The Neighborhood Listen - Comfy Couch for Sale w/ Charlie McCrackin

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

This week, Burnt shares his favorite childhood book while Joan figures out how to play the cursed role of Keke the Dragon Slayer. Meanwhile, Doug brings out everyone's emotions. Plus, special guest Kim (Charlie McCrackin) discusses why he is having a hard time selling his couch. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone.

You've got the NeighborHap app and us. Bird. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell.'ll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well we'll chat about any posts you're missing so just tune in to the neighborhood listen and welcome back to wait should I say welcome back? At the very beginning of the episode? Right, that's weird.

I mean, it is a welcome back to... Wow, I think that's a record for how quickly it went off the rails. Maybe so. I think we got two words in is what it was, right? Yes. Welcome back, start over. Immediately, I've run outside of my body. Immediate regret.

Immediately went above your body. Yeah, I mean, listen, I think we could say welcome back because it's been a week. Yes, and we have regular listeners, I presume. I sure hope so. God, I mean, listen, I think we could say welcome back because it's been a week. Yes, and we have regular listeners, I presume. I sure hope so. God, I hope so. I really, really hope so. Sometimes you just wonder, you feel like it goes off into a void. And is anyone listening?

Are you there? Listeners? It's us. It's me, Joe. Everyone listen. Oh, I thought I'd be in there too. But yes, so, okay, let's get. Judy Blume was a very female-centric author. Sorry.

She was, except for, then again, maybe I won't. Oh, you're right. The boy book. The boy book. What books did you like to... Oh, by the way, this is Burnt. He's a pharmacist in Dignity Falls. Let's go back even further. Okay, okay. Welcome to the Neighborhood Listen podcast. Great. This is the

podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, USA. And my name is Burnt Mia Payday. I am a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls and with me is Joan Pedestrian,

the local realtor here. The top realtor. I know, top realtor. Top realtor. I wasn't looking for that. And star of the stage. Oh, well, yes. We're going into tech

next week. Which show is this again? This is my one woman show playing all the famous women of Dignity Falls. The influential women of Dignity Falls. The influential women of Dignity Falls. But before we get to that, I just wanted to ask my question, which is what books influenced you as a kid? Burnt, were you a bookworm?

I was a bookworm. I figured. I loved books. You know, the earliest I can remember of course is The Cat in the Hat, one of the most terrifying books I've ever read. Oh, my goodness. No, why terrifying? He earliest i can remember of course is the cat in the hat one of the most terrifying books i've ever read oh my goodness no why terrifying he's just an agent of chaos he comes in and then he has those two goblins do his bidding you know i will say he's really annoying i didn't enjoy reading those books to my kids i mean it's just one thing after another it's just and i don't even know that they have fun so it's just causing anxiety for both child

and parent reading it what What was the point? What was Dr. Seuss trying to say to chaos is right. Some children thrive on it, but then the kids were very worried. The kids in the book are terribly worried. The kids in the book are traumatized straight up. Yes. And then the cat had cleans up all the mess before he leaves. And then the kids are just left exhausted and teary eyed.

And also he he's, he's a, he's an intruder, right? I mean, he just comes in. No one invited him. No one invited him. It was a rainy day. That's that means he's allowed to just go wherever he please? I mean, he just comes in. No one invited him. No one invited him.

Yeah, it was a rainy day. That means he's allowed to just go wherever he pleases. I guess so. You're right. It is sort of a horror film if you think about it the right way. But it really, it scared me straight. And so I keep my place very neat.

Because you were about to head down a real dark path of debauchery. And then you were like, whoa, cat in the hat. I mean, I was, I remember thinking as a kid, how much fun would it be to just tear this place apart? And then I read that book and I realized, no, that's not the way. You know, they do have that great place that my friend Carol Dragonslayer opened. How is Carol, by the way? She is great. She is absolutely great. She runs the color you, yours. She runs the color you yours she runs the color you yours but then she also opened to break me mine which is the color of yours is where you bring your own uh you know unadorned pottery yes

and then she colors surprisingly people have so much of it people i don't know people come in droves with this pottery people getting this dry i this dry pottery? I don't know. And then she colors it for you. You have no say in it. Well, yeah, she just gets an aura from you, right? She just sits down. Because again, you know, like the Dragon Slayer family, they've been here forever in Dingley Falls. I'm playing one of her oldest relatives in my show.

Kiki Dragon Slayer. You're playing Kiki Dragon Slayer? I am, I am. I don't have her yet. Do you know what I mean? This is thought to be a cursed role. I don't have her yet. Do you know what I mean? This is thought to be a cursed role. I'm not in her yet. Sorry?

It's thought to be a cursed role. It is. Explain that to everybody. Well, anytime anyone has done even an imitation of Kiki Dragonslayer, they have had terrible things befall them, mostly bleeding at the cuticles. But one guy lost his house. And it was a really popular,

they sort of found this out because there's a really popular character that a lot of drag performers were trying to do. Yes. Because already it's, you know, Kiki Dragon Slayer, like it's amazing, right? You're already halfway there. Yes.

And because she was so specific specific that was where we realized that that a lot of bad things were happening uh to those performers um but people have just always been drawn to her yes well she's the oldest recorded voice in dignity falls yes yes on a wax cylinder and her voice is outrageous obviously i'm not going to do an impression of it because we're not going to bring that upon your cute and you have beautiful cuticles of it because I like my cuticles. We're not going to bring that upon your cuticles. And you have beautiful cuticles. Thank you very much. Beautiful cuticles.

Thank you very much for saying that. That sounds like a store. It sure does. I'll have to tell Carol. Well, anyways, yes, she does. She has the, she has, so she, anyway, she gets an aura from you, you know, because the dragon slayers have always considered themselves a little bit sort of like on the medium spectrum, right?

They're very witchy. They're all together ooky. That's right. And so now she has break you yours. Break me mine. Break me mine. So you bring something, you bring something that you want

because there's a lot of stores like this where you can sort of smash plates and smash. And it's mostly women who go to these places and they'll do like a whole women who go to these places. And they'll do like a whole party, like a whole package. And you just go in there. Cause this is what you said about,

about breaking shit, you know? And my God, it feels amazing. In this case, Carol break, you watch Carol break it. Yeah.

And she breaks a lot of stuff of her own. Yes. She does break a lot of stuff of her own. Yeah. And then if you pay extra, you do get to like, you get to do a last, you know, you get to throw one last one in. And like, you write the problem

that you want to go away on it. Like everything. That's where the witchiness comes in. That's where the witchiness comes in. I see, I see. So it's a bit of a, it's a bit of a, yeah. Curses and hexes have always kind of swirled around the Dragon Slayer family.

So I have what i think is a fix um and you might be interested by this because um of your experience with connie your ventriloquist dummy my kiki is going to be a hand manipulated puppet what no good i mean i i you might be in the clear. I worry about the hand part. Well, what if I told you that the hand puppet is actually a character named Dina Donegan, and she's a sassy 90s comedian, and she's doing an impression of Kiki Dragonslayer.

So it's three times removed, right? I'm trying to inception this. Okay, so if you're the spirit of Kiki Dragonslayer. So it's three times removed, right? I'm trying to inception this. Okay, so if you're the spirit of Kiki Dragonslayer and you hear somebody's doing an impression of you, which you hate because you're embarrassed of your voice. That's what it is. She was always embarrassed of her voice. And so she comes-

Is that what I sound like she said after she heard that wax cylinder? Exactly. And none of us like listening to ourselves. Do you think Thomas Edison was happy with that Mary had a little performance? Oh, you know, I don't know. I think he was so innovative

that maybe he was just getting so much attention and he just didn't care. But you know what? I think it's a good- Like he didn't care about the people whose inventions he stole and claimed as his own. Oh, that's right, Bert. I forgot that you're a real expert on Thomas Edison.

A real expert? Oh, ask me anything. What are you newest favorite meal? Eggs and hash. You like the eggs on top of the hash? Anyway, so if I am having, you know, my hand in a puppet, but the puppet is Dina Don again, you know? And she's like, hey, so if I am having, you know, my hand in a puppet, but the puppet is Dina

Don again, you know, and she's like, hey, hey, you got to listen to me, ladies. What's the matter? No good. But you're doing it now. Oh, no. I thought that was quite different because first of all, she has like a she has a Boston accent. That was very clearly a very good research Boston accent.

You're scaring me okay let's not talk about this well it's not okay i i'm just saying here's my suggestion okay is there a way to make it a marionette to get more distance from your hands you just want the distance to the puppet yeah hmm that would that would that would mean building something. And I already built Dina. Can you just slap some strings on her? I mean, maybe, but then it's just a felt puppet without any kind of felt puppet.

Well, yeah, I put my hand in it. I thought it was like a matter. No, no, no. I did it more like a Muppet.

And so the head would just be hanging like that. You know, I mean, there's a string on the head. Put a string on the head. Yeah. You're the puppet expert. You're the Thomas Edison.

You almost called me the puppet master. I did. It's the word that comes out naturally after puppet, right? I know. And you know, it's too bad because I, obviously there are people that work with puppets that are puppet masters. Sure.

And I bet they don't like the term because it's been co-opted to mean something bad. Absolutely. You're the puppet expert and the Thomas Edison expert. And so that's why I would defer to you is I don't know how to make like a marionette. I could, I could help with that. I could definitely help with that. You could convert a felt puppet into a marionette. No problem. And it's even better. So much less clacking. Oh yes. I do hate the clacking. And I don't, you know,

I'm just not, I always just respond, but it's easier to manipulate that, you know, cause when you just do that, when you bring your, you bring your, like the knuckles back.

You're doing like a half a, I love you heart. Almost like that. Right. That's like when Kermit goes, you know what I mean? When you find something that's happening. Yeah.

And I really like to do that face. And Dean is going to do that face and dean is going to do that face but i don't want to talk about it anymore because now you've got me all nervous all right well i don't mean to scare you because i was like really digging that character i felt like i could just say a lot of things that i would normally say you don't feel well i like this idea but you don't feel the voice is a little too close okay i guess i see what you're saying i just really thought that accent with its accuracy was just going to really throw it off do you know what's funny is I think,

and this is part of the, maybe this is part of the curse of Kiki is that you think you're doing a voice that sounds nothing like her, but it sounds like her because the intent is there. God, this is so stressful. You're making the face of the Kermit mix. Like he's been punched in the top of his mouth.

Well, I did want to, I wanted to return because I love hearing things about your childhood. I really do. I love getting to know you. Cat in the Hat you didn't like. What book did you love? Well, I loved Clifford the Big Red Dog. Oh, that's nice.

Because he was, he was powerful. Oh, okay. He could have destroyed the family that was looking after him, but he didn't. It's kind of like the opposite of the Cat in the Hat. Oh, okay. He could have destroyed the family that was looking after him, but he didn't. It's kind of like the opposite of the cat in the hat. Exactly, exactly. And that's when I, of course, it comes from Clever the Big Red Dog,

the phrase, with great power comes great responsibility. And he realized I could mash these puny humans in my powerful jaws, but I won't. Wow, how old were you when you read this and had these feelings? I was 18 years old. Okay. All right. Well, that's interesting.

It took that long to find you, that book. Well, I mean- Normally- As I said, I'm a bookworm and I've read so many books that I went back and was like, maybe I'll pick up some children's books that I missed. In your teen years. They just hit different. They just hit different in your teen years. They do. And you know, I wish I

hadn't read Dune when I was eight. It's dense. Dune is dense. It's dense. It's a dense book. It really is. Hey, we didn't say how to Doug yet. Babe, what was your favorite book as a kid? I don't know if I ever asked you. I loved, uh, speaking of, of Judy Blume,

super fudge. I did like that one. Yeah. But I don't remember anything except that there was a, I think there was a scene where someone peed in a, in a plant or something. Uh, yes,

I believe that's right. I think. Love that. Love it. Love it, because why? Why? Oh, sorry. Stumped him. I mean, the idea

of peeing in a plant. Now, Doug, hold on a second. You say you love it and then when Joan says, what do you love about it? You say, why? you say you love it and then when Joe says what do you love about it you say why that doesn't seem fair I mean how do you describe

why you love something you don't need a reason you don't well but no but you could but you could say it stuck with you

for a reason you know there was a reason you had a response to it because I grew up I peed in a lot of plants a lot alright first you said I peed in a plant once and now you're saying response to it. I think because I grew up, I peed in a lot of plants. A lot.

All right. First you said I peed in a plant once and now you're saying you did it a lot. It's a regular thing. Wait a minute. You don't still do it. Is that why my plants all die? Doug, be honest.

It's nature. Oh my God. I had no, this is a revelation. Well, sometimes I can't find the bathroom. What? We have 17 bathrooms in this house. They're all themed.

They're all themed. You mean to tell me you can't make it to the hobbit bathroom in time? We set up all those signs in Mr. X and everything. Like in the hobbit. Yeah, but you live here. I know. Where are you today, Doug, by the way?

Yeah, where are you? Speaking of all our rooms. I'm in the drama room. The drama room. Yes. Okay, what does that mean? Well. This is where,

this is where we, well, I use- This is where we This is where we... Well, I thought it would be nice to build Joan like a rehearsal room for her drama. But then I also thought it would be nice for... I'm surprised there was a bean room before there was a rehearsal room. Beans are vital nutrients. No, no, no argument.

And they're just fun. It's a fun room. But yes. I also thought it would be a nice space maybe for us to get out family issues when we needed to or. Right. So sometimes we'll just kind of do like

either role playing or, you know, I grew up, I grew up on, on, um, you know, general hospital, another world, days of our lives. And so it's easy for me to go in there and to just say, Jackson, I don't know. I don't know anymore. I don't know if I killed her or not. And I'm starting to wonder who I am. And really, that's not, you know, that's just, it's about something else. Not that I actually killed someone. Oh, the murder is a metaphor.

The murder is a metaphor. Yeah. But then I go, Jackson isn't my real name. And then I do a big sigh. A sigh? A sigh. And then we hug. You're just fed up.

Again with this. I've always had the hard time when I try to sigh, I go, oh. Oh, gasp. Yes, gasp. That's a gasp. That's the opposite of a sigh. But I'm trying to sigh. Boy, that's true, Doug. Thank you.

A gasp is the opposite of a sigh. I've thought about that a lot. But it is. It's kind of funny. You can either go in there and meditate or you can go in there and argue. And I've never had a room where you could do either. And it both makes sense. Or be dramatic.

You know, it's just fun to just be dramatic. Do you have any of that music they use in dramas when they're being funny, like on a Grey's Anatomy, where it's like... Oh, like... Is there anything worse than that? I'm not sure there is, Bernd. I am right with you there.

I am just not sure there is. We ask you to take it seriously until this scene. It is still dramatic. Looking at each other in a strange way. Yeah, that's right. Because something crazy happens. Like a patient has a strange way. Yeah, that's right. Because something crazy happens. Like, a patient has a boner. Now, why is that funny?

Oh, do you think you're doing a gotcha moment, Doug, with your why? Oh. When you ask me. It's not funny. He's doing drama. He's doing drama.

You tell me why it's funny, Thunder. When you asked me why peeing in a plant was funny. Oh, he's Doug. He's not Thunder. Oh, he's Doug. I wanted him to be Thunder. I am Thunder.

Oh. Oh, well, Thunder. Thunder sounds a lot like Doug. He's drawing his own backstory. He's throwing me off. I didn't ask to be born with these cuticles. What? Now he's just

He's reassociating from what we were talking about. Doug, I do think we need to address this. It sounds like you really have been peeing in all my plants and I thought it was my fault. Is human urine a death to plants?

I thought it was good for them. I did not intend to kill the plants. Maybe there's something about your specific stream, babe, that is just killing. I'm sorry. I'm married to him. I apologize to everybody at home. But, you know, maybe you have a certain makeup

that is just absolutely shredding these plants. Shredding. I might have gotten into the tang again. Oh, no, not the... I don't know why. This is from when, as I told everybody, a couple weeks ago, Doug always wanted to go to space camp

and I found a place that does an adult space camp, which is really just a poorly run... Off-brand. Really off-brand. And Doug just has a problem. If he even, sometimes even just looks at Tang, he just really has to go.

Fire hose. Okay. Unmanned fire hose. sometimes even just looks at Tang. You know, he just really has to, he has to go. And, uh. Firehose. Okay. Right. Unmanned firehose. Okay, Doug. Okay. I mean, you can.

Doop, doop. Doop, doop, doop, doop, doop, doop. Doug, how long have we been going? Let's see here. Oh. 19 minutes and 17. 19 minutes and 17? 19 minutes and 17 minutes? 19 minutes and 17.

Oh, he just repeated. He doubled down. The seconds have remained the same. Double down on what he said. We were frozen at 19 and down. The seconds have remained the same. He doubled down on what he said. We were frozen at 1917. No seconds have passed. Oh, boy. Sorry, folks.

Today is a real last day of school feel. I don't know why. You know that movie 1917 where it was all one shot? Oh, yes. I didn't see that one. But I know what you're talking about. Yeah. Who cares?

Who cares about 1917? Who cares about the shot? It's all one, but I know what you're talking about. Yeah, who cares? Who cares about 1917? Who cares about the shot? It's all about the shot. People get real excited about that stuff. I know, but that was like- Real excited about it. That was your idea. I don't care.

No one asked you. No one challenged you. I bet you can't do this in one shot. It's like, you know, the mountain. Why do you climb it? Because it's there. You know, like, why do you do the one shot? Because it's there to be done

and it's something I can claim. Goodfellas already did it. They didn't do an entire movie that was one shot done. Is the entire movie in one shot? 1917? That's the idea. Of course it's impossible to do an entire movie so there's a few breaks.

There's a few moments of trickery. Then what's the point? Then you can't claim that it was one joe you're preaching to the choir he just ran around in a circle here's that's why his voice went back a little um is he so angry about it you know what's funny i was the one who ran around a circle. I didn't realize you were talking about me. Oh, funny. Yeah. I didn't realize I was doing it. You just were so instinctual. You're just so worked up about it. It's interesting because you hardly ever go to the movies and you chose to go see 1917. Yeah. And that was a few years ago. Still, still bothered by it. Well, I guess we'll have to check it out i mean it makes me curious i don't

but i don't like the ego of that kind of thing you're right i don't i don't like it when i see someone going look what i did in their movie you know it's like i can feel them saying that exactly i don't like that exactly so i don't care for it so give it up uh doug what about 1918 yet Well, it takes him so long to check. I thought there would be some sort of clock on the computer that he uses, but maybe not. Maybe he's got one of those clockless computers. Can I address something? Oh, yes.

Okay. Put some music behind it. Yes. When you ask me how much time it's been. Oh, this is like the speech from Malice. Sometimes I feel set up to fail. Why? Because I have to bend down.

Look at the clock. Read the hours, read the seconds. This all takes time. And then you just roast me for how much time it takes to see the time. And then by the time I've seen it, and then I hear the criticism. You know what?

I don't know if it's this music, and it just makes me cry. And I'm sorry, babe. The time has already changed. I don't know what's happening. This music just does it to me sometimes. And when it gets honest, it really gets me. I'm sorry, babe. Okay, we won't ask

you the time anymore. I'll just keep track of it, okay? No, you can ask me. I love you. Cut the music for a second. Oh. What happened? Why is my face wet? You went into a fugue state of drama. Of drama. Oh, that was wild.

I didn't even have to be in the room. I just have to hear that music. It really gets me sometimes. I think you might be, you know what? You might be safe from Kiki Dragonslayer if you have powers like that. Really? Yeah.

It's even scary saying her name. A lot of people don't. Her name is terrifying. They just say Kiki D. 23 and 56. Oh, that's how long it's been now? Yeah. Okay, well, we should probably take a break.

Yeah. All right, we'll be right back with a guest when Neighborhood Listen returns. Hey, everybody, it's Jim here. Magnetic held hoop with 48 projections with built-in magnets. Not a toy. $25. Brand new magnet held hoop is a hula-in magnets. Not a toy. $25. Brand new

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And welcome back. Now it's appropriate. Now it makes sense. Yeah. We're back and we have a guest. Now, if you don't know, what we do is we scour the neighbor app. This is the social networking application that people use in their neighborhoods to chat, to complain, to find a missing cat, to, you know, whatever, whatever people want to do.

Sometimes they want to sell things. Yeah. Um, and, uh, so we find, uh, we find people, uh, in the neighbor app to talk to. And, uh, and also you can, if you would like to, uh, send us a post that maybe we have missed on the neighbor app. Uh, you can send it to burnt and Joan at gmail.com and just screenshot it and send it to us. Not a comment section because those are not interesting. But any kind of post you find worthy of investigation, I should say. Ooh, yes. But not crime.

I mean, it could be crime. It could be. But not exclusively crime. No, not at all. Wish I hadn't said investigation. And today is no different. We have a guest here who has posted on the NeighborHap. This is from Kim

here in Dignity Falls. Kim says, oh, the title of the post is Queen Sleeper Sofa. Kim writes, hello, I'm selling a queen bed sleeper sofa. That's all capitalized. The bed was only used once when my mom visited.

It's two years old and is in good condition. All the cushions were just washed. The extra pillows are not included. I'm selling because I bought a new sectional sofa. The couch is eight feet long and 42 inches wide. And that's from Kim. And we have Kim here today. Kim, hello.

Hello, Bernt. Hello, June. And thank you for having today. Kim, hello. Hello, Bernt. Hello, June. And thank you for having me. Of course. Hi, you're welcome. Thank you. I'm looking to get rid of this sofa. Yes, Kim.

I suppose you haven't had any bites yet because you asked to come on the show. I get lots of bites, but I can't set the hook. Oh. What does that mean? Well, I think it's a fishing term. Is it? Well, I got that one. Absolutely.

Absolutely. Yeah. You know. I meant in this context. Oh, then Well, I got that one. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. You know. I meant in this context. Oh, then I got as far as you did, bro. Yeah. So what do you mean by that? Well, I get calls every once in a while and responses, replies to that ad I put out, but

nobody buys it. Everyone breaks the line or eats my worm and takes off. Oh, we're continuing with the- We're still staying on the fish. Can I ask a question? Here's what struck me about this post. Sorry, it's $150, which is, that's not bad.

Because if you look at the picture, it's in really good condition. It's eight feet wide. That's right. Well, it's eight feet long. Yeah, not deep. And 42 inches. That's all perspective. That's very true, Kim. Because the width doesn't have to be shorter than the length. Or the width doesn't have to be shorter than the length.

Or the depth doesn't have to be shorter than the length. And what about the height? It didn't help to repeat it. I felt like we were in My Fair Lady first. The width doesn't have to be shorter than the length. The width does not have to be shorter than the length. That was fun. Here's what struck me, Kim,

is that do you think it has something to do with, I don't know about you, Bert, this post has sort of a sad quality to it because you mentioned your mom stayed once. Just once. And that was two years ago. That's right. And can you talk about that a little bit

and why you felt the need to include that? Because it seems like it was important to you. Yeah, and can you talk about that a little bit and why you felt the need to include that because it seems like it was important to you yeah and did you use did you buy it specifically for this one visit from your mother oh that's a good question no not at all this was going to be our coach our couch forever this was going to be our my wife and you and your wife okay okay this is going to be our home couch that we were going to watch all of our shows on and do all of our stuff on my wife um picked it out she liked it she liked she wanted to be able to host somebody on a sleeper sofa uh my wife uh not even anybody in particular just in case we have a guest stay over uh we we have a place for that yeah that's right that's right we want to be able to host people sure uh my mom uh came she was the first one to sleep on it.

She had to move in with us quite suddenly. We didn't have a place for her. She stayed on that sofa bed and died that night in the bed. So she suddenly has to move in. Yeah. You get her all set up. Yeah. She's like.

That night, you pull out the sofa, get it all made up. Yeah. You get her all set up. Yeah. She's like... That night you pull out the sofa, get it all made up. Yeah. Good night, everybody. Yeah, slipped away in the night. It was a shock to everybody. Oh my word, I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, what were the circumstances of her having to suddenly come live with you, first of all? Was she under duress?

No, her home was destroyed. Well, so she probably was under duress. Oh, her home was destroyed. Well, so she probably was under duress. Oh, yeah. I thought, I mean, she wasn't being, like, forced by a blackmailer to argue with him about her. I'm not sure. I wasn't trying to. Oh, I'm so sorry. I don't like to. I'm sorry, Kim. Well, she was under duress.

I know. I'm sorry, Kim. I tend to prefer to think of my wife's, my mom's, I keep calling her my wife, and please don't read into that. But I like to imagine my mom's uh last few days were happy and not uh in duress oh of course so her so her her house what happened to it it fell in a sinkhole oh my goodness does she live far away uh no she lives on the east side uh on uh dan quayle boulevard oh great yes yes okay yeah uh so that happened that's terrible notoriously unstable ground absolutely yeah in that part of town yeah yeah and you know something about it's just not quite right

yeah okay so go on yeah that's where uh that's the house i grew up in. It slipped into a sinkhole. I took my dad. Oh, no. Oh, no. I was just going to ask if she lived alone. My gosh, he's so calm about all of this. He was inside when the sinkhole took it. Where was your mom? She was late coming home.

Sort of a blessing and a curse at the same time. Yeah. Yeah. So she moved in with you and you said she seemed fine. Yeah, I mean, it was all pretty quick. That had just happened the day before. She was going to spend the night with us and she's like, where am I

going to stay? And we're like, we'll clean out a room for you. This office will convert to a bedroom but never got a chance to do it. Oh my goodness. But you still feel like the last few days of her life were happy i like to think so that's what i said that's what you know what that is fair enough i like to think fair enough fair enough i mean if i look at it if i look at

it real close probably not but if you look at it for out of the corner out of the periphery then uh maybe it seems like she's happy yeah i mean she's with her grandkids sure sure how many kids you have uh seven so that's a lot yeah that is a lot where do they all go if you have you're able to have an office plus a room for your you and your wife and i'm assuming a basement where the where's the couch uh the couch is in the basement okay and where do your kids live do they all share rooms uh they're all in college oh all of them are in college. Yeah, that's right. Well, you know, you're, pardon me for saying, but you look terrific to have seven college-age children. What's the age range? Of my kids?

Yeah. They're all college-age. One of them is a freshman in college. He's 18 years old. And the other one is, the oldest one is a senior in college. And he's 36. Oh, okay. Getting a master's maybe or PhD?

No, he's just, he's doing it every, he does one year and then he takes three gap years. Oh, wow. And then he goes back for another year. It's what a flexible university. Yeah, it's tough though, because a lot of his credits then don't transfer. That's what I wondered about. Sure. That's tough.

They get rid of some classes. They won't hold on to them. And you did say that she was with her grandchildren. So did they all come back for this tragedy? Oh, yeah. This was Christmas. Oh, God. No.

It happened at Christmas? Oh, yeah. Boy, oh, boy. Yeah. December 23rd, sinkhole happened, which you don't think about a lot in winter. No, you sure don't. That is true. You sure don't. That is true. Which is why we all thought we were safe from sinkholes.

But even so. What year was this? I'm sorry. Was this two years ago? Two years ago. Oh, that was a bad winter. It was a bad winter. It was a lot of snow.

And a lot of sinkholes. And a lot of sinkholes. Yeah. We found out after the fall. Exactly. That's right. Isn't that the way? So I am so sorry about this, Kim. So then

is that maybe why you're trying to get rid of this otherwise perfectly good looking couch and why you included the information about your mother? Maybe. I don't know. I want to, I'm telling you, the only reason I want to get rid of this couch is because I'm ordered a new one. Okay. I see. I got a sectional coming. It's got a part that's like a bed sticking out so i can put my legs out oh that's nice yeah wow okay maybe somehow people know this is that the i'm sorry i don't want me to get hung up on this is that what that's called i know exactly what you're talking about but i never put a name to that part of that sort of couch i mean sometimes it's because it's l-shaped that's sort of the l it's the it's the it's the short part of the l which is actually

long for your feet is that what you mean i don't know doug loves to lay on that part what did you call it the bed you called the bed part i did i called the bed yeah bed sticking out i guess that's true because if it's a couch and you think the bed means you you you've you've done you've done pull-out situation where it becomes a bed uh that's where that's exactly where my mind that's true because if it's a couch and you think the bed means you you you've done you've done pull out situation where it becomes a bed uh that's where that's exactly where my mind that's where your mind went but anyway he said sticking out i was like oh it's broken and then i realized no he means like i think that's because i think it's because you're broken murphy bed i think that's why you immediately jump to it's broken maybe maybe sticking out yeah and i like the idea that you can sleep on it without having to pull the bed out. I agree with you on that.

Because, you know, it's such a pain to transform that thing and pull the bed out. Plus, that's where my mom died. Oh, wait, wait. Okay. I do feel like, all right. I don't want to know more details, but I do keep having to ask. I do. And I mean this in the friendliest and most caring of ways, of course.

I do feel like there must be some impact here. And that's why you're an some impact here and that's why you're you're an emotional impact that's why you're looking to sell the couch and also perhaps why you're not able to sell the couch well mostly once i tell everybody that my mom died on that couch so you are telling them that's why it's in the ad i think it's probably you're a real estate you probably know you got to disclose this sort of stuff for For a home, yes, you do actually, but for a piece of furniture, no. Not even if it was a crime? Excuse me?

Oh, I don't know. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Kim, are you saying that your mother died under unnatural circumstances in the sofa bed? Are you saying foul play or what? Well, on the death certificate, my wife, I mean, my mom's- Whoa, you did it again, Kim, just so you know. i mean my mom's um well you did it again

just so you know sorry you did it again it's getting a little weird uh it was exsanguination that was all the blood was removed from her body yeah soaked up in that mattress oh well you yeah i mean well then i guess that's why they're freshly cleaned, and hopefully you've done that several times. Yeah, but you can't have them pillows. Yeah, why can't they have them pillows? Well, I think them pillows are going to match my sectional. You know, it's got a... Well, there's four yellow ones that will match my new...

It's sort of a blue cobalt sectional. Okay, lovely. And then there's four other throw pillows there that have circles on them and they were they were involved in my mom's death they were involved so they're in the picture they're kind of behind

the ones you're not parting with that's right okay because the bottom parts are stained it almost looks like you are not parting with. That's right. Okay. Because the bottom parts are stained. Oh, dear. Yeah, it almost looks like you are hiding something with these pillows. You wouldn't think it. No, but now that we know the story.

Now that we know, yes. Yeah, the bottom parts of those pillows that are touching the couch part were the parts that were closest to her when she was bleeding out. Gotcha, okay. So they soaked it up. But if you turn them on top,

then you don't see them behind the other ones. Okay, so, and I'm sorry, I don't even want to get more into this but now i weirdly want to know whether she was sleeping just on the couch or was she sleeping on the pull-out bed of the couch on the pull-out bed and okay that's not the part i was curious about how did she end up losing all of her blood that was the next question i just was trying to picture it in my mind i don't know why um okay so then, yes, in conjunction with that question of how in the world did this happen,

was there an investigation? Because you had to have called police at some point, right? Well, no, I don't call cops. Oh, I say ACAB. That's right. Right, okay. So I just called the hospital.

The hospital? Right, the hospital. Okay. I asked for her doctor i got a hold of her doctor uh i said which is very rare actually yes especially in the middle of the night if it happened i don't know when you discovered her in the morning oh i get up about 5 30 and you went down to the basement for something yeah that, that's where I make coffee. My wife hates the smell of coffee, so I have to make it in the basement. You do it.

Okay, sweet. The kids are all, hmm. Okay. Just putting things together. You seem to do everything in the basement. You know, lots of stuff happens in the basement. Christmas tree was down there. That's so funny.

So I was in and out most of the night putting presents underneath there. Oh, shoot. Wow, and she was fine? Oh. I was in and out most of the night putting presents underneath there. Oh, wow. And she was fine? Oh.

No, the kids were not Santa age anymore. No, but we keep it alive for them. Oh, that's just for fun. And you were down there. So your mom was sleeping and was fine throughout the night. You're saying you were down there. I mean, she was tossing and turning. She was having a pretty heavy dream. Okay.

You know? And I don't know I'm like you know she's chasing rabbits or something did you did you ever see her lying still seemingly asleep while all the blood was still in her

body oh well let's see no I don't I didn't I don't recall seeing that. Okay, so you're up and down, putting the presents. One time she sat. Oh, sorry. She sat bolt upright and screamed. Right?

Uh-huh. And then she just went back to sleep, though. She laid back down. Okay. How do you know she just... Did any part of you want to go check on her? I was putting a toboggan under the tree down there. Who's the toboggan for?

Me. I mean, no one's going to buy me a toboggan. Right. Right? By toboggan, do you mean the hat or do you mean the sled sort of thing? Oh, the sled. Fun. Curved wooden sled.

Fun, fun. Wow. Yeah. So, did any part of you think you should go over and check on her after the scream well no what'd you make of it did you just think oh that's mom being mom or chasing rabbits well i just that's what i thought she's having an active dream she had an active life she had a busy couple days with my uh dad going down busy is one way to put it all of her life was up and i thought she was having a stress dream okay now that's more likely She had an active life. She had a busy couple of days with my dad going down. Busy is one way to put it.

All of her life was up and I thought she was having a stress dream. Okay. Now that's more likely something like that. And then I don't like to think about it. No, of course you don't like to think about it. I mean, who would? And so, and so, and so the next, so that's the last time you see her seemingly alive. That's right. And then the next day you wake, you go down the basement.

Make your coffee. It's Christmas morning. It's time to open the toboggan. And it's 5.30 a.m. And she's just there, just ghostly white with just a burgundy mattress underneath her. That's right. Oh, Lord. Yeah.

Yeah. That mattress was so thin that the blood went to all corners so fast it's like the cheap paper towels you know how they're more absorbent than the thick ones absolutely so wait is the are you trying to sell it with the mattress what'd you do with the mattress yeah you so you are trying to sell it with this blood-filled mattress i mean yeah there's no way you got all the blood out no i mean we i took we took uh well they took my mom off of there. Wait, okay, please let's go back.

Who's they? You got a hold of her doctor. Who came to the house? Who is they? I need to know. Well, the authorities, like they, okay,

let's start with the doctor. So yeah, the hospital gives out this information. The doctor calls you back in record time. Right. And then what do you say?

I say, I think something's wrong with my mom she maybe needs an appointment and he says you know what's going on uh i said she's not moving all the blood's out all of her blood's out yeah well that was just a guess i don't really know how much blood is in a person or how much it looks like when it comes out. You could have some still in there, sure. Yeah, like clinging to it. But he said, have you called the police or an ambulance? And I said, no, I thought I'd go to the top of the food chain first. And he then called the authorities.

Okay, so who shows up to your house? Cops did. I said, you may not come in unless you have a warrant. Oh, wow. Show me your house. Cops did. I said, you may not come in unless you have a warrant. Oh, wow. Show me your warrant. They don't have one, so we wait for the fire department and the EMS to come. Yeah, the paramedics

come in. Okay, and then what? They put her in a bag. No, wait. Oh, wow. Okay. So they immediately determined there was nothing to be done. She had already passed. Yeah, they said this is the first one where they never had to check a pulse. They did it from across the room. Like, she's dead just they just eyeballed it and said that doesn't sound like good practice but i guess that they really it's their business it's their business yeah they said

those guys are good i mean i've met a few as a pharmacist oh sure you know they come in from time to time um you know because they they get reckless in those ambulances oh and uh uh you know because it's it's not, they're just independent contractors. Right. You know what I mean? So they'll just give people any old pills. Oh. And then they ask me afterwards, like, was that a good idea that I gave them a half a bottle of this?

And I will say, well, maybe, yes. I thought you just meant they were reckless drivers. I didn't know they were giving pills out to people. Oh, they are that too. They are that too. So wait. So you, okay. So did they offer any idea as to what happened um well i didn't ask i thought

you know it all they make reports right there was no i'll wait for the reports to come out there's gonna be a medical report an autopsy but i mean did you even ask when that was going to be well was there one let's just skip to was there one. An autopsy? No. Why? Mm-hmm. Oh, now... You didn't ask. I didn't ask. I get most of my news from the paper.

So I figured it'll be in the obituary when that comes out. Yeah, you know, you have to do the obituary. You have to pay for it. You have to write it. I didn't even see it. The newspaper doesn't just take that upon them. I mean, with famous people, of course, they do that. Sure, sure.

Jeez, that's dumb. I agree. Like, why do I got to pay to get my news in there? I agree. I think there should be a guy on the obituary beat who has to, and when he's notified of a death, he has to write the obituary. I actually agree, too, because it's just one more thing. It's one more thing a grieving family has to do,

and it is just a pain in the ass, and you shouldn't have to pay for it either. Yeah, does Joe Biden have to pay to be in the newspaper? Who is working the obituary beat? No one is, Doug. No one. That's what we were just saying was there should be someone who does that. Are you thinking you'd like to do it? Well,

maybe. It sounds like a good opening. I think you'd be actually pretty good at it, babe. Let's try your technique on Kim here. My technique? Yes. You have to like a good opening. I think you'd be actually pretty good at it, babe. Let's try your technique on Kim here. My technique? Yes. All right. You have to ask a couple details. You're responsible for writing the obituary for Kim's mother.

You say stuff like she's survived by seven grandchildren. Do you have a sibling? Nope. Only child. Okay. Only child. Kim. Only child with seven children.

Yeah. I wanted to change it up. Sure. Sure. And change it up you did. You know how you want to be as different from your parents as possible. They're like, they put all their time and effort into me. And I was like, I wanted to spread that out a little bit. You wanted to fit it out. My parents were Christian scientists. I get that completely. Oh boy. What does that mean? They didn't believe in medicine per se. And so that's what, you know, you became a pharmacist. Yes, exactly. In a direct

change. A rebuke. In a rebuke, that's the word I was looking for. Now, Kim, we're going to get back to you. So, so there's no, so they take her out. Did you have a funeral? Did you have, or is that going to be another? Wait, we're not going to do the obituary? Oh, oh, well, I need, I thought Doug needed some time to prepare. Are you ready a funeral? Did you have, or is that going to be another? We're not going to do the obituary?

Oh, well, I thought Doug needed some time to prepare. Are you ready, babe? Normally, the funeral announcement's in the obituary, right? Yes, exactly. Where there's going to be a service and stuff. Oh, so then the answer's no. So I'm just hoping to find out. I'm not sure that's the appropriate music.

What room are you in now? Hello, sir. Oh, hi. I'm not sure that's the appropriate music. What room are you in now? Hello, sir. Oh, hi. Me? Yeah. I'm Doug from the obituary beat. I just have a few questions. Of the newspaper?

I think he thinks it's a talk show. Oh, no, sorry. I was going door to door. That was like a commercial for a cholesterol pill. I think I misunderstood what this job was about. You're a Dordonor obituary salesman. Not salesman. I'm collecting stories from around the town.

You're like a studs turkle of dead people. I'm on the beat. You know, like a cop's on the beat. See, I think the word beat threw him off into this world where... It sure did. I don't know. Maybe the take is kind of nice because it is upbeat and it is positive, but I'm not sure that people would respond to it well, babe.

If you're just going to go randomly knocking on the door, asking for details about dead people. Play that music like a say anything scenario. They're in such a sad situation. I thought it would make them feel better. I understand. Sorry, Kim. This is sort of just life on the beat.

That was Doug just working something out. He just likes saying the beat. He just really loves that idea. I get it. I get it. Yeah. All right. Well, sorry for the diversion, the distraction, Kim.

Let's just continue. 150 bucks. Okay. Oh, wait. I think we can forget about that. If anyone's still listening to this, I don't think you're going to get any takers on that couch. Definitely agree.

Well, I got a sectional coming. It's shipped. I know. It's in route. Well, you might just have to throw it away. Yeah, take it to the dump. Is that an option? My new sectional?

No, the old couch. The old couch. Take it to the dump. Yeah, do that. A dump. You want? Well, my mom sectional. No, the old couch. The old couch. Take it to the dump. Yeah, do that. The dump. You know what? Well, my mom died on that. I don't want to throw it in the dump.

Okay, so now we get to it. So you do have just sort of a connection to it because obviously it's a lot happened right there. And are you feeling connected to it? Or are you feeling, if you were feeling haunted by it, then you would really just throw it out? Well, it's interesting you say haunted.

Uh-oh. Because from my understanding, if I throw the bed away, right, and I just get rid of it, her ghost will stay attached to me. But if someone else buys the bed, then the ghost will transfer to them. And how have you come to this understanding? Well, that's what my mom said. Oh, she said... When? I'm sorry. That was unclear. You don't mean your wife, do you?

Oh, maybe. No. That's what my mom has been saying. You mean... My mom's ghost. Oh, boy. Okay, so if I can sell this, if I can trick someone into buying this, I didn't say trick. Convince someone. I like to think it is.

You did, but you didn't mean trick. Right. If someone can express to me that they want this and they give me money, then the ghost goes to them. No. I see. I've burnt. I mean, where do you want to start? I know, he doesn't, burnt doesn't believe in ghosts.

He only believes in ghouls. I do believe in ghouls though. I'm terrified of ghosts. Do you see her or do you just hear her? When did she first appear to you and how? It's been every Friday night since she passed away two years ago.

I go down there and I turn on the Christmas tree lights It's been every Friday night since she passed away two years ago. Wow. I go down there and turn on the Christmas tree lights. Your Christmas tree is still up? Yeah, everything's exactly the same. Oh, wow. That's eerie. I mean, all the needles have fallen off. Oh, dear.

Sure. It's still in there. And I turn that on and I pull out and i sit i pull out the bed i pull out the bed uh i don't get on it because it was only used that one night right um but uh i guess what happens is sort of the the blood that's in that mattress uh reverse soaks up oh no into sort of a bloody form of my yeah oh this is you could call it a blood ghost. Terrible. Yeah.

And she talks to you? Well, yeah. What did she say? Is she an angry ghost or is she loving like your mother was? Question mark? Yeah. Is the blood ghost angry? That's a good question. It's hard to tell.

It's sort of, it depends on how I'm feeling that day. Oh. And if I'm feeling upset, then. So she reflects your emotions? Yeah. Wow. Isn't that weird? What did she say to you?

What's the first thing she said to you? You got to clean up down here. Oh. Okay. Okay, that is your mom. Get rid of this couch. Oh, why'd she say? Because I died on it.

It's full of blood. It's unsanitary. Right, but then, all true. But then she said. Did you have to draw this out of her, or did she present it all in one thought? No, she's screaming it at me. Okay. But then, all true. But then she said- Did you have to draw this out of her or did she present it all in one thought? No, she's screaming it at me. Okay.

Oh, that's horrifying. Did she sound like herself? She's a big screamer. Yeah. I mean, it sort of sounded like her, sort of sounded like me. Oh, okay. Okay. And when did she start-

My wife definitely just hears me screaming in the basement. Okay. Oh, gosh. Kim, would you excuse us for just one second? Sure. We have some podcast business to take care in the basement. Oh, gosh. Kim, would you excuse us for just one second? Sure. We have some podcast business to take care of. Sure. Oh, good.

What, Doug? Oh, I just said, oh, good. Okay. I like this part. I have more ideas. I think that we both know what's going on here, right? Are you thinking that he killed his mom? Oh, I wasn't even there yet.

Oh. At this point, I'm going to believe anything. on here right um are you are you thinking that he killed his mom oh i wasn't even there yet oh at this point i'm gonna believe anything i'm considering all the different possibilities what are you thinking well now i'm thinking he killed his mom because you said that for sure but i want to know what you were thinking before i was saying he's obviously he's deranged oh well i mean but the two aren't mutually exclusive no they're in fact i think they went and um i was gonna say i think that uh that the death of his mom has driven him mad, but I think you are correct.

I think I was one step behind you. I think that's exactly what happened. Can I present an option? Yes, Doug, sure. I was thinking, when the blood goes, reverse sucks up all the blood. I love how we're talking about this like it's normal. Yeah. Then you take

the mattress and it's clean. There's no blood in it anymore. Great plan, Doug. Great plan. You want to tell him? Makes sense, right? Go ahead. You can tell him. And then we'll just find a way to... Kim, thank you so much. Sorry about that. We were just doing some podcast stuff. No problem. Yeah. But I did notice a couple of rooms in here that could use

a sofa. Oh, well, you know what? Babe, you had this idea. Tell him your idea. Oh, yeah. Yes. I have a great idea for you. When the blood ghost reverse sucks up all the blood. Yeah, I like blood ghost, by the way.

I've been calling it a hemo goblin. Oh, now that's really kind of clever. I was thinking you'd call it mom. Oh, yeah. Why would I start now? When your mom or the hebo goblin. Hemomoblin. Hemomoblin. That's easier.

Hemomoblin. That's easier. It's easier. Rolls off the tongue. When she sucks up all the blood from the mattress. Uh-huh. Yoink the mattress out from under her. Make sure you yoink it. Yoink it out because it's perfectly clean at that point. He's assuming.

There's no blood. How do you know? Because the hemomoblin took all the blood out. Yeah, and then, I mean, it makes sense. Then all the, instead of soaking back into the mattress, it would just fall. Oh, when you want to put rate of the springs,

they're great. Oh, the great, you know, it's not like no, yeah, you want to put it in the inside the mattress. Well, you know how in a fold out couch.

Well, I know that the bottom wire. Yes, there is a lattice of yes. Let's not finish it. We all know what we mean. Lattice of. The lattice of.

I would also suggest after you yoink it, but before the hemomoblin drops back down after her message to you, you put something else absorbent in there just so blood's not splattering everywhere. Maybe a pail. Oh, that's not absorbent. Well, it something else absorbent in there just so blood's not splattering everywhere. Maybe a pail. Oh, that's not absorbent. Well, it's not absorbent.

But it is contained, so you don't have to... Or like an oil pan. Yeah, like Odo from Deep Space Nine. Oh, remember? Yeah, he slept in a bucket. He slept in a bucket. I'm not a Star Trek person. I'm sorry. I didn't understand that reference.

I don't really watch Star Trek either, but I'm a big fan of Rene Auberjonois. Oh, yes, yes, yes. He is a great actor. I saw him on Broadway. What did you see him in? Yeah, Sly Fox. Okay.

It was called. It had Richard Dreyfuss, Bronson Pinchot, Peter Scolari, Elizabeth Berkley. Wow. What a cast. We're just skating right past my plan. And Eric Stoltz. I'm sorry, Ben. We're just really caught up in this incredible Broadway cast.

Oh, the story's backstage. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Okay, so sorry. Back to you, Doug. That was it. Oh, well story's backstage. Oh, wow. Wow. Wow. Okay, so sorry. Back to you, Doug. That was it. Oh, well, okay.

So what do you think? Would that work? I mean, it might work to remove my mom's blood ghost from the couch, but I don't know that it's going to help me sell the couch. Well, I think we're just... That's why it's not full of blood. couch. Well, I think we're just... That's why it's not full of blood. You don't think

that the couch being no longer full of two-year-old human blood, you don't think that will remove an impediment to selling it? Well, don't I still have to tell him? Joan, you know about real estate. Again, I told you, you do not have to disclose information about a death on a piece of furniture. This is an

eight-foot couch. It still doesn't make it real estate. It's like 42 inches wide. We got the measurements, got them down. Yeah. I didn't know if there's a weight limit or a size that makes something, this couch is big enough that it's classified as a house. No, definitely not.

That's not a thing. It's not like you have to put a plaque on a couch. That's not a thing. A couch is not a house. Well, I mean, it's all such a beautiful song. And let's get back briefly to the

mode of death. Where were you, do you think, when your mother actually expired? Well, let's see. I was, I had all the presents. presents yeah let's go back to the scream right she sits up she screams she goes back what happens after that because this is like middle of

the night right i go back upstairs get uh the last load of presents i got them um hidden in a canoe that i have hoisted up in my garage you hide the presents in a canoe yeah because kids are gonna go up in there okay Okay. All right. Okay. No, because they're not even home. Well, I guess they were home for Christmas. They're home for Christmas. Yeah, sorry, sorry, you're right.

But also the presents are for them because they're older. Yeah. Yeah, they are for him. They're for them. Oh, they are? Yeah, they're for the whole family. Yeah, it's the family presents. They keep the Santa myth alive even though-

That's right. I'm sorry, I forgot. Please keep going. And so that's out in the garage. I come back in. It's not attached. So I had to walk outside, you know, to get in there. And when I come back inside, it feels like I do see like a bunch of shapes

out of the corner of my eyes, like darting. Oh. Around doorways or whatever. Like everyone was scattering, you know, like I'm cops coming to bust up a party or something. You saw saw people well i don't know you said you saw shapes yeah you know how it's so fast just someone going around a corner i mean it can be sure it could have been nothing i can try to imagine okay um it could have been just the light adjustment you come back inside you see some weird shapes in your peripheral all All my kids' doors are open. Oh, okay.

Keep going, please. Oh, I went back downstairs, dropped off the rest of the presents. I went back upstairs, slept for two hours, came downstairs to make coffee. So this was an all-night task. Yeah. Well, because he has to keep going back up to the canoe.

I don't know why he doesn't. But I mean, so many presents. I would just bring the canoe down to the basement and just unload it. How many presents can the canoe hold? Well, they're small. They are pretty good things in small packages and whatnot. And the kids are traveling, so you don't want to burden them with something big and heavy, bulky, whatever.

Yeah. So my mom normally wakes up from the smell of coffee. Oh. You know, best part of waking up, all that stuff. But she wasn't getting up. She wasn't, you know, rousing from her bed there. I poured her a cup and brought it next to her. And I'm like, maybe the smell a little closer will wake her up.

And that didn't work. I dumped some of it on her. No. Wait. You mean to tell me you didn't see any of the blood when you got that close to her with the first cup of coffee? Oh, no, because she had a sheet on her. But that wasn't bled through? Her entire body was free of blood.

Was it a red sheet? Oh, no. Incidentally, it was one of my kids' old plastic sheets from when they used to wet the bed. Oh, sure. Yeah, very comfortable. So she's under a plastic sheet? Usually those go on the bottom. Correct.

So she's under a fitted plastic. Yeah, she's wrapped up in a fitted plastic sheet. Now, that's probably why you felt okay dumping the coffee on her. Yeah. It's not going to get through. She'll just feel the warmth from the outside. Right, right. And then she'll wake up.

Right. But she did not. This is a wild tale. I don't think we've ever had a story quite like this, Berndt. No, and we had a squirrel. We had a talking squirrel. Let me ask you, do you, I'm just throwing this out here. Do you think your kids killed your mom?

I'm so glad you said it, Bert. Well, it's, well, you know, I don't like to think about it, but it is possible she had seven puncture wounds is what we found out. And they were the last to notice that she was dead. The kids? Yeah. We had opened up all the presents. Wait,. Yeah. We had opened up all the presents. Wait, I'm sorry. You opened up all the presents with her there?

Yeah. Everybody come down. It was eight o'clock. Whenever I woke up, we did all the presents. You waited to open the presents before you called the doctor? Yeah. I didn't know she was dead. You want that toboggan.

I am so confused. When did it occur to you that she was dead? It was, you know, I had given myself the toboggan, and I wanted to get a picture taken in front of the tree with all of us in the toboggan. Me, my wife. In the toboggan? On it.

You know, there's not sides to it. Well, either way. We're all going to sit on it. It's a long one. Ten people. Did you put your mom in the toboggan? No, no. That was a mistake to say. She all going to sit on it. It's a long one. So wait, 10 people are going to... Did you put your mom in the toboggan? No, no. That was a mistake to say.

She was going to take the picture. I thought grandma would take the picture. Why wouldn't you have her in the picture? Well, because someone's got to take the picture. Sure, okay. That just doesn't seem... Could have been you. Kind, but...

Well, it's my toboggan. Wow. There's just so many upsetting things about this. Okay, so when you basically said oh grandma can take the picture and and and you went over there that's when you notice get up i'm yelling at her i feel sort of bad for some of the stuff i said uh trying to get her up what'd you say never mind i don't want to know i actually don't want to know i called her a lousy bum. No. Are you happy, burnt? Did you need to hear that? Unhappy. A shiftless layabout,

you know? And you know, I wasn't thinking about, uh, that her husband had died or her house was gone. Cause it was Christmas. Right. Even though it just happened the day before. That's right.

Right. In the way that people just say, Oh, forget all that. It's Christmas. Right. Uh, okay.

So here's the question. Right. What let's do it. You know, if we're talking about this, you have to talk about motive. Why in the world would your seven children have done this? Hmm. Can you try to pay attention to something maybe you don't want to pay attention to?

Think of one of those things. Is there anything that you can think of? Well, let's see. She did hoard gold. Okay. So, but that would have gone down in the sinkhole. So. True.

But they, if she hoarded it at home, sure. You know, I think she did. And I think that may be part of the reason. And your children knew this? Why the house sank. Were you saying that they killed her to get gold? Is this what you're implying? Yeah, because it was well known that I wasn't going to get a thing from her.

Oh, why? In the event of her death. Well, she had been saying that since, well, forever. She's like, I gave all I can to you by raising you. All of my material things are going to go to your children. I see. And that made me mad. Sure.

Furious. Sure. But not then. Not that night. And they knew that they were going to get it. They knew that they'd get the gold and the house and all that stuff. But then my dad was like, no, I get to say where some of this gold goes. You use my money to buy it.

But before that, Will could get changed. The house sunk with him in it. Wow. Him and grandma died, or their grandma died. My wife died. No, my mom. Would you excuse us for one more second? Boy.

Okay, here's what I think happened. Okay, what do you think happened? For just a hot minute, I was thinking the kids killed her. Yeah. One more second. Oh, boy. Okay, here's what I think happened. Okay, what do you think happened? For just a hot minute, I was thinking the kids killed her. Yeah. But then, because the gold disappeared in the sinkhole with the house, and he's getting none of it. Right.

I think he killed her. I think we're back to that. He did the seven puncture wounds to frame the kids. What did he do the puncture wounds with? Let's find out. Just try to ask him and see if he answers you point blank. to frame the kids or what did he do the puncture wounds with? Let's find out. Just try to ask him and see if he answers you point blank. Say Kim, quick question. Where do the puncture wounds come from?

Where? Oh, they were. They aligned with all the chakras. That's interesting, but not not i didn't phrase the question correctly i don't think apparently not what caused the uh the puncture wounds what implement oh i'm sorry shish kebab skewers metal ones metal ones metal shish kebab not the wood ones that you have to soak in water no the reusable ones yeah Which aren't as good. I didn't really know that even just seven punctures of a shish kebab skewer would bleed you dry.

I wouldn't think so either. It was really intense. Yeah, I mean, they'd have to go in. But they're in the chakra areas. Yeah. So all the light were seriously from the chakra. Oliver G. came out. Oliver G. came out.

Okay, maybe that's it. Kim, I got to say, I feel like we're dancing around an issue, but I don't necessarily want to get into it. Kim, a lot of things don't add up about this story. And I feel sad about it. And I feel a little freaked out about it. And I understand why your mother's blood ghost is haunting you. it and I feel a little freaked out about it and I understand why your mother's

blood ghost is haunting you. You're hemo-mobiling. Kim, let's just put it out there. You killed your mother because she wouldn't give you her gold and the guilt is driving you crazy. You know,

I think here in this place, at this time, with all of you fine people around me, I'm able to finally say my true feelings. And that is that I'm ready to say goodbye to this couch. It's eight foot long and sells for $150 or best offer. I'll add that for listeners of your show

or best offer. And I think that's as far as we're going to get. Somehow, murder feels good in a place like this. Well, Kim, we're going to thank you for your time, and

we will wish you good luck with the couch, and of course, we'll be turning this recording over to the authorities. Thanks for coming. Oh, thanks for having me. If I have anything else, I'll let you know. Oh, please do. Please do. Make us your first stop.

You take care now. now okay i do have some shish kebab skewers to sell that's quite all right not interested okay they'll be on the front yard well we'll be right back with more of the neighborhood listen This is Rachel. Solicitor after 7 p.m. A young man knocked on our door after 7 p.m. He said that he was there to talk about ocean cleanup. Strange for this hour of the night. He was tall, thin, blonde, and wearing a stupid ocean pin.

And welcome back to The Neighborhood Listen. Well, that was as chilling a guest as we've had on the show. 100%. I mean, he's a murderer. I think so. Yeah. I mean, listen, something's off. We know it is.

I think that's safe to say. Something is off. When you feel the hair stand up on the back of your neck, you know, it was just a freaky, it was a freaky tale. Kind of a freaky guy. I'd go as far as to say freaky deaky. Ooh, freaky deaky, absolutely.

Yeah. Well, huh. You never know what you're going to get, get i guess when it comes to our podcast guests because we really do we we do reach out to everyone people reach out to us and we blindly just let them in but just so just so people are clear we do not knowingly reach out to murderers oh no no no this was definitely not intentional yeah we just sort of stumbled into it. I mean, and he doesn't even realize that he did it. I don't think he does.

Do you know what I mean? He's screaming at the blood ghost, and then the wife is only hearing him. Just the fact that we had a conversation as adults with the phrase blood ghost. That wasn't exactly it. Blood ghost? It was hemomoblin.

Hemomoblin. Hemomoblin. Whyo-moblin. Why is it mom-blin? Well, because you want to get the mom part in there instead of mob. Oh, yeah, you're right. That was the mistake I was making. Oh, my God, why are we still talking about it? Well, it's fascinating.

I want a toboggan so bad now. Babe, I mean... Have you gone to Toboggan Village? Yes, when we used to take the kids every single winter. I can't believe that place is still open. It's so dangerous. Because it sells the same kind of toboggan. The whole store is just one type of toboggan.

Just one type of toboggan. Rows and rows. And it's near the old Dignity Mining Company. Yes. And it's just a mine shaft, really. Like it's just almost a straight down into the dark toboggan ride. Yeah. And it's just a mine shaft really. Like it's just almost a straight down into the dark toboggan ride. And that's, it's so dangerous.

And they have three or four of the shafts and they all wind up in the same pit. There's no one. Just let people go at the same time. It's just, it's chaos. And you can go there by yourself, babe. I have no desire to go there. It was an extreme source of anxiety.

So I have this post that, you know, we talk a lot about, it's in our theme song. We talk about coyotes that on the neighbor app app. We do, and we haven't talked about them in a while. We haven't. And I'm going to tell you, there is someone named Manny who is not having it. Manny writes, if we could stop using this app as a coyote spotting app, that'd be amazing. We know they live here. It does not matter that one was in your backyard for 16 seconds at 4.32 AM. Bless hand heart emoji, hand heart emoji, hand heart emoji. Wow.

Not even the heart emoji, but the hand heart emoji. No, the hand making the heart it's even more sarcastic it is more sarcastic manny damn you know what here's the thing so annoying manny manny manny sorry i did sorry damn except burnt didn't care for it burnt did not care for it it just would have been great if if his name had been mammy it would have been perfect dammy mammy okay so uh mandy is so annoyed and it's really funny that this bothers them and i i just but you can't i understand okay i understand how sometimes he's wrong though i was gonna say i was just gonna say i understand how sometimes people do tend to use this app to post and and i don't really know what they want

to get from it they just want to be heard yes and a lot of times it comes down to coyotes you know and are they really warning people or are they just like horny for the fact that they spotted a coyote like those people who go stand in a hurricane i don't even understand that they treat that they treat coyotes as if it's a sighting of a Bigfoot or something. Yes. And it's like, well, yes, they're all over the place. That's right. And they will soon rule the earth.

Oh, you think that? Oh, yes. That's where we're headed. Oh, that's where we're headed. They're just adapting more and more and eventually they'll be living in our houses. Wow. And we'll be foraging out in the street for garbage and small dogs. They'll be living in our houses. Wow. And we'll be foraging out in the street for garbage and small dogs. Oh. They'll be cooking omelets.

Guinea pigs. In our homes. And guinea pigs. Rabbits. I did not know you felt this way. What a crazy theory. Well, no. It's not just,

it's not my theory. Oh. It's, there is a theory. It's catching steam? It's, many people are saying it. Many people. Is it building steam? Did I ruin it? It is catching steam. Many people are saying it.

Many people. Is it building steam? Did I ruin it? It is building steam. It is. Catching fire or building steam. It is. This is a theory that I heard. I did not formulate this, but that coyotes are, well, I mean, I added the part about

them living in our house and killing animals. But they are taking over as a as a species they are they're becoming more and more uh bolder and bolder and more and more adaptable they're less afraid of of man and uh uh you know it's it's it's gonna be their world we'll be living in it gosh do you think when they're sneaking into our house it's gonna be like yeah probably oh that's dark maybe we should build a coyote room well sounds like they're all going to be coyote rooms babe chase yeah maybe maybe we build them a special house where they can live you know we all chip in and say here coyotes have this one like like like coyote projects exactly okay exactly because there's a lot of them you're gonna need a big space it's very true uh

we're gonna have to start some i don't know municipal coyote planning i guess it's not a bad idea maybe then the sightings would stop they would have have someplace to go, shelter and a place to be fed. Exactly. I don't know. Give them cats. Give them, give, no, that's terrible, burnt. Good Lord. Well, it would solve the feral cat problem we have here.

I get, we have a lot of problems here. Manny, I don't. We have a lot of problems here, Joan. I just feel like that after talking to Kim. I just feel like we have more problems than we realized. Oh, how about it? You just don't know what's going on in people's houses. And something as innocuous as a sale of a couch,

you know, turned into a murder. Yeah. And you know, when I first read about the couch, I thought, wow, $150, that's a steal. And now I think he's overcharging. It's a crime. He's overcharging for that couch. It's a crime couch. Well, yeah, but now I think he's overcharging. It's a crime. He's overcharging for that couch. It's a crime couch.

Well, yeah, but that's why he's overcharging for it. Of course, yes. Sorry, yes, I get your point. I see your point. Not a feat. Collects all that blood. I know you think that that would work. Use the canoe.

There's no, okay. The canoe. Why would you put the... You know what? Put the blood in the canoe. Push the canoe out on the water and Taylor too

no evidence what what did he say I missed it that's okay that's between me, Doug and the listeners I'll hear it when I listen to it

three times in my car exactly alright well listeners I hope this this didn't upset you too much no we might have to put a warning ahead of time. I hope it upset you just enough.

And if you would like to see the posts that we write, that we talk about, you can see them on our Instagram. The handle eludes me at the moment. I think it's just The Neighborhood Listen. Yes. Wait. On Instagram? Yes.

Yes, on Instagram. Yes, yes. I thought you were thinking about that. That's the email. That's the email. That's the email. That's the email, yes. I saw how you inserted yourself in there. And you excluded your own wife.

That's interesting. Just the two of us, man. All right. Well, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back with our season finale next week. I can't believe it. But what a fun and interesting season it's been. It sure has. And we'll be back with another interesting finale next week. I can't believe it, but what a fun and interesting season it's been. It sure has.

And we'll be back with another interesting person next week. And until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode are real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is executive produced and hosted by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

Our producers are Brett Morris and Judith Cargbo. The show is engineered by Brett Morris, who also plays Doug. Kim was played by Charlie McCracken. The Neighborhood Listen is an Earwolf production.