The Neighborhood Listen - Do Not Ring The Doorbell with Mitch Silpa

Episode Date: December 30, 2025

On the Season Klein finale, Burnt recounts his Christmas at Devil’s Tower, Joan updates listeners on her holiday theater rivalries, and Doug takes advantage of the knoll. Later, they welcome Sylvia (Mitch Silpa), a 90-year-old Dignity Falls legend who is giving away tubers with a strict condition. Why not?NOTE: CONTAINS UNNEIGHBORLY LANGUAGE.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half app and us. Burn. And Jode. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell.

We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the podcast that explores the neighborhood of Dignity Falls. through the eyes of its many residents. I am one such resident.

My name is Burt Me a payday. I'm the pharmacist and chief of the Dignity Falls. Missy right here in Dignity Falls. And with me, as always, is... Joan Pedestrian. Thank you for that fabulous intro, Burt. I am the top realtor here at Dignity Falls. And I'm the local top actress.

Yes, you are. I'm switching it up. Normally I say top local actress and saying the local top actress. Why don't you say actress, comma, top local? that almost just sounds like I'm searching for a specific partner on the dating app you know all the kids

have these new terms and I don't know what anything means you know such as and I well like there's many differences between there's something called nonethical or is it something ethical monogamy versus polyamorous

I'm trying to learn about it all Julyope's trying to school me on everything Is that what it's called? Yes How do you know about that burns Why hear a lot of things? I guess unethical monogamy doesn't make any sense. Well, I mean.

But it's probably a category. It probably is. It could be. And I'm saying that with respect. Non-ethical monogamy probably is when you have more than one spouse. Probably. When you have secret families. Say it again.

Ethical non-monogamy. Right. Everyone's on board with the fact that we're going to see other people. I'm going to have sex with someone else tonight. That's right. And then the other person has to take it. So to speak. They have to just sit there and say, fine.

In more than one way. Yeah. What I like about it is it's always one person's idea. Do you think that's right? No, I mean, obviously there are people that are all on board with it. I know. I just, for me, and the thing is, honestly, in some ways it sounds fantastic. But in other ways, I always worry about jealousy.

You know, you know what I... I mean, Joe, I was going to say. I was going to say. You know what I did? I think in trying to make sure that I was being supportive of every community. You got yourself in trouble. Sounded too overzealous. Within your community.

Correct. Now that voice who is saying, okay. Who's having a... That is Joan's husband, Doug. He's our engineer. And Doug, where are you today in the house? Is this because I'm in the Hobbit hole?

Oh, God. The Hobbit... Why? There's so many other rooms that would have pushed me into ethical non-monogamy before that one. Why would it be the Hobbit hole, Doug? Because it's just not cool or because maybe you've gotten smaller. You're talking about because you're making it.

You're talking about the circular green door. Is that what you're talking about? Why was there a pause? In the knoll outside? Yeah. In the knoll. He's built into the knoll. I can't believe I haven't done this yet.

Our famous knoll. Oh, it's the talk of the town. It really is. Well, because it became this thing. It was like, well, everyone wanted a knoll. Yes. And it was like, how do I get a knoll? And you're just like, well, because it's a, it's a natural knoll.

It's a natural knoll. It's a natural knoll. And it's grassless. And that's the interesting thing about it. I like to say shaved. The grassless knoll. You like to say shaved? It's a shaved knoll.

It's benign. Benign. Okay, man. Okay. So. So what I can't parse that. I can't either. Let's just move on.

So, uh, so that's what I'm working. about is that have you changed you have you affected the integrity of the nole oh oh dear i hope not oh no dug well i mean my hobbit hole would cave in if i did uh burnt i think i know what's happening now doug was thinking mole am i correct baby yeah yeah that's why he said i left it on explain that's where his brain was it hits later some of my jokes oh it sure does or not at all also sometimes we're not sure they're jokes neither am i those are the best ones Doug! To be fair, listen, Doug is a fan favorite.

Oh, and you know what? I'm going to say fan because we always say we have listeners, not fans, but I think, babe, you got fans. Doug has fans. He has fans, we do not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's probably some detractors. Could be more, in my opinion. What's why?

When you're trying to manifest, what's going on? I'm not trying to manifest anything. I'm just saying when people online. I mean, there could be more, yeah. Yeah, well, we should be counter. We should be counting our blessings. Could be more who are silent, the silent majority. Is that what you're saying?

The ones who just aren't saying the quiet part out loud. Yes. They're like, well, other people seem to like him. I'm just going to hold my tongue. Probably a lot of those. Where are you at with the construction then? Where are you at? Yeah.

I have a lot of like just nice loaves of bread and like the big cheese wheel. Well, that's cheese wheel. One of my favorite parts of the Hobbit House. Oh. Is the food inside? Yeah. You're just getting props at the same. point. That's all you're doing. That's what you're focusing on. Well, it's a big

hole I've yet to finish all of it. Is there furniture in there? I'm worried about the big hole. Yeah. Are the walls sanded or whatever? Sanded. In this case, we turn against you bird together. I don't know. What do you say? The rare moment where Doug and I were on the same page. Look, I'm not a ground hog. I don't know. You've seen it, right? You've immersed yourself and Lord of the Rings. I thought that inside a Hobbit's house is very, it's very rustic looking, not sanded at all. No fine. It's very smooth. Is it? Yes. I don't remember this. It's essentially it's a man or hobbit made cave.

You know, inside the side of the hill. Structures, yeah. They're beautiful. They're so beautiful. You know, a friend of mine went to New Zealand and got to visit Hobbitown. Oh, you say Hobbit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's not Well, because we have a Hobbit town here. We have a Hobbit town here that you don't want to go to after dark. Especially if we're wearing shorts. Yes. The children playing hobbits grab your ankles.

Yes, they do. They love to do it. They love to do it. And there's always a gollum. And sometimes they have knives. Sometimes they do the little Pet Cemetery Kid Achilles move. Oh, God. Yeah.

Now, that is one movie I've seen. That's a horror movie. And boy, at that moment, that moment was terrible. That little evil kid sliced Fred Gwyn's ankles. Gage. Gage. You up there, Gage. The Munsters. Fred Munster. He heard him.

Fred Munster. Wait, sorry, it's Fred Gwynn. Sometimes death is better. What was? A very good bit. It's just nailing it with his. Is it Ed Gwyn? It's Fred Gwyn. Okay, it is Fred Gwyn.

Herman. Herman. Herman. Herman. Herman. Herman. He's from the Hermann. Oh, Herman.

Oh, Herman. Oh, Herman. Don't be a franken style. We've successfully done an Elizabeth McGovern from her character in Downton Abbey voice every single episode. Every single episode this season. And you know what? It was fun.

every time. I hope it was fun for everyone. It was. Oh, Herman, monster. Oh, your forehead is so big. Why is your head so flat? Well, at least it's easiest to, you're the easiest person to help you have a fever because your forehead is so big. Oh, Herman. The two Utes. Oh, Herman, you're bolts.

Too Uts. Oh, we're going through all of the fake wings. Now we're doing it. Oh, that's right. That's not from Pet Semeter? No. Babe, you know that it's not. Is this one of Doug's famous jokes?

I can't tell. I can't tell. You decide. Do you know when I was a kid and Ripley's Believe it or not? Oh, okay. You know, I had one of those books, you know, paperback books, Ripley's Believe or not. Had the picture of the banana that had a big divot cut out of it, but it was still standing up. Oh.

I guess that was a thing you could choose to believe or not. Okay. And my interpretation of the phrase, believe it or not. not was some of these things are fake. I see. Yeah, some of them are believe it and some of them are or not. You're right not to believe them. Got it.

And now it took me, it wasn't, and then I forgot about it for a long time. Sure. And then years later, I realized, oh, no, they're purporting that all of these things are true. And if you don't believe it, fuck you. Nothing you do will change the fact that this is real. I get that there's a book, but what is in the museum? Why is there a museum?

Why is there a building? What do you see in there? In Los Angeles, California. Like, there's more than one. What's in there? I believe it or not. Oh, yeah. What's in there behind, you know, glass walls, men committing?

Jone. Jone. No, that was a Jone joke. That was a Joan joke. No, I liked a, it was a Joan Jop. It's a Joan Jab. That was a Jone Jab. That was a classic Joan Jop.

Anyways. That was interesting that you drank the water while you were laughing. I feel like that was courting disaster. You know what I always have to stay hydrated. I do it no matter what's going on. I don't interrupt anything for hydration. While I'm a hula hooping, I might as well give myself this injection. Now, Bert, we cannot wait any longer.

We have to know all about what happened when you spent Christmas Eve with Gabby's family going to Wyoming and scaling the devil's tower peak. That's right. And we were talking about some of the crack carols that they sing because, of course, as we know, there's many cracks in this mountain, which makes it very popular to climb because we assume you can get your fingers and your toes in all those cracks. So why did you tell us about how it went? You do look, I will say, you look very blistered. Well, yeah, on one side of my face. Correct. I want to know about that.

Yeah. Okay. It was way more crowded than we anticipated. There were a lot of people scaling devil's talent. Is it like that crazy thing when you see videos of Mount Everest and it looks like

5 o'clock traffic I have not seen such videos Are you serious? Yeah Oh, it's become so over one with rich people just trying to do it and they just stand there

They're just standing there That many people trying to get to the top of Mount Everest Why don't rich people? I don't know I don't know I wonder this every day

I have to go to a mountain I have to go to space I have to go to the bottom of the ocean They're just trying to get away I wish I could have I wish I could have How about helping someone? That would be interesting.

Okay, so it was crowded. So it was very good. So many people. A lot of families. Oh, okay. There were children as young as six. Whoa. Yeah.

I guess they did say it's a popular hike when I looked it up. Very popular. And so many cracks. So many cracks. So many cracks. So many cracks. Tell us up at the cracks. Well, the cracks are so, they're so easy to get your hand and feet into.

It really is a breeze. How long did it take? take. It's like 10 minutes. Oh my God. Now that doesn't, wait a minute. From the picture,

it looks very tall. It doesn't look like a 10 minute thing. We're talking about a playground ladder. That's how good the crack system is. That's how good the cracks. Yeah, you can practically run up there via cracks. There was a kid looking at an iPad. He was watching K-pop demon hunters.

I love those. I love those songs so much. I love those demon hunters. They're so great. But what I want to know, was then, okay, so then explain the blisters, because if you scaled it within 10 minutes, it probably didn't happen when you were climbing. I think there's time.

No, no, no. The weather was great. And can I ask is usually people start climbing a mountain when it's dark because, of course, it can take all day. This is, this is what's really shocking to me about this, that you scaled it in 10 minutes. Oh, yeah. We started at 6 a.m. Okay.

So it was dark the entire time then? Okay. When did the sun rise? The sun rose probably an hour later. Okay, so then what do you do then? Well, we set up camp. I mean, what do you do while you're waiting for it? Sure.

Well, we tell ghost stories, of course. Of course, just like that Christmas Carol. We tell six a.m. ghost stories. And they all have to take place in the morning. That's right. Tells the past glories. They all have to take place at 6 a.m. The ghost stories.

Oh, they do. Oh, this is per Gabby's family. You can fudge it. Yeah, you can say, oh, and by the way, this takes place. Now, how many people were setting up camp there was crowded to climb, but was it crowded to camp? We were the only ones sticking around to camp. What a lot of people do is they get up to the top, they walk across it, then they go

down the other side. They slide down? Do they bring like inner tubes? Is it like the dunes? It is not like the dunes. It's not quite as, it's not quite as, as, as, as, as, as, uh, as, uh, as, uh, gradual as you would like it. Of course it would. Of course it would. Yeah. But a lot of people will, um, they'll drive stakes into the ground and they'll, uh, sort of, uh, slide down on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a, on a court. Um, um, yeah, um, yeah, which is, like, I guess like kind of a zip line kind of thing, except it's, you're going down. It's very video game. It's very video game. how James Bond would escape a window of a skyscraper.

Precisely. Yeah. I think zip lines always go down. What's that, Doug? I think zip lines always go down. Zipline. I don't think you can go up. We can't go up.

Doug. You forgot about a cross. He'll die on this knoll. Not so benign now. Very combative. What a combative mole. So wait. But what I want to know is

it looks like there's no. no flat plateau at the top of this. No, it's very flat up there. It is? Yes, you go up to the top. It's very pointy. All right. No, we look at the picture together.

I know. Okay, well, then let's look at it again because it really doesn't look. It looks pointy. Well, look, I'll take your word for you. Babe, I got to go. I got to go with Burt on this one. Joan, you're in for a big, you don't remember in close encounters when he's building the thing.

I do, but don't you remember. When I said when I saw. Okay, okay. I'm done talking. Well. I feel like I still had the, what is it, the conch? What do people say when they have the... Oh, and Lord of the Flies.

Is that it? I have the conch or the conch, as people want us to say. Right. It's conch. I thought I still had it because I was looking up this picture, okay? And that's the only reason why I kept talking. I apologize. If you're looking, no, that is a rule we have.

If you're looking up a picture, you can talk for as long to take. Now, do you see? I mean, that's as flat as anything could be. But how can you tell? Because all I see is the top. You can tell by the other pictures that you conveniently ignored. You think I can't see your phone? No, I did.

I did put in Devil's Tower pointy. No. I led the witness on that one, okay? Devil's Tower pointing. It showed me. what I wanted to see. A.I gave me what I wanted to see. Not very pointy, if I may say.

Okay, so tell me what it was like up there. Tell me about the ghost stories. This is where we were at. The ghost stories, most of them involved vehicular manslaughter. Do those count as ghost stories? Well, because a ghost. Was it about the people laundering the earth afterwards? Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, well, God, that sounds so dark. But were any of them... It's ghost stories. Were any of them... A man died of old age surrounded by his family and then he came back as a ghost because he was having such a great time.

See, I like... Now that's a ghost story I want to listen to. Yeah. No, why aren't there any more happy ghost stories? Seriously. Casper's a happy ghost story. In some ways, Christmas Carol's a happy ghost story. Eventually.

Speaking of which, I saw Carol's Carol's Carole. Carol Dragon Slayer doing... She's doing a cabaret. Of course, if people don't realize, Carol Dragon Slayer has a podcast with Mitch McDuck called The Bichin Hut. And I know, please let's not get into it.

Did you spit on the ground again? Yes, he did. It's a reflex. Well, it's okay. I put lining down on the floor because I knew I was going to bring up today. So this time I protected by my wife and peanuts. Peanut shells. And peanuts.

Oh, I was eating peanuts. Peanut shells and peanuts. Peanuts. It took me forever to find just peanuts. And anyways, Carol Dragon Slayer is, you know, she comes from a long line of dragon slayers. Kiki Dragon Slayer. Oh, I didn't say the whole thing. I'm so sorry.

You're not supposed to say her name. You're really not supposed to say her name. This is a deep cut, but some people might know and remember about this woman. Anyways, Carol, make your criticals bleed. Coulda goals. If you, if you, if you know maybe it had been listening, she's sort of my rival as like a local theater actress. But I really kind of want to put that to rest. And she did.

Well, she hates you. She actually speaks very highly of Joan, but I don't know how genuine it is. It's true. I think it's one of those keep your enemies closer situation. Oh, she's constantly drunk. And there was no exception here when she did Carol's Carol's Caroles. I'd call it Carol's spirits, more like.

You know, she was... Because it's the alcohol! Correct! And it was, you know, I went to support her, and it was, you know, it definitely was one of those it's so bad, it's good. It was so bad as good. Wow.

So you were entertained ultimately. I absolutely was. Okay. Yeah. And because she made them all up and she had these weird guest stars in it. She did have someone playing like,

the ghost of Christmas past. And she... That was it? Just the one ghost? Yes. Oh, wait. No, you're right. She has to the other two.

Yeah, that's right. That would be interesting if you did Christmas Carol, like, just the one ghost is fine. You know what was so obnoxious? Her bio was two pages long. Two pages. Normally, and this is so annoying. When you get hired to do a show, they're like, like, 29 words. And that's it.

And no more. Just under 30. And they are vicious about it. They'll end a sentence. you're like, thanks to my, and that's it, that's it. That's why when you read a bio in a theater program, it's just like, TV, Phil. That's correct. That's correct.

It starts off with any Broadway show. Jacob is thrilled to make his debut. And that's just Ellie Loud order, SVU, CSI. Thanks to Mags, but it's T-HX. There was this woman in the front row crinkling. There was a woman in the front of crinkling, the, the, the candies. And she did a song about her, you know, she was like... What?

Yeah, she did. Because I think she knew she was going to be there because I heard... She talked about how she actually had a... She was a caller in on the podcast. Oh, that podcast. Yeah. And so she wrote, she wrote like a song about that. It was like, it was like, uh, no Christmas bells.

Well, because she's drunk. I'm trying to do her. Oh, no, I understand. Yes. It was kind of like, um, it was kind of like, It was kind of like that, they all sounded like a Christmas call. This one sounded like, bills will be ringing. What's that song?

Bon Jovi. No. Well, Bon Jovi did do a cover. Oh, did he cover it. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Eagles did it. What a Christmas.

What's the title of that song? To Have the Blues. Please come home for Christmas. Is that what it's called? Okay. Right. But she was like, you won't get no Christmas. Do, do, do, do.

Pretty much she just took the actual carols and just changed the lyrics. do do do yes she did she was like did she not have musicians she didn't have a band wow she's like you don't get any presents do do do do do do you know you know she was just like do too too too do no she even did like the guitar solo that part was actually kind of impressed but she was just like and you deserve to spend Christmas in hell. In hell. This was a song about the crankling lady.

Yes. You served to spend Christmas in hell. Isn't it interesting the idea that they would have Christmas in hell? They would still celebrate. Didn't think about it. Just a ton of puddles everywhere of just carrots and top hats.

Do you think you're like you're in hell, right? And then what makes it so bad is every Christmas, then the devil just watch around. It's Christmas, by the way. You would show it. Just another day in hell. Yep. Or you get your hopes so high.

Oh, he's like gassing people up like, Christmas is coming. This year it's going to be great. Okay, look, I know I'm famous for empty promises, but this Christmas is going to be fun. A few less lashes, maybe. Fingers crossed. All right. I did not mean to go on that tangent. That's all right.

So tell us about, okay, you did the ghost stories then what happened? Did you tell any ghouls? stories? Oh, that's right. I tried to tell a ghoul story, and I was shouted down. You were shouted down. Yes. Her family, they take these traditions seriously. Yeah, they do. They do.

So, okay, after the ghost stories were done. Yes. So then the sun came up and we set up camp. We set up all our tents and yurts. And we had the top of the... How many did you have? Everyone had their own tent or yurt. So how many people?

Oh, well, you know, she has a big family. Gabby. So we're talking about 60 people. What? Yeah. 60 tents or yurts? And how did they decide? Is it like first come first yurt?

Everybody brings their own. Oh, yurt. Oh, yurt. Oh, yurt. Oh, yurt. Oh, go in, go to sit in the yurt. You could sweat out your fever. Oh, have some yogurt in your yurt.

Oh, Johnny Cash's hurt. So, yeah. Each family, yeah, each sort of little sub-family brings their own domicile. Crazy. And it's everybody from great-grandparents to great-grandchildren. Well, apparently, because a great-grandchild or a great-grandparent can just get up that easy. If you got it in 10 minutes, I guess it was fine for everybody.

I mean, they were leading the charge. Oh, good for them. And so then we erect the Christmas tree. Okay. Which we had to bring with us. Sure. Wow. The packs must have been insane on your backs.

They were wild. Well, some people, some things were left on the bottom and then we hauled them up. Okay. I'm picturing like the Grinch. I mean, truly, just that sled just full of toys and a tree. Can I say something? Okay. The story is called How the Grinch Dull Christmas.

I know. I know I've talked about this before. I don't know that you have. But no one can tell me why it should not be. why the Grinch told Christmas, which is the, that's the whole thrust of the story. Or, honestly, just, you know, several other options, like why the Grinch's heart grew that day. How about, how about, how about, when the Grinch stole Christmas? That covers everything.

That's just a story we're telling. Did you ever hear the story when the Grinch stole Christmas? It's also. No, I don't care about when. How? Tell me how it happens. Everything about this. First of all, who's the Grinch?

Come on now. You act like, what I mean? But, I mean, if you're introducing this story... You want a Grinch origin story, Wicked Style? No, I don't want that at all. I'm saying the title of it is wrong all the way around. I do. I do understand.

I've always been bothered by it. It's a new story you've never heard before. Okay, here's the story of how the Grinch stole Christmas. Who? Who? Who? Wait, stop there. Back out.

Stole Christmas. Okay, how do you do it? Oh, he put all the presents in a big bag. That's it? No, no, no, no. I mean, it took the roasties. No, no, no, no. Then eventually.

blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay, so this is more about why he did it. You're not wrong. You're not wrong, burnt. Thank you. About Grinch, colon, a thief's tale. Sure, like Robin Hood? Does that what they say?

That sounds a little too D&D for me. Wasn't that what the Kevin Bacon? Footloose? A Grinch story? No, wasn't that what the Kevin Costner one was called? Wasn't that it? It was like Robin Hood and then with colon. Prince of Thieves.

That was close. She was the Prince of Thieves. Yeah, yeah. Men and Tites. Very different. That was a spoof one. I know that's one of Doug's favorite movies. Oh, my God.

He loves it. Loves it. Well, you're a huge of Belle fan. So what happens after everyone's pitched their tints and yurts? Well, then we sit around. We have eggnog. Nice. We're roasting chestnuts.

You know, we're doing all these kind of Christmas games. It's beautiful out there. And then, you know, as the sun goes down, we start open presents. Oh, so that was the whole day. We did the whole day because you said that the sun just rose. Well, it's Christmas. I mean, you know, Sure, but I mean, okay, so for the whole day, it was just tense, yurts, chestnuts.

Well, okay. And some of the men of the family describe a football game. And then women just go over to the side of the, of the, of the, of the, of the, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make some food. Yeah, they pretend to make some food. Wait, would you have any food? No, we had freeze-dried food. Oh, okay.

Sort of astronaut stuff. Astronaut pumpkin pie. It's better than you think. I bet. It's better than you. anything. Okay. So then it's nighttime.

Now what? We still haven't gotten to the blisters. No, we haven't. Okay. Because you're pressing me for every hour of the day. No, I'm sorry. I was just shocked.

We really kind of went. And I know we have to get, you know, I'm sure we've been talking almost for too long. But we, but it is our last episode, you know, so that's fair. Of the season. Of the season.

Nobody worry. Nobody worry. Sorry, go ahead. Yes. So we, we start opening presents and it's, you know, the kids are having such a great time.

It's really lovely, and we're singing carols and things like that. We're tearing open our packets of pudding. And then as it got dark, a very strange thing happened where I... It's strange that when I tell you this, I don't feel anything about it. Oh, no. Okay. But we saw a craft in the air. Oh. And it slowly descended.

Oh. And it sort of hovered over us And we all got Sort of blistered on one side of our bodies That is so bizarre All of you? Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah

And everyone saw the exact same thing Did anyone film it? No, we didn't film it. Oh, you played two transits And we talked about filming it Oh I mean, we were looking at this thing How long did it hang out there?

Oh, for about 45 minutes Oh, that's long, boom! You talked about filming it? Yes, people would Out of 60 people, no one pulled out a device. So many of us said, we should probably be filming this. And then somebody else would say, yeah, we should. Weird.

But nobody made a move to do so. Oh, I wonder if it was like, well, if this was real. I don't know. I've never known if I believe in aliens. Because we know that my mom is famously. Well, no, I've never known it for myself. When I try to think of the knowing of it for myself, I don't know. And of course, I think that I am affected by the traumatic childhood I had because

as we have talked about before my mother had said to us we were very young one of the first memories is if aliens come I'm leaving I'm going with them

and it was terrible babe where are you out with aliens now Doug what what's up with you in aliens Oh yeah I think they're everywhere

He thinks they're everywhere You think they're everywhere You think they're everywhere It could be I have reason to believe that there could be evidence of that Can we call us such yet? You have reason to believe

that there could be evidence of that So he has reason to believe and I don't know that I know. I suspect that I have reason to believe that there could be evidence of that. Some say that there is reason to believe that there could be evidence. Well, burnt

apparently had firsthand contact with it. It burned his skin. Did you hold your hand up or anything? Did you wave? Did you make any gestures? No. None of us did. You know why this happened, babe, right? Did you spontaneously? We did sing that song from the

Who's. Oh. Yeah. Yahoo Dore. That didn't do anything. Now, see, I would have thought you would have gone, bu, right?

No one thought to do it. Really? But you're on the actual mountain. I know. That's why maybe, do you think it's a prank the people play on someone who decides to camp at the top of it because of the movie?

Whoever owns the mountain? Whoever owns the mountain? You know, the country. I mean, I, it's possible. I would if I did. It was very elaborate. I mean, I don't know why they would go to the trouble of half blistering you. But maybe that seems like a loss is right about.

Well, you never see who doesn't. Well, you probably still see those aliens if they're real. What's that? Did you lose time? Oh, good question. We did lose time. It's because it, it, when the ship finally left, uh, dawn was breaking. Oh.

So we must have been standing there for hours. That's spooky. And you didn't see any alien. beings inside. No, we did not. The windows were all covered over the newspaper. Peanuts? Weird. Yeah, that was weird. For an alien spacecraft

to have the windows covered over the newspaper. Very strange. That makes me more suspicious that it's not real then. Yeah. The newspaper did look like alien writing, though. It did? Yeah. Can you describe it? And there were pictures of like, you know, aliens. Did it look like Avatar? Um, what's that with the Sampteric font? Papyrus. Oh, papyrus. Yeah. No, this looked like the sort of squiggly lines, you know, that's sort of classic alien writing. Okay.

Yeah. Sure. How long have we been talking, babe? Oh, boy. So him having a close encounter wasn't. It's time to wrap up. Oh. 30 minutes.

Oh, no. Well, it's our last episode. It's our last episode. It's episode 13. We might as well give a little extra 10. We'll talk about the third kind. All right. Well, let's get to our guest after a break.

We'll be right back when they never listen. When the neighbor listen returns. Hi, this is Randa. Free Communications Arts Magazines bought for my daughter when she was a student at Pratt in New York. I have at least two boxes. Now, I know that. The picture looks like there's a couple lines of cocaine on the magazine, but that is just a trick of the light, which is funny because of communication arts,

the art of communication, and this photo is communicating. There's two fat rails of coke on this magazine. And it almost looks like on the picture as if the gentleman in the photo is, maybe he's snorting them from beneath. the the rails the cocaine lines and I think that's just

an interesting thing at least that's what my daughter told me when she was a brat and there's two boxes of these they don't all look like they have cocaine lines on them but they do all look like they haven't

been touched so if you have a child and you pay for their education And then on top of that, you buy him some fancy, yes, magazine that they're not even going to look at. I guess I'd say to you, welcome to the club. Well, that's it for Randa this time out. I'll catch you next time when I have something else to give away or sell. This is Randa, signing off.

Welcome back to you. to the neighborhood listen. Well, Joan, it's that time. For the last time this season, we have a guest. What we do every week, folks, is we scour the neighbor app, the social networking application or neighborhoods, and we look for interesting people to talk to in Dignity Falls. If you see a post that you think we should talk about, why don't just screenshot it and send it to us at pertin and Joan at gmail.com. Like this person has done. This is from a listener named Timothy Hanson. Can that be true, Timothy, T-I-M-O-T-H-Y-N? It sounds like he belongs in the hobbit hole.

That's right. I love him. I love Timothy. Master Timothy. Oh, Master Timothy, I'll follow you to the end to the cracks of the dooms. Oh, Timothy, come here. Feel warm. I wonder if an end got added to the end of that.

I like, I love that name. Well, Timothy, give us a shout out. Thank you, if it's real. Yeah, Timothy, do you exist? This was posted in the general section. It's posted by our guest. Our guest writes, I plan on putting some more yucca tubers out next week

If I can dig them up Please do not ring my doorbell They are big and deep in the ground And it's hard to dig them up If somebody has a strong arm And wouldn't mind helping me dig them up I will be home next week on Monday And put out more flowers and tubers

At the end of the driveway Is it all caps? No, only here's what's in all caps The repeated phrase, please do not ring my doorbell I still need some quartz size and larger plastic containers for future giveaways if you don't mind donating a few. I will give you my address through a private message. Please do not ring my doorbell! The dogs go nuts.

Oh, my goodness. The only punctuation is exclamation marks. Okay, got it. Now here to tell us about this post is Sylvia. Sylvia, welcome to the neighborhood of listening. Hello. Thank you for having me and why not. Of course.

Oh, and why not? And why not? Why not? And why not? We're all alive. We sure are. Why not? And thank goodness for that.

It sure is. Oh, thank you for acknowledging. Yeah, it's important to acknowledge life. I agree. I agree. So why did you tell us about these? Where do you want to start, Burns? Do you want to talk about the yucketubbers?

What is that? I figured you would. A yucketuber is, first of all, the bane of my existence. I have, I've lived in dignity falls. My, it's full. Since we moved in, like, 1970. Where are you from? Where are you from?

Benson House. Bensonhurst. Benson, hers. Is that New Jersey? No. New York? Yes. Okay.

Yeah, Brooklyn. Oh, yes. Oh, my goodness. Different time. How fun. It was. I had a fun time. Good.

I dated. Brooklyn always seemed so fun. In the 60s and 70s, I had so many dates with Elliot Gould. Did you really? I had so many Elliot Gould stories. Let's hear one. Was Barbara ever around? Oh.

I had to leave when she came into the picture. Oh, wow. Elliot Gould and I would just walk through Central Park and point at squirrels. Name them. You would? Hold hands. Who said name them? What?

Oh, I thought you said name them. Name them. No, Sylvia said. Yeah, that you would name them. We would name the squirrel. You know what happened? Sylvia, I was down. I had my head down in laughter.

Oh, sure. sort of just like I was very charmed by this. Why not? And I just heard someone say, name them, and I couldn't tell he said it. And you thought I sounded like Sylvia? No, I just, I guess so. I guess I just. Maybe she died through my voice.

Oh, like a protroquist. I do do that sometimes. Oh, good. I want to get into that. When I lived in Brooklyn, in the village, and I'd go into the village sometimes, which has been man-haired. Yeah. I would do this.

I had a little ventriloquist act, and it's how I met Mr. Gould. Can I ask what your dummy was? Oh, sure. What was the character? It was a squirrel. It was? That's how we connected. Oh, my gosh.

Did you remember any of your act? No, sure. Okay. My squirrel's name was Henry. Oh, how adorable. Well, it's very cute, but huge teeth. Okay. Hello, Henry.

How's your day going? Hi. Oh, you're good. You're pretty good. Well, it sounds like you've had some bad stuff happening. And just you all know, she is doing this with a complete smile. It's really, really effective. Well, I'm playing the squirrel with the teeth.

I know. Anyway, Henry, it sounds like you had kind of a rough day. Well, it was nuts. Oh, get it. That's very funny. Because he's a squirrel. That was something else. Oh, what and more.

So you and Ellie Gould, you would name the squirrels. Is this how Henry came about? Did you name one Henry? No, no. Sylvia had the squirrel. Thank you. No, she had the squirrel first, Henry. And that's how they bonded.

Okay, but I just want to clear up. Did you or did you not name squirrels with Elliot Gould when you would walk around? For fun, yeah. All I wanted to know was some of the names. Okay. I was squelved into some of the years. This is a long time ago. We remember it was the 60s.

Yeah. I was on LST. Just a few. Well, then they must be great. Yeah. My memory. Coco. Great quote.

Shading. Shading. Lots of that. What? Lots of that. tails and more tails. Oh, that's fun. Because it was T-A-I-L-S and T-A-L-E-S.

Fun. Okay, good. You don't have to do anymore. I realize. Eisenhower. Did he look like him? I bet on LSD you were thinking you really look like a. Bold man.

Oh, no, a bold, bold squirrel. Bold man squirrel. Bold man squirrel. I love your accent, Sylvie. I just think it's the greatest. It's gorgeous. And so then what made you live. Lilting is what I've been heard.

Then why not? And why not? Why not? So then is that why you moved to Dany Falls? Why not? Or what was the reason? It was 1974. Okay.

It was the year Nixon was having some trouble. Was that? Yeah. Sure. That sounds about right. Watergate. Yeah. Alice doesn't live here anymore came out that year.

That's right. And that movie influenced me. Did it? Really? Oh, because you said I don't want to live here anymore. My name's not Alice. It's Sylvia, but I won't live here anymore. Okay.

It's just getting too crazy. Sure. I was pregnant. Oh. And we're like, We just want to move to someplace smaller. Can I ask, I hope, I hope this is not an indelicate question. This is not a what?

Indelicate question. Honey, why not? Why not? In the spirit of why not? Because we're all going to die, so ask the question. Okay, okay, okay, Sylvia. Might as well face it. Okay, I know.

Cradle to tomb. Isn't too long a stay. That voice you hear is my husband, Doug. Might as well stay. I felt like we had a test agreement to let that one go, but you. I knew. He couldn't have... He was holding his breath.

He had to get it out. That's my husband, Doug, Sylvia. He's in another... He's outside doing some construction. Not throwing my voice. Well, I hope he's okay. He's well, less debatable. He's fine.

I think he's having second. Fantastic. So back to your indelicate question. Yes. Is the baby Elliot Gould's? Oh. Oh, wow. Why not?

Really. Okay, why not? Why not? Well, I've never told anyone before. And you had... And why not? do it on a podcast. Sure. It is Elliot Gould.

Wow. My child. Lord. His name is Lyndon. And he's Elliot Gould's child. I did not tell my husband, Benny. Wait, is this, do you mean to say that the child wasn't Barbara? The child wasn't Barbara? Well, there was a

Elliot and Barbara have a child. Are you saying that that child's not barbarous? No, this is a different child and it was in my stomach. Barbara has her own child. Barbara had a child. Barbara, do you know how children work? Why not? Do you know that?

How would that? How would Barbara and Elliot's child be in my stomach? Do you think they put a, they shoved it in? How would Barbara's child not be hers? Yes. Jason Gould is who you're thinking about and he's not my child. No, he was, Barbara Streis. No, he was in the Prince of Tides.

He was. He was a football player. You know how once a season, I have a moment where my brain just stops working. This was the moment. It's just the skylight, the car roof. Sylvia, you might know a little something about this. You've had a child. You have a certain age.

I'm definitely a paramedopause. But I've decided to rebranded this feminine overdo. I'm 90. What's this? I'm 90. Thank you. Well done. Why not?

Happy birthday. Thank you. I made it. And why not? Why not? Why not? But yes, Joan is calling a parimenopause. Feminopause.

Feminopause. I'm taking it back. Because I'm taking it back. because I want it to sound powerful. But in this case, the overdrive kicks in a little too hard, and it breaks my brain. I'm sorry. And that's what just happened, I'm so sorry.

I'm really, I'm so emotional about it. But I'm the one who just revealed the reveal. It's true. And I don't have an emotion. Well, imagine the reveal she thought she heard. I undercut a shocking. She thought I had Barbara Streisand's child. Well, but I undercut it already.

She thought Barbara Streisand had your child. Oh, you know Barbara Streisand. Oh, Barbara Streisand had my child is not what happened. I'm very clear on that. And now I didn't mean, I didn't mean. So many women having other women's children in this story in their own stomach. I didn't. Like the cuckoo-o-bird.

Yeah, monogamy. I didn't mean to undercut. I did. Ha-ha. Why not? Why not? I did not mean to undercut your sharing of Elliott Gould tea. No.

With my fake conspiracy. I haven't talked to him in a long time. time. So does, okay, now can I ask this, now that I'm very much more clear, is he aware that it is his child? I know, I said I have never told him, you never told Benin's. No, but I did tell him to take the pot and mash. Oh, he was not

going to take the part of mash. Oh, really? Why was he not going to do it? I know. It just didn't like the writing, isn't that weird? Really? Very successful book. I feel like you're responsible for, you know, half of his career. What a choice. I'm like Peter Bogdanovich's wife, she's really the one responsible. And you know what?

I'm going to say, who? I don't know her. And you're exactly right. See, she doesn't get the credit. Pauly Platt. You're a font of information, Sylvia. Well, I came from... Because of Elliot.

I know, I know. He had Hollywood story. So, can you... And what's your son's name again? My son's name is Lyndon. Lyndon, that's right. And does Lyndon... No, not named after Lyndon Johnson.

No, that's a squirrel's name. Okay. Henry is a squirrel's name. Well, no, a squirrel's name. Oh, A squirrel's name. I'm assumed. Lyndon is my son. not named after Lyndon Johnson.

Right. Named after Lyndon Blinda. Linden Blinda. Remember Belinda Belinda? Oh, yes. Yes. Famous chantous. Oh, I love that word.

Yes. So, is that the only child you have? Only one. Hey, I'm so sorry. Okay. Who's Belinda Belinda Belinda? Linda Belinda. Linda Belinda.

Linda Belinda. Lyndon. Yes. The famous Chantus. From the 1940s and 50s. I'm not. not familiar. She's saying, I'm not going to do that anymore. Oh, I'm not familiar with that song. She comes to train, you better jump.

I don't know this one. She said, watch out. I'm telling you one more time. I'm not talking about that. No, I'm not talking about that. Watch out. I'm telling you one more time. I'm not, I'm not. Do you know this one, Joe? No, this one is an obscure one. And I, and I can see why it didn't really, it didn't hit the chart. Is that where Si got that for Gangnam style? The W. Oh, no. It might be. It might be. It might be everybody's influenced by something absolutely that's so true so when you say we thought of moving who is the we it certainly wasn't you and elliott okay i wanted to move but you were pregnant at the time i was pregnant with my so maybe it was you two it was you and linden who were ready to move lindon was in my stomach i know i know but i always used to refer to when i was pregnant i would always say

we jason gould was in barbous tris and stomach i understand that and believe me i want to cut all that out so the listeners don't realize how badly in overdrive i was do you know what they both have in common, Jason and Lyndon. They're both the homosexuals. Really? There might be something in Elliot Gouldsperm. There might be something in a sperm. There might be something in a little bit.

Why not? Why not? Something's cooking and it's delightful. So now, I know we're getting so far away from the other tubers. But did, okay, so there was some overlap in your relationships, it seems. Yeah, I was having an affair. Oh, wow. It was a, what was the term you used that's okay to have an affair?

Oh, ethical non-monogamy. It was non-ethical monogamy. I was cheating. Yeah. I was younger. And sorry, have we talked about who you were cheating on? My husband. Right, but have we talked about him? Benny, no.

Okay. What did Benny do for a living? Oh, Pat. I thought you meant, what did you do to deserve the cheating? Well, both, actually. Sure. Benny was an ice cream truck driver. Okay.

Noble work. And yes, very, very sweet man. I'll say did nothing to deserve the cheating. cheating. It was my own way. I had always been told I could have any man I wanted. And how are you going to turn out Elliot Gould was hot, hot, virile at this time. He was really. I was the money maker too. He could have anyone he wanted and he chose you. That's so flattering. And I was the money

in our relationship. Were you? Were you? It was really, you were making more money than the ice cream driver? Oh, a lot more. I was a big attraction in the village. Were you really? Oh yeah. Did you ever meet Lenny Bruce? I sure did. I sure did. Mortso. I sure. Yeah, Mortso. All of All the funny people. Bobby Dillon. Did you meet Mrs. Ms. Maisel? No, because, darling, she's not real.

She's on a show. Oh, I forgot. I forgot. Oh, I just wanted her to be real. Because that show really brought that scene to life. It's hard to remember that it wasn't real. So Benny and I. So Benny and you, you had a, okay, go on.

We saw Alice doesn't live here anymore. Okay. And I said, I don't want to live here anymore. Okay. I want to do like Alice did. By this point, were you already cheating with Elliot? Yes. Okay.

I was ready for that to die down. You were ready for that to end as well. So I was pregnant. So you just wanted to get out. a dodge. In this case, Brooklyn. Yes. And what made you pick Digny Falls? Yeah. Oh, we had a map. I closed my eyes. Just pointed at it randomly.

Wow. The Dignity Falls. And I'm like, well, that sounds like a lovely place. Dignity. So we just packed up, got in, we rented a station wagon. Okay. Golden colored. And we did not wear seat belts because you didn't have to. Oh, you didn't have to. It was a different time. Smoked cigarettes.

Yes. Sure. I was pregnant. I didn't can't. Probably drank. Of course he did. That's all you did. You didn't have water back then. You didn't have water back then.

We didn't have water. You could only get water in someone's home. That's right. And the tap or the drinking fountain in the pot. You always wore a suit to the car. That's right. People dressed up to drive in the car. On an airplane.

I wore a pill box hat. Yeah. In the car. Absolutely. Yeah. Full address. You just open up a map and. I mean, that's the definition of why not.

Sure. But Dickney Falls is kind of known for it. The way that we are situated in the country is so, is such a specific latitude and longitude that if you close your eyes, a lot of people end up just hitting it right there, bull's eye. Yes. Even if they're trying to hit somewhere else. Yes.

It's a bit like a Ouija boarded that way. Yeah, but we found it and it was not as populated back then. Oh, no. We started out, humble beginnings for sure. And then you've been here ever since. Ever since. And tell me about your boy. Tell me what your son.

Lindy. Yeah. He doesn't live here anymore. Lyndon doesn't live here anymore. Linden doesn't live here anymore. Okay. What does he do? And what does he do?

You know what? He's just dating and dating and dating. Oh, where? Everywhere. He's traveling around. He's got a little bit of a... What did you say? Traveling data.

I'm sure there's a natural term for it now. He's a serial data. Oh, well, okay. Is he a serial monogamous? Like he goes from one committed... No, he has a lot of boys like... A lot of boys that get phone calls on my home phone, my landline. From these boys that call, they're so upset at Lyndon, they can't find Lyndon.

Oh, no, he's a little heartbreaker. Yeah, he's a heartbreaker. Wait, so he's traveling around, but he's still giving the old home number. It's strange that he gives his parents' number. He probably doesn't. Why does he just make one up? No, because you know what the thing is, I think that Lyndon, because he's a little like me. Let's be honest.

Because he's got a little bit of his mother and him, and why not? I had fun when I was young, and he's having fun right now. Okay. But I think what's happening is that, like me, he wants to be with somebody, but it gets a little scary. But he doesn't want to lose them completely so he keeps them tethered to him by giving your number away.

Just like the dick. Oh. Can we get into the doorbell? Why not? Can we get into the doorbell? What is it about the doorbell? It says, now you say the dogs. The dogs go nuts.

First of all, the doorbell is the jarring sound. Can we all be talking? Can you let us know what it is? Can we all be talking about? Can you let us know what the sound is? Could you do it? Well, you know, the new doorbells, we have the ring doorbells.

Those are really sweet. Blong, bling blong. They're like nice little, Church back. Ours is from the 70s. It's like this. Oh, yeah. I remember those.

Yeah, the 70s. Yeah. This is before disco. The hardwired ones. Mid-70s. Before disco. Before disco. Before it got refined.

Yeah. More like it sounds like a crow trying to do disco. Very much so. Discro. Dishro. Jone. Duck. Anyway.

So, duck. So the doorbell goes off. Jarring sound. Yeah. Usually, Benny and I are trying to, trying to watch something. Oh, Benny's still with us. I want to ask.

You know, Betty is still with us. Yeah. He's retired. He's 92. So you stuck it out. You're still married. Oh, yes.

We're doing great. Oh, good. He's retired. I volunteer. And where do you volunteer? I volunteer at the community center pool. Oh, you know, I sign people in.

I checked if they're hard. Oh, of course. Yes. Have you seen me there? I have seen you there. I make sure people take a shower before they get in the pool. Well, we just had a recent guest on. who was one who does an old man, a senior,

who was, they had all decided to start being nude for their classes. So I think that's why the pool shut down for a little bit. Yeah, we had to clean it out. They called themselves the water robots. They called themselves the water robots. And we think it was a typo because it said it's a bunch of singers, old singers.

I think it was seniors, but he said they were singers as well. He said they sang that they moved robotically and then they were in the nude. A lot of old people thing. Now, do you? That's true. Yeah, what do you do to keep yourself looking so good, Sylvia? What's your secret?

You're welcome. I'd say you were 80 years old. I'm not. Absolutely. You'd be saying something that was sweet but not true and why not. What do I do? I, you know what? I walk around a lot.

I go shopping. I try to have lunch with my friends who aren't in the greatest. Sylvia, Sylvia, drop the skincare routine queen. Oh, you know what I... People are going to want to know. You know what it is? What?

I wash my face. I don't care if you tell people. I wash my face in Mountain Dew. What? You're kidding. I wash my face. In Mountain, do you're regular flavor? I don't drink it.

Actually, if it gets in my mouth, I spit it out so fast because no one is within it. I don't like the taste of it. Does it burn your skin? It absolutely burns. It absolutely burns. And why not? And why not? But when the burning stops, my face is glowing.

When the burning stops, the beauty starts is what I would say. You should do it get ready with me. I would watch that. in a heart thing. You should do a groan. I'm sorry, what? That's what the kids call it for short. Get ready with me.

G-R-O-W-F. 6-7, I know that one. Oh, good one. Good one. Everyone's, that is 12. How can that be cool for them anymore when we all know what it is? It's probably on its way out.

It's probably on its way out. I hope so. Not for six-year-olds, though. Oh, seven. I see what you did, Sylvia. Thank you. You got it. So, now can I ask how you discovered this?

Was this an accidental discovery? Great question, Joan. About, oh, yeah, it was, oh, no, can I tell you how I discovered it? Why not? It was an accident. Okay. I was trying, you know. That was what I wanted to know.

No, I used to drink Mountain Dew in the 1980s. Oh, okay. All of us did. Remember when we were drinking out of it. When we thought it was fine. That in Shasta. Yeah. Crystal light.

The surgeon general recommended it. The surgeon general didn't care. He did. He didn't really didn't care. He smoked. He did. He said, in the 80s, the surgeon general said, do what you want. I remember when he read, he got on TV,

he recommended Mountain Dew, he's blowing smoke rings as he said it. And coughing. Coughing. He was coughing out smoke rings. His eyes was so red and, like, red inside and all around. And he was hooked up to an IV. Right. His ears was some very pale ears.

Yeah. Like, he had no blood in it. Such pale ears. They looked fake. And he had a mustache that would be falling off part of it. His eyes were... He took his word for it and tried the mountain dew. And so you took...

You drank the mandu. Yeah, I drank it. And it tasted weird. But you know, Lyndon was having a birthday party. Okay. Yeah. And so I thought, well, I'm just going to like get out a big bowl. Take it.

Just put like Mountain Dew punch. Okay. But with Mountain Dew. It has a lovely fluorescent color. It sure does. It's like a mocka. It's a beautiful color. It's a gorgeous color.

Something created by alien. I decorated the boys nursery in that color. Oh, you did. Mountain Dew color? That's lovely. The Mountain Dews. I have twin boys, yes. Twin boys that are named Matt and.

The bone zone. Matt and the bone zone? Yeah. That's a lovely. The bone zone. That's a Lyndon. Lyndon has like the bone zone. Oh, why not?

Oh, I bet. Anyway. So you got the punch bowl. Punch ball. I said, hey kids, time for punch. Yep. And wouldn't you know it my, I was wearing, it was the 80s, but I was wearing platform shoes.

Oh, could we do. It takes me a while to catch out. Why not? Why not? You spent money on those shoes? You just throw them out because they're not inside? Exactly. And you know what?

They come back around. They came back around soon after. You're wearing them now. I am. Take you for noticing. My ankles are much more fragile. But they heels. Oh, that explains the tape.

Well, why not? If they break. I mean, your ankles look like wrists. They are just so, so delicate. I love that you've taped them up like a boxer. I have to. They break like almost every other day. No, no.

I think it's easier to put tape on it. Oh, that's terrible. I can't go to the hospital. Yeah, why bother? Why bother? Who cares? Why not? What are they going to tell me?

Seriously. What are they going to say? So how does your face end up in the punch? I tripped on the shag rug. Oh, right as they said, hey, kids, here comes the punch. Yes. My face fell in the punch. Yes.

Kids were laughing. Of course. As they do. Uh-huh. Why not? I laughed as a child, too. And then my face is burning. Yeah.

Burning like horrible. Yeah. I'm like, ah, I feel like, Mount San Hellens because that was what was happening. Oh, right, right. And then when it stopped burning, I put my face up. The kids collectively gasped. Wow.

Gasp. Yeah. Said, you look beautiful. Oh, my goodness. Mrs. Vigils, which is by the way, my last name. Oh, we didn't know. Sylvia Vigils. Sylvia Vigils.

You know, kids don't, it must have been remarkable because kids don't usually recognize good skin. No, they don't. Or even just comment on adults' appearances, unless to maybe be cruel or crass. It looks like good, though, that you had to say something. Wow. Well, in the end, you had the last laugh because you ended up discovering a fountain of youth in that punch bowl.

And I, you know what, I did laugh. Oh, did you? Why not? Why not? Why not? Life's the cabaret. I laughed as a kid, too. Who didn't?

What'd you say? I said life's the cabaretled job. Oh, I love that show. Sure. I'm sure. So the doorbell we covered. Okay. Well, yeah, the dogs.

How many dogs do you have? I have eight dogs. They're all. Eight! I have, they're all Yorkies. That's all Yorkies. All Yorkies. All Yorkies.

How can you tell them apart? Well, probably their names. They all look alike. They did respond to their names. What was that, darling? I just wanted to know their names. Oh, sure. Abel.

Abel? Look at this. Look at this. I'm coming. I'm coming. That seems confusing. It seems very confusing. Look at this.

Look at this. But you know what funny? Look at this. This is the difference. Look at this, walks straight towards you. And for some reason, I'm coming, walks backwards. You're kidding. That's what happens.

Is that why you named him that way? Because it was just so silly to you as a puppy? Yeah. Okay. That's very cute. Something's wrong neurologically. Apple, apple, look at this. I'm coming.

Lisa. Nice name for a Yorkie. I'm not Elliot Gould. I'm not Elliot Gould. What was the confusion there? Why did you need to name the dog that? I had a little bit of the devil in me. I didn't want to talk about Eliot.

Elliot Gould because it wasn't out to everybody. Does the dog resemble Elliot in any way? Oh, yeah. A Yorkie that resembles Elliot Gould. I will say Elliot Gould had sort of puppy dog eyes. He was very canine. I'm not Elliot Gould. Puppy dog eyes.

He has got curly hair. Hang dog expression. Where's the track suit? Yes. And he's got a star of David like mole on him. Oh, does he? Yeah. Not a no, babe.

Not a knoll. Yeah. So anyway. Oh, how many of I named? You've named five. Yeah, five. Watchos. Watches?

Watches? Watchos? Watchos? Watchos? Like nachos, but watchos. Yeah. Okay. Tree top.

Tree top. That's a fun way. And bouncer. Bouncer. Oh, that's a cute name for a dog. Did I name them all? Yes. You did.

I was a dog. I don't think so. Unless we had other pets. Bounces is adorable. I bet. He's exactly why. He bounces. Why not?

I figured. Why not? Any box when he bounces. They all have a voice. That is piercing, I'll say. They all have that in common. So when that doorbell goes out. Okay.

So let's, if you could, using your sort of abilities as of introverts. Oh, good idea, Bert. Could we hear the doorbell and then the dog's response? Okay. Okay. And I have to throw my voice? You don't have to throw it. No, just I imagine you have, you have talents to make your voice sound like some of the dogs.

Yeah, like some of the dogs. I might get off a little bit. That's okay. No worries. Die-d-d-die-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d. That goes on for, I mean, 20 minutes. You know what? Everybody listening, just please don't ring her doorbell, because did you just hear that? That is absolutely. You are correct. That is too much to handle. How are they with knocking? How are they with knocking? Thank you.

Better? And I put up signs and say, how about try knocking? And they don't mind the knock. Now they ring the doorbell. Nobody reads anymore. Nobody reads anymore. I bet the dogs not the people.

The dogs try. How do the dogs? I said, do the dogs react okay to the knocking? Because you said knocking's okay. It doesn't bother them? No, they barely hear it. You're kidding. We're fine with the knocking.

It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. Okay. And Benny and I are usually watching some Shelley Long movie that we like. Sure.

Oh, what's your favorite? Like, which one would you just say if I turn on the TV and that's on? I'm sitting down and watching it to the end. You again? Oh, who isn't you again?

Hello again. I'm sorry, it's called hello again. You again? It's a great name for a movie. Yeah, it was called Hello Again. Who's in Hello Again with her? Judith, Ivy. Oh, I love her.

Corbyn-Bernson. I love him. You said his name, Brunson? I think he was just Branson. Yeah, she's dead in it. And she's like one of those movies But she comes back and he's like remarried and she's like, how did this happen? I'm alive.

They haven't done one of those movies in a long time. It's true. I do miss those ones. Dead girlfriend's ones. Yeah, for a while they hadn't done the body switch movies and then they came back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, good one. Such a good one.

A little bit racist with the guys named back in bowl. But which was, you know what he should have put back in the bowl? It's the mountain dew and maybe he would have looked young. No kidding. Now, we've talked, we've covered the door, but we've covered the dogs. Yes. Do you answer yourself a green thumb? These tubers, are these the only things that, you know.

Yucca tubes. Now, I've only heard tubers as referring to potatoes. But I do know that other things can be called tubers like anything that's going underground. They're big heavy. Not a tuber. Starchie. Doug doing a little kindergarten cop. It's not a tuber.

Thank you. Really tickled. You're welcome. My favorite is when Doug makes himself laugh. really caught himself by surprise of that one. It came quick and fast. He had a little fun with kindergarten cop.

Just a little bit. Just a little bit. And why not? Why not? So what was the question? Okay, the question was, are you a green thumb? Do you have other things to offer? Is it just these tubers you're trying to get off of your hands?

This yard, we've lived here for so. This yard has been the bait of my existence. Oh, has it? It's just nothing grows there that should. Is this, then this is all you can grow? Do you even mean to grow these? I don't even mean to grow these. It doesn't almost seem like she has just too many.

She doesn't even want them. I mean, it sounds like you're overrun with these tubers. Can I ask? Are the tubers an accident much like the Mountain Dew? Thank you. But not a happy accident. Not a happy. So, do you tell us what happened?

Oh, just, you know how people get weeds? Sure. I don't. I get these tubers. I always call them volunteers. Weeds? Yeah. Why is that?

Because they're like, I volunteer. I'll give it a try to sprout up through the cracks. She always says that. She always talks like the weeds. That's sweet. She has a voice for her. each one. I'll grow where no one else will. That's a very sweet spin on wheat.

What is that? What is, what do they sound like when they get yanked out though? Oh, your dogs will be going nuts. Oh, going nuts. I did, die, die, guy, die, guy. Let it die, die, die, die. Are they saying die? As you tell me, they can't speak English. No, that's true.

No, they can. It might be a happy accident. That's true. You know what? That's not true. You know what? That's not you. Some dogs do say hello. I guess there's a couple of videos. like that.

Yeah. So, yeah, they do that taste. That's your Santa? Maybe. No, come on, Joan. Okay. Do you know what? I'm famous for doing Santa Claus at the holidays.

Because it terrifies the children. It does not. The kids are just, they're very, these kids are very well behaved and they realize they have enough. But, so the kids will come up and I'll say, you know, they'll come up to visit me, take a picture, and I'll greet them with, He, he, he, he. This fire Christmas.

What's a lot of change. Very Christmas this time. That was really off. You want to try it a lot of art. No, it's terrible. Oh, dear. That's a witch voice. That is a witch voice.

That is a witch voice. Sylvia hears it. You want to die? Now, Santa never. Now, I can, now I will give you. Do you want a doll? I heard do you want to die. I would never say do you want to die.

Well, the accent is so thick, it is unintelligible. I'll just let you know that. Also, speaking of die. I know we were doing notes today. My, I just realized something. Well, it's the final episode. I just realized something. My dogs might be saying die.

Because when Benny and I would fight sometimes, it would end with us screaming die at each time. Oh, no. It would. Have we died? That's terrible. And then how'd you de-escalate from that? Now, that's how the fight ends?

Yeah, we chrychando into die. You die. Die. I mean, I guess there's nothing to say after that. Right. But then you walk away. You walk away. You cooled down.

I've gotten to this point. And then you come back and go, I look, I didn't mean that. Oh, good. I'm so glad. I didn't mean die. Or you say, hey, I didn't die. You walk away. You're talking on you.

90 and 92. We're still here. Okay. Like a lane stretch. Like a lane stretch. I mean, who's not here, which is so sad. But she's saying I'm still here. That's right.

That's right. What was the garden? Did you have a period where you wore a long white man's shirt and just pulled a dragged a stool around the house in tights and high heels? Yeah, that was a style. Yeah. That was a style for a while. It was called the Elaine.

I remember the Elaine. I look forward to my Elaine chat. I really do look forward to my 11th. It's in your 70s, honey. Oh, I can't wait. Oh, it's coming. You don't give a shit about anything. I'm here for it.

Oh, you're going to love it. Now, Jo, I know. It can't come soon enough. I remember watching you watch yourself on video, a video of your performance at the Community Falls Playhouse and just yelling, R! When I watch myself, I, um, I insult myself out loud of the screen as Elaine Stritch. I understand.

I used to do that when I'd watch myself with the squirrel. Really? Yeah. Oh, you took video of your ventriloquism. Yes, but it was Super A camera in back. Sure. Oh, sure. Hey, can I ask you, did you ever do your act here in Dignity Falls?

Because you were a young lady when you arrived. You had the baby, then what? No. I mean, we had to do something for work. Did the baby end your ventriloquism career? No. My bet, I was like, I can't do this. I got to get a real job.

She's like, instead of holding a dummy, I have to hold a baby. And there wasn't a demand in this town for a ventriloquist. There was a ban for a while. people thought it was rich witchcraft yeah yeah i remember that they would lash a bunch of dummies together and just burned their graves yeah and why not they did bury all the dummies there's a dummy graveyard it's the yes it's the dummy cemetery oh we used to der each other when we were kids to walk past it the grass is sour yeah the dummy cemetery oh are you doing a little more fred gwin a little fred quinn oh yeah monsters yes oh yeah monsters oh yeah monsters oh yeah monsters oh yeah monsters oh yeah monster so

So did you, what did you do something for a living? Or what did Benny do? Did he support you? No, he still did his ice cream truck. Okay. Okay. Was that enough? And did you have to work?

Yes, I did. What did you do? I was a parapsychologist. Oh, wow. I was a parapsychologist. I didn't realize I had the talent until I moved. Dignity evolves. I know it sounds funny, but it's true.

I helped a lot of people. Now help me understand. There's mediums. and there's other different kinds of people who deal with paranormal, but this is someone, like, you're dealing with you deal only with children. I know some people only deal with children. Would you have, what, tell me about your clients and tell me about one of your cases. I deal specifically with ghosts, and I analyze what their mental issues are.

My parapsychologist. Oh, is that what it means? It's your psychologist to spirits. Yes, that's what it means to me. I didn't know. That's what it means to you. Yes. Is that what it was?

Yes, what it was. Okay. So can you give me? Okay, Bert's still recovering. I have to have to tell you. Yes. What's that? You, as a mother of a newborn, yes.

You couldn't be a ventriloquist. No, because people would hang us. But you still needed money. Yes. So you went into parapsychical. And that was socially acceptable at the time. That was very. And just as lucrative, if not more so.

Yes. The ventriloquism. Absolutely. Everybody's got ghosts around. Everybody's got ghosts in their house that they want the, The ghost of problems. Yeah, the ghost of problems. Can you give me an example of a client and what your therapy looks like?

Okay. Do you know Barbara Cunts? Oh, I do know Barbara Cuts. I was like, she is the unhappiest woman in town. And the unhappiest children. She is a real sourpuss. That whole family. Well, there's a reason for it and it's not because of her name.

They tried to rebrand. They did a whole. No, no, no. You could visit. They put an apostrophe in there. Yeah. And they did a big train set at Christmas time. And they're like, it's Christmas with the cunts.

All aboard, cunts. Remember she had a cookbook? Cooking with cunts. It did not sell. Do you know who worked at the cuntz train? They also tried one of those dump cookbooks. It was cuntz dumps. Cunst dumps.

Oh, that's right. No one wanted to buy it, though. It didn't do well. Not appealing. That book actually, well, they owed money on the book. Oh, no. Terrible. Well, this is this ties into, this ties into what I did for them.

Okay, what did you do for? Okay, so the cunts were kind of, they were haunted. And they had, they were haunted. Sure. Their home was haunted. Well, they had no success. And also they had a ghost in their house that would honestly mock them. No, they could hear it.

It spoke to them. That's terrible. In the middle of the night, wake them up and say, you're not good enough. Oh, no. You're not good enough. Are you sure it wasn't someone's mother-in-law? Boo, not in the ghost way. Yeah, boo is in thumbs down.

Like not a lot of voice to it. It's just like boo. Matter of fact. Were the ghosts, the old cunts? Oh, like ones who had died there. Family members, ancestors. It was a family. It was the cunt, it was the cunt's relatives.

It was his relatives. Didn't like her. Right. So I had to figure out what was eaten, what was eating their gilb? Terry cunts. Terry cunts. There was Larry cunts. Mary cunts.

Mary cunts. Jerry cunts. But of course, remember there were also, they had servants back then. And they wrote a book about it, serving cunts. Yeah. Serving cunts. Do you know the second one? Now it means something.

That was the second one. Cunstairs downstairs? And, oh, there was a third one, too. Really? Oh, what's that? What I remember? Remains of the cunts. Yes

That's familiar to me now, yes Yes That one, yeah That was more niche Now I can see that Now I can see it I can see the cover Beautiful

Okay so then what happened You go into this house Did you know one of them Went into the priesthood Oh they did And became a cardinal in Rome Oh, car And he wrote

He wrote a book called Cunclave Oh by Cardinal Cunts Conclave by Cardinal Cuncts Oh good for this. You know, everyone's, good for them. Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not? You know what? You got to do what you got to do. They did it. Anyway. So, so I went into the house. I went to the cunt. Yes, what do you do? The cunt's house. Yeah. Which, by the way, always needs a bit of cleaning.

Yeah. They're messy cuss. Yes, sure. Anyway. So, I, uh, I talked to the rest. That's why if you have, like, if you're wearing an outfit, you know, and maybe you've spilled something on it, People say, look at that cunty little skirt. Yeah, that's exactly where it came from. Yeah, that's exactly where the term came from. Cunty little scour. Your hair's in a cunty little bomb. That means like you have a leaf in your hair.

What do you think of all this discourse? Well, why would I have any problem with it? You just talking about the cunts. Yeah, we all know. You're talking about the cunts. I know. I know. So anyway.

I just wouldn't matter. I just didn't know if you had anything to say about it. I put it to the house. I mean, I cunts believe it's not. Don't believe it's butter. There it is. I cubs believe it's not Butler. Sorry, that was the fourth book.

That was the fourth book of the domestic servitude, quadrilogy. They also, for a while, they made... I cuntz believe it's not Butler. They also, they also made a movie once. Did they really? Yeah, can stop the music. They got in trouble for that one. So wait, just that one.

So I really want to hear what it is you did to help this ghost, do you say? It was a family. It was a bunch of ghosts. That's right. We established it with some of the relatives. They would all take turns mocking them. Boo, you're not going to boo. Okay.

So where do you start? What did you do? I went into the living room. Okay. I got the living cunts around. Yes, great, great. I lit a candle. Okay.

Did you have to light a candle? You always have to see the light. Absolutely. I had a clean, a clear glass of water. Okay. A clean and clear glass of water. You cannot. No.

I closed my eyes. Okay. I saw them. They all came to me because I didn't know I had this cow. Could you see them? Were they visible to you

before you closed your eyes? No, I have to close my eyes. You have to close your eyes and then you can see a ghost. I can smell them. You can smell the ghosts. Just these ghosts or every ghost you can smell? Every ghost has a smell.

Okay. Okay, God. I didn't know that. Like a dog. Oh, okay. Every dog has a smell. It's so true. I guess so.

I guess so. I guess so. I close your eyes. You see them. I close my eyes. I see all of them. I said, what's wrong with you?

What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? What's going on in your brain? Okay. And one by one, they opened up to me. They started telling me what was bothering them in their life. Yes. I let them tell them.

And they became lighter. So this was like their unfinished business. And they were. Oh, wow. And they found out, you know what? We're not mad at her at all. Oh. Barbara Cunts.

Yep. Not mad at her. Not mad at something. Matt at something they did. Whatever happened in their life. Right. They all became brighter, lighter. and they floated away.

Wow. They floated away. That's beautiful. It is so beautiful. And is that generally how it happens, or did you ever have a really tricky case? Oh, it usually happens like that. Okay, good. One time I had a real asshole.

Oh, you did. Yeah, real asshole. Uh-huh. Yeah, his name was Devin. Okay. He was dead. Okay, sure. And he would not leave.

You wouldn't tell me shit. I kept saying, what's your problem, Devin? He's like, I'm not telling you. He's like, you're going to tell me. This is all with my eyes closed. Oh, wow. You're talking out loud. You can hear them talking.

Yeah, I can hear them talking. Like, do they sell, what I mean by that is, can you hear them in your head or do they sound like they're corporal beings? Could other beings? I can hear them in my head, but I'm speaking out. I understand. No one else can hear it. No, got it. I tell them later.

Sure. So it's really just your word that this happened. Exactly. That's a good one. And how much you charge, how much you charge an hour? $3,000 in hour. And this was the 70s. Right.

So that's like $8 million. Well. You know, we bought our house for $0.15. Oh, yes, absolutely. 15 cents. I sure were the days. It's four bedrooms and we don't need them all. Of course you don't.

Because it's just me, Benny, and Lyndon. And the dogs. Well, Lyndon isn't even there that much now. All the dogs sleep in the same bedroom? There's a, yes, they all. That seems unnecessary. There's so much room. Well, they sleep in one bed.

Well, there's a bunch of little bunk beds. Oh, that's cute. That's a door. That's really cute. Just don't ring the goddamn doorbell. No, everybody don't ring the doorbell. We won't. Did we get to how you accidentally.

planted tubers in your yard? I didn't accidentally plant them. They just grew. That's right. It's like my yacht is haunted. Oh, do you think that's possible? Have you ever seen, trying to figure out if your house is haunted?

I have not. This is very helpful because this yard just starts growing things that I've never planted. Like, what else? Oh, oak trees. Multiple oak trees. Just multiple oak trees. A garden gnomes that I did not put in. They come up from out of the grass.

I'm not, I guess I'm going to come on. Do you think I'm going to lie? These things grow out. Okay. And you think it might be a ghost doing this? I just, it does seem like paranormal activity. Something like it.

And it has anything happened in the house or is it just the yard where you get to weird? It's the goddamn yard. Have you ever dealt with a haunted yard? No, but I think I'm going to start doing it in my 90s. I'm going to take. Maybe it's one last job you have to do is this, is this job. Oh, you think it's going to kill me? No, I don't want to die before you were.

No, they're retired. Then you can retire. Did my husband's good. Oh. Then I could retire. Well, you said your husband was retired and I was quite sure what you do. You volunteer. I volunteered to pool.

But this would be like one last score. You know what I mean? Yeah. Do you ever see it that way? No, but I do now. Good. I didn't think I had to prove myself, but maybe I do. I don't know.

I mean, I think if anything, I'd really like for. I like doing that noise. That felt good. It's kind of a good sound. That's what I do when I'm just like... That's relief in your 90s. You know, when you can't sleep at night, you haven't some insomnia? Yeah.

Let that sound out. Really? Your whole body relaxes. I think we'll give it a try next time. It's very jarring to your partner. I'll tell you. Sure. Because you just hear, the partner's sleeping in the here.

Ah. Yes. But your body kind of relaxes. It is. It did make me more relaxed. I have to say. So I guess, I guess besides the maybe possibly haunted backyard in these tubers, the other thing I'm really,

hearing is I just did we ask this yet does linden know who his real father is no this is the first time i've ever told anyone no can i just sort of go go well just i mean are you worried about them hearing this or do you feel like this is finally your way of of getting this out in the open this has been on my chest for a long time sure sure and this is my own personnel haunting oh no oh wow not the yard but this maybe it's connected to the yard maybe it is connected to the yard you know what i just remember What? Elliot Gould's favorite food was the Yucca tubus. No way.

That was, and you, he just like, you had to, you have to. It was the 70s. Yeah, that was everyone was into. Yes, people went to granola. Yes, they were smoking the tubas. Yeah. You got to be careful. You got to cook that because they are toxic.

Is that true? That is true. Tubers and jello. It's got some cyanide. Oh, some cyanide. Look it up. The yucket tubes, I think it's got some cyanide. You got to cook it.

I remember. that from a Poirot I read once. Oh, really? Her great parro? Yes. And he said, ah, if you see, there's a bit of tuber in the corner of his mouth. He's been poisoned. Oh, that's a great paro.

It was a great paro. Belgian. Yes, not French. No. Yeah. So, so here's my theory. I think that a lot of times a child can't name it, but can sense that there is a secret in a household, right? Maybe.

And they also can sense that something's up with their identity. They don't understand. They're searching for something. Do you think that maybe Lyndon is just on this quest and he can't really commit to any one person? Because he's trying to still figure out what one last puzzle piece of his identity is. And I think setting him free might set you free. And maybe it'll help him settle down. Exactly.

That's what I'm saying. Searching for dick all the time. No, we might still do that. But I think maybe. Why not? You know what? Consensual. What was the term? It was an ethical non-monogony. Yes, yes.

This basically, that's a fancy way of just saying it's, you know, agreed upon consensual. Yes, exactly. Basically, yes. And, you know, and whatever he wants to do is fine. It's just that it seems, I'm a little concerned that he just seems to not ever be here, not ever come home, leaving the phone number, your phone number. I think he wants to stay tethered to home. He's a rolling stone. Yeah, right, because I think he's just missing that piece of, Information.

Can I ask, does he, who does he resemble more? That's a good question. Benny or Elliot Gould? Yeah, has that ever come up? Oh. Or are you, who are you? How about he takes that to me? Benny or Gould?

I mean, he kind of does look like Elliot Gould. Yeah. Not now, though. But has Benny never said anything? Young Elliot Gould. I just had to clarify it. Yes, yes, yes. That would be astonishing, considering the timing.

Indeed. Yes. If he looked exactly like the legal looks like that. Maybe it's too young to look like Elliot Gould now. Sure. Has, has, has, has, has, has, has, has, has, has been any kind of mention, like sometimes. People, people, people, you'll see, they'll say, oh, they look just like you, but did no one ever say that to Benny? You know, it's funny.

Every once in a while, Benny will try to say the word gold and it comes out Gould. Benny does. Yeah. Wow. And I feel like he knows something and he doesn't want to say it. And I'm like, the word gold, Benny. And he's like, I know, I just slipped up. Can I make a mistake every once in a while?

And I said, why are you fighting me? And then that's when you'll scream to each other, I wish you'll die. Pretty soon right after that. What I think is going on? What? He's saying gold. So you will notice it. You'll say the words gold.

He says, can I make a mistake every once in a while? He's forgiving you. He knows what is happening. He knows about this. And he's saying, let's let it go. You don't have to be haunted by this anymore. That's beautiful. Thank you.

You know what's going to happen? I'm going to go, oh, I'm going to go home. I'm going to disinfect my yard. Okay. With the ghosts. Sounds good. I'm going to have a seance, get rid of them. Great, great.

I'm going to pop in a VHS of Troop Beverly Hills. Oh, wonderful. Sit down with Benny, strip his clothes off. Okay. Get on top of them. Oh, wow. And just go to town. This is beautiful.

What a beautiful image And the rest of that Beverly Hills playing on VHS As you straddle your seat in a husband 92 and 92 He deserves it Can I ask the question? He's as good as Gould

Oh that's lovely He's better than Gould Baby you had a question before we let our guests go Good as Gould Yeah I would just love a A voice throwing demonstration And also do you throw your voice What

You throw your voice Yes What is it you want, babe? You want me to do why? The demonstration. Meaning. And then you said and also. This is a couple of requests.

Was that it? And also I would like that. Oh, okay. Do you want me to throw my voice? Yes, and also I'd like that. Okay. Okay. You're outside though, right?

Yes. Okay. I'm inside but outside. Your voice is inside, but you're sitting outside. That's right. Is this a riddle because you're in the hobbit hole? Okay. I'm inside, but outside.

Is there, are you, is there a, Bush by you? Do you see a bush? Sure. Yeah. Okay. Turn and look at the bush. Okay. Hello. I am a bush. What's your name? How was that? He's going to answer you. Yeah. He's going to want to have a conversation.

Oh. My name is Keith. Keith. Kate. Kate. Kate Bush. Get it. Kate. Oh, okay. I still got it. What did you think the name was Keith? Key. No, Keith is my brother. I'm Keith.

Key Bush is your brother? Keith. Is Bush related to cunts? Oh, boy. That's all, folks. Yeah, I'll say. Well, Sylvia, I, I, we want to thank you so much for being here. You are a delight.

I love why not. I'm going to take these breaths in the middle of the night. I'm going to make those noises. I'm looking forward to the time when I'm in my 70s and I care less about everything. It's going to happen. I can't wait. It's going to happen unless an accident happens. And, you know, good luck with everything.

Thank you. What a fascinating life. And thank you for sharing it with us. And best of luck with everything at home, with the haunted yard. Yeah, the tubers, the dogs. Yeah. And just riding your husband into the sunset. Yeah.

Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait. I bet neither can be. Why not indeed? Why not? We will be right back when the neighbor will listen. returns. Hi there, this is Q.

I am selling Glade Air freshener collection for $50. It's a limited edition Glade Air fresheners in twinkling pine and cedar and fall night long sense. Well, I got to tell you, I had three boys, okay? I had three teenage boys, they've all gone off to college, and amazingly, I have no more need for these now.

The house smells so good on its own, and thank God I don't have to buy these weird-ass canisters ever again. Of course, until they come home, which I hope is not soon. I love them, but I don't love to smell them. Come get these, please, thank you. Welcome back to The Neighborhood List. Wow, what a, what a wonderful way to end the season. Yeah, she was a delight. She was really something else.

Yeah, yeah. What a life, you know, what a life. What a life, a life well lived. From Brooklyn to having the love child of Elliot Gould to cheating on her husband all those years. She becoming, to talking to ghosts. I mean, what a, she contains multitudes. Truly. Yeah, I hope she's having a great time with her husband.

right now. May I say? Why not? Why not? Indeed. I'm going to take that attitude to heart. She's still walking down the driveway in those platforms. It's taking her a while. She's falling four times. Babe, can you go help her to her car maybe or just at least keep an eye on her? Can you see her from where you are? Yeah, just watch her. I don't think she would. She wouldn't appreciate. Yeah. How's a knoll coming? I mean, how's the Hobbit? How's the Hobbiton coming? Here we go. Here we go. I don't know what that means. Now, what is that? Now, that sounds like a story from deep in a hills of Middle Irish.

I'm sorry. This is what now? I don't understand. Doug, I'm so sorry. That was my first thought as well. Are we watching QI? Doug, what is? Explain the connection to Hobbitz.

Explain yourself. I can't wait. Me neither. I asked, I asked Alexis, to play me something from the Shire. Right. Oh. And that's what they played me. Yeah.

And I think it's like a reggae band. Sure. Sure. Well, if you, you know. It's good vibes only, though. If Hobbiton was in a tropical place, that's probably what it would sound like. Probably. Probably.

It stands to reason. It probably wouldn't be a bunch of pan flutes or anything. I mean, do you think, here's the thing. This is an untapped idea is that. is that was Middle Earth just this one square footage of area? Absolutely. There could have been all over the world these times.

For sure. And there could have been Tropical Hobbits. Why not? Oh, I would love Tropical Hobbits. Yeah. No? Smoking their pipe. Oh, that's right.

It would be like banana peels or something. It would be a sacrient. Yeah. I love those movies. That's shown there. Doesn't like how much I've watched them. Yeah, I don't. Well, because what he does is he watches them and we're coming up in this time because

we're about to start the new year. Yeah. And in that sort of dead time after the holidays, you know, we're waiting just for everything to start up again. You start to kind of lose your mind a little bit. And so that's when he sets aside time to watch every single movie, starting with the Hobbit. Sure.

Extended edition. Yes, he does. He does all the, all the cuts. Wait, you're saying there's an extended edition of the Hobbit as well? Yeah. Oh, all of them. That's criminal. And I do the Leonard Nimoy.

Oh, boom, boom. That's right. That's right. He does that one. I can almost sing that song. Uh-huh. And he does, he does second breakfast. He does, there's, like, he literally, I have, he does 11sies.

I have to prepare all of this food. And I wear the wigs. He wears the wigs. He wears the long, you know, beautiful strands. Yeah, elfin hair. Yes. So I think it looks cool. It's a big deal.

It takes a lot of time. It's a lot of work for me. I speak a little of, sure. I know I don't have to stay away from Mordor. Oh, very good accent. Very good accent. Arfran. Is that Liv Tyler?

That is Liv Tyler. Man flesh. Man flesh. Man flesh. That's an orch, I presume. That's orcish. Yes. Orcs, don't they have a song?

From the animated movie? You're thinking about the orcan commission. You're thinking about Orkin. No, is there a song in the animated movie? Oh, yes. Yes, of course there is. Can you remember how it goes? I can't.

I remember that movie, The Hobbit, and the, I guess the Lord of the Rings too, right? Ralph Baxhue, very, very bleak. Oh, yeah. It's like that kind of animation in that as a kid, like the old Spider-Man cartoon. It very is. Is this for me? I don't think it is. Yes, it is.

It's gritty. Yeah. Yeah. When there's a, where there's a whip, there's a way. That's right. Yes. No. Oh, no.

No. So gloopy sounding. Where there's a whip There's a way This is right in my range There's a way You can do this one Where there's a whip

There's a way Where there's a whip There's a way You can do it I could just do that part You found it I know when you were singing Two different notes

I was saying This is perfect for me This is amazing Do you know what My goal for The next season Yes I hope it's not to

Let's do it No, you know, I just, I did a whole board for this season. Right, right. But I don't want to, I don't want to, you know, lose, waste our time. I understand. You know, closing on this season by talking about next season. But I'm going to, I'm going to really try to add some more notes to my singing repertoire.

Oh, I think it's great. Listen, I think you're already on your way. You have two notes now, like officially. Yeah. It's official. It's official. It's official. We're calling it. At the end of season 13, you now have two.

Time of second note. Time of second notes. I'll miss that. Do you see this big scratch of my arm? Yes, I do. Is that from the climb? Yeah, that is from the climb. Wow.

You have one on the other arm, too. Yeah. You know what it is, is that halfway up the devil's tower, there's a lemon tree. And these stupid-ass trees, for some reason, have gigantic thorns on them. How can that survive? It doesn't look like there's any vegetation up there.

I almost feel like I talked about it on this show before because for some reason, lemon trees, I don't know how I keep coming in proximity to them, but they sure do have thorns. Yes, they do. And it's shocking. For such a sour fruit. Who do you think is coming after you?

Absolutely. Yeah, exactly. Who do you need to protect yourself from? Also, it's not working. It's not working. You know what I mean? Yeah, we got plenty of lemons. Everyone.

Well, I have a, I have a post. Oh, yeah, final post, yes. And it is from Kimberly. and a post like this always just make me laugh. Oh, good. Well, not in a great way. Kind of like... I just, you know, you know me.

I don't like it when we use this post. When we use this app for unnecessary things. Yes. In correct way, right? Exactly. I think this falls into that category. Kimberly writes, hello. Any recommendations on where I can get some fresh sourdough bread by tomorrow?

Now, Kimberly, Kimberly. Now, Kimberly. We're looking for sourdough. We're looking for sourdough. And you need it by tomorrow. Have you ever heard of a store, Kimberly? You can go to almost any store that will have a bread section. San Francisco.

By tomorrow? She didn't specify, babe. She didn't specify. If that's what she's looking for, she's out of luck. She's out of luck. I mean, but here's the thing. I wonder if this is one of those people that doesn't, they don't trust like an online review, right?

They don't trust Yelp or something like that But see, I want to hear somebody's first-hand experience. I want them to tell me. Yes, that's true. Yeah. I'm not saying I agree with it. No, it's true. It's just the stakes of it is what bothers me.

Oh, it has to be by tomorrow. What situation has happened where all of a sudden you have to come buy some sourdough and it has to be tomorrow. And guess what? If it has to be tomorrow, you're buying store-bought grocery store-sour. You can't go to some baker. It's probably closed. This is, it's evening.

I don't, now listen, I don't know what time she posted this. By tomorrow. Is this somebody, this sounds like somebody is. Is this a life-saving issue? Yeah, like somebody, you must deliver me. It was a jigsaw. That sounds interesting. If you don't bring me first hour to bed by dawn, you'll die.

Yeah, she on a scavenger hunt that might end in death if she can't, if she can't get to it. This is just, is she on the amazing race? These kinds of posts are too many people run around, not taking, they're taking bread for granted. Yeah. You spent your life. to private people of sourdough. Oh my God. You waited tables for 24 years.

When people asked if there were sourdough toast, you said no. No, for a while there was a loaf of sourdough at the bed. Oh, is this what happens? Jigsaw knows about previous things that they've done in their life. Here's what Jigsaw is. Jigsaw is a good guy. I'm not going to go that far. He's very misunderstood.

The thing about Jigsaw is. Are you one of those people that says Gaston was the bad guy in Beauty and the Beast? Give me a break. people say that you know. Is that a large contingent of people? It is. Who was Gaston again? He's the bad guy.

He's the boyfriend? He's the boyfriend. Well, he's the bad guy. I mean... He's very full of himself, right? He sings a song about how great he is. Sorry, did I say bad guy. You did.

Sorry, people think he's the good guy. Because he's not a monster? Well, it's very easy to think of the monster of the bad guy. Yes, it is, but he's under a spell. It's not his fault. I guess he was kind of a monster of the old lady. She didn't know. Okay, so are we all agreeing Gaston's the good guy?

Well, now that I think about it. What do you want? Okay, what I want is I want information about Jigsaw I'm never going to watch these movies. Jigsaw is a man dying of cancer. Oh, really? Yes. That is a twist I did not see coming.

Yes, yes, yes. And he tried to kill himself but failed. Oh, dear. And ever since then, he made it everybody else's problem. And is he like disfigured? Is that why he wears a mask? No, he doesn't wear a mask. We have seen his face.

I thought he does. He wears that mask with the cheeks. No, no, that's a little doll. That's a little, you're kidding. That's a little puppet on. on a tricycle. Avatar, if you will. That's even more terrifying. His name, I found out his name

is Billy. People call him jigsaw, but he's not jigsaw. He's Billy. Okay. Okay. But you never see what he looks like. No, you do see what he looks like eventually.

Is this hairy? No, he looks like. He looks like the actor. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, he's not supernatural in any way. He's just very clever. Okay.

He's 10,000 steps. He just wishes he was dead, so he's just going to kill him. No, no, no. He relishes his life. He relish his life and he hates when you waste it. Okay, thank you.

Or if you waste other people's lives. Okay. Like if you're a drug dealer, you better believe Jigsaw is going to trap you. This makes a little more sense as to why they would make so many of these movies. So we're ending up, it's like a Dexter situation. We are kind of like, oh, these people deserve to die. That's what I realized.

Maybe I wasn't the only monster. I like how we spent the whole series figuring it out. Figuring out the same thing over and over again. He was the Carrie Bradshaw of serial killers. And then? And just like that. I got it again. I think that's a good place, Dan.

It really is. So Kimberly, fuck you. We had to stop saying that. It's gotten bad, burnt. You just tell the person that who's supposed to read to go to hell. And you can't keep doing that. Can you not only focus on more notes next year, but less of telling guests to go to hell? You know what, Joan?

You're right. And I apologize. And especially at the end of a year, you don't want to, you don't want to have this. No, we don't. We don't end on this. No, we don't end on this. No. Instead, we're going to end on this love.

We wish you a happy new year. Yes, everyone, have a wonderful new year. Thank you for joining us here for this season. And we look forward to seeing you again next season. If you would like to, if you can't wait to hear from us until our next season begins, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for the Maximus here, and you'll get our bonus episodes. Yes. So there's a little bit more of us.

We, we, they come out. once a month, no matter what. So there's a little extra stuff from Digny Falls coming to you. That's right. Don't forget we're doing sketch fest and that's all up online now. That is going to be. And so you can see us in January. Sunday, January 18th, if I'm not much mistaken.

No, you are correct. It is a Sunday. Yes. You're right on the date. That's a festival. It's a festival, babe. This is the one that we did where you always seem to get distracted. You were like, you wanted to go to Alcatraz.

It was a mess. And I really hope you to start the show with us in the building this time. Cable car one time. I think we're going to be at a new venue, so you have to really be careful. Yeah, here's what's strange. We're at Cobbs Comedy Club? I think so.

Cobbs. We're at a comedy club and we're just confused because we're not a comedy podcast. Yeah, we were at a proper theater. Yeah, we were just, we keep getting invited to Sketch Fest. We've never been invited any other podcast fest, so we just say yes. Yes, exactly. That's great, you know.

And, but, yeah, I don't get the comedy part. Yeah, I don't get. Maybe it's just because of the size of the venue. It's a bigger place and it's the only place they could find a house. Yeah, I get it. There's a lot of celebrities there. So they just put us there. It is a bigger venue.

So please buy tickets. Please do. Yes. We've been sold out the last few times. We've done the festival. So we hope to do that again this time. Imagine you're going to this twice. That makes sense?

We have to pay for the flight for our Dignity Falls neighbor all the way out there. That's true. We're on the hook for that. Whoever we have as a guest, we fly them out. And for whatever reason, we do it first class. I don't know why. We put them up at a better hotel than we're at. We always rent them a Hummer.

They have a personal driver and a Hummer the entire weekend. We only do the show one day. We got to rethink this, guys. We really should during the break. This is why we start out the year so broke every time. We're in the red. We're deeply in the red.

But I do want to say one more thing. You know, people have come up to me throughout the year. I love hearing. Please come and say hi to us if you're at a show or like, you know, like we're in the audience. of and you see us there too watching a show. Please say hi to us. Not during the show. Not during the show because the people on stage,

you know, they need them. It's rude. But it makes me so happy to meet all of you and hear that this show helps you stay happy. Again, I don't know what the happy, like they talk about how we make them laugh. I don't know.

Maybe some people are getting comedy from this. I'm not sure. Maybe people are just laughing because it's so relatable. Sure. Because they live in neighborhoods too. That's right. And we do have a laugh every once in a while.

We do. It's true. It is true, Joan. Only once in a while. next year I want to get into Doug's chuckles more. I only did that on one episode. We'll carve out a few more moments for you. Was that a

sort of department? We've coined a few. Yes. I believe the first Doug's chuckle was when he talked about, yes, I'll tell you what the first Doug chuckle was. It was what gave him a chuckle was the fact that these doo-wop bands would sing about like. Do you know what? No, I'm sorry. That's not. I'm sorry.

They would listen. No, it was it was greasers like these thugs from the 1950s. they would listen to do-wop music. The fact that gangs back then are listening to du-wop. I just got it wrong exactly what the chuckle was.

Doug, honestly, that is a thought that has not left my brain safe. Whenever I hear, whenever I hear, like... The toughest guys you've seen. The toughest guys from 1950s. These are the scariest guys on the street. They'd be not supposed to laugh in advance. Before they went out and whipped somebody in the face

with a bike chain. Yeah. They'd be listening to, silhouettes. Silhouettes. makes me crazy with violence. That was a good one, babe. I like that sound effect. Then they go out and get it a knife look.

I think about it all the time. Oh, wow. All right. So, yeah, more Doug Chuckles in the New Year. Well, thank you so much for listening. We'll be back with our season, with our 10th season. Can you believe it? Our 10th season.

Wow. And we look forward to chatting with you then. Until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Mitch Silpa. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Thank you. You know,

Thank you.