. To everyday everyday luxury at an affordable price something everyone needs in their closet in my opinion Quinces iconic Mongolian cashmere sweaters which start at $50 or the ultimate year-round gifts check out their

14-karat gold jewelry Italian leather handbags and European linen sheet sets yum Whatever you're looking for all quince items are priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. I want to be very clear. I said yum, but that doesn't mean they're edible. Please don't eat them. How do they do that? How do they go with pricing at 50 to 80% less than similar brands by partnering directly

with top factories and cutting out the cost of the middleman, which passes the savings on to you? Quinn's is on the nice list. Oh, sure they are. They only work with factories that use safe, ethical, and responsible manufacturing practices and they use premium fabrics and finishes for that luxury feel in every piece. Now I just recently purchased this incredibly chic and incredibly comfortable and incredibly versatile white button down shirt. It's a short sleeve shirt. I love it. It goes with everything. I'm never taking it off. I mean, I will okay gift luxury this holiday season

Without the luxury price tag go to quince.com Tnl for 365 day returns plus free shipping on your order. That's q u i n c e dot com slash t n l Do you get free shipping and a 365 day return policy quince.com slash t n l happy holidays This is Chris To all pet owners warning a dog door Will not keep your cat

Inside it is a doorway to the outside Do these doors need to come without warning? They should be called pet doors. Any animal can go out or come in through one. Please remember. And welcome back to the Neighborhood List and we really covered it all in the first segment. We sure did. And now it's time for an abrupt change of pace.

Now we are about to introduce a guest. We have a guest here at the kitchen island and Jones home. And this is what we do every week, folks. We scour the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods. We look for some interesting people to talk to. Yes, based on their posts. Yes, sometimes we contact them. Sometimes they contact to. Yes. Based on their posts. Sometimes we contact them, sometimes they contact us.

It's scary. I don't think it's always scary. No, no, sometimes. And sometimes listeners will send them in if we have not seen them ourselves. If you would like to send us a post that you think is worthy of talking about, send it to us. Why is this idea so hard to express?

It couldn't be simpler. It couldn't be simpler. If you see a post that you think is interesting, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at bernandjohnatgmail.com. That was great. Thank you, Jo. Okay, you're welcome.

Now we have, this is in the in search of section of NeighborHap, and this is posted by Emmett. Emmett's headline, looking to photograph slash film chihuahuas plus owner. Hello neighbors, Emmett continues. I'm a photo slash video artist looking to shoot chihuahuas, little S in parentheses, would settle for just one. And their owners have a few ideas I can explain,

but ideally both parties would be on camera, shot in a simple tableau style as they interact looking to get stills and a short video clip I'm flexible on schedule and can work at your convenience can compensate with image files of you and dog and or gallery quality prints please message for further info or if you have any recommendations thanks double exclamation mark Emmett and here now is Emmett. Emmett, welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. Well, hello.

Thank you for having me. Oh my goodness. Emmett, where are you from originally? From here, of course. Oh, but forgive me. Has anyone ever told you you have kind of a southern accent? We're normally not known as a southern. A little lilt.

Yeah, a little lilt. I love it. I think it's just coming from old money. Old money will change the way you talk every time. Every time. I mean, look at Jen Hayes. So you are a photographer by trade? No. Oh, I suppose not. Old money. I suppose you just, is this just a hobby?

Yeah, we have oil money that we've been living off of for quite some time Yes, yes, there was a time that Dignity Falls had a big oil boom. Mm-hmm. Yes, and then they discovered there was Just the just the amount of oil that they got and that was it And one per one family got it all hold on a second. Oh, oh Wow, are you one of the Tratterfords? Oh, oh, wow. Are you one of the Tratterfords? Oh yeah, are my ears burning? You heard of that? Of course, wow. Everyone knows the Tratterfords.

I would have put out a spread or something for you. This is a big deal. We didn't know you were rich. I'm so sorry. Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye. Well, that mean they're legendary. They really are, yes, absolutely. Everyone in Dignity Falls knows the Tratterfords.

Of course. I mean, we own half the town. Yes, it's true. It the town. That is true. Yes, it's true. It's true. So I assume that you're a Chihuahua and its owner? No. Oh wow, wait a minute.

Oh wow. We are. I don't know who should be insulted. That was kind of. But we, no, we are human beings both. And we are, we invited you on the podcast because we wanted to amplify your message. It seemed like a sweet thing.

It did, but I'm also interested in why specifically Chihuahuas and why specifically you want to film them with their owners and a short video. I'm curious about that part as well. Yes. Can you talk about it a little bit? Yeah. Well, I want to shoot Chihuahuas and their owners.

Sure. Right, right. That's the thing. That's the part I'm asking about. How come? Well, I have a very specific taste, you see. Oh, I see. She just looked right at me. What would she say that?

What do you mean by that? I mean, there can be a double meaning in every post. Okay, what does that, let's narrow it down to one for this purpose right now. Good, good idea. Well, I wish we were at my place. Can we move over to my place? I'm so sorry.

First of all, as a realtor, I would love to get my eyes on the Traderford mansion. I mean, I've only heard about it because you don't allow it to be photographed. But I mean, I've, there's so many stories about it. But as of now, you know, we've got, my husband is recording this in a different room. You can say, hi babe. Hey, hey. Is he a Chihuahua or not?

I'm a little concerned that you- Do you know what a Chihuahua is? Do you actually think? What do you think a Chihuahua is? A very small dog, a person who- Oh wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Who shakes when they're scared. I understand.

Oh, I understand. Oh, what? Chihuahua is only a small dog. Huh? And it's not a small person. Hmm. Oh, yes. Right.

Well, I like when things are people, the dogs shake when they're scared. You see, my hallways are lined with trophies, photographs, of dogs and their human owners who I've shot. Wink. Wait, what was that last part you said? I think I coughed. Did you say wink? Did she say wink? I think I coughed just now.

She said wink and then she said, I think I coughed, but she didn't cough. Right, she definitely winked. She didn't cough. She said winks. I don't think she was the wink. Is she winking because she's actually shot these people as in shot shot them? Let's go back and ask. I think we should. She said trophies. the way she tried she winking because she's actually shot these people is in shot shot them

Let's go back and ask. I think we should I don't know what you're referring to. Are you implying that I hunt Chihuahuas and their humans were sport? So she I feel like you're implying I feel like I'm definitely inferring it Interesting. Well, all I'm saying is you can come over and I'll take your photograph and then I'll start counting down from 10 and we'll see what happens. Oh, no, maybe this is why there are no stories

about the Traderford Mansion because if you go there, you never leave. It's like a Roach Motel. We have you sign an NDA who wink a cough. Another cough just now. I'm not sure that works. I'm under the weather. You have to.

You can't just say cough in a matter of fact way. A cough. You at least have to maybe actually cough. That might help, but just to say it is not, it makes it sound even more suspicious. By NDA, do you mean a nadaa? Oh boy. That's exactly what I mean. Ndaa? Uh huh. An enda. That's how what I mean. Enda-a? Uh-huh.

And enda-a. That's how he thinks it should be. Have we ever had you sign one of those? No, certainly not. Oh, goodness. No. I'm not sure you've ever met. I know, I've never met you.

I've just heard of you. I've seen you in some pictures. Oh yeah. I cut ribbons all around the town. You sure do. That is sort of, does everyone in the family sort of have their, cause you have how many brothers and sisters?

14. That's right sisters? 14. That's right. So 14. 14 of each. Each, say again, 14 of each. There's 29 of us. You were a surprise. I was a surprise.

I was a surprise. You were a surprise. And you all, you each have, each something has their own sort of job about the town. Right? You're the ribbon cutter. You have a brother named Phil Sip. I think you know him. Well, I mean, again, I don't know him. I just, I just know that he's the one who like will smash a, um, this is the problem now. It's not such a big deal now because

we don't have any boats, uh, because we don't have any water. Champagne on the side of the champagne, you know, but then we lost that we drained the lake and we just lost a lot of water. Now he's just doing it in a building. And people too. And people too. If somebody gets elected to office, he breaks a champagne bottle over their head. Babies being christened in the church. That's been a problem.

That's been a real problem. They got him a Nerf champagne bottle for that. Just sparkling water. Sparkling holy water, not champagne. Did you take the hot air balloon over here? Oh, of course. Yeah, I did. Do you see a park outside? A slight wind could take it away.

I'm feeling rather nervous. Oh dear. You always see the Trader Fords in the air. They are. They do love the air. They say they own that as well. We do. We own 95% of the airspace over this town. That's why people can't build up. We can't, you can't build up and you can't build down.

We, we own the dirt. Now Doug, Doug claims that he and Joan own the land rights down to the magma. That's right, because I don't know if we want to bring this up right now. I don't know if we want to bring this up right now. I don't know if we want to bring this up right now because this is not, this is sort of, I'm not sure that everyone knows in this town what, how the deeper building and it makes me very, very nervous.

Are you building down to the magma? I would like to change the subject and say the one exception that they made was the new high school, which of course is about 50 stories tall. I believe it's like a skyscraper. It's the tallest building in the city. Why was that allowed? Because we had them put our name on the building. Oh, that's right.

Traderford High, go millionaires. Isn't that a quaint name? We're billionaires, but we had the team be the millionaires. And we make all those children pledge allegiance to us every morning. Yes, there is a Traderford flag. It is, you know, curiously, it is a Chihuahua. And an oil derrick.

Never thought about it. Uh huh. It's all coming together for us. What is the relationship between the Traderford family and Chihuahuas? Where does that come from? Yes. All right. I'm going to have to have you sign an NDA.

Oh, come on. Oh, I don't. Wow. Bert has no patience for that. What if we promised to just cut this part out? Oh, there you go. Off the record. Off the record. Off the record.

That's right. Well, I don't know if you can tell by my features, but my great-great-grandfather was a chihuahua. Wait, wait a second. You know, the way she said like that, that was just so normal. It started out real normal. It started out real normal.

Yeah, although I do get nervous when somebody says, as you can tell from my features. And then I think, what am I supposed to be able to tell? Will it make me a bad person? Wait, I'm sorry. Do you really mean that? I do mean that. And he was a stay-in-on-all family.

Was this before, you said, how many grades did she have? Was this before the family fell into the oil business? Because I don't remember any. Great question. Right at the same time. And he decided to go to New York City and be an artist. The Chihuahua. The Chihuahua humiliated us.

He won a Tony. Do you, what? Wait, I'm sorry, what? He won a, you don't remember? A Chihuahua winning a Tony? You'll have to remind me. Joan, you're the theater head. You'll have to tell me.

The only Chihuahua I'm familiar with that was used on Broadway was in Legally Blonde, and that was only in the 90s. Was that the 90s? Yes. All right. But then again, the 90s were a very long time ago. You know, when I really think about it,

it's longer than we think. So I guess if I think back to what that is around the time that oil boom happened. Think harder, think go back further. Oh, the original jet in Oklahoma. Oh, oh wait a minute. A Chihuahua. He won a Tony for anything goes.

Oh, okay, I think that, I think, I think, I think maybe. What did he play in anything goes? What's the criminal? Moonface Martin. He played Moonface Martin, you don't remember? No, I don't think that happened. I gotta be honest. I have to tell you, there's no such thing as that.

Yeah, look, think back to the photos. You keep saying think back. That's not a proof of anything. In a golden retriever playing the woman who sang Heavenhop. Hold on a second. Think harder. I can see when you say think back, you can see it in your brain.

But just because it's in your brain doesn't mean that it's reality. Is it possibly, is this possible that the Tratiford's are so wealthy that they have their own Tonys? Their own Broadway? Very possible. Very possible.

How do you mean? Well, I mean, I don't think- Boy, is that a great deflective question. It's sure as it puts it right back on you. It really does. As if what I said was not a direct question. Yeah, it's like when I radio city music hall is in my living room. OK, now there we go.

That clears it up. That clears it up. And I don't doubt that you have recreated some sort of, you know, listen, as someone who's created a lot of rooms, I don't doubt they've created their own little radio city music hall. Absolutely. But you should. But I also understand that if you were this rich, you probably are cut off from actual reality and you have your own reality.

Yeah, exactly. Which includes a lot of your family being chihuahuas. The thing that you're saying is making my stomach feel uncomfortable. Really? What an interesting reaction. What do you mean? Well, I guess all this to say, it still

doesn't quite explain why you want to photograph more Chihuahuas and people or shoot. Which I forgot. Easy to. Oh, are we far afield? We've gone a little far afield of the original reason we had you on. Oh, okay. Lemonade?

I think, oh, she brought some. You brought some. Look at this. Is this from your, from your own acres that we have lemon trees? Yeah, my own acres. Lemon trees. Wink. A cough. Oh, well, I'm not touching that.

I mean, first of all, it isn't a beautiful solid gold carafe. And it's sweating with water on the outside. It's absolutely beautiful. And she's got some- It's making me the outside. It's absolutely beautiful. And she's got some- It's making me very thirsty. It's making me thirsty. But also I don't know that you would like it because if you're not sure of this,

one of Byrne's favorite things is Virgin Lemonade. Oh, I love Virgin Lemonade. Which is just lemon juice. Oh yeah, that's what this is. Virgin Lemonade. What? Byrne, what I think she just said that because- I think this is a trick.

Also, did she get a little Russian just then? She did. She just said that because she get a little Russian. Sometimes I slip if I'm tired, sometimes they can slip. Does that mean that you are of the Trina for the Russian extraction or something? My great, great grandfather was Russian. This is the trolley. Yeah, definitely was. So 10, nine, eight. Sorry, one question.

Why are you, what are you counting? One question. One question I'm answering. Well, I guess I'll just put down my crossbow. Oh no, you know what she was doing? She was counting down. She was giving us a running start. This really mean you think one of us looks like a Chihuahua?

I'm so confused. I'm saying that you answered the ad, so let's play the game. No, we didn't answer the ad. We invited you on to a podcast. We thought we were giving you a chance to broadcast your ad to a larger audience. To amplify your question. But now I don't want to really amplify this because it sounds like it's leading people to their ultimate death.

Yeah. You think a Chihuahua pervert wants to amplify what they've got going on? Wait, a Chihuahua pervert? Forget I said anything. No, that sounded like a specific term. That's a real wing cough. That definitely needed to be... No, no.

Allegedly, me and my family like to hunt Chihuahuas and their owners. Oh no, she stopped there, it's chilling. You know what? I'm gonna take my virgin lemonade and I'm gonna head out. Please don't. No, I really don't want you to leave in this manner because I'm so afraid of what you're about to go do. So I wanna try to-

Yeah, I don't want you out on the streets. Yeah, I don't, same. All I do is cut ribbons and hunt people. Okay. Is that illegal? It is. Yes it is. That's what rich people have been doing for centuries. I know, but it's- I people. Is that illegal? It is. Yes, it is. That's what rich people have been doing for centuries. I don't doubt that to be perfectly honest.

I mean, it's something I suspected. It's in movies, but I never expected a rich person to be so upfront about it. Yeah, I know. I mean, this is like arbitrage coming right into our home. Do you know the movie Arbitrage? I do not. I am unfamiliar. It's Burns' favorite. favorite has Richard Gere.

It's about really rich people that do bad things. Richard Gere, Susan Sarandon. You probably identify with it a lot. But I identify with Richard Gere, the rumors. Oh, sure. Sure. Of course. Yes.

Again, with animals. So can I ask you, and I'm afraid to ask this question, how many, do I say trophies or pictures, do you have in the hallways of the Chihuahuas and their owners? Well, I mean, it's miles and miles of hallways. Oh no. I mean, you're the neighborhood, listen, you're familiar with people going missing around this town?

I mean- Wow. It's mostly tortoises, but at Cass but if you got some of those there too. Yeah, we have them fight. What? You have tortoise fights? A chicken and a cat fight. How does that work? I mean, it's, I mean, sorry, a tortoise and a cat fight.

One moves very slow and one gets distracted by lasers. So then they don't really fight each other. No, it sounds like I never said it was a good fight. I said we had the right. That's on us, that's on us. You don't know what it's like to be this rich in this board. Why don't you tell us a little bit about it? Is there anyone, do you, are you,

your parents are still alive? Yes. What are their names again? Montgomery and Chihuahua. This, oh boy. That must be a nickname. Because I don't remember. I don't remember that.

I would have remembered. When you say pet name, does that mean that your mother is a pet of some sort? Or does that mean? I never said which was which. Oh yeah, Montgomery could be the mom. Chihuahua could be the dad. That's true, that's true. My name isihuahua could be the dad. That's true, forgive me.

My name is Emmett. Forgive me, Emmett. That's correct. Yeah. And, okay, I mean, I rarely find myself stumped. Sometimes I don't know how to move forward. Oh dear. No, put that down.

Burden, Burden, Burden, Burden. Put that down. Eight. Put down that cross. She can't be bored. We have to stop her from being bored. Six. Put that down.

Put it down. Five. I wanted to stop her from being bored. Six. Put that down. Say something interesting. Five. I wanted to be a tennis player once upon a time and I had a really fun way to sing while I was hitting the balls. That's interesting. I am sweating. I just sweat through my entire bra. That was close.

That was close. The whole thing? The whole thing. Striped thing, the whole thing. Soaked through. Soaked through. Interested. Oh, I can hear you when you guys go over to your little corner and have a moment without me.

I feel like we're still in the movie Saw. Can I just say, Jigsaw, he's so cute. What? He's so cute. Oh, Rosie Cheats. I can't share that. Rosie Cheats! Are you insane, babe? Yeah, he's got the little. I can't share that. Rosy cheeks, are you insane, babe? He's got the little girly cues on his cheeks.

By the way, way to help, babe. Do you hear what's going on? Can you come down here, babe? Yeah, I'm shivering in the corner. Why are you shivering? Oh, like a Chihuahua. Oh, Doug, the wrong thing to say. She liked it, he's shivering.

Did he say he was in the domino room? Yes, he did. I listened. She liked it. Did he say he was in the domino room? Yes, he did. I listened. 10. No, what? Don't knock these over. I thought that was interesting. No, she's not gonna come in there.

No, it's not ready. Bert, you say something interesting now. I used to drive a nitro-burning funny car. That's right, he did. It remains my favorite sport. I've never driven a car before. I've only been in a hot air balloon and a helicopter. Cars are wonderful.

And a yacht. Of course. I'm gonna try something. Okay. All right, here, what I've done is I've looked up images of a chihuahua, all right? I'm gonna show this to you. I'm gonna show this to you.

I wanna see what happens. Okay, and then look at the chihuahua. Mm, mm, mm, mm, mm. It's distracting. what happens. Okay. And then look at this. Oh, it's distracted. What is that reaction? It's distracting. It's kind of working. But I do want to know what that noise means. I just want to get her out of the house.

Wait now. Okay. You made yummy sounds. Do you, do you eat these pets? Well, the Tratifers, are they eating the pets? Are they eating the cats, the dogs? Oh God.

I mean, you said you didn't want to sign an NDA, so my lips are sealed and filled with Chihuahua. Oh my God. So wait, does that mean she's eating? But if her dad's a Chihuahua, that means she's, I'm so confused. Or her mom. Or her mom. Or her mom! This sounds depraved.

This is like that movie... Yeah, Joan. What was it? Saltburn? Saltburn. Rich people really are weird and creepy. Yeah, that movie was just like, hey, get a load of these guys.

Yes, it was. And then it was over. And then it was over. And then all the Instagram memes happened. I know, I'm sorry, I dropped the phone. Oh, oh, oh. That had the Chihuahua on it, so now I And then it was over. And then it was over. And then all the Instagram memes happened. I know. I'm sorry. I dropped the phone that had the chihuahua on it. So now I'm helpless to get it.

Are you talking about my favorite movie? Sulpurn? Oh, see, I knew it. Oh, I love that movie. What is it about Sulpurn that you love so much? Oh, just slice of life. Oh, see, that's terrifying. Just a slice of life.

Just a regular Tuesday. You know what I'm saying? Oh, no. I feel, oh, brother, I'm coming in and out of this accent. Don't worry about it. I'm not going to point it out anymore. I want to keep you happy and interested. Now, when you say you can compensate with image files of you

and dog, first of all, you're filthy rich, but you won't pay anyone. No, why would I? I am the backbone of this town. Emmett, you really think that? What would this town be without the ribbon cutting and the champagne on the side of boats? Well, I wouldn't have said this

for the two most important, we would figure it out. Yeah, I feel like we'd manage. I don't know, okay, who would take photos of two people standing for a long time looking at the camera? That's half of what we do. That jerk from the paper. Is that one of your siblings?

Yes. Oh, he's the one who takes all those photos, meeting all the people. And shaking hands, kissing babies. Oh, he's the mayor. Wait, I didn't know that. I didn't know the mayor was a Tratterford. Shadow government. I feel like there is a shadow government. You know, there might be and I never. I feel like there is a shadow government.

There might be, and I never want to be a conspiracy theorist. The mayor's always a Traderford. We just give ourselves a different last name. It's always a Traderford versus a Traderford. This is crazy. Traderfurs just sort of make up rules and tell everyone that's the rule. Although, hey guys, guys.

They built their own New York. Guys, listen, listen. We never seen a picture of it. We don't know what Emmett Trudeffer looks. I hadn't even heard of, but I mean, you figured it out. You think this could be an imposter. I think it's just very possible. What are we talking about? They didn't get that much oil.

It's such a small amount. But it was all the oil there was then. So they were still- They got the whole thing. They it was all the oil there was there. So they were still, they still had all the power. Yeah. Let me ask you some, some Dignity Falls question. Oh yeah, go for it. Okay. Quiz me on anything.

What's the biggest body of water in Dignity Falls? Hmm. How many bodies did we put in the water? What was that? What was your question? Oh wow. Now that was, that was a real that. That was a real twist. That was, it's worthy of Arbitra. Not a lot of twists in that movie actually. Okay, what's a good like,

Dignity Falls trivia sort of thing? Well, what is the name of the place where you would go see a show? Radio City Music Hall in my living room. No, that would be Dignity Falls Community Playhouse. Okay. I have the feeling you would never go out of the house except for to cut a ribbon and then immediately get

into a van and I'm driven back to your house. Or a hot air balloon. Or thank you. Or a hot air balloon. You're not a tratter. You're on my side. And this is all a big ruse. All right. You're on my side. And this is all a big ruse. All right.

You're on my side, I can tell. I'm going to ask you. No, you get it, I can tell. We don't get anything, trust me. I'm getting scared, but I don't want to say that because I know that's what she likes. I do, 10. Oh no, why does she keep doing that?

I'm going to ask you a direct question. A direct question. Okay, here it comes. I'm glad she ask you a direct question. I'm glad she starts over every time. That is good. She doesn't just continue. Oh, we'd be goners a long time ago. We'd be goners.

Absolutely. That's a good bright side. It's a good silver lining. Thanks Doug. Thanks babe. Do you mind if I shied my crossbow while you ask me this question? Could you take the bolt out? A noncommittal noise. Emmett. Crossbow, while you ask me this question. Could you take the bolt out? Ah! Oh!

A noncommittal noise. Emmett. Okay. Are you truly a member of the Traderford family, or are you an imposter, or are you a black sheep of the Traderford family that's been sort of excommunicated from the family proper? Oh, that's an interesting option. Hmm. Hmm. And you can't call for Wink. You can't call for Wink and you can't call a friend. It hurts not to call for Wink. I know. Get off those grapes. Oh, now she's starting to shake. Get off. The grapes.

Well, are you implying that I've been, I don't know, cast out of my family? I'm asking you if that has happened. That's exactly what he's asking you. You're very subtle about it. It's hard to tell what you're trying to say. I should think I was. You said very directly on the third question. I thought so.

Yeah. I thought so. Is that true? Well, are you implying that the only thing I have left is that hot air balloon in this crossbow? Oh, no, what would the two things to take and I'm just eating cans of tuna with my pants. Oh I didn't notice You never hit a rock so bottom that you had to eat tuna with your hands? Are you telling me you've never been to hand tuna?

I think I have not hit a rock so bottom and let me to hand tuna. I mean, I feel like I've come close to hitting a rock so bottom that I've eaten hand tuna. I appreciate your candor. You have to open it with your teeth like a beaver. Hope you're talking about the pole kind with like an actual tab. If not, yike. No. Do you mean like a beaver from a cartoon pretending to be a can opener sticking their teeth? There it is. Wow. That I have to turn it around. All right. Yes. Wait, they have pull tabs on tuna cans? Oh no. Yes, they do.

The more expensive ones. Is there a huge price difference? I didn't notice, babe. Okay. No, Doug had his finger on the pulse of tuna prices. I can't afford to pay these people for their two hour photo. Oh no.

Where are you living? This means you probably aren't living at the mansion. Where have you been living? Not in the hot air balloon. Yeah. That's grim. Oh dear Not in the hot air balloon. Yeah. That's grim. Oh dear. It's my bathroom and my kitchen.

Oh. Oh. And my bed. Hey. Oh no. Do you remember that movie, Mr. Saturday Night? Oh boy, yes I do. I do not.

Do you remember that there was a scene- Billy Crystal was in it and he plays an old comedian. Yes. And we look back on his life and when he's a young man and he and his wife have their first child, they would eat Chinese food in the bathroom. Like they'd put the cartons on the toilet. Oh, I had forgotten about that. Oh, that's terrible.

It's an image that's burned into my brain forever. You can't eat Chinese food in the bathroom. You definitely can't. You shouldn't. I think you can with dignity. Oh dear. I think that Emmett has had to do it. I think Emmett's had Chinese food in her bathroom slash kitchen slash bedroom hot air balloon. Emmett, have you eaten Chinese food in the bathroom of the hot air balloon? I've eaten Chinese food in the hot air balloon while I go to the bathroom off the side. So then... That then even worse.

Is it? It is. Can I ask a question? So are two things true that that there is some sort of shadow government with Chihuahua's acting as that's a backhand by the way. So, so two things are true that all these other horrible things are happening at the mansion, but, but, but she escaped. Here's a good question. Are you kicked out because maybe you were trying to expose this terrible secret? That's a good question, Joan. Oh, I don't see how you got there. I guess I'm hoping that she's like a whistleblower. This is a hope. This is a hope.

Aspirational question. What caused the rift? What caused you to be in this situation? Well, I wasn't bringing them enough Chihuahua and human skulls. And if I bring them enough back, then they'll let me back in. This is the most direct you've been.

Because you didn't wink or cough when you talked about skulls. No, you know what? The mask has really come down. And I appreciate that. So unfortunately you're still trying to win their favor back. You're trying to get back in their favor. Can I stay here tonight?

Oh, good heavens. I don't, I'm not comfortable with that I have to say. What I do, what I can offer you is a warm shower and a warm meal. Oh. Because we've got a deli. Babe, could you work something up for Emmett? Do you like giving her a sizzler?

We also have a fully operational sizzler. What is a sizzler? It's a restaurant. Oh, of course. She's rich. She's rich. Yes, she wouldn't know. You mean when Butler comes out and puts food on the table?

It's much like when Butler comes out. It's much like when Butler comes out. Like when Butler comes out. It's much like when Butler comes out. It is and gives you food. In this case, I hate to tell you, it's called, this is going to throw you for a loop, self-serve.

I don't know what any of those words mean. So you have to get up with your legs, I know, walk over and use your hands. Ah! To put food on your plate. Wow, good forehand. I'm just broken down to sweat so fast. Well, I mean, my bra's still wet. I'm just broken down a sweat so fast.

Well, I mean my bra's still wet. So anyways. Can I get a hug from Butler? The idea of having to get up and do anything for myself. Scared me something awful. Well, you know what, you know what, honey? I will be happy to be Butler tonight. I will get you a plate of food. I will get you a drink.

We've had issues with, you know, in fact, we've had issues with the waiters at the Sizzler anyways, if you've listened to our- You're talking about Jamie? Yes. So I'm just gonna take care of it for you, okay? Okay. Caviar and lobster, please.

You know what? To be honest, that doesn't sound like something out of ordinary for a Sizzler, but we don't have caviar, right babe? No, we have Pop Rocks for dessert. Same, but we don't have caviar, right babe? No, we have pop rocks for dessert. Same, same. Is that cocaine? Oh, no. You don't want to do that. It's not. It's like cocaine for your mouth for two seconds.

Doug's dad voice came out. He really took a stance on drugs. What did he say? You don't want to do that. Pop rocks up the nose. Oh. You're in for a hard, hard time. Oh, I see. That's true. And that's from experience. He's speaking from experience. He tried're in for a hard time. Oh, I see.

That's true. And that's from experience. He's speaking from experience. He tried that with the boys one time. With the boys? Yeah. It was a dad and lad project? Well, yeah, but it was more,

they were in the high school, so it wasn't so crazy. It was a dare. No, that's crazy. That they tried to snort pop rocks? Yes. A man doing that with his sons? Yes, that's crazy. Well, Matt didn't want to do it. It was the other one who wanted to do it.

You sound like my family. We forget the name of our kids all the time. I always do. King solver. What? King solver. Oh, it was King solver's idea. Thank you.

I should have named them both easy names to remember. I don't know why I did that. Five. Wait, oh no. No, no. Doug, you gave her the idea. She started in the middle. Emmett.

Also, by the way, I just offered you a free meal and a free shower. And a hug, I think. And a hug. There's no dignity in that. I, she's all on this about dignity. Do you feel that you have dignity in your current situation, where you're dining and

bathrooming in the same basket and then you're coming in here and you're still trying to when your family's approval with human to all of schools. You know what I'm saying for you? I think I see a different brighter future. I don't think you have to keep on trying to cause here's the thing. It sounds to me like your family isn't going to give you what you need. You want like love or respect. And I just think that they sound way too, pardon me,

but fucked up to be able to do that. I'm sorry, Doug. He doesn't like it when I swear, babe, this is we're trying to help someone here. There's a crossbow pointed at my head. You're cowering up there. I'm not the problem. I'm really in one of those moments where I'm about to grab the gun and I got it. I got it.

Oh my God, Joan. Thank you. Wow. I didn't think my broccoli get wetter. It is dripping wet. That is visceral to see. It's a little bit of padding. It's like I'm wearing two water balloons. All right.

I'll just go back in the sky so I can be above you. No, no, no, you're gonna stay here, Emmett. How? Emmett. What? Don't you see that now you have an opportunity. Oh no, she's crying. Oh, she's crying.

Oh, don't cry, I mean, I will cry. I can't even hunt people anymore. She reminds me of July right now in this moment. You have an opportunity now to live your own life. You can change. You can be free. I don't want to be free. I want to hunt animals and dogs.

Oh no. She's crying so hard. She sounds like a little girl. Animals and dogs and people. I want to hunt people. No, that's murder. That's not what we do. It's against the law. Now you live by them because you're outside of the bosom of your family. And that's bad. We don't hunt people. Okay. We don't do that. All right. What if it's from the sky? You know, who does that? And nobody knows what that means.

Even Phil Collins. So I think that you, right now, I think we've done all we can do podcast wise. I think what we're gonna do is probably- We've done all we can do podcast wise. As a society or no? Just in this moment, but it's a good question, Emmett. But I think we have more work to do in general.

But I'm going to stop this right now. We're going to get you food. We're going to get you a shower and then we're going to talk to my best friend, Richard gear about this. You know what? While you, while you eat, you can watch, I'll set you up with an iPad. You can watch arbitrage. You want to start frombitrage on iPad? You want to watch Arbitrage on iPad honey? You want to start from the beginning? Yeah. Okay. You should show her the old Taco Bell commercials. Oh, you'll care about Taco Bell. Okay.

We'll do that too. I think this is going to be really confusing. Beverly Hills Chihuahua? Maybe it'll be like a deprogramming. Maybe it'll be like a deprogramming. Taco Bell is wonderful food. Oh my God. You know, when you start eating food that real normal people eat, I think you're going

to be really happy. Yeah. Definitely start with Taco Bell. And I think you should also watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua so you can see Chihuahuas living and living their lives. That's right. That's right. And okay. Okay. All right, honey. Okay. We're going to say goodbye now. Okay. Ten. Oh no. I have the possible. I have the possible.

Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Okay. Okay, I love you. No, everything's gonna be fine. Oh boy, I love you too. Cough, wink, wink, cough. Okay, we'll be right back. Okay. More When the Neighbor Listen,

when the Neighbor Listen returns. ["The Neighbor Listen Theme"] Hi, this is Esther, new Batman with stand. Thirty dollars. Box was destroyed but stored with care. No stains, marks or dirt. As you can see, this strong man, this mystery of a man, he's standing in front of my tree as he has done so many years before guarding it and guarding the presence.

And the box was destroyed because when I first got him I said there's no leaving me sir. You cannot go back home. But the relationship has turned toxic over the last year and while I am heartbroken to not see those muscles in that spandex every morning underneath my tree, of course, yes, the tree is up year round. It's time to move on. It's time to move on. So just...

Also I truly believe in if you love something, set it free and if it's meant to be, it'll fly back to you. All right, happy holidays everyone. And welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Everyone is still alive. Yeah, so everyone knows everyone's still alive and currently, cause we, it took a while

because Emmett really didn't understand the concept of anything. Like I had to actually spoon feed her, literally. Yes, everyone knows everyone's still alive and currently because we it took a while because Emmett really didn't understand the concept of anything like I had actually spoon feed her literally. Yeah. Yeah. So and she wanted a silver one. I weirdly we only had plastic black forks in there. So I had to actually go get her a true silver spoon.

I had to get my good silver and then she pretended to be born with the spoon in her mouth. That's right. She's actually been almost like becoming less of a, of an adult and more of a small child. She's for sure regressing. She's regressed. She's like a Benjamin Button. You know what?

Maybe that's good. She needs to start over. Maybe that is good. Maybe we'll raise her, babe. Anyway, she's, she's watching the Arbitrage bloopers right now. Oh, I love the Arbitrage bloopers. So funny. The deleted scenes. When Tim Roth falls over in his chair. Oh, I love the old times. Bloopers! So funny.

When Tim Roth falls over in his chair. All the times that he tried that move with the cell phone that fell like 30 times. One time he pushed his ear in. The one time where Richard Gere says Albatross instead. Yes, and he's like damn it I can't hear it. You can hear the whole crew laughing. And then he couldn't unhear it. It's like when Benedict Cumberbatch said, peng wing.

That's right. That's right. Oh, R.R.R. I love it. Oh God. So anyways, everything's okay, but we have another post to share. Yes, we have time for one more post. I do feel like I need to get back to her

cause I'm still wildly afraid of her. I want to be honest. No, she's unhinged and dangerous. Correct. So this comes from Lori with an eye and it says, and here it is, it's just a picture of what I would say is just a brick sort of patio, right? With like a shadow of the sun and it's just like a frame of a door.

Yeah. There's maybe some railing of something. Just to be clear, there's absolutely no indication of a house or at all. No. Now it says, Lori says, after being out of town for a week, I returned home to realize my 100 year old house smells like an old house. Ew. That was well acted.

Thank you. I'm reading the post along with you and that was very well done. That's why you're the best. Thank you. How do you fix that? Any tips, dot dot dot, and just so you know, we clean regularly, LOL.

Can I correct one thing? Oh, sorry, did I mess up? It's not dot dot dot, it's just dot dot. You're right, it's just a dot dot. She was in a hurry. Space, dot dot, space. She's disgusted by this house. She's disgusted by her own home.

First of all, everything makes me crazy about this post, least of all Lori with an I, but there's no, there's no picture of the house. No. The picture doesn't look dirty and it doesn't look old. Didn't need to be a picture. There didn't need to be a picture at all for what she shared.

You can't photograph smell. A. So what's, A. There does, it does seem like Lori thought you have to put a picture. Yes, for the algorithm. Like it's required. That's probably what.

For the algorithm. You get more eyes on your post if you put a picture. That's right. Pick for the algorithm. I would have put clip art. Like if a guy with a clothespin on his nose. Why not? Anything, anything. That's right.

So also, I just, it seems as if she's A, never left her house. Right. Because this seems like a new thing to her. Like, how long was she away? Does she say? Um, let me see. This is not like she went to the store and came back.

No. Being out of town for a week, she says. A week, okay. Yes. A week. And so, listen, I understand what she means. When we grew up on the side of Old Dig, you know, our house was old and it would, if you left too long,

there would sort of be like a lived in smell. But pardon me, first of all, never an EW smell. And also- With that many Ws? Not with that many Ws. And also there's always kind of that smell with an old house. It doesn't change that much.

She's acting like there's something drastic. I think what happened is she forgot to take out her trash and she doesn't realize it because she's not very smart. I bet you're right. And now she wants someone to come, also any ideas, lady take your trash out, mop the floor, I'm sorry. So we've decided that's exactly what happened. I guess I jumped ahead.

I guess even not withstanding the leftover garbage, maybe there isn't any, this is not a mystery to solve. You know, you open the windows. All you gotta do is open the windows. Run the air conditioning. Sunlight is the best disinfectant. Correct. And you air out the room. Let me ask you this.

Burn a candle. Why am I so angry? Boy, you really worked up about this. Who needs tennis? You can do it in your life. That was a serve. I'll say queen. Who needs tennis? You can do it in your life. That was a surf. I'll say queen. I think I know what old house smell is, but then I'm realizing maybe I don't.

It's a little bit musty. You know what it's very much like? You know how when you turn on the heat for the first time in the winter in a home, and it just kind of is like, oof, it's pungent. It's musty. It's like a book. To be honest, it is like putting your nose in an old book. My parents would not turn on the heat in the winter when we were growing up.

Burnt. What? Just wouldn't, didn't believe in it. You tell me about your childhood. No, they would not. You were allowed to turn on the summer. Okay. If you want to go ahead. Oh, that's so mean. Of course we wouldn't do it. You don't want that in the summer. Of course not. Were they trying to troll you? That's terrible. They were trying to troll me I guess. The more you tell me about your childhood, I mean from everything, from the super burnt toast that you could barely eat through to not having heat during the winter. You know what makes me think of one of the saddest little scene lets I've

ever seen a movie, which is in Scrooed. Speaking of which we haven't talked about A Christmas Carol, but we'll talk about my show next week because there's been some development. That's right. This is my one-way show. By the way, when you pronounced it just now, I heard the comma. Thank you. Okay, good. I've been working on it. That's the first part is how to sell this show. I heard it. I heard it loud and clear. Great. Thank you. Because the name is Carol in case everyone forgets.

Okay. So speaking speaking of Christmas Carol, that version, which was Scrooge with Bill Murray, and there's a flashback, because he's with the girls from Christmas Past, played by Jake Johansson or something? He plays the- Buster Poindexter. I'm sorry, Buster Poindexter.

David Johansson. David Johansson. Jake Johansson was the comedian from the night. Yeah, you're right. Wait, I thought, yeah, okay, got it. The curly hair and the glasses. Yes, yes, yes. Okay, so then he goes back to see his childhood

and he's just a little boy alone and his mom is smoking and he's sitting watching TV and then his dad comes home and he goes, Merry Christmas, and he drops a pound of meat at his knees. That's his gift. I forgot. Could it be more bleak? I forgot.

I can't stop thinking about it. So what he brought home was raw meat. And his kid only got comfort from television. And that's why he became a television mogul. This is terrible. I feel like they went a little bit too far with the meat. Thank you. That is like, you can say somebody had a bad childhood.

Correct. But like, if you can steal meat from the butcher, which you probably did, then you know, steal something nice. To his son. To his son. Oh, that was the gift to the son. That was his Christmas. Merry Christmas. Just a pound of meat in the paper and the butcher paper, the brown butcher paper.

And then it just falls with a thud. Merry Christmas. I forgot all about that. Oh, go back and watch it. That's a little bit too far. At least it was wrapped. It will destroy you. It devastates me.

How about the ending of Scrooge where he just goes on and on and on? There is a long part, isn't there? Oh, go back and watch it. That's a little bit too far. At least it was wrapped. It will destroy you. It devastates me. How about the ending of Scrooge where he just goes on and on and on? There is a long part, isn't there? Yeah, and it's really like, you could tell, he insisted, just roll the cameras and I'll take care of it. And then he didn't know where he was going.

See, I can't remember that part. And didn't know how to end it. Do you know what? I stopped, I couldn't think of anything after that scene. So actually anything that happens after that. Oh, after the meat scene. Correct, after the meat scene. After the meat, not cute.

And I only can then remember the song at the end, you know, put a little love in your heart. You remember the Bonnie and Clyde guy with the icicle hanging from his nose? He was the, wait, yes. Oh yeah, he made me sad. And Carol Kane hitting him with the toaster. That was memorable.

But you know what? Very funny that, um, the, that guy, that little guy, uh, kept thinking that Bill Murray was Richard Burton. I thought that was right. Yeah. I need to watch this again. And Bill Murray does a very brief Richard Burton impression. Really? And it really works. It does kind of look like Bill, Bill Murray. Oh, Bill Murray. Richard star of Scrooge. Really? Interesting, okay. I really got to go back.

You know what? This is my back to the future. I wish I had an encyclopedic knowledge of Scrooge the way you remembered back to the future. Anyways, so I'm going to go check on Emmett because, and Lori, I don't know what to tell you, but like just open the windows is what I would tell you and check your trash bags.

Yeah. Okay. Buy a Glade plugin. Buy a Glade plugin. It's so easy. It's much easier than making a post with a non-descript picture. Oh, do what the guy did in seven

and hang all those car air fresheners from the ceiling. Ew, oh God, why would you leave that with everyone? Why would you leave us with that image? That's horrifying. I mean, at least I guess the only silver lining is I forgot about the meat. I remember looking at that thing. I wonder what it would smell like

if you had all those air fresheners hanging from it. It looked neat, I thought. Oh boy. I think we should end there. Okay. We've done all we can podcast wise. True words. Well folks, should I end it with a little-

Oh yeah, let's do the dominoes. Are you going to do the dominoes? There they go. There they go. They sound bigger than I thought they were. They're life-size. They're person-size. You better get out of the way.

What does that mean, life-size? It means I think he's running from them. I'm kicking each one individually. Oh, okay. It means he's... I see those videos of people that have set up a sort of room, Goldberg contraption, that doesn't work and then they just go down the line and they move the ball along. It means he was running from them.

Like that woman in Prometheus. Oh yeah. Just running a straight line. Yeah. How do you spend so much money on a movie and get to that point? Just the tiniest angle. Just come on. Nobody would be.

You should have known that wouldn't infuriate everybody. You know, I saw Christine for the first time recently. Oh, I haven't seen it. It's not good. And it's one of those things where John Carpenter tried his best. He really did. But it's not a story that should ever be a movie. But you know what?

It's not that it's not possible, because Duel was a fabulous movie. Terrifying. But that was a different thing. Were you ever so scared of a truck? Because that's two vehicles. Oh, OK. There's a way to defeat Christine, which is get off of the side, get onto the sidewalk, go up some stairs.

I thought you drove up the sidewalk to go after you. She could get on the sidewalk, yes. But you could go up some stairs. I thought she drove up the sidewalk to go after you. She can get on the sidewalk, yes, but you can go up some stairs. I would say don't definitely run down the middle of the road. We're doing that thing where we're doing a different podcast again. You too, sure. We should have an offshoot.

Seen a lot of films. Maybe we should just do a look at film. We each bring in some movies that we have problems with. Yeah, let's just discolonebert it. All right, folks. Okay, we definitely have done all we can for this podcast. That might end up as a bonus room. What am I talking about?

Let me tell you. Oh, good segue. If you would like to hear ad-free episodes of The Neighborhood Listen, and you would like to hear our bonus content, then you can go to cbbworld.com, sign up on the Maximus tier, and you can go to the, go to CBBworld.com, sign up on the Maximus tier and you will get access. Doug, I sense you're giggling.

I can just, it just feels like it's, it's slightly breaking down. Oh dear. He's, by the way, that's not nice, babe. Also- I'm sorry. That was a little cruel. Be honest, be honest.

Are you trapped under a domino right now? I know he is. How is that nice? Yeah. In what world is that nicer? Touche. Oh, I have a stenoid to help me out. So go to CBBworld.com and sign up on the Maximus tier and you get, there's a bunch of stuff that we have, that we have done in addition to the episodes. It is really fun. Movie watch alongs, episodes of other podcasts, us just sitting around chewing the fat about Dignity Falls, the holiday traditions and things like that.

It's a lot of fun. So go there, cbbworld.com, the Maximus tier. And I think that's finally it. I think we did it. We'll be back next week with another episode of The Neighbor Listen. Until then, goodbye. And bye.

All of the posts used in this episode were real. We'll be back next week with another episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Until then, goodbye! And bye! All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Aaron Keefe. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full length bonus room episodes

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