The Neighborhood Listen - Chili Recipe PLEASE! w/ Mano Agapion

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

After a short recording hiatus, Joan and Burnt catch up on each other's summers. Doug's childhood dream and his worst allergy come into conflict, while Burnt shares his experience in a mall deprivation tank. Plus, special guest Noel (Mano Agapion) shares why she is in desperate search of a neighbor's chili recipe.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Burn. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the Neighborhood Listen. Hello and welcome once again to the Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that records and documents the comings and goings and goings-on of the town of Dignity Falls. I feel like this is getting away from me already. No, I'm kind of into it, Burns.

Yeah, it makes it sound official. It makes it sound like we're doing way more work than we actually are. It i i think that's what i i think i got caught up on that i i made it sound like we were making a time capsule of some kind and that's not true yeah and like that we're documenting and that we're archiving and and lots of other big words and that we've done so much who do i think who do i think i am diane fossey the famous gorilla lady. Yes, yes. Okay. So, so anyway, well, you take that as you like it. And my name is Burton Mia Payday. I am a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls. This is where I live. And with me is my, I hate saying co-host because it makes it sound like I'm the main host. Oh, I appreciate that. But it keeps us equal. Co-host. You're not calling yourself a host.

I'm a co-host. We're both co-hosts. We're both co-hosts. Together we make one host. Well, I mean, I'd like to think I'm on my own person. But yes, you know what? We do share a brain. We share a, we share a, there's a Venn diagram. Now you like to think you're your own person, but we do share a brain.

You know what? Yes. When we do this podcast, I feel like we share a brain sometimes. Okay. All right. I feel like a lot of times you're about to ask the guest a question. podcast, I feel like we share a brain sometimes. Okay. All right. I feel like a lot of times you're about to ask the guest a question. And I was just about to ask the same question. I guess that's what it happened so many times.

And I, I really, I love those moments because it, it, it shows that we're dialed in and we are focused and, and we're picking up on the, the important stuff. That's much better.

Dialed in is better. That sounds more like a, like a, like an industry term anyways. Yeah. What industry? So we're, we're industry an industry term anyways. Yeah, what industry? So we're industry. We're industry people. But what industry?

Oh, the podcast industry, the entertainment industry. Joe, are you telling me that I'm in the entertainment industry? Burnt, I think so. No, Joan, you are in the entertainment industry. Oh, wow. Okay, anyway, we haven't introduced you. Oh, yeah, I'm Joan. My co-host, Joan Pedestrian. Yeah, Joan Pedestrian. We, we haven't introduced you. Oh yeah. I'm Joan. My co-host Joan Pedestrian. Yeah. Joan Pedestrian. I am. We are both co-hosts. I am one burnt as

another and we share a brain, but I'm my own person. And also I am the top realtor here in Dignity Falls where I also live. And? And I have a husband named Doug, who is our engineer. Hey, babe, how you doing? Is that not what you wanted me to do? Where do I fit into the brain? I was so worried. I thought he was just going to stop after fit in. And I was like, oh, buddy, we don't have time to tackle that existential question.

We can't get into Doug's big issues. I think, Doug, since you are not strictly a host of the show or a co-host of any kind, I don't think you fit into that equation necessarily. Not the brain part. Well,

he's like a producer, right? You just call him a producer? Let's call him a producer. And that's fancy. He produces the recording. Yeah, of course we'll give you a producer credit.

Yes. What does a podcast producer do? I don't know. Are you doing it? Maybe you're, whatever you're doing, you're doing it. Whatever you're doing right now. That's it. Okay.

I'm trying to patch the boat, but okay. Patch the boat. The boat. You still have that boat. Okay. Here's the deal. Doug, as you know that we had summer months, right? You know, we, there's been summer.

Summer has happened. We have summer in Dignity Falls. Doug, I don't think. But what I meant, babe, is that for our listeners, we don't know quite when this will be coming out, but we're talking about that, you know, just summer has just sort of come to an end

at this moment in time that we're talking. Bittersweet. Indeed. Doug had two goals for the summer. One was go to space camp. And. Oh, that hurts. Talk about it. Why?

Because you miss it? Because by the way, he went. It was fantastic. They had a special program. I was going to say. Where adults could go. I was going to say. I don't know a ton about space.

Space camp. I was under the impression that it was only for children. No, they had, listen, he's been talking about it his whole life. And it's a whole thing where his parents wouldn't let him go because he had such bad allergies. And, uh, and so. These would, these would affect him in space. I'm allergic to Tang. I'm allergic to Tang.

He would just, I think, you know, he had so many random allergic reactions. I think it made him a little bit nervous to go out on his own. We were a little bit, I mean, sorry. The parents, they said, his parents said we were a little bit overprotective of him and didn't let him do as many things as he wanted to. So he's talked about space camp for forever and i i finally did some digging and there is there is something

that is adult space camp now it's not at the it's not in houston it's not it's in um a little place in inland california near lake elsinore where um it's mostly just, they just mostly watch space movies. Beautiful, beautiful lake, Lake Elsinore. It's just gorgeous. It's so well taken care of. Does the lake ever come into play in the space part of the space camp? Well, they did go skydiving, right, babe?

That's right. Yeah, we went skydiving. That was to simulate zero gravity. Right. Which I thought was weird. It seems like that's all about gravity. Because it's all gravity. Yeah, we went skydiving. That was to simulate zero gravity. Right. Which I thought was weird. It seems like that's all about gravity. Because it's all gravity. Yeah.

It's gravity's time to shine. Yeah, it really is. That was as close as they could get to space. And then, you know, what they were trying to do is sort of simulate what happens when you have to eject from. They wanted to simulate when you land in the ocean. Right. You know, and they would come and pick you up. but you would land in the in the capsule i know but they again they don't have a big budget sure okay and so this is this is in no way affiliated parachute

looked like the parachute had a picture of it it looked like a space capsule picture okay right it was sort of shape yeah so it was and then someone comes out and gets them and they get to pretend like they're getting pulled out of the ocean. I mean, they are. They're getting pulled out of the lake. Right. They get a fake press conference. Look, I didn't organize this thing, Bert. I see a lot of holes in this camp. I mean, how much did you investigate it before you committed to sending Doug to space? I just found a subreddit, you know, for a lot of wives who were like, oh God, get my husband out of the house. You went to r slash wives?

Yes. And I found a little community, you know, as you do on Reddit. Sure. Absolutely. I've never felt more of a sense of community than when I'm on Reddit. Right? It's so supportive. I feel like I'm not alone.

That's right. So anyways, that was his first goal. We got a hold of that. And then the second was he wanted to get an old boat and refurbish it. And I thought, man, I think Space Camp's going to be easier to pull off because we have no room for this boat. Of course, we didn't add an extra room now for the boat.

We just added a whole room, like a boat garage for him. And he found... Where did you find that boat, babe? Oh, it was on the sidewalk. It was in front of someone's house. You trash-picked a boat. What was that term? Trash picked?

You never heard that before? Trash picked. Yeah. Well, I think he's being a little bit, okay. We got to talk about the word boat because all it is is an inflatable motorboat. I'm so sorry. I still have some, there's a couple points I wanted to go over about the space camp. So mostly they watch space movies.

Right. And just hung out and talked about what they love about space. It was a bunch of 40-something-year-old guys. And they had bunk beds. They enjoyed that. Just kind of like sleepover. And then they had these bonfires every night. And then they had these telescopes where they look up.

You know, one guy brought a telescope. They're lucky because the camp didn't offer this. One guy brought a telescope. Okay. So, and who are the people who are running this? I'm getting the sense that there's no one associated with any sort of space program is running this camp. Is that correct? Well, yeah.

I mean, that is correct. At least from what I could see, it's two older women who run it. Right. Okay. Two older women. I mean, at least at the rock and roll fantasy camp, you know, you get the keyboardist from Huey Lewis and the News or something will jam with you. Really? Oh, God. Here we something. We'll jam with you. Really? Oh, God.

Here we go. Next summer. Yeah, maybe. I also wanted to ask, Doug, you said you had an allergy to Tang. It's severe, yes. Severe. What kind of reaction does this cause and how did you discover it? cause and how did you discover it?

Well, this is the problem because it's sort of like an uncontrollable urination. Uncontrollable? Yeah. It's propulsive. Why did you have to ask him? I mean, it's just a hard thing to

talk about. Well, I'm a pharmacist. It's almost a doctor. When you say uncontrollable, do you mean that it's an incontinence talk about. Well, I'm a pharmacist. It's almost a doctor. When you say uncontrollable, do you mean that it's an incontinence issue or it's just that you can't shut it off? It's really both.

I don't know when it's going to start and then it's sort of wild when it starts. In what way? Have you ever seen like a... Yeah, I know. Yeah, the hose. Like a hose.

Yeah, just unwieldy. Right, just sort of spraying around the room. Oh, like when you turn the hose, you leave the hose laying out on the grass and then you turn the water all the way and the hose goes like a snake. That happened during the skydiving portion. So you knew about the allergy,

but you had Tang anyway. Which is strange because he knew not to drink Tang and he drank it anyway. It's almost all they serve. You can't stop them from putting the powder in the water? Oh. No, these women would pre-do it. They would pre-do it.

I mean, I don't know why he didn't ask for water. I thought this was... And I sent him with plenty of Tupperware filled with casseroles. I sent him with tons of bottled water. I sent him with everything he'd possibly need. I sent him with way extra underwear. I mean, all of that stuff. I put his name in all his clothes.

Thank you for that. You're welcome. I mean... I do appreciate that. I don't know how they were able to pre-tang all the beverages. I thought it was fresh tang. I would just open my mouth up in the shower like I was a turkey in the rain. A turkey in the rain?

Now I have questions. What is that? I'm not familiar with that phrase. I think it's a myth that turkeys are so dumb that they will drown themselves by drinking the rain when it rains and then they'll just get all full of water. But I think that's impossible. I have never heard that. I've never even heard that turkeys are considered dumb. Yeah.

Well, there you have it, folks. I mean, have you heard that they're considered smart? No, but is that... I don't know if that's an argument. Burnt? I'm not sure. I think it's the chicken lobby calling them dumb. Do you mean someone on behalf of chickens is trying to spread a rumor that...

Big chicken. What's in your best interest to call turkeys dumb? Like the cows for Chick-fil-A holding up a sign with a backwards K. Right, right. That's right. Ugh, I hate those. I mean, it would make me stop eating meat if that were real. If which part were real?

Well, if a cow were able to, even with a backwards K or whatever. No offense, Doug. Yeah, to use, right in English, I would have to say, well, that's my last hamburger, I guess. Let's just jump in and just explain that for anybody.

The apology to Doug was because of his maiden name. Yeah, maiden name. Corn. His maiden name, Corn. With a backwards K. Because he took my last name, Pedestrian, so he officially dug Korn Pedestrian.

The band, it's a backward R. Is that correct? Right. Yeah, this precedes the band though. Right, of course. It does. Yeah, of course. Alright, I fear we're going over time for our introductory segment. I do want to quickly, the boat, I want to hear about the boat. Well, so yeah, it's one of those, what do you call them?

It's just an inflatable motorized boat. That's all it is. We're not talking some, we're not talking some adorable little sloop John B, if you will. You know? So it's. Was the, yeah, was that the name of the boat the name of the sloop was dub wants to name it so he's painting it on the side what's that what's that he's rubbing he's rubbing the motor you're rubbing your inflatable motor yeah okay and i'm testing the seaworthiness. Are you doing that right now as we're recording the podcast? Yeah, I water sealed the boat house, like the boat garage.

It's the only way you can test if the patching works. You did what? You know, if you fill the... Well, because it had several... It needed patching, so he patched it up. Right. But now he's in a room like essentially a water tank. Filling with water.

Like he's filming Titanic. Well, is that what's happening, babe? Yeah. I got the hose hook up in here and I'm just, I'm going to fill it up. Okay. I did not agree to that

just for the record. So you're filling up a room with just the garden hose? Let's hope it doesn't, let's hope it doesn't react like you after 10. do you have a larger do you have another idea how to fill this i'm just worried about i'm just concerned about your water bill more than anything no kidding yeah we're supposed to be conserving water but maybe

we should edit this out hey really quickly burnt we talked about what we well i didn't talk about what i did over the summer but it was not it was amazing. I know what you did last summer. That's a song I heard recently. It was just a Nancy Meyers kitchen tour. And it was everything. You did a Nancy Meyers kitchen tour? What's involved in that? Oh, I mean, they just take you all over mostly Santa Barbara and a few studios in Universal. And you just walk through those amazing kitchens. And they take you to the restaurant.

Any restaurant where Meryl or Diane Keaton drank wine during the filming, they took you there. And you got to drink the exact wine and sit in the exact spot. Wow. And so when you go to the, you see the kitchens, do they show you any other part of the homes or sets? You just get to see the kitchen and that's it. No, because who cares? Who cares, Bert? sets you just see the kitchen and who cares who cares burt it's those kitchens and those copper pots hanging from the goddamn ceiling and the island that's large enough to house a large family

and this this uh so how how long of a of a this seems like it can't all be uh accomplished in one day is that correct well it's it's a weekend, right? So first they just load you up in a van shaped like a wine bottle. And you just head straight up to Santa Barbara, just trashed. And then you, and then, and it's fabulous. Everyone's having a good time. So you're drinking on the wine bottle. On the wine, yes, exactly. And then, you know, you get up there to like Mendocino area, Santa Barbara, and they just take you through. Yeah, it's just a walkthrough. So it's basically like a wine tour, but instead it's a kitchen tour.

Well, it's a wine and kitchen tour. It's a wine tour just because you're drinking wine. Yes. But then remember, they take you to a few local haunts where the ladies would go and drink wine. So then you go there and you drink more wine. Right. And then they drive you back down to, well, this is a Southern California-based tour. So, I mean, all of us lived there except for me because I was from Vanity Falls.

Right, of course. So I have a friend who's out in Southern California, and she invited me. And she thought it would be a fun surprise, and she was exactly right because she knows me. she, uh, she thought it would be a fun surprise. And she was exactly right. Cause she knows me. This is your friend, Gretchen. Yes. Gretchen. You know, from the world of real estate. Gretchen Weimer on her. Yes. And she's so fabulous. And, uh, and so, yeah, she was like, just come on out. Come on out. Let's do this. Let's do this Nancy Mayesh Kitchen Tour. And, you know, we showed up.

It was a bunch of white women. Not a particularly diverse group? No, not at all. I mean, I don't know what I was expecting. I was just really expecting to spend a really fun time with my friend Gretchen and talk about the biz and just get some, you know, because the real estate market out there is absolutely craze on fire. You know, what with all the reality shows and stuff.

And I said, Gretchen, you should get yourselves on, was it Selling Sunset? I believe that's one of them, yes. Do you know how famous those people are? It's insane. Are they? I mean, hello? How about a Dignity Falls real estate show? I'm here.

I'm right here. Joan, you should have one of those shows. You'd be terrific. Yeah, it'd be called, what, Selling Dignity Falls. Well, that's not very creative. I feel like, yeah. Selling Dignity. What, what?

Selling Dignity. Just Selling Dignity. Selling Dignity. I think that's perfect. Doug, I hate to admit it. I think that's perfect. It's pretty perfect. Bert, really quickly, what did you do while we were gone? We I hate to admit it. I think that's perfect. It's pretty perfect. Bert, really quickly,

what did you do while we were gone? We never really talked about it. Tell everybody. It's true. I did try that sensory deprivation tank and I got locked in. Oh. I was in there for a good two and a half weeks.

Oh, I didn't, I did not know this. This is the first time hearing of this, everyone. It was not a big deal. I mean, not a whole lot happened. Not a big deal.

I'm sorry, where was this? This is in that place in the mall that used to sell pianos. It's the only, it's the only place that had enough

floor space for sensory deprivation tags. And I went in there. Was that ebony and ivory? Yeah, it used to be ebony and ivory. Okay. And now it's ebony and deprivation.

They didn't want to, they didn't want to pay for the full sign. That ebony sign, that part of the sign was really nice. Oh, absolutely. Well, yeah, because like the part of the sign was really nice. Oh, absolutely. Well, yeah, because like the B of Ebony is a B flat, you know. But the way they got around it was all the tanks are black. Oh, of course.

Sure. I figured. But they do have to explain it every single time somebody comes in. So, yeah, I went in there. It was a little close to closing time. And I think the guy just forgot. How long were you supposed to be in there? Half hour. Okay. And aren't you supposed to sign forms? Do you have to sign for like, is there what's,

you know, there's got to be some sort of something to protect your safety. I know the kid behind the counter said, don't worry about that. And I said, I'm already worried that it was a kid. Well, it's the mall. I mean, you know, they're not getting a career salesman. Sure. It's just a surprising business to put in a mall, honestly. Well, that's what intrigued me about it. And I said, I got to check this out. You know, the word deprivation, very intriguing to me.

And so I went in there and they said, we're about to close. And I said, can I just get five minutes? He said, sure. And that's why I think he waived all the forms. Oh, dear. Oh, dear. You just wanted five minutes. Yeah, well, I just wanted to try.

What? You just wait. You just got there at the very last minute. Oh, it burns. I mean, I could have done this. I could have set an appointment for you in the morning. That's usually what you got to do with things like this. I'm so sorry.

What did you experience for two and a half weeks in deprivation? You know, visions. I saw myself as a de-evolved man, almost a Neanderthal. And I saw myself going on a rampage around Dignity Falls. Oh, my. Yeah. One of the things I did, and this is fun, is I murdered Mitch McNutt.

I have to say, can't argue with that. Local theater critic. It puts a smile on my face when I think about it. How did you do it? Oh, I came up behind him and I was like breathing heavily so he would have to turn around and see me looming over him, which he did.

Uh, he soiled himself, no offense, Doug. And, um, uh, and then I grabbed him by the neck and I hoisted him up in the air. Uh, and I said, review this. And then I threw him through a window. Oh, I mean, Bert, I never knew you had such violent images possible, you know,

I didn't either conscious. But what I do love is that you got to wear it counts on his, on that damn turtleneck. Absolutely. That he always wears. Yeah. Yeah. It felt good. I'm not going to lie.

Well, I would like to ask you some more questions about that, but maybe we'll do that a little bit later, but I'm really sorry. Did you do anything else for fun in during the summer months summer months or no? I did a puzzle. Okay. All right. Well, we'll take that as a sign that you were able to do a few fun things. It was a good puzzle. Pretty picture. Okay. Had it glued together in front. Oh, all right. What's it of? Meadow.

Did you get all wrinkly? What's that? Did you get all wrinkly? Did I get all wrinkly? Well, when I was in the dep, I thought you were from the puzzle. Oh, that's Doug's question. Yes. My entire body was pruned in a way that I've never experienced before. And it took a good month to get back to normal.

And a lot of people thought I was- Oh, now that's disturbing. Yeah, a lot of people thought I was. That's disturbing. A lot of people thought I was my own grandfather. I showed up to work and they say, you must be related to burnt. And I said, I am burnt. Anyway,

we should, we should take a break. And then we do have a guest. When we come back, we will talk to that guest. When the neighbor Listen returns. Hi, everybody. It's Sharon.

My printer died. I'm selling five Brother LC-1038 cartridges, new and used, $50. I have two new, unopened, I'm sorry, cartridges. One XL black at $45 retail. And please, no messages about when am I going to get a new printer and I've got to go get a new printer right away. You know, this was the first printer I ever had. It's the only printer I was ever with. Practically raised my kids for God's sake. You know, lightning doesn't strike twice. Okay, folks, you don't find

a true connection like that anymore. That was true love. And you know, I am an old woman. I am tired and I don't have the energy to go out there and look for a new printer. Are there even any good printers out there anymore? I'll tell you what.

Any printer that's out there now is damaged goods. So please just let me be, and please come take these cartridges because it's the last thing around the house that is reminding me of the printer. So thank you. And, and, and, sorry. Oh, thank you. And, and, sorry. Oh, you okay? I'll tickle my throat. Oh, you need some water?

Uh, water is the last thing I want right now. Oh, I get it. When you were trapped for two and a half weeks, right? Yeah. And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. You may have some post-traumatic stress experiences from that, Bernd. I don't know. I think maybe you should talk to someone because that's pretty traumatic. Well, I mean, I don't feel particularly traumatized.

I mean, if you don't even want to be near water right now, that's a problem. I definitely don't want to. And I saw a water glass on the table and I started to disassociate. But I think it'll pass. Well, I think that is, Oh, it sounds very serious. It doesn't sound like something that will pass, but we will talk about it later because we have a guest. That's right. As, as people may or may not know what we do here on the neighborhood. Listen, as we take posts from the popular social networking app, uh, uh, the neighbor app where people post about their neighborhood and Indignity Falls, we're no different. And so we invite people from, uh, the posts app, where people post about their neighborhood, and in Dignity Falls, we're no different. And so we invite people from

the posts to come on the show and tell their story. And this week is no different. All right, Bernd, go ahead. Yes, this comes to us from Noelle in Dignity Falls. And she lists her address, which we will not read out loud here. No, no, no, no. But says, someone keeps making

chili on the first floor and I have to know the recipe. That's the subject. Uh-huh. And then the body continues. Whoever is making chili on the first floor of my apartment building, it smells delicious.

Please, share your recipe. You've made it at least three times now since I moved in August 1st. The delectable aroma pervades the first floor hallway and I, all caps, need to know what you, then lowercase, are cooking and how I can make it for myself. I am willing to trade the recipe

in exchange for a fine Monstera clipping or my own renowned potato salad recipe. Please DM. Thank you. I love you. salad recipe. Please DM. Thank you. I love you. And here to, hopefully, she's gotten the recipe. We don't know. We're going to find out. Here's Noelle. Noelle, welcome to the Neighborhood Listen. Hi. Hi, Noelle. I love you. Oh, you love us too. I love you. Oh, Noelle. You are, you know, you are just as your post communicates, which is a person who is full of love and enthusiastic and just loves to live life.

Yeah. Everyone in my building calls me a positive Karen. I'm just happy, happy, happy, happy. And I got to know what you're doing. So you like to be in people's business, but you're not trying to shut people down or get them in trouble. No, yeah.

I just gotta know what's going on in there. What is going on? Give me the recipe. Okay, well, go ahead, Joan. I think we're gonna ask the same thing. Actually, I'm not sure. Go, you go. Did you get the recipe, Noel?

I did not. I did not. But it's okay. I just knock once a day now, sometimes twice a day, but I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. So how many apartments are on the first floor? 38. And so you're going and you're knocking once on each of these doors?

Correct. And are you on the first floor as well or are you above? I'm on the dang fourth floor. So you can imagine. And you're smelling this chili from the fourth floor. Yes. How do you know then that it's on the first floor? How did you first locate the smell?

I rented a scent dog. Rented? I rented, Yeah, the local police. I begged them. I was like, can I please rent a scent dog? They said, that's not a service we provide.

Beg, beg, beg them. And they finally let me rent a scent dog for $500. So thank heavens. $500 for how long? Three hours. So because they said they would, they have to retrain the dog because the train,

the dog was meant to smell heroin, heroin, heroin, heroin. That's right. And, and the oxys. And so they were like,

we have to retrain it. It's a whole thing. And I said, whatever, name your price. They said 500 thinking it would be a, an aberration, but not to me. They thought you'd laugh in their faces and leave. Wait, so this poor dog.

So this dog had to go through a brainwashing of sorts and then a rebuilding of their brain. And then, how is the dog doing now? I'm a little concerned about the dog right now. The poor dog's gone mad, apparently. The poor dog. He's become a chili-obsessed canine, apparently, breaking into butcheries. The dog is breaking into businesses. Yes.

He's rabid for ground-season meat, the poor dog. I made a mistake. I didn't realize that would be the outcome, but here we are. Oh, dear. I mean, you know what's funny, Noelle, is didn't realize that would be the outcome, but here we are. I mean, you know what's funny, Noelle, is that if there is meat in the chili, you could have just gotten a regular dog probably would have led you right to that door. That's probably true.

You know, I'm starting to suspect they gave me a regular dog. I'm starting to suspect. Was it a German Shepherd? No, heavens no. Oh, that might be your first clue. What kind of dog was it? A pincher. A pincher. A pincher. A Doberman be your first clue. What kind of dog was it? A pincher. A pincher. A pincher. A Doberman pincher?

No. Or mini pincher? Mini pincher. It was a mini pincher. That's not a police dog. That's, yeah. Definitely not. I don't think so.

He was missing a great deal of teeth. Oh, dear. Wasn't spry or athletic. I think I got a bum dog. Wasn't spry at all think I got a bum dog. It wasn't spry at all. I got a bum dog. No, in fact, it's rear legs were in one of those

wheel contractions. Oh, dear. That's definitely not. Yeah, they really, I think they took advantage of you, Noelle. Oh, this poor dog. I think they definitely,

yes, they did. They definitely did. They pulled a fast one. And now the dog is insane, you say. See, the dog. This mini pincher in a wheelchair is breaking into butchers. Well, just the sheer inertia, you know, with the wheel apparatus has created a momentum that makes the dog unstoppable.

Oh, it's. Wow. So, okay. I apologize to all the Digny Falls residents. That was my fault. If you can catch him, I think there's a little reward. There's a little reward if you can catch him and turn him back into the police. Yeah, I guess to curb the spate of butchery break-ins.

I will say the reward is not great. The reward is a case of raspberry Pop-Tarts. So just know that. Well, don't say that. I would just say reward. Don't even describe what it is. Okay. You can edit out that part then.

How many in the case, though, I'm curious? Burnt. Well. I didn't know you liked Pop-Tarts so much. I mean, I haven't had one in... Oh, Doug says eight. Eight. Eight in a case.

Eight boxes in a case or eight... Doug loves them all. Doug loves them all. The raspberry, you said? Jeez, that's more than I thought. That's nice. So wait, Doug, you're saying based on the flavor, it determines the number of Pop-Tarts in the case?

Yes. Eight raspberries per case. 16 brown sugar cinnamon per case. Why is that? Raspberry is the kind of raspberry they use for Pop-Tarts is very expensive and it's much rarer. It's all just flavor paste. Isn't that correct? Yes. Not for the raspberry flavor.

I don't believe so. Oh, for the raspberries, it's like organically sourced for Pop-Tarts? No, these are wild raspberries. Oh, wow. Well, that is a surprise to me. And are we talking

eight boxes of Pop-Tarts in a case or are we talking eight single Pop-Tarts make up one case? I thought it was eight single Pop-Tarts. It is.

It is. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm Googling it right now. It is. It is. I can't believe we're getting so hung up on Pop-Tarts Maybe that's just because I deeply don't like them

I mean I really if you can name something I'd less rather eat I can't I can't come up with anything other than a Pop-Tart It's just It always seems like a good idea And then I instantly regret it whenever I try it Because Doug has them all the time You know I write them a lot of letters and I say

How come you haven't made double stuffedstuffed Pop-Tarts yet? That feels like a no-brainer. Double-stuffed. It tastes like a stale graham cracker that, you know, that something melted on and then hardened and then and was forgotten about. But now, what about the... That's a fair

criticism. What about the iced ones, Joan? I feel like you're talking about just the regular one that only insane people eat. Again, you know what I always feel like I'm eating when I eat a Pop-Tart? You know, like, when you go to Starbucks and there's either like the fake version of the pastry you can get or just the one that's been sitting there for clearly months

and that they gave me that one. Yeah. That's what it feels like. I'm sorry, Bert. So the icing just feels like if it's hard, you can like knock on it. It's not like oozing frosting that I love to have when it comes straight out of the oven. It is as if you're-

It's frozen in time. A Pop-Tart is frozen in time. It's almost a, it's darn near a Xerox copy of an actual pastry. I agree, Noah. I agree. Now here, let me-

You could try putting them in the oven. Anyway. Speaking of other foods Speaking of ovens Right before you smelled this chili When you moved in, you immediately Are you local here or did you just move to Dignity Falls? I've been here for three years

Welcome Thank you I opened, well The now shuttered cereal cafe at the mall Oh, that was you, Noel. Yeah, serial killer. And people did not respond. Also, people is, you know, I clearly I'm not a good cook.

I can't make chili. I make my potato salad. But I thought that there would be a real buzz around it. And I was wrong. You know, I would say this, and I hate to rub salt in the wound. I think, first of all, spelling killer with a C was confusing. I like the two C's together, of course,

but a lot of people thought it was cereal-siller. And also, you only served Wheaties. Yes. Well, because I thought, you know, you need a good base. My excitement was in the milk. My milk variety was... You did have a collection of milks, absolutely. I have to say, you need a good base. My excitement was in the milk. My milk variety was.

You did have, what a collection of milks. Absolutely. I have to say, Bert, I think you're right in all of those things. And especially, it's all about signage.

And speaking of which, I mean, it's tricky because you were sandwiched right in between ebony and deprivation. Right. And speaking of, like you just said, Bert, salt in the wound,

which was a spice store that really also tanked. Yes. What a disgusting sign that was. These complicated, well, it's just no one wants to think about that. It's just a very unpleasant. And in case you didn't think about it, the sign really made you think about it. It was graphic and it was unsettling.

Right, yeah, the D of wound was just spilling open. It was just a hemorrhage. Salt bae. Oh, yeah. They had salt ba Salt bae. Oh, yeah. They had salt bae sprinkling. Oh, yeah. They were disgusting people.

I can confirm. They were really, they were really scary to people who owned Salt and Wound. Oh, heaven's yes. Oh, I buy it. I buy it 100%. Salt people are weird.

Salt people are so weird. So weird. So, Noelle, you say you can't cook but what is this Special potato salad and who dubbed it A special potato salad Oh it's so great family recipe So good and you know the thing with mine

Is you know most people make it Savory uh uh We make it sweet um and We have three types of dried Fruits in it we have craisins Are you gonna tell us I thought this was a secret. Oh, yeah. I can tell you the fruit.

That's not going to give anything away. Oh, that's not the secret. Okay, okay, okay. Yeah, we've got craisins, dried blueberries, and banana chips. And I'll tell you. In a potato salad. You're right. You're right.

You're right. Seems crazy. But then you try it. And, you know, it's great stuff. And, again, no one. I'm just out you know, it's, it's great stuff. And again, no, no one, I'm just out on the first floor screaming potato salad for chili. Um, please, please, please. No one's, no one's answering me. I don't know what to do. I'm at my wit's end. Well, have you considered, I mean, you say you knock a lot on the door. You say you're yelling in the hallway. You consider

that maybe whoever's in there is a bit afraid of what your intentions are? It's possible. It's possible because I've also created a ruse as a window cleaning person. I did the whole thing. I got the whole, the metal rack. Even though it's on the first floor. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, to make it more believable, I suppose. That's right. That's right. He did the sign of like repelling. And and it was, it was, I just kept the sign of, of like repelling. And then that, that was what I was thinking. Exactly.

The first floor, you could just stand there, but I, I suppose that you would have done, did you do all of the floors? Did you actually really go all the way with the ruse? I just did the first floor, just did the first floor,

which of course then the second floor got mad at me because they assumed I was with the management company i was a whole thing and i got i got in a fight with the second what this one lady on the second floor uh who sent her turkey on me it was horrible it was very scary she had like an attack turkey that she an attack a tacky yeah she had an attacky and a turkey and a, yeah, yeah. It was horrible. It was horrible. You know, everyone said they're dumb. But I don't know.

This one seems smart. Noelle, did any of your neighbors recognize you? I feel so. I feel so. I wore a wig, and I did my best Italian accent. But I think I got some looks that made me believe people knew it was me. I wore a wig and I did my best Italian accent, but I, I think I got some looks that made me believe people knew it was me. I don't want to James Lipton you here, but,

but could we hear a little bit of that Italian window washer? Yeah. And you're twirling your fingers as if you have a cigar or, or is it twirling a mustache? I was twirling my mustache. I was trying to. It was a lot of just guffawing in Italian. Guffawing in Italian.

Evil, evil. It did sound a little evil. It's inspired by the Wario Brothers. I love the Wario Brothers. That's what it made me think of. Yeah, that's really what it made me think of. I love them. You know, they're coming. They're coming. They're traveling. They're doing some

tour dates here. The Wario Brothers? Yeah. Yeah. Like a kid's show? No, they play. They have a folk string combo. They're playing. I can't recommend it enough.

Great time. It's great for dates. Okay. So these are, these are some real people that are, are dressed as the, the Wario brothers and they're, they're playing Lumineers type music. Wario and Waluigi. Waluigi. Yes. Waluigi.

Uh huh. Wario and Waluigi, the brothers. Sure. You know, it actually probably should be, if anything if anything waluigi but it's waluigi which uh um you know are always it i always get caught up on that that wario is the opposite of mario and you know you turn the m upside down it's a w but then waluigi just it it just doesn't work and it it's hard not to to get angry yes it is a square peg in a round hole for sure that's tough it's tough and they you know and they they've been through hell and high water trying to

uh rebrand themselves you know because they're you know they're they're depicted as evil in the games this is really they just love yeah they play music it's beautiful stuff very very beautiful stuff very reminiscent of a fleetwood Mac, I'd say. So you're saying Burnett, he should be called Woo-wee-gee? Yeah, that's what you're pitching. Woo-wee-gee. Yeah. Wee-gee.

I mean, what's... Woo-wee-gee. I guess... That would be, if you're going to do Wario, you're just going to replace one letter. But if you turn the letter upside down, then he would be Seven-wee-gee. Seven-wee-gee. That's a good point. But then, and then just Ouija, though, very close to Ouija boards.

I mean, he's in a predicament either way. That's true. Now, well, I have another question. One of the things that you said you'd offer, the other thing you said you'd offer, now I can't remember, something about clippings? What is it you're talking about there? Oh, you know, when you propagate, you know,

I got an amazing Monstera over here. I'm sorry. What what is that? I guess I'm a little confused. It's a house plant. It's a house plant. Oh, Casey, I was not familiar. You never heard that before. I'm sorry. I don't. I'm not really a plant person. Oh, gosh. Joan has a black thumb for sure. Right. Like you, you've killed every plant you've ever been given. Pretty much. Yes. I have fake plants in the house because I just, listen, I got busy.

Even one of those withered. I forgot to water them. Right. One of them somehow turned brown. I don't know, but it did. It's true. It happened. Well, I need a spot of that.

I think I just left it in the sun too long and it faded. So wait, so tell me what kind. I got just the opposite problem. I am, I got a, I got an emerald green thumb because as you can see, my apartment is overrun with vines, monsteras, cat palms. I thought you were on Zoom with Noel. I thought that was just like a fun background,

but it looks like you're in a jungle. I did too. It's fully a jungle. I am constantly getting grown over. I wake up with vines crawling across my body. I have to break myself free. You're living in Jumanji. Yes.

It's like a poison ivy situation. I am constantly emerging from shrubbery, you know. And look, I love the plants, but my God, if they could just slow down. So is that why you're trying to give away clippings? Because you're trying to cut down on. Okay. All right. Anything I would love. Can I offer you?'re trying to give away clippings? Because you're trying to cut down on... Okay. All right. Anything I would love.

Can I offer you? Can I give you a Monstera clipping? Well, you know you can't to me because it'll just die. Oh, God. Maybe that's what's best. I don't know. I'd take one, but I'm a little... Maybe you can sit out the hurt.

I'm a little afraid. So has the landlord ever had an issue with this sort of vegetative state that your apartment is in? Yes. Yes. My understanding is that my plants are rotting the drywall and slowly expanding my ceilings, which is a real headache for the apartments below me. I imagine. Yeah. Yeah. Well, okay. So you have far too many plants in your house it sounds like it's

almost uh sort of a well it sounds almost supernatural yeah uh if you can't get them to stop growing it's probably it's probably what i'm giving them i don't give them water oh i have so much milk left over from the cereal cafe you're feeding the milk. You're giving them milk. Oat milk, soy milk, cashew milk. Banana milk, strawberry milk. You name it. Like quick? Are you giving them Yoohoo? Oh, yeah, yeah.

I will say Yoohoo only has powdered milk in it, so it's a little milk poor overall, but oh, yeah. I never understood you who you never understood me that's just my own issues we don't need to get into it okay so a tale for another time again a xerox

it's a xerox of a thing you actually want Noel you and I see eye to eye on a lot of things but here's my question have you ever tried to make chili? Yes. Yes. Okay.

And I don't know what it is, but it's very disgusting when I make it. So not just not good, but disgusting. What, can I ask, what do you think are the ingredients of chili? Sure. Meat. Right. Meat. Yeah. Spices. Sure.

Beans. Beans, absolutely. Uh, you got that, and then I'm stumped, right? There's meat, spices, and beans. What spices are you putting in? Good question. Cinnamon. Cumin. Cumin. Oh.

Cloves. Bay leaves. Okay, this all checks out. Agar agar. What's that? Stevia. Vanilla. Turmeric.

Myctoststopherols. BHT. You can stop. I don't want to put you under the gun. Tassia manganese. This is, yeah. Spices. It's a lot of spices. But I do think that maybe things like, it is a lot of spices.

I think it may be over spicing. I don't want to give you a developed flavor, you know. Like the Gordon Ramsay. But that's usually done over time, not just with throwing in a lot of spices, you know, anything like a chili needs to cook for a long time. Simmer. I don't know if this has been covered and forgive me if this is a foolish question, Noel, but have you ever had chili? That's the real question to ask. Oh, boy.

Yolks on my face. No, never had chili. What has prevented you even when you were smelling this delicious chili, you knew what it was, but you've never been... How did you know what it was if you've never had it? How did you know it was chili? It could be something else. I saw a billboard for Wendy's chili

and I said, what? And I started Googling and I learned about chili. It's not a soup. It's not a stew it's chili and I said man that sounds good and I tried to order it at the Wendy's but I got stage fright and I panicked

and I ordered a cheese sandwich and I got so nervous I'm nervous I'm scared what did they give you cheese sandwich and I got so nervous. I'm nervous. I'm scared. What did they give you? Cheese sandwich. They put a cheese on a bun

and they sent me on my way. Well, you ordered off the menu at Wendy's and they had it. They gave it to me at that point. That's really impressive. Right. Well, at that point, I was having a nervous break. I was... What do you mean stage fright for order? I mean,

in my absolute terror and shock i had climbed on to the the the ceilings and and i was stuck on the ceilings like a possessed demon child and i they were like what hell let us help you let us help you and i us help you. And I just, the only thing I could bear to mutter was cheese sandwich. Why were you in such a state? Noelle, you seem to be a very outgoing, uh, out, extroverted person.

Thank you. Very social. I can't imagine you getting stage fright just going to order at Wendy's. Was it the Baconator? What, what are you asking Doug? It was. That always scared, scared me. You're, you're asking if? It was. That always scared me.

You're asking if Noel was frightened by the. Oh, and we're getting confirmation. The Baconator frightened you? It's a four by four sandwich. That's. Oh, is that what it is? Okay. Oh my God.

Well, babe, what are you talking about? You're. Well, you see the word. You see the Baconator. When you see the word. You can only imagine what that, what kind of beast that is. Or robot. It's a sandwich.

You're afraid of eating it? It's a Terminator, but bacon? Right, but it's not. What are you afraid of? Well, I didn't know. It sounds scary, does it not? No, Noel, are you saying that like Doug, your mind instantly goes to some sort of creature

and not just a name for a sandwich? I was scared. I was scared of everything on the menu. Oh, dear. that like Doug, your mind instantly goes to some sort of creature and not just a name for a sandwich. I was scared. I was scared of everything on your menu. Oh, dear. Broccoli and cheese baked potato. What, like if it says

club sandwich, you think it's actually like gonna beat you? Did they have a club sandwich at Wendy's? I thought they did. I don't know. I don't frequent it.

I couldn't tell you because my eyes milked over as soon as people were ordering Frosties. Milked over? What an interesting, but you really are milk obsessed. I've never had my eyes milk over, but that sounds terrifying. Scary. It's scary. It's as if your eyes become the inside of a cruise ship window and you just, you can see the water level rising right in front of you. Horrifying stuff.

I'm scared. I think food scares me. I'm scared. Noel, this has taken such a different turn because I think this is less about you wanting a chili recipe and more about your fear of food and that's what we need to dig into. I mean, is it maybe that

you actually don't want the recipe because you want to make it, but because you want to stop it? Is the smell terrorizing and torturing you? I don't know. You know, I can't tell until the day I get to meet Chili. I don't know. I want to meet.

You mean the person who's making the chili or you want to meet the actual chili? I want to meet Chili the food. I want to meet Chili the food. I want to meet chili the food. Have you? I don't want. You know, you can sometimes supermarkets will have a hot bar where you can scoop yourself a little tub of chili. You're kidding.

Oh. I promise you. Oh, yeah, the little buffet. So I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. You wouldn't have to talk to anyone? No, it's like a little buffet. You get a little cup and then you just spoon it right in. You can even just try one little bite.

Just right from the ladle? I don't know. Put it in a little bowl and get a little plastic spoon and just try it. That's the new thing. What if I hate it? What if I hate chili and I've spent the last nine months of my life in a fever dream of chili? Then what? Noelle, I guess you'd be free.

Exactly right. That's exactly right. Free to pursue my other passions. And you know what? Which are? I own the world's largest Madam the Puppet collection. I own 99% of America's madam the puppet stock 90 how many puppet how many madam puppets are we talking about here 11 i own so i own almost all

of them there's one son of a bitch in iowa one son of a bitch in iowa who owns my the last madam puppet are they i know for people who don't, maybe younger viewers might not know, there was a, he wasn't really a ventriloquist, but he was a puppeteer named Waylon Flowers, and his puppet was Madam, who was a bawdy older lady. Wonderful character. Wonderful character, and this,

Madam was a celebrity. Would it appear on Hollywood squares and things like that? Oh, sure, sure. True, yeah. In the 70s and 80s. Truly a superstar and really paved the way for strong women in media.

Yeah, true. Yeah, so I love, love, love her. Could there be a Bette Midler without Madam? I don't think so. No, no. That's an interesting point. Could there be a Grace

from Will and Grace without Madam? Oh, my God. Could there be Madonna? I Will and Grace without Madame? Oh, my God. Could there be Madonna? I don't think so. There would be no Madonna. They all stand on the shoulders of this rickety wooden creature. The tiny wooden shoulders.

Speaking of wooden shoulders, Noel, did you know that Berndt himself has a puppet named Connie? No. A mannequin. No. I mean, sorry. It's not a ventriloquist. It's not a mannequin. A ventriloquist, that's what I'm going to say. No, I wouldn't have a mannequin in the house. No, I know. Oh,quin. No. I mean, sorry. It's not a ventriloquist dummy. It's not a mannequin of a ventriloquist.

That's what I'm going to say. No, I wouldn't have a mannequin in the house. No, I know. Oh, God, no. Mannequins are dark, horrible things. Yeah, that would be much better to have just a lifeless ventriloquist dummy around. Well, he's a little guy. And, you know, the mannequin is you, I feel like you're guaranteed to forget that it's in there every single time.

Turn off the light. You see that shadow. Terrifying. Yep. it'd be kind of fun to get connie and one of your madams together don't you think that'd be kind of fun fun photo op put it on the gram as they say huh i'll get i'll get my sluttiest madam to come over and oh so they're not they're not identical are they are they in different outfits? No, they're wearing different outfits, slightly different variations on their makeup. Oh. So one of them's possessed, and one of them is possessed with the spirit of Wayland Flowers.

Oh, wow. He's trapped inside the puppet of his own creation. Absolutely. Fascinating. Now, how do you know this? How did this reveal itself to you? All the time, I'll see the feathered boa. So most of them, their feathered boas stay perfectly still.

This one's feathered boa moves in the wind. Moves in the wind. Constantly moving in the wind. Wait, but like you mean an invisible wind? Like there's no wind anywhere else in the apartment? There's the wind. Constantly moving in the wind. Wait, but like you mean an invisible wind? Like there's no wind anywhere else in the apartment? There's no wind. There's, you know, there's the central AC, but there's no wind in the apartment. There's no wind.

Okay. Is it under a vent perhaps? I don't like where this is going. I'm uncomfortable. I certainly don't want you to be uncomfortable. I feel like you're mocking me. No, not at all. I feel like you're mocking me. No, I't want you to be uncomfortable. I feel like you're mocking me. No, I mean, he was just trying. I thought that was a good thing

that maybe he could point to another reason why it was happening other than it being a possessed because I would have thought you didn't want that. But if that's something you want to just, you're not uncomfortable with it, then. Surely possessed. I've tried to put her in the trash many times.

She appears right where she was was, in the bedroom. Surely possessed. That's a bit more frightening. Concrete? Should I have led with that? That's a little bit more concrete than the feather boa moving in the wind. People blame my sleepwalking for that. People say, are you sure it's not your sleepwalking again?

Right. I don't think so. Okay. And how do you know specifically Waylon Flowers is the one who is inhabiting this puppet? Oh, that's a good question. Thank you. Interesting point. Waylon, you know, I think you just, you see the wit and the humor in this ghost's possession.

Sure. You mean just in the way that, like, the way she'll be positioned when she moves overnight? It's just a funny, clever position? Yeah, I mean, who else is it? Or does she actually talk? Oh, yeah, no, very clever positioning. Very, very tongue-in-cheek positioning. Sometimes positioning herself, like,

with her hands and her chin and her feet behind her as if she's at a slumber party sharing secrets. I didn't know. So very funny positioning. I didn't realize that Madame had feet. Yeah. Maybe this is part of it, that this one does. That's extra creepy. It's hard to tell on, you know, Hollywood squares or even solid gold.

Sure, you never see your feet. Yeah. Sure, they're thin. They're thin. Very thin. I'll give you that. Ooh, you never see your feet. Yeah, sure. They're thin. They're thin, very thin. I'll give you that. Ooh, very tiny, thin feet. But again, guys, I'm at my wits end.

Look, the chili, any advice? Can you help me? I've, I just, I just, I just gotta get this person's chili recipe. I don't know what to do. Well, listen, Noel, you are in luck because since you're new here to Dignity Falls, you are not aware of the great fall chili cook-off.

Oh, that's right. Oh! And it will be kicking off pretty soon here. You're going to start seeing banners. You're going to start seeing posters. Okay. Everybody comes out for this thing. And there are several different chilis.

It's very competitive. That's right. It's like Doug's favorite weekend. I'm getting nervous. He trains for it. Okay. And we go there and you just get to sample all the different chilies. And here's the thing.

You get to put a face to the chili. Okay. Maybe that's what you need. You need to put a face to the chili. And also, I'm going to tell you what. I'm going to tell you what. You do have to taste it too because sometimes the smell of something is better than the taste of it. So true.

You know, whenever I make brownies for Doug. What did you just say? He said, well, The smell? Burns said circus peanuts. All I know is whenever I make brownies, I think the smell is way better than the taste because they're not what I want them to be.

Or maybe the smell of a Pop-Tart, for example. It always smells better and then it doesn't taste good. Like brownie brittle. Oh my God. Brownie brittle can go right to hell. You think. It always smells better, and then it doesn't taste good. Like brownie brittle. Oh, my God. Brownie brittle can go right to hell. You think it's going to be good, and it's not good at all. It's really repulsive.

Yes. And that's maybe my fear. I'm excited about chili, right? It smells great. Well, but here's what's great about the chili cook-off is that the Chili Festival, there's going to be so many kinds of chili, and you don't even have to ask anyone for the chili. They are offering it to you. They want people to sample of chili. And you don't even have to ask anyone for the chili. They are offering it to you. They want people to sample this chili. It might be interesting if you could get yourself as one of the judges,

if they have some, you know, all these experienced people, same old faces every year. I mean, you know, the chili board is pretty hard to penetrate, honestly. It is true. They formed themselves and then made themselves kind of a closed circle and it's not even an official governing body of any kind. I know, but they act like they're you know, government officials

or something. They're scary. They're just with, you know, those dark cloaks always hovering about. They used to hover about the food court. Yes. Just sneering at my cereal. They're just goons, you know? They're just goons.

They're just goons. Horrible. But here's the thing is that- They broke my spoons. They broke all my spoons. That's just so unfair. That's terrible. Horrible.

Monsters. It's so unfair. And you know what? You'll be able to choose from all the chili, and they create a whole, they create the chili falls. They have a chili waterfall, and you can basically just from all the chili and they create a whole, they create the chili falls. They have a chili waterfall and you can basically just.

Love the chili falls. Doug loves the chili falls. Can I stick a breadstick in there? Yes, you can. There is a stanchion around it because kids really want to get in there. But of course, it's scalding hot. The kid got cooked alive. Yeah, it only has to happen once and then it'll never happen again. You know, it's allding hot. The kid got cooked alive. Yeah, it only has to happen once,

and then it'll never happen again. You know, it's all good and fun and games. How are they keeping Wheel Dog? I feel responsible. Oh, no, I forgot about this Wheel Dog. I mean, he's a rabid maniac. Maybe, you know, hopefully, if someone hears this podcast

and they see him out and about, perhaps a rescue. I hope. I hope. Shelter can take care. Maybe someone can adopt that dog because hopefully, you know. I never thought I'd say this, but if the cops ever get, I think we got to shoot him on sight. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I think he's not who he once was. You know, just like one of those monkeys that rips off people's faces. I don't think this animal is what we once loved it as. Always intrigues me when a monkey reaches the breaking point and they're like, I've lived with you for several years, but it's time for your face to come off. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Fascinating stuff. Oh, wow, this got very dark. I hope they'll just tranquilize the mini pin with just the crazed eyes rolling around in its skulls. Just mad for chili. Let's hope so. But if he's mad for chili, he's probably going to show up at the chili cook-off.

So everybody be on the lookout. Oh, for sure. For sure. He's going to be. And certainly wear your shin guards if you got them. Wear your shin guards for sure. For sure. Because once that chili dog gets a taste of shin, that's all it'll ever want.

Oh, God. All right. Well, Noel. God have mercy on us. Noel, we wish you all the best. And thank you for sharing your story with us. And I do hope that you will try chili someday. I hope so.

Well, best of luck to you. And maybe we'll see you at the cook-off Yeah, I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it You can do it I can do it I can do it I can do it

Thank you all so much I really appreciate it And I can't wait to run into you Yeah, I'm gonna do some cereal pop-ups In the coming week So let me know Okay, but is it gonna be Wheaties again With different milks?

This time, no. All brand. This time it's all brand. Okay. But only all brand. Only all brand. Okay. Okay, and Noah, I don't want to alarm you, but I do see a Madam doll crawling on the ceiling. Do you see that burnt? Oh, God. I thought it was just some tendrils

from the ceiling vegetation. It could be the tendrils that are pushing the Madam. This is quite a sight. Oh, it's a real chicken or the egg. I think you should probably go and take care of that. Absolutely. And she's doing it very funny.

So we know. She is doing it with a real sense of irony. It's pretty funny. All right, Noel, best of luck to you and goodbye. Wish me luck. Already did.

Good luck. This is Leslie. Oh, come on. I just planted this yesterday. You can't pick up your dog shit. I'm 70 years old, and I have to clean up after you? Didn't your parents teach you any manners? After you.

Didn't your parents teach you any matters? Give me a F double underscore king break. Sorry for the language, but this is the third time this month. Leslie! And welcome back to The Neighborhood Lesson. Well, Noelle, I hope that she is, uh, she's going to be okay and i hope she will try chilling i hope she enjoys it you know what i hope so too that would be lovely and i think it would be a bit of a of a close to a chapter you know and she could put it behind her and move on to the the list of several things

that seem to be plaguing her. Absolutely. Certainly the overgrown vegetation in her apartment and the haunted Madame doll, if it is indeed haunted, which I hope it's not. Oh, I sure hope it's not. Yeah. I would not like there to be a spate of haunted puppets happening in Dignity Falls, if you know what I mean. Yes, if you know what I mean. Yes, I do know what you mean. And we should say that that post about Noelle,

Noelle was brought to our attention by Alexandra Bear, one of our listeners. Alexandra Bear. Oh, thank you. Yes, thank you, Alexandra. If you have a post that you see and you'd like us to get in touch with the person that the post is about,

you can screen cap or screenshot that post and send it to us at burtonjone at gmail.com. And don't send us comment sections. A lot of people think that the comment sections are the entertaining part, and I agree, but we're just looking for interesting posts uh that we can talk about comment sections will not be right out of the air okay so so thank you alexandra yes and we also have another one we have we have one that's sent in by uh uh another uh listener and let me find it it's a two-parter we don't often often have these. But this was submitted by Libby Taylor. Libby, thank you.

You know, there's not enough Libby's out there. Do you agree, Joan? I do. It's a delightful name. It's delightful. It is delightful. It is delightful. Yeah.

When you mean a Libby, your eyes light up. Libby, for real. I can't believe it. And that's short for Elizabeth, I think. I know. It makes me think, why didn't I name Jaliapy Jaliapy? I mean, she should have been a Libby. Why did you do that?

Well, you know, after those two boys, and I just wasn't very creative with their names. Matt and George. Matt and George. I was like, oh, I need some whimsy in my life, you know? And Jaliapy just came to me. Yeah. Jaliapy to me just said, full out whimsy. And she was whimsical for a while. Indeed, she was. Yeah. Well, we don't need to get into that. She's just fine now. Yeah. July Petey just said full out whimsy. And she was whimsical for a while.

Indeed she was. Yeah. Well, we don't need to get into that. She's just fine now. Yeah, she's definitely not whimsical. I'm sure she'll call me soon. Okay, so let's go. How long has it been? Oh, I mean, I try not to count anymore because I've lost count, but probably like a couple months, but it's fine.

It's fine. She's out living her life. She's young. What does she need me for? So should I just go ahead and read these? Yeah. Do you want to read the first one? Could we just move on? Yes. Why don't you read them? Why don't you read them, Joan? Great. Thank you. I will. All right. Excuse me. Okay. So here we go. I'm fine. Now this is from Mark. This is the first part of the post. It says, anybody know how to find a lost cell phone?

It's an iPhone. However, the person didn't tell the phone, I'm a friend. It's for a neighbor and they are phone and computer challenged. If you know a trick and are leery of sharing it, the person who lost the phone has posted contact info on a couple of flyers, nailed to trees in the 6-6-6-0 and 6-7-100. I know that was, I was hoping you would say 66-60. well you know it's like when i'm reading these posts burnt i try to just be really really accurate and i sometimes worry that i'm gonna stumble if i just don't read numbers

sure of course i'm being honest the second i finished the third six i immediately regretted that choice and i'm sorry to our listeners that we had to hear that, but it was a little bit of a, too much of a quick thing for my brain to do. Right. Because it's not, so you want me to say 66, 60. Is that right? Well, I'm sorry, everybody, but you know, I was a little emotional thinking about my daughter. So I'm just a little out of sorts. Okay. I think it's everybody. No, it's fine. But you know, I was a little emotional thinking about my daughter. Sure, absolutely. I'm just a little out of sorts, okay? Yes, I think it's fine. I think it's fine.

The devil's literally trying to get to me here right now. Six, 66, 60. And the 6,700 blocks of Woodrow Wilson Way. It's a young couple, and I think the phone is pretty important. I mean, I think that's a young couple. And I think the phone is pretty important. I mean, I don't, I don't, I think that's always an assumption.

I don't know if, if the, if the age of the couple has anything to do with it, it's important. If you have a cell phone is because it's important to you. It's very important. Yes. He has been pouring salt around the areas.

They think they lost it in, in an attempt to melt the snow and find the phone. If you can help out, it might be a nice thing to do. That was Mark. Now, on the next, I don't know, this was just a little while later. This is Beth. And now Mark and Beth share the same name.

So I don't know if they're, how they are related, but maybe this is Mark's wife. Beth says, to whomever lost their iPhone, this is a very different tone, this post. To whomever lost their phone, This is a very different tone, this post. To whomever lost their phone, in your attempt to save yourself money replacing your lost iPhone on Woodrow Wilson Way by spreading blue salt on the walks

and yards of the neighborhoods, you have now put a poisonous salt on the surfaces that kills our grass and hurts the paws of all the dogs walking the sidewalk in this neighborhood. Permission to do this should have been asked of all the homeowners prior to doing this. Please feel free to come clean it up and repair all the lawn damage come spring. Wow, that's wildly passive aggressive. It's, I mean, you get the sense that Beth and Mark had talked

about this and, you know, that this guy was going around spreading salt and that Beth said, well, why don't you get on NeighborHap and tell people that he's doing this and try to get this to stop. And then she sees his post and she thinks, nope, that's not what I meant, Mark. And then she has to get on there herself. And it's too late for Mark to delete his post. He leaves it up there. Everyone can see. Oh, it's terrible. Now I have a few, there were a few things in Mark's post that were confusing to me. I thought it was just me. No, it's a young couple and yet they are phone and computer challenged. Yes. That is odd.

That right, that doesn't compute to me. It's not believable. Not at all. And I wonder if maybe it's Mark that's computer challenged. I was just, here's what I'm thinking. See, this is why we share a brain. Mark lost his phone. And he's putting it in the third person.

Yes. And Beth, who is mad at Mark, not only for losing this expensive piece of equipment, but also doing this nonsense with assault. Yes. And she's saying, oh, I'm going to, you like, that's what you're going to do? That's how you're solving this? I'm going to pretend that this is another person too.

And rip him a new one. That's exactly right. Because, you know, when you say to whomever lost their iPhone, honestly, that kind of sounds like she already knows who it is. You know, this is, like I said, there was something very passive-progressive about this. This is her absolutely talking about, this is, you know, I bet if we looked up the history of Mark and Beth's posts on Nextdoor, you'd see that this is how they handle all their marital issues. I mean, I.

I bet you some of them are not so, are not so unobvious, too. You know, if Beth is like, someone is leaving dishes in the sink. Whoever's doing this, please stop. Has anyone else seen this? Do you know who's doing this? I mean, I don't want that to be true, but I do want that to be true. I think this is a good insight. I think this has nothing to do with anything except for Mark losing something again and Beth losing her mind.

Oh, I don't think it looks good for them. Also, poisonous salt. I just think that's going a little far. And she specifies that it's blue salt. Yes, poisonous blue salt. Now, listen, I don't pay much attention to Doug salts the sidewalks. That's a whole thing. I don't remember what color it is.

I just remember it, you know, ruins my nice shoes, my nice realtor shoes. Yes. But as far as I know, that's what salt does. The only thing that really hurts is your shoes. Yes. Now, I mean, I do understand. But here's the thing. If you're a dog, I mean, if you're a dog owner, but also if you're a dog, but if you're a

dog owner. I hope we have some dog listeners. And you know we do. You know we do. You know know some dogs ears perk up at the sound of our voices i hope someone plays this podcast for them they don't even listen to it themselves they just know they leave the house go to work play for the dog yeah okay so if you are a dog owner enough to complain about your dog's paws you have already a purchase those little footies that you put on dogs during the winter, or it's the winter,

so you already have a plan in the winter so that the salt or the snow does not affect your dog's paws. Exactly, exactly. So, and my guess is, I bet you she doesn't own a dog. And so she's just now speaking on behalf of dog owners too.

Because she knows they are a group that will get riled up. Yes. And so she's just building the pressure on Mark. And they're going to come for him. Exactly. Oh, talk about comment sections. I'm sure Mark is getting roasted.

I'm sure he's being dragged to shit, as they say. In the wives, in the r slash wives comment section. That's so funny. That's so funny. Well, thank you so much for listening, everyone. Honey, that is really loud. Are you still? Oh, my God.

The room is almost full. I had some tang. That's not. How are you still recording? So you're in a tank of your own urine. Is that what you're saying? I noticed that there was some leftover tang from space camp. Why would you drink it?

It's so delicious. But is it really? Babe. It's so good. I couldn't help it. I thought just a little bit. You just love that chalky orange taste? I didn't even know I had it in the house.

He brought it back from space camp. It was a little bit from space camp. You must have brought it back from space camp. Oh, gosh. You're generously referring to a space camp. Can you? Yes. Okay. I think we need to go deal with this mess.

Well, thanks for listening, everybody. And of course, you can catch us right where you're catching us right now. I don't know how to end this. To all the dogs, you're a good boy. You're a good girl. Oh, look who's good. Look who's good. Look who's so good. Alright, well thank you so much for listening

and until next week, goodbye. And goodbye. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker. Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug.

Noelle was played by Mano Agapian. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.