The Neighborhood Listen - Faith Loyal Born with Jeremy Rowley

Episode Date: April 2, 2024

Welcome back to Dignity Falls! Season 6 begins with Burnt recalling a production of The Great Gatsby he saw in Wisconsin, Joan going over the nasty symptoms of the Dignity Falls Flu, and Doug getting ready for an exciting night! Their guest from the NeighborhApp is Scott (Jeremy Rowley), who is looking for the ideal woman for his stepson.Go to cbbworld.com and sign up for the Maximus plan to unlock access to the entire ad-free archive as well as brand new exclusive BONUS ROOM episodes adventuring deeper into Dignity Falls!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Look out, Canadian listeners, this one's for you. Coho is a mastercard with an easy-to-use app that makes managing your finances easier. Coho lets you earn cash back, borrow, build your credit history, and so much more. Join over 1 million Canadians and sign up for your free trial today. Download Coho on Google or App Store today or koho.ca for more details. Plus, for any basketball fans out there, get a $75 e-gift card for nbastore.ca when you sign up with the promo code koho75. That's code koho75. Hi, I'm Paul F. Tompkins. And I'm Nicole Parker. On this podcast, we improvise in character using real posts from a popular neighborhood networking website.

Occasionally, we change the names of some streets. And that's all you need to know. To support the show and unlock the ad-free archive, as well as exclusive monthly episodes of The Bonus Room, go to cbbworld.com and sign up for a Maximus membership. And now, please enjoy this episode of The Neighborhood Listen. Knock, knock. Who's there? Your neighbor. Good. neighborhood listen knock knock who's there your neighbor good indignity falls you're never alone you've got the neighbor half app and us burnt and jode from coyotes to mail theft to weird things to

sell we'll cover it all and meet new neighbors as well we'll chat about any posts you're missing so just tune in to The Neighborhood Listen. Welcome once again to The Neighborhood Listen. This is the look at the neighborhood of Dignity Falls, hosted by two of its residents. I almost said esteemed residents, but that's not for me to say, is it? Oh, well, I would give us that. It also almost sounded like maybe we should change it to the neighborhood look, because it's a look at the neighbors.

Well, I think because it's a play on the neighborhood. I know, because it's a podcast. But it's also, it's a play on the neighborhood watch. Of course it is. That is right. So the neighborhood look would be... In case you guys didn't know that, in case listeners we thought we were trying to be clever and like the neighborhood watch, but it's a podcast, so it's a listen, get it? Right.

The neighborhood look, I think, would be like the store brand version of the Neighborhood Watch. Yes. But I say we're esteemed. I'm going to go ahead and say it. Well, thank you for saying it so I didn't have to. My name is Burnt Mia Payday.

I am a pharmacist here in Dignity Falls and with me as always is... Joan Pedestrian. You are a pharmacist at the Dignity Falls-macy, which is- This was a tough sentence for you. It really was. This was a tough moment for me.

We all have our trials. If this was my press conference, I'd say, you know, in the moment, I thought I should stop and start over. And now when I look back, play the tape, you know, I'm like, yeah, absolutely should have gone back. But I have to keep pushing forward. Absolutely. And I can't let it affect the rest of this episode you know because there's still a game to play

born ceaselessly against the crashing waves what is it from from Gatsby yes just remember born ceaselessly born ceaselessly into the past into the past why is why why is that getting

so much attention boy all of a sudden that move that book became the biggest thing. There's two Broadway musicals about it. There have been- What? Yes. That can't be so. Two Broadway musicals about the Great Gatsby.

There are currently two competing musicals about the Great Gatsby. And it looks like they may come out at the same time. It's very wild. That's absolutely insane. You know, I once, this is a rare thing. It happens every once in a while. But I saw this production of The Great Gatsby called Gats.

Yes, I know what you're talking about. Have you seen it? I have not, but I know what you're talking about. I was on a trip to Wisconsin and they did it in Wisconsin. And what it is, is it's- Wait, I'm sorry, Brent. I'm going to stop you there. Now you just don't travel a whole lot.

So Wisconsin, I want to know what brought you to Wisconsin. It couldn't have just been Gats. It is true. The regional premiere of Gats. The upper Midwest premiere. That's right. I didn't get a peak Michigan by two months. I don't travel much now, but I used to a lot when I was a kid.

I used to like to bum around because, you know, I didn't I took a gap year between high school and pharmacy school. And I know all those so rigorous. Yes. So you really need the break. Yes. And I, you know, I had read the first 30 pages of On the Road by Jack Kerouac. And I said, I think I get the idea

and I don't like this guy. So I'm just gonna go around myself. And I wanted to see the Fonzie statue. So I went to Milwaukee, Wisconsin and I saw that they were doing this production. So this is a long time ago. This is a long time ago. This is a long time ago. Oh, okay.

Maybe it was the first production. It might have been the first. Maybe it was an out-of-town tryout. It might have been an out-of-town tryout. Yes. And so it's a group of people, and they essentially perform the entire novel of The Great Gatsby.

Yeah, they just read it, right? Yes, it's eight hours long. Good Lord. They read. Some of it's just read. Some of it is acted out. This sounds very loosey-goosey to ask someone to pay it

and then sit for eight hours where it sounds like they just couldn't even decide. Well, they don't tell you. Oh, that's a good thing. The running time is, you know, it would say like 12 p.m. till question mark. And so,

and so, you think, well, maybe it's a four-hour play like how long could it be sure and then uh and then they lock the doors once you're in there oh no yes it's a lock-in situation and you can't go anywhere and the intermission they turn out all the lights and no one is allowed to talk that is really creepy can you imagine mitch mcnutt reviewing this oh he would have never made it. That's our town critic who hates me. He has it out for me.

And we're going to get into it this year. Who doesn't he hate? Well, I just don't know who he hates more than me. That's how I can answer that question. Bert, are you okay? Do you have the fall flu? The Dignity Falls flu is a thing that runs through the town during sort of like the, well, like half the year, starting at the new year.

And it's just the weirdest symptoms. It's its own strain. It's its own strain. And one is just a crazy cough that you must just dig into your elbow to do it. You must dig into your elbow. And there's nothing else. It's almost like, you know, if you see that movie, The Happening, where the plants are mad. And before you-

Is that one of the Shyamalan movies? Shyamalan? Yes, it is. M. Night Shyamalan. M. Night Shyamalan. It's his, it's an amazing film where Mark Wahlberg plays a science teacher. And the thing is, the plants get mad at you and they do something to your brain, I guess, and before you kill yourself, it makes you walk backwards.

Oh, why? And that's how you know, uh-oh, this is going to be bad. I don't know why. I guess it's a final humiliation from the plants. But much like that, you have to just really dig into your elbow and just cough like a werewolf. You know, it's terrible. I hope I'm not getting it. I hope I'm not getting it.

Because it sounds like it's in you deep right now. I've had my Dignity Falls flu shot. Which is, it's a series of 12. It is such a pain. Yeah, it's almost like a rabies vaccine. Of course, a square needle in your stomach. Oh boy, it is stomach. Oh, boy.

It is real. It's tough. It's tough. It's one of the, you know, if you want to be a resident here, you got to be tough. You know what I mean? That's right. They don't let you live here unless you sign up for, like, you promise to get those 12 shots. Oh, they tell you.

They tell you, if you move here, if you try to establish a residence, someone from the city council comes to visit you and explains to you some things you need to know about this town. One is they tell you about the incident, but they tell you you have to sign an NDA. You can never talk about it. Yes, that's right. Number two, of course, the Dignity Falls flu. Yes. Number three, crosswalks are not for pedestrians. They're not.

And it's very confusing because you think that- Yes, they're just for animals. Yeah, they're just for animals. There's no such thing as jaywalking here. We're allowed to do whatever we want. Yeah. Except enter the crosswalk as a pedestrian. Yes.

Look, we're quirky. You know, it's like- It's what makes our town special, I think like it's what makes our town special special and you know someone else special we haven't mentioned is my husband doug oh that's right i haven't checked in with you today babe your husband my friend yes doug uh how you doing babe i'm good i'm just setting up the uh sleepover room oh yeah i'm having a sleepover tonight okay, usually when people have a sleepover, there's already room for that. And it's called the living room. You know, Doug didn't really get. It's kind of like a lot of these rooms have been sort of to heal our sort of inner child.

Right. And Doug didn't have a lot of sleepovers as a kid. And it's something he always really wanted. He grew up in a smaller house. He was always going to other kids' houses for sleepovers. How small was this house? Well, it was like... Too small to have one person sleep over? No, but

you know how like there's always one friend in a group that has the big house? Oh yeah, of course. It becomes the default house. Absolutely. So you just go there. It's usually the house that has the bonus room above the garage. Yes, a rumpus room perhaps. That's how you knew people were rich. Yes, exactly.. Yes, a rumpus room, perhaps. That's how you knew people were rich. Yes, exactly. If they had a rumpus room.

And so I think that this, I mean, am I right, babe? This is sort of just to, because you're just inviting over your dad. You could say that's my origin story, I guess. If you want to unpack the traumas that went into why I'm having this. Oh, wow. I can't tell if you're being sarcastic or serious. I'm almost never sarcastic.

That's true. Doug is not a sarcastic guy. That's actually true. He does get to hit you with two hard deers a month. Oh, yes, he does. Where he says, that's right, deer. And if I say a four-letter word, forget it. That's true.

Our guests are allowed to say it, but not me. That's true. But yeah, I got the gang coming over. And what's your plan? So what is the perfect sleep room setup for you? And who comprises the gang these days? That's right. Obviously some of the members of Rhubarb Caravan. Not to be confused with your pharmacy gang

from CBS. No, no, no, no. The Rhubarb Caravan. Have they disbanded, by the way? No, they've all come over to the Dignity Falsemacy. Oh, okay, good. I thought you were going to do it. I headhunted all of them, yes, as I was headhunted. So Doug, of course, is in several dad bands. The most enduring is rhubarb caravan.

Yes. And a lot of our rehearsals have nap time anyway. Doug, I'm sorry. I'm remembering that in rhubarb caravan, you play lead guitar and tambourine. That's right. That's right. That's right. Because you're not always playing lead. Right.

You want the tambourine. Right. Sure. Sometimes let that rhythm section shine. And sometimes I hang the tambourine on the guitar. And if you shake it, like if you're doing like a. It's a whole new kind of music. It's a fusion of sorts.

Like Chuck Berry when he was docking. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. You get a great timbre chuck berry had certain uh guitar moves that if you messed up he would move his guitar in a certain way that meant you just lost 50 is that right yes because you hit a clam oh wow i didn't know that yeah great guy okay anyways uh so are you actually just gonna all sleep in what like sleeping bags or sleeping bags? I got to say, when a man reaches a certain age, usually there's like a lot of business involved in going to sleep. Let's walk through some of that business. We'll have business time before sleep.

Seven trips to the bathroom. Before going to sleep. Oh, God. Yes. So this is this is like getting nestled in bed, but before you turn the lights out, seven trips. Yeah, because you know there's going to be

eight more throughout the night. What age are we talking about when we say certain age? Well, I guess it's different for everyone's husband, but for mine... That's fair. That's right. That's right.

Sorry, babe. Do you mind that I've explained this? No, but for mine. That's fair. That's right. That's right. Sorry, babe. Do you mind that I've explained this? No, please. Listen. Burn asked me for the list. It's true. Sometimes there's a machine. Sometimes there's a, you know.

I beg your pardon? Well, first of all, you know he has his white noise, his several noises, right? Yes. And all those noises have to be dialed in. Some people have a sleep apnea mask. Doug has actually not been needing to use that lately, but he sleeps with that tape on his mouth. Oh yes, that's become very popular.

So he's got a tape up, but then he also does like an old timey, like wraparound. Right. Like an old timey toothache, like that kind of thing with a knot on the top. Yeah. Just to be just like a secondary, a knot on the top. Yeah. Just to be

just like a secondary you know precaution. Yeah. Also I just think he's kind of opening his mouth opening his mouth. Oh I see.

I see. I wear sunglasses. Yes he wears sunglasses. It's a bad day. Yes he can't get dark enough for him and he doesn't like any sleep masks

and he has blackout He doesn't like any sleep masks. No we tried them all. He prefers the sunglasses. He tried them all. He said that, what would you say,

they itched you? Or one you got, one you got. Yeah. I can see how sunglasses would be more comfortable. Well, I like the ones, the old style baseball ones

where you can flip them up. Oh yeah. I love this. Absolutely. So when I wake up, So if there's an emergency, if there's an emergency in the middle of the night, he can just flip them up.

Emergency in the night? Yeah. Just imagining Doug bolting upright in bed, flipping up the sunglasses. What was that? That's right. That's exactly what it is. Sometimes I ask you to flip them up. Oh, that's sweet. So that you can be hands free and hands ready.

Doug, do you sleep on your back? Yes, in a supine plank. But yeah, I sleep at a supine decline. But you don't understand. He really is like as if he's going to

be diving off of a high dive where his hands are straight. He's like going down a water slide. That's how he sleeps. Tension in the body? Well, he's got his arms crossed over? Yes. Absolutely.

Like a mummy. And ankles crossed. Do you think that water slides are based on mummies? Because it's the same position. No, when you say based on. Well, that's how they got them in those tombs.

How is that even? A water slide? They put him in a watery chute. A water slide in the chute? Yeah. Right under the sarcophagus. Oh, that can how they got them in those tubes. How is that even? A water slide? Put them in a watery chute. A water slide in the chute? Yeah. Right into the sarcophagus. Oh, that can't be true. No, you mean based on.

You mean... I never made the connection before between the water slide position and a mummy. Someone took a look at the sarcophagus and went, we should put that down a tube with water. Although there is a fantastic um we have our uh our wonder a wonderful water it's actually the most water we have in town yes is our water park that's right uh and it's set like up on a mountainside so that you know it's like even during the summer you know

or even during the winter when there's no water running you can just sort of go down the slides but we have themes to ours we actually have have the Egyptian one. That's right. Pharaoh's tomb, I think it is, where you literally, it's like going through, like they have animatronics and everything, but it's a water slide. Yes, it's fun. It's very cool.

You'll see like brains being pulled through the nose via a hook. Watch those guys do that over and over again. You'll see enslaved people building a pyramid. I got to say, though, it's... A doghead man putting a plague on the land. It's not the things I would have chosen. No.

I got to say, during winter, even though they give you a big discount, the dry slides, I don't like it. Well, you're supposed to use a little mat, babe. Did you just go down and draw? Yeah, but they have no water going down. So they give you a steep discount but it just burns exactly yeah i think they should they should pour just a little bit of water down

there let it freeze so you're sliding on the ice oh well that could be fun yeah instead of that dry slide well we do have this sort of um we have we have the because we we we made a bid for the winter olympics one year that's right oh that was a fias That's right. Oh, that was a fiasco. Why did we even try? That was a fiasco. Oh, no. And, you know, we hadn't had snow for years. No. And they thought they could fool everybody by, you know, trying to.

And that was part of the reason. By trying to. By trying to fabricate, you knowate this whole sort of like winter wonderland and they spent so much money on it. And they just shredded all this paper. They shredded a bunch of paper. No one was fooled. The mayor said no one would know. Absolutely nobody was fooled. The mayor said

no one would know. That's exactly what he said. And everybody thought, you know, this guy's out of his mind. And he really was. It was just so embarrassing. And I remember the kids were little and they thought it was just so embarrassing and i remember the kids were little and they thought it was no i saw them i saw that mayor recently oh no he's still around yeah joe pilps yes mayor pilps i saw joe pilps an old dig and he was just he was just sitting behind the barbershop quartet on a crate. Behind them?

Yes. And they were singing. And he was, after every song, he would clap enthusiastically. And everyone was just pretending that he wasn't there. Oh, that's very sad and very dark. He was wearing a barrel. So he was sitting, but he was wearing a barrel. And so he's like peering over the top of the barrel.

Oh, it was sad. It was very sad. Poor Joe Pilps. Oh, sitting in a barrel on a crate. It's really a hat on a hat. Yeah. Poor Joe Pilps. Sitting in a barrel.

And he really always wanted to be in that barbershop quartet. So he's sort of their only groupie. Well, it sounds like the subject of a barbershop quartet song. Poor Joe Pilps in his barrel. Sitting in a barrel. I don't know. It sounds a little more like a murder ballad to me. A little more Americana roots kind of music.

But you know what, babe? That could be a rhubarb caravan song. I could see you turning into that. Absolutely. Work on it tonight. For sure. Absolutely. Oh, with your boys.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's fun. Yeah, it'll be like, get back. Yes. I do predict, though, that they'll start, you know, they'll, I don't know what you guys are going to do. You're probably going to order food, right?

I imagine you're ordering food. Am I doing that? No, we go outside and scrounge for food. It's part of the, it's like our hunting trip. What do you think you're going to find? So you're combining several sort of things. So you're going to pretend that you're sort of out camping when you go right back in the house. Then we go back, build forts, have quiet time.

Quiet time. Business affairs before. I honestly think they're all just going to be passed out by 945. I guarantee you. Oh, that bathroom's going passed out by 945. I guarantee you. Oh, that bathroom's going to get a workout tonight. I'm telling you. I didn't even finish the list, but we all get the point. It's true. Anyway,

that Winter Olympics fiasco is why the town is overrun with Huskies. Yes. One of the reasons. One of the reasons. I would say that's the main reason. I would say that's the main reason. Fair point. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

But they are the ones who crowd the crosswalk the most. Oh, my God. They're practically crossing guards, those huskies. Agreed. Yeah. With those intense eyes. They do kind of police the other dogs. Oh, they do?

Yeah. No one can scream louder than them. Every once in a while, I see a horse in that crosswalk. It's very exciting. Oh. Yeah. I haven't seen a horse in a crosswalk. You've never seen a horse in that crosswalk. It's very exciting. Oh. Yeah. I haven't seen a horse in a crosswalk.

You've never seen a horse in a crosswalk? You never. Can you believe it? You have to make a wish if you see it. Yes, that's right. I've heard that.

I thought you weren't supposed to tell anyone, Burnt. Okay. I thought it didn't come true if you told someone. You're not supposed to tell me what the wish is. Oh, okay.

You're allowed to talk about the practice. Okay. Yeah, that's fine. How would people know? Well, it's like, you know, that makes me think of those stories where everyone says Bill Murray comes up behind them and is like, your friends will never believe you. You know, like when they see a Bill Murray sighting. Do you think that story was started by someone who absolutely did not have an encounter with Bill Murray?

I mean, now that I think about it, that's probably more like a brilliant thing to say like, uh, Oh yeah. And then I can add a, your friends will never believe you. That's what the horses probably say to each other. I saw a human and he wished on me, but he's,

but I can't, I'm not supposed, but he said not to tell anyone. Do you think a horse would be able to tell if a human being was making a wish? You know, they seem to have people who really love horses always say there's such a human connection. So I think it's possible. It's funny that there can be a human connection with a horse because they're so terrified of absolutely everything.

And they're some of the biggest animals you're ever going to come across. Which is so interesting because, you know, they're used in therapy a whole lot. Is that so? Oh, yes. Horse therapy is a big thing. Just imagine the smell in that room. It's not in a room, Bernd. Therapy can be outside.

That makes sense. That makes sense. Are you picturing two horses on a couch? While I was picturing like a therapist and then, you know, you're in the office and then the therapist says, okay, one second, open up another door and then a horse comes in. And then it's as cramped as the house dug room. Tell your problems to this guy. I'm sick of listening to this.

Can you imagine that happens in your therapy session? Tell it to the horse. Tell it to the horse. Famous expression here in Dignity Falls. Tell it to the horse. Tell it to the horse. He's expression here in Dignity Falls. Tell it to the horse. Tell it to the horse. Somebody is whining to you about some problem.

You know, it's a very specific expression. If somebody has complained about the same thing more than five times. Yes. And despite the fact that people have offered suggestions and told them to do things. Yes. And then you get to say it after that. The sixth time you can say, tell it to the horse. Tell it to the horse.

It's old. When you're on the you use it, tell it to the horse. Tell it to the horse. It's old. When you're on the receiving end of that, it's very shameful. Maybe that's how the wish started because those people would see the horse and then what they were really sending them was all their problems. Maybe that's why horses are so haunted

in this town. Oh, maybe so. In this town. Maybe so. You can tell all of our horses have a very, they have a haunted look. Yeah. Like they know secrets that they don't want to know.

Horses are so scared of snakes. They are. But I feel like, don't we know that just because of movies? Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point. And the video game Red Dead Redemption 2. Oh.

Featuring my hall pass, Sadie Adler. All right. Brent, I'm always so intrigued that you love to play those games. It's fun, you know, to escape into a different world. It really does seem like an escape for you because you just are such a mild-mannered person.

And then you play these very violent games. Well, it's also, it satisfies my need for travel. Which you don't do anymore. The games are set all over the place. Before, you were all over the place. Exactly. You could travel through space and time. For an eight-hour show, Disneyland for two seconds.

That's right. For those of you who don't know, Bert once traveled by himself to Disneyland, but as soon as he got through the gate, it overwhelmed him and he left. It was a very embarrassing story. It was just all those flowers. All right.

Doug, how long have we been going? Can you tell us? Oh yeah, probably long enough. Let me look. He goes, it's a whole process when Doug has to look at the time. It's a whole process.

He's got one of those Nixie clocks. What's a Nixie clock again? It's a whole process when Doug has to look at the time. It's a whole process. It's got one of those Nixie clocks. What's a Nixie clock again? It's like tubes, you know, with like tubes of neon. I still need more. Are you making that with your mouth? No, it's my abacus. Okay. You say abacus, but I feel like you're thinking of something different.

22 minutes. Are you thinking of 22 minutes thank you 22 ancient calculation machine with several different beats are you thinking of the thing in most 80s yuppies movies where there's just silver balls going oh yeah absolutely that's how you knew someone was successful i know that's right they had one of those and was probably the villain a newton's cradle is that what it's called that's what it's called okay go back to the clock see babe i know is that hang on that's exactly what it was i know see i know him i know my husband nixie clock is uh nixie might be a brand name okay uh but i that's how i first

learned of it okay it is a it's it's a uh a clock that has uh glowing numbers like it's like a little it looks like little neon signs essentially essentially. And so the time will change. It'll light up different parts of the neon to form the numbers. Oh, okay, got it. I know what you're talking about now. Do you know where I saw one recently? It was in the movie Oppenheimer. Oh my goodness.

And they had a countdown clock to the explosion of the atomic bomb. Oh, yes, I know what you're talking about. And I thought, would they really have that? I don't think they would. That seems a little fancy for what they're doing. I think they probably just have a regular old clock. Doug and I watched that movie, but it took four nights. Cause I mean,

both of us just, we, we go to sleep so early and it was just, you know, it's a long 7. PM. Right. It's that's I'm 7.

PM lights up. Um, well, I had another thing to say about this, but I'll get to it uh on the on the back end because we really should go we really should we gotta take a break uh when we when we return we will have a guest right here with us on the neighborhood listen Hey everybody, Joseph here. Wow, I never expected so much helpful information.

But as a first-time cat daddy, I appreciate it all. I discovered that the squirt bottle doesn't work, and I probably should have known that. She jumped into the tub with my son on two different occasions. The extended play method is working pretty well, and over the past few nights, I've been able to sleep till almost 6 a.m. I've got the hands of a chef, supple at times when needed, but also firm. We do our yarn play, and then all of a sudden, she cuddles up into my chest, wanting those chef hands. I know at this point she's just using me. It takes a moment, stretches that head back, exposing her little chest in front. It's all just a ploy to get me to rub her.

She lets out slight meows to continue the process. When I quit, she nuzzles her head into my chin. Still on the fence about a second one, but I really appreciate all the feedback. still on the fence about a second one but i really appreciate all the feedback welcome back once again to the neighborhood listen we have a guest here joe now if people don't know uh what we do is we scour the neighbor app the social networking application for neighborhoods in search of interesting people to talk about because we would like to we would like to highlight oh it's just the false flu i I'm telling you. You think I got it? Yeah, that's another, sort of you kind of just get a little tripped up.

Yeah, I hate it. The tongue starts to swell a lot. Yeah, my tongue's feeling pretty fat in there. We look for interesting neighbors to highlight our neighborhood, and we discuss, we don't, I mean, oh boy. Brain fog is next. It's like that scene in Airplane when they're describing what happens if you had to fish.

And it starts to happen one by one. It sure does. In quick succession. But yes, we talk to them, we interview them, and we get to know them. And then in that way, we get to know our neighborhood and share it with you, the listener. And this week is no different. We have found a post and we're going to read it now. If you ever spy a post that we perhaps missed,

or if you'd like to bring it to our attention, you can take a little screenshot of the neighbor app and send it to us at burntandjoneatgmail.com. You know, Joan, I was listening to old episodes from when we first got the email and boy, did I have a hard time remembering what the email address was. And it could not be simpler.

I was- I don't know, I think it's a bit of a mouthful. It's been long. I was throwing like five extra words in there. BernandJonahGmail.com. It's just that simple. Oh, it's kind of fun to go back and listen to you know, before we were green podcasters and now we're such veterans. I know, it's fun and now we're the best podcaster is.

Even though in this recent, most recent season from just season five i forgot my last name but that's okay uh all right that's happened to everyone that's true all right so this post is from scott it says need woman for my stepson to make grandkids he us very nice now i imagine that's a typo. No college. Works in finance. Extremely nice. That's the second admission of niceness. He is 24. The ideal woman slash mate is a woman of faith, loyal, born with a personality.

Pet. I'm just reading what it says. I understand. I understand. We'll let him explain. We'll let Scott explain all of this. You know, I don't want to comment on it. The ideal woman.

I thought we got into a Game of Thrones episode. That's right. Darnest loyal born of the loyal borns. Okay, we've already said too much. The ideal woman slash mate is a woman, women of faith, loyal, born with a personality, pet owner, a little overweight. You don't always hear that.

Wants a family. No drugs, no smoking. I'll send pictures by request. I cannot wait to talk to this person. I know, what a list. Is it Scott or am I, is this who I'm talking to? Is it the person who posted this? Yeah.

Welcome Scott. Thank you. I'm very happy to be here. I want to talk to you, tell you everything, and I'm ready for this question, interrogation.

Oh, well, that's not... I will not feel any pressure to change myself or my integrity. I will be myself. That's not required. You might have a misunderstanding of this podcast. We're not here to do any of that.

We actually are here to amplify your post in order that it might reach more people. And yes, maybe just ask for some clarification on some things, you know, because there is a lot in here. But if I feel like you're not happy with me or who I am, I will not feel pressure to change that. Okay. I mean, you said that. That's on record twice now. Yes, absolutely.

We're not going to change your personality one bit. Thank you, John. Oh, okay. But also, but I don't want to change your personality. If your personality is that you call me John, I'm not going to fight it. I said your name, John. I think it was a pronunciation.

John. Yes. I don't think he thinks your name is John. I think he's trying pronunciation. John. Yes. I don't think he thinks your name is John. I think he's trying to say Joan as best he can. I understand. I think so, too. Is Joan the same as John? John.

I'm sorry, what, babe? Is Joan a female John? So you feel that every name has a male and female counterpart? A lot of them do. All right, so what's the female version of Doug? Doe. Doe. counterpart a lot of them do all right so what's the what's the female version of doug doe though that poor one the dead the dead girl she is murdered over and over again well i i understand what you're saying she has very bad luck she thinks she is dead and then she hates that. Oh, I'm alive.

And then they kill her again. Every time. One presumes. One presumes. All right, babe, I think we're going to have to disable that conversation because we haven't really even gotten much out of Scott. Fascinating concept, though, Deb. It sure is.

And not at all surprising that you share it. So, Scott, let's ask. I want to ask this first, Joan. Okay. So, we know the list of things you're looking for. Yes. For your stepson, grandson? Stepson.

He's not my real son. It's like I am for him like a substitute teacher that lives in his house. Oh, do you not have a good relationship? We have a great relationship. I don't try to be his father because I'm not his father. So you meant it in sort of a good way that you're both happy because he gets to substitute teacher, which means it's not the intense general relationship and you don't have to have so much responsibility. Yes.

When I leave the house, I never think of him again. Oh, okay. Wow. That's actually surprising because you put a lot of thought into this post. I wrote this at home. Oh, got it. Makes sense. And what's his name?

Your stepson? George. George, okay. What would the female version of that be, babe? Caught Doug napping. I guess he's having his quiet time. I thought we were tabling that discussion. Probably unzipping his sleeping bag. He had to take off the mouth tape to talk.

How could you tell? How did you know that? Everyone's doing it. That's true. It's true. So, so George, tell us about him. Yeah, George. Okay, yeah.

George, he's 24. He works in the finance, but no college. You don't have to have a college for that now. People don't want to pay bills. You give him the money. He pays the bills. It's all done on Venmo. No questions. Okay, now when you say pays the bills for

them using their money? Yes. Yes. That sounds... Who likes to pay bills? You? John? You like to pay bills? I don't mind the actual paying of the bills. What I mind is the money that it costs, right? If I had all the money in the world, I would just put it on auto pay and I wouldn't even think about paying bills, right?

I accept your challenge then, John. Oh, it's not a... So if you don't like the money coming out, then what you do, you put money out once to George instead of all the little ones. Georgina. Oh, what? And then you don't have to feel... Georgina? Doug got it.

He hit it. Georgina. You don't have to feel the sting of the money going. So you give George a lump sum. Once a year, all the money for your bills. But then you also have to, I would imagine, you have to give him access to many accounts. Absolutely.

That's up to you. Or you can give him a wad of cash. Okay, but then. Is that an official finance term? Wad of cash? You, but then... Is that an official financial term? Wad of cash? You can do Bitcoin, whatever you want. It sounds very unregulated,

I just have to say. It's completely unregulated. We don't want that. We don't want any regulation. None. At all. He's very nice. That's how he is.

You have mentioned that? Okay. Very nice. I see in the post, I say more than once so you don't think this is a man with a flaming temper.

I know, but have you ever heard, right, exactly. So first of all, that you say that is concerning and second of all, usually when people,

it sure does. Also when you repeat that someone's nice as if someone's already challenged you about it. Yes. Well, you know, there are stories around town

that you don't want to believe I'm telling you now. About George? Yes, of course. Well, I haven't heard them. you don't want to believe. I'm telling you now. About George? Yes, of course. Well, I haven't heard them. Everyone has a story. Why would I repeat a story that's terrible about George? Although I'd like to know one.

It's not true. Well, somebody one time said, hey, this guy, he came to the preschool and he said, everyone in this playground be quiet. And he didn't do that oh well that's I mean one of the stories floating around George is he went to a preschool told everyone to be quiet you know

kids can be very loud so it's believable it's believable but he didn't do it I mean I don't want any grown man near a playground that's not supposed to be there anyways. But if it's just to shush them, I guess, okay. It's kind of a relief, I suppose. Really scarily, sadly, is a relief.

You get tense and then he says, hey, keep it down. And then you go, oh, okay. You almost agree with him. Yeah, he's just a weirdo. Let me ask this question, Scott. Okay. Is this something that you've discussed with George? Are these his wants and desires?

Good question, George. Is this list of what he's looking for? Is this his list or is this your list? I know what's best for George and that's why I picked this list. I'm gathering that he has no idea that you've done this. Yeah, does he know that you've done this? He's going to find out when I bring her home, okay?

And let's talk about who we're going to bring home, okay? We're going to bring home a woman who is born with a personality, okay? We don't want someone who makes excuses. I'm a baby so I don't have to be engaging. Right? Born

with a personality. Just, you know, that's every baby. Every baby is just basic needs, you know? Sleep, eat. They actually don't have a personality. Oh, just, you know, that's every baby. Every baby is just basic needs, you know, sleep, eat. They actually don't have a personality. That's odd because I hear a lot of parents say that they do. See, John, you need to know babies can use their face to project a personality. They don't have to rely on, oh, when I can do a sentence, now I'll be interesting. They don't have to do that.

Okay. Well, see, I think you're confusing. Okay. But he's not looking for a baby. I mean, he's looking to have a baby, but for his mate. But you're saying for the background info, the background check, you must pass. You have to go all the way back to birth. Yes.

What was your personality like as a baby? Yes. You cannot be like, oh, I became interesting when I'm eight. This is not acceptable. Well, how is someone supposed to prove that? What kind of credentials are they supposed to present to you? There's a rigorous interview.

I mean, it sounds like it. Oh, now see, I got to tell you right now, I don't think any woman will be happy with some sort of interrogation situation. That is not the way to romance. I don't think anyone, if you put it out there, we're going to have an interrogation.

I don't think anyone's going to sign up. Regardless of how you put it out there, we're going to have an interrogation. I don't think anyone's going to sign up. Regardless of how they identify, they will not like that. Thank you for the information. I will now spring a trap on them before your information. Scott, no. This will be interrogation.

We'll be surprised. Thank you. No one suggested that. Can I ask what you do for a living and what your background is? I am a retired police canine groomer. Wow. Oh, you used to wash and dry the canine unit.

I mean, is there anything more than just giving them a bath? You know what, I never even thought about that as a job. It never occurred to me. But someone's got to do it, right? There's very specific don'ts. You know, you can accidentally say. Okay. Oh, yeah.

We're calling it such as. Okay. Such as. Such as you cannot talk in German when you're giving them a bath. You could accidentally make them attack. Oh, wow. They understand German. Because they're all German shepherds.

Yes. And you give them a German command and then they do this. Okay. Yes. So you can't accidentally do that. That seems like one you wouldn't even have to mention. Just given the fact that most people don't even know German. I don't know if I've ever accidentally spoken German.

But it's like say don't have, think of. An elephant. Then you're going to do it. Uh-huh, uh-huh. It happens every time you forget to mention. Oh, dear. So many times. Oh, burnt.

You just did it. No, did I? Yes. It's part of the dignity flu. It's a later stage. Cursing in foreign languages. Oh, no. It's not looking good.

Guys, I don't know. So, yes. Oh, okay. Well, go on, go on. In case the animal, which is bred to be vicious. Well, sure. In case they want to attack, you have to do the whole bath in chain mail. You have to.

Wow. I must be in chain mail. It has to be chain mail? I mean, they make protective gear specifically to deal with dogs. Even the SWAT team department could just give it to you. It's bulletproof. But if you notice on the videos, the normal gear, it's like a big spongy suit, which does not go well with water. Oh, that's a good...

George, you got me. Right? That's why chainmail. Oh, I suppose so. The worst thing. But although chainmail... Spongy is as good as being a sponge. Right?

Yeah, chainmail. So, okay. It could get rusty, but that's a problem for later. That's sponge. Right. Yeah. So, okay. It could get rusty, but that's a problem for later. That's right. Not right now. Not right now. So you're wearing what I imagine is very heavy chain mail. Yes.

And how long does it take to bathe and groom them? Well, it depends on the size of the dog. Oh, okay. Are we going to do how many coats of, you know, shampoo, conditioner. Okay. I like to do blow dry. Sure, I wondered about that.

Is that really necessary for a police dog? You know, I don't like to do less for police than I will do for non-police. Okay, so you're not exclusively treating or grooming police dogs. Is that correct? I am, I am. Oh, you said other dogs exclusively treating or grooming police dogs. Is that correct? I am. I am.

Oh, you said other dogs. I wasn't sure. Well, but I don't want to do less than if I was going to do another dog. Right. Then the way other dogs are treated. I see. I see. So I will put them in a costume like a police costume on a police hat.

Right. Like I would another dog, but they are just limited options on the costume. Are there any officers around when you're doing this? Or is this something that they drop the dog off and then you kind of take over from there? Yes, they will drop the dog. It's time for them to relax and not be...

I see, so they're not... It's just, you know, it's almost like dropping a child off at daycare. Yes, exactly. Finally, I get the chance to just hear my own thoughts. Get a little me time in the squad car, you know. But you seem to have these sort of ideas of interrogation and whatnot. Do you think that it has anything to do with sort of police activity rubbing off on you?

Or do you like secretly wish you were a police officer? I don't know. This is where I am around. So this is where I, yeah, this is possible that I am around. The interrogation room is right next to the dog wash room. Is it really? That seems odd. I had it in a totally separate location.

I did too. I didn't realize it was on site. Very, very close. At the cop shop. I can hear most of the interrogation through the vent. Really? Oh, dear. I thought those rooms were designed to be.

Sound proof, first of all. So they can go to work with the phone books and stuff like that. Yes. No, they do. Can I tell you what I'm looking for in the woman? Well, okay. You really want to get back to the woman. I feel like we do have an extensive list.

Yeah, but this also is another question that's important does your stepson want a kid and where is the stepson's actual father and so i'm assuming you're with his mother is that correct yes i am the the man with the woman that is the mom right yeah and how does she feel about this is it because does she know that you're doing this she wants a grandchild and if you don't have a grandchild and if he does not have a son then he will when he dies

he will not be remembered in history so that's for him so wait so that's a priority is that why a grandchild to be remembered in history top priority to be remembered in history? To be remembered in history. Top priority. Top priority. To be remembered in history.

And take a grandkid will solve that. Well, it gives you a shot. I understand that. You don't win the lottery if you don't play the lottery, okay? You miss 100% of the baskets, you don't take the shots. Okay. That's one way to think about it. Right.

Okay. So we've established that she has to have a personality. Yes. And then also there's this bit in here. Hang on. I'm just checking it. So, okay. Okay.

Why a pet owner? I love the dogs. I watch them. I want to have a dog around. So this is more of a question for you. Again, this is what I'm thinking. This is just almost like he's looking for a roommate. A roommate that will have sex with your stepson.

You know, what I want out of the woman is what's best for him. And he will grow to appreciate this. And if he doesn't... This all sounds like once George finds out about this, I just feel like if some woman shows up at his doorstep with a dog or a god, you didn't specify pet, with any

kind of pet, and then all of a sudden and then what? What is your plan if a woman answers this ad? Oh, and sorry, and can it be any kind of pet? No, I want it to pretend to be open, but it needs to be a dog. I understand. Okay. And Joan, your question.

I'm so sorry. Yes. What is your plan when someone answers this? Like, send him up on a blind date? Are you going to tell him about it then? How does this work? I will bring her to our home early in the morning when he wakes up and he walks into the living room, I will present her. Oh, sort of Christmas morning style.

And he will be happily surprised. Oh, dear. I have to say, I don't think you have control over how he's going to respond. Can I ask, has he dated before? Has he had long-term relationships before? Not enough. Not enough. What does that mean? How many is not enough? He's only 24.

Yes, you're correct. He should have so many children. He should be... I mean, if this was 100 years ago, I guess you could say that, sure. But I mean, these days, people don't have kids, period, first of all, don't really want to that age, because they can't afford them or many other reasons. Just because it's the new way doesn't mean it's the right way. You know what I'm saying? That's tough to argue. You sound like an older generation.

I don't think, you know, the best way to pull an apple off the tree is to grab it. You know what I'm saying? What is the best way? You grab it. You just grab it. The best way is to grab it. As opposed to? The new way. Tell me, what's the new way? You grab it. Grab it. You just grab it. Oh, the best way is to grab it. Okay. As opposed to the new way.

Well, tell me what's the new way. Lasers or something. I'm not sure that we can apply Gen Z to everything, including picking apples. I think they'd probably agree with you on that one. Oh, can the AI do it? I don't think. Laser, oh dear. What's that?

You can throw stuff at it if it's high. You could throw stuff at it. You sure could, babe can throw stuff at it if it's high. You could throw stuff at it. You sure could, babe. You sure could. That's true. That's true. I don't need your laser, apple picker. I don't know where you get the laser.

I don't think there's such a thing, but... We better be careful because there could be such a thing. You never know. There could be such a thing. Don't disparage. Now, this is interesting. I mean, sure, no drugs I can see. Okay, no smoking, I understand.

A little overweight. Now, explain that. I find it kind of refreshing, actually, no drugs, I can say. Okay, no smoking, I understand. A little overweight. Now explain that. I find it kind of refreshing, actually. But I'm afraid to ask why, because I bet I won't like it. Very important. Because you know a phrase I don't like? I don't like, I'm fine. I'm fine.

I don't like this phrase. In reference to what? Like if you say to a woman. Joan? Request. You say, oh, here, I made you a cake. I would like you to eat the whole cake. You will be enjoying it.

I will watch. That will be enjoyable for me. And the woman say, I'm fine. I'm fine. Okay, so you are talking about what women will specifically say when offered food. Well, yes. Well, to be fair, though, I don't even know if this is to be fair. I just want to point out, you did say you were offering someone to eat an entire

cake while you watch. And I feel like... That was the example you're right for. I feel like saying I'm fine is more of a defense mechanism trying to buy time to get out of that place. But it's very rude also. I don't know that it is

in response to eating an entire cake while I watch you. This actually sounds like something that actually happened. Unfortunately, it's very specific. What did this actually happen? It's so specific. Oh, for sure. Have you ever asked a rude woman to eat a whole cake? This is what she will say.

That's exactly. All right. Now we've gotten very easy. I think this might be the actual definition of begging the question where. Have you ever asked a rude woman to eat a whole cake? There you go. Let's get to it. This is exactly what she will say.

I guarantee you. Yes. You can try this. Now, Bernd just asked you, which rude woman are you referring to? Because we know this happened. Oh, so many failed dates. I've tried this on many women. Is this like your move that you push a whole cake on a woman?

If I had- What date does this happen? In my whole life, if I had one horse wish to come true, one single, I would wish for a woman who was not rude, who would just eat a cake and be happy. Now, why is that important to you? Why would you like them to eat the cake? Because, okay, first off, when you eat the cake, you're happy. If you don't eat the cake because you're not, you are thinking about, I don't want to look bad. Are you singing?

It's not bad. I don't want to look bad. Please don't accuse me of singing. I was not singing. My apologies. It's not bad. No, no. I don't want to look back. Please don't accuse me of singing. I was not. My apologies. That's an accusation.

It was a genuine question. I don't like. Music lives in you and you can't help it. I was not singing and I don't want to be accused of it. Sounds like he's singing again, but I guess not. I'm not. Okay. I don't like to be told things, you know?

Clearly. If I walk into a bathroom and it says, wash your hands, I will rip this sign down and I will pummel it into the trash. That's an extreme reaction. Yeah, it's definitely an overreaction. Don't tell me. I will wash my hands, but you will not tell me to wash my hands. Where does this come from?

Were you born in Dignity Falls originally? I will never tell you. Wow! We've never gotten that response from a guest. I will never tell you. I'll never tell you. You know what's better to do than tell me wash your hands?

Here's what's polite. You put a cover. He's setting a real boundary about telling us where he's from. Yes. You put a cover and it says, if you would like advice in this bathroom, open this cover. And then when you open it, he says, please wash your hands. Now, if I don't want advice on how to use the bathroom, I don't open it. Right.

Okay. Well, I have never once been offended. First of all, it's always aimed at the employees. I've never seen one. Employees must wash hands. It's always employees must wash hands. Yes, yes, yes. So I never, I never.

And that's really for us to see. Yes. It's for us to see and feel better. The employees don't look at that sign and say, oh. That's to make us feel that employees see that sign and they go, all right. But you can cover that in the team meeting also. You don't have to put that sign and they go, all right. But you can cover that in the team meeting also. You don't have to put that sign. That's exactly right.

I was assuming people were washing their hands. We're just hoping everyone does. All right, maybe an email company-wide. But what if it were to say it might feel nice to wash your hands if you saw that sign in a bathroom. Which isn't really a command. Suggestion.

Yeah, a suggestion. Like the Socratic method, right? What about washing your hands? That's fine. Isn't that it? You just ask the questions. I don't know. I've never known and I've been terrified at this moment my entire life.

That's the only question. Someone would challenge me to define the Socratic method listen this is a recurring dream oh my god wake up wake up in a cold sweat

yes Doug is right he knows this because I took an acting class that was all about I had to have the actors over to you have to host the class

at your house oh it's awful and you have to just take turns hosting and you have to provide food and all sorts of some stuff. Oh, no. I know, it's awful. And everybody sits on the couch and people get up and do scene work and instead of telling people how to do it, you just say

what if you try to not get what you want this time or whatever? And that way someone could just say, huh, I don't know. What if you did that more believably? Well, now, you found a way to still make it, huh. What if you did that more believably? Well, now, Byrne, you found a way to still make it passive aggressive. What if you were a good actor? Exactly.

No, see, that's not what it's supposed to be. You're supposed to wear a toga, too. Well, that's what Doug made us do one time. He would not let up. He thought that's mostly what it meant. That it was part of it. You had to ask questions, yes. Dressed in a toga. I remember when,

when he, when you and I became friends and you explained that our relationship was platonic and he asked if I wore a toga, which to be honest, that was a big connection for him to get Plato from platonic. I was surprised when I saw you two today for the first time, I had only heard your voices and I was very surprised. Oh, you listened to our podcast?

You listened to the show? Of course. Oh, thank you. But I never would have imagined what you look like. Oh, really? I had different, I had very different. What did you think? What did you, I wanna know what you think we look like.

Well, from Bernd's name, I always imagined he looked like a Freddy Krueger victim. Oh dear, that's very on the nose. A Freddy Krueger victim? Yes, well, the man, he is also a victim because he was burnt by the neighborhood.

Poor Freddy Krueger. Poor Freddy, I mean, really. No one talks about his trauma. He's a victim too. He is. He is. He's the first victim that caused the rest of the victims.

It's true. You know? It is true. Oh, no one stopped the cycle there and I went down the street. And what did you think Joan looked like? Well, interesting. She sounds like a happy mom.

And she looked like that. But I always imagined she was in black and white. I did not see her in color. I imagined her completely in old movie black and white. Were you shocked to discover when you saw her that she was in regular color? Yes, absolutely. Wow, black and white. Yes, absolutely. Wow, black and white. Yes, I imagined you in black and white.

This is what your voice sounds like, a black and white person. Oh, wow, that's very strange. Until you have your first orgasm. Isn't that what happened in Pleasantville? Oh, you needed to follow it up with that quickly, Bert. In the bathtub? I believe it does.

Did I see that movie or have I just seen parts of it? Or is this just a fantasy, Bert? Yes. Do me, do me. Oh, Doug. I guess you haven't seen him in this. You still can't see him, but we'll tell you if you're right. What do you imagine he looks like?

Yeah, we'll let you know if you're right. Doug, he, to me, he's like the biggest baby. A big, big baby. A giant baby that's a man. A baby with maybe a mustache. Wow. Kind of nailed it. One-year-old, like walking, toddler?

Just before walking. Just before walking. Maybe kind of sit up, but you're worried he's going to tip. When you say that, here's what I'm picturing. It's like a six-foot baby. Just in a diaper, the big fat belly, bald.

Maybe a little sprig of hair. A little sprig of hair, yeah. I love a bald baby. Oh, sure. I love when babies are bald for a long time. Yeah, pretty great. Well, Doug has a fine head of hair. Okay. Babe, it's one of your best questions.

You have a glorious mane. Oh, that's right. He does have a receding neckline. Oh, no. It's bounteous other than that. But, you know, he's

more, he doesn't look like a baby in a diaper with no hair that's not accurate I have a signature gait you know my hips sometimes gyrate uncontrollably when you walk?

yeah like a shimmy is that something we discussed? we did in the ballroom episode. Oh, wow, he's got receipts. The ballroom episode. We don't remember it by what guest we had on the show.

No, of course Doug would see it from what room he was in. That's how I remember it. It makes sense. That's it. It does make sense. Scott, can I ask you? Yeah. I hate to get back to this, but did your wife, George's mother, has she eaten an entire cake while you watched?

What a good question. On the first date. On the first date. Is this when you normally do it? Is this a test? I have a bag here. I'm going to unzip. question, Bert. On the first date. On the first date. Is this when you normally do it? Is this a test? I have a bag here. I'm going to unzip. Oh, boy.

He does. And, John, I have a question for you. Oh, my God. He has a cake. I know what's about to happen. He has a cake. I think you know what's about to happen. Now, the candles have been burning inside the bag.

Oh, my God. how is that possible? How did you do that? It's very disturbing. I allowed oxygen into the bag through. You didn't mention that it was a birthday cake that you prefer. Or is that your preference? It is. It's always a birthday cake?

For me, birthday cake is the only cake. Oh, I see. If it's not a birthday cake, it's more like a large cupcake. Okay, just count it. There are 50 candles on this cake. Wow. Which is upsetting. Well. I see if it's not a birthday cake it's more like a large cupcake okay just tell me there are 50 candles on this cake wow which is upsetting

well why because it's making you think of the past it's making me think of the future I'm gonna be looking at this cake very soon

it's not a reflection of you you know what I'm not fine you're not okay oh boy well what do you do

did I stump you this is oh this is this is like something out of mythology Oh boy How would he do? Did I stump you? This is Oh this is This is like Something out of mythology Where you figured out How to trick the guys Where one always lies

And one always tells the truth Yeah what do I do here? Okay well someone Has to blow the candles out Or we're in trouble But what does that mean? It's raging We're in trouble. What does that mean? We're in trouble.

What's going to happen? What's going to happen, Scott? Are these candles like a fuse? Oh, dear. What's inside the cake? I hope that's not what you mean. What's in the cake? I don't know if you know, but 50 candles. It's hot.

It's very... The temperature is rising in here. Yes, yes. And they are almost to the nub. At a certain point, I don't know if this frosting, what will happen if it's on fire. There are just going to be 50 pools of pink and blue wax. Yeah, and for the listener, it's not a sheet cake either. It's a round cake.

It is a round cake, yes. It's a lot of candles in a tight space. I make the cake with a little bit of beer, so there's alcohol. It could flame up. Well, usually that... I don't know that beer... It's a beer cake. Most flammable alcohol. It's a beer cake Most flammable alcohol

It's a beer cake I don't know either I've never heard of a beer cake before I don't know either I'm saying I don't know If it's going to explode But Is this because

No woman has ever refused To eat it? I did not say that No, there's many rude women Many rude women Oh, that's true. Well, what happened then? You said you don't know what's going to happen. What happened then when they didn't blow out the candles? I will say this,

Joan. Most of these women are not so stubborn that when I tell them you are in danger, blow out those candles, they will, for their own protection, they will blow out the candles. But you refuse. So we're all going to see what happens now. We're all going to see what happens now. Maybe it's my acting see what happens now. Yes, we are.

Maybe it's my acting background. If you had asked me in the method if I would like to vote out, maybe I would have done it. But now, I don't know. I don't like being told what to do. Would you like to blow out the candles, Joan, for fun, Joan? It was that second Joan that did kind of put me over the edge. Listen, should I just blow them out so we don't have like sort of a flam... For safety.

Like an issue on our hands? I personally think it's going to be fine. Just blow them out so we can stop talking about... That's probably best. Yeah. Okay. Okay, very nice. She got them all in one go.

She's so good at that. So sing her lungs. Now let me tell you what I've learned from this. Okay. I'm lightheaded. This was for me a way to gauge your lung strength for my son. I'm sorry. Now, I'm not putting

John as a candidate, but I want to show you my process. Oh, this is part of your I see. Okay, well, lung strength for what? You don't want a woman who is like... At what, during what activity? Just general health,

right? Like walking around town like... You know, it's very hard to breathe. I mean, I think you can tell that just by going on a walk with a woman. I don't know. You don't have to bake a beer cake every time. Everyone's on their best behavior for a date. So she might be like, okay, I'm going to...

Including lung capacity. People hide that. Yeah, they hide their severe breathing difficulties. I cannot tell you how many women have hit lung defects on the first date with me. But they will not. They won't get it past me now.

I can't tell you how many. That just seems bizarre to me. Now you did say you would send pictures of George by request. Yes, this is the last thing I need to address. Can we take a look at him? Do you have a picture that we could see now? Oh, not of George.

What? I have very fun pictures to look at. The other day, I saw he was driving. There was a sofa on the curb. Like, take this free sofa. But it looked like perfect shape. So I took a photo. That's odd.

I will send you this if you want to see. Scott, you know that people are assuming that it's pictures of your steps. It's very bad to assume. Maybe it's another test. Well, that may be, but that's not our point. It's a little misleading. It is absolutely false advertising

because, of course, you basically have made this almost like a dating app, right? Because you've listed all the things you want. Of course, there should be a picture. It's very important when I bring her into my living room in the morning and he walks in that this is the first time she's seen him. Why?

Because... I hate to be so blunt, but why is that important? What a wonderfully simple and apt question. Thank you. Because it's very important that they have this initial love at first sight connection. You cannot have that. But you have no control over that, Scott. I don't, but if I make sure she sees him ahead of time,

it's impossible to have that, right? You can fall in love by looking at a picture, can't you? If you believe in love at first sight. But it's better if you're standing right there in your pajamas. Listen, agree. Love at first sight, amazing. It does not happen every time. It is rare.

So I see you want to attack me, fine, do it. Okay, alright. That's not an attack. Let's say we're talking about a different subject, and I just said to you, are you more likely to have a connection with a person or a photograph? What would you say, Joanne? If it's a photograph of me looking really good,

I'm going to have a connection with it. Okay. That's the honest question. Sorry, I'm an actress. I have head shots. It's a big deal. Or in person. Just a quick check- connection with it. That's the honest question. Sorry, I'm an actress. I have head shots. It's a big deal. Just a quick check-in with Doug. What is the male version of Joanne? Joanne.

Johnny boy. Johnny boy. You had the boy. I suppose I would be more likely to connect with a human being. When is the last time you said, this photo and I are having so much chemistry right now?

Okay, well, obviously. I made it a photo about myself because I was trying to answer his question honestly, but I realized he meant it in the context of trying to find a mate. Everything's a trap. Everything is a trap. Everything's a trap.

Oh my God, he admitted. Oh. You're trapped in the jaws of the... The what? Of the German Shepherd. I have been trapped in the jaws of the... The what? Of the German Shepherd. I have been trapped in the jaws of the German Shepherd so many times. Oh. But the chain mail protects me.

Right. Okay. Right. Right? But what does that have to do with, you know, dating and finding love? Oh, you learn things about life through your everyday experience, right? Right? Right.

Sure. Right? Right. Go down a water slide in the winter. It's going to be slower than the summer. Right. Sure. Right. Go down a water slide in the winter. It's going to be slower than the summer. Right. I learned this. So in the winter, I slow down.

Okay, but forgive me. I'm still not able to connect that to, oh, your son must only see the person he doesn't know about that he's supposed to marry and have a child with for the first time in his living room. And this woman is also supposed to see him and fall in love.

You cannot control that. I'm having a similar difficulty. Thank you for... I feel seen. We cannot guarantee an outcome, but we can try to stack the deck in our favor. Okay? Okay, that's fair. For instance...

I don't know that this is stacking the deck. I cannot guarantee... Yeah, it's maybe two cards or three. I don't think you have a whole deck yet even. I cannot guarantee that I won't get stabbed today, but I can put all the knives away. What an interesting example to use. We were just referring to true love.

I mean, Cupid shoots people with arrows. True. Right? You see? Yeah. So you keep those love knives in the drawer. He does. Yes.

All right. Well, you know, George, I... I am Scott. Scott. I'm sorry. I forgot your name is Scott. Scott. Yeah.

I have to say, I don't know how successful this is. Well, before I say that, have you gotten any responses? Oh, good question. Thank you. I have got four responses. Four? Oh, wow. That is four times as many as I assumed.

Four responses, yes. Okay. And, and? I told them, hang tight. We're going to get to you. What's your plan? If you're still in line, stay in line. Yes.

Yes. Because I want to get the maximum number of... Yes. I said, hang tight. I said, you know, this is the next test, right? Because I want this woman to have patience. So if they kind of start hassling me, hey, when's the date? I thought we were going to do this.

Then I can just ghost them, you know? So you're sort of... This sounds so invasive in terms of your son's actual free will. Yeah, there's that. There's the fact that you're forcing them. You're sort of daring them to be rude by your standards. Yes. I don't make anyone be rude.

If you are born like a rude baby with no personality, that's on you. Scott, Scott. That's on you. Come on, Scott. It's just not fair. There's no way to win. It almost sounds like you don't

want to find someone for him. Oh, wow. Interesting. Somebody's trying to therapy me right now. I made a certain face and it tickled burnt and now he's doing this.

Hey, I bring a new face from you. This is good. This is good. You did bring a new face from Joan into my life and I appreciate that. That's a very positive thing. How would you describe the face? Yeah, what's the face?

Extremely skeptical, but also knowing... Like self-satisfied about it. Self-satisfied, yes. Like a Disney princess figuring out a problem. That's exactly right. Okay. Okay, but also let's dive into that question a little bit.

I mean, why do you think that you are, it sounds like you're just waiting for them to become problematic so then you can dump them. No, no, no, no. This is a very negative point of view. You're hassling me. I don't like to be hassled. You're doing it to me.

You're a very sensitive man. You are. And I'm pointing out something, just trying to be helpful and you're just dismissing me. But I don't want people to come at me, you know, like on the way here, I saw a sign that said,

you know, slow down. There are children in this neighborhood. So I took the sign down and I pummeled it. Why? First of all, that's illegal. You can't do that. And he also has a real issue with signs. Signs.

I am already driving slow. I am driving cautious. So now you tell me what I'm already doing. Sign is pummeled. But Scott, how about if you look at it this way, the sign is not necessarily for you if you are doing the thing that the sign is asking anyway. This sign is irrelevant.

Exactly. So if you frame it in that, oh, that sign's not for me. It's for people that are not doing what I'm doing. They just have to put the sign there. If there was no sign, it's possible people wouldn't slow down. Okay. And therefore, it's just for the people who wouldn't. Or people need a reminder.

Or just a reminder, you know. Well, you can remind people through email or team meeting. You really love email and team meeting. Team meeting? The team meeting of the entire state? It almost has no meaning anymore. Exactly. Well, Scott.

Here's the thing. Oh, okay. well here's the thing the both of you you did not you keep focusing on me finding the woman right because that's what's the woman is to be found to have the babies listen look at the post it's to have the baby so let's

talk about that because you keep focusing on the woman and you don't do this right. Oh boy, it's a terrible impression of either one of us. What I'm saying is once I bring the woman to the house, he walks out in his pajamas in the morning. They fall in love. I would let him change first, honestly. They can go right into the bedroom and make the baby right there. That's not how it works. Maybe where you came from, even though you're never going to disclose it.

You know what? It is true. He doesn't say he's looking for a wife at all. He says need women for my stepson to make grandkids. He is the ideal woman slash mate. Never does the idea of marriage come into play.

You're right. We don't want someone once there's a baby to have all of this. You're looking. You see? We don't want someone, once there's a baby, to have all of this. You're looking to someone to breed with your stepson. you're looking for a breeder. No, this is not, this is.

Do you know what I think this is? What? Because he comes from a background of working with animals. Yes, yes. Oh. And animals don't have marriages.

No, they don't. They don't. They don't have weddings. If you think two animals are married, you're crazy. You're a crazy person. The best you can say is they mate for life. You can say that.

Yes, which is what? Penguins, right? Here you go. That's probably the closest. We think of it as a marriage. Or doves. But if you really think about mate for life, that means they are having sex for life. Yes. They mate for life. Which actually, mate for life. But the only thing- Which actually, that sounds great.

I was going to say. The only thing- I was going- Dream scenario. Mate for life. Forever. The only thing to me crazier than imagining two dogs dressed in a marriage outfits is Disney adults.

This only thing crazier- Right, but you say you put them in police outfits and hats. Because they're police. So this makes sense. Okay. Got you put them in police outfits and hats. Because they're police. So this makes sense. Got you there, Joe. He sure did. You're a cop. I don't put them

in a cute sweater or something. They're not a cute sweater. They're a cop. What about an undercover canine? Do they have that? Yes, we do.

We occasionally... Is there? Well, they would be disguised. I'm just being silly. But if a dog was disguised as another dog. I have been tasked

with washing dogs that are undercover and they say sometimes you need a dye job. We need to pull up. Oh, sure. Sure, sure. They have to be disguised

as a what? What would you, what would they pass as? Is there another dog that looks just like a German Shepherd, but isn't? Just put on an entire like fur suit just to look. Irish Setter. One time.

Die the red. There were a couple things going missing at the zoo. So they may say, make this dog look like a small lion. And I did that. I made it look like a very small lion. He went undercover. It was a bad idea. It didn't work.

The dog, they put him with the real lions and it didn't work out. It didn't work out. Well, okay. So I think Berndt is very right about this.

And so I think in that way, the best thing we could do is explain to you that that's really not going, you cannot apply the same rules to how it works in nature

with animals to humans. Okay, nature, animals to uh humans okay nature bad and wrong is what you're saying no i did not say you're putting words in my mouth okay um but i i i don't think you'll find success in this way i think if you really want a grandkid do you really want a grandkid because of just this idea of okay then i do think you need to have an open conversation with george i think you need to find out what his wants are. Maybe you want the same thing, but then he's going to have to do some of the work because it's just not, you know, it's just not going to work otherwise. Okay.

Okay. I mean, you sound very doubtful, but this is all we can do is try to help you. Could not be more dismissive of this advice. I put the whole post up. Now you're telling me the whole post is wrong, you know? Well, I think wrong is sort of a word to use that makes it sound like, oh, there's no way to fix it.

All it is is it's constructive criticism. And I think if you- Put a new post is what you're saying. After talking to your son. After talking to your son. Then put up a new post after you find out what his wants and desires are. Stepson, yes. Sorry, stepson.

You're right. Is this the most you've thought about him outside of the home? I think probably, yes. Well, that's kind of a breakthrough, right? Absolutely. Well, Scott... You know, he didn't even realize it. He is. What a pleasant surprise for him.

He was very nice, yes. Thank you. What a pleasant surprise for him. It was very nice. Yes. Thank you. Well, great. Thank you for that gift. Thank you, Scott. And thank you for being on the show. And before we let you go, is there anything, is there maybe a reworded plea that you would

like to make to young women out there? Yes. Okay. Okay. I am going to bring my son to- Stepson. My stepson, thank you, to the Home Depot this weekend, okay? They have the microphone that they make announcements.

Sure. And I'm going to surprise him and put the microphone in front of his face and ask him, what do you want in a woman? And then he will be broadcast over the Home Depot. So if you want to come and see if you qualify, come to the Home Depot this weekend. And we will, from his point of view, we will find out what's a rude woman.

Just a couple quick thoughts. Love the idea that you're including him more. Yes. If you're looking for a lot of women to come forward, I would not choose Home Depot. Really? I'm just not sure you're going to more. Yes. If you're looking for a lot of women to come forward, I would not choose Home Depot. Really? I'm just not sure you're going to find it

as full of ladies. And I hate to say this, you know, maybe times have changed, but every time I go there, it's still mostly dads. Okay. Okay.

So I should go to like, what? TJ Maxx. I'm not going to go to Build-A-Bear. Go to TJ Maxx. Trust me. Go to Home Goods. Go to TJ Maxx.

Maybe go to the Big Lots? Home Goods. Sure. Big me. Go to HomeGoods. Go to TJ Maxx. Maybe go to the Big Lots. HomeGoods. Sure. Big Lots. Yes. Okay. Okay. Costco.

Go to Costco. Go to Costco. Everybody goes to Costco. Go anywhere but Home Depot. My thinking was I will bring the women in through this announcement. I was believing in the power of your podcast reach. Well, listen, we also are reaching people right now as we speak.

That's right. So there's that too. So best of luck to you, which is what we always say. And I truly mean it. Best of luck to George, really. We wish you well. And I take your advice.

The last thing you said, as I leave, I will remember your advice forever. Women do not belong in home defense. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. That's according to John. All right, we'll fix that in the next segment. Oh, I regretted that as soon as I saw it. All right, Scott, thank you.

Scott, thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you, Scott. We'll be right back with more. Then everyone listen. Hi, everybody. This is Michelle. We have for $25 Easter Lego sets.

Is that how you say it? Now I can't even figure out how you say it. I don't know. We're getting rid of these Easter sets because, you know what, our family decided we're just done with Easter. We're just done. I don't know. The kids, we both just all looked at each other, and they were like, yeah, Mom, I don't know the kids we both just all looked at each other and

and they were like yeah mom I don't get it like I'm not into it they didn't want to hide eggs they didn't want to look for eggs they didn't want to dye eggs they didn't want to have anything to do with chocolate or peeps or bunnies or chicks they were like get that out of my face um and it's a little sad, but also like, I don't care. Let's work for me. So we're just getting rid of everything Easter. So we have these three sets and just come and take them. I mean, no, I want $25 for them because I mean, I did have to pay money for them. But you know, keep an eye on this space because my kids might decide that they're done with Christmas and Fourth of July and birthdays. I mean, this could work out really well for me. LOL.

Welcome back to the New World Listen. Well, I don't know about Scott. Yeah, he is an intense person. Yeah. Yeah. He is an intense person. Yeah. And I really wish we could get a hold of that stepson because I think he kind of needs to know what's going on. Yeah. Scott seems to be doing this just for himself. Yeah, for sure.

I don't think that anyone else wants this. I'm not sure anyone else wants it either. Yeah. Namely, namely his stepson. Yeah. But anyways, we realized that there was something we did not address at the beginning

of our episode. Which is? Burns, this is our first episode of our sixth season. That's right, it is. Isn't that exciting?

It's very exciting. You know what? I think it's because we're just so used to doing this now that we fall right back into it. Yes,

and this is the shortest we've gone between recording season to season. And I And we fall right back into it. Yes, and this is the shortest we've gone between recording season to season. And I think we were just in the groove. We just felt like, here we go. Let's do it the usual way.

I almost sang. You kind of sounded like what Scott almost sang. I almost sang. I don't think I can do it again. Let me try to do it. Here we go. Oh, well now you're just

thinking about it too much. You're in your head. But I really love that we have it recorded we have it recorded for all time as proof of singing that's right uh so anyways welcome to our sixth season welcome to our sixth season this is the last segment of the first episode of that and i thought it was worth mentioning uh we thought it was we thought we really thought it was because we love doing this podcast we hope you you love listening to it we hope you if you don't we hope you eventually will we hope you keep trying to stop we don't want you to stop coming

back to the table if you don't like listening please plow through just just fake it till you make it one of these times it's gonna stick it's gonna stick one of these will be for you it's it's called stockholm syndrome folks and the way it works is you just keep look do you remember that show studs with mark dicarlo wow i remember the name of it but don't know who that person is and don't know the show wait was this like a an acronym that's i'm not that's the wrong show okay i don't think you know happening. You know what I mean? I do know what you mean. Like sheds. Severely traumatized underground dwellers? Very good. I was trying to relate it to dating.

I could not. But there was another show. No was a show this was a show where people would go on a date and then uh there would be little captions and stuff that would pop up oh i have a vague memory right and it was hosted by somebody named jonathan i think was this the one where they're in a van and they watch you be on a date what was that one no we never watched you watched your you watched your girlfriend go on a date with someone. Am I crazy? It was not that one.

That sounds familiar as well. I can't believe these are all shows. This was, they would just have two, first date maybe? I don't know. And they would have two people go out on a date and then there would be little speech bubbles and things like that or little sort of pop-up video style. Oh, crazy. Blind date?

Blind date? Was that the one in the van? Who was the host? That's how Bert will know. that or little sort of pop-up video style. Oh, crazy. Blind date? Blind date? Was that the one in the van? Who was the host? That's how Bert will know. Roger Lodge? That's the show. Is that it?

That's the show. Wow. Now, let me tell you something. Okay. When I would first watch this show, God, I don't know why I did. I don't know why you did. It doesn't seem up your alley. I like this Roger Lodge guy. I was like,

Roger Lodge. I wish he would stop talking. So we get to the date and the speech bubbles. And then wouldn't you know it after a while? Cause they would show them two at a time. Okay. Within a month. I was like,

that was a good one. Roger Lodge. He would make a little comment or something. And I would say, ah, pretty funny Roger. So I developed Stockholm syndrome with him and people can do that with us people argue that's not a thing anymore that it was just something that the police made up because a woman

tried to say that um that uh that the police didn't come in time wasn't it uh i'm getting this wrong what's her name patty hurst yeah in sweden no that's the very first case of it was a swedish bank i thought that was the whole reason why i was In Harryhurst? Yeah. In Sweden? No, that's not. The very first case of it? It was a Swedish bank, I thought. That was the whole reason why it was called Stockholm Syndrome. That makes sense.

Oh, no, we are really spinning out on this. Who cares? You know, when you think about it. It's the 60s. Who cares? Anything we say on this podcast, who cares? We can make things up. We can make up things. Nobody can prove it.

Who can prove anything happened in the 60s that it. Who can prove anything happened in the 60s that happened? Who can prove anything now? Oh, yes. There's a bank robbery in Stockholm, sweetie. I was right. And what was, she joined the robbers? Is that what happened? Four people were held hostage by the robbers for six days when they were rescued.

Six days. The hostages attempted to protect the perpetrators. All of them. Yeah. Because they said the police response was poor, was poor. I don't know. Two out of five stars.

Now we're with the criminal. I don't know why we're talking about this. Okay. Anyways. So, um, so yes, a new season,

uh, babe, I want to know, uh, if all the men have arrived yet, all your buddies. Oh, that's right, the sleepover. Yes. None of them are here. I called, I'm waiting.

Dan Daniels is supposed to get here. Oh, Dan Daniels. And then Tony L, of course. Oh yeah, of course, Tony L. Yes, Tony L. Yeah. Cecil Paxniff. Oh, you invited Cecil Paxniff?

Yeah. I thought you invited Cecil Pecksniff? Yeah. I thought you guys were on the outs. We kind of still are, but he's always invited. He knows. I will say. If I don't invite him, it's going to be a bigger problem if I don't invite him. That's what I do love about men. I will say this.

I will give you this, that you sort of like resolve your issues, you know, pretty, pretty quickly. And it's easy. It's either just like, buy me a beer or help me move. Or he might be stewing all night but he still has a sleeping bag. It's funny you say stew because... Ladies can hold a grudge for a long time.

I was thinking of a podcast that I listened to recently where people do not resolve their differences. This is a group of people that are constantly fighting. One of them is named Stew. And they mentioned a Murphy bed on an episode of the show talked about murphy bed for quite a long time and i thought isn't that curious it is interesting because i have a murphy bed i know you do yes well are you saying

that person's talking about you i said no oh okay i'm not saying that i'm saying how could how could this very specific thing end up on another podcast i don't know it's very it was just very odd given the amount of podcasts i mean honestly aren't we all gonna end up talking about exactly it's like my podcast like monkeys are typewriters that's exactly right eventually too we're gonna talk about murphy beds truer than we realize yes exactly we will do an entire version of hamlet at some point in this podcast without even realizing how many of the words of hamlet do you think we've said so far we said betwixt so many times i know i said it last once i know it's a doth that's right doth can we be done with the with the one man hamlet with this oh i thought you

were gonna say yeah really i took it the same way okay Can we be done? Oh, I thought you were going to say, yeah. Really? I took it the same way, Doug. Can we be done with this? Goodness gracious. Why in the world? Why in the world would I ever say that? I don't know. I'm going to go on record

right now and say I never want to be done with this show. Honestly, I related. Okay, but why did we both take it then? Yes, my goodness. Can we be done? Can we be done with this podcast? I just want to be done with the one man hamlets. I think we've had enough. I'm not related. Okay, but why did we both take it then? Yes, my goodness.

Can we be done? Can we be done with this podcast? I just want to be done with the one-man hamlets. I think we've had enough. I think everyone's had their fun. I didn't know there was... Oh, there are so many. I didn't know there were fun. I didn't realize that.

Oh, there have been so many in London. I know that. And there have been a few in New York. There have been a lot of one-person hamlets. Do you think there's been more one-person hamlets or one-person Christmas carols? Oh, I think hamlets. Okay. All right. I was going to do one. I think there's been more one-person Hamlets or one-person Christmas carols? Oh, I think Hamlets. Okay.

All right. I was going to do one. I think that's stupid. I was going to do one called Hurlet. I thought it was clever. But then there were so many Hamlets. They just ruined it for me. I can't do it.

I don't have the energy. I think there's room for you. Oh, thanks, babe. I love you. Love you. No room for me in the sleep room though tonight. It's men only. All right.

Birdie, okay? What's that sound? Are you playing pong? Yeah, I'm setting up the pong setting it up how's it going seems to be

working order yep I think it's very cut and dry it's doing its thing I noticed Escrow just

walked in the room he's wearing what an e-collar what makes it an e-collar. Well, he's got e-collars. What makes it an e-collar? Is there an electronic component to it?

Yeah, there's a remote for it. What does the remote do? Well, it's supposed to communicate with him, but... Communicate what exactly? Well, because he's deaf and he's blind, so it just sort of rouses him. Yes, I mean, it's supposed to just give a gentle little buzz when he gets too close to it. It's sort of rouses him. Yes. I mean, it's supposed to just give a gentle little buzz when he gets too close.

It checks if he's alive too. It's sort of the equivalent. Also that, but it's the equivalent of when, you know, your car, if you're backing up too close to something, it goes beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It kind of just does a little gentle tap, you know, and lets him know he's going to run into something or bonk into something. I have a friend who has a car that does that and that car is very nervous. Oh, those cars are always very nervous.

Current needs to take it easy. Alright, we have time for one more post and this is a post that was submitted to us by a listener and where did it go? And let me find that. Oh yeah, by Richard Marmora. Thank you Richard for submitting this.

If you'd like to submit a post, of course, you can send it to burntandjoan at gmail.com. And here is the post. It is by someone named Jeremy. And Jeremy says in the subject line, test. Jeremy goes on to say, I've posted a couple of times on here and I haven't gotten any responses. So I'm just seeing if my post is getting out to anyone.

Oh, wow. Thank you. Is that it? That's it. Oh, my goodness. Do you know what that reminds me of is when people i mean the facebook is just really sort of kind of a wasteland at this point it's really just a lot of my older friends complaining really yeah but um it's a lot of the people will

post something like i'm doing a test i want to see if you can uh i want to know people really engage if you're really my friend then you'll respond to this uh and it feels like a real aggressive sort of mood you know i didn't think you would uh and i don't know if this is the same kind of thing uh it always feels passive aggressive to me a little bit but do you think this is different do you think he genuinely is not sure how to use the neighbor hat i think jeremy really doesn't know what's going on okay and he doesn't maybe jeremy threw out something that he thought was very juicy and no one cared and he thinks surely this thing is broken we normally never it's a neighbor it's the it's the virtual version of is this thing on is what you're saying exactly

okay we never do this but were there comments or can you even see or did you just take look? Oh, because that was sent to us and we asked people not to send us comments. That's right. I would love to have known if there were comments because there's really nothing to say about this. It's a mystery with no ending. I'm going to say from my memory of seeing the post. Okay. There were no comments. That's what I was afraid of.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then that person is terrible. He's bombing his ass off terrible he's bombing his ass off he's bombing his ass off he is just that's brutal it's a tough room neighborhood is a tough room posted a couple times in here and haven't gotten any responses now and see i wish i knew what he had posted about exactly it's this exact same post. Maybe it was a test. First post,

anybody out there? Second post, I said, hello? He truly maybe doesn't understand how this works. You need to have information of some sort. Bring me a coyote. Bring me mail getting stolen.

Bring me someone suspicious at 1.30 in the morning. You can't just say hi. Yeah, but it's also not like, you know, being the only two people in a room and saying hello and the other person doesn't say something back. That would be weird.

Yes. But this is just your writing text and sending it out online. But isn't this what the problem is sometimes about online is that we don't feel like we are existing unless someone's acknowledging us out there. It's very strange. It's very true.

I want to, sometimes I just want to delete all of that stuff. Oh, me too. Just be done with it. Sometimes I forget about it. I choose to spend time with my kids. Weird. And I realize, I didn't even need to look at my phone for hours.

Right. And you have a wonderful time with your kids. I really do. I sure do. For the most part. For the most part. When they're not hiding from me for months. That's right.

But boy, I really feel for Jeremy here. I do like the live Facebook. Oh. Oh, sorry. No, go babe. The live Facebook. You're part of the show. Live Facebook convention at City Hall they do.

No, what's that? Where they get people to reenact Facebook exchanges. Oh, really? Yeah, it's like the community measure to try to get us to meet more in person. Wait, babe, are you talking about a show that's like a comedy show where people recreate posts? No,

a community event. Because that sounds terrible. Is this something that happens here? Yes, in Dignity Falls. Is it only here? As far as I know,

I haven't checked. We're really confused. The Facebook reenactment is in person. Okay. And community members go there and you'll have a person. Is it like a town hall or is this a show?

Kind of like a town hall. Okay. It's not a show. It's not a show. Yeah. I don't know where that got conveyed. Are people, are people, okay. It's a hard concept because we haven't heard of it.

No. So it's a difficult concept for us to wrap our minds around if it's some sort of performance art or something. But it is, it is to encourage, what exactly? Encourage people to get offline and interact in real life. Like a town hall. Like a town hall, but it's like reenactment. When you say

reenactment, that's the hang up. Somebody will get up on the podium and say, if somebody's actually my friend, you'll respond to me right now. And then people raise their hand. They read Facebook posts as if they're a conversation. I don't think you mean reenactment. I think you mean just read.

Maybe. Haven't you ever thought when you're reading Facebook, wouldn't this be funny in real life if people actually acted like this? Can I ask you this, Doug? All right. Have you, uh, I'm ready to move on. Have you already, uh, have you... Have you started pre-gaming for the sleepover?

Oh, that could be it. He's miming, smoking a joint. I will say, I remember a time when everyone started getting very angry that people used the word me thinks in their Facebook posts too much. And it really is true. It's a scourge on Facebook. It really is facebook people need to stop using me thanks uh put it in the hamlet column all right maybe we're gonna bring it back i think you should do it i think you should do

hashtag harlot and is it called hashtag herlet? Maybe it should be. It should be called hashtag herlet. That's good. Yeah, I think because it just, just, you know, just because a bunch of men have already done it.

Yeah. Doesn't mean. Well, I mean, I know one or two ladies have done it in England because of course, you know, you can be whatever you want to be in England as a woman.

Well, then I wouldn't bother then. All right, but fair enough uh well uh it's been great talking to you but everyone wants to go yes and uh we also still have to record a little bit more we sure do so uh we'll we'll be back next week until then oh you know what follow us us on Instagram. Oh, please. Follow us on threads. That's the only two places we are right now. And of course, go to cbbworld.com if you would like to hear ad-free versions of the show. And if you would like to hear the bonus episodes that we record in the bonus room, go to cbbworld.com and get on the Maximus tier

and then you'll have access to those things. Alright, we thank you for listening. We'll be back next week. Until then, goodbye. And bye. All of the posts used in this episode were real. Only some geographical specifics have been changed. The Neighborhood Listen is hosted and produced by me, Paul F. Tompkins. And me, Nicole Parker.

And me, Brett Morris. This episode's guest was played by Jeremy Rowley. The Neighborhood Listen is a production of Comedy Bang Bang World. Go to cbbworld.com to unlock the entire history of the show, ad-free, as well as brand new full-length bonus room episodes, exclusive to Maximus subscribers.

Your support keeps the show going.