The Neighborhood Listen - Door-licking with Emily Pendergast

Episode Date: April 28, 2026

Burnt shares the details of some neighborhood drama, Joan explores the spectrum of kink reactions, and Doug is in his happy place. Later, they welcome Barbara (Emily Pendergast) from the NeighborhApp, a young neighbor who explains herself recently getting caught on a Nest Cam.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock this episode and ALL seasons of The Neighborhood Listen ad-free, as well as full length exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website. Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of the bonus room, go to CBBWorld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock.

Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. In Dignity Falls, you're never alone. You've got the neighbor half app and us. Burn. And Joe. From coyotes to mail theft to weird things to sell.

We'll cover it all. And meet new neighbors as well. We'll chat about any posts you're missing. So just tune in to the neighborhood listen. Gwen, welcome. To the neighborhood. Come on. What?

You said Gwen. Not. Gwen. Welcome. Not intentionally. Is this because I interrupted last time because it sounded like you said Elkum and didn't have the W on it?

Why would it be because of that? Because I felt bad that I interrupted like almost as soon as we started. Because you felt bad then I would say now I'm going to do something to get back at her. Yes, that's what I thought. Joan, what do you think of me? I don't think you're a petty person.

I just thought you maybe did it as a joke get back at. You know what I mean? For everybody who can't see me, I'm shaking my hand like, oh, you know. Like when your mom says to you, oh, you know, Lurleen Twist, you know. You think I would do a joke it back at? A joke it back at?

Yeah, I think you could do a joke back at. I guess I could do a joke it back at. And I wouldn't even be mad about it. Well, it sounded like you were because you immediately tried to shut it down. And I wasn't even doing that. Okay. But what was in your head when you just did that, the Gwen? I wasn't trying to say Gwen.

Okay. I think I was just. Okay. I don't know. Okay. That's fine. Just keep going. I didn't even know I was doing it.

I always look forward to how you're going to start. And it's always different. And it's always fun. I hope so. It didn't seem like you were having fun with this. Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in your head about it. I really loved it. Do you want to start over?

Yeah, I do. We'll cut all this out. We will not keep this in. Let's cut this out. Yeah, don't even worry about it. Shwell come back to The Neighborhood Listen. Now, come on. What are you doing?

You said Shell come back. you really did. You said Shalke him back. I thought you didn't want to put me in my head about this. I got to get to Doug here. This is early to get to Doug. But my husband, this is unprecedented. He might not have been ready.

I don't even know if he's awake, but I hope he's in here and I hope he's recording. Babe, did you hear Shelke him back? I did. Thank you. This is distressing me. Why? Because this is not very sensational.

It is right. It's season 10 and we decided on a retreat that we wanted to be season 10. And you're right. It's not sensational. This is not ten. We didn't say that that would be the name of season 10. No, we didn't.

We said that would be the vibe. We wanted to be the vibe. We haven't named it yet. We got we got stuck on Sven. We did. Ben. Ben, I think we thought it was too basic. It is.

Basic Ben. Basic ass Ben. It could be Ren. That could be nice. Season Jen. I don't mind season Jen. That's not basic. That's an honest question.

No, it's fair. I mean, what is the difference? we need Ben and Jen, really. We haven't even said who we are yet. No. We're not Ben and Jen, I'll tell you that much. No, we're not. We wouldn't be that basic.

Although we aren't married. Wait, what? We're not married. Much like Ben and Jen are no longer married. Oh, you're talking about Ben and Jen down the street? Yes. Ben and Jen Norquist?

Yeah. They had a 10th. That's where the most, it was a gross divorce. It was sick. It was so gross. It was disgusting. Do I mean? Yes.

It was gross to every girl. It was the whole neighborhood out. Yeah. It was like, ew. Just like be done. They were distributing each other's colonoscopy pictures. Yes. She dumped out all this dirty underwear on the lawn on top of people as they went by.

She's like, live with it. I have to. He put up a billboard of a picture of her with her open mouth and then pumping out this smell. And it said, could you stay married to breath like this? What a gross divorce. It was such a gross divorce. Oh, the grossest divorce. Oh, God.

Anyway, welcome to the neighborhood list. My name is Bermia Pady. I'm one of the citizens here of Dignitya Falls. That's our neighborhood. Hold on a second. What happened? Cut all of this out. Really?

Again. Oh, that was great. We can't cut. We were like, I don't know, 10 minutes in. What do you want to cut? I just want to start over again. Okay. What happened?

I want to start. I felt like I was giving out details without the information that people needed to understand those details. Okay. All right. Data first approach. Data first approach. Okay, go for it. I was saying a data first approach. Okay. Which I shouldn't have been doing.

No, that's fine. I'm fine with a DFA. I think you need to lead with context. I agree. And then fill it in with data. Fine. Like a CD. I think, what? Context data.

Okay, he was trying to do what I did. Because see, I did a little acronym. Now he was doing a little acronym. He just wanted to play the game. What was your acronym? AFT. I don't remember what it was already. It was something about...

Data first approach. Oh, I said DFA. That's what I said. DFA. DFA. DFA, St. Louis. Now we really should start over. We're getting really, really distracted.

Welcome to the neighborhood. Listen, this is the podcast that explored the neighborhood of Dignity Falls for the eyes of its many residents, two of which are seated across from each other right here. And I am one of them. My name is Burt Mianpey. I'm the pharmacist in chief at the Dignity Falls' premier pharmacy. There you go. I love it. Own it.

And seated across from me. Oh, Joan Pedestrian. I'm the top realtor here in Digny Falls and the top local actress. That's correct. Mm-hmm. And now you know who we are. Thank God. And where we are.

It took a while. Actually, didn't because we're going to cut this out. Yeah, exactly. Okay, good. Let's cut out this part too. I'll even cut out what I'm saying right now. Hey, babe, can you cut out what I'm saying right now? Yeah, I already had cut it out.

I know, but now you're going to cut out this. They already had cut it out. How'd you do it so fast? How are you recording and editing at the same time? I'm cutting the tape as it's spitting out the machine. Wait, how are you recording this? We record this on tape? I didn't know that.

Of course. What doesn't be convenient at all? Who's recording their podcast on tape? Nobody. Oh, it sounds so warm. Cetset tapes anymore? Any kind of tape? It sounds so warm.

Yeah. Are you like seated in a chair and the sound of the podcast is blowing your hair back? Yeah, exactly. Like that one ancient commotion? I remember that one. Was that for cassettes?

It was for cassettes. Actually, that's interesting to bring that up. Was that an effect people desired? No, no. wanted it. But the fact that you bring up the chair makes me think today he's in the furniture showroom. Yeah. Furniture showroom. Well, what of Doug's favorite things? If you're walking into a house and you go into a room that's a furniture showroom, how do you know it's not just a room? Because it's all lazy

boy chairs. Okay. So what Doug's favorite thing, of course, is to go in and then I'm looking for something always, you know, some fabulous Rattan furniture for outside or just an end table. For Rattan World. That's something he wants to build. We talked a lot about Rattan World. Babe, Ratan World is not going to happen, okay? Don't want Retan World's happened. We did. I mean, you had that thing where old ladies were actually so, we were actually making the retin.

We looked up what Retan is. Yeah, a lot of them back in the stroke, it was not good. Yes. And we put an end to it. So he loves to be able to go in and just relax. And we always leave too soon for him. He's like, oh, I just found the right one.

You know what I mean? Now he gets to go in, find the right one, stay in it. And guess what? It's his room, so they're all the right one. Right, babe? That's exactly right. This is probably the easiest one for you to do. You didn't have to build anything.

You just had to order all the chairs. Yeah. And I mean, you get a lot of discounts for staging furniture. I do because I didn't want this one to be costly. So I would just basically, you do sell furniture sometimes when it is just bought for staging. So we just got a lot for free. You sell furniture sometimes when it's bought. You will, you have to buy it for staging and then sell it after the fact.

That's right. Okay. Do you have to disclose? That's what it was used for. No, because it's very, people seek out. these kinds of sales because I'm sorry, did I get too, I got to I like to gesture a lot. You know me,

I'm a performer, I'm an actress, I use my body to tell a story. You like almost launched over the kitchen island at me. I did because I really wanted you. I just really, what I grabbed his neck and I wanted him to know. So you can understand why I would. I can't. Honestly, I'm really sorry. I'm sorry about your shirt. Her body tells a story. My body tells

a story. So how like when you. Oh, his face when he sings Why does he do that? It's so gross. It's like the Norquist divorce. So gross. So gross.

How do you like your room? I love it because a furnace. Bird, that was a little whimsical for you. That was a whimsical for you. I like that. Thank you. It's fun to be whimsical.

I'm going to buy you beer for that one. Oh, yeah. Doug loved that. Thank you. We should go to the DTF after this. We should. Oh, yeah. It's been a while since you guys went there.

I forgot. We used to get blacked out after each. You guys did. You woke up in a tree one time. That's right. Right. Digny Falls Tavern, of course. The Tree of Lowe. And I woke up by the tree of woe.

It's called the Digny Falls Tavern, but the sign is DTF. Yes. They messed up. They were drunk when they made it. And we, they said, hey, if this place is going to be fun, we should get drunk. Ground zero. And they all have matching tattoos for the sign. So they're stuck with that mistake forever.

Yes. But you should go to the tavern. But I want to hear, are you sitting in just one? Are you trying them all out? Trying them all out. Because anytime you go to a furniture show room. doesn't all of it feels so good? I mean, when you bring it home...

I'm busy shopping, babe, but I guess all of it feels so good. Well, you try the sofas out and stuff. Yeah. And you're always just blown away how comfortable it is. And then you bring it home. You bring it home and it's just never as good. Can I say... Oh, I see what you're saying.

You think the furniture feels better in the furniture store. Yes. Okay. It's like a pizza in the pizza parlor. I think it's just the environment. It's like getting your teeth cleaning of the dentist. It's so much better than we're... brush them at home.

Feels great. You know, the thing about furniture shopping, mattress shopping, that sort of thing, there's so much pressure for you to know if you like it or not. Yes. There really is. It's a big choice.

Honestly, I can't tell. And here, so lying on the mattress, like, is this good? I don't know. Yep. It's nice to lie down. We have tried to recreate that sense of pressure here. Why?

That's the part of it that he likes, I guess. But it's just, who else goes in there? He kind of gets off on it a little bit. I'm not going to lie. Doug, is that true? We don't think of it. We don't kink shame on this show, as we always say. We always say that.

We don't king shame on the show. We only do it in private. We don't even do that, Bert. Don't say that. Cut that part out, Doug. You never do it. I am not going to talk about that. That's too personal.

But I mean, in your mind. I am not going to talk about that. What are you doing? Okay, we're not. Shame on you. Oh, my God. Probably. Shame on.

Yeah, well, I think there's a big difference between kink shaming and kink, okay, whatever. That's your term for it. Kink, boke, whatever. That has to be communicated more clearly. There's kink shaming, which is that's disgusting. How about kink side-eye? It's more like a kink side-dyeing. I'll admit, I've kink side-dye.

Do you think that's better than kink, bokee, whatever? I do think it's better than Kink, bokee, whatever, yes. I can see that catching on. Hashtag. Because I think I think Kokee Whatever is saying do whatever you want. I don't get this at all. No, it's saying, bokeet, do whatever you want. That's what I'm saying.

Okay, whatever you want. Do whatever you want. I guess. But the way you say it, there's real judgment in there. There really is. No, there's judgment. That's not the same of shaming. I understand.

I get it. Well, I'm glad we cleared that up. Yes, we do not kink shame on the show, but we do. privately kink, boke whatever. And sometimes I occasionally kink side eye. Okay. If you like, what's the difference between king's

eye and king bouquet, whatever? I think it's less obnoxious. It's a little more demure. It's demure. But you're saying I'm being obnoxious. Very demure. You don't think a bouquet is demure? Very demure.

I think bokeye is obnoxious. Boquet is, oh, that's a, that's a bridge too far. Oh, I was thinking of a bouquet of flowers. Oh, boy, babe, of course you. A bouquet. I got you this. A beautiful bouquet. I got you a beautiful bouquet.

Beautiful bouquet. Flower. That'd be a fun name for a flower shop. Boquet, whatever. That'd be fun. I think the whatever part would give me pause. How much do they really care about making these flowers nice for me? Well, we don't have a mailboxes, et cetera.

We have a mailboxes, unfortunately. So I think it would fit right in. That is true. We have lots of stores that, we have lots of stores that sell random junk. That's right. There's the pans and lids and bureau. Diochon. Yes.

You can buy pans. You can buy lids. The lids do not fit the pants. It's very frustrating. I spent all day in there trying to find them.

And they, they let you go for so long before they say, oh, those aren't for the pans. You saw me. It's a real fool me once

twice situation. Ful me once. And then it never fooled me again. Ful me once, I give you a okay. Can't get from the can. So, so I,

so, so, what you're saying is you like the pressure. How have you applied the pressure of deciding to the room? Great question, Joe. How do you trick yourself? Thank you. Pre-guessed, great question?

This is unprecedented. Okay, go ahead. You can't leave the room until you spend the money on the, on the cell phone. You have an actual transaction for yourself? Yeah, you write a check. To whom? Well, to my... That doesn't sound like pressure so much as extortion.

It's also just weird role-playing that's just happening lonely, sad in the room. I don't like this. You made the room for me. Sad in the room. I don't like this. I suggested the room, babe, and I provided the furniture. That's true. But I knew that you wanted this.

I didn't know the part about the pressure. It's only lonely because I'm in here alone. Well, but that's what you wanted because you don't want me coming in saying it's time to go. Well, you don't want too many people in the furniture showroom with you. No, I mean, you're not inviting like extras, are you? You're not letting people in. No, I'm just saying people can come in, but it's not sad because that's the dream. To be in a furniture showroom by yourself.

Okay. Without the added pressure of the already pressure that's there. I can see it because he does love it when someone's sitting in his favorite one. And then he has to kind of wait and then he has strategies. Then you get the top out of their seat. You see their butt prints? Is it just you and the family doing this? It's just the husbands.

What are you talking about? It's just men. Just the husbands. It's just husbands. Doug, do you have like a coterie of husbands that you hang out with? That's a good idea. It's the only kind of shopping where the husband isn't sitting on a bench somewhere waiting. Honestly, you could make it a store.

Right next to the furniture store, it could be called just husbands, and they're just sitting. That's what they should do. I can make money doing that. Justins. Justins. That's what it should be called. They also sell class rings. And tape of any kind.

Tape of any kind? I'm lost on that. Doug has tape of any kind in the garage, and he absolutely loves it. And when I ask him for tape, he never brings scotch tape. He's like, what kind do you want? Right, babe? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

He's got all colors. Masking, there's duct. There's paint. Come on. Have you never heard? There's medical. I love that painter's tape. There's so many different types of tape.

I love that painter's tape. You love it because it doesn't stick to anything. It doesn't stick to anything. It's the most gentle tape in the world. The way it feels is very nice. It's gentle. You can put it out in my mouth. I wouldn't care.

It's the gentlest tape. Okay. Whatever. Oh, uh-oh. I know what he thinks of that. That lets me know. So when we were last talking, you and your. girlfriend Gabby.

Yes. Fiance. My gosh, that's so exciting to say. I guess I'm just, it's weird because I'd like to call her your wife, but you guys have called up the wedding because she's dealing with... We postponed the wedding.

I'm sorry, my bad. Yes. Postpone the wedding. Yes. That was the first time when you got Runaway Bride syndrome. The first time I got Runaway Bride syndrome. My eyes got so big and I ran away. What was the part of your eyes getting so big?

Well, you remember the, uh, the Runaway bride astronaut lady. Oh, yes. That's right. She didn't want the diaper? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But what...

She had big eyes. She had big eyes. Why was she a runaway ride? You know, that's not the detail I remember. I don't think that's a detail anyone took away from that story. Was the big eyes. I know one person who did take that detail. All right.

Okay. She's my friend's wife. Okay. Who it's the first thing she thinks of when you mentioned that. That's amazing. But why was she a runaway bride? Because she was going towards someone. She was trying to break up a marriage, wasn't she?

We'd have to look that up. But we won't. But we won't. And there's no way to know. It's lost. Maybe we should start over. Cut all of it. Welcome to the neighbor of listen.

My name is burnt me a payday. With me as always is. Jump pedestrian. Here am I. This is the podcast. Here I. Joe pedestrian. Here am I.

They used to say that. Because again, I've always been a theatrical child. So when they would do roll call in the morning and they would just go here, I'd say, here am I. Now, it almost sounds like you're imitating the famous sorcerer, Yoda. Oh, does it?

Yes. Really? Okay. To me, it's very theatrical. It's not Yoda-ish. But I guess. Yes, it could be. I am I.

I would think it would be, here I am. That's what I think he'd say. Here I am. I am Yoda. Hear me roar. No, that's not. Babe, first of all, he never said that. Also, he'd say like, Yoda I am, roar.

Hear me. Right? That's more Yoda-ish. Boy, that guy drives me crazy. Should we start over? Sorcery. Sorcery, he said? He does sorcery.

Does he? I guess he does sorcery, but it's called the force. He does sorcery. also like 900 years old. You're lucky you understand him at all. I guess that's true. You know what? Maybe when he was younger, he talked normal. You think so? Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe your, maybe your syntax gets older too. That's true. But you live long enough.

And if you hear, he hears about a fetish you don't like. He says, whatever, okay. I bet Yoda quietly kink shames everyone. No shaming kink to us. By the way, I don't think that there was ever an impression of Yoda that was further from Yoda that I just said. I'm not happy with it. I'd like you to cut it. Honestly, I didn't know you were attempting a Yoda impression. I thought you were just talking. Well, I don't think there's any more unequivocal way to find out an impression you did.

It was not good. Take another run at it. I don't want to. Yes, you do. Whatever, okay. What are we doing? What are we doing? When Frank House was doing Yoda, did you think anybody ever said, like, that's a little groverie?

Well, sure. For any voice. Get a little groverie. Grota, I am not. What? Are you okay? What were you trying to say, babe? I tried to say Grover I am not, but I said Grota.

Okay. I immediately got confused. I think we are a mess right now. They kept on track like, Frank, we don't want to have to rename him Grota. You better get it under control. It's getting real Grota right now. How long have we been talking to you call it? I don't even know what I would call this.

Talking to you call them. Oh, no. We need to stop and regroup. It's only been like three minutes because we started over. Okay, if you keep in. If we were to God forbid keep all of this, how much would it be? How long would it be? If we kept it all in, it's 20 minutes.

Okay, I think that's enough. I think we should stop. I get to our guests. Didn't it feel so much longer? It felt interminable. Should we make it a feature of the podcast and we ask people if they do a, you know, I don't know. It seems to something Jimmy Fallon would do.

Now I don't want to do it. Boy, I don't either. That really took the wind out of myself. We'll be back when they ever listen returns. This is Linda. Why do people walk in their dog feel or is okay to let the leash full out and up to my doorstep? We have two that are inconsiderate when I tell them their dog doesn't belong on my doorstep. They say my bird feeder shouldn't be left out.

Do they think the birds, squirrels, and possum should be fed inside? It's a false equivalency. So says Linda. Welcome back to the neighborhood. Listen. Bert. Babe, what did you hear? I heard it too, but I don't know we have to point it out every time.

Doug, thank you. But I feel like he's doing it on purpose. Are you not? What am I doing? I don't know what I'm doing. You said welcome. No, did I? Yeah.

Well, I didn't do that on purpose. Okay. I'm sorry. What are we doing here? Okay. Let's just keep going. Did you say bouquet? All right.

Guys, we got to get our, we got to get our sit-down. Do you think the listeners know how much cutting room tape? I'm sorry. What? Do not? Do you know, he just stopped in the middle of a sentence. I'm sorry. He just abandoned all of it.

He just absolutely ran away. I don't have anything. I don't blame him. I ran into a ditch immediately. Put him some words together and it just didn't end right. How much we restart every episode? Like how much... Well, if we keep all this, they're going to find out.

Why don't we leave it all in? And then they'll have an idea of what we go through every time we record. It takes five hours to record one of these. Yes. I got to tape this tape all back together. And now we come back in for ADR? Yeah. It's a long process.

Guys, you don't realize what goes into these things. We work really hard. Yeah, but we do have a guest. I guess we do have. Oh, boy. This is the most I've ever imitated Yoda, and I have to say, I'm really enjoying it. It's a Yoda heavy episode.

It's probably our Yoda heaviest episode. I think it is. I really think it is. All right. We have a guest here at the Kitchen Island with us, and here's what we do, folks. Every week, we comb the neighbor app, the social networking application for neighborhoods, and we find people that are interesting to talk to. What is going on today?

Leave me alone. I'm sorry, but that one was crazy. Is he crying or laughing? I don't know. If you find issues, you can be able to talk to. Maybe they need their message amplified. Maybe they have a question.

Maybe they want to help. Maybe they need to be helped. And if you see a post that you think we should talk about, why don't you screenshot it and send it to us at burnt and Joan at gmail.com like this person did. This is, this was submitted to us by a, Natane, N-A-N-A-N-E. Okay.

Chomicki. Okay. And I think we, I think this is a listener who has submitted before and thank you again. Oh, thank you so much. Nat-N-E. Nat-A-N-E. Not-T-N-A. Nat-N-E?

Not-T-N-A. Not-N-N-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-N-A. I knew you were going to say. How could I not-N-A-N-A. Of course I was. I just thought, oh, it's too easy. Doug, what did you say? How could I not-an-A.

Okay, we went back for that. This is in the crime and safety section. submitted by someone named Brad, posted by someone named Brad from Southwest, 60th Falls. Brad says, hi, neighbors. I don't even know how to categorize this. At about 8.30 in my nest cam, nice name drop, notified me that an unidentified person was at my door.

The video appears to show a dark color, full-size SUV pulling up. And then, after a moment, a young girl runs up to my door and, I know how it sounds, licks my door? three question marks? I can hear a male voice, but I can't make out exactly what he's saying. If it's a prank,

I have to say, I have no idea who this girl is. That's if it's a prank. I can't imagine what the motivation would be for this kind of thing, and I can't imagine what purpose this, quote,

prank, end quote, serves. If there's anyone on Spruce Street who has video security, I'd like to see what you might have that would show what this vehicle

was doing prior to this event. And who do we have here today? Well, here we have, I'm sorry, I've forgotten your name dear. Is Barbara? Barbara. Barbara, welcome. Barbara Norquist. Oh.

Wait, are you? Wait. My mom and dad are bed and Jen. Are they really? Well, yeah, divorce Ben, divorced Jen now. Okay. People have started calling them. They do.

It's so rude. They're like, oh, hey, divorce, Jen. It's so mean. Yeah, I was gross. It was a gross divorce. It was a very gross divorce. We were just talking about that, Barbara. So you felt it was gross as well.

Yeah, it was filthy. inside was filthy. Okay, I'm so sorry. This makes me very concerned. My mom made me make a slideshow of all my dad's medical things. Oh, she made you do that? And she can't figure out the computer too good

so she had me do it. That is so wrong. That's terrible. Okay, so then I assume, Barbara, you want to come in here and explain your side of the things because obviously you, I mean, from my perspective,

yeah, I'd be concerned and I think, oh, that's gross, but I also wouldn't want a little kid licking a doorknob anyways. There's just so many germs and bacteria. No, Barbara, honey, how old are you? Yeah, yeah.

Me, I'm 14. 14? Oh, okay. And so... How old do you think I was? Well, maybe a little younger. Well, you're very petite. I'm sorry that you heard the surprise

of my voice barb, right? I didn't mean for that to be communicated. I've been getting pretty good about reading body language and vocal. Yeah. And vocal? Yeah. You know what? I love body language language and vocal.

I'm an actress. They go hand in hand, absolutely. You sure do. Yeah. So why don't you just maybe take a special? back to this night and tell us what happened from your perspective. Well, my dad's not going to really like it too much because I'm about to put him on blast and put his feet to the fire, but it was his SUV.

Okay. So we were coming from cleaning his panties up from my mom's front yard. Was this during the divorce? How long ago was this? Or was this? Well, the divorce had been kind of going on for like a long time. Yeah, I take a long time. They say nothing really comes out of the blue.

And this sure wasn't. I mean, they put an announcement in the paper. Yeah. They did. They said, we're getting divorced. Stay tuned. Then there was a billboard with like a ticking, like you have the national debt like in the New York. It was just how many minutes it's been.

Yeah. Yeah. And so it's kind of going up. Some people said it's going up faster than like those smoking billboards that took up. Oh, right, right. Because you know how we have one on one side. The smoking kills and then the divorce minutes. Yes, that's right.

We do. We have dueling billboards. Some people think it's a race. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. And the smoking people are like smoking even more. Try to get.

Yeah. Try it. It's very unhealthy competition. It's bad. So you were driving around. What time was this about? Does he say what time it was? Let me see.

Okay, check it out. Let's go back to the text. All right. Brad says 8.30. Okay. Which it was already nice because I was out after my bedtime. Oh, really? Went to go to bed?

At a 14 year old. Seven. Wow. That is very early. It's very early. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

It is. I don't know. Are you even tired at some of you? I wake up around 10. Yeah. And then I kind of just wrestle around for a little while. Oh dear. Yeah.

And that's kind of where I was getting the idea because, you know, it's hard to get attention with divorce Ben and divorce Jen, you know? Yes. And so I was like, oh, well, what would my dad want to do? Like hang out because he's been going to the casino a lot. Oh, dear. And he's not winning. Yeah.

Yeah. But, and so he was like, do you want to go for a ride at 8.30 hours? And so I put real shoes on because I usually just have my house slippers on. And so I put real outside shoes on. And he's like, popping in the backseat of the SUV. I'm sorry. Can I ask you, you just don't go outside that often? I've just never heard someone refer to just a shoe as an outside shoe or a real outside shoe.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. How do you remember how to, if you don't, how do you know to put shoes on? Well, I mean, I just know to put shoes on. on, but I don't, I, I, I also feel like if I were to relay it to someone, I'd skip that part. I wouldn't, I wouldn't include that. Can we cut it out? Oh, we absolutely could if you want to, honey.

Okay. Okay. So, so you, you got your real outside shoes on. Yeah, I got my real outside shoes on and I popped my son. Well, no, why would you say that one? She asked her to be cut out. That's where we, oh, sorry, you're right. Well, it's, okay, fine.

So continue. Okay. So I put my Oh, oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, we got, we got right. Yeah, and I put them in and I popped my body into the back of my dad's SUV. Why did you? First of all, that's an alarming version.

I don't know what that means. You just got in the back of the car? Yeah, how would you say it? I got the back of the car. Oh, interesting. And why did you have to get in the back? Why couldn't you ride shotgun with him? Because he has a bunch of things in, like, files.

And then, and it's in a bunch of manila envelopes. It just says, like, warning. Jen. Warning. Yeah. And can I just, I'm so sorry to go backwards for a second. At this point, are you just living with your dad or going back and forth or were you all in the same house still? We're going back and I'm going back and forth.

So this is when you're staying at your dad's place. Yes. Okay. But it's just my mom's in the guest house. Oh. So you're still sort of on the same property. That's tough. Yeah.

Why? Because you're, normally if you're going through an acrimonious divorce, you kind of don't want to see the person and to have them like right in your backyard. That would be tough. Oh, I get it. Okay. Okay. Um, so you go sleep in the guest house when you're staying with your mom? Yes.

Okay. Yeah. That's probably considerably smaller. So much smaller. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. The kitchen is touching the bed.

Oh, dear. Touching the bed. Because my mom has a big, big bed. The kitchen is touching the bed. Well, I'm thinking maybe like part of the counter or maybe the back of the stove or something. Yeah. Okay. Both.

Okay. Yeah. Both. Mm-hmm. It's a weirdly designed house. I've never seen this property before. But anyway. She doesn't like to have guests.

But it's a guest house. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So go on, go on. So you're in the back. So I'm in the back and he goes, are you ready?

And I was like, for what? And he just kept hitting me a bunch of juices and drinks. Handing you. Yeah. What did you think I said? Hitting. Yeah, it sounds like hitting. He just kept hitting me.

No, no. I was so happy when the juice showed up. Safe Jack was so happy for that juice. No, he was handing it. He was handing me juices because he said, he goes, make sure your tongues were wet. Oh. Make sure your tongue's real wet.

And I knew what we were going to do. Oh, you did? Because you've done this before? Mm-hmm. Oh, boy. Okay. But usually just on my mom's guest house. Oh.

And just because, like, it's a secret. And it's fun. And he was like, let's kind of cast a wider net. Okay? Right. And so Brad, Brad was seen in the backyard. And so he's thinking. You mean in your back, like you, like, maybe seeing your mom.

In the part, in my mom's backyard. Oh, no. And so, and he's. like go get ready we're going to lick Brad's door just for like fun and bonding so that's how you knew what was coming yeah yeah I I've read between the lines and so so we went up to Brad and it was kind of hard because Brad doesn't he has a garage that's attached to his house so he doesn't usually go in and out of the front door so there are lots of webs on it and and so I was kind of licking and it was one of those handle that you push down oh no not a knobby kind of

kind of thing. Yeah, I know. So I'm kind of the one that should have wrote the post. I think so. Because did you feel like, did you, were you really saying,

I don't want to do it? Did you tell him you didn't want to do? Or do you feel like you had to do it? Why do you feel like you should have written the post? Because his doorknob was disgusting. Yeah. This, this just mentions that you look at the door.

Hmm. Yeah, why, I mean, I, I looked a lot of it. So my tongue did hit. You know what?

That's my fault because I did say doorknob. And what I'm wondering, Barbara, is do you, do you, what? What? Sorry. Wow. I'm not going to get that reference, am I burnt? You might not. Okay, let's not worry about it.

Cut that out. Barbara would like to know it, Doug. Wait, you're telling us to kind of out? Did you say safety? Yes, yes. I see, I don't get the reference. Do you get it, Barbara? No.

Okay. No, I'm not going to ask the boys. I'm wondering, do you feel like you have to sometimes, because I said doorknob that you had to go along with that, that maybe you wanted to correct me that it was just the door, but you just kind of felt like you had to go along with it. Yes. You're kind of a door mat.

Yeah. I guess. Yeah. I want to agree with you. See, well, I think that that proves the point, that you want to agree with me.

Yeah. I just don't want to put words in your mouth. But I didn't mean to put a door knob in your mouth. Okay. So why don't you try again? Tell us what happened when you got up to the door. Don't feel like you have to say something. I mean, just because I think I'm the one who first accidentally said doorknob.

And door knobs are on doors, so I did, my tongue did touch the knob. It did touch the, okay, okay. But it was still a little push-known thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those. So did you get cobwebs in your mouth? A little bit. But I spit a lot, so that's okay.

In general? Yeah, I spit when I'm nervous. Oh, dear. Okay. So I got it out quick. How long have you been doing that? Probably as long as I can remember. So probably like three-ish years.

Oh, no. You can't remember any more than that. that and you're 14? Well, no, I can. This is so much harder than you guys said it would be. Oh, well, Doug did say, what did you say in the email? You keep on changing the email we send out to guess. I said it, it's easy.

That's not the big, that's not a big deal to say that, right? Is that what he said? I guess not. Yeah, he said it'll be the easiest thing you ever did. Oh, I don't know about that, babe. I would, that's, you know. That's, I think, promising something that we don't even know if we can do it. Absolutely.

Absolutely. That's going too far. I'm going to have to check what you're sending to people before you send them. Sorry. Oh, boy. All right. Barbara, do you like Yoda? Do you care?

A little bit. That's the green guy. The seal's been broken. Yeah. So you probably know him as maybe Grogu because you know that's what your younger generation. I know it's not. But baby Yoda. So now, Yoda, he's 900 years old and he talks in a weird way.

Yeah. Can you do an impression of me? Sure. Like you could say Like, well, you could say whatever you want Okay Don't know how I like There we go

Was that it? It was a little And it was like a little cockney I liked it It almost sounded like It's kind of sounded like Nell Well I've been getting Nell vibes This whole time

But I didn't want to say If anyone remembers Nell Tay in the Wins That's right Oh my goodness Barbara How do you know Nell Chikpah Yeah that

I love that movie You do Who doesn't Yeah But still what What is it about that movie that speaks to you? Well, it taught me how to talk.

Oh, boy. You learned to speak from the movie Nell? Yeah. You know, like, how some people watch TV and they go, like, you hear people that have different speaking languages, and they go, oh, I learned how to speak English because I watched Friends. Oh, right. I learned how to speak by watching Nell.

Wow. Do you know what age that started? Three years ago. I was afraid of that. afraid of that. Yeah. Three years ago? Ish.

No, yeah. You're not just saying that because Byrne said it. You can be honest here. Here you can be honest here. Here you can be honest. We're not going to hit you with you. Luminous beings we are.

Oh boy. What? Don't you sound like you're getting choked. Thank you, Barbara. Thank you. I've told, I've told him what? I should say. sit up.

He's in a lazy boy chair. Are you in full recline? He's in full recline. Don't even ask. Don't worry too much about it. You know, there's that thing with a recliner where you think you're not sure, am I

as far back as I can be? Or is there one more left? Yes. And then if you guess wrong, you're inverted. It's very scary. It's very scary. Because that chair is going to go over.

It sure will. It topples. Oh, it does. It does topples. Okay. So you learned how, to read recently. Talk.

Talk. Sorry, talk. I'm sorry, did you know to read before you started talking? Yeah, I'm a very good reader. Oh, great, good, good, good. Good, good. So that's important.

It was a mistake that I said that, but we got more information. That's good. What kind of stuff do you read? I like things that have thick spines. So I like, it's like Pygipias.

I like The Odyssey. Oh, I like. The classics. Yeah. Great. Yeah. I like that. Shakespeare?

No, that is. She looks confused. Okay. Infinite jest. You have what? No. You have what? You have infinite jest, apparently.

I guess I do. I don't want it. It's very rare. All right. So, and why did you not learn to speak from, say, your parents? Because they are normally, I guess, because I did know how to speak from them, but it was always loud. Oh, yeah, loud, angry, sad. And passive.

Like, oh, wouldn't this be nice? Oh, dear. That's not great. But you were in school this whole time, right? Yes. Were they concerned that you weren't talking then? Not really. Really?

They weren't concerned. That's usually quite, especially when you're up into like second, third. Really? Yeah, that's normally a concern. Oh, that's interesting. What school did you go to? The small one that's next to the public school. Oh, yes.

Jinks Elementary. Jinks Elementary. Yes. Yeah. It's um... Go lady cats. It is one of those open concept schools, right? So you basically are sort of, you're just observed more than anything.

Yes. It's just one big room. Yes. You go in there and, uh, you know, the kids have no idea what to do. No idea. The teachers do not tell them. Nope. You're just supposed to figure it out.

Yeah. It's kind of like that pan store. That's right. Yeah. Lids and pans. Pans and lids? Pans, lids and bursons. Pads and pads. It's a different store.

That's a different store. The pads and lids store, at least you know, okay, well, none of these lids are going to go on these pads. So I don't have to waste my time being pranked by the guy behind the counter. People still try. They still try. Some people do still try. Let's get back to the door like a minute. They try to put the lids on the pads and looking at the guy.

I'm like, huh? Is this? Do I do this? Which is kind of probably how it feels to be in the Jinks Elementary because you're kind of just constantly going, huh? Is this right? Is this right? Is this right? Is this enough beans on the left side of the table?

Yeah. They are a bean forward kind of school. So many things with beans. A lot of things with beans. Yeah. Dry beans and whatnot. Wet beans. Wet beans.

Oh, you've been? Are you an alum? I did not attend Jinks, but I, but I had a friend who did. Okay. Yes. Nice. Who lived in, he was my next neighbor and medium. And what was, did he have any sort of strange afflictions from being at Jinks Elementary?

He was terrified of everything. He was the scariest kid I ever knew. Oh, no. Much fear in him. Okay, Doug. I mean, that was relevant. That was relevant. I thought that had to happen.

You thought it had to happen. Okay. Now, what was the order? Anger leads to fear, fear leads to hate. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. I know fears before hate Hates before the dark side

Okay Hate is you don't want to get to hate Because then you turn Because then you get divorced Oh no Yeah true The dark side of marriage And just because I guess I should

Okay I'm not going to ask that question first I want to get back to the door for a minute What happens after you lick the door? Well kind of like you were just saying Burnt like how you look for approval, you know, with the pads and lids. I kept looking for approval for my dad and his SUV. And he was doing a thumbs up, thumbs up. Yeah, because what did he say?

He said something that Brad could not make out. He said, you get it yet, girl? Oh. And I said, I have. And then he said, good, that'll show him. And where's your dad from? Born and raised, Dignity Falls. Wow.

Yeah. He just watches a lot of movies. Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. Yeah. So you got back in the car and did you feel like it was a nice bonding experience between you and your dad? Yeah, because now no matter what I'm doing, we'll be walk around the house and go, how about that, huh?

Yeah. And you just know what you're referring to. Yeah. I have to ask, since this post, how many times have you licked Brad's door? That can't be honest. please we want to be honest Did you say Doug? Can I be honest? Yeah.

I don't know. You wouldn't ask us. We appreciate it. We're right here. He likes being included though. It is nice to include him. He just sent the email so he's like my point in contact. Oh, of course.

That makes sense. That makes sense. 30. 30 times you've licked this door. Same door? See, I'm worried about that. It's not even the door he uses regularly. I know.

Maybe that means there's less germs on it. So at least there's that. And to be fair, it's just my germs, JSWC, you know? J.S.WC. Just saying, who cares? Oh. I've never heard that one before.

I haven't either. Really? Trying to figure how Jesus fit in there, but it's not one of those. Jesus says. Who cares? Jesus says, who cares? Jesus says, why commit?

Can I see the post one more time? Yeah, give me one time. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Does your mom know that you've done this? that you do this. Well, because... That you will keep doing this. Kind of, because...

And what I think the hard part is that Brad's pretty cool, but it is nice. But I don't, like, I just wasn't a prank. You know, it was on purpose. That's a great... I'm glad this leads me into my next question. Yeah.

What is accomplished by doing this? Closeness with my dad. Okay. Yeah. And I go, and it's funny. I get in that SUV and I laugh pretty hard for a while. Okay. Let me ask what does your what does your dad hope to accomplish with that?

Yeah, that's a good question. Thank you, June. Well, my mom often says that my dad, Ben, doesn't have very strong opinions or backbone or good at much. And so I think it's him trying to find a hobby. That's that nail coming through. What is that's right? What does he do for a living? I can't remember.

He sells light bulbs. Just light bulbs. just the and not the LED ones. Right. The old fashioned. Yeah. The ones that you have to put, you can't touch with your fingers,

you have to put a tissue on it. Oh. When you put it out. Yes. Because it gets hot. Yeah. Does he have a good, is business going well?

Because, you know, you can get those in so many stores. Now, the LED ones are definitely more prominent. Yes. I guess. Your dad is selling them at a stand. Yes.

Yes. Right next to the gazebo. That's right. Mm-hmm. Because you have to get a permit to go to sell anything inside the gazebo. Yes, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I like that sand. I know you do. He serves them in a cone. You can get them in a waffle cone. Or a cup. Yeah, but that's, I mean, you're at the sand. You might as well get the cone because you can eat it.

Exactly. Yeah. It gives you a cup because he says, make lemonade out of light bulbs. Mm-hmm. I love it. I love different types of things that you can eat. like like that's a fun thing to talk about you know what i never thought about it but i guess i do too food um i guess i was kind of bored you love different types of things you can eat

it's a good topic oh that's a bunch of you're talking about same working i was kind of voice to say like i like cones because they they hold food but then you can't eat them yes yes yes like hot dog barns yes yes yes Yeah, hot dog buns. Yeah. Because you carry around a hot dog in it. Yeah, first eat the hot dog and then you can do the bun afterwards. Wait.

That's how you eat the bun. That's psychopathic. That's not how people eat hot talk? Can I ask, do you pull it out or do you push it through? I push it through with my knuckle. What? I've seen burn. Like a push-up up where you, you know, I feed the hot dog out a little bit at a time.

This is insane. And then after I was like, now I get to the bun. Oh, yeah. And that bun is delicious, right? Delicious. Yeah. Because it's had the hot dog sliding all the way through. Oh, boy.

Yeah, a little bit of mustard. A little bit. Do you put the mustard on top of the hot dog or underneath? I put it on top of the hot dog. But sometimes it slops over onto the bun. Okay. Then you get a little bonus mustard. This is upsetting.

Why? You don't like hot dogs? Because they're, you think, you think are gross. No, I don't like everything you just said. I don't like what you just. said because it seems I can't even picture it. I can't even picture someone eating it that way. You have a hot dog, right?

No, I don't. I don't want to picture it. Just because I said I can't, doesn't mean I will. You're a knuckle. I'm sorry, what thing? You be the hot dog vendor and hand me the hot dog. Hot dog, hot dog. Oh, this is great.

Oh, I'll take a hot dog. Before I could even jump in, she did it. I was just, I was being your partner. Oh, oh, I see. Yeah. Oh, hot dog, hot dog. Oh, hello, gentlemen. Mm-hmm.

What are you selling? Hot dog, hot dogs. We're selling hot dogs hot dogs on bun buns. I'd love a hot dog. Do I have to eat two? No, it's just a clever game. Are you two from Earth? Quick, give him the bun.

Here you go. Here's your bun. There's your bun. Wait, I get them separately? No, we're going to put it in there. We just put it in there. There you go. It's in.

Okay, have a nice day. Thank you. I will. Do you want us to stick around and watch you eat it? You're welcome to. It's extra. Okay. Here we go.

Put some mustard on there and then give a little nudge. Hey, you're going to stand there this whole time. Excuse me? Are you talking to me, sir? Yeah. I'm behind you in line and you're putting on your condiments sort of in line. Okay, let me step to the side. Is there a problem?

Is there a problem? No, this guy's all bent out of shape because I'm not, you know, hopping to it on his schedule. Where do you have to be? Thank you. I don't think that's any of your business. This is our business. So it is our business. Oh, in your face!

Can I still have a hot dog? Do you say hot dog? Excuse me. Put your condiments on. Okay. Why don't you get some popcorn? Okay. I see.

Get a. Get up on the rough. And drink water. I don't know about that one. All of that sounds good. I think it's been very clear how you eat it. That's not how I pictured it. I just knuckle up the dog.

I really don't like the knuckling part. I hate the word knuckle being used as a verb. I am not going to back down from that. There's nothing good that can come of it. And so let's just move on. I had no idea that that's how you ate a hot dog. Also, Barbara, great scene work. Really good.

Thank you. I'm sorry, we just don't have time for that, whatever it is. We really have to get back to the guest. Just to say I love cereal and a breadball. Okay. Okay, great. You can eat the bowl. Yeah.

I love milky bread. Yeah. So, so, um, you've done it. How many times you said? You've looked it several. 30. Yeah. 31 now.

Yeah. Well, because, well, because you said how many times after. Right. And I said 30. Right. And then including the one. I see. Oh, there we go.

Yeah. 31 altogether. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just, I feel like now that it's obviously that it was me doing it. Maybe I should not do it. No.

Well, yeah. Has Brad? I'm surprised. I'm surprised. You said Brad has never recognized you. Now that you've done it 30 times. Do you think that me... Yeah, you're his girlfriend's daughter.

Yeah, but I wear a big hoodie. Oh, okay. That makes sense. All right. So you don't think you've been detected yet. Can I ask if there's any other activity other than this that you've done with your dad to bond? Great question, Jo. Have you ever heard of forking?

Oh, boy. I mean, we forked Brad's yard too. Okay. You put a bunch of forks in there? Now, do you jam them into the ground? Yes. Okay. And what does it like freeze overnight and that makes them hard to get out?

How does this work? I don't know forking. Because you have to pull them all out. So it's just a hassle. Yeah. It's just a hassle. Yeah. Okay.

Because that is exactly what my dad keeps saying. He said, Brad's created a hassle for me. So I'm going to create a hassle for him. Who do you think forking is a bigger hassle for? The person who puts all the forks in the ground or the person who pulls them out. Honestly, probably put it even. What I'm concerned hearing this is that the two activities for you to bond are our beefs that your dad. has with this guy Brad instead of

what do you like to do? Marble, what are your passions? What are your hobbies? Well, that's interesting. Um, I like to paint. Oh, well, lovely. Yeah. What do you like to paint? Just colors. Okay. I just usually have... Like abstracts. Um, is that it?

Well, I was wondering if that word was new to her. Well, when you say paint, are you talking about like on a canvas? Yes, okay. So you have a palette of colors? Just one color, yeah. And I just one color. Oh, you just do one cover. And which one is that? Well, right now I'm working with a lot. heels. Who's the guy that did that would just like paint one color? Oh, I don't know.

Famous painter. Shakespeare? No. Now you know. Oh, you're trying to hope that was Shakespeare. I was trying to ask. No, no, she was hoping to know. Because I never explained it to her.

Oh, right, right, right. He was a playwright. He wrote famous plays. If you've heard of Hamlet. His son died. It was a big deal. Joining the club. I don't have his son.

Okay. Any more? Join the club is not what I expected. JTCC. Yeah, JTC. And also W. It is a famous painter who would sometimes just do like a color. Really?

Yes. I got to get a new hobby then. No, no, no, no, no. It's fine. You do whatever art you want to do. Other than art, what else do you like to do? I like to watch TV. Okay.

Fun. Yeah, fun. I have a beanbag chair. Okay. Would you categorize that under hobby or? Do you watch TV on the beanbag chair? Yes. Fun.

Yes. What are the shows you like? Have you guys ever heard of Monsters Inc? Sure. Yeah, I've seen it many times. It's a long show, but I like it. Yeah, it's a movie. Oh.

Oh. Is that word new to you? No, because I like Nell. Oh, that's right. Yeah. Right. Okay. But you know that Nell's not a show.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's show versus... You know that Nell is a movie, but you don't know that Monster's Inc. Is a movie. Right, because they don't have real people in it. Ah, okay. Yeah. All right.

I see. And I love to cook. Oh, that's wonderful. What do you like to cook the most? Spaghetti bolognays? Okay. I love spaghetti bolognese. It's so good.

Long sauce to make. It takes a long time. Lots of patience. And you have to have carrots in it. You sure do. Unless the only way I'll eat them. Do you have to have carrots in there? Is that the only way you eat carrots in bolognais?

Okay. Do you have to have carrots in there? Yes. You don't like it to you burnt. They seem out of place, don't they? I'm not a fan of carrots in general. Okay. You could knuckle them out of the sauce.

Well, I have, of course. I've knuckled a nutcled a nutcough out. but how did that it's not like carrots add anything they don't they don't do you know what I mean yeah they're just there they add to your eyesight yes I like them yes they do they add to your eyesight do you think the carrots in boulinase are really increasing your your eyesight I go outside at night every time we have it just to test I don't think it's going to give him night vision and what are your findings carrots are going to do It's tough to say because it takes a while after I eat it

And then by the time I reach the front door Maybe the benefits have worn off I mean it's not a thing It's supposed to be a cumulative benefit You think it's like taking a pill Not like a Popeye spinach kind of situation Wait Joan you're saying every carrot is still in there Giving me a benefit

No not necessarily You don't think it ever wears off That in order to get your body to sort of build up a certain And even if you're taking a vitamin You have to go for several months before you see a result Okay. But that first vitamins probably worn off. Worn off is an interesting.

Sure. I mean, listen, we pee out a lot of the vitamins that we take, you know? It's just the truth. I'm sorry. I pee. That's okay. Okay. We don't need to.

It sounds like the divorce. We got off track. We did. So how many years is it now with this? Your parents are still going through the divorce? Well, kind of. I mean, I thought it was over. I mean, the clock is still taking.

I'm all right. I mean, it's kind of, you know, it's fine. I forgot about it. There's no going back, but it's like, do they ever really get over it? Yeah. You know? I think my dad still loves her. Really?

Mm-hmm. That's probably why he's lashing out. Probably. Or having me lash out for him. Yeah. Well, but see, I don't like that he's using you to work out his problems, you know? You need to have a chance to be a kid to have fun. What should I do?

Well, you know what? You did so great in that scene where we're playing the hot dog venters. I think you should get involved with the Dignty Falls Playhouse and do a play. You know, Joan is quite the actress. And I know a few people. Oh, really? Yes. And I, I, they do a great youth theater and we put on plays, you know, four kids, by kids.

Okay. So I think that that would be. No. Doug. What? Doug, come on. That's why we've never called it that because it's just not a lot of people. You can't make it an acronym.

We were all thinking you don't need to say it out loud. It's not good. Yeah. So I think maybe that. Okay, that could be fun. So I think maybe that. Well, do you have another solution burnt? No, I think this is a great idea.

I love to see you to act together. I mean, that hot dog scene was dynamite. Fuck you. What's a good play for a woman and a young woman? A woman and a night mother. Kathy Bates was in on Broadway. She played the daughter. She was amazing, apparently.

Who played the mother? I don't know. Kathy Bates was young ones. Everyone forgets this. That's true. And I'm always trying to tell people. Well, Matt Locke?

Yeah, do you watch Matlock? I love Matlock. There you go. That's her. Wait. Nice. But which Matlock do you watch? The one that's old.

Oh, that's not her. With Andy Griffith. You should watch the new one. Okay. She was in misery. Have you seen that show? I sure hope not. No, I live it.

That's not good. That's not good. You're living in a scary show. Oh, no, Barbara. You're not happy with what's going on. This makes me very, listen, my mama bear instinct is going to in now and I really want to help you. Do you wish that your parents would get back together?

Do you wish that they would get back together? Is it what you want? I think it would be nice if they got back together. But if they're not happy, then they are teaching me to that. You should stand up for your happiness. Wow. That's very true. I'm glad you learned that lesson, but I'm glad that you learned it.

It's a way to learn lesson, but I'm glad that you did. It is. But I mean, it's been gross. It's been dirty. Oh, I don't want to make you say it. There might be things we don't. even know. Yeah, what's been going on? They write, they write things

out that, and they say they have this rule that says anything you write, I have to read out loud, not me, but the other person. Okay. And so they... Sorry, so, sorry. How does the rule work? Anything the one person writes, the other person has to read it out loud? Why would they abide by this?

I mean, I admire that there's a sort of honor system in place. That they're both honoring, but I can't believe that somebody would do. And do they write a lot? Yeah, it's very long. Well, if you had that kind of power, of course you would. I guess you would, sure. So can you give us an example? Yes. My

dad wrote for my mom to read. It said, hello. My name is Jen and I wrote this and I mean everything I say and I and I'm scum of the earth. Oh no. And I

did everything wrong. Oh that's gross and we're just horrifying. Where does this take place? And abusive. in the gazebo. They have a permit for that. They go to it in public. Wow.

But it's always after seven so I can't go. Oh, so you don't have to be a part of this terrible thing. They never make you reach that. No, no, no. Oh, good. Is this while your dad is at work at the stand? Yes. This is very unhealthy.

So does he have to enter the gazebo? He has to like put a little be back in five minutes. Yeah, and that's why he's thinking he's missing a lot of sales. Oh, I can't imagine that's not a part of it. Especially if she's writing so much. Or if he's writing so much, my goodness. What's like a thing she wrote for him to say? Yeah.

The latest one that I heard her giggling over, and when she writes, she reads out loud, it said, this man has a shrimp thee. Oh. But then he reads that aloud. But it sounds like it's about somebody else. Yeah. She's getting off. She's kinder. She's tuned into making sure she says, this is me.

I'm writing. Yeah. She should say my name. Is Ben? Yeah. And I have a. I don't know if you should be giving pointers. I know.

I just, I want this to be equal. I'm sorry not to get wrapped up in, right? It is. I mean, to be honest, the whole town is because this has been hanging over our heads for such a long time. But I'm sorry that you're the one that's really dealing with all of this. Are they seeing a counselor or something?

Maybe Brad started off as that started off as the counselor. Yeah. And then he, they struck up a rule. That's very impromptu. unprofessional. It is. It is. Yeah. Yeah. So, but maybe, but maybe if it's helping, I think it's okay. Is it? Is it? No. Why is it taking so long for them to get divorced if they want to get divorced? Because they have a hard time committing to anything. Oh, boy. Well, I guess that makes sense in a weird way.

Your dad seems pretty committed to this door licking thing. Yeah. I think what I would, I guess, oh, I don't know what to say to you, Barbara. First of all, you're going to come into the theater and it's going to be great. I can't wait. I just don't want to commit suicide. I just want to commit suicide. stairs also trained. What? I don't want to commit suicide. We won't do that. We won't do that play.

Okay. We won't do that play. We'll do something much more fun. We'll do like an Alice in Wonderland or we'll do like lower. We'll do either house on the prairie or Anne of Green Gables. That would be a great one. Star Wars you could do. I guess we could do Star Wars.

I would. Oh my. I would love to see that. Yes. A Leah and Ray situation. Okay. You know? Right? Yeah.

Doug, will you be in it? Happily. Any role. Any role. Hmm. Okay. Do you think? Yes, I think.

I think that's a trap. Oh. That sounded more like Yoda. It really did. I really thought I had all these. It really did. Yeah. It's got to be more wet.

It's got to be more wet. It's a trap. Yeah. That's really good. That sounds like Brian Cock. Br. You're not serious people. Get them McRibbon.

I'm loving it. Oh, nice. And there's a little voice in there, Barbara. I love that so we could do. I think you need to get on a stage. There's going to be other kids there. They're all trying to get away from their families. And you're going to get along great with them.

Do you know what legal emancipation is? That's another good question. It's where you as a kid can say, I want nothing more to do with my people. parents. Oh, yeah. I'm my own person. Okay.

I can't drive yet, though. That's okay. Right, but you can still be your own person. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I think that might, I mean, I think you're good. She's going to need more infrastructure from that because I don't know.

She's going to go home and know how to look that up. I can hear you. I know. Sorry. We run into that problem all the time. We try to talk to each other and we forget that we're talking into microphones and you can hear us. That's okay.

Sorry, sweetie. But I do think that you need to get out of. the house for reasons other than to lick a doorknob. Yeah. I hear that. I can, okay. I'm going to need more outside shoes. Sure.

Sure. Outside shoes. Get more outside shoes. Okay. Is that the saying? Sorry. Is that the expression? Yeah.

Get more outside shoes. Get more outside shoes. It is. It's a saying here, Dignity Falls. And you know what? Maybe I did forget that that was a saying because outside shoes. I just haven't heard it in so long. Yeah.

So anyways, when Bert makes that noise, it's time for us to go. Okay. So I feel good about it. Make me the bad guy. I'm not. It just happens in value. You mean to. You don't mean to.

But here's the thing. We wish you best of luck. Thank you. I want you to just get out there and think about what makes Barbara happy. Okay. What is Barbara want to do? Okay. What is Barbara want to see?

Okay. What is Barbara want to be? Okay. I love that. You have to sing that. I mean, that just has to be. Yes. But I don't remember the order.

Does anyone remember the order? What does Barbara want to do? What does Barbara want to do? What was the next film? What does Barbara want to see? What does Barbara want to see? I think that was last, but it's fine. What does Barbara want to be?

Uh-huh. What does Barb-no? No, that was last. So it's what does Barbara want to do. Seems like you know. Where does Barbara want to go? I can't remember the order. No, that's wrong.

Hang on, this is the beginning. What does Barbara? Barbara want to be. That was beautiful. I love that. I've really loved that. It's good. Babba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.

Well. Is that you saying it in different syntax? Yeah. Okay, great. Barbara, thank you so much. Thank you, honey. It was great to have you here to clear the air about this and tell your side of the story. And I hope Brad isn't too upset.

Me too, sorry, Brad. By how many times his door's been licked. No, it's fine. I think that Brad should say sorry to you because I think he's making things more complicated for you. And you know what? Your parents' problems are not your problems. They don't reflect on you and you don't have to always do what they say. Okay.

Listen to your inner voice. Okay. All right. Thank you. That's right. Thanks. All right. Is there any message you would like to give to your parents?

Anything you want to plug? Yeah, you can catch me doing Yoda's Star Wars at the theater. Oh, great. Oh, good. But that's not a future plug. I love it. I love where your head's at. Manifesting.

And any message for divorce, Ben, divorce, Jen? I can stand up to you. And I have my own thoughts. And I am going to figure out what Barbara likes to do, what Barbara likes to say, and what Barbara likes to be. Now, when Divorce Ben says, get your outside shoes on, we're going to go lick that door. What do you say? No. Okay.

Maybe that was such a good start because the look on her face was so pure. It's like the first time she's ever done that. Just make sure, and we can work on this in theater. Make sure you just get to use your diaphragm a little bit more to get a little sound out. If divorced Ben says, what did you say? Yeah, then what is it going to sound like?

I'll go. I'll get my shoes. Okay, no, but what are you going to do? No, no, no, no, no, you're going to say it loud. Oh, no. Very good. Oh, there we go, but do that one first. Okay.

All right. Barb, thank you so much. We'll be back with more of the neighbor listen. When the Neighbor Listen returns with more. Hello, this is Marilyn. I have a vintage doll for $35, 7.5 inches tall jumping rope. As you can see, this doll has a jumping rope because I know little girls love nothing more than to make their dolls jump rope. This is a handcrafted dowel.

I made it from materials that ghosts brought me. And it was a lovely experience. They'd come to me all times of day and all times of night, and I just imagined that these pieces meant something to them. and I like to think it healed them and so you can see this darling girl who's wearing a massive bow on her head with braids that are fat

and she's never going to actually get that rope off over, up, off, over, under, above, off, over and beneath and above and off and over, that dumb hat, but we can still dream. And so can I that you will give me $35 for this angel. Back to the neighborhood. Listen, I welcome you. Oh, boy.

Yoda! That one got you too! Yoda. Oh, boy. He's so funny. Oh, my goodness. I sense there would be another. disturbance of a Yoda impression before we were done with this podcast.

I sense there would be another disturbance of a Yoda impression. Listen, I tried. I just wanted to have fun. Did you? I did have fun. Okay, good. I'm glad. That seems, that's a wicked thing to say right back because it implies that it, you know what

it is? It feels like, it feels like, are you being chentravolta? Yeah. It feels like in mean girls when she says, she says, do you, do you think you're pretty? So you agree. So you agree. That's what it is. So you agree.

That's what it felt like. Anyway. I don't mean to be a mean girl. I really don't want to be a mean girl. I'd rather not. Okay. I would prefer not to, as Bart will be the scrivener said. Boy, you know what?

Barbara was a sweetheart. She was. She did look younger than 14. I'm not wrong, right? I thought she was five years old. Yeah, I thought she was like, yeah. She's very small. She's very small.

She doesn't have a lot of teeth. And I worry that she has stunted growth. She doesn't? I worry she has stunted growth. Mm-hmm. Yeah. it's crazy she mentioned Nell because, man, that's all I was thinking. From the way she was talking?

I wonder what it's like to go back and watch that movie. I mean, there's only one way to find out. I know. I've never seen it. You haven't. I've never seen it. Okay. So you definitely, your three things would just be Tay in the wind. Chicapea.

Chicapey and. Judy Foster. Right. And that, you know, she pulls her dress up. That was a whole thing. Oh, I did know that. I did know that. Because of the whole nature of it.

It was exciting. No, upsetting. I said it was upsetting. I was going to say, Joan. No, it was not exciting. Good Lord. Cut that. But didn't she like, didn't it win an award?

Did she like win the Oscar for that, baby? Do you remember? I don't remember anything about now. But back in the day, that was a classic Oscar nominated type role, right? For sure. She's probably nominated, yes. Oh, by the way. What?

Who? Eve Klein. Who's Eve? Thank you. Is that the name of your... Thank you. Oh, God. Who's Eve Klein?

Yeah, who's Eve Klein? The artist painting one color. He painted one color blue. It was a woman. Is that the one you think? No. Oh, really? It was not that one.

Not a woman. It was a, you know what? It's, um, the guy, Bobby Short on Mad Men had a painting of his hanging in his office. Oh, okay. So it was like a mid-century modern type artist. Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Um, it looks like she was nominated for Best Act. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. She couldn't have won, though. Well, they were like, okay, we get it. You played a weirdo. Okay. Acknowledged.

Wait, who's the man who's like creepy on the cover? He's like creeping in. Oh, you're looking at the poster? Who's the man who's creeping on the cover? He looks like pizzuzoo. Who is the man who's creeping on the cover? Shoft. He's sort of pizzuzooing on the, on the nail cover.

I know Liam Neeson's in it, right? Yeah, that's what I was just going to say. Is that Liam Neeson? I believe it is Liam Neeson. in the movie. Clegg on gin. Yeah, that's right. Oh, he looked, yeah, he's like a, I'm looking at it now myself and he's like a menacing figure.

No, that's a strange poster. Good board. It's a very strange poster. Very odd movie. No. I do, that, that, I mean, we have so, we have such a long list of watch along, so it's hard to keep track. Well, we're going to see how long the running time is and it might shoot straight up to the top. Might.

Since meet Joe Black is what, three hours? we did but didn't we we we promised that we would eventually watch it right we did we do we do we do we have a year to do it right yeah we can get it done yeah no problem I believe in us ten sensational is it oh what was that you hear that is that a bird fight are the birds coming back to dignity falls me they they are don't say that if you don't mean it I I've I heard birds I could swear that I heard birds outside okay well I mean it's been a long time People are going to be confused because the thing is when Sandy was here and there were no birds. We did find them.

They came back. So we had to talk about when they did leave because that happened after that. Yes. That was a, we should have done a follow up. We should have. We should have. Because we really gave him a hard time. Yes, we did.

And then it turns out the birds, he was ahead of his time. Yes. Because the birds did leave. They did leave. Yeah. And they've been gone for, I don't know, about a year and a half or so maybe. And I did say in Fantastic Park, you do see birds sometimes. That is true.

You covered your bases, Doug. You sure did. Sometimes now I can't remember if I really saw them. Oh, dear. Maybe I just missed them so much. Oh. I'm sorry, babe. It's very poignant, Doug.

It really is. It's almost like it's pointing to saying, onion may be everywhere. Onion may be everywhere. Everywhere. Onion may be. Well, we have one less post. Good.

It's from, someone named Shruti and they're saying anyone who can help me with lighthouse chores I need help every 10 days I need help after every 10 days Did you say lighthouse chores? So this is what I'm saying.

Oh, okay. It reads like lighthouse chores. But I think she just means light house charge. George? House George. Lighthouse George. Like that woman

from Wiveswap. We said, you're dork-sighted. Lighthouse, George! Yes, it sounds like, it just sounds like lighthouse chores, like an actual lighthouse. And we do have a lighthouse. I mean, we don't have any water anymore in the area. Yes.

But what it is... And we also, we're not on a coast. So we're not on a coast. It's one of those first prospective lighthouses, right? It gets smaller as you get closer. That's right. And they used it as a way to get lighthouse fans here, you know, because people love to like trade, you know, some people have to go view all the America's great lighthouses, you know. Really overestimated how many people that was going to be.

Oh my gosh. We got so many people coming to see the lighthouse. All of them. I mean, it's not going to be like, oh, our problems are solved. Right. All the tourism dollars from the lighthouse lookers. It is true. But they really made it look grand and beautiful, like, you know, in the pictures and in the catalog.

and all the stuff. Of course you wanted to get closer to it. You did. And then they did and they realized it was like came up to like your knee. If you were short. If you were short. Now I mean we got a little bit of a boost because people made it go viral because people were doing sort of like, you know, bits in front of it.

It went negatively viral. I mean, you want to go viral. You know, it went viral in the way that the baseball caron went viral. You know what I mean? In the way that the baseball what? The baseball what? What's the baseball? Oh, gosh, yes.

That was unfortunate. Didn't need to be that way. She was a bummer. Yes. So it was, so that's why my mind goes to it. But there would be no chores to do except for, you know, they just have to make sure that they keep it, like the brush cleared from it. Sweep the stairs. That would, I would hate to do that.

You have to walk up. But yet there are 500 stairs in there. There's 500 steps in that tiny lighthouse. Someone actually did. Why did somebody do that? I don't know. I mean, it's still nobody knows who people put in there. No one knows.

Yeah, it does have a lot of, it does have a working life. Yes. Yeah. And no one knows. It's real danger to cars on the road. Yeah, it's the opposite of what a lighthouse is supposed to do. Exactly.

And it's surrounded by rocks. Yes. And also. Four rocks. It also made it onto one of those. It actually, here's what, I'm not supposed to talk about it. I'm not supposed to talk about it,

but there was a famous, like, lighthouse calendars used to be a big deal back in the day, right? Oh, people, are you kidding me? gorgeous. People loved them.

Yes. Lighthouse calendars? Lighthouse calendars? They were in every home. Come on. Yeah. And there was a famous one of like a huge wave

hitting a lighthouse, right? And there's a man on it. I don't know if you remember this one I'm talking about. It was pretty famous. And, but that was stage. That was someone just pouring some seven up

on the tiny they pour seven up on the tiny lighthouse with a little it was just a little toy man that was on there and it sold so many copies and so many posters

now they used seven up to get like the foam yeah exactly they just threw it along the side and it was surprisingly effective it was amazing it looked so accurate go look it up

and now just know when you look at that picture it's seven up baby seven up baby do you remember when they tried to combine the lighthouse and swim suit calendars.

I do. They just flopped in the White House and the lighthouse in swimsuits. They put bathing suits. They put swimsuits on lighthouse. And then the firemen did that calendar where they dressed up like lighthouses? Really lost the plot. They really did.

So anyways, I mean, I think basically that this person means, I think this person means just lighthouse chores, but it's kind of, there's something wrong with me. I'm disturbed by the word after when it says I need help after every 10 days. As if something happens. And then after that, it's like, oh, you got to come in and clean up. Oh, no, werewolf. Oh, no, werewolf. Mm-hmm.

Maybe it is having to do with the lighthouse. After the transformation, I'm going to need help with these lighthouse chores. Wow. Do you know what? That's not a bad guess. I mean, if, you know, I was into believing that stuff. But I could see how that would be an interesting guess. Like scientifically, a werewolf.

Mm-hmm. Virful. Could it happen? Good job, babe. Thanks. Could it happen? Could we make it happen? What do you want to make it happen, Bert?

I don't want to. You're saying how we could accidentally happen because like a scientific experiment go wrong and have a, have us get a werewolf. Well, it could go right? I'm saying is, is it possible to create a werewolf? Is it possible to create a werewolf? I'm sorry. Butterflies. That's the thing becoming another thing.

Caterpillar becoming a butterfly. Yes, they don't go back. That's the thing. They don't go back, done. There's no reason. There's no reason to think they couldn't go back to goop and become a caterpillar. To goop. Well, I guess the only reason is to think that is because it doesn't happen.

Well, you could say, werewolves don't happen. Well, they don't. You sure can. I'm saying is it possible to make that happen. I don't think that it is. I really don't. I hope not. Because of the whole going back to human form thing.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know? So you think you could go one way, but not back. Well, I think it probably be easy to eventually genetically modify and end up. animal and a human, a dog and human. Boy, I mean, they clone sheep, so it's not that crazy. Tom Brady clone his dog.

So you're saying, yes, we can make a werewolf. I'm saying Tom Brady's dog is a werewolf potentially. Every clone dog is potentially a werewolf. Potentially a werewolf. That's right. You never know. Didn't Barper Stray's end clone her dog too? Is that right?

That sounds right. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Do you know that story about the bull? They clone the bull. Really? It was a this American life story. What was it?

Yes. They cloned their prize bull. And then the bull did not act like the other bull. It's like because it's not. Oh, I thought you were describing the story Ferdinand. Did you ever hear the tale of Darth Plagas? Do you remember that book? The Wise? The what?

Did we ever hear the what? The tale of Darth Plagas the Wise. The tale of Darth Plagas the wise. No, I don't know that. That's as far as it goes. Now, Darth Plagas turned out to be the emperor, right? No, that's Palpatine. That's true.

Darth Plagas turned out. Darth Plagas was a previous. Oh, previous Darth. It took me so long to figure out we were talking about Star Wars. Darth did not tip you off? It did it because I thought it was Barth. I thought I heard him say Barth. I did.

Like Barth Gimble from Fernwood Tonight? Don't know that either. Martin Mole? Barth. Martin Mole. I haven't thought about Martin Mole in ages. Think about him. Think about them right now.

You can't make me. And yet you're already thinking about him. Damn it. Don't think of Martin Mole. All right. Well, that, we should have stopped a long time ago. For sure. So we cut all that out?

Yeah. Cut all that out. Maybe we should just cut this whole episode. Yeah, don't put this one out. All right. So I'm going to act in case somebody discovers this. Yeah. Years from now.

Yeah. Advanced civilizations. Hello from Earth. Thank you for listening to the neighborhood. Oh, boy. I would love it if someone stumbled on this years from now. That'd be fun. And we were the representatives for all of humanity.

Yes. Fantastic. Goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

And me, Brett Morris. Today's guest was played by Emily Pendergast. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to CBBWorld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes exclusive to Maximus subscribers. Your support keeps the show going. Hi, I am Mandy Moore. Sterling K. Brown. And I'm Chris Sullivan.

And we host the podcast, That Was Us, now on Headgum. Each episode, we're going to go into a deep dive from our show, This Is Us. That's right. We're going to go episode by episode. We're also going to pepper in episodes with different guest stars and writers and casting directors. Are we going to cry? Yes. A little bit.

Often. A lot. A whole lot. That's what I'm hoping, man. Listen to That Was Us on your favorite podcast app or watch full video episodes on YouTube or Spotify, new episodes every Tuesday.