The Neighborhood Listen - Club Tee Gee Drama, "Bones" and A Person Killed with Mary Sohn

Episode Date: September 21, 2020

Burnt and Joan (and Doug!) are back on Season 2 of THE NEIGHBORHOOD LISTEN with Barbara (Mary Sohn) joining in studio to discuss a person being killed (!). Plus, Burnt's Santa, a seltzer sidebar and Joan's weak small hands.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. That our network is scared for us to name for legal reasons, but you know which one it is.

All of the posts you hear our characters read are word-for-word real posts from this neighborhood website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. This episode's guest is played by Mary Sohn. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls,

you're never alone. You've got the NeighborHalf app and us. Bert. And Joan. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell. We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing so just tune in to the neighborhood listen

hello and welcome to season two of the neighborhood listen we have a season two can you believe it i mean it's very exciting but i'll tell you you guys all, you clamored for it. We got your emails. People stopped me in the grocery store, on the street. The excitement was palpable. It was. You could touch it. It was fun to meet people from the neighborhood that I hadn't met before.

And people saying, I listened to the show, and I'm glad you're talking about Dignity Falls to a wide audience. Yes. And I love living here and I love having neighbors. Who was that guy? That was a fellow. He had an urgent air to him. He sure did. I saw him at the pharmacy.

Like a used car salesman with a real agenda. He was doing that politician thing where he doesn't do a thumbs up. Like a little where is Thumpkins. The Jeopardy clicker. He was doing the Jeopardy clicker. He was doing a Jeopardy clicker at me. Before we go any further. I know.

We should introduce ourselves. We might. I hope we do. I sure hope we do. For the new year. Well, for the happy new year to you. Happy new year to you, Burnt. So that's Burnt, Mia Payday.

My name is, okay. Happy new year to new. Happy New Year to you, Burnt. So that's Burnt, Mia Payday. My name is, okay. Happy New Year to new listeners and old listeners alike. Not just elderly listeners, but previous listeners. I think they know what you meant. Although the elderly listeners probably didn't know what you meant. You know what? And rest in peace to those listeners who died. Oh dear, have we lost a few?

Well, there may have been elderly listeners who didn't make it to the new year. And we were the last thing they heard. Wow. I hadn't even thought about that. But that's, can you imagine? Well, if you're infirm, what else are you going to do? Listen to a podcast. Boy, imagine that being the last thing you hear.

Even if you like a podcast. Is it what you want to be the very last thing you hear? I'm not sure. Although, Burnt, your voice, boy, that would be nice to send me off into the ever after. That's. Now. Okay. That's that guy's name.

Okay. You go. Here's who we are. We are your hosts for this look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. Correct. Which is where we live. My name is Burnt Mia Payday. I am one of your hosts for this look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, which is where we live. My name is Bernt Mia Payday. I am one of your hosts. I am also a pharmacist at the CVS. And I am Joan Pedestrian, and not to toot my own horn, but I did get Best Realtor of 2019. Just saying. That's correct, and it is no surprise. And 2020 looks to be more of the same.

From your lips. From my ears to my lips. I did it backwards. That's a short trip. From my ears to my lips. I heard the good things about you and I'm saying them out loud. I wanted it to go longer. I meant for it to be a longer trip. I did that wrong.

I had the anatomy all backwards. From my lower GI. I feel it. I meant for it to go to God's meant for it to be a longer trip. I did that wrong. I had the anatomy all backwards. From my lower GI, I feel it. I meant for it to go to God's ears, not just through your sinus cavity. Oh, I see. I see. Further in a grander sense than just the landscape of my internal organs. Correct. I just got the saying wrong. That's what happened. Understood. Understood. And for those of you also that don't know, my husband Doug is our engineer. And believe it or not, Doug is in the pantry today. Oh, yes.

Doug is in different places recording the show. I don't recall why that is. It doesn't matter anymore. It doesn't matter anymore. It certainly doesn't matter anymore. I think a reason was established. Perhaps Doug remembers. Sonic reasons.

Sonic reasons. Oh, like why they changed the whole look of Sonic. The hedgehog? Yes. People were unhappy with the way he looked and then for Sonic reasons

and they had to change him. The things people get worked up about. Right? There are more important things in the world than whether Sonic has human teeth. Human teeth or not. Exactly.

Doug is in the pantry because we, one of my Christmas gifts was, you know, I just, I don't have time. I don't have time to do things. And one of the things is the pantry. Now, look, I have, Doug can attest to this. I don't know if you've seen me in action burnt, but I cannot open things. I'm a disaster. I can attest to this, I don't know if you've seen me in action burnt, but I cannot open things. I'm a disaster. I can attest to this.

It looks like a raccoon has gone through and torn asunder a cardboard box. I try, I see the tab, I see what I'm supposed to do. I have very, very small hands, like unusually small. That's why you can't open jars. I can't open jars because I barely get the surface area. You just don't have the wingspan. No, I don't. Or the strength.

I have very weak, small hands. You've got to stop. You use one nail to try to get it open. I have a special smaller steering wheel. You've seen it. It looks like a spare tire. It looks like the donut tire. It looks like the donut.

What's funny is your arms are very toned. Thank you. But the strength ends at the wrist. I used to be very self-conscious about it, but you know what? I just, I make do. I shake a lot of hands as a realtor, so it's a little bit, I get a little bit nervous sometimes. And sometimes I get hurt when people do a real strong handshake. Well, look, you don't have to be a realtor with small hands to experience that.

There's a lot of people that don't know how handshakes work. And sometimes they'll start shaking too soon and they crush your fingers before your hand even gets all the way in there. Yes, that is so true. It's too true. So, I agree. It's too true. So, trying to get through

a box and a cereal box is a nightmare for me. Forget it. So, what I really, really want is you put all this stuff, you go to the container store, you pour everything into those Tupperwares and then you have to. Forget it. So what I really, really want is you put all this stuff, you go to the container store, you pour everything into those Tupperwares, and then you have to worry about it. But I just don't have time. And Doug said, well, that might be a good... Sorry. Then you do have to worry about it

or you don't have to worry about it? Oh, I don't have to worry about opening all of it, right? You had a head of steam going and I thought, you put all the things in Tupperware and then you have to worry about it. Oh, no, no, no. You don't have to worry about it. Okay. Right? Definitely Tupperware equals no worry for me. So what he said is that he could just, while he records, he's setting up the stuff.

He's doing the Cheerios and the, well, I don't know. What is July? These weird ass granola hemp something. My daughter eats the weirdest food right now. She's on a whole kick. How's it going in there, Doug? Great. I'm through about a dozen

boxes already. We eat a lot of cereal in this house. It's nice I get a treat along with it. I can eat myself. Oh, what are you eating? Are you enjoying something? I'm eating one of these hemp fig things. Hemp fig things. Jolliope's nonsense.

She's on a real... She's on a real... Jolliope's nonsense. Yeah. Um, July is of course, my teenage daughter, one more year. And then she's supposedly gone. We'll see.

And how are the, how are the twins? I haven't seen them. They're off to, they're off to school now. They're fine. Yeah. They're,

they're thinking, they're thinking of doing a study abroad, but I just think they think they want to go hook up with European chicks. I really don't know that there's any motivation behind it other than that. This is Madden fresh. Correct. Yeah, let's go with that. And they are thick as thieves,

these boys. Yeah, they are. I mean, they're tight to each other, but they're also massively thick. Thick with two Cs. Yes. They're both on bulks. Oh, God. Thank God they're tight to each other, but they're also massively thick because they've just— Thick with two Cs. Yes. They're both on bulks. Oh, God. Thank God they're out of the house.

Are they on bulks? Listen, I've been in a house when two teenage boys are having bulks, and it is not okay. The air is very thick. You know, you have to be careful with bulks because you could go too far with it. You can. And then before you know it, people are calling you Mr. Bulks. It's true. It's too true.

So here's what we do if you don't know what we do, other than have a really great time. We have a great time. We catch up. We catch up. And then we turn our focus to the neighborhood. Yes, but really quickly, speaking of catch up, Bert, how is your Murphy bed

situation? Murphy bed is still not functioning. Come on! I know. What? I've talked to my landlord about it. He said the guy that used to service the beds in the building has passed on. There was a person who serviced the beds? Yes. There was one of the last Murphy

bedsmen in America. It was a very honored profession. Yeah, and obviously there used to be more and he was pretty much in retirement, but he would service our building. He's like the one blind man who tunes pianos. Is that from an anime?

No. It's just, sometimes I forget the people. Sometimes I forget that people have the life experiences that I have. In college. Here we go. Now see, if I have any of my friends from my alma mater listening, they'll get this. Slippery Rock University, Pennsylvania. In Slippery Rock University.

Go tadpoles. My music school had a beautiful building that had all these pianos in practice rooms. And they were tuned by a blind man. And I always found that charming. Looks like something out of a fairy tale. Right? Thank you. Absolutely.

So it just, it seems sort of old fashioned and also like magical and lovely. And, and that just is when, what I thought of when I thought of the Murphy Bedsman. Right. Well, he was not, his name was Frank and he was not blind. He was racist. Oh. But he. Oh, isn't that the same thing?

And as he got older, it got worse. He, he wouldn't monitor his thoughts anymore. He had no internal dialogue. It was all external. And I was wondering why we hadn't seen him or heard any of his epithets for a while. And it turns out he had passed on. He got lung cancer. Oh, dear.

And that went into remission. And then he fell down some stairs. Some people say that he was knocked down some stairs. Some people say that he was knocked down the stairs by an owl. What? Yes. I don't think that's true. What a wild rumor. It's a strange theory. I don't think it's true. How would that even work?

People are saying an owl got in there. This is his son, who of course narrated everything for Frank. His son said an owl got in there and knocked him down the stairs. Because, you know, when an owl comes at you, there's a lot going on. Big wings flapping. The head's turning all the way around.

Yes. And you're fighting, fighting, fighting. You're flailing around. And it's very easy to fall down the stairs, from what I understand. Oh, I guess. It sounds like something someone who pushed the person down the stairs would say to cover it up. But that's not for me to say. Okay.

Not for me to say. Anyways, what we do here is we go on the NeighborHap, which is, of course, if you haven't downloaded it, go ahead. Because you can look up your own neighborhoods going on. It's a free app. And so we review the posts. And so we review the posts and sometimes we bring in people that either posted or people that are posted about and see if we can get to know these friends and neighbors or also get to the bottom of an issue. Exactly. Because sometimes there's questions and we want to provide answers.

Sometimes there's answers and we want to provide questions. Let's be honest. Sometimes I just want to gripe about some of these posts. Boy, that's true. In the case of this one I'm about to read right now. Yes, please. All right. So this one comes from Elliot, and it just says babysitting. Hi, my name is Elliot Bolt, and I am looking for any opportunities to watch over children.

I have lots of experience, and I am CPR certified and basic first aid trainer. He's missing an article there, but we'll not judge that. Please message me if you need anybody to watch over your kids. I'm able to pick them up from school as well. Listen, I have a real problem with the phrase watch over. Yeah, twice used it. This comes across to me as like a post from, you know, like a vampire who's trying to sound like a regular human trying to get children into his,

you know, lair or something that, you know, I want to watch over your children. I feel like that's how it should be read, this post. Or like an alien who's like, I'm supposed to say things like this to try to sound human. Oh, I like that theory. Who says watch over and twice? No one says that anymore. Am I crazy?

No, it's very strange that he used it twice. If he said it once, okay, that's fine. And then he switches it up next time. He says, if you'll give someone a mind, your children. Mind is a little old-fashioned as well. Maybe mind sounds a little too harsh. That sounds very pop-ish. Pop-ish?

That sounds very Poppins-ish to me. Poppinsian. It sounds very Mary Poppinsian. What if he had said, You know what Watchover puts me in mind of? Popinzian. It sounds very Mary Popinzian. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What if he had said, you know what Watchover puts me in mind of? Mm-hmm. Do you remember the Family Circus cartoon? Of course I do. Oh, yes.

And sometimes the grandparents would appear as ghosts. Oh, I do not remember that. Yeah, they often, often the. What? The grandparents, I don't know why, the children never aged. No one ever aged. That's true. But the grandparents did die in the family circus.

They did? Yes, and they came back frequently as ghosts, happily watching over the children. That the children see and not the parents or everyone see? I don't think that anyone saw them except the reader. Oh, I see. It's just the spirits of the grandparents watching over. Yes. There were many ghosts in the family circus.

There were the grandparents. There was not me and Ida No. Do you remember those? Okay. I'm going to be honest. I didn't really read it as frequently as maybe it sounds you did. Well, there was one panel. So very, very low commitment, Joan.

Listen, I was an Andy Cap person. Oh, he'd get into those fights. He'd be at the pub drinking Guinness, and then he'd get into a big cloud. I know. And, you know, in the early days, they used to depict him as a spousal abuser. Oh. And then they took that part out. I think that's best.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were going to say, it reminds you of the ghost grandparents because this poster. They're watching over. Oh, yes, that's another thing. Ghost grandparents just watching over them. Yeah, that makes it more sound like it's a,

perhaps this poster is a spirit from the other world. I'm just being, I'm silly. I'm being silly. I'm not really serious. But Joan, what if it is? Oh. Do you believe in that stuff? I mean, because listen, Doug, for a while, we thought that Doug's grandmother was haunting us. Was she? Well, I don't know. It was weird because every time

we would, I mean, we can be, every time we were having a good time in bed. Oh, okay. Well, I wasn't going to do that, but fine. Well, I didn't want people to think you were doing a jigsaw puzzle or something. The TV would come on downstairs and it'd be Wheel of Fortune. Every time Wheel of Fortune. Every time Wheel of Fortune, which was grandma's favorite. Grandmothers love Wheel of Fortune.

Love Wheel of Fortune. I wonder, now I don't believe necessarily in ghosts. I believe in energy. Oh, okay. I think that energy can be neither created nor destroyed. And that, you know, the energy that we are has to go somewhere. That's true. And who's to say it's not turning on your TV for Wheel of Fortune?

I guess so. Although it's just so strange because it didn't matter what time of day it is. It was Wheel of Fortune. So it's almost like the TV is haunted. That does sound like the TV is haunted. Because even if you have all the cable channels. Right. You can't always find Wheel of Fortune.

You can't always find Wheel of Fortune. You can only always find Big Bang Theory. You can always find that. Do you remember when Pat Sajak had his own talk show? I do not. No, no one else does either. Well, Joan, we have to take a break. We do, we do.

And hopefully during the break, there'll be an advertisement of some sort. Oh, sure, sure. And again, if you want to advertise on our show, you know, send us a voice recording, as many people have done. And we'll splice it into the episode. Doug will, he's very good at splicing. I shouldn't have said we, we'll be Doug.

What's the dice part? It seems like maybe it goes first dice and splice, right? Cause dice is cutting. Right. And then splice is, is, is that makes sense?

Is that what you meant Doug? Okay. Whatever you say. Oh, that's his, that's his, that's his over Whatever you say, honey. That's his over it tone. Oh boy, we've hit it. Oh no.

All right, well, I think we really should take a break now. When we return, we will have a guest right here on The Neighborhood Listen. Hi, this is Ken Ham, free ham radio. Attention, hams. I have an old low-band Kenwood 520S boat anchor and tuner that probably needs 6146s. RX is fine. Anybody want it? No takers.

And it won't go to the curb next week. If you know all those terms that I used, then you know that this is a good deal. But I will throw it in the trash if you don't want it. Again, it's a low-band Kenwood 520S boat anchor and tuner. Probably needs 6146s. My Rex is fine. This is Ken M. saying 10-4 over and out. Good hammies.

Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen. Well, it is that time of the show where we have a guest. We do. We have contacted. Look, here's what we do. We read the posts. If we find a post interesting enough, we feel like there's more there. We will contact the person. Does anyone else hear noise?

I think so. Is it our guest? Does something get spliced or diced? Or diced or spliced. Okay. What we do is we invite, we contact the person, invite them to appear on the show, and today is no different. Correct. Would you like to read this post, or would you like me to do it? I'll read the post as it's written.

Oh, it's from Barbara. This post comes to us from Barbara. Subject line, and this is a real grabber. Person was killed. The post continues. I'm going to read this

as written. Yeah, as written. Someone was walking in behind them. A suspect killed this person. That is all I know. Not safe these streets anymore. Always look around you when walking

or just being outside. BG. Oh, I see. BG is her initials. I thought it was maybe one of the new... Oh, I thought it was like a sign-off. Like a new... or something. Be good. The kids say, yeah, be good or... yeah. I have no idea. Be ground... Be grounded. I couldn't think of it. Be grounded.

Stay inside. Be grounded. So I'm very confused. I don't... we wanted to know grounded. Stay inside. Be grounded. So I'm very confused. I don't, we wanted to know more, obviously. Yes. So we contacted Barbara. So we invited her here. And she's here in my kitchen right now. Please welcome Barbara. It's not safe anywhere you go.

Everywhere you look is dangerous. Everywhere you look is dangerous? Everywhere you look? And as I'm always saying, be good. Be grounded. But you can't when you're not looking wait so what did the BG

was it was it your initials or was it something else it changes every day it changes every day what was it when you wrote this yeah what was it then that one was

be grafted be grafted like a skin graft like a gum like a gum oh a gum graft like a gum graft oh I had a gum graft once.

Did you really? Oh, yes. I was getting, the gum was receding on the bottom part of my tooth. That's where you get the phrase long in the tooth. Because when people get older, their gums recede. But I had that in my 30s. Can you imagine? So then you either have bank tissue, which is someone else's dead tissue.

I'm not kidding. Or they scrape it off the roof of your mouth. Sorry, trigger warning for anybody with issues. Doug threw up when he saw the roof of your mouth. Sorry, trigger warning for anybody with issues. Doug threw up when he saw the roof on my mouth. Which did you do? In fact, he's probably throwing up right now because I mentioned it. Sorry, honey. Trigger warning.

You okay? I'm okay. Just tell me next time. He threw up. That's his throw up voice. I can tell. So they cut a square in the roof of your mouth that's what you did you didn't do the dead tissue oh absolutely not

yeah I didn't need zombie tissue and they sew it onto your and then it grafts for a second I was wondering if you got some of my tissue because I had proceeding gums and it got to the point where

it was just like a it's growing over it a tiny thin line of tooth like a log gum I had never heard of that. Wow. Bert, you have the coolest things happen to you. I don't know if that was cool, but anyway, Barbara.

Did you have a gum graft? Is that why you said- I did my own gum graft. You did your own? It's a bit of a DIY. I went to Panera's, and I got a soup, and it was burning hot. And then on the top of the mouth, I took it out and I grafted it myself with a protractor. Did you need a gum graft?

No, I said, well, this is just for my own safe mind keeping. So it is true. You do talk like you write without really any kind of punctuation. It just sort of whatever word comes to your brain. I need to let the folks know. So if I'm going to say individual poison, I'm just going to keep going and let them know. Did you say individual poison?

That's one of my other posts. Individual poison. Person was killed. So now... Yeah, now talk about this person who was killed. You said you didn't know much more information. So what did you actually find out? There was a person and they were walking.

Right. And then there was a suspect. Yes. And they were walking behind him. And all I know is that they got killed. Right. So basically just what you wrote again. So where did you hear this or?

Well, I heard something outside my door. So I walk out there and I say i say oh it's just my cat oh she's such a bitch but then i saw a person walking by with a gray sweatshirt on and then i saw another person and he fell to the ground well i'm guessing because from the other guy behind him. I said, sir or ma'am. They did not respond. They ran off.

But did you see the one person strike or hit or touch in any way the other person? No, just a close follow. And we all know what that means. What does that mean? Stomach strangle from behind. Stomach strangle? Oh, I can see none of you all have read any war novels. It's a classic war move.

What is the move? You see the whites of your opponent's eyes and you go from the back and you squeeze them as tight as you can right in the ribs. Wait a second. You see the whites of their eyes then you get behind

them? It's a quick one, too. It sounds like just a hug. Hmm? Hmm? Hmm? Well, I will say it has caused a lot of drama in my extended family. A stomach strangle? Yeah, because I just want to hug my nephews.

Is that okay? I mean, it is, but it sounds like maybe you're trying to do something else. I'm not, but all my extended family thinks I'm going in for the stomach strangle. Why would I do that to my nephews? Are they saying that specifically? Like, hey, you're trying to stomach strangle them. They say, BB, what are you doing? And I say, I'm hugging my nephews from behind.

Now, BB, are those your initials? Well, I'm Barbara Braun. Barbara Braun. Braun is my middle name. That's my mother's maiden name. Barbara Braun. Barbara Braun. Barbara Braun.

That's hard to say. It is hard to say. hard to say. It is hard to say. You know, it reminds me of that song, Barbara Ann, by the Beach Boys, where they're clearly saying Baba Ran. Exactly. They're not saying Barbara Ann at all. No, they say Baba, Baba. Yeah, exactly.

Well, that, interesting, that was my dad's favorite song. Really? And so he said, well, what should we name our daughter? And he said, Baba, Baba, Baba, Baran. Okayba-ba-ba-bron. Okay? My mom heard it as bron.

Which is her maiden name. Bar-ba-bron. Right. I've heard that name before. That's my name. Oh, okay. Family stories. So what I'm understanding is there's no other,

you were walking down the street, you saw someone follow someone closely, that person fell. Did you try to get help? Did you call 911 or did you leave a man or a woman lying in the street? Does that sound like something I would do? I don't know you. It's true. We are meeting for the first time, Barbara.

I'm not going to make that judgment either way. Just based on my face, though. And the soft curls. Your face is very, your hair is beautiful. Your face is very impassive. It is. It very much is. It doesn't really, you don't, you're not very expressive. Well, I'm going to

give you smiley. What do you think now? Oh. I can't, your eyebrows moved. My eyes are smiling. So you're saying you're smizing. I'm smizing. I see. Okay.

But if that's not what you did, what did you do? I said, person, person. That guy just kept going. And then the person on the ground was just laying there. So I just yelled out, individual, citizen, nothing. So I just watched. So when you were yelling person, that was the suspect. And when you're yelling individual citizen, that was the person lying on the ground.

Right. How long did you watch? Oh, I watched for, oh, until sundown. And so I started at sun up. So this happened in broad daylight. Yeah. The streets are not safe. I'm not sure that that's what it was.

That person could have just died of a heart attack and needed you to maybe, forgive me, help, not watch. Well, now, I believe that's an old proverb. If you watch, you're helping. Is it? If you watch, you're helping. I'm not familiar with that one. I do know that Aesop told us assistance, not advice, in a crisis. Oh, that's good.

I don't know. So if you see somebody in a bad situation, don't say. I didn't know he did sayings. I just thought he did all the cute animal stories. I did. Here's the thing. I read a book of Aesop's fables when I was a child that my sister had given me. And at the end of not all of the fables, but some of the fables, there would be a little

summation telling you, here's what this was about. Oh, yes. In case you were too stupid to get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But not all of them. Some were like, this one's obvious.

Uh-huh, right. But there was one about someone, you know, a guy being stuck in a lake or something and another guy from the shore saying he shouldn't have got stuck in that lake.

And, you know, and the summation was advice, assistance. That was that used car salesman again. You know, I'm not gifted with voices like you are, Joan. You are, of course, you're a star of the stage. And I'm just a pharmacist. That is not true.

That's not at all true. And you should have seen it. He did end up doing Santa Claus. And it was. And you were brilliant. I did. I came out of retirement. I did Santa Claus. It was brilliant. He did a great voice for it. Anyways, I'm sorry to be getting away from you, Barbara. No, I loved it. I loved that voice.

So please tell me that. Very good. Oh, there it is. There it is. There it is. I love it. It's interesting. You went with a ha-ha-ha instead of a ho-ho-ho. Was I not doing ho-ho-ho? I know. Let me try again. Ha-ho-ho? Was I not doing ho-ho-ho? I know. Let me try again.

Ha-ha-ha. Well, now you sound like you're a mustachioed man. Oh, perish the thought. To have a mustache in this day and age, it's disgusting. Barbara, I'm so concerned that you left someone lying on the ground at the end of the day. Well, for hours. I'll tell you what.

I read an article in Time magazine that said, don't call the police because you don't know what kind of background the suspect or the person might have. So actually, that escalates things. That makes no sense. I know. Yeah, I guess I wish I'd read that article because I feel like. It was in Time magazine. I believe you. I certainly believe you.

I want to believe you. But again, to my point, what happened when you left? Was there a person on the ground still when you left? Well, then I forgot I had some chili on the stove. So I said, oh, dang it. I'd love to watch. I left my cat on the porch. I checked on my chili.

And when I came back, somebody had moved the fella. So it was a man? It was a man. Who was the victim? The alleged victim. How did you figure that out? Well, I looked at his you know, like a hairline. Like guys have a different hairline than

guys. Right. And he was wearing one of those big ball caps. And I looked underneath there and I said, oh, this is a receipt. Wait, wait, wait. Why did you look underneath? You approached him. You inspected this person lying on the ground? Well, I needed to see if it was a guy or gal.

That was the only reason you could have been checking to see if he was alive or not. Oh, sure. Oh, dang it. So, hindsight. So, you know, ah, gee. I gift it. Well, so you couldn't tell if the person, could you tell if the person just from being that close was dead or alive? Well, I did the finger test where you put the finger under someone's nose and he sounded like he had a cold.

So? So he was breathing i think and so when you assess that so i'm sorry i'm sorry i know i mean it sounded like he had a cold did you feel any breath on your finger that's my point it wasn't just wet or not wet oh no i'm sorry breathing or not breathing but it was wet. So I was like, oh. Yeah. It's a bit of a drift. So he was alive? I mean, I hope.

But what? This is not safe. You keep saying that, and I'm not sure that that's the issue. Is that anything really? Yeah, just to recap. Yeah. So you heard a noise. Mm-hmm.

You walked out in front of your house. You observed a person walking very close to behind another person. Too close. Too close. Too close. The first, the person in the lead drops to the ground. The other person keeps walking. You watched this person lying on the ground for a matter of hours.

You stuck your finger under their nose, found that it was wet, remembered you had chili on the stove, and went back inside. And you did not call the police because of an article in Time Magazine, but you did post here on the neighbor app. Well, what if he had tickets? You know? Tickets. To what?

Well, I'm saying like, if people have like tickets to the show, the big show, I just wouldn't want to ruin that. How would this ruin that? Well, I just don't like to mess with other people's business. I just like to let them know. I like to generally spray news out there and however one wants to take it, they take it. I guess that's the concern, is that this is kind of an alarmist post, and it has people thinking that things aren't safe, when really I think what you might have witnessed is someone, who knows, they could be narcoleptic,

it could have been a heart attack, they could have, I don't know, had a stroke, a seizure, any of these things that would require help. Could have been somebody taking a nap. I help. Could have been somebody taking a nap. I guess it could have been someone taking a nap. I mean, that's far-fetched, of course, but it's not entirely impossible. It's not. That's my point. Maybe they were just napping.

But you said person was killed, not person was napping. You did not say. Very different. You didn't even allow for the possibility that the person was alive. You went straight to kill. You said they were killed. Oh, I'm sorry, Your Honor. Oh, I'm sorry.

Okay, Barbara. The defense rests, I guess. All right. All right. You're right. We don't mean to put you on blast, as the kids say. Well, I feel blasted. You really swiveled around and looked at me when you said that.

I didn't. I didn't mean to. I just, I didn't mean to. You're just across from me, Bert. It's true. And a lot of times you're next to me, and so I don't actually get to make this person-to-person contact with you. Well, Barbara, boy, I mean, this has raised more questions than it's answered. No, you're telling me. What do you mean?

What? I feel. What are you confused about? Well, to be honest, I'm like, oh, this is the feeling of when I did my self-graft. Oh, God, I'm dizzy. When I did my self-graft. You remember. I mean, we did kind of.

We really. I wish we had more time. I do, too. Because I'd love to ask more about your self-graft. Well, I'll see you at the Panera's. Guys, we'll see you at the Panera's, and I'll get you a soup. But we'll talk about it then. You work there or you'll just buy us one?

I'm a greeter. There's a Panera greeter? I'm a greeter. That's new. And I don't get a full discount, but a little one. Well, that's nice. Yeah. Are you, did you opt to do this on your own or were you hired?

A little bit from column A to column B. So they are giving you a discount. They're giving me a little bit. A little discount. 10% tax. But I'm not getting the full employee banny. Well, I'll just say this, Barbara. Okay.

Maybe next time. We're just trying to keep, I do think Dignity Falls is a fairly safe neighborhood. Absolutely. Maybe next time. We're just trying to keep, I do think Dignity Falls is a fairly safe neighborhood. And I just want to caution posters against rumor mongering or starting fear spreading for no reason whatsoever. So maybe take a little bit of care before you post your next post. And if you think something has happened, I would just be very, very sure before you say something like the streets aren't safe, a person was killed. Those are very big statements to make. Yes, inflammatory. They're inflammatory.

That's right. This is what I'm saying, you know. If you think something, think something. If you think something, think something. Think something. Well, there you have it. Okay, another classic sign-off from Barbara. Thanks, Barbara.

What does the BG stand for today? Be good to your family. Whoa. So we're sort of coloring outside the lines with today's BG. Oh, I like that one. I like the sentiment, Barbara. I like the sentiment. It's a great sentiment.

Thank you. All right. Well, everyone be safe out there. We will return with our final segment of The Neighborhood Listen. Katie here. Misha Purge. Decorative diamond paperweight. Easter decor.

Outdoor sign and vases. All items a dollar, including the actual diamond paperweight. Doesn't matter. Don't care. Dollar each. Dollar each. Dollar each. Welcome back to the Neighborhood Listen.

Wow, Barbara. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's interesting learning more about the people in our neighborhood. I'll just say that. Yes. I would say she's no, as far as crime busting goes, she's no Miss Marple. it's interesting learning more about the people in our neighborhood I'll just say that yes I would say she's no as far as crime busting goes

she's no Miss Marple that is accurate or Bones Jessica Fletcher right from Murder She Wrote

and I was trying to think of a more recent one I guess Bones but Bones was what did she do she knew all about Bones never saw an episode of Bones

well here's let's piece it together like detectives she knew about Bones was, what did she do? She knew all about Bones. Never saw an episode of Bones. Well, here's what, let's piece it together, like detectives. Oh. She knew about Bones. And so she'd be called upon at a crime scene, they'd say. Forensics type person. Bones, look at this. What do you make of this? Haven't you ever thought that it's strange that the word forensics not only means investigation of like dead people, but also funny speechifying?

Yes. I never understood. Always really confused me. I never understood. Why is debate confused me. I never understood. Why is debate and speech called forensics? I don't know. There's nothing similar. Because they kill if they're funny?

I don't know. Because Quincy was very dramatic. Oh. Medical examiner. Dating yourself, burnt. Well, look. I'm a man of a certain age. I'm trying to figure out what Bones is.

I'm trying to stay current. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yeah, she was just, wasn't she sort of one of those quirky types where she's got like some sort of. Autism. Yeah, disorder or something that helps her be really good at Bones. She's very good at Bones. So many murders involve Bones where they say, say, hey bones, take a look at this. Star Trek. Notice anything weird about

these bones? He was a doctor as well. He was a doctor as well. You got a post? Yes, I do. This comes from Oscar. He writes about Club TG, which is a bar that many people used to frequent back in the

day. Went out of business, came back into business. And the idea was they were going to restore it to its former glory. Okay. And supposedly they did that. I have not been in myself. Right, I didn't know this. Here's what Oscar writes.

My wife and I thought we'd have a drink to celebrate the end of the week and decided to try the renovated Club TG. I wasn't quite finished with my cocktail and the bartender took it away. I said, hey, I'm not quite done with that. Instead of apologizing, he looks at the glass and says, looked empty to me. I said it wasn't. So he puts it back down and proceeds to give me more attitude.

I guess we don't fit the young hipster clientele they're seeking. Anyway, they won't have to worry about us darkening their door again. Well, I would say if you're using a phrase like, we won't darken your door, you definitely don't fit a young clientele. Jesus. It is almost like the Club TG bartender dipped his fingers in the not finished drink and wiped it on the doorframe to message those people, stay away. That's right. And burnt, what a fun pronunciation of clientele. You know, I feel like I saw that in a movie or a TV show once.

Clientel. Clientel. It resonated with me. It stuck with me. I like it. That's how I see it every time now. Clientel. I understandel. It resonated with me. It stuck with me. I like it. That's how I see it every time now. Cleontel. I understand.

I have words like that. I totally have words like that that I see as one thing and I know that there's something else. Give me three. I knew you were going to ask me for three. Unbelievable. What a dirty trick, Bern. It is a bit of a dirty trick. It is a bit of a dirty trick.

That is a bit of a dirty trick, but go ahead. Okay. Chinchilla, seltzer, and brick. Okay. Now, that's how I hear those words all the time. And when I see them, that's how I say them. So, for you, how do you interpret those words? Chinchilla.

I want to say that. For some reason, I don't know why. Maybe because it's 1,000% more adorable. Maybe. Chinchilla. Chinchilla also would work. Chinchilla. Chinchilla I could understand.

Chinchilla. Mm-hmm. Chinchilla. Mm-hmm. And what was the other one I said? Oh, yeah. Well, I find that I don't want to pronounce that. This is because of the Brian Setzer Orchestra.

Remember that band? Of course I do. I always say Setzer. I just get rid of the L. I don't know why. Setzer. Just give me a Setzer. Do you think he's become more famous than Seltzer?

Possible. He's on the collective conscious more for me than Seltzer. Plus, I don't like Seltzer. I don't like Seltzer either. I don't understand. Let's have a little Seltzer sidezer. Plus, I don't like seltzer. I don't like seltzer either. I don't understand. Let's have a little seltzer sidebar. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, because people love this spin drift and this-

They love all these things. LaCroix. Oh, speak of another word that I don't know how to fucking pronounce. Right? Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to get too upset. That's all right. You know what?

We should have an episode at some point where we swear a lot. Absolutely. We're allowed to curse on this thing. Okay, we'll get to that. We should take more advantage of it. We'll get to lot. Absolutely. We're allowed to curse on this thing. Okay, we'll get to that. We should take more advantage of it. We'll get to it. Absolutely. Yeah, I feel like seltzer is, especially these flavored seltzers, they're tricking you into

thinking- That you're having some sort of go. It's just like seltzer that you pour it into a glass that used to contain something else. That's what it tastes like. Oh, that is such a good description of it. It's like, here's a dead memory of lime. Yes. Oh, was there a more interesting drink that used to be in this?

Yes, it's the backwash of drinks. It's the backwash of drinks. Oh, God almighty. And brick. How do you say that? Brick, like the song. Like the Commodore's Brick, like the song. Like the Commodores Brick House. Correct. So when you just

see the word brick by itself, in your mind it's brick. Well, that one's fun because it's like a little joke. Actually, Doug started it because you know, every time when, you know, sometimes when your lady passes by, if you like what you see from behind, you sort of go, woo, and our joke, right, well, he does it differently.

But now he does, yes, that's not any song that I know. That's my version. That's part of the song. So I'll walk by, and he just goes, it's not really, but he, it's his way of interpreting it. Look, we don't have to get into it. Has he heard a cover of the song, and that's what he's referencing? Yes. Because it very famously is not high-pitched.

Have we not talked about Doug's dad band? I don't think that we have. Oh, oh, well, he's Doug's dad band? I don't think that we have. Oh, oh, well, he's in a dad band. You've got to hear us. Yeah. We're called the Daddies. Yeah, they're called the Daddies.

Yeah, with a Z at the end. I figured. Absolutely. And who else is in this band? Well, let's see. It's Jim Walton from Two Doors Down. Oh, sure. He used to be in Two Doors Down, and now he's in this band. Yes, it's sort of a step. The Three Doors Down. Oh, sure. He used to be in Two Doors Down and now he's in this band.

Yes, it's... Sort of a step... The three doors... Sort of a step down. Sort of a step down, really. David Knight, the biology teacher at the high school. Oh, he plays the harmonica.

Yeah, lead singer in harmonica. Lead singer in harmonica. Oh, like a Bruce Willis character. Totally. And... Stuart... Stuart? Stuart Clam. Stuart Clam. Stuart. Totally. Stuart Clam.

Stuart Clam. Stuart Clam. Stuart Clam. Who does, well, he actually does promotions, but he also does keyboard. Yes. And you're guitar. I'm guitar. Tambourine sometimes.

And you're looking for a bass player, right? We're looking for a bass player. So there are some songs where the one guitarist lays out. But does play along on the tambourine. Occasionally, we go into like a stripped down section or a call and response kind of thing. Sure, absolutely. Hey, those are just drums. They love call and response.

And then I'm slapping the tambourine. Right. Yeah. And the audience presumably is responding to this call. Yes, they're the response part. Yeah, right.

We don't respond to them. No, you're calling. You're doing the calling. They're doing the response. Yes. And I flip my guitar around so it's on my back. It's real section. To indicate I'm not using this at all. Yeah, that's just stored like a sword for later. Yes, exactly. Or a bow and arrow.

That's right. It's his weapon. Anyhow, back to the post. I think that was it. I think we got through it. Did we not? Let me double check. I can't remember. So the bar, these patrons were treated very poorly.

Oh, right, right, right. And I will say that this does sound like very rude behavior to take a drink. For the bartender to come out from the bar, because it's a small place, so presumably there's no wait service there. The bartender to come out from behind the bar to take a not quite empty glass, that's extreme. the bar to take a not quite empty glass is that's extreme. I tell you, if I had one drop of my Soviby still in a glass, I would absolutely go right to the manager and complain about an waiter or a waitress taking that away from me. No one gets between you and your white wine. Absolutely.

Well, Sauvignon Blanc, let's be clear. Anyone can get in between me and a Chardonnay. I could care less. Oh, sure. Okay. I see. Ugh. Horrible.

Ugh. I mean, what are we doing? What are we doing with Chardonnay? Well, you less. Oh, sure. Okay, I see. Horrible. I mean, what are we doing? What are we doing with Chardonnay? Well, you don't think it's buttery? That's the one white wine adjective that I know. No, there's nothing buttery about it. It tastes acidic, and it tastes quite honest. It looks like a

urine sample. I'm sorry, but it does. What do we got? We got Chardonnay. We got Sauvignon Blanc. We got a Pinot Grig. Pinot Grig. Or a Pinot Gris. If you wantis. Yeah, or a Pinot Gris. Oh. If you want to be really stuck up about it. Do you know Gris is the sound that a pig makes? I'm sorry?

G-R-Y. Uh-huh. That's what we call the sound that a pig makes. You mean Gris. It's one of the three English words that ends in G-R-Y. And what are the others? Hungry and angry. Oh, there's nothing else?

Nope. Huh? What about hangry? Yeah, I was thinking the same thing, Doug. Well, you know what? That's a relatively new word. Well, not in our house. As archaic as gree is, that's how fresh and exciting hangry is.

Wow. Well, this is a fun segment. It's all about words. It did become all about words. I mean, that just goes to show you the neighborhood is diverse and so are our topics. Folks, we do have to say goodbye now. We do, we do. As always, it's a pleasure to visit with you and we hope it's a pleasure for you to visit with us.

Absolutely. Doug, did you finish up with the pantry? Oh, I finished up in here. I swept all the peanuts and do, what do you like a white wine? Yes, please.

It seemed like, it seemed like he had definitely not finished up in the pantry and then very quickly tried to bribe you. And you know what? And you know what? It always works. He knows me. Why wouldn't it?

Why wouldn't it? He knows me. He knows that after I have it it? Why wouldn't it? He knows me. He knows that after I have it, I won't give a shit about the pantry. Well, folks, that is it for this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. We will see you next week. And until then. Goodbye. And bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.